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Muku hadn't stopped thinking about it for months.
Ever since he had gone online that one time, stumbling across someone's profile, he had not been able to get rid of what he saw them posting about.
He knew pronouns. He/him, she/her, even they/them for those that felt more comfortable using them. But this person didn't have those in their profile, no, they were totally different, and their posts about other such pronouns were even more confusing.
Neopronouns. He watched the persons videos that littered their profile, doing his best to soak up the information.
Neopronouns, he gathered, we're used for ones that had a complex relationship with gender. Not a simple 'He', 'She', or 'They' seemed to feel comfortable with them, even combinations of said pronouns didn't feel right, so people had taken it into their own hands to create something to feel more comfortable in their own walks of life.
The words 'Xe/Xem' in the persons bio seemed so much more easier to understand.
Ever since Muku had stumbled upon that persons profile, he had followed xem, watching and liking all xir posts, feeling like something had lifted off his shoulders during the time he sat back and just let himself be educated on the topic.
It wasn't too soon he found other people like xem, with neopronouns much different yet ever so cool and valid.
There were people who also used Xe/Xem pronouns, some that used Ze/Zem instead, some with more sets of pronouns than he could ever imagine, but it was all just so nice to see, because for once he felt like he found somewhere he had belonged.
But why was that? That he felt he belonged here?
He had questioned his gender before, he wouldn't lie. The amount of times he had gotten teased for his pink hair, his shy personality and his love for romance were enough to make him question if he was who he was.
But even the times that he did read up on transgender identity, he never felt comfortable to identify as female, nor did he ever feel quite comfortable to identify as neither male or female, or even in between. It just didn't feel right, like there was something missing.
So he locked it away, lost himself in his manga to take his mind off it, and hopefully— hopefully it wasn't anything more than just some questioning, because if it were something else, he would be scared. Not scared of others finding out, though that was worrying, but scared it wouldn't feel right to him, and that it would only just put him in another box that was too small, uncomfortable, and would only make him something he wasn't.
He hadn't stopped thinking about it, though. The neopronouns, the ever so supportive community, the way that he felt compelled to know more, learn more.
So he didn't stop. He watched every video he could find, read every post and article he clicked on, and listened to people's calls for help which were answered by other neopronoun users, and he couldn't have been more happier to do so.
His chest felt empty, though. Like a part of him was so close to reach, yet ever so far.
He wanted to give them a try, to see if they fit him just as much as they fit others, but he was scared.
Scared of what others think, yes, but also scared that he would pick something wrong. That, like every time, he would find something new and it still didn't fit right.
So he didn't use them. He locked his feelings away, and grit his teeth when he felt jealousy and fear mix around in his chest as he watched others do what he could not.
He guessed life was just not comfortable for him. Maybe, he was just one for the unlucky ones.
It was on a random day, scrolling through some of the creators he watched, when he stumbled across a page.
'List of Neopronouns' it read.
So he scrolled, taking in all the sets of pronouns he could, filing them for later in case he were to ever converse with someone that used them.
Then he stopped as his eyes came across a certain set.
Oh, he thought.
He felt compelled by them.
'Bun/Buns/Bunself'
His first thought was, 'oh, how cute,' then 'oh, that fits'.
It took a moment more to realise that it did fit, not that cute was a fitting word for it, but that it fit him.
Oh.
For a moment, that scared him.
His heart raced and his eyes widened, because it just clicked, and that was scary. Nothing had ever clicked, never ever.
So he went on Twitter, opening his account which he had used to follow his favourite creators, and typed up a sentence.
His thumb hovered over 'send tweet' for what felt like hhous before he finally pressed it, anxiety bubbling up in his stomach.
'could you guys possibly refer to me using bun/buns pronouns in the replies? I want to see something'
The words stared back at him, and he already felt like someone was going to come in and yell at him.
Him. He. He, him.That didn't feel right, didn't feel right ever, but it especially didn't feel right now.
The phone buzzed.
Muku looked down, clicking on the notification, and wow. Just... Wow.
'I love muku!! bun is so cool, and on top of that, so nice!! buns is a great friend :)'
'Have u heard of Muku? Buns so cool,,,,'
'i know muku!!! i love bun alot!!!'
His— no, buns...
Buns heart raced, eyes widening as what felt like the immortal and eternal weight on buns shoulders were lifted.
Oh, this fit,bun thought.
a wobbly smile painted buns face, tears pricking at buns eyes.
This fit.