Reject Reality

by Pinnaehelix

Summary:

“I keep thinking up names,” Carla blurted out finally smiling for the first time that day. Her smile was short lived as she stilled then leaned back to look her husband in the eyes.
“How would we be able to tell if our child is different?” she paused with an unmatched intensity in her eyes before asking, no, demanding answers.
“Grisha, I want to know everything there is to know about your kind.”

An AU in which shifters are a separate species descended from the Eldian people, pure titans are a species native to Paradis.

Chapter 1: Doctor Jaeger

Notes:

This is my rage rewrite under the premise that titan shifters are a separate species, all other canon events are remixed around that fact. I was never fond of time travel so there’s no Ymir fritz and no paths, the walls are just that--walls.

Eren had always been a little difficult to get along with. Even before the fall of Maria, kids his age found him abrasive and too serious. He didn't think he was that much different from them, he’d just never been interested in the same things they were. He was obsessed with the Survey Corps and outside the walls, and all the other seven-year-old boys... were not.

Even if Armin reluctantly promised to pretend to be a titan while Eren impersonated Captain Levi's latest solo kill, he still couldn’t quite reciprocate and pretend to be interested in Armin's games for long enough. But really, who could blame him? The elite squad was so cool! He'd do anything to be able to join the Survey Corps one day.

A couple times, at his mother’s request to try and make more friends, he’d been able to tough it out for an afternoon and terrorize the local merchants stealing pieces of bread and a fruit or two. He didn't like running around with the other rowdy boys in the neighborhood that much, but his mother was insistent. He could hear her thinly masked concern as she kicked him out of the house that morning.

It’s good that you and Armin are so close, but how about trying to meet some other children? Hm? 

So here he was now, driving down every instinct to bring up the Survey Corps or pick up sticks to practice dual wielding swords. He was doing well today as he mercifully refrained from making maneuver gear sound effects. he had drifted off from the pack of noisy boys and wandered along the river bank heading south, back home.

The air temperature dropped as the day came to an end, the western half of the town cast into the huge shadow of the wall as the sun began to set. Eren waved goodnight to the pack of noisy boys as he drifted off towards the river bank, wandering South. He meandered through the more expensive houses on the eastern side of the town as they basked in their precious extra hours of afternoon light. 

Uncharacteristically quiet today, Eren skulked around the corner of his house, halfheartedly eavesdropping on his parents. Lately he'd caught his mother and father whispering to each other fervently, and knowing that he was probably the topic of conversation didn't make it any less annoying. Eren flipped a small rock he’d found down by the river over in his palm as he listened in on his parents.

“Will anyone be able to tell?” Carla asked, abandoning her dinner prep on the counter. She glanced nervously out the window at the few people traveling the alley and lowered her voice even more. “Especially when he gets older, what do we do then?”

“I wouldn’t worry about it that much dear; the people here are much more…” Grisha trailed off looking for the right word. “It’s just much more … isolated,” he finished.

Carla frowned at her husband's poor attempt at reassurance, before she continued worrying about their son.

“I just worry for him being like you and knowing what's out there waiting for someone like him. You’ve told me all that you’ve gone through and I can’t bear the thought of Eren having to endure that.”

“I know you want the best for him, I do too. Trust me, Carla, this is the only place for him to live freely. If he is ‘like me’ completely, he’s only just getting to the age we’d be able to confirm.” Grisha said. Though they both knew based on previous incidents the chances of Eren being completely normal were slim.

Titans, as they were called in Grisha's native country, were usually able to manage their first shift around twelve years old. It took time for their bodies to build up the complex secondary neural network on their spine. Capable of powering their regenerative abilities and shifting their consciousness from one form to the other, the secondary worm-like organ was the subject of many studies and was lauded as an incredible feat of evolution.

Despite all the heaps of research across Grisha’s native Liberio and Marley, no one had ever written about hybrids. No one had studied them, because they simply didn't exist.

The existence of a human-shifter hybrid would be something scandalous, repulsive, and downright laughable to anyone who could have suggested it. Any reasonable civilized person entertaining the idea of human-titan relations would be branded a pervert in a best-case scenario and in a worst-case scenario, prosecuted for bestiality.

It was a well known fact that humans and titans couldn't reproduce together. This was something that had been proven by the most animal side of human nature. 

The worst kept secret of Marley lived in the titan internment zones, guards charging the lowest of human men to pass in and out each day to relieve themselves with titan women. They took what they pleased and authorities looked the other way from the illegal, exotic brothels. The money ended up in the same pockets after all; why waste resources on titans when they had no legal standing greater than livestock? It wasn't like you could force someone to stop making money off their private property.

While the people of Paradis were blissfully ignorant about the outside world and the reality of its inhabitants, Grisha wasn't so naive to think that the Paradisian government was truly that clueless of the outside world.

“Shouldn’t you at least teach Eren a little bit about himself now? At least to understand what he is and why he has to be careful? The wrong people could easily find out about him!" Carla's voice raised considerably at the thought of losing both her husband and son. "Walls, Grisha! The government would drag him away in an instant-- you too!”

The implications brought about by both their existence would surely alarm the government into action in order to keep everything quiet and maintain the status quo.

“You’ve even said that he’s shown multiple signs that he could, you know, have strong enough abilities to go full...” Carla was whisper-shouting at this point, half chopped vegetables long forgotten as she argued.

Grisha sighed, and took a long drink of water before conceding in a low voice.

“He’s shown almost all the developmental markers. I’ll look over him tomorrow and try to gauge if he's is delayed in anyway due to being only half. We still won’t know for sure how much he’ll be able to do. We know so little about hybrids that it could be possible he's no more than a normal child with accelerated healing.”

Grisha's words hung in the air, ringing false as they both recognized the futility of hoping Eren's titan side was somehow stunted.

At this point, Eren’s impatience got the better of him. He decided to make his presence known, as he jumped around the door frame to wave his new rock in Carla’s  face. 

“Eren!” Carla started at the sudden appearance of the topic of their conversation. “I thought you were with the other boys today?” she asked, frantically returning to her half cut carrots. 

Despite her flurry of activity to appear like everything was normal, she still managed to shoot Grisha a pointed look. This topic of conversation was far from over.

“I was but it got so boring, I went down to the river instead--look at this rock I found! It’s like a dog!” he grinned as he thrust the rock up towards Carla’s face, leaning into her legs and peeking his face out from between her apron and petticoats.

“Oh, how lovely!” Carla exclaimed as she put her hands on her son’s shoulders, extracting him from her skirts and steering him towards the door again.

“Why don’t you bring in some of the firewood you collected earlier? Your father’s been so distracting this afternoon, dinner isn’t anywhere near being done.”

With their son unceremoniously shut out of the room, Carla faced her husband again.

“Tomorrow, you’re going to look at your son,” she said. “Promise me you won’t avoid this any longer Grisha?”

From the distant look on his face she knew his mind was wandering to his family from before.

“I will, but don’t think I’m ignoring this. I want Eren to live without all the horrors I had to face. If there's even a minuscule chance he really isn’t capable of a full shift then I don’t want to burden him.” Grisha wrapped his arms around her resting his chin gently on the top of her head. 

“Do you regret choosing me? You could have had a normal husband and a normal child.” he muttered into her hair.

“Grisha,” Carla said softly, moving to take his warm hands in hers, “you know how much of a handful that boy is. If he doesn’t know, we’re going to be doing him a disservice.”

She smiled and leaned into his chest, inhaling the scent of disinfectant that clung to his clothes.

“I love you no matter what, and I’ll always love our son no matter what.” She said as shifted in his arms, looking up to meet his eyes.

“Eren doesn’t need to be great. Human or not I love him the way he is and no part of him is a burden." she said softly before adding, "No part of you is a burden.”

Grisha gave a small smile and leaned down to kiss Carla gently. The feeling of her in his arms and complete acceptance was more freeing than anything he’d ever dreamed.

A second later the moment was thoroughly ruined by a disgusted Eren dumping his pile of firewood across the floor as he tried to cover his eyes. Grisha was the first to pull away and laugh with Carla catching on a moment later, rolling her eyes at the new mess.

 

xXx

 

“Eren.” Grisha knelt down to shake his son awake gently. “Eren, it’s time to get up.”

The lump in the blankets on the floor whined and shifted a bit.

“Noooo,” a small reply came from the pile.

It was February and the weather was still incredibly chilly in the mornings making it a living nightmare trying to get Eren out of bed. With the previous day’s conversation still fresh in his mind, Grisha noted that Eren seemed to be cold in the morning air. Titans usually preferred and even enjoyed the chillier months.  Shifting and regenerating bumped their already increased body temperatures into overdrive, making warmer climates hellacious at times.

Perhaps I’ve read too much into this? Maybe he is just human…

Grisha shook himself out of his thoughts and returned to coaxing Eren out of bed. He loved his son dearly, but last night had been particularly tiring. Eren hadn’t wanted to sleep, preferring to run into his parents’ room all night. After hours of attempting to crawl into bed with his parents, Carla still picked Eren up each time to return him to his blankets but not before she shot Grisha a tired look. It had become somewhat of a game for Eren that both adults knew was going to leave their son overtired and bratty in the morning.

“Come on, we have lots to do today.”

Grisha waited a beat and when there was no movement he started to peel the blankets back. This got a response—a rather violent one. Small hands gripped the blankets furiously, trying to keep their owner cocooned in warmth. Frustrated from last night’s misery and lack of sleep, Grisha was in no mood to play yet another game.

“We have a patient coming by soon, I can’t have you lying on the floor when he arrives!”

 Grisha ripped the sheets out of Eren’s hands and off of the boy. Shocked by the cool air Eren curled up trying to find more warmth in his sleep shirt but ultimately had no choice but to get up and get dressed.

“Eren, you need to get up. If you’re tired you should have gone to bed when we told you to last night,” Grisha said sternly, folding the blankets up and putting them on the shelf for the day.

Grisha looked over to Carla for help. She was already stoking the fire and chose to purposefully ignore the drama unfolding across the room.

Fair enough, he thought; she had played Eren interceptor all last night.

There was a lot of work to be done during the course of the day. The fire would be fed to sterilize instruments and water, which meant Carla would spend nearly all day maintaining the small blaze as she assisted him. He'd been relying on Carla's assistance for quite some time now; the two working well as a team.

In addition to his success with the plague, he'd been able to develop an alternative to morphine that wasn’t addictive. The medication had caught on like wild fire. From his reputation of curing the plague and ‘inventing’ the next miracle drug, Grisha was soon taking summons from the wealthier families within Trost and Rose. He settled debts with the head of houses, using the funds from the wealthier Wall Rose patients to cover the poorer Wall Maria patients. It was with that money they were able to move to their current house.

He'd built a new practice and life for himself. It was here in the walls that he'd ironically found more freedom to start a family and provide for them than what he'd ever be able to achieve in Marley.

As he left Carla to wrangle Eren into his clothes, Grisha descended the basement steps to retrieve some of the medications from his office. The house was built on a hill, making it abnormally tall for the Southern end of Shiganshina with its three levels. The Jaeger's had rented the main floor and basement, with a the top floor still belonging to Mr. Roos , a grouchy old man who constantly complained about Eren’s volume. Despite the grouchy neighbor, the hand pump at the dry sink and multiple levels alone made it luxurious compared to most other offerings in Shiganshina. The basement provided an excellent work space for Grisha, as after the plague the number of patients seeking his extraordinary knowledge and low infection rate doubled.

Other doctors in town were split between commending him for his procedures and drugs or casting suspicion on his age and credentials. It had been difficult for him as a young foreigner barely out of apprenticeship (albeit from a much more advanced civilization) to work up the nerve to carry himself as a doctor and speak with the confidence his mentor had.   

His biggest source of hesitation was that he had never outright studied medicine for humans. Grisha had been a doctor to other titans, studying his peoples’ unique physiology underneath a human doctor, learning everything about his body through a book written by a researcher of titans . Everything he knew about humans, he picked up from his close proximity to them back in Liberio. It had taken him a while to learn normal human healing rates, grossly underestimating the healing period of a wound the first few times. Carla had been quick to take him aside after that and give him the rundown on normal healing times, thank Sina. But he found treating humans was something he had slowly become more comfortable with.

Even now, after all the wounds and disease he had treated within the walls for the past twelve years, he still found himself intrigued by how delicate the human body was. In the beginning he thought maybe this was the same sort of intrigue that titan researchers felt for them… the joy of the quest for knowledge in something so similar but so different. But why then did their research feel much more sinister? Why did humans treat them the way they did, like they were animals?

It was when the Survey Corps had stopped in Shiganshina with their wounded for the first time. Seeing multiple young soldiers dying in a row from wounds even the sickliest titan would have healed in minutes, Grisha realized.

Humans are so incredibly fragile...  no wonder they treat us they way they do... 

They're terrified of us. 

 

 

xXx

 

 

834

 

When fleeing to Paradis, Grisha had known vaguely that life inside the walls wouldn’t be as technologically advanced due to their isolation. Few nations were interested in making contact due to the perceived lack of resources and opportunities for colonization. The location of the island made it desirable for a port, but the logistics involving avoiding the pure titans was something not even the richest nations thought worth it. The pure titans that roamed freely outside the walls alone made a simple trip deadly.

While it served well as a hiding place, Grisha had still been downright shocked at the sheer magnitude at which it was scientifically delayed. Technology was a good century behind what he was used to, the medical knowledge was abysmal and the tools were rudimentary at best. When the plague swept through Shiganshina, Grisha rose to prominence simply for the fact that he was the only one who washed his hands and sterilized his equipment.

People had given him sideways looks when he treated his first patient wearing a mask and explained that he was sterilizing his hands as he washed and rubbed alcohol over them. After that incident he realized that being too good could put him under further scrutiny and quickly moved his work into the basement.

He greatly enjoyed his new life of freedom, but it was so much more labor intensive than what he was used to. There were days where he caught himself longing to have access to electricity, running water, and ready-made pharmaceuticals again.

“Hun,” Carla put her hand out to get Grisha’s attention. He jumped lightly at the touch and spun around to see his wife standing there in her nightgown with her hair in a loose braid.

“Carla! How late is it?” he asked as he glanced toward the single small cellar window of his new office. The sun had almost completely gone down, leaving the lone oil lamp on the table as the sole source of light.

“Late,” Carla responded quietly “Let’s go to bed. You’ve been working all day on your drug. Take a break Grisha, it might not even be possible to recreate the … what was it you called it? The acid?”

“Acid, and I can do it! A huge step for technology here, it would mean hundreds of people don’t have to depend on morphine and—”

“It’s time to stop for the day, come on.” Carla cut him off softly, taking the lamp from the table and turning to climb the stairs. Deciding to follow rather than be left in the dark, Grisha stayed close behind trying to make out the uneven stairs in the low light.

Had he done something wrong? Was she upset that he wasn’t spending as much time with her? The recent success he had with the plague patients had grown his regular patients by over half, he hoped bringing in more modern knowledge and drugs would help even more.

Not at the expense of Carla he reminded himself. He knew what it was like to have family taken away, he had vowed that his family would come first through all else.

Entering the bedroom, Carla climbed under the blankets, settling down quickly. Grisha started to unbutton his vest and was halfway into his sleep shirt when he heard a small sob. Pulling the rest of the night shirt over his head quickly he looked over to his wife. She looked tired and almost afraid, curled under the blankets facing the wall with her hands covering her face.

“Carla, what’s wrong?” he asked sitting down gently as he leaned over to comfort her. “Is it because I haven’t been around very much? I know it’s not right; I’m already going to cut down on the time I spend working. I can have- “

“No.”

It took him a couple seconds to realize she had spoken.

Grisha fidgeted and pulled back from her, what was going on? Why was Carla so upset? He drew in a breath getting ready to ask her what was making her so distressed but stopped when Carla began to speak. Still facing away from him and through her tears and hands, it was too difficult to hear what she was saying.  

“Carla honey, I can’t understand what you’re saying.” He reached out again to put his hand on her shoulder.

“Will you turn around? I can’t quite hear you like that,” he said gently.

Carla kept still and after a long minute she shifted to sit up, taking her hands off her puffy, tear-stained face. Facing forward with her knees drawn up to her chest, refusing to look anywhere else than the foot of the bed, she spoke in a voice so quiet, he almost didn’t hear it again.

“Ithinkimpregnant—”  she blurted with a sob, hiding her face in her hands again crying in earnest this time. Grisha blinked, not processing what he had just heard.

“I didn’t— ” she choked out, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I didn’t bleed last month,” she said, taking a long breath in and out before continuing. “I was supposed to bleed again two weeks ago and it still hasn’t happened.”

Grisha blanked. He couldn’t think straight. He was sure that titans and humans were incompatible this way. From a young age it was drilled into his head that they were not the same species, titans were less than human in fact. Could it be because Carla was Eldian? That they were still similar enough? Was this Carla’s way of saying she’d been unfaithful?

No, no… that’s not it…

He knew deep down that Carla would never do that. Still, he couldn’t stop the initial wave of panic when Carla had told him that she was pregnant. He knew that the child was his. There was no denying it.

Wrapping his arms around Carla, he slowly pulled her down until they were lying curled in each other’s arms. Holding her close, she tucked her face under his chin, lying still and letting her cry. He waited until she seemed to calm down a bit.

“Do you not want a child?” He asked.

“I…I... do,” she said. “I’m just scared Grisha, what if she’s like you and someone finds out about her?”

“Carla, I’ve been here for years and you’re the only one who knows about me. We don’t even know if the child will have any abilities at all,” he added as an afterthought. With a smile at the edges of his voice he spoke again, “her?”

He could almost sense the sheepish expression on his wife’s face. “Yes, she… but I’d be okay with a he too,” she pressed her face into his chest gripping his arms enjoying the warmth that always radiated from her husband.

“I’m already so attached; I want this baby to grow up safe and loved. I don’t want them to suffer for something they can’t change…”

“Just focus on the present. We’ll have plenty of time to figure things out.”

“I keep thinking up names,” Carla blurted out, finally smiling for the first time that day. Her smile was short lived as she stilled and leaned back to look her husband in the eyes.

“How would we be able to tell if our child is different?” she paused, with an unmatched intensity in her eyes asking—no, demanding—answers.

“Grisha, I want to know everything there is to know about your kind.”

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

I want to clarify that I applaud isayama for making it to the end of his story and the entire manga, however I'm just way too sensitive to handle it (cried really hard for days-- ya i know). I think without the founding titan messing with his head and memories Eren would have gone a different direction post time skip, and I want to try and explore that. If you too are quite sensitive and were saddened that EMA ended like that then you can join me in rejecting reality and substituting our own. It’s going to be an Eren centric fic, but I just am obsessed with Carla/Grisha for some ungodly reason rn. Btw grisha tried to synthesize aspirin.

Chapter 2: Acquisition

Summary:

Grisha struggles with deciding who he’ll let in on his secret, and how he’ll tell them. He remembers his previous homes then goes on a seriously cute date with Carla that gets serious.

Notes:

*I just realized after rereading my fav fics that a scene in this chap was subconsciously inspired by Young and a Menace by RedGhost1010, if you haven't read it yet please do it's amazing. In the meantime enjoy this unintentional homage*

xXx

832

It was well into the night as Grisha sat at the tavern’s bar, he wasn’t much of a drinker, preferring to keep his visits to when he knew Carla was scheduled to work. He watched tiredly as Keith threw back what was left of his latest drink, slamming the tankard back down. The other scouts had long since left, retiring to the nearby boarding houses to recover and process the latest expedition. It had been one of their lowest casualties’ missions yet due to the suggestions of a second-year cadet to involve flare colors in expedition communications.  

“Are you sure you don’t want to just stay over at my place tonight?” Grisha asked, hoping Keith would take the hint he wanted to leave.

The sun had gone down hours ago, as a titan—titans being strongly diurnal—Grisha was dying to crawl into bed about now. While he could move about late into the night, he’d much rather use the time trying to advance his work or be with Carla, not sitting in a local dive watching his friend feel sorry for himself.

“We’ll never get anywhere,” Keith slurred “how long did it take us to realize that we were making things even more complicated than they had to be, and Sina damn it all a sixteen-year-old had to point it out to us.”

Grisha rested his chin on the palm of his hand watching his friend wordlessly. Fiddling with the salt pig sitting on the bar top, Keith continued in his tipsy state.

“We’re fucking idiots… all those people all this time, they could still be here.”

Taking Grisha’s lack of response as a license to continue Keith scooped some of the salt out onto the bar top, pushing it around with the spoon.

“Those fucking monsters just come out of nowhere, one moment everything’s fine and then shit hits the fan. People screaming, pleading, it’s just chaos……it’s hell…”

“Why do you think they eat people?” Grisha asked suddenly.

Startled, Keith dropped the spoon and looked over. It was the first thing Grisha had said to him since he returned other than occasionally trying to get him to leave the bar.

“I don’t know.” He frowned, “We don’t know anything about them. They’re so much more powerful, it’s insane. No matter how many expeditions, research trials, or attempts to communicate it’s just the same shit over and over!”

He looked back to the mess of salt spread in front of him, swiping it off the counter.

“The mindless fuckers always win.”  

“Do you think that’s why they eat people?” Grisha questioned.

“What?”

“They eat people to win against humanity?”

Keith snorted.

“No, maybe, who knows at this point?”

“So, they’re the enemy because they are hostile to humans?”

Keith gave a loud barking laugh.

“Grisha, I know you’re not the military type but usually that’s the way it works. They eat us. Alive. And they don’t even need to do that.”

“So, their intent is malicious?”

“Well, it certainly appears so!” He crowed “Did someone hit you upside the head? You never talk about shit like this, why are you even out so late anyway?”

“Do you ever think that maybe it’s not their fault, that it’s something else driving them?” Grisha continued unperturbed.

“Maria, Rose, AND Sina! Grisha you get weird as hell past your bedtime! Don’t tell me you’re going to start defending the Titans now, you of all people should know how terrifying they are.” He said, returning the spoon to the pig.

“You still won’t tell me how you survived that long in titan territory.” His voice low and scrutinizing.

Keith could remember it like it was yesterday. During his third expedition as commander, watching with bewilderment and shock as a squad leader pulled a confused, disheveled man into a supply cart during their return. She had briefed Keith on how her squad found him wandering alone and that he didn’t appear to be affiliated with a past expedition with a similar amazement in her voice.   

“Or did your amnesia conveniently keep that part from you?” he added.

“What would you do if you found out that Titans aren’t the enemy you thought they were?” Grisha asked, ignoring the question.

Keith scoffed, exasperatedly rubbing his eyes with his hand.

“It’s too late for stuff like this, can’t you go back to trying to get me out of this bar?”

“What if they were victims themselves?” he questioned again.

“Look Grisha, I’ve seen more Titans than anyone in this room, hell within this wall. What you’re suggesting isn’t possible.”

“Then what do you think is possible?”

Uncovering his eyes, he rose from his stool turning to face his friend.

“They need to be exterminated; they’re the largest threat to humankind. We’ll never reach that day… but if we could at least control them somehow…humans could finally live without fear of the titans.”

The expression on Grisha’s face was inscrutable.

“I see.”

After the exchange, Keith finally allowed himself to be dragged out of the bar and back to his room. The trek was exhausting, he looped his arm around Grisha’s neck leaning on him while he stumbled along with Grisha’s slow steps. By the time Grisha returned to his own quarters he was so tired any bystander would have thought he was drunk as well. Collapsing on the bed, he only got as far as removing his shoes before he was asleep.

 

 

The next morning Grisha awoke to a room full of sun, sluggishly lying-in bed for an hour letting the light stream in through the open curtains. Turning away he stripped his shirt off to let the warmth hit his back.

The sun didn’t affect their movement all that much, but it was still a common past time of titans to sun bathe. He knew from his research and medical studies that it was hold over from the origin of their spinal organ.

 

xXx

 

A tall medium set man with light brown hair made his way quickly down the fair ground road through the grey slush. Eyes squinting from the brightness of the sun against the snow, he glanced at his pocket watch, cursing under his breath as he started to jog towards the large wooden building at the end of the lane. Passing a flyer wet and discarded on the ground

 Marley Titan Sale & Auction

Pure and Crossbred Titans

Military and Sport Trained

Arriving out of breath Dr. Marion Neander sank down into his seat, the folding chair squeaking in the spacious arena. Flipping through his auction catalogue the doctor found the attack titan section with practiced ease, redrawing the circles around his favorite descriptions.

“…15 y.o. female … 17y.o. male … 28 y.o. male… ah, here you are” he muttered focusing on his most desired acquisition.

 

Grigory Jaeger ( ♂ 16 y.o., pure bred, #152) is a 15-meter attack titan. After completing basic warrior training our handlers’ have come to the conclusion that the warrior unit isn’t the right fit for him. His trainer states that ‘grisha’, as he’s affectionately known, is well mannered and calm. He thinks it’s time for him to find a new career. While he won’t be continuing with the Marleyan military, there are no limits for this friendly, clever, titan. Start bid 50,000.

 

They had finished the youngstock portion of the sale and the next to go were titans ‘in progress’. In other words, the ones that couldn’t keep up in the military program or had been sent to auction by private owners.

The bidding was due to begin at any moment, they would start bringing the titans out one by one, slowly walking them around the sunken carpeted semi-circle to display their human form. He realized his leg was bouncing, steadying it, he tried to calm his nerves as the announcer and auctioneer settled at the raised desk in the center of the arena.

He had been given a grant to study titan intelligence and behavior, and he had one titan in particular he was prepared to spend the whole acquisition budget on. It was among the first ones to be displayed, moderately priced due to his previous training.

Marion was keen to assess his human form, spending all last week making his way through the titan pits. A pre-auction event meant for serious buyers only to get a feel for the titan forms they wanted to bid on.

Late yesterday afternoon Marion had made his rounds working out the top choices for his purchase. He loved the look of the Attack Titans, their loyal and ferocious personalities making them the most intriguing in his eyes but he did have a Warhammer or two on his list. The last stop was at a pit marked #152, a young male fresh out of military training. Moving up to the barrier Marion craned his neck to see the titan below.

It was breath taking.

Below stood a healthy, well-muscled titan. Skin fully covered its body, wrapping over a massive barrel chest covered in hair. An impressive full beard hung to its neck framing a snarling grimace that gave it a permanent air of imminent attack, curtesy of the signature retracted lips that gave the breed its namesake. Double checking the description before looking again. Had it not been for the write up, he might have mistaken it for a Beast/Attack cross due to its pointy ears and thick hair.

It stood calmly, the look in its eyes purveying pure curiosity. Glancing at all the people lined up along the top of the outcropping the titan heaved a sigh that sent dry dirt spirally up into the air. The large humanoid started to slowly sink to one knee, leaning on the rocky wall delicately, as if not to disturb the people above. It moved to curl its legs under itself to situate its massive body in the pit for the night. Marley had a well-funded, competent breeding program, known for producing world renowned bloodlines in each breed of titan.

He’d have to make the final judgement when he saw the human form, but he was sure that this was the one perfect for his research. An independently thinking titan would be the most dangerous of them all, a being with that much power could easily realize the natural advantages it had over humankind. A titan that was no longer afraid of humans was a dangerous titan. It was this sentiment that led the government to order Marion to redirect his research to titan behavior, specifically in the context of human-titan relationships.

He had started immediately, trolling through sale catalogs, newspaper ads, and auction journals looking for certain criteria: calm, logical, driven, intelligent. This one hit every personality trait he was looking for, not to mention the military was selling him off. He knew well that “clever” was a veiled way of saying this titan was too questioning of his orders. If he could question orders from military superiors, he wasn’t submissive enough.

It was fairly well documented that titans had a similar level of intelligence to humans; Marion had done many experiments to contribute to the literature. Now, he was to specifically study titan’s ability to mimic human behavior, and pick up on human social cues. Was it possible they could be conditioned in such a way that they were indistinguishable from humans? Heavens, he hoped not, imagining a day where titans walked among them unknown.

“Entering the ring now we have number 152, start bid 50,000” the announcer boomed beginning the sale.

Marion knew there wouldn’t be an intense fight over this Jaeger Titan, the laid-back description made him undesirable for the typical tasks this breed was used for. Never the less he watched as the titan was led back and forth in the ring, tapping his rolled-up catalog on the seat back in front of him to place his bids.

The titan walked calmly, following the handler escorting him. Marion was interested in something else though; the titan looked at the ground the entire time.

“Sold!” the announcer cried smacking a gavel onto the grand desk in front of him.  

“Congratulations Marion, fine beast here for you,” he yelled flashing a grin before moving on to introduce the next titan.

Marion watched as the titan finally raised its head to see the crowd, trying to pick out its new owner. Their eyes met, and Marion saw what he wanted to see, not the usual fear or agitation, but humiliation. This titan understood, it knew the injustice of what was happening.

 

 

 

Grisha had been with Dr. Neander for nearly eight years at this point. The doctor treated him almost like a son, indulging him in intellectual conversations, listening to him talk about his admiration for the sciences. When Grisha expressed interest in the field he brought him to his lab, gifting him books about titan physiology and diseases when he started exploring the medical field. Encouraging his pursuit of knowledge by taking him into an apprenticeship to become an unofficial titan medic.  

He had just completed his apprenticeship when Neander’s newest paper had been published. Helping with the research by letting spinal tap after spinal tap be performed on him. Extracting the fluid had left him with headaches so severe he felt it radiating down into his neck and back, his spinal organ inflamed by the prodding. If they could learn more about his people perhaps, they would see that they weren’t so different from humans. Maybe it could lead to relaxing the rules governing titan-human relations.

In fact, things were looking up. It had taken a lot of trust building to get to the level where he was allowed to interact with researchers and learn the information they had on his people, but here he was working alongside humans to advance science. Allowing them to analyze his spinal fluid and even participating in the research process by donating and processing it for the analysis himself.

Perhaps this was the first of partnerships between titans and humans, the beginning of the road to standing on equal ground with one another.

How lucky he was to have been chosen by the Dr. all those years ago.

When the pre-print was published, he eagerly snatched the booklet out of the lab after everyone else was done reading it. Traveling to the small, windowless break room he was allotted in the basement he flipped through to find the study.

 

Composure and Origin of T. hallucigenid Spinal Organ

Meyer, S., Kissel, H., Anderson, B. M., Wagner, K., Kreuzenstein, F. P., Mason, T., Neander, M. T.*

 

His eyes scanned over the title, the authors, then the title again… where was his name? They had forgotten his name! Truthfully, he’d been more excited to see Jaeger, G. listed than reading the study, he already knew what it was about.

Eyes flicking down the page he started picking out the parts of the study he had worked on.

 

Experiment 1: Foreign DNA of Spinal Organ  

Four 3mL CSF specimen collected from nape of 23yo male attack titan, analysis shown in Figure 1.

 

He recognized all that, skipping further down the page to the conclusions

 

DNA remnants found in CSF differ from subject’s own genetic profile, suggests outside origin of spinal organ. We preformed follow up experiments to test the possible endosymbiotic nature of this organ.  

 

We didn’t discuss this… we never did any follow ups… at least… they never told me they were going to do any other experiments…

 

Flipping the page, he was greeted by another sub title:

Experiment 2: Role of Spinal Organ in Regeneration

 

  What the hell? Why didn’t they tell me they were following up? I could have helped with this study too.

 

Glancing over the procedure, his heart skipped a beat.

 

Methods

Titan subjects were selected based off the palpation of a healthy and prominent spinal organ with no recorded past regeneration difficulties.

Five titan subjects underwent spinal organ surgery to remove lower third of organ.

We observed the exposed organ’s regeneration, recording the amount and rate at which the process occurred.

 

This is inhumane. It’s torture.

 

Results

All five subjects were unable to regenerate the portion of spinal organ removed.

Regeneration of body was significantly slowed post operation.

 

They mutilated these people.

 

Disconnection of the dorsal nub of the spinal organ located at nape resulted in injury incompatible with life.

 

They killed them.  

 

Conclusions

The spinal organ contains foreign DNA suggesting it was once a free-living organism that entered into a commensualistic relationship with the titan race. Our further investigation of this organ confirms that it is the source of titans’ regenerative powers. The bodies’ failure to regenerate spinal organ tissue further supports the hypothesis that the organ is of an endosymbiotic nature. We propose further studies on the structure and role of the spinal organ in regards to regeneration as well as the evolution of the T. hallucigenid species.

 

A rush of emotions hit Grisha at once. Putting the journal down on the small table, he chewed his lip lost in thought.

They won’t focus on our similarities, they’re going to make us look less human… shit, they’re going to use this against us somehow. They were always plotting this, was Dr. Neander in on this as well?  

Another sentence caught his eye down at the bottom of the page.

*We express much gratitude to the Marley Biological Institute for their procurement of titan subjects and Dr. Neander for use of his personal titan.

Disbelief coursed through his body followed by betrayal.

I should have known. I’m nothing more than his pet, his property. I got so caught up in my fantasy that he would actually accept me. I was nothing more than his favorite research subject tagging along.

As if his thoughts had summoned the man, a voice called from the doorway.

“Ah! Grigory! It’s wonderful to find you here!”  

Furrowing his brow at the disruption, Grisha looked up to see the doctor lingering on the threshold.

“Dr. Neander,” he acknowledged.

“I was wondering how you liked the paper?” the doctor smiled.

You’re testing me. Have you been testing me this whole time? To see how I’d do? Being treated like a fellow human? Was that all our relationship was? Just another study to you?

“It’s well written.” Grisha grit out hoping the Dr. would go back upstairs and leave him to his chaotic thoughts.

 “I wanted to ask if you’d like to accompany me and my team to the ICTR conference, it would be wonderful to have a live subject there,”

More like the only live subject.

“Of course,” Grisha monotoned “I’d love the opportunity.”

He wants to see if I’ll become combatant… was that what you wanted all along? To see if a titan could become hostile enough to try and supplant its owner?

“Always so gracious, Grigory,” Dr. Neander boasted “That’s why you’re my favorite.”

It was that interaction which landed Grisha in the position he was in now. Following the first lecture had been a question session in which Dr. Neander had invited audience members up to touch Grisha’s nape and spine. His hands were cuffed together in front of him, with a gag in his mouth as he kneeled on the wooden floor by Dr. Neander forcing his head forward exposing his nape to take the appropriate submissive pose.

Currently a middle-aged woman was digging her long nails into either side of his spine between his shoulder blades as Dr. Neader directed her.

“Move up a hair…. Yes, exactly, right there. Do you feel it?”

“Oh wow! Yes! Fascinating!” she exclaimed as she brought her hand higher towards his nape.

His face burned with embarrassment as she pinched his nape trying to feel the dorsal nub the doctor had described in his study. The nape was supposed to be a sensitive and vulnerable area, almost intimate, having a crowd of people pawing at him had brought up a mix of anger and shame.

Anger at the fact he was conditioned to accept this. As a child his trainers had ended each session by running their hand up and down his nape and spine, desensitizing him to the feeling of a human touching him whenever they wished. Shame that he wouldn’t protest, that he sat still and let strangers feel up his most vulnerable spot.

Why am I just sitting here taking this?

“So, this bump is the dorsal nub?” she asked pressing her thumb unbearably hard into his nape.

“Yes, correct.” Neander affirmed, not making any move to correct her pressure despite knowing proper titan handling techniques.

“You should call it Neander’s organ, your research is truly ground breaking!” she exclaimed, finally removing her hand from Grisha’s nape.

Grisha sat through lecture after lecture as Dr. Neander presented his hypothesis to the International Committee of Titan Research and subsequent audiences. He spoke describing the evolution of the spinal organ over thousands of years. Dubbing the worm like creature Hallucinegenia after the Hallucigenid titans.

He detailed the give and take of the protection their bodies gave the worm while producing spinal fluid for it to consume, pointing to one of the many diagrams he’d drawn on the chalkboard. In return they gained the regenerative powers of the worm, becoming so intertwined over years the worm could no longer survive outside of the host. Together they survived and prospered, evolving into a new complex form of life.

Grisha’s knees had gone numb after the first lecture, he felt his regeneration kick in during the second trying to prevent the stiffness that came from taking this unnatural position for hours. Facing away from the audience, he could only hope this was the last panel of the day.

Humans, from the start, had benefitted from their abilities. Keeping the titans that best regenerated as warriors, creating lineages of ever-increasing regenerative powers. Today’s titans had such overactive regeneration it was able to create a completely secondary form, larger and stronger than anything the earth had ever seen, the titan form.

As an extension of the regenerative abilities the trigger for a full shift to titan form had to be some sort of harm in order to jump start the regenerative process.

Grisha sat bound in place as all this was explained to the next audience, waiting for them to approach full of fear and intrigue, the novelty of seeing and touching a titan too exciting to pass up.

A larger man rubbed his sweaty hand vigorously up and down Grisha’s nape sending a wave of dread and anxiety through the titan.

“C’mon Anja, touch him. He won’t do anything!” he said boisterously to his wife, who reeked of fear, shaking her head and maintaining her distance. Pressing long strokes down the length of his spine he spoke again, this time to Dr. Neander.

“He’s an Attack Titan, right? Aren’t these guys big? They use them for what, battle?” admiration in his voice.

Dr. Neander’s calm voice cut in

“Yes, he’s pure bred. The males are fairly large, about 15 to 16 meters, solid too. But contrary to the name they aren’t all aggression, the breed is very clever and affectionate.”

It was driving Grisha crazy, the overstimulation of the hands on his back and now he could feel Dr. Neander’s hand lightly carding through his hair. Too many people were touching him, it was too loud, too many smells—it was all too much. Tears began to well up in his eyes.

I have to get out of here. I have to escape.

Beginning to panic, he started to work against his restraints, only to feel Neander’s hand clamp down on the base of his skull. He stilled completely. This is how it was now, Neander had completely changed since the paper was published, his former persona giving way as he no longer needed to prey off of Grisha’s naivety and desire for human acceptance.

 He’d gotten the data he needed from Grisha; another report would be written detailing the extent of a titan’s willingness to work alongside them acting as if he was human was sure to come soon. The content detailing the level of ‘human behavior mimicry’ would alarm the upper Marleyan generals who were always fearful of a titan rebellion.

Speaking of him like he was something beneath humans, as if he couldn’t understand the conversations from an armlengths away Dr. Neander continued

“It’s personally my favorite breeds to work with, Grigory here is a wonderful example of the softer qualities. He’s very gentle with humans, exceptionally easy going.”

Stroking his hand down the back of his head, he rubbed his thumb lightly across Grisha’s nape smiling down at the younger man.

“Aren’t you?”

 

xXx

 

It was all behind him now, he was far away from that place. The people of the walls had no idea his kind existed. To them a titan was a massive mindless beast hell bent on devouring them alive. He was here in his small, clean room. Safe. No one had any idea the wiser.

It was almost unreal, the feeling of having his own space without the threat of a trainer or researcher walking in whenever they saw fit. The feeling of fresh air and the sun on his back energizing him rather than a cold windowless basement. Best of all, freedom of having a day off to lie in bed until it was time to meet Carla.

He thought back to last night. He had been so disappointed with Keith, after their conversation he knew it would be unwise to share the truth with him. He had been planning on confiding in him how exactly he had ‘survived’ in titan territory for so long, thinking it would give the commander some hope he needed so desperately.

He was burning to share his hypotheses on what the pure titans were and just maybe they could work together to help the humans within the walls in exchange for a refuge for titans. This time to create a genuine partnership, not what he was tricked into before.

How would I be able to give them that much information without seeming even more suspicious?

They seem content to believe my cover story, Keith might truly think I did lose part of my memory.

Ruminating these thoughts, he got ready for the day. Before setting out he eyed the small glass bottle a garrison soldier named Hannes had given him as a joke a month after settling in Shiganshina,

“You’ere out there so long you probably never get the smell of titans off you!” He cackled at the memory of Grisha’s disheveled appearance the day he’d worked the gate for the scouting legion’s return. Presenting him with the small perfume bottle.

If he had learned anything about the last two years it was that titans clearly had sharper senses. Humans seemed to have a much duller sense of smell but they still found it important as evidenced by the overpowering fragrances they put into their soaps. Now, at least in the walls, they apparently had specific products solely to scent oneself enough in order for others to smell.

Personally, he found it one of the most offensive human behaviors, covering up natural smells with their own artificial ones.  It made it more difficult to relax, not being able to use all of his senses to interpret his surroundings.

Opening the bottle a miniscule amount, he already detected the offending odor before the top was all the way off.

 Disgusting.

Wrinkling his nose and retightening the lid as if it would somehow remove the escaped scent from the room.

What even are the rules for wearing this stuff? It can’t be an everyday event I would have smelled that. It’s probably for special occasions… maybe it’s for people who smell particularly bad, Hannes did bring up titan smells. They can’t possibly smell I’m a titan… no, I’m overthinking this—

Maybe Carla would like it?

Oh god he was really in deep now, he couldn’t believe he was considering slathering on artificial human scent for a woman.

If it’s important to human courtship, it might make her more comfortable  

Almost rolling his eyes at himself, he couldn’t deny that he was hopelessly and disgustingly sweet on Carla.  

Maybe just a tiny bit

Hesitating for a second, he reopened it dabbing a little on his neck before hurrying out the door. Hopefully it would be enough for Carla to pick up on but not so much he’d fry his own nose.

He was halfway to meeting Carla when his nerves really kicked in, overthinking his decisions.

Hannes could’ve really meant it as a gag gift and hadn’t meant for him to actually wear it. He didn’t even know which scents meant what, or even if humans cared that much given their poor perception.

It could mean something crass, what if they only use it before they mate?

He hoped not, the last thing he wanted to do was offend Carla by accidently propositioning her rudely early on in their courtship.  

By the time he arrived he was sweating a little too much for the early fall day. They met outside her parents’ house, Carla waving sweetly to get his attention.

“Ready for the walk? I think you’ll really like where we’re going,” she said holding the picnic basket out to him.

Taking it from her he flushed when the basket was heavier than expected and he almost dropped it. Carla giggled pulling him along gently seeming to know how nervous he was. Leading the way out to wall Maria’s gate and the field beyond she made pleasant small talk as they went.

“It’s right up here, careful over these rocks!” she said lifting her skirts to jump over a small creek.

She had led him to the large grove of trees near the gate, weaving around each trunk until she seemed to find what she was looking for. Looking up he saw a tree covered in clusters of delicate white and pink flowers. She stood underneath closing her eyes and inhaling the floral scent.

“It blooms in the late summer, pretty, isn’t it?” she said as if she could hear his next question.

“Beautiful,” he responded not taking his eyes off her.

“I love the way it smells,” she said.

Eyeing him over her shoulder, she added “almost as good as your cologne”

He sputtered, choosing to start unpacking the basket before she saw his face red for the second time today.

 

 

 

Sitting in the petals below they ate their way through the finely crafted feast Carla had put together with her parents.

“This tastes spectacular,” Grisha complimented finishing up a scotch egg. He was laying on his side gazing out in the direction of wall rose, letting her sit on the blanket her skirts billowing out around her.

“My mother helped me make them,” she looked over at him as if she was debating whether or not to say something else.

Swallowing the last bite, he caught her staring.

“Yes?” he prompted propping his head on his hand admiring her.

“I was just wondering; you’ve never said anything about any of your family. Not even your childhood.” She said, busying herself with collecting the used cheesecloth wrappers to avoid confronting him outright.  

“It’s nothing interesting,” he said stiffly.

“I hardly know anything about you, I assumed you’re from Shiganshina but I’m starting to think not with how strange you act sometimes.” She insisted dropping the pretense of small talk.

“You could say I’m a bit of a foreigner.” he was becoming more closed off by the second “I’m not from around here.”

“Yes, but where? I want to get to know you, Grisha.” She pleaded, trying to get more information from him before he shut down completely.

He stayed silent.

“Look at me.” She commanded, an edge of irritation creeping into her voice.

There it was again; he’d encountered it before, numerous times at the research facility. Humans seemed to need eye contact, overwhelmingly so.  

It’s an important visual cue to them, maybe because of their other weakened senses.   

He couldn’t ever resist analyzing human behavior, even with Carla.

“I like your company, a lot” Carla started

How am I going to get out of this one… I’ve already used every trick to dodge this conversation.

“I won’t judge you if you say you’re from the poorest little farm village or you’re some rich noble fleeing the inner walls, not even if you say you’re from the underground”

His mouth moved before he knew what he was doing

“Outside. I’m from the outside.”

What is wrong with me?! Why did I just say that? I’ve got to play it off as a joke.

“…. The outside districts? Another bait city? I’m not sure why you’d be embarrassed about that, we just came from Shiganshina.” She asked confused by the vague non-answer.

“At the very least which wall are you from?” She huffed, trying again to get him talking.

“No. I’m from outside the walls, across the ocean. A city called Liberio. Keith found me in titan territory and I came in with the scouting legion.”

There it was again! It was if his body was betraying his brain. His mouth running without him telling it to.

“Hah!” she scoffed “Right, and I’m a titan!” she smiled hesitantly wondering if this was a bit of some sort.

“I am a titan.”

That was too far. She could get in trouble if she repeats that to the wrong person.

“Grisha, that’s not funny. If this is going to work you need to be honest.” Smile fading as she realized he wasn’t relenting.

“I failed my military training in the titan unit.” There he went, blurting out another secret.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish with this act but it’s really starting to annoy me!” her voice raising as her frustration grew. She was frowning at this point clearly not believing a word he’d said.

He stopped talking.

This is really, really, bad. She could spread this around until it gets back to someone high up enough to investigate.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” He said trying to walk it all back.

“I’d appreciate knowing the truth. If it’s too painful I’m willing to wait, but I can’t believe you thought I’d fall for such an outrageous story.” She said, clearly upset at his behavior.

“You’ll have to forgive me, my attempt at humor was in poor taste.”

Maybe she’ll let it go like Keith… he never seems to push that hard and he has more reason to be suspicious.

“let’s go back, I have to work at the tavern tonight” her tone icy.

Packing up the blankets and leftover food they walked back in awkward silence.

I’ve really ruined it now.

She had handed him the leftover food as they returned to her parent’s house

“No, you keep it. There’s plenty enough here for me, I’ll just eat at the tavern.”

After a brusque goodbye he made his way slowly back to his room. Setting the extra scotch eggs down on his dresser next to the bottle of cologne he slumped in his desk chair.

Well, she’ll definitely never want to see me again.

I just spewed it all out like an idiot, I put us both in danger.

Notes:

My obsession with young grisha started ironically… (he’s kinda sexy without the ratstache). I’m considering making this a prequal within the RR series but I’ll have to get a little farther before I decide if it’s better organized that way. I’m taking delight in writing the mundane everyday events bc I find it quite calming as my life is a little crazy rn.

Chapter 3: Proof

Summary:

Carla: I don't need sleep, I need answers

Notes:

*Throws every head canon ever in*
Really tho, I like to think Carla was a bit feisty. We all saw how she laid into Eren about joining the scouts.

Carla had just finished emptying the picnic basket on the kitchen table as her mother approached eager to hear how the date went. She knew her mother was fond of Grisha, happy that a serious and smart young doctor had taken so much interest in her daughter.  

“It was fine,” she said moving to change her clothing for work before her mother could get going with her questions.

“Just fine? Did he at least like the food?” she asked blocking her path.

It was too late, once the interrogation started it couldn’t be stopped.

“Yes, I need to get ready for work.” Carla sighed trying to sidestep her mother.

“You have plenty of time, you don’t need to get ready right now.” She said, patiently waiting for Carla to start recounting their picnic.

Carla rolled her eyes.

“Was it that bad? You two seemed to get along so well, he’s such a polite young man.” She asked disappointment tinging her voice.

Her daughter was avoiding eye contact, obviously withholding something.

“Did something come up? Does he have debt? A drinking problem? An incurable disease?”

“Mama! No, he doesn’t have any of those!” Carla yelled, exasperated at the rapid-fire questions.  

“Then what? You’re always so excited to see him, will he be coming to the tavern again tonight?”

“It was just a little awkward that’s all.” She relented. Finally allowing her disappointment to show she added “No, I don’t think he will.”

“Sweetie, he’s always been that type. You know how quirky academics can be.”

“It just seemed out of character; I was trying to get to know him and he wouldn’t stop making up this outrageous story… usually he knows when to stop.”

“Out of character? He’s always making up funny stories, that’s another reason I like him, not overly serious.” She said, trying her best to assure her daughter.

Sitting at the table she crossed her legs, leaning back in the chair with her hands clasped she looked lost in thought, trying to recall something. She spoke again

“The first time you brought him home for supper and told us about those made-up creatures, the hairy little humans? Remember? With tails! I’ve never laughed so hard in my life!”

“Monkeys,” Carla supplied.

“Yes, yes that’s what he called them, monkeys! I don’t know how he dreams all these things up—it’s endless, if his medical career doesn’t pan out, he could easily be a writer with all those silly stories!”

Monkeys, iced food in summer, flameless candles glowing brighter than fire, horseless wagons moving along tracks, a boat that floats through the air … It does seem endless, how could one person make up so many wild ideas…

Every time Carla had laughed and played along with his fantasies asking just where the ice came from in the summer, and how 12 wagons could move along a single track without anything pulling them, he always answered in an equally serious and joking manner. Providing detailed explanations with a good-natured laugh.

Can one person really come up with all those absurd inventions and plans?

Noting his general awkwardness and occasional confusion at basic tasks, she had once joked that he must have grown up in a city like no other. Why else would someone spend minutes searching for the toilet inside a house and seem surprised when she recoiled in disgust at the idea of having something so dirty and smelly inside.

He’d played it off as a joke and spent the rest of the rest of the visit looking uncomfortable, leaving earlier than she’d expected.

I thought he was just terrible at humor, or that I just didn’t understand his sense of it. It’s still endearing that he tries to make me laugh

Now she was replaying all these moments with the words of his latest ‘joke’ lingering in her mind

“No. I’m from outside the walls, across the ocean. A city called Liberio.”

Say she actually believed that for a moment, it could certainly explain his wild ideas, no, not ideas, real inventions from a foreign society. But how could she believe that a foreigner had traveled through titan territory? The scouts were highly trained to deal with titans, and their mortality rate was astronomical each expedition… how would one person cross all that distance? Why would they cross?

“I am a titan.”

That had to be a load of bs-- the one thing that really set Carla off; him lying directly to her face. Grisha had been standing in front of her, perfectly human. He was not a massive monster hell bent on destroying humanity. Couldn’t he at least tell her how he traveled through titan terrain, at the very least it would make the scouts lives easier, not to mention her own. He was clearly keeping something from her.

Could Keith know about this? He said Keith brought him inside, maybe I should warn Keith that he could be dangerous. No, what am I thinking? Running up to the commander of the scouting legion yelling about how he brought a foreigner and a titan inside the walls? I’d be locked in an attic and known city wide as the crazy lady!

Later that evening she entered the tavern, hoping she would find Grisha sitting at his usual table in the corner opposite the fireplace near the bar. Wishing more than ever to have him stop her and talk as she carried plates of food back and forth from the kitchen.

No such luck, the table sat unoccupied. Arriving behind the bar after scooting around a man sitting at the very end, she didn’t recognize him until he spoke.

“Carla, it’s so nice to see you again.” The man said in a deep hoarse voice.

“Keith! I thought the legion had already moved back up to headquarters?” She looked surprised he was still in Shiganshina.

“We return tomorrow, a few of my men needed extra medical attention. They should be safe to move in the morning, Grisha has been seeing to them. He’s an excellent medic.” He explained.

“Yes, he really is extraordinary in that regard.” She agreed absent mindedly.

“Are you two still…?” He prodded, noticing her usual lack of enthusiasm at the mention of his friend. She seemed to have a lot on her mind tonight.

“We’re fine, thank you for your concern.”

She shut him down before the topic could go any further.

She knew Keith still fancied her, first meeting her at the bar as the legion would stay overnight in Shiganshina during expedition seasons. There was no way she could ever get involved with someone in his line of work, she knew her heart would never be able to handle it.

Taking advantage of the situation she decided to do some prodding of her own before the bar got busy, she lowered her voice and leaned over the countertop.

“Can I ask you something?”

Keith perked up “Of course, what do you want to know?”

“Did you find Grisha out in titan territory?”

Whatever Keith had been hoping to hear, that was clearly not it. A borderline sour look crossed his face at the mention of Grisha’s name.

“Why are you asking?”

“I was just wondering if someone could actually survive in titan territory alone like that. You have the most experience in survival out there, is it possible?”

He sucked his teeth waiting a moment before answering

“I did find him out there, or squad leader Holtz did.” He admitted.

She opened her mouth getting ready to speak again when he cut her off.

“He’s not lying to you if that’s what you wanted to know. Don’t ask me how he did it, he won’t even tell me. Kept his mouth shut all the way through the MPs interrogation. Claims that he lost his most of his memory of that time it was so horrific. Said he was curious about the regeneration factor of titans and wanted to study it for medical purposes. The idiot.”

So, I’m the only one who knows… Grisha, why would you tell me? This information could be used better by the military, this means that we’re not the last of humanity—there are others that have survived the titans out there, there’s hope!

“What’s the regeneration factor?” The new question popping right out of her mouth.

He let out a little huff, always amused at how little civilians knew about titans.

“They have one weak spot; you know about that?” he asked.

She nodded “Yes, their nape, it’s what the swords are for, right?”

“Yes, we use the blades to cut their nape because it’s the only way to kill them. Harm them anywhere else and they’ll just heal.”

“You’re kidding! What about cannons? Can’t you just blow their heads off from on top of the wall?”

He shook his head, entertained at her naivety.

“They grow it back. Cut them open and gut them? They grow it back. Blast their limbs off? They’ll keep crawling towards you while they grow it all back.”

 She was realizing how little she knew by the minute; she had gotten a taste of the truth and her desire to know more was insatiable.  

“They can heal anything except their neck? Why th--”

“CARLA!”

she jumped as the tavern owner interrupted her.

“Less chatting, get to work!” he barked, pointing back to the kitchen.

“Yes sir,” she said speeding into the back room as he made his way over to apologize to Keith for her ‘pestering’.

 

An hour later when Keith flagged her down to pay his tab, he put his money on the counter not looking up.

“We don’t know what’s important about their nape, we research, but their body dissolves too fast. It’s impossible to understand them.”

Taking the money, she wished him well on his trip back, trying not to get caught talking again.  

“I always enjoy your company Carla,” Before he left, he turned to her “I hope you aren’t getting any ideas. What happened to Grisha was a fluke, don’t waste your life on titans.”

 

 

 

Mentally begging the last patron to leave as she cleaned up for the night, Carla formulated a plan. She would go to Grisha’s room as soon as she left. She couldn’t care less about how it looked for an unwed woman to show up at a young man’s room in the middle of the night. She’d confront Grisha about his native land and demand proof of his possible titan origins. This was a matter of the security of humankind.

I need answers. If he is a titan, I want to know why he’s different, and why they eat us? Can he tell the others to stop?

Leaving the tavern, she walked quickly along the streets towards the building he stayed in. Contemplating how she’d find the room and how she was even going to get in the building, another thought crossed her mind.

What if he’s not different than other titans, what if he’s luring me in with this disguise and then tries to kill me? Then why would he reveal himself? He could just overpower me and get it over with.

Her thoughts chased themselves in circles through her head as she reached the front door. Rapping sharply, she waited for someone to come down. Knocking again she jumped back as the door swung open nearly hitting her.

“Don’t you know it’s past curfew?” A plump woman in her nightclothes snapped. She held a lantern up nearly blinding Carla before looking closer at her face. “Wait, you don’t even board here!” she said incredulously.  

“I-I-I’m here to see Grigory Jaeger,” Carla stammered out.

The woman looked aghast, horrified of the nerve of Carla.

“You need to leave, now!” She reached to slam the door, “We don’t welcome that kind of business here!”

Carla realized this looked worse than she thought it would, she had only glossed over this part of the plan; focusing more on the potential titan inside the walls aspect of it. Her colorful dirndl, loose hair, and make up served her well at a tourist tavern but on a doorstep of a boarding house at midnight…well, she’d have to think quickly to get out of this one.

“Wait! My brother, he’s with the scouting legion… he needs a doctor! It can’t wait!” she begged, imploring the woman to open the door.

“Please!”   

The door slowly opened again, the woman glaring still. Searching Carla’s face, trying to decide if she should let her past.  

“Fine. He’s on the upper floor third door on the left.” Moving a smidge to the right to let Carla in.

“Thank you!” she called, already rushing past her up the stairs.

Standing outside his door she listened for any sign he was still awake. Hearing nothing but the sound of her own breath she knocked quietly.

Nothing.

She knocked again this time adding a soft

“Grisha? Are you awake?”

Nothing again.

Don’t tell me you skipped town.

Knocking for the third time she felt a rush of hope hearing something like footsteps from inside the room. The scratch of a match could be heard from the other side.

Yes! He’s still here!

Candlelight filtered softly through the crack under the door. It creaked open slowly.

“Carla?” he asked peering at her confused, as if he thought he was dreaming still.

The weight of the situation finally hit her, blushing and suddenly becoming self-conscious in the presence of a partially undressed man.

“C…can I come in?” she stuttered trying not to look at his chest under his unbuttoned shirt.

“Is something wrong, are you okay?” he asked opening the door to let her in.

All her bravery from earlier had gone at this point, leaving her speechless in the middle of his room as he closed the door.

What do I do now? This is ridiculous, I’ve burst into his room at night to accuse him of being a titan. He’s going to think I’m insane, I already dismissed him earlier when he told me.

Setting the candle on the small table by his bed he moved to her side, hand reaching out to check her for any sign of trouble.

“Did someone hurt you?” he breathed, his hand stopping centimeters away from her, waiting for permission to touch her.

“I’m fine,” she said gently pushing his worried hands away.

“Oh… um… why are you here in the middle of the night?” he asked absolutely perplexed by the situation. “It sounded like an emergency,”

“…I had to talk to you,” she confessed “about earlier.”

It didn’t take long before she was sitting at his desk spilling all her thoughts since the picnic, that she had asked Keith to verify his story, and came intending to get proof. Carla was not going to let this go.  

“Grisha, what in the name of Rose is going on?” she finished looking to him.

Shrouded in the dark, she couldn’t make out the expression on his face.

“Meet me tomorrow at the gate to Maria, we can’t talk now. It’s too long a story, people will already try to spread rumors with you coming here tonight.”

That, she agreed with.

“Will you at least walk me home? I told the keeper downstairs I needed a doctor, that my brother was a soldier and he wasn’t doing well.”

 “Of course,” he gave her a gentlemanly smile, appreciating her quick thinking “let me get my shoes.”

 

xXx

 

She waited anxiously by the gate the next day, Grisha had said he would be seeing patients all morning but would be there by noon. She kept scanning the main road hoping to pick him out of the crowd. It was now thirty minutes past and she was beginning to think she’d been stood up. The Garrison members collecting toll had seemed to catch on that the person she was waiting for was late. A shorter man kept trying to rudely get her attention, bored with his post.

“Hey sweetheart! We can keep you busy while you wait!” the filthy man burst into laughter with his other guards.

Come on Grisha, where are you?

At last, she saw him, doctor’s bag in one arm and stethoscope looped over his neck still. Waving to him, she hurried to get her fare ready so she could finally escape these creeps.

“I’ve got it,” Grisha said warmly as he paid for both of them, the guards quieting as they received their money. Taking his arm, she walked through the gate letting him guide them off down a smaller road. The cobble stone giving way to gravel, then finally dirt. They walked for a good twenty minutes before Grisha spoke first.

“I apologize for being late, I had to help prep a few soldiers for the transport today.” He said looking back to check they were indeed the only ones on the road.

“Where are we going?” she asked, her curiosity from last night reigniting.

“The forest of giant trees, it will give us enough cover.”

“Cover for what?” she interjected.

Suddenly it seemed like even explaining would take too long.

“The proof you wanted.” He answered before continuing “I was planning on explaining while we walked, but I think it would be better if perhaps you asked me your questions first.”

Carla had no idea what to ask first.

Should I ask him about his homeland? The titans? How he’s a titan?

Since there was no way to ease into something like this, she settled on her most burning question first.

“If you’re a titan, why don’t you look like one?”

Getting right to the point as always. He thought continuing to walk with her, before becoming more serious.

“I have two forms, one human and one titan. Right now, I’m in my human form. Sometimes we call it the fragile form.”

“Do you eat people?”

The questions were coming easy now, like a dam had been broken.

“Do I seem like I eat people?"

He seemed taken aback by that one, assuming that was a no by the way he answered.

“Why do other titans eat people and you don’t?” she asked not letting up.

“They’re a different species from us.”

“Us? From humans or from your kind?” She grilled him.

Grisha sighed, this was going to take a while to explain.

“In the outside world I am what people- humans- call a titan. The only place the titans you’re familiar with exist, is on this island. In the outside world we call them pure titans.”

This information was overwhelming her already, so they were on an island? This must be a huge island and lake to fit all three walls on it! Electing to ignore that for right now, she pursued the titan related questioning.

“Why do the titans- pure titans- eat people? Where did they come from? Where do you- titans like you- come from? If this is all even real anyway.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll prove it to you.” He reassured “This might be a little convoluted, but I think you’ll understand.”

He drew in a deep breath before starting

“My species is descended from humans. We were isolated and infected with a worm of sorts; over time the worm became part of us. Our bodies gave it protection and a food source, our spinal fluid, in return it shared its regenerative ability. At this point it can no longer survive on its own and is considered an organ.”

His eyes flicked over to her trying to gauge her level of understanding, she looked pensive but nodded for him to continue.

“It’s located on our spine, the ‘head’ is located in the nape of our neck. Scientists call the head the ‘dorsal nub’. The spinal organ allows us to heal almost any wound, except if the dorsal nub is ‘beheaded’.”  

“So that’s why the nape is the only way to kill titans? The worm… which is now an organ, controls regeneration?”

“Yes, exactly that.”

“Then why are you and the pure titans so different? You said you have a titan form, what does that mean? Can the pure titans become human?”

“We don’t know for sure why the two species of titans are so different, no one does, it’s incredibly difficult to research pure titans. From what I know about my own species, I would guess that the pure titans were once human. Most likely Eldians, perhaps they reacted differently to the worm, maybe it was a different type of worm that was parasitic. Many people study titans, I’ll admit we are fascinating from a scientific stand point.”

“And…your titan form?”

“What about it?”

“Well, how does it happen? Do your clothes rip off when you grow? I would assume you’re larger as a titan…” she trailed off gauging his expression, seeing him break out in a grin.

He threw his head back, laughing loudly.

“What?! I want to know!” she shoved his arm as he bent over to catch his breath still laughing.

Straightening up after a minute, still smiling he corrected her

“Our titan forms are an extension of our regeneration. The titan body forms around our own, my human body resides in the nape of the titan form.”

“Oh, I guess that makes more sense” She grinned “I didn’t know if you brought extra clothes or something in the bag.” She joked sending him into another laughing fit.

“We’re able to control it. Because it’s a form of regeneration, healing triggers the shift. We can go back and forth at will.”

She looked pleased, starting to feel like she was understanding everything.

“So, if you get a cut you turn into a titan?”

“Well, yes and no. We can regenerate in human form without shifting to the titan form, to shift we usually deliberately self-harm and have a goal in mind.”

“Well, it’s a relief to know I don’t have to coddle you all the time.”

She looked back to him “What’s an Eldian?” she asked innocently.

“You.”

“huh?”

“The people who live on this island are called Eldians, we can’t be certain because there’s been little contact but it’s hypothesized that you all are the ancestors to us titans.”

Hearing no response, he continued to fill the silence.

“The leading theory when I left was that groups of Eldians came in contact with the worm organism and due to their isolation evolved into the titans. We can only guess as to what happened to the other band of Eldians that became the pure titans.”

“Wait, are we different too?” she asked, becoming confused just as quickly as she had started feeling like she understood.

“From what I’ve seen I’d say you all are human, unless you’re holding out on me?” He smiled to himself.

“Titans are titans. Humans are humans. It’s well known in the outside world humans and titans don’t mix.”

Don’t mix how? As in, we’d never be able to have our own child?

She didn’t know how to feel about that, choosing instead to look up at the forest they were about to enter.

“I assume to prove this all to me I get to see you as a titan?” she asked.

“I planned that originally, but I’m not sure if that’s the best idea… have you ever seen a pure titan?” he waffled at the idea of shifting in front of her.

“No, but I am curious to see what any titan looks like.” She said following him off the path and into the undergrowth, “are you afraid I’ll think you’re ugly, scary?” she called up to him, trying to lighten the mood. He ignored the last comment, continuing to fight through the vines towards the specific spot he was looking for.

Arriving in a clear patch between a couple trees she saw his face, skin pale in the shadows of the forest, brows drawn together revealing his fretful expression.

“It’s just an intense process, I don’t want to shock you. I can show you this instead,” he said setting the bag down kneeling down to pull a scalpel out.

“Oh, wow! Wait a moment!” she gasped, fearing what would come next.

Grisha had already taken the blade to the palm of his hand pressing deep into the webbed skin at his thumb. Bright red blood flowed swiftly down to his elbow as he dragged the knife towards the back of his wrist.

Presenting his palm to her she watched in amazement as the deep cut began to steam, and the skin was knitting itself back together before her eyes. Her mouth hung open in shock before she collected herself, reaching out to touch his skin.

“Does it hurt?” she asked, taking the injured hand in her own tracing down the cut. It was already closed with a rough scab that was starting to fade by the second.

“Yes, we feel pain just like humans,” he explained “by the time we’re adults we understand it doesn’t last long so we can endure until we finish regenerating.”

She stayed holding his hand tracing the perfectly healed skin over and over.

“Not even a scar,” she whispered incredulously.  

“Would you like to see it again?” he offered.

“Not if it hurts you,” she closed his hand in hers intertwining their fingers “May I see your titan form?”

He froze for a second, he’d never been asked so politely. Usually, it was demanded of him or if he refused the trainer had tricks to goad him into a line of thought that’d force him to shift abruptly. He almost wanted to decline her request just to know what it felt like having a choice.

“It’s very sudden, there’s a lot of light,” he started babbling “I’m tall, 15 meters, I’m not sure if you’ll be—”

“You can say no,” she interjected, “we don’t have do this today if you’re not ready.”

“I don’t think you really want to see me like that.” he confessed.

“Don’t tell me what I want, Grisha.” She said, waiting for him to make the next move, letting him choose.

“…I’d like to show you… wait here until I shift, then I’ll wait for you to come towards me.”

“Oh ok, how will I know when?” she asked, a little taken aback that he had actually decided to show her.

“You’ll know,” he said, glancing up around at the trees “it’s not exactly subtle.”  

She stood still as he turned and disappeared further into the trees. The sun had gone behind a cloud making the forest even darker than before. Without Grisha’s presence it was starting to become cold and eerie standing alone.

What does a titan look like? Will it just be Grisha but 15 meters tall? That sounds quite funny actually, a giant naked man loose in the forest… naked…are titans—anatomically accurate? … oh this could be a little embarrassing.

She was halfway through her next thought when the branches shook with the force of a cannon blast, no, more like twelve cannon blasts. A bright light blinded her, like lightning striking into the earth directly ahead of her. A pungent chemical like odor hit her nose, the sharp and metallically tangy scent making her scrunch her face.

As soon as it started it ended. She took a moment to brush her hair back from her eyes and survey the forest, it looked the same as ever. The birds had cleared out leaving nothing but the sound of her racing heart and the residual breeze whistling through the brush.

“G-Grisha, was that you? I’m coming to see you now!” she called out shakily, moving in the direction Grisha had walked.

It’s just Grisha, no matter what he looks like I won’t scream. He won’t hurt me.

She pushed aside some undergrowth fighting the prickers catching on her skirts.

All of a sudden, she felt an immense radiating heat, whipping her head around for the source.

There he was.

Gasping loudly, she made to step back in shock of the sheer size of the creature. Thorns tangling her skirts she tripped backwards landing on her butt.

Trembling, her eyes locked on his. Her breath coming fast and shallow. Nothing could have prepared her for this sight.

The giant sat on its knees in a small clearing of trees, hands folded almost delicately in its lap. The titan’s muscles were huge, bulging arms and legs coiled with power. She instinctively felt the threat of its strength from her proximity to the beast. Her body wouldn’t move even if she wanted it to, the presence of the predator alone stunning its tiny prey.

Dark hair covered his chest almost to his stomach, with a voluminous dark beard hiding the entire lower portion of his face. Her eyes wandered down to the warped shriveled lips leaving massive, flat teeth exposed in a twisted grimace of some sort. Pointed ears poked out of his long hair perking forward at her fall.

He sat there letting Carla adjust to the sight of him. She had fallen, and from what he could hear, she was hyperventilating. Slowly, so incredibly gently, he reached out a pinky finger to her trying to warn her that she would pass out if she kept on going like that.

With his finger about 3 meters away from her he heard a fragile voice

“n-n-nno”

Carla’s eyes were glued to the approaching appendage, hands clenched white in the dirt.

I think this is enough for today.

Taking in her ghostly face and continued shivering, he pulled his hand back before dipping his head to separate himself from the titan.

Jogging to Carla as the titan body dissolved, he could smell the rank scent of terror rolling off of her. Kneeling down, he began untangling her skirts from the prickers.

“Just stay sitting for now, are you cold?” he asked, taking his jacket off to throw over her shoulders regardless of her answer.

She was still staring out at the dissolving body, nothing but a massive skeleton at this point. She finally snapped out of her trance to look at Grisha, shivering as she pulled the jacket tighter around herself.

He waited patiently as she attempted to say something. Her mouth opening then closing, licking her dry lips. He prepared himself for the inevitable regret of her decision. Waiting for an outburst of disgust, fear, anger, anything negative really, he was taken aback at what came out of her mouth next. A complete 180 from any reaction he’d predicted.

“You’re very handsome with a beard,” she said in a dazed voice.

“Oh Carla, I think you’re in shock.” He said as he picked her up, carrying her to the edge of the forest. Setting her on her feet, he let her lean heavily on him as they started the walk back.

“Let’s get you home.”

 

By the time he’d gotten her back to her house she was dead on her feet, falling asleep the second he helped her into bed. Removing her shoes and loosening her stays, he covered her with her nearby duvet, smoothing her hair lightly before shutting her door quietly.

He’d wait for her to seek him out next, to give her time to comprehend everything she had just learned.

 

 

Notes:

This fic is tagged with some kink stuff as it was born out of unanswered snk kinkmeme prompts, but if I ever get the courage to write smut rest assured that it will be a separate work within the series. So if it isn't your cup of tea it will be fairly easy to ignore :). I also appreciate all the encouragement you all give me! Eren will be returning next chapter dw

Chapter 4: Reveal

Summary:

Eren displays more than one titan tendency, Carla and Grisha have an argument.

Notes:

I kinda screwed up the timeline and Zeke's unintentionally like 14 years older than Eren. I like to think it's more of a 10/11 year gap, but rip I'm too tired to go back and fix all the ages again. :|

The sun was pounding down on Grisha as he moved along the streets. His titan body heaving in the sweltering air, the empty concrete buildings radiating the heat right back towards him. This training exercise had been going on far too long, he was dangerously overheated but the they kept screeching at him to keep moving.

“JAEGER! USE YOUR SIZE!” A female handler yelled from his shoulder, making his ears ring.

Cart titans were starting to close in on him. Seeming to crawl up on to the building tops out of nowhere, trapping him in the western half of the mock city. The gunners riding in the cart titans’ packs opened fire, bullets flying in perfect lines, spraying his body with pain. He let out a roar as they advanced on him, stepping back to retreat from the pain.

The trainer on his shoulder dug a prod into his nape, threateningly close to his main body to get his attention back on her.

“I SAID USE YOUR SIZE, YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS TITAN” she bellowed into his ear again “GO THROUGH THE BUILDINGS! FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP RETREATING! FASS! ATTACK! THEY’RE ONLY CARTS!!”

The ground shook with the force of the buildings collapse as Grisha slammed into the nearest high rise. Debris thundering to the ground he tried to pick out the path that would minimize the damage he did.

“THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME TODAY WE’VE DONE THIS! HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND BY NOW?!”

I hate this.  

As he plowed through another building, he stumbled through the rubble trying to ignore the twisted metal beams cutting into his feet. The sound of his wheezing, high pitched panting mixed with the clouds of steam coming from his nose and mouth as he tried to make his way to the target.

“YES, FINALLY! GOOD BOY! KEEP GOING! GOOD BOY GRISHA!” the trainer praised, hanging onto his ear.

They only seemed to like him when he was destroying something. Wielding him like a weapon, using his strength to threaten smaller beings.

Please don’t make me do this again.

He forced his way through to the center of the town ignoring the streets in favor of smashing building after building. The trainers encouraging him with calls of “Voraus! Voraus!”

He knew they were empty, it was only a basic maneuvering command exercise, but he couldn’t help but think of what the real thing would be like. He didn’t want to topple buildings or scare people. The idea of holding a human in his hand, feeling the last futile fleeting struggle of their existence before crushing them made him nauseated. Why was he forced to kill others so much weaker than he?

He felt a stab on the side of his neck again, taking him out of his thoughts he heard the trainer call the heel command. Stopping on a dime, he listened again for the rest command. Knowing this was finally the end of the training session.

“Sitz.”

He groaned, low and infrasonic as he dropped slowly to his knees, sitting on his heels.

“Bleib.”

He dropped his head forward, looking at the ground, gathering his hands in his lap.

Still gasping for air in his submissive pose, the trainer on his shoulder started talking with the small crowd watching from the viewing platform.

“Wooooo! He’s puffin hard! You really put him through it!” one of the intern trainers called out to her.

Absent mindedly running her hand up and down the straight helix of his ear she gave them the rundown of the last attempt.

“He’s super hesitant, but he finally got it in the end. I don’t think he’s stupid, but he doesn’t seem to learn that fast. Hopefully next session will be easier now that the big guy knows what we want.”

Flicking his ear away from her, not caring if it put her off balance, he hoped she’d stop touching him soon. Her abrupt shift in attitude was irritating and it was overall tiring having humans around in titan form, always having to modify his behavior as to not scare them or seem threatening.

“It’s a damn shame,” the training director cut in. “He’s a great looking titan, but he’ll never work in any realistic battle scenario.”

“No wonder he was so cheap.” He spat.

“He’s nice and solid. Flawless conformation—s’got all the attack traits we’re looking for. He’s just not progressing like I thought he would; doesn’t have the personality. He’s oddly gentle.” She agreed.

Arms crossed on the railing, he leaned out towards Grisha. Staring at the titan in front of him, he mused.

“Perhaps we move him to the breeding program? Keep training him for basic manners, but at the very least we could get some nice crossbreeds out of him.” He said, thinking out loud. “How old is he now?”

“About 15 sir, just old enough,” She answered.

“Good, November’s not that far off. We’ll breed him, then sell him off after the baby’s weaned, basic training should get us a little more money.”

”You’d like that huh?” he was addressing Grisha directly now, smirking. “We get some pretty female titans to put to you, cover them instead of busting your balls out here in the heat. You’d be busting your balls in some other heat, the fun kind, eh?” He snorted at his own vulgar joke.

Just leave me alone, you nasty pervert

The director straightened up, moving to the platform stairs.

“Supervise the interns through the cool down exercises, this one’s calm enough for them to have a go. Meet back up with me at dinner, we’ll chat about prospects.” He ordered her before leaving the interns.

Grisha anticipated the command to separate, thrown off when she started in a conversational tone.

“We’ll pick a nice partner for you. It’ll be better there; I know you’re not meant for this program.” The trainer spoke softly to his ear, twirling a couple of his hair strands around her arm.  

“Alright, put me down and come out now. I know you’re tired.”

He didn’t hesitate, unusually eager to pick up a human this time. Placing her on the ground, he leaned down low, working to separate himself.

She watched with an eagle eye as the interns took turns practicing restraining and escorting him. Correcting their position in relation to Grisha and showing them the appropriate pressure on different parts of his spine.

Leading him back to the titan’s quarters, she spoke as she locked him in his room for the night.

“There’s a real sweet beast titan I think you’ll get along with. Her name’s Dina.”

Dina?

 

Dina…

 

Dina…Zeke…

 

Where are you two now?

 

“Dad…daddy?”

Grisha jerked awake, breathing heavy at the feeling of a small hand on his shoulder.

“Zeke?”

He squinted in the early morning light at his son standing next to his bed.

“Oh, Eren. It’s too early. Go back to sleep.”

He'd be what, 13 now?

The morning light had barely begun to rise over the walls, meaning it was way to early to be awake. That wouldn’t stop the 2-year-old though. Grisha was convinced nothing could stop his son when he had a goal in mind.

At this moment, the toddler was dead set on climbing into his parents’ bed. Little pointy elbows and knees dug into Grisha’s stomach as he was trampled by the boy.

“uhgh, bud,” he managed to get out as a tiny foot caught him in the cheek.

Scooching over perilously close to the edge of the bed he positioned Eren right behind Carla, not even attempting to try and get Eren back to his own bed. Almost sliding off his side, he welcomed back sleep praying it wouldn’t bring any more painful memories this time.  

 

He was awoken a few hours later by Carla gasping loudly, turning to see what was wrong he felt the edge of the mattress too late.

--THUMP--

“Again! Again!” Eren shrieked with laughter, peering off the bed at his father lying winded on the floor.

“Ahhhghh, Eren don’t be so loud” he groaned, knowing it was futile to try and bargain with the boy. Sitting up he looked over to Carla, noticing her face wrinkled in disgust.

“What?” he asked, looking around for a mouse or spider that could have startled his wife.

“His eyes.” she answered, her gaze locked onto the back of Eren’s head. “I woke up and they were all cloudy, like he was dead.”

Oh, of course, that would be one of the first tells.

“He might have an eye infection,” he reasoned. Sitting back down on the bed, he gathered Eren in his arms facing him. His eyes looked clear of any infection, bright and green as usual. Carla brushed Eren’s hair back, examining his face from over Grisha’s shoulder.

“No, they look fine now.” She dismissed the idea. “But there was something wrong with his eyes, I know it.” She insisted.

Eren pressed himself against Grisha’s chest, embarrassed by the sudden amount of attention he was receiving. Hugging his arms around his father’s neck he clung to him hiding his face in Grisha’s shirt.

“Eren, can you look at me?” Grisha asked, gently guiding his chin up with his hand.

Eren shyly peered up at his father, wondering what would come next.

Grisha suddenly puffed a breath of air right into Eren’s face, causing him to wriggle away from his dad.

“NO!” he yelled, pushing away with all the fury of a toddler wronged. Grisha released him immediately, letting Eren storm off to rage.

“Did you see it?” He asked Carla. “Was that what it looked like?” referring to the split-second flash of pinkish grey sliding horizontally across Eren’s eyes before he had slammed his eyelids shut.

“What is it? Is it some sort of birth defect?” Carla worried.

She couldn’t help but pull a face at the sight of it earlier. His eyes, half lidded as he slept, revealed what looked like a corpse’s eye staring back out at the world, wrapped in a cocoon of slimy, pale tissue. It had been terrifying to wake up and see her son that way, thinking he had gone blind in the night.

“It’s a third eyelid, it’s normal,” he said facing her. “Completely normal, for titans.”

He had to admit, he was conflicted over this damning evidence. Eren was showing signs of taking after him, his excitement quickly overwhelming his anxiety. He felt hope, being given a miraculous second chance to raise a son. Able to watch him grow and explore his abilities, being there to teach him how to regenerate and help him the first time he shifted.

It was something rare, a luxury few titans would have. Keeping your family together, watching your children grow, staying with your partner, in Marley it was all ripped away. It wasn’t lucrative to keep titan families together, most of the time the father would be separated first before he really had time to bond, being moved along to the next female to breed or back to his owners. The mother and child spent more time together, usually the she was able to teach the basics of regeneration but they were split before the child’s first shift. Sent for ground training at ten and attempting the first shift under military supervision at twelve.

Marley titan basic training lasted from twelve to fifteen or sixteen depending on the specialty. It was brutal and culminated in placement within the military or being sold off at auction. Both of which Grisha was intimately familiar with.

Eren wouldn’t have to endure that, not if Grisha could help it. He wanted his son to live with as little human interference as possible. Briefly allowing himself to wonder what Eren’s titan form would look like. He smiled at Carla, pausing at her distressed expression. Confused at how she wasn’t marveling at this realization.

“Grish—” she cut off abruptly, her words eluding her.

“—I don’t know how to take care of him. I don’t know anything about mothering a titan.” Her mouth thinned.

“Just treat him the same way you have been. This doesn’t change anything, he’s still your son.” He said, not understanding her concern.

“What if I can’t give him what he needs? What if I mess him up somehow? I just thought when he was born he looked so… I just got used to the idea of him being normal. I—can’t, I don’t want to think he’s different.”

Grisha stayed silent, frowning.

“Oh.” She realized her mistake. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Then how did you mean it?” he asked tersely, getting out of bed.

She didn’t answer, watching him dress.

“We aren’t that different from humans, and by the way, it wasn’t us who decided that we were somehow inferior to you all, Carla.”

“Don’t start that! You’re acting like I single handedly enslaved the titans. I haven’t ever been outside the walls.” She exclaimed, annoyed he was taking out his anger on her.

“I’ll be working all day today, don’t bother me. Tell any patients who show up I’ll see them first thing tomorrow.” He snipped.

“Grisha stop! You’re being childish.” Her voice low, not knowing where Eren was.

“I’m being childish? Aren’t you the one going on about how you can’t be a mother because your son ‘isn’t normal?’”

“Keep your voice down!”

“All this time were you disgusted with me too? Because it seemed like you were ok with it, hell, you really seemed to enjoy some parts a lot!”

“You shut your mouth right now!” tears were forming in her eyes

He glared at her getting ready to throw another barb back at her. She beat him to it.

“Forgive me for being startled for once! You never specifically told me about this, and for someone who didn’t even know people, titans or whatever else is out there existed until a few years ago I took everything exceptionally well! For all I know titans could have enslaved humans out there just like in these walls and I wouldn’t ever be able to tell!”

“Do you really think I’m lying? After these last five years you still can’t believe me?”

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it! Every belief I’ve held my entire life, everything I was taught as a child was a lie and if I were to tell anyone else it’d put the people, I love the most in danger!” she took in a deep breath, not stopping

“It’s hard to come to terms with the fact I’ll never be able to tell my family the truth! I have to lie to them every day. I have to trust you blindly on everything, and now my own child too!”  

Tears were rolling freely down her cheeks now, trying and failing to keep her voice steady as she told her husband off.

“I wanted one thing to be right in my life, now even what I've learned about how to raise my own child isn’t true! I’m not finished!” she anticipated his rebuttal

“—I’ve spent enough time with you that I know he’ll have slightly different needs, and it’d be wrong to ignore a whole side of him.”

He hadn’t considered that she felt that way. It was only right to concede that she had taken everything remarkably well from the beginning and that it’d be insulting to ignore Eren’s increasingly obvious titan tendencies.

Who was he to say how she could and couldn’t react to things completely alien to her? He couldn’t imagine living his whole life in a world so small only to have the illusion shattered. Still, the thought of titan traits being considered abnormal by default rubbed him the wrong way, veering dangerously towards the territory of viewing titans as subhuman.

He sighed. Perhaps he had been a little quick to get defensive.

“I didn’t realize you felt that way.” He began to apologize, “I should have.”

“Go.” She interrupted.

What?

His stomach dropped at the thought of Carla leaving him.

“You said you had to work. So go.” She repeated, knowing damn well he didn’t actually have to leave today.

“I can stay, look after Eren,” he offered.

“No, I just need time. Alone.”

He nodded solemnly, not wanting to upset her any more. Collecting his supplies, he found Eren sulking with his hands over his ears under the kitchen table.  

Carla ignored her son’s crying as Grisha left with him. His little cries of “Mama! No! Want mama!” tore at her as the door closed.

Where was he going? Probably her parent’s house, there weren’t many places you could take a raging two-year-old at 9am.

As soon as he walked out the door, she pulled out some ink and parchment, penning a note in neat lettering that the doctor would be out all day. Tacking it to the outside of the door she locked it, relishing the perfectly still, quiet house.

Lying down on the bed she pulled the blankets over herself, staring up at the ceiling.

I just want to be a good mother. What if he gets older and wants to know about the world beyond the walls? How would I even begin to explain that… that he’s less free the farther he strays from this cage.

She had felt sick when Grisha told her about snippets of his treatment before he came to the walls. The thought of him enduring that had upset her immensely. Now, the thought of her little boy being taken and used like that downright disturbed her. The fleeting idea of Eren captive and violated in every way filled her with a sorrow and rage so intense she clutched her chest, struggling to breathe. A pain so deep it was physical.  

 

 

The only other time she had felt like this was here, in this same spot two years ago. She had woken in the middle of the night, a foreign feeling coming from her belly.

Her child was moving, her breath hitched as she put a hand to her stomach pressing back gently as if saying hello. Grisha still slept soundly beside her. She savored the moment all to herself, not waking him, deciding to be selfish for once.

Time alone with her child.

My child.

Her throat closed at the thought, wonder gone, she began panicking with the thought she was going to be a mother. Self-doubt swallowed her whole. Was she really ready for this responsibility? She tried to reassure herself that every other mother had probably gone through this at some point. This had happened since the beginning of time, but… she was different, wasn’t she?

The thought hit her like a bucket of cold water dumped over her head, paralyzing her with fear. What if she wasn’t carrying a human child. There was a titan inside of her. She was infected with a monster, waiting to unleash it on the world.

The isolating reality of her situation set in. Trying to talk to Grisha seemed too much, she didn’t think he would be able to listen without feeling defensive. There was no way she could explain her intrusive thoughts and momentary doubts without him taking it the wrong way. It’d hurt him if he ever knew that ugly thought had popped into her mind, no matter how fleeting.

She couldn’t talk to her mother about what was really bothering her, only being able to share her worries about the health of her baby in the vaguest of ways. She shouldn’t even have to explain why insisting to her parents she was pregnant by a titan and her baby could be inhuman was not an option.

Her husband had been detailed in his explanation on titan reproduction and development at the beginning of her pregnancy. He warned her that it took years for titans to develop their regenerative powers, that they wouldn’t know right away or at least a few years after their child was born. But it wasn’t really the same…maybe? Carla was clearly human, perhaps the baby would be just like her?

She’d repeated over and over to herself that all she wanted was a healthy child, refusing to let in the guilty hope that it’d be human. That she’d never have to even worry about the possibility of cruelty waiting for her child just because they were a titan, the world was already cruel enough as it was.

When Eren had arrived she’d been overjoyed, not allowing herself to acknowledge the relief she felt when he laid on her chest looking nothing but plain human. It was a thought that she tried to banish over and over, feeling guilty that she cared about what he was before she knew he’d be born alive and healthy.

A part of it was her own fear of trying to parent him, and having to one day guide him through the realization that the whole world would think he was a monster for existing. The fear that he might one day believe those repulsive insults and think himself a monster, no matter how she raised him.  

 

 

 

She buried her face in the pillow, smearing her tears and snot all over it, face scrunching with the strangled sob that made its way out of her. She pictured his little face, so happy and full of joy, his big green eyes looking back into hers as he clung to her. She couldn't fathom the monsters out there who would take someone's child away, titan or not. Her heart ached for all the female titans forced to see their babies dragged away by some anonymous buyer. She could barely handle Eren's cries this morning as he left with Grisha, she couldn't entertain the thought of him being taken away forever without breaking down all over again.

I just want to protect him. That’s all. Goddesses please, my little boy, I love him so much. Protect him, don’t let anyone hurt him.

She laid there for a while longer, trying to calm down. She could no longer ignore the fact her son wasn’t completely human. No more wishing, hoping, closing her eyes to the probability she would have to confront the ugly reality that waited for Eren.

It was a terrible feeling to know something her child couldn’t change would forever mark him, make him a target of cruelty.

Tearing off more parchment, she took the pen and sat at the table. Organizing her thoughts before beginning to write.

 

Dear Eren,

I want you to know the whole truth, even though its painful. You deserve to know, and I feel I owe it to you as your mother…

 

It was well into the afternoon when she finished. As she had written, all her fears and worries came flowing out, recorded onto the paper. Folding the pieces carefully into an envelope, she sealed it with Grisha’s best sealing wax, using the stamp she had been gifted on her wedding day.   

 

xXx

 

“Walk daddy!! Walk! Daddyyyyy!!!” Eren wailed over Grisha’s shoulder squirming to try and jump from his arms.

“Stop it Eren!” Grisha held tighter onto his flailing child. He knew it was his fault Eren was already this wound up, first blowing in his eyes then abruptly taking him away from Carla. He sped up, walking faster through the square to get to his in-law’s house. They always loved to babysit, and Grisha hoped they’d see it was desperately needed at the moment.

He rounded the corner to their street as Eren continued to throw a fit about not being able to walk by himself. Jogging the last couple paces to their front stoop he knocked despite Eren’s screaming surely having already alerted them and all their neighbors to his presence.

Carla’s mother answered the door, trying to hide her amusement at the sight. There stood Grisha with his medical bag open and toppled at his feet, having dropped it in the battle to stop Eren from blowing (spit more than anything) in his eyes as revenge from earlier.

The enraged boy was screaming and crying as his little fists beat his father’s shoulder.

“Rough morning?” she asked, eyes lingering on the child still dressed in a night clothes. Opening the door wider to let him in.

“You wouldn’t believe.” He deadpanned, “I’ll get the bag in a minute. I just want to make sure he doesn’t run away first.”

“Oh, I understand.” she said shutting the door.

“Eren,” she called his name in a singsong tone “Are you having a bad day?” she asked as Grisha finally put him down now that he was contained.

“ICAAAANWALKKKKK!!!!” he yelled through snotty tears and ear shattering screams, thundering around their common room to demonstrate.

“Oh wow! Look at all that enthusiasm so early!” she side eyed Grisha before he left to retrieve his bag from the stoop.

When he returned, Eren had thrown himself down on the rug near the fireplace screaming bloody murder as he repeatedly kicked the hearth.

“I’m so sorry to bring him over, Carla needed time to herself and he was already upset when we left.” Grisha felt the need to explain.

“It’s ok, he’ll wear himself out.”  She dismissed, “Remember I raised Carla, that girl had a mean streak growing up.”

Carla’s not an attack titan though.

“I’m sure he’ll grow out of this phase soon.” She added.

It seemed already that Eren had inherited Carla’s passionate personality.

If he is able to shift, I’m going to have to work with him a lot. If he’s reckless when he’s older they’ll surely put him down if he’s discovered.

Insubordinate titans were not tolerated. Marley or anywhere for that matter. Any sort of fiery personality wouldn’t go well with most owners, the few willing to work with titans like that were often ruthless and saw it as a challenge to try and break their spirit.

Thinking through all this was giving him a headache. It was too early to tell he kept reminding himself, but it was chipping away at his idealized plans for teaching Eren about his capabilities. It wasn’t going to be as rosy as he’d imagined.

He wondered if growing up himself, knowing he was a titan and not having had humans interfere with him, would he have begun to look down on humans? Would a titan like Eren, with his fierce personality grow to dislike humans? Were the humans of Marley right? A titan not trained and subjugated would resort to killing humans. Were they really the monsters Marley claimed?

He looked to his son.

Eren had finally calmed down at this point, sleepily picking at some lint on the rug.

What else will he react to?

“Eren,” he said, getting the boy’s attention as he sat down on the sofa. “Come here. Let's see you walk.”

He smiled as Eren stood, padding quickly over to him looking for comfort after his meltdown. Letting his father pull him onto his lap, Grisha ran his hand up the back of Eren’s shirt, right along his spine.

His mother used to do this to him when he couldn’t sleep. Soothing him by running her hand up his back, her hand feather light by the time it got to his nape. As a child, the spinal organ was still developing, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t as sensitive as an adult’s.

Noticing that titan mothers would stroke the spine of their young, trainers would do a poor imitation of it as part of the desensitizing exercises in each session. It felt awful when they did it, taking a vulnerable and special bonding moment and reducing it to a tool of compliance. Always too rough or moving in the wrong direction. Despite the time they spent studying titans, they hadn’t fully understood the complex social dynamics involved in spine stimulation behavior.

“What do you think about having him spend the night?” Her voice startled him out of his thoughts.

“I couldn’t do that to you after this morning.” He politely refused.

He continued to run his hand along Eren’s back, always moving from lower to upper back, pressure reducing to the lightest at his nape. The boy seemed to be content with the soothing touch, responding abnormally fast, melting into his father.

“Really, it’s no trouble.” She offered, reaching out to take a half asleep Eren onto her lap.

“I’ll just take him home tonight.”

Fixing him with a pointed look she started to run her hands through Eren’s hair.

“I really think it would be best if you and Carla had a night to yourselves.” She insisted.

 It was impossible she didn’t know there was something between them right now. She had most likely guessed correctly they had an argument.

“You could talk without this little guy interrupting.” She smiled “He calmed down real fast, guess he’s a cuddler.”

“You could say that,” he paused for a moment, “I’ll take you up on the offer. I think Eren would enjoy a night with his grandparents.”

 

 

 

 

 

He had shown up around tea time, knocking formally on the door. He steeled himself, not knowing what state his wife would be in when she answered. The door opened to reveal Carla staring blank faced at him.

“Carla, I really want to apologize. I’m so sorry that I said those things, I was defensive and nasty and immature. You didn’t deserve to hear any of that.” He waited for her response, hands folding and unfolding the brim of his hat nervously.

“Apology accepted. Now come inside before the neighbors hear anymore of our marital drama.” Her voice clipped.

They sat at the table for at least an hour, working out their fight from the morning. Coming clean to each other about their fears and insecurities, trying to understand one another’s perspectives.

“He most definitely has a spinal organ. The way he responded was just like any other titan child. A human wouldn’t be calmed that quickly by doing that. I know it.” Grisha relayed the information to Carla.

She didn’t respond outright, but he could tell she had come to the same conclusion that their son would most definitely be capable of regeneration and most likely a full shift.  

“I wrote him a letter, for when he’s older. I want to make sure he always knows I love him, that we’re doing what we think is the very best for him.” She said, “You should write him something too. So, he has another resource to learn about himself, he’s isolated in these walls, the only one like himself.”

“Yes, I suppose so,” he agreed. “I can imagine he’ll want to learn about himself through something other than me when he gets to a certain age.”

 

That night Grisha had set to work compiling everything there was to know about the outside world and the titan species in a book. He remembered his own experience reading medical and training textbooks to learn about himself, he wanted this to be different. Eren shouldn’t have to wade through the scientific terms, the clinical tones, and dehumanizing language about titan behavior to know basic facts about himself.

It was the first titan textbook written by a titan, meant for titan consumption. He was quite proud of himself, never having thought to see the day this happened, let alone be the one to write it. It didn’t matter if the book would only ever be read by one person.

Back when they had moved into the new house, Carla had purchased a beautiful desk at the bazaar for Grisha to use in the basement. Agreeing that this was something that couldn’t ever be seen by the wrong people, they added a false bottom to the top drawer. The couple positioned the letter, book, and stolen Marley research papers in the secret partition, locking it for safety.

“I’ll give Eren the key when he’s old enough.” Grisha said, pocketing the ornate key for the time being.

There the information sat, waiting for the inevitable day when Eren questioned his growing dissimilarities and the world outside the walls. If he was anything like his mother, he wouldn’t be satisfied with anything less than the truth.

Notes:

I can't imagine Carla being 100% accepting right off the bat during her pregnancy with all the unknowns - her child could be completely titan or human or a mix of both. Along with her learning about the outside world so recently and not intending to get pregnant there's bound to be a few 'oh fuck, what'd we get ourselves into' moments and arguments on top of the normal stress of becoming parents. They love Eren very much tho <3

Chapter 5: Paradox

Summary:

Grisha outs himself, Carla's anti guns in her house, Eren is a little snot, Shadis has an existential crisis and mental breakdown at the same time.

Notes:

Y’all ever seen the official art of Eren playing chess looking like his brains gonna explode with Armin all master tactician behind him? Yeah… no one can tell me Armin didn’t try to teach Eren chess. 100% unedited for your enjoyment.

“This one is the bishop. It can only move diagonally.”

Armin slid the wooden piece across the black and white board demonstrating the motion. Based off the look on his friends face he had a feeling Eren didn’t know what diagonally meant. After all, Armin had never met anyone else his age who also liked to read the dictionary.  

“See? Now, this one’s the knight!”

“Is that because it’s black?”

“No, it’s named after ancient warriors that roamed outside the walls!”

Eren seemed to perk up at the mention of battle. Only to sigh as Armin focused back on explaining the rules of the piece.

“It moves like this, in an L shape” he moved the little horse two spaces forward and one to the left.

“or it can go like this…”

Eren’s eyes followed the game piece as his friend slid it one space to the right and two spaces towards him. He had far too much energy for this game, he’d been drawn in with the promise of learning an ancient war game from outside the walls. It’d been a little disappointing to find out it didn’t involve any running and jumping, or his favorite, screaming.

Still, he laid on the floor on his stomach, chin cradled in his hands listening as patiently as a five-year-old boy could. He watched as Armin ran through the pieces passionately sharing his love of the new game he had discovered. Eren didn’t quite have the maturity to comprehend the objectives or sit still this long but he let his friend ramble about his newfound obsession, always finding his friend’s voice calming.

“What time is it?” he asked getting antsy as the bell tower chimed in the distance.

“I don’t know, let’s ask my opa”

Armin smiled as he stood, taking the small horse with him.

Today wasn’t a normal play date, Eren had been at the Arlert’s apartment all day during the return of the scouting legion. The Jaeger household would be crowded with the wounded, the most mutilated who needed treatment before traveling back through wall Maria. By now, the alley would be filled with comrades of the bereaved loitering outside hoping to hear any news of their friend’s status.

Dr. Jaeger would be trying his best to stabilize the worst of the soldiers, but even then, there would be limbs and bodies removed from the house wrapped in white sheets. The neighbors shutting their curtains to block out the gruesome sights hoping they would also dim the wails of pain and despair.

On these occasions Carla would send Eren off early in the day to the Arlert’s house, making sure Armin’s Grandfather kept the two inside all day away from the chaos that would descend on the Jaeger’s home.

The last expedition, Eren had successfully sneaked away from Armin while they were out playing in the street. He had crept back to his house to catch any glimpse of Commander Shadis and the upper squad leaders. Shuddering at the memory of his mother spotting him from the doorway, he didn’t know she could move that fast or yell that loud. Since then, Carla had made it clear to old man Arlert that Eren was not to leave the apartment until she came to pick him up, and he allowed to punish him as he saw fit.

The two boys made their way over to the man hunched at the table trying to read the newspaper despite his poor eyesight.

“Opa, when does Eren have to leave?” Armin asked tugging gently on the man’s cardigan.

“His mother’s going to pick him up sometime tonight, why? Are you two hungry already?” he asked patting his grandson’s head.

“Yes, please!” the little boy smiled always remembering his manners.

“Eren, why don’t you help us warm the food?” the man asked, trying to engage the little boy. His mind clearly elsewhere, no doubt on his parents and the scouting legion at his house right now.

Eren nodded quietly letting Armin take his hand and lead him over to the fireplace. Armin’s grandfather smiled at the pair; he was so happy Armin had finally found a friend.

 

 

 

Armin always remembered the first time he met Eren. The blond boy was hugging his knees, book lying a few feet away in the street. Tears running down his face.

“Why are you crying?”

“They ruined my book. My Opa gave me it and now it’s destroyed!” he wailed, burying his face in his knees.

“They’re stupid,” Eren offered, not sure how to comfort the crying kid in front of him. Picking up the book he plopped down next to him.

“I can’t read, what’s it about?” he asked bluntly.

Armin flinched as a pointy corner of the cover hit his knee.

“ow! Geez” he rubbed his leg. This new boy was aggressive, but he didn’t seem to want to make fun of Armin like the others did.

“It’s a book about fashion…it was a gift,” Armin explained.

His Opa was well meaning but still called him by his birth name sometimes, Katerina, and gave him girly gifts on his birthday. He never complained, knowing that the older man had made lots of sacrifices to try and give Armin the life he’d lost when his parents went missing. The gift alone meant they’d struggle to buy food the next month, but his Opa had decided it was worth it to treat his grandchild to something special.

“What’s your name?” he asked the aggressive boy, who was flipping through the book looking at all the colorful pictures of dresses. He seemed a little rough, borderline rude if he hadn’t been so concerned about Armin’s wellbeing.

“Eren. You’re Katerina, right?” he said, not looking up from the book.

Armin bristled at the name. He furrowed his brow opening his mouth indignantly ready to tell this kid, Eren, just what he thought.

“That’s what the boys were calling you, that’s your name? I just guessed…” he said finally looking up at Armin. His eyes were big and green, they looked friendly. Crinkling at the corners from his smile.

It surprised Armin. This kid didn’t mean anything by calling him that name. He was just a little dense apparently, not noting Armin’s newly masculine haircut and clothes. Maybe he could trust Eren, after all wouldn’t Eren have beaten him up or teased him by now if he didn’t like him?

“Actually, it’s Armin. I want to be called Armin.” He tried being assertive.

“Isn’t that a boy’s name?” Eren asked blankly.

He crumbled at the slightest perceived push back before lashing out.

“I am a boy! Isn’t Erin a girl’s name?” He couldn’t help feeling automatically defensive of the subject.

“No, it’s Shiganese. It’s spelled different. Are you new here? No offense you kind of look different.” His eyes lingering on Armin’s bright blond hair and pale complexion.

This kid was definitely blunt to the point he was a little rude, but Armin felt he meant no harm. He didn’t seem to notice Armin’s insult and if he had he’d just ignored it… friendly but kind of dense… that was okay.

It was good to make friends with people different from yourself, it’s what his mother had told him when they set out for Shiganshina. He’d been worried about the city being so different from what he was used to inside Maria.

“My parents moved here from wall Maria, they wanted to be closer to the outside. They went missing, and now I live with my Opa in the southern zone.”

It had been a year since his Opa had become his sole guardian, something that Armin still cried about at night. Expecting the boy to apologize or offer polite sympathy as most adults did when he told them that, he was surprised again when Eren blurted out

“Hey I live there too! We’re probably neighbors!”   

 

Carla was delighted when Eren came home that day, bursting into the house yelling at her to come meet his new best friend. She’d smiled at the small shy boy lingering in the doorway trying to mind his manners, waiting to be invited in. Maybe some of those manners would rub off on Eren? One could certainly hope. 

 

 

 

It turned out that Armin did live a few streets away from the Jaegers. The Arlerts had settled in the southern zone, an increasingly wealthier area from the money the scouting legion brought in during their stays.

It was now in the apartment two streets down from the Jaeger’s that Armin crouched with Eren in front of the fire place. It wasn’t like Eren to be so quiet; he’d hardly spoken since that morning and looked dismayed when Mr. Arlert saw right though his excuse and declined Eren’s request to go to the river.

“We’re just gonna watch the fish. Honestly that’s all we want to do! We won’t go back to my house!”

Armin knew that chess hadn’t gotten Eren’s mind off the scouting legion or his parents, so he turned to the one topic Eren couldn’t ignore.

“Eren, how do you say fire in Shiganese?” Armin asked, already knowing the vocabulary word.

“Huh?”

Eren stared intensely at him, frowning slightly.

“How’d you forget already?” He seemed genuinely concerned that Armin couldn't recall the word.

Before Armin could try to answer the rhetorical, Eren pointed at the small blaze and pronounced the word slowly, rolling the r sound lightly. Armin imitated as best he could, butchering the trill.

Eren could never resist correcting Armin’s terrible pronunciation of Shiganese words, happy to finally know something better than Armin. He’d constantly introduce Armin to new words, overjoyed at the feeling of teaching his clever friend for once.

Armin started to pick up quickly. Remembering and recalling the vocabulary was no problem, but his pronunciation was terrible. Tragically, it seemed no amount of Eren’s coaching could change that. Some of the sounds were almost impossible to make, like whoever had created the language didn’t even have a human mouth.

It didn’t much matter to Armin that he’d never look or sound like a local, he wanted to keep learning the culture of his new home town. He had to admit, it made him feel like he belonged here more and more. Slowly beginning to understand the words he overheard at the market and crowded events.

Once or twice, he’d been able to purchase treats from vendors who only spoke Shiganese, translating for his Opa and counting the coins out loud in the foreign language. The most recent purchase, Armin blushed while his Opa gave him a hug telling him how proud he was of his smart little boy.

 

xXx

 

 

“We’re going to have to amputate his leg.”

“Fuck no! Isn’t there something else you can do?”

A disheveled cadet begged, watching in horror as Grisha moved the crushed limb into place gently. The man writhing on the table let out another shout as his friend pleaded with Grisha.

“There’s too much damage to set and stitch, the wound will become infected. He has a much better chance of walking again if we do a clean cut and prosthetic.”

“But— you don’t underst—” 

Grisha cut him off as he turned to face Carla, who was laying out his tools, sterilized and cooling from the fire.

“Get the ether ready, we’ll take it off below the knee.”

He started rubbing the sterilizing alcohol up his arms. It was nerve wracking enough trying to perform an amputation in borderline medieval conditions. The last thing he needed was this kid delaying the only legitimate medical treatment in these god forsaken walls.  

“If we leave him as is he’ll be dead by the morning, infection will certainly take him. He has a better chance of survival if we amputate.”

“Like hell you will!” the soldier lunged forward as Grisha tried to dodge too late. Two hands wrenched his collar as he felt himself slammed into the instrument table, throwing his hands behind him to catch himself.

Grisha flinched as the man drew back his fist to punch him, wincing his eyes closed he waited for pain that never came.

“SCHAFFER,” Keith’s voice boomed through the small house making them both jump “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”

“Commander Shadis!” the frenzied soldier’s voice cracked, he looked like he’d seen God and shit himself at the same time.

“Why are you preventing Volker from receiving the medical care he needs?”

“I-“

Keith yanked the soldier off Grisha, frog marching him to the door.

“Son, you’re not thinking straight, the best thing you can do for Volker is let the doctor work.”

He pushed the man out the front door, shutting it before looking back to Volker on the table. Carla crouched at the man’s head, whispering soft comforting words to him. A clean rag waited in her hand doused with some fragrant chemical waiting to send the man into a dreamless sleep.

Keith paused; eyes fixated on the spot Grisha had stood. The knives and saw sat askew, a bloody handprint smeared off the side of the table. He tracked the droplets to the basement door, grinding his teeth as he pieced together what had happened.

Nothing could ever be simple, could it? The knife must have caught Grisha when Schaffer pushed him around. Mentally planning his apology and Schaffer’s punishment he followed the trail to the top of the basement steps.

“Where are you going?” Carla looked over at him frantically.

“Just going to help Grisha bandage his hand. Looks like it was a deep cut. Hopefully he can still perform the surgery.”

“He’ll be fine. He went to get more bandages, we’re out up here. He’ll be back soon.”

“Nonsense, I’ll help him carry them up. His hand has to still be bleeding, I’m sure you’d want the bandages to stay clean.”

Carla’s eyes darted back and forth between the wounded soldier and the basement door. She wasn’t really going to leave Volker to get bandages, was she? Surely, he could manage the simple job and help Grisha with his own cut. After all, it was one of his men who had started the altercation.

“You’re clearly busy, let me help you two.” Keith said, starting down the stairs not waiting for permission from Carla. Ignoring the woman’s cries to stop.

 

 

Grisha rummaged through a drawer with is left hand, clumsily trying to pull a roll of bandages out without unrolling them too much. He cursed softly under his breath as his dominant hand regenerated. He wanted to have it completely healed and bandaged when someone undoubtedly figured out he was the source of all the blood left upstairs.

When Schaffer had grabbed him, he’d blindly flung his hands out for the nearest object to steady himself. Lucky for him it just so happened to be the table with his amputating knives on it.

Steam rose quickly now from his cut, making an audible hissing sound as he tried to speed up his healing. Right hand in the air he flung the bandages out of their roll with his left.

“Fuck!”

The long strip of fabric twisted as it landed on the desktop. A creak on the stairs made him move faster, shaking the fabric out trying to wrap the first part around his wrist. Someone was coming down the stairs now, in his haste he assumed it was his wife calling out

 “Carla! Go ahead and anesthetize him, I’ll be up soon!”

The steps stopped halfway down, was she just watching him? She was about to assist in an amputation, a little cut wouldn’t make her look twice. Grisha frowned as his wife failed to start back up the stairs.

“Don’t leave the patient alone! I said I’ll be right back!”

He snapped as he whirled around to glare at her, hand still steaming with bandages half wrapped and trailing over the desk.

His whole body froze as he registered a set of sunken dark brown eyes locked on his half-regenerated hand.

“Keith, I’m very busy. You need to leave. Now.”

Keith stood stooped on the stairway, gaze boring into the now healed hand.

“Why are you healing like one of them?”

“Keith, we don’t have time for this right now.”

“It even smells the same.”

“I need to get back to the patient,”

What was the man’s name? Keith had said it earlier, Volker?

“I need to tend to Volker, he’s incredibly unstable right now. We can talk later.”

He started towards stairs stopping at the base of them only to see Keith’s boots block his path.

“What are you?”

Grisha looked up at the commander, he towered over him as the sun from upstairs back light him. It was a formidable sight. He took a deep breath, there had to be a way to defuse this situation.

“Answer me.”

Keith’s hand drifted to his hip. Since when had he started carrying a pistol? Would he really shoot him in his own house? Emotions were high after the expedition; he was probably still running on adrenaline from leaving the walls.

“I can help Volker, but right now he’s going to die if you don’t let me past.”

He kept his voice as even and steady as he could.

“Were you going to eat his leg. After you cut it off?”

Grisha froze with shock, something that sinister hadn’t ever crossed his mind. Keith seemed to be disturbed by the idea, digging in deeper.

“Is that what you’ve been doing to my troops all along? Titans eating us outside the walls wasn’t enough, now they’re here hiding among us. Eating us in here too.” He asked to no one in particular, his voice breaking as the panic of titans disguised as humans over took his mind.

“Keith please stop, think about what you’re doing.”

Damn, this is going to be way harder than I thought.

“Did you get tired of sharing with the others, so you sneaked your way in here? Befriending the scouting legion to know when your next meal was coming?”

A bead of sweat rolled down his temple, the man was heaving now. His emotions getting the better of him.

“I can explain! It’s not like that at all!”

“There’s no way someone could survive outside the walls… I should have known there was something off the day we found you.”

Keith gripped his gun now, fully ready to draw. Time seemed to slow, Grisha could only think of Carla and Eren. There was a shadow moving over him, blocking out the light. Was this how he would die? Murdered by someone he had called a friend in his own house? He stared up at the barrel of the gun. His ears were ringing, blocking out the sound of shouting. Was it his own?

No, it was high pitched… wait, was that Carla’s voice?

He looked back at the shadow at the top of the stairs.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Carla yelled at the men.

Her voice seemed to break the two out of their standoff. Keith glanced back at Carla, then down to Grisha at the bottom of the stairs.

“Keith put the gun away. Now.”

“Carla, he’s not human—it’s too dangerous—”

“I know who my husband is. I know what he is. Put the gun away.” She said forcefully.

Keith hesitated holstered his gun, looking rattled.

“I’m sorry this isn’t the best way to find this out, but we have an anesthetized patient upstairs who is much higher priority.” An tinge of sarcasm evident in her comment.

Her glare made Grisha start up the stairs, stopping a few from the middle when Keith stood blocking his path.

“We’re wasting precious time right now. Keith, please let me past.”

The shell-shocked commander, quietly scooted to the wall as Grisha squeezed by. His eyes followed the man as he moved slowly towards his wife.

“I think your troops would appreciate your presence outside.” Carla suggested.

She knew the man was dealing with the aftermath of the horrific expedition but threatening her husband in his own home was inexcusable.

By the time Shadis made his way upstairs the two were working on Volker as if nothing had happened in the basement. He quietly made his way out the front door, squinting in the sudden bright sunlight.

Clusters of soldiers milled about the alley and main road around the Jaeger’s house, though it seemed most of them had started to retire to the inn for the night.

“Lieutenant Rayne, last one’s in surgery right now. Private Volker will need accommodations in Shiganshina for the next couple days. Keep updating the status lists, I’ll be back soon.” Keith barely got the orders out before he started trembling.

“Yes, sir.” The woman nodded, scribbling Volker’s status down on her list.

“Meet me back at the inn when you’ve finished accounting for the rest of the list.”

“Of course, sir.” She hesitated, scrutinizing his face “Are you sure you’re ok to be alone right now?”

He sighed, feeling like everything was crumbling around him. He’d led these people to their deaths, this mission alone had broken both the highest death and casualty rate in the scouting legion’s entire history. On top of that, whatever disturbing event had just transpired in the basement threatened to break the man for good.

“It’s been a long expedition, Elise, I’m sure you understand that we have much to do when we return to base. I need to collect my thoughts right now.” He managed to cover well enough, the half truth rolling off his tongue easily.

“The brass will be hounding us the moment we return, I’m sure they’ll summon us to the capital after they hear about the results of this mission.”

“I understand.” She gave him a sad little smile as she went to find the squad leaders for their reports.

Keith watched her walk away, he felt the trembling return as he replayed the events of the basement in his mind. He started to wander back to the main road not caring where he was going, mind ruminating the thoughts over and over.

Did he hallucinate that? He had to have, there was no explanation he could come up with even in his wildest dreams that explained Grisha healing like a titan. Maybe the trauma from the legion had finally gone to his head and he was doomed to super impose the horrors of the outside world onto people he knew.

He couldn’t help but think that this was the final sign that he should give up his position as commander. He thought he was doing the noble thing, to win the war against titans, but he saw himself for all he was now. A worthless, screwed up man who never accomplished anything but killing a whole lot of honest people.

Just as he rounded the corner down another street an ear-splitting shriek made him flinch. Heart racing, the screams of his subordinates rang in his ears.

“Commander Shadis!” the owner of the shrill voice yelled again.

Sina, it was happening again. His men were being crushed in the jaws of titans, hanging out of their mouths, screaming out for him as he continued to ride.

He looked up in time to see a very real Eren Jaeger hanging out an apartment window, a big grin stretched across his little face. The boy waved maniacally as another blond kid pleaded with him to step back from the window.

He took deep breaths as he tried to remind himself that he was here within the walls, safe. There was nothing that could be done for the fallen now. Eren was too young to understand what scars came with the job, so he raised his hand to wave back. He couldn’t tell if the worried kid was a boy or girl so he gave a wordless nod to the duo.

“Armin! Look he’s waving!” Eren yelled right in the other kid’s ear. Armin, it seemed, had enough of the yelling and managed to drag Eren away from the window.

It only took a couple seconds for the building’s door to open and Eren to come flying out onto the street stopping centimeters from Keith’s boots.

“Eren wait! We aren’t allowed out!” the quiet worried child called from the door. Freezing just before the threshold like it was the edge of a cliff.

Keith looked down at Eren, still grinning as he reached his arms up bouncing on the balls of his feet asking to be picked up. He couldn’t help but get caught up in the innocent enthusiasm of Eren. It’d become a post expedition ritual for him to stop by the Jaegers house after the immediate medical chaos subsided.

He’d gotten used to the decompressing ritual, gladly eating whatever sweet Carla had prepared in the house at the time. The humid spring air and mundane sounds of the city feeling soothing after the eerie groans of the titans and screams outside the walls.

After Eren had been born he’d tried to refuse holding the little baby, lying about the fact he liked children. Carla had all but shoved Eren into his arms, the tiny little baby gurgling delight at the new person. He’d been impressed at how brave the kid was already. He’d chuckled at the fact, no doubt this was Carla’s child.  

His mood always lifted playing with Eren after the missions, no paper work to worry about, no MIA letters to send to parents. All he concentrated on was the next game of marbles or hoop rolling.

As he picked Eren up he couldn’t help but grunt at how heavy the boy had gotten. He was getting so big so fast it seemed. Before he could tell Eren he was getting too big to big for this, the little boy spoke right into his ear.

“Wow! You lost a lot of hair again! Are you going to lose it all?”

“Huh?!” He grunted intelligently as his mind ping ponged back to reality.

Eren’s hand shot up to push Keith’s fringe back looking for his hairline. He swatted the boy’s arm away from his face.

“Stop that! I’m not planning on it, but it’s not really my choice, is it?”

He frowned as Eren cackled and grabbed hold onto his neck. Damn he forgot this kid could be a little brat.

“It’s ok, I’m gonna lose a tooth! My dad says all of them are gonna fall out!”

Eren stuck his hand into his mouth to wiggle the baby tooth for Keith to see.

“Those will grow back, that’s supposed to happen.”

“I hope it grows back fast, my dad said it might come back really fast!”

The memory of Grisha’s steaming hand hit Keith full force. He looked at Eren still wiggling his tooth delightedly in his arms. Carla had said she knew what Grisha was … did that confirm that Grisha was a titan? If he was a titan … was Eren one as well? Neither of them had disputed him when he’d said Grisha wasn’t human…

Eren reached out for Keith’s hair again and the man flinched back, dropping the boy without thinking. What if this little boy was bound to grow up into a blood thirsty monster? Was he already? Did they both need human flesh? What the hell was Grisha? How would Carla have ever agreed to be with him if she knew what he was?

His heart pounded in his chest as he stared blankly at Eren on the ground. He couldn’t hear the boy asking what he did, didn’t register that he was slowly backing away from the commander before making a run for Armin at the door. He wouldn’t realize until much later that he had sneered disgustedly at the boy on the ground. All he saw at that moment was a repulsive monster, a product of the worst violation possible.

He turned back down the street, his mind creating only the most sickening situations on loop. There was no way that Carla had willingly laid with a titan. He couldn’t accept that. She must have been tricked, forced into bearing hell spawn. Eren was hiding behind the guise of an innocent child. Yes, he had to be. Titans were foul creatures, devouring everything with their disfigured gaping maws, not little boys who asked to play marbles and be held.

Grisha had to have told her after the fact, perhaps there was no way to hide what Eren would be and he had no other choice but to come clean.

Were there more? Titans in the walls, wearing human skins as a disguise? Violating their women and creating more monsters that would eventually overwhelm their society from the inside out?

His hands shook as he sat on a spare crate, the quiet side alley offered him the secluded space he needed. It wasn’t often that a man like Keith Shadis cried, but he couldn’t find any other reaction. The initial disgust and horror had faded away, leaving hopelessness in its wake.

If there were titans inside the walls and society was doomed from a threat inside, what was he doing leading more people to their deaths outside the walls? The honest, passionate soldiers he led everyday were ones that wanted to make a difference, to see the outside world, to change that world. But it was all for nothing, their deaths were and would be in vain. They would never over come the titan threat.

And what was he to think of Grisha? The man was a doctor, the best in the walls! He’d refuse pay for his services after expeditions. Never charged the scouting legion a cent. The man was the definition of a gentleman, peaceful and forever advocating for pacifist solutions. How could he be a monster?

He couldn’t reconcile the two thoughts. Instead, another wormed its way into his head. He’d seen a lot of extremely twisted and brutal things in his career with the scouting legion, but this was far more horrifying than any he’d ever seen or heard.

What if the titans were intelligent in some manner? … if they had families and social structures … that eating humans was as natural to them as killing and eating animals was to humans. What if humans were destined to die at the hands of titans all because they simply weren’t as superior as they so readily believed?

How would that even work though? They looked so human but didn’t have any genitals. Maybe they weren’t as human like as they had assumed? Titans seemed to eat humans for the hell of it … no one had ever seen one shit! He almost laughed now, how did they think they could eradicate titans when they knew absolutely nothing about them.

Where the fuck did they even come from? How could they reproduce with no genitals? Seriously, where the hell did those bloated, distorted bodies come from? They all looked male but maybe there was something they missed… probably, as far as he knew no one had ever looked into it.

Did they parasitically reproduce with humans? Was that what Grisha was? A titan that had the ability to take on a human form and produce as many titans as possible?

No… again how would that work? Eren had, at least for the past five years, developed normally. He wasn’t 4 meters tall and on the hunt for human blood.

He buried his face in his hands. The infinite mysteries were tearing him apart. He needed to ask Grisha. He had to be the key to all this. If he could just find out where the titans came from and why Grisha seemed to have titan abilities but a human body… well, he’d have to ask more than that.

 

 

xXx

 

 

Keith sat in his room that night, sleep evading him. He felt as if the information he’d learned in the past few hours had practically destroyed his mind.

“I am a hallucinagenid titan, I have the ability to use my regeneration to create a fully formed, lucid titan body.”

”In the outside world, human societies have enslaved us. Humans own us Titans as pets and use us as weapons.”

“My human body resides in the nape of my titan body.”

“I’m not sure why the titans on this island are so different, no one knows. I escaped from a research expedition to study the pure titans.”

“They seem some sort of sister species to us… they’re so dangerous to study, but it has to be done.”

Carla had set him straight right away on his 'vulgar presumptions' about their marriage, unnervingly quiet as she ripped into him for speculating on their private life. He later realized that had Eren not been sleeping across the room that he would have suffered the full wrath of Carla.

He’d apologized profusely to Grisha for his outburst in the basement, admitting that he may have frightened Eren earlier as well. Carla had looked like she was about to strangle him for the things he admitted to thinking about her son. After she’d lectured him again, this time on treating her family with respect, Grisha, a little embarrassed by his wife’s rant, had calmly forgiven him.

The words had been burned into his brain ever since the man had spoken.

”Keith, it seems that it is human nature to fear us. But I believe that humans and titans are able to coexist freely, and that one day it will happen. In the outside world humans fear us before they even meet us, they never listen to us, they prefer to see us as a problem to be pushed aside and controlled. They don’t want to meet us, they don’t care to hear the truth, it’s too messy for them. It’d mean they’d have to acknowledge the suffering they’ve caused. It means a lot to me that you were able to overcome that fear and pursue the truth.”

For a while he’d been toying with the idea of resigning from his position, doubting his purpose and the scouting legions core mission. After hearing those words, for once, he felt like he knew what he had to do next. It’d take time to get all the pieces in position, but he knew he wasn’t the man that would be able to advance humanity.

His first mission would be persuading Zackley that the legion should include titan research in some capacity. They’d never advance without it, if they could solve a mystery that no one else in the world had, they would be one step closer to a world where both humans and titans—the Grisha kind—wouldn’t needlessly suffer.

The next mission was something that would take years, possibly one that he’d never see come to fruition. He would have to choose the right people to coordinate and execute the vision of that free world, or at the very least entrust that mission to someone who could find those people.

Someone who could see the use of research, someone willing to overthrow any obstacle no matter how insurmountable it might seem, someone who truly believed in the goal of liberating both humans and titans of their agony. They needed to understand that uniting the two species would help the human race. Humankind couldn’t let fear control it any longer, it pushed them in all the wrong directions, blinded by hate.   

He’d search the ranks, and groom these soldiers to eventually hold top positions. Of course, they’d have to be briefed on this highly classified information when the time was right. In the hands of the wrong people, this would be used to further the cycle of fear and hatred.

Hell, it even sounded crazy to himself—liberating the titans? To defeat the threat of the titans, they had to free the titans... it had made more sense when Grisha had explained it. Either way, definitely not something he’d ever thought would come out of his mouth. He knew better though, there had to be more people like him in the legion. People willing to see this as more than a war against the titans.

That night in the tavern made sense to him now… Grisha had asked him to consider that the titans were victims themselves. How stupid and small he felt now, needing to have it all spelled out to him before he could see how insignificant their current actions were.

He needed to find someone that could see that from the beginning, not fall prey to the fear of the unknown. To see the unknown as something advantageous and worth discovering was key to advancing humanity.

He could think of a few recruits that stood out to him now, but it would take a while to prepare them. There were plenty of open positions now he thought grimly, but they weren’t ready yet. He’d make sure they received the mentor ship essential to their development.

This was the purpose he’d been searching for, the purpose the scouting legion needed. This plan would make all the deaths count for something. It’d be his contribution to the fight to advance humanity.  

 

Notes:

After one of the most stressful and crazy months of my life I return to give you this kitchen sink of a chapter. I think of Grisha's character in this as a Milo Thatch kind of awkward academic. I've always enjoyed the take that Shiganshina has it's own language and culture that's different from the rest and looked down upon (gotta worm that Eren can't read trope in, get ready)-- also *it's a surprise tool that will help us later*

Chapter 6: Scent Part I

Summary:

Grisha and Carla's original plan on how to raise their child falls apart as Eren becomes more titan like. Eren's obsessed with Mikasa from day one, but he doesn't know it. Grisha is confronted with an uncomfortable fact of being a titan. (2025 note: I had to retcon this chapter bc I realized the original stuff I wrote invalidates the whole point of this story-- Yes Grisha has to eat humans to survive and has been. How? Great question! Answer: I'll think of something)

Notes:

https://imgur.com/xDCeZyZ
I could write an encyclopedia on marley and the titans for this au. I routinely take out like 3 pages of it each chapter but I'll eventually get to a good balance.

Grey clouds gathered in the sky as the father and son duo walked through the woods.

“It’s going to rain. Can you smell it?” Grisha asked looking down at Eren walking beside him.

“Yeah, it’s easier to smell stuff out here.” The little boy responded. 

Eren had just turned seven, and much to Grisha’s amusement and Carla’s displeasure, had begun to discover that he had an excellent sense of smell. A titan’s sense of smell, to be exact.

It had begun one afternoon during bath time. Carla soaped up the washrag as usual, moving to scrub behind Eren’s ears.

“That smells awful!” He leaned away from her dramatically, giving the rag the evil eye.

“What do you mean? This is the same soap we’ve always used.” She huffed as she attempted to pull him back towards her.

“And it smells bad now!” he tried to shove the rag away.

 “Stop being dramatic, it’s just a floral scent.”

Grisha stifled a laugh from the other side of the room. It was about time that Eren’s senses had started to amplify. Titan senses were leagues above human capabilities, and because of it they were known for being notoriously picky about the smells they allowed in their environment.

 “He can use some of my soap. Let him smell it first” Grisha called over to her.

She squinted over at him in confusion as she mouthed ‘what?’. He mouthed back ‘titan’ with an amused smirk. She fetched the other bar of unscented soap holding it out for Eren to take. The skeptical look on her face betrayed the fact she was convinced this wouldn’t work. She clearly thought Eren was being difficult for the sake of it.

Her eyebrows shot up when she saw her son lean forward to sniff the cube of soap like a dog.

“What are you doing?” she pulled the bar away and began to lather that on the rag instead.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you a dog?” she scolded half in amusement at his antics and half concerned with the strange behavior. Eren kept quiet, seeming content with this new soap instead.

She looked back over to Grisha incredulously, only to roll her eyes when she saw him covering his grin. Juvenile titans acted so human they were indistinguishable, as they got older, they’d display more and more titan behaviors. This was only the beginning.

It had been funny at first, watching Carla react to Eren go through the hyper pickiness that came with learning to discern smells. The kid would sniff anything he could, scrutinizing his food, clothes, blankets, and even to Carla’s horror, other people.

Grisha had assured her it was all completely normal and that as he got used to processing the information it’d become less novel and the behavior would die down. But for now, it was in full force… and much to Carla’s embarrassment it didn’t stop outside the house.

It was a little cute in the privacy of their home, but taking him anywhere right now was humiliating. To Carla’s shock it seemed as if Eren could smell anything, honestly the boy would probably have been fine if all his other senses were taken away overnight. To her mortification this sensitivity extended to affairs that were best kept private. She learned this the day Eren loudly pointed out a woman who “smells like blood, mama!”. This promptly led her to cut their market trip short.

She had come home only to have a long talk with her son about what was appropriate to announce in public and that there was now a ban on sniffing people outside the house.

It was the last straw that led an exasperated Carla to keep him at home until the phase passed, but Eren was getting antsier every day asking to go out and explore. So, when Grisha told her he had a house visit in Wall Maria she gladly foisted the smell crazed boy off on him.

Now, as they walked through the forest path Grisha took the time to talk with Eren about his newly discovered abilities. Scenting the air was an important skill for titans. In their larger forms the information available to them was even more intense, making up for titans’ naturally poor eyesight. Knowing how to properly balance all the input in human form was a mandatory skill before shifting.

“It’s nice and humid, try opening your mouth the next time you smell. It’s easier this way.” He smiled as Eren opened his mouth too wide looking like he was going to bite the air, missing baby teeth and all.  

Grisha let out a snort in amusement.

“Like this,” he demonstrated, barely opening his mouth. He took in a deep breath letting the taste of the air glide over his tongue.

“You need to taste the air. Use your mouth and tongue, don’t just sniff with your nose. It’s rude to be so obvious about it.”

Usually this was a self-correcting issue around enough titan peers. Just a little bit of teasing about babyish behaviors was enough to teach a young titan what was socially acceptable. Grisha figured he’d have to work a little harder as he was the only other titan Eren would ever have contact with, but it also worked in his favor. If Eren was a little socially stunted he figured it’d be okay to let it slide, Grisha would be the only one to know. It was much more important that Eren could socialize well with humans, as he’d have to blend in. 

“I taste smoke,” Eren said as he tried opening his mouth again, this time just as Grisha had.

“Good, do you know what direction it’s coming from?”

“No, there’s a lot of other things too.”

“Just keep practicing. You’ll be able to tune them out and learn how to follow one eventually.”

They walked a little longer, Eren constantly scenting the air. He looked happily overwhelmed with all the interesting forest smells he’d never encountered before.

Up along the road, a cabin came into view. It was a little cottage with an immaculate thatched roof and the most meticulously maintained garden he’d ever seen. Grisha figured now was the time to rein in Eren before he ended up having to excuse his child’s dog like behavior to the Ackerman’s.

“We’re going to be meeting with new patients, they have a little girl your age I’ve heard. You need to be nice to her, understand? And absolutely no sniffing, remember what your mother told you?”

“Only if she’s nice to me.” Eren grumbled, frowning and ignoring the last part. First impressions never went so well for him, he wasn’t one to stop and worry about what other people thought of him. If they liked him, then they liked him. If they didn’t, it wasn’t his problem.

Grisha stopped walking and caught Eren by the upper arm, pulling him in to face him.

“This is why you only have one friend.”

Eren glared offendedly up at his father ready to mouth off. He jerked Eren’s arm cutting off whatever smart comment was about to be hurled at him.

“You will not embarrass me in front of my patients.” He said as Eren tried to wrench his arm free, whining at the scolding.

“Either you behave nicely and talk to Mikasa or you can wait on the porch the entire time. It’s your choice.” He finished before letting go and continuing to walk.

Eren took a few seconds to follow behind, sulking after him. Both Carla and Grisha had brought up making friends more and more the past year, worrying he wouldn’t fit in with the humans within the wall.

Eren had also picked up on their worry, but the more they pushed him the less he wanted to meet other kids. He’d constantly fly into a bad mood knowing that they’d be disappointed he hadn’t made a new friend at the end of the day. Perhaps it was too much pressure and that was what made their son so moody.

He thought of trying to get Eren to identify more smells in the woods, but the mood was ruined. He knew what his son was thinking, he repeated it every time they asked about his day:

I don’t want to meet new friends! I have Armin, and he’s all I need.

Grisha rolled his eyes, damn this parenting thing could be tough.

 

xXx

 

Grisha and Carla initially planned to raise Eren as any other titan child would be. It had seemed like the best decision, that was, until reality hit. The major issue they ran into was that of Eren’s impulsiveness. To put it kindly, he was no Armin.

Their son could be aggressive and intense at times. They worried that teaching him the history of the outside world too early meant risking Eren blurting out something suspicious. Sina forbid that a slip up made its way to a person who would pay enough attention to see that, yes, something was a little off about the family.

They knew their child wasn’t ready to handle the emotional burden of the truth about his species and the outside world. They resolved to sit him down around ten, a couple more years of maturity would do him well in understanding the importance of keeping this secret.

As if that wasn’t enough to fret about, the fact that Eren wouldn’t have other titans his age to socialize with kept Grisha up at night. He feared his son would never learn basic titan social etiquette.

For now, Grisha took it upon himself to teach Eren, as Eren’s titan senses and regeneration had developed enough to display themselves. He planned to take Eren to the forest for the first time he shifted, but until then Eren’s questions about his differences were answered with vague assurances that those topics were for another day, when he was older.

Eren still pestered about why no one else did the same things, but the best they could do was throw a stern look and try to shut the topic down.

Some days Grisha felt like telling Eren the truth, consequences be damned. The thought of Carla and her worry that Eren would let something slip endangering him as well always stopped him no matter how maddening the situation was.

 

“Why can’t I blink like that outside?”

“It’s not polite to do that in public.”

“Is that why no one else blinks the slimy way?”

“Yes. Something like that... just don’t do it again.”

 

His personal favorite was having to apologize to Herman when he had come to pick Eren up, and found both the old man and Armin staring as Eren rubbed his hat all over his face, snorting with the force of his breaths.  

“You’ll have to excuse him, he’s very imaginative. Dogs are his favorite animal right now.”

“No, they’re not!! I like fish better! You sniff stuff too dad—here—smell it! His hat is STINKY!”

“Children are so funny, aren’t they? A wonder how they come up with all their nonsense.” He grit out as he ripped the straw hat out of Eren’s hands.

He’d handed it back to a baffled Herman with a pained smile, as he snatched Eren from the house.

“That is a private matter! You are absolutely not allowed to do that anymore.”

“But I like the smells! Why’s it bad?”

“Don’t. Ever. Do. That. In. Public.”

“But it wasn’t public! I was inside, in Armin’s house.”

“Never! Never do that around anyone but family!” he yelled at Eren.

Grisha still cringed at that memory. It wasn’t his best moment as a parent, and since then only Carla had been over to the Arlert’s to pick Eren up.

 

He knew that trading the familiarity of living amongst other titans in Marley would come at the price of secrecy. It was worth it though, having Eren live freely was more important than living in captivity.

Grisha couldn’t help but feel a little sad that Eren would never get the exciting lead up to his first shift that young titans in Marley training received. It was a true right of passage. Young titans dreamed about the day they would be given the go ahead to attempt their first full shift, the adult titans would watch them, reminiscing on their own first shift.

No matter how much training beforehand, the lead up was always more exciting than the reality of the first shift. The first time returning to the human form was difficult and exhausting. Even having spent the last few years in ground training learning how to control regeneration and build stamina and pain tolerance, the kids would be dead tired for days. After all, they were only 12 or so. Their stamina would come with age.

He couldn’t help but reminisce over his own early training.

Grisha had struggled a little bit with separating himself, but his real weakness was something harder, but not impossible to correct. He often, to his trainer’s annoyance, wouldn’t engage fully with his titan form. Letting his subconscious run the basic functions of the titan body while he drifted through memories. Recalling memories in his titan form was less distressing, more vibrant, like watching them on replay. He often thought of his parents during those moments.

They’d poked him in the nape to get his main body out of its hazy state and he’d been forced to participate in the exercises fully. His attempts at distancing himself from the abusive training failed faster and faster after that, the trainers catching on to when his main body wasn’t properly connected.

His absentmindedness meant he frequently would fail the post shifting quizzes given to ensure that each titan was properly engaged and fully lucid. It was one of the reasons they hadn’t taken him on as a full-time stud. They didn’t want to risk that his offspring would be prone to the same habit as he was.

If that was how they decided, fine. He didn’t want to create even more children he’d never see in his lifetime. He missed Zeke enough as it was.

While he hadn’t ever been able to raise his own child before, he felt fairly confident that he could remember enough to successfully teach Eren to have control over his abilities. Plus, it would be crucial to have that control in order to hide well enough inside the walls. Grisha had been here almost 12 years, and in that time, he’d only accidentally let his secret slip to one person. Eren would have his whole life ahead of him, he needed to understand how to protect himself.

 

xXx

 

A drizzle started as the two reached the cabin’s porch. Eren looked around at the view from the porch as his father took his hat off to shake some of the water off. He came to stand right by his father’s side, nervous about how this girl might act.

His father rapped on the door, bringing his hand back down to rest on his shoulder as they waited for someone to answer the door. Eren wanted to please his parents, but the thought of meeting someone new, especially a girl, worried him.

It appeared that the family inside hadn’t heard. He watched as he knocked again. This time louder.

“Mr. Ackerman? Mrs. Ackerman? It’s Grisha Jaeger.” Grisha called over the sound of the rain intensifying.

Another minute passed with no answer.

“Hello?” Grisha called again loudly, banging on the door.

Again, no response. Eren looked up at him wondering what to do next.

“They knew we were coming. I’d think they’d have been home. Perhaps they forgot about their appointment?” Grisha thought out loud.

His dad reached out to try the door handle, seeing it was unlocked he cracked the door open a tiny amount.

“He—”

Eren flinched as his dad gagged and slammed the door shut again.

“Eren, go wait at the end of the porch.” He demanded.

“huh, what’s wrong?!” Eren watched his father’s face with growing fear.

“Go, Eren!”

His dad sounded angry now, he scurried back to the end of the porch away from the door. What was in there that made him sick? He was covering his mouth and looked like he was going to vomit any second.

“Dad, what’s going on?” he yelled from his spot. He was scared now; he’d never seen his dad act like this.

“Euughhhh, Eren.. Stay there. Mmppff. Don’t move!” He leaned on the door frame, groaning again.

Eren watched in distress as his dad wrenched the door open hurried inside and slammed it shut behind him. He caught a wiff of blood as the door shut.

What was going on?! Was someone sick? Was it the girl, Mikasa?

His dad told him to stay at the end of the porch but he wanted to know what happened.

He waited a few minutes before creeping up to one of the windows trying to see something through the crack in the curtains. The angle was all wrong. He couldn’t see anything.

No such luck at any of the other porch windows.

He hurried around the back of the cabin and hopped up trying to look through another window. He landed, unsuccessful. A stump by the edge of the wood line caught his eye.

Of course! He could roll it over to the window and use it as a step!

He ran over to the edge of the woods leaning down to roll the stump up the hill. He heaved the log over once before pausing. In his exertion he’d taken a deep breath in catching a new scent in the process.

It was unlike anything else he’d ever smelled, something he’d never imaged could exist. He opened his mouth to taste it just like his father had taught him.

Oh, it was glorious!

The scent hit his tongue leaving a rich savory taste he’d never sensed before. Loads better than the smell of his favorite meal. The closest thing he could compare it to was meat, but even then, that wasn’t right. It wasn’t exactly a food smell.

There had to be more, he walked a few steps into the woods, scenting again. If he could bathe in it, he would, wanting to cover every inch of himself in it so he could breathe it in forever.

It smelled stronger to the left, so he followed, feet sliding down the hill slick with wet pine needles. The humidity of the warm April rain dispersed the trail, strengthening it, inviting him to follow the delicious aroma.

He was so curious as to what could smell like that. It was similar to the general scent of people but different, it smelled much better. People had an overall scent like the way he could discern certain animals from one another, they also had their individual scents.

Whatever this was smelled not quite human. Was this a person? His dad also smelled different from people, his overall scent being much more comforting. Maybe certain people just smelled not like the rest? Whatever the case he wanted to meet the maybe-person who smelled like this.

Alongside this new scent, there were the pungent traces of two men. He just had to find out where they were going. Caught up in his new mission he wandered farther away from the cabin. Any hint of his father’s command to stay put on the porch long forgotten.

 

 

xXx

 

 

Grisha cracked the door to the Ackerman’s house. He’d been prepared to immediately apologize, expecting the family to be inside. He was taken aback violently at the smell that greeted him.

Humans. Wounded humans. Fresh humans.

He picked up the finest scent of all. One of them still had fresh spinal fluid leaking out of their injury. The smell of the spinal fluid mixed with human blood was intoxicating. It had been so long since he’d smelled anything that good. Since Marley for sure.

After slamming the door shut, he ordered Eren to stay down at the end of the porch. He didn’t want to confuse the child with the smell, he wasn’t old enough to be interested in human spinal fluid and he didn’t want this to be his first exposure to blood on this scale. It was overwhelming even to himself.

Coughing a few times, he readied himself to go back in. Eren would be fine waiting out here, as long as the door was shut, he was far enough the smell shouldn’t affect him that much. Spinal fluid was a touchy subject back in Marley, but god help him the smell brought all those memories back in an instant.

Only adult titans needed to consume human spinal fluid, over the past decade he’d been living off animals, trapping rabbits in wall Maria when he had the time. Well, that's what he'd told Carla, he'd omitted the fact that was impossible to survive without humans specifically. He'd managed to save a large majority of the spinal fluid from the ship he escaped from, but that was close to running out with only him consuming it at dire ration levels. He purposefully kept himself on the brink of starvation, consuming just enough to not lose his mind. It helped that it was pure concentrated spinal fluid but he still hadn't found any alternative for when that ran out.

Especially worrisome was that Eren would eventually become an adult too, and he'd need just as much if not more. Grisha had chosen to escape and stay on this island, he'd understood that he may starve. But they'd brought Eren into this world, his son hadn't made the decision to live on an island with no humans.  To starve his child because of a decision he'd made out of his own selfishness wasn't an option.

That's an issue for another day, it will be years before Eren needs to eat humans.

Back in Marley, the military would provide the fluid to them, rationed a couple milliliters a week. They kept them fed well, as they worked with humans everyday. They could survive without human meat but there was no replacing the spinal fluid. Regardless, there were plenty of options to buy human meat and most titans enjoyed the taste of their flesh marinated in spinal fluid.

Not anyone could keep a titan, the fluid alone was expensive, needing to be fed to a titan fresh or kept cool. The price of regular ice deliveries to ensure that consistent cooling was astronomical.

Nevertheless, people who had no business owning titans would scrape together just enough to buy a young one at auction, using them as a status symbol to flaunt their wealth until they became too titan like. More tragically, every year or two a case of a starving titan turning on its owner would pop up. Investigations always unearthing the same details of a young titan purchased, then upon their maturity, starved of spinal fluid. Titans who turned on humans like that, usually through no fault of their own, were put down.

It drove Grisha crazy to no end that humans simultaneously hated and loved them. Loved them for their power but hated them for requiring a small sacrifice on humanity’s end. Titans behaving naturally threatened humans, they just couldn’t accept they weren’t the top of the food chain.

Titans only ate when absolutely necessary, even then they chose the most humane option—even if human meat tasted better. Highly intelligent creatures that they were, titans willingly accepted extracted fluid to extend some shred of diplomacy that humans couldn’t be bothered to reciprocate.

It was natural and instinctual to hunt for human spinal fluid, all their senses were finely attuned to it. They’d die without it.  

Something to do with the spinal organ consuming their own spinal fluid had left them with the worm-like craving for spinal fluid. It’d been tested and confirmed that adult titans absolutely needed it to survive, but the reason they needed it hadn’t been discovered yet.

Most of the fluid the Marley Titan Centers acquired were donated by enthusiasts of the creatures, after all a spinal tap could be done relatively easily with the technology at their disposal. Titans were given their allotment, and from there it was up to them when and how they wanted to consume it.

Some would marinate it into pork, a common replacement for human meat. Titans called the dish Ezukiu in their language, but handlers dubbed it ‘humane dietary replacement protein’ or HDRP since they insisted on ignoring its real name for that mouthful.

He pushed those thoughts aside. It wasn’t wise for him to think of such irresistible delicacies when he was facing the smell of human for the first time in over ten years.

Grisha focused on the scene before him in the cabin, at his feet a man sat leaned up against the wall. No pulse. This must be Thomas he thought as he inspected a stab wound in the dead man’s stomach. What happened here was definitely violent, but the door showed no sign of forced entry. It was possible that the Ackerman’s had mistaken the identity of the intruders and let them in.

A woman laid sprawled on the floor; her neck gored. He was having trouble with the smell. It smelled remarkably like the fluid he’d eaten in Marley. He crouched over the body scrutinizing the wound, it looked like it had hit her spine. An instant kill. It was a few minutes more studying the wound before he glanced at her face. He did a double take.

She’s Hizurian?

He gently brushed the hair out of her glassy eyes to look more closely at her face. Yes, she was definitely Hizurian. How could that be possible? Unless there had been settlers trapped on the island before it had isolated itself. But that was more than a hundred years ago…. he dared to lean in and scent the wound, his mouth watering involuntarily. 

Definitely human. He felt disgusting for entertaining the thought her death smelled delicious to him, but it was the same scent he’d been raised on. It was the scent of titan’s natural prey. Delicious, savory, rich human meat mixed with tangy spinal fluid. It’d been so long, and this was so much better smelling than any animal's flesh.

What if I just ….? No, No, No. Stop. There are plenty of other humane ways of securing spinal fluid. I need to call the MPs, they’ll have to investigate.

He stood and scanned the room for the third body he dreaded to find. The girl was no doubt here at the time of the attack. He searched the entire house finding no body, had she escaped? Her chances weren’t good with the rain pouring down at this point, it had probably washed a lot of the scent away by now. Anyway, he’d have to alert the MP and take Eren back to town before he could try and track her.

Moving to the front door once more, he wasn’t sure why, but he leaned down to scent Thomas’s body as well.

It smells exactly like hers…he smells just like Marley or Hizuru humans.

He wondered if it was all the blood and spinal fluid in the air that had gotten to him, but both Ackerman’s smelled like humans. Maybe he was just used to the Eldians at this point, but wouldn’t that mean they weren’t human if they smelled different?

There are more pressing things to focus on right now. I can worry about this later. Think! What’s next? Eren. Get Eren out of here, alert the police.

He stepped out onto the porch ready to grab Eren and start the trek back to the wall, the nearest station was at the check point about a mile from the house. The rain was coming down harder than ever, the torrent deafening.

“Eren, we’re going to head back to the wall. It’s not safe here.” He shut the door looking over to his son.  Or the empty spot where his son should have been.

“EREN!” He charged forward looking for his son. He ran out into the rain, circling the house as he yelled his name over and over. Had the murderers been lurking nearby and snatched Eren too?

Panic built in his chest as more time passed without any response. He froze in the back garden wondering which way Eren would have run.

…Or have been taken… his mind supplied unhelpfully.

Just as he was about to return to the main road his eyes caught something down by the wood line. A stump had been pushed out of place, the divot in the ground revealing its recent movement. A person had definitely messed with it.

His eyes traced the trail of garden dirt leading out to it. Looking down, there were little footprints in the muddy garden beds, he followed them across the yard towards the hilled woods.

Eren.

Around the start of the woods, he saw even more prints, two adult sets and another child’s.

So, they’d all gone this way, he thought with a shiver. Whoever had murdered Mikasa’s parents was still out there with Mikasa and now Eren was out there with them. There wasn’t time to fetch the police, he’d have to be prepared to confront the kidnappers. Even if it meant crushing them to death as a titan, he’d do anything to bring both children back safely.

Notes:

Carla and Grisha really thought they'd be able to just trust Eren with all those secrets but Eren's hella immature. He ain't ready for that-- plus Eren being in the dark about why the hell his family does weird shit is god tier to write.

Chapter 7: Scent Part II

Summary:

Mikasa comes to live with the Jaegers and Eren has his first introduction to his titan powers-- that in the near future will definitely, totally, not be interrupted by a major catastrophe leaving him completely clueless that he's a titan.

 

It was almost midnight when the three returned to Shiganshina. Walking through the door Carla had flung herself into his arms asking where he’d been and why he was hours late. She’d stepped back to check over Eren, crouching to fuss over him. Stopping at the sight of an extra child attached to her own.  

The small girl gripped Eren’s hand, wrapped tightly in his scarf and drowning in Grisha’s jacket. Eren had given her the scarf right before inviting her to come home with them. He suspected that it wasn’t just Eren’s attempt to cover the new foreign scent with his own, but rather his son was already attached to her after what they’d endured together.

He hadn’t missed Eren’s slight blush as he’d wrapped his scarf around her, the boy trying to play it off with a shrug, throwing the last loop over her face and looking away when his ears and cheeks turned red. After witnessing the display, he couldn’t not agree to taking Mikasa in permanently. Carla could be convinced easily. She was always the empathetic type; she’d want to make ensure Mikasa had a home that wasn’t the orphanage. They all knew how the kids there were really treated.   

“Oh, hello,” she looked at the silent girl “and who are you?” she asked, shooting a brief quizzical look at her husband.

“This is Mikasa, she’s going to be staying with us. There was… an incident at the Ackerman’s.” He emphasized incident, hoping she’d get the hint to leave it for now.

Thankfully Carla picked up on the severity of his statement and didn’t press any further.

“Let’s get you two ready for bed, it’s far too late for you to be up.” She stood taking Eren’s hand and leading him to his bed.

Mikasa tried to follow, already looking distressed at Eren leaving her side. She stopped dead in her tracks when Grisha put his hand on her shoulder.

“Mikasa, I know I introduced myself earlier, but I’m a doctor.” Grisha swallowed nervously. This was more difficult than any surgery or amputation he’d ever done.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, fearing the answer.

Mikasa didn’t respond or even make any indication she’d heard the question. She kept her eyes trained on Eren across the room. He hesitated before asking his next question.

“Did those men touch you anywhere?” He lowered himself to her level hoping that would make it less intimidating.

Instead, Mikasa flinched back. She locked her eyes on him looking like she’d try and run the moment he so much as twitched a muscle. Her eyes watered as she brought the scarf up to her nose, trying to hide in place from him.

It was too much for her right now, he could try to question her again in the morning but he feared the damage was already done. He didn’t know how quiet she usually was but it worried him that she couldn’t even nod an answer. The poor girl was overtired and terrified in a strange house. Trying to press her for answers now could make things even worse.

“Carla, I think it’d be better if we switched.”

His wife had been piling blankets on the floor in a makeshift bed for Eren as he washed up. Mikasa would have Eren’s bed for the time being.

She’d been listening in and was anticipating handing Eren off to Grisha if the girl was having trouble with Grisha. The long day was far from over, and it would take a lot for Mikasa to calm down enough to sleep. Even then, there was no way either adult could soothe the pain from losing her parents.

At the very least, Mikasa didn’t flinch when Carla crouched down to take Grisha’s jacket off her. The tears in her eyes threatened to fall as Carla gave her an old night shirt of Eren’s.

“Let’s get dressed for bed, ok?”

Mikasa stood with the clothes in her hand, staring at the floor.

“You want some privacy?” Carla asked gently.

Mikasa trembled, shaking her head, tears finally running down her face.

“I want to go home.” She whispered. “I want my parents.”

It was a little eerie how she spoke so softly, closed off even as she cried. As if she was afraid embracing the pain would confirm the day’s events were real, not just a terrible dream.

Carla looked over to Grisha who frowned and shook his head. Oh. The only way she could interpret that was Mr. and Mrs. Ackerman had been killed.

“I’m sorry Mikasa, I can’t make them come back…” Carla said, unsure what to do next.

Mikasa kept her gaze on the floor avoiding both his and her eyes. They definitely wouldn’t be able to get her to change out of her blood-spattered dress without scaring her more. Grisha had a horrible feeling that those men tried to do something with her in the hunting shack. The little information he’d picked up from Eren and the way she flinched around himself seemed to confirm his suspicion.

The MPs wouldn’t need her account for a day or two. They were busy documenting the aftermath in the Ackerman’s house and the hunting shack right now. His mind wandered back to the house. Perhaps he could ask her later if there was anything she wanted him to retrieve for her.

“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” Carla asked, trying desperately to make her more comfortable.

He could see she was much more skittish around him than Carla or Eren. He definitely didn’t traumatize her further by giving her an exam, even though that was what he was trained to do. He had the feeling that she would be wary of men for a while after this.

Carla didn’t insist when Mikasa put the shirt down and looked around the room again.

“Where’s Eren?” Mikasa asked, clutching his scarf with both hands.

Carla watched as Mikasa fret over Eren’s whereabouts. Grisha knew she was probably dying to know exactly what had happened to this little girl and why she was so attached to their son.

She pulled Mikasa in for a hug, cradling her in her arms. He wished they could make her pain go away, but nothing could ever reverse what had happened. Mikasa jerked back, trying to worm her way out of Carla’s embrace. Before she could try and coax the girl to bed again, she saw her son’s hand reach for Mikasa’s.

“C’mon, here’s my bed. We can share it.” He pulled Mikasa away and settled onto the small pullout. Mikasa followed close behind curling up in the blankets with him.

Carla looked back over to her husband.

“Should we…” her question died on her lips when she saw how at ease Mikasa looked.

“Let’s leave them for now.” Grisha muttered gesturing to their own room.

 

xXx

 

To say Carla was speechless when Grisha recounted the entire day’s events to her was a gross understatement. Her child had killed not one, but two grown men? And the girl, she’d killed the final kidnapper with one stab?

“Grisha,” she whispered to him in the dark, trying to keep as quiet as possible to let the kids sleep.

“Is there something… wrong with our son?”

She’d have been worried if Eren had been a normal boy without titan genetics, but that layer added another level of anxiety to the whole situation.

“That’s not a… titan thing…is it?” she asked hesitantly.

“What’s not a titan thing?” he responded drowsily.

“Killing humans? At seven years old?” She let out a shaky sigh almost laughing at the absurdity “At this point I don’t know if it would be better if it was or wasn’t…”

“You shouldn’t overthink it, just see it for what it is.” His voice was low and gravely, like he’d been sleeping. Rage zipped through her at that. She knew he couldn't help it, titans woke with the sun and fell asleep fast in it's absence. But here she was wide awake worrying herself borderline hysterical about this while he was halfway asleep! Why couldn't he at least act more concerned about this?

She scoffed “And that is?”

“They had to fight for their lives and they won.” He replied in a monotone.

She pursed her lips. Damn him for being so rational in a crisis. It had occurred to her that they could have died, in fact it was the only thing on her mind for the first hour or so she’d been told what happened. All she really fixated on after that was that the children had murdered people.

Ugh, he’s had what? Five or so extra hours to process this?

She’d been doing so well trying to keep the panicked thoughts out of her head. Trying to put up a strong front for the children, keep some sliver of stability for them in the wake of tragedy. She’d initially wanted to yell at Eren for running off towards danger but Grisha had gently grabbed her elbow, giving her a look. She’d gotten the message loud and clear.

Ah, he’s already yelled at Eren for me.

She let her thoughts run wild for another few minutes before surrendering to Grisha’s rational.

They fought, they won, they’re here alive.

“About the killing humans…” He started.

“What now?” she asked, bracing herself.

“Her parents, they smelled like humans.”

It caught her off guard, like everything else in the past hour and a half had. Come to think of it, this was the most normal thing she’d heard since they’d returned home.

“…..did you think they were titans?” she responded.

“No, but it’s been a while since I smelled humans like that. I’m so used to the Eldian smell that it was a surprise.” He answered.

Silence stretched between the couple.

He rolled over top of her suddenly, trapping her in place with his arms.

“Wha…?”

His hair brushed over her mouth. She felt his lips and nose graze over her pulse point as he trailed down her neck breathing in deeply. Was he seriously picking now of all times to fool around?

After a moment of this she realized she couldn’t feel his lips, he wasn’t even touching her. Still, she could hear the sound of his breathing as he fixated on her neck, his nose occasionally trailing across her skin. What the hell was he doing?

“Are you smelling me?!” she whispered incredulously.

He didn’t answer, instead moving up to her hair. She laid there as he rubbed his jaw along the top of her head, still breathing loudly in the silent house. As much as she enjoyed his titan quirks, she wasn’t in the mood for it tonight.

“Grish, stop,” her voice was muffled in his shirt. He was transfixed by whatever scent was on her. “That’s enough!”

 Jamming her thumb between his ribs worked to snap him out of it. He yelped as she pushed him back over to his side of the bed.

“Don’t wake the kids up!” she chided not quite able to keep the amusement out of her voice. A few seconds of silence passed.

“So, smell something good?” she asked facetiously, practically feeling his embarrassment through the darkness.

“…Sorry.”

“You were saying something was off about the Ackermans?” she prompted.

“Not off, just different. At first, I thought it was me, that I’d forgotten what human blood smelled like but after today I just had to check…” he trailed off.

“Don’t you smell enough human blood when the Scouting Legion shows up? How could you forget that?” She was baffled by the information.

“Suzume, she was Hizurian. She definitely smelled human, just like the Marleyans. Thomas smelled the same too.”

She was vaguely following.

“Hizurian?” she asked, hating when he didn’t give her any context.

“A different nation outside the walls. One of the other superpowers that usually opposes Marley…”

Perhaps he’d know the significance of the tattoo on the little girl. She’d noticed that right away. Her immediate reaction had been to cringe at the trashiness of it. Who’d mark up a little girl with ink like some sort of prisoner or gang member?

Though, in the wake of this new information, it occurred to her that there could be hundreds of different cultures out there, all wildly different from one another. Maybe tattooing a child was tame compared to others? She’d definitely have to follow up with him on that one.

“Despite the amount of time I talk about Marley, it isn’t the only nation out there.” He continued, oblivious to her internal tangent. The mention of Marley got her attention back on him.

Wait, if he was saying both Ackerman’s weren’t Eldian, was he implying that other nations had been infiltrating the walls, like he had? But if they weren’t titans, they’d just be eaten before they got here? Right?

“Couldn’t they just have been descendants? This doesn’t mean people are suddenly traveling pure titan territory, does it?” She asked.

“I think they’re descendants as well. What’s bothering me is that they smell different from the other people here.” He admitted.

“Why is that concerning?” she questioned.

She didn’t see why he was so caught up on the different smells, then again, she couldn’t smell these things. Maybe if she had the ability, it’d bother her too. Sometimes Eren would throw tantrums about things ‘not smelling right’.

He spoke again, probably sensing her confusion at his preoccupation with the topic.

“I always assumed you all were just like the humans outside the walls, both Hizurians and Marleyans have that same human smell. The Eldians… don’t smell that way… you don’t smell like titans… but you definitely don’t smell like what’s classified as ‘human’ outside the walls.”

Carla waited for him to finish his thought.

“Carla, I’m starting to wonder… this might be premature, but I think this proves the ancestor theory is correct.”

“How so?”

“If you all aren’t quite human, and titans are able to reproduce with Eldians…”

“That does make a compelling case, but why is it so important? Isn’t that what Marley already thinks?”

She could see it coming a mile away, he definitely wasn’t going to let this go. Occasionally he’d spend a few days obsessed with his old outside word research topics, telling her all about his hypotheses before recording them in his office. During those conversations she’d try and keep up, but she didn’t feel as much interest or attachment to the outside would as he did.

“Yes, but there was no way to prove it. But it also got me thinking… Marley didn’t always have titans. It was only in the last hundred or so years they became a superpower thanks to them exploiting our strength.”

She waited patiently before confirming his fragmented thoughts.

“Are you suggesting that the titans were stolen from this island? So, Marley could one up this Hizuru land?” She suggested.

He hummed in agreement. Damn she’d gotten good over all these years piecing together his scattered ideas.

“Do you ever wonder how long these walls have been here? Does anyone know who built them?” he asked.

“No. The three goddesses Maria, Rose, and Sina built them to protect us from the titans. Well, that’s the official Wallist explanation… I doubt anyone who knew the truth is still alive by now.”

She knew just as much as anyone else. So, not much, really.

No one questioned the walls, at least no one who understood the power the Wallists held. She had worried Grisha would ask too many questions about them when he first arrived, thankfully he kept his mouth shut, and understood it wasn’t something people asked about.

“Yes, but how could a society like this create such large structures fast enough to avoid the pure titans?” he sighed, frustrated now, but continued on.

“Maybe they had help… not really help but what if Marley saw an opportunity and knew that this island couldn’t possibly defend itself?”  he mused.

“So, they wanted the titans? What do you mean opportunity?” she pursued the topic, trying to get him to wrap it up. She felt herself fading, it was always hard work following his train of thought when he got into these moods, even more difficult now the adrenaline of the day had worn off.   

“Yes. I mean it wasn’t goddesses that built the walls, something the opposite of divine. Rather, what if it was something easily mistaken for gods? Say, foreigners with much more advanced technology.”

“So, you’re suggesting Marley stole our good titans to use against Hizuru, then built the walls out of the kindness of their hearts? Based on what you’ve told me, these Marleyans aren’t very nice to anyone but their own.” She snarked.

She continued to press him.

“Why would they do that? Also, if they were so advanced and able to build the walls so fast couldn’t they just come over here at any point. Pure titans shouldn’t be an issue for them, should they?”

He tensed as she said that, hesitating with his next thought.

“We probably protected them and Eldians as the walls were built. Marley used us to fend off pure titans when trying to study their theories here, but even then, it wasn’t perfect. We were overwhelmed by the pure titans. That’s how I got here. I just kept walking to the walls after the party was destroyed. It wasn’t like I could swim back across the ocean.”

Despite her crankiness she couldn’t help but smirk at the mental image of Grisha swimming as a titan. Marveling at the enormity of a body of water too large for a titan to swim across.

“You’d sink like a rock you’re so massive.” She poked fun at him trying to relive some of his tension.

He huffed in amusement.

“I’m not that heavy! There are animals as large as titans that live in the ocean. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were whales larger than I am… whales are like large fish.” He clarified for her sake. “I’m terrible at swimming, there was no way I’d have made it back on my own.”  

“Well, your lovely beard and hair would have gotten all soggy anyway. I’m glad you made it here.” She pecked him on the cheek.

He chuckled this time “You really like my beard, don’t you?”

“mhmm, it’s got a rugged look to it. Shame you can’t grow a nice one in this form.” She teased gently.

The light heartedness was short lived as he remembered the other half of her question.

“As for why they built the walls… it must have been part of a deal with Marley? Why would the Eldian monarchy agree to that? What benefit is it to the island?”

“I don’t know Grisha, I don’t even know any geography of the outside.” She sighed. With the humor gone she wished they could put the topic on hold.

Silence passed for minutes. She began to think he fell asleep.

“This island is located almost halfway between the continents that Marley and Hizuru reside on. It’d be an incredible strategic move to possess the island. For either one of them.”

She almost groaned in annoyance. She regretted waking him up, she should have just saved her questions for the morning.

She rolled her eyes.

“Except it’s infested with titans… the kind they don’t want” she winced as the word infested came out of her mouth, remembering he was sensitive about that sort of phrasing. She was about to apologize when Grisha spoke again sounding excited this time.

“Exactly! If there were titans like me on this island, allied with the Eldians there’d be no way Marley could have taken over by force. Even now they have to use us because Hizuru dominates in technology, back when they took us, they’d have been even weaker.”

“How does this relate to the location of the island? Where are you going with this?” she asked.

His voice raised with his enthusiasm.

“My point is, if they want the island for a port close to Hizuru but they can’t take the island by force because we lived here—in harmony with the Eldians, then they’d try to make a deal with the natives. Perhaps the Eldians traded us for better protection from titans…one that didn’t want to eat them and worked 100% of the time. The walls! It makes sense, Marley probably knew they could use us as weapons because they saw you all doing it first!”

“Keep your voice down! Is there any way to prove any of this? If there is, what use is it to verify the ancestor theory? So, what you all evolved from us?” she rebutted.

“Perhaps it’s not so important that Marley can verify it, but rather the people in these walls can’t verify it, or know about it at all. I’d be willing to bet Eldians would see us as equals more than others, knowing their past alliances and genetic relationship with us. It’d certainly make them more likely to side with Hizuru. With a base on this island and their anti-titan technology, they’d be able to do some real damage to Marley.”

She opened her mouth to tell him the people in these walls wouldn’t be swayed that easy. Resentment of titans, any sort of titan, ran deep. She couldn’t imagine they’d be willing to see the similarities, it was hard for her the first time she’d seen him in his larger form. Human definitely wasn’t the first thing that had come to her mind.

Within the walls, it was highly insulting to call anyone a titan or insinuate they or their family members bore a resemblance to one. Informing everyone in the walls that they were actually related to titans would be a very bad idea.

Even if she were to snap her fingers and everyone now magically knew how Marley had screwed them over, they’d be pissed, but not out of concern for the titans. It’d probably be more about the fact they could have had serious money and power rather than caged in these walls.

He rambled on before she could get a word in edgewise.

“When I first came here, I had a wild idea that this could be a refuge for titans, a land protected by us from the pure titans and larger nations. It seems that it was that way long ago.” he said with a slight smile in his voice.

“I’m sorry Grisha, do you really think that’s possible now? The government is corrupt, wouldn’t they just try and use titans to make themselves more powerful like Marley did?” She tried to let him down easy.

“I came to that conclusion as well. Perhaps that was the deal in exchange for the walls and leaving this island’s people alone… It doesn’t matter though. I gave up on it when Eren was born. It was just a fantasy.”

He held her close as she sighed in relief.

“I realized Eren’s freedom is more important to me than risking everything for some pipe dream.”

She knew all the secrets about this island and the titans’ origins bothered him. It was a mystery that picked at his brain ever since he’d arrived.   

“Grisha, I think we should both go to sleep now. It’s been a long day.”

“Carla, do you think the Eldians actually made a deal with Marley? Did they really agree to stay penned within these walls?”

She didn’t know what to say about that. It was better to think that her people hadn’t sold the titans out, that they had be forced into submission by some faceless, superpowered enemy. She knew now that the kind of titans like Grisha were just as emotional and intelligent as humans or rather, Eldians, whatever the slight difference between them was. If they had, it would have been an exceptionally cruel decision of self-preservation on their part.

Based off of everything Grisha had told her about Marley it seemed they would do anything to try and get ahead of the Hizuru land. Why? Was it just that they both wanted to be in control? The concept of multiple countries was so foreign to her, why didn’t they work together? They didn’t even have pure titans to worry about, what could possibly be more terrifying than that?

“Why is Marley so afraid of Hizuru? You said they always had more advanced technology but couldn’t Marley just focus on developing theirs more?”

“What separates them from any other nation is that they’re sympathetic to the plight of the titans. The issue lies with how they view titans. Hizuru sees us as potential allies, they recognize our intelligence. Marley sees us as animals to use as weapons. We are beneath humans to them.”

He paused before lowering his voice again.

“Having titans on your side is absolutely devastating to your enemy. Marley is afraid Hizuru would allow titans to retaliate against them. Let us annihilate Marley for them, without looking like the bad guys.”

“So, couldn’t you have gone to Hizuru? Wouldn’t they take you in? Didn’t you say this island is at least a century behind in any sort of development? Life must be good for titans in Hizuru.”

“I said Hizuru is sympathetic to our plight, not that they accept us as equals. They do have some titans for research purposes, but they’re treated like animals. Only the Hizurian government can own titans, sometimes they’ll lease to private businesses, it’s not at all like living here.”

She wrapped her arms around him, embracing his lanky frame. She kissed the top of his head, resting her forehead against his.

“Hizuru would be the best bet for freedom, but it would take a monumental shift of public opinion for them to allow us to go free there. Last I heard, they let the retired research titans live on conservations.” He sounded distraught at that, adding with a strained voice “No different from a zoo.”

Carla had no idea what a zoo was, but she guessed it wasn’t good by the way his voice cracked. She could feel him shaking. She hoped her presence would offer some comfort. It didn’t happen often, but it wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for him to be so troubled when he talked about Marley a lot.  

“Marley will fight tooth and nail to keep titans under their complete control. They say if we were free, it’d be chaos, suddenly there’d be no power balance. That it’d be a monumental mistake to free humanity’s only predators. Their propaganda is so strong. I’d say the majority of people around the world believe it wholeheartedly.”

“So the enslavement of the titans is all because they’ve been caught in the middle of Marley and Hizuru's pissing match?”

“Regrettably, yes. Humans on both sides only see us as a means to further their own goals.”

For all the fantastic stories he’d told her about life outside the walls, she couldn’t help but wonder which was worse. To live penned inside the walls, worrying each day about a breach, overcrowding, and corruption. Or to live outside, they were free from the terror of the pure titans but lived each day wondering if another more powerful nation would wipe their entire existence out without anyone saying a word for fear their own comfy lives be targeted.

Was this what humanity was? Was that the truth of the world? It was just a part of human nature in a repulsive place deep down that told them to ignore the suffering of a few to continue on with their cushy lives? They didn't care as long as it was someone different enough from themself? Couldn’t they see the titans were just as human as they were?

That was the outside world though, abstract and foreign. It wasn’t something she could change.

As for this island… she couldn’t see any immediate path to actually changing the status quo here. The thought of any scrutiny on her boys, her titans, made her anxious enough to vomit. They couldn’t go at it alone, but telling anyone was out of the question. All her thought experiments ended in a variation of this impasse. If the encounter with Keith was anything to go by, she didn’t want to imagine that on a larger scale.

She just knew Grisha and Eren would be put down immediately. The military would probably celebrate as if they’d saved them all from monsters. The Wallists would use it as recruiting material for centuries, claiming titans were now preying on humans in more ways than one.

Actually, would they say that? She’d never thought about what would become of her. Holy Sina in Hell, what would people do to her knowing she’d, to put it literally, fucked a titan.

Jeez Carla, that’s definitely enough for tonight.

 

 

xXx

 

It had been a solid month since Mikasa had joined the Jaegers. She was quiet as ever, clinging to Eren everyday and still flinching when Grisha got too close. Even so, it looked like she was starting to settle in to her new routine.

Carla had made sure she spent one on one time with the little girl, giving her all the TLC she needed without being overbearing. It was a good way to get the two kids apart for a bit, it wouldn’t be so healthy for the two to become so codependent on one another.

To try and build Mikasa’s confidence away from Eren, Carla would make time for just the two of them to connect. Free time was scarce so they often wound-up running errands or doing chores together.

It was a glorious day though, and the late morning sun shone brightly over the town. Carla had asked Mikasa to come to the market with her, just the two girls.

“Mikasa, honey, let’s head out now.” Carla reminded her of their trip.

Mikasa nodded curtly and moved to put her shoes on. Carla watched as she slipped the flats on, straightening her scarf out when she stood back up. When she was upset or lonely, she’d fiddle with the scarf, pulling it up to her nose to hide her face. It was her security blanket away from the real thing.

If she was uncomfortable, she’d seek out Eren. He was the only thing so far that could put her at ease. It seemed her son’s presence could wipe away any fear or hesitation she felt at moment’s notice. Mikasa glanced over at Eren napping near the kitchen. Carla knew she was upset Eren wasn’t coming with them, but she turned to her wordlessly indicating she was ready to go.

It was a welcome change from watching Eren. Depending on his mood, he had a tendency to get a little bratty about things he didn’t want to do. And boy, it was nice to not fight for once. She wouldn’t take it for granted.

Of course, the real reason for this specific trip was to leave the house free for Grisha and Eren. He’d be introducing Eren to his healing factor for the first time. The two parents had agreed Mikasa didn’t need to be there for that, and neither did Carla. It was a moment best left shared between two titans.

 

xXx

 

Eren blearily looked around the room as he woke up from his nap, it was just him and his father in the house. He’d heard his mother talking about taking Mikasa to the market earlier. He sighed, guessing they’d already left before he could he could try to tag along.

How had he made it this long as an only child? It was already boring without Mikasa around. He liked having her here, his daily chores were even more interesting when he had someone his age to share them with.

She followed him everywhere and they told each other everything at night in their shared bed. Despite them being so close, he still needed time apart from her. It got on his nerves sometimes that she was near perfect at everything. Even fighting bullies. His mother had yelled at him already that he needed to behave, to act like a man and protect Mikasa for once. He couldn't protect Mikasa yet, that'd have to wait until he joined the military. But he could provide for her... she was good at almost everything...

Except cooking.

He grinned at the memory of his mother agonizing over her good pans ruined. It was ok though, Eren had become very good at cooking the fish he’d caught all summer. He’d be able to cook for them both if he had to. Comforted by the fact that he could at least one up Mikasa that way, he turned his attention to his father nearby.

He yawned right as his father said something.

“huh?” he sat up wrapping the blanket around himself, chin resting on his bent knees.

“I said, let’s go to my office.”

He nodded, figuring it’d be better than falling asleep again and missing Mikasa return from the market. Besides, his father didn’t really sound like he was about to let Eren lie around all day.

It’d been bothering him that he’d been falling asleep during the day more and more and had no idea why. Apparently it was starting to bother his parents too.  

Eren sat at the top of the basement stairs before sliding down with his feet out in front of him.

Thump

Thump

Thump

“Don’t get that blanket dirty!” his father called out from the bottom.

Thump

Thump

Eren arrived on the landing blanket trailing behind him like a cape. He anticipated his father scolding him for dragging it along the dusty stairs. If he had, Eren didn’t hear it. The excitement of being allowed into the long forbidden basement had him popping up from the landing and trotting down the rest of the staircase to head into the office.

He was enthralled by the sight of all the glass jars and instruments. He’d always wanted to see what was down here, even if he’d played it cool after all of his father’s previous rejections.

All thoughts of reining in his excitement gone, he cruised by the different shelves of medications. A padded wooden chair sat in the corner, it had a leg rest and segmented back and seat. He assumed it was the one that came up to the main floor that the scouting legion soldiers laid on when they came back from expeditions.

Stopping in front of a table that held lots of glass bottles, he marveled at the different shapes of each of them. A tall skinny tube ran diagonally between two stands, a smaller ringlet of glass spiraling through it. Eren grinned at his distorted reflection on a particularly squat round flask that sat on a ring of cork. It looked so clear, almost like a soap bubble.  

Just as he reached out to pick it up, wanting to see if it was round on the bottom like a real bubble, he felt eyes on the back of his head. Turning slowly, he saw his father watching him from his desk with a look.

Grisha cleared his throat as Eren slowly pulled his hand back.

“What’s our rule about the basement?” his father reminded him.

“Don’t touch the glassware.” Eren answered sheepishly as he made his way over to the desk in the center of the room.

“I’d like to teach you something. My mother taught me this when I was the same age as you.” Grisha said as he opened his medical bag.

“But I don’t want to be a doctor.” Eren protested immediately as he watched his dad pull out the case of metal suturing instruments.

“Nothing like that,” Grisha promised “This is an important life skill.”

Eren picked up a tweezer-like object that slid out of the leather pocket to investigate. Maybe his dad knew about him wanting to join the survey corps? Basic first aid would come in handy outside the walls, there were medics that traveled within the formation but they couldn’t always get to everyone in time.

Interest piqued, he waited for his father to start the lesson.

“You and I have an ability that’s not common within these walls, but it’s very normal, it runs in my family.” Grisha said as he selected a scalpel from the line up of tools. “It’s important to practice.”

“What is it?” Eren asked excitedly. He wasn’t sure what his dad was talking about. He didn’t know if being good at medicine could actually run in a family. He thought his dad was going to teach him how to stitch wounds. Wasn’t that why he was picking up a scalpel, to make a wound to practice on?

“We heal very fast. Faster than the average person.” He nicked his index finger with the scalpel leaving a scratch no bigger than a papercut.

“We heal differently?” Eren asked dumbfounded at the sudden confession.

“Not differently, just faster.” He corrected.

“That’s it?” Eren certainly didn’t feel that impressed. Of course, it wouldn’t be for another few years that he’d understand what a gift this ability was.  

“It can be more powerful than it appears. There’s more to it than just healing wounds, but we need to start with the basics first.” Grisha consoled “That means starting with this little cut.”

Eren watched as the cut knit itself together. He certainly hadn’t noticed his own scrapes healing like that. He looked up to his dad shocked confusion.

“Mine don’t do that!” his mouth hung open in disbelief as he reached out to study his dad’s finger.

“You’re older now, it’s something you have to practice. Like I said, my mother had to teach me.”

Eren hesitated before holding his finger out with a determined scowl on his face. Grisha smiled proudly at his son’s determination. It seems the initial fatigue of the spinal organ preparing itself for regeneration hadn’t taken that much of a toll on him.

He so desperately longed to tell Eren about what they really were. They were titans, and their regenerative powers were nothing short of a miracle.

But he’d promised Carla that they’d wait until Eren was eleven to explain the outside world to him. He’d keep the promise, concealing the truth about what their true potential was. In the meantime, he’d convinced her to allow him to at least coach Eren with very low level regeneration.

“Ready?” he asked, hovering the blade over Eren’s finger.

Eren nodded fiercely, watching his father lower the blade to his finger tip. The blade itself was so sharp he wouldn’t have known he was cut if he hadn’t been looking. The cut appeared, dotted with growing spots of blood. He took a sharp breath in as it started to sting, the pain finally catching up.

“Relax, count to two between your breaths.” His dad’s voice came from above him, “Your body will heal itself. It knows what to do.”

He breathed in

One, two

Breathed out

One, two

He breathed in again, focused on his finger and the lack of any sort of supernatural healing.

“It’s not working.” He looked up at his dad.

“Give it a moment, don’t overthink it.” He said frustratingly calm.

Eren kept his breathing steady, wanting to please his father. He couldn’t get the thought out of his head that this would be the best skill to know before joining the scouting legion. He immediately wanted to be good at it.

 If only all the scouts could do this, they’d be able to kill a lot more titans.

“Good job!” his dad praised him.

Confused he looked back to his finger, bewildered when he saw the cut was gone.

“Did I do that?!” he asked.

“Yes, that was wonderful!” His dad grinned, ruffling his hair.

“I didn’t even realize…” he brought his finger up to his face, scrutinizing the pad intensely.

“It’s odd like that, just trust your body to heal itself.” Grisha instructed.

“Why?”

“This is passive regeneration. All you have to do is relax and manage your pain, if you get caught up thinking about each vein and bone it’ll slow down.” He answered.

“Can we do another?” Eren held his finger out again, practically vibrating with excitement.

“Of course,” Grisha wiped the scalpel off with alcohol.

 “Ready?” he asked, hovering the scalpel over Eren’s finger.

Eren smiled waiting for the chance to prove himself again. Grisha made a quick incision across his finger, then monitored his son’s face.

He winced at the initial sting of the cut but quickly replaced it with his signature scowl of determination. Grisha couldn’t help but laugh, he’d seen that look so many times on Carla.

They spent the next two hours practicing healing little cuts. Eren would have liked to practice longer but his father finally stopped him when he was nodding off from the exhaustion of his first ever regeneration.

Eren put his arms out letting his dad pick him up, too lethargic to make it up the stairs himself.

“You’re getting big, I can barely hold you.” He puffed as he climbed the staircase.

Carla had returned with Mikasa by the time they emerged from the basement. Mikasa watched worriedly as Grisha tucked Eren into his bed, rubbing his back. She tugged on Carla’s skirt silently requesting the woman to lean down.

“Eren’s been tired lately.” She said quietly. Even through her perpetually solemn tone, Carla understood the question.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back to normal in no time.” She tried to reassure the girl.

“Is he sick?” she asked, ignoring the assurance.

“No, he’s perfectly fine. Just growing pains.” She fudged the truth.

Mikasa gave her a long look, dark grey eyes boring into Carla’s brown. It held something far more mature than a seven-year-old should be able to convey in their eyes. She swallowed uncomfortably, clearing her throat. There was no way Mikasa believed her white lie, but it’d only take until Eren woke up for Mikasa to hear a blow-by-blow recount of his day to convince her that he was perfectly fine.

“How hungry are y—” Carla didn’t even finish her question before Mikasa started towards the bed.

“Not hungry. I’m going to nap with Eren.”

Carla stared after the girl, who skirted around Grisha to crawl into bed with Eren. She still hadn’t gotten completely used to Mikasa’s terse speech yet. Forever wondering if she had always been that way.

Grisha left Eren and Mikasa alone, smiling at his wife.

“So, I take it went well?” she said, hopeful she’d be able to stop fretting about this now.

“Fantastic! I’ve always wanted to be able to teach my own children that.” He sat down with her at the table, his good mood infectious.

“He’s ok? You didn’t overdo it did you?” she glanced over to Eren sprawled out in a deep sleep, then back to him. “Does he need anything special to recover?” she asked, trying not to worry too much.

“He’s fine! He’ll just sleep a lot and probably want to eat a lot when he wakes, but it was all very basic.” He recapped, still smiling. “Nothing that the body wasn’t meant to do.”

“It’s normal to be that tired?”

“Yes, very normal in the beginning. since we're starting now, he'll have a head start building stamina. We just did passive, but it’s active that really tires you out,” He rambled, delighted with Eren’s abilities already, adding in the afterthought “he probably won’t ever need to learn active regeneration.”  

“It’s wonderful seeing you so happy. I’m sorry you never got to do this with your other son.” Carla apologized.

“It’s been almost 17 years; it doesn’t hurt as much now.” His smile faltered, “It’s not your fault Carla, don’t apologize.”

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I’ve been a little too apprehensive about this whole thing.” She admitted, averting her eyes. “Go ahead and let him have the key.” She said before she could talk herself out of the decision.

Grisha’s eyebrows practically shot up into his hairline “Really? What if he loses it?”

“Tie it on a piece of rope?” she suggested, taking in the shock on his face. Of course, he was stunned at that. She was usually overly cautious when it came to teaching Eren about his titan side.

He chuckled “I doubt that would stop Eren from losing it.”

“True. He’d probably drop it in the river using it as a fishing lure or something. It’d never come back!” She laughed with him.

“I’m not ripping that false bottom out!” he snickered, both of them recalling how difficult it’d been to install.

They grew quiet again. A comfortable silence between the two as they both looked over to check on the children at the same time.  

“Maybe we give it to him a few years earlier though? I want him to be fully comfortable with the truth before you have him shift.” She said, completely serious. “I don’t want him to hate what he is, all he’s been exposed to are pure titans. I don’t want him confusing them with himself.”

Grisha nodded “Agreed. We’ll see how he does after a couple years of regeneration practice.”

It’d be difficult introducing Eren to his powers in a society where hatred of titans ran deep, but they vowed to take it slowly. Eventually it’d be up to Eren who knew his secret, but that was a long way away. They could only hope they were doing the best for Eren, balancing Carla’s cautiousness and Grisha’s enthusiasm in a compromise.

Notes:

We’re finally getting to the beginning of Eren’s story! Very long time to set the stage, but once Grisha’s gone we’re back at square one for titan info. Updates will be more sporadic now bc I’m in the middle of new job, new city, new apartment etc. and it’s mega stressful sorting it all out, but I’m aiming for an update at least once a month. (Absolutely frothing to get to Trost bc that’s when the story will start to really diverge)
Also I’ve come to the profound hs english class conclusion from manga chapters and WIT art of baby eren with a fishing pole and lil sun hat that Eren’s hobby is fishing.

Chapter 8: New Normal

Summary:

The trio adjusts to their new normal at training camp. Eren begins to slowly show signs that his normal is not the same as everyone else's, Armin doesn't know what to think of it. Jean quotes Miss Congeniality.

Notes:

I'm alive, this update is very late but now everything is settled down in my life I'll go back to updates once a month <3

I feel like even though this is the military, they do have to take into account that these are 12 year olds lmao. I've worked with 14-17 year olds at camps for a while and it's always enlightening to see how immature they are even though at that age I thought I was so grown.

Eren stretched out on the bed waiting for Armin to join him, relishing the softness of the mattress. It’d so long since he’d been able to sleep in a bed, since any of them had, really. A couple of boys horsed around on the other side of the room, their loud voices carrying over to him.

“Ow, stop it!” A boy with a two-toned undercut yelled at another leaning down from the top bunk. The boy with the bleached-out hair swatted at the other who dodged back up onto his top bunk.

“Daz! What the fuck? Stop poking me!”

Daz, the kid with a handful of straw he’d ripped from the mattress, laughed obnoxiously as he went in for another attack.

It annoyed him that they hadn’t even started training yet and people were already messing around. Why weren’t they taking this more seriously? They’d been given food and a safe place to sleep already, and these kids were laughing as they destroyed it.

Eren had spent too many nights in the last three years sleeping on the cold dirty cobblestones of Trost alleyways to take anything for granted. He scowled as another thought hit him, would they all be punished if the damage was found? Would they all be kicked out if someone didn’t confess? Worst of all, would they be forced to go back to the streets? He didn’t think Armin could survive another winter like that. Come to think of it, he didn’t think he could either.

“Hey, you just gonna watch or what?” the kid yelled.

Eren was so caught up in scowling at the juvenile display that he hadn't realized the other trainee was yelling at him.

“Are you talking to me?” Eren asked, looking around behind him. Genuinely surprised at being addressed, after years of living on a street corner invisible.

“Yeah, I’m talking to you! I’m looking at you!”

Ok, who the hell was this kid and just what was his deal?

Eren opened his mouth, annoyed at being dragged into their game “Maybe he’s just trying to make you more comfortable, horse face.”

The kid’s jaw dropped, before recovering enough to yell “WHAT?”

Daz stopped mid straw fling to gape at Eren, his scratchy ammo raining down on the kid.

“Your face is so long it’s no wonder Daz thought you belonged in a stable full of straw.”

The kid stormed over to Eren. Eren leapt up, sizing him up. He was taller, about the same build. No more than a year older than himself, but he could definitely take him in fight. He’d had enough practice, some privileged dork from wall Maria was nothing.

Just before the first blow could be thrown, a cheery voice called from the door.

 “Hey guys! No fighting on the first night! Chill out Jean.”

 The kid, Jean, reluctantly broke eye contact first, looking over to the freckled boy with dark hair who was making his way over to him with Armin in tow. Eren almost sighed in relief when he caught sight of Armin’s familiar blond mop.

Jean looked back to Eren, before grumbling out an apology.  

“Yeah, sorry too.” Eren mumbled before retreating back to his bunk where Armin was waiting.

“Y’know… you really should try being nicer to new people.” Armin said after a couple seconds of silence.

“He started it.” Eren protested.

“Marco’s really nice, and I talked to Jean earlier. He’s not that bad, you have to give people a chance… I don’t want to get kicked out Eren.” Armin finished hesitantly, not wanting to upset Eren.

“I was minding my own business, then they dragged me into it! I tried to ignore them because I don’t want to get kicked out either.” He shot back heatedly.

“Ok, ok,” Armin held up his hands trying to diffuse Eren's short temper. “I just wanted to make sure…”

Eren sighed “Yeah, I get it. It feels nice to finally have a place to belong.” He glanced away, fiddling with his shirt hem. “What if it all goes away again? Everything’s normal then it just stops…”

“Like the day the wall fell.” Armin agreed.  

They stayed silent as the rest of their cabin settled in for the first night. Tomorrow training would begin, their new life just hours away.

Eren laid next to Armin, waiting for the light outside to fade. He was used to sleeping huddled with his friends.  He sorely missed Mikasa’s presence in this moment. Was she ok alone in the girls’ bunk? She had trouble sleeping away from him since she had come to live with them, and since the wall fell, he’d seen Armin struggle too. Both of them thrashing and crying on the worst nights, experiencing what Mikasa had called nightmares. He’d never experienced it himself, as soon as the sun went down, he was out almost instantly.

Usually when he slept, he could get away with catnapping. Almost like a trance, he’d close his inner set of eyelids and still be able to hear and see what was going on around him. Like he was underwater. It came in handy over the past few years, other refugees trying to pilfer their few precious belongings while they slept. Every couple of days he’d deep sleep, from the time the sun went down to the time it rose, it was all pitch black. He’d never been able to wake up in the middle of one of those nights. It had scared Armin the first time he’d seen it happen, the boy thinking Eren had frozen to death in the middle of the night.

He'd never admit it, but Eren liked his way of sleeping better. Perhaps Armin and Mikasa’s need to deep sleep every night was why they had nightmares. It wasn’t their fault they saw things in their sleep, but he didn’t think he’d ever fully comprehend the idea that their thoughts didn’t stop when they weren’t awake. When Mikasa had come to live with him, the way she’d explained the concept dreams as uncontrollable, nonsensical good or bad thoughts unnerved him.

He rolled onto his side, missing having Mikasa right next to him. It was alien to have a designated place to sleep, four walls and a roof with a guaranteed meal in the morning. He knew Mikasa felt grateful for it, but she'd still been upset at being told to return to the female barracks after attempting a post dinner visit.

The sun was almost down now and he could feel himself getting drowsy.

Definitely a deep sleep night. Hopefully they don’t want us up before the sun rises.

 

xXx

 

Eren caught sight of Mikasa already lined up with the other girls just as a slender man with short salt and pepper hair moved up to face the cadets.

“Alright, this camp doesn’t run by itself. We’re going to put you into your chore groups, roll call, and dismiss you to pick up your uniforms.”

“Abbott, Ackerman, Albers, Andersson, and Arlert.”

Eren resisted the urge to roll his eyes, of course Mikasa and Armin would be in the same group while he had to deal with a bunch of strangers. They still had to collect their uniforms, and they’d already been briefed that training would start tomorrow.

It was the end of April, the beginning of the summer training session. Training camp was split between summer and winter sessions. Running from May to September and November to March. Each trainee having to pass an exam at the end of each session, and failure ran the risk of being recycled back into the session or completely ejected from the training program.

He’d been counting the days to his twelfth birthday, being the youngest out of the three of them. They’d gone to sign up at the recruiter’s outpost in Trost that day, and he’d wanted nothing more on his birthday. The trio had filled out applications with as much information as they could, shaking their heads and supplying the only answer acceptable for their lack of documents.

‘Shiganshina’

 

Eren waited for his name to be called, willing himself to stay focused. This was his first duty as a soldier, he needed to get used to listening for his orders.

“Bott, Braus, Braun, Byrd, and Carolina”

Eren chanced a glance toward Mikasa wondering what she thought of being split up from him for so long. First different cabins, now different chore groups. He tried to read her expression, but it was as impassive as ever.

Why’d I expect anything different?

He tried staying still, not wanting to be yelled at the first day, but he couldn’t help twitching his legs. He heard Armin clear his throat quietly next to him. Ignoring it he tried to focus on the instructor.

“Stop moving.” Armin murmured at him.

 “Who are you, my mother?” he shot back, instantly regretting it.

He never talked about his mother, tried to not dwell on any memories, even the happy ones. If he did, his mind always seemed to take him back to her final moments, the guilt suffocating him.

He felt the familiar prick of tears in his eyes. No, he couldn’t cry before training even started! His eyes darted around trying to pick anything to focus on, something other than the thought of his mother. He blinked his inner eyelids rapidly, trying not to draw attention to himself.

His vision blurred as tears threatened to fall.

I can’t cry, I’m a soldier now. I’m going to exterminate every last one of those monsters. I’m going to avenge her.

He assured himself, vision finally clearing as he won the battle only to lock eyes with Sargent Shadis himself. The man wore an expression equal part unreadable and dissecting, eyes boring into Eren as the boy gulped and suppressed a shudder.

Fuck, how long have I been staring at him. Hopefully he didn’t notice me blinking, would they even care about manners like that in the military?

Every time he blinked like that in public, he couldn’t help hearing his dad’s voice chiding him for doing something so rude. He sighed; he’d come to accept that his father was dead too after weeks of holding out hope that he’d swoop in to save him and Armin and Mikasa from the destitute camp. Every day he’d begun to grow angrier realizing that their reunion would never happen.

His father was within Wall Maria at the time of the breach, but it hadn’t been long before the armored titan had rammed the gate. Titans had swarmed the southern villages before evacuation efforts began, thousands died that day growing to tens of thousands the following weeks as the titans pouring in outpaced everything except the last boat from Shiganshina.

The scouts had been mobilized to slow the wave of titans traveling north while the evacuation continued, but nothing could stop the flood of the creatures that the colossal had unleashed.

Still feeling Shadis’ eyes on him he focused on the instructor, hoping Shadis would pick another target soon. The intensity of the stare was creeping him out, was Shadis really that surprised that he had survived?

“Jaeger, Johansson, Jung, Kirschtein, and Klein.”

Finally! He had his chore squad for the session, not that he actually knew any of them. He hadn’t met that many people yet and the few he had were only first names. He’d try and take Armin’s advice about being nice this time around. After all, he’d be stuck with these people for months. He didn’t want to end up replaying the events with the Jean kid.

xXx

 

“Lavatory duty on the first week? This sucks!” Eren whined as the three stood in line for their uniforms.

“It’s not that bad Eren, it’s one week then you rotate to something else. It’ll be over before you know it!” Armin reasoned.

“Yeah, seven days cleaning the biffies. That’ll just fly right by.” He snipped. “What’re you and Mikasa on again?” Desperate to commiserate.

“Laundry.” Mikasa answered, patiently gazing forward at the long table set up with piles of neatly folded trousers and lines of boots.

“Well, at least we’ll all be working at the same time. Laundry’s in the afternoon, right?” Eren reasoned.

Chores had minimal impact on each trainee’s schedule, with most being an hour or two after training and before supper.

“It’s the first week, there’s no laundry until Sunday. It’s blocked as free time until then.” She replied.

“You’re kidding.” Eren deadpanned, rounding on Armin “Tell me she’s joking.” He demanded, knowing full well Mikasa never made jokes.

Armin gave him a pained smile “…Yeah, but it is three hours on Sunday instead of one.”

“Three hours a week instead of seven?” He raised his eyebrows.

Armin shrugged as the line moved forward. “You’ll be on laundry soon enough.”

“Yeah, when there’s a ton of clothes.” He muttered.

“You sound like you’re starting to regret coming here already.” Armin teased “You’ve been talking about it nonstop for years. Years, Eren, we've had to listen to you. Don’t tell me a little bit of cleaning now is too hard for you.”

Eren sputtered, realizing how he sounded and trying to think of something to save his reputation “I feel like I’m never going to see you guys outside of training with all these extra chores.”

“Hah! Sure! Make sure you tell that one to Shadis,” Armin said amused at his friend’s unintentional moment of softness. “Maybe since he knows you, you’ll get special treatment?”

“I can handle it just like everyone else! I don’t need anyone to go easy on me!” Eren retorted loudly as Armin accidentally hit a nerve.

“I’ll make sure nothing gets in the way.” Mikasa said ominously, still staring forward in line. Her protectiveness only served to further wind Eren up.

“I don’t need to be babied! Not by Mikasa and definitely not Shadis!” He huffed “I’m going to be in the top ten, and I’m going to earn my spot there fair.”

The conversation effectively dead, they shuffled forward silently with the line. Eren continued to seethe all the way up to the table, before fixing his face at the sight of an approaching adult. An older woman held up her notebook before addressing them.

“What’s your name?” she asked Mikasa.

“Ackerman.”

“Women’s trousers are to at the far end of the table, boots are unisex.”

Mikasa nodded before moving forward to collect her boots.

“Name?” she repeated with Eren.

“Jaeger.”

She marked him off on the list.

“Four pairs of trousers each, one pair of boots. Once you’ve collected them move down to the station, they’ll size you for your jacket.” She informed them. “Take care of your boots, as you grow, you’ll trade them in for another pair.”

Eren looked at the mountain of boots before him, he didn’t know what size to pick, so he settled for trying on a couple pairs that looked right. All three of them had quickly outgrown their shoes and had been going barefoot for the better part of the last few years. They’d definitely gotten more than a few strange looks as they arrived to camp wearing mismatched clothes, and walking to the barracks with dirty calloused feet.

He almost cringed as he looked back at Armin talking with the lady. He had on a tunic Eren outgrew over a year ago, complete with holes and stains, tight trousers that looked overqualified to tackle high water, and a pair of Mikasa’s old flats. He actually cringed when he remembered he didn’t look any better.

But the excitement of finally getting into the uniform, well, half the uniform quickly overcame the embarrassment of his current clothes. Getting his harness and ODM was at least a year away, they weren’t issued until the second session.

Moving along behind Mikasa with their boots another instructor waited at the trousers.

They arrived in front of a table filled with stacks of white uniforms, it seemed there were two styles to choose from.

“Can I have the flap pants?... please?” He asked the instructor manning the table, tacking on a please at the last minute. The man eyed Eren before recommending a stack of medium sized pristine white trousers. “Women’s trousers down there.” He reminded Armin when he didn’t immediately follow Mikasa.

“Armin’s a boy.” Eren corrected confidently.  

“Try some of these, they’re pretty small. You might have to wear a woman’s size if these aren’t small enough.”

Armin took the stack of trousers thanking the man. He looked pretty disheartened.

“C’mon Mikasa’s waiting for us.” He said as he led Armin across the room to the jacket station.

“No one will be able to tell if you have to wear women’s, I’m sure there’s no real difference between them.” He tried reassuring Armin.

Eren wracked his brain trying to think of any time in his life he’d seen a woman wear anything but dresses and skirts. Come to think of it, did women even like wearing trousers? He’d never seen anyone except on duty female soldiers wear them.

Armin must have had similar thoughts as they both looked over to Mikasa’s pile of clothing at the same time. At first glance they weren’t different, they looked like the traditional men’s option.

Mikasa caught them staring.

“What?” she asked innocently.

Eren shrugged “Just wondered what ladies trousers looked like.” He supplied before the instructor at the jacket station gestured him forward. Armin continued to stare, watching as they measured Eren before his eyes wandered back to the women’s clothes. He went to look away before he was caught staring but Mikasa managed to find his gaze.

“Is the fly different?” Armin asked Mikasa shyly. He’d been wondering what the ODM straps on top of trousers would mean for the female soldiers and also himself, especially out in the woods on missions. It wasn’t legal for women to wear men’s clothing outside the military, but tight fitting clothes were necessary for safety while using ODM.

She looked at him knowingly, glancing over to make sure Eren was occupied with the measuring before answering.

“The waist is button up like normal but the real fly is lower. Between your legs.”

She unfolded the trousers showing Armin the waist. 

“Oh, they’re like split bloomers, but way more discrete. That’s really clever!” He reached for the crotch of the apparel examining the small gap that was hidden by layers of overlapping stiff fabric. He wouldn’t have even known it was there if Mikasa hadn’t showed him.

“The lady told me they take time to get used to, but once we start wearing the ODM harnesses they’re convenient.” She said seemingly reading his mind. Of course, she probably had those concerns too. She didn’t even have the prior experience of wearing anything other dresses before.

“Huh, and they don’t show anything?” He asked as she folded them back on her pile.

“Nothing, she said all the female soldiers like them. No problems, even riding astride.”

Armin looked down at his own stack of clothes, then back up to Mikasa. Her eyes narrowed slightly from the small smile hidden behind her scarf before she refocused on Eren finishing up.

“You should go change them now. Just say you wanted the other style. Eren won’t notice.”

Armin nodded, gratefully returning her smile.

True to form, Eren had no clue. They would have their official jackets by dinner and Eren couldn’t wait to try his on. Both Armin and Mikasa watched as he strode over to them post uniform collection.

“It’s so nice to have clothes that fit!”

Armin smiled at his friend’s enthusiasm “yeah it really is.”

“No more worrying.” Mikasa added.

 

xXx

 

Eren couldn’t fight the tiny spring in his step as he marched down to the bath houses. He didn’t want to clean toilets but he was definitely feeling better now that he was wearing his uniform.

I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere. I’m here at training camp and in the military.

All he had to do now was ace training camp, then eliminate the titans. He grinned knowing only a couple more steps to his grand plan remained.

Unfortunately, his long road to revenge started with the latrines. Before he left Mikasa and Armin had made him promise he wouldn’t start anything with the others.

Easy for them to say, they can just relax together while I clean shit with strangers.

He supposed it wasn’t a good idea to make enemies the first week of training camp, especially if he wanted to climb the rankings fast. That required people to generally like him, after all team work was one of the targets on which they were graded.

I’ll be nice to this chore squad, no matter who’s there.

Well, maybe except that one Jean kid, he’d definitely felt the friction but he honestly just felt like writing that one off. How hard would it be to avoid one person out of the whole 104^th?

This class is so big I’ll probably rarely see him outside the bunk. Mikasa and Armin only said starting now I need to be patient with new people.

Following the voices that floated out of the bathing area, he heaved a sigh as he pushed the door open.

A strangled yelp startled Eren as the door made contact with a very solid object on the other side.

Three other cadets stood just inside the doorway staring at a boy hunched over covering his nose.

“Oh shit! I didn’t know you were right there!” Eren voice shot up an octave as he apologized desperately.

“You!” the boys nasally voice accused him.

Eren looked confused at him, he clearly hadn't done it on purpose.

He was looking up at Eren through teared eyes as he dealt with what would probably amount to a solid black eye tomorrow.

Hey, he looks fami—oh fuck.

Eren’s eyes widened almost comically “Jean! I swear I didn’t know you were that close to the door!”

“Yeah, sure you didn’t.” He snapped, still cradling his nose in one hand and grunting in pain.

"I didn't mean to, honestly! How would I have known you were behind the door?" Eren reasoned, panicky Jean might tell on him.

“Jean, lay off. We haven’t even started cleaning yet.” Another girl in the group tried to placate him.

"He didn't mean it, the door's solid wood. He couldn't have known you were so close to it." Another boy said.

Knowing he was outnumbered Jean scowled as he glared at Eren, not willing to drop it so easily.

“Fine, now that Jaeger has decided to finally show up, we get this over with.”

He was pissed at this kid, who elected him leader of the group? And shouldn't a leader be smart enough to stand clear of a damn door?!

Just as he was about to open his mouth to voice his opinion, he remembered Armin outright begging him to not fight right before he left for chores. He wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible, the habitual worry of leaving Armin and Mikasa alone hadn’t stopped when they arrived to training camp. It wouldn’t be easy to let go of the paranoia that grew from outsiders, the refugee camp had been rife with predators looking to take advantage of the weak. They had been the perfect target, a group of orphans.

Eren hated that, he didn’t want to be weak. That was why he fought hard surviving every back breaking, grueling day of labor to get here, he was going to become strong. He couldn’t throw this opportunity away over a fight with Jean.

He couldn’t quite put his finger on what made about Jean annoyed him. He wouldn’t call him a bully, obnoxious maybe, but he hadn’t teased Armin. In fact, they already seemed to be on fairly good terms. He didn’t know how that made him feel, but his first instinct wasn’t acceptance. His friends needed to be protected.

It took all of his will power to ignore Jean for the duration of his assignment. The others in the group had put them on opposite sides of the cramped bathhouse, but it didn’t stop Eren from flicking a few dead caterpillars from the corner towards Jean as he aggressively swept the floor.

 

The sun was already setting as an instructor inspected their work. Eren, raring to get back to his friends, took off almost immediately after their work was okayed.

Ignoring the indignant screech as he blew past Jean on the path back to their cabin, he jumped the stairs in one go, launching himself back into the bunk. Armin yelped as he flopped onto the bed, large book flying out of his hands and landing on the floor with a thud.

“Eren!” Armin cried, not expecting his friend to be back so soon.  

“Just wanted to get back before the sun went down,” Eren answered the unspoken question he knew his friend had.

Armin nodded once, fishing the book back up off the floor.

“Have you always been this sensitive to the sun?” Armin asked curiously.

“What do you mean?” Eren was confused by the question “I sleep at night like everyone else.”

“I mean… well, yes everyone sleeps at night. But you know you can stay up longer after the sun goes down, right?” Armin informed him, trying to prime Eren for when he inevitably broke lights out and stayed up to read.

“Do I have to?” Eren asked, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“No, I mean when we were in Trost you always stayed awake the whole night on watch… I’m saying that we don’t have to do that here anymore.” Armin said.

Eren's face lit up as he missed Armin's point, coming to the wrong conclusion that his friend was only worried about his odd sleep habits.

“Armin, don’t worry, I’m fine. I always slept and kept watch at the same time.” Seeing Armin’s confusion, he continued. “I just kept watch on the nights I didn’t need to deep sleep.”

Eren gave a short nod as if that revelation would take care Armin's confusion. Armin narrowed his eyes, further baffled.

“That doesn’t make any sense, Eren. You can’t sleep and keep watch at the same time.” He feared that all those years his friend had kept his eyes open from sunset to sunrise just to keep them safe, putting them over his own health. “You have to deep sleep every night, I read it in a book. Your eyes dart around and that’s when you dream.”

“Yeah, Mikasa told me about those. I don’t get them.” Eren shrugged nonchalantly.

“Eren, it’s impossible to sleep with your eyes open. Seriously, we’re not in danger anymore you don’t have to stay up all night watching us!” Armin's voice rose.

“I sleep when I need to, I’m fine Armin.”

“But it could affect your training if you’re too tired to complete the exercises, what if you sleep through reveille and get a demerit? You could repeat the session, then we’d all be split up!” Armin gestured wildly, clearly having been thinking about this too much while Eren was gone.

It seemed the suddenly very real pressure of maintaining a spot in the program had gotten to Armin as well.

“I don’t know why you’re so upset about this, Mikasa never had an issue with how I sleep. We’ve been sleeping together for years, and we’ve never said anything about the way one another sleeps.”

Before Armin could explain what was really worrying him, a voice cut in from behind Eren.

“You and Mikasa what?!”

“Not you again!” Eren cursed at the sight of Jean coming through the door entering at the worst part of the conversation.

“Don’t you know how to keep your nose out of other people’s business?”

“Asshole, you practically shoved me down for the second time today. Don’t think I’m going to ignore it,” Jean said, moving closer to Eren.

Eren rolled his eyes and waved Jean off dismissively, trying to provoke him.

“Jean, they’re brother and sister. He just phrased it weird.” Armin cut in, trying to get back to his own point.

Jean glared at Eren as he stalked past on the way to his bunk.

“Huh. Explains why she’s always babying you.”

Armin grabbed Eren’s arm before he could lunge for Jean.

“She does NOT baby me! She’s not even my real sister!” Eren yelled as he strained against Armin's grip.

“Whatever you say,” Jean smirked at Eren’s outburst, pleased with how he’d gotten under the other boy’s skin.

“Come on Eren, let’s go get something to eat. Supper doesn’t last long.” Armin said, trying to drag his friend away from Jean. “It’s gonna get dark soon, Eren.” Armin said, putting special emphasis on the word dark. “Eren!” he looked at his friend pointedly when he didn't get an initial reaction.

“Fine,” He got up to follow Armin out of the cabin, sticking his tongue out at Jean before he left.

“OOOoooooo! Jaeger’s afraid of the dark! Make sure you’re back before your bedtime!” Jean taunted from his bed, watching Eren get pulled along.

The walk towards the center of camp was silent, Eren trying to focus on breathing deep and cooling down. As they neared the mess hall Armin tapped Eren’s bicep.

“Hey, you smell that? I think we’re getting stew tonight!” the expression of pure joy on his face had to be contagious, as Eren realized he had smiled back without even noticing.

“You just smelled it?” He teased. “I think we’re getting bread too, fresh, not those stale rolls like in Trost.”

The excitement of supper getting to the two boys as they giggled and jogged the last few minutes to the mess hall. They arrived grinning and out of breath as they found Mikasa quietly waiting for them at the door.

“Hey, sorry we’re late,” Armin greeted her as they entered the building.

The smell of hot stew and warm bread washed over them. Eren swallowed heavily at the smell of meat, Maria, it’d been a while since he’d had anything so delicious. He scented discretely, beef? He took a couple more inhales, yes, definitely beef.

He turned to Mikasa. To anyone else it would seem like she hadn’t minded waiting for them, but he could tell just by the look of her eyes she’d been mildly annoyed at their tardiness.

“You could have gone ahead; you didn’t have to wait outside for us.” He spoke.

She looked surprised that Eren had noticed, reaching for her scarf to hide the blush on the lower half of her face. Worried that she had been too obvious about her impatience.

Eren gave a short laugh of amusement at his adoptive sister’s antics. Even if the scarf had been covering her face, he still would have been able to tell.

“It’s beef,” he said, knowing that Mikasa wouldn’t be able to pick up on the specific smell this far away. She, along with his mother had always had a weak sense of smell, perhaps it was a girl thing? Armin seemed pretty terrible at that sort of stuff too, while he was a boy, it was a bit of a special case. He’d only ever had his family as a frame of reference for these things, so he wasn’t sure.

Mind drifting back to Armin’s earlier conversation he realized that only he and his father had inner eyelids, perhaps girls just couldn’t do those sorts of things?  He’d definitely bring it up with Armin later.

For now, it was stew time. Taking their bread and bowls to the end of a table they sat quickly, wolfing down their first hot meal in years.

“There’s meat in it too!” Armin exclaimed, savoring the taste. “Not expired either.” He noted, unaware of the pitiful nature of the statement.

Describing their time on the streets as rough was an understatement, it wasn’t until he’d been offered the softness of straw to sleep on and the bare minimum of a meal that wasn’t someone’s stolen compost pile scraps had he realized how bad it’d gotten.

He couldn’t help but start to overhear some of the other trainees as he came to the bottom of his bowl.

‘Are we really sure this is beef?’

‘Pffffhhh yeah, so tough it’s probably someone’s dog!’

‘Shit, they said military rations were bad, but damn.’

Were these other kids really turning their noses up at the meal? The same feeling Eren couldn’t put his finger on when the boys in his bunk were destroying the mattresses and laughing about the straw came right back to him.

Sure, everything seemed better to them given their circumstances the past few years, but he thought he’d had a pretty good life before the fall. Eating meat, beef no less, for supper and having a mattress and bed frame was considered decently wealthy in Shiganshina. He knew that as a successful doctor's son what a privilege it was to enjoy such things.

Here it seemed these other kids were used to more, he suddenly felt insecure, ashamed, of enjoying such basic amenities. Had things become so bad that not eating garbage was now something novel? Did the rest of the camp see them that way? Poor and backwards, wearing the rags inner walls had cast off and gratefully eating the scraps thrown their way?

He looked down at the roll of soft warm bread in his hands, partially torn apart. He didn’t feel that hungry anymore. It was physically hard to swallow the bite in his mouth, it felt like all eyes were on him silently pitying him for enjoying what was so clearly to them something not worth acknowledging.

He felt Mikasa’s hand brush his. Of course, she’d noticed him pause, he looked into her worried grey eyes. Her scarf was back down around her neck again. He appreciated her face for a moment, taking in the details he hadn’t stopped to notice since the fall. Her cheeks were gaunter than he remembered, eyes sunken and darker too. Did he look this way as well?

“What’s wrong?” she asked in her usual soft-spoken manner.

He waited a moment before answering, snapping his eyes away from her and uncurling his fists.

“Nothing. Just happy for the food, that’s all.” He fibbed, hoping to fool her.

He shoved the last of the bread in his mouth, making it impossible to carry on the conversation. Mikasa scrutinized his expression, not at all convinced he was telling the whole truth. Amazingly enough she dropped the topic for now in favor of finishing her own meal.

 

xXx

 

 “Armin?” Eren whispered through the dimness of the cabin.

“Huh?” Armin rolled over wondering what Eren could possibly want at sundown. His friend was practically religious about going to bed early.

“Is it true that girls have a weaker sense of smell?” Eren asked bluntly.

“What?” Armin scrunched his face up, not expecting that to be the question. “Eren, just what?”

“I noticed that Mikasa and my mom could never smell things as well as my dad and I could. You guys couldn’t tell it was beef until you ate it.”

Armin squinted at him, debating whether or not this was a serious question or some strange form of ribbing.

“First of all, I’m not a girl.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied it.”

“What’s that mean?”

“You know what, never mind.” Armin huffed, first the sleeping with eyes open thing and now smells?

He knew Eren was kind of a strange guy sometimes, but he thought he’d seen it all after living together on the past few years. Never the less, it seemed that it took sharing a bed and close quarters with Eren to really get to find out all his odd misconceptions about the world. Eren really ought to read more, unfortunately it was difficult to find books written in Shiganese these days, for obvious reasons.

“I don’t know about your mom and Mikasa, but people don’t usually smell stuff strongly enough to tell what supper is from a kilometer away. You probably just got lucky guessing this stuff.” He reasoned.

“No, they really do have weak noses!” Eren argued “They think the worst stuff smells good, and my dad even had to tell my mom how to season food because she couldn’t pick the spices right.”

“Eren, I’m not going to argue with you over how your family worked, but I’ve never heard of anyone being able to smell with the accuracy you claim to be able to.” Armin looked at Eren’s concerned face. He was acting like this was a pressing issue, when in Armin’s book, it was not. Going to sleep was.

“Why are you still awake? You usually sleep like the dead on nights you don’t keep watch.” He phrased it in terms of their earlier conversation, hoping Eren would remember his own eagerness to sleep before  the sun went down and leave him alone.

“It’s not a deep sleep night. I told you earlier.” He said like it was the most obvious fact in the world.

Armin decided to humor Eren for once, seeing where this would lead. Debating him with facts before dinner hadn’t gotten him very far at all.

“What’s the difference between the deep sleep night and tonight?” Armin asked.

“Deep sleep you shut both eyelids and it all goes black until the sun comes up. Once the light is gone, you’re out even if you don’t want to be. You can’t wake up until the sun comes up.” Eren explained.

“Tonight, you’ll keep watch and sleep with your eyes open, right?” Armin scoffed a bit at Eren’s earnest agreement with the statement.

“Yeah, just close your inner eyelids so your eyes don’t get dry and relax. After a while stuff gets a bit fuzzy, but you can still hear and kinda see what’s goin’ on.” Eren sounded like he was smiling, pleased that Armin was finally catching on.

“Eren, is this some weird play pretend thing?” he asked.

“Why would you say that?” Eren sputtered, caught off guard at Armin's refusal to believe him.

“Sometimes you pretend you’re Captain Levi.” Armin received an aggressive shushing for that but still plowed on.“Humans don’t have more than two eyelids; did you listen to something about birds or salamanders? Nictitating membranes are cool, but you can’t say humans have them.”

“I don’t know about birds and shit, but I have them.” Eren sounded a little offended.

Armin started to repeat himself before he felt Eren re-situate on the bed. His friend was now face to face with him so close he could feel Eren’s breath on his face.

Once his eyes adjusted, he realized his eyes were millimeters away from Eren’s own, the large blue-green gaze staring at him in the last light of the day.

“Watch.” Eren commanded.

He watched as Eren blinked normally, noting nothing remarkable about it.

“Looks normal to me. Seriously, stop play pretending, you’re going to get bullied.” Armin advised.

“I’ll do it slower, watch again, in the corner of my eye.” Eren said, clearly annoyed.

He watched Eren’s eyes, waiting for him to blink. A few seconds went by, nothing, another few passed. Shouldn’t he have to blink soon, because Armin sure as hell did. He blinked, himself, looking back at Eren’s eyes. They looked normal, pupils wide in the dim light, but cloudy. Maybe it was a trick of the light?

“They still look normal. A little cloudy because of the light, but sorry Eren it’s just not possible.”

“Armin they’re cloudy because my eyes are closed right now.” Eren explained “That’s my inner eyelid.”

Armin looked closer, eyes widening at the realization that there was something over Eren’s eye. It looked slimy and almost alive. Armin fought the urge to retch.

“I’m gonna open them now.” He said as the greyish cloudy membrane slid across his eyes back towards the tear ducts. His eyes were completely clear now, nothing out of the ordinary in sight.

Armin was speechless as Eren slowly opened and closed his eyes a few more times before sliding back to his side of the bed.

“…I don’t think that’s normal Eren…” Armin started “It might be something bad you got in Trost. Humans can’t have nictitating membranes. You need to see the doctor tomorrow, it could be eye parasites or something, you could go blind!”

“Hey, calm down. They’re perfectly normal, I’ve had them my whole life. My dad has them too, he never said anything about eye parasites or whatever.”

“My mom didn’t have them, and Mikasa doesn’t. That’s why I was wondering if it was a boy thing?” Eren explained perfectly calm. “Plus, Mikasa and my mom talked about having dreams at night. They deep sleep every night, just like you.”

Armin didn’t know how to respond. If Dr. Jaeger knew about this then maybe it was ok? Still, what if it was a progressive disease, one he was keeping tabs on, that would render Eren blind if he didn’t have a Dr. monitor it.

“Are you sure your dad was being truthful? Would you still go see the nurse tomorrow just in case?” He asked, freaked out by either some sort of flat worm in his friend's eyes, or a seriously freaky birth defect.

“It’s ok, I swear to Sina Armin.” Eren promised “My dad always said it was rude to blink like that in public, that’s why I never did it in front of you. But I wanted to know if it was just a boy thing, because of the smell stuff too.”

Armin balked at how well Eren was remaining calm in the face of having, in Armin’s perspective, at best, a very strange case of cataracts.

“If it’s something bad and you go blind, you won’t be able to work the ODM.” He said softly, not wanting to harass Eren about the Dr. any more. He knew Eren well enough to know that if Eren was told to do something too many times, he simply wouldn’t do it out of spite. But whatever this was, was not normal at all.

“But my dad said-“

“Yeah, I know. But could you just go to the nurse?” Armin asked for the last time, “My Opa had an eye like that and it slowly got worse and worse. They said he waited too long for them to be able to do anything about it. He had depth perception issues until he…you know.”

Armin let the uncomfortable silence hang, knowing it was the most effective way to guilt Eren into doing what he wanted.

“Fine.” Eren relented, “I’ll see the nurse during lunch tomorrow, but I’m not closing my eyes. If there’s something wrong with my eye, she has to be able to see the actual eye, not the lid.”

“Fine,” Armin said knowing this was as much as he could negotiate. He didn’t want to be alarmist, but he always felt he had a duty to look out for Eren and Mikasa. He wasn’t as strong as they were, but he could help in other ways. Ways just like this.

Armin watched as the creepy membrane slid across his friend’s eyes again making them appear milky and white. He couldn’t stop the image of a dead fish from coming to mind. Eren still had his eyes trained on his face, pupils slightly obscured by the fog, but not enough to hide the fact he was still looking at Armin as he settled in to sleep.

“Thanks for being so cool about this Armin.” Eren said, smiling at him. “Goodnight.”

Armin nodded somewhat stiffly at the goodnight.

The fact that his eyes were still open in a dead mans gaze and he was supposedly sleeping unnerved Armin greatly. He tried reminding himself it was just Eren, and that he had slept next to him plenty of times before in Trost while this apparent not-sleep substitute had taken place.  

Armin rolled over facing away from him, scared of the way Eren’s semi-conscious eyes bored into his own. He hadn’t had any sleep overs with Eren prior to the wall falling, perhaps this was why? Or at least one of the reasons. There was a lot of new things he had learned about Eren in the past day, he wondered if Mikasa knew about this all along. Eren had mentioned they never made comments on how the other slept…

No, Mikasa definitely knew more than she let on. Even if he had been friends with Eren longer, he knew deep down that there were things about each other that only Eren and Mikasa knew. Despite his long friendship, there were things that Eren was only sharing with him now. He felt guilty that he found them gross, Eren must have waited so long because he was hesitant about Armin’s reaction. Mr. Jaeger had definitely told his son not to do that in public, not because it was rude, but because it was down right inhuman looking. Eren hadn't seemed to pick up on that fact.

Armin fell asleep eventually, dreaming of his Opa coming back with those milky white eyes. His body torn apart from the titans in the reclamation effort. Calling out for his grandson, wanting to embrace him one last time. He woke from the nightmare sweaty and hot, limbs stiff with terror. He couldn’t fall back asleep with the adrenaline pounding in his body. He counted to three slowly working up the courage to dart his eyes to the left to see if Eren was still staring.

He let out a massive breath seeing Eren’s back. They were on the last bunk by the wall so no one would notice Eren’s terrifying abnormality. He laid there until sunrise, pondering the possibility of something else Eren was keeping from him. Assuring himself there couldn’t be anything bigger than this, he used the time to talk himself back down to his usual rational thoughts.

There’s no need to be afraid, it’s a vestigial birth defect. There is nothing wrong with it no matter how startling it was to first see. He can't help it, people have birth defects all the time. Yeah, that's it, I won't make a big deal out of it... because it isn't a big deal.

Notes:

clarification from the last chapter: In this AU the Ackermanns are human. Human as in 100% human like the people from Marley, Eldians are something peculiar not titan or exactly identical to the humans outside, and titans are just lovely titans. Be on the look out for separate works in this series that have more Carla and Grisha content (like spicy moments, facts about the titan species, and how Grisha disappears when the wall falls)

Chapter 9: Differences

Summary:

Eren encounters the world within the Walls as it's made for Eldians and struggles. Shadis is there to help him keep his secret that Eren himself doesn't even know about.

Notes:

A big long chapter after a big long wait! Last filler chapter before the plot starts picking back up.

Eren power walked back into the barn after turning his horse out in the pasture. The group had finished their riding lesson for the day and he was already running late for his physical with the camp nurse.

He wasn’t sick, he wasn’t hurt, but he could not miss this appointment. It was of utmost importance that he made it in time. After all, this would be the appointment that would clear him for starting ODM gear training.

It was the beginning of the second session, and the first ODM practice was on everyone’s mind.

Eren threw Roscoe’s bridle back onto the peg, ignoring a clump of spitty grass that flung off the bit and hit the wall. Vowing to clean it later, he hurriedly swept his spot, putting the grooming kit back with the rest of the tack completing his sloppy job.

“Meet you outside the mess hall, before supper?” Armin asked, still brushing his horse.

“Yeah, I don’t think it will take long.” Eren answered, ripping off his spurs.

“They just weighed me and asked a few questions.” Jean piped up from the other side of his horse, “Barely an exam if you ask me.”

“Yeah, the nurse was really nice and just told me to make sure to take breaks and drink a lot of water during training.” A small blonde girl named Krista added filling a hay net.

He nodded, grateful at his fellow cadets for giving him a heads up. Caught up in a fantasy about finally learning the gear he yelped when Mikasa sidled up next to him, seemingly summoned by his poor job of cleaning up.

“Eren, I’ll take care of your tack for you.” She said, reaching out to help unbuckle his other spur.

The sound of a few boys snickering at Mikasa’s offer stung deep as he swatted her hands away in embarrassment, snapping that he could do it himself later. He couldn’t get caught up in Mikasa’s babying now, damnit, he had somewhere very important to be.

Throwing his spurs back in the basket, he left the barn jogging back up the access road to the main camp. Out of breath, he knocked loudly on the heavy wooden door of the nurse’s office. Without any sort of timekeeping device, he hoped he wasn’t too late.

A few moments passed that him wondering if he should knock again, and just as he was about to lift his hand the door swung open and a blond boy his age walked out, nodding to him in greeting.

“Bye Thomas! Stay healthy, and listen to your instructors. ODM is no joke, you hear?” the woman inside called as Thomas waved back at her.

“Now who’s next?” the woman’s voice asked from inside, sounding like she was approaching the door.

“Ahh, it’s Eren, with the lovely eyes!” an older woman answered her own question as she smiled and gestured him in, closing the door behind him brusquely.

It wasn’t the first time he had met Madam Bowden, the woman whose eyes crinkled with care at each trainee treated each cadet as if they were her own. He’d visited her back months ago after Armin had bullied him into going about his eyes. Of course, she’d found nothing wrong, which had left them in an awkward standstill both puzzled as to the point of his visit.

“Alright, down to your skivvies.” She ordered.

He paused for a moment before processing the instructions. Would this be a checkup to test his healing as well? He stripped his uniform off, folding it neatly on the chair next to the exam bed, trying to delay the process. He didn’t feel like practicing regeneration right now, but this is how the checkups his dad gave went.

The basement back home was always chilly at first, before he made enough small cuts to his fingers and toes to warm himself up for more intense regeneration. In preparation of anything Nurse Bowden could ask him, he repeated a few rules to himself that his father always drilled during the check-ups.

The closer to the heart, the faster the regeneration.

Passive regeneration only for extremities; always prioritize the torso and head.

Build the bone first, then ask for the muscles and tissue. Veins will always find their way if you follow that order.

Always, always, always protect your spine. Especially your nape, it’s the most delicate part of your body.

 

“You finished yet? Come over here, let’s weigh you first.” She said as she pushed the weights to the left side of the balance in preparation.

Taking a file and pen out, she wrote something on the chart.

Tapping it against the parchment she caught him staring “Up you go, don’t dally!” she gently scolded.

The balance thudded to the side as Eren rushed to step up.  

“How old are you now?” she asked, flicking the largest weight to the right.

“Twelve, ma’am.”

“Birthday?”

“March 30^th, 835”

“Wow, you’re getting old. Almost 13 already.”

“Yes ma’am,” he smiled proudly.

She balanced the weights at the top of the scale, recording the result on his file.

“Turn, let’s see how tall you are.”

He spun, stretching up as high as he could back to the measuring stick.

“151 centimeters.” She hummed as she wrote more in his chart.

“Let’s get through the rest of this shall we? It’s almost time for you to go to supper.”

Eren sat patiently as she tested his reflexes, listened to his lungs, and checked his teeth. Not missing the chance to admonish him for not flossing enough.

“Lie back for me,” she asked as he sat on the cot. “Yes, like that. I’m just going to touch your belly, ok?”

 He flinched and tensed as her cool hand pressed down on his stomach, she frowned slightly and moved her hand to the other side of his torso.

“You tell me if anything hurts, now. You hear?” she said as Eren nodded.

She moved her hand lower onto his abdomen, squishing the left and the right with firm pressure.

“That doesn’t hurt?” she asked.

“No Ma’am.”

“Well, then” she said looking skeptically at him, “you may sit back up.”

She sat across from him filling out more of the parchment in his file as he looked around at the rest of her office. It was small but quite fancy now that he stopped to take in the details. An ornately carved wooden desk and chair sat in the middle of the room atop a wine-colored oriental rug. The mantle of the small fireplace covered in shiny trinkets and a heavy brass clock underneath a glass dome.

He sat mesmerized by the rotating pendulum.  

She muttered under her breath shuffling the paperwork once more. It had to be any minute now she would tell him he was set to start ODM training.

She set the paperwork on the desk, and wordlessly moved to the door.

“I’ll be right back, just have to fetch something from the sanatorium.” She explained, feeling his eyes on the back of her head.

What’s taking so long??

“Get dressed while I’m gone.” She said, leaving the cabin with no further explanation.

His stomach sank as he peaked up at the clock, it was already twenty minutes into supper time. Armin and Mikasa would have probably gone in already, the latter worried sick about him. In fact, he himself was starting to worry. What was the hold up? Had she found something that would disqualify him from training? He didn’t feel sick, he’d practiced his healing on every scrape and bump he’d earned, what was the issue?

“Here we are,” she called as the door flung open again allowing the cool February air in to the office.

The amber glass glinted in the candlelight as she set two bottles down on the table. He pulled his boots back on glaring at the labels.

“Everything sounds and looks good, I’ll sign you off to start training,”

He shot up at the good news, grinning ear to ear.

“However, despite a full session of eating healthy food from the mess hall your growth seems to be stunted. Your weight is very low in comparison to your height.”

He didn’t see what the problem was, so what he hadn’t put on as much muscle as the others right away? He could ask to do extra conditioning during his free time.

“You’re from Shiganshina, aren’t you?” she asked.

Oh no

He didn’t like talking about Shiganshina unless it was vowing his revenge on the titans that had flooded into destroy his home. The pit in his stomach that formed when adults asked about his hometown was a gaping chasm. Nurse Bowden was always so kind to him, her voice gentle and warm.

She must be a good mother.

He thought idly, fighting to stop himself from further equating her to his own mother. The cabin seemed so silent now compared to moments before. The ticking of the clock deafening in his ears.

“Yes,” he answered, swallowing harshly.

“Where did you stay before coming to basic training, dear?” her voice soft in the still of the cabin.

He licked his lips, trying to sound unaffected “Um, I just lived in the Camp with my friends…”

He cursed himself for how weak his voice had become, trailing off to a whisper.

She smiled warmly, “You’ve been taking advantage of the meals here?”

“Yes,” he said, eyes fixed on the floor.

“You’ve been training hard with the rest of your class?”

“Yes, ma’am” he said more confidently, remembering that he was a strong soldier now.

What’s wrong with me? It’s just a few questions, a soldier shouldn’t be crying over a few med exam evaluations…

“Despite those two facts, you’ve got a bit of a belly.” She said.

What?!

“You most likely have worms from your time at the Myakka Work Camp. It’s very commonly seen in the refugees from Maria. It’s not hard to fix at all. I just need you to take a couple spoonfuls of medicine. Can you do that for me?” She ignored his indignant sputter.

If that’s all it takes to get to ODM, it can’t be too bad…

“…Yes ma’am. That’s no problem at all!” he chirped, his usual bombastic personality returning.

She chuckled before taking the caps off the bottles on her desk, and pulling a spoon and syringe out of the drawer.

“Come over here, come on. Quick!”

Eren scurried over standing in parade rest.

“I apologize, but this won’t taste good at all, so I’ve heard. But I have a little something sweet for after.”

She pulled out a little white cube from a box in her skirt pocket.

“You like sugar cubes?” she asked.

“I don’t know, my parents never let me have sugar.” Eren admitted.

“Haha! Well, I’ve never met a child who didn’t like sugar.” She shrugged, dipping the glass syringe into the shorter bottle, drawing up a dark brown liquid.

“This one doesn’t taste good at all, so we’ll make it easier and use a syringe.” Explaining the process.

“But first,” she poured out a syrupy looking clear liquid, “We’ll try this one. Open.”

She held the spoon out as Eren took it into his mouth before he could smell it. It wasn’t so bad, it had a strong herbal taste and coated his throat strangely, but after a few swallows he nodded for the syringe.

“So determined!” she laughed as she retrieved the syringe.

“Put your teeth together for me honey, I don’t want you accidentally breaking this.” She explained as she slid the syringe back along his cheek and teeth.

“Alright, on the count of three. One, Two,”

Eren tried to wrench himself backwards as she pressed the plunger all the way down on two. He hadn’t noticed her hand on the back of his head and he was trapped as he gagged, choking the brown fluid down his throat.

“Good boy,” she praised calmly, as if this was the hundredth time she’d seen this reaction.

He hacked and coughed violently while half sputtering and mumbling out a pathetic “w-w-water”

“Right here,” she held a glass a glass already filled out towards his face.

When did she pour that?!

His eyes teared as he dry gagged for the third time in a row, stomach lurching angrily at the residual taste of the medicine. He kept drinking, gulping down the water between gasps handing the glass back for two more refills.

Finally it seemed to come to a manageable level as he stood staring into space the glass forgotten in his hand and empty stomach uncomfortably full of water.

“Sugar cube, take your sugar cube buddy.” She reminded.

“Huh,” he said dumbly.  

His eyes found the little cube she presented to him on her palm. It looked so pristine and white, perfectly square. Would it dissolve in his mouth, or stay tough and wear smooth? His parents never let him have sweets, his father didn’t like sugary things and his mother had seemed not to mind catering to his preferences.

It was only once, at their neighbor’s house that he’d been offered something sweet. Miss Emilie had brought out a plate of turnovers, the gooey chocolate peeking out from the warm flaky crust. He’d bounced impatiently on the couch as the pastry tray approached, straining to mind his manners as he sat next to his mother.

The offer had barely come out of Emilie’s mouth before his mother had answered for him. A resolute ‘no thank you, dear.’

He’d glared at his mother wondering why he’d been denied something that smelled so new.

‘Carla, I would think it wouldn’t hurt for Eren to just have one. He’s been very well behaved this whole time, certainly deserving of a treat, no?’ she asked, shocked at how strict Carla had been.

‘No, thank you. You see Eren’s just like his father, very sensitive to sugar.’ She said putting on an exaggerated frowning face as she brushed his hair back fondly. ‘We don’t want him feeling ill now.’

 

Eren picked the delicate cube of unknown up, wanting to taste what he’d been denied all these years. How could they have known he was sensitive to sugar—he’d never tried it before! Maybe his dad hadn’t liked it, but he would try it and decide for himself.

The cube hit his tongue, all rough sharp angles and textures sides. He sucked on it gently feeling the sensation of it dissolve. The crumbling in his mouth was novel, but… there wasn’t any flavor to it. Not sour, savory, or even spicy like most of the food he was accustomed to.  Any taste, pleasant or unpleasant was completely absent. Was this really all sugar tasted like? How did the rest of the trainees go wild for it? Wasn’t it supposed to be expensive and exclusive?

He rubbed his tongue against the top of his mouth and the cube disintegrated into a gritty mess. Ugh, this stuff was nasty! It was like dirt or sand, a rough flavorless void spreading throughout his mouth. He must have pulled a face as Madam Bowden looked at him with concern.

“Are you alright?” she asked, patting his back.

He nodded, trying and failing to discreetly scrub at his mouth.

“It tastes bad.” He said, hoping she’d explain the appeal, which he was sorely missing in the moment.

“Oh… maybe you’re still tasting the medicine?” she offered, looking baffled at the child in front of her who was currently trying to spit out pure sugar.

“It tastes like sand.” He said, disappointment evident in his voice.

She pulled a few more cubes out, placing them in his palm.

“A few for the road,” she explained. “supper’s almost halfway over, go eat some food. I guarantee it will taste better once you get that medicine out of your mouth.” She winked at him.

He nodded, believing her. That foul liquid was something he never wanted to ingest again.

“Eren?” she called as he was just about to leave. “I need to see you back for the second dose in two weeks.”

His jaw dropped as his head whipped around to face her.

“Hurry up now! Don’t look so shocked!” she scolded “You’re cleared to start training, but we need to kill those worms, if you want to grow big and strong you hear?”

“Yes Ma’am!” he saluted as he was finally dismissed by her.

Fuck.

 

xXx

Jean sat in the mess hall, ignoring Connie and Sasha’s loud rambling next to him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the girl sitting at the other end of the table. Her straight black hair slid over her shoulder as she turned away from him to look at the door for the twelfth time that evening.

Mikasa

Her name stuck in his head since he’d first heard it. The first day of enlistment he’d noticed her, silent as she moved through the lines collecting her uniforms. He thought she was on her own until the loud-mouthed, bug-eyed kid and petite blond boy had glommed onto her.   

Jean poked at the vile omelet in front of him, nothing like the ones his mother made. After the first week the kitchen had stopped trying to impress. The cold, greyish green eggs had formed a mass scarily resembling a deflated lung.

“I had a dream I entered a horse race,” Sasha announced.

Connie scrunched his face in confusion “Like, as a jockey?”

“No, no jockey,” she said casually, more preoccupied with scraping the last of her omelet up.

“So, you were the horse?” Marco asked, sincerely trying to understand Sasha’s dream.

“No, I was myself. I entered as myself and went into the starting gate and everything.”

“Did you win?” Marco asked far too genuinely for the topic.

“Hell, yeah!” Sasha yelled. “I smoked those horses!”

“Fuck, yeah!” Connie joined, high fiving Sasha with a loud smack.

Jean rolled his eyes at the conversation. Trying to understand the ways in which Sasha’s mind, and by extension, Connie’s worked was futile.

“Hey, Mikasa has an extra plate of food. No fair!” Sasha wailed, noticing the girl Jean was still fixated on.

“She’s probably saving it for that maniacal bastard.” Jean said flatly.

Jean had been waiting almost as anxiously as she was for Eren’s return throughout dinner, however, it was for a different reason. He’d tried all day through strength training and horsemanship to work up the courage to talk to Mikasa but she never seemed to be alone. She seemed to exclusively hover by either Armin or Eren nonstop.

Speaking of Eren, he’d been gone for a good 45 minutes. Walls knew where he’d fucked off to after he’d abandoned them at the stables.

Now was his chance to ask Mikasa out, he’d been trying to talk himself into it since supper had started. At first, he’d been devastated when he’d overheard that Eren had been sleeping with her. He hadn’t even had his first kiss yet at 13, and the thought of Eren, a whole year younger, sleeping with a girl—with Mikasa, made him vehemently jealous. He knew that all three of them were from Shiganshina, but Eren was the only one who looked like he was actually Shiganese. The snippets of information he’d heard about Shiganshina and the Shiganese people from his father weren’t favorable.

He wasn’t close with his father, a broker who mostly worked selling defective inner wall merchandise to the outer wall markets. In fact, he found the man obnoxious most of the time, but he’d occasionally be subjected to his morning rants about the ‘lesser wall’s’ subjects.

His father had always looked down on their culture, calling them loose, lazy heathens. The women wore brightly colored clothes, men had traditionally long hair, both genders eyes rimmed with kohl. It was all backwards. The reason they were relegated to the outer walls.

“You’ll work hard Jean, move up in the world. I know you’re a smart boy, I could see you doing great things in the interior. Perhaps even the military police!”

His mother would always remain silent during those lectures, waiting until his father had left the house to say anything.

“Jeanbo, you aren’t inherently better or worse than anyone else. To someone else all our traditions and way of life seem backwards. Remember that when you meet new people.”

He’d been quite sheltered, never having left Trost until training camp. The last few years he’d seen the Wall Maria refugees swarm Trost until they were moved off to camps in Wall Rose, never having to interact with any of them. Personally, he was curious about their customs, their alien clothes and language were like nothing he’d ever been exposed to.

He briefly wondered if Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had passed through Trost at one point. No, they probably were moved first since they weren’t adults; the MPs definitely wouldn’t let a bunch of kids starve on the street. Those three were the youngest in the year. A year below himself and Connie and Sasha and a couple below the older trainees like Reiner, Annie, and Bertholt.

He’d thought for a worrying moment that his father had been right in his assessment of the Shiganese people only to find pure relief and smidge of smugness from Armin’s sibling statement. He knew his father was full of shit, of course his mother was always right.

Eren wasn’t competition, he was a little brother figure that Mikasa tried to mother hen. His path was clear.

Picking up his plate he started to make his way down the end of the long table, palms so sweaty he gripped the dish white knuckled fearing it’d fall.

Fuck, he could already feel his face getting red. It was only Armin sitting with her thankfully, if this went poorly, he couldn’t see Armin being one to mock him for it.

“H—hey…” he mumbled out stopping awkwardly in front of the two, interrupting Armin mid-sentence.

He’d rather a titan swallow him whole to save him the embarrassment when they both turned to him with mildly surprised looks on their faces.

Then, he panicked.

“Hey, do you want to come into town with me tomorrow?” he blurted out, looking at Armin’s plate awaiting Mikasa’s response.

“Sure Jean. We all have the day off, right?” Armin responded politely.

Jean could’ve slapped himself; he hadn’t even been looking at Mikasa. How was she supposed to know the invitation was for her? Fuck, how could he back pedal from this inadvertent group invitation.

“I was thinking since we got our first pay today, we could go down to the market and look around? …If that’s something you like?” he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck glancing to Mikasa and away again.

“I wanted to buy more yarn. Armin, didn’t you say Eren wanted to go to the market soon as well?” she ran the idea by her friend.

“Yeah, something about soap.”

Jean huffed at the mention of Eren, this was spiraling and he had to get it back on track. If that maniac came with them to the market Jean’d end up a third wheel in a group of four.

“What I really meant—” Jean started.

“Hey, that’s a great idea!” Connie yelled from the other end of the table.

“Yeah, we can go check out all the food vendors!” Sasha agreed “I’ve heard Trost dumplings have the best fillings in wall Rose.”

“Rats, I’ve got Saturday training tomorrow.” Marco said, “Jean! Bring me back something cool, ok?” He smiled, freckles framing his eyes.

Jean waited a beat before letting out a long breath at the different enthusiastic expressions “Yeah, something cool Marco.” He promised.

 

xXx

 

“Where were you?” Mikasa’s anxious voice cut into him before he could make contact with the chair.

“I told you already.” Eren said between bites of his cold omelet, “I had the ODM physical.”

“But if there wasn’t anything wrong, then it wouldn’t have taken that long!” Mikasa said grabbing at his hand as if to check him herself.

He snatched it away and kept eating, ignoring her frantic stare.

“Mikasa!” he hissed “I said I’m fine.”

“Mikasa, supper’s almost over.” Armin tried to mediate “you should let him finish eating.” He didn’t want to listen to them argue tonight.

Mikasa kept her hands to herself after that, twisting her fingers in the ends of her scarf as she watched him eat. Eren shooting her an antagonizing told you so glare that didn’t phase her at all. He shoveled the last of the eggs into his mouth trying to cover the last of that wretched medicine’s aftertaste.

Coming to the last bite he glanced up at the very empty food line.

Damn, wasn’t there anything left?

He fished his hand back into his pocket remembering the treat nurse Bowden had given him.

“Eren! where’d you get those?” Armin’s sharp gaze homed in on the dainty cubes he held on his palm.

Eren shielded the cubes closer to his body, not wanting the secret to get out. He glanced over to Mikasa who seemed just as perplexed and interested as to where Eren had gotten pure refined sugar.

“The nurse gave them to me.” He said, feeling petty and not inclined to share after his spat with Mikasa.

Armin reached out almost as if his arm was moving subconsciously, Mikasa had inched closer down the bench as well.

Armin looked up at him from under his fringe, “Hey, you know…we were the ones to save you a plate…” he trailed off obviously implying a favor was owed.

Eren rolled his eyes “Oh fuck off guys, you didn’t have to take shitty medicine. The nurse gave them to me.” He defended himself, throwing the cubes back into his mouth. “You guys will probably get it when you get your ODM evals.”

Armin looked sheepish, hand retreating back to his side of the table.

“Medicine, for what?” Mikasa, never one to let something slip by, interrogated.  

Fuck these things are even worse without the taste of the medicine. Maybe I should have given them to Armin and Mikasa.

Eren glanced around as he made himself to swallow the gritty substance without gagging, trying to make sure no one was paying attention to them.

“Worms.” He muttered inaudibly amongst the chatter of the mess hall.

Armin leaned in squinting at him and cupping his ear. Without looking he knew Mikasa also hadn’t heard him. 

“What?” she asked.

“I said,” Eren ground out through grit teeth, “Worms.”

“Eren we can’t hear you.” Mikasa said, tugging on his sleeve “what’s wrong with you that you needed medicine?” she asked concerned.

He clenched his fists, frustrated that she wouldn’t drop it after he clearly didn’t want to talk about it.

“I said I have worms” Eren blurted out louder than he meant to.

A large “HAH!” rang out from the other end of the table. Eren whipped his head around for the source only to lock eyes with Jean.

“What are you looking at, Jean?” Eren asked, spitting the boy’s name with as much disgust as he could muster.

Jean shrugged smirking, “It’s funny you call me a horse… maybe it’s you who should be living in the stables.”

“Shut UP!” Eren yelled. The entire dining room’s activity screeched to a halt to turn their attention to Eren.

“It’s not my fault! We didn’t ask to be pushed into camps and forced to work to death. We starved, and ate garbage. People froze to death each winter! There was no food or shelter, and not one of the wall Rose residents helped!” Eren breathed heavily, trying to control himself at the injustice of the memory.

“They looked at us like garbage, filth, like we were no better than the titans. But I wouldn’t expect you to understand since you’re just trying to get into the military police and hide.” Eren hoped Jean would respond so he could blow off some steam.

“Just because I’m not a suicidal maniac like you doesn’t mean I’m a coward!” Jean defended himself. “You’re really going to throw your life away trying to defeat all the titans?”

“Yes. They deserve to die, they’re disgusting, foul, creatures that need to be eliminated from this earth!”

Jean scoffed. “And you can do that? Tell me Eren, you’re from shiganshina, you’ve seen titans before. Is that even possible? To defeat all the titans?” Jean shot back.

“I’d rather die trying than run and hide! Fight, you can’t win unless you fight!” He screamed across the table.

“You’re throwing your life away for something that can’t even be achieved!” Jean yelled back.

The dining hall was still silent as Eren was yanked back into his seat by Mikasa too fast to protest.

It was at this moment the door creaked open and a chill of fear shot through the room. A tall menacing figure with sunken eyes asked in a terrifyingly calm voice.

“What’s going on in here?”

Each trainee sat ramrod straight, staring forward trying to look more invisible than the next. It wasn’t until Mikasa bravely raised her hand, unfazed by the frozen cadets around her, that anyone dared answer the DI.

“Instructor Shadis, Sasha ripped a huge fart, Sir.”

 

xXx

 

The sound of loud retching startled Armin awake later that night. It was getting louder, and was someone shaking the bed? He looked to the left just in time for him to see Eren puke pieces of egg over the side of their shared bed.

“Yuck, Eren.” He whispered. 

His friend slurred something unintelligible before leaning over the edge to regurgitate another wave. The vomelet, as Connie dubbed it earlier, was living up to its name.

“Armin, is that you?” A voice whispered, as the soft footsteps of Marco made their way over to his bunk.

“It’s Eren, he’s sick.” Armin answered, secretly grateful the older boy had arrived. He wasn’t sure what to do about his clearly ill friend in the middle of the night.

“We have to take him to the infirmary; he can’t stay here.” Marco said.

Armin pulled on his own boots, glad Marco was taking charge of the situation. They hustled Eren to the sanitorium stopping only once for Eren to dry heave into a pitifully scraggly bush outside the long brick building.

“Hello?” Armin called frantically, knocking on the door. It flew open revealing a young woman, one of the intern nurses, who looked just as panicked as Armin felt.

“Um uhhh… bring him in and put him down on a cot,” she stammered, looking frantically between Armin and Marco, who staggered up the steps under the weight of a puke covered Eren.

“I’ll go get nurse Bowden!” she held the door open for them before hurrying off into the night.

“Armin, take his other arm around your shoulders.” Marco grunted as they worked to move Eren down onto the closest cot.

Eren crumpled onto the bed groaning miserably, his flushed sweaty face scrunching in pain. He clutched his stomach and curled up in a ball.

“Alright, out of the way!” Nurse Bowden shooed both boys aside as she swooped into the room.

“Ana, get some warm water and a couple rags.” She commanded the young woman wringing her hands at the door. Armin scooted behind the door to get out of her way, his tiny frame fitting into the corner behind the door.

She crouched over Eren putting the stethoscope to his chest listening in several places. Eren’s gasping breaths echoed in the empty med bay.  

“You, Bodt.” Madam Bowden said, not taking her eyes off a squirming Eren. “Go fetch the instructor on duty, tell them I sent you and it’s urgent.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” Marco saluted sharply before leaving.

Eren’s eyes were open but hazy, glazed over and unfocused.

“Son, open your mouth.” Nurse Bowden said, trying to get a response from Eren who stayed firmly in the fetal position fingers clenching and unclenching the skin of his stomach repeatedly. After a few seconds she forcefully opened his lower jaw to put a thermometer under his tongue.

Armin began to push the door shut to escape the corner, only to jump back as Ana returned with a hip check to the partially shut door.

Nurse Bowden sat on the bed holding Eren’s  mouth shut she began directing Ana to take his shirt off and start rubbing his limbs with the damp rags.

Armin stood in the corner, trying to come out from his place trapped behind the open door for the third time. He started to push the door away only to freeze at the sound of Nurse Bowden’s voice.

“Oh my God.” Her hand jerked up to cover her mouth. “Oh my God.” She cried.

Armin watched the scene play out through the sliver of space between the wall and door.

“Ana… I’ve never seen this… he shouldn’t be alive right now…”

Armin heard Ana gasp. He lowered his hand afraid to see what was around the door. He could hear Eren rasping away, sounding worse by the second.

Armin yelped at the vibration from the heavy footsteps approaching. He covered his mouth hoping they hadn’t heard his outburst. 

“Was he hurt? Whatdidyousee?” Shadis’ voice demanded.

Shadis was summoned? He wasn’t on duty tonight, it’s odd he came instead…

Armin fought to keep quiet behind the door, knowing that even though he hadn’t been dismissed, the adults had clearly forgotten his presence. He had the suspicion they wouldn’t be too happy if he suddenly announced his position. Most likely to angrily shooing him away, but he stayed still wanting to know if Eren would be ok.

“It’s Jaeger, two boys brought him in for stomach issues.” Nurse Bowden briefed Shadis. “I thought it was a case of food poisoning, but he has an inhuman fever that’s only getting worse.”

Her voice was steady until the last word, the waver betraying her concern.

“Keith, I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years…” she continued lowering her voice, Armin presumed as to keep Eren from hearing but he was almost unresponsive at this point.

“His temperature, 44 degrees! I tried different thermometers, I thought it had to be a mistake!” she babbled. “If he survives this fever, whatever this disease is, he’ll most likely have permanent brain damage.”

“You’re sure it’s not something he ate?” Shadis moved to sit on the edge of the bed, staring at Eren shivering form curled into himself.

“Put a mask on, we don’t know if it’s a new variant of that nasty fever that’s been going around.”

Something rustled as Armin guessed she pulled a cloth out of her apron for him to wear.

“I did give him some medicine earlier, perhaps he was allergic? But that would have been a much faster and different reaction.” The woman reasoned.

“The medicine and supper? That’s all?” Shadis pressed.

“Well, yes. That’s all apart from a few sugar cubes as a treat, but that’s negligible.”

“I see.” Shadis seemed calmer suddenly, reaching out to touch Eren’s back. Armin watched as the man slowly ran his hand under Eren’s shirt up to his nape. It was an odd way to comfort someone, but the drill instructor didn’t seem like the type to come comfort sick children in the night.

“We can keep trying to cool him down tonight,” She offered. He shook his head.

“Keith, I know you were close to him and his family. Perhaps it would comfort Eren more if you stayed a bit? I want to make these moments as comfortable as possible for him. This fever is nasty news, I fear we’ve caught it too late and he’s too far gone.” She said, gesturing for Ana to leave Eren’s side.

A few tears slipped from her unnoticed by the others in the room. It was always hard losing trainees, something she’d never become used to. There were a few each year that infection consumed, but it wasn’t any easier when it was such a young child. Especially one she’d taken a special liking to.

“I’ll leave you alone for a bit, and see if that helps calm the situation.” She smiled, trying to excuse herself more for her composure than anything else.

 Shadis nodded, continuing his strange attempt at comfort. It looked to Armin as if the DI was petting Eren’s spine. Like he was running his hand along a cat’s back against the fur. He focused in on Shadis’s voice, now so low next to the candlelit cot.

“I heard you earlier,” he said so gently Armin almost couldn’t believe it was Shadis talking.

“I thought you knew, but you don’t even know what you are… I barely know what you are…” he whispered. Eren’s breathing had settled out some, and his face relaxed a minuscule amount each time Shadis’ hand grazed his nape.

“Damn kid, you scared me to hell and back. All over some sugar… you can’t eat that.” Eren looked like he was returning to normal at this point, just flushed and sleepy. Whatever Shadis was doing was working.

“What would your father say knowing you’d poisoned yourself with sugar?” He gave a weak laugh, adding “Carla’d kill me, that’s for damn sure.”

Brushing Eren’s fringe back he waited until Eren came to, before leaning in close.

“You all can’t eat sugar, don’t ever do that again.” Shadis chastised. “You’ll be healed in no time, but any more and you would have been a goner.”

Eren groaned weakly at the admonishment “just wanted to see what it tasted like” he slurred. “Don’t tell mom” he whined. “Please!”

Shadis stilled, Armin couldn’t see the expression on his face. Eren began to squirm again, looking livelier than he had the whole night.

“Just keep healing, boy.” Shadis said continuing the odd reverse petting along Eren’s spine.

Nurse Bowden returned to the room wiping her eyes subtly.

“Anything new?” she asked.

“Sarah, he’ll be fine.” He said firmly, “Let him get back to training in the morning.”

“Sir?” her expression shifting from bafflement to incensed “Pardon me, but I am not under your command and do not have to follow your orders. Especially orders that go against the good of the patient.”

Shadis shook his head almost exasperatedly at her protest. It was strange Shadis had come so quickly, only to go against the nurse’s expertise. Why was Shadis acting so calmly when everyone, including Armin himself, thought Eren was on his death bed?

“I’ve seen this before. I was close friends with the Jaegers, Eren’s father was strongly… allergic… to sugar.”

“Even so, Keith, the boy’s in critical condition.”

“Is he still?” Shadis raised his eyebrows, still gently calming Eren

Nurse Bowden checked Eren’s pulse again, dipping her head to press against his chest double taking at the lack of shivering.

“His heart rate is almost normal again.” She said stunned. “It was racing away before.”

She reached for the thermometer, Shadis blocked her hand before she could get to it.

“From what I remember the fever takes a little while to go away. Besides, I’ve known this kid since he was days old, he just runs hot. Thermometer won’t be much use on him.” He deflected.

Nurse Bowden was slowly coming around to the reality that one of her favorite trainees wasn’t dying.

Armin shifted uncomfortably behind the door, his anxious energy built up now that he knew his friend was safe.  

“Don’t feel guilty Sarah, he’s well old enough to know he shouldn’t have eaten it.”

“Ah, it’s not that easy Keith. I just wanted to give him something special, him and the others from Shiganshina have been through so much… I just thought there’d be no harm. What kind of child doesn’t have a sweet tooth?”

“I understand, but he’s been told many times.” Shadis sighed before standing to leave. “You’re going to have to tell him in the morning when he’s awake again.”

“I’ll hope this experience was unpleasant enough for him to actually listen in the future.” She recalled Eren’s pig headed nature.

Shadis let a rare smile grace his face “It feels like nothing but trouble ever since they lowered the enlistment age.”

She smiled wistfully “So young. I always think these children have had every bit of innocence stolen until something like this comes along…” she shook her head, amused “eating something you’re highly allergic to even after years of your parents saying no. Stubborn kid.” 

It was another 45 minutes before the two finished talking about the childish antics of the trainees before Nurse Bowden murmured gentle words to Eren and tucked him in for the night before blowing out the candles surrounding his friend.

 

 

It wasn’t a hard walk back to his bunk, but without the urgency of a half unconscious Eren it took much longer to find his way in the dark. He had to frequently stop and listen for night patrols, only letting his breath out when he shut the door to his cabin quietly ready for some peace and quiet.

“Is Eren ok? You were gone for hours!” Marco whispered

Apparently, Marco hadn’t been able to go back to bed, and instead waited to ambush Armin the second he came through the door.

 “Marco! Gosh you scared me! But yes, he’s fine.” Armin breathed, “He was just allergic to something the nurse gave him.”

“Oh, wow that’s terrible.” Marco said, “I hope he feels better soon,”

Before returning to his bed Marco hesitated, looking not sure if he should say what he was thinking.

“Armin… when I first saw him… I really thought he wasn’t going to make it.”

“Same.” Armin admitted. Seeing his friend that close to death and not being able to help had shaken him to his core. He’d never seen someone die despite the amount of people he’d lost. His parents and Opa had said goodbye and never returned. Seeing Eren so close to leaving him scared him. He’d frozen up, he hadn’t known what to do until Marco took over. If Marco hadn’t been there, would they have gotten Eren to the infirmary in time?

And about the infirmary… what did they really do to fix Eren? He’d seen them try to cool him down, but Shadis was right about Eren running abnormally hot. He and Mikasa had always put Eren in the middle of the two when they lived out on the streets since he was just that warm.

But underneath it all, something about the way Shadis had spoken to Eren didn’t sit right with him.

I thought you knew, but you don’t even know what you are… I barely know what you are…

What in the Walls was that supposed to mean and how was that related to an allergic reaction? That and the bizarre petting of Eren’s back like he was some sort of cat, whatever that was seemed to noticeably improve his condition in minutes. Shadis’s and Jean’s words worked their way back into his mind.

You want to kill them all? Is that even possible?

You don’t even know what you are, I don’t even know what you are…

It had to mean something, didn’t it? There was something Armin was sure he was missing, like a word on the tip of his tongue, he came close only to have it vanish.

Notes:

RR titans are like big old cats, they love sun, pets, and can't taste sugar.

Chapter 10: Apprehension

Summary:

Eren finds out that titans are more human-like, or Eren-like, than he previously thought.

Notes:

The fact that Mikasa makes little animal dolls and an Eren doll in the OVA is beyond cute to me. Absolutely screamed at Zendaya’s metal spine dress, I’m wearing that shit to my wedding 100%

The instructor called a half hour break letting the kids eat their lunches at their desks. Eren dug into his sandwich letting Armin carry the friendly conversation with Thomas while Mikasa listened along contently.

“It’s so interesting learning about the enemy,” Armin said. “You’d think titans would abide by the laws of nature that we’re used to.”

“Really! It’s like they have zero weaknesses.” Thomas agreed.

“It helps that we’re studying them, it’s important to keep your enemies close. Since they’re so different from any other species we’ve seen, I wonder how flawed our current knowledge base is?”

“True, but they’re creepy and gross. Studying them all the time would be such a difficult job.” Thomas shuddered.

Eren nodded swallowing the last bite of his sandwich to chip in excitedly “The scouts started a titan research division about five years ago, all this information we’re learning today probably came from their studies!”

A teaching assistant passed out handouts as the instructor started to set up the chalkboard again signaling their lunch was over. They were in the middle of their first unit of ODM theoretical class, Titan Physiology and Behavior. While the rest of the class had reactions varying from boredom, disgust, and the usual fear Eren had been thrilled to continue with the ODM training. He didn't take anything for granted after he’d almost failed the preliminary balance assessment. The three sat center front row with Eren on the edge of his seat waiting for the lecture to start again.

“They bear a resemblance to us, but they function very differently. Refer to your handouts for the written list of differences.” The retired scout turned lecturer instructed.

Armin dutifully slid the paper towards the three of them. The diagram of a humanoid silhouette mirroring the board.

The instructor picked up his chalk drawing an arrow onto his much more detailed titan graphic.

“Now, as we discussed in the first part titans have one weak spot in a peculiar place. The nape of their neck--slice at the exact dimensions and they will be dispatched.” He drew a large X through the nape.

Armin reached for his pencil, silently sliding his booklet into place to rewrite the text blurb in Shiganese for Eren to read.

Titan’s skin is impervious all attacks unless the blade is infused with iron bamboo. The kill zone measures one meter long and ten centimeters wide, any other areas will simply be repaired by intense regenerative abilities.

Eren nodded to himself resolutely. They do have weaknesses. It made sense, he knew from his father that the nape was one of the most delicate parts of the body and that it should always be protected.

The titans were becoming less alien now, before they’d been mysterious and seemingly massive and unbeatable as his only knowledge came from what he’d observed during the fall. But he just knew they had to be more vulnerable than people had let on, they were live creatures after all, something had to be able to kill them.

“Interestingly, titan bodies disintegrate rapidly after death, so while it is almost impossible to study them alive, it is actually impossible to study them posthumously.” He drew steam coming from the X over the nape.

“They run much hotter than regular creatures, and frequently breathe steam hot enough to burn. This is particularly important to note as in certain team maneuvers you will find yourself flying close enough to their face that one breath could incapacitate you. Direct combat with titans is nothing to joke around about.” He instructor paused before continuing.

“The scouting legion has a very young program set in place to capture and study live titans, should you be interested in studying and working in the research and development field. You must keep your wits about you around titans, even outside of combat.”

Eren swelled with pride, of course the scouting legion was doing the most to help humanity out of all the military. They risked their lives in and out of the wall going toe to toe with live titans. How could they get any cooler?

“Are there any questions before we move on?” He looked out over the class, not expecting anyone to speak up this early in the unit.

“Sir, where do titans come from?” Sasha asked suddenly, raising her hand as more of an afterthought.

A group of snickers and murmurs rose from across the desks.

“No, not like that! I mean why do they come from the south? I heard that’s why the scouting legion always left from Shiganshina?”

“Quiet down,” the instructor waved his hand to dismiss the chattering.

Eren tuned out the noise wanting to hear the answer. Talking about the origin of the titans was something only heretics did, and if anyone caught you the MP could show up to take you away at any time if you were unlucky enough to be reported. He was curious to see how the instructor handled this, it would probably be the only time they’d get a candid answer in their life.

“It’s true, the concentration of titans is higher the further south. This could be because of the extreme temperatures in the north, or the lack of sunlight.”

Sunlight? Eren mouthed, intrigued at the development.

“Titans cannot move at night. Current hypotheses are that they become inactive due to the lack of sunlight.”

Eren gasped along with the class at that. What exclusive knowledge!

Armin scribbled notes furiously veering back into the wall’s language, too caught up in the new info to keep translating and taking notes. Eren studied the blurbs he’d translated in the meantime. He moved down the page, to the arrow pointed at the titan’s pelvis.

Titans appear to all have male forms, however, there has never been a case of a titan with either male or female reproductive structures. It is currently unknown how titans reproduce. There are many different suggestions however, there is no official hypothesis for their origin.

Eren frowned at that, if titans were just larger versions of them… no… that still didn’t add up with the lack of female titans. He glanced over to Armin completely absorbed in the lecturer’s tangent. Armin was finally getting a puzzle to chew on, and honestly, Eren couldn’t deny that he found this interesting as well. They should be trying to answer these questions, if they didn’t know everything about their enemy how would they come up with more effective ways to exterminate them?

“The disintegration of the body is one of the most notable aspects of their physiology, there is no other species know to humanity that will break down within minutes of death. We believe that it is part of Titan regeneration power.”

Both Armin and Eren snapped up at the same time, riveted by what they were hearing.

“They have extensive regenerative properties, and can heal any bodily injury within minutes.”

Eren couldn’t believe it, titans really were like humans! If they had the same regenerative ability, wasn’t that why his dad had always told him to regenerate in a certain order, always prioritizing nape of all places?

Their nape is vulnerable like ours with some kind of regenerative ability like ours, well, some of us anyway. They really are just another animal. We shouldn’t be that afraid of them.

Yes, that must be it. Surely there were others that also had his regeneration abilities, his father had said it was rare but not exclusive to them. Others gasped and murmured at the shocking news of the titans’ healing abilities, openly worrying about how much more formidable they seemed now. Eren glanced around quickly to see who was still reacting to the news. Hadn’t they ever heard of regeneration before?

He almost made a comment to Mikasa wondering idly if titans were smart enough to use both active and passive regeneration before catching sight of his friend. Armin sat on the edge of his seat taking notes as fast as possible, the boy conquered his fear with knowledge but even for all his frantic scribbling Eren could tell the new information about the titans was disturbing Armin. It was disturbing everyone too it seemed. Well, except Mikasa, who noted all the information down calmly and neatly as usual.

Evidently, this was very new and very different information that no one else in the class had been privy to, and it made him nervous that he of all people knew about these things because he could do them himself.

It must have showed on his face, because the next thing he knew Mikasa was nudging him with an unreadable look in her eyes.  

xXx

“How is that possible?” Armin ranted as they left the classroom. “They completely defy the laws of nature that we know to be true!”

“Ahh Armin, quit talking and focus on packing for the qual tomorrow!” Reiner called.  

“I’m just thinking—we barely know anything about titans, and what we do know goes against all our understanding of the natural world.” Armin’s stopped in the middle of the path again. “That means unless titans aren’t biological, which can’t be the case, so something about our fundamental rules of life is wrong!”

Connie bumped into the back of Armin “Dude, Reiner’s right, you gotta keep moving! We only have so long to pack before we leave for the terrain crossing.”

“How can you all just let this go right after we leave the classroom? This is huge!” Armin said exasperatedly trotting along the group. “Eren, you’ve been really quiet. I know you realize how ground breaking this is!”

“Yeah, Armin. Just thinking…” he brushed his friend off. Feeling the gnawing unease of how everyone else had reacted back there begin to churn his stomach.

“Eren, thinking? Somebody call the press!” Jean joked, “this is even more ground breaking than titans being fucking immortal! As if their ungodly size wasn’t enough.” he laughed bitterly.  

Eren kept walking, not even looking at Jean when he shot back a weak shut up. He couldn’t be the only one that had these abilities…these…titan-like abilities… could he?

xXx

The wind blew with such ferocity Mikasa dipped her chin back into her cowl. Snow whipped around her, stinging her eyes as she followed her team towards the safe house.

Of course, the safe house was really just an old lodge far out on the training grounds. The 104^th had been working on their survival training and was currently in the throes of their qualification run. They’d been shipped up to one of the more northern training camps, switching with the trainees who were to qualify down at their home camp’s arid conditions.

Annie worked at the latch as they gathered on the porch, huddling to keep the wind at bay. The door swung open out of Annie’s hands letting the girls rush in.

“Shut it! Shut it!” Mina cried, fighting to latch the door against the snow that was gusting in.

Mikasa shoved the door, locking it so it wouldn’t swing open on them.

“Thanks,” Mina said too loudly, still used to the roar of the wind.

The cabin was dark and silent, creaking quietly with each new gust.

“Looks like we’re the first ones here.” Ymir commented looking around at all the summer equipment covered in dusty sheets in the corner. Chairs and tables standing in a ghostly little pack.

“We should start a fire while we wait for the others,” Krista suggested.

“Yeah, it’s still freezing in here.” Mina agreed.

Mikasa walked the perimeter of the downstairs, checking windows and the back door. Small things like that had become habits she couldn’t shake, even if she was in a supposed safe house. Annie must have had the same idea as they met halfway on the stairs, the other girl giving her a knowing look.

There weren’t many windows upstairs to check, but she felt better after confirming they were solid and locked, shutters protecting them from the elements. She emerged from the base of the stairs to see Mina feeding the small fireplace as the rest of the girls sat in the chairs taken from the furniture pile.

“Mikasa,” Krista patted the empty seat next to her.

She sat, pawing through her rucksack for her most recent crochet project. It’d been almost five years since she’d been able to continue her hobby.

When she’d first come to live with the Jaegers, she didn’t want to think about it, it reminded her of her parents. Eren’s dad had returned to the cabin to collect her legal documents, and a few personal effects she’d told Eren about. One of those items was the small blue rabbit she’d made. It was her first attempt at a doll, and her mom had helped her generously with it. The bunny was lumpy, each limb a different scale as she’d gotten cleaner as she went.

Pyonpyon, the bunny, had sat looking out the front window. Her mother said, he would greet each visitor with his friendly face and make them smile.

After that awful day, Grisha had brought pyonpyon back with him. He’d crouched down slowly and told her he had something of hers. He was being so kind, but the sight of something so heavily associated with her mother had made her burst into tears.

She didn’t remember much of the exchange after that, only begging Carla to let her see Eren. Carla must have said yes because the only other thing she remembered after was lying beside Eren with her head pounding and mouth dry from sobbing. She recalled being too afraid to ask for a glass of water still not sure where she stood in the Jaeger household. Hurting and craving parental figures, but still feeling like a guest and not wanting to bother Carla and Grisha after she’d had a meltdown over them doing her a favor. 

She’d struggled hard those first few months, thinking she was ungrateful to Carla for rejecting her hugs and Grisha for keeping at least three meters in between them at all times, her hollow eyes following his every move. She felt like a burden, hiding under their bed those days Eren was sent out to play and patients came by. She just couldn’t bring herself to face the world yet.

It’d been their last year in the camp outside of Trost that she was reminded of her favorite doll. Pyonpyon was long gone with both her homes and families but the sudden desire for the comfort of her doll came rushing back when she’d seen one of the older girls buy a doll for her niece’s fifth birthday. The little girl had immediately hugged her aunt.

She wished she could have hugged her own mother and Carla more knowing their time together would be too short.

At training camp, there’d been plenty of materials to make another doll and after years of avoiding the subject, she felt ready to make one. She wanted to feel closer to her family. Both families.

It wasn’t until they were issued their first pay that she could start. She’d immediately bought the yarn, spending the small allowance on three skeins. It’d taken her a couple tries, sitting on her bunk after supper, re-crocheting and tearing the rows back out until she got them even.

Her first project had been a mouse, the round blob-like body not too difficult to accomplish. She’d stuffed him with straw from her mattress and given him a stubby tail from a strip of fabric off her skirt hem and blotted oil on for eyes. The other girls had been supportive, fawning over the cute plush and suggesting names.

She pulled out her current project, having brought it along having known that they’d finish early.

“What are you making?” Krista asked.

“Oooo! Another doll?” Mina looked over in interest.

Mikasa looked up, uncomfortable with all the girls’ eyes on her.

“Yes,” she answered shyly, glancing back down at the yarn to find her place.

“Oh, come on, you’re not just gonna leave us hanging like that?” Ymir teased, “What animal is it this time?”

“A person.” She said, uncharacteristically meek.

“A person?” Annie asked.

Mikasa’s face went hot as a blush creept over it, nodding in Annie’s vague direction as she concentrated too hard on the yarn in front of her praying no one took it any further.

“Annie, we all know who she’s making right now,” Ymir smirked “We know you too well now Mikasa, we can see it’s—”

“It’s going to be very cute, isn’t it Ymir?” Krista smiled.

“Yeah, if I could crochet like that, I’d have 12 Krista dolls by now.” she joked.

Mikasa blushed harder, glad Krista was able to rein Ymir in, embarrassed that they might think this was taking her concern for Eren too far.

After that they settled into preparing for their trek to the last station. Around the time they were folding up the map, footsteps could be heard on the porch.

“Looks like the other teams finally caught up,” Ymir remarked.

 

xXx

 

“Hey, pass another ration bar over this way.” Thomas tapped Eren on the shoulder.

Four teams had reached the final rest stop before the finish, and the lodge was well warm and inviting by the time Eren’s team had arrived.

He handed the ration bar across Mikasa who was dutifully working on her most recent crochet project.

His attention lingered on Mikasa, watching her fingers move effortlessly as more and more of the doll appeared. He looked down at his own wrapped immobilized hand and sighed. It was a stupid mistake, involving tangled sled ropes and his own blade unsteady in the cold as he tried to free himself. It didn’t matter that much anyway, Mikasa knew he healed fast and yet still worried. She didn’t trust him to do anything on his own.

Can’t I just be good at something like her, for once?

It was clear at this point Mikasa was going to be the top of the class. This was the end of their second year and barring any mishaps on ODM intensives in the final sessions, everyone knew who Mikasa was and that there were only nine truly open spots for the top of the class.

Eren shrugged it off, he didn’t want to think about it too long. That kind of overthinking usually turned into weird feelings of frustration and annoyance that she was becoming the soldier he wanted to be. After his start with the ODM harness he couldn’t afford anymore blunders. He had already heard hushed whispers comparing his ineptitude with Mikasa, wondering why she even stuck around him so much.

Eren shrugged his heavy winter coat off, beginning to sweat fairly noticeably. The cabin was in good shape, and the amount of people and the fire made it toasty. Eren could see some others still shivering, not thinking much of it from all the times they’d joked about his anger keeping him warm.

Something clattered against the roof as a particularly strong gust of wind hit the far side of the building. A low moaning sound grew as the gusts slipped in between the shutters.

“This place is pretty damn creepy.” Someone across the room said.

The branches outside scratched their way down the window squealing as a few kids jumped.

“It sounds like there’s something out there.”

“Like a titan.” Another answered, the lesson still fresh on everyone’s mind.

“Do they even make noises like that?” The first kid asked.

Eren felt eyes on him, since his first outburst in the mess hall he’d become the unofficial answerer of all titan questions. Not that he knew that much more about them, it was probably just by unintentionally advertising he’d actually seen them before. Thanks Jean.

“Yeah,” he said calmly “They kinda make this groaning gurgle sound when they walk.”

“…fuck dude that’s messed up…” the kid glanced around wide eyed at the other horrified faces.

Eren kept talking, more to himself now, remembering details from that day.

“The ground rumbles too when they’re moving, you feel it more than hear it.” He stared straight into the fire, the others so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

“They make the most noise when they’re eating though…they get…excited…when they find someone.” He swallowed hard shutting his eyes before gritting his teeth.

“But we can defeat them. We’re learning the gear and the harder and faster we train, the more we can kill.”

He looked up now, scanning the faces in the room. Most were pale and panicked at the details they’d just learned but Eren continued on, ignoring them.

“They’re slow and stupid, that’s their weakness. As long as we know the gear and work together, we can beat them. They can’t concentrate on more than one attack at a time. We can do this. We’re soldiers.” He finished resolutely.

These were the things that were never mentioned in classroom ODM training. All other theoretical lessons were about maintaining gear, engineering, and the theory of maneuvers. Eren soaked it up like a sponge, even if he wasn’t the best classroom student. At least he wasn’t like his other classmates, using the time to hide in the back and nap.

Since the first day he’d forced Armin and Mikasa to sit the very front row with him, not that it was difficult, Armin longing for classroom time practically since he was old enough to talk and Mikasa always content to spend time next to him.

“It’s insane something like that exists” a girl finally spoke.

“How’d they even evolve if all they do is wander around until they eat and puke?” Armin muttered.

“If we could figure out where they come from, we could eliminate them so much faster. Stop them before they have a chance to break in and eat us.” Eren said intensely, sweaty and breathing hard from reliving the memories of the fall on top of keeping his emotions in check. Really though it was hot in this cabin, wasn’t it? Hadn’t at least another person taken off their coat yet?

Some of the other boys grinned at each other, not understanding the solemness of the memories Eren had relived. Rolling their eyes at yet another one of Eren’s rants about defeating the titans. To Eren titans were never something to joke about, to others, the giant naked beasts were a never ending well of insults and jokes. To them, nothing was off limits.

“Say Eren, are you talking about birth control for titans? That obsession is getting a little deep”

“No, that’s not what I mean. Can’t you take the biggest threat to humanity a little more seriously? They could break through these walls again any minute and we still don’t know how to defeat them.” He shot back. “The same thing that happened with wall maria would happen with rose and hundreds of thousands more would be left behind to die.”

Eren wiped his brow with his bandaged hand.  

“Haven’t you honestly ever wondered where they come from? It’s never crossed your mind?” he asked honestly.

“No, I don’t think about titan sex. I don’t think about them at all, because I’ll be ranking high enough to get into the MP and I’ll never have to see one.” The kid grinned at Eren.

Ymir butted in with a scoff “You’d better make faster time tomorrow if you want to make the MP.”

The other boy shrugged her off as Mikasa whispered “ignore them” in his ear. The boys returned to goading Eren, seeing if they could get some entertainment out of him tonight.  

“Say Eren you look all hot, is this bothering you?”

“You’re saying he’s hot and bothered by the titans?”

Eren’s fists clenched, shoulders hunched he turned his back on the boys trying to focus back on something else. He glared at Mikasa’s doll so hard Armin gave a concerned look that went unnoticed by him.

“You’re all shy now, what’s the matter? You’re always the first to tell us to shut up about girls and act serious, but now titan sex comes up and you’re all quiet.” The kid said trying to get Eren to turn back around.

“Yeah, gross Eren. You must be titan-sexual too, just obsessed with those fuckers in every way.” He called with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Titan-sexual oh my god, damn dude, that’s fucked!” the other kid whispered laughing and elbowing his friend.

Eren whirled around “Holy fuck! Shut up already! Shouldn’t you be strategizing your next terrain movement?”

“Nah we’re good, but we’ll leave you along to strategize your next move on a hot titan lady.” The kid tried to quip before addressing Mikasa “Sorry Mikasa, but suicidal bastard has made his preferences clear.” He grinned leering at the doll half completed in her arms.

“Didn’t you pay attention in class?” his friend mocked Eren’s signature scowl “There are no female titans! Quit wasting time we’re soldiers who from this moment on can only think about annihilating titans!”

The two continued to cackle before they were silenced by Mikasa’s withering glare.  

A tense few moments of silence went by as the groups shuffled and people moved off into different circles. Not quite willing to drop the subject, Mina, who’d heard the exchange asked thoughtfully, “If there are no females, does that mean they’re parasites or something?”

“I heard the legend of the titan’s son, the one who was born out of a titan’s stomach almost a hundred years ago…” Daz said.

“That’s a ridiculous myth.” Franz said “The guy was real but he wasn’t actually born from a titan.”

“Well, there are some wasps that do similar things… though their young just eat the body, they don’t actually become the new wasp.” Armin said, returning to the original topic.  

“But isn’t that what happened in Maria?” Hannah asked quietly, eyeing the trio in particular like she was bracing herself for a rebuttal.  

“I heard that too” Daz confirmed, “The titans infected the people they ate, and when they threw them back up the people started to become titan like.”

“Yeah, those reports of refugees in Trost eating other refugees and going insane!” Hannah said worriedly.

She looked over to Eren messing with his bandaged hand, expecting him to get mad only to stare in surprise when he kept quiet.

“Besides, all the bodies thrown up were dead and left behind. Maybe it spread through their blood or something… or their saliva?” Daz kept theorizing.

“You’re wrong. It was propaganda, those were just starving people.” Mikasa corrected “I know. I was there.”

And with that the parasite theory was scrapped. They all knew that the only one who could challenge Mikasa was Eren, and even then Mikasa would always be the one to end it.

By this point more people had wandered over to their little circle, Reiner and Bertholt taking the chance to sit down next to a very annoyed looking Annie.

“Back in my hometown, some of the more religious people had a saying that if you were bad in this life, you’d be doomed to be a titan in the next.” Reiner spoke, Bertholt staring at him in disbelief.

“You’d be forced to walk the land in search of humans to eat, since you wanted to hurt others in your past life. It was punishment from the deities to be reverted to your pure form.”

“…The evil inside you personified… like your soul, warped and twisted.” Eren muttered, unraveling and reraveling the bandages on his healed hand, thinking of the big disfigured grin that had consumed his mother.

“Yeah, but you’d have to like murder someone or do something super evil to come back as a titan, right?” Jean asked a little too quickly.  

At that moment a large snow slide detached from the roof, rattling the ceiling as it slid down the tin with a loud rumble. A couple kids shrieked at the sound, on edge from the description of titan footfalls earlier.

“Reiner, I didn’t take you as the religious type” Annie said looking at him, voice chillingly level. “But it’s fitting you’d still believe in little stories used to scare kids straight.”

“Even if it’s meant for kids that’s gotta be the most fucked up religion to say that, Reiner. No offense, but your hometown was dead wrong about that.” Daz said angrily.

Mikasa looked over at Armin who gulped nervously, he was clutching Eren’s coat that he’d draped over his legs white knuckled. He wore the same expression of sick terror as the rest of the faces in the group. The worst insult within the walls was comparing someone to a titan, to go and suggest that they were one and the same was downright treasonous.

She sneaked her hand over to brush Eren’s, for once he didn’t push her away. Her fingers traced the loosed bandages of his hand, checking the now smooth skin that had been marred not an hour earlier.

He didn’t look at her once, but she knew he was scared.

Chapter 11: Plot

Summary:

Eren finally puts two and two together and it's not pretty. A certain trio plans the next attack on humanity.

Notes:

I'm back, I got discouraged and skipped a month but I have so much of this planned out and I'm dedicated to finishing this story :)

“So… how long are you gonna be like… this?” Eren asked, gesturing awkwardly to the bulky casts on his best friend’s legs.  

“Wow Eren, not even a ‘hi, how are you feeling?’ first?” Armin deadpanned, looking wretchedly small and miserable on his cot.

Mikasa gently placed her hand on Armin’s, the blond boy relaxing at the warmth of her touch.

“Armin, we’re sorry about your legs.” She apologized sincerely, “What Eren means is we miss you in training. What are the doctors saying about your recovery?”

Armin’s eyes lingered on her hand a few seconds longer before meeting his friends’ eyes. Mikasa always had a way of doting without feeling patronizing, well, at least to him it felt that way. Eren would probably describe it differently. Realizing that his friends weren’t the type to indulge in pity parties, and had little free time to come visit him he tried to shrug off his gloomy mood.

“The doctor said the left one is bad, but it’s a clean break so it shouldn’t be complicated. The right one is a minor fracture, he said it should heal quickly.” He recounted what little he remembered the medic said after the agonizing process of setting his legs. It was hazy as he’d passed out shortly after.

“Are you going to miss a lot of training?” Eren looked concerned.

“Yeah, the doctor said six to eight weeks for the small break and three to six months at least for my left leg.” Armin smiled.

“What?!”

“Eren, don’t yell it’s not good for Armin to get excited.” Mikasa reprimanded him, “You need to focus on rest, Armin.”

“But he’s going to be out the rest of the session and the start of the next one!” Eren protested.

“I’m going to be fine, they said there’s no signs of infection and there won’t be lasting damage. I’ll just have to catch up when I get out of the cast” Armin reassured them.

“We’ll help you,” Mikasa vowed, squeezing his hand. She sounded so determined and strong, and he knew if he had to do remedial training, he’d be in good hands with Mikasa.

“Yeah, we’ll catch you up! Every day, we’ll come visit and bring all the lesson materials to you.” Eren said, smiling zealously.

“I have to go now, but I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.” Mikasa cut in, ruining the moment.

“Wait, I thought we were staying longer? We still have half an hour left.” Eren watched as Mikasa made her way to the door.

“I have to help with the first years.”

Armin tensed in preparation for Eren’s response, cringing at what had historically come next.

“…why?”

“They need more teaching assistants for the conditioning.” She responded bluntly.

“I thought we couldn’t be TAs until next year?” Armin asked, not anticipating that answer.

“Yeah, what’s the deal with that?” Eren piled on.

Mikasa shrugged, bidding them a small wave.

“So, how’s everyone?” Armin asked, changing the subject quickly.

Eren’s gazed lingered on the door for a few more moments before he shook his head, trying not to focus on Mikasa getting special treatment again. After all, Armin needed rest, not another rant from Eren.

“Jean’s an asshole, Connie and Sasha are still ridiculous, Bert’s sweatier than ever” he rolled his eyes “Reiner’s been working out with me, oh! And Annie’s been teaching me how to spar better.”

“Funny, she didn’t mention that… sounds like you’re keeping busy though.” Armin frowned.

“Yeah, I brought some cards-- couldn’t get Bert to give up the chess set though.”

Eren shuffled the cards clumsily, cursing under his breath when they refused to mesh back together. Armin held his hands out not even having to ask, and Eren easily gave up the fight and plopped the deck into his waiting palms. He shuffled the cards, as the scrape of Eren dragging his chair over broke days’ worth of silence in the room.

“So, you’re just going to heal passively?” Eren asked, chin resting on his hand as he casually leaned on the night stand.

“What do you mean?” Armin mashed the deck back together again, flicking the first card at Eren.

“You know, like passively regenerate? You could speed up your recovery if you tried actively, even just an hour a day.”

Armin shook his head, letting out a little laugh of exasperation. These moments always made him appreciate Eren’s friendship. He was such a serious person and always put so much effort into everything he did, making sure to come visit and spend the few moments a trainee had free to amuse his friend.  

“Wouldn’t that be nice.” He giggled, imagining the hot itchy casts off his legs. He’d already been imagining how cathartic it’d be to scratch his shins.

“No, seriously! If you can’t do that, have you tried massaging your back?”

“Like your mom did when we were kids?” Armin raised an eyebrow.

He knew Eren’s father was a doctor, and a really good one, but there were some practices that the Jaeger’s stood by that never made sense to him. He’d really just chalked it up to Shiganese folk medicine, that and Mrs. Jaeger trying to calm the kids down after they got hurt. After all, it was a well-known fact that he himself was a crier and Eren could get pretty emotional as well.

“Yeah, do you know how to do it?” Eren put his cards up on the desk gesturing for Armin to face the wall.

“It promotes healing, and speeds up recovery. It feels great too!”

Armin winced as he gingerly twisted away from Eren, the casts heavy on his legs. His last dose of pain medication had been a while ago, and the agony of two broken legs was starting to creep up on him.  

“You always start at the middle of the back, with the heaviest pressure,” Eren spoke confidently, placing his thumb and index finger knuckles on either side of Armin’s spine.

“Is that ok?” Eren asked before moving, his fingers fixed at the top of Armin’s lower back.

“It shouldn’t be too much pressure.”

“Yeah, feels ok.” Armin answered, desperate for any distraction from the pain.

“So, you move up towards the nape and make the pressure as light as you can at the top.”

Eren’s hand slid up his back until it ghosted under his hair. He jolted as a shiver ran down his spine.

“See, that means it working! It should feel tingly, and then you get tired after a little bit because it means your body is starting to heal faster.” Eren said, returning his hand to the middle of his back.

It didn’t feel particularly bad, but it didn’t feel as good as Eren was describing it. Even so, Armin couldn’t help but be curious about the explanation behind the technique. Dr. Jaeger had used it, and the one-time Eren sprained his ankle he had seemed to heal rather quickly. Not wanting to disappoint Eren, who clearly put a lot of faith in this method, he spent a couple minutes thinking of how to phrase his next question.

“How did your dad develop this?”

“He didn’t,” Eren scoffed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s just a super old tradition, but we know that it works now.”

Armin squeaked, screwing his eyes shut in pain when Eren pulled his hand away abruptly, jostling the bed to scooch back by his legs.

“That should be good enough to get the regeneration started. You only really need 15 minutes or so,” he said nodding so resolutely it made Armin smile at how assured his friend was.

“How exactly did that start the regeneration?” He asked to humor Eren, trying to keep his mind off the fact that his legs were throbbing more and more as the minutes passed.

“I mean the nape is a super delicate part of the body, it’s like the most delicate—apart from your brain.” Eren cocked his head to the side considering for a moment. “Well, it’s almost like a second brain in a way.”

Armin trembled as he rolled flat onto his back again. He should really move more often; he didn’t want bed sores on top of everything else he was dealing with. Eren’s technique felt nice no doubt, something to distract him, but no more than a massage. He’d never seen Dr. Jaeger practice this on patients, rather just family. And now that Armin was older, he figured it was most likely to appease Mrs. Jaegers belief in traditional outer wall medicine. After all, it wasn’t like it could make an injury worse?

 Eren gathered up the cards flipping them around to all face the right way. Armin watched as his friend sorted the cards with the most intense expression.

“You’re so strange sometimes,” Armin said, startling Eren out of his current task. A few cards falling to the floor.

“Not in a bad way!” he corrected himself as Eren stopped mid card flip to look up at him wide eyed in panic.

“I mean, I like that about you.” Armin continued, “It’s just the way you’re so intense but have these moments where you come up with the silliest ideas.”

Eren stared down at his cards, hunching in on himself.

“…Like active and passive healing?” he kept his eyes downcast, tone hesitant like there was something more he wanted to say.

“Um, I guess so? I was thinking more about the time you told me about your way of sleeping, but the active and passive is definitely like what I meant.”

Eren winced, hiding his face as he bent to retrieve the last cards from the floor.

“…what would you do if you could heal fast?”

“Like a titan, fast?” Armin looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling.

“Uhh, yeah… titan fast, I guess.” Eren said, particularly strangled on the T word.

“mmmm,” he nodded, elaborating further. “It’d be super helpful, and I’d use it to fix my legs obviously.”

“What would you think if someone could actually do that? Heal like that? Would that be bad?” Eren interrogated his friend.

“I mean, I’ve never read about it, even in the textbooks your dad lent me.”

“So, it’s not normal? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I mean, instructor Baudelaire never went over anything of that nature in field medicine. Your dad never mentioned it and he’s a doctor. So I guess it is, unless you’re a titan.” Armin mused. “Why, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing!” He yelled, before looking around on instinct for the DI to come swooping in to reprimand him for being too loud.

Armin snorted in amusement.

“I swear to Sina Eren, that was the most suspicious way you could answer.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it! I swear.” Eren said, his signature glare returning to his face.

“The only beings that can heal like that are titans, and they’re pretty solid freaks of nature.” Armin said, recalling his rant from a couple weeks prior. “Even then, healing like that is abnormal for any creature.”

“…Really?” Eren asked desperately, eyebrows raised so far they hid in his hair.

“I mean, on that scale. The only thing I’ve read about that comes close to titan regeneration would be lizards, but even then, they can’t regrow limbs that fast.”

“Hmm, like salamanders?” Eren said unsure.

“Yeah, maybe those big beasts are somehow related to reptiles, or amphibians?” Armin laughed.

Eren stood so suddenly his chair tipped back, crashing onto the floor. Armin watched as his friend fumbled to right the piece of furniture. 

“I gotta go! I’ll see you tomorrow.” He called on his way out the door.

“You forgot—your cards…” Armin stared after the whirlwind, listening to Eren’s frantic footsteps receding as he left the sanatorium.

What was that about?

 

xXx

 

Eren wanted to scream. No. He wanted to puke. He wanted to scream until his throat was so raw, he couldn’t speak, but that wouldn’t happen—his body would heal itself within minutes. If he could just throw up to appease the pit in his stomach that grew with each sentence Armin had said. Walking numbly across the training grounds the words wouldn’t leave his head. Rattling around again and again.

freak

abnormal

There was clearly something wrong with him, and he’d been ignoring it for a while now. How had he not seen it? Was he really that stupid to think all these years there were others like him? Just shrugging off the glaring abnormalities.

He could see it clearly now, what he’d pushed down all those years focusing on just surviving after the fall, what he didn’t want to admit to himself. It had been easy enough to brush off the sense of smell as a quirk his family knew, his eyelids as a vestigial birth defect. All of that had a precariously rational explanation. But the regeneration his dad had taught him since he was a kid?

No, no, no, nonononononono! I am NOT…. I CAN’T be one of…. please I can’t be!

The evening bell rang signaling dinner, the ground blurring as he hurried even faster trying to hide his face. Doors to cabins and classrooms were opening as the dinner rush started. Breaking into a run he fought and shoved past the river of trainees flowing towards the mess hall.

He gasped loudly, as a sob tried to claw its way out of his chest. Running into the nearest building to get away from the swarm of people, he came to a halt in inside the foyer of the gymnasium. Echoes of the first years finishing their cool down drifted out from the exercise hall.

He zipped up the back staircase taking refuge in one of the recuperation rooms. The trembling sigh that escaped him sounding so heart wrenchingly weak.

It’s a coincidence… there’s no way.

I want to kill them more than anyone! Why me?

The stress of weeks’ worth of turmoil came flooding out. He slapped his hand over his mouth trying to muffle his loud laughing sobs. He didn’t want to be… a freak, a monster! There was no way he could be related to those disgustingly foul beasts.  

He pushed his head between his knees, sitting in the corner. Making himself as small as he possibly could, he slammed his fists into the floor.

It shouldn’t be ME!

He gagged on a sob as he thought about being a… he couldn’t even think it! He wanted to punch and kick and scream until he couldn’t fight anymore. It didn’t matter that he had dedicated himself more than his comrades, it didn’t matter that he hated the titans more than anyone else. Everything had been for nothing. Fucking useless. How was he supposed to fight when he was more like the enemy than he was human? It was all sick fucking joke.

Everything’s been a fucking lie

If this ever got out, people would be terrified of him. More terrified than he was of himself. What if this was only the beginning? What if he was set to become more titan like with each passing day, month, or year? How long would it take before he was a filthy bloated monster grinning as he wolfed down screaming people?

Lies, lies, lies.

Why did everyone lie to him?

He could tell Armin was wary of him after the eye incident, despite Armin insisting everything was ok between them. He knew because the rank tangy scent of fear had rolled off Armin that night. Calling him out it would have made it worse, so he let Armin lie. Could other people tell there was something off about him?

Maria knows how many times his mother had yelled at him for scenting people, and his father nagging him to be discreet about it. But it was something that he couldn’t not do. How did everyone else live with only half their senses? Not care about the important information they provided? Even worse, how could he really understand someone when he wasn’t supposed to care about smells? His dad had explained smelling emotions was a real phenomenon from chemicals associated with different emotions leaking out in people’s sweat.

Great, so at least he wasn’t imagining that part. But no one else could do that… except his dad? He still remembered when he’d tried to explain this to his mother, that emotions smelled and that people lied about their emotions a lot. She’d nodded along not looking up from her task, only to later hear her ask his father if it was true that emotions had smells—all this time, Grisha?!

Speaking of his father, he longed for him. His dad had been the only one like him growing up, sharing the exact same sensitivity to smells, healing, and eyelid deformity. The one person who could tell him what was happening.

He cried harder, sobs waning as the tears kept flowing. Sitting in a dark corner feeling sorry for himself, how pathetic could he get?

“Keep this close,”

An old memory popped into his head. Who’d said that? His mom?

“Hold onto this key for me,”

It was his dad, when he’d placed a small ornate key on a rope around his neck.

“We’ll go down to the basement again when you’re older. I have a lot to tell you.”

Sina, how had he forgotten that? Where was that key now? Did he still have it? What did his dad mean when he had a lot to tell him?

Damn it, he remembered now! He’d pestered his father if they could go early. ‘When?’ He’d pleaded, getting a resolute ‘Eleven.’ in response.  

Well, he was past eleven now, fourteen already. Snorting at the shit situation he strode out to one of the punching bags in the hall. The first-year trainees long gone, and the sun low in the sky he scrubbed at his tear crusted eyes.  

 

“I have a lot to tell you.”

 

And just what had his dad had wanted to discuss with him so badly in the basement? Could anyone else be like this? Or was this something he was exposed to?

Maybe people were becoming infected from titans and he and his dad had caught it… no Armin had ruled it out right then and there. Plus, if his dad knew about it and was the same as him, he had to have inherited whatever this crap was from his father. At least his mother wasn’t some hybrid monster like he was…right?

“Fuck!” he slammed his fist into the punching bag once, twice, before letting out a barrage. The heavy bag swung wildly on the chain, rattling against the wooden rafter it suspended from. Something clicked in his wrist, sharp pain blooming across his hand. He kept going until his knuckles were a bruised, split mess.  

“Eren.” A soft voice called out from behind him.

He yelped, turning to glare at whoever dared to bother him. Mikasa stood watching him, still in her workout clothes from the session earlier.

Right, of course.

He’d forgotten she was helping teach the first years.

“You’re pushing the bag too much. If you snap more, the bag won’t swing.” she side eyed him. She knew he liked sparing, and had been working with Annie lately.

“I know!” he snapped.

The last thing he wanted right now was to be around someone else. Especially the one person who knew the most about his developing inhuman condition.

She didn’t say anything else, standing beside him quietly removing her wrist wraps. Before glancing over to his bare knuckles. She held out her right hand, the small bandage remaining on her arm to hide her tattoo.

He ignored her unspoken request.  

“You should still have support,” she said eyes tracing the ridges of his hands where faint wisps of steam curled into the air.

Eren hid his hands behind his back, unnerved by the speed at which she fixated on them. She was probably just as disgusted with it as he was. The phrase ‘transfixed in horror’ came to his mind.

“It’s fine, just drop it.” He said seethed, taking a step away from her advance.

She grabbed for his elbow trying to wrench his arm out from behind him.

“You’re hurt, let me see it Eren!” she cried as he failed to dodge her.

“Stop! Don’t touch me!” he yelled as she held his hand up to her face to examine his regenerating wounds.

“You’re hurt, I want to help!” She shot back, gripping his arm tightly “You need to wear wrist wraps, even if you’re regenerating!”

“SHUT UP!” he bellowed, ripping his arm away from her. “I don’t need your help! I’m fine! You don’t even know anything about me! So just stop trying to HELP!”

She stared at him, mouth agape, as his words rang out in the cavernous building.

“Eren, you’re crying again…”

He reached up to feel more tears on his cheeks, before giving her one last panicked look as he ran out into the night.

 

xXx

Two figures gathered in the cramped, ODM storage shed late at night. The tall skinny figure scrubbing the condensation off of the small window, to peek out repeatedly. A petite figure sat behind him, perched on top of a crate and swathed in shadow as she watched her partner anxiously await the arrival of a third.

“You know, checking every ten seconds isn’t going to help. He’ll get here when he gets here.”

“I know, but what if he’s been caught.” A hint of a tremble echoed in his response.

“He’s always late and besides it’d look suspicious if you two disappeared at the same time.” She sighed, taking in his tense form. “You know how humans like to chatter, and he’s been playing the part a little too well lately.”

The figure peeked around the window again, eyes darting between the moonlit buildings.

“They’re not humans.”

His correction cut through the humid air of the out building. The small figure stiffened on the box, crossing her arms in front of herself. Startled at how strong his voice sounded.

“…I know you have a soft spot for humans, after all, you were raised by one, but we have a mission to complete. Don’t start pitying them.” He said backing off slightly at the sight of her defensive posture.

“Our mission doesn’t mean shit; we’re just being sent to do something Marley’s failed to accomplish multiple times.” She retorted coldly, eyes wide daring him to challenge her.

“But we’re actually doing it, aren’t we? Humans are weak that’s why they had to send us to exterminate these devils.” He whispered the last word, as if he were unsure of it. Testing the term out on his own tongue.

“Devils?” she asked, “You mean you really think they’re going to accept us if we succeed?”

The tall figure kept watch out the window, not answering.

“They’re sending us to do their dirty work, and even if we succeed, we’ll still be the devils when we return.” She said. “We won’t be welcomed back as heroes no matter what that idiot believes.”

Silence hung in the thick air as her partner remained facing the window.

“He’s coming.”

The gangly boy turned to face her. “You saw what the people on this island are capable of. What they did to Marcel with no remorse.”

She rolled her eyes “Need I remind you who you sided with when that happened?”

“They aren’t as helpless as they pretend to be.” He countered.

“They don’t even realize! They can’t control it like we can.” She said, “Do they really deserve to be slaughtered by their own kind for the convenience of the humans?” she faced him with a glare.

“This is the fate of the world resting in our hands, if they break out of these walls it’ll be the end of us all. Titans and humans.”

He sighed aggressively.

“We can’t sit back and do nothing; this is just as much about the survival of our species as it is humans. Once the inevitable happens and they escape the walls they’ll destroy the human population, and we starve.”

“You’ve been listening to him too much.” Her voice disgusted at the unnamed boy she referred to.

“No, he’s being honest with the choices we’ve been given. If you want to protect your father, to see your father again, we have to finish our mission.”

“…Some of them are good people, you know. Smart, kind, not at all unlike us. If you played the part like our mission requires us, you’d understand.” She said, looking up at him.

“It’s not personal, this is to save the world.” He promised. “Annie, please, don’t you just want to go home?”

“I wonder if you could ever say any of that to their faces.”

At that moment the door swung open as the final member of the trio joined. The tall muscular boy shut the door quietly before acknowledging the others before him.

“You’re late, Reiner.” She snapped.

“Then let’s not waste any time.” He grumbled.

 

xXx

 

“They have no idea, how any of it is related. The puppet government is still doing its job more than a hundred years afterwards.” Bertholdt reported.

“We can’t rely on that forever, and if the island falls to Hizuru then they’ll be right on Marley’s doorstep.” Reiner said, adding in a pointed “Right at Liberio.”

“The false government in these walls was never a permanent solution.” Annie refuted, “Hizuru wants the resources here, they’re going to figure out the technology soon enough.”

“Our overall mission is to capture the island for Marley. Doing so will secure the resources for Marley and advance our strategic bases. Within that, we’re still tasked with eliminating the Eldian threat before the Hizurians can get here.” Reiner recapped. “Before complete elimination Marley requested we verify the Eldians kept their promise of no titans. When they agreed to be walled in, they had to give up their titans.”

“So far we’ve seen no evidence of any titan units, Maria fell and they couldn’t fight back at all.” Annie said, “but we still need eyes in the capital to make sure they’re honoring their end. The elite could be hoarding titan defenses in Sina?”

“We have to eliminate the rest of the Eldians, cut off the source of the pure titans before the Marleyans move in on the island.”

“Diplomacy with Eldians is completely off the table?” Bertholdt questioned, quickly side eyeing Annie.

“It was never on the table Bert,” Reiner responded “You know that.”

“They’re dangerous to the rest of the world. The risk has grown too large for quarantine. Every day they exist means Hizuru has more time to figure out a way to weaponize them against us.” Reiner continued.

“I’ve always wondered why Marley didn’t weaponize the Eldians themselves,” Bertholdt questioned softly.

“They’re afraid we’ll sympathize with the Eldians. Titan to titan. After all, one hit of our spinal fluid and their underdeveloped spinal organ goes crazy. Excessive and uncontrolled regeneration, complete reabsorption.” Annie said grimly, holding down a shiver at the word. “It’s best for them to take the Eldians out of the equation entirely.”

“That’s true, it’s not a disease that we can catch like they thought before. That’s why they’re finally sending us in.” Reiner agreed.

“We still need eyes on the true royal family, make sure they’re taken care of.” Annie reminded them. “I’ll pledge to the military police, and gather the intel.”

“I’ll also pledge MP, I can find out if the elites are still involved with smuggling titans. They were rumored to have a few hiding out on this island.” Reiner said.

“Right, we can all pledge MP.” Annie said sarcastically.

“One of us should go Garrison or Scouting Legion, find out how far they’ve come now that the capital is allowing titan capture.” Bertholdt suggested.

“Scouts are too dangerous, most likely to blow our cover if we get into trouble out there. We all know how dangerous pure titan territory is.” Reiner dismissed the idea. “But we’ll still be able to predict when they leave from Garrison communications.”

“Scouts ultimately report to Generalissimo Zackley who is quartered near the MP in Sina.” Berthodlt pointed out. “Annie can report to us on that.”

Both Reiner and Annie nodded in agreement.

“Speaking of the Scouts,” Reiner started. “The plan for taking down wall Rose is to attack from Trost. Same mechanics of the last attack, but a few minor tweaks since they’ve prepared after last time.”

“The new cannons will still be ineffectual against my armor, and they’ll never get close to Bert’s steam.”

“Same as last time.” Annie said tersely. The meeting had started to run too long for her taste despite them waiting for a night none of them had to deep sleep.

“Yes, but they’ve gotten more serious with the training. The top fighters are still sent to the capitol leaving the Scouting Legion as the most competent. Means we’ll wait until they leave for an expedition, and they’ll be low on man power.” Reiner said defending his plan.

She thought it over for a minute.

“Eren was telling me they’re headed out right before graduation, to capture more titans. The Legion will be gone, but it’s a short expedition so it only gives us a week’s window.” She said, approving albeit reluctantly.

Annie and Reiner held each other’s gaze for a moment, Bertholdt looking nervously on between the two.

Reiner was the first to speak.

“That settles it, three days before graduation we’ll execute the Rose plan. With the excess of people and lack of land, we might not have to hang around to finish off wall Sina. We’ll do quick reconnaissance in that time then withdraw from the island to report back to Marley.”

He nodded in conclusion halting at the door before he left.

“For the sake of us all, may the Eldians do what they do best, and consume themselves.”

Notes:

Please be kind, this is my first fic and sometimes I struggle with pacing, characterization, and just plain trying to figure out the general creative writing flow. That said, I'm very excited to write Trost. It's going to be slightly different from canon, but the general idea of this fic is keeping it as close to canon as possible but under the premise the titans are a separate species. Keep your eyes peeled for a Grisla dating fluff fic if you want to see more of those two!

Chapter 12: Chaos

Summary:

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Eren glanced down at the key around his neck, it’d been three years since he’d worn it. He’d buried it in his sock drawer on the first day of training, not wanting it to get ripped off on the maneuver gear. Not that they’d started the maneuver gear that early, but his hopes had been high and he didn’t feel like having Armin call him a hypocrite after he’d suggested Mikasa cut her hair.

The ornate brass key’s weight was a soothing presence in his palm as he flipped it over and over…why did he feel like it was so important? His dad had been so insistent on him keeping it. Whatever the reason, it definitely involved him because there was no way his parents would have entrusted it to him any other way.

It has to do with the regeneration, the weird way I act… it has to… we would always practice down there. Whatever is in that basement is the key to why I am this way.

“I haven’t seen you wear that in a while.”

Eren jerked his head up to see Armin and Mikasa standing in front of him.

“…Yeah, just thought about wearing it for old times’ sake…” He said, as he quickly shoved the key back down the front of his shirt.

“We’re heading back to help with the preparations for the graduation ceremony,” Armin said as he reached a hand out to Eren. “Come with?”

Eren stalled for a moment and reflexively looked for an excuse before Armin cleared his throat and moved his hand closer to Eren’s face. There was no way he could decline at his point without looking like a jerk, but then again, he probably already was as he’d steadily avoided his friends for the past few months.

Letting Armin pull him up from his spot on the ground, the three walked in silence back from the training ground.

“You’ve been really quiet lately… like you’ve been avoiding us…” Armin started, “Is everything ok, Eren?”

Eren nodded, not wanting Armin to prod too much. It was already bad enough Mikasa knew what she knew. She’d always known about his regeneration, having been so concerned about his recovery when she learned what exactly had been transpiring in the basement.

But Mikasa was a woman of few words, and his parents hadn’t elaborated that much other than briefly explaining it to her as something totally normal that should be kept within the family. His parents had trusted Mikasa, and so did he. That same night she’d showed him something of her own, that was passed down from generation to generation within her family.

They’d kept each other’s secrets so long it wasn’t something even notable to either of them. That was, until they’d hit training and Eren had learned about the horrifying similarities between his secret and the titans. The thought of telling Armin made him panic despite him being his oldest friend. If Armin knew, he’d put two and two together and wouldn’t want to let it alone. Not in a malicious way, but his friend had never been one to just accept some things were better left unexplained.

The new uneasiness that plagued him about his gift was an all-consuming void of self-consciousness and hatred. He didn’t want to be associated with the hell spawn that lived outside the walls, but it was hard to deny the similarities between his regeneration and those beasts. Eren knew Mikasa had made the connection as well, but didn’t seem to share the same general concern that he had about being one with those monsters.

What if I become more and more titan like until I hurt them one day?

His stomach churned painfully at the thought of hurting Mikasa or Armin. Would he snap and attack them in some titan-like trance? What if he eventually hungered for human flesh and turned on everyone he loved?

Well, at least that’s one upside to Mikasa being so much stronger than me.

Eren didn’t speak another word until the week of the 104ths graduation ceremony. He was supposed to be elated he’d made the top five, but he couldn’t bring himself to celebrate.

xXx

Eren stood steady in the throngs of people clamoring for a glimpse at the Scouting Legion convoy heading towards the gates of Trost. The crowd of villagers buzzing with energy reached a dull roar when Commander Erwin came into view.

“Commander! Give them a thrashing for us!” a portly man next to Armin yelled out.

“Captain Levi! Captain Levi! You’re our savior!” another voice rang out.

Armin couldn’t help the grin splitting his face as he unintentionally mirrored his best friend. Watching in awe of the stoic leaders riding by he even caught Mikasa looking fairly impressed. It was just like five years ago, when Eren dragged them to the gate to watch the Scouts ride by pointing out all the notable members and reciting their kill statistics.

“The tall blond guy on the bay horse is Squad Commander Zacharius,” Eren rattled off to Hannah and Franz. “No, the other bay horse, right behind Commander.”

He’d heard Eren’s obsessive stats list more than he could count and at this point both he and Mikasa had an extensive knowledge of the upper Scouting Legion ranks.

The bell clanged as garrison members began to push the crowd back, cannon fire overwhelming their shouts to make way.

“They’re headed out!” Eren yelled as he gleefully strained to watched the gate swallow the end of the convoy. Armin covered his ears, still grinning despite the racket.

With the scouts gone, garrison members began to clear the barricades and open up the street once again. Throngs of people began to crisscross the main street as they dispersed, getting on with the rest of their ordinary day.

“The energy is so different! It’s been five years since Shiganshina, we’re so much stronger.” Hannah blushed as she side-eyed her boyfriend.

“The updated cannons the Garrison have the titans will take one look at them and flee!” Franz said, chest puffed out. With a quick glance around to see if anyone was watching Franz leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

“I’ll never let anything happen to you Hannah.” Franz muttered.

Armin only had a split second to appreciate the amusement Eren’s expression of bewildered rage brought him before getting ready to intervene.

“Heeeyyy-O, I heard there’s some cadets here that are seriously slackin,” a familiar voice cut through the brewing argument.

“Hans!” Armin let out a sigh of relief at the distraction.

Both he and Mikasa had noticed his friend becoming more and more withdrawn as the last few months of training had gone by. If people had thought Eren was obsessive about titans at the beginning of training they kept their distance now. Lately, any mention of titans set Eren off on rants about humanity and fighting back. Of course, Mikasa’s usual response to Eren’s distress, while well meaning, made it worse every time.

“How could they ever let you all graduate? You’re still a buncha kids,” Hans snorted.

Eren scoffed, “How’s the Engineering department enjoying the chief of drink!” he said dodging Hans’ playful hair ruffle.

Armin caught Mikasa’s eye as they shared a sneaky knowing smile, both enjoying not having to play mediator for once.

“I know this is out of the blue,” Hans said, smile fading. “But I always feel guilty for your mother’s death. It haunts me to this day.”

Armin subdued his involuntary flinch at the mention of the events of that day. He’d been so close to losing his friends during the fall and even now it was hard to come to terms with the fact he was the one to alert Hans that the three weren’t evacuated yet. He hadn’t known that Mrs. Jaeger had been trapped, had been… had lost her life that way.

They all carried the guilt of her death, his Opa, even Mikasa’s parents. When one of them mourned the others felt their friend’s grief just as deeply. It was just part of their world after the fall, no, even before the fall in Mikasa’s case. It had become the only way of life they knew, just the three of them against the world.

Eren steadied himself.

“Me too,” He said much calmer than anyone expected. “But it’s not your fault, we were helpless back then. Nothing like that will happen ever again, we know what we’re dealing with now.”

Armin kept his eyes fixed on Eren’s determined face, knowing Mikasa was just as taken aback. His friend had to have been practicing what he’d say to Hans the first time he saw him after that horrific day.

“…Eren,” Hans breathed, speechless at the boy’s maturity. “You shouldn’t have ha-“

“Fuck!” Eren interrupted, “I forgot I had cannon duty today!”

Hans shook his head in disbelief “Maria! Eren, you haven’t changed one bit!”

“Oh, but what were you going to say?” Eren asked.

Hans shrugged and made a shooing motion with his arms.

“Doesn’t matter, now get going before they give you a tardy strike and bump you down to spot six”

“Ok, meet you back at the barracks Mikasa, Armin?” Eren called, as he began to jog away.

“15:00, like yesterday.” Mikasa confirmed.

“Yeah, got it!” Eren yelled rounding the corner to fetch his maneuver gear.

Hans turned back to Mikasa and Armin standing before him. After a brief awkward silence with a distinct lack of eye contact, Hans made another attempt at getting his earlier point across.

“Who let you all grow up so fast?”

Mikasa gave a shy smile as Armin waited for Hans to finish his sentence from earlier, he knew almost exactly what the adult would say.

“Your parents would be very proud of all of you. Keep taking care of one another, not many people have what you three have.” Hans said. “Keep an eye out for him especially, I know he’ll run head first to the outside, and you all will follow.”

“We will Hans,” Armin promised.

Mikasa nodded resolutely, no doubt she already believed that was her sole mission.

xXx

Mikasa idly looked around the boys barracks a little surprised that everyone had kept their temporary quarters so neat. Almost a week ago the 104th had packed up all their belongings from the southern cadet corps base in wall Rose and had trekked over to Trost for their coming graduation ceremony. While Hans had teased Eren earlier about dropping a ranking, all their scores had been finalized at this point, and the top ten calculated. The instructors wouldn’t dare recalculate for one late cadet during some busy work in Trost.

Speaking of busy work, she sat on Armin’s bunk watching him sort out the last of his books and toiletries that he’d managed to almost lose in the few days they’d been here. Most people assumed Eren was the messy one but it was borderline comical how much Armin had managed to spread out in just a few days.

Living with the Jaegers she’d seen how much Dr. Jaeger valued hygiene and cleanliness. Carla had been even more strict about keeping the house tidy as sometimes the more local patients would travel to Dr. Jaeger to avoid the house call fee. Going from a house like that straight to the military had taught both her and Eren to pack light and keep what little things they owned organized.

Mikasa pointed out the comb hiding behind Armin as he twisted and turned in his attempt to find the last item to put in his trunk.

“Alright, finished.” Armin declared as he latched the trunk and slid it over next to Eren’s. “Thanks for helping me, Eren’s usually pretty good about policing my stuff.” He laughed.

Mikasa nodded.

“He’s been distracted lately,” she said, hoping Armin might know more. “He’s been avoiding me.”

Armin’s weight dipped onto the bed and she felt his comforting hand rest on her arm.

“Me too, I can’t think of anything other than graduation that would have him acting like this.”

She made a noncommittal noise, and nestled into her scarf. All that could come to mind was that night she had checked on him in the gym. It was the most she’d seen him cry since the fall. Witnessing his distress made her want to protect him harder, but it only ever seemed to backfire.

“Don’t take it personally Mikasa, I think he’ll come around once we pledge the scouts.” Armin said soothingly. He moved to stand up, and as he reached a hand out to help her up a chill raced up her spine. Something felt awful.

She realized that the ambient sounds from outside had stopped short. It was so quiet it was unnerving.

 

Something bad was going to happen.

 

Her vision blanked out from the massive flood of blinding light through the barrack windows. White hot and searing, it raced ahead of the thunderous boom that ripped through the building like a deafening echo.

“ARMIN!” She screamed, as she tried to catch him.

She was too slow and her hand clawed at the air where his had been a millisecond before. Mikasa blinked frantically to regain her vision, her knees aching as they hit the cold stone of the ground as she was thrown from the bed.

The massive secondary crash echoed over town, through streets and alleyways. Powerful gusts of wind from flying debris whipped through buildings.

It was happening again. This was how it started. She couldn’t lose everything again.

The furniture rattled from the vibrations of the colossal titan, it must have already kicked in the gate. She crawled forward as the spots of light burned onto her eyes starting to recede.

“Armin!” She yelled again, as she finally caught a glimpse of his blond hair on her left.

She tried grabbing his outstretched hand but they both cried out and covered their heads as a torrential shower of glass came from above when the windows blew out.

She fumbled for his hand once more and yanked him to his feet as the top bunk tipped over. Solid oak slammed to the ground where he had just sat.

“It’s happening again! MIKASA IT’S HERE! It’s HERE!” Armin yelled over and over as they fled out into the corridor.

Glass crunched under their boots like ice and the earth rattled with the giant’s movements as they took off towards headquarters. They’d be dead in minutes without maneuver gear, she’d seen it the last time this happened.

“CADETS REPORT TO HQ FOR MANEUVER GEAR. OPERATION COLOSSAL TITAN RESPONSE IS IN FULL EFFECT,” a senior garrison member bellowed from the courtyard.

Armin gripped her hand so hard it was a static mess by the time they packed themselves into the crowd of cadets swarming the building. The hoard of trainees carried them along. Mikasa didn’t dare let go of Armin’s hand.

The soldier at the gear check didn’t even bother asking for names, just weight class as she ran back and forth pulling blade sheaths and gas rotors off shelves.

“KEEP MOVING KEEP MOVING, ATTACH YOUR GEAR OUTSIDE. IF YOU HAVE YOUR HARNESS ALREADY ON GO OUTSIDE, I SAID GO OUTSIDE!!”  a male soldier yelled from the middle of the crowded room.

Cadets and seasoned garrison members alike struggled and fumbled with buckles and latches, fine motor skills lost to adrenaline.

Even Mikasa’s body betrayed her as she fidgeted waiting for Armin to finish.

“OUT TO THE COUTYARD, LINE UP FOR BRIEFING!”

A small, harried woman ran up to the garrison member directing the chaos inside the gear check.

“Sir! First reports coming in from the front line. One casualty for mounted cannon squad four”

“A cadet?” he asked, barely sparing a glance at her.

“Yes Sir, they’ve already reported back to HQ and are being questioned by Captain Woermann about their direct contact with the colossal Titan, Sir.”

The garrison member nodded curtly, eyes still continuing to scan the flood of panicking trainees.

Mikasa locked eyes with Armin, the casualty… it couldn’t be him. She had to know now, she couldn’t wait. Breaking all protocol to question a commanding officer she shoved her way over to him.

“Sir! the casualty what was his name?” Mikasa begged.

He finally took his eyes off the crowd to and leaned down to address Mikasa directly.

“OUT TO THE COURTYARD ACKERMAN. NOW MOVE!”

The pair hustled out into the line-up; muscles taut with energy as they tried to spot Eren without breaking parade stance.

Captain Woermann stood before them shouting their orders so loud his voice was on the verge of giving out. Mikasa’s earlier restless energy vanished at the glimpse of Eren two rows back on her right. For the first time since the start of the attack, she focused on Woermann’s instructions.

It was just like the drills they’d done in Trost during training, rather it was the exact same flimsy plan they’d drafted a year ago and only practiced once. The commanding officers understood it was too little too late, they could save the civilians but they all knew that few cadets would make it out alive today.

“I NEED NOT REMIND YOU THE PENALTY FOR DESERTION IS DEATH. LAY DOWN YOUR HEARTS FOR HUMANITY! DISMISSED!”

In the grand flurry of cadets scrambling, she lost sight of Eren again. Sick with worry, she paced around the perimeter of the courtyard, passing her fellow trainees praying, vomiting, and begging not to be sent out.

Where had Eren gone so quickly?

Mikasa’s question was answered promptly by Jean’s voice rising above the din.

“I bet you’re loving this you little psycho! Your life’s mission is to get eaten!” 

There was only one person who Jean could be talking to.

“Eren!” she called as Jean wrenched himself out of Eren’s grip and stalked past her.

Eren whipped his head around to meet her gaze. Her heart fluttered at the way he said her name. She swallowed her nerves back down; it was just the chaos making her feel this way. Chances of survival were bleak with the advanced guard wiped out, they’d be on the front lines protecting the elite. It wasn’t just her, no one wanted to lose a loved one.

“If things go south, I want you to come find me, all right?”

“What? We’re in completely different squads!” Eren yelled incredulously.

“Look. This is going to get ugly and when it does, the plan will go out the window.” She pleaded, mentally begging him to read between the lines. “Come and find me so I can protect you.”

Eren scoffed in disbelief.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” He asked vehemently.

“Ere-” Mikasa began to raise her voice. He wasn’t understanding!

“Ackermann, you’re with me.” A member of the elite squad interrupted. “You’ve been assigned to the rear guard on special orders. Let’s get moving.”

Her heart dropped faster than a maneuver gear descent. They couldn’t take Eren away from her. He wouldn’t make it on his own. She couldn’t lose her family again.

“Sir, I’m only and cadet!” she tried every excuse her harried mind could think of, she had to stay close to Eren. “I’ll only slow everyone down!”

“This isn’t up for debate Ackermann. Follow your orders.” He ground out, glaring at the pair of trainees.

“SIR!” she raised her voice far past what was acceptable. “With all due respect,”

“Hey!” Eren cut off her panicked spiral of thoughts. “Pull it together, that was a direct order!”

Oh walls, a splitting headache was coming on. She cradled her forehead in her hands unable to speak, burying her nose in his scarf to let the smell ground her.  

“I know all you want to do is hide me away but you’ve got to get some perspective! We’re on the verge of extinction, Mikasa!” Eren yelled at her.

Eren was right, even joining the military with the intention to protect Eren she was still a soldier herself. Going rogue would only take her farther away from Eren.

 “You’re right. I’m sorry, this whole situation has me out of my mind.” Mikasa conceded.

Eren turned to leave, but she wasn’t ready for him to go yet. This couldn’t be how they said goodbye, he couldn’t leave angry at her.

“Just promise. Promise me one thing.” She called out.

Eren glared at her hand hesitantly holding onto his sleeve. Gingerly, like she knew he’d rip himself farther away the tighter she clung to him. Mikasa knew what she was about to say would push him over the edge, but hoped that he’d come back like all those times before. He’d always returned to her, but this time was different, their lives were at stake it wasn’t just training anymore.

The spring breeze picked up seeming to know how charged the energy was between the two of them. Eren’s fists clenched, and Mikasa’s heart tore.

“Whatever happens, don’t get yourself killed.” She pleaded.

She couldn’t stand to meet his gaze in the loaded moment of silence that followed. She knew deep down what he’d do next, but still, as he jerked his arm away from her indignantly, a part of her went with him. She kept her eyes glued to the stone trying not to let her tears fall, hair hiding her watering eyes. She couldn’t move until his footsteps left the courtyard.

He was gone, and for the first time in her life she wasn’t sure if he was coming back.

xXx

Armin wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting on the roof where it had happened. He only half heard Connie as he shouted something unintelligible at him.

There’s no way that was real. Eren can’t be dead.

Another voice called from behind him

“Let it go Connie, aside from him they’re all dead.”

How many people were on the roof with him? Who had made it this far? Were they members of his squad? He couldn’t piece together the events of the last hour… was it an hour? How long had he been sitting here?

They’re dead. That’s what happened. You left them all to die.  

Every horror filled event in his short life combined couldn’t come close to this hell.

He’d stood by and watched as his friends were ripped apart. He’d done the unforgivable and frozen as Eren vowed he wouldn’t die that way. All Armin had done was watch as Eren had saved him. Eren deserved to be saved in return, yet he’d been eaten alive.  

I should’ve grabbed him faster. If I weren’t so weak I could’ve saved him.

I deserve to die for that.

I shouldn’t have been the one to survive.

Through his fog of thoughts, he vaguely realized he was heading back to the rear guard. When had he left the rooftop? Where was the rooftop? Eren had given his life to save him and he didn’t even know where his friend had made the ultimate sacrifice.

His anchor clanged off the target point at a wrong angle, sending him crashing to the ground. The rhythmic sound of squelching hit his ears. Armin turned slowly, not ready to witness the horrific sight before him.

Hannah kneeled beside the Franz’s torso, shoving his chest harder and harder as if her sheer determination could bring him back to life.

Armin couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“Hannah… he’s not…”

Franz was dead. He wasn’t coming back any more than Eren was.

He locked eyes with Franz’s unseeing stare. His gaze traveled to the pool of blood clotted underneath the tangle of intestines splayed on the road.

“Hannah, stop!” Armin sobbed.

Had Eren been delirious from blood loss at the last second like Franz was? Or had he maintained consciousness all the way into the titan’s stomach? Had he drowned?

The squelches of Franz’s torso were deafening as Armin’s mind substituted them in for Eren gurgling and suffocating in darkness, crying out for anyone to help him.

Crying out for Armin to help him.

The clanging of the retreat bell should have been a relief, but as he landed on top of the nearest roof his blood ran cold at the sight of the supply depot covered in titans.

xXx

Mikasa landed at the impromptu rallying point for the decimated cadet midguard.

Annie will tell me, she’s always direct and honest.

She rushed across the roof, a tumble of words leaving her mouth all at the same time.

“Annie! I know how bad things have gotten. I know I’m putting my own personal concerns ahead of the mission, but have you seen Eren’s squad?”

She didn’t know why she couldn’t just ask the question. Was it more painful to ask the question itself and know for sure or protect the precious little hope she had left.

“Some squads made it back, but I don’t know about Eren’s.” Annie answered gently.

She didn’t read much into it, they all seemed in bad shape up here.  

“I think Armin’s over there.” Reiner gestured flippantly behind him.

Her heart raced with hope. If Armin was there Eren had to have made it as well. She spun around to see Armin sitting alone at the far end of the roof.

He had hunched over on himself, hair covering his face. His body occasionally shook with what looked like muffled sobs.

He might be injured and in pain. That’s why he’s alone.

“Armin!” she called frantically racing over to her best friend “Are you hurt? Are you okay?”

He didn’t answer and had yet to meet her eyes. She drew back, relieved that half of her family was alive and well. Her heart raced in her chest as she looked around for the other half of her family.

“Where’s Eren?” she asked, almost begging him to end her suffering. “Armin?” she questioned more gently, still confused why Eren hadn’t come to find her yet.

She stood up, stepping back to scan the other rooftops. Perhaps he had been stranded on another building, holding out for the replacement gas.

It was only then Armin met her gaze, his round brown eyes bloodshot. He didn’t say anything, but she knew. She could feel it, the agony in her chest as her worst nightmare came true. It wasn’t until Armin started speaking that she realized it was even worse to hear the words.

Armin’s wavering voice, thick with tears, cracked on Eren’s name as he listed off his squad that had died in the line of duty.

“I’m so sorry Mikasa,” he wept, stuttering out the words. “It should have been me who died instead.”  

He never promised.

“Armin, calm down.” She knelt beside him, schooling her face into a blank expression. “We haven’t got time for you to get emotional right now.”

He never promised me he’d come back.

She felt herself moving through the motions, her speech a weak parody of the one Eren gave her all those years ago. It felt useless to be fighting in a world without Eren.

As her gas cut out, she went limp and let herself plummet, prepared to follow Eren once more.

xXx

Armin watched from the top of the building as the abnormal titan not only ignored the group of cadets, but fought another titan showing both planning and problem solving. This kind of behavior was unlike anything he’d heard of in training.

“He has no reaction to us.” Armin mused, glancing back at another disintegrating skeleton.

The moment he’d landed he knew there was absolutely no way she had been able to kill a titan that large with half a dull blade. The abnormal had most definitely killed one titan and was already moving onto the next in a clear pattern.

He could feel the pieces of the puzzle coming together in the back of his mind. This titan was too important to let go, they had to keep tabs on him.

After a quick swap of gas canisters and a terrifying moment where he thought Mikasa would leave him to die alone—which thankfully hadn’t been the case at all—they were ready to lead this titan to headquarters.

Mikasa and Connie worked efficiently taking out titans with honed precision, while Armin took the opportunity to study the abnormal roaming main street.

The first odd thing about the abnormal was that it defied the definition of an abnormal. Abnormal titans were unpredictable and targeted humans just like any other titan. This titan was neither. Bizarrely enough it was also fit. Really fit. Weirdly coordinated as well.

It’s build was hyper masculine and athletic, muscles well defined.  Usually the most slender mindless titans lacked definition as seen on the one before him. As the titan quite literally squared up with a mindless 15 meter Armin realized something else that was horrifying on another level.

Has this titan trained itself? His combat skills suggest a base level of intelligence… his movements show practice…

Whether he learned it from an outside source or from trial and error it was equally disturbing and exciting to think that this titan was able to have enough contact with someone or something to learn a complex set of skills.

Mikasa felled the 8 meter their friendly titan had been meandering towards and Armin almost laughed despite the situation. Upon another ruined fight the titan made a grumbling groaning noise as it investigated the corpse at its feet.

It shook its head slightly side to side, long hair covering its face still and fists still balled up like a child gearing up for a tantrum. All it wanted to do was kill titans, and it was increasingly apparent to Armin that humans were off limits to this titan. The abnormal continued to express his displeasure at being robbed of another kill.

“HAHA, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET TO THE CLOCKTOWER DUDE!” Connie yelled as he zipped by the titan’s face to pick Armin up again.

They had made steady progress towards headquarters, but it wasn’t going to be enough. Titans were already breaking through the windows of the building as they fished their fat fingers through hunting for the source of the deliciously concentrated human smell.

“We’re going to run out of gas before we can lead him all the way there,” Armin yelled over the rush of wind into Connie’s ear. “Just head straight to HQ!”

“What about that titan?” Connie yelled back, narrowly swerving around a particularly pointy turret.

“He’ll follow, I’m sure of it,” Armin replied as he signaled Mikasa to keep moving.

Armin glanced back to see the rogue titan alert and fixated on a new target. Not a living target this time,  but headquarters. His insane plan might work after all.

xXx

“Mikasa! We have to leave now!” Jean yelled to the top ranked cadet standing on the roof.  

She stood unmoving, even the clang of Armin landing on the roof couldn’t break her focus on the titan moving below.

“He’s still going,” Mikasa said.

Armin understood what she left unsaid, this titan would be invaluable if they could study it at the very least. Jean finally chose the moment to make his appearance on the rooftop overlooking the rampaging 15 meter abnormal.

“Guys, we have to get out of here now! They called the retreat a while ago, the armored titan could show up at any minute!” Jean shouted as he stormed over to them.

“I was hoping we’d be able to use him,” Armin admitted to Mikasa, paying Jean no mind. “I didn’t want to leave him behind.”

“Are you both insane?! That is a Titan—you are not leaving him behind, he’s not even supposed to be here in the first place!” Jean screeched, bewildered by the conversation he was witnessing.

Three more people joined the small group left behind on headquarters roof.

“Reiner! Annie! Bertholdt!” Jean called out, relieved to see the trio. “Back me up here! We have the chance to escape while following orders, and these two are sentimental about a titan that’s too braindead to realize it’s killing the wrong species!”

“She’s right.”

Jean’s jaw almost hit the ground, letting out a strangled sound as Annie sided with the pair.

“He’s valuable, we can learn a lot from him.” Reiner glanced back, seeming to gather his friend’s approval for what he was about to propose. Annie nodded imperceptibly and Bertholdt held a steely, almost disgusted look on the titan rampaging below.

“Our priority should be keeping an eye on him, keeping him alive.” Reiner continued.

“ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS?” Jean yelled hysterically, starting to stammer out all the reasons they should be logically leaving at the moment.

Annie cut him off before he could finish his first point.

“Think about it Jean. A titan that rips through its own kind is worth more than any canon.”

“Do you hear yourself right now?” Jean asked, eyes so wide in disbelief he looked mildly deranged.

“SINA ALMIGHTY, IT’S NOT YOUR NEW FRIEND! STOP TALKING ABOUT IT LIKE THAT! It was very nice for what it did, but it can’t even figure out where it is or the difference between a fellow titan and a human.”

Jean threw his hands up into the air as if appealing to the goddesses, before gesticulating wildly to the carnage of his home town with titans continuing to roam freely.

“Fuck, just let it keep meandering around, maybe it’ll do us another favor and leave and take all the titans with it!”

“He could probably seal the wall.” Armin said, tearing his focus away from the rogue below.

Five sets of eyes turned to Armin demanding an explanation. He cleared his throat to speak more confidently, his first plan with the titan had worked giving him a hint of hope this could ever work.

“Our best bet for sealing off Trost would be to move that massive boulder, but it’d take weeks until we could build the hoists to do that.” Armin said. “We need to seal that wall before the armored titan can get through, and the abnormal is our best bet.”

Jean shook his head, as if he were the lone voice of reason, because he clearly wasn’t going to get any help.

“Ok Armin, that’s a great idea but you can’t communicate with that thing at all. There’s no way telling it to seal the wall is on the same level as manipulating it to move towards HQ.” Jean said angrily. “It’s a great fantasy, but it’s not realistic.”

He fumbled around with his maneuver gear, grumbling as he checked his belts and adjusted the triggers towards wall Rose.

“For the last time, we need to go.” He spat, turning around only to almost run face first into a tall blond man.

The soldier stood surveying the group, he was a mountain of a man with neat blond hair like he hadn’t just commanded an entire battalion back towards Trost at full speed. He didn’t seem phased at the carnage or rumbling of titan footsteps. Then, Armin saw the bolo tie, and the wings of freedom. Armin cringed when it clicked at the last second just who they were talking to.

“Your friend is correct,” he said sternly. “It’s time to retreat, we’re supposed to rally at the wall. Are you all capable of using your maneuver gear?” Commander Erwin asked.

He hid his admonishment well beneath his genuine concern that their group hadn’t evacuated yet, but his disapproval of disobeying orders was evident. The cadets had taken enough damage, they needed to recoup while the Scouting Legion’s veterans took over.   

“Yes, Sir!”

As the rest of the cadets ran towards the edge of the roof, Armin hesitated to glance back once more at the rogue titan. He flinched, hard, when he made direct eye contact with the beast. The titan’s face was scarier than Armin had realized, lip less maw stretched across a gaunt face that held those two deep set green eyes that tracked between himself and Commander Erwin nervously.

He acknowledged me. He knows we’re here and he’s not attacking… He really is smart.

“Cadet! Is there a problem?” another Scouting Legion member barked at him

He yelped and shook his head as he tore himself away from the abnormal titan’s fearful and borderline anxious expression. Leaving the growing number of scouting legion members gathering around their Commander, Armin made his way back towards the safety of wall Rose.

Notes:

Ok ok ok ok, I watched ATLA for the first time back in April and I had to get my Zuko phase out of my system. ~forgive me~
This chapter is mostly a summary of canon where I did my best to get it to the divergence part without all the exciting things like animation music and insanely good voice acting.

look forward to hange living her best life as the top expert on titan behavior when they discover a funny abnormal that would just make the perfect new test subject since Trost cut their expedition for new subjects short >:)

All in all im trying to keep it as close to canon but within the bounds of no time travel/paths/13yearcurse. Its going to be a very: titans are biological creatures and not a magical power you pass on divergence

Chapter 13: Discovery

Summary:

Somethings off about that titan, and Hange won't ignore it.

Notes:

Hey guys I'm so sorry this turned into a once a year update kinda fic, but it's still chugging along i guess *cries*

A rush of adrenaline washed over Eren as his fist cracked the titan’s jaw. The monster stumbled to the ground, flailing as it struggled to regain its balance.

He had to admit it felt good. The satisfaction of planting his fist in another titan fuckers stupid face thrummed through his body. It went down hard, squirming until he slammed his foot down on its nape.

Sina, it felt so good to burn through all his rage. Rage at the titans for taking his mother, his home, and now they were trying to take what was left of his family.

They can’t take Trost, they’ve taken too much already.

He kept slamming his fists into titan after titan, his healing was so much faster and easier this way. It felt so much more natural. He stopped to consider the threads of new flesh wrapping up around the bones of his wrist, hand completely gone from pummeling another titan his size.

Goddesses above, he felt so powerful! If only he could do this in real life, kill titans so fast and efficiently without the danger of being swatted down. Speaking of, titans were getting few and far between. He raised up on his toes, peering over the buildings not sure what compelled him to turn towards a small sound that caught his attention. The source of the sound was nowhere to be found, but he immediately zeroed in on the square fortress like building in the distance crawling with titans.

I need to be there. Now.

 

xXx

 

This was going to be the greatest shit-showdown between Hange and Erwin yet. Levi could feel it from the moment regiment had entered Trost to find the city completely and utterly fucked. Erwin was in his element and had taken over directing the counter attack from the crippled Garrison command.

While they had tentatively secured the city and were using the scouts to eliminate the titans trapped within, they had yet to figure out what they were going to do when that spiked grid inevitably failed under the weight of so many titans pressed against it.

Hange bounced in place as they leaned dangerously far out of the window, gesturing wildly at the chaos.

“Erwin this is the perfect moment! The engineer’s net is in place and now we have our pick of the titans within the city.” Their voice ringing obnoxiously loud through the makeshift HQ in the empty tower.

Erwin’s face remained as impassive as ever as he continued to watch his men take down titan after titan.

“Major Zoe,” he started with a sharp sigh “We have already faced a tremendous loss of life today. While we have a duty to research that is not our primary goal at this moment.”

Levi had seen this interaction go down time and time again between his friends, it was too predictable at this point. Erwin would continue to get more and more stoic and hard assed while Hange would end up whining like a child by the end.

“But if we just saved one titan from today we could eliminate having to plan and request a separate expedition-“

Erwin cut them off.

“Major, do you know the amount of planning and paperwork it would take to retain one titan from this situation? Not to mention the far more pressing issue of the spiked net failing.”

“Erwin, please, I already have one in mind he’s so quiet it won’t be any trouble to just put out an order to avoid him.” Hange pleaded “He’s such a good boy he’s really smart too! I think we’d get incredible information from this one”

Levi trained his eyes on Moblit, he was always a good gauge of how close Hange was to inadvertent insubordination. While the man was beginning to look increasingly ill as he realized he’d have to intervene this time, but it wasn’t critical yet. Every moment they spent arguing in the tower were precious minutes he could be helping his squad.

Erwin raised his voice “Hange we cannot-“

Hange looked ready to take Erwin by the arms and attempt to shake some sense into him. Moblit began to inch closer to the pair, getting ready to avert any flailing that could befall the commander.

“I think he’s like Ilise’s titan! He’s aberrant and could provide a lot of important information to humanity.” Hange interrupted, panting with the exertion of restraining herself just enough.

“Every second he’s out there someone could kill him! You owe me this Erwin, come on! I was supposed to have Ilise’s titan but had to settle for my Sawney and Bean. They’re perfectly fine gentlemen, but I Have. To. Have. This. One. Please!” Their eyes shown manically in the dim light.

Levi cleared his throat from the side of the heated exchange. While he usually wasn’t willing to put his squad’s life in danger for the life of a titan, the convenience of not having to haul a live titan back through the walls was appealing. Erwin surely realized this as well.  

Hange was right, but he couldn’t let them have their way so fast, they’d be even more insufferable for their next research proposal. 

“Technically you rode off on your own for that titan, you weren’t supposed to have shit that expedition and you still succeeded in putting my squad’s lives in danger.” Levi finally spoke up, crossing his arms.

Hange froze for a second a smile growing on their face

“Ahhh but what did we gain from that? The notebook which justified the proposal for our first research subjects!”

Levi wasn’t an idiot, he knew he’d be dragged into this whether Erwin okayed it or not. If they were doing this it damn well wouldn’t be rubber stamped fast enough by the bureaucracy. Another fuck around and ask for forgiveness later situation. When the dust settled, Erwin would convince the brass it was justified for the sake of humanity, and the Scouting Legion’s funding.

He could practically feel the gears turning in Erwin’s head, weighing the statistics of another expedition proposal so soon after this clusterfuck of an attack on mankind.

Hange grinned; they’d done this long enough to know how to appeal to Erwin and knew the scale was tipping in their favor. Erwin made questioning eye contact with Levi, but Levi already knew the command before any words came out of his mouth.

That look read I trust your judgement. It was up to him to see if this titan was worth the risk. Erwin knew that he wouldn’t drag his squad into danger for anything less than extraordinary.    

This titan had better be fucking incredible.

 

xXx

 

The light was starting to fade for the day, air cooling off as Eren hunched awkwardly behind a half-crushed church. His heaving breaths kicked up huge dust clouds amongst the rubble.

Nothing about this was normal and honestly, he was beyond terrified at this moment.

Eren wracked his brain trying to remember the exact moment killing titans had gone from ODM to… whatever the unholy hell this was.

He was no longer himself.

He wasn’t human.

He was a titan.

In a city overrun with titans.

A city that had stopped the flow of titans and was now dispatching the remaining monsters within its walls.

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck this was bound to happen with the healing and all the differences oh holy Sina Reiner was right I died in battle and did come back as a titan to pay for all my sins—I couldn’t save anyone I couldn’t save mom that’s why im here—I’m worthle—

“Heyyyyyy big guy! I found you again!” Eren tensed up painfully, trembling as the loud voice called again from above.

Through all this discovery Eren had quickly realized no matter how much he felt like himself he was now the enemy to everyone else.

He’d woken up from his trance like state, running out of titans to kill just to realize that he had been staring down a group of people on a roof top. No, not people, a group of humans who were staring back at him like he was a titan.

Because he was.

Yeah, it didn’t take more than a second to do that math and he’d about faced and hauled ass to put as much distance between him and who he now recognized were the scouts.

 “We’re not gonna hurt you! You don’t have to run from us this time!”

Eren didn’t even weigh his options before he hurtled through the ruins of Trost trying to lose the soldier.

“See just like the other aberrant!” The voice screamed again, but it was lost to Eren’s ears as he panicked and tripped over the foundation of a crushed building. If the situation had been anything else he would’ve died from embarrassment for face planting like that, but there were more pressing issues.

Much more pressing issues like these scouts that had decided to follow him for some reason. The person’s gear whirled landed on a nearby rooftop and slowly paced closer to him.

“See Levi? Comprehension!” the person cooed.

He mentally cursed this horrible new body that was too large to hide in the small section of Trost. The buildings only came up to his shoulders at most and he had spent the last couple hours crouching down to avoid the carnage of the Scouts being set loose in Trost to dispatch the remaining titans.

His eyes flicked over to look at the scout that was toying with him before his doom. It didn’t help much; his vision was blurry and he couldn’t clear it, maybe it was panic or the fact his mind was spinning faster than captain Levi’s signature kill move. All he had at this point was hearing and smell which didn’t do much in the chaos of all-out battle.

Maybe they would just get it over with and kill him? It wasn’t a bad idea, after he’d run out of titans to kill, he’d stopped and realized to his horror, he wasn’t himself anymore.

There was no way he could live with himself like this. He curled in on himself even more, trying to hide his big, fat, grotesque body.

“You’re so beautiful, don’t hide!” The person called again.

Fuck why can’t they just get it over with already! Who is that anyway? They should be killing as many titans as possible not hiding from action.

Eren let out as much of a scoff as he could in this weird new body, ending up making a disgustingly watery chuffing noise. He focused his blurry vision on the small figure before him.

Are… are they waving at me?

Maybe they were just flailing, but no it seemed like a pointed motion. Who was this insane person trying to contact a titan?

He didn’t have long to contemplate before he heard the whooshing that only meant reinforcements. Eren flinched as they arrived, slowing their momentum by swinging around a nearby chimney.

“Hange! We’re taking out as many as we can before sundown, you need an assist with that big one?” A man’s voice called out.

Even now, Eren couldn’t help himself from admiring their athleticism as he heard them swooping around him.

This is definitely the scouting legion, their maneuvering is so smooth.

“How could you say that, this one’s so pretty! We’re not killing it!” The first figure yelled across the street to the others.

Eren couldn’t recognize any voices, but there was something familiar about the way one of the men spoke.

“Aw hell, when the Captain finds out this is the one you picked, he’s gonna be pissed!” the drawling man spoke again.

“Major,” a woman’s higher pitch voice chimed in from behind him. “shouldn’t you reconsider, this one’s quite large.”

”Oh no! we’re not reconsidering anything! This is the one I want, and the captain knows it!” The eccentric figure yelled back mockingly.

It’s Major Hange, they’re in charge of the titan experiments for the scouting legion.

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

Eren could not decide which was worse, dying now by the hands of the people he’d looked up to for so long, or living to be tortured by those same people.

Definitely tortured. Holy fuck maybe with my luck Captain Levi will fly by and put me out of my misery.

They were starting to circle in around him, eye level as he curled in on himself. He hadn’t stopped to realize how bizarre it was to look at doll sized people. One-time Mikasa said she’d had a dream where her dolls came to life… but that hadn’t been real.

It was almost… gross? He had never been a squeamish child about picking up bugs—not that he thought people looked like bugs now—they were just a similar size and zipped through the air like them. He would never crush someone like a bug. But right now, when they all converged and were talking in high pitched, fast voices and jumping from building to building? The intrusive thought of them crawling up his legs made him shiver.

“This is the one we’re marking?” A chillingly calm drawled from behind him, dangerously close to his nape.

It’s him, Captain Levi.

Eren’s eyes shifted, trying to catch a glimpse of his idol turned executioner. Everything was blurry and, in his haste, he flailed. This was it. This was the end for him, wasn’t it? He was going to die again, curled up on the ground like a true coward.

Then, the people stopped. No one said anything and they stopped creeping in closer to him. What was happening?

And once again that loud voice he’d since figured out was Major Hange screamed out “LEVI COMPREHENSION!”

Eren flinched and curled in on himself, dragging debris with him as he huddled in the fetal position in the middle of the street. His hands clamped down even tighter on his nape to protect himself.

 

xXx

 

The sun had long since gone down when Hange and Levi retreated to Wall Rose, joining up with the remains of fragmented troops camping atop the wall. Fires dotted the stone in between cannon tracks, soldiers trying to recover as best they could from the ordeal before they’d be sent down again to help exterminate more titans tomorrow.

“Erwin, he’s incredible!” Hange ambushed the Commander the second he’d had a spare moment.

Levi rolled his eyes at their volume, but at least the other scouting legion soldiers were used to frequent interruptions by the Major. 

Following behind at a more reserved pace Levi appeared out of the darkness. Erwin raised his eyebrows at their enthusiasm and Levi’s lack of disparaging remarks.

The titan was a solid lead and he could tell Erwin already knew it. Damn that man for his near omnipotent power of observation. It was fucking annoying at times.

Before Hange could start in about the titan Levi asked about the orders for clearing Trost. Erwin was right about that being their main mission no matter how promising this titan was for Hange’s research. That and once they started talking about titans it would be hours until they stopped, they’d been babbling about all the things they wanted to test on that damn titan all the way back to the wall.

“The last targeted strike squad returned half an hour ago, and the shelling on the outside edge of Trost was semi-effective.” Erwin reported gesturing for Levi to share the bedroll turned cushion on the other side of the low fire.

“It’s quiet, all the titans have stopped moving for the night.” Levi noted

“Too bad there’s no moon tonight,” Hange added “We could have tried to make a dent in the hoard at the gate if the visibility was better.”

Erwin hummed in agreement, keeping his voice low in case surrounding soldiers were listening in.

“Yes, but it’s only a matter of time before more migrate north. I’ve been working with Pixis to try and push a plan through Zackley to gain approval for wall maintenance.”

Levi’s blood ran cold. They really had no other way to seal the wall. They were being stonewalled by the government in the middle of an attack. Hange’s strangled a gasp just in time as they came to the same conclusion.

“So we’re really going to sit around with our thumbs up our asses while the wallists fight this in court? And when the armored titan shreds that dumbass net and wall Rose falls we blame it on what? Noble pigs with their heads in the sand?”

Hange looked equally unsettled, uncharacteristically silent in the firelight.

“Erwin,” Hange said in a hushed tone, “we have to seal the wall faster and by any means necessary. There’s no way civilians will stay calm with the threat of the armored titan and the wall unsealed.”

“I understand, but right now exterminating the titans within Trost will give the Garrison more time to create a more permanent solution for the wall.”

“So what you’re saying is we have no solution to stop the wall from falling when the Armored titan shows up?” Levi said.

Erwin closed his eyes, the firelight reflecting off his face before admitting

“We are in a very dire situation right now”

“Yeah no shit. At this rate Hange’s not even going to get to play with her titan.”

Hange looked up to the sky

“Ahh, the most interesting titan at the worst time. Such a smart boy, I won’t even get to name him.”

“This is depressing as hell.”

The three sat in silence for a minute before Erwin spoke up.

“Was the titan truly that intelligent?”

Levi ignored Hange’s spluttering outburst

“It’s big it’s ugly, but it had enough sense to cover it’s nape when we cornered it.” he responded flatly.

“We’ve never seen behavior that suggests titans can conceptualize their own mortality, Erwin this is incredible!”

Levi watched Erwin’s face as he stared into the fire, deep in thought. Hange kept prattling on about the titan and what their observations from the day, not noticing the unguarded grin creeping across Erwin’s face.

“You think it can be useful?” Levi questioned, interrupting Hange’s ramblings.

The grin quickly disappeared, replaced with the flat stoic look Erwin pulled with the brass.

“Hange, tomorrow I want you to study that titan. Levi, pull your squad off their duties to protect Squad Zoe. I want to know if this titan is a legitimate candidate for us to capture.”

 

xXx

 

Levi sighed and cracked his neck as he stood atop the baking red roof tiles of a general store where Hange had dragged him as soon as the sun had risen. They had located the titan quickly, the beast not moving far from where they had left it the previous day in the wreckage of a large boulder near the outside gate.

Petra and Oluo stood across the street from him monitoring the few remaining titans roaming, with Eld and Gunther farther out keeping an eye on the roads leading to where the target currently sat.

Levi still didn’t know what to make of this titan, it simultaneously did incredibly advanced and incredibly stupid things that made him constantly wonder if the previous action had been a fluke. The titan had covered its nape yesterday, but what if it had just randomly placed its hand there when it had fallen? Also, what kind of titan just ignored people and fell over? Was it actually running away from them, had it realized the scouts were congregating on the other side of town.

It was nearing noon, and Hange had been at it for hours trying to provoke any sort of reaction out of the titan. The large humanoid remained stubbornly unmoving, with its back pressed up against a row of houses, forehead resting on its bent knees.  

Levi had never considered titans to be intelligent creatures, for good reason. Humanity had never seen proof of anything to suggest otherwise. They had one journal entry, written under duress, but even out of all the expeditions ever undertaken by the scouts in their entire history that was the only piece of evidence titan that could interact in a meaningful way.

And that was probably for the best. Levi couldn’t truthfully answer whether he’d feel different killing the beasts if their goal was no different than a wolf or a bear.

The titan still sat curled in on itself ignoring Hange. It acted strangely, but it also looked unlike all other titans Levi had seen, and he’d seen a lot. He’d noticed the titan’s movements were off, not off really, but it had leagues more awareness and coordination than its brethren. The ability to kill titans with ODM came down to skill largely, but it also heavily relied on the fact that titans were dumb beasts. So dumb that their movements were clumsy and slow, titans couldn’t plan ahead so they simply reacted.

Unlike the titan before them, which refused to react to any of Hange’s pestering. It was clearly aware of them and the threat they posed, covering its nape when they neared it the other day. The large creature kept its head bent, resting its face on its knees childishly hiding its face. It could keep hiding its face for all Levi could care, it was a freaky titan with an absolutely enormous mouth with huge teeth spanning nearly ear to ear. It was fit and according to reports it fought with known fighting forms showing planning and rational thought.

So why isn’t it doing anything now? If this titan is so different we need to know why, and if there are more like it.

“Hey four eyes!”

Hange didn’t turn around, instead ignoring him to continue muttering whatever nonsense they were spewing at the titan. Probably begging it to move or do some thing of note so he wouldn’t report back to Erwin that it was a waste of time. As much as Levi agreed that Hange’s research was important, they only had so much money to allocate to it. The interior kept fierce tabs on the money they marked for titan research, and constantly threatened Hange’s funding if a report was so much as postmarked an hour late. Picking a titan that they couldn’t get any data from was a self-sabotaging, and he knew Erwin wouldn’t hesitate to pull the plug on this little impromptu capture mission if it would leave the Scouting Legion in a worse off position.

Levi adjusted his gear and zipped down to where Hange stared up at the titan.

“I know you heard me.You shouldn’t be down here so close”

Hange continued to stare at the titan, as if the titan would sense their eyes and finally return their intense gaze.

“If it doesn’t do anything in the next hour, we have to let it go.” Levi said, gearing up for the possibility of dragging Hange away from this titan by the ponytail.

“That should give you enough time to pick another.”

Hange continued to ignore him.

“We’ve cut down almost all of the titans, and short of this bastard getting up and closing the wall itself with that ridiculous rock it refuses to stop cowering behind we’ll have to dispose of it too.”

Hange whipped around. Their wide eyes boring into his soul as they advanced on him only to stop short.

“You know he won’t allow all that risk for no data, let alone empty reports to the capital.” Levi said.

“This titan is highly abnormal, dismissing what data this titan can offer would be a monumental mistake for humanity. I know it.” Hange’s voice was low, rage simmering just underneath.

“The higher ups won’t see it that way. You know that, I know that. Erwin knows it.”

Hange glared at Levi.

“This titan. An hour. I’ll make sure they get their report.”

Notes:

Thank you for all my lovely readers, I appreciate you all so much!! Your kind words, kudos, and engagement make my day so much and I'm glad you enjoy the story <3 A little shorter chapter than usual, but as I was reading I thought the last part of this chapter would fit better as the beginning as the next (so don't worry, the next chapter is already started!)

Chapter 14: Turning Point

Summary:

Hange knows that titan is worth capturing, Levi's on the fence. Mikasa and Armin deal with the aftermath of losing Eren.

Notes:

It's a mixed bag y'all, lots of perspectives in this one. Kinda struggled writing the titan Eren parts, but I think it'll be easier once I get to Hange's studies ;) also obsessed with everyone who names titan eren Atlas, I LOVE that name for titan Eren ugh <3 Loosely inspired by the premise of Ghost of Trost by Nalora. (Very cool fic!)

“I’m so sorry, Mikasa.” Sasha said quietly.

Mikasa didn’t respond, keeping her eyes trained on the tip of her boots. She traced a figure eight in the dirt of the alleyway with the worn leather. Armin sat nearby slumped on a crate, waiting for the next order. It didn’t feel real, and she couldn’t let it feel real. She was convinced Eren was going to walk around the corner any minute now and her heart would stop racing.

She wished he was here to tell her to stop being so upset, to tell her one more time that he didn’t need her to look out for him. Oh, how painfully wrong he had been.  Why couldn’t he have accepted it earlier, that he was her family and she just wanted to make sure he was safe?

“There was no way you could’ve known you’d run into so many titans.” someone murmured from where Armin sat.

Mikasa shuddered and sucked in a breath as she heard Armin break down again. Couldn’t the officers formulate their strategy faster? She needed to get up and move, not sit in the cramped alleyway with what was left of the retreated cadets. There were so many missing faces, but she only cared about one. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter trying to picture Eren’s face.

She didn’t want to forget his eyes, the way his fine hair felt in her fingers. How he’d smile when he played with her and her dolls when they were younger. He’d begrudgingly take her scarf and wear it in the boy’s barracks after he forced her to wash it. His always warm hands brushing against her neck as he’d return it the next day, wrapping it around her as he’d done that first night.

But he wasn’t here to wrap it around her anymore and he wasn’t here to bring her home. She was lost again, where could she possibly go from here?

The scouts.

She’d go into the scouting legion. It was the only way Eren would live on, how she could honor his memory. She knew some part of him never liked the fact she would join because of him, but she couldn’t live her life without knowing what was out there.

She wanted to be able to tell him about the outside world when they met again.

All the things he couldn’t see. Would never see.

“What are we supposed to do now? They aren’t giving us any orders…” Sasha said peering over Connie’s head at the entrance of the alley.

“They’re just talking,” Connie spat “They’re not doing anything.”

Jean scoffed, leaning against the wall “There’s nothing they can do! Face it there’s nothing to repair the wall with and even if there were the titans would break through at the sight of humans right in front of their face!”

“Well, something is better than nothing!” Connie shot back.

“They can’t do anything, it’s over!” Jean finished, rounding on Connie.

“Marco! Tell Jean to stop!” Connie yelled, squaring up to Jean.

Marco tried to grab Jean’s wrist and pull him away from his fellow cadet, but Jean wrenched his hand away angrily going to grab at Connie’s shirt.

“I am! You need to stop picking fights, all of you!” Marco cried from behind Jean, still trying and failing to pull Jean away from Connie.

Sasha let out a large painful sounding grunt from a few feet away as she doubled over clutching her stomach.

“Oh, shut up!” Jean yelled.

“Don’t you dare talk to her like that!” Connie screamed, finally grabbing Jean’s shirt as well. The two were ready to swing on each other, just waiting for the right excuse.

A booming voice rang out behind them suddenly.

“Jean, Eren! Quit fighting! We don’t need that shit right now!”

Everyone froze.

Jean’s eyes widened.

“…Reiner…”

 Mikasa’s stomach tightened at Eren’s name. Reiner didn’t know. How many other people didn’t know and would ask her about Eren? How many times would she have to relive that moment when she learned he wasn’t ever coming back?

Jean dropped Connie immediately and Connie shuffled back awkwardly releasing Jean.

“Connie?” Reiner furrowed his brow, looking genuinely perplexed at the prospect the two boys fighting were not Eren and Jean. He recovered quickly giving a too friendly smile for the situation. 

“Don’t tell me you broke up with your frenemy already Jean!”

No one responded. Reiner’s words died in the air, landing heavily on all the cadet’s shoulders.

Suddenly the ground became very interesting as everyone tried to avoid making eye contact with Reiner. No one wanted to be the one to tell him.

They were all so used to Jean and Eren doing their familiar dance of shouting, blustering, and shirt grabbing which quickly became routine for them during training. The two couldn’t stand each other and any group activity involving the pair would end with some form of argument. But despite all the yelling and posturing, the two boys somehow always ended up near each other voluntarily.

As one of the oldest boys Reiner had jokingly referred to them as friends since they couldn’t seem to leave each other alone for a day. Then Franz had chimed saying they'd miss one another after training since they wouldn't know what to do without their enemy. Thus the “frenemy” joke had been born.

Mikasa caught Bertholdt staring at her. He had an unreadable look on his face but quickly looked away when she caught him.

Bertholdt slowly raised his hand and gently rested it on Reiner’s shoulder.

“Reiner…”

Reiner met Bert’s eyes over his shoulder, the two sharing an inaudible message. Bertholdt shook his head slowly.

“Oh,” Reiner glanced over to Mikasa “Mikasa I’m so—“

She couldn’t hear this again.

She was over the closest rooftop before her friends could yell for her to come back.  

xXx

“Major! Get back!” a wavering voice yelled for what seemed like the hundredth time in an hour.

Eren sighed again from his spot on the ground. The Major had been repeatedly making attempts to get him to react.

“May I touch you, big fellow?” they called out to him.

Major Hange creeped forward again, getting closer to his ankle with their hand outstretched.

I am not big! And I’m not a fellow I’m a cadet! You stupid--

Eren remained crouched in the shadow of the building, his knees drawn towards his chest and hands over his nape. He knew what they’d do the minute they decided he wasn’t worth the trouble any longer.

“I know you’re paying attention to me big guy!”

Eren’s eyes darted around nervously. He didn’t dare move his head. The last time he’d moved the Major had gone nuts thinking he was going to start a conversation with them. The major was convinced it wasn’t a fluke no matter how hard anyone tried to convince them otherwise.

He glanced over towards the one human brave enough to repeatedly come within 10 meters of him. He couldn’t make out what they had in their hands, his cursed vision still hadn’t cleared and it suddenly occurred to him that maybe this is as good as his vision would be from now on.  They were hunched over, scribbling in what he guessed was a small notebook.

Fuck

“You can trust me, tell me your secrets!” the major called in a sing song voice.

Can you please, please stop.

He hated the way Major Hange kept asking him questions like he was a titan. Yes, he realized he looked like a titan now and for all purposes was apparently one at the moment, but he didn’t know the answers to anything. They kept questioning him like he wandered in from outside the walls, like they could wring the answers to all of titan kind out of him. It drove him mad that they were questioning him like some sort of all knowing being—it hadn’t even been 24 hours for Maria’s sake!

“Hmm, I know! I’ll tell you one of my secrets then you can share yours!”

The Major’s even crazier than everyone said..

“I’ve never told anyone this, but you seem like you could keep a secret!  Here it is: I think you’re one of many that can understand us!”

Oh, they’re actually insane…

“You’re just like the titan I found a few years ago, one that spoke with a member of the scouting legion right up until her death… Do you know that titan?”

Eren froze, finding it hard to take a breath. There were more like him? Perhaps the legend was right, this was a punishment for his mother’s death. He was a murderer and now he was doomed to wander as a titan for the rest of eternity just like Reiner said during their winter training. He’d never see his friends again and he’d never see the outside world. Did the other’s who suffered like this manage to communicate back somehow?

No, that was a convenient fit but he already knew whatever was happening had to be related to his dad. …Did that mean his dad somehow escaped going full titan? Maybe he had some sort of remedy for slowing down the affliction. Either way, it was too late to go back. He’d be a titan forever now.

“The titan spoke of Blessed Ymir, do you know what that is? Do you know who that is?”

The major seemed to be getting more and more frantic, hand rifling through their breast pocket to fish out something small and gold. He could only assume it was a watch from the glint in the midday sun.

“Would you speak for me?! A few words?! Anything?”

Eren heard shifting behind him as the whir of gear announced a new arrival directly behind him where Levi was. Ymir was just a name though, and apart from the girl in his cadet class he didn’t know why a titan would say something like that.

Blessed Ymir… the title indicated respect… he had heard his dad use that name before—as a curse though. To think of it, his dad always had creative curses. He never just took the Goddesses’ names in vain like everyone else did. He always made up something completely new that Eren would roll his eyes at.

He angled his ears back, something he didn’t realize he could do and upon the realization, decided he’d rather never think about again.

His hearing was so sensitive, more than usual and same with his sense of smell. It was overwhelming hearing each scream and cry of both humans and titans, rounded out with the inescapable scent of blood everywhere. His sense of smell was also stronger, overloaded with the scent of fear. He’d been able to smell emotions before, something that his father had taught him, but this was almost nauseating. It set him on edge, constantly having the human scent around him. He wanted to just stop the madness just so they’d stop smelling like that.

Involuntarily trying to grimace, he stopped when he realized his face was frozen.

Oh Maria, please at least let me be kind of normal looking.

He really didn’t want to think about what kind of stupid expression his face was probably warped into. Or what his new body looked like at all for that matter. How would he even know what he looked like?

“Captain Levi, it’s critical.”

Eren strained to hear the rest of the conversation but couldn’t seem to make out the words despite his newly heightened hearing.

Maybe if I just turn my head a little, they might not notice.

“HUH? Is something interesting over there?” Hange yelled at him again. The major had a frantic air about them when they first showed up, but they were becoming more and more aggressive as the hour passed.  

 Should I do something to keep their interest? If they know I might do something again maybe they won’t kill me as fast.

If he had to stay as a titan maybe he could drag this out… throw a crumb every so often that they left him alone. Maybe they’d release him outside the walls? No definitely not, the scouts were strangely interested in him. Probably because he’d made the mistake of covering his nape and the Major had lost it, claiming that a titan had never done that before. But there was no way he couldn’t cover his nape with the entire special operations squad surrounding him with blades drawn.

He couldn’t run, couldn’t move his hands from his nape as Captain Levi was still tagging him, all he could think to do was stay in place.  He just really wished Armin was here to tell him what to do, Armin always knew what to do.

xXx

There wasn’t anything in particular he’d imagine he’d feel, but when the Garrison member came hopping over rooftops, out of breath to announce the end of humanity Levi thought he would feel more.

Their hour was almost up, and the titan looked like it was a bust. Maybe had it been discovered on an earlier expedition they’d be able to determine if it was worth it, but there’d be no more expeditions if they let Trost fall.

“Hange! Moblit! Fall back now!” He yelled.

Swinging up to a vantage point he could see titans he was alerted to were flooding in from the snapped grid net. They’d been briefed on this scenario- retreat and abandon Trost while the Garrison sealed the inner gate of Trost permanently as a last-ditch effort to keep the armored titan from taking wall Rose.

It wasn’t what any of the higher ups had envisioned, but they didn’t have much choice at this point. If the Armored titan showed up, these could easily be the last few moments of humanity.

“Eld, make sure the squad gets to the southern end!” Levi ordered “If the armored titan appears, kill on sight!”

“Sir!” his squad called out in unison, mobilizing toward the wrecked net.

“Captain, will you be following?” Eld paused to call out before he followed the others.

“I’ll be right behind.” Levi responded, giving his second in charge a glance before returning his gaze to Hange and Moblit still on the ground with the titan.

“Go.”

“Yes, Sir!”

Eld saluted and took off to catch up with the squad.

Levi turned to survey the researchers. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy for Hange. Even in the wake of another attack on humanity and with the threat of the armored titan looming they were still sticking by the abnormal.

Moblit had appeared to have wrestled the Major onto a rooftop, but couldn’t get them to retreat.

He knew this was going to happen.

His pocket watch read 12:55. Five minutes. Hange was seeing the five minutes remaining through with that dumbass titan. Sina he was going to kill Hange if they made it out of this alive.

“Hange, listen to Moblit. You need to retreat with the others now.”

“But LEVI!” they wailed into Moblit’s ear as he hauled back on the Major still straining to get closer to the titan. “My hour isn’t up!”

Levi looked to Moblit to see if the man felt like offering any argument towards not disobeying direct orders, but he was too preoccupied with wrapping the Major in a bear hug from behind to vocalize. Not that Hange would listen, they were too fixated on what they thought the titan represented.

“HANGE! Listen to Moblit!”

Moblit finally looked in a position to argue with the major after spitting most of Hange’s ponytail out of his mouth.

“If we don’t mobilize now that broken net is going to cost us the entirety of civilization!”

“Listen to him goggles! Unless the titan is going to seal the fucking hole, it doesn’t need observation or protection right now.”

Throughout this whole endeavor Levi still hadn’t made up his mind either way on the titan. He didn’t like the idea of a titan that could be intelligent, but if it was there could be a lot of valuable information to be gained from it. Overall, it really just seemed like an unfortunately timed situation.

But then the ground rumbled, roof flexing underneath his feet. Red tiles shook loose under the stress of the shaking, hurtling down to smash on the cobble stones below. The titans couldn’t already be back this far? No, that would mean almost all the scouts ahead had been wiped out.

Levi spun back towards Hange and Moblit.

A large shadow washed over him, so wide it took the heat of the sun with it. The abnormal rose to its feet, lurching forward to stabilize itself on the crumbling roof. It stumbled as it rose to its full height, dwarfing the ruins around it. It had to be a solid 15 meters at the minimum, thick muscles defined and flexed.

Levi looked at the titan’s face, the grinning skeletal face shrouded by long greasy hair caked in grime from the chaos of earlier loomed over him. It tilted, weight on one foot and gave a sketchy attempt to turn towards the gate.

“Let’s move!”

By the time Moblit had yelled, all three had scattered to the next roof. Hange and Moblit on one to the left of the titan and Levi to the right. Then the abnormal suddenly stopped in the middle of the street for no reason.  

I’ll have to take this thing out before it gets up to the gate. It’s probably just headed back to the largest concentration of titans. We don’t need the extra mess from it throwing other titans while we’re trying to cover for the Garrison.  

A shrill cry came from the other side of the titan. Levi ripped his eyes away from the beast to see Hange jumping up and down like a maniac waving at the titan.

They’re way too fixated on the titan. They’re going to get themselves killed by another titan before they can take their eyes off this one.

“HHHHHHHHHHHHHeeeeeeeeYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BIG FELLOW!” Hange’s voice cracked so violently it cut out for a minute.

“SEAL THE GATE! SEAL THE GATE FOR US!”

Levi ground his teeth so hard his jaw muscles spasmed, there’s no way Hange was wasting time like this. At the very least they needed to let the thing go massacre some more titans on its way to the gate before it got taken down by a scout who didn’t know any better.

The titan halted its slow advance, tilting its head at the sound like a dog contemplating a command, demonic ears perking. Its eyes rolled in their sockets trying and failing to focus in on the sound of Hange’s voice in a disturbing display of almost sentience.

“THE BOULDER! MOVE THE BOULDER TO THE GATE!” Hange screamed again, voice rasping sounding horribly painful.

Levi motioned rudely to Moblit to forcibly take Hange with him as he adjusted his wires to get a good angle on this abnormal’s nape. It looks like the titan wouldn’t get a few more kills in before it met its end.

The titan raised its head and stared straight at the boulder.

There weren’t many times in his life Levi could say he had frozen, possibly never, but in hindsight there was no other way he could have reacted.

“YES, YES THAT ONE!!” Hange bellowed with the last shreds of their voice. Moblit even joined in with yelling and shouting of the rumbling din of titans and screaming.

It opened its mouth steam bleeding from its maw as it gave a strangely high-pitched warbling trill that chilled Levi to the bone. It was a sound he’d never heard any animal or titan make before. It paralyzed him in place while the titan turned its attention back to Hange again and dipped its chin.  

It fucking nodded at them.

The titan nodded in understanding.

He had to get a hold on himself, there was an entire battlefield that could kill them. There’s no way he could die before he knew what would happen with this titan.

The titan let its arms fall slack against its side, staring back into the distance as if sizing up the impossibly large rock. It let out a rasping roar as if to rage against the injustice of saving humans, then took off. Chest heaving like an incredible machine, steam bursting from its mouth in jets of scalding heat in time with its massive breaths.

Levi wasn’t sure if it was the sound of its footsteps or the sound of his heart pounding as he took off maneuvering up to Erwin’s position. Hange would be already tailing the titan ready to witness the impossible events that were about to take place.

Levi found the commander would out of the makeshift HQ, coordinating the rear guard.

“Erwin.” Levi barked as he spotted the blond head bobbing around a chimney supervising the progress of the scouts.

“Levi, get up here we need you at the front. Mike’s squad is already near the gate covering the garrison.”

“Erwin that titan-“ Levi didn’t have time to explain before the titan burst through a building two blocks over. Glass, stone, and wood hurtling through the air.

“Get down!” Erwin commanded as shrapnel rained down.

Levi yanked Erwin behind a dormer at the last minute, the man so large even crouching into a ball he wasn’t completely shielded. Erwin flinching at the sharp sounds splintered wood piercing the other side of the wall, grunting when a rogue brick slammed into his shoulder.

Levi didn’t wait for Erwin’s confirmation that he was ok before launching into the finding.

“Erwin that titan is intelligent—Hange was right about the shitty thing. They asked it to seal the wall with the boulder and nodded and took off.”

“Levi—” Erwin squinted at him through the dust cloud of debris.

“We have to make sure it lives, that thing isn’t normal,” he paused realizing his own contradiction “it isn’t a regular abnormal”

Erwin focused for a moment, seemingly mentally recalculating preserving the titan into the active battle plans he was executing.

“COMMANDER!”

The troops that were back by Erwin had only seen the commander swallowed by the dust cloud kicked up from the building collapse. The whirr of gear echoed around as soldiers crisscrossed by looking for Erwin.

Erwin’s intense gaze snapped back to meet Levi’s as he awaited orders.

“Levi, get up to the front with Mike relay the message that the abnormal is still tagged.”

Levi nodded getting ready to take off before Erwin grabbed his arm with a filthy hand preventing him from leaving too early.

“Your main focus is up there; we still don’t know if this titan made contact or even understood and if it will seal the wall. Proceed as if the abnormal doesn’t exist.”

Levi’s gaze shifted from the filthy hand on his bicep back to Erwin’s face.

“It nodded”

“Commander Erwin!” another voice yelled again as the dust was starting to settle.

“I understand it made movements that could be construed a certain way but proceed if it didn’t. We have cadets, garrison, and scouts out here. It’s a delicate balance and not all will take kindly to this development if it really is what it is.” Erwin nodded, stepping away from Levi. “If it isn’t what we think it is, we don’t want the loss of lives resting on that beast.”

“Understood” Levi launched himself forward into the fray, as Erwin climbed back to the top of the roof.

xXx

Mikasa sat at the dining hall table staring into her breakfast, the whispering around her setting her on edge. It didn’t feel right to grieve when others who hadn’t lost their loved ones traded snippets of gossip of the titan that had become a traitor to its own kind. She knew everyone had come through hell and she had no right to criticize their way of coping, but she hated that the world just continued to move forward as if Eren had never left. She didn’t have time to think about that titan, not when Eren needed her attention right now.

Three days into the cleanup of Trost she had received the letter. Armin had to excuse himself after he’d read it, sobbing so violently he became sick. She hadn’t seen him since. He was avoiding her and it bothered her, she knew he blamed himself for Eren’s sacrifice but she couldn’t bring herself to comfort Armin as well when she was so hollow herself. She was so used to leaning on Eren for comfort, and now she couldn’t. Everything was off without him behind her, just knowing that she would see him again was enough.

Today was the day she had to be strong for all of them. But she dearly wished Armin would come with her, it didn’t matter if he cried the entire time, she just didn’t want to do this alone. She thought of the letter again.

 

Dear Sir/Ma’am,

 

It is my painful duty to inform you that a report has been received from the War Office notifying the death of :

(No.) N/A             (Rank) Trainee

Name: Eren A. Jaeger

(Regiment) 104^th Southern Trainee Corps.

Which occurred in Trost, Wall Rose on the 14^th March, 850

This report is to the effect that (s)he was killed in action.

By His Majesty’s command I am to forward the enclosed message of sympathy from His Gracious Majesty the King. I am at the same time to express the regret of the Army Council at the soldier’s death in his/her service to the Walls.

I am to add that any information that may be received as to the soldier’s burial will be communicated to you in due course. A separate leaflet dealing more fully with this subject is enclosed. Any application you may wish to make regarding the late soldier’s effects should be addressed to “The Secretary, War Office” and marked on the outside, “Deceased Soldiers’ Effects.”

Please accept my sincere sympathy in the loss you and your family have sustained.

 

Very Sincerely yours,

1. H. Engel

Office of War Records

 

Mikasa closed her eyes to stop the tears welling again. It was an impersonal letter that was sent to many families. It didn’t capture anything about Eren’s spirit, he had been so sure, confident, and driven to change things for the better, full of passion for his friends, and love for his family—the three of them together. It wasn’t supposed to capture that though, places on the form had been N/A’d since Eren hadn’t even gotten to choose a branch of the military. It had been hastily scrawled in by a secretary before moving onto the next notice.

She picked up the envelope again, letter heavy in her hand she made her way to the boy’s barracks. Armin wasn’t there. He must be out on another clean up shift. They were almost finished clearing the rubble. Trost had been lucky that only the southern half of the city took most of the damage.

No loss of civilian life, but far too many casualties for three branches of the military. They’d tagged and retrieved all the bodies, the ones that were recognizable anyway.

They hadn’t found him.

Mikasa pulled her scarf up covering her face as she turned to leave. She would have to do this alone.

 

The office was unremarkable, the standard wooden building was dim and musty smelling from the volume of paper that sat in the tall rows of bookshelves reaching back farther than she could see. The office seemed empty except for the two secretaries working upfront, but most likely more people were at work based on the amount of rustling in the back. A plump older woman with warm brown eyes was signing documents at the front desk.

“What can I do for you honey?” she asked, head tilted slightly as if baffled by the presence of someone not on duty.

The woman wore the standard garrison uniform, her frizzy yellow-white hair half held back by a metal clip painted bright blue.

What a lovely color.

“I- “ Mikasa faltered “I’m here to collect-“ she stammered, cutting off before she had to say the difficult part out loud.

“We’re still working on the letters to the next of kin, they’ll be sent out soon. Check with your family they’ll send it to parent’s first.”

Mikasa tilted her face down, a tear catching in the scarf. Her hands balling up, involuntarily scrunching the letter. The letter – oh she should give that to them.

Wordlessly she stepped up closer to the desk, depositing the rumpled letter on the table.

“Oh…” the woman immediately knew why she was here.

Mikasa was grateful for her quick understanding as she didn’t think she could talk. Swallowing thickly, she took a deep watery breath in to try and calm herself.

The woman turned in her chair and called softly to another clerk in the back Mikasa couldn’t see.

“Bathilde, the first one is here.”

There was a stillness as the rustling of paper ceased throughout the office. Mikasa looked at the floor, if they acknowledged her tears, she wouldn’t be able to stop.

“I’ll be right back dear,” the first woman said softly “Just wait right here, I’ll need this for a moment.”

She swiped the envelope off the desk, hurrying into the back. Mikasa shuffled in place trying not to overhear the hushed conversation on the other side of the bookshelves.

“Jaeger, with a J.”

“We just sent those letters out,” a sharp voice that must have been Bathilde clucked with annoyance from the other side of the filing cabinets. “Did she show proof she’s the next of kin?”

“Oh, I just assumed since she had the letter” the sweet secretary responded.

“You have to check every time, there’s been too many cases of ‘girlfriends’ stealing belongings from the families”

Mikasa frowned at the distain in Bathilde’s voice. She looked around for anything else to focus on, the bare walls not giving her much to distract herself with. She caught the other secretary at the front staring at her, the younger woman hastily returning to her writing when she saw how red Mikasa’s face had become. She’d never steal from the dead, and anyway, Eren was family and she had to collect any memory or link to him she could get.

The first clerk came back out and Mikasa stood straight, sniffling as she prepared herself to receive Eren’s personal effects.

“So sorry, but I just need to see some identification first.”

Mikasa fumbled for her trainee ID card, handing it quickly to the woman. She held it up to a small wad of papers in her other hand.

“You are Mikasa Ackerman? Named next of kin for Eren A. Jaeger.”

“Yes ma’am.”

The woman handed her the letter and her ID back and strode back behind the shelves again. Mikasa focused on the floor. Her eyes searched for shapes in the wood grain in each floor board to distract her, but it wasn’t working.

More of the hushed conversation carried over to her. She tried to ignore it but she longed to hear other people say his name to prove he wasn’t forgotten.

“Just the trunk?”

“Yes, since there’s no body. We’re only supposed to give back items on them when they died, but there’s such a back log they want us to clear this junk as fast as possible.” Bathilde sniffed.

How dare they treat Eren’s belongings like garbage. It was important. He was important.

“—It was the only possession in the barracks, grab all that stuff in there but keep the trunk it’s standard issue. Send it back to the trainee grounds for the next recruit.”

“I’ll get a bag to put it in.”

“Well, she really should have brought her own. We need to make sure to post a note on the door about responsibility of transporting belongings.”

 There was more shuffling, and a few loud clunks as Mikasa could imagine the woman going through Eren’s trunk.

“They’ve gotten soft these days! We never used to bother with this for trainees, and certainly didn’t waste a spot in the cemetery for them!”

Mikasa’s chest shattered, she didn’t have the heart to stand up for Eren against this horrible woman who had never even met him. She wasn’t ready for it, she wouldn’t ever be, but the woman came back out to the front with a gentle look on her face. Her eyes creasing as she took in the state of the teenage girl before her.

“I need you to sign here,” The woman hesitated but slid a piece of paper over confirming that Eren’s next of kin had been contacted and picked up his belongings.

Mikasa left her shaky signature on the line, breath catching when a flour sack of items was put on the table next to her. Finishing the document, she reached up to take the bag, but the lady caught her hand before she could take the bag and leave.

“It’s going to be ok, my dear. Take care of yourself, please.”

Mikasa nodded just wanting to end the interaction, she couldn’t look at anymore people right now. Her chest ached like a part of it had been carved out, and her head had started hurting again. She tried to smile back at the woman, pretending she was ok but her lip quivered and the rest of her broke.

Notes:

Next chapter out soon as it's almost done! I love all your comments and kudos, and love that you guys have been enjoying this so much! Also made Eren and Mikasa's Trainee registration cards, but can't get them to cooperate with embedding. So be on the lookout for me editing this chap to embed and put the imugr link to the pics later this week if that's something you'd like to see :)

Chapter 15: Arrival

Summary:

Hange's new pet is here and they're ready to learn all they can :P

Mikasa sat on her bed, eyes puffy and raw. Tonight was the graduation ceremony and she still hadn’t seen Armin since the start of the cleanup. Rumors of the traitor titan were all people could talk about. The titan had turned against its own kind to seal the hole in the wall. The scouts had protected it while it picked up the boulder and permanently dropped the rock into the destroyed gate.

Everyone wanted to know more about the beast, it was all anyone would talk about. A huddle of girls sat on one bed, tittering on about the events of that day.

“I heard it actually spoke to the Scouts! It came up with the plan for sealing the wall.” Laura said, eyes darting around the circle to see if anyone could confirm.

“Who did you hear that from? There’s no way” Uma deadpanned.

“Maybe it did speak? How do you know it didn’t?” Sasha replied.

“Because titans are way too stupid to speak!” someone shot back

“Speak for yourself.” Ymir scoffed.

The taller girl turned to face Mikasa who sat alone a few beds away.

“Mikasa, do you know what they’re doing with the titan? I heard it’s still trapped in Trost, they can’t decide if it will be disposed of or not.”

Mikasa’s gaze flicked up to the waiting group of girls, hungry for more information. After all, she was the only one in the room who had seen the beast up close.

“No. They won’t dispose of it.” She answered decisively.

“Oh, I thought you’d not like it. Knowing how …Eren … and all.” Hannah trailed off.

She furrowed her brow and glared at Hannah

“I think for myself.”

“Are you saying I don’t?” Hannah glared back, “You’re not the only one who lost someone. I think they should kill it, just like they killed our-“

“Guys, please don’t fight! I know everyone’s rattled right now, but it won’t do us any good to argue.” Krista shouted over them.

“…Well actually I think Mikasa is right, the notices were posted today during the plan to bring the Trost residents back to town.” Uma fiddled with a folded poster in her uniform pocket.

“Let me see.” Ymir snapped, snatching the paper out of Uma’s hands before the other girl could unfold it all the way.

“Letter of notice to Trost residents owning property within the central and northern district,” her eyes scanned down the page.

“They’re bringing the titan in! How?” Hannah demanded, pushing Krista out of the way to read the paper herself.

“Probably the scouting legion is taking it to their other base, they had two titan research subjects at the smaller base, but I’ve heard the traitor titan is really big.” Annie spoke for the first time since the topic had come up.

The girls debated for a few minutes more, doing their last minute uniform checks making sure they were presentable for the graduation dinner.

“Oh hey, are you guys talking about the intelligent titan?”

The girls turned to see Armin lingering by the door of the temporary barracks looking sheepish. Twisting his thumbs he stretched up on his toes, his head bobbed around taking in each of their faces as if he was expecting someone to chastise him for interrupting.

“Yeah! You know anything about the capture they’re planning?” Ymir asked.

“Uh, just what was made public, but I really wonder how they plan on doing that. The titan was 15 meters. That’s much larger than any of the past captures.” He looked up in thought before shaking his head.

“wanna sit?” Sasha offered

“Actually, I came here to see Mikasa, is she here?” He looked around nervously again.

One of the girls nodded and motioned gently over to where Mikasa sat away from the circle. Mikasa didn’t acknowledge him, waiting until brown loafers stopped just short of her bed. Mikasa looked up at Armin. He stood there in his civilian clothes, arms hugging himself as if he expected her to yell at him at any moment.

“Armi—” she started

“Mikasa, I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you like a coward. I should have been there for you and I’ll be here for you now going forward. That is… if you’ll have me.”

“Armin,” Mikasa pulled him down to sit on her bed. “we’re family.” She said steadily.

The statement hung in the air, the implication that she’d never leave him behind firmly reassuring. She reached for his hand, letting it rest on top of his.

Armin hugged her, the two staying embracing for a long minute, both sniffling at their loss.

Sensing the nature of the conversation that was about to happen, the other girls began to file out of the room with gentle goodbyes and reminders to not be late to the ceremony.

“I picked up his belongings today, I haven’t gone through them yet.” She said.

Armin nodded shakily, his eyes glassy. He scrubbed his nose with his sleeve before straightening up and digging in the pocket of his cardigan.

“I got you something…”

Mikasa stared at the small brown box he held out between them. It wasn’t like any of them to give gifts to each other, even when they had finally had the means to. She took the box and gently opened the top.

A locket.

Armin scrubbed at his eyes again, dipping his head to motion to open it.

Mikasa gasped. Inside was a sketch of Eren, one of his rare smiles since the fall of Maria lighting up his face. Her face crumpled once again and she let herself cry for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Locket clutched to her chest, she cried as Armin sniffled along with her rubbing gentle circles on her back.

It was a good while before she was able to clear her eyes and appreciate the portrait of Eren in the locket.

“Armin, how?” She asked, unwinding her scarf to put the locket around her neck.

It was odd seeing her without the scarf that was once Eren's even for a few minutes, but he motioned for her to turn so he could latch the clasp behind her neck.

“I asked Jean, he’s quite good at drawing.” He answered, letting the necklace fall into place.

Mikasa smiled softly “That was very kind of him.” She wound her scarf back around her neck. A hand over her heart where the locket now sat hidden.

“Yes, he did a good job. Probably all the time they spent together despite saying they hated one another.” Armin snorted in amusement.

A silence settled between the two as they sat side by side on her bed. The dormitory was quiet as all the other’s had left for supper, but Mikasa wasn’t hungry. She figured now was as good a time as any to tell Armin.

“He’s going to be in the Wall Rose Military Cemetery…” She hugged herself, leaning into Armin’s side.

“They made me check the spelling on his headstone,” she gasped as the room blurred again. “He’s going to be by a tree, he liked sleeping under--” she shuddered with a suppressed sob. “Even though they didn’t find him…they’re still giving him a grave. They said I could choose one of his personal effects to bury if I wanted.”

Armin nodded along, not trusting himself to speak. He looked up, wondering if Eren was watching them. He took a deep breath and reached for the flour sack bag that rested behind them on the bed. He should probably look through it all in case Eren had something private. Not that his friend was secretive, but Armin would hope that Eren would have done the same thing for him if it had been reversed. Armin crawled up to sit on the foot of the bed, Mikasa following. The bag sat between them as they both stared at it.

“Well, let’s start.”

Armin unknotted the top of the bag, dumping it out over the bed. There weren’t very many things, a standard issue toiletry kit, the special unscented soaps Eren always bought, crumpled tests, a small pouch of coins. It all seemed so innocuous, nothing sentimental enough to bury in place of him.

Mikasa picked up the little pack of games Eren kept and Armin smiled at the tin of marbles and jacks. Eren was always up for a game of marbles, and sometimes would even shoot marbles alone after training. He was one of the best players in the barracks, when their building met up with the other buildings Eren regularly won.

Armin went for the pile of paper, picking up a partial flier for the scouting legion. It looked like Eren had torn a low-quality print of the Commander and Captain Levi, as well as the wings of freedom. There were a few marked up homework assignments and penmanship workbook pages Eren had kept. No doubt from when Jean had claimed he had better handwriting than Eren and Eren had begged Armin to teach him how to write in the formal Wall language to one up the other boy. Much to Armin’s amusement Eren had actually done well when he was using spiting Jean as motivation.

A few shirts and underwear also tumbled out, and Mikasa moved to refold them with a slight blush on her face while Armin sorted through the papers. As she picked up the balled up, and thankfully clean, underwear a small leather-bound journal tumbled loose.

Armin and Mikasa locked eyes. Eren had never been one to express any of his feelings, other than anger, let alone keep a diary. Neither of them had ever seen him recording anything ever, his writing and reading were weak outside of Shiganese and while he’d come a long way with Armin teaching him, he still took his classroom work with the accommodation’s meant for illiterate trainees.

To hide this in his underwear? Eren definitely hadn’t wanted anyone to know he’d been keeping it.

Mikasa picked up the book, staring at the blank cover.

“Armin… should we…?” she trailed off caught between curiosity and respecting Eren’s privacy.

“I’m sure he would want us to keep it safe.” Armin said, wanting nothing more to open it and hear words that Eren had written.

What on Earth was he keeping so private? Perhaps I should read it before Mikasa does in case he wrote about her. Good or bad…

Whatever the journal contained, reading those words would be difficult, it’d be the last time he’d feel like Eren was speaking to him. Everything else after would be a memory.

Armin opened the book, cautiously scanning the first page in case there was anything too personal that he knew Eren wouldn’t have wanted Mikasa to see. Mikasa leaned over as Armin furrowed his brow at the first page.

“What does it say?” she asked, spotting the Shiganese writing in the corner.

Armin wasn’t tripped up by the other language, he’d grown near fluent from his time living in the city, more than Mikasa’s few years, but the baffling part was that the page was some sort of table with lots of numbers. Mikasa trailed a thumb along the first line waiting for the translation of the word.

Armin tried to make sense of the table, puzzling out what on earth it meant. In the top left corner was the Shiganese word for finger and below that what looked like a list of dates. To the right in of each date a number was listed, the numbers started quite high decreasing as they went down the page.

They must be measurements of some sort? Measurements of what, this isn’t the length of a finger… seconds?

The column to the right of the dates were times that gradually decreased the more whatever this experiment Eren was working on transpired.

What would link a body part and time measurements together? Maybe I shouldn’t tell Mikasa what it says.

Armin flipped to the next page and frowned. This table was set up the exact same way except the body part listed at the top was toe.

Eren this makes no sense at all! Why were you hiding this? What is this?

Armin flipped through the next ten pages shaking his head at the tables, all set up the exact same way with different body parts and medical terms.

Skin (thigh), eyes, nail, veins, bone (arm)

“Mikasa I have no idea what this is, it’s just a bunch of… I don’t know…” Armin admitted, after reading out the pages of terms and dates and times. He pointed out the pattern to her, and the ones that broke the pattern. The page labeled Hair seemed to have frustrated Eren since the writing was dark and overwritten with lots of cross outs and angry X’s where times were supposed to be.

Mikasa hummed, going back to looking at the scraps of paper. Before suggesting the small doll she had crocheted of Eren as the object they bury.

Armin blinked, trying to make sense of her reaction.

“Don’t you find this weird?” he asked.

“No, you know Eren was always trying to improve.”

“Improve what? This is gibberish but not gibberish there’s a clear pattern!” Armin cried “what does it mean? Don’t you want to know?”

“No.” Mikasa said plainly as she gathered up the rest of the belongings and set the marble jar on her bedside table.

“We should get going, the graduation ceremony starts in an hour. They’ll be closing the mess hall soon.” She said standing up briskly and smoothing her uniform.

Armin looked back at the journal, then back up at her.

“Do you mind if I keep this?” He asked.

“No, but Eren would.” She said a little too matter of fact.

He stood, putting the booklet in his jacket pocket. There was something he was missing, and it was eating at him more than he cared to admit.

Mikasa led Armin out of the dormitories back towards the mess hall. She knew for a fact that Eren would have minded Armin getting a hold of one of his regeneration practice logs, but he wasn’t here with them anymore. Every time she brought up regeneration around him after they joined the military Eren got mad at her. He seemed to think there was something wrong with himself, worrying especially about Armin finding out about his ability.

Mikasa didn’t think it was much of an issue, and thought that he should tell Armin eventually, but Eren seemed anxious of Armin finding out. Perhaps she’d just keep Eren’s secret, there was no reason to tell Armin about his friend’s regeneration, especially since Mikasa didn’t even know what it meant herself. That’s just the way Eren was, there was no reason to dig into it. And there was no way Armin would be able to figure out what the tables meant now that Eren was gone.

 

xXx

 

“This is unbelievable.” Jean said looking out the window into the courtyard. “I can’t believe I—I—” he threw his hands up in exasperation, pacing back towards the door.

Armin tore his eyes away from the titan chained in the courtyard below to smirk at his new roommate.

“I’m glad you were convinced enough to join us in the Scouts” Armin said, glancing back to catch every move the titan made in response to the major’s team prodding at the beast.

“That blockhead didn’t convince me!” Jean whirled around shaking his head as he quickly realized his slip up “No one convinced me, I chose this for myself.” He huffed.

Jean joined Armin back at the window. Major Zoe was currently poking the abnormal with a sharpened wooden pike, not hard enough to harm, but it looked as if they were trying to get at least some sort of response. If the stories from the veterans were anything to go by their first night in the mess hall at headquarters it had sounded like the roughest transport the scouts had ever accomplished.

“Knock, knock,” Reiner called as he strolled in with Bert in tow.

“Watchin’ the new guy?” he asked clapping Armin on the back hard. He peered out the window to gawk down at the titan as Armin groaned, rubbing at his shoulder.

“Yeah, pretty hard not to with this room.” Jean answered for the both of them.

“No one else wanted these rooms, eh? Too close to the titan.” Reiner joked.

“Exactly, you can hear it breathing and shifting all night” Bert said crossing his arms in displeasure. “We’re right next door.” He offered.

“Aw Bert you don’t mind ringside seats! It’d be boring on the other side of the building, just grass and trees to look at.”

Jean snorted “yeah couldn’t have all that peace and quiet, could we?”

“It’s not so bad,” Armin said, resting his head in his hands as he leaned up against the windowsill “I think it’s fascinating, this titan is truly aberrant. It’s really calm, more than the others, it hasn’t even looked at the other titans.”

Bert leaned a little further towards the window, looking down his nose at the scene below.

“What do they think they’re doing?” he scoffed.

The four boys peered down at Hange babbling away at the titan, as they prodded the pike into the titan’s belly. The monster’s leathery skin twitched and it let out a warbled rumbling noise. It's head and neck straining at its collar of chains and spikes as it tried to track the squad moving around its pinned body.

“It’s so big, it’s a wonder they were able to get it all the way into Rose without any casualties”

“I mean, like you said it’s pretty calm. At least it hasn’t tried to lunge at anyone yet.” Jean said pointedly staring at the two other titans that seemed eternally agitated at the abundance of food walking past them. They sat awkwardly with their limbs tacked down panting and squirming in their restraints, not seeming to realize the futility of their struggles or even register they had been tied up.

Currently their dopey expressions were turned towards the new abnormal, agitated at the smell and sounds of the new titan. The two titans, Sawney and Bean, as it was explained on their tour of the facilities were quite dangerous. They frequently snapped at the titan researchers and seemed to never tire of the constant constrained thrashing where they pulled despite chains, ropes, and a body full of iron tacks. Unlike this new one, the traitor titan had yet to be named and it seemed much more docile and aware of its surroundings.

“It’s probably much lighter than it looks... like they said on the tour” Bert said “It’s not that big and if they moved it at night it’s definitely possible to get it all the way out here in a day.”

“Really?” Armin asked “I mean 15 meters is the tallest class of titan we’ve seen not counting the colossal titan. The other titans they’ve captured are under 10 meters.” Armin mused, watching the titan flop to the ground limp in its restraints as Major Hange put the pike away.

Hange began to pace back and forth in front of the titan’s face, its eyes staring off into the distance. Perhaps it was looking at the sky, wondering how it got here. Did it fall asleep in Trost and wake up here surrounded by humans, like a child falling asleep in a carriage only to wake up in bed? Do titans dream? He chewed his lip, lost in thought until a burst of laughter from Bert and Reiner brought him back. The titan struggled to lift its head again, as it repeatedly bleated a rhythmic croaking sound almost haughtily at Hange.

Armin quickly surveyed the situation below. The major had been suggesting names for the titan in their little naming ceremony, speaking down to the titan as if it were a particularly young and timid child.

“We could call him hoagie for short! Hogarth!” they cried. “Unless you’re a girl, if you are I’m sorry, I’ve been misgendering you this whole time.”

“Perhaps a gender-neutral name Major? A last name or descriptor?” a man called from the sidelines. He stood a pace or two back from Hange with his hands full of notebooks and graphite. That must be Moblit Berner, Armin decided. Hange’s right-hand man. He had an eternally present aura of anxiety and seemed timid standing next to Hange, but Jean had said he’d already seen Moblit move impossibly fast to snatch the Major away from the two other titans in the corner.

“I know!” The Major grinned “Since you love hunting your kin! It’s what makes you so unique, you don’t pursue us humans!”

Bert rolled his eyes as Reiner's narrowed at the statement.

“Jaeger!” Hange cried.

The titan tensed its whole body, taking a large breath in as its pupil’s contracted and searched across Hange’s form. It’s the first time the titan seemed to actually engage with the people around it and the implications sent a shiver down Armin’s spine.

It knows we’re trying to speak to it and understands it’s been captured…

“My big Jaegermeister! What a lovely hunter of titans!” she cackled as she moved in to touch the titan seeming to forget what danger it posed.

Something about the last few seconds triggered the titan and it gave a good thrash, metal poles bending as the chains pulled taut. It’s the first they’ve seen this titan struggle in earnest. Something upset it, but there were so many changing variables in the environment Armin couldn’t begin to pinpoint what set the beast off. Whether it’s something about the way the name sounds or the titan had finally regained its energy from capture, there was no way to tell for sure.

Hange sensed the shift in mood well before the titan began to flail and leaped back hurriedly. It was a practiced motion that one could tell they've done many times and in no time, they were taking notes; graphite dancing around the page while simultaneously dictating a sketch to Moblit.

Armin couldn't help but appreciate the efficiency and methodical nature of their work. It was easy to forget that Major Zoe was a scientist above all else underneath their loud personality.  

“I think I’m going to request to join the titan research squad.” Armin declared to no one in particular, well, maybe to himself. The three other boys gawked at him, but he ignored it, gazing back over the abnormal- Jaeger- who was clearly exhausted. It seems the short burst of energy had run out and the titan panted as it relent to the weight of its chains that dug into its limbs and torso. It twisted painfully in its half reclined position to open its mouth as its breath became faster and shallower.

Hange spoke to it softly, trying to calm it with the tone of their voice like one would with a flighty horse. The titan fought harder snapping some of the thick wooden poles holding the ropes criss crossing it’s legs, people began to shuffle back in unease, unsure if the restraints would hold the animal before them.

It seems to react to the tone of voices, could it be like a dog or horse? Smart enough to train and learn a few commands?

The titan carried on for a few minutes getting weaker and weaker as it went. Finally, it’s body went lax and it turned it’s face towards the window they were watching from, it’s eyes once again unfocused and fixed somewhere above them on the roof. The titan inhaled, sniffing the air and opening its mouth as much as it can with the barbed metal poles that punctured its jaws and held them together. Armin could hear Hange dictating to Moblit that the titan relied on sense of smell rather than sight.

Then as quickly as the titan was set off, it sagged in exhaustion and people started to relax at the sight of the chains holding.

Hange crept forward slowly.

“Hey big guy, you’re ok.” They sweet talked mindlessly as they took in the physical condition of the titan in their notebook “We’re not doing anything to hurt you, if you struggle, you’re just going to scare yourself.”

The titan seemed to stiffen at those words to the bewilderment of all watching. Titans couldn’t understand words, but this one seemed to recognize something in what they said. It took as deep a breath in as it could, and everyone expected a sigh as the titan settled, but rather it let out a jarring series of yelping wails in rapid succession. The sheer volume had notebooks, blades, and equipment drop in favor of covering ears.

“What the hell was that?!” Jean demanded, slamming the shutters closed.

They’re all rattled at the display, eyes wide and trembling. Armin shivered. This titan doesn’t behave like a titan at all, it behaves like an animal. Something that has sentience and emotions. The noises it makes aren’t the usual moans and groans of titans ambling around until their next meal, they must have meaning behind them. They are deliberate and differentiated from one another.

This titan is not normal in any sense, it’s an enigma. A puzzle that Armin had to solve. That he needs to solve, he has to do it not just for his own curiosity anymore but also for humanity, for his friends. Friends that are here with him now, or gone, whether to a different branch or gone forever. Eren’s sacrifice shouldn’t be in vain, Armin had to put his all into figuring this mystery out. It could be the next breakthrough that brings them one step closer to freedom.

Notes:

As always thank you for reading and commenting and giving kudos, I love you all :) Hopefully there are less AI spam comments now so I opened the fic back up to unregistered users <3 next chapter is already in the works and Hange's going to take our Armin under their wing to become an expert on titans... Eren... hmmm well he's going through it

Chapter 16: Realization

Summary:

Armin finds some important clues... can he put them together?

Notes:

Considering breaking this story up into different books/works so it might be easier to read or more approachable for some. Let me know if that's something you'd like to see in the future

“Have they said what experiments you will be participating in?” Mikasa asked over the breakfast table the next morning.

Armin shook his head, still working through his mouthful of hot cakes. Good food was the one thing he definitely didn’t expect from the scouts. The food wasn’t expensive, but it was well made, and the cook was an older man who seemed to embrace the fact that for most of the new soldiers these would be their last meals. It was certainly morbid, but Armin couldn’t have cared less as he spread more butter across the fluffy confection.

“I’m not sure how it works, but I’m supposed to report to Squad Vice Captain Berner.” Armin explained the brief rundown he’d gotten when he’d submitted his application. 

Mikasa nodded, enjoying her own breakfast. She seemed to be less distressed today, eating a small plate of eggs and greeting the other recruits again. When they’d lost Eren she’d stayed strong until she couldn’t, arranging paperwork and funerals making sure that Eren was given the best they could get as trainees with little money. Eventually she had fallen into herself, moving through each day with little acknowledgement to her friends.

Armin had been so worried, he’d almost never left her side after they had the ceremony for Eren. Her one day off a week she’d take the hour trip to the cemetery in Wall Rose to sit with his grave, some times making the journey on foot if she couldn’t rent a horse. He had begged her to take care of herself, to rest, but she had thrown herself into training even more neglecting to eat or bathe.

“I put in a few applications for chore requests, but most of them were already full.” Mikasa admitted. “My squad leader said most of my time would be spent training with them or some of the more advanced groups, and they would just rotate chores in my free time.”

Armin gave her a hesitant smile.

“That’s good, right? They already know how talented you are.”

“I guess,” she replied. “that’s what Sasha said, but I don’t care about promotions or any of that.” She finished glumly.

Armin nodded, not quite sure how to continue the conversation.

“You’re rooming with her now?” he asked politely.

“Yes, who are you rooming with?” she asked looking up at him alarmed as if she hadn’t even considered Armin would have to find a new roommate.

“Jean… Marco… well… yeah…” he finished awkwardly.

Mikasa hummed as she went back to pushing the eggs around her plate.

“What do you think of the new titan?” she asked, not looking up.

Armin raised his brows. This was the first time she had spoken about the newly captured aberrant.

“Well, of course I find it really interesting. The few things I know about it make the case rather perplexing, but I think that this one could be the one that gives us a massive breakthrough.” Armin said taking a breath to organize his thoughts.

”I know that pretty much everyone says that, but I really think this titan is intelligent. The noises I’ve heard it make alone suggest it’s sentient and aware of us. I really think we might be able to communicate with it on a low level, maybe even train it…” Armin shook his head, blond hair swishing.

“I’m getting off track, but right now I think just observing it we can gain a lot of insight into how these creatures work.”

“What would Eren have thought about it?” Mikasa asked, fork pausing.

Armin smiled gently, eyes closing as he pictured his friends face.

“He would have hated it.”

Mikasa breathed out slowly, the corners of her mouth creeping up into a contained smile. Armin couldn’t help but huff at the mental image of Eren realizing they’d be studying in the courtyard rather than going out for an expedition.

Mikasa also seemed to have reached the same conclusion as Armin opened his eyes in time to catch her small laugh at the absurdity.

Today was going to be a good day, Armin could tell.

 

xXx

 

Armin sat in Major Zoe’s office with Vice Squad Leader Berner, who had quickly corrected him that it was just ‘Moblit’. The man rushed through rules and documents with him before they went to meet with Hange out in the courtyard.

No one else had requested to work with the titan research division, which turned out to just be Hange’s squad and a few other soldiers who had been selected that week as backup for the experiments. It all gave Armin the feeling it wasn’t a popular job.

Moblit handed a slim packet of papers over to Armin, explaining the current experiments they had been running on the older titans, Sawney and Bean.

“We write everything on carbon copy paper, so I’ve given you the results and write ups from our sunlight deprivation and regeneration experiment.”

The man continued to pull out more documents from the squad leader’s desk.

The inside of Hange’s office was wild just like the squad leader. The room was quite big and had large arched windows that looked out into the courtyard. There were two doors, one that opened straight out to the courtyard, and one that led to the hallway.

Stacks of files and paper sat high on the desk, with pens graphite and chalk scattered around. A couple chairs stood haphazardly by the large bookshelf with dusty boot prints on the seat. Another small desk with various open books was parked next to a drafting table that held most of Moblit’s sketches of Sawney and Bean.

Armin found himself drawn to the chalkboard on the far side of the room. It held a draft of the plans for the new titan in Hange’s swooping cursive. He tried to look over a few times while Moblit gave him a run down of the titan enclosure and the different restraints, but couldn’t manage to read the plans with Moblit’s undivided attention on him.

Moblit smiled at him knowingly.

“The new titan has everyone excited. Our team is so small so you’ll be working with us and it almost immediately.”

Armin nodded sheepishly as he was caught, trying not to blush in embarrassment.

“You can read the study I gave you tonight and ask any questions you have tomorrow. We’re pretty much finished with the write up so you’ll be able to see the process of submitting it to the capitol.”

“And I know it’s exciting but we do need to go over some rules first before we go out into the enclosure.” Moblit apologized.

Armin agreed and tried his best to commit the rules of working around the captive titans to memory. It wasn’t hard as most were common sense and listening to your superiors. Even so Armin scanned the list Moblit gave him and signed off that he agreed to abide by the conditions.

“Alright, that’s about it,” Moblit said filing Armin’s form away in the one pristine filing cabinet that confirmed Armin’s suspicion that Moblit did the heavy lifting when it came to paperwork.

Moblit clasped his hands with a loud clap that startled Armin out of his thoughts.

“Let’s head out!”

Armin trotted along behind Moblit as he walked briskly through the open side of the courtyard. He craned his neck up at the large green tarps suspended between poles to cordon off the research area. It looked more intimidating now than it had from the safety of his room.

“Two in!” Moblit shouted as they approached the human sized door in the tarp walls.

“Enter!” another voice shouted back.

The tarped door swung open on its rickety wooden frame. Armin stepped through immediately freezing in place. The wooden posts went up at least fifteen meters with the tarps that hid the titans wrapping up to ten meters. The tallest posts had wooden catwalks running across them at various heights with scouts waiting above in full ODM.

Armin focused on the three titans lined up facing the entrance caught in twisted positions as they strained against their restraints. He couldn’t take his eyes off the closest titan. There it was, the traitor titan, the intelligent one, the one named Jaeger. It was so close he could see every detail of its face. The skin was unmarked but rough and thick looking, dirty from the battle of Trost. It’s hair dusty and clumped as it flopped over it’s face. The titan peered out from under the long strands seemingly right at Armin.

It was chained down in an odd position compared to the other two. As if it had slid off the large sled they transported it on and hadn’t been able to move fast enough to attack before being nailed down. It laid on its back with its torso twisted towards the entrance of the enclosure intently watching each scout that came through.

“AH Moblit!”

Armin jumped at the sheer volume of Major Zoe’s voice.

“Waoooh, you’ve brought someone new!” Hange called out as they jogged over.

“Yes, he volunteered! Even after Trost!” Moblit grinned, sharing the unnerving look of his squad leader.

Perhaps this was more dangerous than he had thought if even seasoned scouts were unwilling to help out with titans after expeditions. The queasy thought of dying or losing a limb before leaving the walls gnawed at his stomach.

“Well then! We’ll just jump right in-” The squad leader wiggled their eyebrows waiting for him to introduce himself.

“Armin” he supplied, biting his lip in nervousness.

“Don’t worry, there’s plenty to do and we’re always short on people so you’ll be—”

Jaeger let out a loud groan right behind Hange, their ponytail fluttering in the rancid hot breath that washed over them.

“right—”

Jaeger groaned again louder sniffing the air.

“—In the middle”

Whatever had set Jaeger off had also offended Sawney and Bean, or maybe they were upset with Jaeger. Nevertheless, the straining of the other two titans and Jaeger’s rumbling groans and wet sniffing made a cacophony of sounds that had Armin shuddering in disgust.

“—of it” they finished completely unphased by the large monsters squirming behind them.

Armin let out a shaky breath as he nodded in understanding.

No standing around, got it.

Moblit gave him another understanding look and rested a hand on his shoulder. Armin glanced up and met the man’s deep brown eyes. He had a reassuring energy, his gaze almost reminding him of his father.

“Don’t worry, it’s a lot to get used to but we’re not going to throw you off the deep end.”

Armin nodded again, his thanks dying in his throat as Bean let out a sharp roar of frustration.

“If Hange moves too quickly, let me know.” He winked at Armin “They forget that not everyone is as comfortable around the specimens as they are.”

Hange rolled their eyes behind their goggles, the afternoon light glinting off them.

“Oh Moblit! We’ll just be doing our routine observations. You’ll be in more danger sketching the little ones.” Hange joked before grabbing Armin’s arm and marching him towards Jaeger’s grinning maw.

Armin faltered as Hange dragged him along, focused solely on the slowly opening mouth of the titan. The closer they got the wider the titan opened. Armin stumbled on loose gravel pitching forward at teeth the size of his torso.

Oh Walls, I’m going to fall into its mouth! It won’t even have to move to eat me!

He squeezed his eyes shut until his arm jerked him to a stop mid fall.

Squad Leader Hange

They still had hold on his arm, beaming down at him.

“While you’re down there, mind passing me my lab notebook?”

They let out a short laugh.

Armin dropped to his hands and knees, letting out a deep breath. He turned to the side in a daze to see a large black book and graphite on a stool next to him. A couple soldiers chuckled from above making Armin flush in embarrassment.

“I appreciate the enthusiasm Cadet Arlert, but you’re not quite ready to cross that line just yet.” Hange smiled as Armin shakily passed them the notebook.

He dusted himself off, standing up with the sting of the gravel still on the palms of his hands. As he brushed the dust off his uniform, he noticed a bold white line painted on the ground. His gaze followed the line as it arced around Jaeger’s hair in one direction and disappeared behind the titan’s toes in the other.

Oh, literally can’t cross that line.

“I’m sure you’ve already noticed, but we have a lot of safety measures in place when working with our friends.” Hange plopped down on the stool.

“The white line we’re sitting at now is the outer one, this is the closest you can get and survive if the titan breaks its restraints. Maybe. Our fellow scouts up above have orders to kill immediately if that happens.”

Armin craned his neck back to see the scouts on the wooden catwalks above staring intently down at Jaeger.

“They’re fast enough to neutralize the threat in a few seconds, faster than the few seconds it’d take for the titan to cross the distance to the outer line. But no guarantee!” They continued without looking up from their lab book.

“I’m sure you can infer what the red line means… don’t go in the death zone.” Hange finally looked up at Armin. They took in the cadet’s wide eyes and stunned expression before letting out a loud cackle.

“Don’t worry too much! There’s no reason we’d send you in there, yet” they added genuinely.

“Only Moblit and I get that close during experiments, maybe Levi if he hasn’t got anything else to do.”

Armin nodded, forcing the thick spring air back into his lungs. Being so close to a titan in a controlled situation had only put him more on alert. He now had time to take in the details now rather than rely on survival instincts. Jaeger was scary looking, but his intelligence and docile nature made him seem something more than just an animal they’d captured. Compared to Sawney and Bean he seemed downright human, if they talked to him enough would he answer back? If they deprived him of sunlight or tested his regeneration, would he understand what they were doing and tell them to stop? Or give them a sign?

“What kind of experiments will we run on Jaeger?” Armin asked suddenly.

“hmm?” Hange stopped writing.

“Umm, I just mean are we going to do the same experiment with Jaeger that you and Moblit ran on Sawney and Bean?”

“Ahh, I know it can look quite brutal but it is necessary for research.” Hange started “But Jaeger is quite a lucky one. We won’t be starting any experiments with him until next week.”

“Why is that?”

“Our new resident is quite the abnormal! Everyone wants to see the titan that helped humanity, there’s a small group of important people who will be visiting in a few days.” Hange paused seeming to hesitate with the next piece of information.

“Since communication with Jaeger seems likely, and there is already demonstrable proof of Jaeger acting in the best interest of humanity this visit has not been publicized. There will be very high-ranking people here, including people that hold a lot of power but are not necessarily government.”

Armin stayed quiet, not sure what the squad leader was trying to convey with that information.

“I know you have been through much and you have only just started with the scouts, but are you willing to help during the visit? If not, there is much work to do before they arrive.” The older scout asked.

“Of course I can help, I’ll do whatever you need me to do.” Armin swallowed thickly.

“Great!” Hange said a little too loudly, making the soldiers above jump a bit.

Armin watched as the squad leader beckoned him over to read over their shoulder and scurried over to obey the command. All traces of the sincere conversation gone as if it had never happened.

Why would non-government officials be invited to see the titan, especially so soon? It’s only been a day since Jaeger was captured…

“Armin, pay attention, yes?” Hange said, tapping the section in their notebook that held observations from the day.

“Yes, sir!” He squeaked.

The two then spent the next half hour going over the scientific method, something Armin hadn’t heard of but immediately took to. Hange explained the overarching plan for the study of Jaeger, this week leading up to the semi secretive meeting being reserved for simply observing the titan. Apparently, Commander Erwin didn’t want anyone getting hurt, human or titan before General Zackley could assess the situation.

Armin took to the work like a duck to water. The fellow scouts around him that also shared his love of knowledge shot knowing looks at one another, happy they had a kindred spirit joining them.

He followed Hange dutifully as they circled the titan slowly, listening to them record their observations in their book. Hange occasionally asking him a question or two, or his opinion on certain titan hypothesis. The sun was starting to sink in the sky, sweat beading on Armin’s forehead when the fleeting thought took hold of his mind.

How old is this titan?

Armin pondered the thought and its spiraling implications.

How long has it wandered outside the walls, no, how far has it wandered outside? Has it seen the ocean? Has it seen other sects of humanity?

They were standing in the shade of Jaeger’s broad back, gazing quizzically at the large being’s nape.

“Hange, what do you think this titan has seen? How far has it wandered just to end up here inside the walls?” he asked urgently.

Hange turned, surprised at the interruption.

“That’s a valuable question,” they acknowledged “One I have wondered for many years.”

Hange waved up at the soldiers above, signaling they were done for the day. Armin trailed behind as they returned to the front of the titan. Hange supervised as each soldier left their post above and left the enclosure, soon it was just the two of them left before Jaeger. The titan had been quiet all day, hardly moving despite the sunny conditions that seemed to provide the most energy for the beasts. Armin stared into its eyes that tracked forward on the enclosure door, but seemingly stared past it. The blueish green eyes seemed cloudier, a film over them almost. Armin winced in sympathy. The dusty gravel clouds the soldiers kicked up had probably drifted into the poor thing’s eyes. It didn’t have any eyelids to blink it away all day, the skin ending beneath the heavy brow, dark rings around the eyes where the lids should have been.

Armin smirked in amusement.

It almost looks like he’s wearing kohl.

“I like to thank them after every session.” Hange said bringing Armin back to the somber mood of the moment.

“I can’t tell how much they understand or how much pain or emotion they feel,” they explained “We should be empathetic to our research subjects, no matter if they would eat us the moment they’re free, they are still living beings with dignity and we should do our best to acknowledge that.”

Hange waited a beat.

“So, I like to appreciate them even if we just observed today. We’ve captured them and used them to advance our knowledge for humanity’s gain, that must be upsetting to them on some level.”

Hange addressed the titan now, turning on the spot and clapping their hands together in a praying gesture.

“Jaeger, thank you for your participation today.” They said resolutely.

Armin also faced the titan, looking into its eyes.

“Jaeger!” He cried “Thank you for your participation today!”

Armin felt after Hange’s speech he should also thank the titan for Trost. It was only because of Jaeger he hadn’t perished.

“Thank you for helping us at—” Armin’s voice died in his throat when the titan shifted.

Its eye’s focused in on the two figures before it, seeming to snap out of its trance.

“OH, SO BEAUTIFUL, JAEGER!” Hange yelled as they whipped out their book to write down the new observation.

The titan opened its translucent third eyelid, the large sheet sweeping across its glossy eyes towards the inside corner.

“…It has nictitating membranes?” Armin questioned.

“EXACTLY!” Hange cried “Never seen that before! Not a feature for humans… haha! But titans just look like us—humanoid… could they be more similar to reptiles, birds, amphibians?” Hange began to scribble furiously in their book.

“Traits not normally associated with human forms…  what are they hiding?” Hange muttered.

Armin stood frozen, there was only one other time he’d seen a person have extra eyelids like that.

Eren

In fact the titan reminded him of Eren. Its tan skin and bright eyes— eerily blue green like Eren's had been-- all the way down to the bizarre membrane only brought back painful memories of his friend. The hair was too long, but it was that same fine texture, pin straight and prone to tangles no matter how short.

How coincidental this one is named Jaeger, it even hates titans like he did.

Tears threatened to well in Armin’s eyes—the universe had brought back his friend to him. He rubbed at his face quickly as Hange shouted for Moblit, his bottom lip quivering. Moblit arrived immediately, not paying much mind to Armin and dismissing him for the day as Hange caught their assistant up on the latest development.

Jaeger squirmed in his restraints raising his head off the ground as far as it could go and sniffed the air. The titan stilled for a moment before letting out a short moan that trailed off.

Armin turned and left, hurrying back into the castle before his superiors could notice his juvenile display of emotions.  In his haste he was through the door before he could hear the titan’s agitated call.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUooooooooOOOOOOUUUUHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHUH”

 

xXx

 

Armin sat on his bed going through the research Moblit had given him a few days ago. After the excitement on his first day a lot of his duties had been long and boring shifts tidying the yard and castle where the visitors would tour.

His orders were to have everything looking “Levi clean” as Hange had described. He hadn’t had to wait long before he understood what that meant. The captain made it known early that he had very strict standards. So strict the new soldiers were left wondering if it was a bizarre form of hazing.

So far, they’d cleaned the hallway twice, raked the courtyard gravel three times daily, and even brushed the tarps hiding the titans down. His back ached from carrying bucket after bucket of water in and out of the castle to mop the same floor multiple times.

While he was raking the yard yet again, he’d even overheard the captain ask Hange if they were to bathe the titan that would be the center of attention tomorrow. Hange had laughed, and offered the task to Levi, who had actually gotten close enough to flip the greasy hair out of the titan’s face with a sword before the commander put a stop to it.

“You doing alright?” Jean asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Armin looked up from his files having forgotten his roommate was there.

“Yeah, just got lost in thought.” Armin sighed.

Jean had been there when Armin had burst back into the room clearly upset a few days ago. He hadn’t been able to explain why exactly he was so distraught but Jean had understood all the same. Sometimes the other boy would fall into intense bouts of mourning Marco.

Still, Armin couldn’t ignore the peculiarity of the coincidences that made him feel the universe or whatever was out there had brought the titan to him as a goodbye. Perhaps Eren himself had sent the being to make sure they were okay without him there. Either way it lingered with him, this wasn’t just the call of a bird, a petal in the wind, or any of those other moments people said they felt their loved ones in.

This titan was the true embodiment of Eren’s spirit.

Armin looked back to the research, not able to focus on the long conclusion to the sunlight experiment. The paper had raised questions and observations he hadn’t ever considered.

In our attempt to age the titans, fingernails and hair strands were measured. Captive titans’ nails grew at a rate analogous to humans (see figure 2a) while hair did not grow or regenerate when cut. This leaves room for further experimentation to study the lack of regeneration for hair, the same material as nail…

Hange had mentioned that they were looking for a way to tell the age of titans, considering the length of their nails had never occurred to him.

“C’mon you’ve been working so hard lately, what do you say about a break tonight?” Jean interrupted.

Armin grinned half heartedly at Jean sprawled out across the room.

“You’re just saying that so I invite Mikasa over again.”

“Maybe, maybe not? It’s nice that we can visit with the girls now.” He admitted.

“Yeah, the freedom is nice. Also it’s fun to watch you sit still and flush the entire time” Armin shot back.

“Hey at least I’m self-aware! I caught Bertholdt writing a letter to Annie yesterday… poor guy.” Jean shook his head dramatically.

“Who knows Armin, maybe I’ll even say more than hey next time.”

Armin sighed and stared up at the ceiling, not feeling the playful mood.

“Still bummed about today?”

“Yeah, just thinking about him a lot.” Armin whispered, not meaning to kill the mood.

“…I’m sorry, really.” Jean swallowed audibly before continuing.

“I got some closure with Marco, and we didn’t even know each other from childhood…”

“It doesn’t matter how long you knew each other, you two were close” Armin said.

“I guess, but what I’m getting at is it’s okay to feel this way for a while, you guys were close and it’s hard to suddenly wake up without them there.”

“…you miss him too” Armin realized.

Silence hung in the space between them as Jean rubbed a hand down his face in exasperation.

“Well yeah, Marco and Eren were part of the group I saw every day. I know we got on each other’s nerves but it’s still not making sense to me that neither of them is coming back. You live that closely with someone for three years then they’re just gone. No goodbye.”

Armin smiled.

“You’re a good person Jean.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Jeans slightly muffled response came as he rolled over to face the wall.

Armin wiped at his eyes before blowing out the candle, only the beam of moonlight casting a dim glow between the two beds. In his haste to crawl back into bed the folder slid off his duvet landing on the floor with a loud whap sound.

“Nice.” Jean snorted.

Armin groaned and squinted in the dark trying to collect all the scattered papers from the gritty stone floor. He’d forgotten the research was still on the lumpy bed. After sweeping almost every paper back into the folder from where they’d fluttered, a grid drawn onto large piece of paper caught his eye.

The large piece of paper folded in half sat halfway under his bed. Perfectly straight lines ran across marking a grid pattern, no doubt the work of Moblit and his straight edge.

Armin reached out to unfold the paper, something about the data called to him. On the left side of the page dates ran down the first column, out to the right each pair of numbers sat neatly in its box.

Time… the measurement is time…

His eyes darted back up the page, he’d seen this before—this was exactly like he’d seen in Eren’s notebook.

He stopped breathing when he made out the title in the moonlight.

 

Regeneration Log 1: Baseline Regeneration Times of Right Index Finger

 

Armin slid the papers back into the folder packing the slightly crumpled mass into his bedside drawer, save for the page that held the answer to the mystery he never thought he’d unravel. Fumbling with another match he relit the candle ignoring Jeans indignant groan, and tossed the spent match on the floor as he crawled over to the trunk at the foot of his bed.

Where is it? It has to be here, I put it right here!

He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the smooth cool surface of the journal wedged in the back behind his book of fairy tales.

Opening to the first page he laid the two tables out next to each other, holding the candle close.

Exactly the same.  

Hange and Moblit’s trialed the speed of the right index finger after amputation, and Eren’s was also a finger.

Whose finger? What finger? Maybe he found a newt and … and… no there’s no way Eren wasn’t cruel like that.

His friend had never been the type of boy that relished in the pain of others. They had met because Armin needed protection from those types of boys. He shuddered as he remembered his classes at the school house, the boys used to mock him for not being girly enough. The boys were nasty and cruel they took pleasure in seeing weaker beings suffer. Had Eren been there at school with him he would have torn into the pack of bullies the first time they’d giggled at pulling the wings off flies.

I wonder if they made it out of Shiganshina… or if the titans got them… how ironic.

Armin furrowed his brow, this still didn’t answer the question of why Eren had a regeneration log. It didn’t seem like he’d have a secret titan out back he was practicing on. The whole camp would have heard about that one.

Himself? Was he practicing on himself?

Armin huffed wryly, the image of Eren trying to time how he healed to make himself a more effective threat to titans seemed exactly like something he’d come up with. Maybe that had been what he was talking about when he’d tried to explain to Armin the difference between active and passive regeneration.

Armin frowned.

Had they had classes on titans at that point? Why would Eren call it regeneration if they hadn’t learned that yet? It could have just been Dr. Jaeger using medical terminology around his son.

Armin glanced back down to the journal in front of him. He didn’t like the thought of Eren harming himself even if his friend thought it was for a noble cause. How deep into this belief was Eren that he had harmed himself so many times?

The journal sat open in the moonlight.

The numbers decrease, so whatever he was doing did actually speed this up. Human bodies don’t work that way, if Eren found a way to promote healing that actually made even small cuts heal in seconds that defies laws of biology.

Armin flipped through the book more, frowning at what other body parts Eren had focused on. He hoped for the sake of his friend he hadn’t done something drastic, but certain pages caused him to worry.

Nearing the end of the book Armin flipped the last pages cocking his head when the graphs fell away leaving the last few pages of the book full of paragraphs. Immediately flipping back to the writing Armin leaned in to decipher the somewhat shaky Shiganese writing slanting across the page in tilting lines.

Mikasa thinks I’m disgusting. I know she does. Every time I heal she watches. I try to hide it from her, but she even checks for the smallest bruises I get. I would do it back to her but she wouldn’t get it, she’d think I’m being nice, not me trying to prove a point. It’s so annoying and it makes me so angry. Yesterday she grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go, I tried to slow down so she wouldn't see it but she’s so fixated on it. I hate it. No one else heals like this and it’s awful. Mikasa won’t stop calling it regenerating, like one of those things. I don’t care if that’s what the proper terminology is. I am not like those monsters. I am not one of them.

 

“Holy shit…” Armin breathed

He was actually right about Eren writing about Mikasa in here, but this was absolutely not at all how he thought. He’d expected Eren writing about normal teenage boy things, fancying Mikasa- hating Jean- a dirty fantasy at worst. Not this. Whatever this was.

 

Reiner said that bad people get doomed to come back as titans, I really hope that’s not true. We don’t know where they come from so there’s no way to rule it out. Jean said that it was a stupid story to scare people, and even if it was true you’d have to do something really bad-like murder someone. I hate when jean’s right, but i kind of hope he is right about this. I’m not sure if running from mom counts, but the pigs who tried to hurt Mikasa definitely don't count, those were just natural consequences. If Reiner is right, I hope titans can’t remember their life before. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened to me.

 

It almost sounded like Eren was implying… no that couldn’t be. Armin read on further.

 

I keep practicing even though it bothers me. I record it like dad said to so I can keep track of my progress. Maybe I can get so good at it I can turn it off somehow? Dad seemed proud that we could heal, but I don’t see why. It’s just weird that it happens faster for us. I don’t like that people would see a connection between that and titans when there is none. Every living creature heals, dad even said all it was is healing a bit faster than usual. But of course those ugly wall crushing idiots have to ruin everything.

 

There it was, point blank stated by Eren. Eren had been hiding the fact he could heal like a titan. Something that even Dr. Jaeger knew about and had been... coaching his son on? From this entry it was clear this was some sort of family trait, possibly like one of those mutations Armin had read about in biology books.

 

Mikasa said I should tell Armin. It’s been raining the past two weeks and we can’t go into town so he ran out of books. The only books in camp are instruction manuals and he’s already read those a bunch so he is looking for things to think about. I don’t want to tell him because he would definitely make a big deal about it and say it was tit related to them. I know it will hurt him to be left out, but there’s stuff Mikasa hasn’t told him about herself. I shouldn’t be the only one who is forced to share everything about myself, especially since dad said it was just a more rare tendency and not completely unheard of in his family.

 

Armin’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of himself. Eren and Mikasa had kept this from him, Mikasa clearly had a bigger role in this than she’d let on. Armin couldn’t help the stuttered breath he took as the ache returned to his chest. His friend had kept things from him because he was too afraid of how he’d react.

I wouldn’t have made a big deal of it Eren

The next passage hit him like a gut punch.

I’m not going to tell Armin. This might make me a bad friend but Mikasa hasn’t ever shown him under her wrist wrap. I like being the only one she’s told about that. But I’m not telling Armin because he’d make a big deal of it like when I showed him my extra eyelids or asked about smelling stuff. He doesn’t accept different stuff well and always questions everything. He thinks I’m making stuff up like I’m too stupid to realize that this stuff doesn’t happen to normal people. Well I do and that’s why im so scared! I don’t know how people hide this from others all the time. I get tired of it. I feel like I’m out of place sometimes. I don’t care if it’s rude, I think people would be a lot more relaxed if they had time to smell stuff and maybe each other. They miss a lot of information like that. I miss being able to hold my friends at night, I like the way they smell it makes me feel safe.

Oh, I guess that’s why…

Armin flipped the last page on the book, blank. That was all he got. Eren’s last memories of him were ones where he didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell his friend what was bothering him. Armin didn’t think he reacted poorly to differences; he hadn’t made fun of Eren. He always asked questions though, he wanted to know how things worked. Being curious wasn’t a crime.

Was I a bad friend? I never meant to make him feel like he was dumb.

Armin laid back in bed resting the journal on his chest. How was he going to approach Mikasa about this, she hadn’t wanted to keep secrets but this one wasn’t hers to tell. That being said this was a massive secret, something she was much more involved in than what she let on.  

Eren had seemed so convinced what he was dealing with was connected to the titans, and Armin had to agree that it was. Perhaps Dr. Jaeger was right in that it was a bizarre family trait but that combined with the other…

Oh

OH

Armin flew out of bed and ran to the window peering frantically out into the courtyard. Cursing under his breath he turned to find his boots. The tarps they’d put up to maintain the privacy of tomorrow’s meeting also obscured the view of the titan. He had to see that titan now, if Eren was right, if Reiner was right, he had to be there for his friend now of all times after he’d let him down in the past.

 

Notes:

OOOOOOOO Armin figured it out and he has good intentions... but who are those secret VIPs visiting and what do they have planned for Eren? As always thanks for all your encouragement, you guys are such fantastic readers!

Chapter 17: Reunite

Summary:

Armin reunites with a very dear friend. Reiner and Burrito's job just got a lot more complicated.

Notes:

Be warned-- this is a long one and I still might go back and edit some sections of it but I just really wanted to get this chapter out there. I'm so thankful for all your kudos and comments! I appreciate them a lot and am so glad you guys enjoy reading!

“Hello?”

Armin crept out into the dark courtyard, ducking behind crates and supplies. The warm breeze rustling in the trees beyond the courtyard. Glancing around frantically his eyes fell onto the drowsy man posted up on the watch tower.

Perfect. The man was too focused on the dark woods in the distance to consider a scout would want to go near the titan.  

Slipping into the enclosure he made a beeline towards the titan. Heart racing, he crossed the first white line in the gravel, pace slowing when he made it to the second line.

Armin hesitated, toeing the line of certain death. Or was it certain death if his suspicions were correct?

“…Eren!” his faint whisper was lost in the sounds of the night crickets.

He let out a shaky breath, swallowing deeply. He’d have to get closer to the titan…to Eren… if he wanted to be heard without alerting the guard.

Armin’s eyes locked onto the large outline in the moonless night as he crept over the line slowly. The gravel crunch under his boots ringing loud in his ears. One slow step after the other bringing him closer to the titan’s large face.

No movement from the titan. No sign of recognition.

Perhaps he’d gotten this wrong? Maybe in his grief he’d seen connections that didn’t exist.

The titans slow, warm breath gusted over him, its face as neutral as ever. Up close he noted it wasn’t capable of expressions, no eyebrows or lips to give him hints of the titan’s thought process.

Very well, he’d have to try at least once more before he left.

“Eren!” he whisper shouted at the giant’s face once more.

Not even a twitch. He reached out, resting a hand hesitantly on its warm rough skin. The titan remained eyes closed and slow rhythmic breathing undisturbed.

Armin smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand.

“Stupid!” he chastised himself.

There’s no way, I was just seeing things that weren’t connected. I’m going to be in so much trouble if I’m caught out here.

He turned back to creep out of the enclosure, the titan immense and dormant behind him.

“Armin!”

Armin froze.

He took a breath in to steady himself, petrified at the idea of what had just spoken to him. The voice didn’t sound anything like what he had thought it would. Scarily human and small, not deep and booming as he’d imagined.

He wet his lips, trembling. It sounded as Eren had when he was alive… like when he had spoken moments before being swallowed.

Could titans mimic the voices of their victims? The intrusive thought of Eren speaking from the throat of the titan wormed its way into his mind. How could he tell this was the same Eren he’d known?

“…Eren?”

He didn’t have to wait long for the response.

“What? No dingbat, it’s me!”

Jeans angry whisper cut through the night as Armin's eyes finally adjusted to the darkness and saw his roommate stood by the enclosure door gesturing frantically for the smaller boy to get away from the titan.

Armin spared one last look at the titan, still immobile and mute, before skittering back to Jean.

Jean grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the enclosure a look of pure disbelief covered with rage.

“I’d ask you if you were sleepwalking, but you were definitely awake before you charged out of the room like a… a… lunatic!” Jean struggled to find the words.

“What is wrong with you?! They’ll court marshal you if they catch you pulling shit like this! You’re too smart to be risking this Armin!”

Armin stammered not able to find an acceptable way of explaining he suspected his best friend was the abnormal he was tasked with studying. There’d never be a rational way to explain that.

Jean fixed him with an odd look, as if he’d just read Armin’s mind. The taller boy glancing over to the titan and back to Armin with his jaw clenched.  

“We’re not talking about this here.” Jean dropped Armin’s arm in disgust.

Armin nodded, staying silent. They reset the door to the enclosure, making sure all evidence of the visit was erased.

A rumbling shift in the ground took both the boys off guard.

“What was that?” Jean whispered.

“I don’t—” Armin was cut off by the sound of the guard yelling from the tower.

“Show yourself!” The guard barked, turning his attention toward the titan.

“Who’s there?” The guard yelled again, preparing to sound the alarm of an unwanted visitor.

A sudden whooshing sound filled the air as steam erupted from within the enclosure, the tarps billowing out against their posts trying to contain the rush of heat.

“Let’s go!” Armin cried making a run for the castle, Jean right on his heels.

The two didn’t stop running until they reached their room, swerving through the halls praying people wouldn’t catch them. Armin shut the door as quietly as he could, but the whole castle was waking up now. Guards were swarming the courtyard, the bell clanging above the chaos outside.

Jean collapsed on his bed running his hands in his hair.

“Armin, you know how this looks, right?”

“I don’t think anyone saw us,”

“Yeah, but if they did…”

“It’ll be fine, the person who killed the titan also had to flee.” Armin babbled between wheezing breaths “They would have left after us and have had to conceal weapons. We were just looking for the outhouses.” He rationalized.

“The outhouses?” Jean looked lost.

“The outhouses.” Armin confirmed.

“We were looking for the outhouses?”

“Yes, that’s what we were doing out of bed in our pajamas if anyone asks.”

Jean scrubbed his hands over his eyes repeatedly before raking his fingers in his hair as if he were trying to pull it out. The hallway was beginning to fill with noise as fellow scouts were coming out of their rooms to find the source of the panic.

“I can’t believe we’re in this situation because- because—” Jean couldn’t bring himself to voice what he knew.

Armin watched silently, wanting to hear what another person made of the situation. He wanted to hear that he wasn’t crazy.

“—all because you have an attachment to that titan!” Jean ground out.

“I don’t know why you care for it as much as you do but I have to say—” Jean cut himself off like he was hesitating to put the next part out, once he said it, he wouldn’t be able to take it back

“Look, I didn’t like the guy, but given how much he hated titans picking a scary ugly titan to- stand in for Eren is crazy, Armin. Frankly that’s pretty insulting given how much he hated titans. Eren is dead.”

Armin began to open his mouth to correct Jean before a fist hammered on the door.

“REPORT TO THE MESS HALL IMMEDIATELY!”

xXx

Levi stood at the back of Erwin's office leaning against the bookshelf. He’d had his fill of dramatics for the next few years and it was barely past noon. The office had the most visitors it’d seen in the entire time the scouts had been based in the building. Three of the board of merchants sat sullenly at the far end of the table while Commander Pixis and General Zackley watched as Erwin tried to temper the extremely irate Wallist representative.

Minister Nick, middle aged with a retreating hairline, sat red faced yelling about Jaeger.

“We must search the grounds, no one can leave!” The priest demanded.

“What good will that do? We can’t bring the titan back, it’s dead already.” A merchant piped up, tired of the same impossible demands.

Minister Nick rounded on the other man; fists clenched as he leaned over the table.

“We must find who’s responsible for this, a full headcount of the building anyone who is out of place must immediately be brought to justice!”

Erwin tried to cut in to placate the irate man, but the Wallist only whirled back around to scream at the Commander more.

“The minute you brought that titan to the military base you doomed all of us! How can you call yourself a citizen of the wall when you put us all in danger by conspiring with that monster!” He roared.

Levi sighed, if only they could get Nick out of the office so the people that actually mattered could get a real response to the situation together.

“As productive as this conversation is I’m going to go check on Hange” Levi said.

Erwin turned to watch Levi push of the bookcase behind him a polite smile rising to his face.

“Levi, since minister Nick is so concerned about the technicalities of the titan’s death perhaps you could bring him along to speak with Major Hange”

Levi narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly, staring into Erwin’s airtight politician smile.

Bastard.

The pastor had finally quieted, not happy with being removed from the room but didn’t seem to have the shamelessness to fight the decision in front of Zackley.

Levi locked eyes with the priest fixing the man with the same face he usually reserved for the stink of the underground.

He jerked his head towards the door.

“Keep up.”

Levi strode through the halls as quickly as he could without making it obvious he was trying to leave the robed man behind. Tragically everyone in this base seemed to have grotesquely long legs and an even longer stride than the captain.

The two men emerged into the courtyard squinting in the bright summer sun.

“Captain!” Moblit cried rushing over from a distraught Hange.

“We’ve got a guest,” Levi jerked his thumb rudely towards the man looming behind him.

“Oh, um, I see.” Moblit returned his attention to Hange who was currently making a slightly concerning weeping moan noise as they sat in the middle of Jaeger’s empty circle.

Minister Nick had remained silent through this interaction and Levi decided he wanted to keep it this way. Just because he was babysitting for Erwin didn’t give the useless man license to ruin Hange’s investigation.

Levi glared up at the priest. He could see the older man’s nose hair from his angle.

Disgusting.

“You will not interrupt the major while they investigate.” Levi said sternly “Erwin may let you get away with running your mouth, but I won’t.”

The man returned his glare but otherwise said nothing.

“Hange, found anything yet?” Levi asked, walking over.

“Hm? The military police are interrogating everyone in the mess hall for the investigation.”

“Yes, but how about your investigation into the cause of death?”

Hange stood abruptly, composed themself, then leaned their elbow on Levi’s shoulder obnoxiously.

“It’s very peculiar, if Jaeger were assassinated, we’d not have a lot of evidence into the cause of death… just have to assume the suspect sliced the poor baby’s nape.”

Levi rolled his eyes at Hange’s choice of words as he shrugged his shoulder out from under their weight.

“How can you be so sure it’s dead? Perhaps the job wasn’t finished!” Nick burst out from behind Levi, startling Hange.

Hange furrowed their brows at the odd question.

“Well, pastor… titans are large creatures if one had gotten loose, it would—”

“I know the beast was massive! But have they checked that it’s not still lurking? These things are terrible sinners hell bent on desecrating the walls and the sacred land within!” Minister Nick yelled.

“It's unbelievable that you let one in then let it get away!”

“Hey shit stain! What did I say about interrupting the Major while they’re working?” Levi shot back at the enraged priest. His patience was wearing thin having to deal with such clueless people.

Does he think a 15 meter titan could go undetected after it perished and evaporated?

“Levi, it’s fine,” Hange said before their friend ended up punching Nick.

“Minister Nick, I can assure you that the titan is dead, the night guard saw the body evaporate completely with their own eyes.”

“There must have been some evidence of… well… someone who caused this whole mess!” Nick raised his voice again but corrected himself when he caught Levi’s withering glare.

“I’m afraid this is getting into details that we hope to uncover with the interviews and is not available to civilians at this time. Even if I did have the information, I would not be able to disclose anything, your best bet would be in a meeting with Erwin and the other officials. Not a lowly researcher like me.” Hange said professionally.

Levi smirked. Nick looked ready to hit the roof with the consequences of his rude behavior thrown back in his face. The man spluttered a few times, a vein on his forehead popping out as he muttered an excuse about returning to the meeting that he had just been ejected from.

The three scouts turned back to the empty circle.

“What an imbecile” Levi spoke first.

Neither Moblit or Hange agreed, or even responded. Levi glanced over to see the two sharing a very significant look.

“What?” Levi snapped.

“We should go to my office,” Hange said solemnly.

xXx

“What are you keeping from me, goggles?”

“Moblit, can you stand guard in the hallway? I don’t want someone like Nick lurking.” Hange requested.

Moblit nodded tensely and quickly excused himself. Hange bolted the door to the courtyard in place, the lock sliding with a finality that set Levi on edge. With the doors shut and locked the office fell suffocatingly silent.

“What’s going on Hange? You know I don’t like being on the out and this is serious.” Levi demanded.

Hange sat down at the desk steepling their fingers in front of their face, hunched over they looked up at Levi over their glasses.

“Erwin and Moblit are the only other ones who know about this. Levi this is very important information, potentially revealing something big. Bigger than anything we’ve ever learned. Big enough to make people very nervous.”

Levi crossed his arms, “So we’re lying to the brass?”

“Have been, for a while.” Hange corrected.

“Alright, spill, I’m on the edge of my seat.” Levi droned, trying to keep a calm exterior.

“Have you ever heard about the being from the fall of Shiganshina?”

“No, never.”

“Good.”

Hange inhaled slowly before beginning.

“Back when Shadis was commander, that year, when we were riding out to the city when the message reached us. We were reinforcements.”

“I know, I was there. What are you getting at?”

“You went with the vanguard; I was in the second wave coming from farther up by Trost. We were running in the direction of Shiganshina, expecting titans coming towards us. An abnormal appeared. Fast, faster than I’ve ever seen. Coordinated as hell too, you could see the intelligence.” Hange worried their lip, clearly the memory was hard to relive.

Levi raised his brows. Was she talking about Jaeger? Could he have been sighted before Trost?

Hange raised their gaze to meet his.

“I know what you’re thinking, this thing wasn’t Jaeger. It wasn’t looking at us, paid us no attention. Just a straight beeline to the city. Massive, moving unbelievably fast. How could it have come from behind us? When we got to the city it was just after the armored titan broke wall Maria. There’s no way it came from Shiganshina. Was it living in the walls? Trapped somewhere and the scent of blood made it escape where it was lying in wait all those years?”

Hange’s eyes darted towards the courtyard windows and back to Levi. He had a feeling this wasn’t the worst thing he was going to learn about this titan.

“Shadis ordered it killed. Something like that was bound to be trouble and we were moving so fast and pissed they had broken through. The order was to kill any titan that breached the wall. This was the first one we saw. Scared the hell out of us the way it appeared out of nowhere, we went in fast.”

Hange lowered their gaze, wringing their hands.

“It swatted at us, but could also predict our movements. It seemed surprised at us but ignored us until we got to the nape. Hans and I took it down. Straight in the middle of the nape. I got a deep cut, Hans finished it off. It was textbook.” They said guiltily.

“So why was it all hush hush? You think it was trapped somewhere in the walls for centuries and that would scare people? The walls are big, but someone would have to have seen something that large lurking in a gully or out on a plain.” Levi said.

There had to be something more, Hange was always excited to observe titans.

“That’s only part of it.”

Hange kept their gaze on their desk.

“The nape had a human spine in it.”

“What?”

“When I looked at Han’s cut more, I noticed there was something moving in the nape. The body was dissolving but something wasn’t and it was in the nape...” They trailed off.

“It got too hot with the steam I couldn’t stay on the neck, I waited down below until there was mostly skeleton left.”

Hange looked Levi dead in the eyes.

“Levi, there was a being in the nape. Alive. Human-like.”

“What? That’s not possible, it was probably just a skeleton from its stomach that got tossed around.” Levi said tersely.

Hange stood, planting their hands on the desk top, voice firm and speaking resolutely now.

“Shadis retired right after. Only Hans, Shadis, and I knew about it. He said to keep it buried, threatened us. Told me I could research if it would keep me quiet, but if I ever said anything or word got out it would start something he wouldn’t be able to stop.”

“So, you’ve been keeping this from us for how long?” Levi asked.

“Hans died. Killed in the 53^rd expedition. I finally asked Shadis if I could brief Erwin since he was being promoted to commander, he allowed it since Hans wasn’t a liability anymore.”

“Are you going to make sure I disappear on the next expedition?” Levi drawled sarcastically.

Hange shot him a weak smile, it was rare for Levi to joke. They knew Levi would ride into certain death upon Erwin’s command on pure trust, they all would.

“No, because it’s much bigger now. We have the notebook from Ilse’s titan, the being from Shiganshina. I think there are titans out there that are even more dangerous in ways we don’t understand yet.”

“You think Jaeger was one of them? These human titans?”

“Is one of them.” they corrected.

A grin began to creep over their face. The spark of madness that drove their obsession with titans was returning to their eyes.

“Is?” Levi questioned.

“I thought maybe it might have been possible that the being at Shiganshina might have lived had the cut been more delicate. What would we have extracted? Would it have been able to talk to us? What would it look like? I’ve cut hundreds more open since that day and nothing else in the nape.”

Hange paused as they got lost in their thoughts.

“…Now we find another titan just like it…”

Levi saw where this was going.

“Nick kept insisting we search for it. Wanted us to search the grounds. Do you think that Jaeger is alive? Hiding on the grounds?”

Hange fixed him with a serious look.

“Perhaps, though I think it’s more likely that he’s walking among us. I have my suspicions.”

Levi drew in a sharp breath.

“I have my evidence. Last nights guard reported voices in the enclosure. Multiple human voices, kept saying a name over and over. Calling out.”

Hange turned to unlock a filing cabinet which they produced the report from.

“The real report.” Levi said, proud that some of his thievery had rubbed off for the greater good of the scouts.

“Yes, the falsified one is circulating now with the MP and the board.” Hange said handing him the documents.

Levi opened the packet.

Scout Luke Cis was on watch the night of March 9th, 850. Upon guarding the courtyard at 22:20 he reported hearing voices in the enclosure. The suspect (referred to as Suspect A). called out a name that does not match any soldier in the scouts currently. Another male voice spoke again around 22:25 seeming to respond to suspect A. The second suspect (referred to as Suspect B) argued with suspect A for a few minutes before both leaving the enclosure. Scout Cis could not hear the words exchanged. Both suspects fled towards the castle around 22:30 where upon which Specimen Jaeger spontaneously disintegrated.

Levi looked up at Hange.

“This is huge. Erwin’s hiding it for a good reason. The Wallists suspect there’s something more to Jaeger, they also think he is alive.”

Hange nodded.

“Exactly, Erwin’s not giving up our hand without investigating the crown more. The MP too, why do you think they came so fast?”

Levi moved to hand the packet back to the scientist.

“Too many men, any other captive titan and they wouldn’t have lifted a finger. Jaeger goes and suddenly they’re crawling all over the castle.”

Hange smiled at how fast he’d caught on, but pushed the report back to him.

“That’s not all, finish reading the report.”

Scout Cis reports there was a third voice after the disintegration of specimen Jaeger. Also male, suspect C (as referred to in this report) called out a name five times in a “disoriented manner”. The name is of a known and active-duty scout. Scout Cis reports hearing the name “Armin” repeatedly yelled in the empty courtyard. Suspect C possibly refers to new recruit, Armin Arlert, who allegedly may be suspect A or B.

Levi arched his brow.

“Well, we certainly have some questioning to do.”

xXx

 

“With everything that’s happened recently, I forgot to ask! What brought you to the Scouts, Armin?”

Armin regarded the question warily. Why now? Could this be related to his midnight outing? Did they know about him and Jean in the courtyard last night? Perhaps he was just being paranoid and Hange asked the question to all new members. It wasn’t like the scouts was a popular choice to begin with, and after Trost recruitment was at an all time low.

Armin cleared his throat after a moment, ceasing his note taking.

“Oh, my friend actually inspired me to join the Scouts.”

Hange also stopped taking notes on Bean’s eye movements to turn towards the younger soldier.

“Jean?”

Armin spluttered a hurried no that was too intense for the line of questioning.

Walls, I’m being way too suspicious

“Are you ok Armin? I know a lot has happened and the Military Police are still all over the castle, but they’re almost finished with the interviews. You have nothing to worry about!”

Armin nodded and guiltily returned to his notes. A few minutes passed with just the sound of the scratching of their graphite and Bean's shifting movements.

It was too quiet.

“My friend Eren—"

Armin took a deep breath before blurting the rest out.

“He wanted to join the scouts… but he died at Trost…” Armin trailed off.

Why did this feel like an admission? It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Hange let out a soothing hum, no doubt encouraging him to talk about it.

“Mikasa went to visit his grave today. I can’t make myself go, he sacrificed himself for me, and I can’t even bring myself to visit his grave.” Armin said.

It was like a dam had been broken, putting the words out there helped. He’d told Mikasa she shouldn’t bottle things up, but he’d been doing the same.

“There was nothing to bury, he was eaten. His leg was missing when he pulled me out of the titan's mouth, it bit off his arm and swallowed him. We chose a doll Mikasa made. To bury, that is. She crochets. She made one of Eren.” Armin winced at how all this sounded. He didn’t want to word vomit at his new superior but he wasn’t sure he could stop at this point.

“I don’t want to believe he’s gone. I feel like he’s just going to walk back into our lives any moment. I grew up with him and Mikasa lived with him after her parents died. I just can’t accept he’s not here anymore.”

Hange put their hand on the younger’s shoulder.

“What was his name again?”

Armin’s face went hot, his lower lip trembling as he avoided Hange’s gaze.

“Eren. Eren Jaeger.”

Hange pulled him in close, wrapping their arm over his back in a side hug. They were both staring up at Bean when Hange gently spoke again.

“Thank you Eren, for letting Armin be here today. Your sacrifice has meant great things to humanity.”  

xXx

 

Jean and Armin’s room was fairly nice. It was the first time Mikasa had been able to take in the room since they’d moved in. It was large and had a window overlooking the courtyard, which she surmised was probably why it was the last room claimed.

She made herself at home on Armin’s bed picking at her crochet project, avoiding nervous glances from Jean across the room.

“Reiner and Bertholdt were saying that the titan disintegrated really fast, Reiner was stargazing when it happened.” Armin said.

“Stargazing? Yeah, right!” Jean responded.

“I don’t think Reiner’s ever stargazed in his life, dude’s always in bed before lights out.”

“Maybe he wants to, now that there’s no rules?” Mikasa answered.  

“Oh yeah, I didn’t think about that. You’re probably right.” Jean said quickly.

Armin shot her a conspiratory smile which she pointedly ignored. She wasn’t interested in that. Not when the loss of Eren was so fresh, the thought of all that felt so forced and too soon.

A sharp series of knocks at the door startled the small group.

“Knock, knock chuckleheads” Reiner walked in uninvited. “Not you Mikasa, just these two.”

Mikasa gave a weak smile in greeting, Reiner and Bertholdt had been hanging around her and Armin more and more since they’d arrived at the Scouting Legion. It didn’t bother her that much, but the older boy’s constantly jovial energy was starting to wear on her. Something was beginning to annoy her about those two always showing up at the most convenient times, it was beginning to feel false.

She brushed it off as her grief for Eren lowering her tolerance for socializing, but even before his death Reiner always seemed to be more unbothered than the rest. It was a fake feeling of nonchalance about all the uncertainties in their lives that rubbed her the wrong way. It was best to keep him at a distance.

“Jean quit breathing so heavy, you’re going to scare Mikasa away.” Reiner joked, ignoring Jean’s protest.

The larger boy perched on the edge of Jean’s desk, resting his elbow on his propped knee.

“So, Armin what are the experiments like now that the star specimen is gone? Any ideas what happened?” Reiner side eyed the blond.

 Armin huffed in amusement.  

“If you want to know so badly, why haven’t you joined the research program?”

“Nah, can you believe they rejected my application? Why’d they choose someone with grades like yours over mine?” Reiner laughed, shaking his head in mock disbelief.

“Oh, sorry. Maybe another spot will open up?” Armin shrugged.

Reiner flapped a hand in his direction in dismissive motion, before glancing out the window where Jaeger used to sit.

Mikasa bristled with annoyance, why did these two get to claim so much attachment to the titan? She had found it first, and Armin had come up with the plan to direct it to the other titans. They shouldn’t feel so close to it.

No, that’s ridiculous. This was a titan, no one has a connection with it.

Mikasa rolled her shoulders, straightening up from her slouched position on Armin’s bed.

“I’m heading out.” Mikasa said, packing up her yarn and crochet hooks.

She ignored the scathing look Jean sent towards Reiner and double ignored the hushed

“dude, you scared her away! You made it a total meat fest in here!”

Mikasa sighed as she made her way back to the west wing of the castle. Something had to happen in the next few days, without Jaeger the hopeful energy that filled the castle had deflated.  They had been so close to finding something big, actually making strides in this war and not just losing people on expeditions over and over.

I guess they’ll get back to planning the next expedition now…

xXx

Armin stared at the ceiling, not finding any sleep. All day he’d had an uneasy feeling, like he was being watched. Mikasa had felt it to, she’d been quieter than usual and distracted. He’d noticed her fiddling with her yarn more than actually working with it.

They all felt it. The resounding disappointment of losing Jaeger was too much to bear. Even soldiers who hated the titan research were showing their frustration in their own prideful ways.

Armin rolled over, throwing the thin sheet off him. The humidity was still smothering at night despite the respite from the warm rain that had finally let up. He sat in the silence for a minute.

Wow, Jean does really breathe heavily.

Armin frowned over at his roommate who was sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling with the deep breathes that… did not match his actual breathing at all.

That’s not his breathing.

The heaving sound that circled the room was not coming from Jean. It was also very much not coming from himself.

Where is it coming from? WHAT is it coming from?

This was not a small animal, this was something large, very large. There was someone else in the room with them, Armin tensed with the realization.

They’re under my bed.

Armin froze, not knowing what to do. Who would hide under someone’s bed and how was he going to get out of the room. If he yelled at Jean that’d alert the intruder and then he’d be leaving a disoriented Jean in the room with the intruder.

Was this Jaeger’s killer? Had they lingered in order to take out the people who were working closely with Jaeger?

Yes, that must be it.

I have to warn Major Hange and Moblit, they’ll be after them too if they haven’t already gotten to them. That means they’re only interested in me and not Jean.

Armin sat up slowly.

The breathing halted.

He slowly slid his legs over the edge of the bed, avoiding the human hand reaching out ready to snatch at his ankles.

“WHAT?!” Armin yelled, waking Jean and launching himself off the bed the closest to the door he could get.

Two voices yelled his name at the same time, Jean sitting bolt upright and a human form skittering out from under the bed. Arms spasming as they clawed their body out of the small crevice.

Armin fled to the hallway shouting as he made a beeline for Major Hange’s quarters. He sprinted down the corridor catching the sound of footsteps behind him. The thud of a boot and the slap of a bare foot rang out as he hit the stairwell.

 

Thud

Fwap

 

Thud

Fwap

 

Thud fwap

 

Thudfwap

Thudfwap

thudfwapthudfwap-

 

They were gaining on him, he hit the bottom of the stairs, stumbling as he oriented himself. The intruder was right behind him, barreling down the stairs. The heavy breathing was back now as it pursued him through the castle.

“HANGE! MOBLIT!” Armin screamed down the officers hallway.

Just one corner left, but the intruder was right behind him.

Armin rounded the corner to a blinding light in his face and someone yelling.

“STOP, HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!”

Armin halted before slamming into Captain Levi. The intruder did not, and slammed right into the back of Armin taking them both down.

Captain Levi sidestepped the whole commotion watching the two boys face plant onto the cold stone.

“This him?”

“Yep, get him.”

Armin couldn’t hear much before the person was roughly pulled off of him and Moblit yelled

“Eren Jaeger, you are under arrest for the destruction of government property! The high crime of slaying research specimen Jaeger!”

Armin looked up disoriented to see Eren-- his Eren -- pushed against the wall being cuffed by Levi. Armin sat on the floor, legs too weak to stand as Eren fought Levi’s grasp calling out to Armin.

Armin couldn’t bring himself to say anything. His jaw slack, he kept running his eyes over his friend. It was him, here, alive. His trainee uniform ripped at the arm and leg. The arm and leg that he’d lost at Trost… were back and functional.

“It’s over kid, we caught you.” Levi said, pushing a hysterical Eren forward.

Armin shook himself out of his daze as Captain Levi began marching Eren away. He scrambled to his feet beginning to stumble after them only for Hange to catch his elbow.

“Stay up here Armin, that kid is a criminal.” They shook their head in disbelief. “to be that young and throw your whole life away for something like that… hmmm how sad.”

Armin opened his mouth to protest, to set the story straight, that even though Eren hated titans he would never do something like that. He wasn’t against the progress of humanity.

Moblit gave him a peculiar look. Something about it didn’t feel genuine, and Armin’s jaw clicked shut.

Hange also seemed to be waiting for him to say something, anything in protest of Eren’s arrest. The situation soured even more. 

Is this a set up? Did they know Eren was alive?

Armin’s mind spun with the possibilities, but mostly he couldn’t process the fact Eren was here.

Here. Alive.

Those words kept repeating in his mind as Hange guided him back through the crowded corridors to Jean’s ghostly white face staring at him in shock. He could tell Jean wanted to ask if who he’d seen was real but they couldn’t risk it yet. Armin shook his head almost imperceptibly at his roommate.

They needed to hold their cards close. For once Armin was in the dark and he needed to find out what side the scouts were on. 

Notes:

oh no not grisha trying to get back to Shiganshina to save his family :(

:) thanks for reading!

Chapter 18: Panic

Summary:

Armin, Eren, and Mikasa are questioned as to their role in Jaeger's disappearance. They all deal with adults not leaving them alone for the first time in years (the horror!) Eren's just like Carla and has to cry it out first sometimes. Our warrior trio tries to stay one step ahead and find out what is happening on this god forsaken devil island.

Notes:

Minor content warning for old attitudes and language regarding Mikasa's asian heritage and Armin getting dead named. Just Levi's whole bad cop routine in general (kinda Erwin too).

I'm so sorry this updates so slowly, but I spontaneously quit my toxic job and am going back to school. This means I've been spending so much time in coffee shops writing admissions stuff and I figure there's a lot of time to also write my favorite characters. Heads up I did reread the whole work and did have to make one retcon (which is called out in that chapter's notes) where I specify that Grisha has to eat humans to live, Eldians and animals aren't able to sustain hallucigenid titans.

“How incredible! We have one! Right here in the dungeon!” Hange’s boisterous voice rang out in the silent room.

Hange, Mike, Dieter, and Levi sat in a tense circle with Erwin evaluating their next moves.

“Hange we shouldn’t be talking that loudly or those chodes downstairs will overhear.” Mike sniffed in disdain at the MP swarming their mess hall.

“Erwin, are these people really that invested in… that thing?” He asked, not sure how to address the creature they were keeping in the basement.

“Mike’s correct. The people downstairs, while not the kindest, have an incredible interest in… Jaeger.” Erwin responded.

“I’m guessing that we’re also interested in that titan?” Levi interjected.

“Yes, I misspoke.” Erwin cleared his throat. “To be clear, Jaeger is an incredible opportunity should we have him as an ally. Potentially even to be used for taking back wall Maria.”

Grumbles of dissatisfaction came from the squad leaders before Erwin began to summarize the reports, adding context to the already impossible situation.

“According to the intelligence reports, the person in custody is Eren Jaeger, formerly of Shiganshina. Enlisted as a cadet three years ago and was legally declared dead in Trost after losing a left arm and right leg, … then being swallowed by a titan.”

Erwin paused a moment, marveling at the unnaturalness of the statement.

“They grew back!?”

“Hange!” Dieter scolded.

Erwin put his hand up before they could derail the conversation. Hange was by far the only one taking the discovery of Jaeger’s … alternate form… well. Erwin himself was shocked but there was something immense with this discovery that thrummed through his veins. Whatever they had locked in the dungeon, whatever they had stumbled upon at Trost was their missing link.

Erwin’s eyes began to glaze over as he thought of the questions he had for this titan. A titan who’d taken on a human form which they could communicate with. A titan that by all accounts was part of a larger clan living within the walls. He had masqueraded amongst them, learning the ins and outs of their military in boot camp without being caught. What would the being say when questioned about the outside? Could this really be another being like Shiganshina, or perhaps even the armored and colossal?

No, this was Grisha’s son. This was the same boy he’d seen after expeditions as a major all those years ago, following Shadis around post expedition. He’d seen the boy peeking out from his room gazing in awe at the scouts while Grisha’s wife furiously yelled at her son to leave the adults be. Had the whole family of titans really been hiding in plain sight? Erwin had even met with Dr. Jaeger and Keith after the immediate aftermath of expeditions, nothing had ever seemed off about the man.

Regardless, they needed to question the boy about everything. There was too much that was unknown at this point and he could feel bad actors already prepping for the fight that would surely ensue over this titan. 

“Erwin?” Mike looked at the commander expectantly.

Erwin cleared his throat and continued his briefing. He would have to save his excitement for later.

“You may recognize the name Jaeger. Eren is the son of Grigory Jaeger, who as you know, was our point of contact for medical care prior to the fall of Shiganshina. We can heavily assume Eren’s parents were also like him.”

“Two more hiding in plain sight? Working on the scouting legion?” Deiter interjected.

“You have all been briefed on the Shiganshina being by now. The information is true and we must assume that creature was the same as Eren.”

Deiter nodded seriously.

“We will be keeping up the façade that we have no prior information that these creatures existed before the discovery of Eren Jaeger. I’m sure you have noticed the Military Police’s unusual interest in our subject. I don’t doubt they will try and take control of the titan. I’m not sure why or how much, but they have knowledge of these creatures that they won’t disclose.” 

“So, there are more of these things out there? We don’t even know how many have gotten into the walls already, let alone what they’ve been planning for humanity.” Mike suggested.

“Personally, I don’t think the Jaegers would do anything against us, or if they wanted to, they would have done it by now. Given how powerful and intelligent these titans are they wouldn’t need years to plot the downfall of us. Jaeger only revealed himself when there was no other option for humanity to recover at Trost, it appears they have been using the walls as refuge just as much as we have. I highly doubt this is a part of some larger plan to bring down the walls, and even if that were the case, they’d want to maintain as much secrecy as possible. Having Jaeger, this Jaeger, purposefully blow his cover would open up a potential link to their identities as we’re now discovering.”

Erwin smiled, impressed with Hange’s forward thinking. They were already advocating for their subject, and he could tell that their protectiveness would only grow.

“Yes, I agree. We had a strong relationship with Dr. Jaeger way back through Kieth’s years and there was nothing to suspect that he had any ill intent for our missions.”

“What are we going to present to the brass?”

“We’re going to bid to keep Jaeger in our custody—” Erwin began.

“Yes, I can’t wait to ask him questions and study him!” Hange interrupted again.

“—As a full member of the scouting legion.”

“What?”

“Really?”

Even Hange looked skeptical of the plan.

“Yes, it’s important we don’t alienate Jaeger—Eren.” Erwin quickly corrected himself. “As we’ve seen how much benefit he can bring to humanity when he’s on our side.”

Erwin couldn’t wait to start gathering information, this titan had to know something about its origins, about the outside world. Even if he was only a boy, Dr. Jaeger must have shared his ancestry and knowledge with his own son.

What was it like out there that even highly intelligent and covert titans were seeking refuge within humanities walls? This was the break they had been waiting years for, and it had fallen into their laps at the most convenient time. 

Levi spoke for the first time in a while.

“People won't like that. A titan is a titan. Even if it saved everyone’s ass, it humiliated the military in the process and flaunted the fact it and any others went undetected all those years.”

“Yes, which means we need to plan this carefully.” Erwin began to mark out a timeline of interrogations and briefings. “We already have everyone here, Pixis is in our corner and will be spreading our story in the interior as he travels back to Sina.”

“So, what’s the deal with everyone downstairs? They’re more pissed than ever.” Mike questioned.

“They want that titan, badly, that’s for sure. I haven’t figured out why, but I believe there are far deeper reasons for their interest.” Erwin admitted.

Levi raked his eyes over Erwin’s form. He always wore a tight expression and rigid posture when dealing with work matters, but this was tighter than normal.

He’s not giving us all of the info. He doesn’t want us to incriminate ourselves before he does more digging.

“MP?”

“Larger.”

“The king?”

“Potentially, but I believe there are other unknown forces that are heavily involved in this.”

“What are we doing from here?” Hange asked.

“The reporters are already here. I’ll still have the press conference that we had been initially planning. I’ll inform them that we are closely studying a new lead in titan research, one that our division is expert in.”

“And that’s all well and fine for the public. What are we telling our teams?” Dieter asked.

“Same thing, make sure to emphasize the potential of a titan under our command. Lean into the fact it has already acted under the military's will. It will help to build confidence in our story and assure the corps and public of our control.”

“What about the cadets who were close to Jaeger?” Levi asked. “Blondie is probably already wise to the fact Moblit, an assistant squad captain, can’t arrest someone.”

“Levi you and I will be questioning Private Arlert and Ackerman. Hange you’ll be examining the titan, given you are the leading researcher. As of now Jaeger is fully under our control but I don’t doubt that the MP will attempt to reverse that.”

“Whatever knowledge they have they can’t make it public, but they know more about this situation than they want to expose and we can use that to our advantage.” Erwin mused.

 

xXx

 

Eren raised his head slowly from the hard mattress. The figure was still staring at him. He collapsed back onto the rag of a blanket and he wrapped his arms around himself tighter, drawing his body into a ball against the damp chill of the cell.

His breathing came in short gasps as his lungs constricted with the reality of what had happened.

How am I alive? How did I get my body back?

He gasped as a shooting pain raced up his leg, his toes were cold and numb from his bare foot.  He peered down at the foot that shouldn’t have been there. Usually he ran hot, especially after testing out his healing, but now the dank moldy cot sucked the warmth out of him. He’d never pushed his healing that far, never known he could push it that far. Now, instead of the euphoric floating feeling that came with the release of pain after regenerating, he was met with fatigue.

He felt cold. He felt weak.

The bars clanged as the figure lurched forward suddenly. Eren scrabbled back against the wall, the handcuffs that bound him to the bed biting into his wrists. A small glint of light off their eyeglasses caught his attention as they pressed their face to the bars.

Eren shied back as much as he could.

“Jaeger! I’m so glad you are okay.”

It’s Major Hange.

The shred of familiarity was comforting despite the dread of knowing why they were here. The constant hypothesizing and one-sided conversations they’d had when he was strapped down were enough to make him go mad. They had treated him like an animal, like he was different than the very people who were studying him.

Then again, was it mistreatment? He was a titan when that happened and wasn’t that the proper way to treat a titan? What had happened that he became human again?

The last he could remember was being in the courtyard that day, Hange rambling about an expedition and scouts toddling about around him. It made him nervous that they were so small, or really that he was so big, what if he moved and accidentally hurt someone?

He’d fallen asleep that night, anxious about being so vulnerable as such a large target, but he was exhausted after only fitfully resting in the nights since Trost.

Then, there’d been a pleading voice floating around his head and the next thing he knew was the hard gravel underneath him and hot steam in his eyes. He’d taken off at the alarms, staggering into the closest alcove in the courtyard. No one had spared a glance to the shadowy corner when there was a titan killer on the loose. Any intruder would have had to come from above on gear.

During the day while everyone was out training it was easy to sneak into the castle. Finding the room that he had heard Armin from wasn’t, but he’d eventually found it and hid beneath the bed amongst Armin’s books.

He hadn’t meant to scare his friend, but he didn’t want to alert the scouts to his presence. If he had, well, it would have been the situation he was in now.

Eren looked up again, Major Hange had entered the cell and was standing expectantly at the foot of his bed. They were more intimidating when he wasn’t ten times the size of them. He tensed inadvertently as the Major quivered in excitement slowly reaching out towards him.

His eyes locked onto the hand that crept towards his bare foot, and he pulled his leg back as close as he could with the shackles locked around his ankles. The Major froze just before making contact.

“Oh!”

The Major retracted their hand as if they’d been burnt and Eren flinched at how loud the Major’s voice was to his ears. That wasn’t the only sound in the cell, Eren realized. The low rhythmic vibration was coming from him.

I can’t make those noises outside of the family. Dad always got upset when I did, even in front of Mikasa, and she’s family.

He stopped the rumble immediately. He’d been so tense he hadn’t realized he’d started to help calm himself. It was part of the little code of noises he shared with his dad as a kid, making strings of vibrating, clicking, breathy sounds back and forth somehow communicating through them. His mother had always giggled and referred to the rumbles as purring, much to his father’s feigned annoyance.

Later, when Mikasa had come to live with them she’d also smiled sweetly when he’d crawl into her bed on a bad night and rumble softly. It helped him relax, and it helped her too. He liked to see her smile.

Would she ever smile at him again knowing what he was now?

There’s no way she’ll ever get that close to me after this. No one will.

“Did… did you just growl at me?” The major questioned in disbelief. “Do you not want to be touched?”

I don’t want them to touch me, but I’m not growling-- I’m not an animal!  

Eren considered it and nodded.

Better for them to think I’m like that than whatever they were planning on doing to me.

He’d definitely been nervous witnessing the experiments on the other two other titans that had been chained down next to him. At least he had a voice now, but they still seemed to think he was a titan.

“Can I ask you questions then?”

Eren stared blankly lost in thought.

I’m not actually a titan, maybe they’ll see that and let me go. I’m clearly normal now.

“—limbs?”

Eren snapped back to the present. The Major had asked him something and expected him to respond judging by their look.

“Can you move the two limbs that grew back? Jaeger?” They asked as their eyes fixated on his leg, then trailed up to his arm.

Eren glanced down at his bare foot, it looked like it always had.

Why would he not be able to move it? He slowly flexed then pointed his foot. Other than being incredibly cold and stiff, everything felt normal.

Major Hange let out a strangled squeal.

“Excellent Jaeger, your abilities are so impressive!”

“Eren. My name is Eren.” He corrected them.

Jaeger wasn’t him, it was whatever that monster he had the misfortune of being trapped inside was. A swell of frustration surged up in his chest. Why him?

“You speak very well for a titan! Do you speak any other languages? Is there a titan language? Can you say something in titan? Can you communicate with the others? What have Sawney and Bean said?”

Hange bombarded him with questions that were frankly ridiculous and insulting. They insisted on treating him like he was a titan pretending to be human, asking ridiculous things about his parents and if he was born inside the walls or his ‘real’ age. Then again... some of these things were frighteningly close to being good explanations for the weird things his family kept to themselves.

Eren stayed quiet throughout the process, not sure if attempting to answer or ask what was happening would be used against him. That was what happened when people were arrested, right? They said he was detained for killing Jaeger… but Major Hange clearly knew it was him that had gone through those humiliating days of being strapped down and observed.

“How could I have killed Jaeger, when you think I am him?” Eren cut Hange off. “You said I was under arrest for destroying a research subject, but now you act like I am… him.” Eren hesitated at the last part.

Hange grinned around the end of the pen in their mouth.

“So, if you confirm you are Jaeger, we could clear you of all charges. That’s what you’re thinking, right?” Hange shot back.

Eren sighed heavily as his eyes teared up.

If he confessed, then everyone would know what he was. What would Mikasa think? Armin had already seen him, way too much of him in that disgusting form. Oh Walls, what did he even look like as a titan? He’d spent the past three years running his mouth about killing titans and he couldn’t imagine the fallout when this came out. The thought of all his friends having seen him large and naked made him cringe violently.

They’ve seen my ass.

Eren buried his head in his knees. He could get out of this though, what would Armin do? What would he say?

“Looks like you could use some time to think about things.” Hange said moving towards the door “I’ll be back soon Jae- Eren, there’s so much more I want to know!”

Their voice faded and soon Eren was left on his own again with only the shuffling of the guards outside his cell. He couldn’t bring himself to admit he was Jaeger. He didn’t want to accept that this wasn’t some freak accident. If it happened once, it would happen again.

No, I’ve always been like this.

Eren let out a sob.

Dad, why did you leave me? I need you to explain what’s happening.

He threw himself into the musty pillow, curling his fists in the rough fabric petulantly. His sobs kept coming, building in intensity until he choked on them. By the time the guards banged a metal torch holder on the bars to quiet him, the crying had turned to wretched wails that echoed through the dungeon. He went until he was lightheaded and his throat beyond raw, the sound of his own yelling scaring himself.

There’s no one I can go to. I’m never going to see my friends again. Dad isn’t going to come back for me he’s just as gone as mom.

The thought of his mother brought a fresh round of tears to his eyes. He laid back on the cot exhausted from his outburst. Eren wiped the snot from his face completely missing what the guard called into the cell.

He took a few deep breaths staring at the ceiling, enjoying the floating feeling of being completely cried out. He wanted something from his home, from his parents. Other cadets brought trinkets and portraits to remind themselves of family to get them through tough training.

They still have homes and families.

Eren thought bitterly.

He crossed his arms over his stomach, allowing his eyes to drift shut.

The key. I’m so stupid!

Eren dug under his tattered shirt and gasped in relief when he saw that it had managed to hang on after everything he’d been through. His father had said that he had a lot to tell him, this must have been what he was talking about. It went to something in the basement, for certain, that’s where this all started. Practicing regeneration down there? It had to be where his dad was hiding secrets about the titans.

He held the key up above his face to examine it under the dim light. It didn’t look that special but then again he didn’t know anything about keys or locks.

“Jaeger, I came as soon as I could! I was in a meeting but I’m here now!”

For the second time today Eren flinched as Major Hange suddenly appeared at the bars to his cell. He sniffled weakly as they hurried into the cell to sit by his bedside without hesitation.

Eren regarded her warily through his puffy eyes. It was obvious he’d been crying and throwing a fit like a child. He felt stupid for dragging the Major out of a meeting for what he could only imagine the guards described as a tantrum.

But still, he felt a little safer with the Major in his cell. They were the only member of the scouting legion he’d interacted with and it seemed like they just wanted to ask questions. They had backed off quickly when he wasn’t sure about being physically examined. Perhaps he could trust them, they were a titan researcher after all. Maybe they would know something about himself that he didn’t?

“I heard you were upset! I didn’t intend to distress you that much! I’m just so excited to meet you!” Hange cried.

They leaned forward waiting for him to respond.

It seemed like the Major actually cared about him. He hadn’t realized it until they had rushed in, dropping everything for him, but he hadn’t had that kind of attention from a grown up in years. It felt good, knowing someone in charge cared. So warm and safe that he teared up again.

I should answer some of their questions

He sniffed again, using his grimy sleeve to wipe his face.

“Are you okay?”

The major seemed to realize the second the words had come out of their mouth that it was a dumb question. Eren nodded anyway.

“May I ask a few questions? I promise I won’t push too much this time.”

Eren nodded again, sitting up against the wall to face Hange.

“How old are you?”

Eren frowned, they should have that information on file.

“Fourteen.”

Hange raised their eyebrows, looking skeptical.

“almost fifteen” Eren added, not understanding why the major was confused.

“Were your parents from inside the walls?”

“Yes.” He didn’t know how anyone could survive outside them.

“Let me phrase it this way: Could they do the same things you showed me? Did they have the same abilities?”  

“Um, my dad could also heal.” Eren admitted hesitantly.

“Were your parents also titans?”

Eren sucked in a sharp breath, feeling his lip tremble as he held back tears. He didn’t understand why this was so hard for him to answer. It wasn’t like they could hurt his parents if he said yes.

“My dad,” Eren managed to get out “I think he was…. a……a”

“A titan?” Hange supplied gently.

“yes” He whispered.

His eyes were suddenly drawn to the floor, looking away in shame. There was no going back now he felt like he had made a huge mistake. Hange might care about him, but other people weren’t like Hange. They hated titans, and he had betrayed his family and put himself in danger by answering that.

“Hey, it’s ok. It’s ok.” Hange said quietly.

Eren realized he had started hyperventilating again. Their voice could be really soothing when they weren’t yelling commands.

“What’s that key for? I saw you looking at it earlier.” They tried changing the subject.

Eren instinctively reached up to grip the key. He had to protect it. It was the only link he had to his father and the information he’d left behind.

“…I think it goes to the basement in my house. My dad said he had a lot to tell me, and that it was important. We practiced in the basement a lot.”

Hange furrowed their brow.

“You think this information might be about titans? Like where you come from?”

“My house is in Shiganshina… we can’t get there.”

“You said you practiced in the basement. What did you practice with your father?”

“Regeneration, both types…” Eren trailed off.

He saw Hange mouth his words, clearly wanting to ask more about the regeneration.

“Are you worried that you won’t be able to return to Shiganshina?”

Eren flicked his gaze up, briefly catching Hange’s eye before looking away again.

“I wanted to join the survey corps… but not just to get to the basement” Eren mumbled.

“You think because you’re a titan you can’t join the survey corps? Is that why you’re upset?” Hange smiled softly.

Eren faltered at their misunderstanding, not knowing how to explain the fact he didn’t know he could do any of this a week ago.

“All I wanted to do was kill titans, I swear!”

xXx

Armin sat straight backed in the chair before Captain Levi’s desk. The office was bare and meticulously organized giving it a mildly threatening aura. There was nothing personal Armin could use to get a read on the man before the interrogation started.

Captain Levi sat on the other side of the desk casually crossing his ankle over his knee as he leaned back comfortably on his chair. The man had spent the last two minutes staring at Armin, he hadn’t asked any questions or accused Armin of anything. He hadn’t said anything. What kind of interrogation was this?

Maybe I can get some information out of him.

Armin took a slow breath in before going on the offense.

“What exactly are the charges against Eren?”

Captain Levi remained silent, impassively staring at him. Armin waited a moment for any sort of acknowledgement before clarifying.

“You said Eren’s been arrested for killing Jaeger. What evidence do you have that he did it? You must have something compelling to detain him. Did you check the gear for unauthorized use? Was there an unaccounted set? Surely there is something linking him to the crime?”

Armin steeled himself, finding confidence in confronting the man. Yet again the captain sat silently with his grey eyes boring into Armin. 

“If there’s no evidence then you can’t detain Eren, especially since you have no authority to arrest or detain without extreme suspicion or a warrant given you aren’t police or military police.”

Armin frowned at the older man. He wasn’t saying anything, what was the point if neither one of them got any information from one another? Armin began to get frustrated, perhaps not the best idea given the veterans were seemingly accusing people of insubordination and high treason with little evidence.

Why isn’t he asking me anything? They wanted me to speak when they caught Eren, now they can’t ask me anything… or maybe they want me to talk without introducing leading questions…

He was beginning to think that this was not a coincidence that he had been paired with captain Levi. The man’s intense gaze and reticent personality were probably meant to make him feel uncomfortable and start babbling. The scouts thought that Armin had the missing piece of information to linking Eren with Jaeger. Eren wouldn’t kill a titan so valuable to humanity, but Hange had been so insistent on Eren having committed the crime. They kept waiting for him to speak… to defend Eren.

Armin’s eyes widened and he met captain Levi’s gaze.

“You figure it out yet?” the man asked.

They want me to defend Eren as their evidence, their evidence that Eren is the Jaeger titan.

“I have high expectations for your brain, mop top. Are you ready to stop pretending?”

If they think Eren is the titan then they would want to keep him to study at the least, that would be the most beneficial to humanity. Eren why would you keep this from us? We could have helped you hide.

Armin knew exactly why, he’d read Eren’s private thoughts related to this exact dilemma. Given what his friend had written he knew Eren wouldn’t be taking this well.

He sighed as he realized his friend was probably denying the same allegations in his own interrogation.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, I only found out about this when my best friend came back from the dead a night ago and ran me down in the hallway!”

Armin figured he would at least try and get some insight into how the scouts were going about this. He needed information of his own before giving away his.

“Don’t lie!” Levi said harshly as he slammed a folder of paper down on the table between the two.

Armin recoiled, not expecting the sudden shift from the quiet man in front of him.

Levi whipped open the packet pulling the first few pages out of it.

“Katerina Elizabeth-Rose Arlert, born to Clara and Axel Arlert of Wall Maria in 834. Your parents had a run in with the military police when you were an infant and they were never seen again. You were raised by your Grandfather who moved to Shiganshina for cheaper living after selling his land off.”

“Wait what do you mean an incident with the military police?!”

Levi continued without acknowledging Armin.

“You met Eren Jaeger when you were five years old and have been close up until the day he died in Trost. You enlisted in the military with Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman and craftily changed your name and sex, citing the lack of formal documents from the fall. I have noted your comfort with lying to authorities and general conniving nature. You also remain close with Mikasa Ackerman who curiously also has suspicious ties to a world outside ours.”

Armin bristled at the accusations, indignant at the assumptions from a man who had only read of his life on paper.

“Mikasa shares your name so perhaps you could also be deemed foreign.” Armin seethed.

“I was referring to her oriental heritage on her mother’s side, not our last names.” Levi sniped back.  

“Careful Arlert. I have all the information here. So Don’t lie.” he ground out.

Armin fixed the captain with his best glare. How dare he bring such personal things up with a familiarity he hadn’t earned.  

“How long have you been running around with that titan and why did you never question his family and their inconsistencies throughout all those years? Despite your renowned high marks in strategy and intelligence, why did you pledge scouting legion despite numerous recommendations for garrison engineering? Does it have anything to do with the fact you have been colluding with a titan whose clan infiltrated the walls?”

“What?!” Armin yelled, losing his composure completely.

“Why would numerous creatures that powerful and intelligent pick here to hide? Why live inside these walls when they can traverse the land outside easily, as evidenced by the fact Grisha Jaeger has no records from before he claimed to leave the walls?” Levi doubled down.

Levi knew he had gotten into Armin’s head. Despite the kid’s intelligence he was still just 15, no match for an adult raised in the slippery nature of the underground.

“You have numerous links to the outside world and have been rumored to carry heretical texts and have a friendship with a titan from outside, perhaps more than a friendship if I am to believe your training corps peers, and a continued relationship with a girl whose family also originates not within these walls.”

Armin didn’t know what to do, he was a rule follower and wasn’t used to being in trouble. That was Eren’s thing, his friend was always nonchalant about being in trouble. It didn’t seem to affect him the way it did armin. How would Eren deal with this?

“Speak Arlert.” Levi barked at the boy.

“I didn’t know! I thought Eren was a little weird and had a big imagination, he’s always been like that!” Armin cried.

The scouts were right, at some point this would get out. If they were true to their mission they’d fight to keep Eren as an asset. They would need all the correct information they could get to keep Eren under their command. No doubt other institutions within the walls would see Eren as a threat and want to eliminate him.

“I didn’t realize anything until I found his old journal, I swear I thought he was dead! Even then I didn’t understand what I was looking at until I saw the similarity to the regeneration logs that Hange and Moblit created. I tried to make contact with Jaeger and called him by Eren’s name multiple times in private but he never answered. After that I thought I had just been seeing things in grief and the titan was just a sign from Eren or beyond that we were going to be ok.” Armin gestured wildly, voice shrill with emotion.

Levi scoffed at the sentimentality.

“I promise! I haven’t said anything because I don’t know what you’re going to do with him! I just want to speak to him. I’m as confused as you are. If I could just speak to him, he’d probably tell me more than the military personnel questioning him!” Armin pleaded.

“I doubt it, Major Hange has the most knowledge about titans out of anyone in these walls.” Levi shot back.

“Yes, but can that make up for years of knowing him and how he’ll react to whatever you all have been doing to him! Just let me talk to him! Please!” Armin all but yelled.

 “Wait here.”

Armin looked up in shock, taken aback by the abrupt dismissal as Levi departed the room. Had he gotten Eren in more danger or could he at least talk to his friend to find out what was going on and how he could help him?

xXx

Erwin smiled pleasantly at the girl before him. Her record was impressive and the scouts had celebrated when they’d heard she’d pledged them. It was incredibly rare they got any top ten recruits, let alone the top of the training class.

Most likely to follow Jaeger.

“Private Ackerman, we haven’t spoken much since the pledging ceremony but as it still stands the scouts have been thrilled that you have joined us.”

Mikasa sat quietly, grey eyes boring into Erwin. It didn’t bother him; he was amused by the similarity to the other Ackerman he spent most his time with.

They must be related somehow; they do look similar despite her abnormal family background, but they certainly act similarly enough.

Erwin squashed the desire to ask about her family’s heritage… all three of the cadets in question had links to the outside world in their own unique ways, whether originating from the outside or trying to leave for the outside. It was a recurring theme that was too coincidental given the circumstances.

“Private Ackerman, I understand that you were called in here for an interrogation related to Jaeger. I want to emphasize that this is far more informal and that it is a mere discussion of the events related to last night.”

Mikasa nodded sharply.

My goodness she really is like Levi, perhaps they’re cousins.

“I encourage you to speak freely, even if there is information you might not think is important, I’d like to hear it.”

Erwin shifted the papers in front of him. They contained detailed records of her childhood and her relationship with Eren Jaeger and Armin Arlert, but he’d already memorized all the information in his excitement to piece together the fragments of this case.

“As I’m sure you know, Jaeger, the titan we have been keeping in our courtyard disintegrated last night. We’re investigating the incident for suspected foul play.” Erwin paused to judge the girls reaction.

Mikasa nodded again. If she had seen or known anything she didn’t make it apparent. Erwin glanced down at the papers again, readying his strategy to get her talking. Her files stated she was quite introverted and shy to a degree, the only topic that seemed to ever get her involved in cadet squabbles was over her friends. Put them in danger or implicate them, and she would ham fistedly come to their defense no matter where the blame lay.

“Cadet Arlert was seen in the titan pen moments before Jaeger disintegrated, we must take every account into consideration when uncovering the truth.”

Mikasa leaned forward, a worried look creeping onto her face.

“Have you ever heard Cadet Arlert speak about plans to kill titans that are in the scouting legions possession?”

“No.”

“Have you ever known Cadet Arlert to show contempt for titans or disobey command?”

“No, never. He’s a good boy, he’s never in trouble. He only wants to learn about them and the outside world.”

“I have reports that Arlert has harbored treasonous texts about the outside world, has Arlert ever spoken of this to you?”

Mikasa hesistated, but showed no emotion on her face.

“No. Never.”

“Please tell the truth Ackerman.”

“Armin has only ever talked about the outside world in the context of joining the scouting legion to go beyond the walls.”

“Did Arlert always want to join the scouts, or was that due to your friend Jaeger’s insistence on joining?”

Mikasa froze for a split second, thrown by Erwins emotional blindside.

“Yes, Eren was the one who initially wanted to join the scouting legion. He wanted to from the day I met him. Both Armin and I joined out of respect for his memory.”

Erwin scrutinized her for any clue that she was covering for Jaeger. Did she truly not know he was alive?

“Given the severity of the crimes all three of you could be charged with, I’d really like for you to consider telling me the entire truth.”

Mikasa sat with the same mildly confused face that she carried the first time he’d mentioned Jaeger. Now was the time to get her talking, not knowing her friend was alive played into his plan even better. She had come close to insubordination on a few occasions, being so strong she had the grace to ignore some of the rigidity in military rank, but pushed over the edge emotionally she would be capable of full treason.

“How long have you known that Eren Jaeger was a titan?” He asked innocently.

Mikasa’s eyes widened like a startled deer, the girl inhaling audibly.

“I don’t understand.”

“Your friend Eren, or as I read in your file, your adoptive brother has abilities that link him and his family to titans.” Erwin pressed further “Did you know that you were taken in by a clan of titans after your family passed?”

“No- I—Dr Jaeger and Miss Carla—that’s not right.”

“Then set the story straight for me please. Your friend Eren is safe in our custody right now but there are people out there who will want to change that. In order to make sure nothing happens to Eren I need all the information about him and his kind. You are one of the very few people who can help him.”

The girl’s eyes watered as she looked at Erwin, pulling the scarf she wore despite the mild spring weather over her mouth. Muffled from beneath the fabric he caught a reverent  

“He’s alive?”

 

xXx

 

Dear Annie,

 

It seems the scouting legion is as crazy as they say, I’m missing your sensibility terribly and I’m sure Reiner is as well. He’s worse now without the threat of your ass kickings to bring him back to reality. How are things panning out with the Military Police? The scouts have us doing all their support work for their titan experiments. With the capture of Jaeger we’ve been trying to figure out this new type of titan. Even the titan experts here don’t seem to know anything about this new kind of beast.

They say it’s frighteningly intelligent and they’ve never seen anything like it before, but it seemed like a suicidal maniac to me the way it acted. It was a real blockhead. The most pressing issue is that it spontaneously disintegrated a few nights ago and they believe they have lost their only research subject. The MP have been investigating all of us but no leads in the correct direction have come out of it.

Perhaps there is more information that can be found in the capital? The scouts are set to give a press release soon and you'll most likely have heard by the time this letter reaches you. Reiner has been speaking with Armin regarding the mess the missing titan has caused. Everyday the kid looks more nervous and suspicious. Hange most likely has filled his head with theories on where the titan came from and perhaps even where it has gone. The major seems to have a lot of crack pot theories. Maybe someday they’ll get lucky and one of them will turn out to be true.

This titan didn’t seem like the others, while it was familiar before it was captured it didn’t trigger anything for me pre-Trost. Reiner as well. I think it is worth further investigation on how this being was brought into these walls. It can’t be the only one.

We should meet up soon. Reiner can join as well if it’s too presumptuous for just the two of us to visit. Write back soon, I can’t wait to hear your careful thoughts on the matter.

Your dearest,

Bertholdt   H.

Notes:

I know it's not super edited, but I'll hit it up later and smooth things out. (I always do... just at a glacial pace)

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Reject Reality AU