Alexandeer's Touhou Headcanons

by Alexandeer_C

Summary:

I can post headcanons here, right?

Inspired by [https://www.wattpad.com/story/130457005-touhou-headcanons], though my own headcanons will, naturally, be quite different.

Updates have slowed down substantially in the past few months, but I'm still alive, before anyone starts worrying. Finally complete.

Notes:

I would like to apologise in advance for the lack of header text. I do not have access to a good text editor program, and AO3's own RTE does not have header functions. If anyone can recommend a decent free text editor, I would be extremely grateful. Thank you.

Chapter 1: Introduction

Introduction

Hello. My name is Alexandeer C.. You may know me as the Mr. C. behind the "HS Headcanon Wednesday" series on Tumblr a few years back. But then again, you might not. It never was the most successful.

Anyway, those days are behind me now. I've retired from the Hypeswap fandom after Act 2 left me severely disappointed (just my opinion; please don't start a flame war in the comments), and since then I've discovered the incredible Touhou Project. So, here's where I'm going to be sharing my headcanons.

As stated in the summary, this was inspired by this post on Wattpad. If you are the original author and take issue with being cited as an inspiration, please let me know so we can discuss the issue. I can be reached here and here, and I can provide a personal email address upon request.

Also, if you feel that this site is not the proper place to be posting this type of content, by all means, say so. I'd hate to be left in the dark if I was doing something wrong.

NSFW content will be posted in a separate work. Why do I still have that line?

EDIT 28/04/2025: Hello, everyone. Readers old and new. I see you have found the creation that launched me into the Touhou fandom. I would just like to say that I hope you enjoy reading these old texts, but in the more than three years since I stopped working on them, my views on many things have changed. As such, my writings here are no longer an accurate reflection of who I am. I still subscribe to many of these headcanons, but by no means all of them. Those that I have grown ashamed of have been stricken from the record, but I apologise if any of those that remain cause offense to anyone. Thank you for your understanding.

Chapter 2: Youkai Physiology, part 1

Summary:

Let's begin with some biology headcanons, shall we?

Kappa

Kappa do in fact have cephalic plates, complete with water-holding depression. These plates are far more pronounced in males (yes, they exist) than in females to the point of being almost entirely covered by hair in the latter. All youkai are, to some extent, magical in nature, and kappa are no exception. There is no biological reason for them to require water in their "bowls", yet without it they are helpless and delirious. The distinctive green hats worn by most kappa help to negate this by catching any spilled water.

---

Satori

Satori are physiologically very similar to humans (besides the obvious), with the main difference (again, besides the obvious) being their brain structure. Their brains are divided into separate conscious and subconscious parts, connected only by a psychic link which depends on the third eye to function. Closing the third eye deprives the satori of the psychic bandwidth needed to maintain this connection, causing the conscious part to become dormant. As for why closing the third eye seems to be permanent, I have several theories, but I'll be saving them for later. Right now I need some sleep.

Notes:

Finally, a page! Sorry it took so long; I blame TV Tropes. Also sorry this one's so short; again, I blame TV Tropes. I'll probably be updating somewhat sporadically until I can find a pace that works for me. Also, I should probably mention that I'm a relative newcomer to the Touhou fandom, so please feel free to correct any misconceptions I may have about the characters or setting. And if you have any questions, feel free to bring them up in the comments. Thank you.

Chapter 3: The SDM girls

Summary:

For our first set of character headcanons, let's talk about the ladies of the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

Remilia

Remilia is a surprisingly good cook, if a little out of practice. She's recently been considering taking up cooking again and preparing an old family recipe - roast beef and carrots. Simple, but delicious.

Remilia is one of the shortest Touhous, being shorter than Cirno. (idk if they have canon heights; I saw a size comparison video on YT once, but idk what their sources were). She's also quite slender, being just thin enough for her lower ribs to protrude slightly, but nowhere near as thin as Flandre (see below). This presumably runs in the family, though vampires tend to be thinner than humans in general

Remilia is able to protect herself from the sun and disguise herself using magic, however this becomes less effective the more she uses it. She has not used it since the 1960s and that is unlikely to change any time soon.

From 1930 until 1970, the mansion was located somewhere in the United States, presumably New England. During this time, Remilia and Sakuya visited the 1933 (Chicago), 1939 (New York), 1962 (Seattle) and 1964 (New York again) World's Fairs. They wanted to invite Patchouli as well, but she wasn't interested. The two also attended the grand opening of Disneyland in 1955.

Remilia has possessed several spears throughout her long life (if I've done the numbers right, she should be 518 this year), almost all of them named some variant of "Gungnir". Her current weapon is simply a toy spear (likely Power Rangers merch) that Patchouli imbued with magic for Remi's 493rd birthday.

Due to having relocated so many times in the past (not helped by many languages having changed a great deal since the 1500s), Remi has a bizarre accent that can't quite be identified even by an expert. She may sound American one minute and French the next, and once shifted between three different types of English accent (both modern and historical) in a single sentence. Flandre has a similar accent, but hers is much more consistent.

---

Flandre

Flandre is a massive spellcard nerd, and has amassed a substantial collection over the years. While many of her cards were made for her by a friend, she still designs no shortage of cards herself.

Flandre was extremely thin - almost skeletal - before Sakuya started cooking for her. While she has gained a great deal of weight since then, she's still very thin even compared to the already-slender Remilia.

Flandre's "Laevateinn" is just a battered old clock hand. It was a (very dickish in hindsight) birthday present from Remilia, who claimed that it was the legendary sword Laevateinn. Flandre, not knowing at the time what a sword was supposed to look like, believed her.

Since turning 500, Flan has been allowed much more freedom around the house, but still mostly stays in the basement out of habit, only occasionally joining Remi and Pache for meals.

---

Patchouli

Despite what one may think, Patchouli has no problem with hugs, as long as you ask nicely. She prefers to be hugged sitting down from the side, but she likes front hugs as well. However, she does not appreciate having her stomach touched, so trying to hug her from behind is a bad idea.

Patchouli is more than a little on the fleshy side (not fat exactly, but certainly not thin) under those robes, making her a "squishy wizard" in more ways than one.

Patchouli has a taste for cream cakes, though she's quite partial to plain Madeira sponge as well.

Never let Patchouli drink coffee. Ever. Some of the maids are still recovering from the last time. She doesn't like it that much anyway. She prefers hot chocolate.

No-one knows how long Patchouli has lived in the mansion, how she met Remi, or even how old she is. Estimates range from just over 100 to older than Remilia. She tends to change the subject very quickly whenever the topic is brought up.

---

Sakuya

The Scarlet Devil Mansion has been dismantled and rebuilt several times since the original was built in the late 15th century. The current building was built shortly after Sakuya became a member of the Scarlet household. Every brick is imbued with her spacetime-altering magic, allowing for the mansion's seemingly non-euclidian layout.

Sakuya is half-Lunarian on her mother's side. She is Eirin's third cousin, twice removed. Because of a quirk in the way human and Lunarian genes interact, she is expected to live far longer than a pure-blooded Lunarian would in an impure environment.

---

Meiling

Meiling is the newest major addition to the SDM staff, having joined in early 1999, mere months after the mansion was relocated to Gensokyo. She is a local youkai who volunteered to help the new arrivals understand their new home worked. Of course, no-one tells the Scarlet Devil what to do, so Remi just hired her as a gatekeeper and just kept doing her creepy vampire thing in her creepy vampire house. Not that Meiling minds; it's not a hard job and it pays better than being a glorified tour guide.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! As you can see, this one's a lot longer than the last one. Sorry I had so little to say about Sakuya and Meiling; I just don't have as many headcanons about them as I do about the other SDM girls. I have some about Koakuma as well, but they're a little too NSFW for this work.
Next chapter is grimdark. You have been warned.

Chapter 4: Touhou 40,000: Grimdark Gensokyo

Summary:

In this episode, Gensokyo goes grimdark as we explore what might happen if the Touhous were WH40K fans.

Notes:

This is based on a hypothetical scenario I thought of in which an obscene quantity of Warhammer 40,000 minis and rulebooks somehow ended up in Gensokyo, kicking off a huge painting and wargaming craze. If you're not a fan of 40k, then feel free to skip this chapter.

Remilia and Patchouli

Remi and Pache have been 40k fans almost since the beginning. They were extremely excited when they heard rumours of tiny men being painted in Gensokyo, because it meant that they would finally have someone else to introduce to their favourite hobby. And getting to expand their collections for the first time since the 90s didn't hurt either.

Remilia has collected several armies since discovering the hobby in 1988 (she still has one of the old metal thunderhawks), but her favourites by far are the Blood Angels. Three guesses why.

Patchouli also collected her fair share of armies back in the day, but has since settled on the Thousand Sons. She's very excited to see what new models they've received since the mansion was moved to Gensokyo in 1998.

Pache has developed a technique that allows her to use her models as makeshift spellcards. By etching the name of one of the unit's weapons into the paintwork, she can use a spell based on that weapon. This causes no end of controversy among spellcard enthusiasts, with many purists adamantly insisting that spellcards absolutely must be written on paper. Of course, that never stopped Jo'on from writing hers on her old credit cards, so 40k models can't be that much of a step up, right?

---

Koakuma

Koa is a huge fan of basically anything Slaaneshi. She's currently waiting for Fulgrim to get a (40k) model.

---

Sakuya

Remi, Pache and Koa have been trying to get Sakuya into 40k for years now to no avail, but now that everyone seems to be collecting tiny plastic men and painting them garish colours (her words), she can't help but wonder if it might be time to see what all the fuss is about...

---

Cirno

When Cirno first heard about the new 40k craze, she simply could not decide which army to start collecting first. She considered the Orks, the Custodes, the Daemons of Khorne, and just about every flavour of space marine (loyal and heretic) before eventually settling on the Space Wolves. The fact that they get cool ice guns is just the icing on the cake, pun intended.

---

Marisa

Marisa bought her first box of space marines before the 40k craze had properly kicked off, but couldn't decide which chapter to paint them as. That is, until she learned about the Blood Ravens (today the enemy is at our door). With their propensity for (the equivalent of) magic and not-entirely-undeserved reputation for kleptomania, it was a match made in heaven, so to speak.

---

Reimu

Reimu is utterly convinced that the new fad for collecting tiny figures made from materials almost unheard of in Gensokyo and playing some sort of bizarre game with them is an incident in the making, but she knows that she most likely won't be able to resolve it without tiny fighting men of her own. To that end, she has purchased a few Adeptus Custodes kits (supposedly the best value for money) with the help of a small pile of money she conveniently found in the donation box one morning. I wonder who it could be from...

---

Utsuho

Funny story about her...

Okuu was actually one of the first Touhous (besides Remi, Pache and Koa, obviously) to discover 40k, after somehow obtaining a computer and finding Forge World. Of course, Okuu being Okuu, she never thought to look at the "related sites" list at the bottom of the page, so she assumed that all the Codexes were out of print and the only faction she could play were the Titan Legions and their spiky, heretical counterparts. She's such a big silly birb. Unfortunately she's not allowed to borrow Satori's credit card anymore...

Don't ask how or why Forge World deliver to the underworld. Just don't.

Okuu's titans are all flawlessly constructed but shoddily painted (she's such a big silly birb). She has four of each class of titan (two loyal, two spiky), which is the main reason she's not allowed to borrow Satori's credit card anymore.

Now that Okuu knows where she can get Codexes, she's started collecting Adeptus Mechanicus models, including some Secutarii to go with her titans. Yes, FW models are making the rounds in Gensokyo now. Don't ask how.

---

The Komeijis (and Orin)

Satori first found out about 40k thanks to a particularly large credit card bill (courtesy of a certain big silly birb) that she could just barely afford to pay. And keep in mind that Satori is one of the richest youkai alive and a member of Hell's government. If she had a hard time covering the cost, you know Okuu's financial sense is nonexistent.

Satori has since recovered from her credit card bill and amassed a large collection of Craftworld Eldar. Her mind-reading ability complements their counter-based strategy for a truly formidable force. Her Elfdar use a custom colour scheme making heavy use of blues and pinks.

Koishi, inspired by her sister's collection, has amassed a substantial collection of Ynnari, of all armies. She appreciates the flexibility they offer, but finds the 9th edition detachment rules severely limit their effectiveness. As such, she prefers to field them as an unbound army if her opponent allows it.

Orin doesn't play 40k, because she just can't find a faction she likes. Presumably, if the Legion of the Damned were still supported, she'd play them, but they're not and she doesn't.

---

Youkai Mountain residents

Let's start with Nitori, shall we? She's a Tau fan, with a preference for two types of unit: stealthy units, and anything with missiles. And don't even get her started on stealthy units with missiles!

Momiji is a Craftworld fan, just like Satori. Already being a fan of strategy board games, even designing her own (this is actually canon), she naturally gravitated towards (what she saw as) the most "tactical" faction.

Aya is a fan of the Dark Eldar/Drukhari. They go fast and have flying stuff. That's all she needs.

Hatate just copies Aya's lists. Cuz these, like, dark elders or whatever are, like, totally hot right now, so she's gotta, like, get in on the action before they go out of style!

Sanae collects Imperial Knights. Because chicks dig giant robots!

Kanako collects AdMech. She rather fancies herself as a "machine god" and quite likes the idea of a tremendously powerful cult that worships the Machine God.

Suwako wishes the Exodites were playable, but she'll happily settle for da Orkz instead. She's particularly excited about the new "Beast Snaggas".

---

Yukari

Yukari collects two armies: Necrons (as suggested by DaOrkBoy1992) and Raven Guard. She frequently pits these two forces against each other, literally playing both sides. This is because she has no-one else to play with, at least according to Koishi.

It's very possible that Yukari is the one responsible for the recent proliferation of tiny plastic men in Gensokyo. It's either her or Okina. My money's on Okina.

---

Rinnosuke

Who do you think is selling all this?

---

And the rest

You'd think Clownpiece would play Harlequins, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong. None of the canon factions were American enough for her, so she made her own spess mehreen chapter named "the Striped Stars". Three guesses what their gimmick is.

Wriggle plays Tyranids. Because bug.

Nazrin has been a passionate wargamer for a very long time, and was extremely excited to see a cool and "new" wargame in Gensokyo. She's most partial to the most "realistic" faction in the game, the Imperial Guard/Astra Militarum.

Kokoro plays Harlequins. Cue endless "mask/masqe" puns.

Alice collects Orks and gives them little hats.

Yamame, naturally, plays Death Guard.

---

But not everyone can play...

Flandre had a very bad experience trying to get into 40k back in the early 90s. Bringing up the subject around her is generally not a good idea. She painted them so well... Then they went boom... Just like all her other toys...

Jo'on constantly buys all the most expensive kits and never opens them.

And Shion is, well, Shion.

Notes:

And that's that. As always, if I've a research error, a spelling mistake, or anything like that, feel free to let me know. Also if you have any ideas of your own about what 40k armies the Touhous would play, feel free to leave a comment. I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time!

[edit] Fun fact: I calculated the exact cost of Okuu's titan collection with some help from Forge World's Titan Builder, and the least she could've spent on them is £13923. (idk what that is in Yen or whatever currency they use in Gensokyo). While this isn't quite as big of a dent in Satori's bank account as I made it out to be, It's still near of fourteen grand! And that's just for the models themselves! Imagine how much she spent on paints and modelling supplies! (For those interested, the most those models could have cost is £14144. That's a lot of money.)

Chapter 5: Youkai Physiology, part 2

Summary:

More biology headcanons! Yay!

Notes:

I would like to apologise for some of the unfortunate language in the first part of this chapter. I was not aware of the connotations at the time it was originally written. I will leave the writing intact for posterity, but it should not be taken as reflective of my personal views.

Thank you for understanding.

Amanojaku

All amanojaku are hermaphrodites and most are essentially genderfluid; Seija is extremely unusual in that she consistently presents as female.

Amanojaku cancel out each other's reversal powers, and by extension their contrarian instincts, allowing them to form relatively stable communities.

Due to their biochemistry (oestrogen stimulates horn growth), amanojaku consider small horns to be a masculine trait, making Seija's female identity decidedly ironic. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

---

Tengu

Tengu are perhaps the logical extreme of the "all youkai are magical" rule I discussed in part one. The various castes are considered the same species, yet crow tengu are oviparous (hatched from eggs) while the other castes are viviparous (born "live").

In the past, it was common for crow tengu to cook and eat their own (unfertilised) eggs. This practice is considered crude and barbaric nowadays, but that doesn't stop some from continuing to eat theirs, especially when food is scarce.

While the distinctive noses typically associated with tengu are a feature exclusive to the higher castes, the crow and wolf tengu also consider large noses to be a desirable trait.

---

Magicians

Youkai magicians are physiologically almost identical to humans, with the only major difference, besides their apparent agelessness, being a peculiar resistance to heavy metal poisoning (see below). Because of this, they are much more fragile than other youkai; any injury that would be fatal to a human, would be just as fatal to a magician.

In order for a magician to realise their true potential, they must imbue themself with certain elements that conduct specific types of magic. However, imbuing oneself with the element for one type of magic decreases one's effectiveness with others. All magic is enhanced by arsenic, but only the most daring, devoted, or just plain stupid magicians would ever actually use it. Patchouli, being part of the second category, previously made a habit of adding arsenic powder to her food, in addition to swallowing small beads of mercury to enhance her preferred brand of alchemic magic. Unfortunately, even her natural resistance to heavy metal poisoning was not enough to prevent a lifetime of self-abuse in the name of magic from severely weakening her. Eventually this got so bad that the rest of the household had to step in to prevent her from becoming, in Remilia's words, "a martyr to [her] magic". It worked. Now if only something could be done about the rest of her extremely unhealthy lifestyle...

Natural-born magicians like Patchouli are extremely rare, and Pache may very well be the last of her kind. All the more reason for her to take better care of herself, if you ask me.

Notes:

Well that took a dark turn. Time to upgrade to a T rating I suppose.
As always, any input is appreciated, and as this chapter touches on somewhat heavier subject matter than usual, feel free to offer constructive criticism if you feel that I've mishandled anything.
I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you all next time.

Chapter 6: The Nineballs

Summary:

It's time to talk about our favourite baka fairy and her friends!

The baka herself

Cirno is more than three hundred years old. In the past, she would become mortal and inevitably die in the summer, not reappearing until the winter. Dissatisfied with this, Cirno trained for an entire century to become the strongest fairy who ever lived. She's not quite there yet, but she's doing well.

Cirno's power is tied to the ice on the Misty Lake. To prevent herself from dying every summer, she goes to considerable lengths to ensure that there is always ice on the lake. Even just a little.

Cirno absolutely loves being hugged. Just remember to wear gloves.

---

Daiyousei

This little green fairy is one of the oldest beings in Gensokyo. However, immortality and the childlike mind of a fairy do not mix, leaving Daiyousei extremely absent-minded. In particular, she cannot remember exactly how old she is, with estimates ranging from "roughly Yukari's age" to "having existed as long as people have believed in fairies".

In addition to the other 9balls, Dai claims to have a "special friend" who lives in a cave at the bottom of the lake.

Daiyousei is a former sage.

Dai-chan used to be a feared and dangerous trickster, due to not realising that her pranks were actually hurting people. When her "special friend" told her that the people she led into the lake weren't coming out, she cried for days on end. Only after several hours of uninterrupted cuddling from Mystia (see below) did the crying subside.

---

Mystia

Mystia is a warm birb. She is the best at cuddling, because she is the warmest birb. She's first person you should ask for cuddles if Cirno has gotten too friendly with you and made you cold.

Mystia is long-sighted and would benefit greatly from a pair of reading glasses. Too bad she doesn't know what those are.

---

Wriggle

Wriggle, being a firefly youkai, can't stand the cold, and as such is the most common recipient of Mystia's warm birb cuddles.

And, before you ask, yes, she does have a "light". She doesn't use it much because that would be weird, but it's definitely there.

Wriggle and Mystia have been friends for as long as either of them can remember. People often mistake them for a couple because they're so close.

---

Rumia

The ofuda in Rumia's hair only suppresses her powers, not her personality or intelligence - she genuinely is that dumb. Of course, given how powerful she supposedly is, her stupidity may just make her even more dangerous.

That's really all I have for her.

Notes:

This was fun! Those 9bakas are just so moe!
I'd like to take a moment to apologise for the distinct lack of yuri. I'm saving the shipping headcanons for later.
I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 7: Seija

Summary:

Yes, Seija gets her own page. She's just that awesome.

Notes:

Before we begin, I should probably mention that some of this will be getting into sadcanon territory. You have been warned.

Quirky Seija

Seija has an odd habit of alternating between Eastern and Western name order, sometimes in relation to the same person in the same sentence. In addition, she often refers to people she knows by their surnames, such as calling Shinmyoumaru "Sukuna" until she had the whole fandom doing it.

Seija has very distant oni ancestry.

Seija has very peculiar tastes and a particular fondness for cod liver oil. She can drink gallons of the stuff!

Seija pees standing up.

---

Sad Seija

Seija was abandoned as a child and taken in by a surface-dwelling oni couple. Unfortunately, these oni had no idea what an amanojaku even was, let alone how to raise one. This resulted in Seija having an extremely tense relationship with her adoptive parents and eventually running away from home at the age of thirteen.

Because telling the honest truth is very difficult - almost physically painful - for an amanojaku, Seija often finds herself in situations where she wants to tell the truth but just can't. This causes her no end of stress.

Seija has never met another amanojaku in her life, and has every reason to believe she's the last of her kind. She isn't, of course; amanojaku are everywhere if you know where to look for them. But in a way, that just makes it even sadder.

Due to a combination of the above factors (and some general teenage angst that she hasn't quite gotten over), Seija suffers from dangerously high stress levels and may be at risk of developing a heart condition. Here's hoping she finds a friend who understands her soon.

---

Happy Seija

It's not all doom and gloom, of course. Seija genuinely sees Shinmyoumaru as the closest thing she has to a friend, even if they have had their disagreements. Thankfully, Shinmy is a very forgiving inchling and has more-or-less gotten over being lied to. And Seija, for her part, tries to be the best friend she can be, even if her amanojaku instincts make this difficult.

Seija rarely hugs unless she has a specific reason, but when she does, she's very good at it. She has an odd preference for hugs that other people would consider "awkward", such as hugs with someone much taller or shorter than she is.

Seija has recently taken up creative writing. She mainly writes "fantasy histories" but is currently working on a novel.

Notes:

For this one, I wanted to create a more nuanced depiction of Seija - less of a violent anarchist and more of an angsty teen rebel who really just needs a friend who understands her (although the violent anarchist is still there; I'm not trying to completely derail her character). Could Shinmy be that friend?
If you think I've woobie-ified Seija a little too much, or if you just have questions, feel free to let me know.

Chapter 8: Underground Youkai

Summary:

Today we're going underground. We'll start at the tip, and work our way to the top.

Notes:

Warning: some of this is going to get quite dark. We're going to be dealing with some heavy subjects here. Darker headcanons will have [darkcanon warning] attached. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The Komeijis

The reason Satori's right eye appears closed in all of her SA sprites/portraits is because a particularly nasty allergic reaction left her with severely inflamed eyelids. It was not pleasant.

While Satori is surrounded by inveterate cuddlebugs, they have long since learned that it's best to hug her from the side to avoid squishing her third eye.

Satori is trans.

Koishi can pass through the Hakurei Barrier like it wasn't there. She's been to the Outside World many times, which is how she first found out about phones.

Koishi really was born with only two third eye cords (she never pulled any out), but her magic allows her to temporarily create more.

Koishi designs all of her own spellcards and also makes cards for her friends. She is an extremely prolific spellcard designer and makes a fair bit of money selling her cards. Nearly half of Gensokyo's spellcard users have bought at least one of their cards from Koishi, even if they have no memory of the event.

Koishi has found a secret entrance to the SDM's basement and befriended its occupant. And yes, there is definitely something going on between them.

...

We're going to be here a while

[slightly icky darkcanon warning] Koishi can't open her third eye because it is partially fused shut. Trying to pull it open will result in the poor dear screaming in agony and possibly even bleeding. In order to open it again, she'd need surgery, which is much easier said than done in the underworld.

While Koishi can't fully appreciate physical affection in her current state (unless it's from a certain someone), she's still an inveterate cuddlebug due to still believing that hugs are somehow inherently good. Especially if it's with Satori. She's really warm. Or with Orin. She's really really warm. Or Okuu! She's really really really warm!

[darkcanon warning] Satori and Koishi were orphaned at an early age and taken in by a mysterious oni. She had a chequered past, but did try her best to be a good mother to the girls. When the bullying they faced at school got out of hand, she took them both out and tried to give them the best education she could herself. When she realised that her daughters would likely face discrimination and persecution for the rest of their lives, she taught them how to defend themselves with spellcards. Unfortunately, she was forced to leave them to their fates when an angry mob attacked the house, likely having found out about her past misdeeds. To this day they still believe she died protecting them.

Satori and Koishi have a long-lost third sister. She has four cords and is blind in all three eyes. She can sense "feelings". (I can't come up with a good name for her. Sorry.)

Koishi's feet are exceptionally sensitive. Not in a lewd way; they're just ticklish because that's where her cords attach.

[darkcanon warning] Satori and Koishi were aggressively bullied in school and were frequently on the recieving end of violence, including multiple instances of being hit in the third eye. For reference, this is comparable to to being hit the eye, the crotch, and the solar plexus at the same time. In addition, one of Satori's cords was pulled out, leaving a prominent scar on her groin, which she often jokingly refers to as her "second belly button". She wraps the severed cord around her waist to prevent it from trailing on the ground.

Satori's "noose" is not a natural part of her anatomy or the result of childhood bullying. It is in fact a fashion statement; while going through an edgy teenage phase, she decided to tie a noose in one of her cords. Even after outgrowing that phase, she still likes the noose.

No-one in the palace can be trusted to cook regularly: Satori is a passable cook, but does not enjoy it whatsoever; Okuu constantly overcooks everything; Orin is easily the best cook out of all of them, but her odd tastes lead her to incorporate many bizarre and experimental ingredients into her recipes; and Koishi must not under any circumstances be trusted to prepare food. Ever. Because of this, the girls usually prefer to eat out.

---

Okuu and Orin

While Okuu is mildly radioactive, you're very unlikely to be seriously harmed by her.  While her heart very much is radioactive (it's where the fusion happens), the amount of radiation that actually leaves her body is roughly comparable to what you'd get from a roughly Okuu-sized granite boulder.

Okuu may be really really really warm, but she is not the warmest birb. That honour goes to Mystia, as explained in chapter 6. However, Okuu can be the warmest birb, if she's prepared to run the risk of getting too warm and hurting someone. Which she usually isn't. Usually.

Okuu became a youkai (normal hell ravens are just seen as animals in the underworld) shortly after befriending Satori. At first, she was simply a hell raven whom the universe had begun to recognise as a youkai. After moving into the Palace of Earth Spirits, she had a healthier, more diverse diet, allowing her to become more human in a spiritual sense. After catching a glimpse of an engineering textbook in the palace's library, she developed enough curiosity - and therefore humanity - to gain a humanoid form.

Orin was Satori's childhood pet (kasha are fairly common pets in the underworld). While kasha, unlike hell ravens, are recognised as youkai by default, most are little more than animalistic soul-eaters. Orin gained her human form after Satori started feeding her a diet of meat and fish, rather than souls, thus "humanising" her.

Because hell ravens do not reproduce sexually (this is actually canon), Okuu has no ovaries or uterus, a completely flat chest (canon), and no navel. The only reason she even has genitalia is because her urethra needs to go somewhere, doesn't it?

Because hell ravens don't reproduce sexually, as mentioned above, Okuu has no idea where eggs come from. She probably wouldn't believe you if you told her anyway.

Eating the Yatagarasu caused Okuu to gain a cybernetic version of her existing humanoid form. This includes her control rod and the concrete on her leg. The only change to her "basic" humanoid form is the eye on her chest.

[darkcanon warning] Okuu was originally a hell raven who chose to build a nest outside Satori's bedroom window, back when the sisters were still living with Oni Mom. At the time, she had no real interaction with the family, besides occasionally fighting with Orin over a particularly choice mouse. When the sisters (and Orin) were forced to flee with nothing but the clothes they were wearing and whatever odds and ends they could fit in their pockets, Okuu endeared herself to them by flying into the house to retrieve Koishi's favourite blanket. After this, Satori adopted her and gave her the name Utsuho. Orin's fumbling attempts to pronounce this name (she was still getting used to her human mouth) led Koishi to suggest "Okuu" as a short form.

---

And the rest

Yuugi is excellent at hugging. Despite (or perhaps because of) her immense strength, she is very gentle.

Yuugi is the closest thing Parsee has to a friend, and the two often share drinks. The fact that alcohol is one of the few things that can dampen Parsee's jealousy powers seriously helps.

Never make a coronavirus joke around Yamame. Unless you want to make her cry, in which case what is wrong with you?! She's a nice spoder who does everything she can to avoid accidentally making someone sick! Suggesting that she had something to do with a global pandemic like that is just... Ugh!

Kisume's bucket is full of the remains of everyone she has ever killed. That's a lot of remains. Just don't ask what that rope is attached to. It might stop working.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! Once again, I'd like to apologise for anything I may have handled insensitively. If you have any questions, or if you just don't agree with anything I may have said here, then feel free to say so in the comments. I'd love to hear your two cents, as it were.
Also, sorry this one took so long. As you can see, this was a particularly long chapter, as I tried to fit the entire Subterranean Animism cast into one page. Next time a chapter looks like it's going to be this long, I'll split it into two parts so as not to keep anyone waiting.
In the meantime, any thoughts on what the next chapter should be about? I'm always on the lookout for suggestions.

Chapter 9: SDM Revisited

Summary:

Welcome back! Today we're going to be looking at some headcanons I forgot to mention during our first visit to the House of Scarlet, as well as some new ideas I've come up with since then.

Notes:

Fair warning: we'll be getting a little into shipping territory with this episode; if you're particularly prone to starting shipping wars, it is recommended that you skip this chapter.

In general

Almost no-one in the mansion still uses their original name, with the exception of Meiling and some of the newer fairy maids. In the past, Remilia would rename anyone who moved in, to remind them that life in the mansion would change them. As her staff grew, renaming every new addition to the household became impractical, so she began to reserve this for the most important additions, before doing away with this practice entirely upon moving to Gensokyo. It is entirely possible that even the Scarlet Sisters themselves are not using their original names.

---

Remi and Pache

Remi and Pache have been in an on-and-off relationship almost since they first met. When questioned on the matter, Remi said, "When you've lived as long as I have, the line between a friend and a lover becomes quite blurred indeed."

Remi and Pache cuddle constantly any time they're alone together. Remi is surprisingly warm for a vampire and Pache is big and squishy, making for an absolutely wonderful experience for both.

Pache was born somewhere in Italy and still hasn't quite lost the accent. She speaks only a little English, and barely a word of French or Dutch (the other two most likely candidates for Remi and Flan's native language). She learned Japanese out of necessity (with Remi's help) when the plan to relocate to Gensokyo was announced, and was only able to become fully fluent after meeting Meiling. She is, however, fluent in Latin, Greek and Arabic, considered to be the three most important languages for a magician to learn. All of the SDM girls are, to some extent, multilingual, and Pache is no exception.

---

Koakuma

I know I said all my Koa headcanons were too NSFW for this, but as it turns out, some aren't.

Koa was originally summoned by Remi because Pache needed demon blood for her magic. Neither of them expected that the demon they summoned would become a close friend to both.

Koa's main duties consist of fetching items too heavy for the fairy maids to carry, translating some of the more esoteric texts in the library, and occasionally donating some of her bodily fluids for Pache's more advanced spells (usually saliva or urine, though sometimes other fluids may be used; blood is only needed for the most elaborate and energy-intensive spells).

One of Koa's other responsibilities is to provide comfort and affection to Pache when Remi isn't available. When Remi is available, however, Koa will often join in their cuddling sessions if she isn't busy with anything else. And, before you ask, yes, all three of them "like" each other.

---

SakuSakuSakuya

Sakuya has a vaguely Eastern European accent, most likely Romanian.

I really can't think of anything else for her.

---

Meiling

Meiling was born in Gensokyo to Chinese youkai parents some time in the 20th century. It's unclear what kind of youkai she is, but she's not a disguised human. Remilia had her tested.

Notes:

I'm back! Hopefully I didn't keep you waiting too long for this one. As you can probably tell, Remi/Pache/Koa is my OT3. Anyway, does anyone have any thoughts on what I should cover next? I'm always open to suggestions!

Chapter 10: Youkai Physiology, part 3

Summary:

More biology headcanons, before we move on to more interesting topics.

Fairies (not technically youkai, but it'd be weird if I had a separate page for "not-technically-youkai physiology")

Because fairies don't reproduce sexually, they don't have belly buttons. Most are confused and horrified upon seeing a human's bare midriff for the first time, but some, such as Star Sapphire, are fascinated.

Whenever a fairy "respawns", she reappears wearing an outfit identical to what she was wearing at the time of her death. Any clothes that a fairy wears are bonded to her body as long as she continues to wear them, causing any damaged parts to regenerate like living tissue. However, their "respawning" can't be abused to create infinite free clothing, because when a fairy dies, her current outfit is instantly destroyed along with her body so it can regenerate.

Fairies are "born" fully clothed, making the expression "naked as the day they were born" decidedly ironic.

---

Amanojaku (continued)

Amanojaku are superhumanly flexible and agile, capable of movements that would be utterly unnatural in a human. This ability is surprisingly useful in more ways than one.

Amanojaku can get drunk on coffee.

Sagume Kishin is an amanojaku who somehow ended up on the moon and became pure. Feeling isolated with no other amanojaku on the moon, she attempted to invert her own contrarian nature in an attempt to fit in with Lunarian society, causing her to lose her horns and gain wings (one of which she would later lose in an accident). While this did allow her to function around others without instinctively opposing them, it also caused reality itself to oppose her.

---

Vampires

Different types of blood from different species taste different to vampires and affect their bodies differently. Human blood is the healthiest, with animal blood being a close second. The latter, however, is extremely unpalatable; Remilia once compared it to "cheap whisky with an aftertaste of compost". Youkai blood is the equivalent of junk food, tasting very pleasant while being very unhealthy; different types of youkai can have radically different flavours; baku blood tastes like chocolate sauce, while amanojaku blood is comparable to a sour novelty candy. The blood of a god, however, tastes unnaturally bitter and can produce a potent emetic effect. No-one's entirely sure whether Sanae counts as a human or a god for the purposes of vampire feeding, but no vampire wants to find out the hard way. Lastly, demon blood is both delicious and extremely nourishing, imbuing the drinker with tremendous strength and agility even by vampire standards. The catch is that it is extremely addictive, to the point where no vampire in their right mind would even think about biting a demon, lest they become dependent on the stuff.

Vampires can sleep for years on end, putting all their bodily functions on hold until they're ready to awaken.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! Next chapter might not be out for a while, as I have some other projects I'd like to work on in the meantime.
That said, I hope to be back soon, and as always, any input is very much appreciated. Thank you.

Chapter 11: The Mountain of Faith

Summary:

We've done the EoSD and SA casts, so I thought I'd cover MoF next. Hatate's here too.

The Moriya Shrine

Kanako's original takeover of the shrine was actually a setup - Suwako heard rumours of a new god in the area and intentionally made herself a target, before deliberately letting Kanako win and foisting off her divine responsibilities onto her. Kanako didn't realise she'd been had until she woke up the next morning and heard a knock on the door. It was Suwako, looking uncharacteristically smug. While you'd be forgiven for thinking Kanako would be outraged, that could not be farther from the truth. On the contrary, the two quickly became friends, and possibly something more...

Because Suwako still has a few worshippers in the Outside World, she is able to exist on both sides of the barrier simultaneousley. However, she is much more powerful in Gensokyo.

Sanae has a huge crush on Nue.

While it's obvious that Kanako and Suwako are more than just friends, the true nature of their relationship is a mystery. Even they themselves aren't sure how to describe it. After all, when two people have known each other as long as they have, the line between a friend and a lover can become quite blurred indeed.

Many Gensokyans have met Suwako without realising who she is. Most assume her to be a frog youkai, with only a few suspecting that she might be a god.

Sanae is openly bi and has had short-lived relationships with several boys (and rumour has it, at least one girl) from the Human Village while still crushing on Nue. These relationships don't last long because living at the top of the dreaded Youkai Mountain makes dating impractical.

Suwako slept around quite a bit in her younger years, and had several illegitimate children. Some of their descendants are still alive today.

Sanae is not the only Touhou who can claim descent from Suwako...

---

Tengu and Kappa

Despite Aya and Hatate running rival newspapers, there is no real animosity between them and the two frequently meet each other for drinks.

Aya and Momiji were childhood friends, up until one of them (don't ask which) had a little too much to drink one evening and made a less-than-complimentary remark about the other's nose. This marked the beginning of a feud between the two tengu that would spiral out of control from there, culminating in Aya publishing a blatantly false article portraying Momiji as an insane racist. While this very quickly landed her in court for libel, the controversy surrounding the article helped to put the Bunbunmaru on the map. No such thing as bad publicity, after all.

Aya has a very small nose and is quite insecure about it (see chapter 5). Momiji's nose isn't much bigger, but her excellent sense of smell makes her living proof that size doesn't matter.

Nitori lives in an elaborate underground house with all manner of fancy gadgets. The house is built on two levels: an upper level containing workshops, a library, and most of the actual living areas including a bathroom with modern plumbing; and an underwater lower level where Nitori's bedroom is located. The two levels are connected in most rooms, resulting in something akin to having a small indoor pool in every room.

Momiji has recently moved in with Nitori. And yes, it is exactly what it looks like.

---

And the rest

I don't really have anything about the Akis or Hina, so I'm just going to leave you with the obvious joke:

Yes, Minoriko can, in fact, pee wine.

Notes:

I'm back! Sorry to keep you waiting! I was working on another project, but it never really came to anything. So what do you think? As always, your input is very much appreciated.
I've been Alexandeer_C, and I will see you next time.

Chapter 12: The Myouren Temple and Friends

Summary:

Here's where I'll be putting the UFO girls, Kyouko, Mamizou, and the Yorigamis.
And Unzan. Mustn't forget Unzan.

Byakuren

While Byakuren rarely engages in physical contact with others (and even describes herself as "hug-shy"), she will occasionally hug a select few if she's in the right mood. And while she isn't exactly the master of physical affection (see below), she is naturally warm and getting to hug her is seen as a rare treat among her followers.

---

Shou

Out of all the Myourens, Shou gives the best hugs.

---

Murasa

I don't have anything for her. Sorry.

---

Ichirin and Unzan

Ichirin is not-so-secretly dating Futo.

If Unzan ever met Yuugi, the resulting brofist would be more epic than the universe could safely contain, and mass destruction would ensue.

---

Nazrin

Nazrin constantly criticises Byakuren, eats all the food in the temple, and generally makes a nuisance of herself. And yet, she is allowed to stay because she is a genuinely good friend to Shou, and, frankly, sometimes Byakuren needs to be criticised.

---

Kogasa

Kogasa has formed a close friendship with Kisume, and the two often go on "scaring missions" together, proving that the vicious well spirit has a softer side to her.

---

Nue

Nue isn't just a nue, she's the Nue. She isn't named after her species; the species is named after her.

While Nue isn't exactly in love with the idea of a human having feelings for her (see chapter 11), she does admit to finding Sanae quite attractive.

---

Mamizou

Mamizou is an inveterate party animal and frequently trashes the temple. Nue, however, is much worse and has caused several fires.

---

Kyouko

For some time now, Kyouko has been considering leaving the temple to pursue her music career full-time, feeling that the ascetic lifestyle just doesn't suit her. However, she is concerned that Byakuren might blame Mystia, resulting in unneccesary conflict.

---

The Sisters Yorigami

Jo'on maintains a list of weird things she has seen Shion (try to) eat. It includes, but is not limited to:

• Grass
• "Grass"
• Suspicious mushrooms
• Hogweed leaves (don't try this at home, kids)
• Literal cardboard
• A plywood fork
• Rotten meat
• Rotten vegetables
• Glue
• Paint
• Green stuff
• Deep-fried paper
• And last but not least, a chunk of her own flesh. Don't worry, it grew back.

Also on the list are a few things that are actually perfectly normal for people to eat, but that Jo'on just doesn't like.

Jo'on has a car. Unfortunately, she has no idea how to drive. Mamizou, on the other hand...

Nue and Mamizou often invite Jo'on to their parties. Sometimes it's just not the same without a petty thief dressed like a pimp.

Notes:

Well that's the Myourens done. I'd like to apologise to the Murasa fans in the audience for not having anything about her. And seriously, don't eat hogweed. In fact, don't even touch it if you can avoid it. Shion was (mostly) ok because she's an immortal goddess, but you are (probably) not. Don't touch hogweed.
Anyways, what would you like to see me cover next? Reimu and Marisa? The Fairies of Light (+Clownpiece)? The sages? My ships? Or maybe you have your own ideas about what I should cover next? Either way, your input is appreciated.
I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 13: Sages and Friends, part one

Summary:

Today we are going to be talking about the Sages of Gensokyo and their friends and assosciates.

Notes:

Fair warning: the darkcanons are back.

The Sages in general

The organisation now known as the Sages of Gensokyo was created by the Ryuujin at an unknown point in the past, in response to the rise of science placing the existence of the supernatural at risk. It is not clear exactly how many Sages there are (or were, seeing how they seem to have largely gone their separate ways), but I make it six: Yukari, Kasen, Okina, Daiyousei (see chapter 6), Tenma, and Yuyuko. It's possible that there were once others, perhaps even a Hakurei ancestor, but if there were, they are no longer with us.

I like to imagine the Sages in their heyday as being a bit like an RPG party, with Kasen as the tank, Dai as the healer, and so on. It's unlikely that this is actually how it was, but I still think it's a cool idea.

[darkcanon warning] In the past, the Sages created several contingency plans in case the Hakurei Barrier were to fail. However, since the Sages have largely gone their separate ways, and with Gensokyo's status quo having changed substantially in recent years, these plans would be impractical to implement now, leaving the future of the supernatural world more uncertain than ever before.

Yukari and Yuyuko are considering making Reimu an honourary Sage to reward her efforts in keeping the "peace" in Gensokyo.

In response to Kasen's denouncement of Yukari's policies, Tenma becoming more of a politician than a sage, and Okina's ever-increasing capriciousness, the Ryuujin is making plans to assemble a new team of sages. Current top candidates include Satori, Patchouli, Byakuren and Kanako.

Even as the Sages grow ever more distant from each other, Yukari and Tenma have remained friends, even if the latter's deal with Kanako has created some degree of tension between the two.

---

The Yakumos

[darkcanon warning] Yukari was originally a normal human living somewhere in Northern Europe at some point in the distant past (Distant past?! What nonsense! Everyone knows Yukarin is 17~). At some point in her youth, she was spirited away to what would become Gensokyo by the previous Gap Youkai. She was found by a family of youkai hunters who gave her the name Yukari and offered to teach her their ways. She accepted, and by the age of seventeen, she was ready for her first hunt (don't ask how she was able to understand them; there's probably a perfectly logical explanation, but it might just be Touhou Logic at work). By an extraordinary stroke of luck, she succeeded in killing a youkai on her first attempt. Unfortunately, as it turned out, it was the very same youkai that sent her to Japan in the first place. And as it turned out, killing a Gap Youkai turns you into a Gap Youkai. Fundamentally changed by her newfound power, Yukari quickly turned on the hunters and, as soon as they were out of the way, began to cultivate her new identity as a youkai.

Yukari has a daughter who has left Gensokyo to start a new life somewhere in the Outside World. Yukari still visits her every so often. No-one knows who the father is, though. Given that this is Touhou, there might not even be a father.

Yukari gives absolutely amazing hugs. Too bad she's ridiculously stingy with her affection. Unless it's with Yuyuko. She can have all the Yukarin hugs she wants. And sometimes something more...

While Yukari, for the most part, actively avoids thinking of shikigami as actual people, she does admit (to Yuyuko at least) that she may sometimes be a little too harsh with Ran.

[darkcanon warning] Ran's shikigami programming results in something akin to a split personality, with her shikigami self taking no issue with Yukari's harsh treatment of her, while the true personality of her host body vehemently disagrees. Shikigami are generally programmed to actively suppress the mind of the host, and Ran is no exception. However, a fault in her programming occasionally results in her host's pain and fear surfacing, causing uncontrollable emotional outbursts.

Ran's infamous exhibitionism is caused by a "nude code" that Yukari programmed her with as a joke, with the intention that nothing would actually trigger it, but it would always be there. Unfortunately, however, a programming error causes the code to occasionally activate under certain circumstances, resulting in Ran spontaneously removing all her clothes for no apparent reason. While Ran is deeply ashamed of this, Yukari constantly teases her about it, most infamously by giving her a spellcard named "Suppa Tenko" as a sort of tongue-in-cheek "birthday present".

I don't really have anything about Chen.

---

Yuyuko and Youmu

Yuyuko and Youmu have a comedy double-act that they put on in their spare time, with Youmu as the straight man and Yuyuko as the wise guy.

Youmu is excellent at hugging; because she isn't as warm as most people (apparently canon), she has carefully honed her technique over the years to compensate.

When Youmu is frightened and needs comforting, it's best to cuddle her human and phantom halves together. If you only cuddle one, the other half will get cold.

---

To be continued...

Notes:

Hello again, everyone. I decided to make this one a two-parter (or perhaps even a three-parter) so as not to keep you waiting too long for new content. As always, if you have any comments, questions, or suggestions, feel free to say so.

Chapter 14: Sages and Friends, part two

Summary:

More sages.

Continued from part one.

---

Yuyuko and Youmu, cont.

Yuyuko was quite a big girl when she was alive, and carried it off beautifully. She's quite a bit thinner as a ghost, but still has a little bit of squishiness around her waist.

Yuyuko is quite a bit cooler to the touch than most living people but very warm for a ghost. Just as well; she's very affectionate, with a particular fondness for surprise hugs.

Youmu has had a secret crush on Sakuya ever since a particular incident that occured at a "spooky scary slumber party" (as described by Sanae) at the SDM. Remilia had invited Youmu, Reimu, Marisa, Sanae, and Alice over to the house to tell ghost stories (Alice never turned up). Sakuya was also there, seeing as a major part of her job amounts to humouring Remi's various whims. Naturally, when Remi told her guests and servant her favourite ghost story, Youmu was absolutely terrified. Fortunately, Sakuya happened to be sitting next to her and, seeing how obviously terrified the poor dear was, gave her the absolute best hug of her life. Turns out that the normally aloof meido has a natural knack for administering near-perfect hugs when they're needed the most. Youmu ended up being the only guest to stay for the whole night, not because she was enjoying the ghost stories, but because she wanted to stay with Sakuya. She wanted to ask for another hug the next morning, but couldn't quite work up the courage. She did, however, receive an affectionate pat on the shoulder as she was leaving, so perhaps Sakuya likes her back after all.

Yuyuko and Yukari have been in a very loving relationship for the past hundred-or-so years. They frequently (deliberately) embarrass Youmu and Ran by acting like ridiculously sappy sweethearts in front of everyone.

---

Okina and co.

While Okina has always had a slight limp, being recognised as a god of the disabled caused her leg muscles to atrophy, resulting in her current state of reduced mobility. Due to her divine nature, her condition has no direct human equivalent, as she is quick to point out whenever the topic is brought up. Because her condition only affects her muscles and not her spinal cord or nerves, she can walk, but not without extreme difficulty; she can, however, use her divine powers to create an illusion of grace and elegance. On a related topic, Okina is very quick to point out that her condition only affects her leg muscles. Everything else is perfectly healthy. Everything.

Satono and Mai were originally from the Outside World. Okina first recruited them by posing as a talent agent looking for backup dancers for the girls' favourite celebrity. While they were initially angry at being tricked, they quickly decided that being agents of a god was a lot more interesting than being a pair of nameless, faceless backup dancers, even if the uniforms were a little silly. Okina cares deeply about Satono and Mai, and plans on reuniting them with their families once she finds a suitable pair of successors for them.

Okina is technically both a youkai and a god, but prefers to be referred to as a god, as she feels that the term "youkai" carries a connotation that doesn't suit the image of an ineffable protector that she is trying to create. The fact that "secret god" sounds a lot better than "secret youkai" helps as well.

Satono and Mai have their own straight-man-and-wise-guy comedy routine, inspired by Yuyuko and Youmu's act. Unfortunately, their current audience consists entirely of Okina, who doesn't care much for stand-up, and as such, expanding their audience is a high priority for them.

[sadcanon warning] Okina and Yukari once had a relationship, a long time ago. It was a truly beautiful romance at first, but after a few hundred years, it began to turn sour. You see, Yukari had always harboured feelings for Yuyuko, but had kept this a secret, feeling unworthy of the ghost's affections. These feelings would only grow stronger over time, eventually becoming too overwhelming to hide from Okina. Not helping was the Door Sage's ego getting the better of her, resulting in progressively more serious disagreements between the two. Eventually, the two sages were forced to admit that their relationship had become unhealthy, and that it would be best for both of them if they simply went their separate ways and found new partners. While Yukari was finally able to confess to Yuyuko and the two quickly became passionate lovers, Okina is still trying to move on more than a century later.

Well, that ended on a sad note, didn't it? Don't worry, there are laughs still to come. Just be patient.

---

Kasen

Kasen and Suika were once lovers, but, for various reasons, decided to end their relationship. They stayed friends for a time, but Kasen's attempts to separate her human and oni selves drove a rift between them. While Suika has long since accepted Kasen's decision and wants nothing more than to be her friend again despite their differences, Kasen is too afraid that Suika might still be upset with her to try to re-establish their friendship.

---

And finally, Tenma

Tenma has a very, very impressive nose. It is almost certainly fake.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! Do you think I mishandled my first Okina headcanon? I'm not exactly an expert on disabilities, so any feedback is appreciated.

Also, who would you pair Okina with? Her relationship with Yukari going wrong was at least partially her own fault, yes, but she still deserves another chance in my opinion.

Next chapter is Reimu and Marisa, and after that it's a special shipping chapter. But for now, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 15: Reimu and Marisa (and Alice)

Summary:

This chapter has been a long time coming. Alice is here as well, because I don't know where else to put her.

Let us begin...

---

Hakurei Reimu, the Shrine Maiden of Paradise, was born in a humble dwelling on the fringes of Gensokyo some time in the mid-1980s. No-one knows who her parents were or what happened to them, but Reimu tends to become very irritable whenever the subject is brought up. At some point, she was put in charge of the Hakurei Shrine by an unknown authority (likely Yukari) and has lived there ever since.

Reimu is of very slender build, as the energies of the Hakurei Yin-Yang Orbs prevent her body from storing more than a certain amount of fat (possibly canon). It is unclear whether this is an intentional part of their functionality or an inexplicable side effect, but it leaves Reimu with just enough body fat to maintain a slight bust and a shapely rear end. She is also almost superhumanly beautiful (though not to the same extent as Kaguya, but we're not talking about her today) thanks to a particular trait associated with the sacred Hakurei Bloodline.

Kirisame Marisa, the Ordinary Magician, is perhaps a few months younger than Reimu and was also born in Gensokyo, but her early years were very different. Marisa was born into one of the wealthiest families in Gensokyo, but never quite saw eye-to-eye with her parents or siblings. From an early age she was facscinated by youkai and their supernatural abilities, which were, naturally, an extremely taboo subject for the infamously superstitious Kirisames. Little did they know, a certain employee of the family business was half-youkai himself (canon) and had secretly been tutoring Marisa in the forbidden arts of magic. Of course, they must have found out at some point, because a few weeks after Marisa's lessons began, Rinnosuke found himself fired without a single word of explanation, and Marisa's father started making cryptic, vaguely threatening remarks about "what separates us and them" and "corrupting influences". It didn't take long for Marisa to put two and two together, and she ran away from home to live in the forest with others who might be able to teach her magic.

Marisa is very short (this runs in the family), coming up to just below Reimu's shoulder. Her gigantic hat makes her look either much taller or even shorter than she actually is, depending on who you ask.

Reimu and Marisa attended the same school in the Human Village, but didn't actually meet until their final year, when they were introduced by their mutual friend Alice.

The young dollmaker known as Alice Margatroid is one of Gensokyo's most mysterious figures. No-one knows where she came from; she just sort of showed up at school one day and the teacher (Keine's predecessor) acted like she'd always been there. It is unclear how Alice originally learned magic or how she obtained her iconic grimoire, but as she dislikes being questioned about her past, even by her closest friends, it is unlikely that we'll find out any time soon.

Alice and Marisa were romantically involved when they were younger, but broke up when Alice's decision to become a youkai drove a rift between them. Despite this, however, they have made their best efforts to remain friends and often work together on magical experiments.

Reimu and Marisa have had a mutual crush for several years now, but neither have yet found the confidence to confess their feelings for each other. Everyone who knows them agrees, however, that it's only a matter of time...

Marisa is MtF trans. The only people outside of her family who know about this are Alice, who knew her before she came out, and Yukari, who just knows these things.

Reimu and Marisa both appear considerably younger than they actually are; Reimu because of her sacred bloodline, Marisa because of her magic.

Reimu has relatives all over the world. Yukari deliberately manipulates their marriages to ensure that there is always a suitable heir to the sacred Hakurei bloodline, without which the whole system would come crashing down overnight.

Marisa's mother was originally from Texas, but found herself spirited away to Gensokyo at some point in her youth. As such, Marisa and her siblings grew up hearing all manner of tall tales about the Lone Star State. Unfortunately, the kids now think all these outlandish tales are entirely true.

Marisa has made several attempts to make her own version of Alice's dolls, but the best she has thus far been able to achieve is making a hand puppet say "Mari Mari".

Alice makes clothes for Marisa, including several pairs of bulletproof bloomers.

While none of Alice's dolls are truly sentient, Shanghai and Hourai are capable of a greater degree of autonomy, and may or may not be in the process of becoming youkai themselves.

Alice's "Goliath" doll was intended to be her magnum opus: a truly sentient magic doll. Unfortunately, it's not quite perfected yet.

Alice has recently been talking with Ran, hoping to learn how to create her own shikigami.

Alice has a large doll made in her own likeness, which she uses as a remote body when she's out of the house. This doll, named "Little Alice", is roughly half the size of the real Alice and fully capable of speech.

Alice makes a decent living making (non-magical) dolls for various customers, human and youkai alike, throughout Gensokyo.

Ok, hugcanon time! Reimu isn't much of a cuddler, but she will occasionally hug someone if she thinks they particularly need it. Marisa, on the other hand, is by far the most affectionate of all the Touhous, with countless tens being sacrificed every year to satisfy her uncontrollable cuddle-lust. Fortunately, she's right up there with Youmu, Yukari and Shou in the competition for hug champion of Gensokyo (Mystia and Okuu are in a league of their own due to their nature as warm birbs). Alice, however, is highly averse to physical contact, and does not appreciate attempts to hug her. But, of course, there is always an exception, and Alice's exception is Marisa. Despite their relationship having long since ended, they still know each other well enough to know exactly how to hug each other.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! This chapter is probably where I should've started, in hindsight, but better late than never, as they say.

Also, this chapter features my second trans headcanon! I decided to go a bit more in-depth with this one than I did with Satori, but I'm not exactly an expert on trans issues, so as always, if you think I've mishandled anything, feel free to let me know.

Fun fact: I got the idea of Marisa's mother being Texan from a little thing called the Mysteryland Project, a sort of parodic "Americanized" take on Touhou, whose Marisa equivalent, Melissa McDonalds[sic], is a Texan farm girl.

Anyway, I know I said the next chapter would be the shipping special, but there's one more thing I'd like to cover first. In the meantime, feel free to request pairings for me to share my thoughts on. But until next time, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 16: Beyond Gensokyo

Summary:

Today we are going beyond the Great Hakurei Barrier to explore the Outside World and the Dream World.

Psykers and Dream Fantasy Disease

For several years now, the youth of the Outside World have been manifesting strange abilities that can only be described as psychic powers, with approximately one in every 300 people between the ages of ten and twenty-five possessing some degree of psychic ability. These gifted individuals are known by many names, but I'm most partial to the term "psyker".

Approximately one in every ten known psykers suffers from a condition known as Dream Fantasy Disease, or DFD. This condition (canonically) causes the psyker to experience dreams that are somehow more "real" than normal dreams. Sounds harmless enough, right? Well, those of you who know enough about Touhou lore to understand the concept of "dream souls" will know exactly why this is a Very Bad Thing. But why is it recognised as a disease in the Outside World, where basically no-one has any reason to know what a dream soul is? Well, to start with, psychic abilities are very poorly understood, having only been acknowledged as a scientific phenomenon for a few years. For all the average scientist knows, unusually realistic dreams could be a sign that a psyker's powers are about to go haywire. In addition, DFD is most common in psykers who have little to no social interaction, leading psychologists to speculate if it may be linked to stress caused by failure to properly engage with others. For some, however, it is a blessing in disguise; almost all psykers suffer from night terrors, apart from those with DFD. For this reason, many psykers are very happy to be diagnosed with DFD, as it means they can finally get a decent night's sleep.

In addition to the aforementioned night terrors, many psykers suffer from "psychic nosebleeds" and the somewhat less common "psychic headaches". While these phenomena are poorly understood, they are believed to be caused by psykers overexerting their powers.

---

Characters

While psykers are often remarkable individuals in and of themselves, Sumireko in particular stands out for a number of reasons. While most psykers do not show any sign of psychic potential until puberty, Sumireko demonstrated a wide variety of psychic abilities almost from birth. In addition, her powers are far beyond the talents of any other known psyker; even half of the tricks she does in the fighting games would give anyone else a truly ferocious psychic nosebleed. Because of this, Sumi thinks very highly of herself (canon), but she has learned a great deal of humility since discovering Gensokyo and starting to actually interact with others.

Doremy was originally just a normal baku, a fairly common youkai, until one day she ate a particularly large and nutritious dream and became the most powerful of her kind to have ever lived. Because of the tremendous power this dream had given her, the gods appointed Doremy to the position of supreme ruler of the Dream World.

Since the Perfect Possession Incident, Sumireko and Doremy have remained friends, and perhaps something more...

Sumireko has a taste for energy drinks and once downed three 500ml cans every day for a week with no ill effects. She's started cutting down since developing DFD, but still frequently drinks enough to give her a ferocious case of the shivers. She'd better enjoy it while she can; when I was her age, I could down half my weight in the stuff and not be bothered. Now I'm lucky if I can stomach two cans in a week.

Because Sumi sleeps so much during the day, she sometimes has a hard time getting to sleep at night. Normally she can deal with this on her own, but when it gets particularly bad, Doremy sometimes visits her to help her get sleepy. She's a good friend like that.

Doremy's clothes inexplicably smell faintly of chocolate sauce. They don't call her Doremy Sweet for nothing, after all.

Sumi has quite a few secret admirers at school, partially due to her fashion sense, partially due to the fact that psykers are seen as attractive among the youth of the Outside World.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! The Shipping Special is next, so if there are any more pairings anyone would like to suggest, now's the time.

But until then, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 17: The Shipping Special!

Summary:

Now for the chapter you've all been waiting for...

 

THE SHIPPING SPECIAL!!

 

Now, let us begin!

Notes:

Fair warning: this one gets a bit risque in places, particularly towards the end. Nothing explicit, but I thought I ought to give you a fair warnig to root out the prudes just to be safe.

Ships I've already covered (or at least hinted at)

Koishi/Flandre: It's hard not to ship these two; they're just so smol and moe! And as we all know, two moe girls together are worth four individual moe girls.

Patchouli/Remilia: It's hard for me not to ship these two, they're just so perfect together! Throw in a Koa and you have my OT3.

Suwako/Kanako: It's unclear exactly what the nature of their relationship is in canon, but its highly unlikely that they're just friends.

Nue/Sanae: I got this one from TV Tropes.

Momiji/Nitori: Well, I wasn't exactly going to pair Momiji with Aya (canonically they hate each other) and the contrast between Momiji and Nitori makes them one of my favourite pairings.

Ichirin/Futo: Seeing them getting along so well in AoCF despite their religious differences was just so endearing!

Yuyuko/Yukari: Ghost princess + forever 17 youkai = love

Sakuya/Youmu: I just think they'd be so cute together!

Okina/Yukari: As mentioned in chapter 14, I like to imagine them as exes.

Kasen/Suika: See above.

Reimu/Marisa: YES YES YES!! I like to imagine that the real reason Marisa doesn't become a youkai like Alice is because she doesn't just want to live forever - she wants to live forever with Reimu.

Marisa/Alice: As with OkiYuka and SuiKasen above, I like to imagine these two as exes, as explained in chapter 15.

Doremy/Sumireko: I hinted at this pairing in the last chapter, but I didn't really do anything with it or make it explicit, mainly because it was hard to make it work in the context of the chapter without it feeling tacked on, like a generic "o btw x and y are dating" comment. But, yeah, I ship them.

---

Suggested by Hclegend

Okuu/Mystia: As you said, the Barrier would break from the sheer warm birb energy, so it's best to keep them away from each other for the sake of Gensokyo's future.

Mystia/Wriggle: I imagine them more as childhood friends than lovers, but I can see them as a couple as well. Warmest Birb warming up Best Reverse Trap in the winter is something I imagined as taking the form of platonic cuddling, but I can see them cuddling romantically as well, and maybe even getting a bit naughty together. That... That does work as a way to warm someone up, right?

---

Suggested by ThenPerishFool

Okina/Marisa: I personally find this one a bit creepy, I mean I'm not too familiar with their dynamic, but from what little I've seen, I don't think it'd be the healthiest relationship. Of course, that could just be my lack of experience with the actual games talking; the only main-series Touhou games I've played are MoF, SA, UFO, TD, and DDC. And even then, DDC is the only one where I've gotten past the third stage. So you've probably seen some more positive interactions between them that I haven't.

Yachie/Okina: I like. Crocodeer would be a good waifu for Chair Mom. Perhaps she reminds her of Yukarin? In a good way?

Mima/Yuuka: I don't really know enough about these two to comment, but from what little I know, I can't see any reason why it wouldn't work. Except, yknow, ghost butt, but that's besides the point.

Doremy/Sagume: Can't say I'm all that familiar with the dynamic between these two, either, but I can still see why you ship them. Now I think about it, though, my headcanons for these two strangely seem to mirror each other, with both having originally been ordinary youkai before becoming what they are now. Funny thing, that.

Aya/Te(w)i: An unorthodox pairing, but I can see how it might work. Both are huge jerks ancient trickster youkai with a penchant for causing trouble, as you say, so I can see how they might make a cute couple.

Konngara/Sariel: Another pair of characters I don't know much about, but ANGEL HUGS!!

---

Suggested by VirgoDrago

Reimu/Marisa: Yes.

Yukari/Yuyuko: Very yes.

Youmu/Reisen: Myon hugs! Bunny hugs! Yay!! I'm usually more of a SakuMyon man myself, but BUNNY HUGS!!

Mokou/Kaguya: Interesting idea. I like to imagine their rivalry as being more one-sided than they let on, with Mokou being the only one holding a real grudge and Kaguya just sort of going along with it for the fun of the thing.

Sanae/Kogasa or Sanae/Nue: As mentioned above, I ship SaNue. I'm not entirely sure how the Sanae/Kogasa pairing became popular, but I don't really have a problem with it. Nue/Kogasa also works. Perhaps they should have a threesome?

Byakuren/Miko: I like! They could be interesting hair buddies!

Kaguya/Eirin: Say it with me: HELP ME ERIIIIIIN!!!

Reisen/Te(w)i: I'll be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about this one. On the one hand, cute bunny girls are cute bunny girls, and they do seem to be sort of friends, but I've seen an awful lot of Tewi taking her pranks way too far, almost to the point of straight-up bullying. Eh, maybe I've just been reading too many bad doujins.

Junko/Hecatia: Assuming Junko can even feel affection at this point, she'd probably go for Hecatia, right enough.

Junko/Okina: Wouldn't the fact that they look so similar make it weird? Not judging, just my opinion.

Mokou/Keine: Sure, why not.

Keine/Eirin: That could work as well.

"The Sages": I'm assuming this means Yukari/Okina/Kasen, in which case, that's a very interesting idea. Yes, I can see them having had a threesome back in the day. Maybe, back when Yukari and Okina were still together, they invited Kasen to try it with them (presumably after she broke up with Suika). She probably didn't enjoy it, but she can still see why they liked it.

Cirno/Daiyousei: I never really shipped either of these two with anyone, but maybe... Hmm. Maybe we can make them an OT3 with Etanity?

---

Suggested by DaOrkBoy1992

Alice/Marisa: As I've said before, I headcanon these two as exes who've stayed friends, but it's not impossible that Alice still has feelings for Marisa. Perhaps Reimu would be alright with a threesome?

Maribel/Renko: Definitely. Even if they're not quite a couple, then at the very least they have a mutual crush. I'll definitely be doing a chapter on these two at some point in the future (see what I did there?), but there are still a few things I need to figure out.

---

Suggested by IllusionSignMisdirection

Meira/Youmu: Swords, you say? Very interesting. Perhaps we should throw in Momiji and Yorihime to make an OT4? Miko also has a sword, so perhaps we could even make a Legendary OT5?! Unfortunately, Tenshi has eyes only for Shion, so we can't make an OT6. Oh, it is sad day! Unless you can think of another SordHu? I'm open to suggestions.

Meira/Reimu: Canonically, PC98!Reimu does have a crush on Meira, which brings me to my headcanon on the PC98/Windows disconnect: all the PC98 characters are people Reimu actually knew (or at least briefly interacted with) growing up, but the actual stories are blatant fabrications that she made up to make her childhood seem more interesting (does that seem a bit OOC for Reimu? In fairness, she was quite young at the time and probably regrets it now). Meira in particular was Reimu's childhood crush from before she met Marisa.

Cirno/Letty: Now, I'll be honest, this is one that I'm more critical of. Canonically, Letty does not have a very high opinion of Cirno. But if we ignore that (and since when has this fandom given a Flying Yin-Yang about canon anyway?), I don't really have any strong opinions either way, so go ahead.

PC98!Mai/Parsee: I don't really know enough about the PC98 canon to form any strong opinions about this "Mai" character, but I imagine that Parsee's unnatural jealousy would make it hard for her to really form relationships. It's still cool if you want to ship them tho.

---

Some honourable mentions

Yuugi/Parsee: This is quite a common one, arising out of the early Touhou fandom tradition of pairing consecutive stage bosses. While I prefer to headcanon them as drinking buddies or maybe friends with benefits, I can see them as a couple as well. While Parsee, being Parsee, is almost certainly envious of Yuugi's boing-boing and rock-hard abs, getting to have a feel might help with that.

Tenshi/Shion: Come on, this one's practically canon at this point. I actually had a silly little idea about them taking a bath together (not in a lewd way), but Shion hasn't had a proper bath in a long time, so she needs Tenshi's help getting clean. Nothing naughty happens (I just can't bring myself to lewd these two), but it results in some adorable bathtime bonding between the two, and Shion smells nice now, so yessy!

Notes:

And that's a wrap! This is one I'm particularly excited to hear your thoughts on, as this chapter is based on suggestions from commenters (and VirgoDrago, who's been doing their own version of this here) and is therefore quite different from anything I've done before.

In other news, I'm planning on going on a brief hiatus to work on my long-neglected WH40k collection after the next chapter is finished. But don't worry, I'll be back. I'll swear my plastic cutters on it!

And finally, if any of you missed your chance to suggest any ships for the Special, feel free to mention them in the comments. I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 18: Some loose ends before the hiatus

Summary:

Today we're going to be going over a few things I forgot to mention in previous chapters, after which I'll be taking a brief hiatus, otherwise my poor 40k minis will never get painted.

From chapter 4

Kagerou can't get into 40k because she can't decide which army to collect. When someone suggested Space Wolves, her reply was an indignant "Seriously?"

---

From chapter 8

All four members of the Komeiji household take turns shopping. Or at least, that's the idea. In practice, it's nearly always Orin. Satori absolutely loathes shopping, because it means having to deal with people, and that never ends well. Koishi isn't even there half the time, and even if she was, she'd probably forget why she was there halfway through and come home with a load of random junk, if she came home at all. And no-one wants to know what would happen if they trusted Okuu with the shopping.

---

From chapter 15

Reimu is indirectly descended from Suwako, though not from the marriage that would lead to Sanae.

Every thirty years, the current Hakurei Shrine Maiden is called upon to write a revised version of the Spellcard Rules. The current rules were written by Reimu less than a year after she was chosen for the position. If the shrine maiden feels that the rules need to be updated immediately, however, she may petition the Sages (by which I mean Yukari) to "reset" the cycle.

---

From chapter 16

Sumireko is a closet furry. Her fursona is a psychic panda named... Sumireko.

Notes:

Well that was quick. I've probably forgotten something, but it doesn't matter, I can always do another one of these after the hiatus.

Also, please don't make fun of Sumi for being a furry. Please. I know there's still a lot of anti-furry sentiment on the internet, but please be reasonable in the comments. Please.

Anyway, it's time for the hiatus. I'll still be answering your comments, and you'll probably still see me around the site, but for now, those minis aren't going to paint themselves. I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you in, say, two weeks or so.

Chapter 19: Update: ask me anything

Summary:

No headcanons today, but here's something to hopefully keep you going for another week or so.

Hello again! It's me again, Alexandeer. It's been just shy of a week since the last chapter went up, so some of you are probably wondering what I've been doing.

Well, to be honest, I haven't been doing very much. Progress with my minis has been painfully slow, with exactly one model nearly undercoated. It's a Skitarii ranger, in case you're wondering.

... And I just spilled peanut M&Ms on the carpet for the second evening in a row. I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something.

Anyway, as I said, very little progress on the painting front, but the spray paint I got today should help with the undercoating, which I find to be the hardest part. On a related topic, does anyone know how long Citadel base brushes are supposed to last? Just curious.

In other news, I've been able to obtain some of the earlier Touhou games through means I would rather not discuss here (our head priest feels that a certain degree of inaccessibility is an integral part of the experience). Is it just me, or do EoSD and PCB seem weirdly easy compared to the modern games? Relatively speaking, of course.

So, let's get to the point. It's probably going to be at least a week before I can start work on the next chapter, so in the meantime, why don't we do a little Q&A? Go ahead, ask me anything. Maybe you have a suggestion for what topic I should cover next, or do you have a question about a previous headcanon? Or maybe you just want to know what my pfp is supposed to be. In any case, your questions are very much welcome, so ask away.

And please, don't feel limited to one question each. Even if it takes me a while to respond to them, I will do my best to answer all of your questions, but make sure to check that someone else hasn't asked your question before you comment.

I've been Alexandeer_C, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Chapter 20: I'm back!

Summary:

Now that my model collection is finally starting to look like it might eventually be painted, I think I'm about ready to end this hiatus.

Notes:

Hello again, everyone, and welcome back to Alexandeer's Touhou Headcanons. Now that my big hiatus is more-or-less over, I'd like to start getting back into the swing of things by making some of my responses from my recent Q&A into official headcanons, as well as expanding on them with some additional information and other headcanons inspired by the discussion. I'll also be sharing a few miscellaneous headcanons that I've had in mind for some time, but that I couldn't fit into any particular chapter, as well as some other headcanons that I didn't think of until the relevant chapters had already been published.

Now, without further ado, let's get this show back on the road!

From the Q&A

There are technically no hard limits on Yukari's boundary manipulation abilitiy, but the more she stretches the definition of a boundary, the more effort it takes to manipulate the "boundary".

Toyohime's abilities are limited only to what she believes they can do. Fortunately, she sincerely does not believe she could outdo Yorihime (not that she'd particularly want to), thus preventing her from becoming literally omnipotent.

Tengu are generally taller than humans, with great tengu such as Megumu standing out as virtual giants, with Megumu being considered relatively short at 7' 9" (236cm, for those on new money). Wolf tengu are smaller, but still generally quite tall by human (anime girl) standards. Crow tengu tend to be particularly willowy, while long-nosed tengu are typically more muscular. Tenma, on the other hand, is smol. As in, Marisa-tier smol. Not that you'd ever notice, courtesy of a very special pair of sandals and a great deal of general trickery.

Wolf tengu exist in a variety of colour variants; while white wolf tengu are the most likely to be encountered by humans, black, grey, brown and red wolf tengu are just as common. There are even rumours of a teal wolf tengu living somewhere on Youkai Mountain.

---

Others

While Okina is technically a natural blonde now, she originally had dark hair, but used her divine powers to change it in imitation of Yukari, the first blonde she ever met.

Eiki is quite insecure about the fact that her lack of social skills (a common trait among yama) results in her being seen as condescending and obnoxious, only angering the people she tries to help. She also secretly questions the ministry's rules, feeling that some ultimately only serve to escalate the conflict between humans and youkai. She only ever discloses these insecurities to Satori, who, being a mind-reader, can see them anyway, and who frequently invites her over to the palace for drinks.

There was something else I was going to put here, but I've forgotten what it was.

Notes:

Well this one took way longer than it should've. Anyway, now that I can undercoat my minis without banging away at them with a brush for weeks on end, I can work on them alongside the headcanon series. Yay!

Next is Fairies of Light + Clown + Etanity, after which I'll be covering our Taoist friends and various moon-related 2hus (not necessarily in that order). After that, I'm not sure what I'll do (any suggestions would be appreciated). I know I promised a chaper on Maribel and Renko, but I don't think I'm quite ready. I need more time to do the research and develop my headcanons. But for now, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 21: Fairies

Summary:

Fairies! Yay!

The Three Fairies of Light

Nearly every fairy in Gensokyo not named Cirno, Daiyousei, Clownpiece, or Eternity has a not-so-secret crush on at least one of the Fairies of Light.

The Three Fairies occasionally act as babysitters of sorts to some of Gensokyo's younger fairies, being seen as respected members of the fairy community. Luna in particular, being one of the few fairies who can read (canon), often reads bedtime stories to the young fairies.

Luna has a taste for raw coffee (semi-canon), which she shares with Daiyousei.

All three Fairies of Light are tied for the position of "fairy who is the best at hugging".

The Three Fairies are all romantically involved together... Sort of. Fairies understand romance and sexuality very differently from humans. From their perspective, they're just very close friends.

---

ClownPiece

Clownpiece speaks with a thick Greek accent, making her "American" schtick rather hilarious.

As a Lampad, Clownpiece has a more "biological" aspect to her that other fairies lack. As such, she is one of the few fairies to have a belly button. Don't tell Star.

Clownpiece is one of the tallest fairies in Gensokyo (besides Daiyousei, obviously), not that that's saying much.

If any given (unnamed) fairy isn't attracted to one (or more) of the Fairies of Light, chances are she has a crush on Clownpiece. If not, then it's probably Cirno.

---

Eternity "Etanity" Larva

Because Etanity is a butterfly fairy with power over the life cycles of insects, she has several caterpillar-like traits, including the ability to eat plants that are toxic to mammals. One of her favourites is European birthwort (Aristolochia clematitis), a relative of the peppercorn family once used in Eastern European folk medicine to treat problems in childbirth due to the yonic appearance of its flowers. Nowadays it is known to cause kidney failure. The more you know.

Because of Etanity's unique diet, almost all of her tissues contain aristolochic acid. This is very helpful; as a butterfly fairy, she often finds herself at the mercy of various bird youkai (not Mystia tho, she's nice), and the toxic chemical was her primary defense before she learned danmaku.

On a less toxic note, like fellow BugHu Wriggle, Etanity likes to be cuddled in the winter to warm her up. Unfortunately, cuddling her can be a bit tricky, as her wings get in the way.

Etanity's horns smell like pineapple juice.

Notes:

Well that was fun. And you got a botany lesson into the bargain. Yes, I ship Sunny/Luna/Star. Who else would you ship any of them with? (That's not a rhetorical question, I actually would quite like to hear your thoughts on the matter.)

ANYway, the next topics I have lined up are the Taoists, the Moon and lunar exiles, and some long-overdue backstory for some characters I've already covered. But which one would you like to see first? As always, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

[edit] And the votes are in! Next chapter is going to be the moon and various moon-related characters, followed by our favourite TaoHus.

Fun fact: I actually typed up a decent chunk of this one on a train. Isn't the modern world wonderful?

Chapter 22: The Moon (and related subjects)

Summary:

Today we're going to be talking about the various moon-related Touhous and their friends. And Mokou.

The Sisters Watatsuki

Toyohime was the first Watatsuki to marry outside of the family in four generations. It was a political marriage.

Yorihime, for all her Mary-Sue-ness coolness, is absolutely terrified of fairies (actually quite understandable for a Lunarian), and can be reduced to a sobbing wreck by the mere sight of one of the bigger ones if her big sister isn't there to comfort her.

---

Eientei

Kaguya is supernaturally beautiful. Supernaturally beautiful. Basically anyone will perceive her as the most beautiful woman they have ever seen regardless of what they consider beautiful. Unfortunately, this effect doesn't carry through the Fourth Wall, so we may never see her the way the other Touhous see her.

The real reason Kaguya made her Impossible Requests is that she's a lesbian; unable to let her incompatible suitors down gently in the heteronormative society of the time, she devised a series of tasks she knew they would never be able to complete (since she already had all the items), so she would have an excuse not to marry them without having to tell them the scandalous truth. (special thanks to ZeeTheZebra and Aardvark123)

Eirin is also a lesbian and campaigned for LGBTQ+ rights back on the moon. She's been hopelessly in love with Kaguya ever since they first met, but has no idea how to tell her.

Reisen regularly poses nude for the tengu press's infamous "Youkai Calendar". It's a huge hit in the Human Village.

Te(w)i doesn't have the body to be a regular calendar girl, but that doesn't stop her from occasionally posing alongside Reisen. Her mischievous, impish personality contrasts wonderfully with Reisen's unique blend of shyness and sophistication.

There are persistent rumours that Tei is part of a secret cabal of ancient youkai that controls Gensokyo from the shadows. There's no real evidence for this, but there isn't really any evidence against it either...

No-one has the heart to tell Te(w)i that the way she spells her name is extremely outdated.

All of the Eientei girls give excellent hugs, but Tewi in particular stands out as their Hug Champion.

---

The Eagle Ravi

Seiran and Ringo, having settled in Gensokyo, have also started posing for the Youkai Calendar. They're not as popular as Reisen, but they're still a popular pair of bunnies.

---

Junko and Hecatia

Junko is Okina's estranged cousin.

Hecatia is friends with Koakuma. They don't see each other as often as they used to since Koa was summoned by Remilia, but they're still friends.

While Junko ostensibly can't feel anything except hatred in her current state, there's something about Hecatia that makes her feel something else, something that she can't quite describe...

---

Mokou

Mokou's body is horrifically scarred from centuries of pushing the regenerative abilities offered by the Hourai Elixir to their absolute limit. Despite (or perhaps because of) this, she is still considered very attractive by many.

Mokou and Futo have become close friends and frequently get absolutely blind drunk together.

Mokou and Kaguya, despite their rivalry, are known to have hugged at least once.

Notes:

Y'know, I can't help but wonder what Toyohime thinks of nectarines...

Next chapter is Taoists. I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 23: Bonus: Hugcanon Special

Summary:

I'm in a fluffy mood today, so we're going to be talking about hugs!

Touhous you should hug

You should hug Marisa. She's smol and friendly, and you're probably going to end up getting a hug from her anyway, so you might as well enjoy it.

You should hug Daiyousei. She needs it.

You should hug Cirno. Just remember to wear gloves, and don't touch her wings.

You should hug Koakuma. She's very affectionate and warm.

You should hug Youmu. She has a cute human half and a big cuddly marshmallowy phantom half. What's not to love?

You should hug Ran. She is a good foxy. She deserves it.

You should hug Mystia. She is the warmest birb.

You should hug Reisen. She has to deal with Tewi all the time, so she needs a bit of warmth.

You should hug Mokou. She's tough and wiry, but still warm, and I think she'd really appreciate it.

You should hug the Fairies of Light. Yes, all three of them.

You should hug Akyuu. She's been getting so sick recently, and some warmth and comfort would really help her feel better.

You should hug Kosuzu. She worries about her (girl)friend.

You should hug Shizuha. She's insecure about basically every aspect of her life, so a bit of comfort would be very much appreciated.

You should hug Yuugi. She's friendly and gentle, but she'd be more than happy to give you a rough, tight hug, if that's what you'd prefer.

You should hug Satori. All the other underground youkai are afraid of her, so any affection you can offer her would be very much appreciated. And she's really warm. Just remember to hug her from the side to avoid squishing her third eye.

You should hug Orin. She's a nice friendly neko and she's really really warm.

You should hug Okuu. She's really really really warm. Just don't bother her while she's on the job, unless you want to get nuked.

You should hug Koishi. Always love the Koosh.

You should hug Kogasa. And then you should take her to pay someone a surprise visit. It might just save her life.

You should hug Shou. You won't regret it.

You should hug Hatate. She doesn't have much of a social life beyond meeting Aya at the bar, so it'll probably be the first hug she's had in a while.

You should hug Kyouko. She's the last of her kind, and a hug would seriously help with that kind of emotional baggage.

Thou shouldst hug Futo. For she be silly and nice.

You should hug Kokoro. It'd seriously help with her instability.

You should hug Wakasagihime. She's a cute fishy and would probably appreciate it.

You should hug Kagerou. Awoo.

You should hug Seija, counterintuitive as it may sound. While empathy doesn't really work on amanojaku, she still appreciates your attempts to relate to her.

You should hug Shinmyoumaru. It wouldn't be much of a hug, given how tiny she is, but she'd very much appreciate a bit of love and kindness.

You should hug Raiko. She's a cool friend.

You should hug Seiran and Ringo. They are nice bunnies.

You should hug Clownpiece, if only just to see if she squeaks. *squeak squeak*

You should hug Hecatia. She's nice.

You should hug Shion. She is the purest and most precious 2hu. You'll probably end up in severe debt, but it'll be worth it to protect her smile.

You should hug Aunn. Aunn!

You should hug Narumi. She's a smol cute forest girl.

You should hug Satono and Mai. They're cute friends with funny hats.

You should hug Okina. I think she'd really appreciate it.

You should hug Eika. And you should join her in appreciating rocks.

You should hug Mike. God knows she needs it. Just don't deliberately mispronounce her name, or she'll scratch you.

---

Touhous you should not hug

You should not hug Rumia. She will eat you.

You should not hug Suika. If she decides to hug you, then say goodbye to your spine.

You should not hug Medicine. She's a toxic person in more ways than one.

You should not hug Hina. She does her best to hold her curses in, but she sometimes has accidents.

You should not hug Kisume unless you want to help her expand her collection of human remains.

You should not hug Yamamamame. You'll get all kinds of hideous diseases and give the poor spoder a guilt complex.

Sekibanki is too cool for hugs.

You should not hug Jo'on. She'll just go through your pockets.

---

Touhous who occupy a grey area

Reimu will only hug you if she thinks you need it, or if she needs it herself.

You shouldn't go out of your way to hug Patchouli, but if you get the chance, remember to never hug her from behind.

Trying to get a hug from Sakuya is a waste of time. She knows when you really need a hug.

Yes, you can hug Remilia as well, if you talk to her when she's in the right mood.

Flandre will appreciate all your hugs, but she's not very good at it, so don't be surprised if she ends up knocking you over by accident.

Chen is pure cat. If she's in the mood for a hug, she'll seriously appreciate it. If she isn't, you will be scratched. Horribly.

Alice can be hugged, but the only places where you can rest your hands without making her uncomfortable are her left shoulder and a very specific area of her upper back. The only person who can get this quite right is Marisa, but you might get a chance at trying it for yourself if you ask nicely.

You do not hug Yuyuko. Yuyuko hugs you.

Yukari gives mind-blowing hugs, but the system that determines who is eligible for Yukarin hugs is extremely opaque. If you are selected, consider yourself the luckiest Touhou fan alive.

If you like bugs, you should hug Wriggle. If you do not like bugs, then you should not hug Wriggle.

Should you hug Tewi, or shouldn't you? She's one of Gensokyo's Hug Champions, but there's a decent chance it's some kind of trick.

Momiji... Ah, Momiji. If you take some time to get to know her, and she's in the right mood, and you don't bother her while she's on the job, you will get to enjoy her wolfy floof. Awoo!

You can hug Parsee, but only if she's had a few drinks first. If you bother her while she's sober, she will find something to be jealous of, and she will fill you with danmaku. Of course, you can always bring her a bottle.

If you want to hug Byakuren, then that's really up to her. Don't pressure her. But if she says yes, it'll be an absolutely wonderful expeience.

Yoshika is kinda so-so in the hug department. On the one hand, her hugs are surprisingly pleasant coming from a decaying corpse, but on the other hand, she can't really get her arms around you properly, and she's, y'know, a decaying corpse.

Getting a hug from Miko is unlikely, but if you do get the chance, consider yourself lucky to get that close to Taishi-sama's weird tufty hair.

Sumireko is kinda socially awkward and probably doesn't get a lot of hugs; if you find her in Gensokyo, then hug away. If you find her in the Outside World, however, try to find somewhere private so she can enjoy it without ruining her friendless chuuni image.

Doremy is the absolute best there is at hugging, but very few people have ever been found worthy of her affection. If you get a hug from her consider yourself even luckier than whoever got that Yukarin hug.

For those who want a challenge, try hugging Etanity. It takes a lot of skill to hug her without her wings getting in the way.

You should hug Momoyo... If you can get close enough without asphyxiating, that is. Hug the bug!

Notes:

Inspired by this (also available here).

Well this was fun. I didn't have hugcanons for all the Touhous, so I'm sorry if your favourite got left out. Next chapter will be Taoists, and then we'll be delving into my headcanon backstories for some of the Touhous I've already covered. Until then, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 24: Taoists

Summary:

It's Taishi-sama and friends! Yay!

In general

Despite their best efforts, the TaoHus have yet to attract more than a handful of followers in Gensokyo. This is partly because they're so used to thinking of Taoism as a path to immortality that they don't really understand what it's supposed to entail as a religion, making it very difficult for them to explain it to would-be converts.

I like to think of the Taoists as a sort of family unit, with Miko and Tojiko as the parents and Futo as their child, with Seiga as a grandmother-figure of sorts and Yoshika as a rather strange family pet.

The Taoist family has happened upon a DVD boxset of the first season of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and frequently watch it together (don't ask where they got a DVD player). Something about one of the main characters reminds them of someone they once knew.

---

Taishi-sama

Miko is genderfluid.

One of the side effects of Miko's resurrection is a pair of cute (non-functional) lynx ears, which their weird tufty hair is supposed to cover up. It doesn't do a very good job.

Miko has weirdly flexible fingers.

---

Tojiko

As Tojiko no longer has feet, she constantly suffers from phantom itching, no pun intended.

---

Futo

The other TaoHus do encourage Futo's pursuit of the love of her lady Ichirin, for it driveth Byakuren up the wall.

'tis said that Futo is the last living of Suwako's children, though from which marriage is unclear.

---

Seiga and Yoshika

[sadcanon warning] While you'd be forgiven for thinking Seiga was a sociopath, she isn't, and still feels regret at leaving her family.

[darkcanon warning] Seiga knew Yoshika when she was alive, and inadvertently turned her into a jiangshi when an attempt to save her from a fatal injury went horribly wrong. Seiga has since come to see Yoshika's new undead self as a sort of surrogate daughter, and does everything she can to help her keep her decaying body relatively functional.

Seiga has a peculiar fondness for cats. Seiga Nyan Nyan!

Yoshika constantly eats Miko's furniture, forcing them to spend a small fortune on replacements.

Notes:

Seiga Nyan Nyan! This one was fun to write; I just wish I had more to say about those quirky TaoHus.

Also, how do you feel about they/them pronouns for Miko? It seemed like an interesting idea, but I don't know how others might feel about it.

Anyway, the Big Belated Backstory Bonanza is the next big thing in my schedule, but that one might take a while, so I might do a couple of other fluffy pieces in the meantime. But until then, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 25: Some filler

Summary:

Here are some filler headcanons on characters I've already covered (and some that I haven't) while you wait for the backstory chapter.

Notes:

Note: this chapter is not my best writing, especially the now-deleted bottom part. You are free to ignore it. Except the part about Yuugi's abs. That's unquestionably true.

Shou is nonbinary. (I got this from one of Chiensaw's lemons)

[joke headcanon] Yuugi avoids outfits that show even a little of her midriff, as the mere sight of her legendary abs being exposed would induce explosive nosebleeds in all but the most strong-willed of onlookers.

Remilia has had several male and female lovers over the years (though many people are understandably uncomfortable romancing someone who looks as young as Remi, vampire or no), and has helped many LGBTQ+ members of her staff to accept their sexualities, especially in more heteronormative times.

Suwako's clothes are actually part of her; if she needs to take them off or change clothes for any reason, she has to physically change into a different form (not that this is particularly difficult, of course). The same applies to the Aki sisters and many other Gensokyan deities, as well as certain youkai such as tsukomogami.

Because the Tsukumo sisters were brought to life by the Miracle Mallet instead of becoming tsukomogami naturally, they don't have navels.

Cirno is aro/ace.

[Bottom part deleted because it was a frankly awful headcanon that I only wrote because I just wanted this crappy filler chapter to have as much content as possible so I forced myself to put in a headcanon that turned out, well, awful.]

Notes:

I can't believe I had to resort to using [something I immediately regretted writing] to fill up this filler chapter. It's always the same; I come up with so many cool headcanon ideas but by the time I get the chance to write them down I've forgotten all the good ones. Anyway, the BBBB shouldn't take too much longer (hopefully), but until then, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 26: Balexandeer's Big Belated Backstory Bonanza!

Summary:

This has been a long time coming. A long, long time.

Notes:

Warning: this chapter contains the darkest darkcanon yet. It also contains spoilers for the Wild and Horned Hermit manga. (so did chapter 14 now I think about it) You have been warned.

Remilia, Flandre et al

The Sisters Scarlet, Remilia and Flandre, were born somewhere in Western Europe in 1503 and 1507 respectively. Their father was a successful merchant who just happened to be a vampire. Touhou vampires aren't immortal; they just age extremely slowly (I think that's canon). The sisters made themselves immortal shortly after their parents were killed by vampire hunters (they had it coming), using an occult ritual that can only be used during childhood - in essence, living forever by refusing to grow up. Not that something like a vampire could really be called a child in the first place.

[serious darkcanon warning] The half-Lunarian who would eventually come to be known as Izayoi Sakuya was born in the early 1840s in what is now Romania. Originally a devout Christian, Sakuya lost her faith after her mother, known in their community as a kind and wise healer, was brutally killed by an angry mob who believed she was a witch. Unable to accept that God would allow such acts of brutality in His name, Sakuya forsook her faith and became a wandering vagrant, eventually falling in with a clan of vampire hunters. For years, Sakuya fought and killed vampires all across Europe. Entire bloodlines were wiped out by this strange champion. Eventually, one of her hunts took her to Cumbria and the supposed stronghold of the mysterious House Scarlet, which, unbeknownst to Sakuya and her fellow hunters, had been reduced to only two members. Of course, two members were all they needed. When the hunters reached the manor house, they found it in ruins. Within minutes of entering, they were wiped out without any warning by the Scarlet Devil herself. Except for Sakuya. The young prodigy fought the legendary vampire to a standstill, before Remilia made her an offer. Sakuya would be recognised as a worthy opponent and spared if she agreed to help Remilia rebuild her family home. If she refused, Remilia would open the basement door. Sakuya accepted Remilia's offer, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Little is known about the past of the magician known as Patchouli Knowledge, but it is believed that she was born somewhere in rural Italy at some point between 1750 and 1885. She is known to be related to the Scarlet household's previous magician, who died tragically in a magical accident in the winter of 1896. The earliest confirmed sighting of Patchouli in the mansion was in January of 1899.

The creature of the Lower Planes known only as Koakuma is actually many thousands of years old (she stopped counting somewhere after 3000), making her the oldest non-Lunarian Touhou. In ancient times, she was worshipped as a benevolent love goddess in the Near East, but the rise of monotheism and the often-literal demonisation of polytheistic deities it required led to her being seen as an evil creature of lust, and because the supernatural is shaped by belief, this caused her to literally become a demon.

---

Everyone else

The "secret god" Matara Okina was born a normal human, but became a unique youkai at an unknown point in her life. It is unclear how this happened or what her original abilities as a youkai were, to say nothing about what she was like as a human, but what is known is that becoming a youkai did little to help her prominent limp, which was caused by a mysterious childhood illness from which she never fully recovered; to this day she still frequently wakes up in pain. Eventually she met fellow human-turned-youkai Yakumo Yukari, and instantly fell in love. As Okina grew more powerful, several people -human and youkai alike- came to worship her. Eventually, these people converted enough others to their beliefs that their collective faith became powerful enough to make Okina into a minor god in her own right, allowing her to work miracles to attract even more followers. Several years later, Okina and Yukari were among those summoned by the Ryuujin to become what would later become known as the Sages of Gensokyo. And the rest, as they say, is history.

The Yorigami twins are relative newcomers to Gensokyo; as fewer and fewer people believed in binbogami, the sisters began to fade into fantasy. Their arrival in Gensokyo was anything but impressive; they just woke up one morning and there they were.

[WaHH spoiler warning] The Four Devas of the Mountain, composed of Ibuki Suika, Hoshiguma Yuugi, Ibaraki "Ibara" Kasen, and an unknown fourth member, were a quartet of legendary oni warriors who united their people to conquer the world. However, because of their poor leadership, they only managed to conquer the Youkai Mountain. They were, however, able to maintain control of the mountain for several centuries before being dethroned by Tenma. Each of the known Devas has a different origin: Suika came from a long line of oni heroes and was born with supernatural gifts including her power over density; Yuugi was similarly born with strange powers and also trained for years to become the strongest oni who ever lived, stronger than even the oni gods (not that that's saying much; they're basically glorified hitmen); while Kasen was originally a normal human (I think that might be canon) who had lost her arm after inadvertently offending a tengu, before Suika entrusted her with the Ibaraki Medicine Box. The properties of the Box restored Kasen's arm, but also began the process of turning her into an oni herself. Not long after, circumstances led Kasen to discover that Suika hadn't told her the whole truth about the Box; the Ibukis had stolen it from the rival Ibaraki clan, who were offering their eternal gratitude to whoever could return it to them.  Kasen sought out the Ibarakis to return the Box, and was rewarded by being made an honourary member of the family, even being allowed to use the Ibaraki family name. No-one knows how the Devas came together (not like that, get your mind out of the gutter) or how they became conquerers, but they did, and they ruled over youkai mountain for centuries, until one day, the mountain was invaded by the tengu, the ancient rivals of the oni race. After Kasen parted ways with the other Devas to seal her oni self, the oni were missing a leader and what little social order they had was starting to fall apart. The tengu were easily able to break through what passed for ranks among the oni but were stopped dead in their tracks by the remaining Devas. This all changed when the kappa, previously "loyal" to the oni, changed sides and presented the tengu leaders with a weapon that they called the Youkai Warhead. This device was all it took to completely and utterly defeat the three remaining devas, causing the oni to turn on each other without their leaders. Tenma further humiliated a wounded Suika by stealing her favourite hat and cursing her with the appearance of a little girl forever. Humiliated, the remaining oni abandoned the mountain in defeat, allowing Tenma to become its undisputed ruler until the arrival of the Moriya Shrine centuries later. [End of spoilers]

---

Bonus headcanons

Koakuma's ancient origins mean she is fluent in many ancient languages, including Sumerian, Akkadian, Biblical Hebrew, Old and Middle Persian, Sanskrit (both Vedic and Classical) and Ancient Egyptian, allowing her to translate various ancient texts for Patchouli (see chapter 9).

Okina secretly craves affection; one of Satono and Mai's many responsibilities is to give her goodnight hugs. This is their favourite job.

Notes:

Hello again, everyone. I got the idea to headcanon more in-depth backstories from VirgoDrago, whose headcanon collection features a wealth of backstory information, while mine is mostly fluff. Mostly.

Anyway, what would you like to see next? I plan on covering the WBaWC and UM characters soon, but I'm not sure what I'd like to do after that. Or before, as the case may be. Anyway, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 27: Update: what would you like to see next?

Summary:

Seriously, what would you like to see next?

Hello again, everyone. Alexandeer here. Some of you may have noticed that I haven't updated for a while. There are a few reasons for this; one is that I've been trying to work on my 40k collection (the three new kits that I bought the other day haven't helped), another is that my extremely unhealthy sleeping habits have been getting the better of me, I've been working on a new project on this site, but the main reason is that, I'm going to level with you here, I'm running out of ideas.

While I plan on covering the WBaWC and UM characters, and of course Maribel and Renko, I'm still not quite ready. I need more time to develop my ideas for them, and I don't know what I'll do when I'm finished with them. Which brings me to the point of this update: what do YOU think I should do next? What would YOU like to see from me? Another Youkai Physiology, maybe? Perhaps you have a cool idea for a special chapter? Maybe you'd like me to revisit a previous topic, like I did with chapter 9. Or maybe you've just noticed something incredibly obvious that I've somehow missed. Either way, any input is greatly appreciated. I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 28: An Outside Holiday, part one

Summary:

Today we see what would happen if the Touhous decided to go on holiday (or vacation, if you prefer) in the Outside World.

Notes:

This chapter was based on a suggestion by IllusionSignMisdirection.
Also please note that this chapter assumes, for all intents and purposes, that certain recent events never happened in the Touhou-verse. It would just complicate things unnecessarily and ruin the essential premise. Anyway, without further ado...

The Protag Quintet: Some random places

Rei, Mari and Myon's first experience of the Outside World occurred when Sanae wanted to visit some relatives there, and went to ask Reimu about whether this was possible. Of course, naturally, Marisa overhead this conversation and came up with the brilliant idea for the three of them to go on a trip to the Outside World together. Reimu took a bit of persuading, but eventually agreed, on the condition that she be allowed to invite Youmu (the two get along very well when there isn't an incident going on). Marisa and Sanae agreed, reasoning that having one more party member couldn't hurt, and the party went to talk to Yukari about crossing the Barrier. Once the girls were Gapped out of Gensokyo, their adventure had begun. And Sakuya was there for some reason. Not that anyone was complaining of course. Especially not Youmu.

While Sanae knew from her encounters with Sumireko that the Outside World had changed substantially since she was last there, she was not prepared for just how much it had changed, or how outdated all of her favourite tech had become. Fortunately, however, she got to visit her relatives and got to introduce them to her friends into the bargain, so she still went home happy.

None of the girls were allowed to bring their weapons into the Outside World. None of them were particularly happy about this, least of all Youmu, who felt naked without her swords and spent most of the trip hiding behind Sakuya. She did get to visit a few war museums though, which she thoroughly enjoyed.

At one point during the adventure, Marisa took a baking class and ended up making a loaf of bread so impossibly hard and crusty that it became known as "Marisa's bulletproof bloomer".

Reimu spent most of the Outside World adventure hitting the bars. Let me tell you, that miko can drink! In particular, she seems to have acquired a taste for vodka.

Youmu's favourite part during the trip was when she got to share a room with Sakuya. Separate beds, of course, but that did little to stop Youmu from treating Sakuya to an awkward, crushy goodnight hug.

And that's the story of how the World Travel Incident began.

---

The SDM: Back to the Old Country

After Sakuya returned to Gensokyo and told the rest of the household about her trip, Remilia immediately got the brilliant idea to revisit some of her old haunts with the family-equivalent. She even invited Flandre on the trip as a rite of passage of sorts. Of course, since two smol vampire sisters with cute wings, a floaty porple pyjama-wizard, some kind of yugoloth or something, a woman who somehow has silver hair despite otherwise looking about nineteen-ish, and a Chinese person just walking around like it was nobody's business would raise more than a few eyebrows, so Remi had to bust out her disguise magic (see chapter three) for the first time in more than fifty years. And the sun protection magic of course, and some protective eyewear for Flandre. Their ability to actually travel through the Outside World was limited, however, and they'd have to get back before the Yakumos realised they were gone, otherwise they would be breaking Gensokyan law, leaving them at Reimu's mercy. Because of this, they were only able to travel to England and one Scottish location.

First on their itinerary was a small village somewhere in Norfolk, near where the mansion stood from 1970 until the final move to Gensokyo in early 1998. They only stopped briefly to revisit the mansion's previous site and reminisce before moving on to their next destination.

---

To be continued...

Notes:

Hello again, everyone. I'd like to apologise for making this another two-parter; you see, I'm feeling quite tired this evening courtesy of a particularly heavy meal, but I'd still like to get this chapter out tonight. You've been waiting long enough.

I'd also like to give a shout-out to VirgoDrago, who's doing a Q&A right now and would seriously appreciate some questions.

I'd also like to thank IllusionSignMisdirection for suggesting this chapter, even if it did diverge a little from the original suggestion. DW, tho, there'll be a lot more reactions in part 2. But until then, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 29: An Outside Holiday, part two

Summary:

Today, we're picking up where we left off last time. In Norfolk.

Continued from part one.

---

The SDM: Back to the Old Country (contd.)

When we last left Remi Remi and co., they were outside a small village in Norfolk as part of a tour of their old haunts in England (and eventually Scotland, but we'll get to that later). After spending their first evening outside Gensokyo for more than twenty years (and, in Meiling's case, her first ever) reminiscing about many things (Meiling reminisced about her life before her service to the Scarlets, while Flandre just stared at a tree for hours on end), the girls moved on to their next destination - London.

Now, it bears mentioning that only three of the girls had ever been to London before: Patchouli passed through the city when she first moved to England from her native Italy; Sakuya frequented a pub in Limehouse during her vampire-hunting years (the East End was one of the most popular hunting grounds for Southeastern English vampires at the time); and Koakuma has been just about everywhere worth going in the past >3000 years. So naturally everyone was very excited to see it for the first time.

There was, however, one small problem: the girls had never been to a modern city before, so none of them had any idea how to deal with so many people in one place. None of them, that is, except for Remilia and Sakuya, who had survived the infamous Black Sunday, and Koa, who had lived in New York for a few years in the 1920s. Flandre in particular was so overwhelmed that she needed to have her hand held constantly throughout the trip and at one point broke down in tears after being separated from the group for less than a minute before Koa heard her crying and went back for her. In all fairness, it was her first time out of the house and the crowds were quite bad that day.

Throughout the journey, Remilia was constantly ducking in and out of record shops. By the time the group had reached its final destination, she had purchased nearly half her weight in Neil Diamond albums.

In Fulham, the girls had their first encounter with the London Underground when they witnessed a District Line train crossing the Fulham Railway Bridge. Remi was excited to see a train for the first time since the 1960s, while Flan was disappointed that it didn't look like "the ones from the books". Sakuya, being far from the most scientifically literate of Touhous (canon), was too busy trying to figure out what was pulling it to comment, while Patchouli seemed completely uninterested. Koa, on the other hand, just remarked that "they've changed it up quite a bit since the last time [she] was here". Meiling, however, was all but traumatised by the sight of a gigantic metal thing hurtling across a bridge at speeds she'd never thought possible for something so large. Fortunately, she had more or less recovered by the next morning.

The only major tourist attraction in London that the SDM girls visited was the London Eye. Both Scarlet Sisters were extremely excited about the sheer scale of the thing and the view they'd get from the top, especially Flandre - up until she got serious vertigo and nearly threw up. Fortunately, her big sister was there for her. Pache had it much worse, and only clinging to Koa like her life depended on it let her walk away from the experience with her sanity relatively intact.

The girls' next destination was the Great Northern Hotel, where they would spend the night. Yes, the night. Because tourism is, by its very nature, a daytime activity, especially when children are involved, Remilia forces herself into a diurnal state when she travels, and has taught Flan to do the same. Meanwhile, Sakuya slinked off to the pub while the others got checked in, and was pleased to find that her old haunt in Limehouse was still there, being run by a descendant of the original owner. After a few drinks and some gossip, she returned to the hotel for the night.

Remi and Pache had made three last-minute reservations at the Great Northern. A king room for the sisters, a twin room for Sakuya and Meiling, and a good old-fasioned double for Pache and Koa.

The next morning, the girls took a short walk from the hotel to St. Pancras station, where they would board a train bound for their next destination - Nottingham. After a brief struggle to get a nervous Meiling onto the train, everything went swimmingly - right up until everyone except Sakuya and Koakuma got severe motion sickness upon realising they were hurtling through the English countryside at 125 miles per hour. Fortunately, no vomiting happened and the girls had fully recovered by the time they reached Nottingham.

The girls' time in Nottingham was quite uneventful, consisting of a short tram ride, a visit to Warhammer World (which Flandre sat out), a brief lunch, and a tram ride back to the station before getting on the train to Crewe.

Now, the SDM Touhous don't have any real connections to Crewe (a railway town in southern Cheshire, for those who don't know), but the fact is, Remi Remi is a not-so-secret train nerd, and jumped at the chance to visit the Crewe Heritage Centre and see for herself the last survivng British Rail APT-P (Advanced Passenger Train Prototype). When they got there, Remi spent half an hour lecturing the rest of the party about everything she knew about the APT, nearly all of which came from a half-remembered magazine article from the 80s.

After Remi was finished nerding out over trains, the girls used magic to travel to their next destination: an isolated location in the Lake District, where the mansion stood prior to the move to America, and where Sakuya, Pache and Koa made their first memories of the House of Scarlet. They didn't stay long; after a brief walk through the Cumbrian hills, they teleported to the nearest station at Windemere, taking care not to be seen by any outsiders. Once there, they boarded a train bound for Manchester, changing at Oxenholme for Carlisle, where they would stay for the night.

Their sleeping arrangements were much the same as in London, albeit at a much cheaper hotel. In the morning, they took a brief walk through the city, admiring its spectacular architecture and looking in a few shops. Flan got ice cream. After that, they boarded a train across the border to their final destination - Glasgow.

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To be continued...

Notes:

Hello again, everyone. Yes, I am making this a three-parter. With any luck, part three won't take anywhere near as long to write, but I can't make any promises. I've just been finding it harder and harder to write recently.

Speaking of, I've started an actual fic! Check it out! Unfortunately, updates for that will probably be even more irregular than headcanon updates, but I'll try to work on it whenever i get the chance.

In unrelated news, today happens to be my birthday. It's not particularly relevant to anything, but I just thought I'd mention it anyway. Anyway, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 30: An Outside Holiday, part three

Summary:

Today we finally wrap up Remi and Co.'s Outside Holiday. And talk about some other people as well.

Continued from part two...

---

The SDM: Back to the Old Country (contd.)

When we last left Remi Remi Remi and co., they had just arrived in Glasgow, the final stop on their tour. This was one of the favoured hunting grounds of the smol vampire during the late nineteenth century. Don't ask how she was able to make that cross-border commute on a regular basis; she probably had some kind of secret chuuni vampire trick or something.

During their tour of that Dear Green Place, the SDM crew ran into Koishi. The only one who recognised her at all was Flandre. Neither of them remembered the conversation in any detail, and no-one found it at all odd that a youkai no-one would mistake for a human was running around the Outside World like it was nobody's business. This meeting would end up being little more than a footnote in the annals of the World Travel Incident.

Or would it?

Remilia spent much of this final part of her Outside Holiday taking every opportunity to nerd out over trains. Indeed, the highlight of the journey (for her at least) was, after a rather risky walk through the suburbs, riding a British Rail Class 318 EMU back to the heart of the city. Flan liked it as well. Pache was indifferent.

Another treat for Remi and Flan (although an absolute nightmare for Meiling) was getting to take the subway to another part of town where they would be staying for the night. However, they did get some funny looks for describing the trains as "orange".

After a brief stay at a local hotel, the girls got back on the Shoogly Train for their return to the city centre, where they would treat themselves to some shopping. First off, Remi, Pache and Koa went into a gaming shop, while Sakuya and Meiling went for coffee together. It was Meiling's first taste of coffee, and she decided that she did not like it one bit. Remi and Pache bought some books and some rather exotic-looking dice; Koa didn't have any money on her, so Remi payed for hers as well.

After visiting a few random shops (including one where Sakuya bought something that she claimed was "a surprise for someone special"), the girls realised that poor little Flandre hadn't got anything! So they brought her to the Disney Store and bought her the biggest, most expensive Snow White doll they could find. It was the single happiest moment of Flan's life up until that point; not just because she got a cool new toy, but because Big Sister Remi finally trusted her not to break expensive toys. Big Sister loved her.

As the sun was going down that evening, in a quiet corner of a quiet park, the ladies of the Scarlet Devil Mansion began their ritual to return to Gensokyo. Unfortunately, right as the ritual was completed, Pache's prescription-strength antihistamines (which, in hindsight, I should probably have mentioned earlier) suddenly wore off, resulting in the poor squishy wizard suffering a sneezing fit right as the spell was being cast, resulting in the girls missing their target entirely and crashing headlong into the Hakurei Shrine in the dead of night. Fortunately, Reimu was out that night resolving a minor Incident and the damage to the structure was minimal, and the girls' valuables, including Remi's Neil Diamond records and Flan's new doll, were miraculously intact. And so the girls set off home, with Patchouli sneezing all the way.

---

Yuyuko and Youmu: Food, Glorious Food!

Around this time, Youmu was telling Yuyuko about the Protag Quintet's Outside Holiday, which gave the ghostly princess the absolutely brilliant idea to go on a culinary tour of the Outside World, dragging Youmu with her.

The first few places they visited had some truly delicious food, but disaster struck during their tour of Scotland. You see, Yuyuko wanted to try the infamous Deep-Fried Mars Bar, and did. That was not the disaster. It was certainly a bad idea, but it wasn't the Bad Idea. The Bad Idea was when Yuyuko spotted a kebab shop in Inverness, and decided to go in. Unfortunately for her (and Youmu), it wasn't one of the good ones. Yuyuko enjoyed the kebab at first, right up until she noticed the stream of kebab grease running down her arm. She immediately absconded back to Gensokyo, once again dragging Youmu with her. It was nearly two weeks before she could eat again.

And so ended the involvement of Saigyouji Yuyuko in the World Travel Incident.

---

Nue, Mamizou and Jo'on: Viva Las Vegas!

At some point during the Incident, Nue had the brilliant idea to start planning a road trip to Las Vegas. Naturally, she invited Mamizou, who jumped at the chance to see more of the Outside World than her native Sado. Of course, they'd need a ride, so they asked Jo'on if they could borrow her car (see chapter 12). Jo'on reluctantly agreed, on the condition that they take her with them.

And so began the involvement of Gensokyo's biggest party animals in the World Travel Incident.

Nue and Mamizou knew several ways out of Gensokyo, so that part was easy. More difficult, however, was crossing the Pacific. Fortunately, Nue still had a Seed of Unknown Form left over from the UFO incident, and used this to disguise the car, which somehow gave it the ability to fly. (She changed it back once they reached the States)

Now, some of you are probably wondering how the people of the Outside World would react to a tanuki woman, a spiky-winged trickster, and the most overdressed not-an-anime girl alive driving around the western United States like it was nobody's business. Simple - they didn't. Mamizou can make her tanuki ears disappear and shrink her tail down enough that it can be concealed under a long jacket, while Nue's wing-tentacles are flexible enough that they can easily be tucked into her clothes like they weren't there. And while Jo'on's outfit may seem excessive, keep in mind what their destination was.

After some shenanigans, they eventually reached Vegas. Upon arrival they:

• Checked in at the most expensive hotel they could find (Jo'on's idea)
• Went to a tanning salon
• Got piercings (I'm not saying where)
• Got tattoos (in Nue's case, it was the name of someone special)
• Rode the second-highest thrill ride in the world
• Won a small fortune at the card tables

The next day they:

• Got invited to some rich weirdo's impromptu pool party
• Got kicked out of every casino on the Strip
• Started a fire
• Got absolutely piss-drunk at some other rich weirdo's impromptu pool party
• Crashed Jo'on's car (or rather, let Jo'on crash her own car)
• Drank booze that tasted funny

The next morning, they woke up back in Gensokyo with little to no memory of what happened, wearing clothes that none of them recognised, and with a very angry Reimu standing over them.

And so ended the most damaging part of the World Travel Incident.

---

Epilogue

While the World Travel Incident was eventually resolved through the combined efforts of Reimu, Marisa, Sakuya, Youmu, Sanae, Reisen, Aya, and even Cirno, with some help from Yukari and Alice (Yuyuko was still recovering from her Scottish nightmare, while Remilia was too busy with the cool new game she'd discovered to get involved), its events had a lasting impact on some more than others. Jo'on in particular hasn't drank since her return to Gensokyo, while Nue and Mamizou were back to their usual tricks by the end of the week.

Some good did come from the Incident, however; the Scarlet sisters are much closer, and both have matured a little from their experiences, while their servants and friends have a newfound appreciation for Outside World music. Nue, meanwhile, now has an extremely valuable jewel (a red diamond, to be specific) somewhere on her body, to hopefully show to someone special someday.

Some say that Jo'on is still in mourning for her car. I can't say I blame her; that thing was probably very expensive.

Notes:

Finally, a resolution! I'm so sorry I kept all of you waiting this long, but I've been feeling like I'm able to write less and less recently. Now that this arc is concluded, I'd like to take a break from headcanons to focus on DwtV for a while, but rest assured, I WILL be back with more headcanons.

And as always, if you have any questions or criticisms, or if you'd like to suggest a chapter, feel free to leave a comment. I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 31: An update and some fillercanons

Summary:

Headcanons are back, baby! And boy, do I have plans!

Wellcome back to the House of Deer, where the canon is of a uniquely cranial nature, vampires and dinner go hand in hand, and there are no actual deer to be found anywhere. Is it just me, or does the ao3 Touhou community seem to be slowing down recently? Anyway, I'd like to go over some plans I have for future headcanons.

First of all there are two suggestions I still need to cover from chapter 27. These are ThenPerishFool's suggestion of the Dream World characters, and VirgoDrago's suggestion of what would happen if the Touhous played video games. I also have yet to cover the WBaWC and UM characters and the remainder of the DDC cast. Maribel and Renko still aren't ready; please continue to wait warmly for them. But before I do any of that, I have something bigger planned. Something that will make every previous headcanon chapter look like a joke! Ok, probably not but you get the idea. Anyway, what I have planned is a chapter on Gensokyo itself! It will be a game-changer for this series. Probably.

In the meantime, here are a few headcanons to keep you going.

---

Kogasa learned the smithing arts from a youkai who claims to have made Youmu's Roukanken. It's more likely that it was made by Kasen and Tenma to cement their alliance as sages, but no-one can say for sure.

Suwako is also a capable blacksmith and made most of the metal fittings for both the Moriya Shrine and the Myouren Temple herself. Some say she is also the one who made the Hakurouken, though there is little evidence to support this claim.

Momoyo is much older than most people realise, and was Nue's childhood hero (inasmuch as Nue can be said to have had a childhood).

The Scarlets (and vampires in general) have to add small amounts of blood (usually their own) to their bathwater to avoid washing their own skin off.

Hatate is held in high regard by many wolf tengu ever since she helped expose the slanderous nature of Aya's article about Momiji (see chapter 11).

Wolf tengu in general have a healthy respect for their passerine cousins. It's just Aya they have a problem with.

Notes:

And that's an update! I like to try to tie different Touhou characters together, make Gensokyo feel like a more cohesive world, y'know? Also I think I herd something in background lore about the Suwa War about Suwako's followers using iron weapons (could be wrong tho), which is where I got the idea for her being a blacksmith.

As always, if you have a topic you'd like me to headcanon about, feel free to mention it in the comments, and also feel free to share your thoughts on the whole thing in general, or to ask questions (those are always good), but in the meantime, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Edit: Also RIP most of my tags 2021-2021.

Chapter 32: Gensokyo

Summary:

This one's been a long time coming...

I say that a lot, don't I?

What is Gensokyo?

Ah, now that's the question, isn't it? Gensokyo (lit. Illusion Land) is many different things to many different people. To some it is a paradise, where they can live without worry or consequence in a land of fantasy. To others it is a false utopia built on the shoulders of those less fortunate. To others still, it is simply home; the only world they have ever known, or will ever know.

But what is Gensokyo to us?

Well, if you're reading this, you should probably know that by now.

---

History of Gensokyo

It is unclear how or when Gensokyo first came to be, but it may or may not have involved the Buddhist deity Matara-jin, a mild-mannered fairy elder, an undead glutton, the most feared of all youkai, the former lover of Shuten-douji, and a Scandinavian all banding together to defeat a giant sapient arthropod that had been threatening the region's guardian deity. All that is known for sure is that the Gensokyo's current borders were defined in 1885 with the completion of the Great Hakurei Barrier.

---

But where is Gensokyo?

If memory serves, somewhere in Nagano Prefecture.

---

But what about the government?

What they don't know won't hurt them. Yukari has eyes everywhere, and I mean everywhere. It doesn't matter where in the world you are; if there's something she doesn't want you to know, you will never find out. And even if you do, she has ways of keeping you quiet. Which brings me to my next point...

---

The Yakumo Clan

While you'd be forgiven for thinking that Ran, Chen and a few birds were Yukari's only servants, she actually has a small army of shikigami, and hundreds of contacts and informants all over the world. This network is vital to Gensokyo's survival, as it enables Yukari to keep track of the various branches of the Hakurei family, and thus protect them from harm. It is also integral to the numerous cover-ups that keep the existence of Gensokyo a secret.

---

The Youkai Moe contest

Every year, the youkai of Gensokyo hold a contest to determine which one of their number is "Youkai Moe". No human is privy to any details about this contest, not even the Hakurei Shrine Maiden herself. Even among youkai, the process through which the contest is judged is a closely-guarded secret of the event organisers. It's not quite as esoteric as the Gensokyo Hug Championships, but that's another story entirely.

The 2001 Youkai Moe contest was won by the infamous Kazami Yuuka, who has not shut up about it since. A certain fallen goddess has described it as "Gensokyo's 1966 World Cup".

While Nue has never entered the Youkai Moe contest despite near-constant peer pressure, she was once dared to say "Nue Nue Kyun~" in front of a large crowd. A massive brawl ensued as everyone present tried to cuddle her (including the normally hug-shy Byakuren), and a few even succeeded. After the dust had settled, Yukari appeared before Nue to present her with the title of Youkai Nue, a title that only she could ever hold. When approached for comment, Nue declined to comment.

Remilia won Youkai Moe 2020.

Notes:

Well, it took a damn long time, but I did it. It's funny; I left this alone for weeks, but then, suddenly, when I was in the right mood, I was able to finish it in a matter of hours. Not quite the game-changer I was hoping for, but certainly something.

In other news, the judging for Youkai Moe 2021 begins soon. So place your bets - what youkai do you think is moe, and why? I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 33: The Unconnected Marketeers

Summary:

I'm back! Let's talk about some of the latest additions to the Touhou family, shall we?

Notes:

Disclaimer: this is one of the more risque chapters. Nothing M-rated, but those sensitive to innuendo or mentions of partial nudity are advised to skip this chapter. You have been warned.

Mike

Since the Incident, Mike and Sanae have become close friends, as both were treated differently growing up because of their respective hair colours.

---

Takane

Takane has a long-standing grudge against Nitori, for some unspecified, possibly nose-related slight. In an ideal world, I would have been able to come up with something better for her, but I just have so little to work with.

---

Sannyo

Because Sannyo's ability revolves around smoking, she grows her own special tobacco that contains fewer harmful substances. This, combined with her resilient youkai body, allows her to smoke as much as she wants with no ill effects.

Rumour has it that Sannyo used to pursue a different line of work before opening her gambling den. Some say that she occasionally "reopens" the old "business" for a select few "loyal customers".

---

Misumaru

As the creator of the Hakurei Yin-Yang Orbs, Misumaru played a key role in the establishment of the Hakurei Barrier, and maintains an uneasy friendship with Yukari to this day.

---

Tsukasa

This youkai, who is both a fox and a weasel, is capable of being extremely cute, despite her extremely questionable morals, and does not share a certain other vulpine's questionable taste in headwear. And today, the House of Deer is proud to announce that the winner of Youkai Moe 2021 is... The one and only... KUDAMAKI TSUKASA!

---

Megumu

Despite having fought on opposite sides of the war for Youkai Mountain, Megumu is friends with Yuugi and often visits her in the Old Capital. While surface youkai - especially tengu - aren't normally allowed in the Underworld, Megu has an arrangement with Parsee that allows her to enter and leave freely as long as she makes at least a nominal attempt to keep a low profile and doesn't deliberately cause trouble.

The only Touhoumanoid taller than Megumu is Eirin, who is a veritable giantess at 8'1".

Megumu owns a "Megu Milk" t-shirt. It's her preferred method of trolling Aya.

Megumu is a very well-travelled tengu and has met many famous youkai including Te(w)i and Nue.

Megumu is the original creator of the Youkai Calendar and occasionally models for it herself, albiet usually bottomless rather than fully nude. And before you ask, yes, she has posed for it wearing the t-shirt.

---

Chimata

Despite appearances, Chimata's colourful getup is not a pride outfit. She didn't even know what that was until a chance encounter with Sumireko shortly after the Incident.

---

Momoyo

Momoyo uses they/he pronouns.

Momoyo's "human" from isn't actually human at all, but a bizarre mishmash of mammalian and myriapoid biology, complete with spiracles (three on each side) and a semi-soft chitin layer just under their skin.

Momoyo is friends with Yamamamamamame. Myriapod-arachind solidarity 2021!

Momoyo was tricked by Tsukasa into entering Youkai Moe 2021 without having any idea what the contest was, and actually performed fairly well, outplacing even multiple-time winner Kogasa. Apparently the judges thought the giant sapient arthropod in humanoid form was absolutely adorable bumbling around trying to figure out what he was even supposed to do to win the contest. They came in seventh.

Momoyo's outfit is designed to leave their lowest spiracle pair exposed; since mining is, obviously, hard work, it's best to have both the human and centipede respiratory systems in use.

Momoyo tans better than any other Touhou. Too bad he lives underground.

Notes:

This is Alexandeer, and I'm back!
I've been away for a while, but I'm back to head some canon at Youkai Mountain
Do you get what the refrance?
Anyway, this is another chapter. Now, I don't want anyone to panic, but I'm thinking of ending this series sort-of-semi-soon-ish to focus on other things. Now, there are some things that have been requested for a long time now (what do you mean this series is less than a year old?! It feels like a lifetime ago I started this) such as the Animal Realm gangs, so that'll probably be one of the next things I tackle. I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

[Edit 22/07/22] I removed the cringey pronoun guessing game nonsense from Momoyo's section. It was dumb and cringe and now it is gone. I should have done this a long time ago.

Chapter 34: The Animal Realm and Hell

Summary:

Let's talk about all of our favourite yama, shinigami, animal spirits, deities and the like, shall we? Maybe we can even revisit some old friends while we're here. And there'll be a special suprise at the end...

Komachi and Eiki

Komachi is contractually forbidden from acknowledging the existence of the Hourai Immortals. When asked, she simply says "they're off the books" and refuses to elaborate further.

Eiki is friends with Byakuren, and the two often meet to debate philosophy.

Eiki is one of the less-smol Touhous, being slightly taller than Komachi. However, this is only because, as Komachi put it, "she's like eighty percent leg or something".

Eiki has recently begun pestering the Ministry's management about why three individuals in Gensokyo are completely outside her authority. She has yet to receive an answer.

---

Disclaimer

I don't currently have headcanons for all of the WBaWC characters. I might just be able to think of something for them before the end, but I can't promise anything. I am sorry if your favourite ends up being left out.

---

The Keiga, Kiketsu and Gouyoku families

Yachie is friends with Megumu, and recently visited her and Chimata on Youkai Mountain. Unfortunately, she was forced to run back to the Animal Realm screaming in terror after losing her tail to a certain myriapod (it grew back).

Yuuma can eat more-or-less anything (barring anything cooked by Shion), but she has a particular fondness for regular old grass. She is a sheep youkai after all.

Each of the family matriarchs attained her position in a different way: Yachie supposedly seduced her boss and killed him(?) when his(?) guard was down; Saki's detractors claim that she won her position in a literal pissing contest, but due to the way the Keiga clan is run, this is highly unlikely (more likely she just kicked the old boss's face in); and while you'd be forgiven for thinking Yuuma simply ate her predecessor, that is not true - she shot him (yes, she has a gun. Don't ask) as he was leaving the office one day and let his guard down. Then she ate him.

All of Yachie's clothes and furniture have to be specially made for her by highly skilled tailors and carpenters, to accommodate her shell and her big scaly tail. If any of her shirts are even slightly improperly fitted, wardrobe malfunctions are inevitable. This isn't as much of a problem as it is for most women (see below), but it is still undignified for someone as powerful as her.

Due to her reptilian nature, Yachie's chest is completely featureless. However, a quirk in her muscle structure creates the impression of a slight bust.

---

Primate Spirit Garden

Keiki has read the Communist Manifesto and several related works; her opinion is that Marx's greatest failing was his belief in the idea of a stateless society - in Keiki's view, such a system (or lack thereof) would be inherently unsafe as long as a single selfish or unscrupulous person existed in the world. But we're not here to talk about that sort of thing - let's move on before things start getting political.

---

Sanzu area residents

Urumi once served the Hoshiguma clan and fought the tengu at Youkai Mountain. She was wounded in battle and honourably discharged mere days into the war, an event that led her to reconsider her entire life. As soon as she was able to walk again, she left the mountain to become a fish farmer and never looked back. Some say she still has the scar.

---

The Underworld and Former Hell

The Palace of Earth Spirits houses an immense library housing every written work in the Japanese language. It is exceeded in size by the SDM's library, although this is more due to Remilia's immense collection of specialist magazines than anything else.

Orin's cat teeth give her an adorable lisp.

Yamamamamamame has several nephews and nieces living in Satori's underwear drawer. Like all self-respecting spiders, they never knew their parents, but they have come to see their landlady as a mother-figure of sorts.

Yamamamamamamamame and Parsee are employed by the Ministry of Right And Wrong to enforce the treaty that forbids surface youkai from entering the underworld. They aren't very good at it.

Kisume has nothing to do with this. She's just crazy.

---

Hell proper

Hecatia is not the only Greek goddess active in the Touhouverse - Gaea is also alive and well, but due to modern beliefs surrounding her being radically different from her original incarnation (the original Gaea was a personification of the physical earth and had little to do with the modern concept of nature), she bears little resemblance to the terrifying primordial she once was.

[darkcanon warning] Konngara is the ghost of an oni killed in the final battle of the Tengu-Oni War. A relative of the Hoshiguma family, Konngara rushed to defend the Devas from Tenma's final attack, but to no avail. Konngara tried to tackle the ancient Tengu, only for the Youkai Warhead to blast them away, sending them crashing into a sharp rock, severing much of their lower body. In addition, the blast itself fractured their skull and damaged many blood vessels around the base of their horn, resulting in their bloodied appearance in HRtP. Hoshiguma Konngara's death was not in vain, however, as without them to take the brunt of the explosion, the Warhead would likely have caused far more harm to the Devas than it did.

Notes:

And with another chapter down, we're one step closer to the end.

Also, if you like this, you should check out YuyukoSaigyouzi (aka IllusionSignMisdirection) over on Wattpad who has a special PC-98-themed Touhou headcanon collection, as well as a Pokémon crossover starring Alice. Seriously, they're super cool!

I'd also like to apologise for any controversy my Keiki hc may attract. I really wracked my brains trying to think of something for her, but that's all I could think of.
As always, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 35: Update: still not dead

Summary:

Yes - I am still alive!

Hello everyone, how has everyone been since I've been gone? I've been quiet recently for a few reasons, chief among them being my new job (I sell scented hand sanitiser) which is variable-hours and often has last-minute shift changes, which really sucks the energy out of me. I've also been active on Wattpad, and you can search me up if you want. You can also say hello to my friend here, whom you may know as regular guest commenter IllusionSignMisdirection.

But I digress. Tomorrow, I will start work on the next chapter of this headcanon series. I'd do it tonight, but I'm up early tomorrow. Anyway, I think I'll only be making three or four more chapters before I end this series and get back to work on Dinner With the Vampire. But for now, here's a fresh new headcanon.

Yuugi is aromantic, but not asexual. She regularly gets *naughty* with her friends.

I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 36: Request: The Dream World

Summary:

After months of procrastination, it's finally here!

Notes:

This chapter was requested by ThenPerishFool.

Fair warning: these aren't funny or fluffy. They're actually very dark. Seriously, some of these are brutal.

What we already know

The Dream World is home to characters who seem to represent the "dark sides" of Touhous. For example, Dream Marisa is envious of Reimu's abilities, while Dream Byakuren treats her followers as little better than servants. But these "dream selves" should not be taken to represent their real counterparts, but rather an example of what they could be if the defining events of their lives had gone differently, or if they allowed their worst selves to rule them. For example, if Reimu and Marisa hadn't become friends, they may very well have been rivals (PC98, anyone?), while if Byakuren were a bit less devoted to her beliefs, she could quite easily go mad with power.

---

And now, the headcanons

[This is your last warning - extreme darkcanons ahead!]

Dream Sakuya hates religious people (of all denominations, but especially the Abrahamic faiths), as a group of religious extremists killed her mother. Her real self, while an outspoken atheist, is much more tolerant.

Dream Remilia envies Flandre's magical gifts and danmaku skills, and frequently takes her frustrations out on those around her.

Dream Alice is basically the creepy yandere that she always is in old memes.

Dream Ran is little more than a feral animal.

Dream Suika isn't quite as heavy a drinker as her real self, but still drinks enough to knock a lesser oni out cold. She constantly comes up with harebrained schemes to steal her hat back from Dream Tenma. These never succeed.

Dream Satori is prejudiced towards many subterranean youkai species, especially oni, due to the persecution she and Koishi faced throughout their lives. It is worth noting that her real self shows none of these prejudices, even maintaining an awkaward friendship with Yuugi.

Dream Hatate is absolutely sick of being stuck in Aya's shadow, and attempts to establish herself as the Newspaper Queen, through brutal violence if neccessary. And once she's done with Aya, she plans to go after Megumu. Easier said than done.

Dream Kyouko is a straight-up rebel, a bona fide punk. Hey, you try living with Dream Byakuren for eight years, you'll start thinking authority figures are the devil too.

Dream Seiga is consumed by self-loathing and borderline suicidal. To make matters worse, Dream Yoshika resents her, so the only person she can turn to for comfort is the megalomaniacal Dream Miko, who isn't much good at comforting people.

Dream Seija craves affection, but has no idea how to ask for it.

Dream Doremy is just Doremy - as a baku, she needs to be able to access the Dream World at will in order to feed, and she is able to remain active in both at the same time (although her real body and brain still require sleep occasionally). Over the years, her mastery of dream magic has reached the point where she can bring her dream self into the real world, effectively allowing her to be in two (or three, or four...) places at once, a feat that can normally only be achieved by gods.

Dream Sagume talks constantly - as her reversal powers have little consequence in the Dream World, she relishes the freedom to ramble on at length about whatever's on her mind.

Dream Okina is an egomaniac of the highest order, refusing to take advice from anyone and insisting on doing everything her way. She is extremely condescending towards anyone who questions her, and often tries to bully people into doing things her way - and frequently succeeds. Doremy has noted that Okina's real and dream selves are becoming harder and harder to tell apart...

And lastly, Dream Megumu is constantly scheming to dethrone Tenma and appoint herself as ruler of Youkai Mountain. Of course, none of her plans have come close to success, but that doesn't stop her from trying.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! Only two, maybe three chapters to go. Unless anyone has any last-minute requests? Anyway, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 37: Request: Video Game Special

Summary:

Today we're looking at the (entirely hypothetical) video game culture of Gensokyo.

Notes:

This chapter was requested by VirgoDrago.

Let's start with Seija, shall we? Her favourite games of all time are E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), Action 52, Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing, and a Touhou fangame named Periphery of Power. She and Shinmy also maintain a streaming/let's play channel with regular guest apperances from both Tenshi and the Yorigamis.

Satori has one of the largest game collections in the world, and also has her own Minecraft server. She and Orin are also two of Gensokyo's most successful streamers.

Okuu once had an unpleasant experience on the server. While collecting sand for a build, she happened upon a mysterious chest containing a familiar-looking spherical object. Her reaction was as follows:

"Aahh!! Someone cut up Koishi-sama so they could hide her satori eye in this weird box!"

Her mistake was eventually corrected when she realised Koishi was standing right next to her with no sign of dismemberment whatsoever.

Youmu once played Luigi's Mansion. She didn't get very far, and was so traumatised by all the ghosts that she needed to be cuddled by just about all of her friends (especially Sakuya) before she was able to function again. She was able to watch as Sanae finished the game for her, though, so it's not all bad.

Sanae is a huge classic platformer nerd and has played everything from Mario to Sonic to Mega Man. She enjoys (slightly) more modern games as well, but her gamer heart is still in the 90s.

Remilia bought a BBC Micro in 1982. She barely touched it, and to this day it's still sitting in her room gathering dust.

Kanako, Miko and Keiki all enjoy 4x games, particularly the Civilization series. Keiki mains Russia.

Megumu and Chimata enjoy playing various management sims together. Unfortunately, they always end up arguing about how the games are meant to be played.

Momoyo is a huge Terraria fan. When asked what they thought about Minecraft, their response was as follows:

"Why would I want to play a game like that? You don't get to fight anything cool, combat is horribly awkward, and you can't even eat the dragon! I mean, what's up with that?"

Nitori is a collector of bootleg games. She has a massive hoard of the things that take up an entire room in her house. Her favourites are 7 Grand Dad and Pokémon Vietnamese Crystal.

Reimu, Marisa and Alice aren't big gamers, but sometimes their friends (usually Sanae) invite them over to play a few games. Marisa in particular has taken a liking to Super Mario World.

Nue is a huge Gensou Skydrift fan, for no other reason than the fact that she's playable in it.

And finally, the most important character in Touhou...

Cirno enjoys many MMO and FPS titles. Unfortunately, Dai-chan is worried that all of the immaturity and toxicity might rub off on her. She needn't worry; Cirno is the strongest and will never allow a bunch of toxic twelve-year-olds to influence her.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! Not much left to do now. Unless anyone has any last-minute requests? I'm all ears. And yes, I know I'm committing heresy with this Momocanon, but I stand by it.
Seriously tho, if there's anything you'd like to see before the end of this series, feel free to let me know. As always, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 38: Youkai Physiology, part 4

Summary:

You thought I was finished with these? You thought wrong.

Notes:

Disclaimer: this is probably going to be our most risqué chapter of all. I don't think it's quite enough to warrant an M rating, but I still think it's best to warn you.

Tengu (continued)

All tengu have retractable wings. This includes wolf tengu, though their wings are small and downy, and rarely shown. Tengu wings are quite sensitive, especially in wolf tengu, for whom they are a major erogenous zone. If a wolf tengu offers to show you their wings, they're probably propositioning you.

A small subset of tengu are born as daitengu ("great tengu") and are both physically larger and more magically gifted than the rest of the species. Daitengu often rise to high positions in tengu society, though whether this is due to their own merits or simply preferential treatment varies greatly depending on the individual in question. One example of a daitengu who indisputably did merit her position is Iizunamaru Megumu, who more than earned her status as youngest ever chief of the crow tengu at the tender age of fourteen, when her discovery of a powerful ally ensured victory for the tengu in the final battle of the Tengu-Oni War.

Wolf tengu are divided into several sub-castes distinguished by their hair/feather colour. Each plays a different role in the tengu caste system. White wolf tengu, being the border guards of Youkai Mountain, are the ones a human would most likely be familiar with, but grey wolf tengu are also common, being the rank-and-file troops of the tengu military. The rare black wolf tengu serve as the special forces of the tengu and often carry kappa-made weapons, while brown wolf tengu are Tenma's spies and infiltrators. The even rarer red wolf tengu are the elite of the wolf caste, with a disproportionately large number being daitengu, and the rest forming the honour guards of the various tengu chiefs. Rumours of the existence of a teal wolf tengu still have not been confirmed.

Wolf tengu are capable of projecting a glamour that conceals their lupine features. This is most important for brown wolf tengu, but the other variants often make use of it for intimidation - it's much easier for a human to take you seriously if they can't see your fluffy wolf ears.

Tengu - especially crow tengu - tend to be thin and willowy in build, and flat chests - even by Gensokyan standards - are very much the rule and not the exception. Megumu may not seem particularly busty or curvy by human standards, but compared to most tengu, she is downright voluptuous, and more than warrants the right to wear her "Megu Milk" t-shirt.

Tengu of all castes can interbreed. If two tengu of different castes have a child together, then they must meet with the elders of their castes to determine what their child's role in society will be. If two wolf tengu of different colour variants have a child together, then that child may choose which branch of the military they wish to join; for example, a half-grey half-brown wolf tengu may choose to become either a rank-and-file soldier or a spy.

---

Lunarians (not youkai, but included here anyway for convenience)

Lunarians are a species of hominid that split off from the ancestors of modern humans at an unknown point in their evolution, though likely less than a million years ago (though some deities/kami that take the form of lunarians may be much older). The term "Lunarian" (note the capitalisation) can also refer to the culture of the Lunar Capital - not all members of the lunarian species are part of this culture, and not all citizens of the Lunar Capital are lunarians by birth. Sagume Kishin (she prefers to render her name as given name-surname), for example, is an amanojaku, albeit one metaphysically altered by her own power.

Lunarians (the species) differ little from humans physiologically, though they do tend to be taller and have distinctive, almost kite-shaped navels (which is rather strange, as navel shape in humans is not strongly tied to genetics). Their most curious trait, however, is a cluster of highly speicialised cells in the brain, which contain protein chains that store long-term memory more efficiently than normal brain tissue. Given that "pure" beings are functionally immortal, this is extremely useful.

The strange powers of the Lunarian people are not intrinsic to them (with a few exceptions, such as the moon gods), but a strange knowledge that is neither true magic, nor true science. Due to the creation of the Border of Science and Magic, it is now impossible to learn the secrets of the Lunarians, but those who already know them can still use them. It is important to note that the Border of Science and Magic was not created by Yukari, and in fact predates her birth by several centuries. What created it? Only the Lunarians know, and they sure aren't telling anyone.

Lunarians and humans can have children together, but whether those children can themselves have children is a mystery. The only known half-lunarian is Izayoi Sakuya, and she certainly doesn't plan to start a family any time soon. And, before you ask, she doesn't have a lunarian belly button, but hers does have a slight pointed quality to it.

[darkcanon warning] Due to the nature of the Pure Lands, Lunarians must bury their dead on Earth, or their spirits will be trapped forever between life and death, unable to move on to the afterlife, or interact with the world in any meaningful way. Unfortunately, the Lunarians do not consider burying deceased moon rabbits on Earth to be a valuable use of their time, and their bodies are simply burned. As a result, the Lunar Capital is haunted by the restless spirits of countless long-dead bunny people.

---

Oni

Oni are divided into two subspecies - red and blue. Red oni have a more efficient metabolism that makes them more naturally energetic, but also get drunk (relatively) easily, while blue oni are more even-tempered and can hold their drink much better, but are generally less physically capable and can easily become lethargic if deprived of food or sleep. However, countless generations of intermarriage have made the distinction largely arbitrary, and the Hoshiguma family in particular take great pride in their mixed heritage; Yuugi is considered by many to be the perfect oni, having inherited a very impressive alcohol tolerance and even temper from the blue side of her family, while retaining the natural energy of a red oni. Her immense strength and devotion to training certainly help as well.

Ushi-oni are an offshoot of the oni species with a slightly different ability set; while physically weaker than "true" oni (though still easily capable of besting all but the strongest humans and even some tengu), they have a natural aptitude for magic and some even learn abilities that are more typical of amanojaku than anything else.

And while we're on the subject, never joke about milking Urumi unless you want to take a stone baby to the face.

---

Kappa (continued)

Let's start by getting one thing out of the way. Yes, the "three anuses" thing is true. Partially. Kappa have one true anus that functions as an actual anus, and two smaller secondary anuses that serve as the endpoints of a system of tubes that aid in the release of gas from the intestinal tract. It is almost unheard of for a kappa to suffer from trapped wind.

Kappa are much stronger than most people realise, and become even stronger when in contact with water, to the point of being able to wrestle oni (although Yuugi or Suika would still wipe the floor with even the strongest kappa). As such, it is near-universally agreed in Gensokyo that the first rule of youkai hunting is "never fight a kappa on its own terms". Nitori is not superhumanly strong. She and her friends are all huge nerds who barely get any exercise. She's easily the best spellcard user of the kappa, though.

Kappa traditionally consummate their marriages by eating each other's shirikodama rather than having sex. This creates an immutable soul-bond between the newlyweds that can only be broken through Boundary Manipulation. As a result, kappa do not take marriage lightly, and couples may be together for decades before marrying.

Kappa do have shells, but these are greatly reduced, only being exposed in a few areas and leaving the shoulder blades completely free. The internal part of the shell wraps around the front of the body, creating what effectively amounts of three extra pairs of ribs.

Notes:

And so the Youkai Physiology quadrilogy ends as it began - with a kappa. This took a bit longer than intended, and I apologise. You see, the progress I've made in my life has recently been effectively undone by circumstances beyond my control, which has left me feeling generally dismotivated (is that a word?). Fortunately, there are only two chapters left to make, and then I can finally finish this series. I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 39: Some loose ends before the end

Summary:

Here are a few things I wanted to cover before the final chapter.

Alice's dolls

[darkcanon warning] Before we begin, we should establish a little about Alice's backstory. Born in Bucuresti (Bucharest) to Irish parents in 1986, Alice was already a promising woodcarver when most children were still learning to write (her family had a business restoring antique furniture). After her father's untimely death under suspicious circumstances, Alice and her mother found themselves spirited away to Gensokyo, where the story of Alice Margatroid truly begins. Even Alice's closest friends don't know exactly how she gained her magical knowledge, but after losing her mother in the Vampire Incident of 1999, she became terrified of her own mortality, leading her to use her magic to become immortal at the cost of her (arbitrarily defined, in Alice's view) humanity, and the rest, as they say, is history.

The first of Alice's dolls we need to cover is Shanghai. She was the first doll that Alice ever made, even before her arrival in Gensokyo. One of the first experiments the young magician made during her early studies of magic was to attempt to animate her childhood toys. For most of them, this failed, but Shanghai came to life almost instantly, and has been Alice's companion ever since.

Alice has made many dolls - both for herself and for her customers - in Shanghai's likeness, but the original can be distinguished by her many subtle flaws, having been made by a much younger, less experienced Alice.

After realising that she could enchant a doll to serve almost any purpose, Alice started creating a wide variety of specialised magic dolls, each associated with a different spell, such as her "French" and "Dutch" dolls. The end result of this was Hourai, a doll made early in Alice's dollmaking career and enchanted to channel her most powerful magic.

Like Shanghai, Hourai serves as the template for an entire line of dolls, though the original is easily distinguished by her red dress and clear plastic dragonfly wings.

While predominantly a spellcaster, Hourai is every bit as capable with a sword as Shanghai is, should the situation call for it.

The burgeoning youkai spirit within Hourai is very eccentric and, to put it bluntly, a bit of an edgelord. She is a massive Choujuu Gigaku fan, and actually has Mystia's autograph, or so the rumour goes. Shanghai, on the other hand, is much more mature and sensible, though still strange - she often pretends to be either a princess, or a knight trying to rescue one.

Alice has chosen her "Titania" doll as the host for her new shikigami (also named Titania). This doll is not the original, but a slightly smaller replica created after the original was destroyed by Cirno. The modern Titania is slightly smaller than the original (though still nearly seven feet (213cm) tall), and has a different hairstyle mirroring that of her creator.

And last but certainly not least, we have Goliath, Alice's most terrifying creation, though still adorable in her own weird way. In her base form, Goliath is actually the smallest of Alice's dolls, being able to fit in her master's pocket, but she is imbued with the most powerful and complex magics that Alice can craft, allowing her to magically grow to much larger sizes seemingly with no regard for the law of conservation of mass. When called out for combat, she normally grows to around twenty feet (6.1m) tall, but with enough magic, she is capable of becoming even larger.

Like her "sister" Titania, Goliath is not the first of Alice's creations to bear that name, but rather a replica made to replace the prototype destroyed by Cirno during the Hisoutensoku Incident. Unlike Titania, however, Goliath is effectively identical to the original in almost all respects, even incorporating some material that Alice was able to salvage after the original exploded. The one regard in which she differs, however, is her magic; as Alice learned a great deal about enchanting from her experience working on the original Goliath doll, she was able to not only stabilise the interactions between Goliath's various enchantments and thus reduce the risk of a catastrophic explosion, but also give the new Goliath some powerful magical abilities of her own.

---

Modern conveniences in Gensokyo (and elsewhere)

The SDM was built in the Outside World, and as such houses many items that some Gensokyans consider to be unnatural, including electric lighting, multiple fully-functional televisions, oil heating (rarely used nowadays), one of the oldest working CD players in the world, and a record player for every room in the house (with the obvious exception of the bathrooms). All the electricals in the SDM are powered by a mysterious arcane device housed in a small sub-basement underneath Flandre's room, said to have been a prized heirloom of the Scarlet family for generations. No-one knows where it came from or what its original purpose was, but it was Remilia who first discovered that the device could be used as a source of electrical energy while experimenting with a lightbulb in the early 1910s. Yeah, Remi was a bit of a science nerd back in the day.

In addition to its electricals, the SDM also has extensive plumbing (complete with electrically-heated water), including a substantial number of fully-functional miniature toilets, sinks and even showers intended for use by some of the smaller fairy maids, for whom using the full-sized versions would be impractical or even dangerous.

The Moriya gods all have the ability to power electrical devices (one of Sanae's miracles in the Outside World involved switching on a lamp that was not plugged in), allowing them to enjoy many Outside World luxuries that they can show their friends.

Eirin uses her Lunarian knowledge to power a few pieces of Outsider technology, predominantly medical equipment. Kaguya uses that same knowledge to power her own collection of electronics, though hers is more entertainment-focused.

Mi & co. (Taishi-sama and friends) have a small collection of Outside World technologies for no apparent reason.

The Palace of Earth Spirits was built to be a luxury home for the Komeiji sisters, and as such contains many luxuries that are unheard of in the Old Capital, courtesy of Goddess Hecatia herself, or so the rumour goes.

And, of course, Nitori has all the cool tech. All of it!

---

[heresy warning] When some Touhous were born

Reimu: May 1985

Marisa: December 1985

Alice: April 1986

Youmu: February 1986

Sanae: July 1990 (retconned from 1988, 22-03-25)

Sumireko: October 1999

Remilia: March 1503

Flandre: December 1507

Cirno: August 1690 (it has a 9 in it)

Yukari: exactly 17 years ago~

Eirin (yes, even she): The twenty-third of May, 29,999,928BP (Cirno envies these 9s)

---

Medicine and Su-san

[sadcanon warning] The doll that would become Medicine Melancholy was made in Holland in the early nineteenth century, and brought to Japan by an enterprising merchant. This doll would change hands between several wealthy families, before eventually becoming a treasured heirloom of the Hieda family. All this would change in 1895, however, when a young Hieda no Anana misplaced the doll - whom she had come to call Medicine - while playing on a hillside infamous for the many toxic asparagoids that grew there. Anana came home in tears, but her parents refused to let her go back to look for Medicine. She was never quite the same after that. To this day, Medicine has no idea how much her disappearance affected Anana, and those who do know are too afraid of how she might react to tell her.

Medicine's friend Su-san is actually a modern plastic doll from an obscure line named "Miss Sue". She is made from a cheap styrene-based plastic, of the same type used by Games Workshop. After being abandoned by her original owner, she was spirited away to Gensokyo and found by Rinnosuke, who would eventually sell her to Alice for what we can safely assume to be a bargain bin price. Su-san is not a tsukumogami at all, but rather a unique magical construct, with more in common with Narumi than with true tsukumogami. You see, Alice was interested in how magic interacted with artificial materials from the Outside World, and wanted something to conduct experiments on. If she'd bothered to ask Patchouli or Remilia for advice, she'd know that styrenes are highly resistant to magic and can only be enchanted through very specific techniques. Foolishly, Alice tried to enchant her new doll by forcing magic into the plastic, and the sheer amount of energy involved created an explosion that knocked her out for nearly an hour. When she woke up, Marisa was standing over her saying something along the lines of "Jeez, Alice, and people call me reckless", and there was no sign of the doll anywhere. Alice assumed that she'd accidentally destroyed her new doll, and wrote the experiment off as inconclusive, unaware that she had created an entirely new form of youkai.

Su-san tries to act as Medicine's conscience, but this seldom achieves much, as the grudges of an abandoned toy run deep. You may ask, "but Su-san was abandoned as well, so why isn't she like that?". Well, dear reader, the answer is simple. Medicine was abandoned for more than a century and became a tsukumogami, while Su-san was only abandoned for a few years if even that, and didn't have even the beginnings of sentience prior to Alice's experiment, so she had no reason to develop a grudge in the first place.

---

And the rest

Byakuren has distant Indian heritage.

Patchouli has been to Suzunaan and bought one of her favourite books there.

Yorihime was Kaguya's first crush.

Greater fairies can change their size at will. A fairy's maximum size is a good way to estimate both her age and power.

Marisa and Flandre have the same birthday.

Princess Wakasagi, Sekibanki and Kagerou are all romantically involved together.

Yukari and Yuyuko have been looking for a third partner to spice up their relationship, but they haven't been able to find anyone.

Despite nominally being a fox youkai, Tsukasa has some mustelid-like traits, including a need to get *naughty* with someone at least once a year. A dry spell won't kill her, but it will cause a nasty fever.

Remilia is a capable violinist and cellist, and has even composed her own pieces.

Suwako can take male or female forms at will and identifies as genderfluid.

Satori can fire laser beams from her third eye. She rarely uses this ability, as normal danmaku is more useful in most situations and also uses much less energy.

Okuu can also fire energy blasts from the eye on her chest, but this is nearly useless, as her control rod arm does the same thing much better.

Myon

Remilia owns a large collection of rare singles, including Mike Oldfield's "Don Alfonso".

While Byakuren doesn't normally enjoy hugs, one person she doesn't mind getting close with is Shou. Some suspect that there's something going on between them, but neither of them have been willing to confirm or deny this.

Notes:

And here's another one that took far longer than it was supposed to. I might need a day or two before I start on the final chapter, but I don't think it'll take quite as long as this one.

Anyway, I would like to repent for my heretical decision to give the Touhous specific birth years. It was naughty and bad of me.

Anyway, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.

Chapter 40: Finale: The Future

Summary:

It's been nearly a year...

As a very wise man once said,
where doing it man
where MAKING THIS HAPEN

In a world where children do not smile...

Maribel Hearn was born in the spring of 2030 in Liverpool, to an Irish father (Gerry) and a mother (Violett) who claims to have been born in Japan to Swedish parents, but whose early life is shrouded in mystery, even to her own family. Other notable members of the Hearn family include Maribel's older brother "Big" Roy, and Violett's mother, an eccentric and inexplicably spry and youthful woman know only as Violett Sr.

Maribel's early life was somewhat uneventful, apart from coming out as trans at the age of thirteen. Not long after that, however, the family moved to Kyoto, where the young Maribel would meet someone who would change her life forever.

Maribel is tall and slender in build and has prominent Scandinavian features; if you look at her family tree, it's quite easy to see how much she takes after her mother, who in turn takes after her mother.

Usami Renko was born in the early autumn of 2030 in Maizuru, Kyoto Prefecture. She never knew her father, though her mother, a stage magician and children's television personality known professionally as The Amazing Usamimi, assures her that this is for the best.

Renko's early life was considerably less interesting than one might expect for the daughter of an eccentric celebrity, with the only major defining event of her childhood being a visit to a museum which happened to be hosting an exhibition on the history of science, sparking an interest that would eventually lead her to take up the study of physics.

Renko is of more-or-less average build - perhaps just a little on the thin side - and above-average height. There is nothing particularly remarkable about her physical apperance (fashion sense notwithstanding), but she is still very attractive nonetheless.

Maribel and Renko met during their first year of senior high school, when Renko gave some particularly choice words to a bully who had targeted a clearly distraught and confused Maribel. She then spent the next ten minutes or so comforting her new friend. This naturally involved cuddles.

Maribel and Renko are both demisexual. They have feelings for each other, but haven't quite managed to confess yet.

Maribel and Renko have a reasonably-sized circle of friends, whom they met in high school and who all attend the same college as them. In true Alexandeerverse fashion, they are, all of them, inveterate cuddlebugs. Maribel also has a penpal back in England named John.

Maribel and Renko have their own Wh40k collections - Grey Knights and Deathwatch respectively. They also play Age of Sigmar - Maribel collects Seraphon, while Renko is more partial to the Kharadron Overlords.

And now, the final hugcanon. Yes, you should hug Maribel and Renko. Both of them very much enjoy hugs, and are very warm. If you ask nicely, you might even get to hug both of them at once.

---

Meanwhile, back in Gensokyo: Where are they now?

Patchouli's health has improved dramatically since Remilia started making her eat a plate of beef and carrots every Sunday. This has also led her to put on a little bit of weight, which both of her girlfriends agree looks very good on her.

Flandre has recently entered several competitive danmaku tournaments, and soundly won. Remilia and Sakuya are somewhat concerned about how close she seems to be getting to the tournament's organiser, however...

After several years of good behaviour, Okuu is finally allowed to borrow Satori's credit card again. Here's hoping she uses it more responsibly this time.

Rinnosuke has discovered a big pile of boxes out the back of his shop, boxes showing images of gold-clad masked knights, green-skinned barbarians, and all manner of undead monstrosities...

Cirno mysteriously disappeared some time ago after being utterly humiliated by Clownpiece and the Fairies of Light one time too many. There is still ice on the Misty Lake, however, and some people, from the Bamboo Forest to the Old Capital, claim to have seen a blue-haired fairy in areas that are home to strong people...

Seija has really cleaned up her act in recent years - she's been visiting Satori (the closest thing Gensokyo has to a qualified psychotherapist), who has helped her become much more comfortable with telling the truth. In addition, some claim to have seen an amanojaku leaving the Palace of Earth Spirits at very strange hours, looking very, very happy.

Speaking of Seija, she's seen Eirin about her heart, and has convinced Shimyoumaru to do the same. Both of their hearts are healthy, but they do need to take better care of themselves - Shinmy doesn't get enough excercise, while Seija doesn't get enough sleep. Both of them are working to change this, and it's going quite well.

Satori still has her noose.

Remi and Pache are now in a 100% full-time relationship. Koa is involved as well.

Sanae and Nue are now dating. They are agreed by all to be a very cute couple.

The nature of Momiji and Nitori's relationship has become widely known among the rumour mills of Youkai Mountain. Although some claim to have seen Momiji with Hatate as well. Two-timing, or open relationship? Or perhaps... Hmm...

Kyouko has long since left the Myouren Temple to become a full-time musician. She has learned to play an instrument of her own (a bass guitar) and she and Mystia have, through extensive practice, dramatically improved their sound, and even brought Nue onboard as their drummer. They have become quite popular amongst the youth of Gensokyo, and are even planning a tour of the Outside World.

Yuyuko and Yukari, after being together for more than a century, are now happily married, and have been so for several years now. They never did manage to find a third partner, though.

No-one's entirely sure what Okina's been doing recently, but Satono and Mai are believed to now be retired, struggling to settle back into the grooves of mundane life after serving a Sage of Gensokyo for an unknown period of time.

Reimu and Marisa are themselves married, having popped the question at Yukari and Yuyuko's wedding reception, and recently celebrated the birth of their second child.

Just so's we're clear, I'm being deliberately vague about how far in the future these headcanons are set, but a rough timeframe would be somewhere between 10 and 25 years from now (some time before Ren&Merry's story).

Marisa has since upgraded her puppet into a simple rag doll, and a chance encounter with Remilia expanded its vocabulary to include "Remi Remi". Marisa's confident she can get it to do an impression of those weird vocal riffs from Mike Oldfield's "Sentinel" within two years.

Another thing that Marisa's been doing is experimenting with fairy magic, trying to find a way to extend her life or even become immortal. All she's been able to achieve so far is making the grass outside her house grow slightly faster.

The Fairies of Light have made Clownpiece the fourth partner in their relationship.

Mokou and Kaguya have gone from rivals to "it's complicated", or as Reisen described it, friendly rivals with benefits. Meanwhile, Eirin has finally confessed her feelings to Kaguya, and the two are now happily in an open relationship.

The World Travel Incident would not be the last time Remilia and Patchouli would leave Gensokyo - they have made occasional discreet exits over the years to visit Patchouli's family in Italy.

Jo'on has a new car now. She doesn't let Nue or Mamizou anywhere near it.

Suwako made Yukari and Yuyuko's wedding rings.

Yuuka has made every effort to reclaim the title of Youkai Moe, but hasn't done better than tenth place since 2023.

Dream Kyouko has become much more laid-back since leaving the temple, but she still has little patience for authority figures.

And finally, Alice is now a proud mother to a family of intelligent dolls. All four of her doll daughters (yes, even Hourai) get on very well with Reimu and Marisa's children, who Alice often babysits during Incidents.

---

Before we go...

I'd just like the take a moment to thank everyone who has read and supported this series. This series wouldn't be half of what it has become without all of you. Every comment and kudos makes my life feel just that little bit more worthwhile. Every one. That said, there are a few people to whom I'd like to offer some special thanks.

ThenPerishFool, you've been here right from day one, and the energy and enthusiasm you brought to the comments section gave me much-needed motivation to make those first few chapters, and helped keep me going all the way to the end. And you introduced me to my favourite Touhou rarepair - OkiYachi. Thank you.

DaOrkBoy1992, wherever you are now, you brought fun and interesting lore discussions and shared your own thoughts freely, which were always a joy to read. I may never know what happened to you, but I hope you're doing well for yourself. Thank you.

Aardvark123, you've been a regular commenter for a long time, and you've brought plenty of wit and humour to this series and its comment section. Thank you.

LorenzoS, your own headcanon series, for the brief time it existed, gave me no end of pleasure, as have the lore discussions we've had since then, far removed from this public forum. The constructive criticism you've given me has probably helped me in some way, but my memory is too bad to dig up any specific examples. Thank you, you handsome devil!

VirgoDrago, your headcanons inspired me to develop more in-depth backstories for my own. Thank you.

Hclegend, you've consistently been a joy to talk to, and you truly appreciate Mystia in a way that few can. Thank you.

IllusionSignMisdirection, you started as a semi-regular guest commenter and over time you became possibly my most frequent. Your comments kept me going through some of my worst attacks of writer's block, and you introduced me to a new platform on Wattpad. Not to mention you're just a damn great friend in general. I honestly cannot thank you enough.

madinaba, I have no idea what happened to you, but us NitoMomi shippers have to stick together. I hope you're taking care of yourself, wherever you are.

SkynetPR, I know we've barely interacted, but your commenting spree you did back in October gave me a much-needed laugh. Thank you.

theonlinehero, thank you for spurring me on to finally do a piece on Maribel and Renko, even if they did end up somewhat overshadowed.

And finally, I'd like to thank FlamingMercury5 for writing the original headcanon series that inspired this. Even if you never read this, without you, none of this would've been possible. Thank you.

I know some of these probably sound like I'm saying goodbye to you, but that's just the way they read. I'm not going anywhere. I just really want to thank everyone. Even if your (user)name isn't on the list, a written work is still nothing without readers, and I cannot possibly thank each and every one of you enough. Thank you.

And now it is finally time for the curtain to fall on this part of my writing career. I've been Alexandeer_C. Thank you for reading.

Notes:

You're still here? It's over. Go home. Oh, you're wondering what I'm planning to do next. Well, now that I'm done here, I need to get back to work on Dinner With the Vampire, but I might try writing some oneshots as well. Perhaps one starring Unzan? I might also make a return to headcanoning at some point in the future, if enough people ask for it, but the stories come first. Until then, I've been Alexandeer_C, and I'll see you next time.