Chapter Text
Monday, February 14
MORNING
“Nanako-chan, did you make chocolates for anyone?”
Nanako Dojima looked up from her phone, caught off-guard by the question.
“Oh, uh, no! Not this year!” she said with a big smile. The two girls sitting in front of her, Hana and Hanako, weren’t really Nanako’s friends, but they were friendly enough. Hanako looked disappointed.
“Aw. I thought for sure if anyone was going to have a special someone for Valentine’s Day it’d be you.”
“Me?”
“Well, obviously,” said Hana. “You’re beautiful, smart, nice, a well-respected member of the student council. You’re a total catch.”
“Aha, you’re being too nice,” said Nanako. “Besides, I don’t really have time for a boyfriend right now.”
“Such a dependable thing to say,” Hanako said with a dreamy sigh. “If I were more like you, maybe I’d have a boyfriend…”
The morning chime rings and the class settles down. The door swung open and the homeroom teacher strode in confidently - if a tiny bit late.
“Good morning, class.”
The class answered in unison:
“Good morning, Hanamura-sensei.”
And another day began.
Maybe it was because it was homeroom and Yosuke was her teacher, or maybe because it was Valentine’s Day, or maybe it was because of the dreams she was having lately, but Nanako couldn’t concentrate. Her mind felt like it was in a fog, drifting from thought to thought, never quite coalescing into a meaning train.
Everything felt empty.
Empty was a good word for it. Once the word crossed her mind, she realized it described the feeling she’d been having for a while.
As the Hanas had said, Nanako was doing well. Her grades and class ranking were good, she was well-liked, she had a lot of responsibility in the student council, she even did well on the volleyball team. By all markers of modern Japanese society, she should be happy - riding the high of being on top of her game. And sure, maybe she didn’t have a pile of chocolate on her desk, but that wasn’t what she was missing, either. There had been a couple of boys who had flirted with her early in the year, but she had shut that down immediately. She could have led that along, if getting a boyfriend had been important to her.
But it wasn’t.
Nor was doing well in school, or being liked by her classmates.
Nanako went through the motions, because she was expected to, and she cared enough to not ruin her future by slacking off.
But where was the meaning?
She flipped her notebook open to a blank page and started making a list.
“Things that are important.”
Number one: Dad.
Ryotaro Dojima was still a cop through and through, but things had gotten so much better in the last ten years. Especially seven years ago.
Number two: Mom.
Against all odds, Ryotaro Dojima had fallen in love when Nanako was 8. And against all odds, he got married when Nanako was 9. Her name was Kaho, and if Nanako had sat down and written a list of traits she wanted in a mother, she would’ve had a perfect score. She was kind to Nanako, loved her father enough to be stern with him when he needed it and yet care for him and his tremendous stress. She was an amazing cook, loved to go on day trips and vacations, and make even the simple things a celebration.
Nanako remembered when she was ten when she asked if she could call Kaho “mom.” Not that Nanako felt any disrespect to her birth mother, Chisato, but…her memory had already started to fade by then. Nanako had been so young when she died. But Kaho worked hard to always honor Chisato during important holidays, and the whole family always celebrated her birthday.
Number three: Big bro.
Yu was back in Tokyo, living the city life and working on his career. He came to Inaba often, though, and her fondness for Yu had never faded.
Even if she had since backed off her childhood dreams of marrying him.
Number four, in no particular order: Chie, Yukiko, Kanji, Rise, Naoto, Teddie, and Yosuke. The rest of her family, the people she could count on day or night, no matter how far away they were or how long it had been since they talked.
Number five: ____.
She thought for a few minutes, but couldn’t think of a number five.
And maybe that was the problem.
She hadn’t found anything for herself that was important.
Her closest friends were actually big bro’s friends - people that were ten years older than her and in the middle of building their careers. And while she loved them dearly, and they her, they weren’t…peers. Somehow in that bizarre summer of 2011, they had become bonded together.
If Nanako was honest with herself, she had to admit that she’d been waiting for the same thing to happen to her. She figured that once she got to high school, she’d find her own group - just like big bro and his friends.
But they didn’t appear.
“Didn’t appear yet,” Nanako whispered to herself. There was still time. She was ending her first year, but there were two more to go. Maybe being amazing would pay off in the long run and she’d find her forever friends.
“Dojima,” the kid in front of her whispered. She looked up from her notebook and saw that he was passing back a worksheet.
“Sorry,” Nanako whispered and took her assignment.