Chapter Text
Kara woke with a startled gasp, in an unfamiliar bed and with an arm slung around her waist.
Sunlight streamed through the slits in the blinds, and Kara’s heart raced as she took stock of her surroundings, as she let the memories of the past few… (how long had they been stuck at the Vanishing Point? Weeks? Months? She’d lost track of time a long time ago) wash over her, feeling a flutter of panic in her chest when the body beside her stirred.
Kara’s pulse was so loud in her ears that it was hard for her to think, and she shifted, turning onto her side, silken sheets sliding over her skin, and oh, god, she was naked under there, and how the hell had that happened?
The last thing she remembered was winning the fight, Oliver collapsing, the lights arcing through the sky, and then… nothing. She had no idea how she’d ended up here, where here even was, no idea why she was naked and certainly no idea who she was lying next to.
She risked a glance over at her companion, and nearly had a heart attack when she recognised the face on the pillow next to hers. Panicked, she scrambled out of the bed as fast as she possibly could, her breaths coming quick and fast and she wondered if this was what it was like to have an anxiety attack.
Because that… that was Cat Grant sleeping peacefully beside her.
Cat Grant who Kara hadn’t seen in person since she’d saved her from falling out of that plane, Cat Grant who had left CatCo to dive and moved to D.C., Cat Grant who had been Kara’s boss for so long, Cat Grant who Kara had used to harbour a secret, impossible crush on, back when they’d used to spend hours together every day.
Kara hadn’t set her eyes on Cat in months, and she couldn’t resist the opportunity to drink her in. Kara had never seen her face bereft of make-up, of that carefully-applied mask she’d used to wear like armour, but she was still beautiful, her face relaxed in sleep, her hair mussed (was that from Kara’s hands? She desperately tried to search her mind for some memory of how she had ended up in Cat’s bed, but came up empty), and she left Kara breathless that same way she always had whenever she’d stalked into a room.
Cat stirred, the sheets falling down to her waist, and Kara yelped because Cat was naked, too, and she was quick to look away because she was sure she couldn’t survive the sight of Cat’s bare chest, felt wrong for looking at her in a state of such vulnerability, not when she didn’t know what the hell was going on.
Had they lost the battle? Had she died, and this was her version of heaven? Kara didn’t know, but she did know that she had to find out. A quick scan with her x-ray vision revealed that her clothes were in one of the closets (did she live here? With Cat? What the Rao was happening?), and as quietly as she could, Kara utilised her superspeed to slip into her suit and then out of Cat’s window, flying to the DEO at breakneck speed.
//
“Alex? Oh, thank god you’re here.” Kara had never been so relieved to see her sister, pulled her into a tight hug because there had been a point where she’d thought she’d never see Alex again. “You have to help me.”
“What’s wrong?” Alex snapped into concerned big sister mode in an instant, frowning as Kara pulled her into an empty room.
“I woke up next to Cat Grant this morning,” Kara hissed, barely able to say the words aloud, and Alex’s frown deepened.
“Um… yeah? That’s what happens when you move in with someone?”
“What do you mean?” Kara’s voice climbed in pitch and Alex winced. “I didn’t move in with her! I haven’t even seen her for years! Why are you not surprised?!”
“Are you okay?” Alex studied Kara closely. “Did you go out drinking last night? Or did you hit your head?”
“No, I didn’t hit my head, Alex!” Kara dodged out the way of her sister hands as she reached for Kara’s face.
“Then why are you acting like a crazy person?”
“I’m not! You are! Talking about me and Cat like it… like it makes sense. Like it’s not completely impossible!” Kara was practically shouting by that point, but she was agitated and panicking, and why wasn’t Alex helping? “Cat left National City three years ago.”
“What are you talking about? Cat never left.” Alex looked troubled. “Kara, I really think we ought to go to the medbay and get you checked out. You’re acting weird. Really weird.”
“I’m fine.” She wasn’t fine – she was far from fine, but it seemed like she wasn’t going to get the answers she needed from her sister. “I have to go.”
“Kara, wait - ” Alex reached for her, but Kara shook her off, hurrying towards the door and slamming straight into J’onn who was standing on the other side – he reached out to steady her, and the second that their eyes met, she knew that she wasn’t going crazy, that he remembered, too, and nearly collapsed in relief.
“It really happened?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, thank Rao,” she breathed, sagging back against the wall. “But why… why doesn’t anyone else remember?”
“Remember what?” Alex asked, coming to stand beside Kara. “You’re both acting weird.”
“I think I can help with that.” J’onn touched a hand to Alex’s forehead, and Kara watched as Alex’s eyes went from scrunched up in confusion to wide with understanding. “Memories restored.”
“Holy shit.” Alex’s eyes landed on Kara and widened even further. “Holy shit, Kara! Cat Grant?”
“It’s not like I had any say in this!” Kara exclaimed, because Alex was looking at her like she’d committed treason. “I have no idea what’s happening!”
“I believe when we reset the timeline, we may have made a few… alterations,” J’onn said, voice soothing as he squeezed Kara’s shoulder. “I’m not sure to what extent, but I imagine that will come to light over the next few days.”
“Well, that’s just wonderful.” Kara felt like her head was spinning, like her world wasn’t her own anymore, had never felt so out of control and she hated it. “What other surprises are waiting to spring themselves on me?”
“Um,” Alex spoke up, looking worried, and Kara braced herself for whatever was coming next. “About that…”
//
So, not only was Kara in an apparently serious relationship with her former boss that she had absolutely no recollection of, but Lex Luthor was apparently a good guy and oh yeah, her new boss.
She was relieved when there was a disturbance downtown that required her attention, because she really, really needed to hit something.
Except when she got there, Barry was there, too, and her day of weirdness seemed like it was only just beginning.
Because her world really wasn’t her own anymore.
She and Barry shared the same world, the same earth, and it appeared that at some point in resetting the timeline, they’d managed to erase the multiverse and all of the earths and create just one single one, instead.
The ramifications of that were too much for Kara to bear, and she supposed the differences were starting to make more sense – this earth was an amalgamation of countless others, and there was no wonder that some things would be different.
That didn’t mean her new life was easy for her to come to terms with.
It would have been easier if she hadn’t been a paragon, if she just… didn’t remember, like everyone else. Then she wouldn’t be so confused, wouldn’t be questioning everything, wondering what was still real and what memories and experiences had never occurred in this strange new place.
She’d watched National City crash and burn along with Argo and the rest of Earth-38, but now, as she stood on the roof of the DEO building and surveyed the city that looked so familiar but felt so alien, she felt like she was saying goodbye all over again.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and Kara pulled it out only to see Cat’s name flashing on the screen and quickly pressed ignore. She’d rung several times that morning, sent texts that Kara had deleted before she could read them, because she didn’t know how to cope with it all.
Cat was probably worried sick, and that wasn’t fair, but Kara couldn’t speak to her, not when she had no idea what she could possibly say.
To Kara, they were practically strangers – she still thought of Cat often, but they hadn’t spoken in years, been face-to-face in much longer – but to Cat, they were in love, and that made Kara’s head spin until she felt dizzy, and she had to step away from the building’s edge lest she tumble down to the ground.
Behind her, the door creaked open, and Kara didn’t even have to look to know that it was Alex, coming to check on her.
“Hey.” She came to stand beside Kara, the wind whipping through her hair. “How are you holding up?”
Kara’s laugh was bitter, and Alex winced. “Never been better.”
“I’m sorry.” Alex reached out to squeeze her arm, and Kara leant into the touch, wishing it could bring her the comfort she so desperately craved. “I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. It’s… it’s a lot.”
Kara’s phone, still in her hand, buzzed again, and Kara held it so tightly that the case cracked.
“Are you not going to answer?” Alex asked, seeing Cat’s name, and Kara shook her head so violently that she nearly pulled something.
“I can’t.” It made her panic, because what could she say? How could she pretend that everything was fine when she felt like everything was falling apart? “Do you… do you remember it all? Like… what actually happened, and what didn’t?”
“It’s fuzzy, but yeah, I do.”
“Was I… were we happy?”
Alex didn’t answer at first – she studied Kara for one long moment, chewing on her bottom lip. “Honestly? You were the happiest I’ve ever seen you.” Alex spoke softly, but it did nothing to cushion the blow of the words, the sucker punch they sent straight into Kara’s chest.
“And you were… you were okay with it?” Kara had never told Alex of her crush on Cat, because she knew her disapproval would be epic, didn’t think she’d ever understand that there was so much more to Cat beneath that prickly exterior.
“Not at first.” It was so strange, that Alex had these memories when to Kara it was such an impossibility. "But seeing you together… it won me over. You were good together.”
“This is so messed up,” Kara groaned, running a frustrated hand through her hair. “The two of us together doesn’t even make any sense! How did it even happen?”
“You really want to know all of this stuff?” Alex asked, and Kara nodded, accepting that it would open a can of worms and probably send her spiralling. “You know when Cat decided she was going to step away from CatCo?” Kara nodded, because that was at least familiar from her own timeline. “Well, you went to say goodbye, but you couldn’t bear the thought of her leaving without knowing how you really felt about her, so you kissed her.”
Kara remembered that night from her own memory, of hugging Cat goodbye and wishing she never had to let her go, of how it had felt like her heart was breaking, when she’d watched her walk away.
“Of course, you snuck around for like six months before you actually told me any of this, even though I caught the two of you in a compromising position about four times before then.” Alex had a fond smile on her face that quickly faded as she sighed. “None of that was real, was it?”
“It was real to her,” Kara murmured, as her phone rang again, and she realised what she had to do, then – she couldn’t ignore Cat forever, and it wasn’t fair to continue to the charade, not when Cat would instantly know that something was wrong. “I have to go and find J’onn.”
“You’re going to restore her memories, aren’t you?”
“It’s the right thing to do.”
“And if she takes it badly?” Alex asked, blocking Kara’s path to the door. “That Cat you knew, Kara… she didn’t know you were Supergirl. She didn’t have any loyalty to you, hell, she almost outed you to the world.”
“So, what, I’m just supposed to pretend that everything is fine? Fake a relationship with her? Break up with her for no reason?” Kara shook her head. “No, this is the right thing to do. And if we really were so good together, I don’t think she’d do that to me.”
Decision made, Kara strode past her sister to go in search of J’onn, praying that she was right.
//
“Oh, so you are still alive.” Cat stood, in all her sarcastic glory, in the centre of the living room of her and Kara’s apartment, her hands on her hips as she shot Kara her best withering glare, and the sight of her, in her pencil skirt and blouse, straight out of Kara’s memories, took her breath away.
“Sorry.” It wasn’t hard for Kara to be sheepish, slipping back into her old assistant’s persona. “I, um, I had a lot of things to do.”
“Hm.” Cat pursed her lips, annoyed, and Kara fought the urge to shrink back against the doorframe, wondering how she’d fared whenever she and Cat had argued. “J’onn.” Cat blinked in surprise when she noticed him standing behind Kara’s shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
“No worries.” J’onn was fighting the urge not to glance around the apartment with curious eyes, and Kara was right there with him, didn’t want to see the evidence of her life with Cat when she was about to rip it away for good.
“Is everything alright?” Cat asked, eyes narrowing as she glanced between Kara and J’onn’s faces. “Has something happened? Is it Alex?” Cat looked so worried that it made Kara’s heart ache, because for her to care so much about her sister they must’ve been close, must have been family, and that was all Kara had ever wanted, desperately wished that she could remember what it had felt like.
“No, Alex is fine,” Kara was quick to reassure her. “It’s… well, it’s kind of hard to explain.” Kara hadn’t really had time to come up with a speech.
“Is this why you’ve been acting so odd?” Cat asked. “Why I watched you scuttle out of the window this morning like you’d just woken up from a one night stand you regretted?”
“You were awake?” Kara asked, horrified.
“Your scramble to leave wasn’t exactly subtle, Kara,” Cat sighed, looking tired. “So, what is it? Your latest monster of the week give you amnesia?” It was close enough to the truth that Kara drew in a sharp breath, and beside her, J’onn winced. “Is that… don’t tell me that’s true?”
“Not exactly.” Kara watched Cat’s frown deepen and ached to wipe it away. “But it’s not exactly far from the truth, either.”
Kara was relieved when J’onn stepped in to explain, far more clearly than Kara would have ever been able to do.
“I don’t believe you,” Cat said, when he was finished, shaking her head. “That can’t be true.” She stepped close, into Kara’s space, and when she reached out a hand to cup Kara’s cheek, Kara couldn’t help but flinch and she hated the pain that blossomed in Cat’s eyes. “You really don’t… you don’t remember any of it?”
“I’m sorry,” Kara whispered, and she wished she did, but she knew she never would (she’d asked J’onn, if his ability to restore memories would work the other way, if she could know what ‘other’ Kara’s life had been like, but he’d said it simply wasn’t possible).
The look in Cat’s eyes as she realised that Kara was telling the truth would haunt her for the rest of her life.
She’d never seen someone look like that, so defeated, all the fight and the hope and the light going out of her with a trembling gasp, and Kara knew it would take her a long time to heal.
“J’onn can give you your memories back. The real ones.”
Cat flinched at the word real, and Kara wondered if she should have said something else, but to her they simply weren’t real, and they never would be.
“Will the other ones fade away?” Cat asked, and J’onn could only lift his shoulders in a shrug.
“We’re not entirely sure. Perhaps, over time, but it’s impossible to say for certain.”
“Okay.” Cat set her jaw and nodded, and Kara watched as J’onn stepped close, watched as Cat’s eyes widened, watched as she turned to look at Kara like she was seeing her for the first time and knew that it had been successful, and reached out to steady Cat when she swayed. “Don’t.”
She wrenched her arm out of Kara’s grip, and Kara tried not to flinch.
“Oh, god, this can’t be happening.” Cat pressed her fingers into her eyes, like she could push it all away. “This can’t… this is impossible.” She paced, and Kara gave her space, knowing she needed to work through the thoughts swirling around her head. “I… I loved you.” She said it like an accusation, and Kara gulped. “None of it was real?”
“I’m sorry.” She was, too, because now she couldn’t help but wonder if this could have been her reality, if only she’d been a little braver and told Cat how she really felt.
“Oh, Kara, you don’t need to be sorry.” Cat sounded so defeated that it broke Kara’s heart. “You must feel so… so violated.” Cat’s defeat turned into disgust, and Kara shook her head, stepping close toward Cat without even thinking, wanting to comfort her, but Cat held up a hand that stopped Kara in her tracks.
“I don’t. You didn’t do anything wrong, Cat.”
“I always knew it was too good to be true,” she whispered, so quietly that Kara struggled to hear it. “I always knew it would come crashing to an end, I just never imagined it would be like this.”
Kara had never seen such anguish on Cat’s face before, and it nearly broke her, nearly had her crumbling to her knees because it was her fault, and she might not have seen Cat in years but in that moment, watching her fall apart, it felt like no time had passed at all, felt like she still had a hopeless crush on her boss, like she’d do anything to be able to hold her close and never let her go.
“Cat, I - ”
“Moms?” The voice came from behind her, and Kara had been so distracted by Cat that she hadn’t even heard the front door opening, hadn’t noticed a fourth person enter the room, and when she whirled around a boy with a mop of blonde curls was standing in the doorway, a backpack slung over one of his shoulders.
“Carter?” Kara asked, because even though she hadn’t seen him in years, he still looked like the cheeky teenager that she had so unsuccessfully managed to babysit all that time ago. He was much taller, almost the same height as J’onn, who was still hovering nearby and looking extremely uncomfortable, his cheekbones razor-sharp and his hazel eyes narrowing as he laid eyes on his mother and her very obvious distress.
“Mom, what’s wrong?” He wasn’t looking at Cat when he said it, was looking at Kara, instead, and oh, god, she hadn’t even thought of Carter, hadn’t even considered that he would be a part of this, too, and he was looking at her for support and he was calling her Mom and it wasn’t just Cat’s life she was going to rip apart today, it was his, too.
They’d been a family, and after today, they were going to be strangers.
“J’onn.” Kara’s voice was choked with the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes, completely overwhelmed by the sight of Carter, of her son, and she felt her stomach roil and prayed she wasn’t about to be sick. “J’onn, can you please - ”
“I’ll sort it,” he assured her, patting her on the back before he threw his arm around Carter’s shoulders and led him from the room. “Come on, buddy,” he said, voice fading as they walked away. “I have a few things to explain to you.”
The room felt too quiet, too empty, when they’d gone, the silence pressing close and Kara felt like she was suffocating under the invisible weight of it. Cat collapsed onto the couch with a heavy sigh, and Kara hovered awkwardly in-front of her, with no idea what to say.
“I’ll, um, I’ll take some of my things with me, go and stay with my sister for a while. Give you and Carter some space.” Alex had confirmed that Kara had sold her apartment when she’d moved in with Cat – a whole eighteen months ago, and her relationship with Cat was, sadly, by far the longest that Kara had ever had, and she didn’t even remember it.
“Okay,” Cat nodded. “That’s probably for the best. God, this must be so weird for you.” She’d had her head in her hands, but when she said that she looked up, meeting Kara’s gaze for the first time in a long while, and the pain in her eyes took Kara’s breath away. “To you we last spoke, what, two, three years ago?”
“After the Daxamites tried to invade,” Kara nodded, and Rao, that felt like it was aeons ago. “Wait, did that still happen?” She had no idea how much this alternate timeline had changed. “Did Mon-El even land here?”
“That unpleasant boy with the huge crush on you?” Cat’s lips curled into a sneer, and Kara would have very much liked to see the two of them interact. “Yes.”
“Kinda wish I could erase that part of the timeline from my memory,” Kara muttered, because dating him hadn’t exactly been her finest hour.
“You were together?”
“Unfortunately.” Kara would really rather not relive that experience. “If only I’d have known there was a much better option out there.” It was a joke, her voice light, but Cat didn’t smile.
“Oh, Kara, I was always an option.” Cat’s voice was soft and so very sad. “Why do you think I wanted to leave? Part of it was because I was growing restless, it’s true, but the thought of that job without you be my side every day? It was unbearable.”
“I didn’t… I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“How could I not?” Cat’s expression was earnest, and Kara’s heart beat double-time in her chest. “Ever since you walked into my office for the first time I knew there was something remarkable about you. I tried to keep you at arm’s length so you never knew how I felt, but it didn’t diminish it. Nothing did.”
Once upon a time, Kara would have killed to hear those words from Cat. She’d used to dream of it, of late nights in the office pouring over layouts, of Cat drawing her close and kissing her senseless but it had always been impossible, unattainable, because she was merely Kara Danvers, and Cat was the queen of all media.
There had been a lot of surprises since Kara had woken up this morning, but she thought that this was the biggest one of all, because the idea that Cat, in Kara’s reality, had always felt this way? The idea that they could have had something, if Kara had been just a little braver?
It was surprising and absolutely gut-wrenching, all at the same time.
She had to bite her tongue so that she didn’t say that she’d used to feel the same, because it would be cruel, in the face of everything that had happened. It had been years and Kara’s feelings had faded (by necessity – she’d have been obsessing over Cat’s every move in Washington, if she hadn’t gotten over it, and it hadn’t been easy, but when it came to Cat, nothing ever was), whilst Cat’s were stronger than ever.
Cat loved her, was in love with her, because even though her memories had been restored, Kara knew the alternative timeline wouldn’t be so easy to forget. For Cat, this was a break-up, and Kara wasn’t about to muddy the waters, not when she could see how much pain the other woman was in.
Behind her, a door opened, Carter and J’onn re-entering the room, and Kara only needed to take one glance at Carter to know that his memories had been restored, too, because he was looking at her with the same expression Cat had just a few moments ago.
“I, um, I should go.” Kara’s discomfort returned full-force with Carter standing in-front of her, and she had no idea what she could possibly say to him after dropping a bombshell that would destroy the life he knew.
“I think that would be for the best,” Cat replied, leaning into Carter’s side when he sat beside her on the couch and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Take whatever you need.” She waved toward the bedroom, and Kara had to force herself to move.
Being in there felt wrong, on a subatomic level, every cell in her body on edge. This was the room where she and Cat had spent so much time together, where they had grown closer, where they’d slept together, and Kara tried not to look around as she shoved some of her belongings into her bag.
She was out of there in record time, found Cat struggling to hold back tears, her self-control fracturing as Carter hugged her, and the image of the two of them desperately trying to hold themselves together was imprinted on Kara’s mind long after she’d walked away.