Forgotten Fears

by Fortuna14

Summary:

Shadow comes back from counselling not quite put together. Sonic had well-meaning information, that is only proving to cause Shadow stress. And now Rouge has to help him put himself right again.

Notes:

I've had the first two chapters done since forever ago. I'm just posting them now because why not.

Chapter 1: Part 1 - Rouge

"Kitchen!"  Rouge shouted, hearing the keys jingle in the lock and then the door slam shut, by presumably Shadow.  She had gotten done early and picked up ingredients for cheesecake brownies from the grocers.

 

She could hear him rummaging in the hall, and it wasn't long before he was standing in the doorway.

 

"How was counseling?" Rouge called over her shoulder, while pouring cheesecake mix into a tin over brownie batter.

 

"Fine." She almost rolled her eyes, he always said it was fine, it didn’t actually tell her anything.

 

"Do you feel thoroughly counseled?" She joked lightly, she forgets where she first heard it but she thought it amusing.

 

There was no verbal response but she could hear his steps lightly on the tile and she soon had a head, wet with bits of snow, resting against the back of her shoulder and arms hesitantly wrapped around her waist, one hand placed on the opposite wrist.

 

"Are you alright?"  Because yes, Shadow was a very tactile person, even if he didn’t like contact from people he didn’t explicitly trust, but this was still a bit off.  He could see she was in the middle of something, usually he would wait until she was done or ask if he really felt the need for affection.

 

"No."  The honesty was appreciated, and from what she understood he'd been making good progress on admitting such things.

 

"Will you be alright?"  Always a good question when you currently weren't.  

 

". . . Probably." Not the best answer but it could be worse.  The way his voice was coming out was concerning though, too soft, almost meek.

 

"Probably is good.  What happened?"  She kept her voice soft, coxing, it wouldn't do to demand anything.

 

"Sonic's an ass."  This was true, well intentioned as Sonic usually was, even if no one really mentioned it.  Well, besides Shadow, occasionally Knuckles and definitely Antoine, even if not in quite those words.  

 

“Yes, he is.  Was this before or after counseling?”  Because Shadow had definitely ran into Sonic, if he was responsible for Shadow’s strife, Shadow had been fine when she left that morning.

 

“Before.”  That was hours ago, long enough for thoughts and doubts to fester, long enough for him to get stuck in a downward spiral.

 

“Did you talk to ‘Anna about it?”  Because she was his therapist. Rouge may have met her through G.U.N, but she wasn’t part of G.U.N.  And that was something Rouge felt was important, that ‘Anna was fully qualified as a Psychologist, even if she didn’t typically practice, while, at the same time, having no trust in G.U.N.  The fact that G.U.N. had falsely held both her brother and brother-in-law as the prime suspects of arson and grand larceny, probably had something to do with it.

 

“Yeah.”  That was good, she was insightful went it came to other people and their thought process.  What wasn’t good was that it was still dragging at Shadow so much.  Sonic had to have hit a nerve of some sort, and not any of the usual ones, if he was like this rather than trying to break something or someone.  After all, it wouldn’t have been the first time that he sought out Knuckles for a spar after running into Sonic, even if he had already fought with the hedgehog. 

 

“Do you want to talk to me about it?”  She couldn’t help if she didn’t know the problem, she didn’t think she’d be getting an answer though.  

 

The thought proved correct when she felt his one hand reflexively tighten on his other wrist, his whole body shaking slightly with uneven breaths. He was panicking.  

 

“You’re good.  We’re good.”  And they were good.  She had noticed overtime, that the more he stressed he became the less he was able to talk.  Rouge could work with this, so long as he stayed in the here and now.  She placed her hand on top of his own, a confirmation of her words.  

 

“Why don’t you go into the living room?  I’ll get us some tea.”  Because she had a feeling she was going to need tea to stay calm, and it should help calm him down as well.

 

Shadow detached himself carefully, before complying to her request.  She didn’t like when he was complacent like this, when he was docile not because he wanted to be but because he felt he had to be, and she was sure that was what this just was.  Rouge put the kettle on and turned off the oven, the baking could wait if she put the batter in the fridge.  She also made a note to call Sally, either to find out what happened or to get her to yell at the blue idiot.

 

Chapter 2: Part 1 - Shadow

Shadow felt weird, no that wasn’t quite right, he felt anxious, insecure about something he knew he shouldn’t be worried about.  It was all Sonic’s fault for putting thoughts in his head that didn’t belong there.  ‘Anna said that he had likely done it with the best of intentions, and Shadow agreed with her judgement, she was good when it came to people and their motives, there was a reason he was seeing her for therapy, after all, but that didn’t really help.

 

He walked home mostly on autopilot, managing to get covered in a fair bit of snow by forgetting to put up the hood on his coat.

 

"Kitchen!"  He heard Rouge call when he entered the apartment, he had brushed off most of the snow downstairs, but it had still managed to start to soak through into his jacket and shoes.  He placed them by the radiator to help them dry quicker and headed for the kitchen.

 

Rouge was baking something.  Shadow’s thoughts went back to what Sonic had said, that Rouge was cheating on him.  Rouge couldn’t be cheating on him, they weren’t dating, he had no desire to have a romantic sort of relationship with her, but apparently everyone thought they were dating, that that was the type of relationship they had.  Had he done something to make them think that way?  That hadn't been his intention.  What was worse was he didn't think Rouge was aware of it.  Surely she would have mentioned it, right?

 

"How was counseling?" Rouge called over her shoulder, breaking Shadow out of his thoughts.  It looked like she was making cheesecake brownies, what would be nice.

 

"Fine."  He told her, because therapy was fine, he had brought up what was in his notebook for this session, and then brought up what Sonic had said when he ran into him on the way there.  ‘Anna had been helpful, listening and asking questions to help him reaching an understanding on his own, offering advice or examples every so often.

 

"Do you feel thoroughly counseled?" She joked lightly, it was running joke, he honestly wasn’t sure where it came from or who started it.  It was a comfortable banter, he couldn't bring himself to respond, though.

 

Shadow didn’t think he had misread his relationship with Rouge, but he knew he wasn’t the best at understanding people, and they had talked about it before, he had been encouraged to talk to her about their relationship when he started therapy.  He couldn’t stop the doubt though that he was wrong and that he was going to lose Rouge because he messed up by acting in a way that conveyed intentions he didn't have.  If he had messed up, though, he reasoned there wasn’t much he could do to make things worse.  With that acknowledgement he put his head on her shoulder and, after a second, hugged her from behind. Taking comfort in the solid, grounding pressure and that, at least for now, she was still here and he wasn't alone.

 

"Are you alright?"  Rouge asked, and could hear the concern lacing her words.  She cared, he had to remember that, she genuinely cared and even if she was mad with him she wasn't going to just abandon him, she wasn't that cruel.

 

"No."  Shadow wasn’t going to lie, and he wasn’t alright, he was panicking, he was doubting himself, his actions, he was scared Rouge was going to leave him all alone.  Even though he knew better.

 

"Will you be alright?"  Rouge’s tone was gentle, nonjudgmental, perfectly willing to accept whatever answer he gave.  Perfectly willing to wait for him to answer.

 

". . . Probably."  Because he knew this was needless panic, he knew he was worrying over nothing but emotions don’t follow logic, and he couldn’t stop the doubt.  Thought that he was wrong and this was all going to blow up in his face.

 

"Probably is good.  What happened?"  Tone still soft, like it was when he was having a meltdown.  Was he having a meltdown?  He hadn't started crying, which was a definite sign of a meltdown, but his throat felt tight, but not quite constricted yet.

 

"Sonic's an ass."  Because it was his fault, sure it may have been well intentioned, but that wasn’t the point.  Sonic had brought up the topic and even if he hadn’t done it to cause Shadow grief, it had.  It started this stupid spiral of thoughts that he just wanted to stop.

 

“Yes, he is.  Was this before or after counseling?”  Of course Rouge would pick up on the unsaid, that it wasn't something that Sonic had done at some other point but something that happened between Rouge leaving the apartment and Shadow coming back. 

 

“Before.”  The faker had been looking for him, had come by after Rouge had left.  He had said he was concerned about Shadow's relationship with Rouge.  That Sonic had seen her with someone else, a pale grey fox, and he was sure she was cheating on Shadow with whoever this fox was.  Shadow assumed was Crystal, one of Rouge's thief friends who was more affectionate than most would consider appropriate.  He knew that she regularly told Rouge how she loved her, and he did too on occasion, but none of them meant it like that.

 

“Did you talk to 'Anna about it?”  He hadn't understood what Sonic was on about and he had told her as much.  Cheating was for when people were dating, they weren't.  She suggested that maybe Sonic thought they were.

 

“Yeah.”  It hadn't helped.  The realization that Sonic though that Shadow and Rouge were dating made so much of what he had said make sense.  And if Sonic believed it, how many others did?  Loathe as he was to admit it Sonic as good at reading people.

 

“Do you want to talk to me about it?”  No, he really didn’t.  But he should, that was the only ways to put the thoughts to rest.  The only way to get rid of the dread curling up in his chest.

 

Shadow tried to answer, but it felt like his throat closed up.  He felt his grip on his other wrist tighten involuntarily in response to his rising stress and panic.  He hated when this happened, when he couldn't control his own actions.  

 

“You’re good.  We’re good.”  Rouge told him once she noticed the descending panic, repeating what had become a fairly common phrase between them, reassuring and consistent.  Before placing one of her own hands over his.  “You don’t have to tell me anything now.”

 

He felt guilty, he really did.  He owed her more that he could ever hope to repay, even if she never asked for anything.  He didn’t deserve her.  Chaos, he really didn’t.  He was on the edge of a meltdown and she wasn't making a big deal about it, she was his rock in this storm of emotions.

 

“Why don’t you go into the living room?  I’ll get us some tea.”  There was the implication that they would talk, but he knew she wouldn't push.  He needed to calm down, and stepping away would do that, even if he didn't want to move.  Reluctantly Shadow let go and stepped away, following her suggestion, knowing it was the best action, if not the action he wanted.

 

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 4 of Learning to Live, Failing to Function