Chapter Text
Alex expected to fall in love with a lot of things when he and Henry moved in together. He expected to fall even more in love with watching Henry get ready in the morning, or with the way he looks in Alex’s clothes. Alex expected to fall in love with Henry’s excitement about learning new things, or the face he makes when he’s playing a board game. But what Alex didn’t expect to fall in love with is the way Henry reacts to certain phrases. They’re nearly all things he’s picked up from Nora, but he’s found a special joy in hearing Henry react, watching him be incredulous as he tries to piece together what exactly things mean. And, as much as Henry May hate it, it’s something Alex absolutely loves.
In his defense, it starts on accident. It’s been a long day, and he’s just leaving the library when Henry calls to confirm their dinner plans. Alex is half distracted getting into the car as he says, “Yeah, so if you wouldn’t mind preheating the oven and putting the potato toddlers in, I’ll finish things up when I get there.”
He’s not entirely focused on his phone conversation, but he’s pretty sure he hears Henry mutter something that ends in “fuck”. He’s not sure; it’s been a long day of studying and his brain is fried. Still, this might be an opportunity to mess with Henry, and that never gets old.
“I’m sorry, the what?” Henry asks, and Alex grins.
“The potato toddlers. I think they need it at 425; the packet’s in the freezer and it should say on the back.”
“Alex, do you mean the... tater tots?”
“Yeah; the potato toddlers. I thought you studied English in college; shouldn’t you know this?”
“What time did you say you’ll be home?”
“About half an hour, why?”
“Shaan should have the divorce papers drawn up by then. I’ll let you have custody of the, um, toddlers.”
“Well, if you divorce me, you can make your own dinner tonight. I’m going to be enjoying some nice potato toddlers in a nice breakfast-for-dinner burrito, and if you divorce me I’m taking it all. I’m a lawyer; I’ll skew the papers my way.”
“Well you’ll have to get here first,” Henry says, and under that joking tone is an affection so genuine that Alex has to remind himself to breathe. It’s only been a day, but he missed Henry, too. He wonders vaguely how they’ll cope when they have to be apart longer, then decides not to think about that for now.
“As soon as I can, baby. I’m coming.”
—
He doesn’t exactly plan on doing it again. But it’s late when Henry comes into his office, and Alex coughs at just the wrong time. He’s been fighting a cold all week, and he’s trying to hide it, but just as he recovers from his coughing fit, he feels arms slide around his shoulders. Henry leans in to kiss his cheek, and Alex smiles in spite of himself.
“Hi, love. You feeling alright?”
“I’m fine; just a sore throat.”
“I’ll make you some tea and honey,” Henry says, “But I think... of you can, I’d like to bring it to you in bed. It’s getting late.”
Alex agrees. He can’t say ‘no’ to Henry, and it is late. So he gets ready, and he’s in bed when Henry comes into their room, a mug in his hand. He smiles, and the whole thing is so fucking domestic that if he doesn’t ruin it, Alex thinks he might explode.
“Does it have bee sauce?”
“Does it have... yes, it has honey in it to help your throat. I’m going to divorce you.”
“Not now. Too tired,” Alex says, and now that he’s finally back in bed, he feels it. He hadn’t realized how heavy his body feels suddenly, and the places where he’s sore from sitting all day are already starting to stretch out. Henry runs a hand through his hair, and Alex leans toward it, closing his eyes as he does and just letting Henry’s closeness wash over him.
“Drink your tea, then get some rest, love. The world will still need saving when you wake up.”
Alex grabs Henry’s wrist, and when he opens his eyes, Henry is smiling just a bit.
“If I don’t let go you can’t get divorce papers,” Alex says, and Henry laughs.
“You’re ridiculous, and I adore you.”
“Stay? It’s too big here for just me.” David whines, and Alex smiles in spite of himself. “Too big for just me and David.”
“Of course, Love. Let me get changed.”
Alex tries to stay awake, he does. But he’s more tired than he’d realized, and as he drinks the tea, his eyes close automatically. He’s nearly asleep When he feels the bed dip, and he barely has time to roll over and cuddle Henry close before he’s out for the night.
—
From there, the divorce threats become, if not normal, at least regular. They’re never taken seriously, but before long, Alex is out of phrases to earn them. He starts to miss the way Henry will roll his eyes, or the fond exasperation in his tone. He has a weekend trip to Denver to help Raf‘s campaign coming up, though, and he can’t wait to find something out there.
He was right to hope. Raf is just as much of a shit as he is, and they’d spent a night lying on the floor of his office laughing together, brainstorming awful ways for Alex to talk to his boyfriend. It felt eerily similar to their first summer together, and Alex couldn’t be happier on all counts. Plus, now, he has a whole fleet of cursed phrases ready to go.
He gets home late to find Henry asleep on the couch, and there’s not much time to talk while they move from the living room to their bed. But the next morning when Henry comes into the kitchen to wrap him in a hug, he sees his opportunity. He’s adding the milk to his coffee, and after kissing Henry’s cheek as a good morning, he unleashes a double whammy.
“Aw, hell yeah, cow juice. I’ve had enough nut juice to ruin the dairy industry twice over.”
“As soon as I’m awake, I’m divorcing you.”
Alex’s reply is cut off by a yawn, followed almost immediately by a kiss that’s all morning breath. He complains, but still leans up for another as Henry smiles.
“That’s not the kiss of a soon-to-be divorcee,” Alex says, and Henry just laughs, a laugh that fills Alex up with more warmth than his coffee ever could.
"I hate you," Henry mumbles, resting his head on top of Alex's for a moment. "But I'm glad you're home."
"Me too."
-
They're eating breakfast together when David comes down the stairs. He was mostly asleep when Alex got home last night, so when he sees him leaning against the counter drinking coffee, he makes a beeline. His tongue is out as he hops up on Alex's leg to cover his hands with slobber, and when Alex kneels down with a laugh, David moves to licking his face.
"Hey, David. How's my favorite furry offspring, hmm? How are you?"
"You're not getting custody if you call him that. I'll divorce you and take him back to London," Henry says, not even looking at them as he scrapes the last of the yogurt out of a container.
"He's just my little furry boy, yes he is," Alex says, and he's so focused on David that he doesn't notice Henry throwing his empty carton until it hits him on the forehead. He looks up to see Henry just turning to the sink, not quite quickly enough to hide his smile. "He can't eat that! He's going to get sick. Are you trying to hurt our gorgeous furry son? Henry, you’re his father! You can’t poison your son!"
"Oh, shut up," Henry says, though there's no weight to it. He undermines it even further by coming over to kneel on the ground with them, kissing Alex and rubbing David's ears until he shakes. When they sit, David manages to climb into both their laps at once, and any plans for divorce are put on hold immediately.
-
Nora's there the next time it happens, and that only eggs Alex on. They're gathered in the boys' living room for a game night, and when Henry sits down beside Alex, both his knees pop. He grunts a bit, but Alex just grins.
"Aww, babe, hear that? Your skeleton's getting ready to hatch," he says, dropping a kiss onto Henry's knee before looking up at him with a smile. Nora's laughing, but Henry just looks a bit worried.
"Alex, love, do you really want to have to draw up divorce papers in front of Nora? Because I’ll divorce you, but I don’t want you to be embarrassed in front of your ex." Nora’s cackling by now, and Henry's grinning in spite of himself. Alex kisses his nose, and Henry just shakes his head, smiling. "We really need to invest more in keeping you two apart; I’m not sure I like whatever this is becoming.”
“Chaos is indivisible,” Nora says, and Alex grins, bumping his fist against hers across the coffee table. Henry just rolls his eyes at them both, and Nora laughs as he finally cracks a smile at them both, trying and failing to hide it behind the rule book on the table.