Work Text:
Chapter 1:
Notes: hi guys! this is my first fanfic, i hope you enjoy <3
"Surprise, my little dirty kitten," Philip says as he appears on the doorway smiling cockily in a sexy way.
Alex is waiting for his lover Phillip, when he arrives in the bedroom Alex's jaw drops. Philip is wearing a pair of tight leather pants the outline of his massive horse cock is clearly visible and Alex can't wait to have it pump thick squirts of warm cum inside him and his butt.
“Oh god, this is awful, why are we even doing this?” Henry asks.
It started as a joke, something that Pez found in the depths of Real Person Fiction on Wattpad that none of them really wanted to explore too much. But he brought it up as a drinking game, something that would get all of them absolutely wasted since this was the first time they were able to get together in almost four months.
The rules are simple: Finish your section with a straight face or take a shot from the collection that littered their coffee table. The pure glee in Pez’s voice and the fact that the summary is so bad should have warned him that he’s not going to make it out of this excursion remotely sober.
“Shush, we barely even began,” Pez says, passing his phone to Bea who clears her throat and takes a sip of her water before she starts her section.
"Holla," Alex said, his mind foggy with all the naughty sex things he is about to do. "Oh sorry, I forgot I was speaking spanish. I meant to say hello."
“I feel like I’m being hate crimed. This is a hate crime,” Alex says. “Also, how did I forget that I was speaking Spanish? I don't code switch from Spanish to English since everyone around me speaks English!”
-haha that's so cute i love it - phillip says
-and i love you carinio. alex says
-i missed you and your beautiful small body- phillip says
"Wait, I'm average height! It's not my fault y'all drank your milk as kids or ate whatever supplements they put in your food," Alex complains, though June continues in a deadpan,
Suddenly they started kissing and Phillip's hands went straight to his ass. Alex couldn't believe he was doing this… it was wrong, so so wrong.
"Oh no, the writer's homophobic too, fuck this is going to go so badly," Henry says, rubbing at his forehead as the phone is passed to him.
He kissed Phillip long and deep with tongue. Philip's tongue massaged the inside of his wet mouth with hunger and alex got hard immediately.
"And on that note." Henry downs his shot and shakes his head with a grimace. "Fucking hell."
The tanned one had his hands on his thick biceps as he kissed and kissed and kissed. He spared a second to think about Martha but he didn't like thinking about his lover's future wife when they were together.
“Well thank fuck someone’s thinking of Martha,” Alex mutters as he hands the phone to Nora. “Also, ‘the tanned one’? Really?”
“i don't want you to marry her, i’m more beautiful and i can satisfy you better than she will ever do-” alex moans as he feels phillips stiff member enter inside of him
“Wait, back up, when did we get naked?” Alex asks, alarmed.
“Frankly I’m still stuck on the idea of Philip in leather trousers,” Pez laughs. Everyone stares into the middle of the room before they all take their shots and grab another from the lineup on the coffee table. Pez disappears into the kitchen for a few moments before returning with a bottle of vodka and gleefully refills new plastic shot glasses.
Phillip: Alex, you can't talk about my sexy and wonderful future wife like that, I love her and I love you. i don't know what to do!!!!
They kiss a little bit more and then Philip's eager rod springs to freedom from the tyrannical confinement of his underwear. His full length rises to attention, it’s soo thick and big (14.25 inches).
“Tyrannical—” Nora howls, taking her shot since she couldn’t finish the sentence regarding Philip’s underwear on the first go.
“So, is this a flashback to two minutes ago or did the author forget to edit?” Alex asks.
“I don’t think the preteen that wrote this has ever heard of an editor,” June reminds them.
“I don’t want to be the one to mention it but, fourteen inches? What kind of monster dick is that?” Henry says horrified “You know what, I don’t want to know, please keep reading.”
His hard male organ looks like a train map with his throbbing veins criss-crossing over the shaft. His crown jewels were perfectly spherical and looked like two little delicious jawbreakers.
"Wow it's huge," Alex thinks thoughtfully. "I don't think it will fit all the way inside me."
Phillip: i know you can take it all inside kitten, you are so perfect for me. Phillip lines up and enters the smaller boy in one go.
"Wait, okay, so Philip has the cock of a horse and I haven't passed out from pain or shock, so does that mean I was somehow prepped off-screen or did I seriously take it and not die? And he should at least be using lube—"
"Alex, if you don't stop providing commentary we are never getting through this trainwreck," Bea interrupts.
“It’s a valid question! If I—”
“Alex,” Henry says into his drink, “shut the fuck up.”
Alex feels so full, he never felt so good. Philllip is so deep inside him and Alex is going to come all over Phillips' nice suit like this. they kiss and their tongues battle for dominance but Phillip wins as always. Alex gazed sexily into Philip's glassy blue orbs of desire. Philip's man-meat throbbed and pulsed inside Alex's soft insides.
“Man-meat,” Alex howls with laughter, swaying against Henry’s body. “Does my thick, juicy man-meat throb when I put it inside you, baby? Do you like my pulsing man-meat, horse cock?”
“I am ending this relationship,” Henry deadpans.
"Oh," Philip moaned hotly and bit his lip. he was having his orgasm and thick milky cum filled Alex's insides like a fireman’s hose filling a water balloon to the brim. Alex cumed too as Philip let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
“Alright, refill your drinks bitches, we have two more chapters to go in this masterpiece!”
“I would have called it a monstrosity, but alright,” June says, pulling over another shot glass as Pez hands her the phone.
Chapter 2:
Notes : in this universe Martha is 18 ;)
“I’m going to ignore the fact that my sister-in-law has apparently regressed in age and the age gap between them would have made most of the British public furious.” Bea drawls.
My name is Martha and I’m 18, my birthday was the day before the weding because the only condition my mum had before she sold me to the crown was that i should be over 18 before i married the prince. i cried for months becasuse i loved phillip already and i couldnt have him, he is so respectful of me and he wont do more than kissing me until im of age, so i cant wait to my wedding night it’s going to be sexy and perfect. phillip is the only man in my life, the only family i have I never have been so happy in my life, my dad abandoned us and my mother sold me to the prince to buy drugs.
“Why did the perspective change?” asks Henry. “I am so confused. This is so bloody confusing.”
"Also why was Martha being sold for drugs not investigated? That sounds like something for the police, not for the royal family to deal with."
"I'm impressed that she hasn't developed any trauma from this," June drawls. "I mean, I wasn't sold for drugs and I still have some things from my childhood I need to work through."
"Same," everyone in the room echoes.
there’s no other way the prince would have ever noticed me, i’m just an ordinary girl. I have brown wavy hair and brown eyes, i usually dress like this:
“And then there’s this photo the author put into the story,” says June. “There’s this off-the-shoulder ecru sweater—”
“Babe, you can just show the photo to us,” says Nora.
Pez grabs the phone from June and parades it around the room, holding it as though he were a gameshow assistant.
"Martha would never be allowed out of any of the royal residences wearing that. That is far out of dress code for a consort,” Henry drawls, shaking his head in amazement. "Has this kid done any research regarding royal protocol?"
"They described in detail Philip in leather pants." Nora says blankly. “And dick.” Henry makes a small noise of distress before he takes the phone for his turn.
I like to listen to indie music and i love reading, no other girl in my school likes to read so i’ve always been bullied by the blond beautiful meangirls.
"No one else in her school reads?" June asks, alarmed. "What the hell kind of school is Martha going to?"
~~the wedding happens~~
I knew something was happening between FSOTUS and phillip, i’ve always been so perceptive. I told Phillip right after our wedding that alex must pay for what he did there, so i can test him
Henry sobs, drunk out of his fucking mind since he had done several shots between trying to read his sections of the first chapter. “Bea, can you put mother on the phone? I’m pretty sure this counts as a threat against the crown.”
"It really isn't."
“Can you put Philip on the phone then? I think we need to have a long talk. Brother to sister to brother,” Henry says, wrapping his arms around Alex and resting his head on top of his.
Alex snorts in laughter, giving a warm smile up to his extremely inebriated boyfriend. “Absolutely fucking not.”
“Also, who is being tested? Alex or Phillip?”
“I don’t think even the author knows, Hen,” answers Bea, smiling.
I proposed the idea of us fucking Alex for his crimes hungrily, begging meekly in the way I knew Philip could never resist. He agreed, full of lust. I knew there was a big horny lion in him waiting to be unleashed. I couldn’t wait to be naughty.
"I know no one cares, but I hate this. I hate all of this," Henry says to the room at large.
"So is he a lion or a horse?" June asks.
So now I'm here with both of them and Philip looks at me, his blue deep orbs filled with burning lust and spicy desire.
“Spank me, Your Highness,” I moan, hungry for his dominance. “I’ve been a bad, bad girl.”
“Yes you have, my dirty kitten.” He slaps my ass with his strong hands, leaving a perfect burning red mark, as red as the community manifesto.
Alex looks at me with burning desire as he takes off his clothes. Then he goes to kiss Phillip that is spanking me hard and I'm loving it as the naughty bad girl I am.
“So what’s the position here? I thought she was on the bed, Philip was standing and Alex was somewhere in the room. How is he kissing Alex while also spanking Martha?”
“The fact that your sentence actually makes sense will haunt me for the rest of my life, I hope all of you know,” June slurs.
“Well, let’s figure it out, then, shall we?” Nora stands slowly and tries to balance, but she trips over her feet and faceplants into June and Alex, who try to catch her before she hits the floor.
“I think you're too drunk to do anything,” says Bea. “Let’s just go back to reading.” Alex untangles himself out of the White House Trio pile just so he can get back onto Henry and faceplant into his chest.
He kisses the blond with all of his passion, their tongues fighting for dominance, but Phillip is the dominant and easily wins over Alex, who submits with a loud moan.
Alex moans loudly to illustrate, the sound slightly muffled by Henry’s shirt. His moan sounds like a mixture of a shriek and a whale giving birth, and Nora throws a pillow at him. “I know for a fact you don’t sound like that.”
“Don’t remind me.” Henry mutters, resting a hand on Alex’s head while the other arm is thrown over his eyes.
Alex is inside me as my husband is inside of him and even in my wildest fantasies I never imagined something like this. But I've always been different and now I know its because this was always in me.
“Alex’s dick has always been inside her?” Nora asks.
“No, I think it’s that she has the ability to enjoy getting spanked while having a threesome with her husband and the random guy that toppled her wedding cake,” June explains.
“Oh. Also,” Nora adds, “she’s not like other girls .” She cackles.
“Also, again with lack of lube or the lack of prep,” says Alex, turning his head so that his cheek is against Henry’s chest.
“The sequel: My prolapsed arse from having anal sex without preparation,” Henry says dryly.
-te amo- says alex to both of us as he starts cumming inside of her and i hope i don't get pregnant but i would love my baby either way. he turns around and kisses phillip deeply
“What? You don’t go around saying ‘te amo’ to people!” Alex exclaims. “Also, that’s not even grammatically correct! If I’m saying it to both of them I should say ‘los amo’. Does this person even speak Spanish at all?"
"Of course not, dear. I don't think they've made it to high school, let alone high school Spanish," Nora says with a wave of her hand.
"Also," Alex continues as though he hadn't heard her, "you know what would help her concerns about getting pregnant? USING A FUCKING CONDOM INSTEAD OF ME FUCKING HER RAW!"
His body twitched and convulsed with pleasure like he was being electrocuted by a 100 volt car battery. Martha felt her own orgasm as a tidal wave at the feeling of alex cumming inside of her
June cackles maniacally. "Did no one think to check on him to make sure he isn't actually dying?"
"If I actually die from having sex, then honestly what a way to go." Alex says. "Being fucked by the wrong Prince of Wales while fucking his wife."
Everyone in the room gags a bit.
"I kinda wish they would actually kill Alex off," Nora says. "Show his character some mercy for once."
when the two of them were done it was phillips turn.
Alex and i got on our knees in front of him, we were both the same height so it was easi to take my husband's cock into our mouths, taking turns to lick and kiss his manhood. then he came into my mouth, Philip's cock juice tastes like-
Henry stops mid-sentence and tosses the phone across the room.
"Hey! That's my phone," Pez says without any heat. "Also, take a shot since you couldn't finish the sentence."
Henry gladly takes the shot and downs it without wincing.
"If the sentence has anything to do with my brother's cock from now on, I am not reading. I will take the shot and pass."
“Ok, I’ll do it,” says Nora as she stands up and goes to grab the phone from the floor, though she has to cling to the wall to stay upright.
-like freedom and empowerment
“Uugh, I can’t do it either.” Nora falls back towards the loveseat. June catches her, pulling her close so they don’t end up on the floor again.
“You are all weak,” says Pez as he snatches the phone from Nora's hand.
sweet and refreshing, she felt it go down her throat, but then felt guilty by not sharing with alex
-Share with me please!- alex whined
I kissed him under the hungry gaze of phillip who was standing on top of us. Then I was so sleepy and wanted to sleep, so I curled on my side on the bed. Alex was behind me and Phillip was behind him and his strong broad shoulders covered both Alex's and mine. We fell asleep happily.
“I wish I could sleep happily,” Henry mutters. “Now all I’ll think about is my brother’s cock juice.” The sound of those words wrapped in Henry’s accent makes all of them grimace.
Chapter 3:
Notes: OMG guyyys, did you read the waterloo letters? i cant belive we were so close to the truth!! i mean we got the wrong brother but anyways i hope you enyoy the next chapter, i tried to include henry too ;)
also, i feel that philip was done so dirty by his brother on the emails, im sure its all misunderstanding <3
“Why did they feel the need to include me? It was enough as it was.”
“Also, if anyone did your brother dirty, it was this person.” Henry pushes Alex off of him so that he can try and sit upright, though Alex immediately goes the other direction on the couch and lays over the armrest while the phone is passed to him.
Alex wandered on the royal grounds. He felt like the Austen character with the gardens and the rain. he went to the tack room to try and find something to do. Inside he found Philip sexily cleaning all the horse collars. He turned and smirked sexily when he heard Alex gasp in surprise. He went to sit and Philip gestures to his lap. He was already naked, and his stiff member stood proudly between the bush of golden pubic hair like a monument.
Alex gasped.
"Come take a seat on my throne, baby," Philip whispers sexyly "My cock throne."
"Cock throne," Nora laughs.
"What? Are they really about to have sex in a tack room? Why?" June screams. "It sounds so uncomfortable. It's ridiculous!"
Alex takes a sip from his drink and avoids making eye contact with June.
Henry coughs and looks away. "Well, broken clocks, twice a day." Everyone else in the room groans and Nora gives them a scandalized look.
“Alright, I’m deleting that knowledge from my brain because what the fuck, guys?”
“We didn’t actually do this. Both of us had clothes on for a majority of the time and Henry wasn’t bare-ass naked for no apparent reason!”
“That makes it worse. You know that makes it worse,” Bea says softly.
Alex was torned between wanting that hot rod inside him but also wanting so much more
Alex: Oh, Philip. I want to sit on your cock throne but I also want to paint your sexy abs with my tongue!
Nora applauds Pez for finishing the line with a straight face. Henry downs the rest of his drink with a thousand-yard-stare.
"Okay, I have notes," Alex says. "Firstly, why did I think that was going in a completely different direction? Secondly, what the fuck?"
“Then do it my little princess” Philip says as he takes of his dress shirt, “but first let me see that beautiful ass of yours. i took off my trousers for him.
Alex's juicy ass made Philip's mouth water.
"At least they got my mouth-watering thick ass right," Alex says and takes a swig.
“Are we seriously not talking about the little princess thing?” Bea makes a face.
“I think it would be best for all of us to just pretend that wasn’t there,” answers Henry, everyone nods in agreement as Bea rolls her eyes.
Alex’s tongue traveled over all of phillips strong hard body. The blond one was so strong that he could easily break Alex's smaller body in two if he tried. they started kissing but alex was needy and bad and wanted more, wanted the older one’s stiff member inside him
-i want you in me your highness- alex moaned and layed on his back as Philip's cock penetrated Alex deep into his prostate.
"He penetrated my prostate!" Alex scream-laughs. "Oh my god, that sounds painful."
Phillip started fucking alex with real force, and the youger one trembled under the force. his throbbing member was pulsating deep inside him, painting his inside walls white with pre-cum.
"Oh, Philip," Alex moaned.
"You really didn't need to put that much effort into your line delivery," June says.
"If I ever hear you moan my brother's name again," Henry says, "I will make you pay for my therapy."
Alex cackles and takes a drink.
“Te sientes tan bien dentro de mi.” Alex groans, squeezing Philip’s thick, velvety cock as he rolls his hips up and down impaling himself.
“Ok, so am I on top now? When did I move to be on top?”
“Around the time that Martha apparently is dead on the tack room floor, who knows.” Nora answers
“Martha didn't die, Nora, are you even paying attention? We’re on chapter three now!”
“I’m sorry, I forgot about the change in scenery between the unfortunate Spanish and terrible grammar!”
“Oh God, Alex you sound so dirty speaking your sexy, foreign language,” Philip grunts, fucking deeply into him. “I want to hear you again.”
“ ¡Fóllame más fuerte! Fóllame más fuerte, alteza!” he begs hot tears running down his cheeks, he hates it and this feels so very wrong but he’s so desperate for his prince’s hot meatiness. He wants to be owned by him—by them , Philip and Martha—claimed and used like the bratty boy toy who ruined their wedding cake.
“Is this how our ancestors felt when they were being colonized?” June screams.
“Spanish isn’t even fucking exotic. Like y’all can take a two hour flight from England to Spain and hear that everywhere. That’s like driving from my backyard to the nearest Whole Foods in Austin. You know what’s exotic? Being from the Lone Star state,” Alex says, affecting the most stereotypical Texan accent in his extremely inebriated state. “Like...a flight from DC to Texas is four fucking hours long, more than crossing that small strip of water you call—”
June throws a napkin at his face. “Shut up! You’re proving the author’s point.”
Martha crawls towards his face, placing her legs between his head. “How about you use that sexy, foreign mouth on something else?”
“Wait, when did Martha appear? Was she always there?” Alex asks, booze coating all of his thoughts with a layer of confusion “Also, wasn’t I on top or did I move again?”
“Look Alex, if fanfic Alex doesn’t question it, then you shouldn’t question it either.”
She lowers her netherregions to his mouth, letting out a high pitch squeal as Alex tongues her womanhood. He licks and licks and licks, his weepy member twitching with the trembling of Martha’s legs.
“‘Oh God, she moans’,” Nora exclaims “‘Ah—ah—ah—’”
“That wasn’t in the story!”
Suddenly, Henry appears in the doorway, his eyes wide with anger and disgust. “What the hell is going on here?” he says in a british accent
“Oh thank God, Henry’s asking the real questions,” Pez slurs.
Henry’s piercing blue orbs are filled with hatred as alex try to find justification for what he has walked in on. He cant defend himself and don't want to, he shudders, no cock would ever feel as good as Philip’s feels right now inside of him even under the scorching gaze of his brother.
“How dare you.” He said icily with cold venom in his voice.
“How dare you?!” Henry asks in mock seriousness to Alex who is still draped over the armrest. “With my own brother?!”
Pez, drink in hand, snorts in laughter. A bit of his drink comes out of his nose which makes him hiss in pain.
Phillip: Henry, you don’t understand. alex could hear the soft command in Philip’s voice that made his insides mush.
henry: with my own brother?!?!?
Alex felt so shameful because he knew that it would hurt Henry that he had gone back to phillip. After everything we went through to be together, you just threw that away for HIM!!!!!
“Honestly, he’s right,” Alex says, raising both eyebrows. “I mean, if the paragraphs before say anything, I should have never given my speech to come out and say that you’re my person.” Henry lets himself fall over onto Alex, pressing a messy, drunk kiss to his forehead. Alex pushes Henry towards the couch cushions so that he is laying on his side and hands Pez the phone, any semblance of order having been flung out the window.
Alex: He was always the one I wanted first, when he got married, it made me so sad and hurt me so much
-I risked everything for you! - Henry screamed, his face red with hot tears streaking down his face. -And you trow it all away for a married man who will never be able to love you like I do!!
-Henry, I do love you too, it’s just so hard, the royal blood is just too hot for me to handle.- Alex says with his eyes wide, his own tears pooling in his bright brown orbs.
Henry: I refuse to play second fiddle to him anymore, if you want him, you can have him!!- Henry stormed out of the room, leaving Philip Martha and Alex alone in the tack room.
Martha gently pushed Alex towards the door.
Martha: Go after him.
alex: But-
Martha: i can’t share you with Phillip anymore, alex. You have to go be with Henry.
Alex sadly put on his clothes his body suffering with emptiness since he didn’t have philip’s member inside him anymore. He gave Phillip one last sad look and a passionate kiss with tongue before he ran after his love, hoping that he could make things right again and that the younger prince would take him back
i found henry at the end of a beautiful path filled with roses and other flowers
Henry wait!- i scream
he turns around and looks at me. his big blue orbes filled with hope
Henry: alex?! why are you here??
-i love you henry, i want to be with you. please forgive me!!!
of course i forgive you alex, i love you too!!!! alex let out a breath he didnt know he has holding and they kissed under the roses and the moonlight in the palace gardens
Pez looks up from his phone and huffs out a laugh. Henry and Alex have passed out, Henry draped over Alex with his head on his shoulder and both of them lay out on the couch with their legs over the edge. June and Nora are curled up on the loveseat, Nora’s head pillowed by June’s chest. Bea slowly claps for him. “Last man standing, good job.”
“I will take that distinction with honour,” Pez says with a flourish, locking his phone and shoving it into his jacket pocket. “You know, with some editing, a few years of life experience, and a serious discussion surrounding sex, the kid has some talent.”
“If you say so... I’m heading to bed, good night,” Bea says, grabbing her bag from the corner of the doorway and walking to one of the guest rooms. Pez unlocks his phone one last time, opening Tik Tok and doing a slow pan around the room.
“This is what happens when the Super Six get together for a reading club, ” he puts as the caption, shaking his head before he finds his place in the recliner and pulls a blanket over himself, letting the siren call of his alcohol consumption pull him under.
The next morning, while Bea is frying eggs and June and Henry are alternating on throwing up, Alex is sitting on the steps leading up to their bedroom and lazily scrolling through Twitter. He feels as though he needs to commemorate the night before (Pez’s vague Tiktok notwithstanding) and quickly picks one of his favorite pictures of him and Henry.
“I am so glad that I got the right prince, some of y’all are nasty. #whatthefuck #firstprinceisbest”
4 years later
An email notification pops up on Alex’s phone at two am while he’s doom-scrolling Twitter: “[fujoshiretriver05] posted Chapter 4”. He immediately clicks the link.
Chapter 4: epilogue
Notes: Sorry it’s taken me so long to update! I didn’t expect this to blow up! I was busy with my original works Kissing the Coronavirus and Kissing the Coronavirus 2. This epilogue happens in real time. Enjoy!
Alex closes his browser and immediately texts the group chat.
AlexANDER: Code Man-Meat. We have a Code Man-Meat
Junebug: Oh fuck that, I almost got alcohol poisoning last time we read that shit
AlexANDER: We all vowed if this kid finished the story we were going to find out how they justified the very real relationship that me and Henry have
Nora: You just want to find out if they learned what lube was.
AlexANDER: Can’t it be both?
Henry rolls over in bed and blinks at him blurrily. “What’s wrong?”
“Code Man-Meat.” Alex tells him softly, watching as his husband’s eyes blow wide in shock.
“You’re kidding.” He immediately sits up and turns to look at him. “Have you read it yet?”
“No, I wanted to know if anyone wanted to read it with us.” Alex explains, “Do you want to check it to see how bad it is?”
“It’s been, what, four years since she last wrote for it?” Henry asks, “Maybe she’s improved?”
“She wrote Kissing the Coronavirus.” Alex says blankly. Henry sighs softly, unable to resist shaking his head.
“That… fuck.”
“Ok, you start,” Alex reluctantly opens his browser to the new chapter before he hands his phone to Henry to read.
Henry put his hand on his wide, pregnant belly...
“NOPE! That’s it, I’m out.” exclaims Henry, shoving Alex’s phone back at him.
"You know what? For once I agree," says Alex, closing the browser and rolling onto his side. He texts the group chat.
AlexANDER: Yeah, Henry and I aren't reading this, but here's the link if anyone wants it!
“If we aren’t reading then we really should sleep,” he says, yawning as he puts his phone on the nightstand and scoots closer to Henry, fitting himself between his arms.
“Good night love,” Henry says softly in his ear.
“G’night Hen,” answers Alex as he drifts to sleep, willing the mental image of his pregnant husband out of his mind.
FIN :)