Work Text:
[The Wonder Duo]
Jirou: DENKI
Jirou: DENKI
Jirou: DENKI KAMINARI ISTG PICK UP YOUR PHONE RN
Kaminari: WOAH WOAH
Kaminari: calm down beats by dre
Kaminari: i was cooking mac n cheese
Jirou: its noon
Jirou: stop having mac n cheese for lunch
Kaminari: this the only thing i can cook
Kaminari: idk bout you but id rather not starve thank u v much
Jirou: if you aint dead because of hunger then u will be because of the amount of preservatives in that shit
Jirou: u should at least make the mac urself
Jirou: also cooking anything instant isnt a skill 😐
Kaminari: this is why ure single
Kaminari : u, ms hanging lobes, dont understand that cooking instant anything also takes skill
Jirou: but it doesnt count as "cooking"
Kaminari: yes it does
Jirou: no it doesnt,, what source did you get that from
Kaminari: me and the population of planet earth that cant cook but is too prideful to say that we cant so we just say we can cook but really theyre just like 5 minute meals
Jirou: now ur just contradicting yourself
Jirou: cooking is making food. so u have to make it yourself. that shit is packed and ready to go that doesnt count
Kaminari: yeah,, buttttt it doesnt arrive in the box COOKED u still have to COOK IT
Kaminari: so it counts as cooking
Kaminari: just lazy
Jirou: fuck ure right
Kaminari: uh huh
Jirou: anyways, come over to my dorm
Kaminari: i cant
Jirou: WHY
Kaminari: IM COOKING RMBR?
Jirou: URE STILL COOKING?
Kaminari: I HAVENT GOTTEN THE MAC OUT OF THE BOX YET
Jirou: WHAT
Kaminari: U TEXTED ME N I GOT DISTRACTED
Jirou: oh my fucking god
Kaminari: todoroki was just in the kitchen rn
Jirou: and i care because?
Kaminari: christ be patient im storytelling
Kaminari: en ee ways , so he opened the fridge and got water then he saw me texting and asked if i was talking to u
Jirou: okay?
Kaminari: i said yes bcz why would i lie
Kaminari: then he said to say 'thanks' to you
Kaminari: so i assumed ur little mission went well huh
Jirou: uh huh
Kaminari: okay home girl, rant to me ill read it
Kaminari: lemme actually start cooking
Jirou: why would i rant
Kaminari: my kyouka senses are tingling
Kaminari: now get typing
Jirou : right
Jirou: so we found their cat, yeah? btw, can i just say that cat was such a pain in the ass? it kept hissing at me, rude little bitch
Jirou: so me and yaomomo were finding todoroki's cat right? and we had a lead. kouda asked some birds where they saw this small white cat with a black spot on its face and arms
Jirou: they said somewhere behind the gym
Jirou: before you ask why kouda couldnt just call the cat, he had a sore throat and couldnt speak so dont even start
Jirou: anyways we were heading towards the gym when sero calls me and says
Jirou: i kid you not
Jirou: this man calls me while finding his cat and goes,, "kyouka we found the cat it's near the cafe where you bought that lesbian drink of yours last week"
Jirou: AAAAAAAHHHHHH
Jirou: AND I WAS LIKE, 'THEN WHY DIDNT YOU GET IT?' AND HE SAID BECAUSE MR AIZAWA WAS WITH THEM
Jirou: FOR WHAT
Jirou: anyways, momo, bless her, said it was fine and we'll go to the cafe right. because we know how scary aizawa could be
Jirou: so we were walking towards the entrance now , which can i just say was so far away?? It felt like my legs were going to fall off my body any minute. anyways, we were walking, you know talking and she was talking about this new book she read and how she can relate to the main character bcz the mc loves tea and momo absolutely lives in tea
Jirou: so, to keep her talking bcz she gets really cute when she talks,,,, like do you see the way her smile gets wider and it never leaves her face or she gets really bubbly and i swear there were cute effects radiating off of her
Jirou: where was i,,,
Jirou: oh right, i asked her what book she read and, i swear i didn't hear this wrong she said "Jean commander"
Jirou: JEAN FUCKING COMMANDER, YOU KNOW THAT BOOK WRITTEN BY FUYUMI TODOROKI??? THE GIRL WHO DEFIED HER FATHER, WHICH IS A LESBIAN????
Jirou: THE STORY WHERE THE MC WHO LOVES TEA FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER BEST FRIEND WHO PLAYS THE GUITAR AND SINGS???
Jirou: YAOMOMO RELATES TO HER???
Jirou: HELP ,, IS SHE A LESBIAN?? I WOULD FR HAVE A HEART ATTACK HOLY SHIT
Jirou: SHIT
Jirou: SO I WAS LIKE STANDING THERE WIDE EYED AT THE MENTION OF OUR LESBIAN GODDESS THAT CAME OUT OF YAOMOMO'S MOUTH
Jirou: And she was like smirking and shit yeah? anyways i say its cool yk people can like things that doesnt connect to their sexuality
Jirou: so we walk to the cafe and my brain collectively decides to forget that its a cat cafe 😀
Jirou: a cat cafe where there like five other cats that looked like our friends
Jirou: todoroki better stop thanking or else imma murder him istg i hate him and sero for this
Jirou: so momo and i ended up ordering and staying there for like three hours just to find and theorize which cat was theirs and we kept sending sero and todoroki pictures BUT THEY WONT FUCKING ANSWER
Jirou: it would take them like 30 minutes for each response AND when we confirmed which cat was theirs and we had to spend another two hours TAMING IT BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T COME WITH US
Jirou: I ALMOST GRABBED AN IDENTICAL ONE WHEN THE LITTLE BITCH SCRATCHED ME FOR,,, LIKE THE FIFTH TIME
Jirou: literally so many shit was happening too, we kept getting stuck in the cafe and this one man who looks suspiciously like a rock dressed in streetwear keeps blocking us
Jirou: honestly wtf
Kaminari: oh my fucking god
Kaminari: lemme backread here really quickly
Jirou: yeah sure take my crazy day in
Jirou: are u done cooking ?
Kaminari: oh yes
Kaminari: took double the time
Jirou: honestly how
Jirou: im not even going to ask nvm, forget i did
Kaminari: i cooked two duh
Jirou: why
Kaminari: well arent u hungry???
Jirou: i just came back from a cafe that ive stuck for almost six hours
Jirou: yaomomo bought me like a gazillion food
Kaminari: oh sht u right
Kaminari: i forgot about that
Kaminari: well,, do u like mac n cheese
Jirou: yeah sure whatever just come up here hemming whey i need to rant about momo and idk if i can type anymore
Kaminari: yuh yuh
Kaminari: for the record
Kaminari: it looked like you two were sent on a very embarasing date
Kaminari: embaring
Kaminari: embarrrassing?
Kaminari: jfc whatever , u know what i mean
Jirou: actually no i dont
Jirou: wdym embarrassing forceful date
Kaminari: well for starters, i literally heard kouda's voice loud AND clear earlier
Kaminari: i assure that man got no sore throat
Kaminari: and he was out when you guys were also out???
Kaminari: and u saw a "rock looking thing" in ur date??????
Kaminari: seems sus to me
Kaminari: two, todoroki and sero were never with aizawa
Kaminari: in fact ive been hanging out with sero all day
Kaminari: and aizawa is out on a mission rn
Kaminari: conclusion is,,, i think you got set up on a date
Kaminari: forcefully AND badly
Kaminari: whats the prob airpods?
Kaminari: stunned by my intelligence hmm???
Jirou: wha
Jirou: WHY would they even set us up
Kaminari: idk yaomomo n todoroki r pretty close
Kaminari: maybe she asked him??
Kaminari: or maybe hes tired of her pining shit like i am w you
Jirou: bitch wydm ure tired of me pining
Jirou: i know u aint talking mr i want a sleep deprived tall man with messy purple hair to step on me
Jirou: even though ive convinced myself that hes dating 1b's blond asshole
Jirou: lmao do NOT come for ME
Kaminari: i forget u a leo
Kaminari: maybe you got gemini in there too
Kaminari: whats ure chart
Jirou: IDK JUST COME HERE FFS
Kaminari: chilllllll spotify
Kaminari: we could find ur chart later
Kaminari: im at the elevator now dw almost there
Kaminari: so what do you think abt the set up date
Jirou: i dont wanna think abt it
Kaminari: this is why ure stuck st pining
Kaminari: i mean ig u hardly call spending normal time tghtr a date
Kaminari: did u do anything romantic?
Kaminari: like AT ALL??
Jirou: uh
Jirou: she kissed me if that counts
Jirou: MY WOUND I MEAN
Jirou: after the cat scratched me she spatched me up and gave a kiss to make the pain go away
Jirou: shes so cute
Jirou: mama i love her
Kaminari: r u serious
Jirou: what? u dont kiss ur friend's wounds?
Kaminari: i fucking hate u
Kaminari: u dumb bitch
Kaminari: ure worse than sero and todoroki when they were pining
Kaminari: and u know how bad that was
Kaminari: it still gives me nightmares
Kaminari: it made me self aware tho
Jirou: literally they were so bad i want to erase the whole memory of it
Jirou: theyre cute but when i see them i think of their pining period n i suffer
Jirou: theres no way im worse than THAT
Kaminari: this is the difference between us apple music
Kaminari: i became self aware,,, u didnt
Jirou: yeah,, self aware my ass but ure still a coward to flirt back so it cancels out
Kaminari: HEY one step at a time
Jirou: THAT APPLIES TO ME TOO
Kaminari: YEAH EXCEPT URE HALFWAY THROUGH THE RELATIONSHIP BORDER BUT NEITHER WONT ACKNOWLEDGE IT
Jirou: WE ARE LITERALLY NOT
Kaminari: whatever you say
Kaminari: open the door u dumb bitch
Jirou: how u typin but cant open the door? ffs
Kaminari: OPEN IT SO I CAN LECTURE U ABT HOW OBLIVIOUS U ARE
Jirou: no
Jirou: but okay im opening the door
[bad and boujee]
Yaoyorozu: This is not what I meant when I said I needed help
Todoroki: say thank you to me and my genius boyfriend
Todoroki: you ungrateful hoe
Yaoyorozu: You better start thanking your boyfriend for having a good escape mechanism because I will whoop your ass when I see you
Todoroki: weird way to say thank you
Todoroki:
but ill keep the advice in mind
♬ END ♬