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They’re gone.
They’re gone.
They’re gone.
They disappeared before he could even blink. They disappeared before he could even say a word. They disappeared without sparing him a look.
They disappeared.
April feels like he’s falling, sinking deep into the sea. He doesn’t know where the ground is, and he can’t breathe. He can’t move his limbs. The water is getting into his lungs. It’s cold. It’s burning. His lungs are burning for air, his eyes are getting hot, and suddenly—
—it all turns into nothing.
April wakes up with a start, instantly sitting up from where he was lying down. His sight is blurry and dark in the edges, and his mind is dizzy and buzzing restlessly. Blood is rushing everywhere but to his head, and air is going everywhere but in his lungs. He clutches his head with one hand, and the other goes to his chest, grabbing for something, but he only feels his turtleneck bunched up under his tight fist.
Where is it?
I can’t find it.
I need it.
I need it.
The panic won’t stop. The sight of them is etched painfully into his mind, and it’s the only thing he could think about. It’s loud. It’s so, so loud. It’s painful. Everything hurts, and April just wants to make it stop. His hand is still searching around his chest and neck, trying to find what he desperately needs.
The vial— where’s the damn vial!?
He wants to forget it all so badly. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. He feels so lost and alone. Everything feels like nothing, and nothing feels like everything. He’s still sinking into oblivion, and all that was around him is replaced with a crushing feeling. It’s unbearable. It hurts. It hurts so, so much.
He just wants to end it all.
“—pai?”
“Sen—”
“Chikage-san!”
There’s a warmth snaking up to his back. There’s something on his wrist, but he doesn’t register it. April hears something, along with many things. It’s all too loud to focus. He feels too numb to think about anything, and at the same time, he’s filled with too much adrenaline to stop his heart from racing.
“Chikage-san,” he hears, but it goes in through one ear, and outside the other.
I still need to find it.
His mind gives him ideas about tearing himself apart. About how much better it would feel if he just lost himself completely. About how freeing it would be to feel nothing, and to finally sink lifelessly on the cold, hard ground.
“It’s just a nightmare! Please, listen to me! Chikage-san!”
April feels the rushing cold blood slowing down. His wrist feels tight, and there’s something holding his shirt behind him, and his nerves start melting.
“Chiga… saki…”
Chikage is wrapped into a tight embrace, and he finds himself clinging onto Itaru as tightly as he can. He feels so, so tired, and his shoulders tremble.
“It’s okay… It’s okay. I’m here. You’re here. We’re here.” Itaru is running his hand through Chikage’s hair, probably restless.
His eyes start burning up.
Chikage cries the night away in Itaru’s arms, and eventually, he doesn’t feel as lonely anymore.