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A Guide on How to Date a Fey: Don't

Summary:

The reason why Phoenix Wright decided not to date Maya.

Notes:

Hello. This is my first work in this fandom. I hope you enjoy.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

There had been a point in time where everyone expected Phoenix to start dating Maya, including her. Phoenix didn't. He had no plans of dating her. Those flew out the window pretty quickly after getting to know her. It's not that she was ugly, or childish, or not his type. She was very much his type. And that was the problem.

It all started when Phoenix Wright made the stupid decision of dating a Fey: Dahlia. Or Iris. Both of them? The fact that he had no idea there were even two women is bad enough, not to mention the murderer thing. Oh, and, she also tried to kill him. When that didn't work out, Dahlia tried to frame him for murder. Which is how he met Mia, the second/third Fey family member he's met. The first time he dated anyone may have ended in disaster, but at least it led to something good happening.

Phoenix finally realized his dream of becoming a defense attorney. To celebrate, he and Mia would go on a date. Dating a Fey after that disaster probably hadn't been a good idea (not that he knew Dahlia and Iris were from the Fey family), but Mia had such a nice personality, there was no way she was secretly a killer or had a twin that was secretly a killer (wow, he can't believe he has to check for that before dating someone). Though Dahlia had been sweet too and practically radiated innocence. That had been the problem. It was too unrealistic. Someone that innocent didn't exist. Mia, on the other hand, felt real, while also being a genuinely nice person.

Needless to say, that ended in disaster as well. Although of a different kind. Mia got killed and her sister was accused of the murder. (Was the Fey family ever normal?). Of course, he could have still dated Mia because the Fey family were spirit mediums (and wasn't it crazy that that was more normal than the crazy antics the family got up to?), but that would have been awkward. The body would always belong to somebody else and even if he were to look at Mia's face, the knowledge of it not really belonging to her would have been stuck in his brain and ruining the moment. So no, dating Mia had not been a good idea. Planning to go on a date together probably even killed her, knowing his luck with the family.

And then there was Maya. She was nice and reminded him of the good in the world. She had gone through a lot too (her mother was missing and her sister dead) but didn't let it affect her. This time, however, he shoved his feelings into brotherly affection. If just being her friend got her constantly accused of murder and even kidnapped that one time (not to mention the time when her dead cousin tried to kill her and her mother ended up dead), then he did NOT want to know what dating her would have looked like (atomic bombs? Homicidal triplets instead of twins?).

So yeah, the Fey family was trouble, and was even bigger trouble when you were dating someone from it (were Fey women his type?). The family history was chaos. And all those crazy plots he witnessed...Everyone was involved in something, somehow. (Dahlia, involved in murder plots both before meeting Phoenix and after meeting him, Iris by pretending to be her sister and later moving a body, Mia by getting killed and then summoned to help, Maya by getting accused of murder and channeling Dahlia once, Pearls by participating in her mother's plots even if she didn't know what exactly they entailed, Morgan by trying to frame Maya for murder and later trying to get her killed, Maya's mother by disappearing and taking on a false identity and trying to stop Morgan's plot which ultimately got her killed). The Feys didn't do normal.

Phoenix could only imagine how bad it would have gotten after marrying into the family. If the current members weren't enough, there would be the future generations to worry about. If his children inherited both his bad luck and the Fey's brand of crazy, they would either die before reaching adulthood or cause mayhem and destruction everywhere they went.

He would never again date a Fey. Never ever. Not all of them were bad people, some of them were the kindest people alive, with bright smiles and big hearts, but the world wasn't ready for him dating a Fey. It probably never would be.

So the next time Pearls asked if he wanted some alone time with his special someone, he only shook his head with a smile, patted her on the head, and explained that while Maya was his "special someone", she was not that kind of special someone.

Hm, perhaps he should try dating a male, since he didn't appear to have much luck with women.

Notes:

I was thinking of all the different Feys when I realized how many Phoenix had known, and how almost always bad things happened around them. And then this was born. A thing I didn't include but wanted to was how Diego got his life screwed over by dating Mia. Maybe they have a curse?

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