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Bianca’s secret relationship was the first one Giuliano noticed because he couldn’t remember a time in his life when he hadn’t known that Bianca loved Guglielmo. It was just another indisputable fact about the world he lived in. The sky was blue, grass was green, Bianca loved Guglielmo.
He’d been quite young when Jacopo Pazzi terminated the good relationship that had once existed between their two families, and he couldn’t remember much about the events except for Bianca sobbing in her room for a week afterwards because Jacopo wouldn’t let Guglielmo come over for playdates. And Lorenzo coming home from school in tears because Francesco said he didn’t want to be friends anymore. So Giuliano had hated the entire Pazzi family from a young age, seeing as all he knew about them was that they made his siblings cry.
But as the years passed and they all grew from children into teenagers and then young adults, Giuliano was forced to admit that maybe Guglielmo was an exception to that rule. After all, it wasn’t his fault Jacopo had forbidden him from spending time with Bianca as a child, and it didn’t take a genius to work out that he was somehow involved in her recent happiness.
Although nobody but him seemed to notice this, which made him pride himself on being the secret genius of the family, not Lorenzo the way everyone else assumed.
Giuliano had had his suspicions for a while now, but his first solid clue came one afternoon when he noticed Bianca glued to her phone, texting incessantly and smiling down at the screen. No one else was around, so he asked, “Who are you texting?” Maybe she’d tell him about Guglielmo while they were alone, seeing as he was the only one in this family who’d ever been any good at keeping secrets and minding his own goddamn business.
But no such luck. “A friend of mine,” she said.
Bullshit. That was a “texting a secret significant other” smile if Giuliano had ever seen one, not a “texting a friend everyone knows about” smile. “A friend,” he echoed. “How vague.”
Bianca sighed in annoyance. “Someone from work, you don’t know her.”
“Uh-huh,” Giuliano said skeptically. Once Bianca was distracted again by her phone, he suddenly lunged over and tried to grab it from her.
Bianca made a noise of outrage. “Hey, fuck off!” she said, wriggling around to hold her phone out of his reach. She hit him with a combined elbow to the chest and knee to the stomach, and Giuliano hastily retreated, gasping for breath and feeling like the wind had been knocked out of him.
“Since when did you get so strong?” he wheezed.
“Since I grew up with two idiot brothers who have no concept of privacy,” Bianca snapped, and she threw a pillow at him for good measure before getting off the couch and stalking out of the room, muttering, “God, I need to move out.”
Well, that just about confirmed Giuliano’s theory. She’d clearly been texting someone she didn’t want him to know she was texting, and he couldn’t think of who else that might be but Guglielmo Pazzi. Giuliano just needed proof so strong that Bianca could no longer lie to his face about it.
It turned out Giuliano didn’t even have to try very hard to get such proof. Bianca was probably the least subtle person to ever have been involved in a secret relationship. She was constantly sneaking out of the house at odd times and returning with vague excuses about where she’d been, not to mention the constant texts “from a friend” that always made her smile and blush as she kept the phone carefully out of anyone else’s line of sight and refused to answer Giuliano’s incessant pestering about what she and her “friend” were talking about. Giuliano couldn’t believe that nobody but him had ever noticed any of this. Was his entire family blind?
Then again, they all had many other concerns to occupy them. Lorenzo and Lucrezia were always busy with the bank, and Lorenzo spent the rest of his time in Lucrezia Donati’s bed or with his head in the clouds and nose in a book, so it was no wonder he didn’t notice anything else that was going on. He’d never been particularly observant when it came to things that didn’t involve him anyway.
But Giuliano was the irresponsible youngest sibling who spent little to no time on his university work and also wasn’t trusted with involvement in the family business, which meant he had nothing better to do than spy on his sister, apparently.
In his defense, he wasn’t really spying, he was just observing the world around him and drawing conclusions from what he saw. He didn’t go out of his way to spy on Bianca, because her behavior was so obvious that he didn’t have to.
Even so, it was another month before Giuliano finally stumbled across that undeniable proof he’d been looking for. An exasperated Lucrezia had sent him to find Bianca after she’d been calling her down from her room for several minutes to no avail, and Giuliano gave only a quick, perfunctory knock on her door before barging inside.
He saw Bianca slamming the closet door shut and turning around to rest her back against it. “What’s the point of knocking if you’re not even going to wait for me to say you can come in?” she said.
Giuliano eyed the closet door suspiciously. “What are you up to?” he asked.
“I was about to start sorting through my clothes,” Bianca said with impressive calmness.
“Oh really,” Giuliano said, and he shut the bedroom door behind him before striding over to the closet.
“What are you doing?” Bianca said, finally sounding panicked as she grabbed at him. “Stop it, you can’t just burst into my room and snoop through all my stuff—”
But this time Giuliano was prepared for a fight, so he successfully dodged her flying fists and yanked the door open, and sure enough, Guglielmo Pazzi tumbled out.
“Wow. What a surprise,” Giuliano said sarcastically.
“Uh, hey, Giuliano,” Guglielmo said, looking rightfully embarrassed.
Giuliano shook his head. “Seriously, Bianca? Hiding boys in your closet? Are you fifteen?”
Bianca was unamused. She grabbed Giuliano by the front of his shirt and yanked him down to her eyelevel. “If you ever breathe a word of this to anyone, I will kill you,” she said, glaring fiercely at him. “I mean it. Don’t test me.”
Giuliano quickly held up his hands in defeat. “All right, all right, I won’t say anything,” he said. “I wouldn’t have gone blabbing about it anyway, I’m not Lorenzo.”
“Good.” Bianca let go of him. “And you’re right, Lorenzo would go blabbing about it and also give me some holier-than-thou lecture, so you especially can’t tell him.”
“I won’t,” Giuliano promised. “So, how long has this been going on? And what is going on, are you just fucking or—”
“We’re in a relationship,” Bianca said as Guglielmo blushed. “It’s been a few months.”
“And were you ever planning to tell anyone?”
Bianca shrugged. “If both our families magically become cool with each other all of a sudden, sure,” she said. “But that’s not looking likely.”
Guglielmo chimed in with a more reasonable long-term plan. “We were thinking of maybe telling everyone once I’ve saved up enough to move out and get my own place,” he said. “It’s just that I know my uncle will disown me and cut me off as soon as he finds out, so I’d rather wait until I’m financially stable. And preferably have found a job somewhere that isn’t the Pazzi bank.”
“Very sensible. I’m glad one of you has a braincell,” Giuliano said, and Bianca rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Mom’s looking for you, Bianca, so you better figure out how to get him out of here without her seeing.”
“Will you help?” Bianca asked.
“No,” Giuliano said, so of course he ended up going to distract Lucrezia in a different part of the house while Bianca smuggled Guglielmo downstairs and out the front door.
“You owe me, like, seven thousand favors,” he informed Bianca as she passed on her way to find Lucrezia.
“Yeah, I know,” she admitted grudgingly.
Lorenzo’s secret relationship was slower to come to light, not necessarily because he was better at subtlety than Bianca (if anything, he was worse), but because he’d already been having an affair with Lucrezia Donati for so long that Giuliano didn’t think to chalk his involved-in-an-affair-like behavior up to a different affair.
Given Lorenzo’s lack of subtlety, the affair with Lucrezia was an open secret. Giuliano was pretty sure Lucrezia’s husband was the only person in Florence who didn’t know. Thus, when he ran into Lucrezia herself after mass one Sunday and she asked how Lorenzo was, Giuliano had no qualms about replying, “He’s good, but I’m sure you know that, seeing as he spends more time with you than he does with me.”
Lucrezia raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t seen him in months, actually,” she said.
Giuliano blinked in surprise, then glanced over to where Lorenzo was caught up in conversation with Francesco Pazzi a little ways away. Probably networking for the bank. “Really?” he said. “I didn’t know you’d stopped seeing each other.”
“Yes, he ended it ages ago,” Lucrezia said matter-of-factly.
“You don’t seem upset.”
“I was at first, but I’ve made my peace with it now,” she said. “It’s just the nature of these things, they’re temporary. I always knew it wouldn’t last forever.”
“Fair enough.” Giuliano noticed his mother corralling the rest of the family and trying to catch his eye, so he said, “Looks like I have to go, I’ll see you around.”
“See you. Give my best to your family,” Lucrezia said, and Giuliano headed off, lost in thought.
As they walked home, Lorenzo and Giuliano lagged a little behind their mother and Bianca. “What were you talking to Lucrezia Donati about?” Lorenzo asked. Did he sound nervous, or was it Giuliano’s imagination?
“Oh, she was just asking how you were,” Giuliano said. “Why didn’t you tell me you’d ended things with her? I thought you’d been seeing her this whole time, you’ve definitely been acting like it.”
Lorenzo got a very shifty expression on his face. Interesting. “I don’t know, I guess I forgot to mention it,” he mumbled. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Hm,” Giuliano said, observing him closely. “So are you seeing someone else, then? And that’s why you ended it with her?”
“No,” Lorenzo said, way too quickly, and he changed the subject.
The plot thickens, Giuliano thought. His interest was officially piqued.
Only a few weeks of observation quickly confirmed to Giuliano that Lorenzo was indeed still seeing someone, even if it was no longer Lucrezia. He still snuck out at night and was late to breakfast the next morning, and he got all evasive whenever anyone asked about how his love life was going. Clearly, Lorenzo was seeing someone new and trying to keep it quiet, but Giuliano was confident it would come out eventually.
Though the longer it took, the more curious he got. Unlike Bianca, who’d always tried (and failed) to conceal her longtime feelings for Guglielmo, Lorenzo had never bothered hiding crushes or relationships from Giuliano before. Not even Lucrezia Donati—Giuliano had been one of the few people Lorenzo had told outright, with everybody else just figuring it out on their own. If he hadn’t been too ashamed to tell Giuliano he was sleeping with a married woman, who the hell could he be sleeping with now and what was wrong with them?
A few months later, Giuliano found out exactly who the hell it was and what was wrong with them, and when he did, he couldn’t blame Lorenzo for being too ashamed to tell him. Frankly, it was the most embarrassed Giuliano had ever been for Lorenzo in his life, and that was saying something.
The revelation occurred by accident late one night when, intending to head out to drink with Sandro, Giuliano stepped out of his bedroom and came face-to-face with Lorenzo standing in his own doorway across the hall. And he wasn’t alone: standing there beside him was none other than Francesco Pazzi.
Giuliano’s eyes nearly fell out of his head. What in God’s name was that bastard doing in his home? At such a late hour? Coming out of Lorenzo’s bedroom? …No. It couldn’t be. Oh no.
The other two had both frozen at the sight of Giuliano and were staring back at him with panic (Francesco) and embarrassment (Lorenzo). “Giuliano, I-I thought you were asleep,” Lorenzo said. “Francesco…was here to…talk business. But he was just leaving.”
Giuliano’s gaze was locked on Francesco, taking in his disheveled hair and incorrectly-buttoned shirt. This was Giuliano’s worst nightmare. His worst nightmare that he hadn’t even known he’d had until it had come to pass.
He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, possibly to scream in horror, but Lorenzo grabbed him and clapped a hand over his mouth, then dragged him into his room as Francesco scampered off down the hall without a word.
Lorenzo shut the door firmly behind them, and by then Giuliano had managed to collect himself enough to keep his volume low so as not to wake the whole house. “Why?” he hissed. It was the only coherent question he could formulate. “Why?!”
Lorenzo didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed of himself. “I don’t expect you to understand,” he said. “Just don’t tell anyone.”
“Out of all the people in Florence, why him?!”
“Because I love him,” Lorenzo said, and that was the literal worst possible answer he could’ve given.
Giuliano groaned. “Ugh, seriously? Love? It would’ve been so much better if you were just fucking,” he complained. “What did I do to deserve this? My own brother in love with that bastard—”
“Shut up, you don’t know him like I do,” Lorenzo said, frowning. “Just trust me when I say that he really is a good person—”
“It must be pretty deep down,” Giuliano muttered.
“—and I have plenty of reasons to love him,” Lorenzo finished, ignoring him. “Promise me you won’t tell anyone. Jacopo would kill us both if he found out.”
“Then I’ll try not to mention it in my weekly teatime chats with him.”
“Giuliano, I’m serious.”
“Fine, I promise,” Giuliano said. Then something occurred to him. “What about Bianca?”
Lorenzo looked confused. “What about her?”
“Does she know?”
“Of course not, and you’re not going to tell her,” Lorenzo said. “She would never understand.”
“Why, because he’s a man? We all know you’re bi, and sure, this is the first time you’ve ever actually dated a man, but—”
“No, I meant because he’s a Pazzi,” Lorenzo clarified.
Giuliano had to take a second to process what a deliciously ironic situation he’d been thrust into. “You think Bianca wouldn’t understand how you could love a Pazzi,” he repeated.
“Of course she wouldn’t,” Lorenzo said. “No one in our family would, you know how they feel about the Pazzi.”
Several potential responses swirled through Giuliano’s mind, ranging from boy, have I got good news for you to how the fuck is it even possible for you to be this oblivious?! But then he realized a few things. One, he’d promised Bianca not to tell anyone about her Pazzi boyfriend. Two, he’d also promised Lorenzo not to tell anyone about his Pazzi boyfriend. And three, the longer they were both unaware of the other’s Pazzi boyfriend, the funnier it would be when they did eventually find out.
“All right, then,” Giuliano said, barely suppressing a grin. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
Six Months Later
“Come back to bed,” Lorenzo whined, grabbing Francesco’s wrist and pulling him back down.
Francesco landed on top of him and laughed, the beautiful and too-rare sound warming Lorenzo’s heart. “Seriously, Lorenzo, I’ve got a lot of work to do,” he said. “You have to go.”
“But Jacopo’s down in Rome all week, and we never get someone’s house to ourselves for a whole week. Who can think of work at a time like this?”
“What, are you planning to just live here all week and hope your family doesn’t notice?”
“That would be ideal, yes.”
Smiling, Francesco gave him a frustratingly quick kiss before climbing out of bed once more and starting to get dressed. “Come back tonight when you can get away. I’ll wait up for you,” he promised. He picked Lorenzo’s pants up off the floor and threw them at him. “But for now, get dressed and get out of here, Guglielmo’s around somewhere and the last thing I need is him seeing you and asking questions.”
Lorenzo pouted a little but he knew he was right, so he finally dragged himself out of bed and put his clothes back on. Francesco decided that walking Lorenzo to the door and claiming he’d invited him over to talk business if Guglielmo saw them would be less suspicious than Guglielmo finding Lorenzo wandering their house unsupervised, so they left together.
But they weren’t expecting to step out into the hall just as Guglielmo was leaving his own room, accompanied by— “Bianca?” Lorenzo said, bewildered. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” Bianca said, looking just as shocked.
Lorenzo tried to remember their excuse. “I was talking business with Francesco.”
Bianca’s eyebrows shot up. “In his bedroom?”
And it was then that it truly registered with Lorenzo that she’d been coming out of Guglielmo’s bedroom. “Wait a minute,” he said. “Are you two…?”
“So you two are…?” Bianca was saying at the same time, apparently having reached the same conclusion.
A shocked silence fell, and then everyone started talking at once.
“I can’t believe you kept this from all of us!” Lorenzo said.
Bianca snorted. “You’re one to talk!”
“Francesco, how long has this been going on?” Guglielmo said. “Why didn’t you tell me? You can trust me, you know you can—”
“Oh, I was going to tell you once you trusted me enough to tell me about your relationship,” Francesco shot back.
“You knew?” Guglielmo said. “How long have you known?”
“This entire time! You’re painfully obvious about it, it’s a miracle Uncle hasn’t noticed!”
“Hang on, Francesco, you knew about them and you didn’t tell me?” Lorenzo demanded.
Francesco turned to him. “You mean you didn’t know? How is that possible? They’ve been so obvious, I assumed you knew!”
“No, I did not! What use is a secret boyfriend if he won’t even keep me informed about my sister’s secret boyfriends?”
“Just the one boyfriend, thanks,” Bianca said sarcastically.
“It’s not my fault you’re too self-absorbed to notice anything your sister’s doing!” Francesco was retorting.
“You—” Lorenzo spluttered, offended. “You think I’m self-absorbed?”
“You can be,” Francesco said. “For example, your sister’s obvious relationship with my brother which you apparently never noticed.”
“He’s got a point,” Bianca interjected. “Giuliano noticed it pretty quickly, but you never—”
“Giuliano?” Lorenzo said, stunned. “Giuliano knows?”
“Yes, he has for almost a year, but I swore him to secrecy,” Bianca said.
“But Giuliano knows about us,” Lorenzo said, gesturing between himself and Francesco. “He found out, like, six months ago.”
“Six months ago?” Bianca narrowed her eyes. “So…are you saying Giuliano knew about both relationships for six months and kept it from us?”
Lorenzo was getting indignant now too the more he thought about this. “Apparently!”
“Well.” Bianca marched over and took Lorenzo’s arm. “Excuse us, but I think we have to have a little chat with our dear younger brother,” she said.
That was how Giuliano’s peaceful afternoon of studying (for once) was interrupted by his door banging open and both his siblings storming inside, looking furious. “Hello,” he said. “What did I do?”
“You knew full well we both had secret Pazzi boyfriends, and you didn’t bother telling us!” Bianca said.
Giuliano gasped. “Oh my God, it finally happened?” he said. “You finally worked it out? I’ve been waiting for this moment! Dammit, I just wish I could’ve been there to see it. How did it happen?”
“We ran into each other at their house, but that’s not the point,” Lorenzo said, frowning as Giuliano burst out laughing at the mental image. “The point is, you let us both believe nobody else in the family would be okay with us dating a Pazzi, when you knew that we were both in the same situation and would’ve understood and could’ve helped each other out!”
“Well, you both swore me to secrecy,” Giuliano said innocently. “I’m no snitch.”
“You’re the worst,” Bianca said, and Lorenzo nodded in emphatic agreement.
“Hey, you two had better be nice to me, because I'll be the one giving the eulogy for your double funeral when Jacopo inevitably finds out you're both fucking his nephews."
Rolling her eyes, Bianca turned around and stomped back outside with Lorenzo following. “And you know, now that Mom’s the only one who doesn’t know, you might as well both tell her,” Giuliano called after them.
Which he realized was a mistake when he heard Lucrezia’s voice somewhere down the hall saying, “Tell me what?”
Oops. Giuliano shrugged and got up to close the door again. Not his problem.
“What are you frowning for?” Francesco asked that night after they were in bed. “Is it because you told your mother about us without consulting me first, and you rightfully feel bad about it?”
“No, I told you, she’s fine with it and won’t tell anyone. I was just wondering…” Lorenzo began. “Do you really think I’m self-absorbed?”
Francesco groaned and rolled over to lie on his other side. “Goodnight, Lorenzo.”