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It's finally quiet.
Yoongi's in the passenger seat of Seokjin's car, watching his boyfriend as he hurries back from his brother and sister-in-law's house. He cups his hands over his mouth to warm them up out in the freezing cold air and Yoongi's gaze follows the white puff of a breath that fades up and out of his mouth and into the sky; into nothing. He looks so good in his grey coat that fits him far too well, hugging his waist and turning his shoulders into hard, rigid lines that juxtapose everything else about him.
When Seokjin reaches the car, Yoongi looks away to hide the flush of his cheeks paired with an unstoppable smile. He's never gotten used to the way Seokjin looks.
"All good," Seokjin says by way of greeting. "They said we can have her back anytime we want."
"Subtle."
"That's exactly what I said," Seokjin laughs.
It's a Sunday night and they just spent a very long, very loud weekend taking care of Seokjin's 5-month-old niece, Joohyun. Her parents had been given a very well-deserved pair of plane tickets for the Christmas just passed, and so Seokjin (and Yoongi, by association) offered to take care of her for them. It was only three days, neither of them expected it to be very difficult.
Turns out, Joohyun had some attachment issues. And her favorite way to work through those issues was to wail at the top of her lungs until her face turned blue and she tired herself out too much to do anything other than sleep.
It had been a little hard on the both of them.
"You wanna take a bath when we get home?" Seokjin asks when Yoongi's let out such a deep sigh, he can practically feel the exhale releasing all of the tension in his muscles. And his eardrums. And his tired eyes that haven't seen a decent sleep in two nights .
When he feels Seokjin's hand take his own and hold it loosely over the console between them, Yoongi rolls his head toward him and fixes him with a pointed look, one eyebrow lifting as he speaks. "Only if you plan on joining me."
"I said 'we', didn't I?"
"Mmm," Yoongi hums. "Will you let me be the big spoon for once?"
"Not a chance." Seokjin grins and lets go of Yoongi's hand to shift gears, taking it back as soon as he's done. "I wanna relax and I can't do that with my knees pulled up to my chin. Besides," he looks over to smirk at Yoongi before continuing. "You always end up falling asleep, anyway."
The apartment Seokjin and Yoongi found together almost five years ago was one of the last apartments in Seoul to have an actual, working bathtub.
That's an exaggeration; it was the last cheap apartment in Seoul to have a working bathtub.
And that's just a lie. It wasn't cheap at all, but Seokjin's parents insisted on buying them a nice place in the city that they could spend their thirties and, maybe, their forties in, if they decide not to find a place all on their own, later. Yoongi went along with it because Seokjin's parents fucking loved him, and he loved them, and he'd pay them back with that love in all kinds of different ways for the rest of his life.
Seokjin had never been comfortable with the idea, but, thankfully, by now he's at least stopped bringing it up every time they go visit his folks.
Yoongi thinks it has a lot more to do with the bathtub that's big enough for two than his boyfriend would ever be proud enough to admit.
"You're definitely gonna fall asleep in there tonight, hm?" Seokjin says, even quieter this time as he releases Yoongi's hand to run the tips of his fingers over the slope of his ear. "Got bested by a baby."
"You're one to talk," Yoongi jibes, playfully flapping at Seokjin's wrist until his hand falls into his lap, squeezing Yoongi's knee in retaliation. "It's not like you were immune to it."
"Yeah, but I got three hours last night. That's all I need, and you got... what? Three minutes?"
"Are you really turning this into a competition?" Yoongi huffs, amusement turning his eyes into crescents with the lift of his cheeks. "How many hours of sleep we got while a baby screamed herself half to death in the next room?"
"Don't say that, poor thing." Seokjin tuts as he shakes his head. "She's gonna have such a good sleep tonight, too. Better than you, I bet."
"I doubt that very much."
For the rest of the short ride, Yoongi keeps hold of Seokjin's hand, squeezing it every so often to give himself something to do. Seokjin's right; he'd barely slept at all and he knows he could probably take a quick nap for the remainder of the drive home... but then Seokjin would know he's right. And Yoongi can't have that.
So, he stays awake, listening to his boyfriend as he hums along to the radio, thanking his lucky stars that they'll at least get to sleep in tomorrow.
—
The bubble bath steams in the small bathroom, lit dimly with only a light above the sink, the lamp in the hallway illuminating through the open door, and a few of Yoongi's favorite scented candles dotted along the high windowsill.
Seokjin's already in the tub, watching as Yoongi rinses himself off in the shower before he joins him. It's quiet besides the sound of the water hitting the tile and the j azzy, festive tunes Seokjin chose as the playlist for the night. It's so quiet, it almost feels like a dream. That could very well be because he's about five minutes away from passing out in his boyfriend's arms, though.
When he gets in the tub, Seokjin lifts his arms and spreads his legs for Yoongi to get in comfortably between them, settling down slowly against Seokjin's front. The water's hot, but not scalding; just how they both like it. The bubbles hide their modesty — not that it matters — and tickle Yoongi's chest when he sinks down low enough to completely relax, feeling a yawn make its way up from his sternum and out of his mouth before he can even think to stop himself.
"Go to sleep," Seokjin whispers. "I'll wake you up when it starts to get cold."
Yoongi just shakes his head and cranes his neck around enough for him to press his lips against Seokjin's jaw — not kissing him, just touching. Gliding along slowly. Opening his mouth to playfully nip at his chin until Seokjin giggles.
"You were really great this weekend," Yoongi says in a low voice once he's pulled away enough to talk.
"So were you."
"She's a good kid." Yoongi sighs and faces forward again so that he can watch their hands come together on the edge of the tub, Seokjin's folding over the back of Yoongi's. He turns his hand up, pressing the flats of their palms together and spreading out their fingers; in and out, in and out, slow as a breath.
"Yeah, she is. Wish we could've kept her for longer." Seokjin's voice somehow becomes impossibly softer, a slight sadness forming around the edges that surprises Yoongi enough to turn his head again.
"You do?" Instead of saying anything, Seokjin just nods and smiles, knocking his head against Yoongi's temple.
A strange sensation drops in his gut at that. A strange concept forms in Yoongi's mind at the admission. He tries not to let it show on his face before he's figured out a way to touch on it further, not frowning in thought or showing the contemplation as he watches Seokjin's eyelids slowly shut as he relaxes, having no idea of what's going through his boyfriend's mind.
"Do you..." Yoongi finally starts after what feels like a long, taffy-like stretch of silence. "Do you want one?"
"Want what?" Seokjin asks sleepily, eyes remaining closed.
"A kid?"
For a while, there's no response. Yoongi knows Seokjin's heard him because his eyebrows rose up in surprise as soon as he asked. Still, he doesn't open his eyes or make a sound; not until the song fades out and flows into the next, saving Yoongi from having to sit in complete and utter silence.
When Seokjin finally figures out how he wants to answer, he takes a deep breath and lifts the hand that's still pressed against Yoongi's so that he can squeeze his bicep instead, ducking his head to kiss the ball of his shoulder.
"No," he whispers, conclusively. "I don't want kids." Then, before Yoongi can let that settle over him, Seokjin swallows over something as he opens his eyes and asks; "Do you?"
It's one of those adult conversations that they haven't avoided, but they haven't gone out of their way to talk about, either. They had the marriage talk a couple years back, promising each other that if the law ever allowed it, they would. That way, there was no pressure. If the announcement ever comes, if the law ever passes in their lifetime, that'll be the sign.
Kids, though... kids are a completely different conversation.
It's already extremely difficult for single people to adopt these days, so he can't even imagine what it'd be like for a gay couple. He's never looked into it. It's never been a desire of his. Yoongi loves kids, he loves watching them go from tiny, pudgy, babbling babies to little humans with actual personalities. He used to work at his parents' library in Daegu in between summers at college, and he'd read at storytime every Saturday, getting to know the regulars and making friends with some of the younger parents.
Kids are cute, and now that his own older brother was beginning to really settle down with his fiancée, the likelihood that Yoongi would be getting a niece or a nephew sometime soon wasn't a crazy thing to expect.
But he didn't want his own. Especially if Seokjin didn't want one. He didn't care enough, and that's the one thing a parent needed to be sure of before they even considered raising a child. They had to care.
"I don't think so." Yoongi shakes his head and meets Seokjin's eyes again, their faces close enough together that he can feel Seokjin's warm breaths against his nose. "Not if you don't."
"Is that the only reason why? Because I don't?"
"No, it's..." Yoongi pauses to think about it again. "I'm happy. With everything. I only ever wanted to be happy."
"Me too."
There's such a quiet beauty in that statement that it hits Yoongi in a way he hadn't anticipated. The love he feels for Seokjin, yes, but also the complete contentment he's found in his life with him. There's nothing more he wants. Nothing more he could ever ask for, or lust after, or spend his days searching for. To some, perhaps that'd terrify them. But being happy is all he's ever wanted.
What's a life if one can't eventually have what they want? Even if it doesn't take all that long to get it? He still has personal goals — career opportunities he's striving for, dreams of a house in the countryside or by the beach where he and Seokjin can grow old together. But he's whole, with him. There's nothing he could add or take away from his life that would change that.
Yoongi nods slowly and drops his eyes to Seokjin's lips, not moving a millimeter, just waiting for Seokjin to catch on. When he does, he brings his hand up to Yoongi's neck and turns his head up, thumb pressing against his jaw until their lips meet in a kiss so sweet, it almost tastes the way the room around them smells.
Honey and lavender. Words and thoughts. Promises and a lifetime.