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Marinette is obsessed. She can’t help but admire Adrien, his kindness, his goodness, his earnestness. The way sunshine filters through his hair, how perfect he always is. His smile, there for you always and so painfully sincere. How he doesn't always understand emotions, but he shows them so clearly. How patient he is with her stuttering, his optimism in school, the way he plays piano.
Before this year, her life seems like a pale comparison to her life now. She plots with Alya over everything from homework to Adrien. She’s class president, helps out with her parent’s bakery, babysits on the side, and designs dresses and skirts and hats and all sorts of things. She did some of that before, but it was just something she did. But now it's something to look forward to, something to do for friends, to plan around, to watch their joy at her gifts. It would be enough if she didn’t also have superheroing on the side.
Superheroing feels so intense. Leaping, ducking, using her yoyo as an extension of herself. Wind whipping through her hair, blurs of color before her eyes. The first time was a rush of details, her mind reading in things a mile a minute, a small kernel of panic inside her. It doesn’t ever truly leave, but she gets used to it, layering backup plans over backup plans on backup plans. It’s what it means to be Ladybug. But over time it gets easier to fake bravery and confidence until it becomes real. After it feels real, it starts to become so natural that not being Ladybug seems like something that’s not real, feels like it belongs in that era of her life. The suit feels like a second skin, and Tikki feels like a long lost friend of hers, always there to offer support.
Before, sometimes she couldn’t bring herself to do things. Yes it was a nice day outside, but still she spent it indoors mastering mecha strike, skulking around on fashion websites, precompiled all for her convenience, or just looking out the window watching the traffic flow by. But now, she buys magazines, sketches out designs, even impractical ones for fun. Feathers and lace and leather and anything that catches her fancy. It's wonderful, doing things for her friends and hats for Tikki and having inspiration instead of sitting hunched over in her room staring at her screen. There's something about sewing in sunlight that feels right. Open the window, start up the sewing machine and start working. It would be easier to stay indoor, yes, but not better with the outside fresh air and places out there that she can take in at a slower pace when she's not Ladybug. It’s freeing, going over her thoughts with Tikki, matching and mixing and creating. She’s reminded by how old Paris is, how old motifs pop up everywhere. How old Tikki is, fashions coming and going as Ladybugs come and go.
She didn't used to be this dramatic all the time. But this year she has friends. There's always something wonderful about being able to rely on your friends for support, a heady feeling that accompanies a hug or cheek kiss. There's a freedom to feeling, to know that the only people who matter will welcome it. This year, this is Marinette’s year of feelings.