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He won.
He actually won…!
Kaoru could barely contain his happiness and surprise when Langa, only a few centimeters ahead of ADAM, pulled over the finish line. The roar of the crowd was so deafening he felt his ears ring. Kojiro was among them, whooping and yelling, pumping his fists in the air. Shadow was crying, and Miya didn’t look far behind. Everyone at S was in an uproar; the king is dead, someone shouted from the rafters, the king is dead!
Kaoru felt a small, viciously petty part of himself grin in satisfaction.
“Langa!”
Ah. There he was.
Reki shoved his way through the crowd. Langa had instantly been looking around the moment he ground to a halt, and his answering grin when he saw Reki was endearing. Reki threw his arms around Langa, laughing loudly. He pulled back to say something to him, but the cheers and screaming drowned everything out. Kaoru exchanged a knowing glance with Kojiro and gave them a moment before he and the rest of their little group began to make their way over.
He didn’t have time to register ADAM approaching Langa until he was standing with his chest practically to the kid’s back.
As Langa turned to look, sensing something close behind him, Kaoru was able to catch a glimpse of ADAM’s face.
He looked off.
A familiar thrum of anxiety pierced into his stomach.
What was happening?
It probably happened in less than a few seconds, but for Kaoru, everything from that moment on suddenly swam and warped, twisted and sped up. Everything went wrong.
Because Kaoru became aware of three things; first, ADAM wrapped an arm around Langa’s throat and pulled hard until he was jerked against ADAM’s chest, gasping and lurching in surprise.
Second, ADAM reached into his shirt front, and then hoisted his hand up into the air.
And finally, Kaoru focused in on the object in his hand.
A small handgun gleamed in the low factory lighting.
He wasn’t the only one who took a minute to process what was happening. The audience murmured, then gasped, then screamed. Some people laughed, like they thought it was a joke. Others were asking a flurry of questions, and someone even cheered ADAM on.
Was it supposed to be a joke? Kaoru couldn’t hear anything over his heart and blood rushing through his ears.
Langa’s hand were clutched over ADAM’s arm, desperately trying to relieve the pressure on his windpipe. The rowdy groups who had previously crowded around were skittering back into the shadows, unsure what to expect.
Reki had just stared for a moment. Then, he shouted Langa’s name and made a jerky, half-step toward them-
Bang.
The ringing of the gunshot, the bright light from the muzzle, it sent the world into chaos. It had been aimed at the ceiling, and the dust that shook down onto the crowds and obscured their vision made people panic harder. Kaoru was still glued to his wheelchair.
“Langa-“ Kaoru saw Reki say again, his voice drowned out by the din. ADAM lowered his arm, and this time, the smoking barrel was aimed at Reki. He froze. Langa’s eyes were wide, and his futile struggling against the arm at his throat stopped the moment the gleaming flash of silver was aimed at his best friend. He went limp, still trying to gulp down lungfuls of air.
“Now,” ADAM proclaimed, and suddenly a hidden mic he must have been wearing had been flicked on, because his voice boomed and reverberated around the entire facility, “wasn’t this fun, everyone? I hope you enjoyed our little game! However, the night isn’t over just yet.”
He pulled Langa closer and put his nose to Langa’s hair, like he was breathing in his scent. Kaoru felt let he was going to be sick.
“No, no, no-“
Kaoru was distantly aware of Miya trembling just off to his left, clamping both his hands over his mouth in horror. Shadow was inching closer to Reki, as if to grab him and run. Kojiro stood rooted to the spot off to Kaoru’s right, no doubt looking every bit as horrified and scared as he felt.
ADAM- why…?
“I’m so happy everyone was able to come to our little pre-nuptial ceremony”, ADAM droned on, swinging this way and that, waving the gun recklessly in his hand. The crowd still in the factory screamed and cried every time it was pointed in their direction. Up in the rafters, someone was sobbing loudly.
“We’re thrilled you could all attend, but don’t you think it’s high time you stopped teasing me, Langa-kun?” He asked, staring down at his captive expectantly. Langa’s face was slack in terror. His eyes flickered wildly, and he was beginning to sag, his feet buckling underneath him. Kaoru had never seen him so scared.
When ADAM had turned away, Shadow was able to grab Reki by his hoodie and yanked him hard enough to force him into moving. When Shadow had brought him back to where the others stood, he also grabbed Miya and forced them both behind him, watching warily. Reki, who had previously been dazed, tried to go back, but Shadow’s grip on his arm and Miya suddenly clinging onto him for dear life held him steady. All the while, Kaoru could barely breathe.
Suddenly, Kojiro started to move.
Kaoru reached out too late to grab his jacket sleeve. His voice was caught behind the terror coiling around his throat.
“Ah, I’ve waited so many years for this,” ADAM continued, “to have a gathering with all my friends and family! Don’t you feel lucky, everyone? You’re about to witness the birth of a new era! With my dearest EVE by my side, what more could I want?”
Kojiro moved forward by degrees, steadily getting closer to the edge of the open space where the crowds had backed away as much as they were physically able to. Kaoru tried to reach out, but remembered that his wheelchair, unlike his legs, wasn’t going to move just because he willed it.
“K- Koji-ro…” he rasped out. But Kojiro was already too far away.
What are you doing, you idiot? Where are you going? Get back here…!
Finally, he was there, stepping into the open space. His footfall rang out throughout the factory as everyone desperately tried to muffle their screams and sobs. ADAM turned to glance his way, then raised his arm. The gun was pointed at Kojiro’s chest.
“ADAM!” Kojiro shouted, causing the other man to reload the gun with an audible click. Kaoru saw spots behind his eyes but fought unconsciousness off through sheer force of will. He was vaguely aware that his breathing had become ragged and thin.
“Go home, Joe,” ADAM said with a small grin, “I’m not in the mood.”
“Who said I wanted to ruin the fun?” Kojiro replied, trying to look relaxed and unafraid. Kaoru could see his hands shake even from where he sat.
“Langa,” Reki sobbed, staring around Shadow’s back. Miya was pressed against him, barely able to stand upright. No one in the factory seemed to move a muscle.
“Can’t I congratulate an old friend?” Kojiro continued, holding his hands up and palms facing toward ADAM to show he wasn’t reaching for anything. “After all, it’s not every day a guy finds his special someone.”
Fuck, what was he saying? Why was he playing into whatever disgusting fantasy ADAM had clearly been nursing for months? Kaoru tried to scream, to shout, to get their attention. All that came out was a wheezy croak.
He was inching closer, now only a few meters away. Too far, Kaoru thought; he couldn’t grab ADAM or Langa before the gun would go off. Too far. Too far…!
“And why should I care?” ADAM replied, clearly suspicious. “Everyone but my EVE is beneath me. I finally have my world for two; I don’t need someone boring to congratulate me on what is rightfully mine.”
Kojiro stopped moving forward, his hands still in the air.
He was about to reply when suddenly the factory doors burst open.
“HANDS IN THE AIR! NOW!”
The crowd began screaming again. ADAM’s face fell instantly.
Kojiro suddenly made a lunge for Langa.
The gun went off, and Kojiro stopped in his tracks before falling backwards onto the ground with a dull thud.
“KOJIRO!” Kaoru heard himself scream from very far away.
The crowd swarmed and scattered, forcing ADAM to push Langa aside, where he crumpled to ground. One of the men in the baseball caps grabbed ADAM’s board and followed him through the nearest pair of decrepit doors. Hundreds of people seemed to scramble for every exit, every window, the screams enough to make Kaoru sick.
He saw Reki run for Langa out of the corner of his eye. Somewhere, he heard Miya wailing.
He found himself limping and stumbling toward Kojiro, not even remembering getting up out of the wheelchair or putting weight on his bandaged foot. Kaoru didn’t feel a thing.
Then, he was standing over his friend.
Black and red bloomed just below his stomach, off to the left.
Oh, Kaoru found himself thinking from a thousand worlds away, Kojiro was shot.
The next time he was aware of his surroundings, he was on his knees with both hands pressed firmly over the growing bloodstain. Blinking like he has just awoken from a dream, Kaoru looked toward Kojiro’s face.
He looked pale.
He wasn’t moving.
Sluggishly, Kaoru tried to remember his first aid training from years ago, but came up woefully short; airway, circulation, breathing? What that it? Or was it circulation, airway, breathing?
Was he supposed to dig the bullet out?
Had his heart stopped? Could someone still bleed out if their heart stopped?
Kojiro probably hit is head when he had fallen backwards. Maybe he had a concussion.
When he felt a hand on his shoulder trying to move him out of the way, Kaoru was surprised to hear himself wordlessly roar in fury.
“…ru! Kaoru!” Shadow was screaming, “Oi! Look at me! Help me get him into the car! We need to go NOW!”
So that was it; Shadow wasn’t trying to hurt Kojiro. He swayed as he stood, staring for a moment as the blood started to flow freely again without the pressure from his hands to slow it. He went around and grabbed Kojiro under his arms as Shadow hauled him up by his legs. Reki and Miya were sobbing, and Langa looked as dazed as Kaoru felt. Maybe he’d passed out from the lack of air and was just coming to; Kaoru hadn’t been paying attention.
Somehow, they managed to drag Kojiro toward the car. Kaoru sat in the back seat, letting Kojiro’s head loll onto his lap. The kids squeezed in, Miya refusing to let go of Reki. They both continued to cry. Langa just looked drawn and pale.
Kaoru pushed Kojiro’s hair out of the way to get a closer look at his face while his free hand pressed down hard on the bleeding wound. It was more sluggish, now, but still flowing.
Kojiro felt cold. He never felt cold. He was stupidly overheated all the time, wearing thin layers even during the winter and teasing Kaoru about wearing his autumn coats before summer had even ended.
He was never cold.
Kaoru spared a glance around the car, not sure how Shadow was able to concentrate while two terrified children were crying their hearts out.
Langa was staring at the bloodstain on Kojiro’s stomach. He looked like he wanted to be sick.
They somehow got to the hospital without causing a traffic accident. Kaoru began following as Kojiro was moved to a gurney and wheeled in out of instinct. He only began to return to himself when the staff blocked his way, saying the doctors couldn’t allow him to go any further. He looked back, a bit helplessly, at their others.
We must look awful, he thought. Kojiro would have chuckled at such an underwhelming statement.
Kaoru mechanically reached up to let his hair down and redo the ponytail, but felt a strange, almost papery film on his hands. He glanced down at them, and saw-
Oh.
Blood.
He stared at his hands for a moment, unsure what to make of what he was seeing. Then his hands began to shake, which made it harder to focus on them.
I’m crying in a hospital, Kaoru distantly thought, and then heaved a shuddering breath.
Before he knew what was happening, he started screaming and sobbing, his body giving out beneath him. The nurses on duty rushed toward him, a barrage of questions making him cry harder.
GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY DON’T TOUCH ME!
Over the din of his own sobs and the medical staff rushing to get him off the floor, he heard Reki and Shadow trying to say something.
There was a hurried conversation, voices mixing together until Kaoru couldn’t tell who was speaking. He was hauled into a chair. He felt someone check his pulse point, press a cold stethoscope against his chest underneath his clothes, prop his bandaged foot up for closer inspection. He heard Miya crying, but it was a softer, quieter sound than before. Somehow, the low keening was worse.
“I want my mom,” he heard Langa say softly, his voice hoarse and rough.
I want my mom too, Kaoru suddenly thought, feeling childish for such a strange thought, and yet not caring.
He jerked up in his seat.
Kojiro’s mother and sister; they needed to know. They needed to be here.
“Carla,” Kaoru croaked out, looking around dazedly, “where-“
“Ah, I left it in the car,” Shadow replied suddenly, then turned toward the staffers who were still fluttering around the edge of Kaoru’s perception. “Excuse me, is it alright if I take him with me? Can he go outside for a minute?”
He heard some murmuring and Shadow bowed a few times before disappearing from view. Kaoru looked over to where the kids were standing, trying to get his heaving, shuddering breaths under control.
A nurse was asking Langa something, and he was nodding gently. One of his hands was gently rubbing at his red and bruised throat. Reki was watching Langa’s face carefully, the tear tracks still visible on his own. Their hands were clasped tightly together. Miya looked terrible, his face red and puffy. He was holding onto the hem of Reki’s hoodie like his life depended on it.
“Come on,” Shadow suddenly said to him drawing Kaoru’s gaze back. He had a crappy, standard issue hospital wheelchair in front of where Kaoru had been seated. He offered a hand, but Kaoru managed to lift himself up and carefully maneuver into the chair without much trouble. His ankle was definitely starting to throb and sting again.
“I’ll take you to the car for a minute, but they want to get a closer look at you after,” Shadow said, and Kaoru heard the exhaustion in his voice. His makeup was cracked and smeared, making him look ghoulish. Kaoru just sank into the uncomfortable padding. With his leg properly supported, he was wheeled back out into the cool night air.
Everything was starting to become real again. But Kaoru didn’t want it to become real just yet.
He had a terrible phone call he needed to make first.
Shadow opened the trunk of his car, where everyone’s skateboards were nestled inside. Who had grabbed them in the chaos?
Kaoru belatedly realized he could have used his phone instead of relying on Carla, but when he patted his clothes, he didn’t feel the familiar outline. Maybe he’d lost his phone back at S. He couldn’t bring himself to care.
“Carla, call Ayame-onesan”, Kaoru said, his voice cracking. He suddenly wanted water.
“Okay, Master”, Carla responded, and the familiar dialing chimed over the line. Shadow went back toward the entrance to give him some privacy and leaned against a tall pillar above the ‘Emergency’ signage to wait. He looked dead on his feet.
The line rung for a small eternity before a click, and a familiar voice flooded his senses.
“Kaoru-kun?” Came the confused voice of Nanjo Ayame, “Kaoru-kun, is that you? What’s going on?”
“Ayame-onesan,” Kaoru cried out, relieved to hear her voice, “I- you and your mother, you need to- she’s visiting you on the mainland, isn’t she? You need to both-“
“Kaoru-kun, I can barely hear you,” Ayame said, concern flooding her voice, “What’s going on? Why are you calling so late?”
He was about to reply when he heard a muffled voice in the background. He felt his throat close.
How am I supposed to face you? Came the desperate, terrified thought.
“Ah mom! …No, it’s Kaoru-kun. He was just- hang on, Kaoru-kun, I’m gonna put you on speaker, okay? Mom is here too.”
He heard a harsh rustling, a few buttons pressing, and then the sounds of Ayame’s little Kyoto kitchen came rushing into his ears.
“Kaoru-kun,” came the warm, familiar voice. He felt his eyes squeeze shut against the sudden onslaught of tears. How did he still have moisture in his body to cry out at this point?
“Are you alright? You never call, and never this late. Is everything alright?”
“Auntie, I-“ Kaoru began, then took a shuddering breath. He steadied himself, then swallowed hard.
“You both need to come back, right now. Kojiro- he’s hurt-“
“What?” Came Ayame’s terrified response. He heard Auntie gasp painfully and let out a scared, soft cry.
Kaoru felt the guilt slam into him like a truck.
“Please, you need to book a flight back now, he’s still in surgery, I think-“
“Wait, surgery? Kaoru-kun, what happened?” Ayame asked, her voice high and thin with terror. He heard his Auntie openly sobbing, and a flurry of rustling fabric and dishes clanking loudly into the sink.
“He got shot,” Kaoru found himself saying before he could think of a gentler way to upend their lives.
“My baby,” he heard his Auntie sob, “Please, not my baby-“
“Mom! Mom, listen to me, ok? We’re gonna get to Okinawa tonight and we’re gonna see him, okay? Kaoru-kun, are you still there?”
“I’m here,” he answered miserably.
“We’re gonna stay at my little brother’s place when we get there, okay? We’ll- shh, Mom, I’ll look in a minute- and we’ll- we’ll figure this out. Okay?”
“Right,” Kaoru responded, desperately wanting to believe her.
He had always liked that about Ayame; when something went wrong, she was always there to take charge.
“We’ll be there as soon as we can. Make sure we can reach you. It’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay.”
And with that, the call abruptly ended.
//////
The rest of the night was slow and fragmented.
Kaoru’s injuries were inspected, and other than being scolded soundly for walking on his still healing ankle, he was given a clean bill of health. Langa only had minor bruising on his neck, which would heal in time. The others had gotten away unscathed.
The only serious injury was Kojiro.
Kaoru wanted to scream when the staff refused to tell him how everything was going, refused to give him updates. Only immediate family could be kept appraised, they said.
As if Kaoru and Kojiro hadn’t known each other since preschool.
Still, he’d handed over Ayame’s contact information, knowing that his Auntie would be too terrified and distraught to actually listen to what she was being told about Kojiro’s condition.
The kids had collapsed into a small heap in the Emergency waiting room while Shadow and Kaoru had to fill out forms, answer questions, and bullshit their way through how exactly they had ended up there. A police officer had also been called, and listened as they spoke, occasionally interrupting with a few questions of his own. He had even more paperwork for them to sign. Thankfully, nothing they said had any obvious contradictions, and although he shot Shadow a few death glares when he got a bit too close to mentioning S, everything went surprisingly smoothly.
At some point, a woman rushed in, looking around wildly, before screaming out “Langa!” when she spotted him. Langa had jolted at that, blinking a few times, before quickly extricating himself from the small pile and throwing his arms around the woman, who was openly sobbing. Reki and Miya had perked up when their bodies had been jostled, and they both looked surprised and relieved when they saw the pair of them hugging.
That must have been Langa’s mother. Poor woman, Kaoru thought.
She pulled back, smoothing Langa’s hair out of his face, anxiously speaking in rapid-fire English. Langa nodded, swallowing painfully, then winced and rubbed his neck. Hasegawa-san covered her mouth in horror as she took in the purpling bruises.
Kaoru didn’t have time to watch them closely, as the tired, overworked orderly was telling him to sign something else and asked him a few more questions before urging him to go home and get some rest. Kaoru rudely snorted at the suggestion, not caring about his reputation in that moment.
He wasn’t going to sleep until he saw Kojiro’s face again.
When he was finally released, he turned back and saw Langa and his mother speaking softly to Reki, with Miya standing just a little behind him, looking almost shy. Reki was saying something, bowing a little as he did. Kaoru floundered for a moment, not sure if he should head over and introduce himself. But Reki made his mind up for him, waving the two of them over. He shared an uneasy glance with Shadow before making their way over.
“…And that’s, uh, Kaoru… senpai,” Langa said softly, his voice rough. He had narrowly avoiding calling Kaoru by his S persona, for which was eternally grateful. “And, uh-“
“Higa Hiromi,” Shadow – no, Hiromi – relayed, clearly a bit embarrassed to be seen in his ‘tough guy’ persona. They both bowed slightly, and she returned the greeting.
“Hello, I’m Hasegawa Nanako, Langa’s mother,” she replied, looking a bit surprised and uncertain about their appearances, “It’s nice to meet you. Although I wish it were under better circumstances...”
“Agreed,” Kaoru managed to reply, feeling the bone-deep exhaustion gnawing away at him. He tilted his face downward to stare at his hands, unable to meet her eyes.
“What happened, exactly?” She asked, sounding frazzled, “The police officer said he had to take everyone’s statements! I don’t want to make Langa talk any more than he should-“
“It was-“ Reki began, absentmindedly throwing an arm around Miya’s shoulders and drawing him in closer. The kid was burying his face into Reki’s hoodie. Kaoru had never seen Miya so openly scared, so blatantly vulnerable. “I mean- Hasegawa-san, it’s… um…”
“A dangerous person happened to grab your son,” Hiromi swooped in, “He had his arm around Langa’s neck, that’s why it’s all bruised. And, well… he was… the guy also had a gun-”
Hasegawa-san gasped and let out something in English, paling considerably.
“Clearly he wasn’t badly hurt!” Hiromi said quickly, holding his hands out in a soothing gesture, “He’s okay, so…!”
“But Kojiro isn’t,” Kaoru hissed out before he was aware he’d said it out loud. Everyone’s heads whipped around to his direction.
Kaoru had always had a hard time with fear, with vulnerability. Ever since he was a child, nothing ever felt as unbearable as letting himself be hurt. So he drowned it out.
He embraced rage instead.
“Kojiro was shot,” he ground out, hands trembling as they dug into the cracked faux leather of the wheelchair’s armrests, “He could have been killed. For all we know he’s dying on the operating table right now, and they won’t tell me anything, they won’t let me see him-“
“Whoa, hey,” Hiromi said, clearly panicking and trying not to upset Langa’s mother as he briefly smiled her way, fake and unconvincing, “Cherry-“
“Don’t call me that!” Kaoru snapped, and he felt his breathing getting shallow and pained again. Not here, not now, not with so many people staring at him…!
Kojiro was going to die.
They weren’t going to go to skate against each other, bringing their all to their races.
They weren’t going to bicker and trade insults over a meal at Sia la Luce.
They weren’t going to travel to the rest of the places on their bucket list.
They weren’t going to throw their heads back and laugh, hanging off each other.
Not anymore. Never again.
Kaoru tried to imagine his life without Kojiro in it. Tried to visualize what that would mean.
His breathing became thready and thin.
Please, he thought, briefly squeezing his eyes shut, Please, not that-
A warm hand over his own forced him to look up.
Reki stood there, his expression pained and knowing.
“Hey, wanna breathe with me?” he asked quietly. Kaoru stared, trying to parse the words. He noticed that no one else was around, that the others seemed to have gone elsewhere.
“I do it all the time,” Reki said conversationally, “When I’m upset.” He began taking a deep breath in through his nose, pausing for a moment, then letting it out through his mouth.
Kaoru wanted to tell Reki not to pity him, not to patronize him… But the only rational part of his brain that hadn’t shut off told him that wasn’t what this was about. So he followed Reki’s lead.
They breathed together, Reki taking a step back to give him space when he saw that Kaoru was breathing deeply too. Eventually, he felt himself return to a fragile equilibrium, but the painful knots in his stomach remained.
Reki stood there for a moment, staring at the floor, his eyes flickering back and forth like he was deep in thought. He suddenly looked up and met Kaoru’s gaze.
“Sorry,” Reki began, rubbing the back of his head self-consciously, “I mean- sorry if that was weird, or whatever. I just… wanted to help.”
He sounded so uncertain, so tired. Kaoru felt another sharp stab of guilt for thinking Reki could ever look down on him.
“Thank you, Reki,” he murmured softly, then pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed hard. “Where did the others go?”
“Langa’s mom is gonna take him home once we say goodbye,” Reki explained, clearly grateful for the change in topic, “Shadow’s gonna drive Miya and me back to my place. He said he’d drop you off too.”
“Miya isn’t going home?” Kaoru managed to ask, though it was more out of politeness than anything. He was too exhausted to think.
“He said his parents would just yell if they caught him sneaking in late,” Reki replied, and Kaoru blinked at the venom in Reki’s voice, “so he’s staying with me.”
Somehow, Kaoru heard to unspoken, I wish Langa could stay with me too.
For just a moment, Kaoru wanted to say that they should go on without him, that he wasn’t moving from this spot until someone took him to see Kojiro… but he knew that until the Nanjos showed up, he wasn’t getting anywhere near his friend.
His arms ached as he wheeled himself out toward the exit.
//////
After Langa had been properly discharged and the police officer was satisfied with their statements, everyone exchanged their goodbyes. Hasegawa-san had asked Kaoru and Hiromi for their contact information, wanting to hear more from them directly about what had happened after everyone had the chance to rest. Kaoru had reached for a business card, but remembered that he never carried them with him to S for obvious reasons. They quietly stood there, Hasegawa-san dutifully writing down their information in her phone’s contacts while the kids stood off to the side, Reki and Miya speaking softly as Langa nodded every now and then.
Miya briefly hugged Langa tightly, clearly surprising them both. He offered Miya a small, tired smile in return before Miya was peeling away, looking a little embarrassed.
That was promising; if Miya was back to pretending he could barely stand any of them, then maybe he was going to be okay.
Langa and Reki stared at each other for a moment, like they were considering something important. Then, in perfect synchronicity, they enveloped each other in a tight hug. Reki murmured something into Langa’s ear, and Langa made a small noise of affirmation. Reluctantly, they pulled away, but Langa’s hands gently clasped onto Reki’s forearms. Reki’s hand jerkily extended in the space between him, but he dropped it to his side. He looked like he’d wanted to reach out and touch the bruises on Langa’s neck.
“Text me when you wake up, ‘kay?” Reki murmured to Langa, and it was so gently spoken Kaoru absurdly felt like he was intruding on an intimate moment.
Out of the corner of his eye, Kaoru saw Hasegawa-san’s face light up with quiet interest.
When the two of them finally peeled themselves away, a final round of goodbyes, bows, and promises to check in were exchanged, and Langa was walking with his mother back toward the hospital parking lot.
“Let’s get you all home,” Hiromi rumbled, sounding like he wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep for an eternity. Despite promising himself that he wouldn’t rest until he saw Kojiro, Kaoru felt the same way.
Hiromi helped Kaoru into the passenger seat, having to return the wheelchair to the Emergency front desk. That’s when Kaoru spotted his phone in the rear-view mirror, tossed haphazardly into the back seat sometime during their frantic rush to the hospital. He managed to reach for it and checked for any messages from Ayame, but she hadn’t texted him yet. They had probably already headed for the airport. Reki and Miya were curled up in a heap in the back, both of them nodding off and leaning against each other the second they were belted in. As Hiromi got into the driver’s seat and turn the key in the ignition, he let out a long, quiet sigh.
“I’ll drop the kids off first,” he said softly, “Then I’ll help you inside.”
“That- …thank you,” Kaoru responded, almost telling him it wasn’t necessary, but knowing that his throbbing ankle was already going to be even worse tomorrow morning without any additional strain.
They drove in silence for a while, the streetlights washing over them in perfect intervals. Okinawa always seemed so peaceful at night. Kaoru wondered at how the world could just keep turning, even though his friend was seriously hurt, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.
Eventually, they pulled up to Reki’s home. The kids had to be nudged awake and were told to be careful getting in. Reki and Miya had nodded, thanked Hiromi for the ride, and asked Kaoru to text them right away as soon as he heard anything. They watched and waited for their figures to disappear and for the front door’s lock to softly click shut.
Now, it was time for Kaoru to go home.
“When’s his family going to get here?” Hiromi asked quietly, startling Kaoru from his reverie.
“I’m not sure,” Kaoru replied, “But I imagine early tomorrow morning. I doubt they’ll even drop their luggage off at Kojiro’s. They’ll come pick me up to go see him as soon as they can.”
Hiromi nodded at that, his hands briefly tightening, then loosening on the steering wheel.
“…Did you-“ He began, clearly debating with himself if he should continue, “I mean… Has he ever… done something like this before? This bad, I mean.”
Kaoru took in a sharp breath, not needing clarification. He swallowed thickly, wondering if he should answer at all. Hiromi turned his attention back to the road, clearly thinking he wasn’t going to get a response.
“…I don’t know,” Kaoru answered at length. Hiromi glanced over at him, clearly surprised, but didn’t say anything else.
“He was… troubled,” Kaoru found himself saying, “Even before I saw him hurt other people, there were… warning signs, I suppose. But I ignored them. I thought- I thought we all understood each other.”
He suddenly felt anger overtake him. Not a burning anger, but a cold, deadly one the likes of which he hadn’t realized he was capable of feeling.
“That man is dead to me, now,” Kaoru said, his voice frighteningly calm, “If I ever see him again, I’m going to kill him.”
It wasn’t a threat. It was a promise.
Hiromi looked a little scared and uncomfortable, but just nodded in acknowledgement. The rest of the drive was silent.
He was kind enough to help Kaoru into his home, and even surprised Kaoru by politely focusing on their footing instead of taking the opportunity to look around and gawk. Kaoru tried to keep his home relatively clean, but between tinkering with constant upgrades for Carla and working on smaller commissions from his living room coffee table on occasion, it wasn’t exactly the neatest place.
Kojiro always poked fun at him for keeping his home so disheveled.
Hiromi helped him sit on his sofa. He hovered for a moment before saying a quiet goodnight. Distantly, Kaoru knew that he wanted to properly thank the man for being the one to urge Kaoru into helping him get Kojiro to the hospital quickly, but that required forethought and planning. Kaoru couldn’t even bring himself to contemplate having a shower. The thank you could wait.
He hobbled into his bedroom once he closed the door behind Hiromi and began to strip off his clothes. Normally he would change into a pair of clean pajamas to sleep in, but as soon as his S outfit was peeled off his body – reeking of sweat, dirt, and blood – he couldn’t be bothered. He barely had the wherewithal to plug Carla and his phone in to charge, drank about four big glasses of water from his kitchen sink, and fell face-first into bed.
He didn’t know if he would sleep that night. Carla was too low on power to play him his lullaby.
Despite that, however, he quickly found himself being pulled down into slumber, his body too tired and drained for anything else.
Before he drifted off completely, Kaoru thought to himself,
Please. Let me see his face again.
//////
When Kaoru woke up to Carla’s voice telling him the date, time, and weather, he had never wanted so badly to be rendered unconscious in his life.
His whole body ached. His head was split apart with sharp stinging, and his ankle throbbed with every beat of his heart.
He felt like he’d been run over by a truck. Maybe several trucks.
He was about to turn over when the previous day’s events flashed through his mind like a disjointed film reel.
He bolted upward, gasping for breath.
He quickly flung himself into the shower, carefully avoiding getting his bandaged foot wet. He dressed himself casually, grabbing a light yukata and wrapping it around himself automatically, and tied his hair up in a high ponytail to keep it out of the way.
He was considering throwing the sad-looking mackerel he’d bought on sale into the fish grill when Carla softly chimed from his bracelet, “Incoming text from Ayame-onesan, Master.”
“Read it, please,” Kaoru replied, rushing back into the bedroom and slipped his watch onto his wrist, his breakfast forgotten.
“Okay, Master. ‘Dropped mom off at the hospital. Coming to get you in about 5 mins.’”
Kaoru tossed the mackerel into the compost bin, knowing he wouldn’t have the time to deal with it.
He was just in the process of slipping his zori onto his undamaged foot and rearranging its mate at the genkan when the doorbell rang incessantly.
He raced to answer it, all but throwing it open.
“Kaoru-kun,” Ayame gasped, blinking at him.
Kaoru paused for a moment, just staring at Kojiro’s older sister. She looked terrible; she had dark circles under her eyes, her long hair was coming undone from a disheveled braid, and her clothes were rumpled; clearly the same outfit she’d worn all night on the plane.
She stared back at him before throwing her arms around his neck, briefly bringing him in for a tight hug. They didn’t normally do this sort of thing, but Kaoru found himself returning the gesture all the same.
“I can’t tell you how good it is to see your face,” Ayame said as they stepped apart, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears, “Ever since your call I’ve wanted to see you.”
“I’m glad you’re here, Ayame-onesan,” Kaoru responded, glancing over her shoulder to the shiny rental idling on the curb. “Auntie’s still at the hospital?”
“She’s sitting with him right now,” Ayame responded, motioning for Kaoru to lock up and follow her. Kaoru felt his throat tighten; Auntie was with Kojiro. She was there with him, meaning that the worst hadn’t happened yet. He hobbled a bit, and although Ayame watched him with surprise and concern, she didn’t comment.
The car reeked of cleaning agents and air fresheners. Once they were settled in, Ayame took off, definitely going faster than the speed limit, but not enough to be dangerous.
“How is he?” Kaoru blurted out, unable to stand the silence any longer. Ayame glanced over at him and gave him a watery smile.
Taking his hand, she said, her voice quavering dangerously, “First off: he’s gonna be okay.”
He’s gonna be okay.
Kaoru let the air rush out of his lungs. The next breath he took felt easier and lighter. He felt his vision blur and wasn’t entirely surprised to feel a few hots tears roll down his cheeks.
Ayame was crying a little too. She let go of Kaoru’s hand at a red light. The two of them sniffled and drew in shuddering breaths in silence. When the lights flicked to green, Kaoru found his voice.
“What else? Tell me.”
“They said it- basically, the bullet punched into part of his lower abdomen and caused trauma to the muscle and pierced his stomach.” She paused, frowning and shuddering. “It was a pretty deep puncture. They’ve stitched him up and they’re mostly concerned about watching out for infections and bleeding now. They have him on a bunch of antibiotics, I think, and they’re keeping him hydrated. He lost a bit of blood, but not a dangerous amount. They also said he probably won’t wake up for a couple of days because of the pain meds and because his body is trying to heal.”
“They managed to get the bullet out,” she added after a beat of silence, her voice quieter, “The doctor told me that sometimes it’s risky to try and find it if there’s no exit wound, and they’ll even just… leave them in. But it was easy to get to, so he doesn’t have to worry about that. It’s gonna be a long time before he’s fully healed, probably a month before he can leave the hospital. It’ll be even longer before he can skate again, but he’s gonna be okay.”
A month. Kaoru hadn’t made it more than two days before he had to escape the hospital, the atmosphere of the place suffocating him and forcing him to get away despite his better judgment.
The rest of the drive was spent in silence, but Kaoru felt part of the knots in his stomach ease and unwind as Ayame’s words settled into his mind.
Kaoru had always been frightened of unknowns, of variables he couldn’t analyze, of data he couldn’t aggregate. Hearing Kojiro’s diagnosis, many of the unknowns that had haunted him the night before vanished into thin air, or at least had clearer outlines, more defined parameters.
He was going to be okay.
He made a mental note to himself to do research on gunshot wounds and abdominal surgeries when he had the chance. The more he knew, the fewer unknowns that remained, and the easier he would sleep at night.
Ayame parked the rental and led Kaoru into the eastern entrance, making their way past various reception desks. Kaoru felt himself getting jittery, a strange sort of anticipation roiling in his stomach. After Ayame helped Kaoru attain a visitor’s badge, she grabbed his wrist and all but dragged him toward Kojiro’s room.
Kaoru didn’t exactly dally.
As they made their way down a long, sterile hall, a short woman let herself out of a room, shutting the sliding doors behind her.
Kaoru’s throat closed off.
“Ayame! Kaoru-kun!” His Auntie said as she saw them. Kaoru immediately let himself be grabbed into another fierce hug, his hands settling over her soft, handmade sweater. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her until she was standing in front of him. He resolved to visit her more often, even if she lived well over an hour away.
It was strange; his own mother and father were cool, polite, distant. Not bad parents, by any means, just very reserved. But the Nanjos had always loved loudly, loved fiercely. Sometimes they felt more like family to him then his own parents did.
“Auntie,” he managed to get out, “I’m so glad to see you.”
“Oh Kaoru-kun,” she said, stepping back. The tears rolling down her face was the worst kind of gut punch. “I’m so happy you’re here. But- you’re hurt, too?”
She had been looking him up and down, and her gaze had settled on his foot. Kaoru waved off her concern.
“It’s nothing,” he promised, “It’s nearly healed. It happened before last night. Anyway, are you alright, Auntie? Did you manage to get any sleep?”
“How could I?” She responded softly. She really did look tired. Kaoru noted a few wiry grey hairs against the black crown swept up over her head in its usual neat bun.
Rationally, Kaoru knew that people aged; but something about being confronted with his Auntie’s greying hair, her crow’s feet, her deep smile lines and her tired voice made the little boy in him feel just a bit scared.
They chatted a for a moment longer, Kaoru asking them about their flight and promised them he wasn’t working too hard. Ayame had someone covering for her at the big accounting firm she worked at, although she didn’t look too worried about being reprimanded for leaving on such short notice. His Auntie was clearly distraught that the one time she went to visit her daughter, something terrible had happened to her son back home. They both did their best to soothe her worries away.
“I was actually just going to get myself some breakfast,” she said when a beat of silence fell over them, “Why don’t you go on in?”
Kaoru swallowed, then nodded.
“I’m also gonna grab something to eat,” Ayame said, “I’m starving. I’ll bring you back something too, okay? You look like you could use some food.”
“I’m alright,” Kaoru began, but Ayame’s steely glare had him backtracking with, “Thank you, anything is fine.”
And with that, Ayame leant her mother her arm as they headed out in search of something to eat.
Leaving Kaoru alone to stare at the sliding doors in trepidation.
It was strange; last night, he had fallen to pieces thinking he couldn’t see Kojiro. Now, he was a little nervous to finally see his face.
Shaking himself mentally for being ridiculous, Kaoru slid the door open and quickly stepped inside.
“Pardon the intrusion,” he murmured out of habit.
He stopped in his tracks once he crossed the threshold.
Kojiro was laying prone in the bed, so still and pale that Kaoru thought for a moment that he’d entered the wrong room. Tubes, wires, and blinking lights covered his body, the thin hospital sheets pulled up just below his arms. He was wearing a simple hospital gown, making him look washed out and sallow.
He also looked small in the hospital bed. Normally his muscle-brained idiot of a friend took up more than his share of space, but this… something about him looked diminished, somehow.
The cold, lethal anger he had felt toward ADAM the night before flared to life in his gut.
He eventually moved toward the plastic chair and settled in, taking a closer look.
Kojiro’s hair had been tied up and out of the way with a yellow hair band – no doubt one of Ayame’s – and his expression was strange. Kaoru had seen Kojiro’s face slack with sleep more times than he could count, but this was different; like he was exhausted, even in rest.
Kaoru had to swallow around the lump in his throat a few times before he could speak.
“I’m here, Kojiro,” he began, and felt his throat burn with unshed tears all the way down to his stomach.
His rage was suddenly redirected then, and he leaned in close.
“You idiot,” Kaoru hissed out, careful not to attract the attention of the passing staff and visitors in the hall, “Fuck, Kojiro, this is easily the stupidest thing you’ve ever done! What was your plan? Do you have any idea how much you scared everyone? What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all?”
He sighed harshly, staring briefly at the floor before looking up again.
“Only you got hurt,” he finished at length, “Everyone else got away, except for you.”
He stood up, leaning over Kojiro’s face to get a closer look. He found himself reaching out to touch Kojiro’s hair and brush a loose strand out of the way before he could second guess himself.
The touch caused Kaoru’s last resolve to unravel. He pulled back so his tears wouldn’t get all over the blankets.
“If you ever play hero again, I’m going to personally break both your legs,” Kaoru sobbed.
The lack of a sharp retort or a challenge to make him eat his words left Kaoru feeling empty.
He reached for this box of tissues sitting on the tiny plastic table and carefully cleaned himself up, not wanting to distress Kojiro’s family any more than they already were. They had only seen him cry a handful of times, and he refused to divert their worry when Kojiro was the one who needed people to support him.
He sat back into the chair in silence, then, and just let his eyes rove over Kojiro’s still form. In some moments, it seemed as if every emotion he was capable of feeling assaulted him all at once, making it difficult to breathe, and in the next moment he felt nothing at all.
He hadn’t realized he had dosed off until his Auntie gently shook him awake, offering him the plastic container of natto and disposable chopsticks she had brought him.
He made to offer his seat to her, but she soundly refused. When asked about his foot, Kaoru tried his best to be evasive, but one stern “Sakurayashiki Kaoru!” had him explaining that he really, technically, should be using a wheelchair or crutches.
Tutting, his Auntie borrowed the keys to the rental, saying she would find him a pair, since it was easier than finding a wheelchair. Kaoru mumbled a guilty, “Sorry to bother you,” but it was of course waved off.
“And make sure you eat your breakfast, young man!” She finished as she headed out. Ayame smiled fondly after her as Kaoru let out a long breath.
“So, what did happen to your leg?” Ayame asked as she ripped into the hospital onigiri with gusto. She was leaning against the wall standing next to Kaoru, no doubt in a better mood because she finally had something to eat. She was a demon when she got hungry.
Kaoru stirred his natto absentmindedly and pondered how best to answer her.
He was about to give some vague answer, or just say that he had gotten it while skateboarding – which was technically true – but knowing who had previously sent him to the hospital too made any plans he had to hide the truth vanish.
“The same man who hurt Kojiro also attacked me a week and a half ago,” he replied honestly. Ayame stilled for a moment.
“What?” she asked, blinking at him with wide, scared eyes. “Kaoru-kun, what?”
“He also gave a child a sprained wrist,” he said, remembering ADAM and Reki’s beef. He spared Ayame the long, long list of other people the man had hospitalized, not wanting to scare her further. “He enjoys hurting people.”
“Just who is this guy?” Ayame gasped, trying to read his expression, “What does he want? Have you pressed charges?”
“I can’t,” Kaoru replied, taking a small bite of the natto. The flavor of the soybeans and the tare sauce was a small comfort. “I would have no way of proving he did any of those things.”
That was also technically true; Shindo Ainosuke was a careful man, and had been a careful teenager, too. He had only ever given vague comments about his personal life to Kaoru, who at one point had been close to him. Maybe the closest anyone had ever been.
The memories of their relationship, which used to evoke a sort of bittersweetness for Kaoru, now only made his stomach churn.
“Still…!” Ayame argued half-heartedly, “What kind of monster goes around hurting people? And hurting kids? That’s so messed up… You don’t know him, do you?”
“I thought I did, but I was sorely mistaken,” Kaoru said darkly. He stabbed at the natto with greater vigour this time.
“Then at least give his name to the police! They can investigate him or something!” Ayame responded, but Kaoru shook his head.
“I have a feeling he could make any charges ‘go away’ without much trouble,” he whispered, furious with himself for feeling so powerless.
Ayame went quiet at that, contemplating his words. They finished their breakfasts in silence.
//////
Kaoru stayed for two hours after that. Once his Auntie had returned, she helped him adjust the crutches for his height and admonished him once again for not taking care of himself. She insisted that he eat dinner with them later that night. Kaoru had only resisted because he knew they were staying at Kojiro’s for the time being – both of them had had spare keys for years – but he was worried that it would feel wrong to be in the apartment without Kojiro himself. Eventually though, he relented, if only because he knew his Auntie wanted desperately to have someone to look after. It was her way of coping with the stress.
He made to bow low, but they waved off the gesture – “No need for that, Kaoru-kun, you’ve been family for years” – and they made him promise to bring a fine bottle of red wine with him.
Taking a deep breath, Kaoru called a taxi to take him home. He missed the freedom of driving, but he wasn’t so stupid as to aggravate his ankle any more than he already had.
His crutches were laid across his lap to not bump up against the car’s upholstery. He stared out the window unseeing. He had wanted just a few moments to himself, but his phone chimed softly.
He had disabled Carla’s voice for the time being, knowing that taxi drivers were sometimes distracted by it, and scrolled through his mail manually instead.
Kyan Reki: Hey have u heard any news?
Kyan Reki: We’re at the usual park btw
Kyan Reki: Me Langa Miya and Shadow
Kyan Reki: Come meet us?
Kaoru sighed as the read the messages. He knew his friends were anxious to hear any news, and he wasn’t at all surprised they had already congregated somewhere to talk. He texted back,
Me: Give me half an hour.
Kaoru received a string of emojis in response and he chuckled softly. Whether Reki was putting on a brave face or he really was feeling more like his usual self, Kaoru was grateful for it, nevertheless.
He stopped by his house to freshen up and re-organize what remnants of chaos from the night before he hadn’t dealt with. He eyed his filthy S costume, which was in dire need of a professional cleaning. He stared at the dark bloodstains that had soaked into it for a moment before recollecting himself. Once his apartment was at an acceptable level of disorganized, he left for his next destination.
Luckily, Sia la Luce wasn’t too far from where he lived, and so despite feeling a little embarrassed about it, he used the crutches to make his way there.
He’d have to ask Hiromi for a lift back to S to look for his personalized wheelchair, but considering he vaguely remembered a police raid taking place, it had likely been whisked away as evidence. Thank goodness he was careful never to leave hair or fingerprints on the thing. He was confident his encryption and other security measures would at least baffle them for a while, too.
As he made his way in to the restaurant, he wasn’t surprised to see the staff looking stressed and confused as they prepared for the lunch rush.
“Sorry, we’re not open y- Oh! Sakurayashiki-san!” Cried out Watanabe, one of Kojiro’s most reliable sous chefs. He made his way over and bowed, eyeing the crutches for only a moment.
“Thank goodness you’re here! Have you heard from the boss at all? He’s always the first one in to take inventory and prep the counters for us, but the place was closed when we got here. He won’t answer any of our calls.”
“I have news, actually,” Kaoru responded, “Watanabe-kun, could you please call everyone who’s here into the dining area? It’ll be easier to explain that way.”
Watanabe’s face turned a shade paler. “Is everything alright?”
“I’ll explain everything,” Kaoru repeated, and took a seat at the nearest table.
Watanabe hesitated for a moment, before turning around and calling for everyone to gather around. Many of the staff smiled and bowed to Kaoru despite the strangeness of the situation, but others just looked worried and uncertain. Kaoru took in a breath, and the whispers instantly died down.
“Good morning, everyone. I’m sorry to interrupt while you’re getting ready, but I know you’re probably wondering where your boss has disappeared to. Ko-… Nanjo-san was badly injured last night,” Kaoru said, and waited as the staff gasped, exclaimed, and turned to each other, seeking confirmation.
“He’s currently in the hospital and will be for at least a month,” Kaoru carried on, watching as one woman – Mori-san? She was new – covered her mouth with both hands in shock.
“What happened? Sakurayashiki-san, is he going to be okay?” Watanabe asked, clearly panicked. Kaoru held out a hand in a soothing gesture, slipping a bit into his business persona if only to keep his own emotions under control.
“Nanjo-san is going to be fine,” he said, raising his voice slightly over the growing murmur. His statement was met with a chorus of relieved sighs and a smattering of “Thank goodness!” from the line cooks.
“I don’t know if it’s my place to say what happened, exactly,” Kaoru carried on, “But rest assured he’s being treated well and his family is here to look after him for the time being.”
He sat up taller, making sure his voice carried.
“Kojiro cares deeply about this restaurant,” he continued, feeling his own fondness for the place creep into his voice, “And he won’t be able to recover well if he finds out things aren’t going smoothly. I’ll keep you all updated on his progress, but he needs time. So please: I’m asking all of you now to treat Sia la Luce well. Don’t let a single customer leave unsatisfied! Please work hard and make sure things run smoothly until his return! Please do your best!”
“We’ll do our best!” came the enthusiastic response. Kaoru nodded in satisfaction.
He exchanged contact information with Kojiro’s sous chefs and the wait staff coordinator, promising to keep them appraised of any changes. A few of the nosier ones tried to pry, but quickly gave up when they saw Kaoru wouldn’t budge. The cooks offered to make him something free of charge, but Kaoru refused to take up any more of their time as they prepped to open. Besides, he wanted to get to the skate park and see his friends’ faces.
As tired as he was, Kaoru also felt himself start to become energized by the sunny weather and gentle breeze that perpetually made the Okinawan trees sway.
He took another taxi – thank goodness his job paid well – and soon found himself at the park he knew Reki and Langa visited often.
A group of kids, probably about Miya’s age, were practicing on the ramps: ollies, kickflips, rail grinds. He saw Hiromi, sans makeup of course, waving to catch his attention to where the little group was sitting, under the shade of the tallest tree.
“Yo!” he shouted, and everyone else was ushering him over too, “Get over here!”
Kaoru made his way over as quickly as he could. He had regretted not bringing his parasol, given that carrying it while holding on to his crutches would have been a pain. Thank goodness for whoever had the forethought to make their little encampment in the shade. He was pleased to see that someone had brought blankets for everyone to sit on too. A variety of homemade and store-bought food was spread out and half-eaten.
Hiromi was sitting with his back facing the park, and Miya, who had brought his game, had quickly paused it at Kaoru’s approach. Reki had his back against the tree trunk, has hands behind his head and one of his legs resting on his knee. Langa was pressed against him, shoulder to hip, and they were sharing ear buds. Langa took his out as Kaoru sat down on the empty blanket.
To anyone else they would have looked relaxed, a strange group of friends enjoying a little outing together. But Kaoru could see the exhaustion, the tension. He knew because he felt it too.
“You all look terrible,” Kaoru announced, testing the waters. Reki shot him a nervous smile as he sat up, and the others seemed to relax a bit. They must have known the news wasn’t dire, if Kaoru could say something like that.
“You don’t look much better,” Miya sniffed, but the aura of teenage indifference was ruined by the relieved smile that curled his lips upward.
“I don’t doubt it,” Kaoru responded. Hiromi silently offered him a sandwich; it looked like egg, lettuce, and fried chicken. Despite how hungry he was, Kaoru controlled himself, taking it with a thank you, and took a measured bite.
As he chewed, he felt the tension build.
He didn’t want to make them worry any longer, so he said once he swallowed, “He’s going to be all right.”
As that news sunk in, he stole another quick bite. They all stared at him for a moment, slack jawed, before sagging in relief.
“Thank goodness,” Reki choked out, his eyes gleaming. Langa’s eyes fell shut for a moment and he whispered something under his breath, briefly hiding his face behind his hands. Miya looked like he might burst into tears again at any moment, and Hiromi was the first one to shed a few. Everyone started to sniffle and tear up, sharing relieved chuckles as tissues were passed around.
“His mother and sister are staying at his place for the time being, so they can visit him often,” Kaoru said between bites as the sandwich quickly began to disappear, “I also informed the staff at Sia la Luce. They’re reliable, so everything should be able to stay open without much hassle.”
“Did you get to see him?” Langa asked, his voice sounding a little better. He was still speaking softly, and the bruises looked uglier in broad daylight, but Kaoru was glad to see he looked okay. Langa had been the one held hostage, after all.
“I did,” Kaoru replied, “He was… fine, considering. He should make a full recovery. It’ll be about a month before he can leave the hospital, though.”
“A month?” Miya repeated, looking aghast. Kaoru could relate to that sentiment.
“Yes, but with any luck, you may be able to visit in a few weeks’ time, assuming he’s up for it,” Kaoru replied, surprised by how urgent it felt to soothe Miya’s worries.
Then he remembered the sounds of sobbing and wailing from last night.
“I should be able to visit frequently as well, so I’ll keep you all updated,” he finished. Normally Kaoru wasn’t one for desserts, but he eyed the chocolate-chip cookies someone had brought in a Tupperware container, contemplating.
“What did he say?” Miya asked, leaning forward as he sat cross-legged on his blanket. The breeze picked up, causing the leaves to rustle reassuringly.
“He didn’t say anything,” Kaoru admitted after a moment, deciding to pluck one of the cookies from the container, “He wasn’t conscious when I visited. Ayame-onesan – that is, Kojiro’s older sister – she said he probably wouldn’t wake up much for the first few days.”
They all looked a little disappointed at that, and Langa’s face twisted for a moment, like he was in pain.
Kaoru wondered if he felt like he was responsible.
“…So what do we do now?” Reki asked softly, looking a little lost. Kaoru understood what he was trying to say. After a terrifying, adrenaline-fueled night, there was nothing more they could do to help their friend; at least, not for a while. But it felt wrong to just do nothing, to go on and wait for him to recover. They all wanted to do something – to make themselves useful.
“You go back to school,” Hiromi said after a moment, looking at the kids. “You go back to writing tests, and slacking off, and staying up too late. We’ll go back to our jobs,” he continued, motioning between himself and Kaoru, “And deal with crappy customers and bills. We get on with things, and we help Joe when he gets out of the hospital. And we skate, of course. Life goes on.”
Kaoru bit into the cookie, surprised at how it wasn’t sickeningly sweet, with the perfect balance of crunch and chew.
“Is S going to be shut down for good this time?” Miya asked softly.
Kaoru thought about that for a long moment.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, “But if it isn’t, then things need to change. Kojiro and I are as much co-founders of the place as- as he is,” he spat, unable to even think about ADAM without feeling the rage eat away at him, “There need to be new rules, too. Rules to… to keep everyone safe,” he faltered, glancing over at Langa, and feeling a hint of shame.
“Good,” Reki whispered, his expression dark. Kaoru was momentarily surprised; if any of them would have objected to S changing in some way, he thought it would have been Reki.
But then again, he was still a kid who just wanted to skateboard with his friends. Who would want to risk their life just for the sake of enjoying their favourite hobby? Who would want to see their friends put in mortal danger?
“Still,” Reki continued, ripping up a handful of grass as he spoke, “If you put in rules, nobody’s gonna come. The whole point of S is that you just have to be the first one across the finish line. It’ll die out pretty quickly.”
“We’ll see,” Kaoru replied neutrally, already cataloging a certain train of thought for another day, “But right now, no one’s going to S. Not with the police swarming the place.”
“I drove by the entrance earlier and I couldn’t even get close,” Hiromi confirmed, “I guess since… since a gun actually went off, they can’t just keep ignoring it. They have to be thorough now.”
A gloomy atmosphere fell over the group. Reki started rubbing his hands through his hair.
“It’s just so- ugh! Everything feels weird now,” he admitted, letting his hands drop back into his lap. “But we should keep skating together! And we’ll skate with Joe when he’s better, too! After all, you can skate anywhere, right?” he finished, turning to Langa with a crooked grin.
“Right,” Langa responded softly, smile matching Reki’s in intensity.
For a moment, Kaoru was angry; how could they be so casual, so flippant after what had happened?
But as he watched and tried to look closer, he saw the cracks in the veneer, how they were all still scared and worried. It was written across their faces, the meaningful glances, the hunched shoulders and stiff backs. They were trying their best to process what had happened; it wasn’t meant to be dismissive of Kojiro’s condition. He forced himself to relax.
“Why don’t we street race?” Miya suggested, a tiny grin forming on his face, “Langa! Race me again! I’m not going to hold back!”
Langa blinked in surprise for a moment, before nodding, his eyes shining. “You’re on,” he responded with a small smile.
“I still want a rematch,” Reki added, turning and giving Hiromi a lopsided grin, “Unless you wanna forfeit.”
“Eh? Me, lose to a brat like you?” Hiromi responded, slipping into his Shadow persona effortlessly, “Don’t cry when I beat you into the pavement.”
Kaoru balked for a moment, watching as old rivalries and new were forged. They bickered, swaggered, laughed, and poked fun at each other.
The tension and tiredness were still there, written across everyone’s faces.
But they were trying.
He supposed the Hiromi was right; life goes on.
//////
The week that followed was long, drawn out, and exhausting.
One of his clients wasn’t exactly understanding when Kaoru had sent out the mass email about a family emergency, apologizing for any possible delays that might occur. He hadn’t planned on letting himself get behind, but it was good to have a precaution in place. Still, the belligerent man had taken that to mean Kaoru was absolutely going to be behind, and that his commissioned piece specifically wasn’t going to be ready in time. Naturally, taking up nearly two hours of Kaoru’s time on the phone during the workday was the best way to ensure everything went smoothy.
Normally, Kaoru’s customers were polite, thoughtful, and respectful. He had already received numerous well wishes and concerned replies. This one client, however… He hoped the man never darkened his studio’s doorway again once the piece was finished.
He ate dinner at Kojiro’s apartment every night, where his Auntie made a number of Kaoru’s favourite dishes. They were, of course, delicious; Kaoru had often told Kojiro he was lucky he’d inherited his cooking skills from his mother, or else all the training in the world wouldn’t have helped. Kojiro always huffed at that and called him a bastard. Kaoru was touched that she would put in so much effort for him, given that her own son was hurt, and no doubt was on her mind constantly. Every night, he wrestled the dirty dishes away from her, insisting on making himself useful. It was only after he promised not to lean on his ankle while he stood at the sink that she conceded defeat, smiling and shaking her head at him fondly. Ayame just laughed at them.
Between keeping his own studio running – with working, meeting new clients, giving workshops and babysitting businessmen when they invited him out for drinks – to say nothing of checking in regularly with Kojiro’s staff and eating dinner with his family, Kaoru was exhausted.
He barely had any time for himself, let alone to skate with the others late into the night.
Besides, it felt… wrong, somehow. To go skating, knowing that Kojiro wasn’t well. Of course, he wouldn’t mope around for the whole month it would take him to fully recover, but the first week after the incident was too draining as it was.
The five of them began to meet regularly at the skate park, bringing little makeshift picnics with them. Going to Sia la Luce and mooching free food while the owner was out of commission would have been too shameless, even if the staff knew him and liked him. Thankfully, the weather was kind to them, and Kaoru was able to stop by twice before the weekend came around to meet with everyone, listening to them chat and squabble as he gave them little updates about Kojiro’s health.
Then, on Friday morning, he received a rather unusual text.
Unknown: Good morning, Sakurayashiki-san. This is Hasegawa Nanako, Langa’s mother. I was hoping that you might be able to meet up with me. I would like to hear more about what happened. I apologize for bringing up something so awful, but I can’t let this go easily. Please let me know what your availability is like; the sooner the better, but please don’t feel rushed. I look forward to hearing from you.
Kaoru felt dread settle over him as he read the message.
He mechanically added Hasegawa-san’s information to his contacts and considered his options. After all, she had every right to want to know how her son had been hurt, and how he’d ended up in such a dangerous situation.
But what could Kaoru say?
That Langa was a rising star among an underground, illegal skateboarding community? That he regularly faced off against dangerous opponents in a no-holds-barred race, where anything went?
That Kaoru himself was not only partially responsible for creating the place, but hadn’t stepped in sooner when ADAM started to make horrifying advances?
That, until recently, he’d still given the man a free pass because the people he’d hurt, the people he’d hospitalized, hadn’t been important to him?
I’m not as good a person as I thought I was, Kaoru realized in a sickening revelation. After calming himself down a bit, he tried to figure out what he should do next.
He messaged Hasegawa-san his availability. They agreed to meet at a small café Kaoru was quite fond of on Saturday morning.
Which meant he had a little under twenty-four hours to figure out what to say to her.
His train of thought was interrupted, however, when Ayame called him. He answered immediately.
“Kaoru-kun!” she shouted, and he could hear her smiling, “Get over here quickly! He’s waking up!”
Kaoru’s breath caught in his throat.
All thoughts of what to say to Langa’s mother instantly vanished.
“I’ll be there in five,” he replied, feeling a little breathless.
Testing his ankle, he was pleased to feel it barely even twinge. His doctor had told him that he should be able to remove the bandages and walk around a bit by next Monday, but he couldn’t wait that long. Deciding to be quick rather than careful, he fully unwrapped the bandages, put on both zori for the first time in nearly two weeks, and headed for his car.
It felt good to drive his own car again. He breathed in deeply, settling in behind the wheel.
He all but sprinted down the now familiar hall once he’d obtained his visitor’s pass, and barely finished saying “Pardon the intrusion” before bursting into the room.
Ayame and his Auntie were standing on either side of the bed, each holding one of Kojiro’s hands gently. They grinned up at him as he entered.
Kojiro’s eyes blearily settled on him, and he smiled lopsidedly.
Kaoru’s heart twisted in some strange mixture of pain and joy.
“You’re awake,” Kaoru breathed, making his way over to the right side of the bed, where Ayame stood. She made room for him, glancing between them with a smile. “How are you? Do you remember what happened?”
“His voice is a bit rough,” His Auntie said softly, tears falling from her eyes, “So he can’t speak much yet.”
“Truly a blessing in disguise,” Ayame said in mock seriousness. She was sharply reprimanded by her mother while Kojiro did his best to frown at her, and she laughed in response.
The relief and joy in the room was palpable.
“It- it’s good to see you,” Kaoru said, feeling strangely uncertain. Kojiro gave a slight nod, but then let go of Ayame’s hand, waving him closer. Kaoru and Ayame traded places.
“What is it?” Kaoru asked, leaning a bit closer, “What do you need?”
Kojiro made like he wanted to say something but coughed a little instead. Instantly, he gasped and sucked in a sharp breath, pain written all over his face. The movement must have aggravated his injuries.
“Don’t talk, don’t talk,” his Auntie soothed, “Shh, it’s all right, Kojiro, shh…”
Kojiro’s face smoothed out a bit after he took a few measured breaths, and he refocused on Kaoru. Shakily, he held up his hand. Kaoru, not sure what he wanted, waited as Kojiro clumsily poked at his arm.
“I don’t understand,” he admitted, feeling frustrated at his inability to help. Kojiro was persistent, however, and managed to work his hand under the sleeve of Kaoru’s yukata.
His hands were still cold.
Slowly, like moving his hand was a huge effort – and given his current state, it probably was – Kojiro pressed his pointer finger against Kaoru’s arm, and began moving it.
It only took a second for Kaoru to realize Kojiro was trying to write something across the surface of his skin.
Kaoru concentrated on the point of contact, trying to visualize the shaky, jerky motions into something that would make sense.
Frowning a little, Kojiro seemed to be repeating the same movements again.
Suddenly, the katakana became clear in his mind’s eye.
La n ga
It was followed up by a sloppy question mark.
Kaoru drew in a sharp breath as the meaning became clear.
“He’s fine,” he managed to get out, “Everyone else is fine. You were the only- the only one who got hurt.” It wasn’t entirely true, but he wasn’t going to worry his friend over a small detail in his current state. Langa’s bruises had healed considerably and would vanish soon enough.
Kojiro seemed to take a moment to process that, before sagging back into the hospital bed, his eyes momentarily fluttering shut.
You selfless, moronic, infuriating bastard, Kaoru thought, How can you worry about others when you’re like this?
Blinking rapidly to keep himself from tearing up again – because he just knew Kojiro would never let him live that down – he turned toward his Auntie instead.
“How soon will he improve?”
“It’ll be a little longer before they want him to try sitting up,” She answered, smiling lovingly at her son and patting his hand, “But they said he’s doing well so far, and he should be able to eat solid food in a couple of weeks.”
Kaoru nodded at that. He hoped that Kojiro would be as fast a healer as he usually was, quickly recovering from scrapes and breaks to colds and stomach flus with ease.
The sooner he got out of the hospital, the better.
Kojiro started to draw on his arm again.
Wa nt rea l foo d
“But hospitals are known for their excellent selection,” Kaoru responded after a beat, not bothering to hide the feeling in his voice, “A lowly beginner like yourself could learn a thing or two from the masters of the culinary arts.”
Kojiro took a moment to breathe, before looking him directly in the eye and tracing out,
Shu t up f our ey es
Kaoru grinned in response.
He felt like his world was starting to right itself again.
//////
Kaoru tried not to crush the small basket of fresh apples he’d picked up before meeting with Hasegawa-san, for fear of bruising them. As he exited the taxi, he took in the little café he’d suggested for their meeting spot. Glancing into the large bay window, it looked as if she wasn’t there yet.
Kaoru’s heart was thumping in his chest, but he tried to remain calm. At least he was able to pick the seating, get his order in, and collect his thoughts. That would help… hopefully.
He heard the familiar “Good morning!” as he went up to the counter, nodding to the blonde barista he frequently saw whenever he visited. He ordered a strong jasmine tea and a small scone, not wanting to make himself feel sick with anxiety. Once his order was placed, he sat in full view of the window, so there would be no mistaking him when Hasegawa-san showed.
He set the little basket down a bit harder than intended. He furled and unfurled his fan, over and over again. A bad habit whenever he was nervous.
His tea and scone were quickly whisked out to him, and he nibbled away and inhaled the tea’s delicate, comforting scent. He took in his surroundings. There was a beleaguered looking businesswoman, pleading with someone softly over the phone. There was a teenager, lost in thought, staring at a random spot on the wall, his sketchbook half-forgotten in his hands. There was also an old woman, who he’d bowed to slightly as he passed her by. She was gazing out the window, a soft smile on her face.
The door’s silver bell chimed as Hasegawa-san made her way into the shop a few moments later.
She looked around, spotted him, and smiled tightly at him as she made her way over. Kaoru stood up to greet her, feeling anxious.
Was she already upset? Had Langa said something?
However, she was still courteous as they both bowed in greeting.
“Good morning, Hasegawa-san,” Kaoru said as they stood there, slipping on his business persona like a mask. She smiled back at him.
“Good morning, Sakurayashiki-san,” she began, “I… I wanted to apologize again for asking to speak with you on such short notice. My son tells me you’re a busy man.”
Something about the image of Langa solemnly informing his mother about Kaoru’s packed schedule was endearing. He waved off her concern.
“Not at all,” he replied, “I happened to have some free time today. These are for you, by the way; please accept them.”
He held out the little basket, and Hasegawa-san became flustered for a moment.
Seeing her this close, Kaoru was suddenly struck by how young she looked.
“Ah-! My goodness, you didn’t have to get me this!” She breathed. Kaoru gently pushed the basket closer.
“Please, I insist,” he said, and felt his smile fall a bit, “Once I explain what happened, you’ll see it’s truly the least I could do.”
“I see…” she responded, and bowed again before they both sat down, “Thank you, this is very generous.”
Her smile softened a bit as she took in the delicate pinks and reds of the apples.
“I’ve become so used to not giving or receiving gifts,” she said as the looked up to meet his gaze, murmuring it like it was a secret, “I still got some, of course, but hardly ever from co-workers or neighbours or anything like that. In Canada, the customs are very different. I’ve missed how things are done here at home.”
The mention of Canada made Kaoru remember why Langa had moved to Okinawa in the first place.
“I-,” Kaoru began, looking down at his tightly clasped hands, “I’m very sorry for your loss, Hasegawa-san. Langa-… he doesn’t talk about his father much, but he always looks a little nostalgic whenever he mentions him.”
“Thank you,” she responded, her voice equally soft, “It’s not easy. I don’t know if it ever will be. But that’s why I’m so glad Langa’s made friends here. I was so worried, that I’d taken the thing he loves the most away from him at the worst time… But I guess it’s been good for him to be here.”
Kaoru found himself meeting her eyes with a smile.
“You’ve raised quite the fine young man,” he said honestly. She looked a little proud when he said that, but her expression became troubled suddenly.
Kaoru steeled himself.
This was it.
“I… I guess we shouldn’t keep putting it off, should we?” Hasegawa-san said, glancing down and away briefly.
“No, I suppose not,” Kaoru nodded in agreement. Hasegawa-san’s eyes gleamed with determination when she faced him directly.
“Please,” she breathed out, “Please tell me what happened to my son that night, Sakurayashiki-san.”
“Of course,” Kaoru replied.
//////
Kaoru hadn’t ended up forming a plan, going into the conversation. But, in the face of Langa’s concerned and grieving mother, Kaoru found himself doing something he never thought he’d want to do.
He told an uninitiated person about S.
It came pouring out of him, like water from a fountain head. He told her about how Reki had taught Langa to skate; about how he’d wowed the crowd and attracted the attention of a dangerous man; about Kaoru’s role in founding the place, and how he’d always looked the other way; about the dangerous races and risky bets that took place.
He remembered one time as a teenager, when he’d made his way over to Kojiro’s to visit. He had let himself in, not bothering to announce his presence. He’d been about to make his way up to his friend’s room, when he’d heard soft voices coming from behind the screen doors leading into the kitchen.
He’d overheard Kojiro telling Ayame all about S.
At first, he had been shocked, panicking that she’d found out and Kojiro had needed to come clean; but the more he listened, the more he realized that Kojiro was giving up this information voluntarily. He talked about how things were getting out of hand, how he and Kaoru had less and less say in how the place was run, and how scared he was that ADAM was going to seriously hurt someone.
Kaoru had stormed out of the house and refused to speak to Kojiro for days.
It was stupid, but he felt like he’d been betrayed; they had sworn themselves to secrecy, after all. That was part of the thrill of S; it was a clandestine community, and only those in the know got to watch or participate. There were no rules, no handholding, no safety nets. The bets could be as high or ludicrous as you liked. Nobody ever held back. It was everything an adrenaline-chasing kid could dream of.
It hadn’t been just about that, too. By that point, they all knew just how much Kaoru cared for ADAM. He’d hated hearing his best friend talk about his crush like that.
And once someone else knew, it cheapened the whole thing.
Now, with the benefit of hindsight, experience, and annoyance at Kojiro’s ability to read the room faster than he ever could, Kaoru realized he’d been right to ask for help.
Kaoru didn’t hold back; he told Hasegawa-san everything he could, short of his ‘relationship’ with ADAM from years ago. He figured he could preserve at least some of his dignity.
As she listened, Hasegawa-san’s face fluctuated between curiosity, interest, wonder, anger, sadness, and horror.
The words had flowed steadily, until it came time to tell her about the night of the incident.
Kaoru was surprised by how little of it he actually remembered.
He faltered here and there, having trouble keeping his emotions in check at times, but managed to relay what he’d seen.
“…So, the place has been shut down since last Saturday,” Kaoru concluded, feeling trapped and uncertain, “And it’s unclear if it’ll survive after this raid. There are some people… they’ll still go back, even after what happened. I don’t know if I can, and I certainly don’t want to see anyone else get hurt.”
Hasegawa-san, after hearing it all, sat back in her chair, deep in thought. Kaoru anxiously fiddled with the porcelain handle of his almost empty teacup.
They sat in silence for some time before Hasegawa-san finally looked up at him again.
“…I don’t know where to begin,” she admitted after a moment of opening and closing her mouth a few times, “I… I had no idea. About any of it. Langa never said a word…”
“I’m sorry,” Kaoru replied, unsure of what else to say. She absently shook her head, looking down at her hands.
“Is this also what you told the police?” She asked softly. Kaoru hesitated, before shaking his head.
“No,” he admitted, “I gave them a very vague and inaccurate version. I… I wanted to protect my identity, and everyone else’s.”
He wondered if she thought he was a terrible person, openly admitting about lying to the police. She looked… uncertain. Kaoru wanted to be in this woman’s good graces, even if she didn’t approve of him as a person. He didn’t want her to think that he and ADAM were the same, that they both enjoyed putting teenagers in harm’s way. More silence followed.
“This man,” she began again, her voice taking on a scared, angry edge, “Do you- You don’t think he- do you think he’ll try to hurt my boy again?”
“Before last Saturday, I honestly thought he was playing things up for the crowd,” Kaoru said, feeling foolish in the admonition – hadn’t ADAM proven time and again that he enjoyed torturing his competition? “But now… Hasegawa-san: ADAM is a very powerful man with a lot of connections in his everyday life. I know you want to keep Langa safe, but please be careful. I honestly don’t know what might happen if you go to the police and tell them what I told you…”
“You think he might retaliate?” She breathed out, her face pale. Kaoru instantly wished he hadn’t said a word.
“No, I don’t think he will,” he answered, trying to soothe her, “He has to maintain a pristine image, but you should make sure Langa is safe regardless.”
“Who is this man?” She demanded, quiet and steely. Kaoru beckoned for her to lean close. Cupping his mouth so no one could read his lips, he whispered to her.
Her gasp was painful and loud, drawing the attention of a young couple who were seated a few tables over. Kaoru politely smiled their way, causing them to glance away in embarrassment at being caught.
Hasegawa-san said something in English, a hand pressed firmly over her heart. They fell back into silence for a while.
“We need to move again,” She said, her eyes distant. Kaoru’s eyes widened.
“No!” Kaoru exclaimed, then quieter, “No, Hasegawa-san, please! You both have a life here!”
“You don’t understand,” she responded, her resolve clear, “Sakurayashiki-san, have you ever lost someone you loved?”
Kaoru paused.
“No, I haven’t,” he admitted.
“Then count yourself very lucky,” she went on, near tears, “Because it changes you. You become a hollow version of yourself. I’ve already lost the love of my life. I will not lose my son too.”
She started gathering her purse and the basket of apples. Kaoru felt his breathing become thin.
“Wait,” he pleaded, holding out his hands to stop her, “Hasegawa-san, please. Just wait a moment.”
She did, looking up at him, skepticism and fear etched into her expression.
Kaoru had to fix this.
He couldn’t let Langa leave, not now that he was clearly starting the long process of healing after his father’s death.
He had a routine here; he had school, and skating, and friends, and… well.
Reki somehow seemed to be in a different category altogether.
“What if-“ he began, wracking his brain for a solution, “Please tell me: if Langa’s safety in Okinawa was assured, if he was incriminated and sent away… would you still have any objections to staying?”
“…No,” she admitted.
“Then,” Kaoru said, “I’ll find a way. I’ll find some way to incriminate him. I’ll get him put behind bars, for good.”
“And how are you going to do that?” She asked, her voice pained. “I appreciate the thought, Sakurayashiki-san, but I think we both know if you haven’t found something to use against him at this point, you’re not going to get your hands on anything now.”
“Give me some time,” he begged, not caring at all for his pride, “Please. If I can’t find anything, if I can’t get an official investigation started, then… I wouldn’t dream of stopping you. Langa’s safety has to come first.”
“Why does this matter so much to you?” She asked, no malice in the question, “Why is it so important to you that we stay?”
“Because-“ Kaoru began, blinking for a moment.
Why did he care so much?
He suddenly thought of the six of them; skating, eating, spending time together. He thought of cheering the others on during beefs, of racing against them, of the bickering and the banter, the closeness. Of the kids showing up at their various places of work, unannounced and unashamed. Of the laughter and teasing and new experiences that suddenly filled his life to the brim.
He thought of how they’d stepped in that night. How they’d helped him, helped each other, helped Kojiro.
He remembered the sound of the kids crying. He never wanted to hear them cry like that ever again.
“I care because…” he began, forcing himself to set down his defenses, “Langa feels like… like family.” He felt himself flush a little in embarrassment. He unfurled his fan to hide his face.
Hasegawa-san was clearly brought up short by that.
“All of them…” Kaoru carried on, unable to meet her eyes, “For years now, it’s just been Kojiro and I. I thought that was enough. But now… things have changed. And I think they started changing the first time we all saw Langa skate. I know this sounds strange, and after what I told you I wouldn’t be surprised if- if you feel disgusted, and don’t want your son around other adult men, around me, but-“
“I see,” she said, cutting him off. When he looked up, her expression had changed.
There was still fear and anger there. But there was also a softness that hadn’t shown up before.
“This Kojiro… this is the same man who got hurt?” She asked, none too gently. Kaoru swallowed hard and nodded, flushing further when he remembered she’d witnessed his breakdown at the hospital.
She stood there for a moment, thinking to herself.
Kaoru awaited her decision with bated breath.
“I’d like to meet him,” She started, her words chosen carefully, “I want to thank him. For protecting my boy. For being so brave. But I don’t want to trouble him while he’s recovering… You said it would take about a month for him to be discharged?”
Kaoru grabbed the lifeline she threw for all he was worth.
“Yes,” he rasped out, “that’s right.”
She nodded, her expression firm.
“Then I’ll wait a month before I start the move, to thank him properly once he gets out,” she said, “But: if nothing changes…”
“I understand,” Kaoru replied. He bowed low.
She nodded when he straightened up, a million thoughts clearly swirling around in her head.
“Thank you for agreeing to speak to me, Sakurayashiki-san. I think I know what I need to do now.”
“Thank you for your understanding,” he replied, “I promise you: I won’t lose.”
“We’ll see,” she responded, and finally packed her things and left.
Kaoru sank back into his chair for a moment, before rushing out and calling a taxi to take him home.
He was glad he had planned for being too distracted to drive safely, because his mind was buzzing so hard, he didn’t even see the traffic. It seemed like only a moment had passed before he was home again.
He threw himself into his apartment.
“Carla,” he rasped, “Engage panic countermeasures.”
“Okay, Master,” came the familiar reply.
Carla took him through his breathing exercises, which took longer than usual to calm his nerves.
Once Kaoru came down from the episode, his mine raced. He replayed the conversation over and over in his mind, trying to think what he could have said, could have done differently.
He thought back on his embarrassed admonition.
Langa was like family.
It was true, too: Langa, Reki, Hiromi, Miya.
Kojiro.
They were all like family, now.
And Kaoru’s carelessness might be the reason that newfound sense of belonging got torn to shreds.
He couldn’t blame Hasegawa-san at all; what kind of a mother would she be if she didn’t want to protect her son, even if it meant ripping him away from the life he’d built?
But he wouldn’t allow that to happen. He couldn’t.
What’s more, he couldn’t turn away any longer.
The three of them had been friends, once. How could ADAM…?
It was unconscionable to let the man walk free.
One month. He had one month.
He knew exactly where he needed to start.
//////
Finding a recording of the livestream didn’t prove to be as difficult as he’d feared.
S had always been something of an open secret; people would film or record snippets here and there, take selfies close to the track, post in threads about the latest news. Still, sometimes posts or entire accounts were instantly deleted, seemingly out of nowhere.
No doubt ADAM had people for that, carefully curating what everyone saw.
After doing some research and speaking to his fans in encrypted messaging apps, he managed to get a hold of the footage.
He combed through it, frame by frame. He documented every instance of ADAM punching, throwing, grabbing, and attacking Langa during their heart-pounding race, along with time stamps and detailed notes.
It was harder to watch the rest of the footage to catalog it. With a generous helping of white wine, he managed.
Up until he saw Kojiro get shot all over again.
He heard his own scream over the din.
His hands trembled ever so slightly around the half-empty wine glass.
He frequently paused the frames to stare at ADAM’s masked face. He took in at the man’s gleeful expression, his cold grin, his emotionless eyes.
How had Kaoru ever been swept up in him?
It was frustrating; he had no cause to bring this to the police, to show them footage from an illegal race in a condemned factory. Knowing how the local authorities could be tied up by trivialities, they would likely be more concerned about identifying the crowds of people, about how Kaoru had gotten ahold of the footage. They’d tell him that it would be challenging, maybe even impossible to find a masked man who’d shot his friend and arrest him. It would only cause him more trouble than it was worth.
He needed something more. Something that implicated Shindo Ainosuke, not just ADAM.
He had almost asked his fans for help in a moment of weakness, but he couldn’t wrap innocent people up in this.
It was something he had to do himself.
Kaoru vowed to investigate.
But he didn’t have much hope.
//////
“You look tired,” Kojiro said as soon as his mother and sister left the room, “Missing me that much?”
“Shut up,” Kaoru responded automatically, deep in thought. Kojiro watched him for a moment, before letting his head hit the pillow again. He stared up at the ceiling and did his best to contain his smile.
“I was thinking about closing the restaurant and becoming a busker,” he said conversationally, “Do you think I’d make it as a sword swallower?”
“Mm, of course,” Kaoru replied, scrolling through his phone.
“That’s what I thought,” Kojiro continued, “But when also I mentioned doing it in a thong and offering people foot massages at the same time, Ayame said I should be a bit more realistic.”
“…What?” Kaoru asked, looking bewildered. Kojiro began to chuckle, but quickly winced instead.
“That’s what you get for acting crude,” Kaoru responded, finally letting the words sink in. Still, he reached over to grab and offer Kojiro a glass of water anyway. Kojiro took it gratefully, taking a few small gulps before sighing and settling back.
“Are you thinking about it? Your search?” He asked softly. Kaoru nodded and sighed, taking the empty glass back from him and setting it down.
“I have nothing to show for my efforts,” he began, pouring out his frustration, “I promised Hasegawa-san I wouldn’t lose. I can’t abide going back on my word.”
“Struck out with his cronies, huh?” Kojiro asked, his tone gentle. He’d been the one to suggest Kaoru track down the indistinct men on the tracks, the ones who flew the drones and served as crowd control. Neither of them had ever had any dealings with them before; they had always belonged to ADAM. Kaoru had come up predictably empty-handed in trying get a hold of even one person.
Kaoru looked Kojiro over. In the late afternoon light, the slats on the windows let in beams of golden light, which fell over Kojiro’s face, making him look a little more like himself.
He was still too pale, though. Too cold.
“Even if I could track any of them down, I have no right to hold or interrogate them. Whoever they are, they’re well hidden.”
Kojiro hummed in acknowledgement. They fell into silence for a moment.
Kaoru looked at Kojiro’s hair, which was starting to grow out. He had been about due for a haircut before the incident anyway, and he had taken to stealing Kaoru’s and Ayame’s hair bands to keep it out of his face as it continued to grow.
One wispy curl was falling over his forehead, too short to be swept back.
Still, Kaoru found himself leaning over and gently trying to brush it out of the way regardless.
He paused when he remembered himself and looked Kojiro in the eye.
His friend was watching him intensely.
“Oldest trick in the book, Kaoru,” he teased after a moment, a big grin on his face, “If you think that’s all it takes to make me swoon, you’re going to be really disappointed.”
“You wouldn’t know what true romance was if it hit you upside the head,” Kaoru responded automatically, feeling strangely caught out as he sat back down. His fingers felt like they were burning.
“Oh? So you assume just because I like to keep things casual, I wouldn’t be able to wine and dine someone? You wound me.”
“Anyone can ‘wine and dine’. Relationships doesn’t begin and end there, imbecile.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Kojiro responded, sarcasm heavy in his tone, “Please, master of romance, breaker of hearts, tell me how it’s done. Enlighten me with your wisdom.”
“I could be romantic if I wanted to be,” Kaoru replied snippily, glowering intensely, “There simply hasn’t been anyone worth my time to consider putting in that kind of effort.”
“So cold!” Kojiro mocked, pressing a hand weakly over his heart to feign being scandalized, “Why, Cherry! What would your poor fans think?”
“My fans may think whatever they please,” he sniffed, “Since I don’t intend to romance any of them.”
“That’s true enough,” Kojiro snickered, then winced a bit.
After all, Kaoru’s fans – the vocal ones, at least – all seemed to be women. They both knew that wasn’t exactly going to happen.
Kaoru found himself idly wondering, however.
Did Kojiro ever spend the night with any of his fans?
They were all beautiful. Any of them could probably try for modelling careers if they wanted.
But the moment he tried to visualize it, he realized it just didn’t… work.
Just like he knew Kojiro would never make advances on any of his staff – he was a professional through and through – he realized that ‘Joe’ never left S with a fan on his arm, either.
For all his flirtation and his reputation as a playboy, Kojiro’s list of ‘dates’ was actually shorter than most people would probably believe. It was also kept separate from the two most important parts of his life.
Kaoru thought about how he was probably one of the few people in the world who knew that Kojiro’s list also included a few men, as well as women.
It wasn’t a secret, exactly; but he knew Kojiro felt differently about men than women.
“It’s just… more intense with guys,” he’d confided one night, after they had sipped crappy beer at their usual spot by the underpass during one of Kojiro’s visits from his apprenticeship in Italy, “I don’t want the whole world to know my business, I guess.”
“Do you think you could fall in love with a woman at all, then?” Kaoru had asked out of curiosity. Kojiro had thought about it, before shrugging a bit.
“Probably,” he had said, “Man or woman, I don’t think it would make a difference for me in the end. What matters is the connection, and being there for that person, no matter what. But I’m not really… worrying about finding love right now.”
And that had been that.
Kaoru, by comparison, had a rather pathetic list.
He had only been with a handful of men for simple, no-strings-attached engagements, since dating would have made him feel too exposed.
He’d long since closed off himself off from any possibility of love.
In his mind, unbidden memories of his first time came rushing back.
He nearly gagged when he remembered how he’d let himself be touched.
Who he’d let do the touching.
How much he had wanted it.
“Kaoru?” Kojiro asked, looking worried, “Oi, what is it?”
He reached out and grabbed Kaoru’s hand, recentering him. Kojiro had been doing that a lot during his recovery. He’d gotten into the habit of tracing out words on Kaoru’s arm when speaking was still difficult, and then reaching out for him as talking became easier again.
Kaoru had figured it was for Kojiro’s own comfort. While Kojiro didn’t hate hospitals with the same burning passion he did, he was still a terrible patient, eager and anxious to get back to his life.
“Nothing,” he responded, trying to shake the memories away with a deep breath, “Just thinking.”
Kojiro didn’t look convinced but didn’t say anything.
He still gently held on to Kaoru’s hand, absently rubbing his thumb back and forth over the pulse point on his wrist.
Kaoru’s senses seemed to hone in on it like a beacon.
“There’s got to be something,” Kojiro murmured, staring up at the ceiling again, “Nobody that screwed up can just hide everything.”
“I wish I shared your certainty,” Kaoru responded, sighing deeply. “I’m worried. That Langa really will move away.”
“…What are we going to do with Reki if that happens?” Kojiro asked, sounding saddened.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to think about what kind of face he’d make in that scenario.”
Kojiro nodded. They fell into silence for a beat.
“I want to host a new track,” Kaoru said suddenly, changing the topic, “One that would compete with S.”
“What?” Kojiro asked, looking over at him in astonishment, “What do you mean?”
“I want to open a new race,” he responded, gripping Kojiro’s hand a little tighter. “I want to have an age limit and a network to ensure minors can’t be taken advantage of. I want the track to be as safe as possible. I want people to be able to race without holding anything back.”
“What brought this on?” Kojiro asked, staring at him intently. Kaoru looked over at him, taking in Kojiro’s features for a moment.
“I can’t allow what happened at S to happen again,” Kaoru replied vehemently, “I can’t allow people to be put in real danger for the sake of enjoying the sport we all love. It’s gone too far, Kojiro. It went too far the moment we let him make it his personal playground. Things need to change.”
“Kaoru…” Kojiro breathed, before pinning him in place with the sweetest, gentlest smile anyone had ever given him.
Kaoru’s heart twisted, warm and electrifying.
“You really are a kind person,” Kojiro murmured, making Kaoru turn away.
I’m not, he thought to himself, If I was a kind person, none of this would have happened.
He was about to speak up, but Ayame returned with food, saying that her mother had gone to restock on groceries at Kojiro’s and to go ahead without her.
Kaoru and Kojiro shared a look: we’ll talk more about this later.
As Ayame and Kojiro chatted about travelling, Kaoru felt himself trying in vain to blink away the image of Kojiro’s smile from behind his eyes.
It didn’t work.
//////
“Gross,” Miya said, making an exaggerated grimace as Langa tucked in to his fourth burger.
“Maybe your growing’s just stunted,” Reki snickered as he stole Langa’s fries. That earned him a kick under the table from Miya. He yelped a little, pouting.
“Nobody around here respects me,” he lamented, but held his hands up, flushed red and went “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” when Langa hurried to swallow his food so he could speak, his eyes gleaming with determination.
At this point, they had all been confronted with a strange new development. Langa would begin listing off everything he liked about Reki until his friend flushed bright red, buried his face in his hands, and pleaded with Langa to stop if Reki so much as said one vaguely unflattering thing about himself.
It was sweet, if a little… on the nose.
Well; no one could really accuse Langa of having much subtlety to begin with, Kaoru supposed.
“Don’t choke on your food again,” Hiromi chided, and Langa just nodded, nibbling away. He shook his head fondly. The kid was like a black hole.
Kaoru could tell Langa still didn’t know his whole life might be uprooted in about two weeks.
It wasn’t his place to tell him, but whenever he saw Reki and Langa together, he wanted to warn them that they didn’t have all the time in the world.
They needed to savour it. To not waste a single moment.
Just in case they regretted not doing more later.
He was at a standstill with his search; nothing seemed to pan out. He barely made any headway into a new avenue before he found it closed off with red tape, legal hoops, and the insurmountable reputation of one Shindo Ainosuke.
He was starting to lose hope.
“Is Joe still pulling his hair out about the shipping mix-up?” Hiromi asked him while the kids started to bicker. Kaoru rolled his eyes, despite how immature he knew it made him look.
“He won’t shut up about it,” Kaoru replied, “Even though it was resolved before the shipment even left the dock. It’s all he talks about right now. This is what he gets for trying to be a busybody while he’s in recovery.”
“Eh,” Hiromi responded, looking amused, “At least he’s actually up to talking to his staff again. That’s good, right?”
“Hardly,” Kaoru snorted, “He’s just well enough to hover, but not well enough to get back into the kitchen himself. He’s like this when he’s sick, too. It’s insufferable.”
“Eh,” Hiromi said again, drawing it out this time. He was staring at Kaoru with a smug, knowing look.
“What,” Kaoru stated, feeling a little like a sample under a microscope. Hiromi grinned.
“Oh, don’t mind me,” he said, waving him off, “Don’t mind me at all.”
“What do you want,” Kaoru bit out, unhappy that his intimidating aura seemed to have no effect on any of them anymore. Hiromi just chuckled and shook his head.
Feeling slightly annoyed, Kaoru was about to push him one more time when his phone buzzed on the table.
Picking it up, he scrolled through his messages.
Kojiro: They’re going to kill me with the food in this place
Kojiro: See Attached Image: disgusting.swill.jpg
Kojiro: Tell my mom I love her
Kaoru smiled fondly, chuckling at the picture of the truly sad, grey strip of beef laid on top of plain white rice. He assumed the little burst of colour in a separate bowl was supposed to be pickled vegetables, but it was anyone’s guess.
Me: Stop complaining and eat it, you overgrown child.
Kojiro: They’re trying to poison me Kaoru
Kojiro: Mark my words
He glanced up to see Hiromi watching him with great interest.
“Can I help you?” Kaoru asked testily. Hiromi just grinned at him.
“Not at all!” he said, putting on his most obnoxious ‘customer service’ voice, “Please don’t mind me!”
“Oh yeah,” Miya said suddenly, pulling them back into the discussion, “Did you hear the rumors? About S reopening?”
“No way that’s actually gonna happen,” Reki waved him off, looking a little wistful, “The place got completely torn up when the cops went through it.”
There had been rumors flying around on all the major S forums that Crazy Rock was going to be demolished after the investigation when a few heavy-duty bulldozers and dump trucks were spotted near the outskirts. There were just as many that said it would be safe to return and that it would be the same as it ever was, minus the finish line.
The factory had finally collapsed weeks ago, not long after the worst night of Kaoru’s life. It had crumbled into a pile of rebar, concrete, and broken glass. Kaoru wasn’t surprised; the place had been condemned for years before S was even founded. The blurry pictures someone had taken from a drone showed the ruined heap, causing wild speculation to explode in its wake.
Surprisingly, he didn’t feel any sadness over it. Although S had been a part of his life for years, seeing the wreck had only left him feeling a little relieved.
“That reminds me,” Hiromi said, turning toward Kaoru, “Did the police ever get off your back about the wheelchair?”
“Just a few days ago,” Kaoru replied with a relieved sigh.
The police had taken his wheelchair with them and tried to tinker with it, so the safety protocols had wiped all the data clean and erased the memory. The only thing that showed up on the display when it was turned on was his contact information. He’d put on a good show, frantically thanking them for finding his ‘stolen project’, emphasizing that he’d been wondering for weeks what had become of it. After interrogating him a bit, they’d told him they needed to hang on to it for a little longer as evidence, but Kaoru knew the hunk of metal wouldn’t hold any answers for them.
Thank goodness for incompetent law enforcement.
“That’s good,” Langa said to him around another mouthful, smiling a little when Reki leaned against him to get a better angle looking at the video Miya was showing him from across the table. The two of them giggled, and Reki insisted Miya send it to him.
It was too familiar, too warm; Kaoru felt a sort of bittersweetness rush over him, knowing that this couldn’t possibly last.
It all seemed so unfair.
Eventually, the kids needed to head out. Langa had a very strict curfew now. Kaoru waved to them as he left, deciding to make his way back and make himself something for dinner, since greasy burgers weren’t usually something he cared for.
He reflected on how much had changed in the course of a week. Ayame had gone back to Kyoto two days ago, and his Auntie had finally been convinced to head back to her own home, but only after making Kaoru swear he’d let her know if Kojiro needed anything and to call her regularly. They both knew he was too stubborn to ask for help. She had vowed to move closer to where Kojiro lived, not liking being over an hour’s drive away for her work as a preschool teacher. She had never liked it, but this incident had finally cemented her resolve.
He breathed in deeply, enjoying the night air. He let his mind drift from one thing to the next, not really focusing on anything. The bittersweetness had eased a bit, but as he made his way into his apartment, which felt lonely and dark, he wished he could have some company.
He wished he could have Kojiro stay over.
Kojiro had been on his mind a lot as of late. He’d been thrilled to see how quickly his friend was recovering, now able to see guests in the common area for patients.
He recalled the first time they’d all been able to visit him. Reki and Miya had unabashedly hugged him, practically hanging off his neck until Kaoru had warned them about aggravating his injuries. Hiromi had gotten all teary-eyed, challenging him to a beef when he recovered, and presented him with a small handmade bouquet that had made his Auntie coo with delight when she saw it in the room later.
Langa had held back, shuffling his feet and looking uncertain. When Kojiro had asked him to come closer, he’d yanked Langa close and given him a quick, fierce hug.
“I’m glad you’re safe,” he’d said, and Langa’s face had cycled through pain and happiness before he’d nodded, telling Kojiro it was good to see him. Kojiro had ruffled his hair fondly in response. The scene had made Kaoru stare, watching Kojiro’s face while a strange, intense heat had ignited within his core, spreading throughout his whole body in a pleasant flame.
As nice as it was to see him getting better, there was also an unfortunate downside, however: Kojiro had also returned to being a massive pain. He was almost as terrible a patient as Kaoru was.
He called his staff every day to check in, trying to make himself useful. Of course, everything had been taken out of his hands, and they berated him every time he tried to check in on the food shipments, or the online reviews, or tried to train the newer staff over the phone. He whined and complained endlessly about the hospital food, but Kaoru had simply tuned him out since the rant was the same every time. He poked fun Kaoru during his visits when he had nothing better to do, and never missed an opportunity to verbally spar, bicker, or playfully insult him.
And then there were the looks.
Kojiro had been watching him in a way Kaoru couldn’t recall ever happening before. There was this strangely open quality to them that always left Kaoru floundering, never sure how to react. He’d always grab Kaoru’s hand when he sat with him. He’d smile that one smile that made Kaoru’s heart hurt. He’d even occasionally compliment Kaoru out of the blue.
All the while watching him with an intense expression.
Something had shifted in how Kojiro interacted with him, but Kaoru couldn’t fathom why it had occurred. It was true his friend had been through something horrible and was seeking reassurance, but how did that translate into those soft, kind expressions?
When he got home, he threw together a simple meal of fried fish, rice, pickled vegetables, and reheated some of the leftover miso soup his Auntie had made for him.
It was decent.
But not as good as Kojiro’s.
That had been happening a lot, too.
Kaoru put the dirty dishes in the sink, feeling too unfocused to clean them. He went to his tiny balcony, unlocking the screen door and stepping out into the night air again. He took in the view of the winding streets below, just starting to light up as the sun finally began to set.
He leaned against the rail, letting his eyes sweep over everything, not really lingering on any one person, shop, car, or street sign.
He pulled out his phone, scrolling briefly across his various social media accounts to check for the latest gossip about S.
He opened up the files in his cloud storage, scrolling down to check the digital design Reki had sent for him to give feedback on, when he accidentally hit a different folder and came across a massive video file that hadn’t been named or sorted.
He frowned, trying to remember what it was.
Curious, he headed back inside and sat at his desktop, pulling his keyboard and mouse a bit closer.
“Carla, which file is this?” He asked once he selected it.
“Unknown, Master,” came the response.
“That’s strange,” he murmured, “Run the standard anti-virus and security scans, then open it.”
“Okay, Master.”
As Kaoru waited for the file to be scanned, he tried to wrack his brain as to what it could be. He looked at it again, reading the timestamp above it.
He felt himself freeze.
This was from that night.
The night Kojiro had been shot.
His heart was pounding so loudly, for a moment he could only hear the blood rushing through his ears.
What was this? He hadn’t had Carla with him at the finish line, too bulky to bring along while he couldn’t stand. His phone hadn’t been left on recording mode for hours on end, either. Then what…?
The wheelchair!
When had he started recording with the wheelchair? He thought he’d left it off.
More importantly, what was the file doing here? The data had been erased-
That’s right. He’d finally gotten around to programming his devices to upload their recordings to his cloud storage before they got wiped in emergency scenarios. That had only been a few weeks before.
He felt like an idiot for forgetting.
“Scan complete. Safe to open, Master.”
Kaoru eagerly clicked on the file.
The camera angle that greeted him was terrible; it was tilted to the left and was slightly pointed at the ground. As soon as he started the video, earsplitting audio washed over him with the sounds of people screaming, crying, and panicking.
Suddenly, he saw himself, crawling on the ground, forcing himself up, and limping toward Kojiro’s still form.
So that was it; when he’d launched himself out of the chair, he must have pressed the record button on accident.
Kaoru watched numbly as the now familiar scene played out. It was morbidly interesting, how it differed from the livestream. Much more up close and personal.
He watched as Hiromi directed him to carry Kojiro away, watched as the police, who had burst in through the south doors, scattered away behind cover at the ringing of a gunshot. He saw the last of the people fleeing the scene and watched as Kojiro was lugged out of frame.
“What…” Kaoru began, pausing the video for a moment.
He blinked for a moment.
He saw the recording was about seventy-two hours in length.
Three days’ worth of footage. Starting right after the gun had gone off.
He skipped ahead a little, curious to see what else had been captured.
He watched in amazement as the scene transformed before his eyes.
Now, the factory was covered in police tape, and officers were swarming the grounds. A hundred indistinct voices seemed to shout and yell at the same time as they swept in and out of frame. The place was littered with clothing, food wrappers, broken glass, old cigarettes, and all sorts of junk. Half the stage lights had been flicked off, but the strobing of police lights bathed the place in an eerie glow. Someone was shouting orders and received a “Yes sir!” in reply. A photographer squatted down to take a picture of a bloodstain on the ground.
That was where Kojiro had been.
Kaoru felt vaguely sick as he watched, his anxiety mounting.
He skipped ahead again, seeing the factory in broad daylight as the morning rays washed in from the broken windows. It was quiet, now. The police tape fluttered in the breeze, and the place was deathly silent.
When he checked close to the end, he saw the camera shake horribly as the wheelchair was finally moved, one person’s face blurring as it got close to the camera. It was clearly in the police station now, and he heard someone distantly mentioning seeing a panel. He heard shuffling and saw a gloved hand gently press on a few buttons on the armrest, then the screen finally went black.
For hours, he poured over the footage, skipping forward and back, hunched over his keyboard and desperately trying to catalog everything he was seeing.
Was there anything useful here? Something that could be used to launch an investigation?
He skipped ahead further, nearly jumping out of his skin when he pressed play and heard a voice, amplified by the directional mic in the otherwise quiet scene. There was a man suddenly standing in frame.
“-dence yet.”
Kaoru backed up a few minutes, curious to see what would happen.
At first, there wasn’t a single person onscreen; just the wind whistling through the dilapidated building. Then, he barely heard a soft, even sound grow progressively louder… a car?
Confirming his suspicions, he just made out the sound of two sets of doors opening and closing.
Two or three footfalls drew nearer, the glass and gravel crunching under their shoes.
Kaoru held his breath.
For a while, no one said anything; just occasionally shifted around.
Suddenly, a man stepped into frame.
He had short black hair and wore a well-tailored suit and looked around as if anxious about being seen. He stared down at the dried bloodstain on the ground and knelt in front of it, staring blankly. He looked exhausted.
“Sir,” he said suddenly, standing up and turning back toward his companion, who was still offscreen, “With all due respect, we shouldn’t be here. The police haven’t finished gathering evidence yet.”
“I don’t remember giving you permission to speak,” came the callous, bored reply.
Kaoru’s whole body went rigid.
That was ADAM, he thought to himself, dizzy with shock.
“…Apologies, sir,” said the man. They stood in silence for another moment.
“We should head back soon,” the man said at length, glancing at his watch, “The Diet meeting will begin in an hour.”
“I know that,” Shindo Ainosuke said offscreen with a breezy tone, “We have plenty of time to get there. You’re putting me in a bad mood.”
Kaoru heard rustling, then the click of a lighter. He saw smoke blown cruelly into the man’s face, but he didn’t even flinch.
“It’s such a shame my little ceremony didn’t turn out well,” ADAM sighed, and silence fell over the two of them again.
Kaoru hardly breathed as he listened.
“I want this place gone by the end of the week,” ADAM ordered suddenly, his voice growing distant and the shoes sounding fainter as he headed back toward the car, “Make sure they can’t gather anything else for their little scavenger hunt; my friends can only do so much to help me. We’ll also tear up the track when it’s mine again; I’ve been wanting to redo it for a while now anyway. We’re heading back.”
“…Yes, sir,” replied the man with a bow, and Kaoru stared as he paused the video once more.
He got up from his seat, pacing around his apartment and trying to think.
He thought of the rumors flying around, about how the factory had suddenly collapsed only days after the incident. He felt a cold shudder run through him. Had it been intentional?
Fuck, he thought to himself, I might be able to use this, I could- I need to send this to someone.
“Carla, make a backup of this file, rename it ‘Evidence’, and encrypt it,” Kaoru choked out.
“Okay, Master,” Carla chimed.
Would this be enough? Would it start an investigation?
He couldn’t let it be traced back to him. He had to be careful.
Oh fuck. This might be it.
“Encrypt the file labeled ‘The Incident’ and make a backup for that as well,” he cried, and Carla chimed in recognition of his command.
Kaoru felt giddy and nauseous all at once.
He rushed toward the pullout drawer he used to hold his smaller electronics and was about to reach in when he froze.
“Gloves,” he said suddenly, “gloves-“
He tore his apartment into disarray, grabbing the nearest pair of gloves from his where he stored his autumn clothes. He grabbed an unopened USB stick, still in its plastic packaging. He tore into it, retrieving the never-before-used storage device and plugged it into his computer.
In the next hour, he complied the videos into the USB along with his meticulous notes and timestamps, ensured the backups were safely locked away in his prototype digital ‘vault’, and searched through his closet for the most nondescript outfit he owned.
Thankfully, he still had a beat-up pair of sneakers he hadn’t worn since high school, some old jeans, a plain black t-shirt, and the letterman jacket Kojiro had insisted he buy when they’d road tripped across the American west coast. He rummaged around for a hat, hoping he still had a black baseball cap somewhere in the dozen or so taped up boxes he never got around to sorting through.
As he tore into one, he came face to face with a creased piece of paper laying on top of old clothing, wrinkled and yellowed with age.
He paused in his search, unfolding it gently to see what it was.
He felt his stomach turn painfully.
Meet me at the skate park after school. Come alone. <3
Kaoru was assaulted by memories, of giddily sneaking around with ADAM. He remembered how he’d thrown himself at his crush, grateful and anxious for any special treatment he got. Never mind the fact that ADAM moved too fast, that Kaoru hadn’t been completely comfortable with everything they did, that sometimes he wanted to stop.
He had wanted so desperately to be loved then. He thought he’d finally found it.
And then other people started getting hurt.
Kaoru had tied himself up in knots, trying to justify it.
He doesn’t know any better, his family life is awful.
Maybe they shouldn’t have gotten so close to him when they were skating.
You just don’t understand the kind of pressure he’s been under lately.
It’s not his fault.
He’d dug in his heels and tried his best to look the other way.
But soon it became impossible.
He remembered fighting with Kojiro a lot those days; remembered how his friend would get angry, trying to cover up how scared he was. Scared for Kaoru’s safety.
But Kaoru had known Kojiro his whole life. His friend had always been a terrible at hiding his feelings.
It was only when ADAM had callously tossed him aside to leave for America that Kaoru realized what a fool he’d been.
After a week of not leaving his bed, Kojiro had come over. He had sat on the floor, his back against the bedframe and facing away from Kaoru, who had wrapped himself in the blankets defensively. They didn’t say a word to each other. While Kaoru had initially been angry to have his sanctuary breached, he eventually found it nice to have someone there with him, just listening to Kojiro softly breathing as the hours ticked by.
It was better than being alone.
The next day, Kojiro had silently shown up again, this time with unassembled boxes, tape, and scissors.
Kaoru had watched him curiously as he folded the boxes into shape, silently putting a few together. He’d stood up, looked around the room, and plucked one of ADAM’s old hoodies that Kaoru had stolen from off his desk chair.
He unceremoniously dropped it into one of the boxes.
He watched Kaoru’s face, looking for any sign that he should take it back out.
Kaoru had stared at him for a moment, before understanding dawned on him. He pointed to the pile of polaroid pictures he kept on his desk. Kojiro had dutifully sorted through them, leaving the ones with just the two of them, smiling wide.
Wordlessly, he combed through Kaoru’s room, slowly taking away any traces of ADAM’s presence and packing them away. Kaoru had let the blankets slowly slide off him, sitting up and pointing with more vigour all around the space, watching as Kojiro worked.
Neither of them said a word. They both seemed to understand that it would break whatever fragile urgency had settled over them.
With three boxes filled to the brim, Kojiro had just finished putting the lids over them when Kaoru had started to cry.
It was soft, but in the silent room, Kojiro heard him.
Neither of them moved for a moment, but then Kojiro had crawled onto the bed and brought him close, holding him tight.
Kaoru, finally too exhausted to hold back any longer, had sobbed long and loud.
Kojiro hadn’t said a word; he just sat there with him the whole time, his presence reassuring and safe.
Before, whenever Kaoru thought about that memory, he had been focused on himself and his feelings toward ADAM. He remembered the heartbreak, the betrayal, the humiliation. But now, he thought about how Kojiro had done his best to alleviate the hurt, how he’d helped Kaoru try and let go sooner and move forward again. How he’d done it, unprompted, for no other reason than to help a friend through something painful.
He was struck, not for the first time, by how compassionate Kojiro could be.
He thought about how easily ADAM could have taken that compassion away.
A strange rush of protectiveness hit him then. He tried to wave it off, confused at his own reaction; Kojiro was a capable man and could look after himself. He didn’t need Kaoru’s protection from anything.
Kaoru methodically tore the little note into shreds until not a single word could be made out.
He resolved to throw those boxes away for good when he returned. He’d been dragging them around for too long.
He went back to searching for his baseball cap, eventually retrieving it, and put his hair up in a messy bun before inspecting himself in the mirror.
He always thought he looked a little ridiculous in street clothes; it was part of the reason he preferred his usual yukata. Still, right now it would help make him look a bit less conspicuous in public.
He grabbed his wallet and keys and clutched the USB tightly in his hand.
He took a deep, shuddering breath to try and ground himself.
He eyed the half-open boxes with disgust.
I hope you rot in jail for the rest of your life, Kaoru thought viciously as he left, slamming the front door shut.
//////
Kaoru was halfway to the police station, his heart pounding, when he drew up short. A horrifying thought stopped him in his tracks.
What if ADAM had the police in his back pocket too? His words from the recording washed over Kaoru like a wave of cold water. If Kaoru delivered the evidence, it could be destroyed. Worse still, they might try to trace it back to him.
Feeling uncertainty gnaw at him, Kaoru pulled out his phone and considered his next steps.
Idly, he searched for the latest information on the Diet, trying to think of a lead.
He scrolled passed the top articles, then lingered on one about halfway down:
Inspector Investigates Nagahama Dam Deal on Charges of Collusion.
Kaoru clicked on the link, reading as he went.
Inspector Kamata Kiriko is leading an investigation into the Nagahama Dam incident, which may have implications for collusion among Okinawa prefecture's fellow Diet members…
Kaoru read the article in full, forcing himself to breathe and take his time. He then searched the Inspector’s name, eyes flickering as he took in the information he found about her.
She was a woman of merit; considered stubborn and unyielding by her peers, she nevertheless brought results. She was dedicated to taking down high-profile politicians and had quite the track record, having put no less than fifteen public figures and businessmen behind bars after they had been exposed for everything from fraud and collusion to assault and murder.
Inspector Kamata, it seemed, was willing to see every case through to the bitter end.
I need to give this to her, he thought.
Kaoru hurried along, clutching the USB in his gloved hand for dear life. He stopped on a little corner near a twenty-four-hour convenience store about half an hour from where he lived, doing his best to look casual as a smattering of people passed him by. No one seemed to spare him a glance.
After doing some digging, he found the Inspector’s contact information and had Carla ring her using his private number.
His heart thumped in his chest, hoping she would pick up.
A few seconds later, the line crackled to life.
“Yes? Who is this?” Came a crisp, sharp voice. Kaoru floundered for a moment, before softly clearing his throat.
“Inspector Kamata Kiriko?” He asked.
“…Who is this?” She repeated, clearly thrown off. She hardly sounded tired at all, despite the late hour.
“Inspector,” Kaoru said instead, “I have something to show you. I- it’s an anonymous tip about Diet Member Shindo Ainosuke. Please, I need to meet with you and give you this information in person.”
“…I see,” came the careful, measured response. He heard the soft rustling of fabric. “And why exactly are you calling this number? Surely going to the police would be easier.”
“Because I know what you can do, when you have evidence,” Kaoru responded, smiling politely at a passing couple who eyed him curiously. “You’re thorough and you’re not pulled in by corruption. I don’t know if the same can be said of your colleagues.”
“I take it you’ve done a little research on me, then,” she said, and Kaoru thought he heard a door gently shut. “You said you have evidence to use against Shindo Ainosuke? That’s quite something, if it’s true. The man is untouchable.”
“I know,” Kaoru responded, keeping his voice low, “But that’s exactly why I want to see him pay for what he’s done. What I have may not be much, but I hope it will force an investigation.”
“And what do you have, exactly?” She probed. Kaoru felt himself getting more anxious by the minute.
“Videos,” he responded, “And some notes on their contents. They may seem like they’re about two different people, but if you play them through biometric recognition software, you’ll see that it’s his voice in both circumstances. I don’t want to say anymore over the phone.”
“…If I were to meet you,” she said, her voice taking on a steely edge that brooked no argument, “I would be armed for my own safety. And it would have to be somewhere relatively public. Are you sure you still want to meet?”
Kaoru was surprised that she would openly admit to having a weapon on her person but found himself nodding along.
“I’m sure,” he said, “Please come to this address…”
He gave directions to where he was, standing just under the convenience store’s awning. When she confirmed his location, she promised to be there in 10 minutes.
After she had hung up, Kaoru glanced up at the night sky. With all the light pollution, it was a bit hard to see the stars.
Please, he begged as he tilted his face to look up, Please let this be enough.
//////
A week had passed since Kaoru had handed off the USB to the severe looking Inspector.
He was a wreck.
He was irritable, anxious, and stressed. He could barely sleep, and his appetite seemed to vanish. He had no idea if the Inspector had even taken him seriously, or if she’d destroyed the USB the minute she was out of his sight.
Because at this point, it wasn’t just about protecting the people he cared about.
Maybe it could serve as penance for all the people ADAM had hurt while Kaoru had just stood back and watched.
He was worried that this opportunity would be ignored.
That Langa would still have to leave.
That Kojiro had been hospitalized for nothing.
That this man would have the power to hurt people, again and again, without consequence.
He skated recklessly through the streets at night, unable to sleep. More than once he’d nearly sped through oncoming traffic. He could practically hear his Auntie giving him an earful for putting himself in harm’s way.
He didn’t care.
Kaoru was ashamed to admit it, but he took advantage of meetings with clients to drink more then he usually would. Over the years, he’d become quite skilled at tactfully avoiding their offers to poor him more wine or sake, but this time he accepted everything with a cold, professional smile.
His impulsive teenage self resurfaced with a vengeance and he gave himself a stick and poke tattoo, just over his hip bone so it could be covered by boxers or swimwear.
It hurt like hell, but the tiny black lines depicting a shooting star looked good as he examined himself in the mirror, satisfied with his work.
The others noticed that something was wrong.
“So,” Hiromi said to him once they’d sent the kids off in search of ice cream to bring back to their picnic, “What’s got you looking like you wanna bite somebody’s head off?”
“None of your business,” Kaoru had snapped, regretting how icy his tone was. Hiromi seemed unphased, however. He grabbed one of the peaches Miya had brought, tossed it high in the air, caught it, and bit into it enthusiastically.
“Tasty,” he muttered between bites, “Look, you don’t have to tell me, but I don’t know what to say to the kids. They’re worried about you.”
Kaoru stared down at the soft green blanket he was kneeling across, mesmerized by the patterns. Apparently Reki’s mother had gone through a quilting craze when he was still in grade school.
“It’s nothing,” he said, and winced at how completely unconvincing it sounded.
“Uh huh,” Hiromi said, unimpressed, “Look, just say something to them, okay? I think Miya’s actually been losing sleep over it. He’s way more tired these days.”
That made Kaoru flinch. He had never wanted to be a source of anxiety for any of them, especially the kids.
After how horribly they had all been treated by an adult, Kaoru was determined to do right by them.
“I’ll try to think of something,” he murmured, “But I won’t be able to stop worrying until- well. I suppose there isn’t really a set date, but I’m hoping that soon, something important will be resolved.”
Hiromi looked at him, clearly wanting to say more, but he seemed to accept that as he continued to bite into the peach, careful not to get it all over his clothes.
As they sat there, Kaoru tried to settle his thoughts, going through his weekly schedule in his head. It had been difficult to focus on his work, too; the only thing motivating him recently was his pride, which wouldn’t allow him to produce commissions for clients below his usual caliber. He hated that he was distracted from enjoying the challenge of producing a complex or beautiful piece.
Nothing felt right. The world was off kilter again.
I want to see Kojiro.
Miya reappeared, three store-bought ice cream wrappers in hand.
“Thanks,” Hiromi said as he took the offered dessert, “Where did Reki and Langa go?”
“The store didn’t have the one Reki liked so they’re trying the one two blocks down,” Miya answered, smiling a little at Kaoru as he handed him his green tea ice cream.
Kaoru blinked, but Miya was already turning away, talking.
The smile he’d shot to Kaoru was clearly meant to be warm. To be encouraging.
As if to say, I’m here for you.
He stared for a moment, watching Miya carefully. He was still so young that outside of racing at S or preparing for his big national debut, he really hadn’t had a chance to experience much yet. To be a kid.
And yet he was trying to be there for Kaoru. Trying his best to be a good friend.
Kaoru stood up abruptly, turning around.
He felt a wave of emotion coming over him, and he needed to get away, fast.
“I’ll be right back,” he managed to get out, barely remembering to take the ice cream with him as he quickly walked away. He heard Miya call out after him, but Kaoru sped up his steps until he was out of the park and on to a sidewalk.
He kept moving, not really paying attention to where he was going. He passed by well-kept store fronts and ambling couples or families, making sure not to jostle anyone as he tried to find a place where he wouldn’t disturb anybody.
Eventually, he found himself climbing a set of stairs, cresting over a hill with an incredible view of the city below.
He looked around, surprised that he seemed to be alone. He paced and muttered to himself, feeling the need to scream his frustrations out building in him.
He tried to calm himself, to soothe the fear and rage.
He tried to scan his surroundings, tried to enjoy the beauty of the scenery.
It didn’t work.
He ended up shouting and screaming wordlessly, relieved that nobody was around to see him in such a state. His voice echoed distantly off the hills and buildings.
He screamed until his throat began to hurt, chest heaving as he tried to get air back into his lungs.
He hated this.
The waiting, the uncertainty.
He wanted to go home. He wanted to curl up under the covers and disappear.
Nothing was worse than weakness, than being laid bare in front of others.
Nothing hurt more than not being able to support or protect his most precious people.
He glanced down at his ice cream, which had almost completely melted. Kaoru suddenly thought about how he must have looked: a grown man, throwing a screaming fit while he had one hand balled into a fist around his disintegrating dessert.
He let out a loud, startled laugh at the mental image.
“What’s wrong with me,” he whispered, shaking his head furiously. He disposed of the remaining ice cream in the nearby trash can, but decided he wanted a replacement to soothe his throat.
He started to make his way back after stopping by the nearest convenience store, eating the ice cream slowly. As he was just about finished, he went around a corner but only realized after following a twisting side road that he’d gotten himself lost.
He tried to retrace his steps, finding his way around another series of corners.
He was about to prompt Carla to help direct him back to the main road when he saw two familiar figures out of the corner of his eye, huddled together down a shaded lane.
Kaoru nearly called out to Reki and Langa but stopped dead as he turned.
He gaped at them.
Langa had his hands gently cupping Reki’s face, pressing close to him. Reki’s hands were around Langa’s middle, pulling him in for dear life.
They were kissing softly, and Langa moved one hand to hold the back of Reki’s head, fingers curling into his hair. Reki pushed himself up onto his toes, his arms snaking around Langa’s shoulders as he leaned in even closer.
They looked so happy.
After a moment of standing frozen to the spot, Kaoru finally found his senses and backed away silently, running through the maze of side streets to put some distance between them before getting Carla to lead him back toward the main road.
His feet automatically carried him back toward the park.
“There you are,” Hiromi said, clearly annoyed, “You can’t just run off like that! We thought something had happened.”
“My apologies,” Kaoru murmured absentmindedly. Miya poked him hard. He blinked, looking up.
“What’s with you?” he asked, trying so hard to sound casual.
“Hm? Oh, nothing,” Kaoru said. He took a steadying breath and looked back at Miya. “I’m fine. I’ve just been stressed about something lately. I think it should be resolved soon, though. Sorry to trouble you.”
Surprise flashed across Miya’s face. He did his best to look nonchalant, offering an airy “If you say so,” but he saw the way Miya’s whole body subtly relaxed, the way he smiled a little bit and settled back onto the blanket.
Kaoru wondered if he was the only one who felt like they had all become family.
“Geez, where are those two?” Hiromi muttered, scanning the park as he shielded his face from the sun, “Maybe I should call th-“
“NO!” Kaoru shouted, startling all three of them. He cleared his throat awkwardly.
“Ah- I mean, I’m sure they’ll be back soon. No need to chase them down just yet.”
He took another small bite of his ice cream, finishing it off. Hiromi and Miya stared at him and glanced at each other in confusion.
Kaoru reached for his fan and unfurled it to hide his face. It took everything he had not to smile.
He would keep their secret.
Those two would tell the rest of them when they were ready.
//////
“You look like shit,” Kojiro cheerily said as Kaoru made his way over to him in the large visiting area. When Kaoru didn’t even respond, the now familiar sensation of Kojiro taking his hand helping to center him.
Kaoru had missed this. The week had been jam-packed with commissions, helping Sia la Luce’s staff with some account balancing concerns, and taking the time to deep clean and reorganize his studio, which couldn’t be put off any longer. He’d barely been able to call or text Kojiro the whole time, falling asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow every day.
He felt his world start to rebalance itself in Kojiro’s presence.
Kaoru sat down heavily, the uncomfortable plastic chair digging into his back.
“What happened?” Kojiro asked quietly, his eyes bright with concern. Kaoru didn’t even know where to begin.
Although the picnics were always a nice reprieve, it wasn’t long before Kaoru was back to feeling like a lit fuse, ready to blow up at any moment. As more time passed, he was certain that nothing would come of his brief encounter with Inspector Kamata.
To add to his troubles, Hasegawa-san had called him out of the blue yesterday.
“I’m getting ready to put in my notice in about four weeks,” she’d said, sounding sad, “I’ve been thinking of Shizuoka. I have some distant family there, and I’ve always meant to get in touch with them. There are a few decent schools, too. It’ll take some time to get everything settled. Maybe Langa can finish the rest of the school year, but after…”
Kaoru hadn’t wanted to hear a word of it, but he drank in everything she said, committing it to memory.
He thought of what he’d seen, in that little back lane. About how Reki and Langa had been completely at ease, like they could take their time and bloom into first love and all its growing pains at a steady pace.
He thought of never having another chance to skate with Langa, to see what he’d come up with next during a heart-pounding race.
He wondered how hard the others would cry when they heard the news.
Shizuoka was too far.
When he remained silent, no doubt looking utterly lost, Kojiro wheeled himself closer, putting both hands over Kaoru’s.
He was finally starting to feel warm again.
“What’s wrong?” He asked again, sounding more panicked this time. Kaoru didn’t want to scare him and tried to steady his breathing.
“It’s nothing, “ he began, taking a shuddering breath, “No one’s hurt. It’s just… The search… I found something, over a week ago now. I gave a copy to someone I hope can make good use of it. It’s been killing me, not knowing what will happen.”
Kojiro went slack jawed.
“Wait, really?” he asked, lowering his voice when Kaoru hissed and glanced around, “Was it something good? Something useful? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I hope so,” Kaoru said, “I-… I don’t know, really. I’ve just been so unfocused that I can barely keep up. I didn’t want to say over the phone, either.”
“So that’s why you’re upset?” Kojiro’s eyes were soft. His hands began rubbing Kaoru’s gently.
“…Yes. I don’t know if they’ll actually use it. I don’t know what to do if nothing comes of it, or if it’s not enough to start an official inquiry. The person I gave it to, I think they should be capable at using it if it’s any good, but… I-”
Leaning close enough to feel Kojiro’s breath against his cheek, he whispered his most viciously guarded secret.
“I’m terrified, Kojiro.”
Kaoru was suddenly enveloped in a warm hug.
“It’s okay,” he whispered back, “If the person you gave it to doesn’t do anything, we’ll keep trying. We’ll try until they have to listen.”
We. Kaoru thought about how good Kojiro was to the kids. How he wanted this as much as Kaoru.
They hadn’t talked much, about what had happened. Kaoru knew that although Kojiro hadn’t been as close to ADAM by the time he’d left for America as Kaoru had been, this betrayal still had to be devastating. The only thing that remained for them now was cold determination to see the man taken away for good, where he couldn’t hurt others.
He thought about how Kojiro was actually a rather tricky person to get close to; despite his warm and inviting persona, he was very selective in who he trusted. But once someone had his friendship it was solid, assured, a lifelong promise.
And ADAM had tossed it aside, like it meant nothing.
Had thrown them both away without so much as a goodbye.
Kaoru thought about how he’d been given the gift of Kojiro’s friendship. How he’d had it his whole life.
You’ve always been good to me, Kaoru thought suddenly. Inexplicably, the thought made him burn with that wonderful heat, scorching him pleasantly from the inside out.
Kojiro pulled away enough to look him in the eye.
“You’re the bravest man I’ve ever met, Kaoru,” he said with such sincerity that Kaoru couldn’t help but be stunned into silence.
He wasn’t brave. What was Kojiro saying? He had been a coward, refusing to confront ADAM until it could have been too late. He spent his days running away from the dread he felt as he waited to see if the man’s reputation and influence would come crashing down. He hid his true feelings from his friends, worried his outbursts would drive them away.
It must have shown all over his face.
“I mean it,” Kojiro said, his voice firm, “You risked a lot to reach out to someone, trying to bring him to justice. You’ve been talking about starting a new track to make sure no one’s put in danger again. You’re trying to help out the kids and keep them safe. As far as I’m concerned, that’s pretty damn brave.”
Kaoru’s heart twisted again, the way it had been doing so often these days.
Maybe he was developing some sort of medical condition.
They stayed like that for a moment when there was a growing murmur from the other patients and visitors. A number of phones buzzed or chimed softly. Kaoru didn’t pay them any mind.
But suddenly, an older man shouted, “I’ll be damned!” causing Kojiro and Kaoru to glance over out of curiosity. They both paused and took in the scene unfolding before them.
Everyone was murmuring, rushing about, looking at their phones and talking all at once. Even some of the nurses had stopped to chat, looking at their screens, wide-eyed and amazed. Kaoru blinked at Kojiro, who looked equally puzzled.
Both their phones buzzed at almost the same time.
Reaching for them, they saw a push notification.
BREAKING: Diet Member Shindo Ainosuke Under Investigation for Collusion, Fraud, Tampering with Crime Scene; More to Come.
Kaoru stared at his phone, not processing for a moment.
“Kaoru,” Kojiro breathed, looking at him with wide eyes.
Kaoru blinked. He opened the article.
Based on an anonymous tip, Inspector Kamata Kiriko has ordered search warrants on Diet Member Shindo Ainosuke’s office and place of residence. Shindo-san, Okinawa prefecture’s youngest and most respected Diet member, has recently come under scrutiny after being accused of collusion, fraud, giving false testimony, and possibly tampering with evidence from a crime scene pertinent to an ongoing investigation…
“Kaoru,” he said again, louder this time. Kojiro grabbed him by the shoulders, almost shaking him. Kaoru finally looked up at him, mouth hanging open.
“Holy shit,” Kojiro said. Suddenly, he had a massive grin on his face.
“Yes!” he shouted, punching a fist into the air. The people around them startled and stared but were too shocked by the news to look Kojiro’s way for long.
“Kaoru,” he said again, grinning ear to ear, “You did it. You did it.”
Kaoru blinked at him a few times. He felt himself smile, his expression crumpling with relief.
Kojiro’s boisterous laughter was infectious. Kaoru found himself throwing his head back and laughing in a way he hadn’t for years.
//////
The banner hanging over the entrance of Sia la Luce was incredibly tacky.
It was lime green, for one thing. The paint that had been used was clearly cheap, too. The terrible balloons and the cartoon characters had a streaky quality to them.
The writing was quite good, however. Consistent, evenly spaced, and had a touch of an artistic flare to it.
He smiled as he read it: ~~~ WELCOME BACK! BOSS!! ~~~
Not bad.
Kaoru reminded himself to tease Kojiro later about poaching his staff to come and work for him at his studio instead.
He stood across the street, opening the plain envelope he had and counted the ferry and spa tickets yet again, making sure he had enough for every member of Kojiro’s staff.
He spared one last glance as the hideous banner and made his way over.
While it was closed to the public, Sia la Luce was abuzz with activity. People were laughing and talking loudly, swirling around wine, juice, water, and cocktails in their glasses. One of the newer staffers was animatedly telling a story to a rapt audience, waving around her hands with a wide-eyed look on her face.
Kaoru always felt a bit out of place at gatherings like these. He would never let it show, however; he slipped into his business persona, holding himself confidently. He was glad he was just going to drop off the envelope with Kojiro and leave.
They had already agreed to have a smaller celebration of their own later, with just the six of them. Kaoru was looking forward to that one.
“Ah! Sakurayashiki-san!” Watanabe cried, making his way over and bowing. He was grinning.
“It’s good to see you,” Kaoru said, returning the greeting, “It’s quite lively here.”
“Isn’t it?” he laughed, “I’ve told everyone not to get too rowdy, since the boss still gets tired easily. We’ll probably wrap up in a couple of hours so he doesn’t feel like he has to entertain us. I’ve already warned Mori-san, since she could stay at events like these for days.”
Kaoru was pleased by Watanabe’s consideration.
“Please, come in,” he said, motioning for Kaoru to come to the bar and grab something to drink. Kaoru held up a hand and put on his best polite smile.
“It’s a staff only event, isn’t it?” he said, “I just came to drop something off. I wouldn’t want to intrude.”
“Nonsense!” Watanabe said, looking surprised, “After all your help, we were hoping you’d join us.”
“I- I see,” Kaoru said, caught off guard. Watanabe tilted his head toward the kitchen.
“We won’t keep you if you have somewhere to be, but I hope you’ll stay a little bit longer, Sakurayashiki-san.”
Kaoru thanked him softly, feeling even more out of place. He made his way toward the kitchen but was stopped every few steps when people saw him, calling him over and smiling brightly.
He hadn’t realized Kojiro’s staff seemed to like him so much. It made Kaoru feel a pleasant sort of warmth settle into his stomach.
Eventually, after being waylaid nearly four times, he finally made his way around and into the kitchen.
It was always pristine. Kaoru thought he’d never seen anyone who loved their place of work the way Kojiro did. Even Kaoru shamefully left a little of the dusting and sweeping to his own staff; not because he didn’t care deeply about maintaining his studio, but because he couldn’t find any enjoyment in the chores. Still, if it was in any way related to his restaurant, it was as if Kojiro almost liked doing all the busywork.
The smell of tempura – certainly out of place in an Italian restaurant, but no less welcome – wafted through the air as he approached.
Kojiro saw him out of the corner of his eye, and grinned.
Kaoru felt a small electric current run through him.
“There you are,” Kojiro said, redirecting his focus to the shrimp and okra, “I was worried you’d get lost on the way here without your girlfriend to tell you where to go.”
“Carla is doing just fine, thank you for asking,” Kaoru responded testily, although they both knew the words had no bite.
Kaoru had been working on a few major improvements for Carla, which meant disabling her on his other devices as he thoroughly tested everything from his desktop and on his board. He’d definitely floundered a little with his phone in front of Kojiro, a mistake he would never live down.
Idiotic bastard, he thought fondly.
“Aw, is somebody grumpy?” Kojiro asked with an exaggerated pout, “All the socializing too much for you?”
“The company was delightful until about two minutes ago,” he replied with a breezy hand toss. He went to where the clean cutlery was stored and grabbed a pair of elegant black chopsticks. “It’s such a shame all these fine, hardworking people have to put up with their uncouth, inconsiderate, womanizer of a boss. I would have quit ages ago.”
“Ooh, I like the sound of womanizer,” Kojiro said, waggling his eyebrows. Kaoru leveled him with a stare.
“My mistake. I didn’t mean to insult any of the poor ladies you’ve drooled over by implying they’ve put up with you. I hope they all have restraining orders.”
He plucked one of the finished shrimp off the paper towel and bit into it, impressed with the balance of flavors.
“Oi! Get out of my kitchen, you glutton!” Kojiro yelped, “That’s for my fine, hardworking staff, you know. Shameless.”
“Just making sure you don’t serve them anything sub-standard,” Kaoru said as he chewed, “After all, you’ve gotten rusty.”
“You’re such a prick,” Kojiro replied, flushing when he had no comeback. Kaoru grinned wickedly at him.
“Only for you,” Kaoru assured him.
He felt a rush of warmth ram into him when Kojiro suddenly gave him that soft smile, catching him off guard.
They stood there for a moment, listening to the oil frying in the wok.
“Ah, that’s right,” Kaoru said, grabbing the envelope from under his arm and handing it off, “I got everything you asked for.”
“Thanks,” Kojiro said, opening it up and peeking inside. He smiled. “I’ll pay you back by next Friday. I figure after everything I’ve put them through for a month, offering a good vacation will make them think twice before walking out.”
“They’re all loyal to this place,” Kaoru said, picking up on the slightly nervous tenor of Kojiro’s comment, “They’ve been more than happy to step up during your recovery. If they haven’t left now, they’re not going anywhere.”
“Still, a bit of obvious bribery can’t hurt, right?” Kojiro said, shoulders relaxing a little.
“I suppose not,” he responded.
He helped Kojiro move the food onto plates and into bowls, since he refused to let any of his staff help, telling them this was supposed to be a celebration and he didn’t want them to work. Kaoru had glared at him, asking what the hell that made him. Kojiro had snickered but refused to say anything, even when Kaoru pressed him. Bastard.
Once the food was laid out on the tables, which had been pushed further toward the wall so people could move around and mingle, everyone crowded around and ate their fill. Kaoru had been about to leave, but he’d been roped into staying, feeling a little flustered when so many people pleaded with him to sit and chat.
After everyone had eaten and the conversation was starting to wind down, Watanabe took a fork and softly hit it against his wine glass a few times to get the room’s attention. Everyone took a moment before going quiet, some people moving out of his way or taking a seat.
“I wanted to say a few words,” he announced, looking around with a smile on his face. “First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for all the hard work they’ve put in this month. Rebalancing all the schedules and the workloads wasn’t easy, but everyone has been flexible and understanding. Thank you for your hard work!”
A number of people echoed the sentiment back to him. Watanabe turned to face Kojiro.
“I know I speak for everyone here when I say: welcome back, boss! We’ve missed having you around. We’ve missed not having to answer your phone calls even more.”
A smattering of laughter at that. Kojiro was grinning.
Then, he turned and faced Kaoru. He felt himself freeze, not expecting to be singled out.
“I also wanted to thank Sakurayashiki-san,” he said, “For keeping us updated, helping us figure out the scheduling and financing issues, and checking in to make sure Sia la Luce was still the best Italian restaurant in Okinawa. You’ve helped us stay on track, Sakurayashiki-san. Thank you for the hard work!”
Kaoru felt his throat close. He hadn’t done anything special, but the others were clapping along and murmuring in agreement. He bowed a little, unsure what else to do. Watanabe was already turning back to face Kojiro again, smiling brightly.
“We all wish you a speedy recovery, boss! We hope you’ll be back here in a week to take charge again!”
“To Sia la Luce!” Watanabe said, holding his glass up high.
“To Sia la Luce!” came the answering cheer.
Kojiro made his way over to where Kaoru sat as the crowd chattered and laughed. His expression was unbearably gentle.
“To Sia la Luce,” he murmured softly, and clinked their glasses together before taking a sip.
Kaoru felt something seismic shift within him.
Unable to speak, he drank his own wine slowly.
//////
The first picnic with Kojiro present was special.
The amount of food he made for the occasion could have sustained an army. Langa looked like he’d died and gone to heaven. The kids had pounced on it, making an impressive – and frankly alarming – dent into the pasta, homemade bread, and woodfire pizza before making their way through half a cake, ice cream, and sugary drinks. Ah, to have an adolescent metabolism again.
Reki beamed when his chocolate cake garnered lots of compliments and went on about how his mother had forced him to cook against his will whenever his father couldn’t pick up the slack, so he figured he’d might as well learn how to make tasty things.
When he leaned into Langa as he talked, draping an arm over his shoulder absently with their bodies pressing close together, they both got a little flushed.
Kaoru hid his smirk behind his fan.
After they had eaten their fill, Miya and Langa grabbed their boards and made their way over to the empty park, determined to show off something they’d apparently been practicing.
“You better watch carefully!” Miya had yelled, pointing at Kojiro, “This is the move that’s going to finish you when we have our next beef!”
Reki cheered them on enthusiastically, while Hiromi warned them not to make themselves sick.
Kojiro whooped and laughed when Miya and Langa soared, carving up the rails and ramps with ease. After stuffing another piece of bread into his mouth, Reki grabbed his board and ran to join them.
The three of them laughed and hollered, catching some serious air, high fiving whenever their paths crossed.
Kaoru liked seeing them all so carefree.
“Did you see the latest update?” Hiromi asked suddenly, making Kaoru and Kojiro turn to look at him. He had his phone in hand and glanced up to meet their eyes. “About ADAM.”
Kaoru sucked in a harsh breath. Without fail, his body tensed with anger and pain whenever he heard that name. He wondered if it would ever stop.
“Yeah,” Kojiro said, his expression darkening, “It’s a good thing he’s in custody right now, because I would have killed him the minute I saw him.”
“You and me both,” Kaoru hissed.
Once Kaoru’s tip had led to an official investigation, it seemed to cause a shockwave through Okinawa. It was even garnering attention from national news stations.
Deep corruption in the local police force had led to a mainland investigation, meaning that Shindo Ainosuke’s protection from the law quickly crumbled. Scandals of every type seemed to surface: fraud, collusion, money laundering, theft. The whole Diet was implicated, causing outrage and leading to public demonstrations demanding that the counsel step down. The Shindo residence was completely ransacked during the investigation, and the heads of the family and some of the staff were even facing charges of their own for aiding and abetting him. Fundraisers and charities that had previously touted the Shindo family as their most generous patrons issued statements renouncing them. Some even returned the money out of principle. It was all anyone on the island could talk about.
And then there were the more frightening charges.
Aggravated assault. Attempted murder. Possession of multiple unregistered weapons. Intimidation. Abuse.
Stalking.
When Langa had told them, haltingly, that apparently ADAM had stored hundreds of images and video clips of him on a hard drive, seemingly captured as he went about his life, it had taken everything in Kaoru not to go find the man and wring his neck.
He hated how scared Langa had looked, then.
It took him right back to the night Kojiro was shot.
Reki had thrown his arms around Langa, enveloping him. The others had followed suit, pressing close, wanting to comfort him. To keep him safe.
He remembered how Kojiro had trembled with rage. When their eyes met, they both shared a grave nod.
If he walks, we find him and we kill him.
“All the talk show hosts are getting lawyers to explain the legal stuff,” Hiromi continued, “I think one of them said he could get sixty years.”
“Not nearly enough,” Kaoru growled.
“Whatever the verdict is, he’s never going to be able to show his face in the country again,” Kojiro said, his voice deathly calm, “He might try to make a run for it. Maybe back to America.”
“They can keep him,” Hiromi said bitterly.
Reki’s happy shouting drew their gaze back toward the ramps. He jumped off his board, meeting Langa off to the side.
They clasped hands absentmindedly as they cheered Miya on, Reki punching the air with his free hand and Langa watching in awe. When they turned and grinned at each other, their expressions became unbearably tender.
Kaoru, forgetting his anger for a moment, snorted loudly.
If they wanted to keep their relationship private for the time being, that was their business; but they were doing a terrible job at hiding it.
“You think they’re actually…?” Kojiro asked, glancing knowingly at them. Hiromi rolled his eyes.
“I see couples come in all the time with the same lovey-dovey look on their faces,” he groaned, “If they’re not dating yet then it’s only a matter of time.”
Kaoru smiled secretively to himself, unfurling his fan.
“Speaking of dating,” He said, turning to look at Hiromi once he’d gotten a hold of himself, “How are things going with your manager?”
Hiromi squeaked, then flushed bright red.
“I-it’s going fine!” He choked out, looking straight ahead at a random point in the distance, “Fine! Just fine!”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Kaoru said, sitting up and grabbing his phone, “Because Christmas will be here soon. You should prepare to confess to her before then.”
Hiromi looked confused at the mention of Christmas, which was still months away. Kojiro watched the scene unfolding in front of him curiously.
“It’s the perfect occasion for a romantic date to affirm a new relationship,” Kaoru went on, proud of the research he’d done into romantic gestures and timing for confessions, “The atmosphere is already set for you. If you tell her your feelings, ideally about three months in advance, then you can enjoy your first Christmas together as an established couple. It’s just a matter of telling her.”
Hiromi floundered, not sure what to say. Kaoru scrolled through his messages and forwarded the selected email to Hiromi. He checked his phone when it chimed softly, looking curious.
He went slack jawed.
“Wh-what is this?” he asked, looking up at Kaoru in bewilderment. Kojiro leaned over Hiromi’s shoulder to look.
“It’s a reservation for the best sushi bar in town,” Kaoru replied, “All expenses paid.”
“What am I supposed to do with this…?” Hiromi asked, looking completely lost. Kaoru sighed.
“Isn’t it obvious? You ask her to dinner and you confess your feelings.”
“Wait- wait wait wait- You- where did you get a prepaid dinner reservation? And why are you giving it to me?” Hiromi asked, looking bug eyed.
“I made it,” Kaoru said, blinking, “For you. I thought that was obvious.”
Hiromi’s mouth hung open.
Kaoru started to shift around uncomfortably as the silence dragged on.
Had he miscalculated?
Suddenly, Hiromi’s face changed, his eyes gleaming with unshed tears.
“Cherry…!” he said, his lower lip wobbling dangerously. Kaoru let himself breathe in relief.
“No need to thank me,” he said before things could get too awkward, holding up his hands to stave off the bone-crushing hug he knew was coming, “Just… don’t waste the opportunity.”
“I won’t!” Hiromi cried, the tears falling down his face freely now, “I definitely won’t! I’ll show her I’m a man she can depend on! I’ll tell her my deepest feelings!”
Hiromi grabbed him for the standard issue bone-crushing hug. Then he sat back, wordlessly shouted, and punched a fist into the air. The kids looked over, surprised by the commotion.
“Good luck,” Kojiro told him, patting a hand on his shoulder with an encouraging smile, “We’ll be rooting for you.”
The kids made their way back over, asking what all the noise was about. Hiromi tearfully told them about Kaoru’s gesture, and waxed poetic about how he was finally going to be the man he wanted to be. They all looked a little confused, but told them they would be cheering him on nevertheless.
Later, when everyone had packed their things and said goodnight, Kaoru lingered to walk Kojiro back to his place. While he was fully healed, he still got tired easily and the doctor had recommended he take an additional week off to get his strength back. Kaoru knew Kojiro must have still been exhausted when he barely put up a fight and let his staff know that he’d have to take just a little more time before returning. Kaoru insisted on taking the bag of dirty plates and half-eaten leftovers out of his hands as they made their way back. Kojiro complained about being treated like a child, and Kaoru had responded that’s because he was one. That had earned him a harsh glare, but nothing else. He really was tired.
Kaoru took in the purpling sky as the sun began to set. Soon enough, the weather would be turning colder again. The seasons would change, the sun would continue to rise and set, and life would continue on.
But somehow, he felt unsatisfied. Like something was missing.
He’d had that feeling ever since the staff get together at Sia la Luce, when something had changed.
The heat within him pulsed and flared.
“What made you get Hiromi that reservation?” Kojiro asked as they walked back, pulling Kaoru from his thoughts, “I didn’t think you even knew what a thoughtful gift was.”
“As if you haven’t loved every gift I’ve ever given you,” Kaoru shot back, “I know you still use that coffee subscription.”
“And I know you still have that terrible dragon I won you at the fair in Amsterdam,” Kojiro said with a grin. Kaoru glared at him.
“Firstly,” he began, his glare absolutely withering, “That gift was hardly thoughtful. You only got it for me because you were swaggering around to impress the locals. Secondly, we have long since determined that it is a lizard, not a dragon.”
“But it has bat wings!” Kojiro cried, “Western dragons have the big bat wings!”
“Those are its legs, you moron,” Kaoru shot back.
They bickered about the craftsmanship of carnival toys for a while, which led into them reminiscing about travelling and all the places they still wanted to see, which lead into a segue about the incredible beefs and races they’d had abroad against international skaters. They talked about food, getting lost, language barriers, and the pros and cons of doing another cross-country road trip next summer.
Kaoru was enjoying the conversation, his heart thumping a little louder despite the easy pace of their stroll, when Kojiro spoke up.
“You still didn’t answer my question. Why’d you do that for Hiromi?”
“Ah,” Kaoru said, feeling embarrassment bubble to the surface, “I wanted to thank him. I’ve been trying to think of a suitable gift for weeks now, and this was the best thing I could come up with.”
“Why are you thanking him?” Kojiro asked, tilting his head up to look at the passing clouds as they walked.
Kaoru stared for a moment.
Kojiro had always been handsome; the gaggle of people that seemed to constantly crowd into his space ever since they reached adulthood was testament to that. But for some reason Kaoru found himself focusing in on his sharp nose, his bright eyes, his tousled hair, and felt the heat inside him flare even hotter.
Why am I staring? It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.
“Because,” he said after a beat, “well…”
Kojiro looked at him then, picking up on Kaoru’s hesitation. He waited, giving Kaoru the space he needed to talk. He hoisted the bag over his shoulder as they turned a corner.
“I was useless, that night,” Kaoru confided. When he looked up at Kojiro, he saw his friend knew instantly what he meant.
“I completely fell apart. I should have been focusing on getting you help, on assessing the situation. But I couldn’t. Hiromi was the one who grabbed Reki and Miya. He made me help in getting you to the car. He drove me home after, too. He even helped me inside.”
He stopped, forcing Kojiro to stop as well. He turned on his heel to face Kaoru properly.
“You weren’t moving,” Kaoru said, staring at the ground. The memory of that night still ate away at him. “I couldn’t… Whenever I rewatch the footage, I look like a mindless animal. I completely forgot everything I knew. If he hadn’t made me help, you might have lost even more blood…”
Kaoru knew Kojiro heard what he left unspoken.
I thought you were going to die. I thought it was because of me.
Kojiro stepped forward and took Kaoru’s hand. He laced their fingers together and held tight.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Kojiro said, soft yet forceful, “You should never have been put in that kind of situation in the first place. None of us should have. You were still injured, too.” He stepped even closer, until Kaoru could feel body heat radiating into his personal space. His heart lurched.
Kojiro was finally warm again.
“I’m safe. I’m completely healed, and I’m almost back to normal. So please… stop hurting yourself over this. It’s not your burden to carry.”
Kaoru looked away, taking a sharp breath. He squeezed Kojiro’s hand. Kojiro rubbed his thumb over Kaoru’s knuckles soothingly.
Letting go after a moment, Kojiro waited as Kaoru stood there, turning the words over in his mind. He saw the truth in them, but that didn’t stop the ache.
They continued in silence back to the familiar sight of Kojiro’s apartment.
Wordlessly, Kojiro turned to face him, raising a brow with an easy smile.
Wanna come in?
Kaoru smiled a little and stepped into the familiar genkan.
Of course.
//////
The movie they put on was horrible.
Never mind the abysmal quality of the dubbing; none of the character’s motivations made any sense and the action scenes were clearly only there to fill the run time to feature length.
“It’s American B-movie garbage, Kaoru, not a French masterpiece. Now shut up and let me watch the pretty women and the big explosions.”
“I would expect nothing less from a caveman like you,” Kaoru had replied. Kojiro playfully shoved his arm.
And yet, when Kaoru glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, he couldn’t help but think that Kojiro looked… off, somehow. Preoccupied.
He wanted to ask, but as the movie droned on, he thought better of it. If Kojiro wanted to talk, then he would. A lifelong friendship’s worth of experience had taught him that nothing would come of Kaoru pushing him.
When the credits finally rolled, Kaoru contemplated whether he should walk back soon or stay the night. Kojiro always had a spare futon for him, but he also didn’t want to tire him out further by making him play host.
He had just sat himself back down on the couch after raiding the kitchen for a fresh bottle of wine, when he saw Kojiro hunched over and staring intensely at the floor. When he looked up, his gaze pinned Kaoru to the spot.
“Hey,” Kojiro said from the opposite end of the couch as he settled in, “I know you’re probably thinking about whether or not you want to head out. Before you leave, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Kaoru’s anxiety instantly flared to life.
He knew Kojiro wasn’t trying to alarm him, but any conversation that began with I have something to talk to you about would always been terrifying. Especially given recent events.
“Of course,” he responded uneasily. He set down the forgotten bottle of wine on the low table. Kojiro sat up, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his fingers loosely fold together. He stared at his hands for a moment.
It felt like a small eternity.
“I’ve been thinking a lot, when I was alone in the hospital,” Kojiro began. He stopped, glancing off to the side, then back at his hands.
He was nervous. Worried, even.
Kaoru fought hard to keep his own breathing in check.
“I don’t remember a lot about what happened that night,” he continued, his voice soft and pained. Kaoru’s heart felt like it was being stabbed with a hot poker.
“But I do remember one thing, right before it all went to hell. I remember being afraid to die.”
“Don’t-” Kaoru choked out, turning away. He couldn’t listen to those words. He felt like someone had sliced him open.
He heard Kojiro move and felt one hand resting on his shoulder and the other covering his own, fingers pressed against his palm as they were laced together. Kojiro was close, his chest practically to Kaoru’s back.
“Please,” he begged quietly, his voice close to his ear, “Just let me say this, Kaoru.”
He nodded, but in his mind, he was screaming at Kojiro to stop.
“I remember being scared of the pain,” he continued softly, his cheek suddenly pressed against Kaoru’s scalp, “I’d never been shot before, obviously. I was scared it would hurt. I was scared that he’d hurt Langa and everyone else there. I was scared he would hurt you.”
Kaoru hadn’t realized he was trembling until the arm on his shoulder slid down and wrapped around his middle. His back was now pressed firmly against Kojiro’s chest. He felt the rapid thumping of Kojiro’s heart, felt the warmth coming off his skin. Kaoru tried to focus on that, to remind himself that they were both safe.
“It got me thinking. About how I could have died with regrets.”
Kaoru stilled.
“What could you possibly have to regret?” He whispered, his voice quivering. It wasn’t said unkindly, but rather with incredulity. Kojiro took a deep breath, his exhale tickling across Kaoru’s ear. It sent a bolt of lightning down his spine.
“Not a lot, but they’re still important to me,” Kojiro responded, “I thought about how I hadn’t called my family in ages. About how I might not have gotten the chance to travel the world anymore. That it could have been the last time I ever skated. Never getting to set foot in Sia la Luce again. And…”
Kaoru held his breath.
What else was there to say?
Kojiro’s voice dropped to a whisper.
“I thought about how I’d never get the chance to tell you that I’m in love with you.”
The apartment suddenly vanished.
There was only Kaoru and Kojiro and the points of contact between them.
Kaoru wasn’t sure if he was breathing.
“I’ve been in love with you for years,” came Kojiro’s voice, a feed of live electricity that was overriding Kaoru’s mind and body.
He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that.
He only knew that when Kojiro made to let go, Kaoru grabbed his arms and held them firm.
He heard a sharp intake of breath come from behind him.
“Kaoru,” he heard Kojiro whisper into his ear, his voice aching with affection, “I love you.”
Kaoru finally drew in a painful gasp of air.
He moved to stand and Kojiro let him go without resistance.
When he whirled around, Kojiro was resolutely staring at the wall, refusing to make eye contact.
The familiar heat exploded within him like a supernova.
He thought about the hand holding, the looks, the soft smiles, the compliments.
He thought about the constant bickering, about outlandish bets and over-the-top competitions.
He thought about late-night meals, soft conversation, comfortable silences.
He thought about a dependable friend and a worthy rival and a young boy, tentatively asking him his name.
Kaoru’s life had always been filled with Kojiro.
The feeling that something had been missing vanished into thin air. It was like an answer to a question he hadn’t even realized he was asking had been provided.
Kaoru felt light as air. He was dizzy.
He wondered what it would mean, to be the one Kojiro woke up and fell asleep to every day. To be the one to hold him close.
To kiss him. To touch him.
The inferno in his body was punctuated by a surge of desire that made him shudder.
Kojiro looked pained. He was gripping the arm of the couch in a vice grip. His breathing was ragged, like he was desperately trying to hold himself together.
Kaoru found his hand drifting to Kojiro’s face before he knew what he was doing.
The touch startled Kojiro into looking up at him.
Whatever he saw in Kaoru’s expression froze him to the spot.
“…I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love before,” Kaoru heard himself say, his voice unrecognizable. It was as if someone had knocked the wind out of him.
“I thought I knew, once,” he continued. He knelt in front of Kojiro. He cupped his face, tracing Kojiro’s high cheek bones and marveling at his expression. He was so handsome; eyes bright, face flushed, mouth parted ever so slightly. It was like Kaoru was seeing him for the very first time.
Maybe he was.
“I still don’t know. If the things I’ve been feeling for you lately are the same as love.”
Kojiro gaped at that. Kaoru leaned closer.
“But I want to find out.”
It was Kojiro’s turn to gasp like he’d been winded.
“Kaoru,” he whimpered, his expression crumpling, tears running down his face. Kaoru gently thumbed them away.
He suddenly wanted to be touching Kojiro all the time. To feel his warmth. To breathe the same air.
To never let go.
“If you’ll let me be selfish for a little longer,” Kaoru continued, leaning in when Kojiro reached up to touch his face with trembling fingers, “I want to see what it’s like. To fall in love with you.”
“Yes,” Kojiro choked out, and then he was kneeling on the floor too, enveloping Kaoru in a hug that felt like the safest place on earth.
Kaoru put his arms around Kojiro and breathed in deeply, his scent as familiar as a well-loved sweater and comforting as a warm cup of tea.
Kaoru had never been able to be vulnerable easily. His defenses had always screamed at him, forcing him to keep his secrets close to his chest. The more people knew about him, the more they could use what they learned to hurt him.
He’d been burned before.
But somehow, confessing that he was already starting to fall for his childhood friend didn’t seem like he was making himself a target, or giving someone the chance to strike a devastating blow.
It felt like stating a fact. Saying something that was simply true.
Kaoru pulled back a little, their faces inches apart.
The space between them was the smallest it had ever been.
He felt their hearts pounding, pressed together chest to chest.
Kojiro’s eyes were half closed. He was staring at Kaoru’s mouth.
But he didn’t move.
Kaoru wondered at the small noise Kojiro let out as he moved in and gently closed the gap. He wanted to learn about every sound, every look, every touch. He realized, hazily, that he was never going to be satisfied; he would always want more.
When Kojiro finally responded, pulling him close, kissing him fiercely – his hands at Kaoru’s back, and Kaoru throwing his arms over his shoulders, refusing to let him go – he knew.
He wasn’t quite in love yet.
But he was well on his way.
//////
“You’re staring again,” Kaoru ground out, his patience staring to wear thin.
He was trying to read his book in peace, but he could feel Kojiro’s eyes burning a hole into the back of his head.
“I can’t stop thinking about it,” Kojiro commented, stopping only long enough to check on the miso soup, “It’s so fucking hot.”
“It was a stupid, impulsive decision and I regret it immensely,” Kaoru said, his tone turning to ice.
He knew Kojiro didn’t believe a word of it.
“I love it,” he said, suddenly appearing at Kaoru’s side and making him jump. Kojiro crouched down and snaked a hand just under Kaoru’s sweatpants, fingers settling over the stick and poke tattoo he’d given himself.
“It’s sexy,” Kojiro went on, his expression turning heady, “Knowing I’m the only other person who gets to see it…”
“You’ll never see it again, if you don’t watch our dinner,” Kaoru snapped, glaring over his glasses at Kojiro and gently slapping his hand away. That just earned him a chuckle and a kiss to the top of his head.
“Whatever you say, darling,” Kojiro sing-songed as he made his way back to the kitchen. Kaoru tried to refocus on his book, but it was impossible.
It had been nearly three months and he still wasn’t used to it. To someone loving him openly, deeply, loudly; without shame.
It was distracting. It was wonderful.
Abandoning his book for the time being, Kaoru stood up and went out onto the balcony, overlooking the city below.
This apartment was much more spacious than his or Kojiro’s previous places had ever been.
Maybe it would have been too fast, for other couples. But they had known each other their whole lives; at this point, it just felt like a natural next step to share a home.
The others had been shocked when they’d broken the news, at first; well, everyone except Hiromi, who was just insufferably smug. Miya had looked like he’d wanted to cry from happiness, and Reki had loudly demanded to know how it had happened, and Langa had just grinned and congratulated them.
He remembered how he’d told his Auntie when they had gone up to visit her. How she’d cried, how she was so happy for them both.
“I couldn’t imagine a better person in the world for Kojiro,” his Auntie had murmured to him across the table, and Kaoru wasn’t ashamed to admit that he had gotten misty-eyed.
Ayame had nearly shocked Kaoru out of his skin when they told her over the phone and the first words out of her mouth were, “Yes! You finally told him! Kojiro, I’ve been dying! I told you everything would work out and look at you now! Congratulations, you two!”
When asked about it later, Kojiro had admitted that he’d told his sister last year about how he felt when she started to suspect. Kaoru had balked at him.
“How did I never notice?” He’d asked, as much to himself as to Kojiro, “You’re a terrible liar.”
“I never lied!” Kojiro cried, clearly affronted. He’d sighed, thought for a moment, and then said in a softer tone, “I’ve never lied about loving you. It’s just that the kind of love I felt started to shift, and I was too scared to tell you about it for the longest time. But I’m so glad I did.”
Kaoru’s heart had squeezed tightly at that.
They’d told Kaoru’s parents too, of course. They were polite and seemed genuinely happy for him in their own way, but it was sedate by comparison.
Kaoru had never been close to his parents, the three of them being too aloof to let their guard down for long. Too similar.
It used to bother him a bit, knowing that children were supposed to be dutiful and affectionate toward their parents. But he had come to accept over the years that they would just never be close, and that was okay.
Besides… he knew now that family didn’t just have to be the people who shared his blood.
Kaoru rested his arms on the balcony rail and drew in a deep breath. He could practically taste the coolness in the air, the sharpness that always seemed to linger when autumn arrived. It was still a little ways away, but he always looked forward to the festivals, the cool breeze, the promise of new experiences.
He let his thoughts wander again.
He remembered the look on Hasegawa-san’s face when they’d met up in that same little café. She had bowed low to him and thanked him for keeping her son safe, tears in her eyes.
“So you’ll stay?” Kaoru had asked, voice strained with worry. She had beamed at him.
“We’ll stay,” she replied, and it was the best news Kaoru received all week.
When the conversation shifted, she had asked him, mouth curling into a knowing smile, if his recent relationship had been the reason Reki and Langa later declared that they had started dating too.
While he denied any direct involvement in the announcement, they chuckled together about how obvious the two of them had been. Hasegawa-san told him, with great amusement in her tone, that Langa called Reki every Saturday evening, voice quietly pouring out of his bedroom after he thought she had gone to bed. While she didn’t exactly eavesdrop, she said she’d never heard Langa use such a gentle tone of voice when talking to someone as she quietly tiptoed by. Reki visited all the time, now, and she was so charmed by how Langa acted around Reki that she couldn’t help teasing them a little, which always made them blush. Kaoru had smiled at that; those two deserved to be happy.
He remembered, too, how Hasegawa-san cried when she properly met Kojiro. How she’d all but kowtowed, while Kojiro had been terribly flustered and tried to refuse any thank yous or apologies, saying that anyone would have done the same thing, in his place. Kaoru had felt the ever-growing affection for Kojiro that had folded itself into his heart tear him open, then.
He thought about how they had all chatted away; about Langa, about Canada, about skating, traveling, and work. Kaoru had watched it unfold with a happy smile from behind his fan.
He also thought, as he watched the light traffic on the roads below from the balcony, about the reason why Langa had nearly had to leave at all. His stomach twisted.
He had grimly watched every news report, kept himself appraised of every update to the trial.
Kojiro had needed to make an appearance at the police station to explain himself. With his face visible in the footage from the livestream and Kaoru’s recording, it was only a matter of time before they brought him in to ask questions. Whatever he said seemed to satisfy them because he was only contacted a few times afterward to reaffirm his testimony, and he was only asked once to make a brief appearance in court. He’d collapsed on the couch later that night, and Kaoru had sat with him, letting his hand be gripped to an almost painful degree while Kojiro breathed heavily and trembled with fear and rage, trying to calm down after the proceedings. It was a long night.
Hasegawa-san had stepped in and done everything she could to keep Langa’s identity anonymous from the media, insisting to speak on his behalf whenever possible during the court proceedings. Langa still had to go every now and then to give his testimony, and he always looked exhausted after every session. Every time, Kojiro had insisted they come to Sia la Luce after closing with the rest of their group. He made them dinner and vehemently refused any payment, saying he just wanted to help his friend, and smiled at Kaoru as Hasegawa-san got a first-hand experience of seeing them all bickering, teasing, and laughing. She said later that she was grateful to see the kind of friends Langa had watching out for him.
The trial had loomed over them all for the better part of two months.
He remembered the day it all came to an end.
He and Kojiro had just moved in and hadn’t unpacked much of anything, surrounded by boxes.
(The three little ones from Kaoru’s old closet hadn’t made it into the new space. He refused to bring any part of him into the home he shared with Kojiro. He’d never been so pleased to throw something away).
They had sat on the hard floor, watching as Carla projected the trial onto the blank wall, their hands gripped tightly as they awaited the verdict.
A life sentence. No chance of parole.
He would never step out into the light of day again.
They had both cried, then; relived, hurt, angry, grieving. Kaoru remembered how they had clung onto each other for dear life.
Kaoru suddenly heard soft humming come from the kitchen and the sound of a knife expertly chopping vegetables and smiled to himself.
His thoughts drifted back to Kojiro, too.
Being in a committed, romantic relationship with someone who had known him all this life was interesting. In many ways, nothing changed; they carried on as usual, turning from friendly and congenial to argumentative and testy at the drop of a hat. Kaoru and Kojiro skated slowly through the streets as night as Kojiro reacquainted himself with his board again, getting used to his footing after so long of being away from it. They bickered about chores, about cleanliness around the apartment, scheduling, finances, and the logistics of running two very successful businesses. They enjoyed quiet dinners together, read the paper in silence, faced each new day just as they always had.
And yet. Some things were radically, world-alteringly different.
The affection Kojiro poured into him left Kaoru defenseless. Now that he was looking, really looking, he saw how desperately Kojiro had wanted to show him just how much he was loved. There was a lot of kissing, of touching, of softly spoken words as they laid together in bed.
There was passion, too; but that had come a little later.
Kaoru had been skittish the first time, scared to death of somehow permanently damaging their friendship if he made a mistake. But when he saw Kojiro struggling to undo his shirt buttons, hands trembling furiously… realizing that he wasn’t the only one helped him to relax. The first time had still been a little awkward, but oh.
There were people in the world who could enjoy sex with complete strangers and have an incredible experience without sharing a history together, but Kaoru learned that night he wasn’t one of them. His previous encounters weren’t even worth mentioning by comparison. Letting the man he trusted most in the world touch him for the first time had been the most erotic and thrilling sexual experience of his life. And the two of them only seemed to get better with practice. Kaoru felt a potent rush of desire shoot through him every time he thought about it.
They laughed a lot more, too; laughed in ways Kaoru hadn’t since he was a kid. They laughed at themselves, at each other, at their little ragtag group and about life in general. Kojiro would sometimes convince him to dance ridiculously around their apartment as they cleaned, or would whisper a joke to him in public that had Kaoru trembling as he tried to maintain his composure. He hadn’t even realized laughter was something that had faded from his life until one occasion, after they’d roughhoused in the middle of the living room, gasping for air as they grinned at each other. After helping him up, Kojiro had given him that soft smile, and murmured as he tucked a strand of loose hair behind his ear, “I’ve missed you, Kaoru.”
He remembered how he’d swayed in place, how he’d felt himself melt away at those words; unable to do anything else, Kaoru had kissed him with every shred of tenderness he had.
It turned out that falling in love with Kojiro was as easy as breathing.
“Oh yeah,” Kojiro called, his voice from the kitchen jolting Kaoru back into the present, “I saw someone in the thread talking about the hills to the southeast. They said it might be worth looking in to for a new track. What do you think?”
“We should go on Saturday, then,” Kaoru called back, “See what the terrain’s like.”
“Wanna race when we get there?” Kojiro asked, and Kaoru could hear the cocky grin in his voice.
Smug, handsome bastard.
“If I win, you do the laundry for the next three weeks and pay for all my dry cleaning,” Kaoru replied.
“Three weeks? You’re terrible,” Kojiro said with a laugh, “Fine. If I win, we have a weekend long movie marathon, with no complaints. And you let me eat breakfast in bed.”
“You’re such a child,” Kaoru teased as he went to set the table.
The night settled over them softly. They laughed and chatted over dinner, making their way through the food and the wine and letting themselves savour the moment.
Kaoru watched Kojiro as he went on about meeting up with the others next week. He was unguarded, his hair falling into his face, an easy smile making him look young, almost boyish. He was waving his chopsticks a little as he talked, getting animated as the words flowed.
When Kaoru was caught out in his staring, Kojiro grinned at him, adoration written across his face.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked.
Kaoru took his free hand under the table.
“I love you,” he responded easily.
Kojiro’s eyes went wide.
He stood up, making his way around the little table to Kaoru.
“I love you, too,” he whispered as they parted from the kiss.
It was the first time Kaoru had said it out loud.
It wouldn’t be the last.