Chapter Text
Right after the stagehand signals five minutes, Gen feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket.
Unsure who would be texting him other than his manager, who’s waiting in the green room, Gen pulls it out quickly, unlocking the screen. It’s from an unknown number.
Followed by a link.
Eyebrows raised, Gen taps the link. After a second of buffering, his phone browser pulls up a page that Gen recognizes as some sort of scientific article about quantum physics. He catches sight of the terms matter wave nature and observer effect before his eyes glaze over and he switches back to the messaging app.
Normally, he’d just ignore the message and block the number, like he does when fans occasionally get a hold of his personal information, but something about the sheer confidence of the message intrigues him and before he can stop himself, he’s tapping out a response.
From what I can tell, this Bohr person is dead and can’t weigh in on any personal arguments. One of several mistakes you’ve made today ;)
His phone buzzes with a response before he can even put it back in his pocket.
You know that’s not what I mean, old man. The observer effect and the uncertainty principle are different, period. I’m trying to help you study, so take this seriously.
Shaking his head, Gen starts typing again. Clearly, he’s been accidentally contacted by some sort of science nerd and he really needs to cut that off at the pass.
I should have been clearer: you’ve got the wrong number.
Again, the response comes quickly:
Don’t try that on me again. I’m not falling for it.
In his periphery, Gen sees the stagehand signaling two minutes, but he keeps frowning down at his phone.
Don’t be so pushy. No one likes an aggressive guy, you know.
Stop trying to distract me from the fact that you were wrong.
What exactly was I wrong about?
Do I really need to spell it out for you? Fine, fine. After you were so INSISTENT about Heisenberg’s work, I took the liberty of tracking down these materials for you so that you don’t make such an embarrassing mistake on your selection exam. No need to thank me.
Gen can’t help but snort at the gall. Who talks like this? Other than him, that is.
“Asagiri-san,” the stagehand whispers loudly.
“Coming, coming,” Gen sings, powering his phone off and tucking it back in his pocket. Let his unaware friend talk to themselves for a while.
He’s still smiling as he parts the curtains with aplomb to begin his act.
When Gen checks his phone later, after letting himself into his empty apartment, still flushed with energy from a successful show, he’s tickled to find eight missed notifications.
Most of them are paragraphs of technical-sounding jargon that Gen can barely parse, interspersed with fond-sounding insults and links to increasingly esoteric articles.
Flopping down on his sofa, Gen responds:
That’s ~fascinating~ and all, but I was serious earlier. If you want your wayward student to pass his exam, you should try texting him instead, sensei.
This time, Gen has time to run a hand over his tired eyes and consider going to bed before the reply comes.
Hang on, you’re not joking?
Nope~ double-check the number.
Another few minutes pass, during which Gen assumes his mystery texter is cross-referencing his contacts. Then--
Gen snorts.
It’s okay~ it’s not every day I get mysterious, passionate texts about science.
You didn’t have to let me just keep rambling.
I tried to tell you, sensei.
Yeah, I guess you did.
Tsk tsk. You should trust people more.
To be fair, my father has tried that on me before to get out of studying.
To his own son? How cold~
After hitting send, Gen realizes he just assumed his mystery texter was male and quickly amends:
*child
No, son is correct.
Well, you sound like quite the taskmaster, so I guess I can’t blame him. What is he studying for?
Or not studying, as the case may be.
He’s trying to get selected for a manned mission to the International Space Station.
Gen raises his eyebrows, stretching out on the sofa.
And you’re helping him?
He needs the help. He’s a physics professor, but if he can’t even tell the difference between the observer effect and the uncertainty principle, then he’ll never pass the preliminary selection.
Of course, of course.
Gen has almost no idea what those words mean.
You certainly know a lot. Are you a professor too?
Fishing for information?
Are you saying you don’t trust me?
I don’t know you.
I don’t know you either.
Fine then. I’ll tell you what I do if you tell me what you do.
Gen considers for a second, tapping a finger against his lips. Basic stranger danger insists he not divulge personal information to a complete stranger over text message, but there’s something oddly charming about his new texting buddy. What harm can a little polite conversation do?
(And it’s not like he has anyone else texting him.)
Deal. I’m a performer~
A performer of what?
Sorry~ can’t tell you that. I’m getting fairly well-known. If I tell you what I perform, you might be able to track me down and murder me.
That’s fair. You do seem pretty irritating. I’m not sure I’d be able to help myself.
Gen cackles, rolling over on his side.
How cruel!
It’s better to be safe.
Your turn, sensei.
I’m a student.
So not a sensei. The title still seems apt, somehow. Gen takes a second to change the unknown number’s contact name to Sensei before responding:
What’s your major?
I’m in high school.
Gen’s eyes widen.
You’re not!!
Unfortunately, I am.
Seeeriously?? You must be very precocious for your age.
Okay, I’m not twelve. Quantum mechanics and particle wave research are well within high school curriculum.
But helping someone study for a space program selection exam surely isn’t.
It’s really not that impressive.
No need to be modest!! I’m your fan, sensei~
Oh, great. The wrong number I texted and lectured about Niels Bohr is cheering me on.
You’re definitely younger than me and I barely understood any of what you sent me earlier. Of course I’m impressed~
Please, that was nothing. It’s actually very easy to understand once you know the basics.
This guy wants to explain, Gen realizes. He smiles. It’s not like he had plans for the evening.
I’m afraid I wasn’t a very good science student, sensei. Is it really that easy to understand?
Anyone can pick it up. All you have to know is the fundamentals of particle physics, and that’s easy stuff. So in 1925, a physicist named Erwin Schroedinger….
Gen sticks one of the couch pillows under his head and settles in.
It shouldn’t become a habit. Any sane person would laugh the whole thing off and stop talking to the guy who accidentally texted them about Niels Bohr, but Gen is nothing if not experimental. Every notification from Sensei makes him giddy. It’s the same feeling he gets when he works a kink out of his act, or when a trick goes right for the first time.
It’s fun, in a way. Gen prides himself on being able to figure out how people tick, and a stranger he only communicates with via text is a unique challenge. He can’t help testing this guy, or being delighted when Sensei tests him right back.
From what he can tell, Sensei responds best to genuine-seeming curiosity and understated praise. He can pick out probing questions instantly and is uninterested in flattery, but he’s eager to educate and responds well to certain kinds of compliments. It doesn’t take Gen long to uncover Sensei’s iron-clad ego, incredibly advanced for someone his age and solid enough to rival even Gen’s, but it’s obvious that Sensei isn’t arrogant. Confident and audacious, sure, but he’s the first to admit when he doesn’t know something and seems honestly intrigued by Gen’s knowledge of psychology.
Chatting with Sensei quickly becomes Gen’s favorite distraction. Perhaps he shouldn’t be so eager to text someone several years younger, but it’s not like either Gen or Sensei have any desire to meet.
Frued was a hack, of course, but he was the first to act on the concept of innate desires in his practice.
Gen types, trying to keep his restless hands busy as he waits for his editor to arrive at their meeting spot. A publisher finally showed interest in his first book and he needs to make sure the draft is perfect before he sends it off.
He was wrong about literally everything, though, and it’s unfortunate that he’s the face of modern psychology.
Oh yeah, the Oedipus complex guy.
Sensei goes through long periods of silence, but when he’s in a talkative mood, he responds very quickly.
Among other things. He pioneered psychoanalysis but his theories on the unconscious are all out of line. Did you know he popularized the concept of the libido?
I didn’t. That’s a psychology thing?
Of course! And it ruined the whole field of study for a long time. Almost everything he proposed has been disproven, but his work has pervaded the general public, so we’ll never get rid of it. You’ve heard of Id, Ego, and Super-Ego?
In passing.
As if the human mind can be so easily compartmentalized.
It’s interesting to see you speak so scathingly about something.
This is my wheelhouse, sensei~ it’s kind of fun to know more about something than you.
Psychology isn’t something I need in my line of work.
Don’t be so hasty. You never know when you might need to get in someone’s head.
If I ever need to do that, I’ll just call you.
Blinking down at his phone, Gen almost misses his editor sliding into the booth across from him.
Sorry sensei, my editor is here. Gtg!!
And he puts his phone in his backpack and tries not to think about why he’s blushing.
When his meeting is over and he’s nearly bouncing with excitement, he checks his phone again to find one new message.
Editor? Are you a writer?
Gen curses internally. He’d been so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t even notice the slip. That’s just a little more information than he intended to share. He types slowly, biting his lip:
Sensei responds quickly.
I thought you were a performer.
I wear many hats. In this economy, it pays to diversify.
It’s nothing you’d be interested in, sensei. Trust me.
The typing bubble pops up, ellipses rippling for a beat, then disappears. A moment passes before Sensei’s reply comes:
I’ll take your word for it. That’s pretty cool, though.
Relieved, Gen smiles.
Thank you~ but don’t be too nice, sensei. I’ll get used to it~
He almost adds a winky face but stops himself. A winky face is a big commitment. He needs to probe a little more to discover how Sensei feels about emojis before taking that step.
Noted. And I looked into that guy we were talking about earlier. Even with my limited knowledge of psychology, I can tell you’re right. He is a hack.
Thank you!!
I’m not saying that memetics isn’t a legitimate field of study.
You’re just saying it’s beneath you.
No, I’m saying it’s not as vital as other anthropological fields.
What is anthropology if not the study of memes?
Is that a joke?
Me~? Joking~?
Memetics in the modern day can’t be compared to the study of things like art trends or linguistic analysis. That’s just a fact.
I disagree. It’s social language, sensei! Doesn’t sending a specific image to someone to denote a particular emotion ultimately serve the same purpose as hieroglyphics? In the 1700s it was common for painters to paint themselves posing in window frames. How is that not a meme?
Art historians would disagree with you.
Do you know any art historians?
Do you?
That’s beside the point.
Why don’t you ask an art historian and get back to me.
Why don’t you ask Neils Bohr.
Maybe I will.
Little gray box.
Omg, are you texting me on a brick? You need an upgrade, sensei.
It’s funny--you’re not the first person to tell me that today.
Someone who does as much research as you needs a high-quality smartphone.
Mine works just fine, thank you.
Obviously not, if you can’t see half of my adorable and super relevant emojis.
Somehow I think I’ll survive.
I can see that one.
:P
Leeches? Seeeeriously??
Yeah, some hospitals still keep them.
Ewww!!! Why?
Nobody believes they suck out bad blood or anything. They have a really specific purpose.
Ensuring that I never set foot in a hospital ever again?
Yeah, and doctors will sometimes use them after reattaching a body part. If it’s something small like a finger or toe and they act fast enough, severed pieces can be reattached without too much damage.
Oh, that’s good to know.
Skilled surgeons can reconnect arteries, which carry blood from the heart to the limbs, but veins, which do the opposite, are smaller and harder to work with. So what happens is that blood flow can be reestablished to the severed part, but only in one direction, and since the limbs they’re working with are usually really small, normal draining methods don’t always work.
So, to keep the limb from swelling with blood that has no way to get out, doctors will use leeches. They’re small enough to only take a little blood and infection isn’t a huge worry in such a sterile environment.
Does the patient just have to stick leeches on themselves periodically for the rest of their life?
Nah, the veins will grow back on their own after a while.
That’s pretty cool, sensei, but, no offense:
If you’re lucky, you’ll never have to see it firsthand.
Yeah, fingers crossed.
No, Houdini didn’t go to the seances because he believed in ghosts.
Then why would he go?
To disprove the mediums!!
Wasn’t he a magician?
That doesn’t mean he didn’t value the truth! He worked hard on his illusions but he never claimed to have supernatural powers and he hated people who exploited the public with lies for money.
You would have liked him, sensei. He was very methodical. He’d wait until he had definitive proof that the medium was faking and then he’d reveal himself dramatically and out them as a fraud.
I can see why you like him.
You can’t tell me you wouldn’t love to flip a table and tell off a fake medium.
Fake medium...implying there are real mediums?
Well~ who’s to say?
Don’t tell me you believe in ghosts.
Fine, I won’t tell you.
Oh my god.
You can’t prove there aren’t ghosts!!
The burden of proof is yours, man. I can’t prove a negative.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
...no
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Not yet!
Do you really believe in that stuff?
I’m just open to the possibility. There are a lot of crazy things in the world. You should know that better than anyone, Mr. Science Man.
Nothing exists in the world that can’t be explained with science.
Maybe ghosts and things like that are just a science we haven’t figured out yet.
Doubtful.
Psychology is a legitimate science, right?
A SOFT science, but yes.
But we barely know how the human brain works right now, yet there’s no denying there are extensive mental machinations governing everything we do. Just because we don’t understand it, that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
That’s different.
For now~
Psychology moves slowly because it’s the mind trying to understand itself, but most of it is ultimately testable. Theories involving ghosts or the afterlife, by their very definition, can never be tested.
So I guess we’ll never know for sure!
As someone who knows so much about human psychology, I would think you’d be quick to attribute supernatural phenomenon to faulty human perception and memory. Isn’t that more logical?
Sure, most of it is, but who am I to dismiss thousands of years of witness testimony? What are the odds they’re all wrong or lying?
High.
But can you say 100%?
You know what, yeah. 100%
Bet.
Bet?
If I die, I’ll come back and give you some sort of proof.
IF you die??
So if you stop hearing from me and then your house gets possessed, that’s me~
You have no way of knowing where I live.
I assume I’ll attain some sort of cosmic knowledge when my soul merges with the universe or whatever. I’ll find you ;)
How’s that for burden of proof?
I can hardly wait.
Being in the entertainment industry at his age is as much a curse as it is a blessing.
Gen has the means to live on his own and support himself, he’s following his ambitions much earlier than most of his peers, and he’s doing what he loves every day. It’s hard work, to be sure. He writes all his own material and invents his own tricks, which usually take hours of workshopping and testing just to be feasible, not to mention the additional hours spent mastering every little motion and diversion to ensure his acts go smoothly. But even with the late nights, frustrated practice sessions, and pounds of discarded material, he’s proud of how far he’s come.
His extensive knowledge of psychology helps him navigate the adult-dominated worlds of broadcast and publishing, but sometimes it’s not enough. When you get down to it, Gen is a kid, something people are eager to remind him of when he gets a little too confident.
He slams his front door with a loud bang and fists his hands in his hair, clutching tight enough to make his eyes water. “I’m a fucking mindreader,” he hisses to himself. “What were they expecting?”
It’s obvious to him now that the host of the talk show he was invited on didn’t put much stock in his abilities, so she was ill-prepared when he started reading her. But what was he supposed to do? He’ll pull his punches if he’s briefed beforehand, but otherwise he’s going to give it his all. It’s not his fault she has unresolved issues with her daughter and an unhealthy dependence on caffeine pills. But instead of handling it like a professional, she decided to mock her teenage guest live on air when he couldn’t even defend himself.
Gen hadn’t even checked his phone afterward, too furious and dreading the reaction on social media. His book is nearly ready for print and this is the opposite of what he needs right now.
But he has to check in with his manager, who’s probably boiling with rage over the whole thing. So he pries stiff fingers out of his hair and reaches into his messenger bag, stalking into the living room.
His phone lights up with several texts and a missed call from his manager and he groans, but before he can respond, he catches sight of a notification from Sensei. Right, they’d been texting before Gen went onstage. He should tell Sensei he’s signing off for the night.
And that’s why you actually shouldn’t drink tea for a sore throat.
That’s super cool, sensei~! But I have to go for tonight~! :)
When he doesn’t hear back right away, he assumes Sensei has moved on. But then, halfway through an explanatory text to his manager, his phone buzzes.
Gen blinks.
What do you mean, sensei?
You went quiet for a long time and now you’re saying you have to go. And you used two tildes in one text. So I was just wondering if something was wrong.
Aww, are you trying to read me? I thought you didn’t like psychology.
This has nothing to do with psychology, I just recognize your mannerisms.
Are you trying to change the subject?
Of course not~
Nothing happened, sensei. But I appreciate the concern
I don’t trust that little gray box, but if you don’t want to talk about it, fine.
Gen makes a face at his phone. Sensei always thinks he knows everything, but when you get down to it, they’re both strangers, and Sensei is younger than him. He has no reason to go blabbing about his problems to a high school kid he’s never even met.
After a tense text exchange and a frustrating phone call with his manager, Gen flops down on his bed, not even bothering to change. The room is dim, only illuminated by the street light spilling in through the window, casting a sickly yellow glow across the walls. Gen cups a hand over his eyes, exhaustion weighing him down.
But he’s still humming, buzzing too much for sleep.
His phone vibrates beside him.
He gropes for it, uncovering his eyes and squinting at the glowing screen, wondering what else his manager wants to complain about.
Do me a favor and look outside.
Gen rereads the text several times, trying to parse it.
Why?
Just do it. Are you near a window?
Yes.
Humor me.
Sighing, Gen levers himself up and shuffles over to the window. His bed is in the corner of the room under the windowsill so he doesn’t have to get up. He peers through the glass but doesn’t see anything spectacular.
Okay, what am I looking for?
Can you see the sky?
Gen’s unit is pretty high up, and he doesn’t live too far into the city, so he can see a good swath of sky over the roofs of the low-lying buildings in his neighborhood.
Yes?
What do you see?
A lot of black. A few stars. Why?
Do you see a short row of stars with a really bright one at the end?
Well, really bright is subjective in the city, but yes I can see Sirius from where I am.
So you know what it’s called.
I do horoscopes sometimes~ I can recognize the zodiac constellations and the major stars. You can’t see most of them in the city, but they’re up there.
Of course you do horoscopes. Why am I not surprised.
Is there a point to this, sensei? It’s late and I’m sleepy
I’m getting there.
Gen snorts and settles into a cross-legged position.
Sirius is the brightest star in the sky because it’s the closest star to earth relative to its luminosity. It would outshine our sun over 20 times. And it’s always been the brightest star, so people have been curious about it since the dawn of mankind.
Gen stares up at the little star speck in the sea of flat black above him. Even with the light pollution, it’s visibly brighter than the other stars in Orion’s belt.
Since you’re into astrology, I’m sure you know stories about Sirius.
Of course. Canis Major. The dog star. The Greeks called it Orion’s dog. Ancient Persians associated it with Tishtrya, a rain-maker. Chinese mythology calls it the star of the celestial wolf. Native Americans had references to it in their culture as well.
Yeah, so it’s been important for a while.
Thousands of years.
Right. People have been charting its path for a long time. But in 1844, a German astronomer discovered that it had been deviating from its path since 1755. He theorized that an unseen mass was affecting the path Sirius had been on for thousands and thousands of years.
I see.
It wasn’t until 1862 that researches found Sirius B, a white dwarf in Sirius’s shadow. White dwarfs are dying stars with low-to-medium mass. So this massive, ancient star was being affected by the gravity of a tiny, dying star that we didn’t even know about.
Gen props one elbow on the window sill and leans his cheek on his hand, peering up at the little twinkle of Sirius in the distance, considering Sensei’s words. It’s interesting, but he can’t figure out why Sensei is telling him this now.
And you’re telling me all this because…?
I just thought it was interesting.
How things can change. Even our perceptions of things.
Blinking, Gen rereads the message several times. Is...is Sensei trying to encourage him? Unbidden, a smile curls the corners of his mouth.
I guess you’re right, sensei~ you never know what’s gonna come along and change your path. A tiny, dying star, or a bad day.
Or a wrong number.
It takes a second for Sensei to respond.
Don’t get sentimental on me. I didn’t mean anything by it.
I know, I know~ that would be way too sweet for someone like you.
Gen glances back up at the sky, still smiling softly, and can’t help imagining Sensei, somewhere out there, looking up at the same little glowing dot.
So I won’t say thank you.
Good. I’ll talk to you later.
Goodnight, sensei.
No.
Just a hard no? Surely there’s room for debate.
Within our lifetime, A.I. will not reach the point of true autonomy, so, no, consensual sex with a robot isn’t possible.
I’m realizing that I forgot you’re a high schooler and I shouldn’t be discussing sex with you in any capacity.
I’m not a child.
You’re literally a child!! By definition!!
Fine, we don’t have to talk about it, but I’m only interested in the scientific morality of the whole thing.
Sex with robots or sex in general?
Sex with robots.
If A.I. can’t be fully autonomous, then does it matter that it’s not consensual?
Omg, what’s wrong with me?? Don’t answer that!! This conversation is cancelled.
You sure? You seem interested.
I don’t really want to get into morality with you anyway, sensei. I get the feeling you and I won’t agree about the entire school of philosophy.
Why? I think philosophy is important.
But?
But it bores me.
There we go.
It’s all talk and speculation. There’s nothing in philosophy that can be tested.
And I know you hate that.
The philosophers can sit in their ivory towers and talk themselves hoarse. I’d prefer to be on the ground actually figuring things out.
Of course you would, sensei~ that’s what makes you so charming~
I can sense your sarcasm.
Me~? Sarcastic~? Never~!
Anyway, I never said that people weren’t going to have sex with robots regardless, but without complete autonomy, the entire question of consent is moot.
What do you MEAN you’ve never seen Alien???
Do you want me to apologize??
Do you have a rabb.it account? Make one. Now.
I’m waiting for this centrifuge to finish spinning. What’s up?
I’m rearranging my apartment.
Oh?
The feng-shui was really off. It was blocking all my chakras and I couldn’t stand it.
Oh.
JK!! I don’t really believe in that stuff.
Ghosts are a maybe but Chinese spirituality is a definite no?
For me at least. I’m just waiting for a phone call and needed to do something. I’m regretting it now though. I’m tired and sweaty but everything’s in the way so I have to finish :(
Do you live alone?
I’m a working professional, sensei~! I pay alllll my own bills~
How old are you?
Nosy!!
Sorry, I just didn’t think you were that much older than me.
I’m not, but I’m not in high school.
College?
I went right into the workforce. In a manner of speaking.
I see.
Are you planning to go to college?
Yeah. I’ve already got scholarship offers.
Seeeeriously?? That’s great!! Where do you want to go?
Nosy.
Sorry~! I got excited.
Why didn’t you go to college? You’re perfectly intelligent.
Wow, high praise from the boy genius himself but the truth is I already knew what I wanted to do with my life. I can do my own research and my brand of entertainment requires more hands-on experience than I’d be able to get in a classroom. I didn’t see any point in delaying my start for several years just to pay money to learn things I can learn on my own.
That makes sense. And you’ve clearly had some success.
You could say that~ what do you want to make of yourself, sensei?
I’m going to space.
As soon as possible. I’m really only planning to go to college for networking purposes. Getting on a manned space mission requires knowing the right people.
Oh, I know alllll about networking~ you’ll have to do something about that abrasiveness of yours, sensei.
What abrasiveness?
Not everyone likes a know-it-all.
What about you?
Well, clearly I don’t mind, since I’ve been texting you for a year now.
Oh, it has been a year, hasn’t it?
Sorry, I don’t remember the exact day :(
February 3rd.
Wow.
I have good numerical recall.
Clearly. I’m touched you bothered to file our anniversary in your enormous brain.
Don’t be. It’s not every day I misread my dad’s new number and text a complete stranger about Niels Bohr.
Well, for what it’s worth, I’m grateful.
For what?
For Bohr-chan of course! He advanced the study of quantum physics significantly!!
Right. Thanks, Bohr.
Thank you, Bohr-chan~!
Gen catches segments of the shuttle launch broadcast on his phone during breaks from rehearsal. He has a big show coming up, so he can’t afford to take a day off, but he’s determined to watch because he’s positive Sensei will want to talk about it later.
The commentators talk about a lot of stuff Gen doesn’t really understand, but he gets the gist of it, and he manages to catch the take-off livestream. He texts Sensei right afterward.
Accompanied by a screenshot from the launch. But then he has to return to rehearsal, so he powers his phone off and slides his gloves on.
A few hours later, on the train home, Gen checks his phone and is surprised to see no response from Sensei. He shrugs it off. It’s not like they’re in constant contact, after all. Sensei has his own life.
So he doesn’t think about it that evening, or the next morning when his phone is still quiet. By the end of that day, however, Gen can’t help feeling a little concerned. He would have sworn Sensei would be all over the shuttle launch, and he certainly isn’t shy about texting Gen when he’s excited about random scientific minutiae. So why the radio silence now?
He decides he’ll give it another day. He’s pretty busy himself, after all: preparing for his show, writing his next book, fielding interview requests, etc. After his first book took off, his career really accelerated, but he doesn’t have time to rest. The entertainment industry is always moving and he can’t afford to be left behind.
So he puts his phone away and opens his laptop to respond to some emails.
Another day turns into two, into three, four--then a week has gone by with no word from Sensei. Gen tries not to feel hurt. It’s not like this is the longest they’ve gone without speaking to each other, but he’d been so sure Sensei would want to gush about the shuttle, and he’d been looking forward to sharing that excitement with him for reasons he doesn’t really want to examine.
Sensei is a student, Gen rationalizes, sitting on his bed, knees to his chest, staring at his dark phone on the duvet in front of him. He probably just got busy with school.
The sun is mostly gone, nothing but a thin haze of orange on the horizon, but his room is lit by strands of string lights crisscrossing the walls haphazardly, a decision he made when he rearranged his apartment a while back. He kept the bed by the window, though, and every time he looks outside at night, he finds Sirius in the sky, recalling Sesnsei’s dry explanation so many weeks ago. It’s comforting in a way he can’t explain.
Now, he glances out the window, at the darkness overtaking the sky, and a thought occurs to him.
Sensei, can you see the ISS in the sky?
He vaguely recalls hearing something about the ISS looking like a star from earth but he can’t remember the details. Could something so comparatively small really be visible from the surface?
After a whole week of nothing, Gen isn’t really expecting a response, so when his phone vibrates a minute later, he jumps.
Yes, but not for very long.
What do you mean?
Due to the way it’s orbiting earth, when it is visible, it looks like it’s moving very fast. It moves from horizon to horizon very quickly, so there’s not much to look at.
Seeeriously? Can you see it from Japan?
Not tonight, and probably not from the city. In the suburbs, maybe
Not tonight? Did you look it up?
I know the schedule.
Gen can’t quite put his finger on it, but something seems off about Sensei tonight. Usually, he’d be chomping at the bit to explain the ISS’s orbit in excruciating detail, but he’s being shorter than usual. It’s hard to get a read on someone who’s not physically in front of him, but Gen’s been talking to Sensei long enough that he’s pretty sure he can tell when something’s up.
That being said, what can he even do about it? It’s not his business, not really. But when he factors in Sensei’s week-long absence, he just can’t shake the concern.
Fuck it, he thinks.
Is something wrong, sensei?
He tosses the phone to the other side of the bed and glares out the window. This is stupid. He shouldn’t feel this nervous. Sensei didn’t hesitate prying into his personal life that one time, did he? They’re friends, in a weird way, and don’t friends ask about each other?
All rationalizations aside, he grits his teeth when his phone buzzes a minute later.
No. Sorry I disappeared for a week.
Nothing, predictably. Sensei isn’t the type to be open with his feelings, Gen knows that much for sure. But something is obviously bothering him. Should Gen push it or let it go?
Yeah I was really lonely
I thought you’d want to talk about the shuttle launch. I made sure to
watch it just for you~
I caught bits of it.
Pretty cool, huh~?
Of course.
God, this is like pulling teeth. Gen pushes his hair behind his ear and tries again.
Didn’t you say your father was studying to go to space? How is that going?
Pretty well.
That’s great!! Maybe you two will be able to go together!
Maybe.
Gen pouts. If Sensei really doesn’t want to talk, he could just not respond. But then, since he’s still responding, as stilted as the conversation is, that probably means he does want to talk to someone but he doesn’t feel like getting into his personal problems. With that in mind, Gen starts typing.
You know, there’s a lot of interesting psychology associated with space travel.
I bet.
It’s hard to study, since the sample size of people who have actually been to space is so small, but it’s important to understand the effects space travel has on the human brain.
Not just isolation studies either! We already know that isolation is dangerous for humans, but even when groups are in space together, problems can occur.
Infighting?
Sometimes, but what happens more often is that people start closing themselves off. It’s literally called psychological closing, and it can happen in several ways. After a while, groups on orbit will sometimes communicate less with mission control. They’ll basically close ranks on their group and develop a very exclusive attachment to each other, shutting out those that they don’t perceive as sharing their experiences. It’s usually just a response to group stress and works itself out after a while.
I see.
But psychological closing can happen to individuals too. Astronauts can sometimes self-isolate and stop communicating effectively. It’s easy to understand why. I can’t imagine a more stressful job
Once you’re up there, one member of your group autonomizing can be a big problem, so there are measures in place to encourage team unity! Astronaut teams are encouraged to celebrate birthdays and holidays together and make calls to mission control as a group, as well as contact loved ones as much as possible.
Are you trying to tell me something?
Oh, I could never presume to tell YOU anything, sensei~! I just thought it was interesting. The fact that humans need to be social is so well-established that they have rules to make sure it happens in space~ how cool is that~?
It just seems inconvenient.
Even so, you can’t get around it. NASA agrees with me. You can’t go to space if you’re anti-social. The personality tests will flag you.
I guess that makes sense.
So you might want to rethink your ambitions, sensei.
Excuse me?
Someone who cuts off communication when stressed and evades questions about their well-being doesn’t seem like a good match for spaceflight in my humble opinion.
Sensei’s text bubble pops up and disappears a few times. Gen watches it, chewing his bottom lip.
Good thing no one asked your opinion, then.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyway, you’re being a hypocrite.
Oh, I’m so sowwy about that, sensei! I’ll do better next time~!!
You know, you’re really annoying sometimes.
We have that in common.
For the record, I am not anti-social.
Have you spoken to your irl friends about your problem?
There’s no problem.
Okay, sensei~ I believe you~
But just in case you ever do have a problem, I promise I’ll only judge you a little bit.
There’s no problem.
But.
I suppose I was in need of a bit of a distraction.
Well, I’m nothing if not distracting. It’s kind of my specialty.
So, I guess I should say thanks.
For what~?
For Niels Bohr, of course.
Right! Thanks, Bohr-chan!
Thanks.
Gen huffs out a laugh and turns his gaze back to the window. The stars are finally starting to blink awake in the night sky and Gen tilts his head, imagining a little streak of light rocketing across the horizon somewhere on earth.
Omg, I’m so tired!!!
What are you doing up this late?
What are YOU doing up this late??
Working.
Good little students should be in bed~
I’m not interested in being a good student and you didn’t answer the question.
If you must know, I was working too.
Right, your mysterious job you don’t want me to know about.
Exactly~ though I kind of wish I could tell you, because I have a LOT to complain about.
You manage to complain just fine while being secretive.
Noooo, you have no idea how lucky you are. I could be complaining way more.
I guess there are things I wish I could be more specific about.
I’ll listen to anything you want to say, sensei.
So you can put it in your notes and use it to try and read my mind later? No thank you.
How mean!! I don’t need notes to read your mind.
That just makes me want to tell you even less.
Are you really up working?
I’ve got some chemicals heating and I misjudged the time and can’t leave.
Aww. How much longer will it take?
It’s hard to say. An hour?
Seeeeriously??? To heat up some chemicals??
They’re volatile. I can’t rush it.
Want me to stay up with you?
You don’t have to do that.
It’s fine~ do you have your laptop? We could watch something.
I do.
I’m serious. You said you were tired so you should go to bed.
But I’d rather stay up with you, sensei~
Why?
What do you mean why? I like talking to you. Why do you think we’ve been texting for over a year?
Or could it be you don’t like talking to me??
No
I mean, no, I like talking to you
Good~!
What do you want to watch?
Whatever you want.
Gen doesn’t give the future of their arrangement much thought. Whatever happens will happen, he figures. He kind of wants to meet Sensei some day, but he’s not in a rush, and he can’t imagine Sensei is too invested in meeting the stranger he texted accidentally and just kept talking to for some reason. What they’ve got works for them, and that’s all that matters.
Maybe they’ll meet up someday, maybe they’ll gradually lose contact, or maybe they’ll keep texting each other forever. Regardless, they’ve got time to work it out.
They’ve got time.
They were fighting. Arguing about something stupid. A science fiction movie that just hit theaters. Gen accused Sensei of being pedantic and Sensei responded that Gen just had poor taste. A variation on an argument they’d had dozens of times before. Gen just rolled his eyes, shoved his phone in his pocket, and charged onstage, ignoring the text notification that buzzed right as he started his act. Let Sensei talk to himself for a while.
He should have checked.
That’s all he can think as the world goes black and cold around him.
He should have checked his phone.
