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English
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Published:
2021-05-01
Updated:
2021-05-01
Words:
327
Chapters:
1/?
Comments:
4
Kudos:
11
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without hesitation, i won't regret

Summary:

Pre-debut to Present, Hanbin as a leader.

(Perhaps they've burdened the boy too young.)

Notes:

I found this amongst my OneNote draft dumps and wondered why I never finished writing it. After a lot of hesitations, I am finally putting it up if just so I can relieve something inside of me.

This was written sometime ago around 2018, partly inspired by iKON's comeback during that time, partly after rewatching a lot of their survival shows over and over again because I missed them and lastly during a time in their career where they spent mostly promoting in Japan. Also iKON TV EP2.

One day, I'll comeback to this and finish it properly. Enough of my ramblings.

(The title comes from a line in their song CLIMAX, which was also a huge inspiration for me to write this, I've just reworded it a little bit)

For now, enjoy!

Chapter Text

“Starting from now, Hanbin is the leader.”

Hanbin knows he’s young, and he knows that’s only half of the reason why there are eyes always, always burning on his back wherever he goes around the company. Knows that the other half is the whispers going around that he’s gained a silver spoon in his mouth, that he’s looked fondly upon more than the others around him. The next golden boy.

Hanbin knows that some eyes are more calculating and expecting rather than fond, knows that whatever praises and approval he gets during lessons are just more challenges set out for him to prove himself to them, one after another and another. And it seems like the nearer Hanbin got to their expectations, the higher they raise the bar. It’s never ending, really.  

From the start, Hanbin never thought it would be easy, but Hanbin also lives by his philosophy that anything is possible as long as he pushes himself to do it. So he pulls back his shoulders and stands a little taller as he accepts the responsibilities that came with the title being given to him. It will be hard, with the some of them being older than him, but he bites his tongue and sets himself out there.

Every day, he prepares himself with gritted teeth and fierce eyes, for any doubts against his position, his capabilities to lead. Every night, he pushes himself harder to practice; for how dare he criticize and correct anyone if he himself is ridden with flaws?

Hanbin learns half of what being a leader is on his own.

His lessons composed of biting criticisms, whispers behind his back, eyes drilling holes on the back of his head, sajangnim’s expectant gaze, sajangnim’s disappointed sighs. Hanbin learns to pick himself from falling and tripping, learns to build layers and layers of mask to wear.

Even now, the years still stretching before his team, the lessons aren’t coming to an end yet.