Chapter Text
Five Times Maddie Snuck in to Sit with Mothra's Egg Before She Hatched…
Eight
Madison Russell had visited Outpost 61 before, but never for very long—and back then, she’d always had Andrew to play with.
Andrew was gone, now. She still found herself turning, her mouth open to speak, before remembering he wouldn’t be standing next to her.
She’d turned eight only a few months ago, and it was afterwards that everything had changed. Mom and Dad had finally stopped shouting a lot, but only because they’d gone their separate ways. Maddie knew her dad loved her, but he’d still chosen to leave her. She didn’t like talking about it.
Aunt Vivienne had cared more about Mom’s decision to move to Outpost 61 than Dad did. She’d argued long and hard about how Maddie shouldn’t be isolated like that, how she should have the opportunity to go to school and make friends and not have only Monarch scientists for company.
Mom hadn’t listened. The lines around Aunt Vivienne’s face when she’d said goodbye to Maddie had been tight. She’d given her a long hug, cupped Maddie’s small face in her hands, and whispered, “If you ever need anything, my dear, call me.” Back then, she’d nodded and promised, but Mom told her that Aunt Vivienne was very busy and very important to Monarch.
(Maddie hadn’t called, no matter how much she wanted to.)
So, once she was eight, and a big girl, they stayed in Boston for a month and a half before coming here, to Outpost 61.
Her mom was busy building something, something that had all the scientists at the base really excited. And she was always working on it. But since Maddie was a big girl now, she didn’t complain. She could take care of herself, after all.
Maddie could pull a chair up to the counter to use the microwave and toaster oven—she rarely burned things anymore, and she had learned the hard way how best to avoid burning herself—and she knew how to clean up after herself, and she was good at remembering to make sure the front door was locked at night.
Sometimes, when she made the coffee right, Mom would even smile at her and tell her how proud she was that Maddie was so strong.
But whether she could heat up her waffles and chicken nuggets wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she didn’t have anyone to play with or even talk to, and reading her mom’s notes and books could only hold her interest for so long.
And the quiet was driving her crazy, too.
The hours they spent at the actual base, not just in their little house down the road, were long and growing longer. More and more often, Maddie found herself curling up on a couch in one of the lounges only to be shaken awake hours later by some tired-eyed tech.
One evening, when she was wandering around with a chapter book to read, looking for a good place to settle down without being bothered, Maddie found a tunnel. A secret tunnel.
She’d found little passages in the temple before, but most were obvious enough for even the busy adults to know about.
But this one—if she hadn’t quite literally stumbled upon it, she never would’ve noticed it was even there. She crawled through the small passage, excitedly imagining telling her mom and being praised for finding it. The stone blocks at the other end of the tunnel moved aside like magic the moment she touched a brick with a funny marking. She poked her head out of the hole and gasped.
She was in the chamber with the egg. She’d never been allowed so close before. Her mom said they didn’t know if it was safe, and Dr. Tim would gently tell her that maybe she could see it when she was older. But Maddie suspected they just didn’t want her around ’cause she was a kid.
Oh, there was no way she would tell anyone about the secret tunnel now.
The best part was that the tunnel opened among the rough terrain in the back of the chamber. The enormous egg blocked Maddie from the cameras, the catwalks, and the scientists. No one would be able to see her.
Very slowly, she made her way across the lumpy stone ground and up to the pulsing egg. She couldn’t hear anyone on the other side, probably because it was late enough for most of the base’s employees to have gone home.
Maddie reached out and smoothed her palm across the egg’s surface. It was warm, and its texture was somehow both silky and a little slimy. A faint blue-green glow flared every few seconds, like a heartbeat.
“Hi,” Maddie whispered. She’d have to sneak into her mom’s notes to find out if the egg had a name, but she still introduced herself. “I’m Maddie.”
The egg, predictably, did not respond.
Maddie sat down on a nicely rounded boulder and leaned back against the egg. It felt like a big pillow that she could sink into, and it provided light in the dark, misty chamber.
She opened her book to where she’d left off, but hesitated. You were supposed to talk to babies before they were born, right? Maybe the little Titan in the egg would want to hear the story. Having only read the first chapter and a half, Maddie had no qualms about flipping back to the beginning.
“It’s called A Wrinkle in Time,” she said quietly—just in case there was someone nearby; she didn’t want to get caught because she talked too loudly. “I like it so far.”
The pretty blue light flared again as Maddie began to read.
• • •
Nine
Maddie curled up against Mothra’s egg and dug her fingertips into her legs. They’d come to the base earlier than normal because her mom was upset and wanted to bury herself in her project. But Maddie was upset too, and what was she expected to do about it?
“Just stay quiet and don’t bother anyone,” she whispered angrily, repeating her mother’s words. It wasn’t her fault she’d been dragged out of bed and forced to skip breakfast. It wasn’t her fault she’d cried a little when she remembered what day it was. It wasn’t her fault her mom hadn’t slept well and been cranky enough to lose her temper.
“It’s Andrew’s fourteenth birthday,” she explained. “He would’ve been a big kid, a real one. He wouldn’t have annoyed Mom.” She brushed a hot tear off her cheek.
The egg pulsed a little faster, as much of a reaction Maddie was going to get. The spot she was leaning against, though, warmed a little more. Maddie was used to such changes in Mothra’s egg after months of carefully paying attention.
“I miss him.”
What Maddie really wanted right then was her brother. Second to him, Aunt Vivienne. She’d finally decided to make a call, desperate for conversation that wasn’t coming from anyone else. Aunt Viv had been so happy to speak with her, she’d lost the guilt over disturbing her and they secretly video-chatted once every two weeks.
But Maddie couldn’t have either of them. She hadn’t spoken with her dad in months and Mom never had time for her anymore. It was kinda silly, but the only one in the base who Maddie didn’t feel like a bother to was the unhatched Mothra.
She really, really hoped she wasn’t bothering the Titan with her frequent visits. It was just so lonely sometimes, and so nice to have someone who couldn’t roll their eyes when they thought she wasn’t looking.
Mothra didn’t—couldn’t—complain while Maddie mourned her brother. And she certainly didn’t tell her to stop crying or begrudge her her tears. It also wasn’t a hug, which is what Maddie would have asked for if she could’ve, but the softness of the shell cradled her well enough.
Choked with sporadic bouts of sobs, Maddie whispered about her memories of her brother, those she held closest to her heart, like each was a precious secret. And even though it was just an egg, she couldn’t help but feel like her every word was being heard. The blue light, so clearly centered around her crumpled body, was enough of a promise to keep those memories close in turn.
If nothing else, at least Andrew’s memory would live on in the heart of a Titan.
• • •
Ten
Maddie snuck a second piece of store-bought cake long after the ‘party’ had ended. It hadn’t been a bad birthday, all things considered, but she was glad the day was over. The best part was getting to talk to Aunt Viv for a long time without having to be careful about not being caught. She’d even reintroduced her to Dr. Serizawa, since the first time they’d technically met had been so long ago, Maddie barely remembered it.
He’d been a lot of fun to talk to, and if Maddie understood the sneaky smile on Aunt Viv’s face, she’d probably make sure he was able to join them during their secret video-chats, which they still continued, even after so long. Maddie wouldn’t mind at all—he was passionate about the Titans, but in a different way than her mom.
As a late present of sorts, both Dr. Ilene and Dr. Ling would visit the base later in the week. She only hoped they wouldn’t be too busy with the adults to spend time with her.
No matter how used to the quiet and solitude she’d gotten, Maddie would never enjoy it. The prospect of having two whole someones to simply exist around was an exciting one. And she missed them. They’d both always been very nice and patient with her and Andrew.
It was rare for kids to find themselves left to their own devices in various Monarch facilities, but since the sisters had once been in the same position themselves, they’d known all the best things to do to keep busy and have fun without getting in anyone’s way. It’d be nice to have them around again.
But that was something to look forward to later. For now, Maddie creeped through the halls to her secret tunnel, ducking into it once she was sure the coast was clear. Maneuvering through it with a slice of cake was a challenge, but she was determined and wouldn’t let something like that stop her.
Finally, knowing it’d be hours before anyone even started looking for her, Maddie settled in her customary spot against Mothra’s egg. She talked as she ate, retelling the events of the day.
“I’m ten now,” she finished with. “Double digits.” She fiddled with her fork, tapping it against the edge of the paper plate. “And I’ll have been here for two years soon.”
Maddie wondered what other kids her age were doing. She hadn’t left the confines of the outpost since they arrived. Her schooling was a program on her tablet, but between being able to go at her own pace and having little else to do most of the time, the program’s statistics told her she was ahead of her similarly-aged peers.
“I’ve been having nightmares,” she suddenly blurted out. It wasn’t something she’d even told her mom. “In some of ’em, I’m trapped someplace, and no matter which hallways I go down or what doors I open, I can’t leave. I just run and run and I’m always alone.”
The egg pulsed. Maddie snorted and pushed the empty plate away. “Don’t really need to guess what that one’s about, huh?”
It wasn’t that she was actually afraid she’d never be able to the outpost, but… the rest of the world felt so far away. And maybe it was more like she was afraid she’d never be allowed to leave. Being kept someplace against your wishes sucked.
She closed her eyes and sighed, letting the soft egg take her weight. She had nearly drifted off in the warm silence when she muttered quietly, “Thanks for keepin’ me from going totally crazy, Mothra.”
• • •
Eleven
“Maddie!”
Her mom’s voice echoed around the stone hallway as she ran away. Luckily, there was no one in sight at the secret tunnel’s entrance, and she was able to vanish into it with no one the wiser. Dashing tears from her eyes, Maddie quickly crawled to the other end and tumbled into the cavern.
It was only midday, so there were people on the other side of Mothra’s egg from her, but Maddie had long since mastered a silent scramble across the rocks into a convenient shadow cast by one of the larger boulders.
She pressed her forehead against the egg’s squishy shell and barely managed to keep from sobbing aloud. Of all days to be discovered, this would be the worst. Maddie’s shoulders shook. The taste of blood flooded her mouth when she harshly bit down on her lip. The hurt in her chest built up until she pounded the sides of her clenched fists against the boulder.
If it made any noise, she didn’t hear it past the sound of her own racing heartbeat. No one else in the room reacted, leaving Maddie’s frustration unnoticed.
There was no telling how long she sat like that, as her legs went numb and her stuttering breaths evened out. The low murmur of voices and equipment on the other side of the chamber dropped off, leaving her alone with Mothra’s egg. Only when Maddie was sure there was no one else who could hear her did she speak.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “I didn’t mean to—to just come barging in. I didn’t… I was…” Maddie sniffled and leaned back to use the hem of her shirt to wipe at her cheeks and nose. “It was stupid. I was stupid.”
She curled up, small as she could, and examined the irritated scrapes on the sides of her hands. They stung. Little beads of blood welled up in a few places.
“I got mad at my mom,” she explained. “I asked if she’d thought any more about letting me go stay with Aunt Viv for a while. You remember? I brought it up a week ago and she said she’d have to think about it.”
Maddie smeared one of the droplets of blood across her skin, leaving a reddish-orange streak behind. A new drop immediately began forming in its place. “She said she forgot. And… I guess I would’ve been fine with that—or at least, understood—but then, she added that she had more important things to think about. That she didn’t have time to worry about… unimportant things.”
“And you shouldn’t bother Vivienne anyways,” her mom continued. Maddie opened her mouth, the words, “Having me around is a bother? Talking to me is a bother?” on the tip of her tongue, but instead, what came out was—
“I got mad, and I—I asked her if the ORCA was more important to her than I am, and I shouldn’t have, I know I shouldn’t have, but she—she hesitated! She hesitated, and then she didn’t even really answer at all, so I, I left. I ran away because I couldn’t… I just…”
Maddie wanted to scream in that moment as the past few years worth of isolation and frustration and everything else she’d ever bottled up—and considering her go-to sympathetic ear was an egg, Maddie knew there was a lot of that—seemed to simmer just beneath the surface of her fraying control.
“I thought I could handle it,” she cried quietly. “I wanted to be able to handle it.”
She didn’t want to be a burden or a bother. It wasn’t enough though, to be able to make her own meals or keep herself occupied while her mom was busy. The short visits with Ilene and Ling, the video calls with Aunt Viv and Dr. Serizawa, even Rick’s weird and infrequent emails that always included security footage from Castle Bravo—where Maddie desperately wanted to be, so desperately it almost hurt—of silly things he’d caught people doing… none of it was enough anymore.
Maddie was eleven years old and knew with painful clarity what it felt like to shrink in on yourself even as you acted as if nothing was wrong. She had reached her limit, and now that she had, she had no idea what to do.
• • •
Twelve
Maddie sat in the quiet chamber, for once not leaning against the egg. She silently stared down at her hands, thinking about the things her mom and select others had taught her to do with them. She could pick locks and hot-wire cars and break noses and pull apart an array of weapons just to put them back together; she knew how to use those same weapons. She could dig up edible plants and catch fish in a lazy stream and weave branches together to form a shelter.
She could survive, all on her own. That was the plan.
Almost from the beginning, when her mom had sat her down after Maddie had questioned her importance compared to the ORCA to explain everything, Maddie had hated it. The plan.
It was only a year ago. Less than a year, even. But she had learned a lot in that time. Mostly, she learned she didn’t like the people her mom was working with, the people who helped teach Maddie.
She didn’t want to question her mom—she’d been taught not to—but with every day that passed with her sitting in the unhatched Mothra’s company, her obedient faith wavered. Harmony and restoration as goals were all well and good, but there were so many uncontrollable variables.
If her mom was to be believed, the ORCA removed those variables. Maybe Maddie would’ve trusted her, once upon a time, but as she traced over the delicate petals of a tiny flower growing in a dark cave with no soil, she found herself unable to accept that.
“We don’t need to control anything,” Maddie finally whispered. She was surrounded by life where there should have been none, flowers and vines, tiny patches of color amidst the dark rock. “You make things better just by existing. You don’t need us to… to command you.”
Only after destruction could new life begin? Bull. Maddie was looking at new life where no destruction had taken place.
If Maddie were braver, she’d protest the plan. She’d stop her mom. She’d keep her from using the ORCA to control the Titans.
But Maddie had been fading for a long time now. It felt like everything was falling apart the closer they got to enacting the plan. Like she was falling apart. She was so tired.
“Please hurry,” Maddie said, looking up to the egg that was only a fraction of the size Mothra would someday be. “I can’t do this on my own. I can’t…”
If Maddie were braver, she would tell someone. But with her word against her mom’s in the company of people who admired and trusted Dr. Russell beyond all doubt, who would believe her?
Mothra’s egg pulsed blue and faintly hummed. It was some of her most wishful thinking, but as Maddie got up to move closer, to press against the egg like it was the only thing tethering her to stable ground, she hoped Mothra was listening. Listening, and wanting to help.
How many times in the past had Maddie whispered into the chamber’s trembling quiet, I wish Andrew were alive or I wish Dad hadn’t left, two of her most secret thoughts? But now, knowing and dreading what was coming, she could only breathe, “I wish you were here.”