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“You have no bonds. You have nothing at all. Empty… You are just like me.”
Yu awoke with a frantic gasp. His heart pounded in his chest, and he sat upright, looking about the dark shadows of his room.
Nothing. Of course.
Yu sighed, pressing a hand over his still rapidly beating heart. With a few steadying breaths, the panicked rhythm in his chest began to slow. It was just a nightmare. A nightmare of a nightmare, but still, nothing to worry about.
Even as Yu’s heartbeat returned to normal, though, and his mind fully roused itself from the edges of sleep, the nightmare still sat heavily in his mind.
“Are you sure ?” it whispered to him. “How do you know you’re not still asleep? How do you know you’re not still there ?”
Yu looked up to where he could just make out the outline of the small television set sitting atop the dresser.
God, this was stupid. He was stupid. He knew the difference between a nightmare and real life, he didn’t need to pinch himself to make sure…
Yu got up from his futon and approached the television. He stared at his silhouette, reflected back at him from the blank screen. After some hesitation, he lifted his hand and pressed it against the screen.
His hand disappeared through the screen in a ripple of light.
Some convoluted mix of relief, embarrassment, and bemusement replaced the anxious uncertainty, and Yu withdrew his hand from the TV with a light scoff.
He was at a point in his life where sticking his hand through a TV screen acted as proof that he wasn’t dreaming. It was kind of funny. Almost as funny as him feeling the need to confirm that he wasn’t dreaming in the first place.
Yu let out another sigh and leant his hands against the top of the dresser.
It had been about a week or so since Mitsuo Kubo’s arrest. Which meant it had been about a week or so since Yu and his team had found Kubo and taken down his Shadow. Which meant it had been about a week or so since that… God, Yu didn’t even know what to call it. ‘Nightmare’ really did seem like the most appropriate term, but...
It had felt so real… Even more than that, it had felt familiar .
Days blurring into weeks, and then months as life became a countdown to when he would have to move again. His friends distancing themselves in preparation to let go and move on with their own lives. His bonds fraying and unravelling until they snapped completely, leaving him to sink into the cold grey v o i d . . .
The worst thing was, he hadn’t even noticed it was happening at first. Or maybe… he had noticed, and he had been in too much denial to accept it. To recognize the signs and realize that it was the same as always.
It had hurt a little when Rise suddenly up and moved without so much as a last minute goodbye, and it had hurt even more when Yosuke dismissed it with a cool, “It just goes to show that the only people who thought we were actually friends was us .”
Yeah, who was he kidding...? Yu had known what was happening from that moment on. It was just… After all he had been through with these people who he called his friends, he would have liked to imagine that their bonds would not be so superficial as to be severed by things like the coming future.
Every interaction, every call, every request to meet up at the food court again became his desperate attempt to hold on to the bonds he had formed in this town even as they frayed and came apart in his hands. And when they eventually snapped, he let them go, despite how much it hurt, despite how much more empty it left him.
Because to hold on when the other person did not want to was selfish, and you musn’t be selfish. You musn’t be clingy.
Yukiko just sort of stopped coming to the meet ups. Understandable, she had a lot of responsibilities. Even when Chie neglected meeting up in favour of being with Yukiko, that was also understandable. It was just like Chie to be helping her best friend, and neither of them were obligated to hang out with him anyway, it was fine.
Yu made sure to make that clear the next time he asked that they all meet up. After hearing Kanji complain to Naoki Konishi at Aiya’s, he did not want Kanji to feel as though he was trapped in something he had no choice but to be a part of. It was fine. At least the soft-hearted delinquent had clearly found a friend in Naoki, so Yu could be happy about that.
On the flip side, Kou and Daisuke told him that he did not need to attend practice if he didn’t want to. They had already finished all the important games of the school year, and since Yu would not be around next school year, attending practice would be kind of pointless. Ai ended up saying the same thing, albeit a little more harshly. Understandable, they would have to focus on players who would actually be around next year, it was fine.
Teddie was long gone, having returned to his world now that the killer was behind bars. He had been perfectly content and happy when he left, so that was nice. Yu wished that the bear would at least visit, though…
No, you musn’t be selfish .
Despite the familiar mantra, with every bond lost, Yu could feel himself becoming as much a void as the one he was sinking back into. Even the town seemed to reflect his creeping state of emptiness.
Dojima was making an effort to be a better father in the absence of anymore killings. He took Nanako on a small family outing at some point. That… had hurt Yu more than he could have possibly anticipated. He was happy for them though, of course he was. His uncle had said he should be all right alone, of course he would be.
He always was…
Yet, none of that could have possibly hurt more than Nanako’s eventual benign disinterest in him. Nor Yosuke going from best friend and partner to just sort of an acquaintance and guy he saw every so often.
Before Yu knew it, he was once again just Yu Narukami, the guy who’s easy to get to know but unwise to get attached to, sitting alone in his bedroom, devoid of… anything…
Yu felt a chill run down his spine, and he stood up straight, looking instinctively into the farthest corner of the room.
Nothing. Obviously. That had all just been some sick illusion cooked up by Kubo’s Shadow in an effort to break him. July had just started, November was still a long way off, and his friends and family had shown no signs of… moving on from him.
For a brief moment, Yu considered giving one of his friends a call. But he quickly dismissed the idea. It was well past midnight, and he absolutely did not need to be waking any of them up at an ungodly hour just because he was feeling a little off.
...It was so quiet. Was the town usually this quiet, even at this time of night? It really did feel like he was the only one who existed right now, if ‘existed’ was the right word. The darkness and silence did not make him feel especially ‘there’.
Yu groaned, scrubbing both hands down his face. It was obvious that he was not about to be falling back to sleep any time soon. Perhaps it was time that he got himself a glass of water or something.
Quickly and quietly, Yu made his way downstairs and to the kitchen area. The silver white light of the street lamps outside shone through the kitchen window, providing ample visibility as Yu took a glass from the cupboard. The glasses inside clattered against each other, and Yu winced. That was definitely a sign the cupboard needed to be reorganized soon. He hoped the noise wasn’t enough to wake his uncle and cousin.
One full glass of water later, Yu turned and leant against the edge of the sink.
“Big Bro…?”
Yu nearly spat out his mouthful of water. Instead, he quickly swallowed and stood upright. “Nanako?” he called, managing to keep his voice low despite his surprise.
His cousin stood in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs, yawning and rubbing her eyes. “Why are you awake...?”
“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” Yu set aside his glass and approached the sleepy girl, crouching down in front of her.
Nanako shook her head, though Yu couldn’t tell if she was responding to his question or trying to wake herself up. “Why are you awake, Big Bro?”
“It’s nothing,” Yu said with a smile. “I was just getting some water, is all.”
“Did you have a nightmare or something…?”
An innocent enough question, but Yu hoped Nanako couldn’t see his smile fall briefly.
“...Something like that,” he finally settled on saying. “But it’s–”
“Oh…!” Nanako straightened up, all sleepiness immediately dissipating from her bright brown eyes. “I know just the thing for that…!”
“Oh?”
Nanako trotted past him and into the kitchen, where she attempted to quietly manuver one of the kitchen chairs out from beneath the table.
“And what’s that?” Yu asked as he stood and turned to watch her, genuinely curious.
“Hot chocolate…!” Nanako exclaimed, the smile obvious in her voice even as she attempted to keep it down. “My teachers say that’s the best thing to help with nightmares, and whenever I get them, Dad says the same thing.”
Having managed to push the chair against the nearest kitchen counter, Nanako quickly clambered on top of it and opened the cupboard above it. After pushing aside a few coffee tins and tea boxes, she emerged with a tin of cocoa. She turned in the chair and gave Yu an encouraging smile.
“Now I’m gonna make some for you, Big Bro…!”
Whatever gnawing anxieties had been left behind by his thoughts and dreams, they were all filled in by a warm fondness. Yu returned the smile readily.
“That would be very nice.”