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“And will that be a single or a double?” The secretary asked, raising her eyebrow unsubtly. Killua took a second to glare at her insinuation, a second which proved to be a fatal mistake.
“Single!” Gon chimed happily and Killua nearly chocked in air
“Got it.” The secretary replied easily, plucking up a pair of keys and sliding over some paperwork for Gon to sign
“W-Wait.” Killua interrupted, grabbing Gon’s wrist before he could sign away their night or from under him “You know that means the room only has one bed right?”
Gon nodded, looking confused “Yeah?”
“Then why did you take that one stupid? Where are we supposed to sleep?”
Gon’s brows furrowed “What are you talking about, Killua? We’ve shared a bed before. Besides, it’s cheaper to get only one bed.”
Killua felt his face grow hot in an instant “That was when we were kids! It means something totally different now! And we have plenty of money so don’t even try that.” He hissed, letting go of Gon’s wrist
The shorter man pouted at him, but just when Killua was sure he was going to argue back at him, he just sighed and turned back to the receptionist. “Double please.” He says in defeat
Killua feels a pang of guilt at his tone. He dosen’t mean to be harsh but even the thought of sharing a bed with Gon is too much to handle. It had been one thing when they were pubescents. Before Killua had to fight to keep his hands in his pockets and not on Gon’s ass. Before he had to regularly push Gon’s hands away, lest he lose control and do something he’d regret. Before Gon’s utter obliviousness both to his own good looks and the effect his increasingly casual touches had on Killua made his life a living hell. Before the cold showers and the wet dreams and the pillows that smother him crying out his best friends name, lest he find out just how badly Killua craved him and leave forever in disgust.
Gon was his best friend, the most important person in the world to him, barring only his sister. And no matter how much he might wish for him to be something more, he could never risk losing him. Holding Gon at arm’s length might be difficult, even painful sometimes, but it was a thousand times better than losing him entirely.
They settle into their double room. It’s already late so there’s not much else to do but order room service, shower, and turn in. They’re in town for a carnival Gon had heard was a lot of fun and wanted to check out. He’d expected Gon to be a blur of excited energy, babbling on about all the things they’d do together tomorrow but instead he was unusually quiet and reserved, getting sucked into some movie he found on TV which Killua has no particular interest in. They ate their dinner in silence, Gon let’s Killua shower first, saying he wants to watch finish the movie. Killua scrubs himself down, trying to keep things quick before his mind has a chance to wander to how nice it would feel to have Gon in there with him, shoving him against the cool tiles and… Killua turns the temperature of the water down.
While Gon takes his turn in the shower, Killua gets changed into his pajamas and settles into bed with a book. He’s about ready to turn off the light and turn in when he hears Gon approach. He flicks his eyes up and immediately regrets it. Because Gon is in his pajamas, or rather, lack of pajamas. Gon found it uncomfortable to sleep with pants on, hating the way they bunched around his legs under the covers, so he often opted to sleep in in his underwear. And in warmer weather he couldn’t even be bothered to wear a shirt to bed, so Gon was standing in front of Killua in nothing but his black boxer shorts. He was still damp from his shower, his sun-kissed skin gleaming in the light, small droplets if water running down the crevasses of his abs, his hair-
Killua took one look at Gon’s face and all sensual thoughts came to a grinding halt. It didn’t take a genius to realize Gon was upset, the way his eyes stared at his feet and he chewed in his lip telegraphing uncharacteristic nervousness.
“Gon?” Killua asks, setting his book down “What’s wrong?”
Gon’s eyes snap up to meet his and his expression steels. His fists clench and before Killua can even move to get out of bed Gon is marching his way over towards him and is climbing into bed with him.
“Wha—Gon! What are you doing?” Killua cries and in an instant whatever bravery had possessed Gon vanishes. He meet Killua’s gaze again but this time he looks so frightened it makes Killua’s heart seize.
“Please Killua.” He begs softly “No one’s around to see. No one has to know.”
Killua feels his breath leave him. Is that what Gon thought? That Killua was just too embarrassed of people thinking they were together that he wouldn’t let Gon near him? He hadn’t really thought what his distance would look like from Gon’s perspective. And he hates to think he’s the reason Gon’s so upset right now.
“Yeah.” He manages a nod “Yeah, okay.”
Gon smiles like Killua has given him a great gift. His eyes shine with happiness and something else Killua can’t quite identify.
“Yay! Thank you, Killua!” He cries, and suddenly he’s wrapping his beefy arms around Killua’s middle, his head resting on his chest so Killua is sure Gon can hear how fast his heart is beating at the contact. Killua can only go stiff and hope he dosen’t realize he’s the reason for it. Killua’s hand rests midway between his hip and Gon’s groin and he quickly moves it away to rest on his stomach. He has to be careful because this is so close to what he’s wanted for so long it’s painful. But Gon’s done so much for him, made his life so much better than he thought it could be and been a friend to him when he didn’t think such a thing was even possible for him. And now he’s smiling against his peck like it’s all he’s ever wanted. And there’s nothing necessarily sexual about how he’s holding him. If Gon wants something as simple as this, he won’t deny him.
“Well, um… let’s just go to sleep then.” Killua says somewhat awkwardly but Gon smiles and nods, looking perfectly content. Moving as little as possible, Killua reaches out and turns off the lights. He can still feel Gon wrapped tight around him, but he’s spared having to look at that beautiful face on his chest and that helps somewhat. Soon familiar soft snores are drifting out of the darkness and Killua can feel them vibrating through Gon’s naked chest and oh how he wants to run his hands down the wall of muscle that is Gon’s back and feel the little dip of each vertebrae in his spine.
Now he just had to get through the next eight hours without moving in anyway to disturb or take advantage of the frighteningly short distance between him and the object of his affection. He briefly considers simply staying awake the entire time but quickly dismisses it. Not only would hours of having everything he wants so close but still out of his reach be absolute torture (and he should know) but if something were to happen it would definitely be better if he could blame it on his unconscious state.
So he closes his eyes and, with some effort, falls asleep in Gon’s arms.
Naturally, his dream is a wet one. It’s the one where Killua is Gon’s maid and he’s coming around with a white glove for inspection, only to discover the mess Killua is hiding under his skirt so he graciously offers ti give him a lesson in the value of a spit-shine. He’s just at the part where Gon is pumping him mercilessly, discussing the need for some good, strong elbow grease, when Killua snaps awake.
His first thought is to jump back, afraid of getting caught in whatever lewd position he’d maneuvered himself and Gon into. But when he tries he finds something stubbornly preventing him from moving.
That’s when he realizes two things. One, that they are (mercifully) in the exact same position they’d been when he went to sleep. And two, that Gon is squeezing him so tight he thinks his ribs might crack. That must have been what woke him up.
On instinct, he pushes Gon away, trying to get him to break his death grip. But that has the opposite effect, Gon only squeezes tighter, nuzzling deeper into Killua’s chest.
“Don’t go.” He whimpers in a desperate, but still definitely asleep, voice. And whether it just started or Killua just noticed it Gon’s entire body is now shaking around him, as if he were caught in a blizzard. Killua notices a wet spot on his shirt and realizes Gon is crying. “Please… Don’t go… Killua.”
He might as well have just kicked Killua in the ribs for the effect it has on him. Gon must be having the worst nightmare of his life. And it was about…
Oh, he’s such an idiot! In Gon’s whole life, there’s only been a few people who actually stick around. His father hadn’t. Kite hadn’t. Kurapika was a host unto himself but not exactly reliable as a friend. He’d grown up on Whale Island where almost everyone was just a passerby, a face that would soon vanish. For better or worse Killua had spent more time with him than anyone else, barring only the women who raised him.
And now Gon thought he was leaving too. Becuase he had started pulling away and hadn’t bothered to think what that would be like for him.
Killua wrapped his arms around Gon and pulled him close until they were pulled flush and Killua could feel the peaks and valleys of Gon’s muscles through his shirt.
“Shhh.” He soothed in Gon’s ear, reaching up a hand to scratch at his scalp comfortingly. The fear his stupid libido gave him would have to wait. “It’s okay Gon. I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere okay? I promise.”
Gon stopped shaking, his death grip loosened just a bit.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately. Please know the last thing I wanted was to hurt you. You’re my best friend and you mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I would burn cities to the ground if that’s what it took to make you happy. I guess lately… well, the truth is I’m afraid. I love you so much, Gon. And I’m afraid of messing things up and scaring you away. But I didn’t think about how it would seem from your perspective and I’m sorry. For now just… have a good night’s sleep okay? I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”
Killua dared to press a kiss into Gon’s hair and strokes his back until Gon was still again and snoring soundly in his arms.
It takes a long time for Killua to fall asleep again after that but when he wakes up again, Gon is still there.