Chapter Text
The morning air was crisp, the scent of pine filling Rey’s lungs as she moved through the forest. The cold had well settled in now and she could see patches of frost under the trees as she walked. Snow would follow soon. She tried to be excited. Even if winter normally meant less to hunt, she had always loved the way the earth looked covered in a blanket of white. She just couldn’t bring herself to feel any emotion beyond annoyance at Ben.
She still woke early, out of habit, even though her nights had grown long. She was getting ready to go out to hunt, expecting to meet Ben outside the gates as they had done before. Only as she stepped to leave, she found a note had slipped under her door instead. Adjusting her grip on her bow as she stepped lightly over the underbrush, Rey frowned at the memory. She had reread the lines so many times it was committed to her memory.
Rey,
I regret that I cannot join you this morning. Preparations for the Solstice Ball require my attention, but I trust you won’t let my absence dull your aim.
—B
It was a simple note, nothing more than an explanation. There was nothing cold about it, no trace of frustration. However Rey still couldn't shake the feeling that his absence had less to do with the ball and more to do with her.
More to do with the way she contented to slip out of his bed before morning light, before he could wake and find her still curled against him. That it was only in the deep of the woods or the quiet of his room that she allowed him to touch her. That she still hadn’t agreed to join him at the very ball that he claims steals his attention now.
Rey frowned, adjusting her grip on her bow as she stepped lightly over the underbrush.
She couldn't help but wonder if this was his way of quietly stepping back. Since she hadn't given him an answer about the ball yet…was he already pulling away, assuming she would refuse?
Would he do that? Would he freeze her out rather than face her rejection? The thought of him choosing distance over honesty made something tight coil in her chest. A familiar feeling. She shook her head, frustrated with herself. She wasn’t even sure if she would refuse. And yet, here she was, already assuming the worst.
She exhaled and forced her focus back to the hunt, drawing her bow as she caught sight of movement between the trees. At least out here, things were simple. No heated, expected looks. No weight of a decision she wasn’t sure how to make. Just her, the forest, and the steady pull of her bowstring.
Rey let the arrow fly, the sharp twang of the bowstring breaking the quiet of the forest. A heartbeat later, a pheasant dropped to the ground, lifeless. She exhaled slowly, lowering her bow before striding forward to retrieve her kill. At least something had gone as expected this morning.
With practiced efficiency, she slung the bird over her shoulder and made her way back to the manor, her mind still circling the same frustrating thoughts. If Ben was pushing her away, shouldn’t that be a good thing? She wasn’t planning on being here, in his home, for any longer than she was required to be. Hadn’t this only been stolen touches in the dark of night ?
Perhaps it had been, at one time. Still, Rey couldn’t shake the dull ache that pulsed when she thought too hard about leaving, or being left by, Ben. It was much easier to focus on her ire.
By the time she reached the kitchens and deposited the pheasant without a word, her annoyance had only grown. Ben was avoiding her. She was certain of it now. The note had been polite, but that was the problem—it was too polite. Formal, distant. Like a carefully placed wall between them. Well, if he thought he could just disappear behind his duties and leave her stewing, he was wrong.
She would have the last word.
Straightening her shoulders, Rey turned on her heel and strode out of the kitchen, her path clear. Without thinking much further, she knew what she had to do. She would go to him. Now.
Rey moved swiftly through the halls, her footsteps sharp against the stone floor. She knew this path well by now, had walked it in the dark of night, in secrecy. When the passion that burned had been fierce but softer than the fire that raged in her now.
Soon her feet had led to his door. She didn’t bother knocking. Instead, she pushed the heavy door open and strode inside, her pulse hot with irritation.
“We need to talk.” She let the door shut with a snap behind her.
Ben was seated at his desk, deep in his work. His head jerked up in surprise as she entered. For a moment, he only started, as if unsure whether she was truly there or some phantom came to haunt him. She watched as his jaw worked before he replied.
“Rey—”
“What is this, Ben?” she said, her voice sharp, not letting him address her. “I didn’t know I was on a timeline to give you an answer, or that you’d be so impatient.”
His brow furrowed, confusion flashing across his face before settling into something more guarded. “I assume this is about the ball?”
“You assume right.” She stepped closer, arms crossed. “You invited me to this ridiculous thing, and now you’re avoiding me?”
Ben sighed, leaning back in his chair, rubbing his temples as if she were a headache, an unexpected problem. “I’m not avoiding you, Rey.”
She scoffed. “Oh, really? Because it sure feels like it.”
He exhaled, slow, measured. “I told you, I’ve had preparations to handle.”
To emphasize his point, he swept his hand over the stacks of parchment that littered his desk.
It did little to stifle the rage that blazed in her now.
“You left a note.” She threw the words like a dagger, sharp and accusing. “Like a coward.”
His gaze darkened at that, and for a moment, she thought she might have actually angered him. But instead of snapping back, he merely studied her, his expression unreadable. Then she watched his gaze soften, as he pressed his fingers to his lips. The air around them seemed to buzz with anticipation.
“What do you want me to say?” he finally asked, voice low.
She clenched her jaw, hating that she didn’t have an answer. Hating that she had come here burning with frustration but wasn’t sure what she actually wanted from him now.
All she knew was that she hadn’t been able to stand the distance. And that, more than anything, terrified her. Rey took a slow, steadying breath, crossing to him. She wanted him to feel her presence, to understand that she would not be ignored. She walked behind his desk, and he pushed the chair back to fully face her.
Ben remained seated though, watching her, his dark eyes searching,
Her fingers curled into fists at her sides as she stood before him, so close now that his legs brushed against hers. She could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands flexed against the arms of his chair, as if he were holding himself back.
“I don’t want you to push me away,” she said, voice quieter now but no less fierce. “I don’t want to be abandoned. Not again.”
Ben’s breath hitched. Something flickered in his dark eyes, something that made her heart clench.
“I—” she hesitated, inhaling sharply before she could stop herself, before she could let fear keep her from saying the words.
“I’m afraid, Ben.”
The moment the words left her lips, Ben was moving
Something in his expression had cracked and before she could think to pull away—he reached for her. His hands found her waist, firm and certain, and in one fluid motion, he pulled her into his lap. Rey let out a soft gasp, but she didn’t resist.
She crumpled into him. He pressed a kiss to her temple, before whispering against her hair.
“Tell me everything.” His breath was warm but helped to smother the last embers of rage in her.
She swallowed hard. “I’m afraid that one day, you’ll decide I’m not worth the effort. That you’ll push me away like everyone else has.”
His arms tightened around her, grounding her there, holding her close in a way that left no room for uncertainty.
“I gave you my name,” he murmured, his breath warm against her skin. “From that moment on, I have hidden nothing from you.”
Rey swallowed hard as she tried to blink away tears that threatened to fall.
She wanted to believe him.
A part of her did. But the other part of her screamed that she couldn’t. That she should have taken the separation as a gift. Because the words he spoke and the way he held her felt like playing with fire. Not just in the heat it created, but in the danger that came with it. It would have been so easy to speak the words that danced on the edge of her thoughts.
That this was love.
The thoughts raced too fast in Rey's mind. She needed to ground herself to something real, something she could touch.her fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt as she pressed her forehead against his. She pulled him into her, claiming his mouth in a searing kiss. This she could handle. This was within her control.
For his part, Ben responded with enthusiasm. She felt his hands grip her tighter before warping around to her back. Her body was pressed flushed to his. Rey shifted in his lap, legs resting on either side of him, feeling the warmth of his body through the layers of their clothing. Her fingers grazed the strong line of his jaw, then slid them into his dark hair, gripping just enough to make him groan against her lips. She gave her hips an experimental roll and found that he was already hard for her.
Whatever was happening between them, this tangle of emotions, of unspoken truths, it was too much. But this? This passion? This heat? She could let herself get lost in it. Ben didn’t seem to mind, because he didn't still her actions. He just let her take control, let her pour her frustrations, her fears, her desires into her motions. He didn’t stop her when she slid off his lap and sank down to her knees. Didn’t slow her hands as she undid the lacings and set him free.
Rey took him in hand and stoked the length of him the way she had learned that he liked. She looked up at him then. His eyes were on her, filled with something that looked like wonder. His hands were wrapped around the edge of the chair, white knuckles evident. This was power, Rey thought. Not breaking eye contact she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his crown. She felt him twitch in her grip, watched as restant etched itself into every facet of his face. She was going to enjoy breaking it.
Slowly she sank her lips over his length. Form above her she heard his muttered “fuck” when she came near his base. She smiled, knowing she had him just where she wanted him. Then, just as slowly she comes back up, hollowing out her check as she does when she gets to his head. That earned her a hiss from him. She repeated her motions, going a little faster each time. When she added her tongue, swirling it under the bottom of his head, he tangled his fingers in her hair. Gently she let him guide her.
She learns the speed he likes and keeps pace. At his base, her hands work, her thumb gliding over a spot that makes him jump when she presses ever so slightly. She looks up at him, once she has the rhythm set. His head is back, eyes closed and lips slightly open. She knows the look, she's seen it on his face quite a few times in the last few days. But then, he opens his eyes and looks down at her. His hands tug slightly in her hair, calling for her to pull back. She does so, reluctantly. When he looks at her she could see it building in him, his want twisting into need. His thumb traced her jaw, slow and reverent. Then he spoke, the words rough and certain, his eyes half lidded as he made his singular demand.
“Take off your leggings.”
She doesn’t need to be told twice. Quickly, she discards them and as soon as she has them off Ben is pulling her back to him. He settles her on his lap and watches as he disappears into her. She grinds down into him, loving how full she feels in this position. He pulls at her tunic, so that her shoulder is exposed and falls to the side. He thrust up into her as he leaned forward to claim her freshly exposed breast.
It's Rey’s turn to thread her fingers in his hair. She rides him, rocking her hips to meet his. HIs lips trail up the column of her neck, nipping at her ear. When they had settled into a comfortable pace, Ben slipped a hand between them and found her center of pleasure. With a few skilled strokes, he sent her tumbling over the edge. She held onto his shoulders as she cried out.
“Harder, Ben. Please.”
The plea had barely left her lips when she felt his hands slide to cup her backside. Then they are rising, and Rey instinctively wraps her legs around his hip. The edge of what had to be his desk holds her weight as one hand leaves her. She hears the crashing of paper and books before Ben lays her back against the hardwood. He pulls the neck of her tunic down so both breasts are exposed to him. She is displayed before him, like a sacrament on an altar. Rey felt the adoration in his gaze.
His hand gripped her hip as he pulled nearly all the way out of her. Then, with one quick thrust he is fully inside her again. Again he withdraws and with the same punishing force he returns. Rey swears that he’s deeper than she’s ever felt. His hand trailed down to behind her knees and pulled her closer still. His hips pounded into her at a blissfully brutal pace. She closes her eyes, getting lost in the feeling of them. She feels a familiar wave building and she loses herself in it. As she does she feels Ben thrust falter and he stills, letting her ride it out. Then he pulls out of her, taking himself in his hand.
“May I mark you?”
The request sends a thrill through her that she hadn’t expected. She nods her head, sliding off the edge of the desk, back to her knees. She opens the neck of her tunic, clearing a space for him on her chest.He leaned forward, one hand on the desk for support. It didn't take but two shaky strokes before he was painting her chest with his release.
Both panting, Ben collapsed back into the chair. He reached out Rey and pulled her back up into his lap.
“Give me a moment,” He said, lips against her temple, “and I’ll get you a towel to clean up.”
She glanced down, seeing how he had made her chest shine with. . Something about it loudly said, “mine.” As she stared she couldn’t help but feel that she liked it, being his. Whether or not that was the intention Rey wasn’t sure.
“No rush,” she says, leaning back into his chest. “I don’t mind it,”
He chuckled as she settled in his arms that came to encircle her. She let out a slow breath, feeling the weight of him around her. Rey relaxed into his embrace, the steady rise and fall of his breath soothing the anxieties that still danced at the edges of her mind. She took a moment to look around and noticed that the covered, crowded desk she had first noticed nights ago was clear. It was all scattered on the floor. Her fault she feared. She would also have to help him clean that up too. She was struck with a sudden feeling of guilt.
She had interrupted his work. And for what? Because she let old insecurities get to her? Worse, wasn’t she doing the very thing she accused him of. Keeping him at arm's length lest she end up hurt. Near her ear, Ben let out a slow breath, as his fingers traced gentle circles along Rey’s bare shoulder. His gentleness still surprised her. Ben had always taken his time with her, his actions making her feel like more than a passing indulgence. And that terrified her.
If she went to the ball, would it change anything? Or would she only be setting herself up for something she could never have? Maybe she was being foolish. Maybe she should walk away now before she let herself believe this could be more than it was.
But she was so tired of being careful.
“I’ll go,” she murmured, the words slipping past her lips before she could think better of them.
Ben’s hand, which had been tracing soft circles along her back, went still. “Go?”
She swallowed, then lifted her head just enough to meet his gaze. “To the ball.”
For a moment, he didn’t react, just sat still, hand frozen on her shoulder.. Then, something flickered in his eyes, something unreadable. A slow, hesitant smile curved his lips. “Are you sure?”
Rey let out a breathless laugh, rolling her eyes. “Do you want me to change my mind?”
His grip on her tightened slightly, his body tensing beneath her. “No.”
That single word fell heavy between them. It was as if it held multiple meanings. But she wasn’t ready to ask what it was. She didn’t need to know. During her time here she realized that she could trust someone other than herself. She could trust Ben.
“I’m sorry for waiting so long to give you my answer.”
“It’s fine. I told you I’d handle everything.” He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I started preparations the day I asked.”
“Oh? Were you so confident I would say yes?”
“No,” he said, shaking his head before cupping her cin and tilting her face back. “But I hoped.”
This drew a chuckle from her. Shook her head and she carefully removed his arms from around her. He didn’t protest, but he didn’t help either. She righted herself on still shaky legs before smiling down at him.
“I need to let you get back to work,” she said, slipping back into her leggings . And I have a pheasant to clean.”
He just nodded and straightened his own clothes as he stood. Together they cleaned up the mess even when he protested. Once everything was set to right, Ben walked her to the door, whispering goodbyes. Before she turned to leave his hand wrapped around her wrist as he pulled her back in for one last kiss before sending her on her way. Before she turned off his hallway she cast one last look back and wasn’t surprised to see him standing in the door frame, watching her go.
She smiled at him one last time before he slipped from her view.