You'll Never Know Dear, How Much I Love You ♡

by Potatogirrrl

Summary:

“We’re dads now.”

“So that means that we’re not Seokjin and Namjoon anymore?” Namjoon was getting irritated and Seokjin wanted to cry out of frustration because that was the last discussion he wanted to have. He was drained, he just wanted some kisses and cuddles and then a good night’s sleep.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean, hyung? A few days ago you wanted to cancel our plans because our parents were busy that day and we couldn’t find a babysitter. Now that I’ve found a solution, you want to cancel it because you’re not comfortable with the idea.”

Seokjin could tell that it wasn’t Namjoon talking, that it was the tension that piled over days and days and that was exactly why he tried to end the conversation. He didn’t have the strength to argue.

OR

The story in which the pressure of being the perfect parents overwhelms Namjoon and Seokjin. They're facing a shift in their dynamic and in the middle of chaos, their love for each other and for their child is the only thing that can keep them sane.

Notes:

• For ACP93.

Chapter 1: I

He was staring blankly at the screen of his laptop when he decided to reload the page, hoping that this time a different information would pop up. It was the same – Your order has been processed. The estimated delivery date is – He was surely happy to know that the site has acknowledged his order but the delivery time was all wrong. He needed that package to arrive in a matter of two days; he couldn’t postpone their wedding anniversary.

Seokjin inhaled deeply and leaned against the backrest of his comfortable chair, trying to ignore the tears that began prickling his eyes. It was all his fault for placing the order too late, for postponing it for more than a month. It was just that he was feeling beyond exhausted – there was that goddamn deadline that was haunting him during every minute he didn’t spend writing, there were chores he needed to take care of and those were nothing compared to the time he spent tending for Taehyung. Seokjin didn’t have an  issue with cooking or cleaning, he was a formalist and that’s why he took those tasks upon himself, but lately he found it hard to even function.

The sleepless nights were getting the best of him. The fact that they had to wake up at least two times a night to soothe a crying Taehyung was draining. They divided the chores the month before,  during a night when Seokjin burst into tears while trying to calm Tae down and make him go back to sleep. Namjoon was nothing but a sweetheart, doing his best to tend to their needs while religiously completing his tasks but it was obvious that the tiredness was getting to him too.

It was a vicious cycle – Seokjin would start crying because of how crushed he felt and then would start crying even harder because he had the impression that he was the worst parent in the world for feeling like that. He loved Taehyung so much, he didn’t feel entitled to have those kind of feelings or thoughts.

He brushed his tears away with the back of his hands and hurried to the bathroom in order to wash his face with cold water. He looked towards the bathtub and felt his chest tightening at the memory of Namjoon and himself soaking in it, a bottle of wine by their side. They used to do that every night before going to bed, they’d talk about everything that happened over the day and spoil each other with kisses and sweet words.

“Jinnie?” A tiny voice made him snap out of it and he opened the door to find Taehyung hugging his tiger tightly. It was six in the morning.

“Good morning, TaeTae!” Jin said and picked the boy up, peppering his face with little kisses. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he cooed and placed the child on his hip, immediately heading to the kitchen. “What would you like to have for breakfast today?”

Of course the answer has been pancakes so Seokjin placed the boy on his chair before grabbing the composition he already made when he woke up.

“Where’s Joonie?”

“Joonie went to work early today because he wants to be back in the afternoon. Do you know why?”

Taehyung hummed and began dangling his feet.

“Puzzle?”

“Exactly,” Seokjin said and flipped a pancake before going closer to the boy in order to kiss the top of his head. “You’re such a smart boy, TaeTae. You remember everything.” They’ve bought a new puzzle last weekend when they went shopping; they were trying to diversify their creative activities so Taehyung wouldn’t get bored and their plan seemed to succeed because the boy was ever-so-enthusiastic.

The first half of the day passed by uneventfully and by one in the afternoon Seokjin managed to put Taehyung in his bed for a nap. He tried to solve the “gift situation” but was told one too many times that there was nothing that could be done about the arriving date so he eventually gave up.

Namjoon took a cab home. It was something he rarely did because he truly appreciated the little trips with the bus, he liked to spend them studying everything that was surrounding him. He wrote a surprising number of songs while heading or coming back from work. Today was different, though. He was impossibly tired due to Yoongi working him like a slave and all he wanted to do was to get home and spend some time with his husband and son.

As soon as he entered the apartment, he dropped his backpack in the hallway and walked around through the rooms – searching everywhere for the only people who could brighten his day. He started with the living room and then Seokjin’s office and when he saw that they were nowhere to be seen, he headed upstairs, towards their bedroom. He suspected his third guess to be lucky so he slowly opened the door, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips at the sight. Seokjin and Taehyung were fast asleep on their king-sized bed, the toddler on top of his dad, his hand holding tightly on Jin’s shirt. Namjoon believed that they looked very similar to a painting from the Renaissance period so he grabbed his phone and snapped a picture, unaware of the fact that his phone was not muted.

As soon as the loud sound vibrated through the air, Seokjin opened his eyes startled and looked around the room for the intruder.

“I’m sorry,”  Namjoon whispered when he saw that Taehyung was still sleeping unbothered.  He walked closer to the bed and pressed a kiss on his husband’s soft lips as a second apology. “You can go back to sleep, I need to shower and change my clothes.”

If it wouldn’t have been for the boy sleeping on top of him, Seokjin would have refused because he knew his husband must have been famished – at the studio they lived on instant noodles and sandwiches because they were too headstrong to actually order something. “It takes too much time” Namjoon would say. He fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes but his nap passed as fast as a blink and he woke up to Taehyung trying to escape his hold. He was squirming, his cheeks puffed because of the effort he was putting in.

“Jinnie,” he finally shout-whispered. “I wanna go to Joonie.”

Namjoon was most likely still in the shower because he could hear the water running.

“Okay, tiger, but you have to give me a smooch first,” Seokjin decided and chuckled when little lips turned into a pout waiting for his cheek to be pressed against them. He did that and then lowered the boy on the ground, watching him as he ran into the bathroom connected to their bedroom, unimpressed by the steaminess of it.

“Joonie, you’re home!” Taehyung’s shout caused for the called one to jump, startled. He had managed to hold tightly onto the handle of the shower so he wouldn’t slip and immediately wiped a patch of steam from the shower door that was made of glass in order to look at the intruder. Tae had his signature boxy grin on so Namjoon forgot all about the scare and smiled in reply.

“Hi, bubba.” He watched as the almost-four year old sat on the floor and crossed his legs, his expression never changing. “What are you doing?”

“Staying with you.”

“I’m gonna be out really soon, you should go back to Jinnie,” Namjoon suggested but was met with a simple shake of head that was indicating how unconvincing he was.

“I like you, Joonie. Wanna stay with you.”

The tall giant held back a sigh, his heart clenching inside his chest at the confession. Taehyung has been so deprived of affection and attention in his early years that he wanted to be stuck to them all the time. Namjoon was wondering if he wasn’t spending enough time with the boy, if he should cut his schedule at the studio shorter.

“Okay, TaeTae, I’ll make sure to be really fast.” He gave up on the idea of washing his hair a second time and instead allowed the water to wash away the foam that was left, smiling widely because his son decided it was the perfect time for a serenade. It was one of those ridiculous kids songs. “Could you bring me that towel?”

Taehyung did, without a second question and Namjoon dried his hair first, before grabbing another towel and taking care of the rest of his body. He quickly dressed the comfortable clothes he has picked for himself and stepped out of the shower, lifting the toddler in his arms and kissing his chubby cheek.

“Hi, bubba.” Taehyung giggled and wrapped his arms around Namjoon’s neck, his whole face burying in the nice-smelling neck in front of him. “I see you’ve missed me today, hm? I think we should grab Jinnie and get that puzzle done.”

“Okay.”

 Activities were always fun when all of them were involved so for the rest of the afternoon they witnessed the cutest faces the boy could manage, his tongue stuck out in concentration. The puzzle was a test patience because Taehyung didn’t always find the piece that fit and he would throw a little fit here and there, whining that he didn’t like this but never actually giving up. It was a sight to behold and before they realized, it was bath time and then bedtime for the toddler. They were trying to stuck to a bedtime routine so there was rarely room for compromises when it came to it.

They decided to put Taehyung to sleep together so they took turns reading about Winnie the Pooh  until the boy was finally out and made sure his night light was on before heading downstairs. If they would have known that Tae would have slept 12 hours straight, they would have probably relaxed but they knew that they only had a couple of hours until they needed to put the boy back to sleep. Chamomile tea was going to do.

Seokjin was waiting for the water to boil when he felt arms wrapping around his middle, pulling him against a strong chest.

“Hi,” Namjoon whispered against his ear and tightened the embrace, resting his head on his husband’s shoulder. “I’ve thought about you today.”

“I’d hope so after five years of marriage,” Seokjin chuckled and turned so he could kiss the other man’s cheek.

“Almost six,” Namjoon corrected him and let go so the boiled water could be poured inside nice-colored cups. They were made of clay and have been one of the many precious gifts the blond received on his birthday. “By the way, I’ve talked to Yoongi and he said that Hoseok and he could look after Taehyung on Saturday.”

Saturday was their wedding anniversary and they were supposed to spend the whole day together – just the two of them. Seokjin was suspecting that his husband had everything under control, that he booked a table at his favorite restaurant and that he was ready to woo him. As much as he craved the intimacy, though, he didn’t believe that leaving Taehyung in the care of someone else for so long was the best of ideas.

“I don’t know, Joon .” He finally sighed and sipped on the sweetened tea. Namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed, a concerned expression painting his features.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know if we should.” He feared that their baby was going to need them and that they weren’t going to be there for him but at the same time he was rational enough to understand that they had to separate at some point. He couldn’t keep Taehyung glued to him forever. “I don’t feel comfortable thinking about it.”

“Hyung –”

“I’m sorry, Joonie,” Seokjin whispered, his fingers wrapping around his cup. “Maybe we should forget about it.”

“Forget about our wedding anniversary?” Namjoon asked, his annoyance obviously growing. He was rather tired himself; he spent all day overthinking the ways in which his best friend could react to the idea of babysitting. Both Yoongi and Hoseok adored Tae but playing with him for a few hours and actually looking after him were two different things. He has been anxiously waiting to ask the question the entire day but gathered all his courage by the end of it.

“Yes.”

“We can’t cancel our anniversary, hyung. Think about it – when was the last time we went on a date? No, forget that, when was the last time we spent more than two hours alone?”

Jin was well-aware that his husband was right, that it has been forever since they had “alone time” but he believed that was the natural evolution of things when you decided to become a parent. He felt like it would have been selfish of them to leave Taehyung with their friends while he was still so new to this life they were trying to create for him.

“We’re dads now.”

“So that means that we’re not Seokjin and Namjoon anymore?” Namjoon was getting irritated and Seokjin could cry in frustration because that was the last discussion he wanted to have. He was drained, he just wanted some kisses and cuddles and then a good night’s sleep.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean, hyung? A few days ago you wanted to cancel our plans because our parents were busy that day and we couldn’t find a babysitter. Now that I’ve found a solution, you want to cancel it because you’re not comfortable with the idea.”

Seokjin could tell that it wasn’t Namjoon talking, that it was the tension that piled over days and days and that was exactly why he tried to end the conversation. He didn’t have the strength to argue.

“Let’s stop –”

“No. I want to hear you out,” Namjoon said and took a huge gulp of his tea, his eyes fixing his husband’s face. “I want to understand.”

“Not now, Joon.”

“Hyung.”

“I’m so fucking tired, Namjoon. Why can’t you just let it go for tonight?” His tone was higher than he anticipated and he saw right away the hurt overtaking his lover’s features but couldn’t bite back the words that followed. “It’s just a fucking d –” He stopped in the middle of the word because a fine line appeared in between Namjoon’s eyebrows, his eyes never leaving Seokjin’s.

As soon as Jin opened his mouth to try to mend it the light went out, startling the both of them.

“Fuck!”

The swear coming out of the blond man’s mouth took the elder by surprise. He fished for his phone, trying not to cry in the middle of this mess that has been created – he was going to call the company and ask about the power outage and then he was going to talk to Namjoon and fix things. He has almost calmed down when the operator informed him that the power was out because they forgot to pay their bill. That was one of the few things that became Namjoon’s responsibility recently and he knew – he fucking knew – that his husband didn’t forget on purpose but he couldn’t stop the anger that made the blood boil inside his veins.

“For fuck’s sake, Joon! Two months?!” Seokjin asked, aware that there was no way to fix the issue until the following day. He was about to continue when a high-pitched cry was heard, announcing that Taehyung woke up earlier than they foresaw. The boy was louder than usual but it must have been because of the pitch black darkness surrounding him. “I’ll get him.”

He wanted a breather so he could calm down and swallowed the knot that formed inside his throat before heading upstairs. He knew that Namjoon must have felt very guilty but he had a toddler to attend to. Tae was crying his heart out and Seokjin’s heart tightened inside his chest when he entered the bedroom with the help of his phone’s lantern because the toddler was rocking back and forth, fat tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Ji-Jinnie,” he bawled and struggled to get out of his bed, falling in the process because his feet were tangled in the soft blanket he has previously been wrapped in. He fell on his front but immediately got up and ran towards Seokjin, hoping to be picked up.

“Oh my God, Tae,” Jin whispered as he gathered him in his arms, panic flooding his mind at the idea that the boy was hurt. “Are you okay?” He tried to look for any type of injury but it was difficult because he was struggling to make the crying stop at the same time. Taehyung’s knee was scratched and a few droplets of blood were rapidly forming. “It’s alright, sweetheart, there’s no electricity, that’s why everything is so dark. But I’m here and nothing bad can happen, okay?”

Taehyung sniffled and rested his head on the broad chest in front of him.

“Elecriticy?”

“Electricity,” Seokjin replied as they made their way to the bathroom where he was supposed to find the first aid kit. “It’s that thing that makes the lights and the TV work.” There was a lot more to Tesla’s discovery but he was sure that was enough of an explanation for the time being. Taehyung was still sobbing – more because of the scare than because of anything else – when Seokjin asked him to pick a band-aid for his booboo.

“Kiss it b-better…?”

“Of course, tiger.” Jin pursed his lips and pressed them near the scratch before sticking the Spiderman band-aid the boy has chosen. “Jinnie’s always going to kiss it better,” he promised and kissed the boy’s head before light suddenly flooded the room, taking them by surprise.

Namjoon stepped in, a massive candle in his hand. It started to smell like coconut and Seokjin began to wonder if his husband lit indeed a candle from the collection he cherished so much. The tall blond looked impossibly tired and sad but he faked a smile in their direction as soon as Taehyung called his name.

“What’s that, Joonie?”

“It’s a candle, bubba.” It had all sorts of gravures on the sides and Seokjin recognized it right away as the one they bought during their exotic honeymoon. He remembered how happy Namjoon has been back then – he said the candle would always be a precious reminder to him.

“It’s pretty.”

“It is pretty but you must be careful with it because it can hurt you.”

“You could have chosen another one,” Jin said when Namjoon  squatted to show Taehyung the candle closely, repeating that he shouldn’t go anywhere near the flame. The words have been ignored and Seokjin’s stomach dropped at the thought that his husband did it intentionally. It wasn’t his place anyway, Namjoon could do whatever he pleased with his fancy candles.

“Do you want to sleep in our bed tonight?”

There was only one answer they could receive when they asked that question so moments later they all moved to the big bedroom, Taehyung hurriedly climbing in the middle of the bed. Despite their rule of having him sleeping in his own bed, he was familiar with that spot because of the nightmares that had him running to his parents every night. They couldn’t watch movies, they couldn’t even read but the fact that he could sleep together with Jinnie and Joonie made Taehyung smile widely. It already felt like a sleepover to him.

“Tell a story, Joonie?”

They usually took turns when it came to making up bedtime stories because they were both creative individuals but Seokjin felt relief washing over his body when he realized the boy hasn’t picked him. Truth to be told, he didn’t know if he could live up to the expectation of creating a plot, not even the simplest one at the moment. He felt like crying because the whole day has been a terrible mess. He bit on the inside of the cheek when Namjoon began telling the tale of a knight but some tears still manage to gather at the corners of his eyes so he blinked repeatedly in order to make them disappear.

Surprisingly enough, Taehyung fell asleep before the knight managed to reach the mermaids’ valley, his whole body curled towards Seokjin, a little fist holding onto the purple-haired man’s pajama. The toddler let out a long sigh and squirmed a little, letting Namjoon know that his job was done there.

“He’s out,” Jin said as if he wanted to reassure the other.

“I think I should put the candle out.” 

In a few seconds darkness flooded the bedroom and Namjoon turned his back to them, exhaling loudly before closing his eyes. There was no better thing to do for the moment than to sleep his worries off so he tried his best to slow down his train of thoughts and to relax. He has always had a hard time with fights and it has been rare for him and Seokjin to quarrel so he didn’t know yet how he was supposed to react. All he knew was that he was hurt, everything else could wait until the morning.

“Joon-ah?” Jin whispered, his stomach twisting in knots.

 He wanted to apologize because he knew that he should have handled the situation differently. The day they married, his mother has only given him one precious advice and he has done his best to follow it. “No matter how bad the fight, never ever go to bed mad at the person you love with all your heart.” When he first heard it, he burst into chuckles because it sounded like something from a Dr. Seuss book but over the years he understood the importance of not going to sleep with a heavy heart.

“Joon-ah,” he tried again, only a little louder. There was no movement or reply so he suspected that his husband was fast asleep. He tried to calm down and remind himself that Namjoon wasn’t a cruel man so it was impossible for him to ignore him.

Seokjin spent what felt like hours casting his fingers through Taehyung’s hair and staring into nothingness, his insecurities getting the best of him. He fell asleep trying to get rid of that sort of thoughts and woke up alone in the king-sized bed, a trail of saliva coming out of his mouth. Panic began to rise inside of him as soon as he saw that the digital clock read 10 A.M. and he almost jumped out of the bed, heading downstairs in confusion. Namjoon was supposed to leave around 8 A.M. and even if he didn’t, that still meant that Taehyung and he didn’t have anything to eat for breakfast.

“Good morning, Jinnie!” Tae shouted his greeting so enthusiastically that it startled him and he turned to see the boy was sitting at the table, waving his spoon excitedly in the air. He was eating chocolate muesli and therefore there was chocolate smeared all over his cheeks. Namjoon was sitting at the table beside the boy, reading the newspaper with his hair unruly and his glasses on.

“Morning, tiger!” Seokjin replied and kissed the top of the boy’s head. “Morning, Joonie.”

“Good morning,” the blond man said politely and got up from his place. “I’ll go and take a shower and then talk to the energy supplier.” They also needed to pay the bills they missed and a fee and over all, they had to endure the lack of electricity. Namjoon knew he had to take a little trip to the company’s building in order to take care of all of that.

Seokjin decided muesli was good enough for him too so he spent his breakfast watching cartoons next to Taehyung, amused by the little reactions the boy would have from time to time. The gasps he let out proved that he was truly surprised by what was going on in the story. The toddler’s hair was a tad too long so Namjoon took the time to tie a little sprout on top of his head and he looked absolutely adorable.

“I think today we should go shopping,” Seokjin suggested. “We can have a walk in the afternoon and then go to the playground.”

The purple-haired man couldn’t remember the last time he slept so well but he knew it was impossible to get anything done writing-wise. When Namjoon came back to the kitchen to drink another cup of coffee he looked as fresh as a daisy, wearing one of his favorite t-shirts and jeans.

“You’re not going to the studio today?” Seokjin asked out of pure curiosity.

“No. I’ll go on Saturday instead.” The affirmation implied that their plans have been cancelled and Jin didn’t have the courage to push the matter, knowing that it have been his actions that cause all this mess. He voiced clearly that he didn’t think going out on their anniversary was a good idea so it wouldn’t have been fair to change his mind now. “I’ll call Yoongi and tell him that we won’t need his help anymore.” It was obvious he was referring to babysitting and Seokjin felt his stomach dropping.

It was clear that Namjoon was doing his best to hide behind indifference.

“I think we should talk about it first,” Jin tried.

“What is there to talk about? I don’t want to force you into anything.” The reply was harsher than any of them expected. “And frankly, I don’t want to go out either. Not anymore.”

“You’re unreasonable, Joon.” Seokjin’s voice was kind still but he found it hard to keep the conversation from turning into a quarrel. He didn’t want Taehyung to see them arguing but he also needed to find a solution to what was going on. “I’ve never said that I don’t want to celebrate our an –”

“It sure sounded like that to me.” Namjoon ran his fingers through his hair, exhaling loudly. He knew he was more petulant that anything, he was upset because he put so much thought into their anniversary and in the end it didn’t matter. “Just forget about it.” He checked for the apartment’s keys that were inside his pocket and announced that he was going to take the bike.

Namjoon was ready to say goodbye when he saw that Taehyung was silently crying, his eyelashes damp because of all the tears blurring his vision. As soon as the man approached the toddler’s chair a sob crushed the little body, causing for the real crying to begin. Tae has never seen them arguing before so it was natural for him to feel distressed by the situation.

“Oh no, bubba. What happened?” Namjoon asked and squatted in front of the chair. “Why are you crying? Nothing happened.”

Taehyung didn’t answer, instead raised his arms, indicating that he wanted to be picked up and Namjoon didn’t hesitate to comply, surprised by how violent the sobs became. Tae was a very happy child, the only things that managed to make him cry were the memories that haunted his every dream but beside that he always had a boxy smile plastered on his face.

“Where you g-going?” He would usually regress during stressful situations, his sentences becoming unclear.

“I’m just going to pay some bills, bubs,” Namjoon whispered against his hair and rubbed his back lovingly. “I’d love to take you with me but I want to bike there.”  He had yet to acquire a front bucket seat so he could take Tae with him.

“But you come back?”

“What do you mean, Taehyungie? Of course I’m coming back,” the man promised and kissed the boy’s forehead lovingly. They’ve said that countless times before, no one was going anywhere.

Namjoon took his sweet time reassuring his son and had to change once the crying subsided because his t-shirt was stained with chocolate. He felt guilty for causing such a commotion but it was hard to keep your feelings in check. If it wouldn’t have been for Taehyung, they would have probably consumed all their anger and frustration the night before but now they needed to find out new ways in which they could solve problems.

He took the longest route to the place he wanted to reach and cleared his mind in the meantime, deciding that he should approach the conversation differently once he reached home. He needed to put his pride away and to keep in mind that Seokjin would have never hurt him intentionally. As soon as he took care of the issue he headed home, deciding to pick some of his husband’s favorite deserts on the way back as an offering of peace.

Jin and Taehyung were playing with Legos in the living room and by the look of it, they were trying to build the biggest Lego tower to ever exist. Namjoon felt like all the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders when he saw his favorite boys were chatting happily, Tae giggling from time to time because of something silly his Jinnie would say.

“Is anyone interested in sujeonggwa?” Namjoon asked, obviously startling the other two. Taehyung didn’t seem crazy about the sweets he had to offer but didn’t hesitate to run over to where he was, hugging his legs. Seokjin’s interest seemed perked, especially after he spotted the bag giving out the fact that the dessert was bought from his favorite confectionary. He didn’t move, though, instead he began picking up the Lego pieces that accidentally fell on the carpet. “Jin?”

“I’ll grab the spoons,” the elder man said politely and headed to the kitchen.

They ate the sujeonggwa without talking to each other, instead focused on the many questions Taehyung had about the dish and the following things they were going to do. He’s been told they were going to go to the playground and he couldn’t wait for it. The tension was almost palpable so at one point Seokjin announced that he was going to wash the dishes before going out, hurrying to the kitchen in order to complete the task.

“Hey, bubba, do you think you can watch cartoons alone for a little while? Jinnie and I have something important to talk about.” Namjoon moved Taehyung from his lap onto the couch and kissed one of his chubby cheeks. The boy seemed confused for a few seconds but nodded, grabbing his tiger plushie and hugging it close to his chest.

Seokjin was scrubbing almost furiously a plate when Namjoon entered the kitchen and made sure to close the door behind him so Tae wouldn’t hear what they were going to talk about.

“Hyung,” Namjoon said, his voice small.

“Yes, Joonie?” The purple-haired man didn’t even try to look in his direction, instead focusing on his duty.

“I’m sorry for acting spoilt.” He took a big breath. “I’ve tried to guilt-trip you into something you’re not comfortable doing and that’s wrong but I can’t help the fact that I’m hurt,” Namjoon continued and swallowed loudly. “Our anniversaries have always been a big deal for us and I –”He was almost incoherent because he hasn’t thought in advance of how to put his words together. “The truth is that I miss you.”

Seokjin rinsed the plate he’s been washing and grabbed a towel to dry his hands before turning around.

“I don’t understand  how you could ever think that I don’t want to spend our anniversary with you.”  Jin whispered, his bottom lip quivering. “I’ve loved you for a decade, Joon. How could you think –”

“You said it was just another day.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I was exhausted, I still am.” That was the moment when his façade shattered and tears began rolling down his cheeks. “Everything’s going to shit, Joon!” He shouted and covered his face with both hands, finally letting go of all the frustration and tiredness that have been piling. He was not the type to cry, he rarely did, but he couldn’t hold back anymore, his broad shoulders shaking with every sob. “I can’t write, I c-can’t sleep, I’m an awful dad and an even more awful husband.”

“Jinnie,” Namjoon whispered in disbelief, his eyebrows furrowed as he stepped closer. “Where is this coming from, baby? You know that’s not true.”

“But it is!” Seokjin sobbed, his palms hurrying to wipe his tears away so forcefully that his face turned red. “I’ve been neglecting my work and ap-apparently you too and Tae is still not okay. No matter what I do, he’s not okay.”

“Hyung, you can’t blame yourself –”

“He was supposed to b-be happy, Joon.”

“And he is! He is a happy child and we do everything humanly possible to help him overcome his past but we can’t magically heal him. Seokjin, we can’t fix Tae.” It sounded brutal but it was the truth so the elder grabbed two fistfuls of his husband’s shirt, trying to keep himself from wailing. He felt like his heart has just been ripped out of his chest.

“But I want to,” Jin whispered, voice barely audible. “I’ve tried s-so hard.”

“I know, baby.” Arms wrapped protectively around the purple-haired man, and lips found their way to his forehead. “And Tae will grow up knowing how hard you tried but you can’t take that sort of blame upon you. You’re not responsible for the things other people did to him.”

The rational part of Seokjin comprehended that but he couldn’t help himself. He loved Taehyung so much that he wanted to glue all his pieces back together.

“I feel so guilty whenever I’m feeling tired.”

“That’s ridiculous, hyung,” Namjoon said and tightened the hug. “You’re allowed to feel tired.” At the end of the day they were only humans and their power was limited. “Is this why you don’t want to have Yoongi and Hobi babysitting Tae?”  Seokjin nodded weakly against his husband’s strong chest and sniffled. “Do you remember what Mrs. Lee told us when we first started going to therapy with Taehyung?”

“That we should find an equilibrium.” But it was always easier said than done.

“I think you’re burning out, baby,” Namjoon whispered, using the kindest voice he could manage. “And it’s not your fault, it’s not Taehyungie’s either. I think we should look at things from a different perspective. You need time for yourself too.” 

“But I don’t want that.” 

Maybe it was the mirage of the perfect household that has just been destroyed that broke his heart. They have talked about adopting a long time before entering the system and their minds created this utopic version of a possible family. They took in consideration Taehyung’s past since the first moment they met him but acknowledging something and dealing with it were two different things. 

“I love spending time with Tae, Joonie,” Seokjin said, his voice hushed. He loved spending time with his baby more than anything else in the world, no amount of tiredness could have changed that. The mere thought of asking Namjoon for time for himself made the familiar anxiety lurk inside his brain. 

“I know you do, sweetheart. I love it too but I think it would be fair for all of us to admit that we’re a little bit overwhelmed. Asking for help doesn’t make you a bad parent.” The taller man wished he would have seen it coming, he wished he would have insisted to look after Taehyung on his own for a few hours a day, despite his spouse’s protests. 

Namjoon taught Tae to help him tend for the plants inside their duplex so they had their routine on the weekends when they would water their friends one by one and make sure that they were fine. They would spend hours fingerpainting and crafting animals and buildings from Play-Doh but during that time Seokjin would usually cook or work. Realising this made him aware of how oblivious he still was when it came to certain aspects of their marriage.

“I think it would be for the best if I’d take TaeTae to the playground on my own this afternoon,” Namjoon suggested and hushed with a kiss the protest he suspected his husband was ready to deliver. A faint but followed but the younger shook his head, determined not to compromise. “Why don’t you take a long bubble bath and read some John Grisham?” That was one of Jin’s favorite writers so the purple-haired man rose an eyebrow, indicating his husband that he knew exactly what he was trying to do.

“I’d spend all the time sulking, waiting for you two to come back.” 

“We’ll be a phone call away,” the blond said reassuringly. He was about to break the hug but Seokjin’s hands didn’t let go of his shirt, making sure he couldn’t put too much space in between them. The writer looked adorable, the tip of his nose was red and his lips were pouty as he was staring straight into Namjoon’s eyes. His eyelashes were still damp. 

“I hate it when we argue.” There were a lot of things they still needed to figure out but for now all he wanted was for them to make up. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Namjoon leaned so their lips could meet feathery before pressing their foreheads together. “I love you.” 

Seokjin muttered the same three words as he felt more tears pooling inside his eyes. He truly despised arguing in general, nevermind arguing with Namjoon; they were supposed to be a team. He was ready to crack a joke when the door opened and Taehyung walked in, dragging his tiger plushie by the tail. The toddler’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight and he immediately pulled his toy closer to his chest, his steps hurrying as he made his way towards the couple. 

“What happened, baby?” Seokjin asked and picked him up before kissing his forehead. The purple-haired man was aware of how puffy his face must have turned but he hoped Tae was not going to notice.

“I missed you.” Taehyung’s words made Jin want to bawl but he gulped loudly instead, trying to get rid of the knot that formed inside his throat. “Why are you sad, Jinnie?” A little finger pointed towards the adult’s face, probably eager to touch a tearstained cheek but Seokjin opened his mouth before that could happen. He made a growling sound and pretended to bite the fingertip, making Taehyung giggle.

The boy began wiggling his finger around, baiting his playmate around, chuckling whenever teeth managed to playfully meet their purpose. It distracted him for a little while but as soon as they were done, Seokjin could tell that Taehyung was not going to drop the topic.

“Jinnie’s not sad, TaeTae.” It was a white lie that came out of Namjoon’s mouth but as expected, it didn’t do the trick. Life taught Taehyung a lot about emotional intelligence and he knew to follow his instincts - that was the sole reason why he managed to survive until CPS stepped in. “He’s just tired.” 

“Tired?” The boy repeated, eyes searching for Seokjin’s.

“Yes. Would you like to go to the park with me?” The idea of playing outside always spiked the toddler’s interest so they weren’t surprised when they received an affirmative answer. The doubts began creeping as soon as he found out that Jinnie was not going to accompany them but he didn’t voice his concerns, instead nodding whenever Namjoon told him what they were going to do.

They were about to leave the apartment when the younger man decided to check his bag one more time to make sure that he had everything he needed. Seeing Namjoon going through the things he packed so meticulously with a little frown on his face made Seokjin smile widely. He doubted there was ever going to be a time when he wouldn’t find his husband cute.

“Joonie -” Taehyung gasped as soon as they stepped out the door and let go of Namjoon’s hand in order to run back in. “Forgot something,” he explained as he hurried towards Seokjin, the latter squatting so he could welcome him properly. 

“What’s the matter?”

Taehyung opened his mouth to answer but instead of formulating words he hugged his tiger plushie tighter for a few seconds before whispering something into its soft ear. The purple-haired man smiled widely when he heard “take care of Jinnie” and took the toy when its been offered to him, trying not to become too emotional.

“You can keep Tiger,” the toddler whispered and kissed Jin’s cheek.

“Thank you, baby. I promise you that we won’t have too much fun without you.” Taehyung pouted at the teasing affirmation, earning a little peck on the tip of his nose.“Go now,” Seokjin continued and patted his backside gently, urging him to go back to his dear Joonie.

Seokjin felt something tugging at his heartstrings as soon as the front door closed. The quietness was becoming more and more compelling with each passing second so he cradled the tiger plushie close to his chest before heading towards the bedroom. They were going to be alright.

Notes:

ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ Thank you so much for reading this chapter! I hope you have enjoyed it - despite it being angsty :) I honestly have been writing this update for the past couple of months and I struggled with expressing Namjin's feelings because they are so complex. Seokjin is stuck in a cycle of guilt - he wants to take a break from parenting but feels like the worst parent in the world for even thinking about it, Namjoon understands him but he also wants to spend some time on his own with his husband. Add Taehyung's fears and personal struggles to the equation and you get the recipe for disaster. I think they all have a lot to learn about their new dynamic as a family but I am sure they will be alright. Their love will surpass any hardship ~

This part of the series is a little bit different because it's definitely Namjin-centric but I hope you will enjoy the read. I also hope you'll have a wonderful weekend! Take good care of yourself and don't forget that you never walk alone! x

*whispers* Feel free to say "hi" to me anytime ~
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Chapter 2: II

“He should be in bed by -”

“Eight, I know,” Yoongi cut Namjoon’s sentence off, obviously unimpressed by his nervousness. “Dinner, bath, bedtime stories and bed. I’m pretty sure I got it the first time you’ve explained it to me.” It was funny for him to see his friend so skittish. “And if God forbids I will actually forget any of these complex steps I will make sure to check the list you’ve given us.” 

Despite general belief, Min Yoongi’s heart was so big that it made Namjoon sometimes wonder how could it fit inside his fairly small body. 

They’ve been friends since college, when they’ve simultaneously been kicked out of the university’s library at the closing hour. From Namjoon’s point of view, Yoongi seemed a terrifying little guy - his dark roots standing out through the strands of bleached hair on top of his head, his ripped skinny jeans showing the multitude of scars he gained due to the constant brawling. As soon as they stepped outside the library it started pouring so they found themselves stuck, none of them carrying an umbrella. Waiting in silence for the rain to stop sounded like an awful boring idea so Namjoon decided to initiate a conversation, not knowing that some small talk on a rainy afternoon would earn him a friend for life.

“I bet knowing the top five of Taehyung’s favorite Disney movie was crucial for a day of babysitting,” Yoongi continued, his cat-like eyes roaming over the list that was already stuck on the fridge. The sarcasm was not lost so Namjoon sighed loudly, trying not to be that type of parent and say things such as “you’ll understand once you’ll have your own kids”. 

“If things get out of control -”

“Hoseok and I have your number on speed dial. Seokjin’s too.” 

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak once again just in time for the kitchen’s door to open and for Taehyung to sprint towards them, singing one of the children songs he loved so much. As soon as he reached them he grasped on the shorter man’s large hand, tugging on his fingers with a huge boxy smile on his face.

“Hobi Hobi wants cophee,” the toddler sang, tapping on Yoongi’s expensive wristwatch with his index as if he was trying to make the hands beneath the glass move faster. 

“You mean coffee?” Namjoon asked and earned a little nod, the boy still focused on his task, his tongue peeking out from between his lips. “It’s almost done.” 

“Go and tell Hobi Hobi that his coffee will be delivered soon,” Yoongi smiled and took off his watch before offering it to Taehyung and patting his head gently.

Hoseok and he made clear their decision of not expanding their family - they were completely content with the way they were living. They recently bought a spacious apartment in the heart of Cheongdam so they were adjusting to the novelty of it while trying to pursue their dream careers and taking care of their two puppies. Hoseok and Yoongi were the epitome of the“opposites attract” theory.

Despite their lack of interest in having their own children, Namjoon could tell that their friends were absolutely whipped for Taehyung. 

“I’m sorry for being such a worrywart,” Namjoon sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s not that I don’t trust you but you know that things can be complicated when it comes to Tae.” The truth was that he was trying not to overshare when it came to the struggle they were facing as parents but there were times when he couldn’t keep everything to himself so he was sure his friend knew what he was talking about. It was no secret that Taehyung required a special type of care.

“I’m pretty confident in my method acting skills so I think I can keep him entertained.” Yoongi’s remark was lighthearted and it managed to make Namjoon smile before they poured the coffee into cups and brought them to the living room. 

Seokjin and Hoseok were having an animated conversation about the latest k-drama that none of them actually watched but knew everything about while Tae was rubbing both Holly’s and Mickey’s tummies at once. They’ve made sure to pack everything their baby would need and the huge backpack his belongings were stocked in looked ready to explode. Maybe Yoongi was right and they were overthinking but he felt like they had all the right to.

They spent a little over an hour enjoying their coffee and when the time came for Seokjin and Namjoon to leave, some sort of tension filled the room, a clear indicator of how hard it was for them to say goodbye. After the little quarrel they had they came to the conclusion that it was for the best to take a day off from parenting (theoretically speaking, of course) and spend their anniversary without Taehyung. There was a fancy dinner waiting for them and a lot of champagne alongside. There was also an opportunity of being intimate that came with it but none of that could erase the worries weighting on their minds.

Taehyung was busy chasing the dogs when Seokjin announced that they’ll be leaving and his reaction was almost instant. It was always like that - whenever he’d part from one of them he’d forget about whatever he was doing in order to hurry in his direction. 

“Promise that you’ll be a good boy for Yoongi and Seokie?” Seokjin asked and pulled the toddler into a tight hug as soon as he heard a little “yes”. “Joonie and I will pick you up tomorrow morning.” The purple-haired man kissed a chubby cheek before booping his nose and smiling. 

“I’ll be good, Jinnie.” 

It was Namjoon’s turn to say goodbye so he picked the boy up and kissed his forehead lovingly.

“We’ll call you before you go to bed to say goodnight,” the man said and pecked his cheek. “We love you, bubba.” 

“Love you too,” Taehyung replied without a second thought before he was lowered on the ground. He had a huge smile plastered on his cute little face and the sight put both Seokjin and Namjoon at ease before they mustered all their courage and walked out the door.

Their fingers were squeezing each other so hard that their knuckles turned white and they’ve only noticed that when they entered the taxi that was supposed to take them to the restaurant. Seokjin burst into laughter at the realisation before bringing his husband’s hand to his lips and kissing it lovingly. They trusted Hoseok and Yoongi to take the best care of their son, they just had to overstep the psychological fears they were so used to.

It was useless to say that it has been a while since they last went on a date and something pulled at Namjoon’s heartstrings at the thought. Before the adoption, they were big on dates, making sure that they’d go out at least twice a week. Whether they were going out for dinner or movies, they would always make time for each other. 

Namjoon made a reservation at Seokjin’s favorite Chinese restaurant. They have dined there countless times before as it was the place they had their first date in. It became some sort of tradition - for them to celebrate their most important events there because Seokjin had a strong belief that they got luckier whenever they dined there. This time it was different, though. The tension could be cut with a knife as they took their seats, happy that their table was placed in one of the few booths available. 

They both felt painfully awkward so Namjoon was the first to grab the menu and flip the pages of it, pretending it wasn’t the nth time he was seeing it. Focusing on the many dishes was helping him loosen up so he went through every page patiently until he finally reached the wine section. 

“Would you like to have some wine?”

Seokjin burst into laughter as soon as he heard the question and lowered his menu in order to look into his husband’s eyes.

“Why so formal, Joon-ah?” It was cute to see how easily the younger’s cheeks could turn pink and the purple-haired man smiled at the sight, happy that he could still make his lover blush after so many years. He would have lied if he said that he was feeling comfortable but he knew that he had to break the ice if he wanted the situation to change. “Wine sounds amazing.”

Namjoon cleared his throat and made a sign for the waiter to come closer before asking for the best wine they owned, his eyes still avoiding Seokjin’s at all costs. For some weird reasons, he felt as if he was having his first date with the beautiful man in front of him. A pregnant pause followed as soon as the waiter left and Jin propped his head with both hands, a little smile still playing on his lips.

“I get tired only imagining how hard you’re overthinking.” 

The line earned a chuckle from Namjoon and he finally gave up on the menu, already knowing that he was going to order his favorite. It was ironic how he was the one who had insisted on going out but he could barely think of something to say. Namjoon thought he would be the one soothing his husband in Taehyung’s absence but as soon as a smaller hand covered his, he realised that the roles have reversed.

“Tae’s going to be alright, baby.” 

“I know,” Namjoon whispered and chuckled to himself, shaking his head in disbelief. “If you have told me ten years ago that we would end up married and having a son of our own…” He could still remember how nervous he has been on their first date, how fidgety and jumpy he would get whenever Seokjin opened his mouth to speak. They’ve been friends months before the younger one built up the courage to ask his hyung out so he was naturally afraid that he would screw things up and lose everything. 

“I knew I was going to marry you,” Seokjin said, amused by the way his husband’s eyes turned comically wide. He was about to make a joke but the waiter came with their wine, interrupting their conversation for the moment. They made a toast for happiness and sipped from the burgundy colored liquid.

“What do you mean?” Namjoon asked, playing with the tall glass in front of him.

“I pretty much fell for you the first time we met,” Seokjin giggled. “When you spilled coffee on my precious notebook I spent days writing in.” 

“But you still insisted on punishing me for months.” 

Seokjin burst into laughter at the remark and Namjoon smiled, because there was nothing else he loved more in this world than the ridiculous sound of it. Only Taehyung’s giggles were a match. 

“Good things come to those who wait, Joon,” the purple-haired man whispered and winked. 

It wasn’t exactly a punishment. They met in the middle of the exam session so the only thing that saved Namjoon from his wrath was the adorable dimples put on display while apologising. The combination of dimples and brown puppy eyes made Seokjin spare the seemingly lost boy in front of him and that’s how Namjoon was asked for his phone number. He didn’t hesitate to hand it over to the then-brunet Seokjin, a bright pink coloring his cheeks as he did so, curious about what his senior was going to do next.

Namjoon received a text the following morning. 

“I like my coffee with a lot of cinnamon and milk. Two spoonfuls of sugar. Meet me in front of the R- building” 

He didn’t have classes on Friday but he went out and bought that coffee anyway. Seokjin seemed utterly unimpressed when he received it but asked for a second one the following day too. It went for a while and they grew closer with every coffee that has been delivered and soon morning meetings turned into brunches and then into dinners. 

“Joon-ah, marriage is a three-ring circus. We have the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering” 

They both burst into laughter but their hands still found each other on top of the table, fingers intertwining affectionately. 

“If suffering is the only option, I hope I’ll grow old suffering with you, hyung.” Namjoon’s words were so sweet that Seokjin couldn’t help himself and leaned closer, urging his husband to do just the same for their lips to meet. It was chaste and sweet and as soon as Namjoon tasted the strawberry chapstick on the other’s plump lips he cupped a soft cheek, silently asking for a second one that didn’t wait to come. 

“So you promise that you’ll love me just the same ten years from now too?” Seokjin asked, a dark eyebrow arched.

“Ten years?” Namjoon asked incredulously. “I’ll love you just the same twenty - no, fifty years from now.” He sipped from his wine but their eyes never broke contact, a little smile playing on the elder’s lips. 

“Can you imagine it? TaeTae leaving for college -” Seokjin chuckled at the incredulous thought and downed his glass, unable to picture a home without their baby’s little feet clattering through every room. 

“We didn’t even sign him up for kindergarten, Jinnie.” 

“I know.”

“I’ll love you all the same then too, though. I can’t imagine a time when I will  not be utterly in love with you.”  

Their dinner was served and Seokjin moved closer, taking his chair with him so he could enjoy his dinner pressed against his lover. It was cute, how Namjoon still blushed whenever Jin offered him a bite of his course, long fingers playing with the napkin that turned into shreds soon enough. 

It felt good, being just the two of them for the first time in what felt like forever. They lost themselves into topic after topic, enjoying their wine until Namjoon’s phone went off, distracting the both of them with very loud vibrations. It was almost eight o’clock which meant that Taehyung was supposed to be in bed by now. Namjoon pressed the green dot showing on the screen and brought the phone to his ear without hesitation, a huge grin spreading on his face as soon as he heard a rather loud “Hi, Joonie!” 

“Hi, TaeTae,” he replied adoringly. “Wait a second, bubba, I’m gonna put you on speaker so Jinnie can hear you too.” 

“Okaaaaay.”

The thought of Taehyung snuggled under his favorite blanket and holding his dear tiger plushie close to his chest was enough to make Seokjin mirror his husband’s grin. 

“Hi, baby. How comes that you called us?” 

“So I can say night night,” Taehyung replied right away, a little pout audible in his speech. 

“Did you have fun with Yoongi and Hobi?” Namjoon asked, launching an endless conversation that was meant to make them understand in detail every game the boy played with his “uncles”. Seokjin had to bite his lips not to burst into laughter when he found out that Yoongi had teatime with Taehyung and Mr. Tiger right before turning into a pony and helping his son to conquer the wild west.  It was hard to imagine Yoongi being ridden into the sunset. 

“And we made cookies but I only had two after dinner.” A little pause followed. “I think I had four, Jinnie. Five.” Taehyung was not one to hold back from having sweets and as set as they were on the idea of him not having candy after 4 P.M., they couldn’t bring themselves to be upset. They were sure that their friends were doing everything they could to follow their rules but they were also well aware of how convincing Tae’s puppy eyes could be. 

“Did you brush your teeth, tiger?”

“For two minutes!” Taehyung’s reply was so enthusiastic that it earned loud chuckles instead of an answer. They couldn’t remember a time when their son was so enthusiastic about brushing his teeth. “Yoongi had a tiber.” 

“Do you mean a timer, baby?” Seokjin asked, propping his head on both hands. 

“Yes! And now - now Hobi will read me a story.” 

“What story, bubba?” 

“Green eggs and ham.” It was Hoseok who whispered the title of the book and they both smiled fondly, knowing how much their baby enjoyed that particular story. They chatted for a little more, indulging into every story they were told, knowing that Taehyung felt the need to share everything he’s been going through in their absence. He didn’t sound distressed, not at all, and the idea gave them the confidence that they did the right thing.

“I miss you,” Taehyung said after a while, his voice smaller than before. He enjoyed the time he spent with Hobi and Yoongi, he had lots and lots of fun and ate a lot of yummy things. He was even allowed an extra half an hour of cartoons but nothing chased away the feeling of loneliness. Tae was so used to being around his Jinnie and Joonie all the time that he felt out of place whenever they were missing. 

“We miss you too, bubs.” Namjoon was using his kindest voice. “But we’ll see you tomorrow morning. Remember?” 

“Uh-uh.” 

“We promise not to be late,” Seokjin added. “So try to sleep well for us, okay? And have fluffy dreams.”

“Fluffy like…” 

“Sheep?” Namjoon volunteered.

“Alpacas.” Taehyung decided and hummed contently. Alpacas were Jin’s favorite animals so he has seen a lot of pictures of them since he’s been adopted. He even had an alpaca plushie in his bedroom.

“Sounds great to me, baby,” the purple haired man said, a little smile playing on his lips. “Night night, TaeTae. We love you the most.” 

“Love you the most too. Night Jinnie, night Joonie.” The toddler made a kissing noise before handing the phone to its righteous owner - Hoseok. 

They’ve been promised that they will receive a call as soon as their baby was off to dreamland and they managed to finish another glass of wine until that happened. Hoseok galloped through the day’s main events and promised them that everything was under control before shoo-ing them back to their romantic date, hanging up before they had a chance to protest.

Hours passed like minutes and before they could realize, they’ve been informed that the restaurant’s closing hour was near. They must have relaxed completely after they’ve received the confirmation that their son was indeed alright because they jumped from one subject to the other without any trouble at all, losing themselves in all sort of memories that had them burst into laughter most of the time. 

They called a cab and made out in the backseat, just like teenagers. Their cheeks were painted pink by the time they arrived and Namjoon left a fat tip behind, feeling bad for the poor driver who had to witness their public display of affection. He was buzzed enough not to be embarrassed so he was the one to tug on their linked hands, impatient to enter their apartment complex. 

As soon as they entered the elevator and pressed their floor’s number, Seokjin pressed his back against the metallic wall and looked at his husband through hooded eyes. He was looking like the sin itself, his plush lips swollen because of the many love bites they’ve endured, his purple hair somewhat messy. A little smirk was all Namjoon needed to press the emergency stop button and press his body against Seokjin’s, their lips finding each other once again. 

The elder moaned loudly as soon as he felt the hardness pressing against him and parted his lips, encouraging his lover to take over, his fingers tugging on blond strands. They were stuck in between two floors and the thought of their neighbors having to climb up the stairs flew through Seokjin’s mind but dissipated as soon as Namjoon’s tongue brushed against his. Jin’s hand let go of his husband’s hair and moved down his back, easily slipping under his clothing and finding warmth. 

“Hyung.” Namjoon’s voice was hoarse with arousal and he placed another wet kiss on Seokjin’s lips before allowing his mouth to slide down an elegant neck, sucking slightly at the skin there. They were way past the point of leaving hickeys on one another but that didn’t meant that Namjoon’s possessive side could give up on the idea of marking his lover as his. He knew he was a lucky man. 

As soon as Seokjin felt fingers slipping under the material of his shirt, a shiver ran down his spine. They both needed this and he was afraid that they wouldn’t be able to stop from going all the way inside the elevator if things got too far.

“Joon-ah,” the elder whispered, biting back a moan as soon as he felt a hand brushing over the skin of his abdomen. “There’s a security camera, baby.” 

Namjoon pulled back slightly and for a second Seokjin believed that they were going to stop everything they were doing. The younger man’s stare remained just as heated, though and soon enough their mouths crushed together, Namjoon’s strong arms wrapping around his husband’s torso in order to keep him close. 

“Let them see, then.” It must have been the wine that made the blond act so bravely but Seokjin didn’t care so he grabbed a fistful of the other’s shirt and pulled him impossibly closer so their mouths could crush once again. “I love you so much, hyung.” 

There has been a long time since they did something they could consider adventurous in the bedroom. The year prior to meeting Taehyung they’ve been mainly focused on pursuing their careers so their sex life was amazing but nothing out of ordinary. They would always joke around about how they were already acting like they’ve been married for fifty years but in reality that was the type of love-making they needed at the moment. They’ve always had a steady kind of love - the kind that felt like a warm hug on a cold, rainy day. 

They didn’t need kinks or toys. Touching and tasting one another was enough to keep them satisfied.

Seokjin smiled at the sweet confession and kissed Namjoon’s pillowy lips before pushing him against the mirror wall next to them and dropping to his knees. Thankfully, he was conscious enough to remember where that goddamn security camera was placed and by his quick calculations, they were at the perfect angle to do what he had in mind. He easily unbuckled the brown belt keeping him from his goal and before Namjoon could open his mouth, Seokjin pulled his member out of his boxers and was smiling at him sweetly.

“I love you too, Joonie,” was all he said before he wrapped his lips around the tip, slowly engulfing inch after inch. 

They had an on-going joke about anniversary blow-jobs. Seokjin had been recommended an article by the Cosmopolitan one day and as he was bored enough to actually click on it, he found out that some straight couples believed oral sex was something they should only keep for special occasions. He found the idea so ridiculous that he immediately sent the link to Namjoon alongside a text that said “poor baby, you’re going to have to wait until your birthday”. Ever since Seokjin has never missed a chance to ceremoniously deliver some good oral sex during the most important days for them and he firmly believed that they’re wedding anniversary was no exception. 

He took his sweet time, drinking in every little moan that slipped past Namjoon’s lips, wings fluttering inside of his stomach as soon as his husband’s large hand fisted his hair. He loved offering pleasure just as much as he loved receiving it and he believed that it showed - every little touch was paid off by Namjoon’s whimpers and swears.

Minutes later he was getting off his knees, a devilish smile playing on his lips. He kissed his husband’s lips chastely before nuzzling his nose with his own. “Happy anniversary, baby.” 

They both burst into playful chuckles and Seokjin made sure to zip Namjoon’s jeans back up before pressing the emergency stop button once again and getting the elevator going. Namjoon picked his husband up as soon as they managed to unlock the door, rushing towards the bedroom while his hyung tried his best to get them both undressed. It was like they were back in college and they had to do the do before someone could walk in on them. 

Their bodies missed each other so it was easy to mold together, kisses being pressed on every patch of skin either of them could find. Between sweet praises and I love yous, they managed to revive a sort of passion they’ve both been worried that they’d lost. The fact that they still knew exactly what buttons to push, even after all the time that passed, proved them once again that they were the lucky kind. Not everyone was privileged enough to find their soulmates in the wide wide world they were living in. 

They spent hours cherishing each other, taking turns and giving in when it came to any sort of pleasure they could offer. It was three in the morning when Namjoon spotted the digital clock on his nightstand and groaned into his husband’s chest.

“We have four more hours until we have to officially wake up,” the younger whined and received a little peck in the middle of his forehead. 

“Joon-ah, do you want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.” 

As soon as windshield laughter filled the room, Namjoon couldn’t resist and broke into chuckles, shaking his head at his husband’s silliness. Seokjin had much more layers to him that he liked to show the world but one thing Namjoon has always admired about him was his will of brightening the mood. No matter the situation or the people surrounding him, he was always doing his best to make sure everyone was smiling. 

“I suddenly crave pancakes.” 

“Hyung, it’s literally 3 A.M.” 

“You can stay here if you don’t want any,” Jin mumbled and gently pushed his husband off himself before grabbing one of the robes he sometimes wore around the house. He knew that his offer was too tempting for Namjoon to refuse so minutes later they were both in the kitchen, heating up a pan so they could make the goodies. “Could you take out the ingredients out of the fridge?” 

Namjoon winced at the sharp pain ripping through his lower back and was ready to do as he was told but as soon as he opened the fridge something else caught his attention. There was a huge cake taking the most space inside their fridge. It was decorated with strawberries and smiley tigers made of sugar and as soon as he spotted the Happy Anniversary written in the middle of it with chocolate syrup, Namjoon felt his vision turning blurry. Maybe it was all the wine that was still inside his system that made him feel so emotional or maybe it was just the fact that he loved Seokjin so damn much. 

“Eggs and milk,” the purple haired man said to him as a kindly reminder as he looked through the many drawers near the countertop he was standing in front of. He found it silly that his husband still couldn’t remember the ingredients for pancakes, especially as they were having pancakes most of the mornings due to Taehyung’s constant cravings for sweets. 

He smiled to himself at the thought and turned around just in time to see a couple of tears running down Namjoon’s cheek. “Joonie?” That was when he spotted the cake. He completely forgot about it so he had to bite back his laughter before stepping close and wrapping his arms around his husband, burying his face in the closest shoulder. “Do you need a napkin, maybe?” 

Namjoon shook his head cutely and Seokjin couldn’t hold back a giggle this time, tightening the embrace. 

“I don’t know know what -” 

“It’s okay,” Jin cooed and kissed his cheek lovingly. “I think Taehyung’s crying is rubbing off on you.” That managed to elicit some wet chuckles and Namjoon turned around in order to envelope the other into a bear hug, closing his eyes as he took in the familiar perfume. He whispered “I love you” once again and Seokjin kissed his lips before saying it back and lightheartedly telling him that he was turning into a cheesy old man. 

“Should we cut it?” 

“I want Tae to see it first,” was Namjoon’s answer and the purple-haired man raised on his tippy toes so he could kiss his forehead before agreeing. 

Seeing his husband being such a good dad for their baby made Seokjin love him even more.

They eventually had their pancakes and slept the little time they had until the alarm forced them to get out of bed. It was ironic how they ended up being even more tired but none of them dared to say a thing about it, both satisfied with the way things turned out. Seokjin didn’t feel hangover enough to refuse to drive to Yoongi and Hoseok’s, asking Namjoon to keep the cake safe until they arrived to the destination. 

Seoul was a busy city early in the morning. People were hurrying around, trying to make it in time for work or school, riding bikes or running after buses whose drivers were usually kind enough to wait for them. They found themselves stuck in traffic and used that time to go over the compromises they decided to make for the sake of their sanity. Namjoon was going to try and offer his husband a couple of hours a day to spend on his own or with friends and they agreed on a date night once every two weeks. They were lucky to have such a lovable son because everyone wanted to look after Taehyung, from their parents to their closest friends.

Half an hour later, Yoongi invited them in, a knowing grin painted on his face as he greeted them. Seokjin was about to make a smart remark about the fact that they learned all about the birds and the bees last night and shut his mouth but little steps announced a storm was coming their way. The purple haired man squatted and opened his arms just in time for Taehyung to appear out of nowhere.

“Jinnie! Joonie! Good morning!” The boy’s loud, raspy shouts were contradicting his sleepy face and mess of a hair. Seokjin picked him up and began peppering his face with kisses before the toddler squirmed his way close to Namjoon in order to wrap his arms around his neck. 

“Good morning, bubba,” Namjoon replied adoringly and kissed his cheek. 

“Did you sleep well?” Seokjin asked as he took off his shoes and entered the apartment, the other two men right behind him. All the weight was lifted off the eldest shoulders when Tae nodded meekly and yawned immediately afterwards. 

“What’s with the cake?” Yoongi’s question seemed to grab the little boy’s attention because he immediately rubbed his eyes and turned around to look at the bakery box Namjoon was holding carefully. 

“Cake?” Tae asked, his voice tiny. 

“Yes,” Seokjin replied and kissed the top of his head. “I made it.” 

Hoseok greeted them with a huge heart-shaped smile as soon as they entered the kitchen, two extra cups of coffee filled to the brim already placed on the table for them to enjoy. They made some small talk before Taehyung insisted on showing Namjoon the few plants Hobi Hobi and Yoongi had in their bedroom. The blond man didn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s seen them before so he let himself be guided through the apartment, promising the others that they’ll be back in a bit. 

“Was everything alright?” Seokjin asked as soon as the two were out of sight and sipped on his sweetened coffee. Hoseok was still trying to wake up, leaning so he could rest his head on Yoongi’s shoulder, his red hair spilling all over his lover’s sleep tee.

“He woke up around three, I think,” the redhead muttered and grabbed Yoongi’s cup from his hands in order to sip from it. The immediate regret was obvious, an image of disgust taking over his face, probably due to the lack of sugar. “It was pretty bad but Yoongi played piano and calmed him down. You should have seen that, it was like a spell was casted upon him.” 

Seokjin smiled at the little story but felt something pulling at his heart at the thought that his baby waking up scared once again. He hated the idea of not being there when Taehyung needed him the most but he tried to remind himself that it wasn’t healthy to encourage this co-dependence. They needed to help Tae build his confidence, to slowly make him capable to ground himself. A parent’s mission is to help his baby grow wings.

“Piano, hm?” 

“He made me promise that I’ll teach him play,” Yoongi mumbled.

His friend seemed to secretly enjoy the prospect of piano lessons so Seokjin simply smirked in his direction before thanking them once again. Namjoon came back a few minutes later, carrying a very talkative Tae who had a thousand and one question he just knew his Joonie knew the answer to and Jin decided it was the perfect time to cut the cake. 

“What’s the cake for, Jinnie? Is it for your arnirversary?” 

“You’re spot on, tiger,” Seokjin chuckled and winked at him. 

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you guessed right.”

Taehyung couldn’t hold back his gasp as soon as he saw how beautifully decorated the cake was and begged to have the biggest tiger on his piece, amusing everyone with the little sounds of pleasure he made as soon as he began eating it.

“What’s an arnirversary?” The boy asked after a while, playing with the spoon he was holding as he was trying to gather more of the chocolate syrup off his plate. He’s been told that it has been Jinnie and Joonie’s arnirversary but he had no idea what that meant.

“Well, yesterday has been our wedding anniversary which means that Jinnie and I celebrated six years since we got married,” Namjoon explained as he took a napkin to help the cake off Tae’s chubby cheeks. “So we went out on a date and had fun.” 

“Did you color?” 

They all burst into chuckles at the innocent question and as soon as he’s been told that they didn’t, a little pout made its appearance on the boy’s face. “When’s our annirversary, Joonie?” The question took everyone by surprise so a pregnant pause followed and before Namjoon could find the right words, the toddler continued. “Since we’re family?” His voice died down by the end of the sentence.

“We’ve become a family on the third of April,” Seokjin replied. “So next spring we’ll have our anniversary.” 

It was a promise. They were going to have a bigger, sweeter cake and they were going to open countless presents. Their apartment was going to be filled with balloons and giggles and they were going to spend all day showering Taehyung with the affection he deserved. 

A wide smile spread on Seokjin’s plump lips at the thought and as soon as Namjoon’s fingers intertwined his and squeezed them under the table he understood that he was not the only one daydreaming about the future.

Anything for their spring baby.

 

Notes:

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ Thank you so much for reading this story! I hope you have enjoyed it - even thought it was not Taehyung-centric, like the rest of the updates were ~ I just love Namjin and I hope you had at least half of the fun I had while writing this ♡ Feel free to comment and let me know what you'd like to see in the future updates :) I hope you will have a wonderful weekend! Take care of yourself and don't forget that you never walk alone! x

*whispers* Feel free to say "hi" to me anytime ~
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Series this work belongs to:

• Part 4 of Tae's New Home ♡