Work Text:
DAY ONE
All your answers are in this place you found
—Magic Shop, BTS
Jimin presses the heels of his hands over his eyes. He hasn’t cried since he found out about it. Sure, he’d always had a great relationship with his father. Honestly, he’d relied on him when everybody else seemed to be giving their back at him. His father had never judged him; he had always been so accepting, the first person to know, the one to keep his secret until it wasn’t possible to keep it in any longer. His father, the man he’d always looked up to. Gone.
And yet, Jimin hasn’t cried. When his mother had called, making a whole show out of it —as per usual— Jimin had quickly cut her off; he told her that he’d immediately get a plane back to Daegu and that he’d be staying for a week to help her with everything that needed to be done. His mother hadn’t even bothered to say thank you before hanging up. Now that he’s here, he’s finally noticing all of the things he has to take care of and he feels so tired .
Daegu brought back so many memories he’d long pushed away. When he moved away, he’d left everything behind, not expecting to ever have to come back. Of course, it had been a stupid thought. It was clear that he’d have to, eventually, for something like this. Then again, this shouldn’t have happened. His father had been so healthy; he didn’t have any diseases, didn’t have any genetic disorders. Yet a heart attack doesn’t let you know it’s coming. Jimin still remembers the last conversation he had with him, two nights ago.
I hope you’re happy, Jimin-ah. I hope you’ve found yourself someone to make you happy the way you’ve always wanted.
Jimin wishes that could be true, if only to make his father happy. The morning after that conversation, his father had a heart attack. He’d somehow made it to the hospital and Jimin had made it on the plane after his mother’s call. He’d arrived at Daegu, just to get off the plane and be hit by the news of his father’s passing. Jimin just wishes he could’ve said goodbye.
“Everything has been settled already,” his mother’s voice brings him back to reality. “There are papers that have to be signed but I’ll do that because I’m the wife. I asked for help to get him dressed because I couldn’t go in there—not—you hadn’t arrived,” she explains, stuttering through a part of her words. Her expression is almost lost, arms wrapped around herself as if trying to stay protected. “We have to wait for the body to be moved to the mortuary. They said it’ll be just until tomorrow because it won’t resist much longer.” The body . Jimin hates how that sounds.
She seems awfully calm but Jimin had found her when he’d arrived at the hospital. He’d found her crying and desperately crying out to a man that was no longer a part of this world. His mother had always been a very serious and determined woman but the love she had for Jimin’s father was so big that Jimin never doubted it. Despite everything that’s happened, Jimin won’t ever doubt it.
And just like always, she’s calm right now because she has to be —because there are things that have to be done and situation that have to be solved and the hard parts will be coming later. So, for now, it’s better to act like this. Jimin, though, he hasn’t even teared up a bit since he found out. He's expecting it to happen at some point, maybe when he finally sees his father’s body in the coffin.
“Have you eaten?” She asks, when Jimin fails to reply.
Jimin shakes his head.
“I came here as soon as I got off the plane,” he explains.
His mother nods and the sound of murmurs reach his ears, make him turn his eyes towards the people standing by. Friends of his mother, family too. All of them seem to be sad and talking about his father but a few of them are sending him looks , clearly recognizing him as the son that had left Daegu so many years ago in an effort to run away from everything that was pinning him down. He’d forgotten how it felt to be stared at and murmured about.
“You should go eat something,” she says, hand falling to Jimin’s forearm. “I doubt we’ll have time for anything else once your father is moved.”
Jimin nods. He should. He needs a moment on his own because it’s going to be a very long day and tomorrow will probably be worse, and Jimin needs to prepare himself for that. So he presses a kiss over his mother’s forehead and leaves the hospital to search for a place to eat at.
Daegu is exactly how he remembers it. The hospital his father was brought to is just nearby their neighborhood. His parents hadn’t moved after Jimin left for Seoul. His parents had lived in the same house for years. Now that his father is gone, he wonders what his mother will do to the place. She won’t move to Seoul with him, that he knows. She’s been living here since she was a baby. It’s obvious she won’t let it go, especially now that her husband has passed away.
Jimin wants to go home and look into his room, see how everything is. He misses it, despite the fact that it holds so much pain in his heart. So many memories that at the time seemed so precious and that now are still the same, only now tinged with sadness and the wonder of what could’ve been. What could have been had things turned out differently... Jimin probably wouldn’t have left for Seoul.
It’s a bit ironic, though. As soon as these thoughts cloud his mind, he bumps straight into someone’s chest, too distracted to have noticed that they were in his way. There’s something familiar in the way the person’s hands fall to his back and keep him up. It doesn’t take him long to understand why.
Jimin is surprised by how hard it hits him; how he’s suddenly just fine, holding up well and then upon seeing Taehyung right in front of him, it’s almost as if his whole resolution breaks. The world seems so much harder around him and he can’t stop himself from crying . He sobs, body falling forward and Taehyung is there to hold him, just like old times.
It feels so natural, even though it’s been years since they last saw each other, since they last spoke. Taehyung holds him like he’s trying to keep the pieces together, as if Jimin is breaking and he’s the only thing keeping him sane. He clutches the back of Taehyung’s shirt, lets the sobs rip through him as he hides his face in Taehyung’s chest. The younger one moves them and Jimin lets himself be led, not sure of where they’re going. He doesn’t really care. He’s finally letting go of everything he’d been bottling up since he found out about his father. More than that, it feels like he’s been bottling it all up for years —ever since he left Daegu in search of a place where he could feel free and try to be happy.
And it's still so ironic that the person consoling him, holding him, and reassuring him is the same person that had once hurt him; the same person that posed as one of the biggest reasons as to why Jimin decided to leave. Even then, just like old times, he stays. He lets himself be held and wishes for things to be different despite knowing that they never will be.
It feels like it lasts forever, probably because Jimin has missed Taehyung's arms for so long and he stays there as much as he can. He seeks solace in Taehyung’s presence until his tears dry and Taehyung rubs soothing circles into his lower back.
"Talk to me, Jimin-ah," he murmurs. "Tell me what happened."
It takes a while for Jimin to collect himself. He stays quiet until he's sure he won't break down again. Only then does he shift away from Taehyung, pressing the heel of his hands over his eyes, trying to clear away the few tears that are left. Only then does he notice that they're in an alleyway between two tall buildings, away from prying eyes. Jimin tries not to think too deep into it but the truth is, for a long while, before leaving to Seoul, he had to endure the look of disgust from so much people around their neighborhood after he'd come out. To be fair, he'd done it in an outrageous way, tired of hiding and pretending to be something he wasn’t.
Jimin doesn't want to think that Taehyung is trying to hide them away but it still feels that way. Jimin wishes he could go back to the time when he didn't think twice about it and just let himself be moved around by his best friend and soulmate, trusted him with everything he had. And he does—he still does. But now he knows that Taehyung is afraid and that he doesn't want to give up the life he's probably continued to form.
"My dad, he um—he had a heart attack yesterday morning," he says, rubbing at one of his eyes. He doesn't really like crying in front of people. The only person that he tended to cry with was Taehyung himself, years ago. It's not the same now but his heart clearly doesn't agree because it let go the second he saw him.
"Oh, God," Taehyung mutters. His hands fall to Jimin's arms, clutching them and shaking him slightly to get him to look up. Jimin does, trying hard to stay in the present and not fly back to the past, to better times. "Is he alright?" Jimin shakes his head, bites down on his lower lip to prevent himself from breaking down again. It hurts. Jimin's going to miss his father more than anything in this world because he was one of the only people who truly got him. He understood him and he wanted him to be happy, even though he'd thought differently from him. "Oh, Jimin-ah. I'm so sorry," Taehyung mutters, his arms wrapping around him again.
Jimin enjoys it for a while, lets himself cave because he's held himself closed off for so long, away from everything he used to love. He lets Taehyung reassure him and tell him that everything will be okay. He focuses on the feeling of his hands rubbing over his back, his head softly pressed to his own.
It's grounding and it calms him down effortlessly.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Jimin," Taehyung says as they part away once more. "I know how much you loved him and no amount of words can take away the pain you must be feeling. But I want you to know that you were loved by him, too. I crossed paths with him a few times, after you left. He was a good man, he wanted you to be happy. He's in a better place now, yeah?"
Jimin didn't know about this. His father never mentioned Taehyung after Jimin left. But hearing Taehyung's words and knowing that his father had spoken to him, had said what Taehyung is relaying now, it's enough to have him thanking his father's presence in his life. Despite being very deeply manipulated by his mother, he was , indeed, a good man. And that's the only thing that matters to Jimin.
"Thanks, Tae," Jimin whispers out of habit. Taehyung doesn't say anything about it but he does seem surprised when Jimin reaches behind his head to touch his hair softly—yet another habit. He clears his throat, awkwardly pulling his hand back. That's not something he gets to do now, he has to remind himself.
"It's okay, Jimin-ah," the younger one says. He places his hand on Jimin's shoulder and Jimin looks back into his eyes. "Where were you going? Where will the funeral be?"
Jimin shakes his head.
"I was going to get something to eat, something quick. His body will be moved to the mortuary soon," he explains.
Taehyung nods. They stay silent for a long while, just standing in front of each other and waiting for Jimin to calm down entirely.
"Heading to Dave's?" Taehyung asks, a small smile on his lips now. Jimin smiles as well. Yeah, maybe his feet were taking him there out of habit. "I could join if that's okay?"
Jimin nods.
"Yeah, please," he replies. "I don't think I wanna...you know, be alone," he explains.
Taehyung nods and gestures towards his left.
"After you."
Jimin snorts—that's something Taehyung always used to say. They walk next to each other the few streets that are left to get to the fast food restaurant they practically lived in when they were in high school and during their first year of college. It's a little surreal to be there with Taehyung, though. Jimin remembers the last time they sat in front of each other in their usual table, one that's empty when they arrive and that they choose out of habit.
Taehyung's expression is sad when their eyes meet and he looks down at the menu, as if he needs to read it to know what to order. They both know he doesn't; he knows everything on there by heart already. But it's clear that being here, in front of each other, reminds him of the last time they visited the place together. The words that were shared back then and how everything came tumbling down afterwards.
Jimin doesn't have the mind to think about it right now. He has to focus on his father, on getting through with the next few days because they will be hard and far too emotional.
"Oh, hello!" The owner of the restaurant comes over, smiling excitedly at them. "Long time no see, Jimin!" She exclaims. "It's been far too long since I've seen you around. Taehyungie here started coming alone and I must say it wasn't the same as having you over."
Jimin's eyes flicker to Taehyung at the woman's words. Taehyung had kept coming here after Jimin left. That piece of information is of little relevance but it doesn’t feels that way for Jimin because this is a place that holds so many of their memories, too. It's like a flash in Jimin's mind—Taehyung holding his hand under the table, gripping so tightly that it hurt but Jimin refused to let go or say anything about it. Then there's another flash of Taehyung staring into his eyes, leaning close and worried and panicked but wanting , wanting, wanting, just like Jimin had for far too long.
"Well, I moved to Seoul," he says, smiling softly and pretending it's not much of a big deal. Time has passed, they aren't the same persons they were back then. It doesn't matter anymore. "So that's why I haven't been around."
She nods.
"I hope everything is going good for you," she replies. "I'm also glad you're back! It was pretty weird going from seeing you around with Taehyung-ah and then suddenly having him come over with a young lady nobody knew. We were all a little shocked but that has worn off already, huh? After all these years," she goes on, shaking her head. She always was much of a talker but Jimin's mind shuts off as the words are spoken into the air.
His eyes snap towards Taehyung, immediately flashing over his face. The younger one is already looking at him, expression a little lost. Jimin isn't sure why but his eyes trail downwards, right to his hand. And sure enough, there it is. A ring around his finger. Taehyung pulls his hand back and tries to hide it, as if he doesn’t want Jimin to see, but it’s too late for that. He’s seen already. He knows now. And the knowledge hurts . It hurts so much that Jimin wants to get up and storm out, away from Taehyung.
But he doesn't. Because he has no right anymore and because right now, he needs someone to be with him—someone who gets him and understands him, and who can give him all the support he needs. So he swallows down the pain and smiles up at the woman.
"Anyways!" She announces, smiling brightly. "What brought you back here?" She asks.
Taehyung has shifted in his seat, sinking down on it, as if trying to make himself smaller. Jimin scratches the back of his neck.
"My father passed away this morning," he replies with a sad smile.
Immediately, her expression shifts to something sad as well and she shakes her head.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, hun. He's in a better place now, though." Jimin nods gratefully. "Shall I bring you the usual? Something to cheer you up, how's that?"
Jimin nods.
"Yes, please."
"On the way."
When she leaves, silence fills the space around them. Taehyung hadn't said anything about Jimin ordering their usual so it's clear that it's something that will never change. Jimin considers for a second, asking about the ring around Taehyung's finger and about the young lady that he'd brought here, in his place. The young lady who he's married to now, clearly. Jimin isn't sure of what hurts more—the fact that Taehyung got married or the fact that he had to find out like this, that he never even knew about it. If his father hadn't passed away, he'd still be oblivious.
Taehyung is nibbling on his bottom lip, looking down at the menu in front of him and Jimin can tell, he can see. Because he's always known these things, he's always known Taehyung as if they were the same person. He used to believe they were soulmates.
He still does, for them, it didn't mean that they got to stay together.
Yet Jimin still knows. He sees the sad wrinkles around the corners of his eyes, the way his expression is sad and a bit empty. Jimin doesn't dare analyze the reasons, he doesn't dare give himself an explanation for it all. He doesn't mention it because he doesn't have that privilege anymore.
But he hates it. He hates that Taehyung is sad, that he's unhappy, that he doesn't want this life but it's the one he has now, decisions having been made such a long time ago. He can't make it better. He'd tried it so many years ago and it had ended in this: in a broken heart and the two of them apart from one another for so long. It's surprising, though, that Jimin still feels so connected to Taehyung.
They wait until the food arrives and then eat in silence for a while. Jimin gets a text from his mother not much later, letting him know that his father is being moved soon. It settles a sense of panic in Jimin's chest. He isn't sure why but he can't help himself from asking of Taehyung something he shouldn't be, something he doesn't have the right to ask for anymore. But he hopes—he still has the same hope he’s lived with for so long.
"Could you, maybe...I mean, could you come with me?" He stutters through his request, eyes pleading and voice desperate.
Taehyung's eyebrows lift slightly. He's almost done with his food and he doesn't seem to be in a hurry. Jimin hopes that he has time and that he's willing, despite everything that could make him say no. And yes, Taehyung hesitates for a moment but he agrees .
"Of course," he replies. "I just gotta call off of work. Is the burial going to be tomorrow?" He asks then.
"Yeah, in the afternoon," Jimin replies, not having expected Taehyung to agree and offer to come tomorrow too.
"Okay, I'll just call in for today and tomorrow," he says.
Jimin swallows down the lump in his throat.
"Thank you," he murmurs. "Really, Tae. I appreciate it. I just need—I don't think that I can—"
"I know," Taehyung interrupts. He does. He does because he was a part of Jimin's life during their childhood and he knows everything Jimin had to endure. "Don't worry, Jimin-ah."
Jimin nods softly and suggests for them to hurry up so they can leave. Fortunately, Jimin's clothes are okay for a funeral and Taehyung is wearing a suit so he's good to go as well. Jimin watches him type on his phone as they make their way back towards the hospital, since the mortuary is nearby. It doesn't take him long to put it away and they walk side by side towards the place, Jimin's heart beating fast in his chest.
He's nervous about seeing his father in the coffin, cold and dead, and have to acknowledge that he’ll never see him alive again. Jimin's whole being hurts just at the thought. As if sensing his fear, Taehyung's hand falls to his lower back as they make their way inside the place, down a long corridor. At the very far end, people have come together and Jimin is grateful for Taehyung's presence. It's comforting and makes it easier to walk towards there.
People make room for them as they approach but nobody says anything to him yet, probably because he's only now arriving to see his father. They give him space for it but Jimin doesn't miss the way some of his parents’ friends look at him nor how their gazes shift towards Taehyung. Jimin tries hard to ignore them and he pretends to not notice the younger one dropping his hand quickly.
It's fine. As long as he's there, Jimin can make it through this. His mother is standing nearby the coffin, talking to some relatives. She smiles softly at Jimin upon seeing him but her expression turns serious once she spots Taehyung. Jimin sends her a warning glare and she looks away, though she doesn't seem to like that she has to.
Taehyung stays by the side of the coffin as Jimin keeps walking to the top. His eyes fall to his father, trail over his pale skin, the purple around his lips. It's hard to see him like this; it makes his chest hurt and everything feels like it's tumbling down. His father is gone, he's dead , he's not coming back. Jimin presses his hand to the glass, feels weak at the knees and closes his eyes because he can't do this. He can't look at his father, knowing that once this is over, he'll never see him again. He'll be gone for good.
A hand settles on his shoulder and squeezes reassuringly, Taehyung's warmth close to his back. Jimin lets it surround him and pushes the tears back because he doesn't want to cry in front of everyone that's here, not even if Taehyung us blocking the view. He takes a deep breath, waits for the sad wave to pass and finally swallows down the lump in his throat.
When he turns around, Taehyung looks at him with a worried expression but Jimin shakes his head and pats his chest in reassurance. He's okay. He can do this. He'll survive this, as long as his best friend is there with him. He somehow makes it easier, better. Jimin has hope that everything will be alright.
It's still so hard, though. Hours go by quickly but it's tiring, making sure that everything is okay—that crackers and coffee, tea and soda are being passed around, that everybody is included, that everybody gets to say their condolences. Taehyung stays close by all the while and he does the best job at pretending he doesn't notice the way people are looking at them, murmuring from time to time as if they know something nobody else does.
Jimin had run away from this long ago and he hates that he's come back to it after all this time, but he also doesn't care. He has to think about his father's passing right now, about being there for his mother (even though she also sends him these looks), about surviving these two days, and getting it all over with.
By the time ten o’clock at night rolls around, everybody has left and his mother is talking to her sister near him. Jimin and Taehyung are standing next to each other, not really talking, just staring ahead. Jimin is beyond tired, both physically and emotionally. He wants to lay down in bed and fall asleep for a whole week. He snaps out of it, though, when his mother approaches them and clears her throat to get their attention. Or his attention, that is. She doesn't really look at Taehyung as she speaks.
"I'll be staying with your aunt for now, I'll probably be moving in with her when all of this is over, as well," she announces. Jimin nods. He'll have to help her move in but that's not a problem because he has a week for everything to be done. After that, he goes back to Seoul to move on with his life.
"That's okay, mother," he assures. "I'm staying at a hotel nearby so I just need to get my stuff from your car," he replies. "Let me know if you need anything, though. Just call me if you have to. I'll be here tomorrow early," he assures.
She nods and moves in to hug him briefly.
"We can drive you to your hotel in the way," she suggests as they part.
Jimin doesn't think he can deal with this.
"It's okay. I'm not going there yet, I still have a few things left to do," he assures.
His mother seems to want to ask what he has to do but she stops herself from doing so because clearly, Jimin is grown up now and doesn't need his mother's inquiries.
"Well, then let's head out so you can take your things out of the car," she replies.
She doesn't say more, still doesn't even glance towards Taehyung. Jimin doesn't say anything, mainly because he has no strength left for it, not after the long day he's had.
His mother just nods briefly at Taehyung as she leaves with her sister. Jimin tries to not show how much he hates it, that after all this time she still thinks what she wants and doesn't care about how her beliefs can hurt Jimin. But when he's finally alone with Taehyung, everything else just fades away and he finally feels like he can breathe once more.
"My car is near the restaurant, I can take you to your hotel if you want," the younger one suggests.
He knows why Jimin didn't want to get in the car with his mother. He knows without Jimin having to tell him. And Jimin is grateful for that because he just doesn't want to talk about it. He wants to be in bed and fall asleep and get the day over with.
"Thanks," he murmurs.
Taehyung nods and they walk back to the restaurant in search of Taehyung's car.
It's a silent drive, mostly Jimin staring out the window, head leaned back on the headrest out of exhaustion. Taehyung doesn't talk, doesn't even turn the radio on, just drives them to the address Jimin had given him.
He leaves Jimin there, offers to pick him up early morning for the second day of the funeral and then hugs him softly before leaving. Jimin enjoys those few seconds far too much and finds that he doesn't want Taehyung to leave. He wants him to stay over, to hold him through his sleep and surround him with his warmth, just like old times.
But he doesn't say anything. He just thanks him again and closes the door behind himself once he's in his room. And when he's alone again—alone after so many hours, without Taehyung—he leans back against the door, closes his eyes and slides to the floor, knees to his chest.
A sob rips through his body and he can't hold back the tears any longer. Because his dad is gone forever and because Taehyung—Taehyung is married . He's married to a woman . And Jimin is still all alone.
DAY TWO
I say that it’s all fine. The truth is that’s a lie
—Promise, Jimin.
Jimin feels like he’d been punched all over his body during the night. He doesn’t want to get up from bed, he doesn’t want to get going with his day and he certainly doesn’t want the burial to be held because it means letting go. He doesn’t want to see Taehyung again but the younger one is going to pick him up to take him to the mortuary. Jimin just wishes he could go back to Seoul and pretend that he’s fine—pretend that he’s not living day by day showing the world something that’s not his truth.
Because ever since Taehyung, ever since he left Daegu so many years ago, he hasn’t been happy. Taehyung was his happiness, even before falling in love with him. Taehyung was the only person that seemed to get Jimin, to understand everything he believed in and everything he thought about. Taehyung was the person that told him he could be whoever he wanted to be; that he’d accept him always and no matter what.
He’d kept his promise. He’d made Jimin smile when there were people around him sending him those stupid looks. He’d showed Jimin that he was so grateful to have him as a friend. But when the time had come to accept himself, he hadn’t managed. He’d chosen to let Jimin go. And Jimin had left, even while knowing that he’d never be able to forget.
True to this, up until this moment, he’s been stupidly in love with Taehyung. There’s no way to forget the boy —no, man — that had been next to him for so many years, that he’d experienced so many new things with, the first guy— no , the first person he ever fell in love with. The only one he’s loved.
He rubs his hands over his face and closes his eyes for a while, trying to relax. He can make it through today. Sure, he’s managed to survive all this time but only because he hasn’t seen Taehyung. It’s difficult now because he’s so close, because being next to him brings back memories of the past. But he can do it; he’s been pretending for so long. Plus, Taehyung is married . Jimin knows he isn’t happy but he also knows he has no right to say anything about it now—not unless Taehyung asks him to, which won’t happen.
Honestly, Jimin is surprised they haven’t blown up yet. They’d finished off on such bad terms. Jimin often remembers it, replays it in his head, especially when things get tough and he lets his mind wander. They were both twenty, right in the middle of their careers. A scholarship had come as an opportunity and Jimin hadn’t hesitated to take it. Taehyung had been furious when he found out but Jimin had told him he’d stay—he’d stay but that he couldn’t keep himself hidden any longer. He wouldn’t accept to be Taehyung dirty little secret anymore.
He had understood how hard it was for Taehyung to tell the world that he was gay, that he liked men and that he wanted Jimin. He saw how Jimin was stared at every day; he was a part of those rumors, as well. He didn’t want his parents to know. And it felt wrong to demand of him to decide, to choose Jimin over staying quiet. But Jimin was tired of being a rag doll and of Taehyung playing with him however he wanted. He knew that his best friend loved him but, unfortunately, the love they shared was just never enough to let go of his fears.
Jimin had left just a few days later, never forgetting the screams he and Taehyung had shared; the way they’d cried and yelled and shaken each other, kissed and begged for one of them to break and decide. But they’d both eventually let go, unable to come to an agreement and Jimin hadn’t seen Taehyung since then.
It’s something that surely has to be talked about, even if it appears as if they’ve both moved on. But he doesn’t want to. He can’t. It hurts too much, especially because there’s nothing he can do about it now. Taehyung had married someone else, he can’t just let go of that. And what if—what about children? What if he has children of his own?
Jimin shakes his head and sits up. He can’t even think about it. He’d always wondered how it would be to share a home with Taehyung, to have children of their own and take care of them. To be happy like that, as a family. He doesn’t get to have that. He won’t, ever .
He grabs his phone and checks through his messages. It’s not surprising to find a text from Taehyung, already telling him that he’ll be leaving his place soon to pick him up. So Jimin hurries up to get into the shower and wake up from the horrible night he’s had. He barely managed to sleep; he’d cried until exhaustion and his face feels all puffy, eyes heavy and body tired.
By the time he makes it out of the shower, his phone is vibrating with a new message from Taehyung. It’s weird to think about him as just that—just Taehyung. All his life he was his best friend. Now, it feels like a stranger, someone he lost along the way.
When the other one makes it to his room, Jimin lets him in and apologizes for not being ready.
“It’s okay, I got here faster than I expected,” Taehyung assures, stepping inside.
Jimin is only wearing slacks and a white shirt he’d thrown on when Taehyung announced he was by the door. He motions for Taehyung to get comfortable and settle down on the border of the bed.
“Did you have breakfast?” He asks, putting on his socks, making sure to keep his distance from the other one. He hadn’t really thought about it much yesterday but after a whole night of restless sleep, he’d prepared himself for today, to not let himself be too vulnerable because things have changed and they aren’t the college students they were back in the past. “I’ll order some,” he says, when Taehyung shakes his head no.
“Oh, that’s okay, you don’t have to—”
“It’s fine,” Jimin assures. He doesn’t want Taehyung to think too much about it. It’s something the other one had always done in the past. Right now, Jimin doesn’t want him to get the idea that it means something else. It does. It probably always will. Taehyung will always be his baby, his soulmate, the person he wants to take care of the most. But Taehyung doesn’t need to know that. “I haven’t had breakfast either and we have time. I’m not gonna order and have you watch, right?”
He shows Taehyung a small smile. The other one doesn’t seem to believe it. He nods but there’s this look in his eyes, a look Jimin recognizes far too well. He doesn’t say anything, though. They settle in silence as Jimin moves towards the bathroom with a dark blazer and puts it on, finishes combing his wet hair back and puts on his shoes.
When the food arrives, they eat in silence, sitting next to each other. They don’t talk much, Jimin doesn’t ask all the questions he’s been going over in his mind, all night. And Taehyung doesn’t say all the things he seems to itch to say. Jimin can tell, by the way his foot bounces up and down while he eats and the way he looks around the room nervously, worriedly. But it’ll be over soon. Today is the burial. Taehyung will go with him, the day will end, and they’ll part ways.
He knows they probably won’t see each other again. Jimin will go back to his dull life in Seoul, where he has money, a house of his own, work. Yet, despite all of this, he doesn’t have what he’s always so deeply wanted in life. Taehyung will continue his own life here, with his wife and children, if he has them. He’ll keep going and Jimin will have to, too. It’s funny, how he wants the day to go by quickly but he also doesn’t want it to end.
He’s missed his best friend so much, even with everything else that comes mixed with that.
“Did you sleep well?” Taehyung asks as they leave the hotel room. Jimin makes sure to close it all up well and not leave his things out, in case room service comes in to clean up and make the bed.
He considers lying but Taehyung has always known him well, so he knows it’s no use.
“Not really,” he answers, walking next to him with his hands in his pockets. “How about you? Did you get home safe?” He asks back, gaze sliding towards the taller one.
Taehyung’s eyes snap back forward a second after they meet Jimin’s and he clears his throat before replying.
“I did, thanks.”
It feels awkward, the way he says it. He’s tense, Jimin can tell. It makes him want to reach out and press his fingers against his neck like he used to back in college. Taehyung used to turn into putty in his hands and it was so satisfying, to be able to help him relax. He doesn’t do that now, though. Instead, he clenches his hands into fists, puts them inside his pockets and pretends he didn’t notice the awkwardness.
The drive towards the mortuary isn’t long and Jimin finds himself there quicker than he wished. The place is still a bit empty; it’s just his mother, her sister, a few other family members, and neighbors that knew his father very well. Jimin greets his mother, pretends he doesn’t notice the way her gaze hardens upon seeing Taehyung, and then comes close to the coffin to say hello to his father.
Just like the first time, it proves to be so difficult. Tears well up in his eyes the second he sees him but he stays there for a good few minutes before moving away. He thinks about everything he got to experience with him, about all the things they went through together. He thinks about his father coming into his room in the middle of the night, sitting down next to him and whispering to Jimin that he accepted him, that he wanted him to be happy in whichever way that might be. He’d said this all when he thought Jimin was sleeping but Jimin had heard, he had been pretty much awake.
He’ll always be thankful to him.
The first part of the day goes by quickly. Taehyung helps move around coffee and tea and cookies for the people that come. Jimin finds it easier to get through it all if he looks at the other one long enough. He greets and thanks the people that offer their condolences but his mind stays focused on Taehyung. It’s so familiar to see him close by, to see him taking care of hard situations. Jimin was the one to always reassure him but Taehyung could easily take charge of things if he wanted to.
When his mother asks him if he’ll come along to have lunch with them, he decides against it because it’s a big group. All of them are family and they all remind Jimin of how hard it had been when he’d come out. They hadn’t been supportive, had glared at him and murmured about him, and some even had told him stuff—stuff he preferred to take his mind off of, especially now, after so many years spent away.
Taehyung suggests for them to go grab something to eat. When he sees Jimin staying behind, Taehyung suggests they do grab something to eat and Jimin accepts. He doesn’t really feel like eating, he isn’t hungry at all, but he needs a break and he needs to stay away from all of this. Plus, they will leave for the burial at three and he won’t be able to eat until later, so he might as well grab a bite now or else he’ll get a headache.
They go to a restaurant nearby; nothing fancy, just something they can eat quickly before going back to the mortuary. Jimin tells Taehyung to buy whatever he wants because he’ll be paying and the other one shakes his hand in the air and replies that he doesn’t have to.
“It’s really okay, Taehyung,” he assures. “I’ve gotten where I wanted to be in life, I earn good money. Just for a week, I don’t mind spending it on something that’s worth it.”
It’s true. He has money that he’s saving up but hardly ever uses. He sometimes travels but it always feels so dull and lonely, so he doesn’t do it that much anymore. This is a good chance to do so, he doesn’t mind.
Taehyung spares him a long glance, as if meditating what to reply. He eventually nods but doesn’t seem okay with it.
“It’s fine,” Jimin repeats. “Don’t overthink it,” he adds.
“I’m not overthinking,” Taehyung replies.
It sounds defensive, almost angry. Jimin doesn’t get to reply because the waiter comes over and asks them what they’ll be having. They order within seconds and are left alone to stare down at the table. Jimin knows that these emotions are bubbling inside of him, fresh and desperate to be freed. He’s afraid he’ll snap anytime soon. He’s always been one to keep everything to himself; Taehyung was the only one that could break him apart and make him talk. So, all this time, Jimin’s just been bottling everything up, unable to let it go.
They stay in silence while they wait for their food and when it arrives, they eat just as silently. Jimin is trying hard to stay focused, to not lose his temper although he feels like screaming out to the void.
“So,” Taehyung says, after a while. Jimin tenses up but pretends he’s fine while he takes a bit off his plate. “You said you’ve gotten where you wanted to in life,” he goes on. “I take it you finished psychology?”
Jimin nods, relaxing a bit now that a subject he so much likes has come out. Jimin has wanted to specialize in this his whole life. Here in Daegu, he’d started but the scholarship had given him an opportunity that nobody else could give him. Now, he earns money doing what he most loves in this world: helping other people.
“I did,” he replies, setting his fork aside for a while and crossing his arms over his chest. “College in Seoul is wonderful; everything is so much bigger and life just seems to have so many new opportunities.”
Taehyung smiles a bit, nods slowly. He seems genuinely happy for Jimin but there’s a sadness behind his gaze that Jimin can’t shake off. It’s not his place to ask but he can’t help the way it makes him feel. Taehyung was his best friend once; if he’s not happy, Jimin should at least try to help.
“How about you?” He asks, as a follow up to the question, hoping it doesn’t make the other one recoil and close off.
“Good,” he replies, going back to playing with the food on his plate. “Taking photos here and there. I don’t really have much time for it now, office hours are tiring,” he continues.
Office hours. Taehyung wanted to be a photographer. He’d been aiming to do that after he finished his career, the one his parents had asked him to take upon. They had always been so strict with his only son and Jimin had learned to resent them for all the things Taehyung had stopped himself from doing, just to not go against what they wanted from him. And here he is now, doing something he doesn’t like. And m arried .
“Are you happy?” He blurts out.
He doesn’t manage to stop it but he also wasn’t really trying. He knows the answer to this question already because he knows his Taehyung. He’s known him for so long. Taehyung’s eyes snap to him, surprised and hurt and vulnerable . He closes off within seconds, shakes his head, and goes back to his food.
“Of course, I am,” he replies.
Jimin shouldn’t insist. He really shouldn’t.
“It doesn’t seem like it,” he says anyway.
“You haven’t seen me in eight years, Jimin,” he says. He sounds cold, distant, and angry.
“So?” He asks before Taehyung can go on. “Doesn’t mean I know you any less.”
“People change.”
“You haven’t.”
“What even is this?” Taehyung asks, setting his fork aside with a bit too much force. Jimin startles, but keeps his eyes on Taehyung, wondering if he’ll break and confess and let go. He’s been so closed off since they bumped into each other. Jimin can read him perfectly but it still hurts to be on the other side of the wall he’s always built around him. He’d always been curled around Taehyung, an extra layer to his protection from the world. “I’m not one of your patients to analyze.”
“You’re not,” Jimin says quickly. “You were my best friend.”
Taehyung looks away, jaw clenching. He’s crossed his arms over his chest as well and his eyebrows are furrowed.
“I was ,” he concedes.
The way he says it hurts and Jimin closes his mouth, bringing his hands down so he can clench them in fists and refrain himself from yelling. He’s angry, he’s hurt, and he hates everything that happened; everything that ruined what they had, everything they’d built together. Maybe everything would’ve been okay if he’d never come out, if he’d never told Taehyung what he felt. But Taehyung—Taehyung had been the one to come to his place in the middle of the night. Taehyung had been the one to cry into Jimin’s chest, the one that had lifted his gaze through blurry tears and had looked into his eyes, leaned forward and kissed him like nobody ever had before.
Taehyung .
“Can we not talk about this?” Taehyung asks. Always him. Always. “It’s been years, things have changed. I don’t want to ruin it.”
Jimin swallows down the lump in his throat and his pride. He nods tightly and murmurs that he’s not hungry anymore. Taehyung replies that he isn’t either and Jimin quickly pays the check so that they can leave.
It's an awkward ride back. They don't talk at all and Taehyung drives tensely, eyes focused on the road. It's a good thing it's not too far away from the mortuary because they make it in just a few minutes and Jimin separates from him for a bit with the excuse of spending some time next to his father.
There's only an hour left before they depart towards the location where the burial will be held so he might as well say goodbye before people start coming close to the coffin. His father looks exactly the same as he did a few hours ago, just like yesterday. He's so still and so... pale. Jimin bites down on the inside of his cheek so that he can stop himself from crying again. He'd been fine. Taehyung— he's the one to make him like this. Jimin had been so good at keeping to himself but there Taehyung came to make it all difficult; to make him cave again, let go, be free.
It's ironic that he feels free with Taehyung when the other one had always kept him hidden in a bubble. Jimin knows he's not a bad person, Jimin loves him. But he's no idiot, and he knows how it was back at the end of high school and their first years of college.
He trails his fingers over the glass, wishes his father would open his eyes and just tell him one last time that everything would be okay. He wishes he was happy, happy enough that his father would be content and proud. It's the only thing he wanted from Jimin—his happiness. Maybe this is what had to happen. Maybe after this, Jimin will finally get closure and move on.
He startles when he feels warmth over his back but doesn't move as he hears Taehyung's voice whispering into his ear.
"The car is here, they're going to start preparing everything."
Jimin nods, closing his hands in fists. This is the hardest part, isn't it? He feels a different kind of sadness inside; he feels like the world is collapsing around him. He turns around and finds Taehyung still standing there, staring at him like he knows. The other one hesitates, clears his throat, and then he brings Jimin into a hug that he's not expecting. It's like receiving a punch in the stomach. Tears come out of nowhere and fill his eyes quickly and he has to hide his face in Taehyung's shoulder, hands clutching the back of his dark blazer. The other one doesn't say anything, just holds Jimin through it and rubs his back softly, and Jimin wishes he wasn't so close to crying in front of everyone. He waits until the tears are gone, no longer threatening to spill and until his body has stopped shaking. When he leans back, Taehyung pats his back softly and nods as he steps away.
After that, everything happens in a blur. People leave and only close relatives stay. They lift his father, put him in the funeral car, and leave towards the new location. He feels the weight of his mother’s gaze on him as he goes with Taehyung. She's going to have to swallow it up because Jimin needs someone right now, even if it's Taehyung, and he's not going to let his mother take that away when he most needs it.
It's a terrible ceremony. Everybody cries, Jimin's insides feel like they're being pulled out, crushed. Jimin wants it to be over but he also doesn't want to let go of his father. The time comes, anyway. Jimin has already heard his mother talk, has seen her cry, and he’s only managed to keep himself together because Taehyung is standing next to him, touching his lower back from time to time, letting him know that he's not alone.
As the coffin goes down underground and starts to get covered up, Jimin takes a deep breath and silently says goodbye to his father, thanks him for all that he's done, and apologizes for everything he never did in return. He clenches his fists and shoves them inside of his pockets, and wills himself to not break down because he doesn't want anyone here to see that.
When it's over, his mother pulls him aside and hugs him tight, crying for a while into Jimin's chest. And Jimin holds her because at the end of the day, she's his mother, the woman that's given so much of her life for him. He's grateful, even if she's so judging.
"It's going to be okay, mother," he assures, patting her head softly and rubbing a soothing hand over her back. "He's probably already up there having the time of his life; you know how he always was."
She makes a soft sound that seems to be a short laugh and shakes her head, parting away to brush a tissue over her eyes and tear-stained face.
"I'm going to miss him too much," she says, melancholic.
"I will, too," he murmurs.
She takes a deep breath and nods, combing her hair back and taking sun glasses out of her pocket to put them on the bridge of her nose.
"We have a few days before we have to read your father's will. It'll be at the house," she mentions, hands holding onto Jimin's arms. He nods. "I won't be staying there, as you know. I'm going to stay with my sister for a while. You can come, if you want," she adds.
Jimin shakes his head.
"There's no need, I only have this week," he replies. "I have a hotel room, there's no problem. I'm a call away if you need me, though. I won't be doing much, maybe exploring around and seeing how things have changed," he explains.
His mother seems pensive. She glances behind herself, obviously looking towards where Taehyung is waiting, eyes lost in the distance.
"Not much, clearly," she says. Jimin doesn't want to fight so he ignores her words and waits for her to continue. "We'll probably be reading the will on Monday because your father's lawyer wants to give us a few days to mourn. I'll let you know at what time."
Jimin nods again and leans forward to press a kiss to his mother's forehead. But she shoots her hand out and grabs his wrist, prevents him from leaving.
"You're going home with him?" She asks. "You do know that he's married now, right? I don't think—"
"Mother," he interrupts, shaking his head softly. "I'm not a kid anymore. You don't have to speak to me as if I'm one. And as a matter of fact, I do know he's married. He's not going home with me, he's just dropping me off." He pries her fingers away and looks into her eyes. "I don't have to tell you about these things anymore. I'm almost thirty. I love you but please don't interfere in my life. You already did it all throughout my childhood."
His mother pushes her shoulders back, seemingly angry at his words, but decides to do nothing about it. Instead, she nods and pats his chest.
"I'll speak to you soon," she says, doesn't mention anything about Jimin's previous words.
And Jimin watches her go. The people that stay behind look at him and Taehyung. After so much time and so many years, it's still the same old judging Daegu. People don't treat him poorly anymore but that's because he's only been here two days and he's mostly kept to himself. They still stare because they know; because Jimin came out back then. And they see Taehyung next to him, probably murmur about it and what it could possibly mean.
Jimin is better at ignoring them than he was back then and asks Taehyung if they can leave already because he wants to crash into his bed and sleep for a whole day. He's beyond exhausted about having been on his feet all day, about everything that's happened in the past three days, and he wants to forget about it and go back to the pretend life he had before all of this occurred. At least he could pretend that he was happy then.
Taehyung doesn't try to get him to talk as he drives them back to the hotel, doesn't say anything as Jimin gets off as soon as they arrive. He does follow, though. He comes into the room despite Jimin not asking him to. When Jimin stops walking, clutching his shirt with his hand and crouching down to finally cry his eyes out, the other one crouches down behind him and holds him through it like he always did back when they were younger.
Jimin cries himself to exhaustion, his body giving in and losing strength. Taehyung moves him easily, helps him to the bed, and makes him lay down. He takes such good care of him, makes Jimin remember everything they went through and wish that things hadn't ended up the way they did. Makes him wish Taehyung wasn't married; that they're actually still together and that Taehyung will lay down with him, kiss him, and assure him that everything will be okay. God, he misses him so much.
He's vulnerable. He's sad and he could do something he'll forever regret, but he doesn't want Taehyung to leave him. And the other one doesn't leave. He helps him out of his shoes, takes his slacks and blazer off, and lets Jimin curl into a ball. Then, he lays down with his back to him.
Jimin doesn't dare say anything because he doesn't want Taehyung to change his mind. He just can't believe he's staying. But his body gives in, his mind settles down, and everything feels better because Taehyung is here—Taehyung will be here when Jimin wakes up in the morning and at least Jimin doesn't have to deal with all of this pain on his own.
He falls asleep much calmer than yesterday but he dreams about the past; about Taehyung and about a better place in which he could've been happy.
DAY THREE
I still wonder, wonder beautiful story
—Scenery, Taehyung.
Jimin wakes up to the sound of Taehyung’s voice. It’s low and hushed, whispered into the darkness of the room. When his eyes open, he finds that he’s facing the center of the bed and he spots Taehyung standing by a corner of the room, phone in hand and pressed to his ear. His back is facing Jimin and he has a hand curled into a fist.
He’s fighting, that much he can tell. It doesn’t take long to understand he’s talking to his wife. Jimin closes his eyes again. He’s fighting with his wife. He wonders if it’s because he’s here, because he didn’t go home last night. He feels bad about it, of course, but he’s also grateful that Taehyung stayed because Jimin slept better than he has in so long. Taehyung had always brought him calmness and after so much years, it hasn’t changed.
“—but he needs me and I can’t just—” Taehyung’s voice grows a bit louder but he stops talking as if being interrupted. “You’re letting them get to your mind,” he snaps.
Silence follows once more. Jimin waits with his heart beating at a rapid pace. He knows he shouldn’t be listening but it’s not like he can just tell Taehyung that he’s awake when he’s in the middle of a conversation like that one.
“What’s wrong with you?” The younger one asks then. “His father just died and you’re—no, stop . You won’t even listen to me.” Jimin should leave. He doesn’t even know what time it is but he can’t just stay here and listen to Taehyung’s conversation. He’s about to pretend he’s waking up when Taehyung’s voice startles him. “Are you even hearing yourself? What in the world—” Taehyung stops and then suddenly Jimin hears footsteps, the door opening, and then closing shut.
He doesn’t make noise but Jimin is awake and hears it perfectly.
He’s left alone with his thoughts, unsure of what to make of this whole situation. He never thought that he’d come back to Seoul and find this—Taehyung being married but leaving everything to be there for him. He wasn’t ready for his father to pass away. Up to this moment, he’s not quite sure how it could happen. It’s hit him already, he’s cried so much, but he’s still so surprised things ended this way.
Now that his father has been buried, his will is to be read and Jimin will find out what he’s inherited, what’s to be given away, and what were his father’s final desires. He has two more days to do that and today he doesn’t feel like doing anything that requires too much of an effort. He’ll just stay in bed and watch movies or something. Taehyung probably isn’t coming back, anyway. So he’s on his own now.
For now, he’s going to take a shower to clear his mind a bit and because he feels like he hasn’t showered in forever. Last night it was so hot that he’d been sweating and his shirt is sticking to his back. He wastes no time hopping into the shower and spends a good thirty minutes washing away the pain and the sadness, telling himself that everything will be okay; that he just has to survive this week and move on with his life. When he goes back to Seoul, things will be how they used to.
When he steps out of the shower and changes into sweatpants and a loose shirt, making his way out of the bathroom and toweling his hair to get it dried. He stops on his tracks as soon as he sees Taehyung, sitting at the border of the bed, head between his hands and elbows on his knees. He stays quiet for a second, unsure of what’s happening. He was sure that Taehyung had left but here he is.
It hits him like a train. Taehyung lifts his head and, despite the darkness of the room, Jimin sees the tears sliding down his cheeks, glistening with the ray of sunlight coming past the curtain. Taehyung looks broken and Jimin knows this type of crying. He’d seen it throughout the last years he spent here in Daegu. He hates this type of crying because he doesn’t know how to make it better. He only knows how to hug Taehyung through it and reassure him for the moment but then, when the younger one is alone, Jimin has no power over his thoughts, can’t make him change his mind.
Jimin lets the towel fall to the ground and quickly settles in front of Taehyung. He wants to hug him, get onto his lap and press kisses to his temple, reassure him, but they don’t share that intimacy any more. Still, he aches for him; he wants to reach out and touch him, at least.
“Tell me I can hold you, Tae,” Jimin whispers.
And Taehyung lifts his gaze, staring at him through teary eyes. He closes them, nods softly, and Jimin takes a step forward. He wraps his arms around the younger one’s shoulders and lets him press his face to his stomach. He doesn’t care about his shirt getting wet; all he can think about is making Taehyung’s pain disappear. He’s so unhappy. He’s in pain because he doesn’t want the life he has. Jimin knows it, he’s heard him say it so many times in the past and yet he came all the way here, married a woman, and pretends that everything is fine when it isn’t.
Yes, sometimes Jimin wishes he hadn’t come out. Not here, not in this town, but then he thinks about Taehyung’s fear and his pain and he’s glad that he did. He doesn’t have to live a lie.
His best friend cries into his shirt, grips it at the low of Jimin’s back and sobs so painfully that Jimin feels tears meeting his own eyes. He was always one to cry with him when he found him like this. Jimin just can’t stand seeing him in pain. He lets his fingers thread through Taehyung’s hair softly, carding it backwards. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t cry out loud, just focuses on keeping his tears at bay while he hopes that Taehyung will calm down.
When Taehyung does calm down, he sniffles, breaking apart from his hiding spot in Jimin’s belly. Jimin can’t help the way he cups his face, brushes his tears away with his own fingers. His hands linger for a bit too long but Taehyung doesn’t say anything, just lets Jimin take care of it.
“What happened?” He asks softly.
He knows better than to state what he knows. He doesn’t want Taehyung to feel the need to bolt. He wants to know, he wants to make everything better, but he can’t risk him running away. He doesn’t want to fight, not now when Taehyung needs him.
“Just had an argument with Jisoo,” he whispers. Jimin doesn’t need to ask to know who that is. He pretends it doesn’t hurt like a bitch and keeps touching Taehyung’s hair softly, reassuringly. “I’m going to take the next week off work so I can help you with everything you have to do,” he adds, quickly changing the subject.
Jimin hadn’t been expecting that. Just knowing that makes his heart flutter in his chest. He likes the idea of spending so much time with Taehyung, he’s missed him so much. Yet he doesn’t know how much of a good idea that is. He can’t believe Taehyung is going to push everything aside just to be with him. Sure, what has happened is pretty terrible but it’s still surprising.
“You don’t have to do that if it gets you in trouble, Tae,” Jimin whispers.
The younger shakes his head, eyes focused on the floor. He’s not asking Jimin to take a step back, he’s not protesting about the older one touching him. So Jimin continues and makes sure to reassure him through his touch.
“It doesn’t matter. I haven’t seen you in so long and you need me here,” he replies.
“Thank you,” Jimin murmurs. He is thankful. Taehyung always makes everything much easier. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks hesitantly.
Taehyung shakes his head again.
“It’s fine,” he says. “Please.”
Jimin knows better than to insist. So, he nods and takes a step back. He tries not to think too much about the way Taehyung looks at him when he lifts his gaze. He seems a bit disappointed but Jimin doesn’t want to step too near the line dividing them, he doesn’t want to overstep boundaries. Taehyung has always been dangerous and Jimin never learned how to stay away.
“There’s an extra towel in the bathroom,” he says. “You’ll feel better after you shower,” he suggests.
Taehyung nods slowly before getting up. For a long moment, it feels like Taehyung is towering over him, looking down at him and making him feel small. Jimin used to like that—he still does, but it doesn’t mean anything now. He swallows down the lump in his throat and moves to the side for Taehyung to go to the bathroom.
While he showers, Jimin orders breakfast and checks over his phone. No wonder Taehyung fought with his wife. It’s almost eleven in the morning. He doesn’t even know if Taehyung let her know he wouldn’t be going home. He feels a bit guilty but he loves Taehyung so much, he doesn’t want to let go just yet and, if the younger one wants to stay, who is he to tell him no? He’s being selfish but it’s been so long since he’s felt this way, almost happy. It’s ironic. He should be sad about his father (which he is) but he’s also so grateful that Taehyung is next to him because he always makes everything better and easier to get through.
The food arrives just as Taehyung is coming out of the shower and they eat in silence, shoulders pressed together as they sit side by side at the edge of the bed. Taehyung thanks him for buying and Jimin lets him know that it’s nothing much, that he doesn’t mind.
When Jimin suggests for them to watch a movie, the younger one seems relieved and nods. They settle over the sheets; Jimin turns on the TV and searches for a movie to watch. Jimin stops changing channels at the first interesting thing they see and soon enough, they get immersed in it.
The day goes by fast. Jimin is content about being here, doing absolutely nothing that requires his attention. They don’t talk but the atmosphere around them has settled down. Taehyung is much calmer than earlier and by the time four o’clock strikes, they feel hungry again. So, they order pizza for “lunch” and a few other things to eat while they watch a new movie.
Jimin feels as if they’ve gone back to the past. He and Taehyung used to spend days like this when things weren’t as complicated and life didn’t feel like a rabbit hole. Being here with him again makes Jimin remember those times. He likes it here, he always did. For now, he wants to pretend that everything is perfectly fine, that there isn’t a world out there that’s threatening to ruin everything when this week is over. Taehyung manages to keep him distracted just fine.
The popcorn, sweets, and dumplings arrive first. Taehyung makes a whole fuzz about it because they both always loved eating dumplings together and he protests about them ending up in a fight over them. It’s a joke, of course, and they both laugh. It’s easy, to pretend. Jimin feels like they’ve both settled for that and he lets it be, prefers it that way.
The pizza arrives not long after and they eat between comments and laughs, the air around them easing up as they start growing comfortable around each other again. When the movie is over and they find a new one, they finally start to eat the dumplings. Jimin tries not to think much about how much it means to him. They’re just dumplings but they remind him of one of the times they actually fought over them. They tended to do that a lot but this fight had been a real one.
Jimin remembers Taehyung telling him things that hurt him and Jimin had screamed other things back. They’d been yelling at each other so much, aware of the fact that they were alone at Jimin’s place, his parents out on a business trip. They’d been tiptoeing around each other then. It made them snap. One second they were yelling, the next they were kissing. It was the first time Jimin gave himself fully to Taehyung. He’s never going to forget it. It was so good to let go, to have Taehyung take care of him.
The younger one touched him as if he was a treasure, something to worship. He made love to him slowly, hesitantly, and unsure. Jimin sometimes thinks about it; about how good it was to finally accept that he was Taehyung’s, that he’d always belong to him. It’s brought him here now, still stupidly in love.
“Don’t you even dare try something funny,” Taehyung says as he pops the first dumpling into his mouth. “I won’t accept any slander.”
Jimin finds himself laughing, shaking his head and quickly forgetting about his thoughts. They eat in silence, eyes on the TV screen but thoughts clearly on the dumplings in the center of the bed. Jimin already knows they’ll end up fighting for them. He pretends not to notice as he eats dumpling after dumpling, although it’s obvious they’re both staring at them and counting how many the other already ate.
When the last dumpling sits in the center, Jimin pops the dumpling he has in between his chopsticks, into his mouth and then he grabs the other one in a hurry. Taehyung is fast to protest.
“No, no,” Taehyung says, pointing at Jimin with his chopsticks. “That is so not fair. You ate like six already! I should get to eat the last one.”
Jimin laughs and shakes his head.
“You ate almost the same, you liar. Plus, I grabbed it first,” he replies. He barely manages to, though. He still has his dumpling in his mouth, trying to munch down and swallow it fast.
“You took it out of my hold.” Taehyung says.
“I did not.”
“You did .”
“Nope.”
“ Yes .”
“What’s your point here, Taehyung?” Jimin asks, holding the dumpling in between his own chopsticks and dangling it in the air between them. Taehyung squints his eyes. “I’m gonna eat this last dumpling anyway.”
Taehyung looks so betrayed that it makes Jimin laugh again. They both laugh for a whole minute, Jimin shaking his head, trying to swallow down the dumpling in his mouth so he can eat the last one. Taehyung keeps whining and protesting even as Jimin puts it in his mouth and eats it up. It’s refreshing. Jimin feels so much better than he did last night when he went to sleep. It feels like a good day, like everything is okay.
By the time the night has settled and they’re both sleepy, Jimin is feeling a bit anxious. He doesn’t want to be alone again but he knows better than to ask Taehyung to stay for another night. Plus, he has to talk with his wife—he has to go home to her. He doesn’t belong to Jimin, he never did.
Yet Taehyung doesn’t make a move to leave. He goes to the bathroom as soon as Jimin comes out and while he sits on the bed, nervously biting down on his lower lip, he wonders how it’ll feel like to watch Taehyung walk away. Sure, he knows he’ll see him tomorrow, the younger one had promised to spend the week helping him out. But there are so many hours left until tomorrow morning and Jimin feels so vulnerable and scared to be alone.
When Taehyung comes out of the bathroom, he doesn’t make a move towards the door. He lies down in front of Jimin, imitating him in a curled-up position. Then, their eyes meet. Taehyung stares at him with this... thoughtful gaze. Jimin remembers how they used to lay in bed together in the safety of his room, back when they were both in college. They had stopped denying it by then. They would just look at each other and express all their feelings through their gazes. Jimin told Taehyung how much he loved him before kissing him and Taehyung would kiss him back without a doubt, whispering he loved him too. They would fall asleep tangled up in each other, lips pressed together in a warm kiss.
Now, they don’t kiss. They don’t tell each other that they’re in love—not verbally. Jimin can’t help show it to Taehyung through his gaze and if he’s not crazy, if it’s not his mind playing games with him, Taehyung is showing him the exact same thing.
After so many years, after so many things, their hearts still beat for each other. Their hearts still feel the same way. After so many years, Jimin is still in love with Taehyung and Taehyung is still undeniably in love with him.
DAY FOUR
Still the same, us of those days.
— Friends , Jimin and V .
It’s too hot. He’s sweating and there’s the press of a body against him, so close that it’s suffocating. But even through his drowsy state, he knows that it’s Taehyung and nothing matters more than him being this close, wrapped around Jimin after so long. He’s missed him so much.
He knows this is dangerous. He knows he's treading through fragile lines and he should move away, he should tell Taehyung to leave. But he can't . He's never been able to. He closes his eyes again, wills himself to go back to sleep and it seems to work because the next time he comes back to consciousness it’s because they both stir, their noses brushing and eyes opening. Jimin isn’t sure how it happens but one second, he’s just looking into Taehyung’s eyes and the next their lips are pressing close in a kiss that he didn’t know he needed until now. They both let go of a sigh, almost instinctual, desperate, groans mixing in the silence and heat of the night.
It nothing soft nor gentle. It’s franctic, a reminiscence of the love they used to share back when they were younger. The love they were forced to let go of because decisions were made and people moved on. Jimin moved on. Taehyung just couldn’t let go of the life he’d formed around himself.
Jimin had always wondered if he’d hate him for it but even after so much time, he finds that he never has. He loves Taehyung—he’s never stopped. There is no way of forgetting about one’s first love and now that they’re here, now that everything has led to this moment, Jimin can’t help but think that he’ll just forever be in love with his best friend. Moving on seems like such an impossible thing—now more than ever.
Taehyung kisses him with the same familiarity, with just as much intensity. Their kisses had always been this way—desperate and unrestrained. They’d both fought it at first but Jimin had given in while Taehyung refused to and eventually, they’d found each other in this horrible cycle of running and chasing and ending up in each other’s arms.
Jimin can’t resist him. He’s never been able to. Do you really not want me, Jimin? Tell me while you’re looking into my eyes. Because God knows I love you and that’s probably the worst thing I've ever done but I can’t stop. I can’t fucking stop. So, please. Please just let me touch you. He’d beg, yes. He’d beg and Jimin would fall for it and accept and just get constantly hurt because God knows he loved Taehyung too.
And just like back then, Jimin lets Taehyung kiss him, slide on top of his body and press him down on the mattress. He opens up for him, spreads his legs and arches his back when Taehyung’s hips press down over his. Maybe it’s the heat and how much they’ve always desired each other but they’re both already half hard and it feels good. It’s great to have Taehyung grinding down on him, showing him how much he’s missed him. Jimin blocks his mind from the things that will stop him because he loves Taehyung. And he’ll have him in whichever way he can.
“Jimin,” Taehyung gasps, a soft whimper pressed to Jimin’s throat. He licks and nibbles and takes . He bites down hard over his collarbone, a place Jimin knows he’s always liked so much. And the way he says his name, almost like a silent prayer...it’s way too intimate. Jimin lets his legs wrap around Taehyung’s waist and his nails dig into his back. He wants his clothes gone; he wants everything gone so they can just be one. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much,” Taehyung groans, one of his hands drowning under Jimin’s shirt.
Just like soulmates. Back in high school they used to know each other so well and it was easy to guess what the other was thinking or what they wanted. Now, just like then, Taehyung wants the same thing as Jimin does and they waste no time taking off each other’s shirts, dragging hands all over their hot skin.
And Taehyung kisses him like this, his mouth warm and hot and insistent. He licks into Jimin’s mouth, teasing almost. He lets his forearms press into the pillow, right next to his head and he grinds down frantically on his already hard cock. He moans, arches his back again and Taehyung’s lips slip downwards over the newly exposed skin. He mouths at one of his nipples, knowing what it’ll do to Jimin and moves to the other without a second thought.
There had always been something so dirty about the times they’ve been together. Taehyung shows Jimin that it’s still like that, his tongue tracing down the line of his abs, into his bellybutton and down the hairline until he’s stopped by pants. Jimin is tenting them and the heel of Taehyung’s hand is pressing down on him. It pulls a whimper out of Jimin, hips lifting to find relief.
“Taehyung-ah,” Jimin murmurs, knowing that Taehyung has always been weak for this, for having Jimin call him that. “Taehyungie, fuck .” He lowers his gaze to where the other one is and stares at him through a hooded gaze. “Hyung’s missed you, too,” he whispers.
He’s not that much older than he is, of course. He doesn’t always refer to himself like this nor does Taehyung call him that. But he knows it’s something that turns him on, that makes him lose control and fuck Jimin the way he desperately wants.
Sure enough, something snaps inside of Taehyung. Jimin sees it happen just before the younger one is standing up to take his pants off. Jimin follows suit, desperately tugging at the waistband and finally letting his cock spring free. Taehyung has always been so beautifully sculpted. Back when Jimin first started to feel this way, when he started to wonder if he was more into boys than into girls, he used to be unable to stop his eyes from traveling over Taehyung’s body whenever they changed clothes. Because they were best friends, they didn’t really mind being naked in front of each other.
And right now, getting to see his body, getting to touch him again...it feels different. He feels free . Taehyung settles in between his legs, on his knees, and Jimin lets his hands slide down his chest, over his tight abdomen. He grabs his hips and digs his thumbs into the flesh, teasing around his hard cock. Taehyung’s hips buckle forward for friction and Jimin wants to see him just as desperate as he feels. He’s always needed this reassurance, after everything they’ve gone through in this maze of feelings.
Taehyung shows him. He circles Jimin’s wrist with his big hand and presses Jimin's down onto his cock. He sighs and tilts his head back once he’s being touched and because Jimin loves him, because Jimin can’t resist him, he circles his fingers around the soft flesh and strokes, watching as Taehyung’s muscles tense and his hips keep moving, giving slow and deliberate thrusts into the tight grip Jimin has on him.
But it’s not enough. Nothing is ever enough. There’s only the need to be one and to be close enough that they share the same pleasure, the same arousal, the same everything . Jimin’s always wanted to share everything with Taehyung. He’s always wanted to share his life with him. He never got to and, despite the current situation, despite the fact that he’s going to let Taehyung fuck him again, fuck him over as always, he knows he still won’t get to have him—because Taehyung already belongs to someone else, no matter how unhappy he is with them.
Taehyung looks confused, worried, his eyebrows furrowing and Jimin stops stroking him, grabs his hips and tugs softly, trying to catch his attention.
“Lube,” Taehyung murmurs. “I don’t—”
“In my travel pack,” Jimin interrupts.
Taehyung doesn’t ask why he has lube in his travel bag and Jimin doesn’t try to explain. Jimin wasn’t expecting to see Taehyung here and after all this time, he’s found that he can only ever rely on sexual relationships to feel better, to feel something. Because after Taehyung, he’s never been able to feel anything else for anyone. He hasn't even tried.
The younger one comes back just within seconds, bottle in hand. Jimin looks at him. He’s really so pretty, so beautiful. The same Taehyung Jimin left behind so many years ago. And yet here they are. Again . After so much time, always in the same fucking cycle . It’s never-ending. Jimin doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to do this. He’ll leave once the week is over, a nd he won’t come back. Maybe later his mother will pass away and he’ll have to come back, and he’ll meet Taehyung again and the cycle will repeat itself and then he’ll be gone again—and alone . And then what? Always the same thing?
“Jimin-ah,” Taehyung whispers.
He’s in between his legs again, hands sliding down Jimin’s thighs, parting them even more, making space for himself. Jimin doesn’t even feel nervous. He can’t wait to have Taehyung inside of him, ruining him, fucking him so good that the memories of him will grow big and unforgettable all over again. But Taehyung is nervous. Jimin can tell by the way his fingers shake as he opens the bottle, how he places a shaky hand on Jimin’s hip and moves the other one in between his ass cheeks. And he hesitates once his fingers circle his rim.
But when he looks up and Jimin stares into his eyes, he seems reassured. He believes that everything is fine because Jimin has always worked so hard to show him this; to calm him down when his head was messing with him. It’s okay to love me, Taehyung-ah. It’s okay to love each other. I love you, too. Don’t be afraid . Taehyung had believed him but only when they were alone, where nobody else could see them.
And here they are again, Taehyung pushing his fingers inside of him, making Jimin’s back arch. He takes his time, a drop of sweat trailing down his temple. It’s still so impossibly hot and Jimin can feel his body sticky with sweat but all he can think about is Taehyung stretching him, making him ready. He does it slowly and calmly but the way his eyebrows are furrowed lets him know that he wants to hurry up, to be inside of Jimin.
It’s been so long . Jimin hurries him up, lets his hands pull at Taehyung’s wrist and the younger one goes quickly. He settles in between Jimin’s legs, closes his eyes when Jimin’s legs wrap around his waist, and then his forehead is pressing against Jimin’s. And just a second later, his eyes are opening again. He’s looking into Jimin’s eyes as he moves a hand in between them, his forearm next to Jimin’s head and there are fingers brushing over the skin of his thighs, down and down. Then, there’s Taehyung holding his breath, hips pushing forward and cock slipping past Jimin’s rim.
As soon as his hips are pressed firmly to Jimin’s ass, he lifts his hands and cups Taehyung’s cheeks. He’s trembling so much that Jimin wonders if he’s going to come soon, if he’s already so close to the edge. It’s just that he’s not moving. He’s frozen in place, his eyes focused on Jimin’s.
“It’s okay,” Jimin gives him the reassurance that he thinks he must need. “It’s okay, baby. I love you, I love you.”
Taehyung snaps out of it. The words love and baby and everything that comes implied with it seem to be enough.
“I love you too,” he groans, finally beginning to thrust. “God, I love you too, Jimin-ah. Always you, only ever you,” he moans, hips bucking forward at a steady pace.
Jimin feels the way his body slides upwards with each thrust, the way Taehyung is thrusting inside of him at a steady pace, powerful hips slapping against his ass. He's so big, reaches so deep inside of Jimin that it almost hurts. And it's good . Jimin finds that it reminds him of how dangerous this is, how dangerous Taehyung is. He's playing with fire but it's always been so exciting to do so.
Jimin holds on to the promise, to Taehyung's words murmured against his lips. Only him. Only ever him . He's selfish and happy that he won't ever be able to love anybody the way he loves Jimin. He wants to be his, wants them to be together forever. He wants to leave Daegu with Taehyung, go to Seoul, and build a life together as he'd always imagined.
The thought brings tears to his eyes and he closes them in a hurry to hide them. Taehyung moves back down to his neck, groans against his sweaty skin, and shifts to a slower pace; much more intimate, much more sensual. Jimin gasps when he feels him pressing against his prostate, body jerking with pleasure.
His hands fall to Taehyung's shoulder blades, nails digging into his skin so hard that he fears he'll draw blood. The younger one whines when Jimin clenches around him and settles a hand under Jimin's ass, spreads his ass cheeks, and snaps his hips forward suddenly.
Jimin whimpers, drowns a hand in Taehyung's hair, and pulls tightly. The other one's lips find his again and they kiss desperately, messily and dirtily, tongues sliding against each other. Jimin drags his feet over Taehyung's calves, brings them up to the base of his ass, and slides his hands down to cup his ass cheeks, pressing his hips forward each time he thrusts.
"You feel so good," Taehyung groans, licking into Jimin's mouth and letting go of the smaller one's body to push his hair out of his face. Jimin wants to touch it but he also doesn't want to let go of his ass so he decides against it, pushing Taehyung harder against himself. "Fuck, I can't—"
"Resist me?" He asks, trailing kisses down his jaw, sucking on the skin of his neck. As soon as he does, Taehyung gasps, presses closer until Jimin feels like he'll be crushed under his weight. He doesn't continue, though, remembering he can't mark him up. Taehyung protests, making a whiny sound. "Can't do that, baby," he whispers, choosing to kiss his skin once more, moving to his shoulder and moaning against his skin when Taehyung circles his hips, abusing his prostate.
The familiar heat of his orgasm settles at the low of his belly and he already knows he doesn't want it to finish. He doesn't want it to be over because he knows that, as soon as that happens, he'll go back to reality and he'll be hit with the weight of what he’s done. At least right now, lost in pleasure, he can pretend that everything is perfectly fine.
"I can't," Taehyung mutters. "I've never been able to resist you."
Jimin knows this. Jimin's heart flutters in his chest and he slips his hands back up to Taehyung's cheeks.
"I love you," he whispers. "I love you. I love you."
"I love you too." Taehyung repeats, each and every time.
Jimin cries out when Taehyung picks up the pace again and lets himself be kissed—be fucked how he's wanted for so long. Tears start sliding down his temples when Taehyung's pace makes his body tremble with pleasure. He's sad because he doesn't have Taehyung, not even now, but he pretends pleasure is what’s making him cry.
Taehyung kisses away the tears and thrusts until Jimin comes with a startled moan, back arching entirely off the bed as he makes a mess between them. Taehyung comes just a second later, stilling his hips and groaning as he spills inside of Jimin. It's warm and intimate and Jimin has missed him so fucking much. He hugs him tight with both his legs and arms, keeps his body close and kisses his temple, his forehead, makes sure that Taehyung knows how much he's loved. The younger one slumps down entirely over Jimin's body, spent and tired because of the time it is.
Jimin dozes off as well, barely manages to feel Taehyung slipping out, cleaning them both up and curling himself around Jimin as he prepares to sleep again.
When he opens his eyes again, he finds that Taehyung is sleeping soundly. His eyes are fluttering slightly, lips parted and he's so close to Jimin. They're both naked, Jimin is painfully aware as his calves brush against the other one's. He's worried and nervous. He doesn't know what happens now. He feels so guilty because Taehyung is a married man and no matter how unhappy he is, no matter how bad his relationship with her is, Jimin shouldn't have let things get out of hand like that.
He slowly slips out of the bed, makes his way towards the bathroom, and undresses, getting under the warm water. He doesn't even understand how this happened. He was fine; he managed to keep his feeling to himself throughout the past three days. He thought he would leave Daegu without Taehyung ever knowing that he was still in love with him. Yet in the middle of the night, through their sleepy state, they'd ended up making love. Jimin knows that's what it was. There's no mistaking the way Taehyung held him, the way he kissed him and fucked him, nor the way he looked into his eyes as he whispered I love you's .
He covers his face with his hands. He should tell Taehyung to leave—to forget about what happened earlier, go back to his wife, and let Jimin let go. But how can he do that if he's so in love with him? If everything feels better when he's around? Jimin has missed Taehyung for far too long and now that he's gotten a taste of him again, there's no way he can let go.
He startles when he hears the sound of the door opening and closing. His heartbeat picks up speed upon understanding that Taehyung has come into the bathroom. Now is the time to tell him to leave; a chance to say no and pretend that it was just a slip up, something that happened in the haze of the night. Yet he stays quiet and lets his hands fall back to his sides. He can't hear much more over the sound of the water stream but he does hear the shower curtain being pushed aside. He swallows down the lump in his throat as he hears Taehyung stepping into the shower behind him.
He waits, half his brain hoping he had the strength to tell him off and the other half so happy that he just can't. And so, Taehyung's hands fall to his wet hips. They feel warm, probably because he just woke up. They're so big. Jimin looks down to see the younger one's fingers over his skin. He feels small but safe. His eyes flutter closed when Taehyung's nose presses into his wet hair and he lets himself enjoy the feeling of his thumbs rubbing circles right over his ass cheeks.
It's nothing sexual, more like comforting. Jimin remembers having to comfort Taehyung like this in the past. It's ironic that the roles are reversed five years later but Jimin isn't feeling like this because he's scared of what it means to love Taehyung. He's like this because he loves him even after everything that's happened and he doesn't belong to him anymore. Fuck that, maybe he never even belonged to him in the first place.
"Jimin-ah," Taehyung murmurs, his lips pressing the back of Jimin's neck. He feels his body pressing against his own, Taehyung's hands sliding up his chest, touching his skin like he's never touched something like it before. Jimin lets his head fall back onto Taehyung's shoulder.
"Taehyung-ah," he murmurs back.
The water is falling onto his face but Taehyung is doing the best job distracting him with his warm hands. He's tracing over Jimin's abdomen, muscles clenching at the touch; resting his hands on the sides of his thighs, nails dragging softly over his skin. Jimin feels his breath stutter. It wasn't sexual but now he feels that familiar shimmer of heat in his lower belly and he wants Taehyung to make him forget about his worries and fears. He wants Taehyung to touch him again, remind him how good it is to give in to each other, despite the fact that he already got a taste of that a few hours before.
Taehyung's hands move to his waist and Jimin turns around in a hurry, arms wrapping around the taller one's neck and lips colliding with his. It's nothing desperate—it's entirely different to what it was a few hours before. Taehyung kisses him slowly, almost as if he's enjoying him and Jimin takes his time as well. He lets his lips part for Taehyung's, his tongue tracing the younger one's lower lip and he sighs when he feels hands over his lower back, sliding down and down until they reach his ass cheeks and squeeze, pushing him forward.
His feet slip slightly and all his weight falls onto Taehyung but the other one catches him perfectly against his chest. Jimin can feel himself growing hard, body reacting to the way Taehyung is kissing him and touching him, licking into his mouth slowly, sensually. He groans against Jimin's lips, his cock brushing against Jimin's.
The older one lets go and slides his hands over Taehyung's shoulder blades, touching his wet skin. He takes his time tracing it with delicate fingertips and then drowns his fingers in his hair.
"Jimin," Taehyung murmurs, leaning back just a bit. Jimin doesn't want to talk about it but if Taehyung wants that, he will. He'll do anything for him because he loves him. "I love you." It's different to hear it now, when they aren't surrounded by darkness and they're both fully conscious, not driven by lust. The younger one is staring into his eyes, holding him like he's so precious. "I love you so much," he whispers, almost as if it's something that pains him.
And it must be. It's been years; he'd married a woman and moved on with his life even if he wasn't happy. Jimin came back and ruined that for him but, is it his fault? As much as he feels guilty, he knows that asking Taehyung to stay with him hadn't been intentional; it had only been because Taehyung always was his safe heaven and he needed it. Taehyung staying for a whole week hadn't been planned. The kiss hadn't been planned. Jimin just—
"I never got over you, I will never be able to," he says.
Jimin doesn't want to ruin this, he doesn't want to cry. He doesn't want to move away.
"I thought I had," Jimin whispers. He cups Taehyung's cheeks and brushes his wet hair out of his face. "But I know, too, that I'll never be able to."
Taehyung's eyes close and his forehead falls against Jimin's.
"Is it selfish that I'm glad?" He asks, sounding relieved.
Jimin takes a moment to look at him, to take in his beautiful features and engrave them in his mind because he has a feeling he won't be there forever.
"I guess that makes two of us selfish assholes," he murmurs.
Taehyung laughs despite it all and when his eyes open, they're happy, filled with emotion. It's the only thing Jimin wanted to see. Just knowing that Taehyung has been unhappy all this time made him want to fight people but now he's smiling. It’s sincere and he's leaning in to kiss Jimin again.
"Tell me you love me," Taehyung pleads in between kisses. "You didn't—last night, at least, but right now—"
"It's different," Jimin finishes for him. Taehyung nods, presses more kisses to his lips, and Jimin says it in between. "I love you, Taehyung-ah. I love you just as much as I did when I left," he promises.
It seems to be enough to satisfy the younger one because he finally deepens the kiss and squeezes Jimin's ass cheeks again. He'd forgotten his hands were there and as soon as he feels him touching him like that, his body turns warm again, hips grinding over Taehyung's. It pulls a soft sigh out of both of them.
He doesn't question it when Taehyung lets his hand wrap around Jimin’s cock, stroking him slowly as he lets his tongue slip past his lips, licking at the top of his mouth. Jimin pushes him back a bit until their heads are out of the water stream and breathes in the best he can, kissing Taehyung back and letting his own hand slide down his chest, over the tense muscles of his abdomen, until they wrap around his cock.
It's nothing new. Back when they were younger, days like this were frequent. It took them a while to actually get to being with each other fully and they spent a lot of time touching each other, making each other feel good, slipping in a few minutes of pleasure whenever they couldn't help it and caved. This time around, despite it being surrounded by the undeniable result of them being apart when this week is over, it feels better. It feels like they're both free to do as they please, like nobody can stop them—like nobody is threatening to pull them apart. Not even Taehyung himself.
Taehyung wants Jimin, keeps telling him how much he loves him, groaning into his mouth when Jimin tightens his hold on his cock and tells him how good he's always been. They confess to each other all over again.
It's so intimate and so gentle. Taehyung takes his time making Jimin feel good and focuses on what he knows will push him over the edge, sliding his thumb over the head and playing with it for a few minutes. Jimin does so as well; he touches the underside of Taehyung's cock, strokes him fast and hard, and riles him up the way Taehyung has always loved.
They're a mess of pants and whimper within minutes, cocks hard and red, bodies pressed as close as they can be. Taehyung is kissing him still, nibbling on his lower lip before moving his lips to Jimin's neck. When he sucks on the skin and then apologizes, Jimin shakes his head.
"Mark me up, baby," he pleads. "You can," he assures. Because he has nobody back in Seoul. Nobody to go home to. It's just him and the lingering memory of Taehyung.
"B-but you—" he tries.
"Not you, I can't mark you up," Jimin mumbles. His orgasm is growing, he can feel it taking over his lower belly. "But you can mark me up. Do it, make sure everybody knows I'm only yours."
Taehyung makes this desperate sound before latching his lips to Jimin's neck and sucking with much more force. Jimin saw the sadness in his eyes before he did. Taehyung belongs to someone else now but Jimin doesn't and if Taehyung wants to do this, to feel like Jimin is really his, he doesn't care about it. He wants him to feel reassured, wants to give the younger one what he wants because it's always been this way. Jimin has always wanted to please him—the rest just don't matter.
Taehyung paints Jimin's neck with purple bruises and jerks him off faster because he knows how sensitive Jimin is when he's getting marked up like this. Jimin has to hide his face in Taehyung's neck, breathless and shaking.
It's Jimin who comes first. He gasps and tenses up in Taehyung's hold before he's spilling all over his hand, groaning and shaking, nails digging into Taehyung's back.
As soon as he recovers, he doesn't hesitate to get on his knees. Taehyung shakes his head, tries to get him to stand up but Jimin doesn't budge. He circles plump lips around Taehyung's cock and the younger one is a goner. He groans, throws his head back in a moan and tangles his fingers in Jimin's hair to keep him close. He was close, anyway. It only takes a few minutes of Jimin sucking him off to have him coming inside his mouth, thighs shaking and loud moans vibrating against the bathroom tiles.
Jimin stands up with a smirk, brushes his thumb over his bottom lip to collect the come that spilled and puts it back in his mouth with a knowing gaze. Taehyung shakes his head.
"You're always going to be the death of me," he mumbles, grabbing Jimin by the shoulders and pressing a kiss to his lips. "So hot and so teasing. Why do this to me, Jimin-ah? You're such a tease."
Jimin smiles and kisses his cheek.
"I love you," he whispers.
Taehyung sighs. There it is again, the sadness in his gaze. He's happy, though. Even if just for these few days, he is.
"I love you too."
The rest of the shower is slow and lazy, bodies thrumming post-orgasm and shy smiles taking over them. They take care of each other. Taehyung shampoos Jimin's hair and Jimin soaps up Taehyung's body. They take turns under the stream of water and then end up hugging underneath so that they can share. They laugh and giggle and dry each other off, managing to make a mess out of the bathroom floor.
They order breakfast and eat it in bed, feeding each other like the old times. They talk about the things they did when they were together in school and also when they went to college. They spend the morning in bed, and laugh and laugh and laugh. They watch movies while having lunch and spend a blissful day wrapped around each other.
They stay away from sad memories, focusing on the good ones.
Jimin doesn't mention them not addressing the important matter at hand. Taehyung doesn't either. They pretend it's not there. They pretend that Jimin's last day in Daegu isn't coming soon and that he won't be leaving a married Taehyung behind when that time comes.
DAY FIVE
I say that it’s all fine. That’s not what I truly think.
—Promise, Jimin.
Jimin shouldn’t be feeling this way. There are so many things that are wrong about what he’s doing but again, whenever he thinks about it, he finds that he loves Taehyung too much to let go. He wants to enjoy it. No matter what they’ve done, no matter what they say to each other, he’s sure they both know that by the time his last day comes, he’ll be leaving without him and Taehyung will go back to the life he has.
It’s an unspoken agreement. Jimin just knows. He wants to enjoy Taehyung as long as he can.
Jimin risks a glance at him. Taehyung is the one driving, a hand on the steering wheel, the other one wrapped around Jimin’s small one. He’s humming to the song that’s playing low around them. Jimin smiles to himself. This feels good. He doesn’t remember a time when he felt like everything would be okay, that he’d been undeniably happy. It’s ironic because that’s a farce but at least he can enjoy it for now.
“Can we do something later?” Jimin asks, letting his fingers play with Taehyung’s.
The younger one stops humming and looks at him briefly before focusing back on the road.
“Something like what?” He asks, moving his thumb in slow circles over the back of Jimin’s hand.
“Remember that time we went to Apsan Park?” He asks.
It’s a memory of one of the good days. Taehyung had asked Jimin to go with him. He said it was because he wanted to take some pretty pictures but ended up taking pictures of Jimin with the beautiful background. When they were driving back home, he parked the car in the middle of nowhere, took his seatbelt off, and leaned over the console to kiss the hell out of Jimin.
It was a date, even if neither of them called it that. The kiss had led to Jimin slipping onto his lap, the seat being pulled back, and Taehyung fucking the living shit out of him. Jimin feels his cheeks heating up at the sudden memory and Taehyung seems to be reminiscing the same because he slides his gaze towards him with a knowing expression.
“Hard to forget,” he replies, smiling slightly.
Good memories. So many good memories. Jimin wants to focus on them.
“Can we go there again?” He asks, sitting up straight and pulling one of his knees to his chest. He hasn’t been happy in so long but now he feels like he’s twenty again, desperately in love with Taehyung and actually happy with him, no judging, no fear, no pain.
Taehyung’s smile widens.
“Yeah?” He asks. “Want me to take photos of you again?”
Jimin nods.
“Yeah. I mean—not necessarily of me. I just want to see you in your element. I know how much you love photography.”
Taehyung nods, appearing to be lost in thought for a while.
“I would love that,” he eventually says. “We can go after you’re done,” he suggests.
Jimin nods happily.
“Okay.”
They settle in comfortable silence while Taehyung continues to drive them to Jimin’s home. It’s a place he hasn’t gone to in so long but there’s a part of him that’s excited, that can’t wait to see his room and check if it looks the same as it did the last time he saw it. He wonders if it’ll bring as many memories as Daegu itself brings to him. It’s the one place where he and Taehyung always were themselves, always shared the deepest of secrets.
It doesn’t take them long to arrive to the place. His mother had asked him to get there at ten in the morning and when he checks his phone, he sees that it’s a quarter to ten. He has fifteen minutes to check around the place and reminisce everything he lived here. The street itself is enough to have him going back to the past.
“I’ll be waiting for you out here, okay?” Taehyung asks. He’s turned off the engine and turned his body to the side towards Jimin.
Jimin frowns.
“You’re not coming in?” He asks.
Taehyung shakes his head and leans forward, his free hand sliding over Jimin’s cheek and thumb brushing softly over his cheekbone.
“I rather you do this by yourself, Jimin-ah. I think you need the privacy, and so does your mother. Plus, she hates me.”
Jimin rolls his eyes.
“You know I don’t care about that,” he replies.
“Yeah, but this is something important. It’s about your dad. I don’t want to intrude, okay? I’ll be waiting for you here, I promise,” he assures.
It’s not that Jimin is worried he won’t be there when he comes out. He just doesn’t want to let go of him. He fears that the second he lets go, everything bad will come rushing back to him and he wants to keep all of that far away.
“Okay,” he accepts.
He looks towards his house and takes it all in. He risks a glance around and before hesitating, he leans forward and pecks Taehyung’s lips briefly. It’s over as soon as it starts but when Jimin leans away and takes his seatbelt off, he sees the content smile on Taehyung’s lips. He himself is smiling as he gets out of the car and makes his way towards the house.
Jimin used to love this place so much. It’s a place where he and Taehyung would do all sorts of crazy things, their safe haven—until it wasn’t. He shakes his head and quickly makes his way up the steps, knocking on the door and waiting.
His mother is the only person inside the house and when she opens the door, Jimin notices how tired she looks. Her eyes are red so he figures she must’ve been crying earlier. Jimin wonders if she’s even been back here since his father died. It’s sad and painful. Jimin hugs her tight to his chest and kisses the top of her head. They stay like that for a long while, interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. When they part, they see the lawyer standing there, showing them a sad smile. It looks like Jimin won’t be able to see around the house before the reading of the will.
As his mother invites the man in and closes the door, Jimin looks around briefly and tries to remember how it was to live here. His pictures are still on the wall, his father’s as well. The place is cozy and warm and despite the fact that it’ll be empty from now on. He misses his father. He wishes things had been different.
“Would you like some tea, coffee?” His mother asks the man.
He nods briefly.
“Tea would be okay. I think it’s nice to have something warm while we read your husband’s last wishes.”
Jimin watches his mother disappear and rakes his fingers through his hair as the man sits down on the couch. Today, they will be reading over his dad’s will and Jimin will probably get to do everything tomorrow, in case his father has left him anything important he has to take back to Seoul. He also has to move out the things he wants to keep because his mother will be selling the house and moving in with her sister.
He pulls at the collar of his turtleneck and slides his hand over the back of his neck in a comforting matter. He’s a bit nervous because whatever they will read will be his father’s words and thoughts, and the wound is still fresh from his departure.
His mother comes back from the kitchen with a cup of tea and sets it on the center table for the man. He nods and opens the small suitcase he has, taking out a single envelope that he starts opening up.
For a moment, Jimin is so focused on that, nervousness raking through his body, that he doesn’t notice his mother has frozen by his side and hasn’t even taken a seat. He looks towards her and sees that her eyes are on his neck. Jimin forgot about that little detail. When his mother’s horrified gaze moves to his eyes, he realizes his turtle neck doesn’t completely cover up the hickeys he has under his jaw. He pulls it up a bit and pretends to not see how his mother’s eyes are almost popping out of her face.
She doesn’t get the chance to say anything about it, though, because the man asks them to take a seat so they can start reading—not that she would’ve dared say something in front of the man. She hates rumors and people talking about them; mentioning the marks on his neck in front of him would’ve embarrassed her. So, the man starts reading and Jimin pays his mother no mind.
“Are we ready to begin?” The lawyer asks. He doesn’t seem to have a clue about what’s happening between Jimin and his mother. Jimin nods briefly and the lawyer turns to the woman. She nods, leaning back and intertwining her fingers on her lap.
Jimin finds it hard to concentrate on the letter itself from the very beginning. It sounds so much like his father, despite the fact that the words are written out and being read by someone else. Jimin senses his calm ways, the delicacy with which he talks, gentle and comfortable. He remembers his father asking him so many years ago, ‘ is it true? About you liking boys? ’ and Jimin nodding without a doubt because he was tired of hiding and pretending. His father nodded and didn’t ask him about girls ever again.
He didn’t judge. He didn’t say anything either but he didn’t make Jimin feel as if it was wrong, as if he had to change.
“To my lovely wife I will leave the house, our car, and all the money I have in my bank account, including a personal savings account I opened up years ago. I wish for you to move on with your life; to be happy and do all the things you’ve always wanted to do. Enjoy the years you still have left and share them with Jimin. It’s my greatest wish for you both to spend time together—for you to go to Seoul and for Jimin to visit you in Daegu.”
Jimin wants that as well. He can try. He can come and pay for his mother’s ticket so she can go to Seoul. It might have not happened in the past because wounds were still fresh and his mother never apologized for so many of the things she said but he can heal. He can push that away and follow his father’s wishes.
“To my Jimin. I know you have everything you wanted professionally. I know you don’t need money; I know there were only a few things that you needed in life to be happy and I want you to have them. I want to apologize for having been quiet—for not speaking out for you, for not defending you. I want you to be happy. I want you to know that I accept you, that I love you for who you are and that I was always rooting for you. That’s how people say it nowadays, right? I have faith you’ll meet your loved one again and you’ll finally be happy the way you wanted.” The man reads it without emotion but Jimin feels it so deep inside of him that it hurts.
He won’t lie. He doesn’t need anything physical. This alone, his father’s acceptance and his words, are enough to make him happy; to make him feel as if there isn’t a hole in his chest anymore. The pieces of his life are slowly coming together and maybe he has a chance of leaving here feeling a bit better than he did when he arrived.
“I do want you to have my golden necklace, the one we got when we went on that trip to Seoul. I think that visiting made you realize you could explore other opportunities and I’m glad it took you to where you are now. I want the necklace to be a memory, a reminder of what your goals have always been, so that you never forget you’re capable of doing whatever you put your heart to.”
The man takes out the necklace; it had been in his suitcase. Jimin smiles because his father had mentioned losing it in one of the conversations they had over the phone, when Jimin was back in Seoul. Clearly, that hadn’t been the case. Jimin takes it in his hands and holds it tight. He remembers this and yes, he set his eyes on Seoul when they did that trip, started to think about it as a place where he could follow his dreams.
“As you both may know, Mr. Park didn’t have many things to give away. The will is short but I hope it’s meaningful. He also requested me to give you these individual letters,” the lawyer goes on. He hands one to his mother and another to him. “He asks for you to read it when you feel like the time is right and when you’re on your own.”
Jimin looks at his father’s handwriting and traces it with his finger. It’s been so long since he saw him. He can’t believe he won’t have that chance ever again.
“That would be all on my part. I hope that I have delivered Mr. Park’s will accordingly and I offer you my most sincere condolences,” he says, standing up. Jimin and his mother both stand as well and shake hands with him. “Thank you for having me.”
When he’s gone, both he and his mother stay in silence for a very long time. Jimin isn’t sure of what to say. He doesn’t plan to do anything right now. He knows his mother told him to check over the house and see if there’s something he wants to take but he’s going to be doing that tomorrow. He’s overwhelmed right now with everything that he’s heard and he has a letter that he’ll have to read at some point as well.
He just wants to go away for a while, forget about everything, and relax. He needs time to mourn. He puts the letter in his pocket and rubs the heels of his hands over his eyes.
“I’ll be coming over tomorrow to pick up stuff and check over the house, if that’s okay. I don’t really feel like doing that now,” he tells his mother.
He’s not going to leave yet, he’s going to just walk around briefly, but his mother’s fingers wrap around his forearm out of nowhere and startles him, eyes shooting towards her.
“You said you knew he was married,” she hisses, fingers digging into Jimin’s forearm. He clenches his jaw, wishing he hadn’t forgotten about the little detail. He can’t believe she’s saying this right now—not after the will and the emotional words they’ve heard. “And you’re sleeping around with him as if nothing? I thought I taught you better. Did I really bring up a child that doesn’t respect—”
“I’m not a child, mother,” Jimin interrupts. “Can you drop it? I came here to read my father’s will and do whatever his final wishes were, nothing else is important right now. You can’t just dictate my life anymore. If I want to make terrible choices then I will. I’m leaving in two days anyway,” he snaps.
His mother shakes her head and presses fingers to her temples.
“I can’t believe this is what you choose. You had so many opportunities and you threw it all away because of a boy—”
“I threw nothing away,” Jimin snaps. “I did what I wanted to do. I’m a psychologist. I help people feel better about themselves, I makes sure to give them what I never had. It’s so sad that after all these years you can’t accept that your son is gay ,” he mutters.
“Your father—”
“He wanted me to be happy, unlike you who never hesitates to tell me how wrong I’m acting. I get it, you’re embarrassed. So be it. It’s my life and I’m not a kid anymore, you don’t get to rule over it. I’m sorry, mom. I came back here for my dad but you’re acting as if other things are important.”
“ You’re doing that!” she exclaims. “You should be grieving. Meanwhile you’re messing around with that—”
“My father asked me to be happy!” Jimin yells. He has tears in his eyes because he’s frustrated. This is exactly what she did over and over again in the past. She said these things that made Jimin doubt, that made him feel shitty and horrible and like it was wrong. He made him feel bad about wanting Taehyung. “That’s what I’m trying to fucking do. I came here for a reason. Daegu was always an important place for me. I’m trying to find that happiness because that’s what my dad wanted me to do.”
“So, what? You think that he’ll leave his wife? Do you think he’ll throw that all away just because you came back after so many years?” She asks. The words sting. No . Jimin isn’t expecting that.
“That’s none of your business. I was hoping to see you again before I leave but I see that even after all these years, you don’t put your son’s happiness before everything else.”
“Jimin,” his mother calls him.
He shakes his head.
“Goodbye, mother.”
He doesn’t stop walking until he reaches Taehyung’s car. He sits in the copilot seat and shakes his head briefly when he hears him ask what’s wrong. Jimin is trying to control himself. He’s trying to not break down in sobs.
“Should I drive?” Taehyung asks.
Jimin nods, covering his face with his hands and as soon as the engine is on, car pulling out of the street, he lets go. It feels like he’s crumbling down, body shaking with his sobs and heart thumping in his chest at an alarming rate. He just feels so overwhelmed. It’s easy to forget when he’s with Taehyung but now he’s hit with reality again. He’s lost his father, he won’t see him again, and his mother is the same woman she was so many years ago, she’ll never accept his happiness. Jimin isn’t happy. He’s not happy because he left his happiness behind when he went to Seoul and maybe there’s no chance of getting it back.
When his seven days are over, he’ll go back to Seoul to the life he’s had for years and it’ll all be as it once was. He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t. But it’s how things have to be.
“Jimin-ah,” Taehyung’s voice manages its way in between his thoughts. He doesn’t know how long he’s ben sobbing like this but the car has stopped moving and Taehyung is rubbing a soothing hand over his back. “What happened? Talk to me.”
But how can Jimin tell him? How can he tell him that he’s crying because it’s true? Jimin doesn’t have Taehyung. He has him right now, physically, emotionally. He might always have him emotionally. But he will be leaving in two days and he won’t take Taehyung with him. A part of him knows that he won’t leave what he has here; he won’t just get a divorce and leave with Jimin, life isn’t like that. Still, there’s another part of him that hopes and wishes that reality could be in his favor for once.
Even then, how could he let Taehyung come with him? Leave everything in the spur of the moment? Even if he ended things with his wife, it’s been a week. They’ve been apart for years and this week has been magical, beautiful. Yet it doesn’t mean they’re going to be okay in the long run. They need time to heal. Coming out isn’t an easy process and Jimin would never want Taehyung to resent him because of it.
“Just my mother and her hurtful words,” he mumbles. He looks out the window and wipes at his tears furiously. “Can we just go to Apsan Park?” He asks. His eyes find Taehyung’s again and he pleads with his gaze. “Make me forget about her.”
Taehyung nods. He always did this in the past, Jimin doesn’t doubt he’ll do it again. The drive to Apsan Park is fast and silent. Jimin slowly clams down as Taehyung slides one of his hands over his thigh, squeezing in a comforting manner as he whispers that everything will be alright, to not think about it if it's making him sad. So, Jimin does his best to calm down because he wanted this. He wanted to go back to a place that was so meaningful for him—to a place where he could be happy, if only briefly.
By the time they get there, Jimin wants nothing more than to slide onto Taehyung's lap and have him hold him until the pain leaves his body. He doesn't, though, because it feels strange to do that. Also because they're out where anybody could see them and Jimin doesn't want to get him in trouble—not that they aren't already doing something they shouldn't be doing. It's easier to pretend it's not there when he's not thinking about it.
He takes a deep breath and looks towards Taehyung. The younger one has stopped the car in the parking lot and he's looking at Jimin as if he's expecting him to break down again. Jimin shows him a small smile.
"I'm okay," he assures.
Taehyung frowns, looks outside his window and then towards the front and suddenly, he's leaning forward to kiss Jimin's lips. It's slow and deliberate and short. When he separates, he's showing Jimin this small smile that makes him smile back just so shyly. This feels good; it feels so good that Jimin wonders how he'll be able to let go when the time comes. It's so ironic, if he thinks about it—how a person that so long ago made him suffer more than anyone else, also made him the happiest person in the world. It's just the same now, only that Taehyung is embracing it and showing him what he feels. There's no running away.
Jimin wonders if it would be easier if Taehyung ran away. Jimin would only have to let go.
"Let’s go have that date," Taehyung whispers.
Jimin smiles wider. Yeah. A date. He just needs to push the thoughts away and relax.
They walk around the park first, talking about the things that have changed since the last time they were there. Taehyung tells him that he never came back after that first time they came, and then when Jimin left he just didn't seek for these places anymore. Everything reminded him of Jimin and he was running away from that because he was hurt.
"I'm sorry I hurt you," Jimin whispers as they walk across a long path of tall trees. It's beautiful to be surrounded by it because no noises make it inside. There aren’t many people walking around and Jimin has his arm around Taehyung's, a gesture that comes from when they were younger.
"I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that should be apologizing," Taehyung replies. Jimin looks up at him as they continue walking. The younger one is looking ahead, eyes drifting upwards from time to time, as if he can't help look up to the tall ceiling the trees create. No light comes in; they're surrounded by the dim lighting of the light poles placed across the path. "You tried so much for me, you always put me first. I just kept pushing you away."
Jimin knows this is true but just like always when it comes to Taehyung, he can't help make sure he stops feeling bad.
"Yeah, but at the end of it all, I was the one who left. I ran away."
Taehyung looks towards him and smiles sadly.
"You were free, I stayed trapped," he replies. "I was lost back then. I still am. You found yourself and decided to be happy." Jimin doesn't know what to say to this. It feels like it's the first time they're directly addressing everything that had gone down between them. "You've always done that," he adds, showing Jimin a hesitant smile. They're walking slowly, bodies pressed together, far too close. But they're talking about something important for them, they just can't help it. "You always try to make sure that I don't feel guilty, even when it's my fault."
Jimin looks down, watches their feet move, mirroring each other. Taehyung is taller but his steps are deliberate and slow, letting Jimin keep up with him because of his shorter legs.
"I just—I guess I've always wanted to take care of you," he replies. "I care about you so much, Taehyungie. You've always been and will always be the most important person in my life. I just wanted to protect you."
"But you were hurting yourself," Taehyung whispers.
"At least that way I had you."
Taehyung frowns but it's nothing resembling confusion. It looks more like anger. Jimin soothes a hand over his arm and assures him that it's fine, time has passed and things have changed.
"What if—if I had—"
"Maybe we shouldn't think about that," Jimin interrupts, already knowing what Taehyung is aiming to talk about. "That's in the past. We can't stay hung up on that, not after all this time."
Taehyung nods and doesn't say anything for a long time. They reach the end of the path and decide to go back down it so that they can go to the park's restaurant and have lunch.
"I missed you a lot," Taehyung mentions after a moment of silence. "I thought about you all the time, wondered what you were doing, if you were happy. I thought that you'd forget about me and move on with your life," he confesses.
Jimin wishes he'd done that because now he feels like everything is just as messed up as it was back then. But who knows? Maybe even then, he'd come back to remember about everything and discover that he was still undeniably in love with his best friend.
"I missed you too," he replies. It's true. He thought about Taehyung every night before going to sleep; he begged that he was okay. The first year he just went to bed and thought about Taehyung finally accepting himself, finally going after him and telling him that he'd come out, that he'd decided to be with him. After that, he stopped hoping and just wished him the best. He never moved on, though. He tried but always ended up in meaningless hookups with people that would never mean anything to him. "I wanted you to be happy."
When their eyes meet again, Taehyung shows him a small smile.
"In this week, I've been happier than I've been since you left."
Jimin tries to pretend that the words don't make his heart flutter but he blushes, tightens his hold on Taehyung's arm and looks down. He likes that Taehyung's happiness revolves around him but he also knows that it's not good. Jimin will leave and Taehyung will stay in this never-ending cycle of pain and unhappiness.
"I don't want you to be unhappy when I leave," Jimin says.
He doesn't mean to say it out loud and he immediately regrets it because he doesn't want to talk about what will happen when he leaves, but the words have been said and Taehyung already heard them. They both tense up but Taehyung replies just a moment later.
"Maybe we can talk," Taehyung says. "I can call you or you call me and maybe it'll be okay—it will be, right?"
Jimin hates that he doesn't have a positive answer for that question but he pretends. He tells Taehyung what he needs to hear.
"It will, Tae. It will."
The younger one smiles but it’s forced, clearly not convinced at all and they don't talk again until they reach the restaurant. They exchange a few words while they have lunch and then go back to the prettiest part of the park, where the flowers are growing and painting the place in color. It’s then that they remember they need a camera and Taehyung says that he has the old camera he used when they were younger, the one he always kept in the trunk in case he got sudden inspiration.
Jimin waits for him to get it, sitting down in the middle of green, tall grass, eyes closed and head tilted back. All the thoughts he had before coming here have faded away into something he can ignore for now. The atmosphere is enough to take away every negative feeling and have him concentrating on just enjoying the peace.
He lays down on the floor and stares up at the sky for a few minutes. How did he end up here? How did everything lead to this? To not having Taehyung, to losing his father, to being unhappy despite having all he could’ve ever wished for?
He closes his eyes again. He just wishes things could’ve been a bit different. The sound of a camera flash makes him open his eyes and he’s met with Taehyung’s camera hovering over his face. The younger one smiles and crouches down as Jimin sits up again.
“You’re always going to be my muse,” he mentions, already lifting the camera to his face again and snapping a new picture as Jimin looks back at him. “You’re so beautiful.” Jimin smiles softly and hides his face in his shoulder. Taehyung takes another picture and Jimin rolls his eyes, hiding his face entirely. “Come on, Jimin-ah,” the younger one says. “Don’t shy away, show me something sexy.”
Jimin is fueled by his words and lifts his gaze again, looking at him sideways, lips parted and head lowered. Taehyung snaps the picture and then suddenly he’s throwing himself on Jimin, falling half on top of his body, nose brushing against his. The grass is high enough to cover them almost completely and now that they’re here, Jimin doesn’t want to go anywhere else.
Taehyung doesn’t need to say it, Jimin can tell by the way he’s looking into his eyes. I love you . Jimin loves him back just as much. He cups his face between his hands and kisses him briefly, knowing that nobody will see because there isn’t anyone around and the grass is tall anyway. They kiss until Jimin’s lips are swollen and Taehyung can’t breathe properly. He snaps a new picture from an entirely stupid angle and it makes him laugh, body shaking with force of it.
They laugh and take more pictures. They talk and roll around and kiss each other whenever they feel like it, until the afternoon has gone by and the sun is getting ready to set. Only then does Taehyung sigh, eyes on the sky.
“Let’s go home?” He asks after a long while.
Jimin nods, although he wishes home wasn’t a hotel room that will no longer belong to him once the week is over.
DAY SIX
I wish you good night.
—Winter Bear , V.
“Wow,” Taehyung whispers, looking at the picture frame he has in his hands. “I didn’t think I’d ever come back here.”
Jimin wasn't able to come here yesterday. He would've liked to but his mother made him run away as quickly as possible. He regrets it now because it would've been nice to come here and not be overwhelmed by Taehyung's presence. This place holds so many memories that Jimin wanted to be prepared himself mentally before having Taehyung come. Yet here they are now. The taller one spent so much time here when they were younger that Jimin can't help the feeling of familiarity upon seeing him sitting there, picture frame in hand.
It's a picture from when they graduated high school, hugging each other by the shoulders and smiling so widely at the future that was to come. Jimin used to believe life would turn in his favor but here they are now. He's trying hard not to be affected by it but Taehyung has been walking around just as naturally as he used to and it only reminds Jimin of everything they've been through.
"I didn't think so either," he whispers, looking at the pictures on the walls. He and Taehyung filled the walls up with pictures of them and their friends, of all the things they did and all the adventures they went on. The vast majority were taken by Taehyung in the beginning of his photography obsession. After seeing the pictures he took yesterday, Jimin has no doubt his talent will never fade away no matter how constricted he might be.
"You left everything exactly as it was," Taehyung mentions. He's standing up again, shifting his gaze over the wall and settling himself behind Jimin. He can feel him there, his warmth so close but he's never felt so far away.
"I was running away, I wanted to leave everything behind. I didn't bother in taking much," he murmurs.
Arms wrap around his waist, Taehyung's nose pressing into his neck and he leans his head back on his shoulder, trying to relax in his embrace. They've been in this position before, in this very same room, looking at all the pictures they have together. It's part of the beautiful moments; Jimin has been trying to focus on them because the other one's hurt far too much.
"I can't do this, Jimin. I can't just be with you. My parents will kill me. Everybody will judge me. I—"
"Then stop playing with my fucking feelings!" Jimin interrupted , lifting his hands in the air. "Stop touching me, stop kissing me, stop telling me you can't stay away. Leave me the fuck alone, Taehyung."
The scene repeats itself in his head but Taehyung's lips press to his cheek and he forgets about them, instead reaching his hand out and tracing one of the pictures in which they're both laying on the ground while looking up at the camera that Taehyung is holding above them.
"That's in Aspan Park," Taehyung murmurs, reaching out as well and pressing his finger next to Jimin's.
The older one's eyes drift to where their hands are next to each other, Taehyung's much bigger. Their fingers meet and Taehyung's hand engulfs his own as he brings it back to wrap his arms around Jimin. They stay like that for a while until Taehyung presses a quick kiss to Jimin's shoulder and detaches himself from his back.
"This room is the only place I felt happy at when we were younger," Taehyung murmurs, walking around towards the desk. He presses a hand to it and smiles. Jimin can't help but stare at his beautiful profile. "Even if we were just studying, or trying to, I felt like I was free to do whatever I wanted because you would never judge me."
It's true. Taehyung was always different; he thought about things in another way, analyzed situations in deeper and sometimes strange ways. Nobody got him like Jimin—nobody understood his mind like Jimin did. Even now, he can tell that only Jimin understands him.
"You were always different, that's what pulled me towards you," he replies.
Taehyung hums, nodding softly. He seems distracted and Jimin wonders if he's also remembering all the things that happened here; good and bad, sad and happy, exciting and worrying.
"What are you going to be taking with you?" Taehyung asks.
Jimin wasn't sure about that last night. He figured he'd know when coming here but now all he can think about is taking home everything that reminds him of his happiness because he needs that in Seoul—a place that has felt empty all this time despite the fact that he's accomplished everything he once desired.
And his happiness, as ironic as it might sound, entirely revolves around Taehyung.
He's going to take everything related to his father first; everything he can rightfully take. He doesn't want to leave his mother with nothing, of course. She'll probably taking a few things for herself as well. The rest will go on sale and then this house will be gone. Jimin's childhood, gone. Everything just...gone.
"I'm going to look for things that remind me of my dad," he finally replies.
Taehyung nods and walks towards him, his hands lifting and cupping Jimin's cheeks. This feels both wrong and right, and Jimin just can't get himself to stop thinking about it.
"Take your time," Taehyung says, looking into Jimin's eyes. "I can order something in the meantime? It's almost mid-day, what do you want to eat?"
Jimin's face lights up at the thought of hamburgers, a reminder of what they used to eat when Taehyung stayed over to study.
"I'm sorry," Taehyung whispered , leaning his forehead over Jimin's. Jimin knew why he was apologizing but he still asked , he pretended .
"What for?"
Taehyung kissed him softly, just a brush of lips, before he's sighing and turning around to sleep. And Jimin, stupidly in love Jimin, slid closer and pressed to his back, hugging him so that he knew that everything was fine, even if it wasn’t .
"Hamburgers?" He asks, even if the memory is a bittersweet one.
Taehyung, against all odds, chuckles and grabs Jimin by the shoulders.
"I am not surprised," he mentions. "Okay then."
When he lets go, Jimin points his finger at him.
"Don't order dumplings," he warns.
Taehyung sticks his tongue out.
"What's the fun in that?"
He's gone before Jimin can reply but it has him shaking his head. Dumplings are the thing they most like in this world and they’re also the thing they fight over the most. It was proved that their fighting continues in the present, just a few days ago. Only now, it's more like a joke; it doesn't feel deep or meaningful.
"Fucking dumplings, is that what you want to fight over now, Taehyung?"
"I don't want to fight!"
"Then fucking stop talking about all of this shit, I can't take it anymore!"
"I won't!"
"Fine!"
It had been a second, just one, before they were striding over to each other and kissing the hell out of one an other .
Jimin pushes the thoughts away. It's clearly going to be a long day. He can't seem to concentrate enough to push away all these memories.
Taehyung disappears far longer than he should but Jimin knows he must be giving him privacy to look over his stuff. He picks out a few things, walking around his room aimlessly as he tries to engrave the place into his mind because, soon enough, all of this will be gone and it'll belong to someone else.
He leaves his room to go to his parents' and finds that the place isn't as intact as his room was. A lot of things have disappeared, probably because his mother took them. There's just the bed, the TV, and the nightstands. He opens them in case she forgot something and finds them mostly empty, old papers and useless stuff scattered around but nothing important for Jimin.
He slides his hand in his pocket and takes out the golden necklace his father left him. He has this, at least. He also has his father in his heart and he'll always be there, no matter what. He really wanted to do his final wishes. He was ready to take his mother with him for a while and come over whenever he could manage. Yet she hasn't changed. She still doesn't seem to love Jimin enough to push aside the judgments and accept him for who he is. He can hope, though. He closes his hand around the necklace.
"I'm sorry, dad," he murmurs, bringing it to his lips and giving a kiss to it. "I'll always remember you."
When he steps back into the living room, Taehyung is sitting on the couch, eyebrows furrowed and phone in between his hands. Jimin hesitates for a second but soon enough, the younger one's eyes lift and he smiles wide, as if nothing is wrong. He puts the phone away but Jimin can't help wonder what that was about. Taehyung hasn't checked his phone at all in his presence and he can tell it's because he doesn't want to think about the life he has, the life he's completely ignoring this week. Jimin feels bad but he also prefers not to think about it. Tomorrow he'll be gone and all of this will disappear as soon as he's back in Seoul.
"Are you okay?" Taehyung asks, standing up and making his way to Jimin.
Jimin is grateful that he gave him time to do this by himself because it was overwhelming to have Taehyung around while reminiscing.
"Yeah," he replies, smiling. "A little bit hungry," he adds.
He's not sure what time it is but they had breakfast early to come here before lunch time and Jimin feels like too many hours have gone by.
"Our food will be here soon," Taehyung assures. "Did you find anything you want to take with you?"
"Yeah, a few things," he replies.
"Want me to take them to the car?"
Jimin nods. "Yes, please."
Taehyung just smiles, lips pressing to Jimin's forehead.
"I'll do that," he says. "Why don't you lay down ? Is there still cable? Maybe we can watch a movie while we eat."
"Maybe they haven't cut it yet, I'll check," he agrees.
It's not long before they've settled together in Jimin's small bed, food on their laps and eyes on the TV screen in front of them. The bed is pushed up in a corner of the room and it's very small for both of them (just like it's always been) but they manage quite nicely, feeding each other from time to time because that too is something they've always done.
It's oddly satisfying to know that even after all this time, their relationship hasn't changed all that much. Jimin hopes he can remember this week, particularly when he goes back to Seoul.
They fight over the dumplings, as per usual, but they end up being a giggling mess, tickling each other and trying to get the dumpling into their mouths. By the time they manage to calm down, Jimin is breathless and his stomach hurts with how much he's been laughing.
They eventually decide to stand up and put everything in the trash and take it outside so it doesn't remain in the house. Jimin feels like there's a different energy in the room. They're supposed to be leaving in an hour because his mother said she'd be coming around in the afternoon. They should leave already. Yet Jimin finds himself staring at the wall, the place where all the pictures had been before, now empty because he decided to take them all with him. Taehyung finds him like this.
Jimin turns around to find the younger one trailing his fingers over the bed sheets. They're a mess now with all their fighting and giggling but Taehyung is looking at it as if it's the most beautiful thing he's seen. Jimin's heart spikes up in his chest. Jimin knows by the gleaming gaze Taehyung sends him that he’s thinking the same thing as him.
“I fucked you on this bed, remember?” He asks. “All messy and new and desperate.” Jimin’s breath hitches, heart thumping in his chest. “We were fighting over fucking dumplings. And I—I couldn’t get it off my mind for a whole week. The week I disappeared? I spent it entirely thinking about you.”
Jimin lets his feet take him to where Taehyung is standing, next to the bed. He looks up into his eyes.
“What did you think about?” He asks.
Taehyung makes a face, shaking his head.
“All the things I could do to you,” Taehyung whispers. His hands reach up and fingertips slide over Jimin’s forearms. “All the things I wanted you to do to me.”
Jimin slides his hands up Taehyung’s chest.
“What did you want me to do to you, Tae?” He asks.
Taehyung’s cheeks color a deep shade of pink.
“I thought about you on top of me, like an angel,” he murmurs. He’s sliding his fingertips over Jimin’s cheeks. “I thought about you riding me until I cried.”
Jimin thinks back to the few times they had been together. They weren’t ever in a relationship; they just continuously found themselves giving in to guilty pleasure. It was always fast and desperate, sometimes rough and sloppy, sometimes even while drunk. Never slow, not like the night they shared a day ago. They have time now.
Jimin lets his hands fall to Taehyung’s shoulders and suddenly pushes him onto the bed. The younger one falls back with a gasp, elbows already digging into the mattress right behind himself. Jimin climbs onto his lap without much effort, helping Taehyung move until they’re in the middle of the bed.
“There’s one hour or so left before we have to leave,” Jimin whispers, wrapping his arms around Taehyung’s neck and placing his forehead against his own. “We have one hour to take care of that,” he murmurs, voice low.
Taehyung’s hands fall to his hips. He’s looking up in this way, eyes so focused on Jimin, lips slightly parted. His cheeks have flushed a deep shade of red and his expression is a bit lost. Jimin cards fingers through his hair and pecks the tip of his nose.
“Jimin,” he whispers.
Jimin smiles. “Yes, baby?”
Taehyung’s eyes flutter close.
“Make sure I never forget it,” he whispers.
Jimin hates the sadness behind his voice. He understands what Taehyung is asking. It’s still not addressed directly but it’s obvious at this point that whatever is currently happening between them will stay only for this week long trip. After that Jimin will leave, Taehyung will stay, and their lives will continue on as they were before all of this happened.
“I will,” he promises, crashing his lips against his.
Once more, it's a desperate kiss. Jimin doesn't take his time exploring Taehyung's mouth, he doesn't take his time kissing him slowly, enjoying it as it is. He quickly pulls at his shirt to take it off, making a desperate sound when Taehyung latches his mouth onto his neck and sucks over his sensitive skin. He still has purple moons tainting his skin, a reminder of what they'd done a few days ago.
He finds that he doesn't care. He wants it to hurt because it'll keep him focused. It will make him remember that there's a good and bad side to this situation and that it will always be there to haunt him.
Jimin digs his fingers over Taehyung's shoulder blades and tilts his head back to let him take everything he wants. Yet the younger one is just as desperate as he is and he's wasting no time in pulling up Jimin's shirt.
Jimin kisses him again, holding his cheeks between his hands and tilting Taehyung's head back so much that he wonders if it hurts. The other one isn't complaining so he'll take it as a no. He slips his tongue in between his lips and lets it press down on Taehyung's, licking the top of his mouth and breaking away breathless.
For a moment, he just looks down at Taehyung. He's beautiful like this—vulnerable and free and happy. His hair is a mess, lips parted and swollen with their kissing. His hands are tugging at Jimin's hips, trying to get him to move and Jimin gives him that. He rolls his hips slowly, different from his desperate kissing, and the younger one groans, letting his forehead fall to Jimin's collarbone.
"We don't have lube," Taehyung manages to say, although it does come out strangled and shaky.
Jimin bites down on his lower lip but brings them to Taehyung's ear and whispers. "Check in my back pocket."
Taehyung's hands slide backwards, both hands slipping into the pockets of Jimin's pants. He squeezes his ass unnecessarily and it makes Jimin yelp, giggling into the crook of his neck. Taehyung takes out the lube packet Jimin had saved in there and smirks at him, leaning back on one hand and dangling the lube packet in between them with the other.
"Someone came prepared," he says.
Jimin blushes. He didn't expect anything when coming here but knowing them and how much of a desperate mess they were back in their school days, he put it there, just in case. It's going to come in handy, of course.
"Shut up and get me naked," he says, threading his fingers through Taehyung's hair and tugging at it tightly, making the younger one's head tilt back dangerously again. It only makes him look at Jimin with newfound hunger, packet falling aside and long fingers fumbling with Jimin's buttons.
Jimin does the same with Taehyung's pants and they have to roll away from each other in order to slide them down all the way. Once they're both naked, Jimin is quick to settle back on Taehyung's lap and, staring right into his eyes, he presses his ass down on his half hard cock, loving the way Taehyung hisses, hips lifting to meet him halfway.
Jimin feels as overwhelmed as he did when they touched each other in the shower a few days ago. It's different to have Taehyung in plain sight at this hour of the day, when light is coming into the room and exposing them to their vulnerability. He doesn't care. He grinds his hips down on his lap a few times, enjoying the way Taehyung gasps and moans and tries to get him to move faster.
But Taehyung had said he wanted to cry and Jimin is going to do one hell of a good job to make sure he never manages to forget.
"I want you to touch yourself while I prep," Jimin says, bringing the lube packet to his mouth and opening it.
Taehyung is looking at him as if mesmerized, nodding slowly, lost in the pleasure Jimin has been giving him. He lets Jimin pour the lube in his hand and reaches down to touch himself, moaning as soon as he does because he's been hard for a while, sensitive to the touch.
Jimin smiles and turns around to give him a perfect view of his ass. He knows it will be a bit difficult but he wants to put on a show for him, make sure this new thing they're doing will forever be engraved in his memory. They never had time for this, never came close to being together enough to share intimacy like this.
Jimin is so turned on that when he briefly touches his cock it almost hurts, his hips buckling up into the touch.
He gasps and almost slumps down entirely onto the bed but he manages to remain stable. He leans down on one forearm, his lubed-up fingers reaching behind himself. He preps himself slowly, teasingly, and instructs Taehyung to stroke himself just as slow, never giving himself too much so that he doesn't push over the edge.
His skin is burning with arousal and embarrassment about being presented like this to him but Taehyung's grunts and groans are enough to fuel him and have him hurrying up.
When he's hovering over Taehyung's lap again, the younger one is gripping his length as if he's trying not to come. Jimin tilts his head to the side.
"Are you close?" He asks. "Did that turn you on that much? Seeing me prep myself?"
Taehyung breathes out, eyes fluttering closed. He nods, hand still. Jimin smiles to himself and reaches down to take Taehyung's hand away. The younger one whines but tenses up when Jimin holds the base of his cock.
"Do you think you'll come if I sit on your cock, Taehyung-ah?" He asks, lips pressing close to Taehyung's ear.
Taehyung's hands fall to Jimin's ass, spread his cheeks, fingers slipping close across his rim. He shivers with anticipation but he doesn't give Taehyung much of what he wants. He lines himself up to his cock and slowly, so slowly, sinks down. And the younger one tenses up much more, holds his breath, and makes a strangled noise.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters, hiding his face in the crook of Jimin's neck. "Oh my God, I'm gonna come," he whines.
Yet, he doesn't. Jimin lifts himself up until Taehyung isn't inside of him anymore. He ignores his protests and stops touching his cock to hold his hips down and make sure he doesn't move.
"Jimin," Taehyung groans, slumping down and letting his hands fall behind him to hold himself up.
"Lay down," Jimin says.
Taehyung does, letting himself fall onto the bed, and Jimin watches the way his chest heaves, the way his fingers are digging into the flesh of Jimin's thighs. His body is shining with sweat and he seems desperate, probably still close to the edge. Jimin waits for a moment before circling Taehyung's cock with his fingers and lining him up between his ass cheeks.
They both hold their breaths as he slides back down until he's pressed to Taehyung's hips. He tilts his head back, enjoying the burn of the stretch. He takes a deep breath before looking back down at Taehyung through a hooded gaze. The younger one is staring, lips parted and cheeks red.
Jimin slides his hands over his abdomen, a little bit over his chest, and then settles them over his stomach, circling his hips tentatively. Taehyung moans, pressing the crook of his elbow against his eyes.
Jimin enjoys it. It's the first time he's riding Taehyung but he already knows that it's the best thing he's ever done in his life. The younger one is so responsive; he keeps moaning and groaning and lifting his hips desperately chasing his release. Taehyung starts tensing up again just a few minutes later, hands falling back to Jimin's hips and helping him move faster. Jimin just shows him a small smile before lifting himself up and letting him slip out of him.
"Fuck, no," Taehyung whimpers, trying to bring him closer and lifting his hips, desperately to find something friction.
Jimin settles over his stomach and leans down to kiss him to stop his whining and distract him for a bit. The younger one sighs against his lips and kisses him back sloppily, still desperate. He's touching over Jimin's waist, up his back, down to his ass again and squeezing his flesh.
"You feel so good," he whispers. "You make me feel so good, Jimin-ah."
Jimin nods against his lips, happy to make him feel good.
"Gonna make you come," he promises.
Taehyung nods and when Jimin leans back, he notices the tears in his eyes, shining bright with emotion and pleasure. Jimin moves all the way until he's on Taehyung's thighs, circles his cock with his fingers and strokes slowly, plays with the head and goes back down to the base. Taehyung huffs, hips stuttering but unmoving because of where Jimin is sitting.
"Please," Taehyung begs, trying again but failing miserably.
Jimin has never seen him like this. The times they've been together, it was desperate and short-lived, bodies craving what they so long pushed aside. He never got time to enjoy Taehyung the way he wanted to but now, being here, touching him and watching him come apart just by that, Jimin finds it hard to believe he'll be leaving tomorrow. He wants to explore this more; he wants to explore Taehyung and invest in what they have and stay by his side forever because he's supposed to. Taehyung feels so good next to him, close to him.
Yet Taehyung is married. He's married to a woman and he's going to go back to her once Jimin leaves. Taehyung doesn't belong to him. He never did. The thought is enough to make his eyes fill with tears. In an effort to not let Taehyung see, he sinks down on his cock again, closes his eyes and tilts his head back to grind at a quick pace.
He's crying. He's crying but he knows Taehyung's eyes are closed with pleasure. He's grunting, hands on Jimin's hips, making him move faster as he's thrusting up into Jimin, murmuring something about how perfect he is.
Jimin opens his teary eyes, looks down at Taehyung, and sees that his eyes are open as well. He's crying, tears sliding down his cheeks and he's just looking at Jimin as if he's an angel—just like he said he imagined. They're both crying, clearly for reasons that don't relate to pleasure but they pretend, just like they always did. They both close their eyes again and keep on going until Taehyung tenses up, cries out Jimin's name, and spills inside of him, body shaking. Jimin follows just a few seconds later, body shuddering and falling onto Taehyung's chest as soon as he comes.
It's a mess. Everything is a fucking mess.
DAY SEVEN
Stay by my side
—Friends, Jimin and V.
Taehyung gets a call from his wife early morning and as ironic as it is, Jimin wakes up just in time to hear him talking to her. Taehyung is standing by a corner of the hotel room again, murmuring into his phone.
"I haven't abandoned you, I told you I would take off the whole week," he says. There's silence and then: "No, I don't expect you to understand it."
Jimin looks up at the ceiling. Paradise ended too soon. He wasn't even ready for it to happen but he knows that as soon as that phone call ends, Taehyung will be leaving and Jimin will be on a plane to Seoul, ready to attempt to move on.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks then. "No, you—you can't do that." Jimin sits up, bringing his knees to his chest. He doesn't feel well but he forces himself to hear because being with Taehyung while he was still married was terribly wrong and it's his fault, too, that he's fighting with his wife. "Just calm down, I'll—yes, God. I'll go, just—just calm down, Jisoo."
Jimin watches as Taehyung hangs up, clutching the phone in his hand and pressing his fists into the wall. He can tell that he wants to scream. Jimin wants to make it better but he knows everything that's happened this week has soured up and won't be the same. It's time to let go.
He clears his throat and Taehyung turns around, eyes meeting his. It's probably still early in the morning but Jimin needs to start getting ready because his plane is leaving before mid-day.
"I—" Taehyung tries but shakes his head. He rakes his fingers through his hair and looks at Jimin again, frustration on his face. "I have to leave," he says. "Jisoo, um—I'm sorry," he finishes.
Jimin shakes his head and stands up to make his way towards him. He itches to touch him, to hug him and assure him that everything will be okay, but he can't do that. He has no right.
"It's okay," he assures, nodding softly. "I can call a taxi," he adds.
Taehyung's eyebrows furrow and he looks down briefly, nodding as well. The air is heavy with tension and pain, it feels like they're going through this all over again—Jimin telling Taehyung that he's leaving for Seoul and Taehyung getting angry despite the fact that he'd been the one running away from Jimin in the first place.
"I'll get my stuff," Taehyung says.
He doesn't have much stuff. He's been wearing Jimin's clothes the whole week. He even bought a few boxer briefs—probably so that he didn't have to go home. He just has his suit and the sweats he had in his trunk, in case he ever needed it. He's wearing that right now but his shirt is Jimin's. He hesitates, turning his gaze towards him but Jimin shakes his head.
"You can keep it," he murmurs.
Maybe it's a good idea. Maybe that way, Taehyung will always have something to remind him of this—something to keep him sane because God knows that Jimin doesn't understand how he'll be able to survive his whole life like this, unhappy, with someone he doesn't want.
"I um—I'll just go," he says, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
Jimin breathes as steadily as he can. He won't cry. He'll be fine. He's done this before; he's left without him once. He can do it again.
"Okay," he murmurs, opening the door for him.
There's no kiss, no goodbye, no talking about what happens now. Jimin watches Taehyung take a step outside. He looks back just briefly, seems to try to smile but he doesn't manage.
"Bye, Jimin," he whispers.
Jimin swallows down the lump in his throat. He takes a deep breath.
"Bye, Taehyung-ah."
As soon as the door closes, there’s insistent knocking that makes Jimin frown. He opens again only to be crowded up by Taehyung, pressed to the quickly closed door and kissed like he’s the only air there is in the world. Taehyung kisses him desperately, mouth devouring Jimin as he takes control easily, hands clutching onto his cheeks and keeping him close. He kisses back the best way he can, barely managing to keep up with Taehyung’s insistent mouth over his own.
When the younger one parts away, he’s breathing heavily, hands still on Jimin’s cheeks.
“Ask me to stay,” he begs. “Ask me to stay, Jimin. Please.”
It makes his eyes fill with tears so suddenly. He doesn’t manage to keep it in. They slide down his cheeks and he shakes his head, cupping Taehyung’s cheeks as well
“I can’t, baby,” he murmurs. “You know I can’t.”
Taehyung murmurs an empty please before kissing Jimin again, slower and defeated. It hurts like hell but Jimin kisses him back and cards his fingers through his hair to try and ease the pain. It doesn't help, it doesn't stop. They part away but Jimin can feel it itching over his skin. There's pain everywhere. He brushes his thumbs over Taehyung's cheekbones and nods. He has to go. Jimin wasn't expecting him to stay. He'll manage. He'll be okay. He'll try, at least.
"It's okay," he whispers. "You have to go."
Taehyung shakes his head and hides his face in Jimin's neck but it's short and he breaks away once more. He doesn't look into Jimin's eyes as he nods, goes to open the door and leaves without muttering another word.
Jimin presses his hand over his chest as if that could make the pain weaker but it's impossible, because all his heart wants is Taehyung and he doesn't get to have him. Getting ready to leave for the airport turns out to be a strange process. He doesn't even think, he just puts everything away and gets his things ready and calls himself a taxi.
Now that he's alone again, he can't believe everything that's happened in the past seven days—six, if he doesn't count today. He can't believe that he got to have Taehyung the way he always wanted him, even if it was just a short-lived fantasy. He can't believe that he's lost him once more and that he'll probably not see him again until something else happens again—until he's forced to come back here again. He doesn't know if he'll be able to see him again, not after everything that's happened. It's somewhat worse because he's gotten a taste of something he desired so much. He wishes he didn't have to let it go.
The taxi arrives faster than he'd expected and he looks back inside the hotel room before leaving, as if it was a home he'll be leaving behind. That's not true, his room was the place they left behind yesterday, the place that holds so many memories from the past and now new memories they've made.
Maybe he should've never asked Taehyung to be with him during the funeral. Maybe he should've just left. He thinks about that day as the driver takes him to the airport. He thinks about how it would've all ended had he not asked him to stay. They haven't even talked about everything that happened; they've addressed a thing here and there, but nothing serious, nothing deep. It's always going to be there. There's no closure—if anything, they've re-opened a wound that had long closed enough to pretend it wasn't there.
Jimin finds that there's an ache in his chest as he makes his way across the airport. It's like his heart is heavy and it hurts to think about what's going to happen once he gets on that plane. He can't believe it's over. He can't believe he won't see Taehyung again.
Maybe he could text him. Just to know how he is, just to make sure he's fine, just—oh. He shakes his head and resists the urge to laugh at himself. They didn't even exchange numbers. He has nothing. He could always contact him through social media but isn't it proof enough that he shouldn't? He shouldn't have even been with him during this week in the first place.
He pushes back the tears that are threatening to spill and continues to walk towards the door to his gate. He's late, very late.
He’s almost at his gate, the first call for his boarding being made through the whole airport, when he hears Taehyung’s voice loud enough to not mistake it with his imagination.
“Jimin!”
It’s almost movie-like. Jimin turns around as soon as he hears his name over the people around him. Taehyung is there, running like his life depends on it, making his way in between bodies, until he reaches him.
“Don’t go,” he says, breathless. Jimin doesn’t know what to say. He stares at Taehyung, unsure of what’s happening. He was sure he wouldn’t see him again, maybe until he had to came back or if destiny was ever mean enough to put their paths together. “Don’t go without me.”
Jimin frowns. What? What’s that supposed to mean?
“Tae, I’m—I don’t understand,” he mumbles. “My plane—”
“I’m getting a divorce,” he blurts out.
It’s like a bucket of iced water falls over Jimin. His body freezes, the world stops spinning and he hears the words he’d been hoping for, the words he wanted Taehyung to tell him. But not like this. It can’t be. He can’t do this.
“B-but—”
“I went home to tell her. I can’t do this, I can’t keep living like this, Jimin,” Taehyung whispers. He’s suddenly grasping at Jimin’s cheeks, staring into his eyes that have widened in surprise. People are staring, talking, Taehyung doesn’t seem to care. For the first time since this whole cycle began, Taehyung doesn’t care. “I love you .”
They hurt. The words make Jimin’s heart hurt. He can’t believe Taehyung did that; he can’t believe Taehyung is here, ready to risk everything for him. He can’t believe it’s in such a terrible timing.
“I love you too,” he whispers but he can tell that his expression is enough to let Taehyung know that it’s not going to be so easy.
“I do ,” Taehyung insists. “I will get a divorce, I promise .”
He thinks Jimin doesn’t believe him and honestly, there is a part of him that doesn’t entirely believe him. There’s also a part of him that’s glad that Taehyung is finally deciding to do something good for himself.
“You don’t have to promise me that,” Jimin says, shaking his head.
“Then what do I have to do, Jimin?” He asks. “Tell me and I’ll do it. Whatever you want, just—”
He cups Taehyung’s cheeks, interrupting him, and lets the tears finally spill. The younger one cries as well, shakes his head over and over again.
“My dad passed away, Taehyungie,” Jimin murmurs. It’s so hard to talk, to say the words he has to say. He doesn’t want to leave without him but he knows that he can’t take him away. “I need time to mourn. You’ve made this week so much easier for me. You made me remember what it was to be happy, to feel complete. I can’t make you come with me, not like this, so out of nowhere. You have a life here and—”
“B-but you said it yourself,” Taehyung interrupts. He’s clutching Jimin’s shoulders now, desperately shaking his head. “I’m unhappy. I don’t want this anymore. I never did, Jimin. I want you—I’ve always wanted you.”
Jimin tries not to but he can’t keep it in, the tears keep spilling with much more force and he barely manages to conceal a sob.
“And I will always want you, baby,” he assures. There’s no other truth than that one. He’ll never stop loving Taehyung, he’ll never forget him. “But you’re talking about coming out, Tae. You want to let go of a life you’ve been living for so long. If you come with me and then regret it, you’ll blame me, you’ll hate me, you’ll resent me. We’ll never be able to come back from that. I don’t want that to happen to us.”
Taehyung looks desperate. His hands move back to Jimin’s cheeks.
“I won’t regret it. I won’t resent you. I love you.”
Jimin holds his hands where they are, on his cheeks.
“I love you too. We’re in such different times in our lives, Taehyung-ah. I have to reorganize myself and figure out what I’m missing, what’s making me feel so empty. I have to mourn the loss of my father and slowly start picking up on everything I dropped back in Seoul. And you,” he pauses, brushing his thumbs over the back of Taehyung’s hands, still placed on his cheeks. “You have to do what your heart is telling you to do. Learn how to live the life you’ve always wanted to live and learn how to live it without me. I know right now you feel like I’m the only one you want but I’m worried it’s because I’m the only guy you’ve ever been with.”
Taehyung’s hands drop, his eyebrows furrow and he seems furious all of a sudden.
“What do you mean? That I should experiment with other people, then?”
The thought makes Jimin want to scream out loud and punch something.
“No, no,” he pleads. “I want you to be mine, Taehyung. I want to be yours and I want us to live a life together like I've wanted since we were in high school. But I can’t have you if you don’t even belong to yourself and for that, you have to learn to love yourself—accept who you are and embrace it. That, baby, you have to do it on your own.”
Tears slip down Teahyung’s cheeks, his hands cup Jimin’s again.
“I know, I know,” he mumbles. He does. At the end of it all, they both know that Jimin is saying what has to be said. They don’t want to let go of each other but they do need time to heal and to learn how to love themselves. “I don’t want you to go, I still want you to be with me,” Taehyung mutters.
His lips press to Jimin’s and Jimin kisses him back in between tears. The last call for his plane echoes around the airport and Jimin detaches himself from Taehyung, presses one last kiss to his cheek, and brushes the tears away with his thumbs.
“We’ll see each other again,” he promises.
They will, he’s sure. He just hopes that life is good enough that he gets a chance to be with him the way he’s always wanted.
“I love you,” Taehyung murmurs.
Jimin takes a step back and finally lets go.
“I love you too, Kim Taehyung.”
Jimin doesn’t look back as he leaves.
D DAY
“Hey Jimin, today.”
—Friends, Jimin and V.
Jimin is nervous. Of course he is. When he left Taehyung in that airport, he told himself that he would come back to Daegu only when he knew he was ready—when he’d healed and moved on and was ready to try and talk with the younger one, close open wounds, and see if they still had a chance at finally being happy together. And maybe try out whatever he and Taehyung had re-opened during that week they spent together.
It’s been more than a year. It’s been so long but it doesn’t mean that he feels any less. He doesn’t feel empty anymore; he’s learned to be happy with the life he has because it’s somewhat what he’d always wanted. That’s why he’s here. Because he’s still irrevocably in love with Taehyung and he wants nothing more than to see him.
Why is he nervous? Taehyung had said that he’d get a divorce and stop living a life he didn’t actually want. Jimin understood that as coming out and accepting who he was. There’s a chance he hasn’t, a chance that he decided to just keep forward with this because Jimin left—or because he never was planning to fulfill that promise. Either way, it would mean that Jimin doesn’t stay or leave with Taehyung. It would mean that Taehyung isn’t ready for him and might never be.
It would mean letting go forever. And just the thought of doing so is enough to make his chest hurt.
He takes a taxi to the place where Taehyung used to live. He’s not expecting him to still live there but maybe his parents do. Even if they hate him because of all the rumors that grew around Taehyung when they were younger, maybe he’ll convince them to give him his new address.
They aren’t there, though. He finds out that they haven’t lived there in years, actually. He’s not even sure if they’re still alive. Taehyung didn’t mention anything during the week they spent together but, to be fair, Jimin had been grieving the loss of his father. The couple living there know about Taehyung, though. They said they were friends of Taehyung’s parents and that they knew where he’d moved to when he got married.
So Jimin goes there, nervousness growing inside of him as well as anxiety. He’s not sure of what to expect. He fears he’s going to see the exact same Taehyung he saw the last time—married to a woman and unhappy. What if he has children now? Jimin doesn’t think he’ll be able to mask his sadness if that happens.
Like everything in Daegu, it’s an apartment close enough for him to go by foot. He makes it all the way to the third floor and looks for the number he’d been given. He pauses in front of the door, nervous and worried. He takes a deep breath and rings the bell before overthinking and stopping himself.
His heart is beating so fast that he feels breathless. He doesn’t want to think too much about it but he can’t stop his brain from going haywire. The door opens before he’s ready and he startles, eyes widening slightly, hands shaking where they’re hanging by his sides.
Taehyung. Taehyung is beautiful. So handsome and hair so long and lips so pretty and wow . Jimin stares at him a little too much, heart still beating so fast and he’s completely out of words. He doesn’t know what to say.
“Jimin-ah,” Taehyung whispers.
Jimin can see the surprise in his eyes. He can see that he doesn’t know what to say, that he’s confused but there’s also excitement gleaming in his eyes.
“Hi, Taehyung-ah.”
Jimin can already tell that he’s better. He doesn’t seem tired. He’s smiling softly, he looks happy . Jimin isn’t sure of why but he feels the sudden urge to cry. He pushes it away and smiles warmly at him.
“Long time no see.”
It sounds so full of emotion that Jimin isn’t surprised by the way Taehyung’s gaze softens. He clears his throats, hoping to also clear his mind and the younger one steps to the side.
“Come in?”
Jimin nods and steps inside. Maybe he has someone else now. Or maybe he’s still married and somehow happy. Jimin doesn’t want to look around but he nervously does, searching for pictures, anything that will let him know if Taehyung is still married. Maybe he has a child now, maybe that’s why he’s so happy and serene.
“It really has been a long time,” Taehyung mentions, making Jimin startle and turn in a hurry.
He clears his throat for what feels like the hundredth time.
“Yeah,” he murmurs.
There’s a moment of long silence in the living room. Jimin hasn’t seen any pictures that let him know what’s happened in Taehyung’s life but it’s all just a question away. He just has to ask. Their eyes meet. They’re both standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, staring at each other.
“Ask me,” Taehyung says. Jimin swallows down the lump in his throat. He’s voiceless, nerves taking over him. “Ask me if I still love you.”
Jimin blurts the words out. “Do you?” He asks. “Do you still love me, Taehyung-ah?”
Taehyung smiles, so wide and so sincere and so happy. “I still love you, Jimin-ah,” he replies. “Only ever you.”
And Jimin knows . He’s glad. He’s glad that despite everything they’ve been through, it all led to this—to this moment, with them together, just like it was always meant to be.