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Chakotay had been surprised at Kathryn’s suggestion to spend the night together. They both had so many things to do, he had assumed she would be working through the night like she so often did. Up until she had mentioned getting a few hours of rest, that had certainly been his plan. He had almost denied her request, but then something in the way she looked at him had given him pause.
As Chakotay now made his way through Voyager ’s quiet corridors to the transporter room, he pondered how normal his trips to Vesta had become. Early in their relationship, he had sometimes been annoyed at Kathryn’s reluctance to spend nights in his quarters, but that feeling had long given way to accepting this as one of her quirks. She simply preferred her own bed, and as long as he got to join her in it so frequently it was easy to indulge her. By now he merely saw it as one more facet to Kathryn he had been allowed to discover in the past year.
Ensign Huan recovered admirably fast from being startled by the captain entering the transporter room at two in the morning.
“At ease, Ensign,” Chakotay said, as he took the steps onto the platform. “It’s late; there’s no need to feign being at red alert.”
“Aye, sir,” came the reply. Then Huan’s cheeks turned a pale pink. “ Vesta , sir?”
Chakotay barely managed to suppress a smile at the poorly hidden discomfort.
“Yes, Ensign, please transport me over. They are expecting me.”
“Of course, sir”
The familiar tingling only lasted a moment until he was greeted by the Vesta ’s transporter operator, who seemed much less fazed by the late-night appearance of Voyager ’s captain. They only exchanged a short greeting before Chakotay started his journey to Kathryn’s quarters on deck two. His tired mind wandered while his feet automatically found their way, his thoughts flowing without any particular destination as it became increasingly harder to focus.
He yawned and shook his head. Maybe getting a little sleep was exactly what they both needed. As first officer he had told Kathryn so often enough, but he had since learned that one of the dominant downsides of a captaincy was the constant sleep deprivation.
Typing in the code to Kathryn’s quarters was second nature, but upon entering, he was surprised to find the lights already dimmed. He had been sure that Kathryn would still be working.
“Where are you?”
“In here,” came her prompt response from the bedroom.
“Don’t tell me you’re already in bed,” he asked half-jokingly while he walked over.
“Almost,” she said, exiting the ‘fresher, stripped of her uniform, leaving her in the tank and underwear. She gave him a quick minty kiss then walked to the dresser to pull out her nightgown. “Once I mentioned sleep, it suddenly sounded too good to not get as much as possible. The bathroom is all yours.”
Chakotay placed his comm badge on the night-stand on his side of the bed, then removed his uniform jacket and hung it up next to Kathryn’s. “I know what you mean. I didn’t even realize how exhausted I was until you called.” He continued with his boots, then took off his socks and pants, tossing them on top of hers in the hamper. “Maybe I should tell my first officer to check in on me more frequently,” he added, smiling at the thought of how Tom might feel about this.
When he looked up, Kathryn was still standing by her dresser, holding her sleep-wear.
“Kathryn?” he asked, when she didn’t respond to him. “Everything alright?”
She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts.
“Sorry, I’m just a little distracted.”
Despite his confusion Chakotay opted for humor, stretching out his arms. “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”
That made Kathryn smile and roll her eyes. “Doesn’t mean I got tired of seeing it.” She tilted her head and her features softened. “But I was just thinking about how despite what we are dealing with, this, right here, is pretty good.”
The comment made him smile as well, and take a step closer to her, so he could cup her cheek. He bent his head, bringing their faces close together.
“If you think this is pretty good, just wait till you see me naked.”
The comment earned him a light slap to the chest and a full laugh from Kathryn, in which he happily joined.
“Thank you for coming over,” she then added sincerely.
“You’re always worth the trip,” he replied just as honestly and kissed her forehead before stepping back.
“Do you want to tell me about your meeting with Seven, B’Elanna and Devi?” he asked as he stepped past Kathryn into the ‘fresher.
“It was good. They’re really getting somewhere. Granted, there are serious dangers to be considered, but it finally feels like we have some options to make contact with the Edrehmaia.”
As Chakotay started brushing his teeth, he could hear Kathryn changing clothes as she spoke.
“There is still a lot we have to take on faith, like the status of the Galen ,” Kathryn continued, “but having that faith doesn’t seem quite as naïve anymore.” Dressed in her blue night gown she leaned against the door frame, arms crossed at her chest. “How are you feeling?”
Chakotay finished brushing his teeth, then washed his face and took a little longer than necessary to dry his skin, needing the time to figure out how to answer. He turned to Kathryn, mirroring her by resting his hip against the sink. She was watching him, clearly hoping for an honest instead of an easy response, which made finding it so much harder.
“I’m doing better. But I don’t think I am quite ready to share in everyone’s enthusiasm.” He paused and rubbed his jaw, scratching at the stubble. “I was already struggling to unite my desire to be out here with the devastating losses we have suffered. Add to this, that it was my suggestion to spend time on DK-1116, and I can’t help but feel responsible for the potential loss of everyone aboard the Galen .”
“The final call was mine,” she stated firmly. “If anyone is at fault, it’s me.” She huffed. “Hell, that’s the reason I’m here, isn’t it? To be responsible?”
Chakotay studied her face. There was a hard edge at the corners of her mouth, and the line between her eyes had deepened. That burden of command was all too familiar; the gravity of making decisions that impacted hundreds of crew members. He sighed.
“Quite the pair, aren’t we?”
Her features softened a little. “Yes, but it helps to be a pair.”
He smiled and closed the distance between them, both of them easily molding to each other in an embrace.
“It really does,” he said quietly into her hair, tightening his hold.
Their relationship was always a source of stability to Chakotay but at times he almost forgot just how much more Kathryn grounded him when they were able to touch. Feeling her fingers lightly stroke his back, he was able to push the anger and fear aside, to be replaced with the serenity that Kathryn always instilled in him. Despite the struggles they had faced, this past year together had shown him clearly how much he depended on her; a realization that he had willingly accepted.
As his breath deepened, the exhaustion returned as well, making him yawn. It caused Kathryn to do the same. She then patted his back, and took a step back.
“I’ll let you finish up in here and head to bed.” She rolled her neck, and then allowed the doors to close behind her.
When Chakotay stepped out of the ‘fresher soon after, he found the bedroom lights already turned off, and Kathryn under the covers. He tossed his undershirt into the hamper, and got into bed. As he usually did, he wrapped himself around her, his chest to her back, and slid one hand onto her sternum, which she covered with her own, holding him against her heart beat.
“Good night, love,” he said, fully expecting her to already be dozing off. He closed his eyes, the peacefulness of the moment relaxing his body.
“Thank you for being here with me,” she said, surprising him.
“No need to thank me,” he replied, a little unsure of what had brought on her statement. “I’m happy to share as much time with you as you’d like.”
Kathryn sighed, pulling his arm more tightly around her. It felt as if she was about to say something else, but it took her a few moments until she actually spoke up again.
“I hope you know how happy you make me.”
It wasn’t often that they spoke about their relationship. Early on he had learned that doing so was difficult for Kathryn, and so he didn’t push for it. He was to content with what they had to feel the need to discuss it. One of the few times they had ever done so had been on their shore-leave a few days ago, which now seemed almost surreal.
Before he could answer, she added, “I don’t say it enough.”
“No need to,” he assured her. “I know. Because you make me happy, too.”
She hummed but didn’t reply, only entwined their fingers on her chest.
Chakotay listened as her breathing deepened. Whatever he had picked up on when she had called earlier was definitely still present. Something inside her had shifted, and while he wasn’t sure what had brought this on, it was easy to feel assured in their relationship. The warmth of that sensation spread through his body, as he drifted off to sleep.