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Ten wanted to disappear.
It hurt so bad, it felt so unfair, and he had no say in it, no way around it.
He had to just smile for many hours straight while Taeyong drooled over Baekhyun.
That had been Mtopia in a nutshell.
Of course, he had fun with his hyungs and members too. But the underlying was bitter because the boy he loved clearly had eyes for someone else.
When Ten gets back to his dorm, he grabs his cats and goes straight to bed, tired. He huddles close to Louis and Leon, while he hears Yugyeom from afar telling all about the mini trip to whoever wants to listen. He obviously had so much fun, getting to bicker with Jongin endlessly. Ten doesn't understand what goes on between the two, if maybe their banter is charged with homoeroticism or something. But then, Jongin and Taemin seem to trade rather intimate touches when they think no one is looking. Either way, it's not Ten's problem. He sighs, dejected.
His problem is he's been in love with Taeyong for over two years. And no matter how hard he flirted with the boy, basically putting a sign above his head that said "date me", Taeyong did nothing. He rejected Ten. That is the truth. Because Ten knows Taeyong turns down all advances from women trainees and idols. So the only explanation is simply Taeyong doesn't like Ten that way. At least that's the conclusion he reached after 2018. When he debuted in WayV he thought that was a great way to put some distance between them and it worked to some extent. But SuperM brought them back together, flaring Ten's old feelings. It's hard forgetting someone you work with, a gentle friend like Taeyong. One Ten has to dance with and make intense eye contact on stage. And have fun with, while performing their song.
It fucks Ten up. It pulls him in when he thinks he's done with his feelings for Taeyong. But now, having to see Taeyong so close to another person, leaves Ten crushed. He just wants to run away.
So he does.
Ten decides to just grab the car and leave. But Yugyeom ends up tagging along and things get out of hand with the storm. And them kissing in the car. Kissing your bandmate is probably a bad idea, but Ten just wants to go completely crazy, and he does, and he doesn't regret it. Yugyeom is gentle and attentive to him. And when they are back home they pretend it didn't happen, until late at night, when suddenly it seems like a good idea to do it again. Yugyeom holds him close and Ten thinks this is it, finally. He'll finally get over Taeyong. All it took was someone else's arms.
Ten is done being in love with Taeyong.
~*~
Taeyong gasps awake, sitting up in a startle. There are thunderstorms outside, strong and unyielding. It's still dark and Taeyong takes a moment to get a hold of himself. For a second, he doesn't know where he is. He was just having the most vivid dream that he was somebody else, somewhere else. He was with someone, someone whose skin was burning hot. They smelled of blackberries, so intense it overwhelmed and drowned Taeyong. He laid between their legs, kissing them on soft lips. That's when Taeyong remembers that it was a sex dream. His dick is hard inside his underwear. Taeyong lies back down and palms his erection, wondering if he has the time to spare or if their manager will barge in any moment saying they are late for a schedule.
But this dream… it felt so real. Like he was actually fucking someone. And Taeyong has never done that, but it seemed like the real deal. He slides his hand inside his briefs, combing his mind for more details of the dream. That's when he sees it, their face.
It's Ten.
Taeyong's hand halts. Ten? He had a sex dream with Ten? Not that Ten isn't beautiful and attractive but it seems he shouldn’t see him like that. They have known each other forever and always got along great. They promoted together in their debut and Baby Don't Stop and then SuperM. They spent a lot of time together. And to Taeyong's impression, Ten is way out of his league. He's so gorgeous, talented, easygoing. On stage, he's mesmerizing. He's done nothing but improve since their debut. But they are just friends. So, no matter how amazing Ten is, Taeyong takes his hand off his underwear and stops thinking about the dream. He gets up for a shower and when he's out, everyone is getting ready to leave. They hop in the car and their manager takes them to the shooting location. Taeyong is yawning as he sits on the makeup and hair chair, letting the noonas make him prettier, while he plays on his phone.
Later, as he waits for the photo shoot to start, Taeyong hears it. The laughter is unmistakable. He turns his head around to see Ten in a hug with Johnny. Ten opens a huge smile and Taeyong perks up, wanting to come near, curious as to what they are talking about. They are old friends just like Taeyong and Ten but they don't see each other a lot, because of their busy schedules. But now with NCT 2020, that changes. Ten is still in normal clothes so he heads to the dressing room with Yugyeom beside him, disappearing. They call Taeyong to do some video takes and he gets his head into work mode.
When he's done, Taeyong looks for Ten in the crowd of twenty-two neos, all dressed in blue. He's with Mark and Johnny, drinking an iced americano and laughing. Seeing that makes a chill run down Taeyong's spine. The crescent moon shape of his cat eyes, his sunny smile, all of it make Ten look very alluring. Taeyong imagines now that it makes some sense to see Ten in that light, the light he's never seen before. Ten really is beautiful and fun and caring and gentle.
"What are you staring at?"
Doyoung elbows him. Taeyong startles.
"Nothing," Taeyong lies. "Just looking around, the twenty-three of us together."
"If you say so," Doyoung smirks, twirling around his Cartier ring. Taeyong didn't put his on, he barely wears it, afraid he might lose it. It's too valuable
Jaehyun appears out of nowhere and hugs Doyoung from behind, distracting him, which Taeyong is thankful for. He continues to watch Ten interact with their friends. He doesn't approach him, even though he wants to, because he'd like Ten to have time with the people he barely sees.
In the afternoon, they start shooting the Sun & Moon videos and Taeyong finds out he's paired up with Ten to talk about Baby Don't Stop. His belly flutters with butterflies and nerves, for some reason.
"Hey," Taeyong finally says something to Ten after spending all day just watching from afar.
"Hey, hyung. How are you?" He smiles.
"I'm alright." Taeyong gulps, feeling his face heat up as he remembers the dream. He can't, not in this pair of tight trousers. "You?"
"Really happy today, seeing friends that I haven't in a while."
"Yeah. Must be nice." Taeyong doesn't know what to say. He suddenly feels foolish when he never had trouble having a conversation with Ten. On the contrary. They have had amazing conversations. Many throughout the years.
They stand around waiting to be called for the interview. At some point, Taeyong notices they are already being filmed, and they dance, doing silly things for the recording. When they start, the interview is exactly what one would expect. They don't have any trouble with questions and Ten says a couple of nice things about him, which leave Taeyong's heart beating faster.
"Did you really mean that?" Ten asks when they are done. "About my singing."
"Of course, Tennie," Taeyong nods. "I'll be your backup dancer anytime. Just call me."
Taeyong reaches for Ten's hand, which is cold, but Taeyong doesn't mind. He smiles.
"Hey, Ten. It's time to wrap up, manager-hyung is calling us." It's Yangyang, talking in English.
Ten lets go of Taeyong's hand.
"Bye, hyung."
Taeyong watches Ten leave, conflicted and confused.
The second night in a row that Taeyong wakes up from a sex dream, he knows immediately it was with Ten. At first, the details are hazy in his mind, but he recollects the pieces and sees him again while trying to make his boner go away. Taeyong sighs and rubs his forehead, thinking about what to do. He's gonna see Ten almost daily with NCT 2020 and SuperM activities. He can't be having weird dreams that make him awkward around his bandmate. After a shower, Taeyong gets ready for the day, trying to forget about the images his sleep conjured up.
But things don't work that way apparently. The more he tries to forget the dream, the more he thinks about it and the more vivid it becomes, like a movie in his head. He can see both of them in bed, Ten underneath him, their blazing kisses. It's truly out of this world, as if they aren’t two people, but two pieces of a whole that fit together perfectly. Is that what sex is supposed to be like? Taeyong has to focus on not popping boners in the middle of work. It starts to take its toll.
And no matter what he does, the dreams keep coming. The two of them in all shapes and forms, in the many visuals they had during the years they've known each other. They fuck in positions Taeyong didn't even know existed. The dreams all taste real, like a drug being pumped into his bloodstream and not clinging to it starts becoming harder and harder.
But it also leaves him on edge.
Taeyong locks his door one early morning when everyone is asleep and slips his hand under his clothes. He tells himself he won’t think of the dreams or Ten. and for it all, it works. Until completion. As he peaks, the vivid image of Ten throwing back his head with parted lips and eyes squeezed shut is all he can see. He feels guilty after as if he violated some celestial law. When he gets to the set of Tiger Inside and looks at Ten, everything gets worse.
The director asks him and Ten to shoot a scene for the MV. They are under everyone’s eyes, and there is even a behind-the-scenes camera rolling, but Taeyong is a professional. They need to stand close to each other and interact. Taeyong does his thing, even through a heart that is beating through the cage of his chest.
Taeyong tries to not fall asleep. Maybe if he stays up, he'll escape the dreams. But no matter how much he tries, his body gives up and then he's dreaming about Ten again.
"I like your hair by the way," Taeyong says, dully, during the recording of their reality show.
Smiling, Ten runs a hand through his strands. "Thanks."
Taeyong clears his throat.
"What have you been up to?" He keeps the conversation going.
"Besides work? Watching stuff and taking care of my cats."
"Can I see a picture?"
Ten smiles. "Sure!"
He takes out his phone and shows a couple.
"Awww, cute. Can I go see them sometime?" Taeyong asks without thinking.
"Of course. Do you wanna come by the dorm after this?" Ten offers.
"Er, alright." He's unable to say anything but yes.
Taeyong thinks his guts will freeze as he takes a ride back to the WayV dorm. But it's fine, this is fine. It's not like he's been having the most intense sex dreams ever with Ten. He chats with Sicheng and Yangyang during the trip. As they get there, Taeyong trails after Ten to his room. The WayV members in the other car had already arrived, so Taeyong is not surprised to see Yugyeom. He's just surprised to see him waiting on Ten's bed.
"Hey, hyung," he says, a bit shocked.
"Taeyong wanted to see the cats," explains Ten simply.
"Right," Yugyeom nods. "I'll give you four some privacy then."
Taeyong is about to protest but he's already gone. Ten taps the space next to him in bed. Taeyong gulps and hesitates, but sits and gets comfortable. Leon jumps on the bed and rubs his head on Taeyong's lap.
"Does this mean he likes me?"
Ten chuckles, while caressing behind Louis' ears.
"He does like you. What's not to like?"
Taeyong glances at Ten, who's looking at the cats. He just admires his profile, which is basically perfect. The nose, the lips, the slightly upturned nose, the creasing eyes. Leon snuggles in between them and starts purring.
"I could get used to this," Taeyong yawns, scooting down a little.
"It's great isn't it?" Ten smiles. He seems really happy.
Taeyong smiles along.
He wakes up confused, in the near darkness. Ten has one arm wrapped around him. It's the middle of the night. The cats are gone, so Ten's body came closer to his. Taeyong can hear his faint breath and smell his blackberry scent on the top of his head. He wonders if the scent comes from his shampoo, his perfume, or another source. Either way, he likes it a lot. He tries to remember if this has always been Ten's aroma, or if there was something else before.
When Taeyong realizes he didn't dream of Ten, he almost cries with happiness. Finally! Now things can be less awkward again and go back to their old normal. Taeyong ends up falling asleep again, relaxed at last. He only wakes up with Ten nudging him, offering a change of clothes and a round in the shower before they need to leave for another day of work together.
Taeyong truly believes it's over until he falls asleep that night and has Ten with him in dreams again, naked scorching soft skin under his palms. He wakes up and covers his face, grunting into his hands, frustrated. So what's he supposed to do with that information? That he needs Ten by his side to not dream about him? That's insane. It's just a coincidence. He manages to barely sleep a couple of nights, which staves off the dreams but leaves him feeling way too tired. Everything is not fine, but it's manageable.
Until they record the 100 live.
Somehow, Ten and Yugyeom's legs end up on Baekhyun's lap. When Taeyong realizes this, something bitter simmers in his gut, like acid. He sees that Ten notices him staring, and smiles, so he just laughs it off. But the feeling remains, churning inside him. It gets stronger by the hour, until he's back in his bed, wondering what the fuck is happening to him.
Is it jealousy?
Does he like Ten? Is that why he's having such intimate dreams?
But he can't. They can't.
Once upon a time, Taeyong had strange feelings for Ten, a mixture of admiration and attraction. But he didn't understand them and just attributed them to their strong bond of friendship. Maybe that wasn't just friendship back then? Maybe there was already something more? Something buried deep and forgotten about.
Well, shit.
He's screwed, he thinks as his heart beats insanely in his chest. He's scared, nervous, anxious, eager, a bunch of feelings jumbled up together. They are seeing each other tomorrow for another day of the One shoot and now Taeyong is in this awkward predicament, realizing a couple of years too late that he likes his friend. All it took was an endless stream of very lustful dreams to make it pretty obvious to him. Well, it didn't help that Taeyong was always working so much, so hard, that everything else seemed like a blur. He's had no real rest or vacation in so long, it's not surprising he has no break to worry about his own feelings, instead of caring for everyone else that he feels is under his responsibility, now twenty-two members. So he tries not to feel as guilty for being so oblivious. It's not like dating should be his priority.
He goes to sleep somewhat relieved to have worked out the pieces of the puzzle. At night, he dreams with Ten again, but this time there is no sex. They are in a temple and Ten is hidden behind a blue veil. Taeyong lifts it up and he looks incredibly beautiful. He kisses Ten's cheek and wakes up breathless, still feeling Ten's skin on his lips. His limbs are shaking. He takes a shower to get a hold of himself, then waits for his ride with Mark.
Getting there, Ten is already sitting on a makeup chair. He sees him through the mirror, sipping iced americano and looking at his phone. Taeyong says good morning to all but makes sure to come closer to Ten and talk to him.
"Hey, Ten. Good morning."
"Hi, hyung, how are things?"
"Just tired," he lies. He was much more than tired, but he learned how to mask the pain. "You?"
"Excited." Ten beams. He has endless energy apparently.
Right then, he's called to sit down and get ready for the shoot, cutting their unimportant chat short. Taeyong realizes he's acting dumb around Ten now because of everything that happened, but he can't seem to stop. He distracts himself with work, trying to put on a performance despite his back bothering him.
"Where is Ten?" Taemin asks. "Lunch is here."
"I'll go find him." Taeyong jumps at the possibility of being alone with him, even if it's just a second. How ridiculous.
Taeyong trails back to the dressing room, figuring that's a good place to search. He's walking leisurely, but as he nears the barely open door, he hears Ten's laughter.
"Stop it. Not in here."
Curious, Taeyong steps lightly and eyes through the slit. What he sees is very unmistakable. Yugyeom is sitting on a couch and is pulling Ten between his legs, hands on his ass. And the way they look at each other… says everything Taeyong needs to know. His breathing halts and all he can hear is the drumming of his heart as Yugyeom gets up to cup Ten's face and deposit a kiss on his lips. Taeyong gets a hot flush from his chest to his face and he thinks he could puke if he had anything other than an empty stomach. Ten indulges in the touch but pushes him away, walking towards the mirrors to check his makeup.
Taeyong figures he can't just stand like an idiot and just walks in.
"Lunch is here."
"Fuck yeah, I'm starving," Yugyeom says, trailing out quickly.
That leaves Ten and Taeyong alone.
"Are you alright, hyung?" Ten asks with a frown.
"Sure. Just a little back pain," he deflects with his other very real pain of the moment.
Ten closes the distance between them, worried eyes.
"Yongie, you need to take care of yourself," he says, putting one hand on his lower back, running circles, and the other on his abdomen.
Taeyong is caught off guard by the proximity and the touch. He thinks maybe he could melt under it.
"I've been through something similar, remember? I know it's scary," Ten says, referring to his knee. "Chronic pain is a bitch."
Taeyong puts his hand over the one Ten has on his abs and closes his eyes for a moment.
Fuck, how he wishes it was him that Ten kissed just now, and not Yugyeom.
But Taeyong is a freaking oblivious idiot, and obviously, Yugyeom saw what was right in front of him. Ten in all his wonderfulness. Taeyong opens his eyes and clears his throat, fighting tears. He musters a smile.
"Hungry?" he asks.
"Starving. Come on, hyung," Ten says, taking him by the hand.
That night, finally hidden in his bed, Taeyong can fall apart and cry in the privacy of his room.
He just needs to get through this and everything will be back to normal.
Morning comes and things are shittier than he expected they could be.
"Doyoung!"
He can hear the steps of his friend crossing the apartment.
"What is it?" Doyoung shows up with a sleepy face and hair all over the place.
"I don't think I can get up. My waist…" he explains.
"Fuck. I'm calling manager-hyung," Doyoung leaves.
"Just get me something for the pain please," Taeyong asks, annoyed.
Johnny shows up.
"What happened? Bad back again?"
Taeyong nods and runs a hand over his face.
"I'll get you some patches from our medicine cabinet," says Johnny, and then disappears.
From afar, he can hear Doyoung talking quickly to their manager.
"Taeyong-hyung." It's Donghyuck. "Are you okay?'
"I'm fine, don't worry about me." He tries to smile through the pain.
"Are you hungry? I can make you something," he offers.
"Sure, thanks Hyuckie."
The maknae leaves as Johnny comes back with the patches. He helps Taeyong turn on his side and attaches two to his skin.
"Thanks, Johnny."
Two hours later, after having breakfast in bed that Donghyuck prepared for him, the usual doctor and masseuse come to check on him, along with their manager. They do the typical examination and he gets some medication, as well as orders to rest for at least three days. Perfect. Not only he has a broken back, but he also has a broken heart to nurse while he stays stuck in his bed. Doyoung makes himself useful and says he's just a yell away in case he needs anything, but that he should probably sleep. And with the pill he takes, he passes out easily. It's a sweet escape from everything that's troubling him, physically and emotionally.
Taeyong dreams. In one of them, Ten is lying beside him, watching over him, with a halo of light behind his head. He wakes up confused. That seemed so real. Just like the dreams he got used to having with him yet this felt nearer, almost like he could touch Ten.
"Oh, you're awake." Doyoung shows up. "You should eat something."
"Okay," Taeyong rasps, still groggy from sleep.
He sits up with Doyoung's help.
"Hey, by any chance," he starts. "Did Ten come over?"
"He did," Doyoung says, adjusting the pillows. "We asked him not to wake you. But he stayed a bit in here with you."
"He did?" Taeyong sounded more eager than he wanted.
Doyoung stares and raises one eyebrow at him. "How do you know he was here?"
"I… I had a dream he was here," Taeyong says. "Probably because of the meds."
"That's strange. You, dreaming about him as he visits you."
"Is it?" Taeyong looks away.
A pause.
"What are you not telling me?" Doyoung asks pointedly.
His best friend has the ability to pry things out of him even when he doesn't want to. But it seems like this is another secret Taeyong won't take to his grave as he planned.
Taeyong sighs. "Close the door."
Doyoung does so.
"A while ago I started having dreams," he says. "With Ten. Insanely vivid dreams. Every night, except for one, the night I slept at the WayV dorm by accident. Ten and I slept together in the same bed."
Doyoung has his brows knitted.
"And there's a detail that I need you to not laugh or tell anyone ever please otherwise I think I'll die of embarrassment."
"I won't."
"Promise me."
"I promise," says Doyoung. "Don't worry, I won't tell."
"Almost all of those dreams are sex dreams," Taeyong says and Doyoung looks clearly surprised. "Trust me I was shocked and embarrassed, and imagine waking up with a boner every time and not doing anything about it."
"Okay. Wow. I was not expecting this."
"And you think I was? Fuck, I still wake up every morning knowing the feeling of being with someone I have never been with… Doie, it's real . I don't know how, but they don't feel like simple dreams. It's like they all are trying to tell me something."
"Do you like Ten?" Doyoung ponders.
Taeyong gulps.
"I do."
"Well, then that's it. You need to tell him."
"It's not that simple." Taeyong shakes his head.
"Why not?"
"I saw Ten and Yugyeom kissing at our One video shoot. He's taken," he explains, dejected.
"Okay, that doesn't mean anything. A kiss is just a kiss," Doyoung says. "Actually, I have an idea."
"What?"
"A fortune-teller."
" What?! "
"Remember how Johnny took me along to see one for JCC?" Doyoung says. "Let's do that."
"How is that gonna help me?" Taeyong folds his arms across his chest.
"She had a lot of insights. Maybe she can help you. Come on Taeyong. Be brave."
"Be brave? Are you kidding me…" He hides his face in his hands.
"When you are better, we'll go."
So it's decided. Taeyong caves because really he has no other choice. Where else can he go to treat chronic sex dreams? A psychiatrist? A therapist? That would be even more embarrassing. Imagine if sasaengs see him going into their office, the speculation will be insane. At least a fortune teller is something more generic and harmless.
TY: Thanks for visiting. Sorry for being asleep the entire time.
Taeyong bites down his thumb nervously waiting for the answer.
TEN: I got worried. Did they give you the macaroons I left for you? I told them not to eat anything!
Taeyong laughs. He can hear Ten speaking right next to him. He wishes Ten was right next to him, lying down, close. He wishes he could hold Ten tight.
TY: they gave me, don't worry. And the macaroons were delicious. Thanks.
TEN: promise me you'll take care of yourself.
Taeyong sighs, a silly smile on his face.
TY: I promise.
TEN: okay. Gotta go. Work in the morning. Goodnight Taeyong ❤️
TY: goodnight Ten ❤️
He hesitates but sends the heart, feeling all giddy and nervous inside.
"What am I doing?" he asks himself in the darkness of the room.
Being foolish. Getting his hopes up where clearly there are none.
He sighs.
Either way, these dreams have to stop. So when Taeyong feels better, he and Doyoung take a car to visit the fortune-teller.
Taeyong is wringing his hands on his lap while Doyoung is very calm, waiting for their appointment.
Suddenly, the door opens up and a young woman invites them in. For some reason, he thought she would be an old lady, like a crone. The place is cozy and smells of rosemary, with low lighting.
"Get comfortable please," she offers the seats in front of her.
They sit.
"This is the friend I told you about," Doyoung says, and Taeyong is surprised they already talked about it.
She looks at him.
"I see. May I?" she extends her hand to Taeyong.
Confused, he offers his own right hand nonetheless. She examines his palm carefully.
"Hm."
That's all she says before giving the hand back and reaching for the cards. She shuffles the deck, then starts spreading a few over the tablecloth.
"There is someone in your life that means a lot to you," she says. "Someone very old."
Taeyong frowns and looks at Doyoung. Old? What?
"As old as the universe's first world, you two have been meeting."
A shiver runs down Taeyong's spine.
"And will keep meeting, in many forms. Maybe not even human form, but as pure energies," she goes on. "Because you complement each other. They give you what you're missing and you give them what they're missing. When you're together, you bring peace not only to each other but to those around you."
Taeyong gulps nervously.
"You are not together right now?" she asks.
"No. They, he… he's with someone else."
She grabs a vape and takes a long drag from it, examining Taeyong.
"It seems that you've missed each other in this life."
"W-what?" Taeyong stutters.
"You missed the window of when you were supposed to get together. It was years ago. I'm thinking… 2018."
"How do you know that?" Taeyong's hands are shaking out of sight. "This sounds weird. Don't people have free will?"
"I can see your past lives as well as this one, that's how I know it. And people do have free will, that's why you two are not together. One of you decided not to pursue their feelings."
"You're saying he has feelings for me?"
"Had, have. Maybe he already moved on," she says. "But you'll be intertwined no matter what happens. That's why you keep having dreams. They are knocking some sense into you, trying to wake you up. They are all real by the way."
She puffs her vape again.
"They are scenes you lived with him in other lives."
Taeyong blushes. He had sex with Ten. In another life, but still. They were together, flesh to flesh, and he felt it in his dreams.
"He's with someone else," Taeyong repeats dully, sadness showing through.
"I can't tell you what to do. You need to figure it out by yourself," she says. "But know that the dreams won't stop until you do something about it."
A part of Taeyong wants to argue with her, because why can't she just tell him what to do to end his suffering? He goes back home frustrated, not knowing what to believe. It sounds like a nonsensical fairy tale. Something out of a movie, not real life. Taeyong curses everything, wondering why this is happening to him.
"Do you believe her? Be honest."
"I believe it's possible," says Doyoung. "That would explain a lot. Honestly, you and Ten look good together, Taeyong. I mean, have you seen videos of you two performing Baby Don't Stop? Or even Super Car or No Manners."
"Yeah, sometimes… Why?"
"You have something. Call it chemistry or anything you want. But that's real. You can't fake it or teach it to two people. You have it naturally," Doyoung says seriously.
The honesty of his friend shuts Taeyong up and gives him a lot to think about it.
The next morning, as he awakes from another dream, he can almost taste Ten, and he feels like he'll go insane if he doesn't actually kiss him in real life. But Taeyong's busy with NCT 2020 and SuperM's promotion and doesn't have the time to deal with it. As the fortune teller said, he keeps having dreams. But at least they don't freak him out as much.
Taeyong is done for the day. After a long and exhausting schedule, he can go home. But he doesn't actually want to go home and deal with the dreadful discourse that has become his mind. So he thinks that a couple of hours of practice won't hurt, and goes hunting for an empty room. He hears a familiar sound and follows it.
It's Ten, dancing in front of the mirror, practicing routines for one of his new songs. He looks so focused, wearing a black tank top and loose pants. His body moves seamlessly, muscles flexing, face beautiful as always, hair messy. Taeyong likes Ten like this, undone, no makeup, practice clothes. He just watches him for a moment, until Ten realizes someone is by the door.
"Hyung! You scared me." But he's laughing.
"Sorry. I didn't wanna interrupt," Taeyong says, going inside the room and closing the door behind him. "It's looking real good."
"What is?" he asks, grabbing a bottle of water.
"Everything," says Taeyong, closing the distance between them.
Ten looks back at him and smiles.
"Thanks, hyung. I value your opinion a lot."
"You do?" Taeyong trails even closer.
He examines Ten's face, his flawless skin, his dark eyes with long lashes and the little mole under it, his pink lips—that he knows how they taste, from his dreams—and Taeyong feels his knees weaken, wanting to taste here and now, not just asleep, needing him so violently like a storm, something he never felt before. It seems everything has come crashing onto him finally, all the dreams, all the sleepless nights trying to escape them, all his feelings for Ten that he ignored during all these years. It's like facing the wrath of the sea and Taeyong is trying not to drown.
"Hyung? Are you alright?" asks Ten with a frown.
They are close now, closer than the normal distance between two friends.
Taeyong cups Ten's cheek and his expression softens. He puts his other hand on Ten's arm.
"Ten."
"What?" he whispers, paying full attention to him.
Taeyong rubs his thumb on the soft skin. This has to be it. He needs to confess. The fortune-teller said they are meant to be together in this life too. It's not too late. He can—they can do it.
"I have to say, maybe selfishly," he starts. "That I'm in love with you."
Ten freezes in place, clearly shocked.
"But I know about you and Yugyeom, I saw you in the dressing room of One."
Ten takes a step back from Taeyong, flinching, and they lose their points of contact.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to find out," Taeyong tries to mend it, rubbing his nape. "But it doesn't change what I feel."
A second of silence passes. They look at each other. Ten’s eyes are sad.
"I hope you don't hate me because of this," says Taeyong regretfully.
That's when he realizes that Ten's silence is the answer he deserves.
"Sorry. Just forget I said anything." He turns away and leaves without looking back.
Taeyong's chest is gonna explode with the pain he's carrying on his way to the elevator. He clicks the terrace button, the perfect hideout for what he needs, a lot of sobbing probably. And at this time of the night, no one would be there, since it's too cold.
He holds his cry in until he makes it there. But when the doors of the elevator open, he lets it all out, jerking and tears pouring out as he walks to the parapet. Somehow, he fucked everything up. It was probably him that ignored his feelings for Ten in 2018 and ruined their chances to be together. That is the worst part. Knowing it is his fault.
"Lee Taeyong!" someone screams behind him.
He turns around, startled. It's Ten, carrying his dark bag with white flowers, wearing a black hoodie. He drops his bag and runs towards Taeyong, who just stands there confused until he's tackled to the floor by Ten, who straddles him, their faces mere inches apart.
“I flirted with you for a year and you never gave me the time of day. Two years later you decide you are in love with me?” Ten says, a bit harshly.
Taeyong wipes his tears away to look at him better.
Ten goes on. “What took you so long?”
"W-what? You flirted with me? When?" Taeyong asks.
"I did. During the entire year of 2018," Ten says. "You're almost two years too late."
"Wait, stop." Taeyong wraps his hands around Ten's waist, afraid he'll leave. "You like me too? Be honest."
Ten thinks for a moment.
"I do."
Taeyong's heart could leap out of his mouth after hearing those words. Ten likes him. Taeyong sinks his fingertips into his flesh and keeps his tears away. Ten cups his face.
"What about Yugyeom?" He suddenly feels very guilty.
"We don't have a relationship like that. He's seeing someone else besides me," Ten says.
"Oh."
"Yeah, 'oh'."
Taeyong drags his palms onto Ten’s back, and he’s touched him before multiple times, but there is something more now. Something… special. He pulls Ten closer, hiding in his perfumed neck. He starts to cry again, having a hard time believing the outcome of his ridiculous confession. Somehow Ten is in his arms, for the first time in a special manner, not just friends hugging. But then he thinks, were they ever just friends?
“Don’t cry, baby. Is this how you want our first kiss to go?” Ten says, sitting up.
“What? You wanna kiss me right now?” Taeyong asks awkwardly, sitting up as well.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you since our first Baby Don’t Stop stage.” Ten smiles and it's so special because it's just for him.
Taeyong wraps his arms around his waist, bringing their bodies flushed. Their faces come close too, noses almost touching.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he whispers.
“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re finally here,” Ten says.
And so their lips touch for the first time, but not really.
Taeyong is pulled away from the present and sees a lot of things and people and worlds.
He’s a general, he’s a deity, he’s a slave, he’s a college student, he’s a veterinarian, he’s an Alpha, whatever that means, he’s a violinist, he’s a powerful being, he’s a cop, he’s pure energy, he's a vampire, he's the primordial Dyad along with Ten, he’s also just many regular guys and girls. He’s so many people, infinite people, but somehow there is always Ten beside him, intertwined, connected, in a way that can never be broken, in a way that they’ll always find each other. And there is so much comfort in that, his heart could burst from happiness. He’ll always be safe with him.
And when Taeyong pulls back and sees Ten’s eyes just as wide as his, he knows that Ten saw the same thing.
"Did you… see that?" Taeyong asks.
"Yeah," Ten says. "And I've seen something similar before."
"You did? When?"
"It started when I was under anesthesia for my surgery and lasted a while," Ten says, looking away, a bit embarrassed. "The dreams were very…"
"Explicit?" Taeyong just says it for the sake of both of them.
"How do you know?" Ten frowns at him.
"They started happening a while back and haven't stopped. The only night that I didn't dream of you was when we slept together at your dorm. Remember?"
"Yeah. I guess now we finally know what they mean," Ten concludes.
"What?"
"Reminiscence, to stir ourselves to one another when we're in need," says Ten, and it makes sense. "I honestly thought I was over you by now."
"You did?" Taeyong says. "I'm glad you changed your mind."
Taeyong kisses Ten's cheek, making him giggle and relax further on his lap. His skin is so smooth, Taeyong doesn't want to take his lips off him. But it feels like they need to talk.
"I was jealous of you and Baekhyun-hyung,” Ten admits. “And then it sort of happened with Yugyeom. He was there and I just wanted to get over you." He shrugs.
"Baekhyun-hyung and I? I don't like him like that," Taeyong explains, hands kneading Ten in a soothing way. "Sorry, this is all my fault. If only I had admitted to myself and you how I felt in 2018 we wouldn't have lost basically three years."
"You liked me in 2018?" Ten is serious.
"I did but I had no idea how to separate the romantic feeling from the fraternal one. It was easier to just ignore it and drown myself in work."
Ten looks hurt.
"I'm sorry. I'm an idiot," he says again. "I won't let work dominate my life entirely anymore. I'll make time for you," he says, running fingers through Ten's hair. “If you want me.”
"Is that what you are reading from the situation? As I run to you and jump on your lap?" Ten teases.
Taeyong chuckles. "Yes. It was very movie-style romantic. Should I think something else?"
Ten laughs.
"No. Think exactly that," says Ten, wrapping his arms around his neck.
There is a moment when their noses are about to touch, and Taeyong can smell the blackberry scent so well, that he feels like he's dreaming. But it's not a dream, not this time. This time, they really kiss. It starts tender, tasting each other, moving lips slowly. And it's every bit as Taeyong imagined, but better. Ten feels amazing and he's a good kisser, they click instantaneously. It just makes Taeyong want more. He bites and sucks Ten's bottom lip, before licking his mouth, asking for permission to go further. Ten yields quickly, opening up, and the kiss intensifies. Their hands around each other tighten. Ten hums as their bodies press together and Taeyong thinks that's the best sound he ever heard in his life. Ten seems to be enjoying it too, with little gasps and hair pulling he's giving to Taeyong. Ten rolls his hips and it's Taeyong's turn to groan, reacting to the pleasure. And the craziest thing is he's done this before. It's new, but it's not, because he remembers how Ten likes to be touched and kissed, and Ten probably remembers what Taeyong likes because everything he's doing is driving him insane.
Just as things are heating up, with Taeyong grabbing Ten by his ass and hair, Ten's phone starts ringing in his bag, startling them.
"I should probably get that," Ten says, getting up from Taeyong's lap.
"Yeah." Taeyong clears his throat.
"What's up?" Ten asks whoever is on the other line. "Okay. I'm coming."
He puts his phone away as Taeyong approaches.
"My manager is calling us to take us home," explains Ten.
"Yeah, it's late," Taeyong smiles.
Ten closes the distance between them and kisses Taeyong on the lips, sweet and tender. Taeyong just enjoys it, caressing Ten's hair while they are at it.
"I wanna see you properly," Ten says when they part. "Alone. Somewhere private."
Taeyong's stomach is taken over by butterflies.
"I want that too," he whispers, taking Ten's hand and rubbing it gently.
"I know we are both busy right now but I think we can find a night that works for both of us," Ten smiles.
"We will," Taeyong kisses Ten's forehead.
They ride the elevator down, shoulders bumping lightly into one another, pinkies locked together discreetly.
"Text me," Ten whispers, before they part ways.
Taeyong takes a deep breath. He can't believe what just happened. He runs to the nearest restroom and hides in a stall, freaking out. He jumps up and down, muffling his excited noises. Ten likes him too! Ten kissed him back! And it felt amazing, all of it. Having him in his arms, hugging tight and close, kissing him. His perfume, his softness, his taste.
TY: tonight was amazing
Is the only thing Taeyong can come up with because he's still stunned.
TEN: can't wait to see you again
And that is Ten's answer, which leaves Taeyong excited, chewing his bottom lip. He decides to see Doyoung and tell him everything. His door is closed, so he knocks.
"Come in," says his faint voice.
Taeyong does so and witnesses a common scene now. Doyoung is in bed watching something while Jaehyun sleeps beside him, arm wrapped around his boyfriend.
"I can come back tomorrow."
"It's fine. He sleeps like a log," Doyoung whispers. "What's up?"
Taeyong comes closer and sits on his heels.
"Ten likes me too" he mutters, enthusiasm clear in his voice.
Doyoung widens his eyes.
"But what about Yugyeom?"
"He said they aren't exclusive. That he's seeing someone else.”
"This is great news," Doyoung smiles and puts a hand on his shoulder. "I guess the fortune-teller was right.'
"I think so. That's why I wanted to thank you for dragging me there."
Both chuckle softly. Taeyong gets up and kisses his friend's cheek.
"I'll let you guys sleep. Goodnight" he whispers.
"Goodnight," says Doyoung.
That night, Taeyong doesn't dream of Ten. And neither in the next ones. They see each other whenever there is a SuperM activity, but in NCT their schedules are very different, because apart from the song performed by all twenty-three members, they aren’t in any together, which is a shame. But now they text everyday, silly things, funny selfies, cat pictures, and videos.
They have just finished doing the live for SuperM one year anniversary and Taeyong is eyeing Ten talking to Taemin and Baekhyun, while he pretends to listen to Mark, Jongin, and Yugyeom. Ten, ever so perceptive, realizes this and gives him a sly smile like he’s saying something to him. He tilts his head and then leaves in that direction. Knowing no one will notice him, because they seem so engrossed in their conversation, Taeyong slips out after Ten. He hurries, trying to remain discreet, and is a few steps behind Ten when he gets inside a dark room. Taeyong enters after him and immediately feels a hand around his arm put him against the wall.
“Hi,” says Ten, bumping their noses together.
“Hi,” Taeyong smiles. He can hear the sound of a lock turning.
Unceremoniously, Ten wraps his hands around Taeyong’s neck and kisses him, giving him goosebumps. He parts his lips to welcome Ten’s tongue and soon they are crashing together with intensity, warm bodies coming against each other. Taeyong is quickly gasping for air, not having enough of Ten’s scorching touch. He wants more, he needs more. Taeyong slides his hands under Ten’s shirt, who whimpers softly, such a sweet sound. The skin-to-skin touch is driving both insane and they don’t wanna stop this kiss, basically forgetting they are at work. Taeyong slides his hands to palm Ten’s asscheeks, pulling him even closer, making it obvious they are both very turned on.
“Fuck,” Ten gasps, finally letting go of Taeyong’s lips.”We should…”
“...top” Taeyong completes.
“Yeah.” Ten sighs, leaning in and resting his face on Taeyong’s neck. “But I don’t wanna.”
Taeyong smiles with his sweet tone of voice.
“Me neither,” he whispers, his hands rubbing Ten’s back up and down.
“Yongie.” Ten shifts and he feels his nose near his ear. “I wanna spend a night together with you.”
“My dorm or yours?”
“In a hotel.”
“Oh.”
“We don’t have to do anything…” Ten adds.
“Okay. Because I’ve never…. I mean, besides what I know from all those dreams…” Taeyong fumbles.
Ten kisses him shut.
“Me neither. I just wanna be with you in a private place,” Ten explains gently.
“Let’s do it then,” Taeyong whispers.
They kiss each other one more time before they leave one by one, trying not to raise suspicions. Apparently, no one notices or thinks anything about their absence.
With a bit of effort, they find a night that works for them, when they won’t need to be up by the crack of dawn for work. Taeyong is obviously nervous, even though he dreamed about having sex with Ten way too many times, in detail, and he remembers them well. Still, doing it in real life, in the flesh, is so much different. Which is why he seeks advice from someone more experienced than him.
“You need lube. A lot of lube. That’s the secret,” Doyoung says, very seriously. “That’s because you need to stretch him properly.”
He does a scissoring movement with his fingers to illustrate it. Still, Taeyong feels it going over his head.
“Stretch?” he asks.
“His ass,” says Doyoung, like it’s obvious. “Unless you want your ass to be stretched?
“Oh.” Finally, it hits him. “I don’t know.”
“You’ll figure it out. Switching is always an option.”
So he gives Taeyong the 101 on sex, covering everything a beginner would probably do in bed. And even though it’s strange to hear about it with such details, he’s thankful he has someone to guide him. After all, he doesn’t want to disappoint Ten, in any way. Not now that they finally got together.
The fateful night comes and Taeyong puts his things in a backpack, leaving the 127 dorms for the hotel. It’s near, so it’s quick, and soon he’s riding the elevator up nervously. He wonders if Ten has already arrived. He makes his way to the room and opens it with a key card. He's greeted with nice music and a floral scent. Taeyong steps out of his shoes and slowly goes in. Ten is on the bed, wearing the white hotel fluffy robes, hair wet. When he notices Taeyong, he puts his phone away and sits up.
"Hey, you're here." He sounds happy.
"I am." Taeyong smiles back at him, dropping his backpack, mask, and beanie on the table.
He climbs in bed on top of Ten, giving him a kiss.
"I missed you," Ten says, holding him tight.
"I missed you too," Taeyong whispers. "I miss you all the time we aren't together."
He gives Ten a peck.
"Oh yeah?" Ten chuckles.
"Of course." Taeyong kisses him again, but this time he doesn't stop.
He knows Ten wants this, and he wants it too. They need this. There is a line that connects them, a pull between them, that has always been there. They just didn’t understand it at first and Taeyong was oblivious the longest. Well, now he's done ignoring it. He parts his lips and licks Ten's mouth, wanting their tongues pressed together as soon as possible. Ten complies with a sweet sigh. They kiss and nibble and suck, the intensity going up little by little. With one hand, Taeyong grabs Ten by his hair, while the other intertwines their fingers, pinning him to the bed. And Ten seems to like it, gasping and whimpering under the pressure Taeyong is putting on top of him. Ten wraps his legs around him like he's scared Taeyong will move away. But he's never moving away. He won’t leave Ten ever again.
Taeyong trails kisses down Ten’s neck, who moans softly. Since he’s never done this, Taeyong is following his instincts, his gut feeling, and they seem to be showing him the right way, because at every turn, at every move, Ten responds positively. And everything that Ten does has Taeyong losing his mind, the sinking feeling of his fingertips on the flesh of his back, the pull of his hair, the small panting at his ear. Taeyong stops to look at Ten, dark eyes half-lidded shining with lust, pink lips wet and parted. He's stunned at how beautiful Ten is, becoming undone under him.
“Fuck. You’re beautiful like this,” he says.
Ten smiles. “So are you.”
Eagerly, Taeyong kisses his chin, jawline, earlobe. He wants to worship him, his other half. He keeps going down, kissing his neck softly, licking and nibbling the skin, not hard enough to leave marks because they can’t do it, feeling him tremble under the touch.
“You’re so soft,” he mumbles.
“It’s better than the memory, right?” Ten whispers breathlessly.
Smiling, Taeyong cups his cheek and looks at him.
“So much better.”
They kiss each other as Taeyong’s fingers are digging into Ten’s flesh so hard it’ll leave marks, and he should probably stop, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He doesn’t want to let him go, ever.
He loves Ten so fucking much.
And he feels it throughout all the memories he got, so overwhelming but amazing, like he’s living it multiple times. Taeyong holds Ten by the hair.
“I love you so much,” he confesses.
“I love you,” Ten says, in between kisses. “I love you so much.”
And that night, when they meet like they’ve met before and will keep meeting forever, from the dawn of the universe until it’s dusk, Taeyong knows this is it.
Ten is his forever.
As they lie together in the aftermath, Taeyong plays with the locks of Ten’s hair.
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”
That makes Ten laugh.
“You seem to like me in any state.”
“I’m pretty sure I do,” Taeyong says, just watching him.
Ten leans in for a soft sweet kiss.
An undefined amount of time later, Taeyong wakes up thirsty. He moves out of bed carefully towards the minibar to grab a bottle of water. He drinks from it watching Ten in his sleep. The sheets are polling around his hips, revealing a lot of his smooth skin. Taeyong comes closer. Ten is practically on his stomach, one of his arms up and under the pillow, while the other is folded, bringing his hand close to his face. Taeyong sets the bottle aside and climbs into bed again approaching his lover. He pushes his black and blond bangs away from his peaceful face. Taeyong sighs content. He couldn’t be happier, looking at Ten, having him like this, finding out they have that unbreakable connection. He reaches out to touch him on the arm and shoulder, sliding down to his waist and hips. But Taeyong isn’t stupid, he knows he shouldn’t take Ten for granted, ever. They need to treat each other with love, the best way they can, always, otherwise they might break apart.
Ten’s eyes flutter open. “Hmmm. What time is it?”
“I don’t know,” says Taeyong. “Ten, will you be my boyfriend?”
Ten focuses on him and smiles.
“Yes, I wanna be your boyfriend,” he answers, moving closer so they can kiss.
Taeyong puts a hand on the small of his back.
“I’ll never forget how special you and our connection are,” Taeyong vows.
“Baby…” Ten’s eyes are shining.
“I mean it,” he insists.
Ten blinks at him a couple of times before pulling Taeyong for a kiss.
“I won’t forget too,” Ten whispers, between smooches.
Soon they are pressing their tongues together hungrily, desperate for more. Taeyong rolls on top of Ten, who wraps his legs around him. Their bodies mold, warm and needy. The tips of their noses touching, they gaze at each other, knowing that in there lies everything they need to know, without words.
The lovers keep kissing until they are eager to be one again. After, Taeyong is the best kind of tired he ever felt.
“I don’t wanna leave this bed,” says Ten, making both of them laugh.
“How about we just leave to shower together? Maybe a bath?” suggests Taeyong, looking at his perfect boyfriend.
“Hmmm, that sounds good,” Ten nods.
Taeyong gets up and heads to the bathroom, turning on the faucet. He looks back at Ten and sees him stretching adorably, like a cat. Taeyong just admires as Ten gathers the strength to get up and follow him. They soak in the hot bubbly bathtub, Taeyong with Ten between his legs, pulling him close.
“So you really liked me since 2018?” he asks.
“Maybe before that, but I didn’t realize it,” Ten says. “The dreams started under anesthesia and lasted a while. But I didn’t know I liked you for sure until Baby Don’t Stop.”
“I liked you too,” says Taeyong firmly. “I was just oblivious to my feelings. Now that I think about the things I did and said around you, it’s pretty obvious.”
“You just didn’t do anything,” Ten pouts.
Taeyong cups his face and kisses his cheek.
“I’m here now. And I’m not leaving you. Ever.”
Ten gives him a soft glance.
“I know. I’m not leaving too.”
They join their lips in a sweet kiss.
Clean and satisfied again, they dress in fluffy hotel robes and get back in bed, starving and thirsty after all their activities. They order room service and stuff themselves with delicious food.
Taeyong and Ten fall asleep in each other’s arms and wake up to morning sex. It’s a quickie because they have schedules, so they hop in the shower and get ready to leave together.
"We'll see each other soon," promises Taeyong.
And even with their packed schedules, Taeyong manages to squeeze a visit to the WayV dorm, or Ten comes over to the 127. What they don't know how to explain to their roommates is the regular presence of the other when they actually haven't revealed the truth about their new relationship status. They'd rather keep it to themselves for as long as they can than to tell twenty other people—because Doyoung already knows. And they are sure that as soon as they tell more, the gossip will spread like wildfire. But still, the roommates are starting to get suspicious, especially Johnny and Yugyeom.
They are shooting Resonance MV when Mark approaches Taeyong.
"Hey, hyung. Johnny told me Ten has been over quite a lot lately."
"I wouldn't know." Taeyong shrugs, eyeing his boyfriend discreetly, who was still flustered after kicking the camera a while ago.
"He says you two stay in your room?" Mark insists hesitantly. "I was just wondering if you can let me know so I can say hi."
Fuck . Now Mark thinks he's being left out when truly Taeyong and Ten just wanted to get their hands on each other during the quick moments they were granted.
"Sure, I'll let you know."
So later, the three of them plus Johnny and Hyuck go back to the fifth floor to have dinner together. It's fun, but they are all tired after the long day of shooting, and Taeyong is having back pains again.
"I'll get the dishes, just go to bed," Ten insists in a whisper.
Taeyong yields and goes to his room, sneaking a glance at Ten and Johnny in the kitchen as he leaves. He sighs lying in bed, putting his bunny under his legs, feeling upset with his body again. But, as promised, a few minutes later, Ten is getting in his room and lying next to him. He kisses Taeyong's cheek.
"See? Didn't take long. I'm here."
Taeyong wraps his arms around him, pain making him needy.
"I miss you a lot," he murmurs against Ten's soft skin.
Ten covers his face in kisses.
"Baby, you have to say something."
"How? There is no break in our schedules to take a proper rest till next year."
"I don't care, Taeyong. It's too much on your body."
“Just… snuggle me.”
Ten does that. and starts giving Taeyong’s neck the sweetest, softest kisses.
"Hey, Taeyong—"
Someone opens the door and they move away, but apparently not fast enough.
"Oh." It’s Johnny. "I knew this was happening."
Taeyong's face flushes, but Ten seems unbothered.
"What is happening?" he asks.
"You two being a thing."
"What's a thing?" Mark shows up behind him.
Taeyong runs a hand over his face. "Can we keep it between us?"
"Alright." Johnny shrugs.
"Keep what between us?" asks Mark.
"Your parents are together," jokes Johnny.
"Really?" Mark snickers.
Ten smiles and nods. "Now give us some privacy, please. It's late, go to bed.”
"Remember to lock the door," Johnny teases, as they leave.
"Remember to knock!" says Ten, closing and making sure to lock this time.
Both burst into laughter. Taeyong pulls Ten close into a hug and kisses the top of his head.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
The next ones to find out are Hendery and Yugyeom. The first one shares a room with Ten so it starts becoming more and more obvious with time, and as Ten decorates his nightstand with a selca of him and Taeyong, it seals the deal. Yugyeom puts two and two together eventually, realizing Ten broke up with him around the same time Taeyong started showing up frequently.
And it's okay to have some people know. They end up getting more privacy like that.
Spending his short hiatus with Ten is the best thing that could happen at the moment for Taeyong. Even if Ten is working, he comes to see him and to lie down next to his boyfriend.
Once, having Ten was a dream. Being his one and only. But now it’s real. It’s as real as the shape of his lips and how soft they feel under his touch, as real as the texture of his smooth black hair, as real as his blackberry scent and burrowing his nose into the crook of his neck, as real as the gleam of his brown cat eyes and how they crease when Ten smiles.
Sometimes Taeyong can’t believe his reality is not a fever, a fiction crafted out of a romance novel. Can real life be this good? Can we find the one that is meant for us?
Maybe we can. Maybe we get to find them.
Taeyong got the chance. And he found Ten.