Chapter Text
“I think my son wants to move away and raise himself.” Buck opened his Jeep door to find a kicked looking puppy in the form of one Eddie Diaz standing there.
“Eddie, he’s always been Mr. Independent. He likes to do as much as he can on his own. Now he’s spending nights with friends. It makes him feel like he can try new things. Makes him feel not so different when the other kids treat him like he’s not different. Which means a lot. He was used to being teased. Now he’s found a group of friends that look past his CP to him. It’s a good thing. You know, like this little family here. We all have our little quirks but we love each other and look past them to protect each other. He’s finally found that. Add that to what he went through with counseling he’s more confident. You’ve always told him he can do anything. I take it the sleepover and Mrs. Mendez taking him to school this morning is going harder on you than him?” Buck asked with a raised eyebrow slinging his bag over his shoulder as they walk side by side bumping into each other as if by an unseen magnetic force that fate has granted them.
“I got a thirty second phone call of ‘Hey dad. Off to school. Love you.’ Then he hung up before I could even reply back.”
By now they’re inside the firehouse, putting their bags away so they can change for the day. “Eddie, we talked about this at breakfast and half the night since you came over after your parent teacher conferences. The tsunami thing by the way. Well, Eddie. Considering he lived through one. It’s on other people, not him, to understand.”
“I know he loves me. I’m just not ready yet okay. I thought thirteen would be the drop me off a mile away from school age. Not eight.”
“Yet I’m the dramatic one. Eddie. He had fun with a friends. Which is a good thing. I wonder about all those hits to your head during your fighting phase and I hate to burst that fragile ego of yours but it ain’t about you. It’s about Christopher finally finding his place. So, maybe back off and let him. He was probably still in having fun with a friend mode when he called you. AT LEAST he called you.” It was then Buck’s phone started ringing. With a grin Buck answered. “Hey Superman. You did? No, dad’s here. He probably hit the do not disturb button by accident again when he put his phone on his locker shelf. Yeah, just let me put it on speaker.”
“Hey, dad.”
“Hey, buddy. I’m sorry I didn’t answer my phone.”
“It’s okay. I know to call My Buck because you’re with him.” Came through the speaker phone. “I can’t wait to tell you about the LEGO castle and Kenny showed me a cool new trick on our video game. I love you dad.”
“I love you too, buddy. Have a good day at school.”
“My Buck.”
“Yeah Superman.”
“You’re gonna be okay kid.”
“You’re gonna be okay kid. Show those teachers they don’t know who they’ve dealing with.”
Buck hit the end call button when the phone went silent and gave Eddie a “Stop telling me I’m the dramatic one” look.
“What?” Eddie says as he slides his arms through his shirt. “Okay. I’m the over dramatic parent.”
Buck is sitting on the bench tying his boot when Chim sticks his head in. “Hey Buck. Maddie told me to be sure to rub it in she got two hundred bucks off you last night. So, this is a heads up that you’ll be hearing about it most of the day.”
After Chim is gone Eddie turns to Buck, snapping the buttons on his shirt. “She has no clue you let her win, does she?”
“Maybe she’s just a good poker player.” Buck says pulling his own dress shirt on over his tee.
“Yeah. Like I always happen win when we play video games in front of Chris. Buck. You were a dealer and worked the tables in Vegas while you were finishing your Engineering Masters. You know, the reason you got the Fire Marshall job aaaannndddd she doesn’t know you worked in a casino in Vegas or about your Master degree. Seriously, am I the only person you tell anything too?”
“Maybe. It makes her feel good.”
“You’re a sap.”
“No. I’m a brother that likes to see his sister happy and his Superman see his father as a winner. So, parent teacher night. I’m sorry I missed it. You didn’t say much about it last night.”
“It wasn’t that exciting. Besides I know how important Buckley sibling game night is since, him that shall not be named. Although I now know Maddie doesn’t think you’re good enough for Josh. You didn’t miss much.” Eddie is now tying his own boots. “It was nice to have a night off to go for once and Carla navigated me through it.”
“Funny. I’m not free salsa, I’m cheese dip baby. He couldn’t handle it. Let me guess a bunch of puns, jokes you didn’t get and Christopher is the best child ever created but that is not why you are beet red.”
“You are definitely hot and spicy cheese dip and trust me, not everyone can handle it. Good thing I know you so well that I can.” Eddie misses the look on his face and Buck pausing tucking in his shirt when he says with that crooked, flirty grin and a far off look “his English teacher knew Eddie is short for Edmundo.”
The station is quiet when Eddie walks in. He’s a bit worried. Buck’s Jeep isn’t here yet and he’s always early for a shift. So much that Eddie found himself after a few months of working here he started coming in early to get some extra time with him. Not that they already didn’t spend every working moment together and almost every non-working as well. Maybe it was just in the shop but normally when that happens Buck spends the night and comes in with Eddie after pizza and video games.
After quickly changing into his uniform and not seeing Buck’s bag Eddie races upstairs “Hey, has anyone heard from Buck?” to find an even quieter and tense kitchen. Hen and Chim are sitting grim faced, each on a stool at the kitchen Island. Athena is leaning up against the kitchen sink in her uniform, her expression cold when it’s normally unreadable.
Then there is Bobby. Sitting alone at the table in one of the middle side seats facing the railing with a white envelope in front of him. Face not in Captain mode but a mixture of hurt and anger? Wait. Why is Bobby angry?
“Is Buck okay? Did he get hurt? He’s been off the blood thinners since March. He didn’t develop a clot did he?”
Bobby sighs and nods his head to the seat opposite him. “Eddie, why don’t you sit down?”
Eddie pulls out a chair and Bobby pushes the envelope across the table to him. He picks it up seeing “Eddie” in the handwriting he would recognize anywhere as Buck’s.
The envelope isn’t sealed so he just opens the flap and pulls out the two sheets of paper and starts reading.
He leans back about hallways through, a frown appearing when he gets to the second page.
He sits the letter down and starts laughing. Chim standing up with a look of disgust.
“Eddie, it’s not funny.”
“Oh, Chim. Yeah it is. Seriously, this tops the prank war. Good one. Buck transferring and cutting me off. Like that would happen.” Eddie stands up walking over to the island, looking behind it. “Okay, Buck you can come out now.” He yells.
“Eddie. Are you so blind to what’s been happening that you didn’t even notice his locker is empty?” Hen quietly asks him.
“Really guys? Like I’d fall for this.” Eddie pulls out his phone and dials Buck’s number. Instead of ringing a ding gong ding plays and an automated voice answers with “This number is not in service.” His face growing paler with each word.
He can feel the blood rushing from his head and his heart beating faster in panic.
Eddie runs over the the railing looking down through the glass of the locker room to see the empty locker next to his. Shelf cleaned off and no turnout gear hanging inside with the name “Buckley” on it.
“Where…where is he?”
“He started his new assignment as Lieutenant at the new station this morning.” Bobby tells him, his voice a bit stern.
“Where is he.” Eddie says turning. Not a question. A demand as he looks at the rest of the team. “Please tell me.” They all shake their head no.
By now Athena has put her coffee cup away and calmly stands in front of Eddie. “He was right in front of you for over two years.” She says. She walks over, kisses Bobby on the cheek and makes her way down the stairs.
Eddie grabs the two pieces of paper and the envelope, rushing down the stairs to the locker room to find the nameplate “Buckley” gone.
“Damn you, Buck.” He yells as he starts tearing up the two pieces of paper, letting them float to the ground.
He sits on the bench, the envelope with his name on it clutched in his hands and he bends over. He rests his elbows in his legs and cradles his head with his fist as tears start to form. “No. No. No. No. No. Evan, please no.” He grabs his phone from his pocket. Scrolling through texts trying to find Buck’s name. When did Buck’s texts get so far down the list? Next he checks phone calls under Buck’s number. He sees missed incoming calls that stopped months ago but no outgoing.
When did they stop texting and calling each other to talk all night?
According to his phone, there were sporadic calls in June. Then nothing.
He couldn’t remember the last time Buck stayed at the house or he stayed at Buck’s apartment overnight.
When had Buck become a guest and how had Maddie seen it coming? He was just as attached to Buck, maybe even more so. Didn’t everyone know it? See it? That he needs him?
When did they become out of sync?
Did he try so hard with Ana to not make the same mistakes with her as he did with Shannon that he truly neglected someone he loves so horribly?
He looks down and sees the torn scattered pieces of paper that start to flitter around the room as if running away.
Getting down on his hands and knees, Eddie gathers the pieces. Grabbing scotch tape from the shelf of someone’s locker, he doesn’t care who it belongs to.
Straddling the bench he lays the crumpled pieces out then starts painstakingly and carefully, like they’re made from the most fragile of paper, putting them back together like a puzzle until the two pieces of paper lay on the bench in front of him looking like a hundred year old artifact.
He lightly touches one of many dried wet spots.
Buck’s tears had fallen on the paper as he wrote the words that would shatter Eddie’s world apart.
He gently places tape against the paper, glueing the puzzle back tighter not noticing the new fresh wet drops as he does so.
When he’s done he reads it again and again before gently folding it and like precious fine china puts it back in the crumbled envelope. He lays it flat on the bench, pressing his hands against it as he tries to put it back to its original state but fails.
It’s in shambles much like his soul.
He doesn’t have to turn around to know who is standing behind him.
“Did you read it?” He asks Bobby.
“I stayed with him last night while he wrote it. That’s draft number five. He wanted to tell you in person but you ran out when shift ended saying you had plans that you would catch him later. So, he wrote you a letter.” Bobby is leaning against the doorframe, arms and legs crossed.
“I’ve done that a lot lately, haven’t I?”
“That you have. He didn’t have me read it to know your business. He wanted to make sure since I was the one you talked to about Shannon when you got busted street fighting that you didn’t think he was doing the same thing.”
“No. Buck isn’t Shannon. I am. I made him feel like he wasn’t enough. Bobby, how do I fix it?”
“Well, admitting that is a start. You know he loves you yet you started dating Ana anyway. I also know you love him which when you brought Ana around had me perplexed. We all were but we liked her at first and she seemed to make you happy but you’ve also been blind to the fairytale princess act that you haven’t noticed what she has said to your friends. I get it. You want to correct your mistakes with Shannon but you didn’t see what was already in front of you. What’s been in front of you for over two years now since the day I told Buck to play nice. You and Buck bicker like my grandparents that have been married for almost sixty years. Then you have no definition of personal space. He was genuinely happy for you. Still is. He wants you to be happy. You’re so into making something with Ana that you didn’t notice what you had slipping away. Him turning into a ghost that we all wondered when you’d notice, if we should step in and knock some sense into you. You didn’t notice Buck going to your Abuela’s to see Christopher or when he is with Carla so he doesn’t feel like Buck is abandoning him.”
Bobby steps into the room, straddling the bench in front of Eddie that is still holding the letter down against the wood. “How do you fix it? By doing what he asked you to. Let him go. Give him space. Time. By god let him see that little boy.”
Bobby stands up and before he leaves the room Eddie asks “His promotion ceremony? So, Chris can be there?”
“Next Tuesday.”
“Can Chris…Can Chris help you give him his new badge?” Eddie’s voice is raw.
“I think that would be perfect.” Bobby leaves then turns back around. “If you love him like I believe you do. Let him go, give him some time. Figure out what you want, figure out how you got here and then after you figure it out, what you want, if it is what I believe it is then you fight like hell for him.”
He can tell Bobby is gone. He’s alone in the locker room. He gently folds the envelope in half, sticking it in his pocket as he stands. He looks at Buck’s empty locker, sitting on the floor and scooting as far back into it as he can. Wrapping his his arms around his bent knees and burying his face into his legs.
He didn’t lose his best friend.
He pushed away the love he took for granted that he expected to always be there.
Silent sobs wrack his body as it shakes, tears streaming down his face as he mourns his greatest mistake.