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"Kagami texted me."
Those were the first words that escaped from her lips the second she touched down in Adrien's room. Her hair drenched from the run over to his place, but she didn't mind it too much, and yes, she did feel bad with how it pooled around her feet onto his hardwood floor, but she doubted Adrien minded it much.
She needed the run, she'd ben doing it a lot lately, running in the rain every chance she got. It helped clear her mind from guardian duties, from relationships, from all the hardships and new revelations that she'd just gone though the in the past couple of months.
There was just something. Something in the fresh, damp, air— it fogged heavily over the city, but it was good in such a weird sense—that just calmed her and enabled her to bring her thoughts into an easy control in her head.
It was routine at this point. She loved the mist that would trail down her face like the edge of an icy fingertip that would be unwelcomed for most, but not to her. The puddles that would splosh at every step she ran.
It was something magical— and trust her, she knew magic— all on its own how droplets of water could transform an entire city into another whole other beautiful reality.
It was nice. It reminded her of so many things. Things she could never forget, or ever want to. Regrowth, changes, new beginnings. Rain did bring changes, but in those changes, it was a consent she could always count on.
It was freeing—rain had taken on a whole new different meaning after Adrien Agreste entered her life.
It also reminded her of love. It reminded her of him.
His back was to her as he was at his computer— likely doing the French homework that Mme Bustier assigned them— but turned the second her voice hit his ears.
Curious filtering green eyes took her in, she could tell he had been on high alert upon hearing her voice, probably not expecting the sudden company, but immediately slumped into his chair as he recognized it was her. And it made her heart jump in the way he relaxed with it being her presence in his room.
"Yeah." He said as if he knew that would happen. A pen she hadn't even realized he was holding became a mindless tool as he wound it over restless fingers. The outline of his head hallowed in the shallow light of his computer screen. "I figured she would."
Plagg was lounging next to the computer mouse, rolled flat onto his back as he grabbed at his cheese. His attention was on his food, however, Ladybug knew he was waiting for Tikki to be released so they could play.
She would let the little kwami out— really she would. But right now she needed this confidence. Ladybug did stem from Marinette, they were the same person, yes indeed true— She had learned that over such a length of time being Ladybug.
But having her friend with her like this was a very comforting thing. It helped when she needed a hand. And it was nice to sometimes be able to hide behind a mask every now and then. In another reality made up in her mind there were no risks.
But that didn't help here. There were risks. Because he knew.
So everything was really null and void, but a girl could dream.
Ladybug skidded over to the couch, bracing herself on the back as she crossed her arms over her chest. The frown on her face was an almost exact replica of his, but she knew the reasons were different. "She said you two broke up."
He brought his hand up to ruffle his hair. She desperately wished it was her hand doing that— to at least comfort him. Her kitty did like his pets. "Yeah." He muttered more to himself than to her, with his head bowed as if he just couldn't look up at her anymore. "More like she broke up with me, but it was still mutual."
She just wanted to wrap him up, enveloped him into a tight hug that he so well deserved as they would cuddle on his couch with a movie that would play in front of them while the rhythmic thumps of water would pound harshly against thick pane glass.
But no. She couldn't. They weren't like that. Oh, how she wished there was some way to fix this. "What happened?"
He shrugged, head now leaned upward, but directed more on his shoulder. The heels of his feet swaying the entire chair from side to side. "I don't know."
She should've kept it at that, should've respected his feelings in not wanting to invade any privacy he was wanting. But this was her partner, her first. The boy she had loved for over a year. She couldn't just give up that easily. "There had to be something."
His eyes snapped to hers, like he wanted her to see a puzzle piece that he was afraid to give. "I think she knows...she knows." His shoulders so tense. "She deserve— I don—"
While his words were a shattered, scrambled mess— they ran easily enough in the cold, bitter, air—She knew what he was trying to say.
She deserved someone who wasn't in love with someone else.
But he didn't say it, and instead goes for the easier option. "Doesn't matter. She should have someone that just doesn't disappear on her without any notice. And that just wasn't me. What with all my responsibilities, I couldn't be a boyfriend that treated her right."
She wanted to pull at his shoulders, shake him from the self doubt he was impaling on himself. That while he hadn't been in love with Kagami, that didn't mean he was any less worthy of it. She wanted to scream it, tell it from every rooftop in Paris that she loved him, fully, truly, with everything in her.
Yet… Adrien….Adrien still believed that she was in love with someone else. Luka, probably. He still believed that Luka was the other boy, no matter how much she wore her heart on her sleeve for only him to have.
Oh the irony. So sweet—even as it left a bitter aftertaste on her tongue. "I'm sorry, kitty."
She knew she should confess. Adrien loved her. And she loved him. It should be that simple, right?
Wrong. They had hurt people in this whole love situation. It wouldn't be fair if they just jumped into a relationship. Add that to the fact that Adrien was still very clearly upset about his break up with Kagami, she couldn't just expect them to break up and go running into his arms, could she?
What kind of friend would that make her?
He smiled, and while it wasn't his actual smile—the one she fell in love with and continued to do so every say— it wasn't completely fake, and she'd take what she could get. "There's nothing for you to apologize for, bug."
Oh, but there was. For keeping her feelings locked away. For not telling him. For keeping him in the dark about this.
Ladybug knew she sounded like a coward, but it went with good reason. It wasn't because she was scared.
No, definitely not—
—She had good intentions with keeping her feelings to herself. It was better this way.
And until her last breath, she'd keep to herself what was the truth, and what was the lie. Even if it was obvious.
She knew if she were to confess, Adrien'd jump at the opportunity. And as much as she wanted that, as much as she had dreamed about that for a year and a half now, it just wasn't in reach for now. "Still, I know you cared for her."
Even without Kagami, there was still Hawkmoth. Chat Blanc still crossed her mind— not frequently, but still, when she imagined her and Chat romantically even before the reveal— so many things against them, Ladybug knew it just wasn't right for the time being.
Even if every part of her was begging her to at least let her have this.
Looking uncomfortable with the subject at hand, Adrien was quick to change topics. "I heard from Alya this morning that Luka had broken up with you last night. I'm so sorry. I know how much you love him. I can't believe he'd….do that."
He said it like that was the most offensive crime anyone could've committed against her. As if he was angry for her. Like she was a treasure too valuable to lose. Sometimes this boy was too much for her heart to handle.
But he didn't even seem to know what his implications were doing to her as he continued on with his thoughts. "I meant to find you, but my father decided to spring a photoshoot on me last minute."
If only he knew. She wanted to correct him so badly.
She nodded, everything that happened in just short of twenty four hours flashing through her mind. "It's okay. And yeah," She breathed— which was hard, because right now she was sharing the same air with the love of her life and he was kinda taking it all because she couldn't get one single gulp— "I was actually gonna find you and talk to you about that. But then my parents really needed me in the bakery."
"Oh?" His eyebrow shot up, obviously waiting for her to continue. "What'd you need to talk about exactly?"
She wanted to she wanted to she wanted to.
But she couldn't. So, instead, she shrugged, begging the tears to hold back. "Just figured we could hang out." Her gloved hands went to twine around the end of her pigtails. "Needed to get my mind off of the breakup." Only half truth but still. "Just wanted to be by my best friend, you know?"
It wasn't really a lie. She needed her best friend, her rock. A steady foundation in which she knew she could trust.
That would always be Adrien. Her kitty, her prince. Even if he didn't quite know it to the full extent that she did.
His smile would be her death, but it was okay. "I'm perfectly fine with that."
She knew that was false. He missed a great opportunity to pun. But she went along with him seamlessly with a roll of her eyes. "Whatever you say."
"Why're you still transformed anyway?" His question deterred her from her thoughts and she was thankful to be able to look back at him, thoughts dissipating for the moment.
Though… now his face was a distraction, with confusion lighting every inch. "You usually detranform when you get here."
Did.. did he know his cheeks were colored in soft pink? It was her favorite color, after all, of course she would notice.
It had absolutely nothing to do with him.
Ladybug shrugged. "Tikki and I 'ave been fighting lately." Which was true. Another reason, but not the full picture. "We've made amends, and I'm thankful, so I kinda...kinda just want to keep her close right now." She hugged her suit as if she was hugging a whole Tikki herself.
Ever since the whole drama with Luka and Kagami, Tikki had been adamant. While she had wanted Marinette to find real happiness— whether or not that was with Adrien or someone else— one thing she was persistent on was the idea that Marinette shouldn't lead anyone on in this whole love heartbreak.
Which, Marinette understood, but being blinded by your first love being with another possibility made it difficult to see reason. And Luka had been nice, caring, and considerate of her and her feelings. But the problems in their relationships were far to much to oversee.
And Marinette, for all her time as Ladybug and before, was a fixer. But she knew this was just one thing that she couldn't. Luka had said as much, and she knew he was right.
Tikki wasn't overly angry, rather just a little closed off since everything had happened, knowing Marinette was still one hundred percent in love with Adrien and still trying to push feelings on to Luka.
But thankfully after the two had broken up, Tikki and her had a very long conversation. And she knew things were on the right track now and things were gonna start looking up. But right here, right now, she wanted to stay as close as she could to her friend. Just for a while.
"Marinette."
Pitter patter pitter patter. Heavier, stronger. Harsh winds howled now and mixed in with the already bad weather.
Oh— oh no.
No. No, he was not allowed to say her name like that. Transformed or not, he was not allowed to shake her resolution with such a simple thing as her name. He shouldn't be allowed. Just because knew knew her identity didn't mean he had the right.
But apparently, he didn't get that. "Marinette." He said again, like he was honestly on a mission to kill her. He left his chair to stand in front of her with only three strides when there was so much space between then just a few seconds ago. "Are you okay? You and Tikki don't fight often."
Heh. Wasn't that a loaded question. Maybe if he backed up a few paces she'd have the cognitive function to think enough to pass air into her lungs and answer him. N— "Yes. Just a little argument. Nothing too big."
She really should start a class on the subject of lying. After being Ladybug for so long, she'd make an excellent teacher. She could call it: Lying 101, Marinette style.
"And Plagg hates cheese."
And Adrien Agreste would be one of the best students. Teachers' pets. He could really run for assistant teacher in lying 101, Marinette style if he wanted to.
Yes, it deserved emphasis. It was her class now.
Plagg snorted in lieu to Adrien's comment from across the room, but kept his opinions to himself for now— Marinette was sure he'd talk later. "I better check him over if that's the case. You'd have to have a sick kwami on your hands if he's refusing cheese of all things."
He would always see through her lies, wouldn't he? Eyes narrow, lips pressed together hard. Being partners for so long, she knew he knew how to read her easier that she knew herself. "You can talk to me, you know."
And she did, the truth was ingrained onto his face. She wouldn't be able to see it more clearly than she would if she looked into a mirror. Her chuckle was broken up, but it still passed. "You never let me forget."
His head titled, as his face was screaming with such intensity and all the love he held that she Ladybug was sure she might faint. His voice was music to her ears. "Of course not. You're my best friend. I'll always be here."
Oh, she knew that. She never doubted he'd tear the world apart to be by her side. She wanted to just squeeze him. How she kept her body so stiff still was a mystery to her. "I know."
And that in it of itself was something that terrified her. Because white would always pop up in thoughts when the idea of what he would do for her came across. Pale ashy skin, Along with piercing pitless blue eyes.
Thunder ripped loudly across the sky, apparently wanting to join the party now and wake up the city with its presence.
A voice that just wasn't his echoed in her mind. It felt like he was right there in front of her for a mere second.
She blinked thrice, forcing her attention to here and now. Those thoughts were for later. Because right now it was green eyes— sweet amazing, meadow green eyes— with tanned skin, and warmth staring back at her.
His lips lifted into an uneven smirk that screamed Chat, but his gaze gleamed with the innocence and unbinded joy of Adrien and her heart did a black flip all the way from her stomach to her lungs and then sunk its nails into the sides to keep itself into place. "Wanna go play some Mechica Strike?"
It was such a whiplash to see two opposite people mold into one, but not unpleasantly so. It was such a neat little fit. Something so good and right.
Ladybug couldn't ever really put an exact word to it— because truthfully there was none that could hold up— to describe Chat's mask washing away to leave Adrien standing there that night they revealed themselves. So shy, and unguarded for her to accept or not.
Home.
Maybe home was close enough to describe it. Because after that night, the word never meant a building or a place. It meant a person. And the warmth that had enveloped her when they hugged and cried into each other's necks proved even more that there was no other way to say how it felt Adrien being her fun, goofy, loving, partner.
She returned the expression— most of it real. Because no matter where they were at, what they were doing, what they were, he always brought her happiness. "What's in it for me?"
He laughed, his breath washing onto her face. Another reminder that he was right there. The boy that she loved was right there in front of her. "Getting the chance to kick my butt in the way that only you can?" He challenged, everything on his expression twinkling.
Bullet sized droplets now bashed threateningly against the glass, it almost shook from the strength.
He loved her.
She worried it might break.
Yes, she could take this— she could reach out and tell him. His hand was already in hers. So easy. He would be hers to take as she pleased if she just did it. "Sure."
But that didn't make it okay. He wasn't hers. Not right now. Not...yet….
But the thought still nagged her; why with all that, knowing that he would be hers if she just asked, knowing any secrets she still held would be gone in a snap if she just said the words, did the inches between them feel like miles? Something that felt like an ocean's length wide.
Even his smile felt like it wasn't a thing she could ever get to. It was funny, seeing as it was only for her. "Great!"
And why did the miles only feel like they were growing?
The Tikki in her subconscious screamed that it was her. Or maybe it was actually Tikki screaming at her. Who knew?
The hand he was still holding wrapped around her fingers as he slowly pulled, tugging her away from the back of the couch to move towards the front to sit to have a better view of the TV. "Maybe I can convince you to play some other games I just got, too."
She laughed. "We'll see how long Mecha strike takes us, kitty and go from there."
It was a relief, in other forms as well, that Adrien was Chat. Because that meant he hadn't betrayed her in the timeline as she had originally theorized. And all of this circling and her being in love with him made sense. It was all so clear. And admitting her feelings for Chat was akin to unboxing something that had been tucked away in a dirty attic for years. Cobwebs and all decorating said dirty box.
Admit— not realize, or started to after the reveal, because that would imply that she had never known about said feelings. And trust her, it may have taken a little while, but deep down somewhere, she knew that over the course of fighting with her partner, she just knew.
She fell somewhere. Somehow along the way.
Maybe, ironically, when she dropped in from her yo-yo.
Maybe it was later after she found his determination, kindness, his loyalty to be something unbreakable. Even if it was just as a friend. She had someone amazing by her side that she would never give up.
Maybe it was along the journey of being hugged from a worried kitty after she had jumped into a t-rex mouth. Maybe it was after he leapt in front of her when Timebreaker had almost erased her from existence.
Maybe it was when she trusted him blindly and they detransformed in a small space where both had the chance to look but neither did. Or when he literally fell from heights— twice, once as Adrien, once as Chat. Gorizilla and Gamer 2.0 would be burned into her memory forever. Both with his life in her hands— and trusted that she'd bring him back every time.
She could remember, quite easily, that that was when she began to question things. Their relationship. Did she really still see him as only a friend?
There were also the quiet moments she could've fallen too. Picnics on rooftops where his tail had curled into a heart and he had thought she hadn't noticed—
She had.
—But her best friend was the Ladyblogger, of course she had seen the picture. But only teased him once and left mercy on him ever since.
Then there were patrols, one rainy day she enjoyed in particular of them patrolling the streets with an umbrella. It was calm. Relaxing. No pressure on them. It was sweet memories like that that made everything so worth it. The good memories that kept her spirits up on rough days with Akumas, school work, socializing. It was the freedom in her partner that she found the most weight lifting thing in the world.
But lately…. Things were… different— weird. It was a change that they were just trying to fumble through. Knowing and wondering who her partner—because yes, she did wonder sometimes. She was human after all— were two completely different concepts.
And while they were still finding their sync in some aspects, it was good. It was good to have someone to call up and know who was on the other line at two in the morning if she needed to talk to him. It was good to meet up at school, give hugs and walk into class with someone that she could have a conversation with without even verbally talking.
It was good to feel secure and in a sense, complete in someone when all the did to brighten her day was smile.
Sure, there were consequences with knowing. Fear of Hawkmoth, fear of so many little things that she couldn't even think of.
But... it was also so worth it, too, when they sat down at lunchtime, sharing a sandwich, and he'd chuckle at the way her crumbs would fall all over her clothing just because she was so invested in a drawing.
When she could just give him a look in class and he'd know what she was thinking almost right away. Goodnight texts. Secret puns and inside jokes for only the two.
It was like everything finally connected. Ladybug, Marinette— Adrien, Chat. It all came together so amazingly, as it all swayed in.
She just wished they weren't so far apart. But then again, maybe it was her own doing. Maybe it was for the best.
Maybe, maybe…
"Hey, Marinette."
And there he went again with her name. Sweet on his tongue. Maybe she needed to sewn his lips shut.
But as she came back to focus on him, she realized he was holding out her pink controller— one he had custom made, with pink polkadots. He said she needed one of her own for when she came over—
She had screamed for exactly forty two minutes and twenty two seconds into her pillow once she returned home, only to stop because her parents were worried by the sound—eyes half lidded with a look that he really shouldn't be giving her if he wanted her to live.
And when his fingers brushed hers as she took the proffered controller— the suit didn't do a thing to dull the feeling of his touch— her heart did a little zing, making a little zig zag pathway before threatening to crack and combust into shattered little remains.
It was further unfair, that when he spoke, all she could hear was tenderness and love, this boy's duty was to give her a heart attack before seventeen. "About the whole thing with Kagami…" He looked to his own controller, his thumbs now messing with the controls. "I just…"
She could tell he was struggling, wrinkles now forming at the creases of his eyes as they snapped shut. His mouth drooped into a hard frown. He shook his head to erase whatever he really wanted to say.
"I'm just—" He looked so disheartened. "I don't.."
She still knew.
And just like that, the world outside their own little place started to slow ever so teasingly. She could actually focus on him once more. He licked his lips, as if to taste the words before they slipped out. His head turned back to look at her. "I'm just glad it was you, Marinette. As selfish as it sounds, I wouldn't want anyone else." His diaphragm jolted with laughter. "I know it sounds cliche saying that."
But she pretended as if she didn't.
It still sent everything into overdrive— knowing.
I wouldn't want to love anyone else.
The winds just outside their own little hideaway slowly died down until there was nothing to hear. She smiled, placing her own joystick into her lap, where it laid somehow heavily. Because her kitty was nothing if not cliche. And she'd take it every second she could. "It is, kitty."
He still looked unsure, with the TV glow reflecting off his face, sending halfway cast shadow to the side. His eyes landed and went to a spot beside them. "Sorry."
"Kitty, no." She actually had the ability— the audacity, though if she ever really need to pressure him, she'd do anything in a heartbeat to make him feel better— to reach up and boop him on the nose, even with the awkward tension swirling around. "You being cheesy is just a part of you. Never feel like you have to hide it. And for the record, I'm glad it was you, too, Adrien."
I wouldn't want to love anyone else either.
Rain finally rescinded into nothing more than a whispered trickle. His eyes back on her, and she could see the tears he was trying to hold back, and she vowed then and there she'd never let him think he had to hold anything back. He held up a pinky. "Promise?"
It was cheesy. And she loved it.
She hooked her own finger with his anyway. Because she loved this boy. Forever. That would always be another consent in her life. "Promise."
She knew things were left unsaid, and unheard by him. And that was just how it was.
The distance. This vastly ocean wide distance wouldn't be so big someday. No, it wouldn't be more than a puddle, with rain dancing around them.
And here was a secret—she couldn't wait to splash in that puddle.
She did love the rain, afterall.