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You had never considered yourself as someone jealous, you believed it was an awful feeling, irrational. But you couldn’t help the sense of discomfiture forming in the pit of your stomach when there was evidence for you to feel that way. Bucky has been on a mission with Natasha for two weeks, this was the first time the two were sent alone. In the beginning, you didn’t worry about it because- you were aware of the past your boyfriend and the black widow shared, but Bucky had always assured you that it was in the past and he didn’t see her as anything more than a friend. He made sure to show you every day how in love he was with you, and you didn’t remember the last time you felt this happy with someone.
But this mission changed everything.
Bucky usually calls you to check on you, even if he’s busy he always finds a way to text or call you, but this time he hadn’t even answered you. You got worried at first, millions of thoughts of what could have happened racing in your mind, but when Natasha contacted Tony to assure him they were okay, all you could wonder was why hadn’t your boyfriend contacted you.
You gave him the deficit of the doubt and tried not to take his avoidance the wrong way but when they came back, he went straight to his room without even sparing a glance your way. What game was he playing at? What has happened on that mission to make your boyfriend act this way?
“You should go to talk to him,” Wanda advised “I’m sure there’s a reason for him acting this way”
“Oh yeah? And what is it?” you scoffed.
You were in Wanda’s bedroom. She was your best friend, always supporting you when you needed it, this time was no different.
“Y/N, you know Bucky. He’s not that kind of guy. I’m sure there’s a reason. Stop being stubborn and go to talk to him”
You looked at her; she was giving you the “mom look”. You sighed. You loved Bucky, and you didn’t want to lose him. There had to be a reason, right? You knew he loved you, he even said he wanted to grow old and have a future with you.
You get up from Wanda’s bed. “You’re right,” You walked out of your friend’s bedroom and made your way to your boyfriend’s room. When you reached the corner of his hallway, you hear a door opening and people laughing. You put your head out the corner and you saw Natasha on the doorstep of your boyfriend’s bedroom. He was there too. Shirtless. She laughed at something he said and you didn’t catch and she smacked his right arm in a joking way. He was laughing too. You had never seen your boyfriend laugh that way with anyone other than you. Or Steve. And maybe Sam. But with Natasha? Never. Also, he hated when people invaded his personal space and touched him without permission.
You huffed as tears pricked at the back of your eyes and made your way back to your friend’s bedroom. Once there, you closed the door and slid to the floor. All the anger you once had turning bitterly into sadness, poisoning every fiber in your being. Tears started to blossom on your eyes and sliding through your cheeks. Wanda ran towards you and embraced you in her arms, asking what had happened, stroking your hair, in an attempt of calming you.
Sobbing you tried to tell her what you saw, the more you cried the hard it was talking and breathing for you. Wanda got you up from the floor and walked you to her bed, she cupped your face in her hands and wiped the tears from your cheeks.
“Breath, Y/N” She breathed in and on with you until you calmed a little.
You didn’t understand how he could do this to you. After all the things you had done for him. All the panic attacks, all the nightmares, and the sleepless nights you shared with him. And that is the way he repaid you? Going on your back with your friend?
And Nat, you had trusted her, the countless times you had told her things you would say to anyone, she was your friend and she assured she felt nothing for him anymore. She assured what happened between her and Bucky was done. You feel betrayed by two of the most important people in your life.
If he wasn’t happy with you, he could have told you. Yes, it would have hurt, but not much hurt as the one you were feeling right now.
“Are you sure that was what you saw? Maybe you misinterpreted it,” Wanda was trying to help, knowing Bucky and Natasha, it was impossible to think they would do such a thing to you.
“Wanda, if you saw Vis shirtless laughing at night with another woman in his bedroom, and this woman is touching him, what would you think? How can you misinterpret that?” It wasn’t about being open-minded, permissive, or controlling. It was about respect. There are things you don’t do if you are in a relationship with someone. He was out a lot of nights with Sam and Steve, and you were okay with that. You didn’t mind if he has girl-friends. But what you saw today and his attitude towards you in the last two weeks was something you could not ignore.
Wanda paused for a moment, thinking about what to say to you to make you feel better “Well…if they’re really doing this to you, then fuck them. They don’t deserve you,” your friend stated, “this defines them, but not you.”
You sniffled wiping your nose with the back of your hand. Your eyes were red from crying and they started to hurt. “Can I sleep here tonight?”
You usually slept with Bucky, either you went to his room or he came to yours. But tonight that wasn’t an option. Possibly, that wouldn’t be an option anymore.
“Of course,” She wasn’t going to leave you alone when you were going through such a hard time. You had always been there for her, and now she was going to be there for you.
When Pietro died, and she came to the Avengers Compound you were the first one to came and check up on her, you didn’t ask her how she was feeling, that was a stupid and obvious question, you just stay there with her, offering your support. And from that moment she knew you were going to be a very important part of her life.
“Now try to sleep. If you don’t rest, you won’t heal”
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The next day came sooner than you would have wanted to. The sunlight coming through the windows made you rub your eyes.
“How did you sleep?” Wanda was lying next to you, she had just woken up a few seconds before you.
“Not my best night,” You sat up in bed and rubbed your temples.
You felt her hand on your shoulder and you looked at her “I’m with you, okay?” You’re not alone,” She gave you a reassuring smile.
You were going to have to face Bucky and Natasha, and you weren’t prepared for that. When you reached the kitchen, you could hear their laughs again. The same laughs from last night. You took a deep breath and pursed your lips, trying to suppress the tears that were starting to form in your eyes. Not again. Not in front of them.
When your boyfriend noticed your presence, he turned his attention towards you, a wide smile spread on his face. “Hey, doll” He started to make his way to you “I went to your room last night but you weren’t there” Was he seriously like he didn’t ignore you for two weeks and yesterday acted like you didn’t exist? What a scoundrel.
He hovered over you, trying to wrap his arms around you but you dodged him. A confused look formed on his face. “I slept with Wanda. You seemed very busy, didn’t want to bother you.” You didn’t let him answer, just made your wake to the counter to pour two coffee mugs, one for you and one for your best friend.
Everybody was wearing confused looks at your behavior, you had never acted this way towards Bucky; you were quite the opposite, always hugging, kissing, or holding hands. Your PDA was something that drove the team crazy sometimes, but they were happy for you. Acting like this set alarms on everybody’s head. What the hell happened between you two?
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Bucky tried to talk to you the whole day but managed to slip through his fingers. He wanted an explanation. He wanted to know what he had done to make you act this way towards him. You two were fine when he left on that mission, so what had happened in that two weeks he was gone?
He finally found his chance when he caught you alone in the gym. This time you wouldn’t walk away.
“Y/N,” his voice was firm but not harsh, “Can we talk, please?”
“I don’t have time” You kept punching the bag and ignoring his presence. That’s it. He had enough. He grabbed your arm and turned you to him. Face to face.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Let me go” You pointed at your grabbed arm with your eyes and he let you go.
Bucky huffed. “What did I do?”
You looked at him perplexed. Was he being serious? “Are you really asking me that?”
“Y/N, honestly. I don’t know what I did.”
“You didn’t call, and neither answered any of my texts.”
“Really? That’s why you are mad? My phone broke and I couldn’t contact you”
You chuckled. What a lame excuse. “Of course. What about Nat then? You could have asked for her phone”
He frowned. “I told her to text to you, to tell you I was okay”
“Well, she didn’t”
“Maybe she forgot. I don’t know. It’s not much of a deal”
You were starting to get exasperated. He didn’t get it.
“You know what, Bucky? Fuck you!” That was the last thing you said to him before you left the gym. Wanda was right. He didn’t deserve you, and he didn’t deserve your tears either.
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You didn’t hear of Bucky for the rest of the day. Now you were sitting in your bed, a framed picture of the two of you in your hands. Your eyes started burning. You missed him. You didn’t want to miss him. You two were happy, didn’t you? You didn’t understand what you had done wrong.
You hear a knock on your door, you put the frame down on your bed and wiped your eyes. “Come in”
The door of your bedroom opened to let you see who you used to consider a friend. What was she doing here?
“Get out” you got up from bed abruptly and pointed at the door. Natasha looked at you shocked.
“Y/N, w-” you didn’t let her finish her sentence.
“OUT. NOW.” But she didn’t budge. She just stayed there, looking at you. You finally got tired and pushed her out of your bedroom.
“Y/N, Calm down. I just wanna talk to you” You didn’t answer, closing the door in her face.
“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” you called the AI system.
“Yes? Miss Y/N.”
“I don’t want anyone in my room. Don’t let anyone in. Only Wanda.”
“Alright. Miss Y/N. Do you want me to let Miss Maximoff know that you want to see her?”
“Yes, please.”
F.R.I.D.A.Y did as you told, and a few minutes later you hear a knock at your door. “Y/N. It’s me” You opened the door and crashed into the arms of your best friend.
“Let’s get out of here. Please get me out of here.” The redhead looked at you worried.
“What happened?” she questioned.
“I don’t wanna talk about it now. I just- I can’t be here”
Wanda looked at you sympathetically and wiped the tears off your face the same way she did last night.
“Okay,” she nodded “Let’s get out. We are going to have a girls day”
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When you came back to the compound it was late at night. You were stumbling, arm slugged on Wanda’s neck. You had drunk a little too much, trying to cop-out. Your mother always said that being drunk is the anesthesia of the fools.
“Best night EVER!” you yelled, raising your fist to the air.
Wanda hushed you. You were going to wake up the rest of the team. “Wan, you’re so hot.” you keep babbling, Wanda laughed, she was going to make sure to remind you this night tomorrow. “I love you soooooo much”
“I love you too, Y/N”
“You’re like my best best friend”
“You drank too much, Y/N. You need to sleep”
You shook your head, “No, no Imma go talk to him”
Wanda dragged to your best. “You’re going to sleep. You can talk to Bucky tomorrow”
“NOW!”
“Now you’re going to sleep” Wanda stated, getting tired of your drunk state. You looked at her, she looked so intimidating, you nodded like a scared puppy and did as she told. The moment your body hit your bed you fell asleep. “You’ll thank me tomorrow,” She said before stepping out of your room.
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Sunlight streams golden through the window. You raised your heavy eyelids halfway only for them to fall shut again. The aching in your skull ebbs and flows like a cold tide. Now you understand why they call it a hangover. Perhaps some painkillers would help.
You hear a knock on your door, you groaned and wrapped yourself in your duvet, hoping that whoever was out the door would just go away. But the knock persists, louder each time.
Once on your feet the room swayed, almost causing you to lose balance and you reached for the wall. This feeling made you think you had to have fun last night but somehow it wasn’t in your memory.
The reflection on the mirror in the wall shows no sign of the glamour girl of last night. You rubbed your eyes before opening the door.
“Wanda told me you would need this,” Bucky handed some painkillers and a glass of water in his hands. The cracking in your head and your dry mouth were too strong to ignore them and to kick out your boyfriend. You took the pill from his hand and threw them in your mouth followed by the glass of water.
“Fun night?” he asked, entering the room and closing the door.
“You could say that”
Bucky sat in your bed as you went into the bathroom. “You never handed alcohol well,” he chuckled under his breath.
“Bucky, what do you want?” you asked tiredly
“You and I have a pending conversation”
You sighed. “Now it’s not the best moment. Besides, I look awful”
“You always look beautiful,” he said softly, walking carefully to you, he brushed a piece of hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear.
“Don’t do this. Not now.” you closed your eyes, melting under his touch.
“Don’t do what? Telling you how I feel?”
“What happened between you and Nat?” you finally asked, the alcohol remaining in your system putting your defenses down. You didn’t want to fight. You just wanted to know. What Natasha had that you hadn’t?
Your question didn’t startle Bucky, not shocked him either. Little you know, Wanda had gone to his room last night, after she made sure you were asleep to question Bucky about his behavior towards you on the last few weeks. She cared for you, so much. You were like a sister to her, and she wouldn’t let anyone take advantage of you or make you feel like you weren’t worthy.
“There’s nothing between me and Natasha. I promise.” he said sincerely “I’m in love with you.”
“Then why didn’t you call or text me? Two weeks, Bucky. I hadn’t heard from you in two weeks. You had me worried. We always call and text each other when we are on a mission”
“I told you, my phone broke. I told Nat to text you, I don’t know why she didn’t do it. I’m sorry”
You looked down. Bucky has never lied to you, and he has never given you a motive to mistrust him.
“What about the day you came? You ignored me the whole day”
“I was tired. All I wanted was to clean up and rest.”
“With Natasha?” you inquired
He looked at you confused, not knowing what you were talking about. “I went to your room that night, Natasha was there and you were shirtless”
He rubbed his face. “Oh, Y/N. That doesn’t mean what you think,” you looked at him, waiting for him to explain himself “She just came to check up on me, I just came out of the shower, she didn’t even come in”
“You were laughing, though.”
“And you think that means I cheat on you? You always laugh with Steve and Sam. And I don’t think you are cheating on me with them. Why is Natasha any different?”
“Because-” you were ashamed of showing your insecurities to Bucky. “she had you first.” You couldn’t help to compare yourself to your friend, she was prettier, she was smart. She was everything you were not.
“And you have me now,” he cupped your face “And I want you forever.”
Bucky bent down and closed the gap between you. Finally feeling his lips in yours and- oh god. How have you missed the way he feels. He kissed you with so much gentleness like you were going to break any minute, but that wasn’t what you wanted right now; you needed to let him know that you were there, you wanted to feel every part of his body against yours and reassure yourself that he wasn’t going anywhere. You knotted your fists in his shirt, pulling him closer if that was even possible. He groaned, his hands firmly on your hips and lips agape. When you pulled away you smiled and touched his lips with your fingers. “I’ve missed you.”
“Missed you too, doll,” he said circling his arms around you making his way towards your bed until you hit the mattress, his body hovering over yours. “We have so much time to make up to.”