Chapter Text
“Hey, why the long face buddy?”
Cloud jumped a little as Biggs seemed to materialize at his side; snapping him abruptly from the familiar yet not-altogether-comforting realm of introspection he’d been occupying for…who knows how long.
“Well…longer than usual I guess,” Biggs continued, now that he had Cloud’s attention.
The loud drone of voices and sounds of laughter flooded back into Cloud’s sphere of awareness. The party was in full swing, but Cloud – as usual – had elected to stick to the edges; observing rather than actively participating in the general frivolity that surrounded him.
“Oh, uh…it’s nothing.” Cloud waved his hand dismissively, hoping it would be enough to shoo the somewhat inebriated man away and allow him to return to his brooding.
“Come on, don’t be like that, man! You don’t wanna upset Aerith by being a party pooper now, do you?” Biggs elbowed Cloud in the shoulder for emphasis. “It is her birthday after all,” he finished with a wink, and Cloud jerked his head away to hide the slight blush that crept up his cheeks.
Cloud was perfectly aware of the occasion at hand. In fact, he’d spent the better part of the last hour nervously fiddling with the small gift box in his pocket; thoughts racing back and forth inside his head –
Should he give it to her in front of everyone like the others or wait to do it in private? Wait…but would that be weird? Would she even like it?
Around and around his mind had flown; jumping between certainty and despair as his friends jumped between wine and spirits and the laughter that rang through the house grew steadily in volume.
He’d spoken with Aerith briefly upon arriving, but since then had kept mostly to himself; utterly paralyzed by indecision. She’d looked absolutely enchanting. Her usual pink dress and jacket had been replaced by a long, flowing gown of deep crimson – simple and elegant and so Aerith, which cascaded down her slim frame and swished around her feet as she walked; giving the distinct impression that she was floating around the room when she moved.
“Heya, Cloud,” she’d said cheerily as he entered, accompanied by her usual disarming smile and a wink that left him stunned and scrambling for how to greet her in return. She giggled at his bashfulness and motioned towards the closet. “Take a load off, ok? And make yourself at home!” She then turned and vanished into the crowd of people, leaving behind the swish of her dress and the memory of the breath that she’d stolen away from Cloud’s lungs.
Truthfully, the effect she had on him was nothing new, but today was different. Today was special –
Today was the day that he would finally “man the hell up” – as his hairstylist, Madam M. had put it – and tell Aerith how he felt about her.
He’d spent the weeks leading up to the party desperately trying to devise a plan of action, but any idea he’d come up with inevitably ended up dashed to pieces by his own anxious mind.
At least he’d finally managed to settle on the gift that now sat in his pocket and weighed him down like an anchor – a reminder of everything he had never been able to say; of how he’d loved Aerith from the very moment he’d laid eyes on her…
He’d tripped over the doorframe as he entered the flower shop; nearly knocking over a large display full of potted plants on his way in. Thankfully, he’d managed to catch himself in time, but as he’d raised his head to apologize, he’d been so captured by the girl that gazed back at him that he’d ended up knocking a pot off the shelf anyway.
Behind the counter stood the most beautiful woman Cloud had ever seen; her hand over her mouth in an attempt to stifle her giggles; emerald eyes sparkling with playfulness behind long, brown hair. “If you break it, you buy it ya know?” She’d teased.
“S-sorry!” Cloud had stammered as he made a fumbling attempt to rearrange the mess he’d made; painfully aware of how red his face had become.
“Don’t worry about it, they’re a lot tougher than they look.” She’d told him with a cheerful smile. “Now, do you need help with anything?”
“Uhh…” Cloud’s mind went blank; he hadn’t been the least bit prepared to come face to face with an angel today, and all concept of human interaction had completely abandoned him. Butterflies surged through his stomach at the smile she’d given him, and his heart began to pound deafeningly in his ears; perfectly in time with her soft laughter.
Sensing his hesitation, she crossed her arms and smirked; raising one eyebrow in mock impatience. “So, are you here for some flowers or are you just gonna stand there all day?”
Cloud gulped and cleared his throat. “R-right, yeah I’m just looking for some flowers, I guess. T-they’re for my mom.” He wasn’t sure why he’d felt compelled to add that last detail; or maybe he was sure of why…
The act of forming words into coherent sentences had suddenly become a very difficult endeavour.
“Awwww that’s so sweet!” The woman cooed; sending another rush of blood through Cloud’s already-racing heart – in that moment, he decided that he would never tire of hearing her voice and the soft, joyful cadence it carried. “Well don’t you worry mister; I’ve got just the thing for you!”
That had been almost three years ago, and they’d been good friends ever since, but never anything more. Even as they introduced each other to their friends and families; growing closer and becoming more and more a part of one another’s lives, Cloud had always been too afraid to admit his true feelings.
Aerith was beautiful; she was kind; she was sweeter than honey but feisty and stubborn when she needed to be. She lit up the room with her presence; imperviously radiating warmth and peace and compassion.
She was wonderful; she was perfect, and Cloud knew that she deserved so much better than him.
Even if he did ever pluck up the courage to tell her the truth, she would undoubtedly reject him in the gentlest way possible; all the while sweetly assuring him that she still wanted to be friends. But even so, Cloud knew that it would soon grow awkward – that they would end up drifting apart and going their separate ways, and the thought of losing her entirely was unbearable, so he’d stayed silent; trying to convince himself that just being her friend was enough…
“Okay, that’s it!” Once again, Cloud was yanked out of his daydreaming as Jessie appeared at his other side; grabbing his shoulder as she swayed slightly and stuck her finger in his face. “I’ve had enough of your doom and gloom, Strife!” Biggs nodded his agreement.
“Ugh, leave me alone.” Cloud huffed. He had enough internal turmoil to deal with without a wild party and wilder friends adding themselves to the mix.
“Nuh-uh,” Jessie shook her head emphatically. “I know just the thing for you – guaranteed to send those loner-blues packing!”
Without another word, she grabbed Cloud by the arm and dragged him into the dining room; calling out as they entered. “Hey Wedge! We got ourselves a drinking buddy!”
The man in question looked up from the table where he’d been setting out a far-too-large number of shot glasses and gave a grin along with a thumbs-up. “Awesome!”
“Wait!” Cloud began as the combined strength of Biggs and Jessie nearly sent him toppling straight into Wedge, who was already waiting with a full glass in his outstretched hand.
“Aww come on bro! You won’t regret it, I promise!”
Cloud sincerely doubted the validity of that statement, but seeing the look of giddy excitement on Wedge’s face was just enough to convince him not to let the poor guy down. He glanced down at the glass – filled to the brim with an unknown brown liquid, and hesitantly accepted it.
“Alriiiiight!” Biggs yelled; clapping a hand on Cloud’s shoulder and nearly spilling the drink he’d just taken.
“I knew you couldn’t resist us!” Jessie rested her chin on Cloud’s other shoulder and winked up at him before breaking away and grabbing her own glass along with one for Biggs. “Now, on three everyone!”
She raised her glass high; Biggs and Wedge following suit with Cloud reluctantly joining in – lifting his arm to shoulder-height and no further.
“One…two…three…AVALANCHE!” They called in unison, shouting out the name of the independent, eco-focused news agency they ran together. Cloud stayed silent, but as the other three tipped their heads back and downed the alcohol, he figured he may as well humour them, so he raised the glass to his mouth and nearly choked as the liquid flowed past his lips.
It must have been some kind of whiskey…either that, or it was just gasoline; it was honestly hard to tell – only a select few people as crazy as Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie would actually choose to shoot something like this. It burned his throat and Cloud let out a little shudder at the feeling, but he somehow managed to down it all.
“Attaboy!” Biggs cried out, slapping Cloud forcefully on the back and earning himself a hard glare in return.
However, despite the initial unpleasantness, a warm, tingling sensation had begun to slowly spread through Cloud’s body; starting in his chest and then flowing into his limbs. He staggered a little when he felt the buzz rush into his head and gave a very small, very lopsided smirk.
“Oh? Is that a smile I spy?” Jessie exclaimed. “I think he likes it you guys!”
Cloud simply grunted and turned away; not wanting to give them the satisfaction of a moral victory.
“Well then, better get the man another!” Biggs yelled triumphantly, and Cloud couldn’t help the exasperated grin that flitted across his lips as Wedge eagerly reached over to pass him another dangerously full glass.
“So, Cloud,” Jessie peered at him over the rim of her drink, “seen Aerith yet tonight?” Her eyes danced and twinkled mischievously, and Cloud felt a flush return to his cheeks; entirely unrelated to the alcohol.
“Y-yeah. I have.” Cloud looked down quickly as if the tablecloth had suddenly become very interesting. It had a bright, floral pattern, just like nearly everything else Aerith owned, and Cloud smiled softly to himself.
The Flower Girl. That was the name of her shop.
“Really?” Jessie leaned obnoxiously down into his field of view. “Cause if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were tryin’ to avoid her or something.”
Cloud let out a grunt of confusion and annoyance as his eyes flicked between Biggs and Jessie; analyzing the smug looks on their faces. Wedge – to his credit – looked completely at a loss as to what was going on.
Rather than grace them with an answer, Cloud brought the glass up to his lips and drained it in one go, earning an amused smirk from Biggs.
“Well, I think that’s about the answer we were expecting,” he said with a self-satisfied grin. Jessie nodded her agreement and Cloud looked away in disgust at his friends’ nosy natures.
Still, he did feel better now – more relaxed than he had all evening; more assured of himself. Whatever was in that drink seemed to be gently nudging him into action; whispering to him that this was his chance and he’d better damn well seize it while he had the courage.
Once again, his thoughts circled back around to Aerith and to the promise he’d made to himself, but this time he met those thoughts with newfound determination.
He had to do this; he had to tell her, or he would end up torturing himself for the rest of his life, and another part of him would keep dying every time he couldn’t hold her the way he desperately wished he could.
He realized – with a surprised glance at the knowing grins on Jessie and Biggs’ faces – that this had probably been their plan all along, and honestly, he couldn’t deny that he was just a tad grateful for their nosiness.
Cloud swallowed and let out a deep, slow breath; trying in vain to calm the butterflies that had returned to his stomach. It was now or never.
His eyes swept around the room, passing over Barret and Tifa who were deep in conversation against the far wall; over Yuffie, who was proudly showing off her brand-new marble collection to a mostly uninterested Vincent. Aerith wasn’t here.
Cloud took a hesitant step – steeling himself as he made to leave the table and begin his search, but as it turns out, that one step was all he would need. Once he’d shifted enough to be able to cast his gaze through the living room and into the kitchen, his eyes landed on the girl he was looking for; the only issue being…she was not alone.
If fact, she seemed to be quite occupied at the moment – by none other than Zack Fair.
Cloud felt his stomach deflate and turn itself inside-out; butterflies now morphing into hornets that began to prick and stab at his insides.
Zack – Aerith’s highschool sweetheart; her first love; the man who Cloud wasn’t sure she had ever fully gotten over.
Tall, handsome, charming, perfect Zack.
The pair stood alone by the back door; so close together that, had they moved in another foot, they would be pressed up against one another. Aerith’s gorgeous, emerald eyes danced with happiness as she smiled up at the dark-haired man, who was evidently in the middle of a very engaging story…either that or he was just being his usual flirty self. Cloud couldn’t decide which option he disliked more.
He watched – frozen in place – as Zack’s hand came to linger on Aerith’s shoulder and he leaned in to whisper something in her ear.
Time seemed to slow – Cloud saw Aerith’s eyes go wide; he saw her toss her head back in laughter; he saw her throw her arms around Zack’s neck and leap forward to hug him - the taller man wrapping his arms around as well; returning her embrace.
Cloud’s heart dropped into his feet. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d dreamt of Aerith hugging him like that. It was like being given a front-row seat to his own desires, except it was Zack who had stolen the starring role.
He felt like throwing up.
“So,” Wedge began; oblivious as ever, “ready for round three?”
Cloud felt an unpleasant rush of blood to his head – the brown liquid that had so recently been his ally now seemed a bitter enemy, and he slammed his glass down on the table a little more forcefully than he intended.
“Hey, Cloud? You ok?” Jessie asked apprehensively; more than a little surprised by the sudden outburst from the normally stoic and unreadable man.
Without another word, Cloud spun on his heels and walked blindly away; his heart pounding and his gut tangling into knots.
He needed air. He needed to be alone.
Cloud vaguely registered shoving unceremoniously past Barret as he made his escape and shaking off Tifa’s hand when she reached out to ask him what was wrong. He didn’t think he was capable of talking to them right now, even if he wanted to – he was focused solely on the front door; on escaping the suffocating closeness that pressed in on him from all sides as his head began to spin.
The cool night air washed over him as he pushed the door open – a counter to the boiling, simmering heat that now coursed through his body. Cloud stepped outside and let the door swing closed behind him; muffling the sounds of celebration within and finally giving him a moment to think.
And in that moment, Cloud felt his heart rip itself in two.
All the hopes and anxious doubts of the past few weeks came crashing down around his head; forcing a choked, anguished gasp from his throat as his mind rapidly spun out of control in a flurry of bitter, gnawing jealousy.
Of course, she would choose Zack. Of course, she would prefer him – he was taller; more handsome. He was stronger and funnier and so much more interesting.
He was everything that Cloud wasn’t, and Cloud had never felt more foolish…thinking that such a wonderful girl would ever actually choose him over someone like Zack.
With a low groan, Cloud sank down on the bench next to the door; arms on his knees and head bent low; a brick in his chest; struggling to breathe around the newly formed hole in his heart as images of the most unwelcome kind swam into view –
Zack and Aerith were together; she was laughing and smiling up at him and he was grinning down at her.
Cloud gritted his teeth; pressing his hands to his eyes in an attempt to stem the flow of tears that now threatened to burst forth.
“Happy birthday Aerith,” Zack said with a wink. Her arms snaked their way around his neck and his around her waist as she stood up on her toes. Their lips met.
It was too much.
Cloud jerked his head up sharply and let out a shaking breath; staring up at the night sky and letting the tears roll freely down his cheeks. The stars stared unfeelingly back at him – twinkling cheerfully; mocking him.
His fists and jaw clenched as he gasped for breath in between gentle, silent sobs.
Cloud wished he’d never met her. He wished he’d never fallen in love with the most wonderful woman in the world. He’d always known he didn’t deserve her. He’d always known this might happen, but seeing the proof was more than he could take as his heart slowly splintered, then stitched itself back together, only to shatter once more as the memory played and replayed itself in his mind.
Cloud let out another ragged, broken breath and ran his fingers through his hair; trying to steady himself as he shakily got to his feet.
He had to leave…If Aerith wanted to be with Zack, Cloud wouldn’t get in the way. As much as his heart ached and screamed for her, he knew that he had to try his best to accept her decision and let her be happy; to give her the respect and decency that she deserved.
But that wasn’t enough to stop the tears from falling.
He briefly considered calling a cab to take him home, but the night air was refreshing and cool and he didn’t especially feel like talking to another person right now. He could walk, it wasn’t that far.
As he stepped off the porch, the laughter and cheers coming from within the house rose in a crescendo of celebration; matched only by the swelling, all-consuming ache in Cloud’s chest as he walked alone into the night.