Chapter Text
if you’ve found this, you’re already involved, so; welcome!
...and I’m so sorry.
This is not your average Tumblr blog, but I’m guessing you’ve figured that out already. Unless you’re dumb, which in that case, you won’t last long after reading this anyways.
I don’t see a reason to go on about nonsense, so I guess I’ll just introduce myself and the purpose of this blog:
My name is Tweek.
Yes, really.
No, it’s not short for anything.
No, my parents don’t love me.
My last name is not important.
My friends and I live in a small town in ---- called South Park. It’s one of those towns that lure you in with their small town charm, clear lakes, fresh mountain view and normal looking suburbs.
In reality, it’s hell on earth.
We don’t know why, but there are theories, from UFO crashes to a twilight zone, to portals to other dimensions, there’s even chatter of a lovecraftian beast lurking in the dark realms in the outskirts of the forrest.
For all I know, all of those are true.
My friends and I have always known each other, when you grew up in a place like this, your classmates aren’t strangers. We got along fine as kids, but sometime during middle school we merged into one big group of kids that had simply seen too much, and knew there were no way back now.
Before I go on to introduce the different people and the role they’ve come to take on in our group, I should explain the phrase [redacted], which you’ll see a lot of here. It’s basically just our chosen word for the weird, cryptic shit going on here. It started out as a joke, and now it’s just another one of those things we don’t think about anymore. Another part of life.
So, like I mentioned, I’m Tweek.
I’m 17, as the rest of my friends, and a junior at South Park High. I am currently in a relationship with Craig Tucker. Yes, gay. Yes, Tucker rhymes with Fucker. Yes, I am a Tucker Fucker. Let’s move along.
This blog was my idea, as the internet is one of the few safe places left for us to save information, next to old cassette tapes and handwriting.
I’m sort of the record keeper of the group, the one who keeps track of the stories, write lists with rules of thumb, and the paranoid fucker who’s the main reason most of us are still alive.
Not to brag or anything.
Craig Tucker (has no fear so doesn’t mind me using his full name)
My boyfriend of about a year, best friend since forever.
Stoic, monotone, calm, rational, keeps us grounded.
My rock. Our rock.
Trust rank: Extremely High
Stan
The boy next door.
Kind, emotional, loyal, drives a minivan his dad got him for his sweet 16 (yep, true story), designated driver.
Trust rank: High
Kenny
Kid from the wrong side of the tracks
Willing to go to extreme lengths for his friends and family, brave, light-hearted, good. listener, keeps to himself for days randomly
------ --- [classified]
Trust rank: Extremely high
Clyde
Human puppy
Loyal, positive, [redacted] stuff still gets him a bit jarred, curious and kind hearted
Trust rank: High
Token
Our rich boy with heart of gold
Strong both emotionally and physically, fast, smart, calm in the midst of the storm
Trust rank: High
Jimmy
group comedian
Funny, brave, quick thinker and charming
Trust rank: High
Butters
Human sunshine
Not really named Butters, idealistic, trusting, reads people well, positive, loyal
Trust rank: High
Cartman
Resident douchebag
Physically strong, hard-headed, sneaky, smart, calculating
Trust rank: Medium
Kyle
The rational guy
Analytical. slightly paranoid, hot-headed, good heart
Trust rank: Medium
That’s it for now, I guess. To be clear, this is not a personal diary or a wish for attention. If you choose to interact, you will be involved in some way, like it or not, and that is on you.
Good luck. Stay safe.