Chapter Text
"why not?!"
"yuggie, you–"
"please?!" the little sits with his arms crossed and his normally bright eyes glossy with unshed tears. "jinyoungie and you promised that if i was good i could go play with bammie!"
jaebeom can't contain his eye roll at the boy's whining. he exhales harshly through his nose, mumbling silent curses in the back of his mind.
he turns his glare onto his ex-boyfriend. the man beside the little has his feet kicked up with a smirk plastered across his handsome face. if jaebeom wasn't so focused on getting the little to calm down he would probably be drooling.
priorities.
"jinyoung what the–"
"ah, ah, ah~" jinyoung silences him with a finger to his lips. jinyoung nods in the direction of the boy watching their interaction with wide, curious eyes. the softness of his voice angers jaebeom even more despite how soothing it is.
"watch your mouth in front of the kid."
"he's not a fucking kid." jaebeom scowls with clenched fists. he was well aware, and considerate, of the headspace that yugyeom slips into. but at the moment, with his mind set on wiping the expression off jinyoung's face, the thought slips his mind.
yugyeom immediately recognizes the man breaking one of their rules and he gasps, hands flying over his mouth in shock.
"HYUNGIE SAID A NO-NO WORD!" he exclaims much to the dismay of jinyoung. the man winces, ducking out of the little's aY as he jumps up from his spot with an accusatory finger aimed at jaebeom. "I'M GONNA TELL JACKSON!" he shouts, running off before either man can even attempt to stop him.
jaebeom groans into his hands at what he knew was soon to happen. yugyeom tells the chinese man everything that he does, whether it be good or bad. which was how the three of them ended up in their current situation in the first place.
in his decision to tell jackson everything, yugyeom told off on himself for messing up one of jaebeom's dress shirts. jinyoung was the first to find out, prolonging telling jaebeom solely for the priceless look on his face when he discovered his only white button down to be lilac.
the maknae has now been on punishment for a week. jinyoung still thinks the punishment is too much for the boy to handle, but jaebeom thinks it suits him just fine opposed to what he originally had planned for him.
"told you to watch your mouth around him." jinyoung tsks once the little was lit of earshot.
jaebeom peeks at the dark haired man through his fingers. his own silver hair somewhat obscures his view, but he manages to see the annoying-as-fuck smirk still displayed like a trophy on a shelf upon his fairly plump lips.
jaebeom locks eyes with jinyoung, kicking the man's feet off the table as he slides into the empty space beside him on the couch.
"those rules are just a display of power over us, but that one seems to only get you. and it's not like we listen to them anyways."
jaebeom smiles when jinyoung doesn't make a move to prop his feet back up again. "you seem to listen to me." the silver haired man hums tauntingly.
jinyoung looks at him in disbelief. "as if." he looks away from the older man when he feels his cheeks beginning to warm.
jaebeom raises an eyebrow at the man's statement, turning towards him and resting an arm over the back of the couch. "you're really gonna go there?"
jinyoung copies his position, gesturing for him to continue. "come on, big guy. name one time i've ever listened to your rules."
"which set of rules?"
"what do you mean which set of rules?" jinyoung snorts as if the answer to jaebeom's question was obvious. "there's only one–"
"wrong." jaebeom interjects calmly. "there's the rules for when we're taking care of yugyeom, and the rules when i'm taking care of you."
jaebeom had managed to lean significantly closer with the few words he'd spoken, the distance between them becoming smaller. jinyoung had yet to make a move to push him away, or move away himself, despite the fact that he'd stiffened.
jaebeom's brow remains raised as he admires the man in front of him. his eyes search jinyoung's perfect features, travelling from his thick, perfectly shaped eyebrows to the round tip of his nose and then to his full lips that he was just dying to feel against his own.
just once, that's all he needed to satisfy the flames burning around his heart, but he restrains himself. he only wants to tease the man, but soon realizes that he was torturing himself with want by doing so.
he pulls away, standing up from the couch and making his way to the kitchen while tossing a victorious smirk over his shoulder at the man gaping like a fish.
jinyoung watches the man's back as he exits the room, only releasing a breath he hadn't known he was holding when he can no longer see him. he throws his head back into the couch, dark brown locks fanning out naturally against the beige cushions.
he closes his eyes while trying to clear his mind of the attack on his heart that is Lim Jaebeom, but the man was the first thing he saw behind his eyelids, his sly smirk taunting him in ways he'd never thought possible.
he hadn't felt his heart palpitate at the way it was currently since before they'd broken up. just thinking about any aspect of him hurt, though, he was the one who broke off their relationship. he wasn't understanding why he was the one hurting when he was the one to call it off.
jaebeom was the first man, or person, he'd ever truly loved. so it makes sense for him to feel the way he does.
jinyoung had his fair share of admirers all throughout his years of school, but he preferred to never go past the friend zone with any of them for lack of connection.
that was before he met jaebeom their freshman year of high school. by the time second semester rolled around, jinyoung had already dubbed the pierced up goofball as a player and chose to keep his distance. it was only after they'd gotten partnered together for a project that he actually decided to give him a chance.
jaebeom was the first person jinyoung felt he was able to truly be himself around. he's always been reserved, even as a small child, but he never gave anyone the chance really to get to know him. but somehow jaebeom broke through his walls with shy smiles and kind words in retaliation to his snide remarks and cold shoulders.
every aspect of the man was burned into jinyoung's mind, committed to memory despite him wanting to forget everything that made him love the man so much. he couldn't forget him. jaebeom was someone truly unforgettable, lovable, and worth treasuring for as long as he walked the earth.
he was a gem. unfortunately, jinyoung couldn't treat the man how he deserved. as hard as he tried, he couldn't live up to half the greatness that jaebeom was entitled to just by breathing.
a knock on the door interrupts his thoughts. he reluctantly slouches towards the door, his face expressing his discontent with moving from his seat.
he opens the door with a neutral expression before trying to close the door without a word.
"hey!" the man on the other side of the door shouts. jinyoung tries again to close the door in his face, but realizes it's already too late when he hears the thundering of feet coming from the direction of the bedrooms.
jinyoung releases a defeated sigh, opening the door wider while keeping the excited little latched onto his arm from running down the man in front of him. "what do you want, jackson?" he speaks tiredly.
jackson smiles charmingly at jinyoung, waving cutely at yugyeom, and the little giggles in response, furthering his efforts to get to the chinese man that jinyoung was blocking. "i'm here for him."
the brunette rolls his eyes, finally dropping his arm and allowing the little to barrel into the small chinese man in a fit of giggles. jackson catches him after being thrown slightly off-balance, but holds the boy in his arms while smiling fondly.
"jin, did yug say–" jaebeom appears from the kitchen with his hair pulled back, ear piercings on display. he halts beside jinyoung, meeting his gaze and jinyoung looks away hastily with a blush in his cheeks.
how can one person look so fucking attractive? he didn't understand.
"what's he doing here?" he whispers to jinyoung. jinyoung shrugs, tensing slightly at the brush of their shoulders from their closeness.
"are you here to take me to bammie?" yugyeom's voice silences any response. the little directs his gaze to his two caregivers, pouting cutely and jinyoung hears jaebeom curse under his breath. "can yuggie go to bammie?"
the two share a look. everytime yugyeom spends time with jackson and "bammie" he always comes back to them in tears, threatening to run away and never return, only to calm down after he's been fed chicken nuggets and allowed to watch spongebob 30 minutes past his bedtime.
neither of them like it, but they've grown used to it and both know what would happen if they were to tell him "no." they didn't want to risk it, jinyoung especially since jaebeom was rather harsh with the little's punishments in his opinion.
"you can go, yuggie." jaebeom sighs reluctantly and the little jumps with joy. the action brings a smile to the three men's faces.
"i'll get his–"
"no need." jackson cuts jinyoung off with a smile. "bam insisted we get some stuff at the house for him so you guys wouldn't need to keep buying him stuff to take."
"we don't mind buying him stuff." jinyoung argues and jaebeom nods in agreement.
"yeah, really it's no big deal. we've been doing it for years."
"cause you're his caregivers. of course it wouldn't be a problem." jackson laughs. "it's not fair to you guys when he brings stuff with him to come with us and then it ends up lost or broken and you guys have to replace it. plus this way, you guys have more money for condoms, lube, toys–"
the little perks up from picking at a loose thread on jackson's jacket and his two caregivers look at the chinese man in horror.
"toys? hyungies play with toys too?" his bright eyes lock onto jaebeom and the man internally panics. he slides his gaze to jackson in hopes of him fixing what he caused, relieved when the blonde obliges with a smirk.
cheeky fucker. he thinks to himself.
"they're not your kind of toys, yuggie." jackson clarifies and the little frowns in disappointment.
before the situation could escalate any further, jinyoung clears his throat. "thanks jackson, and make sure he behaves himself." he smiles curtly, not giving the blonde a chance to respond since he was already being tugged towards his car by the excited little.
following the departure the two caregivers exhale, basking in the silence of the house before jaebeom's phone rings.
"fuck's sake– hello?" he grits his teeth angrily, excusing himself and leaving jinyoung alone to take the call in the kitchen.
the brunette pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, flopping backwards onto the couch to get lost in his thoughts again.
he could admit to himself that jaebeom had been occupying his mind more frequently. from simple touches to his smiles, everything the man did seemed to ignite something in jinyoung's brain that made him daydream about him like a lovesick schoolgirl.
he can make out the sound of faint laughter coming from the kitchen and he groans, rolling onto his side and kicking his legs out childishly at the rush of blood to his face at the sound of the man's laughter.
"fuck you, lim jaebeom, for being so goddamn perfect."
"he's 18, you don't need to keep checking up on him!" jaebeom reiterates for what seems to be the nth time in the last hour.
the "couple" were at each other's throats again. somehow jaebeom had said the wrong thing to trigger jinyoung, and the two had been going back-and-forth in a heated argument, neither man yielding until their point was made clear.
they weren't sure what they were even arguing about anymore. all they knew was that they wanted to win.
"we're supposed to take care of him, of course i'm gonna want to check on him! it's literally in the name!" jinyoung scoffs.
"he's not in littlespace all the time. it seems you've forgotten that "yuggie" and "yugyeom" are two completely different people."
"are they?" jinyoung crosses his arms defensively. "because last i checked, they look the same." jinyoung didn't know why he'd been so irritable all day. maybe the fact that yugyeom had been gone a week, leaving the mother like caregiver with nothing to do since he had no one but himself to take care of since jaebeom continues to refuse his help.
"what the fuck is wrong with you lately?" jaebeom finally snaps, surprising both of them. "you've been acting like someone shoved a broomstick up your ass all week, and it's really starting to piss me off."
"i'm sorry my worrying bothers you then." jinyoung mumbles irritably. "if you cared about him as much as i did then maybe you'd understand how i feel after not seeing or hearing from him for a week!" he turns to walk away from the conversation, getting a headache at the entire situation and all he wanted was some juice.
what he didn't expect upon leaving trying to leave the room, was jaebeom to turn him around rather harshly. jinyoung's eyes buck at the redness in the man's face.
"bullshit." jaebeom snarls, shocking jinyoung with the animosity in his voice. "you know how much i care about him."
"do i?" jinyoung pushes off the wall to get directly in his face. "because after all these years, i still don't see it. you treat him like a grown man–"
"BECAUSE HE IS!" jaebeom shouts over him. "he's capable of doing everything we do for him on his own, but of course you'd see me acknowledging that fact as me not caring about him. you do hate me, after all."
jinyoung scoffs, his voice returning back to its normal volume as he leans against the wall with a lazy stare. he notices the tick in jaebeom's jaw and he clenches his own knowing where the conversation had turned to.
"i don't hate you, contrary to what you may believe. you're just fucking annoying."
the pair had been separated for over a year now, continuing to live under the same roof for the sake of yugyeom. the maknae lost his family when he was young, the trauma scarring him into his teenage years. jinyoung and jaebeom took him in when they were only freshmen in college, yugyeom being 10 years old at the time. they initially never planned to get together, but after spending so much time together, it just ended up that way.
"just like the movies" was how their friends described their romance. but like all good love stories, it came to an end. a rather abrupt one at that.
"i don't believe you." jaebeom challenges, the heartbroken expression in his eyes mirroring his next words. "what kind of person breaks up with their boyfriend of 3 years with no explanation and continues living with them?"
"the kind that's name is on the lease, jaejae." jinyoung chides with a smirk and jaebeom responds with a roll of his eyes. "and i mean it, i don't hate you, i just don't...love you like before."
jaebeom feels the familiar lump forming in his throat. he hates whenever they talk like this, hates hearing jinyoung admit what he never wants to admit to himself.
"if you could end something like what we had so quickly, then you obviously didn't love me at all." he chooses another approach, preparing to walk away from the conversation, but jinyoung stops him.
"is that what you think?" he asks, knowing he won't receive an answer as jaebeom remains quiet. "i stayed with you for 3 years, the both of us raising a kid with no experience, using every free moment i had to spend with the two of you, and you think i never loved you at all?"
"you didn't bother explaining why you broke things off." jaebeom turns to him slowly, his expression hard. "so, i could only assume."
"then stop."
"you stop."
"stop what? i haven't done any–"
"stop hurting me!" jaebeom shouts, chest suddenly heaving as he tries his best to keep his breathing even.
jinyoung reels back, confused as to what was happening.
"what are you talking about?"
jaebeom has had enough. for the past year, he's had to constantly deal with the pain of seeing the younger whenever he came home. he's grown tired of trying to understand what he did, or didn't do, to make the younger suddenly fall out of love with him.
"why did you leave me?" he asks, voice barely audible.
"i didn't, i'm still–"
"no." he cuts him off sternly. "you're not. you're here, but you're not with me, jinyoung." his voice noticeably wavers. "you left. yes, you're still here, but you left. you took everything that made me feel whole, and left. yet, you walk around like you're completely fine. and, i tried to get over it, tried to pretend like seeing you every day didn't make me sick to my fucking stomach, but i couldn't help it."
"jae–"
"i would've understood and respected your decision if you explained. i would've listened and probably moved on, maybe even moved out to give you your space if that's what you said you needed, but i couldn't. i had no reason to believe anything other than what i could think of: that you'd fallen out of love with me. and over the course of this year, that's what it felt like happened."
"but i didn't..." jinyoung whispers, a tear sliding down his face as he takes another step forward, looking deep into the pierced boy's almond shaped eyes. he shakes his head slowly, closing the distance between them. "i didn't stop loving you, jae. i can't. i-i never did."
"then why did you leave me?" the older asks, feeling himself beginning to cry upon seeing the younger do so.
"i..." jinyoung trails off, lowering his head sadly. jaebeom sniffs, wiping his eyes with the back of his shirt sleeve.
"then there's no sense in crying over something that you don't have reason for." he mumbles. "whatever the reason, it doesn't matter anymore. we're done and i need to accept that."
jinyoung raises his head in time to see jaebeom go to slide on his shoes, grabbing his phone and tucking it into his back pocket before making his way towards the door silently.
he pauses as if wanting to say something, but shakes his head, walking out the door and slamming it shut.
🌺 six months later 🌺
"is hyungie coming home tonight?"
jinyoung stares out the window, watching the street below his apartment. a car is parked on the side of the road, the owner of the vehicle staring back at jinyoung with a blank expression.
the two hold eye contact, jinyoung feeling his mouth run dry when jaebeom exits the car, keeping his eyes on jinyoung as he stands in place.
he still looks the same. his silver hair had grown and he'd re-dyed it, his roots no longer their natural color. his many piercings remain in his ears, two more adorning the space under his left eye. jinyoung likes them. he remembers jaebeom gawking over the idea of getting them when they were still together, and now that he finally has them, he can't help but feel his fingers twitch, wanting to feel the cool metal balls under his fingers for himself.
jaebeom left that night after their argument, coming back to the apartment on-and-off for months. he didn't bother announcing his arrivals to jinyoung or yugyeom, and he hardly spoke to jinyoung when he returned, focusing his attention solely on yugyeom.
his once bright eyes now look dull, lifeless even, the more jinyoung sees him. his hair had grown longer, climbing down the back of his neck. his eyes, once hard but loving, look back at jinyoung empty. void of emotion to anyone but yugyeom.
"jinyoungie?" yugyeom—yuggie calls out to his hyung, hands at his sides as he shuffles further into the room.
jinyoung finally turns his gaze away from the window with a sigh, turning to the little with a smile. "y-yeah, he uh, he's j-just getting here."
the little breaks out in a grin, running over to the window amidst his too big pajamas. he climbs over jinyoung's back, the older chuckling softly watching him giggle as he waves down to the man outside the window.
"wait!" yuggie gasped. "hyungie can't see my room!" he quickly climbs off jinyoung, the older looking at him with a smile.
"why not?"
yugyeom stands in the doorway with wide eyes, hearing the sound of keys in the lock as the door opens. "'s not clean." he whispers, putting a finger to his lips before rushing off, the sound of doors shutting relaxing and worrying jinyoung at the same time.
he hears movement down the hall, knowing jaebeom was probably doing what he usually did when he came back. he wasn't exactly sure what that was, but whatever it was he did it quietly.
after listening to yugyeom cleaning his room, jinyoung decides that it was time he talked to jaebeom. he'd been putting it off for over a year, finally deciding to explain himself rather than hurting the older now that he was aware of how he felt.
he slides off his bed slowly, and exits the room with unsteady breathing.
jaebeom manages to hear the movement of the bed, panicking slightly as he looks around for a place to hide, but realizes it was silly since he'd already made his presence known. he settles for sitting on the loveseat, pulling his phone from his pocket with shaking hands and pretending to look busy.
jinyoung takes his time, coming to stand at the end of the hallway quietly, waiting for jaebeom to look up at him, but the older man kept doing whatever it was he was doing on his phone rather than paying attention to him.
"jaejae?" he tries, seeing the older tense slightly at the nickname.
"...yes?" jaebeom responds slowly, eyes never leaving the device in his hand, though, his grip on it tightens.
"i still love you."
jaebeom snaps his gaze to jinyoung's, the younger worried that he'll get whiplash (a/n: STAN NCT) from how fast he whipped his head around.
jaebeom's mouth falls open, eyes widening comically.
"what?"
"i-i still...i still love you." jinyoung repeats, less confident than before. the expression on jaebeom's face warms his heart, the ghost of a smile coming into his face but quickly disappearing as he looks away from him, shaking his head sadly. jinyoung deflates.
"you don't." jaebeom chokes out hoarsely. he fidgets with the rings on his unoccupied hand, leaning into the couch cushions with a dejected sigh. "you're just used to me always being here. it'll pass, trust me."
jinyoung frowns, taking cautious steps forward until jaebeom snaps his eyes to his, pinning him in place as he fidgets with his fingers.
"please don't come any closer."
"i'm not lying to you." jinyoung murmurs. the tension in the room was suffocating them both, goosebumps arising on the exposed skin of jinyoung's neck and he shivers. "i do love you and i do miss you."
jaebeom's eyes fall closed. "jinyoung–"
"please just...just shut up and let me talk okay?" jinyoung breathes out and jaebeom opens his eyes slowly. "i need to explain myself, i have to clear things up between us."
jaebeom stands up from the couch with a hard expression. he stares jinyoung's down, making the fairly built man feel small.
"you should've thought about that a year ago. i'm done with–"
jaebeom's words are cut off by jinyoung pulling him into a bruising kiss. his hand grips the rough material of his leather jacket, keeping him in place as he secures jaebeom's lips against his own.
jaebeom's world seems to stop in that moment in time, eyes springing open as he finally, finally, gets to feel jinyoung's lips against his own like he'd damn near craved for the duration of a year's time. the feeling is heavenly, his lips soft enough to make him forget his worries and for a moment, jaebeom finds himself remembering moments like this when they were alone together at school, sneaking pecks in the hallways or their movie styled make out sessions in the rain.
he closes his eyes, the last resolves of his sanity slipping when jinyoung breaks the kiss momentarily to murmur a silent plea, their lips brushing together before jaebeom pulls him back in by the waist.
the kiss is bruising, a mess of emotions exchanged between the two confused lovers, but they pour their all into it. jinyoung feels tears slip from his eyes, the drops landing on jaebeom's cheeks as well as his own and the older man pulls away with a look of worry. his lips are red and bruised, eyes alight with an emotion jinyoung can't place, but the sight makes jinyoung happy, so fucking happy that he continues to cry. he resorts to breaking down in a fit of hysterical tears, crumpling in jaebeom's arms and the pair slump to the ground with the younger in jaebeom's arms.
the older man can't think straight, trying to process what had happened from the time he stepped through the door to what was currently going on. he rocks back and forth with the crying man in his arms, trying to silence his cries by brushing his hand up and down his spine with soft words of comfort.
his cries die down after what seems to be an eternity, neither man noticing the little watching them from his bedroom. he'd gone from yuggie to yugyeom at the sound of one of his caregivers crying and was curious.
he shuffled forward, scratching his head and walking up to the pair to find jinyoung sniffing softly. he drops down to sit at their feet, bringing his knees to his chest and gripping the sleeves of his pajamas.
"what's wrong yug–"
"yugyeom." the boy corrects him and jaebeom nods, jinyoung sitting up in his arms and muttering an apology to the both of them.
"i swear this is not how i meant for this to happen." he huffs, furiously wiping at his face, missing the fond smiles that arise on jaebeom and yugyeom's faces.
"you both still love each other right?" yugyeom asks suddenly. the pair look at him in shock, jinyoung still nestled in jaebeom's arms. "what? it's a sensible question. if you guys still love each other, even after being separated for a year for whatever reason, why shouldn't you guys try again?"
jinyoung and jaebeom exchange glances. the love was still there, they could feel it. there was no use in fighting what was so obvious.
"seriously, listen." yugyeom sighs, gaining the attention of his hyungs. "when jackson and mark broke up they did the same thing. always ended up in the same places and while everyone could see the fucking hearts and unicorns around their heads whenever they were together, they still refused to be together for the longest. but when mark hyung went back to the U.S., that's when they realized what they'd done to themselves." his gaze softens and he takes jinyoung's hand in his large one, glancing between both of them with a look of awe and admiration.
"i am so thankful for both of you, for everything you've done for me from the beginning until now. i can even admit that i've loved watching you two grow together over the years. but whatever reason you guys broke up, don't let it come between you. there's too much chemistry between you to let that go to waste over a misunderstanding or whatever happened. i want you both to be happy, and you're happy when you're together." he squeezes jinyoung's hand. "don't do this for me, do this for yourselves. you both deserve it."
the boy was expecting to be met with tears, or even words about him being so mature all of a sudden, but not laughter. the 18 year old glances between his hyungs with a "what the fuck" look, dropping jinyoung's hand with a frown.
"you geezers, i was just trying to help you."