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It started out innocently enough.
Uchiha Itachi had just recently joined ANBU and Team Ro with his impenetrable wall of politeness that left many intrigued. Tenzo was one of them. He was curious just how far the rookie ANBU could keep his act up. So one day, he decided to test it.
It was three o’clock in the morning and they had just finished their mission. The communal shower was empty aside for Team Ro so as soon as the Uchiha disappeared into the shower room, Tenzo made his move. He masked his footsteps with a small amount of chakra, taking advantage of the sound of water hitting tiles when he broke into Itachi’s locker. It wasn’t hard since only the walls and doors were lined with complex seals and not the lockers. The ANBU Commander believed in their maturity and sportsmanship, to not antagonize their fellow ANBU.
It was their fault, really.
Besides, it was a just harmless prank. Taichou had once sewed a flower embroidery on his uniform right before a mission and the ANBU Commander had gave him a long lecture about anonymity when he saw it during their briefing.
What he was about to do was small and juvenile.
Tenzo quickly snatched the clean clothes he saw in the locker and tossed it in a seal Kakashi gave him earlier this week. Genma had called him boring when he told him about his plan and suggested that he burn his clothes instead which Tenzo quickly turned down. To make an enemy out of an ANBU teammate would be akin to setting oneself on fire. Tenzo was feeling childish, not suicidal.
He walked back to his locker just as his taichou exited the shower room. The grey-haired shinobi raised an eyebrow when he snickered but didn’t bother to ask.
Just when Tenzo was about to die from the suspense, the sound of water stopped. Genma grinned over Itachi’s shoulder when he shot the young Uchiha a (nervous) smile. The teen made his way for his locker, returning the smile with a polite, albeit confused one- but faltered the moment he opened his locker.
He was visibly taken off guard.
Kakashi clicked his tongue at Genma and Tenzo’s shared amusement and moved to pat Itachi on his back but pulled back when the boy’s eyes narrowed. In a rare display of anger, the boy stormed out, presumably to steal Shisui’s instead.
A moment passed before Kakashi sighed and hit them with his towel. But Tenzo didn’t even mind- his first ever prank was a success.
(Looking back, Tenzo realised how naive it was to assume that Itachi would just let the prank pass.)
Then somehow, the prank circulated amongst other agents. It sparked a subtle prank war amongst the younger ones whilst the older ones pretended they weren’t involved. It continued on for the next few weeks with little things like socks going missing, freshly written mission reports mysteriously catching on fire, ration bars switched with something that tasted vaguely like an unholy mix of sawdust and butter and so on.
Kakashi was still giving Tenzo the stink eye for dyeing his armguards with a particularly hideous shade of neon pink.
“Ow, will it kill you to be gentler?”
“Yes.”
“Tenzo-”
“Senpai-”
“I’ll tell Nanami you have a crush on her.”
When his words were met with silence, the silver haired nin sighed theatrically, picking on the cast on his broken arm. The medic nin had specifically said to not wet the cast but someone had to wash off the blood and dirt from his hair.
Unfortunately, Tenzo was the only one that could put his hands on Kakashi’s neck and not die within the same moment and was available to wash his hair.
They had just came back from a brief undercover mission in Yuki no Kuni where Kakashi had lucked out, playing a minor lord’s absentminded son whilst Tenzo had to play a meek, constantly nervous servant. He had to endure being ordered around like a servant for two weeks and Taichou had the gall to look amused from his place behind his ‘father’. His blood boiled at the memory, causing his grip to tighten unconsciously.
“Ow- Hey-! Pull my hair again and I- OW! I swear I’ll scream.”
Tenzo raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by his threat. He pulled his hair again just to be petty but froze when he heard a familiar, feminine voice beyond the door. Nanami.
Kakashi immediately quietened and Tenzo narrowed his eyes at the dangerous glint in those grey eyes.
“You wouldn’t.”
Instead of replying, Kakashi caught his eyes with a shark-like smile and started-
Moaning. Loudly. Obscenely.
“Eunghh haa- ha a…”
What the fuck.
Where did he even learn to do that? That little shit was as much as a virgin as he was- which unfortunately meant very much. Tenzo would be impressed if he wasn’t so mortified.
The idle chatter beyond the door ceased instantly along with Tenzo’s heartbeat. His grip tightened in horror.
“Senpai-”
“T-Tenzo- ah! Not too hard, please-” he sobbed, broken and merciless against the chorus of gasps from outside the showers. What the fuck. Tenzo’s cheeks burned.
There were hurried, audible footsteps- they must be so flustered to forgone all form of subtlety- before someone slammed the locker room’s door shut.
A beat passed and Kakashi immediately wheezed with laughter. Tenzo felt like crying from embarrassment but the sight of his taichou’s mirth dried his tears. His eyes narrowed when Kakashi’s shoulders shook from silent laughter.
Oh, that’s funny to you, huh?
Tenzo proceeded to dump a whole bucket of water on him.
For the next few weeks, a large part of ANBU agents refused to meet his eyes and some even had the impression that he was some kind of sex god to be able to make someone moan like that.
Though in his opinion, the worst thing would be Genma trying to give him The Talk and sliding a box of condom not-so-subtly into his hands. Itachi on the other hand tried to be polite and managed to keep his eyes on his forehead when they talked.
It was a small mercy that they didn’t recognize Kakashi’s voice.
It was some time after all that fuss over his sex life ceased when Itachi finally made his move.
This time Team Ro had just came back from an assassination mission and Kakashi had once again broke his arm. And once again Tenzo had to help wash his gut stained hair. To be fair, Kakashi broke his arm from taking a blow meant for him so Tenzo couldn’t complain loud enough without feeling guilty about it.
(Though he hurriedly locked the locker room’s door before entering the shower room. He had learned his lesson.)
Tenzo managed to hold back from drowning him when Kakashi made a few jokes about the last time they did this but otherwise, it was calm for a few minutes until Tenzo rinsed his hair to find it the shade of cotton candy instead of the usual silver.
What.
Oh fuck oh Kami oh mother of chakra he’s screwed. Taichou was going to eviscerate him.
His heartbeat sped up and Tenzo briefly resented it for not stopping all together.
“Everything alright Tenzo?”
He barely held a flinch at the sound of his name and but couldn’t muster the same faux impassiveness so he laughed instead of answering.
Kakashi rose his eyebrows in concern and wow he was genuinely concerned, wasn’t he?
Not for long, a voice inside him chuckled darkly.
Tenzo loathed to agree but it was right; it was only a matter of time before a piece of hair fall in front of his senpai’s face and reveal his new hair colour.
His hair was pushed back with a towel when a newer agent poked his head into the room.
“Inu-san, you were requested by… the... hokage… what ha-”
Oh no.
Tenzo made an aborted movement over his taichou’s shoulder and the man’s eyes widened behind his bear mask.
“Ah! Sorry, I mean uh-”
Kakashi watched the man flailed with a degree of amusement before sliding past him. The newbies are odd like that, he said to Tenzo with his eyes which the teen could only reply with a nervous laugh.
The towel rustled on his taichou’s head, taunting him.
The hallways were blessedly empty but the same couldn’t be said about the streets. As ANBU, they tended to hide from the civilians and shinobi alike and in turn, said civilians and shinobi would turn away from ANBU’s business.
Not for Kakashi, though. His hair was like a beacon.
“Kakashi! How are- oh.”
Kurenai clamped her mouth when she saw Tenzo’s pale face but Gai didn’t have the same tact.
“RIVAL! WHAT A YOUTHFUL COLOUR YOU”VE CHOSEN IN THIS SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH! FITTING FOR A BUDDING FLOWER SUCH AS YOU-”
“What?”
Kakashi whipped his head sharply in bewilderment, making the towel slid lower on his head.
Now, Tenzo had been a ROOT agent since he could remember and later, ANBU so he didn’t really have a deity to worship unlike the Uchiha with Amaterasu-sama and Kakashi- the Hatake?- with Raijin-sama but just for this moment, he wished he did.
So when Kakashi’s bangs fell in front of his face, Tenzo screamed.
Itachi watched the ruckus his two senpai was making. Dust kicked up from their chase and loud explosions could be heard from where he stood on the Nidaime’s head.
The innocent looking pink bottle felt heavy in his sling bag. He got the idea whilst tailing their previous target. The vendor said it was a chakra-based hair potion that could turn hair the shade of midnight into a light bubble gum shade.
It was supposed to be a harmless prank meant for Tenzo. He hadn’t accounted on Kakashi-taichou being the one to use it.
Genma snorted from beside him, chewing his senbon languidly.
“Relax, kid. You’re overestimating him. Sure, he might be a living legend slash shinobi bogeyman but he has a broken arm and is running on a high fever. Even he can’t do that much damage, right?”
“RAITON: CHIDORI!”
A loud boom shook the ground underneath their feet, followed by Tenzo’s terrorized shriek.
…
Itachi looked at his senpai anxiously to which he returned with a grimace. Another boom and a few trees fell down.
Genma let out a nervous laugh.
“Hey, Itachi? When was the last time you updated your will?”
Omake
Sometime later, after things had settled down and Tenzo barely escaped death by Sharingan no Kakashi’s trademark assassination jutsu, his still injured taichou was assigned to be their temporary trainer. Calling their session training was generous- it was more like a torture demonstration, really- because Kakashi was a sadistic man made worse by ‘Tenzo’s’ recent prank and anyone worth their salt knew how much of a hell the silver haired man could raise.
Though he had overdone it, straining his shoulder a bit trying to intimidate- traumatize- the fresh recruits so Tenzo, eager to win him back offered to sooth his aching shoulder with what little medical jutsu he knew.
Huge mistake.
As soon as his chakra reached his shoulder, Kakashi
moaned.
Conversations died and the atmosphere tensed as all movement ceased.
It was only once- out of surprise more than anything- but for the rest of them it was one time too many.
They simultaneously remembered The Shower Room Scandal from two months ago. The mysterious man, the unknown voice moaning little Tenzo’s name, whose identity they couldn’t seem to pry off of Tenzo no matter how many time they harassed him. The teen had firmly denied ever doing anything indecent in public and they would’ve believed him if not for the (very) strong evidence.
It could be a coincidence but it was no mistake that the voice matched the moan they heard back then.
The locker room was heavy with tense silence before a shellshocked Raidou made a choking noise and spluttered what they were all thinking.
“TENZO???? YOU ARE FUCKING TAICHOU????????”