Chapter Text
Fifty feet beneath you, the deep blue swimming hole awaits, dark and cold from mountain snowmelt. The evening sun beats down gloriously on your back, teasing freckles to the surface of your skin.
This is not your idea of fun.
The five of you sit on the top of a large piece of natural red rock, panting from the climb and sipping on luke-warm beers while you admire the stark beauty of the mountains rising up around you, singing in late summer glory. Every year as soon as the weather warms up, your friends take a couple of days off of work, haul ass out of the city to the mountains to camp in the shadow of giant rocks and ancient evergreens—and now apparently jump off of cliffs for fun.
As much as you love your friends and would probably follow them anywhere, you can’t deny how dizzy you feel peeking over the stark red rock and into the waiting waters below. Even sitting several feet away from the edge does nothing to quell the feeling of tipping over the edge of the rock and into the open air.
While you all cool down from the hike and enjoy the image of the mountains sprawled out around you, Jin has convinced you all into a classic game of truth or dare—something you haven’t done since college. But with the combination of the height swirling in your body and the fact that it seems your friends have some kind of secret pact to pass along every intimate truth and absurd dare to you, you are feeling oddly tense. They had steadily extracted secrets you had no intention of ever sharing, like all the gory, embarrassing details of your last hookup (the toe guy). Meanwhile, the boys seemed to skate by with harmless dares and less-than entertaining truths.
Jin nudges you. “It’s your turn,” he winks.
“Alright,” you let out a shaky breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “Truth.”
Groans rise up from the four boys around you.
“You always pick truth,” Jungkook complains. “You’re so booring.” He draws the last word out, slumping against your shoulder in a dramatic show of his disappointment.
“Okay, okay, fine, dare,” you shoot back.
“Nope! You already picked truth,” a grinning Jimin pipes from across the circle. “So you get a truth.” You groan. By the look in his eyes, he’s going to make this painful for you. Jimin has proven himself to an expert at extracting the most devilish truths.
The question that springs to his lips seems almost preconceived.
“If you were to pick any of us to have a friends-with-benefits thing wit—, no, wait—”
“To fuck, who would you fuck?” Jin finishes.
“Fwa—?!” you sputter, spitting beer. “What the hell kind of question is that?!”
The four boys around you crack up, Jin slaps his knees as his signature bray echoes off the rocks. Jimin giggles, Jungkook snorts, and Tae—well, Tae is oddly quiet. You wonder if he disapproves of the question.
To be honest, it’s not as if you had never thought of it before. You had undeniably attractive friends. You had seen the way Jimin’s hips moved when he practiced his dance routines. You’d watched Jungkook grow from a scrappy boy to a strong and kind young man. And Jin was an expert at balancing the dynamic of the group, always so gentle and hilarious—and undeniably the most handsome of your friends. And Tae, well, then there was Tae.
He had started on the outskirts of your small group of childhood friends as one of Jungkook’s besties, but because he lived several towns over you rarely saw him. However, after all of you ended up at the same university, Tae’s boxy smile and gentle humor became a constant as he gradually wove his way into your hangouts and your heart. While you had initially written him off for his ridiculously good looks, he proved himself to be more than just a pretty face. You quickly learned that his sharp gaze was trained--not to judge--but to make sure everyone had what they needed. He became a shoulder to lean on and someone to look up to and when he spoke about the things he was most passionate about, a soft smile would take over his features and his voice would deepen with a unique kind of magic.
Over the years you had found yourself lingering on the idea of Tae. It crept into your life naturally, starting with an urge to text or see him popping into your thoughts. And you gave that no mind. But it soon developed into something that tasted almost like a craving. You would find yourself glancing at the door when you knew he was on his way over. He started invading your dreams at night, leaving you to wake clammy and confused in the mornings. When he was busy finalizing a case at work while you were out with the rest of your friend group, you felt as if there was a piece missing. During movie nights, it was his form that you wanted to curl into--and you were always thrilled when he obliged, wrapping himself around you on the couch.
There were even moments when you thought your craving for him might be reciprocated, only to find the moment halted and stalled, never progressing past friendship. So you never pushed. You never pursued him.
And now his eyes are locking on yours, intense and searching.
If Tae is honest, he hasn’t considered it before. At least really, seriously considered it. He had always found you attractive, that was true, but since the moment he met you, the knowledge that you were the closest friend of his closest friends had him shoving down any thought of you in more than a platonic way. Even then, he couldn’t help ruminating on the little things you’d do—repeatedly tucking the same piece of stray hair behind your ear, or the way you swing your heels over your shoulder after a long night out and skip down the city concrete, or how you’d try to claim objects by licking them. He would find himself grinning from ear to ear at your smallest moments of delight. But that’s normal for friends, right? Especially one as delightful as you.
But now now that the thought is out there, the idea of you with Jin or Jungkook or Jimin—your legs wrapped around their waist as they kiss slowly down your neck, your hands pressed against their cheeks, holding them so tenderly—you with anyone else, really, doing any of that. It sets off something tight and painful in his stomach. He hates it.
His eyes narrow with the thought, and you catch it, confused by the sallow expression on his face.
“Tae—?” you blurt out before you realize what you’re saying. You had meant to simply call his name, not answer with it.
“TAE!” Jungkook hollers. The boys explode into hoots of laughter. “I can’t even imagine that!”
You’re in shock.
“I mean… I mean all of you,” you add, trying to diffuse the situation.
“ALL OF US!” Jungkook screams.
The laughter only escalates.
Your friends are cackling around you and all you can do is crack a weak smile.
“Well, I guess you know where to go when your next hookup falls through,” Jungkook tosses another beer can at Tae.
Tae chuckles.
“Could be worse, eh?”
He brings himself out of the mess of emotions swirling within and back to the present moment. To where you’re sitting across from him, beet red and looking wildly disappointed. Are you disappointed with the options for a FWB set in front of you? Are you disappointed in his response?
Still, the slight pout resting on your lips has him wondering how anyone could ever make sulking look cute.
“Well, Taetae, as entertaining as that was, it’s now your turn.” Jin claps his hands, rubbing his palms together in the same manner as when he’s getting ready to prepare one of his famous five-course meals.
“Uh, it’s definitely not m—”
“Truth or dare,” Jin orders.
“Fine. Dare,” Tae says, thinking he dodged the bullet unlike you.
“Okay. Kiss.”
It’s now Tae’s turn to spit his beer out. It feels like your heart stops in your chest.
“Uh, no—what? That’s not fair—that’s not—what?”
“Definitely fair,” Jungkook intercepts Tae’s fumbling. “It’s truth or dare. It’s not truth or dare without someone kissing someone.”
“True. You can kiss anyone. It’s up to you. Does that make it fairer?” Jimin adds.
Tae purses his lips. Then, answers, “Fine. I, uh—” his eyes flicker to yours, and excitement sparks in your belly. Is this it? Is it really that easy? You feel a smile spread across your lips. But then his eyes dart away and he grins, “Jimin, my friend, smoochy, smoochy.” He makes grabby hands in the air.
Jimin’s mouth falls open and he looks between the two of you.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
The young men lean into the circle and reach for each other. Jimin’s hand comes to gently cup Tae’s cheek as they press together, their features softening as their lips move in sync. You can’t deny they look beautiful like this. When they pull away from the lingering kiss, a rosey wash has started to creep up Jimin’s neck and Tae is grinning from ear to ear.
“A round of applause!” Jin cheers.
You clap as Tae grabs his beer to polish off the rest of it, before rubbing at your red cheeks, hoping that those pesky tell-tales will fade into nothingness. You feel surprised at the disappointment that bubbles up in you. Had you expected that his kind gaze meant he wanted to kiss you?
You don’t want it. You don’t want to be disappointed over such an inconsequential game, you don’t want to deal with the confusing and unnamable desire that you’ve been pushing down for years—and you definitely don’t want to be stuck replaying an unending reel of the delightful blush that crept up Teahyung’s neck when you called his name.
But that seems to be exactly where you are: disappointed and stuck. There’s really only one way out.
“I’m jumping,” you state as you stand.
Earlier in the day, Jimin had promised to hold your hand when you finally jumped off the cliff, knowing how much it terrified you. But now, with your face burning and your hands balled into tiny fists, there was no ounce of fear left in your body.
“Wha—” Jin floundered. “Now?”
“Yep, now,” you said as you peel off the little remaining clothes you’re wearing. There’s half a thought in your mind to be sexy while undressing, but instead, your shirt gets stuck on your head.
The noise of the men jostling and joking behind you fades as you stride over to the cliff edge. You look over your toes gripping the edge into the dark water below you. There was something about that kind of darkness—unseeable, unknowable—just waiting for you to dive straight into it. A pulse of adrenaline shoots through your body, raising goosebumps on your skin despite the mid-summer heat.
In a second, body and mind align. Yes, there’s fear. And there’s also something else, some kind of song, a call to tip yourself off the edge and into the unknown. It sings up to you, it sings you forward. You push through the fear. You push through and—
Jump.
It feels like you’re flying, your heart expanding into every corner of your body. The world becomes sharper. The wind around you feels like a blanket, the fading sun like a caress.
Deep breath in. Hold it.
It’s effortless.
The next thing you know you’re hitting the sublime coolness of the water, plunging into the darkness that waits.
It’s consuming, this darkness, this coldness.
It wraps heavy around your limbs, sparking energy, delight, life in you. You could exist here, weightless, suspended in between the feeling of being consumed by something larger than you and the sense of absolute presence.
It’s not long before your lungs start to ache and you resentfully kick to the surface.
As the water parts around your face, you are hit with the warmth of the sun and you can’t help but smile, endorphins pulsing through your body. You paddle away from the center just in time to hear the echoing whoops above you and look up to see, one by one, the rest of the group plummeting into the swimming hole. The water becomes turbulent and choppy around you, lifting your body and swaying you in the small waves.
As you watch each of your friends pop up from the dark water, shaking the water from their hair and eyes, a second thrill zaps through you.
“You did it!” Jimin exclaims, swimming over to you to hug you from behind. Jimin rocks you back and forth in excitement and you giggle at the awkwardness of his movements. “I’m so proud of you. You didn’t even look scared when you jumped!”
Taehyung is the last to dive off the cliff and the last to pop up out of the water. When he does, the first thing he is met with is the sight of Jimin wrapped around you, your head thrown back in laughter as he praises you. His eyes narrow at the sight, that same fiery discomfort from before burning in his gut.
Jimin lifts his face from where he’d buried it in your hair to glance over at Taehyung to ask him if--but the words turn cold in his mouth at the sight before him. His friend is gaping at you, eyebrows furrowed, and some emotion between anger and desire simmering in his eyes.
“Tae?” Jimin calls unsurely.
Tae’s eyes snap into focus and the tension on his face begins to melt. He opens his mouth to say something but is interrupted by Jungkook’s dark head popping up between the three of you, a pair of goggles strapped too tightly to his face--so tightly that they pull his eyes down comically.
“Guys! I found a GoPro!” he gasps, flipping the goggles up to reveal the red suction rings around his eyes. He must have somehow managed to dive down to the floor of the swimming hole because indeed, he’s holding an expensive and dripping camera in his hands.
The five of you spend the next half-hour diving, swimming, and floating in the cool water. Jungkook continues to dive, each time bringing up his finds to show you all. He finds two more GoPros, a water-logged watch, and an old flip phone and proudly displays his growing collection of treasures on a boulder in the middle of the water. Taehyung seems a little reserved to you, surprisingly quieter than his usual collected but boisterous self.
“Who’s going to bring our shit down from the cliff?” Jimin asks as you all are getting ready to head back to the lake to set up camp.
“I’ll get it!” Jungkook, ever the energizer bunny, yells from the water. He immediately starts paddling to the shore before leaping out and sprinting up the steep trail barefoot.
The rest of you start to make your way to shore where a precarious stack of towels is waiting for you. You glance behind you to see Tae still floating on his back in the middle of the swimming hole, lost in thought. Just as you are turning around to swim back to him, the sun dips below the mountains, casting him and the water in a dusky gold film. You pause for a moment, admiring the way the light reflects off the water droplets on his face, seemingly covering him in specks of gold.
“Tae—are you coming?”
“Hm?” He lifts his head, effectively moving his body into an upright position again.
“We’re going,” you say softly.
Taehyung watches as you swim towards him. Your hair, darkened by the water and floating like silk strands around your shoulders, falls in your eyes and around your shoulders. You can’t help but grin at him as you near him and reach out to grab his hand. With his fingers intertwined in yours, he automatically stretches out with his free hand to tug on a strand of hair that has gotten stuck in your mouth. His gaze glides along the slight pout of your lips, the lovely dip of your cupid’s bow, the gentle shadow beneath your lower lip.
As Taehyung meets your eyes, your cheeks fill with the prettiest blush he has ever seen, like a dusty rose. You’ve noticed his lingering stare. Despite your blooming cheeks, you hold his gaze, tilt your head, and let the smallest smile play across your lips.
That’s the moment he knows.
He wants you, unapologetically.