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At the end of the day, Jungkook was very happy to have presented as a beta.
It wasn’t even just the relief of finally presenting. Jungkook knew, almost instinctively, that this was what was right. No matter how much fans or interviewers or even the staff at the company may have speculated (some even placing bets on the matter), Jungkook and his hyungs knew that he wasn’t meant to present as anything else.
Ever since he had entered BigHit as a trainee, Jungkook’s life had been on the move, constantly practicing and striving to reach his dreams of becoming an idol that people could be proud of. He watched those around him, from his instructors and coaches to other trainees, always learning and soaking up what he could.
And even though it didn’t matter at this point, as he was still just a pup, he was especially star-struck by the way that BigHit treated each secondary gender, not sticking to Korea’s status quo. You were just as likely to see an omega in one of the mixing booths, producing beats and songs that had the potential to become hits, as you were to see an alpha styling your hair or your makeup. Everyone had a place to pursue what they wanted, not what they were expected to.
In fact, nothing about BigHit was typical when it came to secondary genders, which is why it was such a surprise when Jungkook was added to the lineup for their new boy group. Normally, pups who hadn’t presented yet were huge risks in the idol industry. Several groups hadn’t made it because a newly presented pup suddenly no longer fit the group’s concept, or members had to be added to balance out a group’s dynamics.
Jungkook knew that they were taking a huge risk on him. BTS was already limited in terms of resources and opportunities. Throwing an unpresented pup in as well?
Jungkook knew what was expected of him. And he knew that he had to be better .
He threw everything he could into the group, those first couple of years, when they had to claw and fight their way for every performance, every concert ticket, every chance just to be heard. When Yoongi would get shit from other rappers for being an omega rapper (an outdated stereotype, no one had cared in years ). Or when Seokjin’s carefree approach to taking charge of his pack was called lazy, borderline negligent (Seokjin wasn’t made head alpha to control everyone’s movements, he refused to bend to traditionalism in the twenty-first century).
Jungkook hadn’t even thought about his own presentation until they’d finally had time to breathe with the success of ‘I Need U’. He had learned to brush off the interview questions with a small smile and a duck of his head, along with some sort of half-answer that circled back to the albums they were promoting at the time.
Which was why when Jimin asked him, absentmindedly and out of the blue one morning before a vocal practice, if he had been thinking about his upcoming presentation, Jungkook simply froze on the spot, eyes wide.
(He also may have stopped in the middle of their kitchen. Seokjin’s rant when he ran into Jungkook’s back and dropped the rice was infamous for the next six months.)
Well, shit , Jungkook thought, while blinking at Jimin, who had already begun walking back towards his room to get ready.
His presentation had been the furthest thing from his mind since they debuted. To be honest, Jungkook had kind of forgotten that that was still something he had to go through. Seokjin, Yoongi, and Namjoon had each sat him down some months after debut when the group had decided to form a proper pack. Platonic for now, but with the possibility for more once everyone (Seokjin deadpanned with a pointed stare at Jungkook) was of age.
In addition to that, and much to Jungkook’s absolute embarrassment , each man gave a brief description of the signs to look out for once his presentation occurred. Of how his body would change , and how his hormones would take over , and all the gross things that would happen with a first rut or heat that signaled the end of the presentation week.
By the end of it, no one could look each other in the eyes and everyone’s faces were bright red. Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung got an absolute kick out of it, having been lucky enough to avoid The Talk, as Jungkook had been silently calling it.
Jungkook hadn’t even realized how long ago that conversation had happened. It had been, what, two-ish years at this point? Jungkook was in the proper age range for the presentation to hit at any time, but they couldn’t slow their momentum now , they had just had a really successful comeback.
Was this constantly on everyone’s minds? God knows Jungkook hadn’t thought about it, but Jimin just brought it up so casually . Is this something he considered often? Did the rest of the hyungs talk about it amongst themselves? What about Bang PD-nim, was this a regular cause for concern for him too?
And oh god, what would he even present as? Jungkook was still just as awkward and unsure of himself as he was when he had first joined the group. No one looked at him and immediately thought of a specific secondary gender like some of the other trainees who so obviously were alphas or even omegas.
Jungkook’s throat closed as a wave of anxiety rushed through him. Would everyone look at him differently? What if he threw off the group dynamics? What if the pack couldn’t recover and they became just another Dispatch headline?
A firm swat from Seokjin broke Jungkook’s thoughts before he could spiral any further, and he scurried to the table to quickly eat and get ready.
They were still too busy. Jungkook could worry about it another day.
However, Jungkook pondered ruefully, he didn’t quite expect to worry about it this much.
After that breakfast, Jungkook’s presentation was constantly at the front of his mind, an intrusive train of thought that just wouldn’t leave him alone no matter how much he hoped it would.
There was always a reminder, from news of another ‘97 liner presenting to articles speculating on Jungkook’s own subgender. Or when one of the stylist noonas showed pictures from her niece’s presentation party over the weekend.
Or when Jimin and Taehyung would drag Yoongi into an omega pile after a stressful day, when all three of them are tense and one of the only ways to comfort each other is to surround the room with soothing omega pheromones and drag all of the pillows and comforters and dirty clothing into their nest.
Or the casual nuzzles to temples that Seokjin and Hoseok would give everyone as a platonic scenting while reminding outsiders that the group was pack .
There were so many little things, everyday habits, and actions that were dictated and encouraged by one’s subgender.
It was a whole aspect of society, and pack, that Jungkook felt he was missing.
Ergo the constant anxieties over his eventual presentation.
There was also one other, teeny tiny factor that added to the distress that now accompanied Jungkook throughout all of his daily schedules, and it reared its ugly head with a vengeance on Jungkook’s nineteenth birthday.
The day had started normally, with a loud chorus of “Happy Birthday!” bombarding him the moment he left his room. Cakes, presents, and birthday slaps from all the hyungs filled him with warmth, and a wide smile lit up his face. Jungkook was ready for the packed schedules and honestly didn’t feel like they could bring him down.
Jungkook stayed tucked between Hoseok and Taehyung in the van on the way to the company and during the walk in, with Hoseok throwing an arm around his shoulders and pressing large, wet kisses to his neck, face, and anywhere else he could reach. Jimin and Taehyung danced around each other, poking at a prickly Yoongi who hadn’t finished his coffee yet while Seokjin chased them down and Namjoon just watched on fondly. It was like the good mood from the morning had managed to infect the whole group, their managers, and some of the company workers they passed on their way to their separate meetings.
Unfortunately, Jungkook hadn’t realized that his fellow maknaes’ rambunctiousness had a secondary motive.
Once Yoongi and Hoseok headed to their respective studios and Namjoon split off to go to a meeting with some of the production staff about the comeback, the vocal line was left to make their way towards a recording booth and two of the PDs for some finishing touches on their Japanese album.
Seokjin had somehow managed to corral Taehyung, walking down the hallway with him past a group of trainees who had just gotten out of practice. They were huddled to the side of the door, quietly murmuring as they shared towels and water bottles, sweat dripping down their faces. As the managers led Jungkook and his hyungs, the five teenagers gave quick bows and stuttered greetings, eyes bright as they watched their seniors.
Jungkook had somehow managed to lag behind a little, distracted by birthday messages on his phone, when low voices reached his ears.
“ Sunbaenims are so cool !”
“ They’ve been preparing for so long. "
“ I can’t imagine the kind of stress they’re under right now, though. ”
“ Why, what makes you say that? ”
“ Well, it’s Jungkook-sunbaenim’s birthday, right? :
“ Yeah, what about it? ”
“ Well, he’s nineteen right? And he still hasn’t presented. ”
Jungkook’s blood went cold. His hands twitched, and his phone went skittering down the hall.
He absentmindedly hoped it hadn’t cracked again.
Everyone froze. The trainees whirled around to stare at him in shock, while Jungkook’s body remained paralyzed, stopped dead in his tracks from where he had been reaching out to try and recover his phone.
After a beat, the trainees began tripping over each other, a bundle of half-assed bows and insincere platitudes falling from their lips as they dashed off to wherever they were supposed to be.
A haze of sweet wildflowers covered Jungkook, who remained stock still in the middle of the hallway. Jimin, who had magically appeared at some point, wrapped an arm around Jungkook’s shoulders and began shepherding him away towards where Seokjin, Taehyung, and the managers were waiting. Seokjin’s nostrils flared, a sign of his disappointment in the gossiping, and Jungkook moved to tuck himself into his eldest hyung’s side, letting the earthy cedar scent comfort him.
“You know that’s not important, Jungkook-ah,” Seokjin fiercely declared. “You’re still ours , still our pup and our packmate.”
Jungkook half-heartedly nodded, trying to soothe the now-sour mood.
Except that was kind of the crux of the matter.
Eighty-five percent of teenaged pups presented between the ages of sixteen and eighteen. It was the most common time for presentation, when initial puberty changes from primary gender had settled and a person’s secondary gender could begin its own process. On occasion, a child could present earlier, but these were only around five percent of cases.
The other ten percent of unpresented pups would present up to the age of twenty, the latest recorded age. Usually, these people would present late due to some underlying stress, causing the person’s wolf to push off the presentation until they felt safe and protected, no longer focusing their energy on keeping the hormones at bay. If even that failed, the secondary gender would force itself out at age twenty, resulting in an almost traumatic presentation for the wolf, leading to future health problems, both physical and psychological.
Jungkook was nineteen. He was past the typical presentation age range.
And yeah, he knew that being an idol would definitely cause some stress, but not enough to prevent him from presenting after the rest of his friends.
He really didn’t want to become a horror story for any future trainees entering entertainment companies.
As is typical for Jungkook’s life, he presented the day after their first awards show performance for “Blood, Sweat, & Tears”.
Because fuck him, that’s why.
They had gotten home late from filming the recording, bodies aching and sore. Seokjin had used his hyung powers to claim the first shower and Jimin had jumped in right as the door was closing for some quality alpha-omega-bonding time. Everyone else was spread out across the living room in various states of undress, on their phones or talking quietly, finding comfort in each other as they prepared mentally to do it all again tomorrow.
Jungkook sighed from his position on the floor next to the couch on his stomach, his hands pillowing his hands. Yoongi’s hand gently carded through his hair and coaxed him into a semi-coherent state, the sounds of the other members dropping away into the background. Everything was made to be a calm night with his pack, but Jungkook was unable to fully doze off, very much aware of the state of his body.
Which, to put it simply, ouch .
Jungkook had woken up that morning aching in his joints, with the pain concentrating in his hips, behind his knees, his shoulders, and, oddly enough, the base of his head, right where his skull met the top of his neck. It wasn’t anything serious, not something that would cause him to go to the managers or their physical therapist, but it was a discomfort that kept getting worse as the day went on, throughout all of the preparation and styling and makeup and recording.
Jungkook almost felt like he was sick, but he wasn’t feverish or congested like he normally was when sick. His chest didn’t hurt, his throat wasn’t dry and scratchy, and he generally felt just fine.
He just hurt.
It was starting to bother him.
Without opening his eyes, he began to shift around, trying to get comfortable from his position on the floor. He wasn’t awake enough to get up and move somewhere more comfortable, like maybe on top of Yoongi, but his aching joints prevented him from actually settling down into a full night's sleep.
Oh god, his days were numbered.
He was starting to sound like Seokjin.
He was getting old and he was only nineteen.
Jungkook felt a shudder run down his spine and his brow furrowed, shifting again on the floor and nuzzling his head back into Yoongi’s hand to get him to keep the pets going.
Instead of the pets Jungkook was suddenly craving, Yoongi’s hand gripped the nape of his neck in an attempt to get Jungkook to settle and stop fidgeting. But rather than his limbs locking the way they would have in the past, the pressure from Yoongi’s fingers caused his whole body to relax and Jungkook felt a whine crawl out of his chest and into the room for everyone to hear.
The fingers froze, and Jungkook whined again, this time louder with a hint of distress at the end of it.
If Yoongi’s fingers didn’t keep rubbing his nape, Jungkook was pretty sure that he would just be a miserable ball of aches for the rest of his life.
He could hear some frantic whispering occurring over his head, but he couldn’t be bothered to think about what any of it could mean, because now a different hand began passing over his hair and forehead with a little more urgency than Yoongi’s gentle caresses.
Jungkook recognized the knobby knuckles as Seokjin’s.
“Jungkook-ah,” Seokjin murmured above him. “Jungkookie, can you look at me for a second?”
He turned his face into his arms, letting out a loud groan as he left the bittersweet drowse he had fallen into.
Seokjin’s chuckle warmed Jungkook’s chest, and he started turning Jungkook’s head towards Seokjin’s body a little more firmly now that he knew Jungkook was actually awake and was just being stubborn.
“Just for a second, baby. Then you can go shower and go back to sleep.”
Oh yeah, he was still gross from the performance earlier. He could just imagine how good the hot water would feel on his joints.
Blinking blearily, Jungkook picked his head up and turned onto his side, squinting up at where Seokjin was looking down at him, his smile a little pinched around the corners.
Hm, Seokjin should never have that kind of expression on his face, Jungkook pondered absentmindedly. He shouldn’t have to worry about something as silly as Jungkook’s muscles hurting.
Also, he’d get early crow’s feet, and Jungkook would be able to tease him mercilessly.
Seokjin should really have foresight about these things.
Seokjin’s brow pinched and the soft smile dropped away. One hand immediately went to Jungkook’s forehead, while the other moved to his neck, his thumb pressing into a spot at the base of his skull that Jungkook hadn’t even realized was sore.
Jungkook went boneless and he tried to get his mouth to cooperate.
“...’yung, ‘ts going on?”
Yeah, that seemed like it would be words.
Jungkook stretched, rubbing at his eyes and cringing at the twinges sent through his body before nudging at Seokjin’s hand again. A voice chimed in from above him.
“Have you been having pain in your wrists and neck?”
Jungkook turned to look upside-down at Namjoon, who had a curious look on his face. Jungkook looked around at the rest of the room, where everyone had abandoned their previous positions to circle him. Jungkook began to feel a little crowded and claustrophobic with his members surrounding him, his heart rate picking up and adrenaline spiking. He nodded slowly, confused as to how Namjoon seemed to know what had been ailing him all day even though he had kept it to himself.
When he expressed this, Seokjin and Namjoon shared a look before looking back down at him.
“Oh, baby,” Seokjin cooed. “It’s finally happening.”
Jungkook blinked at his hyung, having no idea what he was talking about.
“You’re presenting .”
Overall, the whole ordeal was…average.
Literally. According to the doctor at the end of the week, it went about as well as could be expected, with nothing exceptional taking place.
After the sudden realization that Jungkook’s aching joints were the initial stages of his presentation and not old age like he had (only somewhat jokingly) thought, he had been swept into an examination room first thing the next morning to confirm what they already suspected.
The doctor told him what to expect (the aches would get worse as his scent glands developed, his senses would heighten, he would be able to smell the depths of individual scents a little better) and what would happen for each subgender (alphas and omegas would have a rut and heat, respectively, at the end of the week, while betas would become more sensitive to their pack’s pheromones and emotions).
The only thing left to do was wait.
From his health classes in high school, Jungkook had a general idea of what would occur throughout the week.
He knew that his already sensitive nose would become even more sensitive to scents around him as he was able to pick up on secondary layers of pheromones only noticeable to presented wolves.
He was lethargic, sleeping whenever they got a free second, either in the makeup chair, on the couch, or even on one memorable occasion the floor of the practice studio, when he had passed out without even trying to while Sungdeuk-nim was working through some choreography with Taehyung and Yoongi. (The members took a bunch of pictures, and no amount of puppy-dog eyes could get them to delete them.)
In a weird twist, Jungkook was also jittery, in a way that mimicked Namjoon's everyday behavior. He kept dropping things, sending his phone to the other side of the room more times than he would like to admit. Jungkook had also managed to knock some of the figurines off of the shelves in Hoseok's studio, leading to the alpha kicking him out until after the presentation and adjustment periods were over and he had settled into his "new" body.
("Look, you know I love you," Hoseok started while picking up one of the figures off of the ground and giving it a cursory look over, "but we can only handle one Joon at a time. We don't need another one."
Jungkook pouted firmly, unwelcome tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. God, he couldn't stop crying . All the time .
Jimin, who had poked his head in after hearing a crash, snickered while ruffling Jungkook's hair.
What a traitor .)
The only thing that Jungkook wasn't prepared for was that the aches would get worse as the week went on. He was constantly trying to sit with their massage therapist in an attempt to curb the pain, but at the gentle explanations (read: intense glaring and stubbornness) of their head alpha, there wasn't much that could be done by the massage therapist.
The aches, as his hyungs had told him, were the result of his scent glands developing and beginning to produce his own hormones, meaning he would no longer produce the same baby powder scent that all pups had.
Luckily, Jungkook had a pack, which was one of the best ways to soothe the growing pains. Scenting with his hyungs in pack cuddles every night managed to help clear his head and distract his thoughts from how much his body hurt all the time. Having Taehyung rub his nose right under his ear, or Seokjin direct Jungkook's wrist to his neck while massaging it with his thumb, did wonders for his physical state. Jungkook ended each night feeling relaxed in a way he hadn't in a while.
Only for the pain to come back with a vengeance the next morning.
When Jungkook voiced his concerns to the group at breakfast on the morning of the fourth day, everyone just looked at him, sympathy in their eyes, and confirmed what he feared.
This was, all things considered, very typical of a presentation week.
The only thing not typical was the fact that Jungkook's mood hadn't really changed much.
Seokjin recalled how, during his presentation, he was constantly on edge, the slightest inconveniences setting off his temper, before his week ended in, he admitted with bright red ears and eyes not looking at Jungkook, his first rut. Yoongi confirmed the same thing, with the only difference being that he had been prone to mood swings and found himself crying at the drop of the hat and that his pains were focused around his abdomen in the form of cramps, eventually ending with his first heat.
(Yoongi recalled all this bluntly. This time, Jungkook was the one with a bright red face and the inability to look at his hyung.)
Namjoon was the only one who could provide some insight.
"You're probably going to be a beta," he said distractedly on the fifth day, looking at where he was fiddling with some programs on his computer at his studio.
"What makes you say that?"
Namjoon paused before closing what he was working on, turning in his chair to give Jungkook his full attention.
"Well, your presentation honestly sounds more like how mine went. I didn't have any mood changes or anything. And my body hurt around my scent glands, but that was it. I just remember becoming more sensitive to pheromone changes if anything. It became really easy to tell when something was going to set off one of my alpha friends."
Jungkook looked down as he considered what that meant. And to be honest, it seemed right . He didn't have the nurturing instincts like his omega hyungs seemed to have, nor did he want to take a leadership role like Seokjin and Hoseok seemed to do so naturally.
If anything he just wanted to take care of his hyungs in the way that they had been doing so for years. It seemed like he would be able to finally give back to them.
Also, everyone knew how much he looked up to Namjoon; from even before he had entered the company as a trainee, there was something about the beta that just seemed to coax respect from
"Kook?" Namjoon's soft voice drew Jungkook back out of his thoughts. He looked Namjoon in the eyes and gave a reassuring smile.
"Being a beta sounds great, hyung."
Which is exactly what ended up happening.
Jungkook woke up the morning of the seventh day feeling more settled than he had since his presentation had begun. He stretched, arms reaching above his head towards the headboard, before turning and burying his head back into the pillow, only to sit up sharply in bed and inhale the pillow deeply.
Holy shit, he could smell everything .
He could smell Taehyung's sweet strawberry scent on the pillow from where he had stayed with Jungkook the night before. Only this time, strawberries weren't the only thing he could detect; he could also pick up on the underlying something that Jungkook couldn't put a specific name to, other than just happy and content and a slight tinge of worry .
Jungkook swung his legs over the bed and marveled at how light his body felt, now that the aches had somewhat miraculously just vanished.
He could hear the voices of his members from where they must have been gathered in the kitchen or the living room, but after straining his ears he could actually pick out what they were discussing (which was mostly just Jimin grumbling about being awake while Taehyung poked at and purposefully antagonized him).
Jungkook made his way towards the front of their dorm, stopping every so often to sniff at everyone's rooms, something he would deny vehemently once asked about. He hadn't realized exactly how much he had been missing while he was still unpresented. No matter what his members may have said previously, Jungkook finally felt like he could fully be part of the pack now.
Jungkook paused right outside of the doorway leading to the kitchen, nerves suddenly making an appearance. It was obvious by the fact that he hadn't woken up in heat or rut that he was a beta, and he knew that Namjoon had said that there was nothing wrong with this, but what if the group was upset? What if they had been expecting something else, another alpha or omega? He didn't want to disappoint anyone if they had been expecting something else.
Wringing his hands and wiping sweaty palms on his shorts, Jungkook steeled his nerves before carefully opening the door and peering around into the room, trying not to disturb everyone.
Which turned out not to work, as everyone's heads immediately snapped to him.
There was a minute of silence while they all just stared at each other, before all of his hyungs jumped up and cheered, surrounding Jungkook with hugs and nuzzles and comfort and, most importantly, reassurance.
Jungkook settled into being a beta fairly simply, finding that there wasn't a huge difference in how he behaved.
If anything, like Namjoon had pointed out, he was more sensitive to the moods of the people surrounding him, easily able to tell when someone wanted to be left alone or needed comfort. This included not just his pack, although it was easiest to pick up on their pheromones due to their bond and their daily contact, but also their managers, stylists, trainees, and even the ahjumma at the restaurant they liked to frequent, who made sure to give Jungkook extra servings and side dishes when she picked up on the fact that he had presented.
The fans had even taken it surprisingly well, although of course there were people disappointed by his subgender or feeding rumors that he was being forced to lie about his subgender by BigHit. (Jungkook appreciated all of their fans and would never say this out loud, but he was genuinely concerned by how easily they believed this.)
Despite being in the middle of promotions for what could potentially be their biggest comeback, there was a relaxed air that surrounded the group. Everyone could be seen playing around their dressing room or recording studios, being freely open with their affections and not shying away from nuzzling into cheeks or draping themselves across laps and shoulders.
Not having to deal with heats and ruts, or suppressants for that matter was another perk of being a beta. He had watched as Yoongi, Taehyung, and Jimin would get especially antsy and unsettled every couple of months, unable to allow their bodies to go through the heats they needed until their allotted heat weak. Jimin and Taehyung would get especially prickly around this time, seeing as their cycles were synced up, leading to some of their biggest arguments. Jungkook could never look at mandu the same way again.
Yoongi would just lock himself away in his studio, having no patience to deal with his idiot dongsaengs arguing at every corner.
Jungkook's biggest fear was tumultuous mood swings from something his body dictated. No thank you .
In a twist that surprised Jungkook (and only Jungkook), Namjoon took him under his wing, showing him how to hone his senses and pick up on minute changes in temper and dynamics. He demonstrated what it looked like when Jimin and Taehyung were about to brawl on the living room floor, or when Seokjin needed some personal time away from the rest of the pack and how to step up in the meantime. Jungkook knew it looked like his hero-worship of the beta was getting out of hand, but he couldn't care less. He was getting quality time with the elder, growing closer and sharing experiences that the others couldn't relate to.
Mostly, Jungkook was just ecstatic that being a beta wouldn't really affect the group's image, that they wouldn't become a what-could-have-been story for future groups. They had so many more stories they wanted to tell with their music, after all, so many other people they wanted to try and reach.
That year culminated in their first daesangs. Jungkook felt like he was flying high.
Inevitably, one of the primary laws of the universe is that what goes up, must come down.
And Jungkook was no exception.
Jungkook liked being a beta. He felt secure in his subgender, like he was sure of himself for the first time in his life.
But as time went on, he began to feel like something was.........well, missing , was the best way to put it.
He first noticed that something was maybe...not quite right a couple of days after the year-end award shows had ended.
The group had a few days to lounge around and visit family before needing to get back to work on their next comeback. Jungkook had spent a couple of days back in Busan, playing with Gureum and catching up with his parents before heading back to Seoul with Jimin. Upon unlocking the door to their dorm, Jimin was ambushed by Taehyung and pulled away into the living room, dropping his bag in the entryway. Jungkook rolled his eyes before collecting it, depositing both his and Jimin’s bags in their room and heading off to shower the scents of strangers and trains away.
The water was warm, lulling an already sleepy Jungkook into a bit of a haze as he scrubbed absentmindedly at his body, using Seokjin’s expensive body wash and lotion just because he could.
He dried off and made his way towards his room, yawning while pulling on sweatpants and someone’s (probably Hoseok’s) sweatshirt. The post-travel post-shower haze was still tickling the edges of his mind as he made his way towards the living room where the rest of the pack had gathered.
Jungkook lingered in the doorway, scratching the back of his head as he observed the domestic scene in front of him. Namjoon had settled in the chair off to the side, his glasses on as he read a book he received for his birthday back in September, underlining passages every now and then. Hoseok and Seokjin were sitting on opposite ends of the couch with Yoongi stretched out and asleep between them, some kind of movie everyone had seen already playing on the TV in the background. Hoseok had his eyes trained on the TV, eyes glazed over in a way that told Jungkook he wasn’t really paying the movie any attention, the fingers of one hand entangled in Yoongi’s hair. Seokjin, meanwhile, had one hand wrapped around Yoongi’s ankle, a comforting and grounding weight, while he texted someone with the other hand.
Jungkook’s youngest hyungs were wrapped around each other in the middle of the floor, an omega-cuddle pile that had filled Jungkook with warmth and fondness. Jungkook could feel a fog tease at the edges of his mind, his beta wanting nothing more than to join them, make them feel safe and protected. He pressed off of the doorframe and made his way towards the two on the floor. As he got closer, Jungkook could hear the purrs radiating from deep within Jimin and Taehyung’s chests, rippling throughout the small space they had carved for themselves in the nest of pillows and blankets they had amassed.
Jungkook absently wondered why his beta was taking over so intensely, seemingly out of nowhere, but the thought flitted out of his head before he could acknowledge it. He could only focus on pack , on the combined scents of wildflowers and pine forests and bakeries and old, old bookstores as he made his way closer to the pair on the floor. The atmosphere was still tender, what Jungkook had always dreamed of when he dreamed of having a pack.
Eyes slightly glazed, Jungkook knelt outside of the nest and plopped down where Taehyung had his arms wrapped around Jimin's body, nudging his nose into Jimin's neck.
All at once, the temperature in the room dropped.
Taehyung pounced on Jungkook, soft purrs cutting off as he pinned Jungkook to the hard floor outside of the nest, fingers gripping Jungkook's wrists. Taehyung's scent had switched from happy-love-pack-omega to threat-protect-not safe with no warning.
Seokjin and Hoseok sprung into action, letting out comforting pheromones. Seokjin physically pulled Taehyung off of Jungkook and wrapped him in a tight embrace, restraining his arms at his sides while nipping at the back of his neck. It was an old settling technique, but one that seemed to clear up Taehyung's eyes and calm his pheromones. At the same time, Hoseok sat in between Jimin and Jungkook, blocking Jungkook from view and pressing light kisses to Jimin's wrists and neck.
As soon as Jungkook was free, he scrambled away, heart racing and body cold, not stopping until he could feel Namjoon's knees pressing firmly into his back. He wrapped his arms around his knees, tucking his head down tightly into his chest and making himself as small as possible.
"S-sorry, I'm so sorry, I-I don't know what h-happened," Jungkook stuttered out, shaking hard. "I d-didn't mean to, I'm s-sor-"
"It's alright, Jungkookie, please don't be upset." Jungkook curled further into himself at the sound of Taehyung's voice. He didn't know why Taehyung was trying to comfort him, he was the one who messed up, he was the one who ruined everything, he couldn't control his dumb wolf.
"Please, Kookie, look at me, please," Taehyung pleaded, voice wobbling. Jungkook's head whipped up but still kept himself pressed to Namjoon, a comforting anchor he needed desperately. He didn't know why Taehyung sounded so sad, sounded close to tears. “I promise it’s okay, I’m so sorry for scaring you.”
Taehyung was still wrapped up tightly in Seokjin's arms, but he was wiggling, clearly trying to break free so that he could reach out to his dongsaeng. The air was thick with upset hurt scared confused pheromones, and Jungkook whimpered and cringed as they assaulted his senses at once.
"Jungkook-ah, what happened?" Yoongi questioned from where he was now sitting upright on the couch, sharp eyes focused on Jungkook, expression unreadable.
Now that things had calmed slightly, Jungkook took a minute to take stock of his beta.
"I'm...not quite sure," Jungkook started. He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, afraid that anything he might say could set off the omegas again. "It was like something took over me, like the only thing I wanted was to be close to Tae-hyung and Jiminie-hyung."
Jungkook paused when he realized that everyone was staring at him now, with what looked like confusion and disbelief all over their faces. He could feel that same anxiety begin to well up deep in his chest as his breathing began to get shallower and faster.
“But...but that’s normal, right? That I want to cuddle? And scent?”
When no one answered him, Jungkook whirled around to look up at Namjoon, eyes wide and searching for some kind of validation, but Namjoon’s lips were pursed tightly, brow furrowed. Jungkook let out a high-pitched whine as the tight ball in his chest worked its way up and out of his throat.
His distressed pheromones began to diffuse throughout the room, the scent getting thicker and thicker the more worked up Jungkook felt as everyone merely stared at him.
“I don’t understand what’s wrong , why isn’t anyone saying anything?!”
Hands grabbed him under his arms and Jungkook felt himself be pulled up into Namjoon’s lap, a hand over his nape and his nose pressed against his leader’s neck. Jungkook breathed in lungfuls of crisp-winter-comfort and tried to get a grip on his own pheromones, knowing that he was probably only distressing the omegas further. Namjoon’s subtle beta scent always felt like a breath of fresh air on an early winter morning, right after a fresh snowfall, but right now it only seemed to serve as a reminder that Namjoon hadn’t had the same instincts that Jungkook had. That Jungkook’s beta was different and he didn’t know why.
Jungkook felt his hold on his scent slip further.
Namjoon just pressed his head into his neck more firmly, so that the only thing Jungkook could focus on was the calming pheromones Namjoon was pumping out to him and the rest of the room.
Jungkook didn’t know how much time passed before he could feel his heart rate slow down and stop hearing the blood rush throughout his ears, but he still refused to lift his head out of Namjoon’s neck. He had to be soothed like a pup , he hadn’t needed that since Bangtan had first debuted.
“We promise we love you, Kookie.” Jungkook peered out from his haven in Namjoon’s neck to see Jimin kneeling beside the chair, his hands gripping Jungkook’s knees to ground them both. “You just...caught us off guard.”
“When omegas are in that kind of a headspace, we’re really vulnerable,” Yoongi explained, resting his elbows on his knees and giving Jungkook his full attention. “It’s a matter of safety. Logically, we know that the pack wouldn’t hurt us, but if we don’t accept you into the pile first then anything can be seen as an attack.”
Jungkook’s brow furrowed in confusion as he thought back to previous omega-piles he’d seen while he was still unpresented. “But I’ve seen the alphas join you without a problem? I literally watched Hoseok-hyung jump on you and Jimin when you were in a pile like two weeks ago.”
Yoongi’s face froze as he considered this, but Taehyung picked up the explanation from where he was still being held by Seokjin.
“It’s different with the alphas,” he began, before clamming up and looking to Seokjin for guidance.
“It’s, um, hard to explain,” Jimin chimed in nervously. His fingers twitched from their position on Jungkook’s knees in an old nervous habit that Jungkook had thought he had broken a while ago. “It’s just- shit how do I say this-”
“Omegas are used to seeing alphas as protectors, a leftover instinct from hundreds of years ago that still hasn’t fully evolved out.” Jungkook could feel Namjoon’s voice from where he was still pressed tightly against his body. “It’s nothing against you personally, or even me, but it’s harder for omegas to accept betas into piles.”
Jungkook blinked, processing the words before a swell of indignation (and a little bit of hurt, but he wouldn’t admit that) rose from inside of him.
“Are you kidding me?”
He stiffened in Namjoon’s grip before pulling away, giving the older beta all of his attention.
“I can get the alphas, but I’ve seen you do the exact same thing.” Jungkook shoots an accusatory glare at the room at large while some ugly thing he refused to acknowledge gripped tightly at his heart.
Namjoon looked sheepish, but instead of shying away from the accusation like everyone else had he adjusted Jungkook slightly in his lap before replying, “Those weren’t really piles in the same way that this was.”
His eyebrows did a funny little wiggle for a second, thoughts flying through his head, before adding, “And anyway, that was only when the omegas seeked me out first. We as betas don’t usually feel like we need to involve ourselves in piles because we don’t get anything out of it. Not the same kind of relaxation or comfort that the rest of your hyungs would feel.”
“It’s just how we are,” Namjoon finished. “There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just going to have to be one of those learning curves we get over now that the dynamics have shifted.”
Not surprisingly, this did little to comfort Jungkook, the ugly thing in his chest twisting itself further. He stared hard at the floor, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes
Silence fell over the living room, no one really sure where to go from this point. The movie still played in the background but no one acknowledged it. Eventually, the members began to disperse off to their own rooms, offering soft kisses to Jungkook’s forehead or cheek in an attempt to comfort him. The domestic atmosphere that had coated the living room earlier was gone.
Jungkook didn’t want to think about if it would return or not in the coming days.
It was hard, the more Jungkook thought about it, to see how confident other people were as betas while Jungkook was left more confused than ever.
Jungkook was also starting to become painfully aware of what it meant to be a beta to the rest of society.
He hadn’t been aware of it at the time, but betas really only stuck to betas. There wasn’t a lot of mix between alpha and omega groups and beta groups, both within the idol industry and in everyday life. Idol groups would maybe only have one or two betas at most, just to moderate dynamics.
The public who consumed idol media, whether it be in music, dramas, variety show appearances, or et cetera, preferred the dream of having their alpha idol stand up for them and offer a pillar of strength, or the delusion of an omega idol to nurture them.
Betas, just due to the mildness of their pheromones and, unfortunately, the lack of heats and ruts, just didn’t have the same appeal. It was an ugly truth that went hand-in-hand with the demand for idols to maintain the appearance of being single and “available” for their fanbases.
Jungkook felt bitterly lucky for his late presentation now, as he scrolled past a Naver article on another rookie group disbanding due to one member’s presentation. Many of BTS’s fans, and his own personal fansites and fanbases and such, grew to love him as a person and not because of his subgender. At a point when their career was just beginning to skyrocket, losing these bases for superficial reasons would have hurt just a little bit.
Their music was good, too. Jungkook had really been rooting for them to make it from the sidelines.
But outside of the idol world, these kinds of behaviors were perpetuated. It was rare to see betas marry alphas or omegas just due to the belief that they wouldn’t be able to keep up with heats and ruts, or their pheromones were too light and didn’t offer the same comfort, or their scents were too hard to smell on their mates, leading to unwanted advances from other people who just couldn’t take a hint.
In fact, one of their stylists had gone through something similar recently.
It was some kind of magazine shoot that had just happened to have an obscenely early call time. The staff had all hands on deck while Jungkook and the other members tried to wake up and be present enough for the interview they had scheduled after. The day was gloomy and gray, a light summer mist blanketing Seoul. It felt like Jungkook should be bundled under blankets with tea and his hyungs around him, not being jostled and twisted as his makeup was smeared on his face and his hair brushed and blown out into submission.
At some point while Jungkook was being turned from sleepy-nineteen-year-old-Jungkook to put-together-golden-maknae-idol-Jungkook, he had managed to doze off. His brain turned to fuzz and his eyes closed, but he was still subconsciously aware of the hustle of people around him.
“How dare he string you along like that.”
The utter scorn in the voice coming from Jungkook’s left roused him from his slumber as he became more aware. He kept his eyes closed, hoping to drop back off before the long day ahead, but the conversation above him peaked his interest.
A sniff, before a second, quieter voice answered. “It’s not his fault, I wish you wouldn’t blame her so much.”
“And I wish you would!” Sharp, scolding. A tone Jungkook was familiar with from his mother. “Three years together, four months from your wedding, and for what?”
A hiss. “Not now , why can’t you keep your voice down?”
A tug on Jungkook’s hair. “Just for a piece of omega ass- ”
“I said not now!”
Quiet again. Jungkook’s eyes were still closed but his mind was fully alert now. The rest of the room was still preparing, his hyungs scattered around the room in various states of wakefulness. No one else seemed to notice the conversation going on behind Jungkook’s chair.
He hadn’t realized his noona’s wedding had been canceled; they must have been keeping it really quiet. Jungkook had met the alpha fiance, Miyeon, before at company events, and the two had seemed so in love. There shouldn’t have been any kind of reason as to why the wedding would be canceled.
Unless…
"First Eunha, now you...I'm tired of seeing the alphas in our lives leave you just for being a beta. You deserve love just as much as everyone else."
"But she has a point, doesn't she? There's nothing that I can offer that she can't get somewhere else." Another awkward pause, before the stylist ruefully continued. "I barely have a scent, I can't help with her ruts, I basically don't have a dynamic do I?"
"Just because that omega got into your head doesn't mean that you should listen, or that any of that is true. You know that betas are just as important."
"She wasn't the person who said it though. Miyeon was."
Jungkook fought the urge to say something. He didn't want to let on that he had been listening this whole time. But to know that this strong relationship could be broken up after so long, just because of a dynamic and a (in Jungkook's mind) bullshit excuse?
Jungkook couldn't help but sigh, and the hands working in his hair and on his face stilled. They must have been looking at each other and making sure he was 'asleep'.
The conversation didn't continue though. The two stylists finished working on Jungkook before tapping his shoulder gently and coaxing him to full wakefulness, sending him off to get dressed. But there was a heavy stone in his stomach. Was this something he was going to have to deal with in the future? Was his pack going to drop him as a boyfriend, a partner, just because he was a beta? Did Namjoon constantly worry about this too, or was Jungkook the weird one?
If Jungkook curled around Namjoon and Seokjin a little more than normal, held on a little more tightly, nobody questioned why.
It was a bunch of little things like that.
Just out of the way comments, made offhand like Jungkook wasn't acutely aware of everything people would say about his subgender all the time . A quick quip here and there about betas mating with non-betas, or how a coworker just wouldn't understand (understand what, Jungkook could never quite figure out) because they were a beta.
Comments about how beta scents were basically nonexistent, leading to strangers or acquaintances leaning in uncomfortably close just to make their points. It was legally a form of harassment, but not one that was ever proven in court.
Jungkook was lucky that his hyungs, as well as his managers and the rest of the company, worked so hard to try and protect Jungkook and the other betas in BigHit, but it couldn't stop the daily microaggressions that Jungkook witnessed daily.
He tried not to let it get to him. If Jungkook focused on every single hate comment about his subgender then he would never have been able to continue on as an idol. Instead, he focused all of his effort into being a better role model for the trainees, learning about music production and film editing, and spending a lot of time with Namjoon, squashing the self-hatred to the back of his mind and tucking it away into the smallest box possible, never to look at it again, leaving him to doubt his every move and interaction with others, even his own pack.
After the Pack Pile Incident (Jungkook capitalized it whenever he thought about it, how could he not?), it was like he couldn't stop second-guessing his position. Was he being too clingy? Should he stop play-fighting with Seokjin? Is everyone annoyed with him?
(Logically, Jungkook knew the answer was no. But it was like he was in one continuous anxiety attack that just wouldn't end.)
He didn't realize how bad it had gotten until he, Hoseok, and Jimin had all stayed behind after dance practice one day to go over solos, difficult moves, and just generally spend some time bonding as the dance line. After a couple of hours, Yoongi stopped by to drag Jimin off to who knows where, leaving Jungkook behind with Hoseok.
Hoseok, who hadn't relaxed in days.
Hoseok, who had more pressure on him from producing and choreographing for this comeback than he was used to.
Hoseok, whose rut was due next week and was tense, jittery, and quick to anger.
Suffice to say, dance practices had been tense recently. This late night was supposed to be a way for the three members to destress a little bit and bond, but it was taking a turn.
"Again, Jungkook." Hoseok's sharp claps jerked Jungkook out of his thoughts from where he was laying in the middle of the dance floor, groaning and rolling over to bury his head in his arms.
"Hyung, we've gone through the whole thing at least six times already," Jungkook whined to the room. "My legs are jello now, I need five minutes please."
"No can do, pup." Jungkook could feel Hoseok stomp back towards the radio in order to restart the music. "If we can't get this, then how can we expect everyone else to be able to? We all need the work, so the sooner we get moving the sooner we can head out."
Lifting his head from his arms to watch as Hoseok fiddled with some of the controls, Jungkook could see how tense his shoulders were, how stiffly he was holding himself. He knew that if he could see Hoseok's face, he'd be able to see a crease between his brows and pursed lips.
"Hoseok-hyung," Jungkook called out, "you need a break before you burn out."
Hoseok didn't turn or respond to Jungkook, still facing the radio, but Jungkook could pick up on how Hoseok's scent sharpened and turned a little bitter and burnt around the edges. It was okay, though. This is what Jungkook was meant to do as a beta. This was his chance to finally put the skills he learned from Namjoon to good use.
Without tipping off Hoseok to what he wanted to do, Jungkook let some of his own clean laundry scent leak into the room. Not thick or anything, just enough that Hoseok would know that he was there.
"Why don't we just call it a night for now? The more you work at it now the more frustrated you're going to get?"
This seemed to have the opposite effect that Jungkook had intended, as Hoseok's scent, normally comforting like a large library, quickly soured further, burning paper taking over the pheromones that Jungkook had tried to push out.
Hoseok's response was short and cutting. "There's no point in leaving when we haven't finished our work here."
"You know you don't have to shoulder it all on your own right? You can rely on the rest of us, on me and Jiminie-hyung to pick up some of the burden too."
"I'm the main dancer. I'm the one leading the dance line right now. This was asked of me by the company, not you."
This wasn't working. Hoseok was getting more agitated and everything Jungkook said seemed to just be making the situation worse.
Pushing his soothing beta pheromones more obviously now, Jungkook picked himself off of the floor and began walking towards the radio as well.
"Even if you're the one they tapped to take point, that doesn't mean you're supposed to do it all yourself. You're leading, but you can still delegate. We're supposed to be a team , remember?"
Hoseok whipped around, frown set firmly on his face. "Stop pushing your pheromones, Jungkook. It's my decision for what I can and can't handle! Stop worrying about your hyungs, that's not your job. Either run the dance again with me or head home for the night."
Jungkook was gutted. What else was he supposed to do? He may be the youngest, may have the least amount of time on this earth, but he still should have been able to soothe, to comfort. Isn't that what his "job" was in the pack hierarchy? Why wasn't it working? Namjoon never had a problem like this, everyone seemed to react to his pheromones just fine. He always knew what to say.
Jungkook could only make things worse it seemed.
Tucking his chin into his chest, he packed up his bag and left the room, closing the door on the music restarting and Hoseok taking a spot in the center of the room.
Jungkook had hoped it was just a fluke, that Namjoon was right in saying that there would just be some growing pains and adjustments while the pack dynamics settled, but the same thing happened with Yoongi just a couple of weeks later.
Feeling put out by the exchange with Hoseok, Jungkook had decided to...not really ignore his beta urges, but acknowledge them and then willfully choose to do nothing about them. Getting shot down the way he had, making all the wrong moves and saying all the wrong things, Jungkook was discouraged, scared to try again. Things were awkward between them for a couple of weeks before Hoseok’s rut had passed and Namjoon made them sit down in a room to talk it out.
Which is why when Jungkook found himself in Yoongi’s studio one night after schedules ended for the day, watching his hyung struggle with a track for a collaboration, he hesitated.
It wasn’t an unfamiliar scene in the slightest. Jungkook would often enter Yoongi’s studio without prompting, flopping down on the couch and waiting until Yoongi surfaced from wherever the creative flow had taken him. Sometimes it was immediate, sometimes it would take an hour or two, but Jungkook was content to just sit in his hyung’s comforting presence, not obligated to speak or contribute or be sociable.
(Jungkook often used this time to catch up on some much needed sleep. No one was going to give away the fact that his secret nap spot was Yoongi’s couch.)
This time, though, Jungkook was feeling on the edge of some indescribable cliff, like he was one minor inconvenience away from a breakdown. His skin was beginning to crawl, his palms were clammy, and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to isolate himself in his room or surround himself with people to distract himself. Eventually, he chose the latter, throwing on his jacket and absently calling out to whoever was home that he was going to the company to find Yoongi.
There were only a few people around, and Jungkook greeted each with a jerk of his head and a shaky smile, failing to conceal his anxious state. The hallways were dark and barren, no music blaring from practice rooms or trainees milling around, no doubt trying to catch up on either homework or sleep. It was eerily reminiscent of that fateful night in the dance studio, and Jungkook could feel a chill creep up his spine.
Shaking his head, Jungkook hurried to Yoongi’s studio door, inputting the code and ducking inside. As he took off his shoes and slipped into some slippers sitting next to the door, he glanced up at Yoongi to see him staring intently at the computer screens in front of him, a large headset over his beanie playing back whatever he was clicking away at.
Jungkook didn’t know how long Yoongi had been there for, but he wasn’t oblivious to the empty cans of cold coffee and take-out containers littering the desk and bin. There was a fan lazily blowing in the corner, but it did little to hide the smell of stale air or the distress pheromones Yoongi kept (most likely unwittingly) pumping out. It was shaping up to be a repeat of the dance studio incident all over again.
Jungkook was then reminded of the argument that Jimin and Yoongi had had earlier that day, as vocal lessons were coming to an end. The newest comeback had everyone’s stress levels elevated for weeks now, and Yoongi had noticed Jimin falling into bad habits, staying late at the studio and straining himself. When he had tried to step up as the eldest omega and Jimin’s hyung and boyfriend, Jimin had snapped, lashing out insults with a sharp tongue that had Yoongi recoiling and closing off, his anger and hurt cold before locking himself in his studio, refusing to come out even for Seokjin.
Jungkook had a choice at this point. Yoongi was probably so absorbed in what he was doing that he hadn’t sensed Jungkook’s presence yet. Jungkook could either leave, find another member, or suffer through his anxiety alone, sending one of the alphas or Namjoon to Yoongi, or he could try to do what he failed to do last time and ease the disgruntled omega sitting five feet away.
What was the worst that could happen? Yoongi was probably the most familiar with how long it took Jungkook to gather his thoughts sometimes; he knew to be patient and wait to hear what Jungkook would say in its entirety before responding.
But there was still that niggling fear and apprehension that lingered. That he would say completely the wrong thing and alienate himself from this hyung as well.
“I haven’t seen you get that wide-eyed since you were, like, thirteen or fourteen or something.”
The most pressing issue, though, was that as Jungkook was standing frozen in the doorway like a frightened rabbit, Yoongi had turned around in his chair and was watching Jungkook, arms crossed in front of his chest and eyebrow cocked.
"H-how long have you been watching me?" Jungkook croaked out.
Yoongi narrowed his eyes and replied, "Mm, at least five minutes," before turning back towards the computer monitor.
And Jungkook wasn't going to lie. Yoongi may not have said it outright, but his actions and words felt like a dismissal. Like Yoongi didn't want him around.
Jungkook just couldn't tell if that was Yoongi as a person, or his omega reacting to Jungkook's beta.
He gingerly moved towards the couch and moved to sit, pulling his feet up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees. Yoongi had gone back to clicking away at the computer, back to barely reacting to Jungkook, who used these moments to watch the omega in front of him.
Unwilling to break the silence, Jungkook hesitantly called out, “...Hyung?”
Yoongi’s scent soured slightly, buttery cookies taking on a burnt tinge, as he sighed and answered, “What is it, Jungkook-ah?”
Jungkook hated talking to Yoongi’s back; it made him feel like he had done something wrong, that he was undeserving of his hyung's pretty face or the way his mouth would purse when he was focused on the problem before him, whether it be a track or an errant dongsaeng.
He shifted on the couch, anxiety itching under his skin and clawing its way up his throat.
“I just wanted to talk, but hyung…” Jungkook let his voice trail off as he thought of the best way to approach the situation. “Are you okay? You seem really upset.”
Silence met Jungkook’s question, nothing but the squeak of the chair material as Yoongi shifted around and the whir of the computers to answer him.
He decided to try again, pumping out soothing beta pheromones to the best of his ability. “I know that what Jiminie-hyung said earlier was- “
Annoyance colored Yoongi’s voice as he cut Jungkook off. “It’s nothing for you to worry about, Jungkook-ah. It’s between me and Jimin.” Whether Yoongi was aware of it or not, he was beginning to give off his own pheromones, ones indicating distress-attack-upset-challenge , essentially pushing back against Jungkook and attempting to overpower and drown him out.
Jungkook didn’t take many things to heart when it came to his subgender, but the way that Yoongi was blatantly disregarding Jungkook’s beta was almost insulting. He could feel himself bristling, unable to understand why Yoongi wouldn’t just let him comfort and soothe the way that Jungkook so desperately needed to. Both for his beta’s and Yoongi’s sakes.
“Please, we’re all worried, Jimin-hyung feels bad and Seokjin-hyung won’t stop stress-cooking-”
The chair creaks as Yoongi turns to face Jungkook head-on, leveling him with a hard stare that has Jungkook’s words catching in his throat.
“And I’m telling you, it doesn’t involve you. Not everything can be fixed by just smothering others with pheromones. I thought Joon would have taught you that by now.”
Oh good. Yoongi was actually pissed off. And not just at Jimin, but now at Jungkook too.
Jungkook let out a choked gasp, losing the already tentative control over his pheromones. The fear-hurt-anguish-anxiety that turned Jungkook’s soft clean laundry scent into bitter damp, that he had tried so hard to hide from Yoongi once he had realized how distressed Yoongi actually was, took over, spreading throughout the room and smothering the aroma from some of the candles that were burning in the corner.
“I-I’m sorry h-hyung, so sorry, I’ll just g-go-” Jungkook jumped up and began fumbling at the door, at his shoes, at anything that could distract him from the disappointment radiating from where Yoongi was sitting.
"Jungkookie, baby, please. It's not your fault. Hyung just wants to be left alone right now."
Throat still closed tight, Jungkook jerked his head in some semblance of a nod and rushed to put his shoes on, ignoring the way Yoongi called out to him as he all but barreled out the door back towards the dorm.
It was glaringly obvious now how Jungkook had misjudged a beta’s position in a pack like this.
He had really thought that being a beta in a loving pack like Bangtan meant that he could be himself, that he could live free from what others had expected. That he could defy what subgenders represented in society and just be Jeon Jungkook, a beta idol in love with his six boyfriends and packmates, getting to do what he loves without having to worry about expectations or stereotypes.
But as time continued and another comeback was fast approaching, Jungkook felt more unsettled than he had before he had even presented, back when he was still a pup who only wanted to present and have a secure place in his pack.
Taehyung and Jimin, ever the doting omega hyungs, would constantly try to pull him in for maknae-line-only cuddle piles, scenting and rolling around their nest, embracing each other as they nuzzled into necks, faces, wherever their noses could reach. And while Jungkook was ever grateful for this reminder of his boyfriends’ love, his beta just didn’t get anything from it. He could watch Jimin and Taehyung’s eyes glaze over as they found comfort in each other, purring and chirping in a language only they seemed to understand, but they would immediately start to come back up from wherever they were once they turned towards Jungkook.
Was this how it was always going to be from now on? Couldn’t comfort his omegas the way he wanted to, make them feel safe enough to slip into their omega headspaces? Was it just Jungkook, or was it because he was a beta?
(Jungkook wasn’t stupid. He had seen his fellow maknae-liners with Namjoon. Logically, he knew that it was just another downside of being a beta.
It still hurt, nonetheless.)
It felt like there was always something that was going to be missing. It had been months at this point, he should have settled into his position in the pack hierarchy, regardless of the fact that they rarely actually enforced it. But there was still always something missing, some kind of intimacy that Jungkook watched everyone around him receive that he just couldn't get the hang of.
Was he asking for too much maybe? Was he supposed to just have a base expectation of disappointment for the rest of his life in his pack?
(His brain said no. His brain very loudly said no, that his hyungs were worrying, that the pack would be more than willing to do whatever he needed to feel reassured and comfortable in his own skin again.
But the voice of logic was overpowered by ever-looming fear.)
The intimacy was there, the love and support were always present in dates, in pack cuddles, in sex, but there was just something inherently missing that always seemed to set Jungkook on an even further edge than before.
It was mostly apparent in the way that Namjoon would often be off doing his own thing, adventuring or visiting museums or working, when the pack would be having these typical bonding experiences. Or he would be off to the side, ready to fetch anything that the pack might need, always anticipating their needs before they often realized it, but not fully participating in the way that Jungkook and his own beta seemed to want.
And any time he tried to bring it up, tried to see if there was something wrong with his beta, with him , no one could really help him, or would just (unintentionally) brush him off.
Seokjin, ever the hyung, recognized that Jungkook was distraught, but seemed to think that it was just because of the comeback, of their growing international fame.
("Hyung, can I ask you about something?"
"Of course Jungkookie, you can always ask your favorite hyung anything."
"Well I wouldn't quite go that far-"
"Yah, stop being a brat and just talk to me outright."
Silence.
"I can see you working yourself up from all the way over here in the kitchen, pup."
"'M not a pup anymore..."
"Stop deflecting, baby. Don't make me smother you."
Silence, then Jungkook buried himself in Seokjin's arms.
"...when we first started Bangtan, first created the pack, did you feel out of place? Like no matter what you did, you just didn't know how you fit into the grand scheme of things?"
A beat.
"Hm, well I guess it was more common for me at the start of everything, right when we all debuted and the year or two after. Because you all seemed to have a position, either as dancers or rappers or leaders or visuals, and I just was kind of there."
"No, hyung, I didn't mean like with the group-"
"Hyung I think you missed the point-"
"Don't you worry your pretty little head about it anymore, okay? Now help hyung make dinner, I can tell that everyone is going to come in soon and demand food."
"Yes hyung.")
Assuming that it was just a disconnect between him and his eldest hyung (being the youngest really sucked sometimes), he tried to talk to both Taehyung and Jimin about his concerns. They had both been much more tactile with him recently, trying to provide reassurance without really knowing why, but all it served to do was make Jungkook more anxious and more withdrawn.
("It just doesn't make sense to me . It's been months, I'm tired of this already."
"I mean, TaeTae went through the exact same thing when we both presented. It took him ages before he was able to articulate what he needed, you know?"
"Jimin, it took him like a week."
"Yeah and what an awful week it was, Jungkookie, I drove Chim up a wall."
"But you still can feel the pack bond right? Like it's something that you're always aware of. You don't need to say what you need or what you're missing because everyone just seems to get it."
"Well, yeah. The difference between omegas and the other two subgenders is that most of us need that pack bond in order to be stable and happy. Even if it's just between mates or something. It settles something within our wolves so that they don't constantly dominate our headspaces."
"Wow, Taehyung, didn't know you could be so eloquent."
"Shut up, Jimin."
A beat, while Taehyung wrestled with Jimin, the two of them play-nipping while Jungkook just watched from the sideline.
Always from the sideline.
Jungkook whined low in his throat, rolling away from the other two on the bed.
"You're still missing my point. Why doesn't anyone seem to get it?!"
Jungkook's face was tucked into Jimin's neck, and Taehyung was purring against his back.
"Take a second. Think through your words. Taehyung and I will be here when you want to give it another try." )
Omegas need a pack bond. Who would've thought. That totally came out of left field.
Jungkook didn't know why he tried anymore, honestly. Clearly he wasn't making any progress.
The only person left to talk to at this point was Namjoon, and to be honest, he was the last person Jungkook wanted to bother with this. Namjoon had been teaching him about being a beta since he had presented, and no matter what Jungkook did he was always in the wrong somehow. He didn't think he could bear the disappointment on Namjoon's face when Jungkook told him he was pretty sure his beta was defective, he would like to return it please, where is the nearest subgender removal store?
He could avoid Namjoon all he wanted, but one of the reasons he was made the leader was his persistence in fixing what was wrong.
Which is how Jungkook found himself cornered in his bedroom, Namjoon in front of him on his bed, body frozen with disappointment as not even his role model could soothe his apprehensions.
(“You know, going to ask all of our boyfriends variations of the same question is going to look like something’s up, pup.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, hyung, you can’t just appear out of nowhere like that-”
“Talk to me, Jungkook. What’s going on?”
…
“Is this about the comeback? Is everything okay with your family? Do you need time off-”
“Why do you never really participate in pack bonding, hyung?”
“...what do you mean?”
“Like, do you feel satisfied even though you aren’t actively participating?”
“But I am. Just because I’m not the one putting the omegas into their headspaces or helping the alphas with sex during ruts doesn’t mean I’m not an active member of this pack. That’s not what it means for us. It makes me so happy to provide for our pack, for our family. It’s all I could have ever wanted.”
…
“What prompted this? I thought we had talked about all of this already.”
“...Nothing, hyung. Don’t worry about me.”
“Jungkook, I know there’s something-”
“Really, hyung. Everything is fine.”)
But, as Jungkook found himself stuck inside his head more and more, he missed the way that Namjoon’s eyes lingered on him whenever they were in the same room together, always observing, always aware that something was wrong with his baby that he just couldn't seem to fix.
Lately, Jungkook had been doing what any other gen-z-er would have done in his position.
Scouring the internet for any kind of advice, anyone who may have experienced what he was going through.
He had phrased his question a hundred different ways under a hundred different usernames, on forums, Twitter, Reddit, anywhere that may be able to help him out.
Jungkook never thought he’d see the day when Naver or Google would fail him, but apparently today was the day.
It was late, almost late enough to be considered early . Everyone else had gone to bed, trying to pull Jungkook with them, but he threw on a hesitant smile that he knew did nothing to reassure them before giving excuses about video-editing, playing Overwatch, anything to get them to leave him alone.
Jungkook had been hunched in front of his computer for hours now, reading through the comments underneath some of his latest questions. But everything seemed to say the same thing.
njjk940912 2017-02-08
i (19M) have recently been feeling like my beta wolf is defective because it doesn’t like to act like the other beta in my pack? am i doing something wrong? where can i return it?
gimme_mo 2017-02-08
my dude you’ve gotta calm down
shelbabie 2017-02-08
sounds to me like you’re perfectly functional. why would you expect your beta to act the same as the other beta? you’re not the same person
pack_trad_0385 2017-02-08
sounds to me like you really shouldn’t be in your pack if there’s already a beta
shelbabie 2017-02-08
what kind of bullshit…
pack_trad_0385 2017-02-08
oh please everyone knows that packs don’t need more than one beta. they’re kind of useless anyway, like the only thing they’re good for is fetching shit for the pack or mediating. you don’t need more than one for that.
shelbabie 2017-02-08
then where are they supposed to go? betas deserve packs in the same way that alphas and omegas do. where do you get off saying that they don’t belong in packs??
pack_trad_0385 2017-02-08
i’m not saying they don’t belong in packs, i’m saying there doesn’t need to be more than one, just like how it used to be. betas can just mate with each other until they eventually die out.
shelbabie 2017-02-08
clearly you’re an incredibly hateful person. you should take this rhetoric elsewhere, no one wants to hear it. OP, don’t listen to this dumbass, you have every right to be loved and accepted by your pack.
Unfortunately, that part seemed to lodge itself in Jungkook’s brain, like it had put down roots and refused to move. His eyes widened as everything began to click into place.
Of course , it all made sense. Jungkook’s beta couldn’t settle because there was already a beta. They didn’t need another one, especially not as the youngest. What kind of sway would he have over everyone? How would he be able to be a good beta, to take care of his pack?
With these words swirling around his head every time he closed his eyes, he moved from his desk to his bed, tossing and turning, unable to find the sweet escape of sleep.
He knew that the comments were just the musings of some ahjussi who hadn’t moved on with the times yet, but what if he was right?
Jungkook slept fitfully that night, unable to calm down for more than an hour at a time.
Things only seemed to get worse from there.
Now Jungkook is painfully aware of his every interaction with his members, that niggling notion of you’re just a spare at the forefront of his mind.
Promotions were officially underway, sending the members into a constant rush of music shows, interviews, lives, and photoshoots. It made it easy for Jungkook to take a step back from his pack, from his boyfriends, claiming he was tired from a long day and just wanted to sleep. He held himself back from the urges he felt to nuzzle into Yoongi’s or Hoseok’s necks and the desire to be constantly available in case anyone needed something.
He especially held back from the pull deep within him that demanded cuddles and attention from his members. It was clear that those kinds of instincts and urges weren’t desirable in betas, that he was probably just creeping out his hyungs based on the way they had reacted in the past.
Jungkook and his beta had never been more at war with each other. He’d gotten incredibly good at blocking out all the whines and howls he could feel coming from his subconscious. There would be times when his vision would go fuzzy while sitting on a couch, waiting for his turn to be styled by one of the noonas, and he would come to with his head tucked against someone’s neck or on someone’s lap. He’d immediately tense, fighting the hands that would hold him in place, shaking the static from his brain before walking away to cool off.
It was worse at home too, when everyone was relaxed and scent-blockers could be washed off. The smell of pack , something that he would have normally given anything to roll around and coat himself in, now made him sick. Jungkook couldn’t stop thinking about how his own clean scent was already barely detectable on a normal day, and that it would most likely be tinged with sour mildewy notes because of his distress. He had even taken to keeping his scent-blockers on until everyone else had gone to sleep.
Jungkook had also begun to avoid their nest. His beta’s pull was just too strong when he was in that room, unable to resist the desire to join in even though he knew that his presence was probably disgusting and unnecessary to the rest of the pack. It had happened once already, when he had lost control of his instincts and just barreled into the nest, disturbing how the blankets and pillows that the omega line had so carefully placed were laid out. When Jungkook heard the low growls surrounding him, he had immediately snapped to his senses, stammering out apologies as he ran out the door and locked himself in his room.
The more he was around his pack, the more these urges came and the harder they were to fight off. But he couldn’t risk it, couldn’t give in, because why would anyone want a weird beta like him?
Maybe he should have just stayed unpresented. Anything would be better than this hell.
Namjoon-hyung 5:46 PM
Team meeting in fifteen minutes. Everyone meet in the living room.
Jimin-ssi 5:52 PM
But Yoongi-hyung was going to treat Hoseokie-hyung and I to dinner ㅠㅠ
Namjoon-hyung 5:53 PM
Alpha's orders.
Jungkook had been staring at the text on his phone for ten minutes now since Namjoon had sent it.
He was alone in his room, isolated from everyone else, just like he had been for the last few weeks, only seeing them during practices or schedules before immediately sequestering himself again. Jungkook just couldn't handle being around everyone, seeing the disappointment or the pity or even the disgust on their faces, now that he knew he was just an extra, a spare with no real place in the pack.
If Seokjin was the one to call the meeting, not Namjoon, then this was something about the pack, not the band.
Jungkook felt tears well up in his eyes and his throat closed, fully aware that they were going to ask him to leave the pack, leave his boyfriends behind.
Hopefully they'd at least let him stay in Bangtan. Jungkook didn't think he'd be able to make it solo, and he didn't want to go back to Busan just because he couldn't handle being around and working with his former pack.
He waited until he heard everyone pass by his door on their way to the living room before cautiously cracking the door, peering down the hallway to make sure no one else was coming before quickly making his way as well. Eyes lowered behind his bangs, Jungkook avoided everyone else before settling at the base of the arm chair, his members within eyesight but far enough away that no one could reach out to him, that his beta wouldn’t be tempted.
It didn’t really matter. He could hear it howling at even being in the same room as the rest of his pack.
Jungkook grit his teeth and kept his eyes firmly on his knees.
After a few minutes of awkward silence (god, he was really just ruining everything ), he watched Seokjin’s slippers appear in his peripheral, taking his place in the middle of the loose semi-circle that they had all congregated in.
No one spoke, everyone waiting to hear what Seokjin had to say.
"I think we all have an idea of what's going on right now. But I feel like I need to emphasize this: this isn't Bangtan business, this is pack business."
Jungkook hadn't heard Seokjin be so serious since they'd last had a pack meeting. He had put his foot down and intervened when Jimin had almost collapsed while dancing in the studio, just due to a severe case of overworking himself while eating too little, trying to appease the company and the antis.
If Hoseok hadn't been there as well, they didn't know what could have happened to Jimin.
Point being, pack meetings were held separately from meetings Namjoon tended to call to relay information that related to Bangtan specifically. Sometimes the two would overlap, usually whenever the members needed a break or a couple of days off due to illness, but delegating responsibilities the way that they had at the beginning of their careers and relationship had helped take some of the burden off of both Seokjin and Namjoon's shoulders.
Pack business meant that there was some kind of strife between members of the pack that couldn't be settled without everyone's involvement. Pack business was something they all took seriously.
****
Jungkook could feel tears welling up in his eyes, and he began to furiously try to blink them away. If he moved his hands to try and wipe his face, then they all would know that he was crying , that he knew he was going to be asked to leave.
Any moment now, Seokjin would turn to Jungkook and say-
"Please, baby, we all hate seeing you like this. Please just talk to us, we don't want you to be hurting anymore."
Oh, that wasn't what Jungkook was expecting at all .
He could hear the hitch in Seokjin's voice, and he jerked his head up to look up at his hyung with wide, watery eyes. Jungkook opened his mouth to try and say something, say that he would pack his things and go, but the only thing that escaped his throat was a tiny little wheeze.
As his mouth continued opening and closing like a fish, Jungkook glanced around at the rest of the room to see everyone watching him with varying expressions of distress on their faces.
This was exactly the opposite of what Jungkook had wanted.
"Everything's fine, hyung." Fuck, why was now the moment that his voice decided to enter a second puberty? He hadn't sounded that high-pitched since he first joined BigHit. "Nothing's wrong, what do you mean?"
"Don't bullshit us, Jeon Jungkook." Shit, Yoongi pulled out the full name. Jungkook flinched and looked back down at his lap. "You've been avoiding us for weeks now. You won't talk to anyone, your scent hasn't been normal since Hoseok's birthday, and you're acting like you can just ignore your beta for the rest of time. It's not healthy; we can't let you go on like this."
"Do you want to leave us?" Jungkook's head whipped up to where Jimin's small voice had come from. "
Jungkook was quick to contradict, shaking his head furiously. "What, no, why would I-"
"Then why won't you just let us help you?" Hoseok's face was pulled into that frown, the one that even ARMY had noticed. Jungkook felt his heart shatter at being the cause of that frown.
"I-I didn't mean...I p-promise that everything is-"
"If you say 'fine' one more time then I'm getting up and leaving." Taehyung's voice was low and sharp.
"No, please Taehyungie-hyung, d-don't-" Jungkook cut himself off and pulled back his hand from where it was starting to reach towards the rest of the group,. holding his hands close to his chest, pulling at and twisting his fingers to try and ease the anxiety at least a little. His eyes were back to looking at his knees, unable to handle the pressure of six pairs of eyes all waiting to see what he would have to say.
This could be it. This could be his chance to finally admit how he was feeling, to let everyone in and try and soothe his heart.
But what if it all went badly? What if they were disgusted by him, decided that they couldn't handle his insecurities and self-deprecation? It was starting to become too much for himself to handle; Jungkook couldn't force that on anyone else.
No matter what, though, Jungkook knew he wouldn't get out of this meeting without giving up something.
When he finally opened his mouth and words were able to come out, they poured from him like a fountain. Everything he had been suffering from for the past few months, exploding from behind the door he tried so hard to keep them locked behind.
"I-it's just, everything was fine? In the beginning? But ever since New Years and we all came back I've just felt wrong. L-like what I want and what my b-beta wants aren't on the same page. The only thing I had w-wanted in that moment was to hold you, to c-care for you in the only way my beta knew how.
"But the rejection hurt a lot . And it scared me. Because no matter what I seemed to do after that, I always managed to fuck it up. I n-never knew what everyone needed, I c-couldn't seem to do the one thing I'm supposed to be good at as a beta, and no one seemed to listen to me just because I'm the youngest.
"A-and I know that we were going to need time to settle, and that we w-were going to fight and have disagreements until the dynamics went b-back to normal, but everything I did was wrong , I was wrong,, I made Jiminie and Taehyungie uncomfortable, and Yoongi-hyung and Hoseok-hyung mad and upset-"
Jungkook pulled himself tighter and tighter into a ball as he spoke, refusing to look at everyone. He knew that his pheromones were going to be flooding the room, but he didn't care at this point. It was like a floodgate had opened and he just couldn't shut up .
"A-and I guess I just got stuck in my head, because I couldn't help b-but think about how everything was fine when I was still unpresented, and of course I fucked it all up, why would you need me when you have Namjoon, you don't need another beta but please I love you all so much don't make me leave I can be better I promise-"
A high-pitched keen filled the room and Jungkook flinched away from it, curling himself tighter. He knew that the sound had come from Jimin, but he didn't understand why . He didn't want anyone to be upset, that was the last thing he had wanted or expected.
And then the room erupted into chaos.
He was suddenly surrounded by shouts, objections, pleas of "We would never", "Baby you mean so much to us", "We're terrible, terrible hyungs". Jimin and Hoseok were crying, he could hear it, and Seokjin was yelling , this was all a nightmare.
Jungkook didn't know what he should do. He desperately, desperately needed to make things better somehow, but he didn't know where to start. He was too scared to speak, throat closed tightly as he choked on tears. He didn't know how to express that it wasn't their faults, it was all Jungkook, he was the weird one, the one who couldn't control his beta. He couldn't tell if the panic and anxiety gripping at his lungs was his own or his beta's.
He could distantly hear Namjoon and Seokjin, but the blood pounding through his ears made it sound like they were underwater. Everyone was still directing questions at him, overloading his senses.
He didn't know how much more of this he could take. His head was becoming too clouded, the room filling up with bitter and pungent scents, all mixing into one confusing concoction that left Jungkook reeling. Everyone's voices were becoming further and further away as Jungkook fought against the pressure building in his chest and his head. What right did he have to try and soothe his pack, when he had caused this in the first place?
The room smelt too acrid, it was getting harder to breathe. Jungkook trembled and gasped and shook in the corner of the room, sharp pain bursting from his arms as he dug his nails in to restrain himself. Black spots were filling his vision as he fought to try and pull air into his lungs-
Arms wrapped around him tight, prying his fingers from his arms, tucking his face against a strong, sturdy chest. Jungkook still couldn't breathe, was still fighting the haze in his brain, but whoever was holding him was rumbling softly, maneuvering one of Jungkook's hands to the chest his face was smooshed against, guiding his breathing.
Jungkook didn't know how long they sat there for. It could have been hours or minutes, but it didn't matter at this point. His entire focus had tunneled to the hand covering his and the body crowding him, blocking out the rest of the room.
Eventually, he could hear a voice in his ear, encouraging him to “-breathe love, it’s okay. You’re safe, we love you, you’re going to be okay. Just breathe .”
All of a sudden, his lungs could function, and Jungkook sucked in a large breath before coughing violently.
****
“Good boy , you’re doing so well, just keep breathing Jungkookie.” The hand holding his moved to caress the back of his head, fingers gently carding through his hair rhythmically, providing further comfort and calm.
Of course the person holding him was Namjoon. Jungkook wasn’t even upset about it at this point; he hadn’t realized how much he was depriving himself of his packmates’ touch and love. He shuddered, sobs racking his chest as he tried to meld himself into Namjoon so that he wouldn’t have to face everyone else in the room.
Jungkook was completely overwhelmed by his own thoughts and the emotions coming from the other side of the room. As his sobs died down, he felt large hands cradle his cheeks, pulling his face up and out of its safe place tucked against Namjoon’s chest.
“Aigoo, let’s clean that face up a little, poor baby.” Seokjin’s face appeared over Namjoon’s shoulders, cheeks and neck blotchy from where he must have been crying himself. Jungkook wanted to flinch away, he didn’t deserve this kindness from his alpha, but Namjoon’s hands held him firmly in place.
As Seokjin worked on his face, Jungkook allowed his eyes to drift to the other side of the room. He was surprised to see his four other hyungs had moved closer, sitting just beyond where Seokjin and Namjoon were still gently tending to him, waiting for their chance at... something , Jungkook didn’t know what.
“Is it okay if the others move closer, baby? They just want to make sure that you’re okay, we all feel so bad for neglecting you and hurting you.” Namjoon’s voice was quiet and careful, trying not to startle Jungkook who merely nodded his head and welcomed the warmth that the others brought as they moved to surround him.
Hushed whispers of “We love you” and “You can’t leave us” and “You’re so precious to us” danced across Jungkook’s ears, warming him from the inside out. He could sense that they were all being truthful, that he could trust his members to take care of him in the same way that they always had, since he was just a tiny fourteen year old entering the idol industry.
His insecurities weren’t going to be solved overnight; Jungkook would have to have been an idiot to think that they would be fixed with just a cuddle and some reassurance.
But here, surrounded by the people he loved most, Jungkook could believe that everything would work out in the end.