Chapter Text
Soothe
In Which Meredith teaches Addison how to self-soothe.
Before Meredith married Derek, and After she'd almost told Addison she liked her.
F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. MerAdd. Meddison. GA/PP Fanfiction.
Set during GA - "Before After/An Honest Mistake & PP - Acceptance/Ex-Life. Rated M.
Inspired by "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Illegal Kittens, "Blame Game" by LordOfLezzies, and "All We Ever Are We Are" by SilverStarsAndMoons.
Chapter 1: Someone Worth Worrying Over
In Which Meredith teaches Addison she's someone worth worrying over.
Meredith Grey finds Addison Montgomery crying in the residents' lounge.
She's not so sure why Addison would even be here, since it's not like she's even a resident, anymore.
And it's not like she's ever been a Seattle Grace Hospital resident, ever.
And it's not like she's ever been in the resident's lounge for no reason, ever.
Not that Meredith has ever noticed or seen her in here, at least, that she remembers.
Addison looks like she's been sobbing and ugly-crying, and Meredith thinks for a moment she should maybe leave Addison all alone.
Because she's sort of her ex-husband's ex-mistress and then was his ex-girlfriend and now is his current-girlfriend and maybe soon to even be his current-fiance… If she says yes, to Derek Shepherd, that is...
She'd never told anyone that she'd found that ring in his pocket last week.
She never even told Cristina that, and she usually told Cristina everything.
But Cristina would probably want to be happy for her, and she's not sure she wants to be happy for herself, so she never said anything to anyone, ever. Not even Cristina.
And so now she is standing behind Addison Forbes Montgomery, her ex-teacher and ex-mentor and ex-Mrs. McDreamy and she's not sure what to do or to say at all, or if she'll say anything, about that, or about anything else, to anyone, or to Addison, ever.
She should probably walk right away right now, run away from it all.
She should probably not rekindle the bittersweet inklings of not quite friendship but not quite not-friendship that she'd once shared with Addison in solidarity over Derek.
Back then a few years ago when Addison was the adulterous satan and she was the dirty blonde mistress and things were so, so, much different for both of them, back then, anyway.
And then now Addison is just somebody she used to know from her past, from their past.
Because Meredith likes to think that they had something that had been shared together that was other than Derek, their mutual 'shared' ex-though-not-so-ex-for-Meredith-anymore…
And back then, they had gotten along, usually when something really really BAD had happened.
Like when Meredith had been in an explosion and George told her later that Addison had freaked out when she found out it was her hand on the bomb and no longer Hannah's.
Like when she drowned off the sound and Addison stayed in the room with her while Derek tried and failed to resuscitate Meredith's mother. Which wasn't actually his fault, per se, unlike some of the other things that were probably actually Derek's fault.
Like when Addison had come back for a few days last year and she said she wanted to kick Meredith's ass for letting Derek 'get away with that doe-eyed-thing' nurse Rose or something who had been his McRebound before he left her for Meredith after she'd built him a candle house.
Addison was a constant in Meredith's life for so long.
Addison had been a grownup she looked up to, who helped her, who cared for her for no reason when no one else could understand.
Addison had been there for Meredith, even though she could have, and probably should have, hated her to high heavens.
But Addison was different, because she didn't hate Meredith, and instead, she stood up for Meredith, and not only to annoy the hell out of Derek.
Addison did things like talk to her when she was on drugs. Meredith remembers the drugs and the talking but she doesn't remember anything that she said or Addison said then because it was all such a blur of being so goddamn relieved she wasn't pregnant with his baby McTwisted.
Addison did all sorts of nice things for Meredith, like bring her hot chocolate juju and try to be her friend, and take care of her dog, and not kill her when she slept with her then-husband.
And Meredith sort of wishes she could bring Addison some hot-chocolate juju right now. Except she doesn't have any hot chocolate and she doesn't have her credit card or her change here.
So instead, she just sits next to Addison, who notices her immediately and still sits there beside her.
And eventually, Meredith says to her "I wish I had some hot chocolate to give you, but then again, you gave it to me when people were dying, and I don't want anyone to be dying, you know, because of like some weird reverse-juju sort of side-effects, so I don't have any now…"
Meredith realizes her rambles are not making any sense, so instead, she just asks Addison "what's wrong?" And she waits for Addison to either tell her, or not tell her, or just walk away.
"My brother might be dying, my best friend is his new girlfriend, and this best friend's ex-husband is having fake asthma attacks over her, and I have no one having fake medical problems over ME, and I can't think of anyone who ever would, Meredith," says Addison softly to Meredith Grey.
"Oh," Meredith says just that because she has nothing quick and good to say to that one.
And Meredith just sits there, sort of stunned because it takes her a good two minutes to sort out all of the boyfriends and best friends and fake medical problems from real medical problems that were all sprinkled into that last sentence like a fruit medley, tossed together in a combination that was confusing, yet comforting.
And Meredith tries to come up with a response to that because she has nothing to offer to comfort Addison for her brother. Because Archer Montgomery has like, worms in his brain and her… Derek had to do something about it and selfishly, she hoped that he would because if he failed he'd probably go all ballistic and Meredith would have to talk him down all through that…
And Meredith starts to focus on the other parts, like how Addison's best friend is sort of seeing her brother and how that must hurt. And hurts even more because she's got no one. And this confuses Meredith because Addison is like a sex-goddess and she had Derek for like 11 years until he got tired of her or something which also makes no sense and then Meredith says to her,
"I would, you know if you'd let me, I definitely would, and thank you for telling off Archer for me," says Meredith Grey to her softly. "I would have all sorts of fake asthma and fake allergies and fake medical problems worrying myself over you all the time, Addison…".
And then Meredith sees Addison look up at her, a bit shocked and confused and then she's wondering if Addison could even sort out HER sentence with all the hypothetical nonexistent excuses she just said she'd make up if she were to be, hypothetically, worrying herself over Addison, while she's non-hypothetically worrying herself over Addison, now.
"Oh," Addison just says just that because she has no idea what to respond with so she just mirrors Meredith having said 'oh' to her, earlier.
Meredith is terrified suddenly that Addison is going to start crying again or hyperventilating or something again. Or maybe she'll run away, ('I would probably run away, but then again I always run away…' Thinks Meredith to herself rather idly.). But Addison doesn't run away, instead, she just keeps sobbing to herself all alone even with Meredith there beside her, she cries all alone.
And Meredith doesn't want Addison to feel all alone anymore, so she wraps her thin arms around Addison's shoulders and nestles her head into the crook of Addison's neck. "You know, you're worth worrying over, you really are," Meredith says to her then. And Addison cries even harder, and Meredith realizes, sadly, that it's been a while since anyone has said something like that to her.
So Meredith says it again, she starts saying it over and over. She keeps saying to Addison "you're worth worrying over, you're worth worrying over, you're worth worrying over…" until she thinks that Addison is starting to believe her because she's meeting Meredith in the eye and mouthing to her a short 'thank-you' because she's too shaky to even speak to her, now.
And Meredith keeps holding onto her, keeps clinging on for dear life because she knows that Addison is still hurting and she knows she's not hurting because of her this time. But she's been hurting because of her. And in some of the last times when she's seen Addison crying all alone and Addison sent her away then- she told her to 'pick a floor and I'll pick a floor because I really just need a minute away from YOU'.
So Meredith had left then, she'd left Addison crying by herself, all hurt and alone, for a reason she only found out later when someone had finally told her that Addison had once fallen pregnant with a baby belonging to Mark Sloan and that she'd aborted it without even telling him that it had happened. And Meredith feels for Addison even more than she feels for Mark in this situation.
She should feel for Mark, more. After all, she WAS his 'dirty mistress club' counterpart. But something about her being a woman and Addison being a woman and ALSO being in solidarity with Addison in the 'being hurt by our mutual Derek' sort of thing that they had once going on made Meredith feel something for Addison, then. And she's feeling something for Addison now. So she just keeps holding on to her.
She keeps telling Addison it's okay, and that she's okay, and that she's someone worth worrying over. And eventually, Addison stops crying as loudly as she had been. And Meredith asks why the hell she's in the resident's lounge, anyhow. And Addison says she was just lost, and that she always feels lost nowadays. And Meredith looks into her eyes and she holds Addison's hand. And she sits there, with her, just holding her hand until Addison sort-of stops sobbing so hard.
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***** END OF CHAPTER ONE