Chapter Text
Screams--blood curdling, the kind that shred your vocal cords and leave a coppery coating of aerosolized blood across your tongue.
Sobs, deep and heavy. Ceaseless weeping that seeps into your bones; that squeezes the breath from your lungs and holds you in the suffocating grey of grief.
Fire and fear, hell and horror...and eyes.
His eyes.
Hazel irises glimmering with veins of gold, staring up at you, the whites having long gone red--from smoke--from tears, you aren’t exactly sure.
It doesn’t matter.
The world is collapsing around you but here, with him, you don’t care.
You’re in the seventh circle of hell with the devil himself, cradling him in your arms, tenderly brushing away bloody matts of raven hair from his forehead...and he’s begging you to leave and you’re refusing.
Not that you could, even if you wanted to.
No, he’d long since taken that choice from you, having plunged his dagger of corruption into your heart and tainting your soul that same sickly shade of black that you’d spent your entire life running from--that you denied even though you always felt it lingering, just below the surface.
You let the devil and all of his demons into your bed, willingly, with open arms and more damningly an open heart. And because of that, you know that this is what you deserve. That this, fire and brimstone, is what your sins have wrought.
“Please...”
“I can’t.”
No you can’t; you won’t. You must lie in it now, with him, basking in the scent of fire and death and there’s no way out and you know that this is the end-
But you’re not afraid, not really.
Because you know...there’s a fate worse than death.
A fate worse than death.
A fate worse than-
You awoke with a gasp, lungs desperately sucking in oxygen as your body flung forward. Chest heaving, head fuzzy, you let your face bury into your palms, crumpling forward as you gently rocked back and forth.
You hated that fucking dream.
Soon your breath began to steady, the tingling in your face slowly subsiding as you came to. Sweat was a thin cast over your flesh, sticking your shirt to your skin, the hair at your nape damp and matted. A sigh leaked from your chest, slow and steady as you straightened your spine, letting your head hang forward as you savored the stretch that wrapped around your back. You could feel the tension leaving with your breath, dissipating into the darkness--the urge to lay down and curl under the covers leaving with it.
Whether you liked it or not your brain was awake and though your eyelids still dragged with the lingering weight of sleep you knew that there was no way in hell you’d be able to go back to bed. With a begrudged sigh, you reached towards your nightstand, unplugging your phone and flipping it over. Instinctually squinting against the sudden unforgiving flood of light, your eyes strained to read the time.
5:24am
Just enough time for a shower.
…
It’s just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything…
You’d repeated the mantra all morning but it did little to soothe you, the lump in your throat sinking to your gut as you stepped out into the brisk New York morning. You’d managed to pull yourself together, dawning your favorite pair of scrubs and even a coffee from home, for once. You forced your head high as you started the walk to work, periodically glancing at the time on your watch and double checking that you left the mouth of your mug open so your coffee could cool; though you occasionally forgot that it was still too hot until you’d already committed to way too big a sip.
You’d rounded the corner, the big red ‘EMERGENCY’ sign coming into view as you yet again lifted your travel mug to your lips.
"Uhm, excuse me...are you a doctor?" A soft squeak of a voice took you by surprise, your feet grinding to a halt as you hurriedly swallowed your scorching sip of coffee. You lifted your hand to your mouth, wiping away any possible dribble as you turned to find a little boy, no older than 9 standing at the mouth of a dark alleyway. For a second you glanced behind you wondering if maybe he was talking to someone else but no...it was... just you.
"No, but I'm a nurse," your voice slightly horse from the newfound burns in your throat. You cautiously stepped closer, eyes scanning over his little body as you held your mug somewhat nervously with both hands."Ar--are you hurt? Do you need help?"
"No... but he does."
Your heart sunk as soon as you’d registered what he’d said, breath catching in your throat as your eyes followed his little arm, now pointed behind him. At first, you didn't see anything, your eyes taking their sweet time to adjust to the inky dark of the alleyway. Still unable to see what, or rather who, he was pointing to, you stepped closer.
And that’s when you saw him.
A man, sprawled out on the concrete, chest heaving at uneven intervals as blood leaked from between his fingers--his hand obviously covering some unseen wound as it weeped thick pools of scarlet onto the cold, unforgiving cement below.
You felt your eyes go wide, jaw dragged down by the sheer horror of the sight before you. Somewhere in the back of your mind you felt your cup slip from your hand and crash to the sidewalk beneath your feet.
"Oh my god," you breathed, intuition taking over as you ran to him. In that moment, the world melted away, time ceasing to have any meaning outside the precious few minutes you had to help this man. Your mind kicked into overdrive, working to asses the situation.
He’s breathing but not well--fuck--he probably needs to be intubated. And he’s bleeding. A lot.
You practically collapsed to your knees at his side, about to reach for the man’s bloodied hand when you became keenly aware of your lack of gloves or even recently washed hands.
You don't know how serious his wound is. He’s gunna need antibiotics anyway and if you don’t do something right now he’ll die-
“Shit... shit,” you spit under your breath,
Your body felt stiff, your hands trembling...until your skin met his. A soft gasp caught in your throat, your eyes drifting to his face for the first time. It was electric, whatever it was that sparked to life at his touch, that was coursing through your veins and swirling one with your blood. You did your best to gather back your focus, gingerly moving his massive hand out of the way to reveal a weeping wound just above his right hip--a pained groan leaking from his chest in response.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, pressing the heel of your palm down onto the wound, easing your bodyweight into it until a growl ripped from his throat. "I know, I know, I'm so sorry," your words coming out one on top of the other. "Hey kid, I need you to--" you said, turning your head towards where you’d last saw the little boy. Only, to your horror, he wasn’t there.
"Shit--shit-- shit , I need some help over here!" You screamed towards the street, desperation thick in your voice, " someone! Please!"
Helplessness began to throb in your chest, your eyes hurriedly blinking away the panic laced tears that rimmed your vision before you turned back to your John Doe. You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself but when you opened your eyes you realized that your John Doe wasn’t just awake, but looking directly at you.
Hazel irisus, glimmering with veins of gold staring up at you... .
"Hi," the word slipping over your lips with your breath. You quickly swallowed your shock, giving him your name. "I'm-a-I’m a nurse. I’m gunna do whatever I can to help you but I need you to stick with me.” Your body swallowed, a shallow breath pulling through your nose—the thick scent of coppery blood threatening to choke you, “we’re in this together.”
As your words hung in the air, you quickly glanced down at your hands, distressed to see thick, vermillion blood seeping between your fingers.
Shit.
"Could you tell me your name? Or maybe what happened?” You asked, trying to stay calm, looking up at him as you pressed a little harder onto his wound.
You watched as his eyes started to roll to the back of his head, lids fluttering closed as his head slumped to the side. You briefly let one of your hands leave his wound to instead reach for his pulse, the faint thrum of life against the pads of your finger slowly starting to fade.
"Fuck, someone PLEASE!" Your voice cracking, tears once again starting to prick your eyes.
You were faced with a choice, a horrible one. You could stay here and watch him bleed to death while you waited for someone to come or you could risk leaving him to bleed out while you ran off to get help. While neither option sat well with you, you knew that you had to at least try and get help. You looked out towards the street helplessly, trying to gather your courage when you caught a woman cautiously peeking her head into the alleyway.
" Oh thank god, I need you to get help! Run straight to the ER and tell them there's a man losing a lot of blood out here….Go! Now!" Without a word, she nodded her head feverishly and took off towards the hospital, momentary relief washing over you until you looked back at your John Doe. In the dim light he looked pale, that all too familiar sickly grey washing over him, screaming at you that you were running out of time.
"Fuck, hey--hey ,” you shouted, pressing hard onto his wound until his head rolled to the other side. “Hey, I need you to look at me, okay?" Your voice was coming out as a gruff shout as you leaned over him, trying to get a good look at his face. "I know you're in a lot of pain but I need you to try and talk to me."
Nothing.
Shit.
“Please,” the word as soft as a prayer as it lingered on your lips.
A low hum of voices lured you to look back, a small group of people having gathered, keeping their distance as they leered at you. You felt exposed, a freak on display as you did everything in your power to stymie this man’s bleeding with nothing but your palms.
"Please...please stay with me,” you whimpered, the warmth of his blood having long cooled over your skin. “I'm not leaving you so you don't get to leave me."
He was flickering and so were you, your heart thudding against your sternum and reverberating in your throat, making it hard to breathe. The world felt fuzzy, tears running hot over your cheeks, mingling with the sweat and blood that had splattered into your face. “Please... please… ”
You faintly registered a familiar voice yelling your name, the world violently shifting back into focus as the voice drew closer. You snapped your attention back towards the sidewalk, relief completely overwhelming you as you saw a team of your coworkers racing towards you and John Doe.
"What the hell happened?" Finn yelled, barreling towards you.
"I--I don't know,” you stammered, letting Finn switch in for you as you stumbled backwards. “This--this kid pointed him out and I--I just--I found him like this and--"
"Did you get a name? What happened?"
"I tried but he's unresponsive," your words catching on the breath that was trying to fill your lungs.
"Where's the kid?"
" What? Ohe, the kid-- I don't know . I looked away for a second and he was gone."
“On the count of three,” Finn yelled, glancing at his team as you scurried backwards out of the way, dragging your tired body over pointed pebbles and what was surely some broken glass, until you practically slammed against a brick wall.
You took solace in the stability of the building at your back as you watched them lift John Doe onto a gurney and wheel him away, leaving you curled in on yourself, chest heaving, soaked in blood and sweat.
"Are--are you okay?" a gentle voice drifting to your ear, your eyes snapping to find the woman that had gone to get help now standing by your side.
Your brain was plunged back into a daze, her words fading to incoherent hum at the back of your mind as you looked at the pool of blood, now smeared into a gruesome mess. As if on autopilot, your eyes began to drift over your ruined scrubs, down your arms before finally zeroing on your hands. It felt like your entire body had been painted a deep dark red, your hands slowly starting to shake again as the full weight of what had just happened settled on you.
“...miss?”
...
You tugged awkwardly at the elastic waistband of the scrubs Maz had given you. For being so damn boxy and unflattering, they sure managed to dig into all the wrong fucking places. Your feet stalled just before the corner that lead to the nurse’s station, your eyes glancing down to your wrist out of habit, only to find it empty.
Right--yeah--blood.
Your eyes fluttered shut, head shaking softly, teeth clenched as you exhaled your annoyance. After all, it was your fault you didn’t take off your fucking watch before getting elbow deep in John Doe’s blood.
“She should be back any minute,” you heard Maz say, your heart sinking into your gut for the 3000th time today.
Maybe you should have gone home.
With a steadying breath, you stepped around the corner, giving Maz a smile and a wave.
"Speak of the devil, good morning miss lady," Maz said, returning your smile with her usual radiant warmth. You shoved your hands into your pockets as you made your way towards her, rounding the desk and perching your butt on the edge of the counter. “I’m amazed you’re still here,” she said, handing you a paper coffee cup. “I would have turned right around and went straight home.”
“Why so I could sit around all day and think about it,” your brows quirking as you cradled the paper cup in your hands, savoring the soothing heat that leeched into your skin, “I can do that here...and get paid.” You shot her a wink, Maz chuckling under her breath as you lifted the coffee to your lips.
"By the way,” Maz said quietly, shuffling through some papers at her spot before easing her body into the chair and clacking her fingers against the keyboard a few times, “that cop has been waiting to talk to you about this morning." Her gaze darted between you and the back of a uniformed officer who was studying the community corkboard. “He’s kinda cute.”
You let out a soft laugh, rolling your eyes as you took another quick sip of coffee. “Fuuck me,” you grumbled under your breath, setting your cup down next to you before standing up. You tried to smooth out the wrinkles that had gathered at the tops of your thighs, yanking at the hem of the pale green scrubs as you rounded the corner of the nurses desk.
"Hi, sorry. I was told you wanted to speak with me?" you said, calling out to the cop as you made your way closer. To your surprise, he greeted you with a soft smile and you couldn’t help but find yourself taken aback a bit. Maz was right, he was cute--shaggy brown hair peeking from under his standard issue NYPD cap as big brown eyes traced over the weary features of your face.
"Hi, yeah I just need to ask you a few questions, if you have the time."
You nodded, giving him a smile as you shoved your hands back into your pockets. Without meaning to, your eyes glanced at his badge.
- Djarin
"Yeah, of course. Sorry it took me so long to... clean up ," you said, hoping your unease didn't come off too cunty.
"No worries--is there uh, somewhere private we could speak?" He asked as he reached into his shirt pocket, eyes glued to you as he pulled out a small notepad.
"Uhm, yeah," the last word lingering in your throat as your glanced at the room next to him. “Hey Maz,” you called out, turning your head towards the nursing desk, “210 empty?”
She glanced up at you, and then back down, squinting over the rim over her glasses before throwing you a thumbs up.
"Thanks,” you called out, gesturing to the officer to follow you into the dark room.
You stepped inside, brushing past the privacy curtain and holding it aside for the cop. The automatic lights flicked on as you moved into the room, pulling up a spare chair to sit next to the empty bed. Swallowing your unease, you turned and gestured to the chair, him taking your lead as you both settled into your respective spots.
You both were quiet for a moment, apparently waiting for the other person to speak. You gave him a warm smile, hoping to encourage him as you tucked your hands between your thighs.
"So, ” he said clicking his pen a couple of times as he leaned forward in the chair, “you had yourself quite the morning.”
Under different circumstances, you would have thought he was flirting with you.
"Yeah," you sighed, shifting slightly as you tried to ignore the anxious palpations of your heart.
“Mind giving me just a rundown of what happened?” His eyes still on you as he pressed the tip of his pen to the unsullied sheet of paper.
You sucked in a deep breath, mind replaying the events of this morning--your nightmare, the little boy...his eyes--the blood.
Breathe. Start from the beginning.
"Uh, well," you let your gaze lift to the officer’s, your lower lip pulling nervously between your teeth in response to his attentive stare. "I was walking to work like usual. Um...and then there was this--this kid and he asked if I was a doctor, said that there was a guy that needed help--"
"A kid? Could you describe him?" The cop’s attention shifting to his notebook.
"Uhm...he had like...brown hair? Light blue shirt, I think. I’m sorry, it's all kind of a blur. I only really looked at him for like a second before my attention switched to the guy in the alley--" your words trailed off as you once again noticed your empty wrist. "And all the blood ."
"Hm," he said, the soft scratch of his pen on paper sounding harsher than it should have in your tired ear. You glanced back at the hallway, attention somewhat zoning out when all of a sudden you noticed Finn walking by followed by the bed of your unconscious John Doe. Your eyes locked on his face, a strange mix of relief and sorrow washing over you as he was wheeled past the doorway.
"And you weren't able to get a name right?"
Your mind felt like it was stuck in slow motion, everything taking twice as long to process--all your thoughts clouded with a haze of him , the way he looked at you in the alleyway, the feeling that shot through you when your skin touched...the way he looked as he was wheeled past you with breathing tube shoved down his throat...
"I'm sorry--" you mumbled, snapping your attention back to the cop in front of you. "I'm sorry, it's been...what was your question?"
"Were you able to get a name?" his voice was gentle and kind, eyes still locked on you as you shifted slightly on the uncomfortable hospital bed.
Your words failed you, your lips pursing slightly as you shook your head 'no'.
He nodded, quickly scribbling something down before he slouched in his seat. The corner of his mouth pulled into a gentle smile as he sat there, pondering you.
"He's lucky you were the one that found him...pretty sure you saved his life," he said, hand rubbing at his chin before flipping his booklet closed. "I'm Din...by the way."
Pride began to bloom in your chest as you considered his words, a soft smile pulling at your lips as you let your eyes lock onto his. “Hi Din,” you said, letting the smile stay as you introduced yourself.
He started to stand, inching the chair a little further back so you could stand as well.
"Here's my info in case you...end up thinking of anything else," he said, scribbling a phone number and his name down before ripping it out of his little notebook and handing it to you.
"Thanks," you said, taking the paper and folding it in half. "I will."
You slipped the note into your pocket and looked back up at him, the haze of your mystery man temporarily fading away as you registered the scent of the officer’s cologne--something akin to fennel and pine.
It was nice.
"Good...I'll uh--I’ll let you get back to work. But thank you for speaking with me," his hand gesturing towards the open door.
"Yeah, of course. Thanks for waiting around for me,” you said, giving him one last smile before stepping around him to lead the way out of the room.
You walked in silence until you were back at the nurses station, your arms crossing over your chest as you turned and leaned against the front.
He stalled in front of you, glancing at Maz before letting his gaze linger once again on you, "anything at all...feel free to give me a call," he said, head nodding ever so slightly towards your pocket that homed that little slip of paper with his phone number.
You tried to stifle a flirty laugh, you really did, but it slipped out anyway, flattery lubricating your throat. "I will..."
You could have sworn you saw his cheeks flush a little red as he gave you a final nod, waving to you and Maz as he turned and headed towards the exit.
Once he was out of sight, you let out a long, tired groan, spinning around and collapsing onto the counter.
"He likes you," Maz's voice punctuated by the soft tapping of her fingers against her keyboard.
"Yeah," you sighed, forehead still resting on your forearms, muffling your voice. "But he's a cop, so."
You lifted your head just enough for your eyes to meet hers, both of you letting out a laugh, releasing the tension that had been building all morning. "Hey," you managed through the tale end of your fit, "I saw Finn wheeling--"
"Room 205," she said without missing a beat, briefly peeking at you over the edge of her glasses before darting her attention back to her computer.
"Thank you," you mouthed, your hand tapping lightly on the counter a couple of times as your body started to move in the direction of his room.
Your stomach was in knots as you stepped up to the door, your hand lightly knocking on the metal frame, stopping in the doorway out of habit as you waited for some kind of answer--not that you expected one.
When there was nothing but the soft beeping and whirr of machines, you entered the room, cautiously peeking around the privacy curtain. You immediately noticed his face, no longer that sickly shade of grey he’d been when you last saw him in the alley. There was a strange pull in the fascia of your heart, the innate urge to protect him rising in your chest, becoming hard to ignore. It wasn't until he was almost within reach that you realized your legs had taken it upon themselves to bring you closer. You let your hand raise to his face, cloaked in the gentle warmth of sunlight, fingers hovering tentatively over his skin.
Getting ahold of yourself, you moved to feel his forehead. He was warm but nothing crazy. You glanced up at the monitor next to you, looking over his stats quickly before letting your attention drift back to him.
‘...someone! Please!’
‘I'm not leaving you so you don't get to leave me.’
You sucked in a breath, blinking away the tears that had pooled at your waterline.Taking a moment to yourself, you eased onto the edge of his bed, being careful not to disturb him. The grief and panic over this morning started to flood back to you, your head falling to rest in your hands. The tears started to flow freely then, in the safety and quiet of the room, at John Doe’s side.
He was going to be ok and it was because of you .
You saved his life.
You weren’t sure how much time had passed before you found yourself wiping your face free of tears, drying your hand on your pant leg before gently letting your hand rest on his. You lingered there, finger lightly tracing along a prominent vein on the back of his hand as your eyes shifted between him, the breathing tube and the machines that were behind you.
"You’re okay...I’m right here," your voice no louder than a whisper as your hand wrapped around his and squeezed, ever so gently.
Before you knew it, you were admiring the soft splattering of freckles that adorned his skin, the features that were slowly starting to glow once again with the warmth of life. A forlorn smile pulled at the corner of your lips; you couldn't explain it but some part of you wished you could have met under better circumstances... any other circumstances, really.
But here he is, and here you are.
You don't even know his name.
Suddenly you realized that you had no idea how long you had been sitting here, holding his hand. Out of habit, you went to check your watch only to be yet again met with an empty wrist. With a begrudged sigh you stood, wiping your palms on your pants as you made your way to check the time on the computer.
Fuck...you really need to get back to work.
You allowed yourself one last glance, lingering on his face, on his hand--the hand you had just held in your own--before heading for the doorway.
With each step, the realization dawned on you.
On some level... you were glad it was you.