Chapter Text
/…/
The Knight did not know how long it had been since he was given his final orders. The Knight did not want to know how long it had been. Every night in his dreams he could hear that beloved voice. Commanding him, at least one more time…
LIVE!
The command of his Emperor was absolute, and the Knight had long since stopped searching for a way to circumvent it. Now he clung to the overwhelming sense-memory of his Lord’s voice the way a drowning man clung to flotsam. Desperate and drowning in his regrets, the Knight was single-minded in his goal to obey his liege in the only manner remaining to him.
LIVE!
The Knight was faceless, voiceless, a puppet for the ghosts of his Emperor’s will. It was soothing, in its own way. He did not have to think, only act, only walk down the path so carefully set down for him by his King. The Knight was drifting through the days as an actor on the stage, aching with longing for the final curtain call, when he could at last shed his mask and return to his master’s side.
LIVE!
The greater his longing for the end the louder his Lord’s voice rang through his soul. The command was as immutable and relentless as the moon drawing up the tides. The resonant voice a comfort and a curse all in one as he went through his days. The Knight could remember a short time after his greatest crime where he had been able to fool himself into believing his own lies.
The Witch had taken great pleasure in tearing down those fragile illusions. Hearing the truth about his Lord’s role in his Princesses’ death had broken the last of his resistance. There was no deliberate betrayal to use as an excuse for the Knight’s own actions, only a malicious trap set by the very men who had turned the Knight on his Lord to begin with. The justification his Emperor had used to force the Knight’s hand into wielding the sword of execution was a lie.
LIVE! LIVE! LIVE!
The Knight started losing time, after that. His Majesty’s voice screaming a constant litany of command over the Knight’s inner howls despair.
The Knight wanted to die.
You must live on!
The Knight wanted to return to his master’s side and kneel at his feet. Wanted to offer up his sword and lay his head against his Emperor’s knee. Wanted to see the warm amusement in that sweet smile and feel the gentle care in thin boned hands. Wanted to see the diamond hard will in sharp eyes and follow through on the ironclad command in that beloved voice.
The Knight would never have that dream come true. The Knight had destroyed all possibility of that ever becoming true his with his own bloodied hands and careless rage. Bile rose whenever he held his sword, remembering the resistance of the blade cleaving through too-thin skin and the hot crimson spray of stolen life staining white fabric. There was no greater sin than for a sworn Knight to turn on his liege, and the cursed existence the Knight was condemned to suffer was only fit justice for his crimes.
LIVE!
It was curious, how detached he was from his own body. He moved and breathed, ate and slept, and even as the world moved around him the Knight watched it all from behind his own eyes at a distance removed. Even in battle the fog never lifted, the Knight watching without emotion as the action skipped and jumped like a bad war movie.
Every day passed in a grey haze, until the stars aligned and events conspired to queue the final act.
There was fire now, rising up all around him, and the Knight felt the first stirring of anticipation as he realized that his Emperor’s command was straining against the limits of the Knight’s own body. The Knight was trapped and there was no way to escape the fire that grew stronger with every passing moment. Tears of relief slipped free even as the Knight struggled to push his body on.
LIVELIVELIVELIVELIVE!
Three minutes without air, the Knight remembered deliriously as his lungs stopped. Bright flashes fought against the fog rolling over his vision as the Knight collapsed. Dry, cracked lips lifted in a wistful smile as the Knight realized it was over. He could join his Liege now, at last.
LIVE, SUZAKU!
Crimson wings of light spread across the void and laid down a Geass of Absolute Command.
/…/
The fire receded, and the Knight lay utterly still in the aftermath. A dull crackle from dying embers was the only sound other than his harsh breathing.
“… No.” A broken sob rattled in the Knight’s throat, and stubborn denial kept his eyes firmly shut. Perhaps he was wrong, perhaps he… “Not again. Please, Lelouch, please. Just let me…”
Sharp, unexpected pain from his side made the Knight’s eyes fly open in shock. Dead men lay on the ground around him, dressed in the livery of a long dead prince. A transport truck burned slowly; the cab having exploded into shrapnel that spread from one side of the old subway tunnel to the other. The shards had felled the Royal Guard, only missing the Knight because he had already been on the ground.
“I was shot…” Hardly able to believe his eyes, the Knight rolled his head. Blood loss left his body weak, but he shoved the pain to one side. His mask was gone, replaced by the uniform of an Honorary Britannian Private. His sword was missing, and instead he could feel his father’s pocket watch digging into the broken flesh by his gunshot wound. “Impossible…”
It was sheer madness to even begin considering the possibility, but after everything the Knight has seen Geass accomplish nothing could be deemed impossible anymore. A Geass is like a wish… He had to take the situation at face value. Somehow, the Knight was back in the past. Somehow, somehow, he was back when it had all began. Back to the time and place where the Knight and his Emperor had started down the path of blood that would set them at odds.
“Lelouch’s… out there. I need to…” The Knight wanted to scream, wanted to throw himself into the fray and find his liege and kill anyone who sought to harm him, but the blood loss and shock calmed his adrenaline surge just enough for him to think. Lelouch had survived the chaos of Shinjuku Ghetto alone the first time, had used the violent confusion to recruit Kallen and kill Clovis. What would happen to Lelouch if the Knight acted differently here? How would Zero make his debut? Who would end up as pilot of the Lancelot? He was a Knight of Honour. He was the Knight of Zero, the White Reaper of Britannia. If anything needed to remain the same, it was those facts.
His Liege deserved nothing less than the best from his sworn sword.
Still reeling in confusion, desperate and terrified for his Emperor, the Knight closed his eyes again and lay silently amid the dead. His time to act would come soon enough. He would simply have to be patient, for now.
He refused to waste this second chance.
/…/
Laying in the darkness of his cell as he awaited his court-martial, the Knight let himself relax off his hair-trigger. Everything was going according to the script. Shinjuku had resolved itself with Clovis’ death. The Knight had been first recruited by Lloyd, and then arrested by Jeremiah. The White Knight had given some thought to sparing the Knight of Orange the public embarrassment of Zero’s debut… but had dismissed the thought barely a moment later.
The two Knights could settle their differences at a later time, after Orange became useful to his Lord once again.
Tomorrow, he would see his Liege again. Tomorrow he could submit himself to his Emperor’s will once again. Tomorrow he could begin to make amends for the sins he had committed in a future that he would never allow again.
A clean slate, the board wiped clean. The only proof of the Knight’s crimes lay in his own memories. Relief, and painful, terrifying hope blotted out any other possible emotions. The Knight lifted his arm, staring at the damage left behind by his interrogation and hummed thoughtfully. Beneath the skin a subtle light glowed like dim candles behind lantern screens. Red as a Geass Command, mixed with mournful white and golden promise, healing him from the inside out.
“Live on…” The Knight murmured, covering the light with his hand and savoring the heat that flared under his touch. “Immortal Phoenix, born anew from flames… is this a curse, my King? Or a gift… the chance to protect you… I swear, Lelouch, I won’t fail you again.”
He was healing much faster than he had the last time around. This ability was a boon that the Knight could only be thankful for. The stronger he was, the better guard he would be for His Majesty. The stronger he was, the greater threat he would be to his Emperor’s enemies.
An image flashed in his mind of a slender arm draped in rich fabrics lofted to caress white feathers. Red and gold banded wings mantled protectively around a slender figure as a sharp beak snapped a warning. A resolute Emperor, and the gyrfalcon made of flame that struck at his command. Longing sliced through the Knight, sharp and poignant.
He wanted that. The Knight could only hope to make the daydream into truth.
Soon. Crooned the silent voices. Soon.
/…/
“Come to me.” Resonant with conviction, Zero’s voice rang out over the rubble of the destroyed atrium even as he extended an open hand to the prisoner that he had risked so much to free. “Britannia is a worthless country that you cannot use.”
“That may be true, but…” The Knight shifted his weight, forcing his voice to remain steady as he stared up at the hidden figure of his true liege. It was hard to look at him, knowing that it was Lelouch behind the mask. Knowing the part that he had played in destroying the brilliant, driven leader that had fought so hard to end a reign of tyranny. The Knight had to stay strong, just for a few minutes more. Just long enough to alter the course of their fates. “Japan is dead. The only chance my people have is for me to gain some kind of power that I can use to ease their suffering.”
The air felt charged, the moment balanced on the edge of a blade. Zero’s hand curled in towards his chest, head tilted like a curious bird. The next words came slowly, as if Zero was somehow aware that they have deviated from the script. “You say that sort of thing now… Kururugi Suzaku, you must know that the Britannian’s will never allow a Number to hold any sort of real power.”
“I know that.” Steeling his resolve as his Master called the name the Knight had let die with his Emperor, the Knight carefully began the speech he had agonized to word properly while waiting in his cell. “The only people who have real power in Britannia are the Nobility, who bow to the Royals, who all bow to the Emperor. The only chance someone like me has of gaining power is by gaining favour in the service of a noble.”
“So, you would sell yourself?” Zero’s hand trembled, swiftly hidden under the sweep of his cape as he moved. The masked revolutionary’s movements were sharp and angry, offense in every line of his body as he stalked down the cracked stairs towards where the Knight stood. “Turn tricks like a well-trained dog begging for scraps from your Britannian masters? Where is your pride? Where is your honour, Kururugi Suzaku? You think that the people of Japan would ask this of you? You could do so much… Japan needs you!”
“Japan is gone! It will never be what it was! The only thing left to save is the people! And the only thing terrorism does is hurt them!” A familiar dance, trading barbs and arguments with Zero’s mask. The Knight could only thank whatever power watching them that Lelouch was wearing said mask, was speaking with Zero’s voice. If the Knight had been looking into his Emperor’s eyes, if he had heard his master’s true voice, it would be impossible to speak beyond begging for his forgiveness. The Knight had to stay strong, had to make this change before it was too late. Zero needed to focus on justice before his vendetta. Otherwise Lelouch would lose himself to his own rage again. The Knight refused to let his liege suffer seeking revenge for a woman who was actually his enemy. “As long as I work from the inside I can help. I can show that not all the Japanese are terrorists. I’ve already got the patronage of an Earl, and that Earl works directly for the Prime Minister. With the Knightmare frame I’ve been assigned I can earn a Knighthood and work my way up from there. Maybe even all the way to Knight of One, if I can impress the Prince.”
“You!” A strangled noise of frustration escaped from Zero, and the Knight thrilled at the response his words had generated. “How dare you! After everything we-! After everything Britannia has done you would serve Schneizel el Brittania?”
“I will use whatever tool makes itself available to defend my people.” The Knight allowed a hint of the White Reaper to show. Let a fraction of the bitter loathing for the second prince of Britannia flicker in his voice. Just enough true emotion for Zero to pick up on to illuminate the truth of how the Knight felt. “There is only one man I could serve without reservation, and he’s… that man died for peace.”
“You… ah, of course. Your father.” Zero’s anger faded quickly, now that the Knight was not professing loyalty to another prince. Lelouch was a jealous, petty man when it came to the affections of those few people that he held dear. The Knight really should not find that as endearing as he did, but as long as Lelouch continued to tantrum when it looked like the Knight might bow to another, then he knew he was still precious to his Emperor. Faded loyalty to a dead parent Lelouch could understand, even if he did not enjoy the thought of being second place in the Knight’s order of affections. “So, you give the Britannian’s what they want in order to preserve as many Japanese lives as possible.”
The Knight could not speak, not with his King so close. Inclining his head rather than lie, the Knight fought back the urge to reach out and pull his liege close. Worse was the impulse to drop to his knees and swear his devotion again. Clearing the lump in his throat, the Knight fisted his hands behind his back. “Isn’t that what you’re trying to do? Save as many innocent lives as possible?”
“In a way… I suppose I am.” Zero mused, lifting his hands to touch the Knight’s face gently. Holding his breath, the Knight shivered under the soft touch of his master and reluctantly stepped back. Zero’s hands hovered in the air for a moment, and the Knight knew that Lelouch was struggling to collect himself. The act was still new, the Man of Miracles was more Lelouch than Zero at this point and drawing the line between them had not yet been necessary. “And you… so willing to throw your pride away to serve Britannia. How long do you think you can keep up the act of a servile lapdog?”
“As long as I have to.” He would have worn the mask of Zero for the rest of his life at his Emperor’s command. A lifetime of service in a world where his Emperor still breathed was bliss in comparison to his former hell. The Knight could feel his heart pounding against his ribs, more alive that he had been in years. He straightened his back and let the fire of his convictions show. “A terrorist wouldn’t understand sacrificing pride for justice.”
“Wouldn’t I?” The mask tilted, Zero’s tone growing thoughtful as gloved fingers tapped against the reflective faceplate. “So willing to hide your true nature, to serve a Britannian prince… I wonder. Would you say the same if I…?”
Whatever the Knight might have said next was strangled in his throat as Zero reached up with both hands and pulled his mask from his head. “You’re alive!”
“You… thought I was dead? As a result of the theft by the Shinjuku group… well, that explains a few things about your attitude.” Lelouch vi Britannia blinked glittering purple eyes as he yanked down the cloth mask he wore under the helmet. “Now, Suzaku, can you stop being… what are you doing?”
“Lelouch.” The Knight stumbled forward, hauling his liege into his arms heedless of decorum. Lelouch could have him on his knees swearing fealty at any time the prince wanted. This moment was for Suzaku to savor. A sob tore free as Suzaku felt the weight he had been carrying since his Emperor’s death fall away. “Lelouch, you’re alive.”
Zero’s helmet bounced off the cracked tiles and Lelouch’s arms curled around Suzaku’s back. “Suzaku… I’m fine. Despite Clovis’ best efforts. Hush now…”
The tears soaked the high collar of Zero’s costume as Suzaku focused on Lelouch’s voice, his touch, his heartbeat. He focused on the living, breathing warmth in his arms as Lelouch murmured comfort into Suzaku’s dusty hair. “I’m sorry…”
The hands rubbing his back paused, and Lelouch sighed. “It okay, Suzaku. You’ve obviously been under a great deal of stress these last few days.”
“No, I mean… I should probably be getting to my court-martial.” Suzaku winced as he felt Lelouch stiffen in his arms and hurried to explain. “I meant what I said, about working with Lloyd and the Lancelot. It’s a good opportunity to get influence in Britannia’s military. You… you probably don’t have many people in places like the Camelot Project…”
“I… I don’t.” Lelouch hissed, clutching at Suzaku’s back as the Knight pulled away. “But that doesn’t…”
“We can’t linger much longer.” Suzaku pointed out carefully, taking hold of Lelouch’s hands and drinking in the sight of him. Bright eyes sparking with plans and contingency plans, soft mouth twisted into something like a disgruntled pout. “Those people you were with… they don’t know who you are, right? So, you need to get going too. It’s not safe. We can meet somewhere later and… talk about all this. About what we’re going to do to sort this out.”
“Fine.” Lelouch stared at Suzaku with intense focus, taking in Suzaku’s obvious reluctance to part from him. The Knight was cheered when his liege relaxed, leaning in towards him to whisper softly near his ear. “Come to Ashford Academy. Be discrete. I’ll leave word with Nunnally’s maid to let you in.”
“Of course, your highness.” Suzaku murmured back, savoring the sweet relief of having new orders from his Emperor to follow. Lelouch blinked at him, violet eyes wide and startled as Suzaku bowed his head to place a kiss on his knuckles. Briefly, Suzaku mourned the presence of the gloves, but he put it aside in favour of cherishing the bright, hot flare of intrigue that brought a flush to Lelouch’s pale face. Stepping back before he could close the last of his tenuous self-control, Suzaku focused on what had to be done over the next few days to keep Lelouch safe. “Give me a few days to get things in order, Lelouch. And please, be safe.”
“I’ll be waiting. Be safe, Suzaku.” The Knight could feel his Emperor’s gaze on his back as he walked away, and the only thing that kept his feet moving was the knowledge that meeting Princess Euphemia would give him the perfect excuse to spend as much time at Ashford Academy as possible.
Only a few more days, and he could see his liege without bringing danger to him.
Only a few more days to finish setting up the playing field for his King.
/…/
There was a small part of the Knight that had held reservations about seeing Princess Euphemia again, worried that it would weaken his devotion to his Emperor. It was almost disappointing to discover he had worried for nothing. Princess Euphemia was one of the few genuinely kind people the Knight had known, and even her attempts at subterfuge and manipulation had only worked on Suzaku last time because he had been deliberately ignoring his own observations. She was a beautiful person, truly.
She was not the one who held his heart.
Reassured that his loyalties would not be divided, the Knight played along with the runaway Imperial Princess. It all went just like the last time. There was a tour of the ghetto, breaking up both a fistfight and a Knightmare battle, and being ordered to attend Ashford Academy.
The Knight ducked his head to hide the satisfaction on his face as Euphemia bulldozed over the objections about sending a Number to a Britannian school.
Tomorrow. He would be at his master’s side tomorrow.
/…/
Small changes were already taking place. Lelouch had still called Suzaku up to the rooftop, but this time it was only to ask him to come to the Lamperouge apartments after classes had ended to see Nunnally. The second change came after dinner, when Lelouch had led Suzaku up the stairs instead of out to the porch. Standing in Lelouch’s study, Suzaku could feel the fragile tremble of hope unfurling in his chest.
Lelouch locked the door to the hall, stepping around Suzaku to fiddle with something at his desk. “So… your plan to gain royal favour seems to be working better than I thought it would. Suzaku…”
“Lelouch.” Unable to keep himself away, Suzaku pushed Lelouch down into the chair without preamble and the Knight lowered his head as he sank to one knee. “Your Highness I… I have a confession to make.”
“Suzaku?” Shifting to sit up straight, Lelouch reached for Suzaku’s shoulder. “Whatever it is, I’ll help you.”
“Kururugi Genbu did not commit suicide.” The silence lingered unbearably.
“Explain what you mean by that.” The sharp snap of command came naturally to the prince, even after so many years in hiding.
“The former Japanese Prime Minister wanted to make a stand. To fight until the last man. To make Britannia bleed for every inch of Japanese territory it claimed. Then he picked up his sword and called for someone to bring him the political hostages.” The Knight kept his head down, unable to look his liege in the eye as he confessed his sin aloud for the first time. “I put my tanto through his guts and left him bleeding out in his office while I ran to get you and Nunnally away from the Prime Minister’s forces.”
Gentle hands cupped the Knight’s face, lifting his chin until his eyes left the floor to look at his master. The understanding and acceptance on Lelouch’s face was a healing balm on a wound Suzaku had all but forgotten he was carrying. “Suzaku… thank you. Words aren’t enough to repay what you sacrificed for Nunnally and I… but thank you for saving us.”
“Lelouch…” Pressing into Lelouch’s hands, Suzaku blinked when he found himself pulled closer. Lelouch wrapped around him, sheltering his Knight with thin arms and letting Suzaku hide his face against the prince’s hip. Bliss loosened Suzaku’s control over his tongue and let him say things he might have otherwise kept silent on. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, my prince. If you want Japan, I’ll win you Japan. If you want the Empire, I’ll kill everyone between you and the throne. If you want the world, I’ll lay it at your feet. Command me. Let me be your sword and shield. Whatever you want. Please, just let me be yours…”
“Oh, Suzaku.” Slender hands tightened their grip, holding Suzaku close as Lelouch’s voice thrummed with repressed rage. “You’re mine. Of course, you’re mine. I promise. We never should have parted ways back then. I won’t let that happen to us again. Now hush, hush. I’m right here.”
“I saw you die, Lelouch.” Clinging to his Emperor’s legs, Suzaku choked on a sob. “I saw you die, and I couldn’t save you. I can’t lose you again. I can’t. I won’t let them touch you. I swear!”
“I know, I believe you, Suzaku.” Lelouch crooned assurances as he stroked his hands through the Knight’s hair. His Emperor was here and real and solid and gloriously, miraculously alive. “What do you need from me, Suzaku? What can I do to help?”
Suzaku blinked the tears from his eyes and wondered anew that he had this blessed second chance. The answer to Lelouch’s question was so obvious, so clear, that for a moment Suzaku could not find the words to express his wish.
“Justice. You… you’ve always stood for justice. To defend those without power.” Breath rough in his throat, Suzaku laid the side of his face against Lelouch’s thigh and blinked the tears from his eyes. “Can you… please let go of revenge? Your ideals are so much… more than that. Justice. Equality. Can you be Zero for those, instead?”
“… My mother deserves justice.” Lelouch’s eyes were closed when Suzaku dared to glance up at his, his face pained as the prince thought. “But… you’re right. She’s not the only one who does. Nunnally deserves to open her eyes to a gentler world. I can’t create that world with violence in my heart.”
“Yes. Let Zero stand as a symbol for Justice, let the mask keep you safe.” Almost delirious with relief, Suzaku caught Lelouch’s hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. “And when then time is right, let me put you on Britannia’s throne.”
Pale fingers twitched, the only outward sign of Lelouch’s surprise. “You… Suzaku?”
“You’ll be such a magnificent Emperor.” Nuzzling his face against Lelouch’s stomach, Suzaku hummed happily as he slid his hands up Lelouch’s legs. “Strong willed and righteous. Clever and brilliant and so, so kind. I want to see the world you’ll raise up from the ashes of your father’s kingdom.”
“Oh.” Lelouch gasped, shivering under his Knight’s touch as Suzaku spoke. “Oh, I never even thought of…”
“Never?” Suzaku laughed, nearly delirious with joy and relief as he lifted his head and moved closer, feeling Lelouch’s thighs pressed tight against his ribcage. “You’re an imperial prince, and you never once thought about taking the throne?”
“Eleventh Prince. And the son of a commoner.” Lelouch reminded him, cradling Suzaku’s head in his hands as he examined his Knight’s face with thoughtful eyes. “… You’re serious about this. About making me Emperor.”
“Japan is supposed to have an Emperor.” Humming happily as Lelouch scratched his scalp, Suzaku inched closer to the prince. “I would have that Emperor be you.”
“Emperor… that would be fitting justice, wouldn’t it? To take everything about Britannia that Charles has ruined and make it into something good. Something that benefited everyone.” Leaning down until their faces were a breath apart, Lelouch smiled with wicked eyes. “And does that make you my Knight, Suzaku? My sword and shield?”
“Yes.” Excitement surged and Suzaku ached, desperate to acknowledged by his liege again. “Your Knight, my prince. I swear. Always yours.”
“Good.” Then Lelouch was kissing him, and Suzaku went completely still.
Oh.
Oh. This was…
“Mmn!” Suzaku groaned hungrily, mouth moving against Lelouch’s as he gripped the prince’s hips and pressed closer. Lelouch’s hands stayed gentle and firm against the back of his head, guiding Suzaku into each kiss. A soft laugh vibrated against his lips, wondering and breathless. “Hush, my Knight. No need for your tears. We’re together now. All is well, Suzaku.”
“Lelouch.” The world could go away and take care of itself for a bit. Suzaku had everything he needed to be concerned with right here in his arms.
The world would burn to ash before Suzaku let Lelouch be taken from him again.
/…/