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„Man, I didn’t think I’d ever miss showering that much!“
Gary yelled from the bathroom while he slipped on a fresh pair of pants, the towel still draped around his shoulders. He rubbed his dark hair with it when he stepped back into their motel room. He was glad he had been able to save up some money during his time in college, so they were actually able to afford to sleep somewhere else than Rob’s car. This had been their reality for the last week, but tonight he had decided to splurge, even if that money originally wasn’t intended as their startup investment for their new life in Vancouver.
The cheapest room, in the cheapest motel they could find. It had a shower and a double bed, though, so there was really nothing to complain about. They had even managed to smuggle Señor Chico in, who was peacefully sleeping over the radiator. He smiled when he saw Rob, already showered and wearing only slightly worn clothes, stretched out over the bed, his ginger hair giving a nice contrast to the white bleached linen.
“Yeah, and a bed?? What a luxury!”
He responded and turned around, lying on his side, head propped up on his knuckles, regarding him with gentle eyes. Gary wasn’t sure if he always had looked at him like that or if he only allowed himself to do so since they knew what the deal was between them. Instead of letting his bashfulness take over he quipped back.
“Will you even be able to sleep on a normal mattress, though? You must be so used to the car by now.”
He sat down, finished up drying his hair and then threw the towel carelessly on the floor. He usually wasn’t this messy, but these were exceptional circumstances and he felt lazy. Rob shrugged before he answered.
“Well, you’ll be next to me. I’m gonna sleep like a baby, I’m sure.”
“Pfffttt…”
Was all Gary could muster. Not much had changed between them, but Rob definitely had become cheesier. They had a lot of time to talk during the drive and he had to admit, it had shocked him a bit that his best friend had hidden these feelings for pretty much all their lives. He himself had only very shortly realized what all this between them was, so it hadn’t been too overwhelming for him, but he couldn’t imagine how it must feel to be so close to someone you couldn’t have the way you wanted to. No wonder he let his feelings out like this now, saying flustering things constantly. He hoped he would be able to get used to this, or even reciprocate it. Rob deserved some TLC, that was sure, which Gary had to work towards.
Maybe now, here in this room, where they had some much needed privacy and peace, he could get started. With a sigh he let himself fall backwards, so he was lying next to his friend, looking up at the water stained ceiling, still smiling amused.
“I haven’t felt so calm in like… forever…”
His eyes turned, and he saw out the corner that Rob was still looking at him directly.
“I mean, it’s scary though, you know? We don’t have a real plan, and everything is so new. We don’t even have a place to stay.”
“But we’ve got each other.”
He interrupted him which made Gary look around until they locked eyes. His heart skipped a beat and he felt his cheeks heating up. Man, Rob surely made him feel like a fucking virgin and in a sense he probably was. He gave a slight nod as an answer and then kept on looking at this guy wordlessly. He was crazy in every sense of the word and if it hadn’t been for him, his life probably would’ve been bland and depressing beyond believes. He would’ve never had the guts to just kick it to the curb like this, if he was on his own. Even without any substantial resources, he somehow felt that it would all work out and they’d make a good life with each other.
With no warning he suddenly felt Rob’s hand on his and he had to make the effort to not pull away, this little shitty voice in his head sometimes still taking over. Instead he intertwined their fingers and gave him a little squeeze. They just lay there for some time, faint sounds of the other patrons and the street outside surrounding them. It was less busy now that it was so late in the evening. The sun had just disappeared behind the horizon and left the sky a murky concrete color. Rob hadn’t bothered to turn the TV on yet, so the only sound in their room was their breathing. It was weirdly intimate, just being quiet with each other, feeling his hand in his palm, Rob’s thumb brushing over him. The novelty of it made him all nervous, even though he really liked it, this new layer of intimacy they could share. Best friends wouldn’t hold hands in bed together, but boyfriends did. He felt boyfriend wasn’t even the right word, however he didn’t know how else to call this thing they had going.
Maybe mulling over semantics didn’t bring him very far right now. It was still all this college indoctrination which made him overthink every little detail. The world was complicated if you wanted to and could be easy just the same. Rob’s world was easy. He liked dope, so he smoked dope. He hated their town, so he left. He loved Gary, so he brought him with him. Simple as that. And here he was, wondering how he should call their relationship.
They had a wide variety of topics they liked to talk about, but since they left town, one topic was especially prevalent. So he went ahead and picked up where they left off, just to get his mind off useless shit.
“So you know how we’re now gay and stuff, right?”
He mumbled, looking up at him through his lashes. Rob was still facing him.
“Yeah, what about it?”
He answered, squeezing his hand again.
“How far you wanna take it? You know, with the gay stuff?”
He felt Rob’s grip get tighter on him and he kinda held his breath in anticipation.
“As far as you wanna go, I guess.”
“Oh…”
He said and felt a bit squeamish that he was left to decide this.
“No, GW, see! I’m not in any rush!”
The weight next to him shifted and suddenly Rob was very close, letting go of his hand and instead embraced him around his bare waist. Gary could just look at him, feeling a bit paralyzed. He suddenly wasn’t sure if being topless had been the right idea.
“I’ve waited 20 years to be able to… be like this with you. We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do.”
He was really properly flustered at this point and just looked at him skeptically. There was a bit of guilt inside of him. He didn’t want to come off as reluctant. He was the one who came forward on it after all. Sadly, he couldn’t deny that he was overwhelmed.
“It’s not like that; just a lot to think about is all …”
He said quietly, moving against the weight of his grip.
“You’re worrying too much again, man.”
His broad hand was slowly brushing up and down his back and Gary did his best to calm himself down. He was right, as always.
“Let’s just be here in the moment. Don’t think about the future, we’ll worry about the future when we’re there. Right now, though. Is there anything you’d like to try, buddy?”
Gary hadn’t even thought about that. There was so much to consider. His own internalized issues with being intimate like that with another guy, what even was appropriate in a situation like this, or what if he didn’t go far enough and leave Rob disappointed? He’d really like for him to take the lead, but at the same time he could tell what he was trying to do.
All his life, Gary had just kind of went with the flow. He never determined his own course and let others stir the boat of his life. That’s how he ended up in this awful pet-shop and this boring, pointless college program. Teachers, his parents, other friends, they all told him what to do. Rob never had done any of these things. He had always been by his side and never gave any unsolicited advice. Sure he would jerk him around sometimes and make him get in trouble with his antics, but that was it. The only time he interfered with his life in a serious way was when he invited him to come with him, and even then he left him a choice. Taking that choice, actively deciding to take action, that was the first time in Gary’s life he had decided his own destiny. And it had felt great, liberating even. Should he just go from there? Do what he knew was the right thing? He would be stupid to not take this chance Rob was offering in that moment.
“Hmmm, you think kissing after just one week is slutty?”
Rob giggled at his stupid joke and shook his head.
“Nah man, that’s totally prim and proper. We have every right to kiss if we so desire!”
He was just as goofy, using unusually big words and now they were both laughing. It helped dissipate the tension he had let build up and when they calmed down they looked at each other once more, Gary’s heart beating a bit faster from anticipation rather than dread.
It would've been the perfect time to just say fuck it and go for it, but this was simply not who Gary was. Instead he felt kind of curious now that everything was becoming so palpable.
"Have you thought about this a lot, like kissing me and stuff?"
He instantly wished he hadn't asked that, as Rob's face was suddenly a brilliant shade of red.
"Oh shit, was I too nosy?"
To apologize he got a grip on his free hand, pulling it up so they could comfortably hold each other between their bodies.
"It's okay, it's just embarrassing. Of course I thought about."
A big sigh.
"A lot actually, it's a bit ridiculous."
That was to be expected and Gary could only smile all flattered.
"That makes me kinda happy..."
He huffed quietly which made Rob chuckle.
"When we kiss now..."
Gary began, shuffling a bit closer.
"Can we keep it tame? I'm sorry but... I think I'd need to get used to it first..."
"You mean just the lips?"
A short nod from Gary.
"I'd like that... Very much..."
"Me too..."
It was like electricity was sparking between them while the eye contact intensified. Something Gary knew Rob wanted for so long was now finally happening and he wanted it as well. Everything became hyper realistic, the intense blue shade of Rob's eyes, his golden shimmering stubble, his lips slightly parted just waiting for his own. The look he gave him was definitely new, so desperate and vulnerable but also passionate and demanding at the same time. He had never seen this side of him and he liked it. Especially considering he would be able to see it so much more in the future.
But this wasn't the future. This was now, right here, just the two of them and their gently rising desire for each other.
With his heart hammering against his ribcage he leaned forward and he knew it was common courtesy to close his eyes while kissing, but he couldn’t bring himself to, he wanted to see him.
It was weirdly powerful to know that he was able to provide this kind of relief for him. He had never felt he could do much for Rob, aside from spending time with him. Turns out he was wrong, there was so much for them to explore, and they were taking their first step tonight.
“Shit, he’s cute…”
Zapped through his brain, just when he tilted his head slightly so their noses wouldn’t bump together and then almost like in slow motion, he pressed his lips on Rob’s.
No there were no fireworks going off or some love song playing in his head. Instead everything just stopped for a moment and all Gary did was feel. No thinking, no fidgeting, not moving, just feeling him. Physically, the warmth of his lips, the quick excited breathes out of his nose, the way he gripped his body and hand tighter, the taste of him, the smell of cheap soap and cologne and weed filling his system, his eyes half lidded; and mentally, the relief, the connection, the feeling that this was right, this was good, it felt good, that he wanted to do this more, wanted to do this every fucking day for the rest of his life.
He closed his eyes eventually and dared to do one more thing. His hand moved to get a hold on Rob’s head where he carefully raked his fingers through his curly hair and held him in place, so he could push himself just a tiniest bit more against him. His friend actually let out a little sound at this, probably from pleasant surprise if the shudder running through him was any indication. He kissed him harder, moving his mouth over his, their lips grazing against each other making them tingle nicely, their breaths mixing, their bodies moving against each other when Rob pulled him in for a tight embrace. He let him, reciprocated it even, while he massaged his scalp. It wasn’t his first kiss, but it was the first kiss that mattered and would probably ever matter so he soaked everything up, made sure to notice every little detail. He wanted to learn about him, get to know him inside out, especially when it came to this side of things.
It seemed to go on forever and things were starting to heat up but eventually Gary pulled away to get some air. He gasped while still lying in in Rob’s arms, who was practically making heart eyes at him right now.
“What’re you looking at me like that for?”
He asked jokingly, well aware of the answer and then lost track of his thoughts, when his friend was suddenly pushing himself against him, face first into his bare chest. He felt him inhale deeply, both his arms clinging tightly onto him and all he could do was hug him back, carefully petting his head.
“You okay there?”
He checked in and just felt him nod.
“Lemme stay like this for a bit, please.”
He heard his muffled voice and Gary relaxed against him.
“Sure, Rob.”