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"You know," he starts. "Jiang Cheng had a crush the size of a galaxy on you." I think you dodged a bullet there, is what he means to say. Is what he doesn't.
A month after Jin Guangyao's death, Wen Ning and Lan Sizhui bury the remains of the Qishan Wen Clan in the Nightless city. Wei Ying visits every week he can get away with.
The guilt is always fresh. Like raindrops, cold soaks through every layer of clothing and sinks into his skin.
He closes his eyes and lets it take him under as he reclines, back pressed against the cenotaph.
Lan Zhan, Jiang Cheng, Jiang YanLi, Wen Ning...she was the best parts of them all.
They humored his antics, mostly. She was the only one who teased back, playing along with a tongue as sharp as her wit. She was fun and funny, and Wei Ying remembers that the first time he smiles a real smile on the mountain, is when she imitates A-Yuan, stunning his indignant little friend into silence.
Sometimes, he'd look at her and Wen Ning- the grins, the familiarity, the trust, the comfort- and the envy curling in his throat choked him a little. And then when she put her hand on his shoulder he could breathe and he'd know, he'd feel Jiang YanLi's fingers there, promising everything would be okay.
"You saved our lives," he murmurs out loud, and the lump swells in his throat before he can veer off this path. Then it's there, stuck, and he doesn't even want to dislodge it. This guilt is his to bear. You saved our lives, and I am the reason you are dead. It doesn't matter if his part is only in part; it does not matter what Jin Guanyao did. Wen Qing is dead, now and forevermore.
They could have been best friends in another life.
Sometimes he dreams that he and Lan Zhan are born to the same clan. They're inseparable, people learn this and stop trying to force otherwise by the time they turn twelve. Sometimes Jiang Cheng and Jiang YanLi are too, and they're so good with Lan Zhan, Wei Ying wakes up, almost certain he's relived a memory. Not some sick wish. And yet still, sometimes, Wen Qing and Wen Ning are there too. They're always so happy, all of them.
Wei Ying breathes. He usually gets to a stand and starts on the way back before Lan Zhan comes and retrieves him. When he's slow, they meet halfway instead. He speaks as much as he needs to and Lan Zhan is there, so very there with him.
It's getting late.
He'll be back soon enough.
There's a patch of hydrangea he and Wen Ning planted a little bit away from the monument, so not to distract. Blue, blue and white would be nice, Wen Ning had hummed and Wei Ying had regretted only learning her favorite colors when she was long gone. Wen Ning had stepped back from the cluster and said, they're beautiful.
Wei Ying had thought about everything and everyone and had said nothing as he nodded.