Chapter Text
A gentle glow from the computer screen washes over the dark desk, colors flickering in rapid motion. Penis has just finished role playing the most heart wrenching scene of this season, and he’s exhausted. His character, his horrible, horrible character, has just put his best friend, Shitty, in an electric chair.
Before he closes off minecraft, he sees a message in chat, Shittyfartbaby69 has left the game.
He thinks he gets too into the role-play, sometimes. Thinks he gets way too caught up in it, sometimes wonders if there’s more of his character in his actual personality than he’d like to be. When he agreed to play a villain on his SMP, Penis did not think he would have to wonder if he’s also a bit of a villain in real life, yet here he is. Having a moral crisis over minecraft role play.
So lately, he’s been trying to be kinder to his family, his fans, his friends. Trying to be a better person than he is. He makes sure to give money to his friends, to speak to people softer, to check up on the people around him often. Maybe, like this, he won’t feel so much like the villain. Maybe, like this, he can make people believe he is not his character.
That’s why, after electrocuting Shitty to death in minecraft and watching as Shitty’s stream ends abruptly, he stays in the discord call with his best friend, and says, in the kindest voice he can muster, “Shitty?”
He can hear the sound of Shitty’s head quickly whipping around, surprised his friend is still on the call. “Yeah, Pen?”
“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright, after that.” Penis shifts in his chair. ”I get how stressful the SMP can be, sometimes.”
Penis is gonna be honest- this isn’t just about being a better person and helping Shitty out. This is also about his own insecurities, his fear that his best friend sees him the way he sees himself.
Shitty is scary good at acting, sometimes. Having to watch him role play something as horrendous as what they just did might’ve been a bit too much for Penis himself. Shitty’s cries and stinging words felt a bit too real. A bit too personal- like he meant it.
“I’m fine, Penis.” He can hear the smile in Shitty’s voice through the call. “Thanks for always checking up on me. You’re a good friend.”
Well that’s the problem, isn’t it?
They’re good friends , Shitty likes to remind him often. Just friends, no matter what their characters might have had with each other on the PenisSmp, once. No matter how much the fans want them to be something else. No matter how many times Penis himself hints at wanting to be more. Shitty is adamant that they’re only friends.
There’s thunder rumbling outside of Penis’ window. It’s the middle of hurricane season in Texas, right now. There’s a storm every couple of days. Penis’ biggest worry is his electricity going out-mid roleplay, but at least that hasn’t happened yet.
“Well, I have to go now, but it was fun. That’s gonna feed the fans for a few days, at least.”
That draws Penis’s attention back to the call, taking his mind off his wonderings. “Okay then, talk to you later.”
With that, he disconnects from the Discord call, leaving him alone with his thoughts. Just him and the storm.
-
It’s hours later, long after the sun has set, that Penis hears the ping of a Discord notification. When he goes to check it, he sees it’s from Shitty. He clicks embarrassingly fast.
It’s a youtube link, for a song called Electric Love. Beneath it, there’s a message that says, c!Shitty and c!Penis be like.
Against his better judgement, Penis clicks on the link, and presses play.
The song is lively, bright, exciting.
All I need is to be struck by your electric love.
Haha. Shitty thinks he’s funny.
Shitty and Penis’ relationship has always been interesting. Not only on the PenisSmp, where they went from best friends, to lovers, to enemies that still care for each other a bit too much, but also in real life. Shitty and Penis were friends way before all of this success blew up on their faces. They have been flirty with each other since almost day one. There’s no way either of them could have predicted that their relationship would become so closely analysed by the public. That they would ever have this big of an audience with eyes on them, analysing their every move, dissecting every interaction.
Their fans keep trying to make sense of their relationships but that’s difficult- it’s difficult when even Penis himself isn’t sure of what they are.
The song keeps blasting through his headphones. He didn’t even realise he had put it on loop. As he listens to it more, he realises just how romantic it is, really.
He looks at the message again. The song is about their characters, Shitty made that clear. Not for the first time today, Penis wonders how much separation Shitty has from his own character. Wonders if he struggles with separating who he is to who his character is, too. Wonders if this song is about the two of them as much as it is about two minecraft characters.
He unplugs his headphones, letting the loud music wash over his entire room. Penis walks up to the window, opens his curtains. It’s still raining.
And every night my mind is running around her
Thunder's getting louder and louder
Penis runs his finger through his cotton candy coloured hair. Why do things have to be so complicated?
He closes his eyes, hears the thunder, and lets his body move to the music.
For a moment, he imagines a world in which he can figure his confusing feelings out the normal way. He imagines that Shitty lives right down the street from him, instead of an ocean and over four thousand miles away in Ireland. He imagines he can go to his house and talk to him and touch and feel and figure things out from there. He imagines that they are just normal twenty something year olds and not internet sensations with millions of eyes on them at all times.
For a moment, he imagines a perfect world, in which Shitty wants him as much as Penis does.
He opens his eyes, and he’s alone in his dark room in a Texas mansion too big for only one person.
He turns the music off.