Chapter Text
Before I die I'd like to jump out of a plane.
The notebook beneath his fingers was plain and simple. It cost less than a dollar and yet the minute he scribbled the first line he knew it was going to be worth much more than that. Dean had never been like his father, never kept a journal with useful information and resources. Now he kind of wished he had because Sam would have to go out of his way to look up some things that Dean already knew. It occurred to him he could start that now, could most likely fill up every single line without really stopping to think about it. But that was not what this book was for and he didn't really want to spend the rest of his life writing in a notebook because... well frankly he didn't have much of a life yet.
Go see the Grand Canyon for real. Not just talk about it like we did last year.
It was pretty unlikely he'd actually do all the things on the list but he left the line under each item empty so he could fill in a date just in case. Maybe if they happened to be in Arizona, or crossing through. The Grand Canyon was pretty fuckin' huge, no reason they couldn't swing by sometime. Sam would probably get all mopey and miserable - more than usual - if Dean let him in on the list though so he'd have to say it was just something to pass the time. Everything was something to pass the time. One step closer to the inevitable end looming in the not so distant future.
See the world's largest ball of Twine in Cawker, Kansas.
And seriously, come on, a forty foot wide ball twine? In Kansas? How had they missed that? Dean could hardly even fathom something that big made out of something that small. From what he'd read, they even had guards who watched it to make sure that no one damaged it. The whole idea was hilarious.
Dean was sitting in the front seat of his car, Sam was in the library building printing off some facts about their current hunt. A few minutes later though when he looked up he could see his brother heading toward him and he scribbled a few more lines.
Eat a 72 oz. steak at The Oasis - Milton-Freewater, OR. - win a t-shirt and picture on the wall.
Ride all 17 roller coasters and 75 rides at Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio
Clearly Dean had been watching too much travel channel during their down time in the motel. He stuffed the notebook under his seat after flipping it closed and hooking the pen on the spiral binding. Just as the passenger door was being pulled open he lifted his eyes and readjusted in his seat to recline back. "Find what we're lookin' for Sam?"
Sam huffed as he dropped into the seat, "Yeah, took a lot of reading of old newspapers that smell... bad. Dude," he sniffed his jacket, "I totally smell like those newspapers. Gross." Sam rolled his window down and leaned out a little. "You coulda helped me, would have been faster -what were you doing in here?" He scratched his head and scrunched up his nose.
"I was thinkin' about how to kill the thing, so I was helping," Dean smirked over at his brother, turning the key in the ignition and pulling them out of the parking lot. "Plus you're the researcher; I would have only slowed you down. So did you pinpoint it? Think it's a haunting?"
"Well, here," Sam brought his head back in the window and pulled his notebook out of his pocket, "we have two possibilities. Gavin Windon died in the house uhhh," he did the math in his head, "twelve years back but it was a gunshot wound to the head and I'm pretty sure that someone would have mentioned if they'd see someone who looked like that. Second possibility is Isaac Snyder, farmer, get this," he shifted on his seat, "he was run over about fifty-years ago by one of those nasty old swathers that used to be pulled by oxen." Sam shuddered unconsciously, "talk about a freak accident. I think he sounds more like our guy. What do you think?"
Dean nodded and turned the car in the direction of the house where the hauntings were taking place. "Sounds like that's our guy. Did it say where he was buried?"
Sam flipped his piece of paper over, "Hilltop Cemetery, coincidentally right behind the house. Guess that's kinda self-explanatory isn't it?" Sam grinned, brushed his hair off his face and tucked the paper back in his pocket. He was glad to see Dean interested in a hunt, interested in anything.
Since they'd talked about Dean going to Hell - they'd been through a few stages. Denial was a fun one, Sam spent a couple of weeks not talking about it after Dean told him or simply saying something like fuck off you're not going to hell. It didn't really help things much. Anger seemed to be Dean's personal favorite for a while. No matter what they were doing Dean was pissed off at Sam, at the car, at whatever they were hunting. For a while Sam became accustomed to them completely over killing everything they went after. It was tiring. Bargaining. Sam didn't know what bargaining Dean did -but he had taken every opportunity he had when he was alone to conjure up any Demon who could possibly to something about Dean's deal. None of them wanted to touch Sam with a ten foot pole. So there went that stage.
That brought them to where Sam thought they were now, stuck somewhere between depression and acceptance. There was no way Sam was letting Dean go to Hell; he just didn't think that Dean was quite as convinced. And so - they hunted and Sam tried to find out what he could about deals, Hellhounds and Cross-roads Demons. And Dean, well, he was Dean. He wanted to take out as many Supernatural pieces of crap as he could before he went anywhere.
The hunt for the body went about as normal as any if you took into account the fact that they had to practically dig up someone's backyard. But the couple inside the house didn't seem to mind too much. They were just ready to have the thing over and done with. Dean was a little disappointed that it was over in just a flash of flame as they salted and burned the bones. He was in the mood for a good killing and this just didn't do it for him.
Dean made up for it later at dinner where he had a nice big juicy burger with fries and two pieces of pie. Hell, he only had little over a half a year left, he could afford to splurge. This sparked up a whole new set of things to add to his notebook so he made a mental note to bring the thing inside with him when they got back to the motel. On the drive he passed the time by mocking Sam's choice of a chicken salad. His brother really needed to learn to live a little in his opinion but - secretly - Dean sort of loved the things that made them so different. It told him Sam wasn't likely to find himself in this place - staring down Hell's doorstep - any time soon.
When they arrived back at their motel, some nondescript joint along the interstate with flashy techno lights on its billboard, Dean slipped the notebook out from under the seat and tucked it in his jacket, holding it there while Sam unlocked the door. "You gonna shower first? Cause dude, you really need it," Dean scrunched up his face and waved a hand in front of his nose to prove his point.
"I will, but I'm not that bad, what'd you put in your jacket?" Sam was juggling the debris from the car he had picked up: empty coffee cups, water bottles and empty fast food bags. He glanced over at his brother then back at the door.
Dean shrugged, heading to his duffel bag the moment they stepped inside and dropping the notebook under his coat as he slid the leather off his shoulders, laying it above the item in a flash. "Nothing. And dude, you reek. I can smell you from here. What'd you do, bathe in those newspapers?" He smirked over at his brother while he toed off his boots. In truth, Sam just smelt like Sam. A little dirtier than usual but Dean was used to that. He'd take Sam smelling however, as long as he was alive. To this day he could still remember the lingering stench of dry blood and death, it wasn't something he enjoyed recalling.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Sam dumped the trash in the small garbage can and threw his duffel on the bed. "I'm going already." Kicking off his boots and ridding himself of most of his clothes he slipped into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Padding over to the sink he stared at his reflection for a few moments. Tired, old, and dirty. He shouldn’t really looked like that at his age. There were lines on his face that hadn't even existed a few months before; he pressed his lips together. Life. Slipping into the shower Sam stuck his face under the hot blast of water and tried to relax for a few minutes.
Flopping down onto his bed, Dean tugged the pen off the spiral and pulled off the cap, flipping open to the first page.
Teach Sam to enjoy life more.
That might be one of those things he could actually do, if he put some thought into it. Of course, putting too much thought into any sentence involving the words Sam and enjoy usually sent his mind to places he desperately tried to ignore. Dean had used all the logic he could scrounge up to fight those thoughts. After all, they did spend a great deal of their time together. And Dean had seen the man in ways you might not even see your lover. They were closer than two people should be, or they were just close enough to keep Dean from losing his mind. Either way, dreaming about your brother like that pretty much meant Dean was destined for the hell he was heading for.
Stay at the fanciest hotel in Vegas, whichever one that is.
Go to the top of the Empire State Building.
Go to New York City at all.
Skinny dip.
Dean blinked down at his notebook, feeling just a little more relaxed with just the knowledge that he could admit to all the things that he'd yet to experience. They weren't exactly things everyone did. Which basically meant he'd lived a pretty full life. As much as you could consider the life of a hunter full.
The shower turned off and Dean closed the book, recapping the pen and tucking it on the spiral once more. He slid it under his pillow and pushed off the bed, walking to his duffel as he pulled off his own shirt. He knew Sam would most likely come out in a towel and that just... was one of the more difficult things to ignore. At least the way it sent heat rolling through him like thunder and got him practically, instantly hard. So he focused on slipping off his jeans, readying to cross into the room as soon as Sam was near his duffel bag and out of direct eye sight.
The bathroom was still steamy from Sam's shower but he wasn't in there long enough to use up all the hot water so Dean flicked on the spray and stripped the rest of the way, climbing in and relaxing under the heat. He could feel his lower regions stir at the thought of Sam standing in this very spot, naked and wet just moments before. Dean groaned and gave in to the urge, hand sliding down as tried not to think about his brother and failed miserably.
Teach Sam to know when to work on Baby.
Go to Canada and find a moose.
Try sushi. Try not to puke afterwards.
Ride a horse.
Go camping and sleep under the stars.
Get a professional massage.
Fall asleep being held.
Dean had sent Sam out to acquire them breakfast, insisting the man owed him. It had got him a loud scoff and the hard roll of his brother's eyes but the laughter he'd gained from it had been worth those things. Sam didn't really owe him. Not for the death thing at least. For being the most bad ass brother ever? Totally.
He'd then dropped down onto the table and lost himself in working more on his list. Some of the ideas were a little out there, some made him flinch slightly at how ridiculously sappy they were, but it wasn't like he was going to share it with anyone so he could handle it as a private thing. He'd been so lost in thought he didn't hear the car pull up - though he was usually hyper aware of those things - so it was not until the door was being pushed open that he closed his notebook. Pretending like there was nothing odd about the fact that he'd been sucking on the end of his pen and staring at a notebook, Dean crossed the room and tucked the item into his duffel. "Did you get pancakes? With extra bacon and sausage?" He asked over his shoulder.
Shaking his head, "I got you extra everything, what you writing?" Sam slid the bag toward Dean and pulled his jacket off throwing it on the end of the bed. He sank down into the chair next to Dean’s and reached into the bag pulling out rather a lot of food for two people. But, it was pretty hard not to just get Dean everything he wanted, after all... Sam smiled at Dean and swallowed. Hard. He put some Styrofoam cartons in front of Dean and pulled out a smaller bag with a muffin and a container of yogurt for himself. "Oh! I almost forgot," he stood quickly and walked back to his jacket and searched through the pockets, “here." He handed Dean a miniature version of the Impala with a broad grin on his face.
"Dude," Dean took it, spreading his fingers and letting the miniature car sit in his palm. He beamed at Sam after a moment, blatantly ignoring whatever it was that stirred in his gut. "This is fuckin' awesome. Where did you find it?" He set the car beside the closet carton, grinning at it while he flipped open the lid and reached for the nearest fork.
Looking very pleased with himself Sam took a huge bite out of his muffin and chewed for a bit, then swallowed, "I was looking in the window of this collector place while I was waiting for your breakfast. Thought you might like it." He loved the pleased expression on his brother's face. It was so easy to make Dean happy these days, maybe, things had shifted a bit in Dean's mind. As much bravado as he had about things, maybe Dean was seeing things differently. "So, what were you writing?"
Dean had been hoping to avoid the question but Sam was too smart for that sort of thing. He should have known better. "Just stuff..." he shrugged and stuffed his mouth full of fluffy, syrupy pancakes. Moaning at the taste orgasm that exploded across his tongue, he cut himself another bite. "So any idea where we're going next? I put in a call to Bobby but he doesn't have anything major that needs our attention."
"Dude, that's..." Sam grimaced, "don't... don't make that sound when you eat. It gives me a no feeling." Sam tossed his muffin down on the paper. "I got nothing, we could just keep driving the same direction till we find something. Or stay here for a bit - chill out. What do you feel like doing?" He found himself asking that a lot more lately. Maybe, it was not wanting to limit Dean's possibilities.
Dean turned over a few thoughts in his mind, calculating distances silently as he chewed on his food. After a few minutes he focused his attention wholly on his breakfast as he said, "Well it'd be about a day’s drive to Arizona from here. We could head that way. Get some sun. See if anything turns up?" He stuffed more food into his mouth, reaching out to grab his coffee and purposefully not looking toward Sam in case his eyes gave away the idea that there might be more to that suggestion then a potential hunt and getting sun.
"Sure, why not?" Sam shrugged. "Good a place as any. Dry and warm at this time of year, I'm in favor of that." Peeling the top off his yogurt container he stuck a spoon in it and stirred. "You keeping a journal?" He had seen Dean putting something away and it looked like he'd been writing in it. It seemed a little out of character for his brother, but whatever.
Trying not to sigh, Dean really wished that his brother would just let things go sometimes. He'd add that idea to the list but well, it would be one of those things that would never come true. "Just jottin' down a few things I want to remember," he mumbled and stuck a piece of bacon in his mouth. "You know it wouldn't kill you to eat some meat every now and then. Like bacon. Bacon is fantastic." He held up a piece and waved it toward his brother. "Try the bacon. It'll do wonders for you."
"Clog up my arteries and send me to an early gra…" Sam's mouth snapped shut, his chest muscles clenching a little. "Dean, I'm sorry... I didn't..." Fuck, he hated it when things like that just popped out of his brain these days. It was amazing how many common phrases held so much more weight now than they used to. Sam reached out and took the bacon, staring down at it blinking.
Guilt tripping his brother into eating bacon? Definitely the highlight of Dean's morning. The phrase didn't sting the way Sam thought it would, in fact he felt worse about the fact that it hurt Sam so much to say. Dean had kind of come to grips with the whole dying soon thing. There was no way around it. He did it so that Sam would live and that was what was important. "One piece of bacon is not going to kill you," he snorted and arched his eyebrows as Sam bit down on the food. "Good right? Don't tell me you don't like it just a little bit." Dean grinned and stabbed a sausage link with his fork, bringing it to his mouth.
"It's good, a little salty mind you." Sam chewed the bacon a few times more than he needed to trying to distract himself from that falling sensation in the pit of his stomach; the one that appeared every time he thought about being without Dean at some point. Sometimes, he felt like he wouldn't even know what to do when the time came. Shaking his head, Sam glanced over at his brother's face. It was ridiculous that something as simple as Sam eating a piece of bacon brought a smile to Dean's face. "Can I have a sausage?"
"Damn, didn't think you'd be so easy to convert," Dean leaned back in his chair and gestured toward the carton. "Help yourself." He knew he was grinning like an idiot but it almost felt a little like he was working on something from his list. Teaching Sam to live a little. Have a piece of bacon or sausage every now and then and not beat yourself up about it. "So what do you say, Arizona?" Dean sipped on his coffee, watching Sam move toward the sausage with still curved lips.
Sam stabbed at a sausage with his the extra fork from the bag and bit into the end of it. "Yeah sure, can we stop and see the Painted desert if we go by it? I've never seen that - I've heard it's pretty cool." Sam chewed on the sausage; it was actually quite good even if it wasn't terribly good for him. It had been worth it for the grin on Dean's face. "Anything in particular about Arizona that interests you?"
Turning the cup in his hand, Dean lifted his shoulder in a casual shrug, watching Sam take another bite of the food with a growing grin. "Well last year we talked about the Grand Canyon. We travel everywhere and have never been, we should swing by. See what all the fuss is about." Dean shifted back to his food, once more cutting into the pancakes. "Personally I have no idea what's so special about a big hole in the ground but whatever."
Sam studied his brother's face carefully as he chewed another bite of sausage. A big hole in the ground, didn't ring quite true but he wasn't going to argue with anything that Dean expressed the slightest bit of interest in. Admittedly, Sam was glad the string of one night stands with gorgeous chicks was over. He'd really gotten tired of waiting in the car while Dean worked his magic on someone different every night. Another stage he guessed - that whole sex and death thing. The smile slid off Sam's face. He finished the sausage and put his fork down, "was good."
"Told ya," Dean nodded and dropped his fork as well, rubbing his stomach. "I'm stuffed." He pushed back from the table and stretched his legs out, groaning as he brought his arms high above his head and tensed all his muscles then let them relax gradually. "So you wanna do the map quest thing or whatever? Have we ever even been to Arizona?" He chuckled as he pushed up and headed for his duffel bag.
"Yeah, you got whacked on the side of the face by a flying clock," Sam started to laugh, "in the b..bookstore," he was trying really hard not to laugh but it was the memory of how indignant Dean was. He was so mad at the clock for hitting him he'd smashed it to pieces, stomping on it. When Sam managed to get a grip on himself he was still grinning, "Mesa." When Dean looked confused - Sam thought about it for a few more moments, "Short blond waitress with a tattoo of a dragonfly on her forearm. You said," Sam shuddered, "she could do this thing with her tongue..."
Stopping for a moment to think back, Dean's face lit up as the memory surged forward. "Oh yeah. The thing with the tongue..." he grinned and turned back to his duffel bag, kneeling to pull out a clean pair of socks. "And I remember that clock thing. Stupid ass..." he mumbled to himself about it as he crossed to the bed with his boots. Sam was still chuckling slightly and Dean arched an eyebrow at him. "Are you just about done chuckles? I'd like to get on the road before the manager comes knockin' for another day's pay."
"Just waitin' on you." Sam smiled, his lips twitching as he tried not to laugh again. Slinging his duffel over his shoulder he pulled the door open, "let's go - we don’t need a map yet, we know we gotta to south west. Even you can't get lost with that direction." He darted out the door and jogged to the car.
Rolling his eyes, Dean couldn't help the small smile that played across his lips as he moved to retrieve his bag and coat and follow his brother out the door, snagging one last piece of bacon and his coffee.
There was something really relaxing about driving and knowing there wasn't necessarily something waiting for them at the end of the journey. Of course he knew they'd find a hunt - maybe even one in the state - but they weren't heading directly into one. Dean didn't have to start preparing his mind for what might come next, didn't have to work through different scenarios of what might be's and what if's. Instead he could lose himself in the familiarity of driving, zone out while staying just enough with it to be aware of the endless stretch of road ahead of him. At this particular moment in time, Dean didn't have to worry and that was nice.
Sam dozed off and on in the seat beside him and occasionally his eyes would shift over to the long expanse of the man's legs. He could remember a time when Sam's feet didn't even hit the floor mat of the Impala. Of course back then it was their dad driving, Dean sitting closest to the door with Sam curled up in between them. Back then, before death and deals and hell, things had been much simpler. Then Dean had grown up - Sam along with him - and they entered this new world where everything seemingly always fell over the line into complicated.
From the angle he sat Dean could trace all the curves of Sam's body that had changed and sharpened over the years. His jaw line was much firmer, a nice defined shape with cheekbones slightly higher than his own. Dean knew a lot of his looks came from his father, while a lot of Sam's came from their mother. Then there were those things they shared like their height - even if Sam was taller - and their overall build. Dean preferred the shape of Sam's nose to his own, along with the way his muscles only made him look toned and healthily fit, while Dean's sort of made him look stocky - in his opinion. Plus Sam had those killer hazel eyes that changed colors at the weirdest times. They weren't open now but Dean knew they'd probably be closer to brown than anything else, since the Arizona desert was surrounding them on all sides.
Dean had to stop himself from considering his brother any further. It was sick and twisted and if he wasn't already going to hell... well let's just say there was a special hand basket just for him. The sign up ahead mentioned something about the Grand Canyon but it passed too quickly for Dean to figure out which way it said to turn. So he reached out, laying a hand on his brother's arm and squeezing the muscle. "Dude, navigators aren't supposed to sleep on the job. Should I be turning somewhere soon?"
Sam sucked in a deep breath and shot up in the seat, "I... we... where are we?" Yawning, he fumbled sleepily through the papers on the seat behind him looking for the map. "If you've stayed on the right road," he said a little prissily, "it should be on the right." Sam slid back down against the seat and let the map flop down in his lap. He had no idea how Dean always managed to look so awake when he was driving. Sam could count the number of times Dean had asked him to drive on one hand. "We almost there?" He looked out the passenger window.
"Yeah I think about an hour or two left," Dean's eyes scanned the road ahead, pulling to a stop at a turn. The sign in front of him had two arrows, one for the north ledge of the canyon and one for the south. Shrugging and glancing over at Sam - who also shrugged - he turned for the north ledge. "Suppose that doesn't make much difference," he mumbled and shifted in his seat, curling and uncurling his fingers on the steering wheel. "You can go back to sleep if you want. I'll wake you when we get to the motel."
Sam sat up straighter, "can't I go and look at it too? Dude! I didn't come all the way out here to sit in the car!?" Sam was almost indignant. There was no way he wasn't going to get out and see something as big as the Canyon. "Isn't it... like one of the Wonders of the world or something?" His eyes drifted back to Dean's face, and he found himself wondering briefly if they were here because of the canyon.
Glancing over at Sam, Dean couldn't resist the slight smirk. "Are you done? Cause dude, it's gonna be dark by the time we get there so we're not going tonight, hence the motel. We'll go tomorrow and I just sort of assumed you'd come. I also heard there's an IMAX theatre that plays this movie about it, apparently filmed from a helicopter or something, we can go see that tonight if you want." Dean fixed his gaze on the road this time, thinking he probably sounded pretty weird right then and wondering what Sam would make about his sudden knowledge about the thing. Seriously, way too much travel channel.
Narrowing his eyes a little Sam licked his lips. "Oh." He hated waking up when they were in the car, he never had any idea what time it was or where they were. "Wait... how do you know there's an IMAX? And why would we go to that when we're gonna see the real thing tomorrow." Sam started searching around the car for something to eat; he flipped open the glove box and slammed it shut, then bent over and started rooting around under the seat.
"I saw it on TV and you don't get to see the thing from the sky. Plus, IMAX dude. That's pretty much a given that it's gonna be cool- Sam, what are you lookin' for?" Dean glanced over at his brother, frowning slightly.
"I'm hungry," he grinned and leaned over and started patting Dean's pockets, "you got any food on ya?"
Dean jerked the wheel for a moment before straightening it out and swatting at Sam's hands. "Stop you're gonna make us crash and I'll beat your ass," he laughed and shoved at his brother's arm. "We'll eat when we get there. It'll teach you a lesson about ordering fuckin' tuna sandwiches for lunch. Tuna, man. Seriously." Dean chuckled more but reached into the pocket furthest from Sam, pulling out a Snickers and tossing it to him. "That'll hold you over."
"Aww you're awesome." Sam tore into the wrapper and started gnawing away at the end of the chocolate bar. "Let's stay in a nice motel tonight; we got a bit of spare money right?" His mouth was full of chocolate bar but he was pretty sure that Dean understood him.
Smiling slightly, Dean nodded. "Yeah okay. But you're doing the hustling next time around. That last dude looked like he wanted to flay me when I kicked his ass at pool." He chuckled and once more shifted on the seat. "Give me some of that," he turned slightly, holding out his hand.
Handing the chocolate bar to Dean, Sam turned and looked out the window again. "It's beautiful out here." As soon as he'd said it he flinched and waited for his brother to mock the hell out of him for it. It was, generally, what Dean did whenever Sam said anything remotely Sam-like.
Chewing on the chocolate, Dean tossed the rest of the candy back at his brother and looked around them. "Yeah. It is." He licked at the smear of chocolate on his lips and fixed his eyes once more to the road ahead. It felt good to know he'd be seeing the Grand Canyon, even if he was fairly certain he wasn't going to be that impressed. Over hype and all. But it was something he'd be able to cross of his list and that was actually pretty cool. And Sam seemed pretty relaxed by the idea, which he sure hadn't been about anything recently so that was another plus.
Stuffing the rest of the chocolate bar in his mouth, Sam leaned over and rested his hand on Dean's forehead. It was absolutely unlike Dean to pass up an opportunity to mock him. He chewed for a while, removed his hand, swallowed and looked back out the windshield. "Christo."
"Dude. I'm gonna pull over and make you walk the rest of the way. Shut up." Dean rolled his eyes and reached out to smack his brother's arm for good measure.
Sliding back down on the seat again, Sam rocked his leg back and forth for a while. He stared up at Dean, "how long till we get to the motel?"
Dean shrugged and stayed quiet until the next distance sign appeared. He pointed at it and said, "Half hour. You gotta piss or something? There's a cup in back," Dean smirked, reaching back over his seat to fumble around until he pulled up a cup and threw it at Sam. "Get it on my seat and you're gonna spend tomorrow detailing."
Shaking his head, Sam knocked the cup out of his brother's hand, "jackass, I'm bored. Entertain me." Sam turned on the seat and pulled one long leg up. "We need a bigger car. What's your best memory - of you and me? Like if you were gonna explain to someone what it's like having me for a brother what would you tell 'em?" Sam watched his brother's face.
"That you're an annoying piece of shit that talks too much?" Dean snorted and smacked Sam's leg. "And there is nothing wrong with this car. You know it. Just be grateful I let you ride in her," he glanced over at Sam, laughing at his brother's scrunched up expression of annoyance. "Yeah yeah, alright. My best memory?" Dean hummed thoughtfully, skimming through the years and memories. "When I taught you how to ride your bike. Or the day you finally got it down. Both your knees were banged up and your hand bled so bad we had to put a band aid on it but when you finally got it... you looked at me and said something like, see Dean! I can do it!" Dean chuckled softly, letting his fingers slide along the steering wheel. "I was so proud of you for sticking with it even if you threatened to throw the bike away at least a dozen times."
Smiling slightly, Sam turned to look out the window. "I like that one... that's a good one." He bit down on his bottom lip as he watched the landscape speed by. Most of Sam's memories of growing up were about Dean. Dean had pretty much been everything to Sam for his whole life; that's why he was so determined not to lose him.
Dean glanced over at him curiously before looking back at the road. "Well, don't hold out on me. What's yours?"
"It hasn't happened yet." Sam kept staring out the window, fighting back the prickling sensation of tears in his eyes, "it's gonna be the day I get to tell you I figured out how to break the deal." He didn't expect much of a response; didn't really care if Dean gave him shit again for still harping on it. That was what he wanted to happen.
The words made Dean's heart lurch unpleasantly and he sighed softly. They'd been down this road so many times in the past few months. Dean had already given in to the fact that there was no way out of this deal but he knew his brother. Knew the man wasn't likely to stop trying until it happened. And Dean was really looking forward to the next day, he didn't want to start the trip off on this foot. So he forced back any words he was going to say and they finished the drive in silence.
True to his word Sam picked a Motel than looked a hell of a lot nicer than the ones they usually stayed at. For once he wasn't afraid to take his shoes off and walk around in the room in his socked feet which was a nice change. Dean seemed most pleased with the crisp white sheets on the bed and went on about how great they smelled. Sam's first stop was the shower. It was awesome. The water pressure was great and there were little bottles of shampoo and conditioner and even some body lotion. Even though Dean complained about the smell of all the bathroom stuff, Sam smiled when he noticed that Dean smelled the same way when he came out of the bathroom a short time later.
By the time Dean was settled in bed later that night after IMAX – which had been awesome actually – Sam had found Predator on TV which amused his brother to no end. They laughed a lot, pointed out all the gaps in the plot and Sam fell asleep about half way through holding the remote in his hand. Dean started over at his brother for a while, got out of bed, slid the remote out of Sam's hand and got back into bed. He watched the end of the movie by himself, the light from the TV dancing over the walls of the room. He flicked off the TV when the movie finally finished, whispered goodnight to Sam and moaned happily when he buried his face in the fresh smelling pillow.
Even though he'd gone to bed long after Sam, Dean still woke up first. Maybe it was an excitement thing, he didn't really know. But he slid out of bed and padded across the plush carpet, dropping down into a sitting position by his duffel bag and pulling out his notebook. Taking the cap of the pen, he drew a thin line through Go see the Grand Canyon for real. Not just talk about it like we did last year, and wrote the date beside it, just for a point of reference.
After glancing up at Sam and ensuring the man was still asleep, he added a few more things that had sprung up in the last twenty four hours.
Climb a mountain.
Swim in the Atlantic.
Hold hands while driving.
Stay up ALL night watching horror movies and pointing out the mistakes.
Eat only chocolate for one day.
Shower in a waterfall.
Tucking the notebook back in the duffel, Dean pulled out his jeans and stepped easily into them before crossing to his brother's bed and smacking his leg. "Wake up Sammy! We're going to the Grand Canyon." He tugged on his shirt, yanking the pendant out so it fell across the material.
Sam reached out blindly and grabbed another pillow and dragged it over his head. "S'too early" he mumbled from under the pillow. He stretched out, star fishing across the entire bed, "the bed's actually big enough for me," he whined.
Chuckling at his brother, Dean leaned his knee on the edge of the mattress before jumping forward to sprawl across the man's back, pressing him down hard into the mattress. "We'll spend another night here but c'mon I wanna go! Plus it's after ten and I'm starving." He bounced slightly and laughed even harder.
"Oh my God, what're you twelve?" Sam flailed around underneath Dean then grabbed the pillow and whacked at his brother with it. "Move your ass offa me and I'll get dressed." He whacked Dean with the pillow as he said each word, just for good measure.
Still laughing, Dean rolled off his brother and sat up, rubbing at his head. "You're gonna give me a fuckin' concussion with pillow abuse," he informed, threading his fingers through his hair before crossing to the bathroom. "I'm leavin' in five. So you best be ready." He spun to grin at Sam before closing the bathroom door.
Sam rubbed his eyes for a few moments and climbed out of the bed yawning and stretching. He dressed quickly and flopped back down on the bed after he managed to get his boots on. He was still lying there when Dean came back out of the bathroom. "You're late," Sam muttered, "you said five minutes. It's been six. We have a canyon to go see." He was grinning at the ceiling.
"We do and after all these billions of years there's the possibility it might just vanish so we better get a move on," he smacked Sam's leg as he walked by, grabbing his car keys from the table and stuffing them in his pocket. "Breakfast first though."
They ate breakfast at the same place they had dinner at and the food was just as good. Dean smiled warmly at the waitress, who was quick to tell them what paths were the best for walking if they wanted the best views of the canyon. As he was going to pay the bill he spotted a rack of disposable cameras and he bought one on a whim. No use in going to see one of the Seven Wonders of the World if you didn't take pictures of it too. They were back in the car before too long and Dean followed the winding road and abundance of road signs until they finally reached a parking lot with a trail that led up to the canyon.
It was huge but Dean already knew that. He'd seen the thing many times before on TV and in pictures. But actually seeing it kind of blew his mind. "Damn..." he exhaled slowly and stared at the wide expanse of red rock and wide open space. "It's... damn." Dean repeated slowly and took a few steps forward until he could lean against the rail and peer over the edge. He could just barely see the bottom where a river was winding along. "Jesus it's insane."
Sam spent a lot of time staring down over the edge. "It's bigger than I expected," he said, "makes me wanna throw something in."
Chuckling softly, Dean had to admit he was feeling the same way. But all the signs threatened huge fines if you did that so he bent down and picked up a fairly good sized rock, holding it out for Sam. "Throw that. I'll do something for you if you can get it to the other ledge." He grinned at Sam in challenge.
"Dude, that's a long way, and I'll get fined." Sam looked around guiltily.
"It's a rock. What are they gonna do?" Dean looked around. "And I don't see anyone." He rocked forward and bumped his shoulder against Sam's. "C'mon, you know you wanna try."
Sam threw the rock back and forth a couple of times in his hands, looked back over his shoulder then hauled his arm back and threw the rock as hard as he could. Naturally, the rock started its downward slope long before it reached the other side. Sam watched it fall until he couldn't see it anymore, "see? No point in trying."
"No. The point is that you did try," Dean said softly and reached into his pocket to pull out the disposable camera. "Sometimes you have to do things Sam, even if you already know the outcome and you think it's useless." He shrugged and snapped a serious of shots of the wide canyon, turning the camera to catch his brother in a few. Dean brought the camera down and grinned. "It was worth it huh?"
Nodding, Sam moved over to Dean and snatched the camera out of his hand tugged Dean under his arm and held the camera out to snap a photo of them together. He turned slightly and pulled Dean into a hug, not really knowing why, it just seemed like it was special to be there. He took a deep breath, noticing the smell of Dean's leather, the Motel shampoo and just Dean.
Dean allowed himself a moment to cling to his brother, to lay his head against the man's shoulder and take in every bit of him. Then his skin began to tingle and that stirring of suppressed thoughts started creeping up and Dean pulled back, forcing himself to laugh. "Jeez Sammy, gettin' all emotional on me?" He smiled and reached up to ruffle Sam's hair. "Come on, let's go do the skywalk. You know you can actually see through the platform so it's like you're walking on air?" He grinned and grabbed Sam's sleeve to tug him along.
They saw pretty much everything they could in one day's time. Even if each ledge was virtually the same thing, Dean still found himself being blown away at each sight. There was a little shack that sold a variety of food and Dean took great pleasure in eating there if only because there was virtually nothing on the menu that wasn't cooked in a pool of grease. Despite his complaints, Sam seemed to thoroughly enjoy his burger and fries so Dean knew it was alright.
The camera's pictures were full before they'd reached mid afternoon. Dean had no idea what they would do with the pictures when they get them developed but it was kind of nice to know that they were there. As they were driving home later - both completely exhausted from the constant sun beating down on them all day and the fact that they'd done more walking in one stretch then they had in months put together - Dean thought he would take one of those pictures and tape it into his notebook. And underneath he would write something to Sam, so later, when he was gone, Sam could know how important this day was to him.
Sam practically passed out the moment they stepped into their motel room and Dean couldn’t help but smile fondly at him. "C'mon Sammy, gonna get you comfy," he said softly, slipping his hands under the man’s arms and tugging him up further on the mattress. "You're gonna regret wearing your clothes to sleep, get 'em off." He tugged at Sam's boots, tossing them across the room.
Sam didn't bothering opening his eyes, just tugged clumsily at his t-shirt until it was stuck half on and half off, wrapped over his face. "Help," he murmured.
Laughing warmly, Dean worked the material beneath his fingers, managing to lift Sam up slightly and tug off the cotton, tossing it toward his brother's duffel bag. When his eyes dropped once more, Dean found himself staring down into the slightly flushed features of his brother's face. His hair was ruffled, sticking up in most directions, and his cheeks were slightly pink from the exertion and the sun. Every line on his face was smooth and his chest rose and fell slowly as if sleep had already consumed him. Dean's eyes locked on the soft curve of the man's lips and he leaned down just an inch or two before straightening up.
Swallowing, Dean made quick work of the button and zipper on Sam's jeans, tugging off the denim and tossing it to join the shirt. He left Sam above the blanket, knowing the room was warm enough and Sam would manage to climb under should he happen to get cold later. That and Dean was fairly certain if he touched Sam there was the distinct possibility he would lose control over his actions. Which clearly couldn't happen.
Tugging his own shirt off, Dean headed to the duffel bag and dropped the material before slipping out of his jeans. After a moment he knelt and pulled out the notebook, tugging up the pen and flipping to the page where the list had left off.
Later, notebook stashed away once more, lights off, tucked under the cool fluffy sheets, Dean couldn't stop the words from burning into his mind the moment his eyes slipped closed. If it were possible to dream about words, Dean was fairly certain he did that night.
Kiss Sam.