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There was no answer when you knocked on Levi’s door, so you simply let yourself inside. You looked over to his gaming PC, hoping to find him where he usually sat, but he wasn’t there. Hearing you enter the room, Levi sat up from his place in his tub and turned to face you. You offered him a warm smile, and he smiled weakly in return.
“Hey, I hadn’t heard from you in a few days so I wanted to check on you.”
“Oh,” Levi picked up his DDD from beside himself and checked his notifications, only to discover that it had died at some point, “Looks like it’s dead. Sorry.”
“Oh. Ok.”
You shifted uncomfortably on your feet, as you prepared yourself for the conversation you were about to have. Or try to, at least. You just hoped Levi was receptive to the idea of talking. You really had no idea how he would react after everything that had happened, but you still felt you needed to try because something clearly wasn’t right.
“Do you think we could talk?” you asked, sitting down on the futon near his TV and gaming systems. Levi didn’t reply, but simply nodded in return. After staring at you for a moment, he finally dragged himself out of his tub and came to sit beside you. You turned to face him, taking one of his hands in your own and holding it gently. Levi turned his face away from you slightly, letting his hair fall to cover his eyes, keeping them trained on the ground in front of him.
“So...what do you want…?” Levi finally asked, unsure of if he really wanted to know. The “angel experience” had been particularly rough on him. He had gotten to see what it was like to not be shy, anxious, weak . Even when he was an angel he hadn’t felt that secure and calm. At the time, he felt like it had been a good thing, but when the effect wore off, it left him feeling empty. He wasn’t prepared for just how stark the contrast would be between his angelic self and his demonic self, and all he could think about now was what a miserable sort of waste of space he was. He knew you must have come to check on him because you were that sort of a lovely person, but if he was being honest with himself, he really had just wanted to be left alone and forgotten.
“I wanted to check in with you, see how you were doing.”
“Oh.”
“So, how are you feeling?”
Levi was silent for a while. How was he supposed to answer that? He wasn’t doing well at all. But could he tell you? His angelic self probably could have, if his angelic self would ever feel this bad to begin with, but him? His demonic self? He didn’t think he could. And he didn’t think he deserved your concern either.
It took some cursed accessory for him to finally be able to confess to you. He couldn’t help but think about how much he must have hurt you before that when he refused to admit to his feelings. And now, he’d never be able to say it again. To do it properly. He was just too...weak.
“Just tired, I guess,” was what he decided on.
“Oh ok...I was worried you might be having a hard time. You were just so different…”
“...was it that obvious?” he laughed a little to himself, in a self deprecating sort of way. Of course it was obvious how different he had been. All his insecurities and flaws were gone. What else could he have been besides different?
“Well, yeah...you weren’t you…” you said, giving his hand a small squeeze.
“Of course I wasn’t...I wasn’t weak…”
“Weak…? What are you…?”
“That’s what it is, isn’t? Why I get so anxious, and can’t talk to you, or anyone...I couldn’t...I couldn’t even tell you how I felt...what is that besides weak?”
Hearing Levi talk like that about himself brought a vivid memory from a couple days ago to the forefront of your mind. He had called himself weak then too, when he was wearing the bangle. And it had made your blood boil at the time. You wanted to slap him when he had first said it, but it was still him . Even though it had felt like a stranger was talking about your beloved otaku, it wasn’t, so you hadn’t known what to do.
“You’re not weak, Levi,” you replied, firmly, “You might be shy, and awkward, and anxious sometimes, but you’re not weak.”
“...same thing…”
“No, it’s not,” you gave his hand another squeeze.
“Then what would you call it?!” he snapped, “I can’t even enjoy my games! Every time I sit down all I can think about is how if I wasn’t so weak I wouldn’t need them. No matter what I do, I’m constantly reminded of how weak and useless I am…”
“Levi…” letting go of his hand, you reached forward and pulled him into a hug, his head resting on your chest. Hesitantly, Levi wrapped his arms around you, clutching to your shirt, hiding his face in your shoulder. Why was he like this? Why couldn’t he just say the things he wanted to say? Why did he need to be reassured all the time?
“Did you...did you like me more that way…?” he mumbled into your chest. He knew it wasn’t a fair question to ask. Of course you liked his angelic self more. His angelic self was strong enough to confess to you...
“No, Levi, I did not like you more that way. I like you how you are now. I like otaku Levi,” you replied, running your fingers through his hair, “Otaku Levi is my best friend.” Levi tightened his grip on your shirt, pulling you closer, and you tightened your hug in return, kissing the top of his head.
“Did you know, I already knew how you felt. Before you said what you did with the bangle?” Levi remained quiet, so you continued, “There’s more than one way to tell someone you love them, you know? And I always felt loved around you. Even if you didn’t say it in so many words.
You always looked forward to spending time with me. You planned so many things for us to do together and new things for us to try. You thought of me all time, and were always letting me know when you saw something you felt I’d like.”
“...really?”
“Yeah, really. And you know what else?” you felt Levi shake his head against, and you gave him another reassuring hug, “I didn’t like that confession. It didn’t really count. Because when you said it...it was easy for you to say. Too easy.”
Levi pulled away, sitting up so he could look at you, trying to make sense of what you were telling him. How could you not have liked it when he was honest with you? He had finally said everything he had always wanted to say, shouldn’t that make you happy?
“All the other times when you’ve hugged me, or let me kiss you, they meant a lot,” you said, tucking his hair behind his ear, “Because I knew how hard you had to try to do those things. You had to have really cared for me to go through the trouble, you know?” You smiled at him, watching as he blushed under your gaze.
“Oh…”
Leaning forward, you wrapped him up in a tight hug once more, and he didn’t hesitate to hug you back and bury his face into your neck. He really did love you. You always had this way of making things better...less scary. Even when he was overwhelmed with everything going on around him, having you there just made it all seem not quite so bad. You made him feel safe, and because of that, it was easier for him to be a little bit more confident sometimes, a little less anxious.
“I love otaku Levi. Jealous Levi that wants to keep me all to himself. That’s my Levi,” you whispered into his ear, as he pulled you closer, “So please, please don’t call him weak. He’s strong. Because he keeps going even when it all seems like too much.”
You were pleading with Levi now, begging him to listen to you, to be kinder to himself. You desperately wanted him to know how much you cared for him, how much you loved him just the way he is. Now more than ever, you wanted him to see the good in himself.
“I love you just the way you are. And I don’t want you to change, not like that. I want us to take our time. Get to know each other better. Grow together. No creepy cursed magical bracelets. Just me and you.”
Levi laughed at your description, and he felt you smile against his neck. How did you always know just what to say to him? How did you know just how to make him smile? Just a few moments ago, he had been wishing he could just disappear and be forgotten. But now he was so thankful that you had come for him and not left him alone. And maybe he wasn’t going to be making bold declarations of love anytime soon, but spending time with you? That was something he could do.