Chapter Text
It was a pretty damn ordinary day. You know the kind of day in which you burn your last piece of bread and sit on the kitchen floor contemplating the meaning of life and if it's really worth going out to the convenience store to buy some food cause you haven't done that for over month cause you're too damn lazy and isolated?
Yeah it was that kind of day.
So our Main Lead, bless her loner ass, had to get up from her greasy kitchen floor which she hadn't mopped in God knows how long, and shrug on her ratty I'm-going-outside-Jesus-take-the-wheel hoodie.
She trudged down the road and made her way to the seven eleven three blocks over. She decided to make the most of her visit and buy enough to last another month at least. Moving from aisle to aisle, she grabbed eggs, bread, milk, snacks and moved on to the ramen section.
Ah yes. Her favorite section.
She surveyed the stock, squinting slightly cause this was serious business. After pondering over getting extra fucking spicy or extra extra fucking spicy she decided to go for the latter and was about to reach for the last cup only for it to get snatched by someone else.
She whipped her head around, royally pissed to see a tall man walking away with HER cup noodles and hell fucking no was she gonna let him get away and trample all over her hermitting plans.
"HEY!" she called after him, her voice raised.
She stalked forward ready to fite him for her carbs when he turned around and faced her.
Oh.
Well.
Hello~
A hot hunk of a man (or more of a boy now that she had a proper look) stood in front of her with the biggest doe eyes she had come across. His black hair fell softly onto his forehead and his jaw- damn that bitch could slice through butter.
"Yeah?" he said, one eyebrow raised and okay earth to Main Lead, earth to Main Lead.
"That-my-" she stumbled over her words gesturing lamely at the cup noodles in his hands and tried not to stare at his face.
"Oh," he said, scratching his head and oh boy was he cute with ruffled hair. "Yeah, here." He handed over the item.
"Th-thank you," she blubbered like a fool.
"Don't worry. It's cool". He said and walked away.
Oh the Lord was kind, Main Lead thought. She saw a pretty boy and hell, her day was already looking brighter. She tried to get another glimpse of him but there was no sight of him anywhere. Shrugging against this tiny misfortune, she brought her stuff up to the counter and walked out with her hands laden with shopping bags.
Just as she was rounding the corner an arm reached out and roughly pulled her into a darkened alley. Her resulting shriek was muffled with a strong hand on her mouth.
"Don't make a single sound." A sinister, oddly familiar voice breathed in her ear as her arm was twisted behind her back.
Okay remember how she said her day was getting brighter?
Yeah she would like to retract her previous statement.
Convenience store hunk psycho was pulling her roughly to the other end of the alley and she struggled futilely to get out of his grip.
It seemed to her the Lord was not kind and wow she felt like a stupid lead in a fanfic *cough* who got fooled by a hot guy. She tried to kick him in the crotch but was unsuccessful and managed to trip on her own two feet.
"Keep walking," he said, snatching her shopping bag out of her hands and tossing it over to the alley wall.
Alright the auDaCiTY of this mother fucker. Does he have any idea how much that cost?
She grumbled against his palm and yes the writer knows that Main Lead needs to set her priorities straight.
He pulled her towards a tinted car and okay this ain't right. Its not even noon yet and she was getting kidnapped. On an empty stomach. Where's the justice?
He opened the passenger door and shoved her inside despite her constant flailing and wriggling.
She tried to run back out back and the damn door was already locked. Her sexy kidnapper climbed into the drivers seat and the car rolled down the road, picking up speed once they hit the main street.
She turned to him and decided to plead for her freedom cause that's what one does when one is in this situation.
"Okay I know I shouldn't have taken that last cup of ramen. I thought you were cool with it but ain't this a bit much? I'll buy you another one what do you say and we can pretend this never happened?" she said trying to bribe him
He rolled his eyes.
"You are so dumb. I can't believe you're the one we were looking for."
"We?" she squeaked. "We who? Why would you look for me? Who are you?"
"Jungkook. Jeon." He said giving his name easily as he whizzed past the intersection and headed for the highway.
"I still don't know why you would do this"
"You'll find out soon enough"
"I'm broke af. My parents don't have a cent to their names. Also I don't take good care of my health so I doubt my organs will have any value on the black market"
"I'm not gonna sell your organs sheesh"
"Then what the hell you gonna do? Take me to Burger King?" Main Lead mocked.
"Actually that's a good idea. I'm kinda hungry." His voice changed slightly at the thought of food and he changed routes to get to the nearest Burger King.
She gaped at this manboy-Jungkook. Was he serious? She decided not to question it cause:
a) she was hungry too
b) this could possibly be her way to escape.
Soon enough they were pulling up the familiar facade of Burger King and never had our Main Lead felt so grateful for stinky fast food chains.
Jungkook rolled down towards the drive thru and that's when she started having her doubts. Alright this might not be so easy after all. Why had she thought they would go inside? She cursed her own naivete.
"Alright no funny business," said Jungkook and pulled her towards him with no preamble.
"Wha-wha-WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
"Making sure you don't pull a stunt." He hissed and the next thing she knew she was stationed on his lap, her legs pressed against the driver's door.
"Oh hell to the no," she attempted to get out of his lap but his grip only tightened around her waist and she felt something hard pressing into her back.
No not his cock you dirty minded imbeciles.
A gun.
She immediately froze.
"Yeah I thought so," he grinned, "you so much as try to give a hint about what's going on and I will not hesitate to shoot you." He dug the gun deeper into her back to emphasize his point.
"Yup noted," she managed to say, "Nothing wrong going on here. Just two youngsters getting frisky in a car"
They reached the order window.
Jungkook pulled down the tinted shades.
"Welcome to Burger King! What would you like to order?"
"I'll have two cheese burgers, two chocolate milkshakes and an extra large curly fries"
He turned to her.
"You want something?"
Wow.
"Yeah I'll have the same"
"Make that three"
"Alright! Would you like something from our new dessert menu?" the chirpy voice went on, grating on the Main Lead's brain.
"What you got?"
"We have new fudgey brownies on sale! A hot new item!"
"Great. Gimme me four of those." He looked at her again. "You want a brownie?"
What is this situation.
"Nah I'm good"
"That's it then," Jungkook spoke to the speaker
"Thank you for your order! Please move to the takeout window your order will be with you shortly"
Jungkook rolled the car down the drive thru.
They reached the takeout window.
An elderly woman stood with their order. Who the fuck lets old people do these jobs? Old people should be at home petting their cats and yelling at kids not to step on their lawns. Main Lead wanted to have a word with the manager about this but remembered that she was fucking kidnapped so decided now was not the best time.
She looked at the old lady who beamed at them.
"Hello! Having a date I see."
"Oh we just can't get enough of each other" Jungkook gave her a big toothed bunny smile, "Isn't that right dear?"
"Sure as hell sunshine." She sang back pinching his cheek, making sure to squeeze extra hard.
He wrapped his hand around her wrist and spoke through gritted teeth. "Oh you"
"Ah to be young and in love." The old lady swooned handing over the order. "You managed to find a handsome one there," she winked at Main Lead.
"That I did," she smiled back ironically thinking how she had indeed found him incredibly hot but the sad turn of events had done a sweet one eighty degrees. Just looking at his laid back kidnapping ass now made her as dry as a brick in a scorching desert.
"That'll be ____ won"
Jungkook grabbed the khaki bags and placed them in his -uh- her lap.
He then looked expectantly at Main Lead.
Oh he better not be saying what she thinks he's saying.
"What," she barely managed not to snap.
"I don't have any money on me," he said shooting her a shit eating grin.
So he was saying that.
She shot him a death glare before she felt the gun dig into her back and let out the fakest laugh she could muster.
"Of course you don't baby boy. I wouldn't be your sugar mama if I let you do that now would I," she cooed and Jungkooks grin disappeared.
She ignored the looks the old lady was throwing them and dug her hand into her ratty I-got-kidnapped-by-a-bunny-toothed-coconut-headass-brownie-eating-freeloading-mother-fucker hoodie and took out her wallet. She handed over a few rolls of cash and Jungkook passed them to the lady.
"Keep the change," he said and rolled up the window.
The second they were out of the drive thru he dumped her unceremoniously back into the passenger seat with all the delicacy of a hippopotamus.
Her elbow collided with the door and she let out a pained grunt.
"Hope it didn't bruise," he said.
"Just a little"
"I meant my burger"
"Oh"
He held out his hand palm side up and Main Lead looked at for moment
What did he want her to do?
Put her hand in his?
Spit on his palm?
Try to see how long his life line is?
"The burger you idiot"
"Oh right"
Don't judge her okay. She's having a hard day.
They had reached the highway now and managed to eat all their food, Jungkook sniping her share of curly fries too on top of all his, that gluttonous bastard.
What then followed was a car karaoke of sorts in which Jungkook turned up the volume and belted out song after song in an unfairly good voice and when Big Bang came up even Main Lead couldn't hold herself back and roared along with her kidnapper to the chorus part. She managed to spit out some decent bars to GDragon's rap and earned an approving look from Jungkook.
Wow this is pretty fucked up, she shook her head trying to discern how the hell she got into this and couldn't figure out where they were headed.
They were off the highway now, a maze of streets and and forks roads making her head spin. She was not equipped for this. She did not go farther than five kilo meters radius from her apartment for most part of her year so she was not good with directions or the great outdoors.
She needed to rope bunny boy into some sort of conversation. Try and get some information.
Alright.
Here goes.
"So uh...you like...guns?" she asked once another song had ended.
A real conversation starter there lads. Take some notes.
"Yeah I likes knifes and chainsaws too. The usual assassin stuff," he answered drumming his fingers on the wheel
Okay.
Hold the eff up.
Care to repeat that last bit?
"Assassin," she laughed cause what else could she do. 'I'm in a car with an assassin', she wheezed, 'And we had Burger King.' She slapped her knee. 'Oh this would make one hell of an Insta story'
Wait.
Oh ma gad.
I'm so stupid. She thought patting her hoodie for her phone but couldn't find it.
"Looking for this?" Jungkook cocked an eyebrow, holding her sleek phone between two fingers.
She made to grab it but he easily tucked it back into his jacket.
"Too slow. You won't be getting that back anytime soon"
She opened her mouth to retort but was interrupted by the Barbie ringtone.
Ignoring Main Lead's shocked face, Jungkook pulled out his own bedazzled phone and swiped answer.
"I got her," he spoke into his device. He paused as the other side said something.
"Yeah stopped by Burger King"
He rolled his eyes.
"No I did not get you any"
He listened irritably to the other side.
"Well fuck you too"
He hung up.
Main Lead stared at Jungkook. Waited for him to say something. He did not give a damn.
"Can't you at least tell me where the hell we're going?" she exasperated.
"We're almost there now," he said, turning a corner and entering a run down street. Dilapidated buildings loomed on each side, cracks covering their facades. They passed by a repair shop, a shady looking restaurant and turned another corner which led to a dirt road.
Dust flew under the tires as Jungkook drove along, cemented five storeyed buildings coming into view.
Jungkook killed the engine and got out. He walked over to the passenger side and grabbed the main leads upper arm, pulling her none too gently out. Keeping a firm grip, he marched her to the metal door, a key pad and bio metric attached on the wall next to it. He punched in some numbers too quick for Main Lead to place and then pressed his finger into the scanner.
A satisfying beep sounded and the metal door swung open inwards.
He walked in, pulling her along and closed the door, a click indicating the lock being put back in place.
Damn she was well and truly stuck.
He led her down a narrow, dimly lit corridor and pushed back the rail of an elevator. He punched in the second floor. They moved upwards in the rickety machine, passing by some other well lit floor, to fast for her to get a proper look but she glimpsed another corridor, a living area with couches of sorts and a closed wooden door.
They reached the third floor where he pulled her along to another wider, brighter hallway. Several steel doors flagged them but Jungkook led her to the one at the very end of the corridor.
He pushed her inside and she stumbled into an interrogation room of sorts.
A single light bulb illuminated the wooden desk with three occupants, two on the other side and one standing, leaving the remaining side empty with one chair.
Alright this was getting ridiculous was the first thing that came to her mind.
Cause fuck.
Were they all going to be insanely attractive?
Chapter Text
"Well," the one with faded brown, slicked back hair said. Two dimples peeked out from his cheeks as he grinned at her. "Glad we could finally meet"
"You took your sweet time," the one standing on the left end said to Jungkook, a low baritone voice escaping his lips.
"Brought her didn't I," Jungkook said pushing her forward and depositing her on the seat.
The three men appraised her and she suddenly felt like a specimen under a microscope.
"You must be wondering what all this is about," the dimpled one finally said.
"The thought has crossed my mind funnily enough"
"Sassy. I like that," baritone spoke.
"We'll start with introductions shall we? I'm Namjoon. The leader. I also go by Rap Monster," dimple man said.
"I'm Jin," the handsome one on his right said.
"Taehyung here," baritone man supplied.
"Yoongi," said another voice from the dark corner of the room and Main Lead jumped. She had not seen the fourth man as he had been hidden in the shadows but now he sauntered over, the lone bulb illuminating his rounded features, white bleached hair and cat like eyes.
"And of course you've already met Jungkook. We have two more men. You'll meet them soon enough"
"Uh," Main Lead eloquently replied.
"And you," Namjoon leaned forward, elbows resting on the flat surface, "Falcon 52. You've kept yourself well hidden all these years."
"Who?" Main Lead furrowed her eyebrows. "Falcon what now?"
"It wasn't easy getting our hands on a hacker like you"
She gaped at the man in front of her
She seemed to be waiting for the punchline but all four men (and Jung kook too probably but she couldn't see him from behind her) kept looking at her like she had hell to pay for the trouble she had caused them in finding her.
"I-you-what-," she stumbled over her words, whipping her face from one man to another when they refused to elaborate.
"Maybe I should leave," Jin said. "My handsome face is making her too flustered to talk"
"Nah she's just like that," Jungkook spoke up from behind.
"Look at you knowing her so well already," Taehyung mocked.
"You know im flattered," she said before Jungkook could retort, "I've been mistaken for a drug addict and a shop lifter but hacker? Damn thats a new one and pretty dope too. But I'm afraid to say you've got the wrong person."
"Told you she wouldn't fess up," Yoongi sounded slightly victorious.
"There's nothing to confess!" Main Lead cried.
"The denial is strong in this one," Taehyung nodded sagely.
"She's the only one we've brought you dipshit"
"Look," Main Lead leaned forward feeling desperate, hands flat on the desk in front of her. "I don't know who you wanted but you've made a big mistake. I'm just a recluse. I don't know shit about hacking"
"We know you don't want the FBI on your ass but you can cut the act with us. We're not gonna sell you out.... unless you give us reason to," the leader said, all traces of dimples now gone from his face as he gazed at her intently. "In fact we have a proposition"
"Is it really a proposition when she doesn't have a choice?" Taehyung asked.
"FBI? PROPOSITION?" Main Lead squeaked.
"We need a hacker," Jin said. "Cause sadly Kookie here can't do more than hacking a facebook account" he flicked his eye to said man.
"You're off the grid as it is anyway. It's just a change of living space. No biggie." Taehyung shrugged.
"LIVING SPACE?"
"Can I smack her? She's like a broken record", Yoongi said annoyed.
"You can't be serious," Main Lead spoke to the leader.
The silent look he gave her told that he was, infact, very serious.
"What if i'm not this falcon person? What if you're wrong?" she asked instead, clutching at strands.
"We're not wrong," Yoongi spoke, "But if we are" A knife landed with a thud between her thumb and forefinger, the pointed end impaled into the wood. Main Lead yelped and snatched her hand back, "We'll just dispose of you. Tell me," Yoongi bent down eye level with her, "do you want to be disposed?"
"Nope," she shook her head deciding to hell with all this. "I want a long life thank you."
"Excellent!" the leader clapped his hands, standing up. "Now that that's settled," He extended a hand for her to shake, "Welcome to Bangtan."
___________________
The elevator whirred as it went down, the only sound in the otherwise uncomfortable silence. Rap Beast (or whatever) had taken it upon himself to 'show her around' and Yoongi had tagged along while the others left for 'work'.
She cleared her throat.
"So.....how long am I gonna be staying?" she turned to the leader.
He gave her an unimpressed side long look and didn't say anything.
The message was clear though.
She was in this Bangtan shit for life.
They walked into a large sitting area of sorts, a marble island separating the space from the kitchen which had a large dining table in the centre. Couches and cushions covered the other side, a big flat screen tv propped on the wall in front of a glass coffee table.
"This is the living quarters," the leader said, "all our rooms are down there," he nodded towards the hallway disappearing behind the kitchen. A single door could be seen slightly ajar from her view.
"We've prepared a spare room for you," Rapmonster said leading her down the hallway with doors on either sides and they stopped at one on the left. He threw it open and a small room with a single metal bed and desk welcomed her. There was no window.
"Cozy," a dead voice spoke.
Yes its the Main Lead.
"Better than sleeping in the torture room," Yoongi spoke offhandedly.
She didn't complain after that.
"You can set it up how you want later," Rap Ninja waved his hand idly not really caring.
"Theres no lock on the inside," she said after inspecting the door. Indeed there was not even a latch. A single key hole was present on the outside much like a prison cell.
"Can't have you running off now can we?" Namjoon said like they were discussing the weather.
"Right. Ofcourse," she nodded and was much too tired to roll her eyes.
The rest of the tour went by just as painfully. They would lead her back to the iron elevator and take her to different parts of the building. The ground floor opened up to a large garage with black tinted vans, cars, and sleek bikes. She wondered if they really needed so many or if they were just satisfying their own wants. The basement was filled with a pool, the blue tiles gleaming against the walls. A small sauna was stationed in the corner as well as showers. She was impressed but didn't let it show. The first floor had a room filled with computers, wiring, cameras, and screens for god knows what kind of things they did. Another door led to a hospital room setup. Jin, they informed her, was the doctor of the group and would deal with the aftermath of their missions. She wondered just what kind of missions they went on to require medical attention but decided not to say anything. These were some messed up and hella rich people. The fourth floor seemed to have been merged with the fifth: the ceiling high enough to accomodate a rock climbing base of sorts. The walls were speckled with guns and knives, a shooting range on the far left end. The rest of the floor was covered with blue mats, weight lifting material and gym equipment pushed against the walls.
Her gaze fell on someone she hadn't noticed upon first entering the space. He was wrapping a white bandage around his hands, his tank top showcasing his bulging biceps.
"This is where you'll be training," the leader gestured to the room at large.
"I se- wait what," she snapped her head to him, finally paying attention to what he was saying instead of giving monotone responses. "Train? Why would I need to train?"
He looked down at her ratty jumper hanging loosely around her skinny physique.
"We often carry out missions where....physical strength is necessary," he started to explain, "even hackers need to be on sight at times. We can't risk messing up because of you"
"B-but," she sputtered.
This just got whole lot more complicated. And this situation was already a dumpster fire to begin with so that's saying something. New found panic started seeping into her chest.
"Alright then Yoongi I'll leave it to you then," Namjoon slapped the shorter man on the shoulder and walked away, the sound of creaking elevator indicating his exit. Main Lead watched the leader disappear from sight with her face twisted in disbelief.
"I can't do this," she abruptly said, turning to Yoongi.
Yes after everything that's happened its goddamn exercise that's got her worried.
"Not yet you can't but you will," Yoongi said, "Now onto the mat."
"You want me to start bulking up NOW?" she asked mortified.
"What you want a welcome party?" Yoongi mocked, "Its an initiation of sorts. And seeing the state you're in," he eyed her up and down, "You're gonna need all the help you can get."
She blubbered when he grabbed her arm and stationed her at the centre of the mat.
"So your first lesson is gonna be fighting Jimin"
She looked over at the well muscled man who had finished wrapping his hands and then down at her own sad excuse of a body.
A beat passed.
"Oh ma gad just kill me," she threw up her hands and turned to Yoongi. "You said you'd kill me right? So shoot me. Shoot me bitch!"
Immediately a hand curled around be throat cutting off her air supply.
"You will show respect or I'll cut off your tongue," Yoongi hissed as she grappled at his hands trying loosen them. He let go and she wheezed clutching her throat.
After coughing and gagging for few seconds she straightened.
"Okay," she gasped, "but if you kill me ain't no need for respect right? I'll be outta your hair. Its a win win." She said, nodding her head like she was trying to sell him something.
"You told me you wanted to live a long life an hour ago"
"Yeah well I changed my mind. So you got a gun?" she looked over at his person.
Yoongi lips twitched. "Yup"
"Where is it," she asked eagerly.
"Right here," he grinned and jutted two fingers at his crotch.
She raised her eyes heaven ward. Palmed her face.
"Okay enough chit chat. Jimin start the training"
Jimin pounced and the girl proceeded to get her ass kicked.
__________________
They sat at the kitchen table now after the magnificent ass whooping ehem 'training' she had received. Her brain was no longer working. Not that it worked much anyway. She was aching all over too. Her body was covered with purple bruises and not in the fun way.
"Look I'm not cut out for this. Look at me....I'm a limp noodle. I'm dead weight. I don't fit here. What are you guys?" she looked between them wild eyed, "Gangsters? Mafia? Ouran highschool host club? Whatever it is I don't fit alright so just kill me come on"
"You aint dying till I say so," Yoongi snapped. "Now eat your dinner"
She turned to Jungkook who was sitting beside her, stuffing pasta in his mouth.
"JK," she smacked his shoulder, "Mah man. You're an assassin right. You could kill me. It'll be like any other day for you"
"Don't involve me in your messed up shit"
"My messed up shit?MY?," she cackled humourlessly. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KIDNAPPED ME YOU CRAZY FUCKER"
"No shouting at the dinner table," Jin said, meticulously cutting his steak .
She huffed and angrily stabbed the meat on her plate. She shoved it in her mouth and chewed.
"This is so good," she said before she bawled and stuffed her face some more.
"Disgusting," Jimin wrinkled his nose at her.
"You made this?" she wiped her snot and looked at Jin.
He nodded proudly
"You're a gangster, a doctor and you can fucking cook. What is wrong with you," she sobbed. "Jungkook pass me the mashed potatoes"
He handed over the bowl which brought on a fresh wave of tears.
"Look its so beautifully mashed. You made this too?"
Jin nodded again.
She let out a broken sob and shovelled heapfuls of potato on her plate.
"Oh ma gaad," she sighed closing her eyes once she had a mouthful.
"This is gonna be a problem," Taehyung said, looking at her with raised eyebrows when she let out another moan over her potatoes.
"I don't think I want you to die. No one else compliments me in this household," Jin spoke up.
"What?," she looked scandalized and whipped her head at the other members.
"You ungrateful bastards. When he's making all this food for you and you don't even tell him its good. What kind of monsters are you? Didn't your mothers teach you any manners?"
"FINALLY," Jin yelled and leaned forward to fist pump her
"You got a recipe for this by the way?" she asked, wiping her tears.
"You wonna make it?"
"Yeah I- wait no imma die after this meal. Right Jungkook? You can shoot me after dinner," she patted his back.
"Stop saying he's gonna kill you! You aren't dying!" Yoongi snapped.
"Only because you won't do it. If you won't give me what I want I'll have to go to him instead"
"How about I give you what you want," Taehyung wiggled his eyebrows.
"Thats not what I meant and you know it"
"You know," Hoseok, the last member, said having kept quiet throughout, "She's entertaining. I think we should keep her. Even if she is dead weight"
"She's not dead weight. She's the best hacker in the country," the leader answered levelly.
"You say that but you don't know I got locked out of my apartment for two days cause I forgot the password Rap Man"
"Rap Monster"
"Yeah whatever"
"Alright. We have an early rise tomorrow. You" Yoongi pointed one finger at the girl, "Get your ass to bed"
"B-but JK he-" she startled looking at Jungkook.
She had plans to die forgodsake.
"No buts. Don't make me repeat myself.Do you want me to drag and tie you to the bed?"
"Ooh kinky," Taehyung whistled.
"Please. I wouldn't fuck her with a ten foot pole," Yoongi said disgusted.
"You said the same thing about your last girlfriend" Jimin pointed out.
"Shut up"
"Shut up," Jimin mocked in a high pitched voice and stuck his tongue out.
Yoongi pulled out a knife.
"Oh so scary," Jimin rolled his eyes, "Bite me bitch."
What happened next was too fast for Main Lead to grasp as Yoongi leapt over the table, smooth and agile, and collided with Jimin.
In a flurry of pained grunts and war cries they both went tumbling backwards into the living room.
The rest of Bangtan went on eating, not a single head being raised.
"Did those shipments arrive today?" Hoseok asked Jin, sipping his water.
Jin shook his head, "They're running late, those sneaky bastards," he fumed.
Yoongi was now throttling Jimin. The knife was no where in sight.
Main Lead watched Jimin kick the blond and he went careening backwards, stumbling against the sofa. The vase next to him teetered and crashed to the floor, breaking into a dozen pieces.
"You better clean that up yourself," Jin called over his shoulder, dabbing at his lips delicately with a napkin.
The two hooligans had now resorted to pulling each others hair, cool fighting tactics be damned.
Main Lead ducked as a shoe came flying over her head and landed in the sink.
Rapmonster flicked his hand and a spoon went whizzing through the air, hitting Jimin on the forehead.
"OW!"
"Uh, Imma just.... head to bed," Main Lead said, slowly inching out of her seat.
"Put your dishes in the sink," Jin said as she got up.
She put her dishes in the damn sink, right on top of the shoe.
She walked away, slowly, ever so slowly. She reached the edge of the hallway and looked back.
Yoongi was biting Jimin's leg.
Jungkook was sneaking food off Hoseok's plate while he was busy talking to Jin about illegal shipments.
Taehyung was whittling a carrot with a butter knife.
Rapmonster was busy with his phone, a relatively normal sight, until she saw the reflection of his screen on the oven behind him.
Powerpuff girls.
Main Lead took in the scene at large and wondered if this is what her life was gonna be like now.
Chapter Text
( Three days later)
"I already know you can completely wipe out info from main data bases and hack into airports," Jin said reading off a clipboard, "Any other specialities I should know about?"
"I make a rad Powerpoint," she winked at him.
He smacked her head with the wooden board.
"Don't sass me"
"Right," she said, rubbing the sore spot on her skull.
"Now we need you to decode this encription from a gang called EXO," Jungkook said sliding over in his computer chair and punching a few digits in the keyboard. The screen in front of her immediately got filled with green alphabets and numbers.
Like some matrix shit.
"I already went through the first half, the rest should be easy enough for you," he said looking at her.
"Easy," she nodded her head, her eyes glued to the numbers "Yup"
A stretch of silence passed in which Jin and Jungkook looked at her expectantly while she kept staring at the screen without blinking. It was kind of unsettling but neither of the two men wanted to show fear towards this miniscule human.
"....You can start anytime now," Jin said, after a long stretch of silence in which his own eyes had started watering from her behavior.
"Oh right" She snapped out of her trance and looked down at the keypad. She bit her lip glancing at Jungkook.
"Is there a problem?" He asked, cocking a brow.
She momentarily got distracted by how unfairly hot the action had looked on him.
"Nope not all" She turned quickly back to the screen and scratched the edge of her nose.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
She then raised her hands like a conductor.
This was followed by some good ass crisp, knuckle cracking which left even Jungkook impressed.
Her head lolled back on her neck and she rolled her shoulders to clean out the kinks.
Then, a gargly cough escaped her lips followed by an inhumane screeching sound which caused Jin to drop his clip board.
"What is she doing?" Jungkook asked as he moved away as if afraid to catch her disease.
"Hell if I know" Jin retorted from near the floor as he grabbed the clipboard. He did not like unexpected loud noises and was a bit miffed at the moment.
She stood up abruptly, making the other two jump. Jin hit his head under the computer table and let out some artful curses.
Oblivious, Main Lead raised one lone finger heavenward and brought it down slowly.
She pressed a single key.
They waited.
Not a single damn thing happened.
"You done messing around now?" Jin asked, finally back on his feet with a small bump on his skull. He placed a hand on his waist and tapped his baby pink sneakers in annoyance.
"You know you can't fool us with that shit" Jungkook said, looking at her suspiciously.
"What do you mean?" she asked, shoulders tensing and threw him a worried glance.
"Acting like you have no idea how to decode this" he answered.
Main Lead's shoulders sagged in relief.
"Oh you" she laughed and punched his shoulder playfully while he frowned at her, "Thats right. You got me," She raised her hands in mock surrender. "The thing is," she said looking over at Jin and then at Jungkook, "I have this uh...ritual"
"Ritual?" Jin asked sounding mighty unimpressed.
"Yup," she nodded, "I need to get into the mood first. Like a warm up you know"
"And exactly how do you get into the mood'' Jin said stepping closer and she had to tilt her head back to look up at him.
Great, she thought, they aren't buying this and Imma gonna die.
But all is well cause she already wanted to die.
"Just the usual" she said looking around avoiding his eyes.
"What's the usual pray tell" Jin loomed even closer, his stomach brushing her chest (thats right Main Lead is a midget).
"Video games!" she squeaked, having spotted controllers behind Jungkook. "Like Mario"
Jin stilled, eyes dilating.
"Did you say Mario?" he asked, voice hushed.
"Y-yes" she said, features marred in confusion
"Oh no" Jungkook groaned, palming his face.
Jin let out a whoop of laughter, all previous thoughts of annoyance and bumps on skull were forgotten.
"Oh I knew the second I saw you that you were the right one" he said as Main Lead stared. His mood swings were kinda giving her whiplash.
"She's done it now" Jungkook muttered under his breath, head shaking.
"You heard her Jungkookie," Jin said, "Gotta warm up first" He pushed her into one of the computer chairs and took the one next to her
"Let get started" Jin eyes glinted maniacally.
Main Lead gulped, already regretting her words.
__________
Yoongi had been waiting for 15 minutes now and Main Lead still hadn't shown up for training. Feeling annoyed, he stomped back towards the elevator and headed for the computer room where he knew she was working.
Shouts and war cries reached his ears when he stepped into the corridor and only got louder the closer he got to the room.
Jin was cackling at the screen in front of him, his fingers punching furiously into the buttons of his controller when Yoongi walked in. His eyes went over to the other two who were in similar conditions, albeit not as manic as Jin.
Yoongi stalked forward ready to smack all three of them till their brains rattled inside their skulls but was abruptly stopped when Jin jumped out of his chair with a triumphant yell.
"HAHAA TAKE THAT BITCHES" he cheered fist pumping the air as Main Lead and Jungkook let out defeated cries, the latter punching his desk in frustration.
"Cough up I aint got all day" Jin looked down his nose at them, his hands on his waist.
Jungkook grumbled but handed over his black card.
"Oh the Mario figurines I'm gonna buy with this" Jin sighed happily.
"Please don't get too crazy with it" Jungkook pleaded
Jin patted his shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll stay under ten million won"
Jungkook sighed in relief.
Main Lead felt a vein throbbing in her skull. Rich motherfuckers.
"And you," Jin said turning to her, a cheshire grin on his face.
Main Lead stiffened.
"How about we go to my room-" Jin reached for her but Yoongi's hand clamped down on his wrist, stopping him in place.
They all snapped their heads to him, only just becoming aware of his presence.
"We have training" he said, voice hard and eyes narrowed. His grip was leaving a bruise on Jin's wrist but he didn't seem bothered.
"Oh shoot. I forgot" Main Lead's eyes widened, wondering what punishment would await her for being tardy.
"Ah well. Some other time then" Jin said, shaking Yoongi's hand off and winking at her. "I'm off. See ya later kids" He spun on his heel and strolled out with a skip in his step.
Yoongi watched him leave with narrowed eyes and turned to Main Lead.
"I expect you to keep your schedule" he said, voice scarily calm.
Main Lead gulped.
"I-"
"Save it" he interrupted and then smiled a tad too sadistically, "You can make it up by doing two extra sets for a week" he said as he walked out and Main Lsad groaned, hurrying up to catch up with him.
"Stinking old man" Jungkook mumbled in the corner, still moping about his defeat.
_________
(5 days later)
"Where's Yoongi?" Main Lead asked when she stepped off the elevator and into the training room.
"He had some work to do. Just you and me today" Hoseok grinned at her, his heart shaped lips on display.
"I see..." she said uncertainly. She hadn't trained with Hoseok before so wasn't sure what that would entail. He looked much too peppy to beat her up.
"We'll be doing shooting practice" he said as if he'd heard her thoughts and inclined his head towards the far end shooting range.
"Oh," her eyebrows raised, "I didn't know that was a part of my training"
"It is. I've been trying to get it in your schedule but Yoongi likes keeping you to himself that bastard" Hoseok fumed.
"Ah yes he sure does like me," Main Lead said dryly, "What with his violent threats and guerilla warfare training that leaves me crying at night"
"I'm glad you understand him" Hoseok smiled at her not catching the sarcasm. "People tend to judge him too harshly"
"I wonder why they'd do that. He's so sweet" Main Lead said with a straight face.
"I know right!" Hoseok sighed heavily, "They just don't know him the way we do"
Main Lead bit the inside of her cheek, choosing not to answer.
"Well," Hoseok clapped his hands cheerily, "Best get started then" He put an arm around her shoulder as if they were best buds and pulled her along towards the range.
"Here take these" He handed her one of the sound cancelling headphones and took one for himself.
"We'll start with the smaller shotguns first and then move onto rifles eventually" He nodded towards the array of weapons lying in front of them on the steel table. He picked up a simple hand gun and gestured for her to watch as he loaded the ammo and snapped it into place.
"Now you try" he said as he swiftly took it apart once more and handed it to her.
Main Lead copied the steps he had taken, getting stuck in one part but Hoseok was pleasantly patient and helped her through the process.
He made her practice several times with various different shot guns until she was fairly quick with it.
"Atta girl" He ruffled her hair, dimples peeking out of his cheeks as he complimented her and Main Lead had to look away lest she start blushing like an idiot.
"Now lets move on to the fun part," he said, rolling up his sleeves and exposing his lean forearms. "Watch my stance carefully and mimick it" he said and turned his torso partially sideways with legs spread apart. He raised his arms and pointed his gun to the target.
Main Lead followed suit and Hoseok watched her stance, adjusting it where he saw fit. Once he was satisfied, he ordered her to put on her head piece whilst he did the same and demonstrated one final posture before shooting once.
It hit the bullseye.
He turned to her with a grin expecting praise but Main Lead was already in position. She took aim and shot the target, barely grazing its edge.
"Not bad for the first time," Hoseok said, "Most people miss it completely. Though I think your arms can be adjusted. You're too damn short" He moved behind her and Main Lead's back was suddenly pressed against his chest as he took her arms and pointed the gun in the angle he wanted.
Why the fuck does he smell so good?
"Keep your arms taut and feet planted firmly on the ground" he said and Main Lead caught musk, coffee and a whiff of cocoa powder.
He smelled like a coffee shop which sold the best brownies.
Wait.
Did Jin make brownies today? Is that why he smells so good? Why the hell did no one tell her. She wanted those fudgy delights too.
"Are you listening?" Hoseok asked her.
"Yup got it" she nodded and readjusted her stance.
She took aim and fired.
The bullet missed the target entirely.
She expected a smack to the head but Hoseok merely patted her shoulder and told her to go again.
She was terrible at it. Only one of the twenty shots she made hit the third circle but Hoseok was so supportive she didnt feel like she was doing bad.
A real angel, she thought once they finished for the day and walked towards the elevator.
"You just need consistent practice and then you'll be as good as us!" Hoseok grinned at her as they exited the training room and she almost got blinded by the sheer light of his teeth.
He's the nicest of them all, Main Lead thought wistfully.
"Well I'll see you later then" He waved at her once they reached the third floor and hopped out. "Gotta go torture those bitches who destroyed our shipment" he said with a sunshine smile and walked down the corridor out of sight.
Screams echoed from one of the rooms followed by dull thumps as Mainlead creaked down in the rickety machine, wondering just who the hell he was.
Chapter Text
(6 days later)
Taehyung and Yoongi watched as Main Lead sparred with Jimin.
"Kick him in the balls!" Taehyung called as Main Lead sidestepped Jimin's kick and blocked his punch with her noodle arm. She attempted to kick him as per Taehyung's instruction but Jimin easily grabbed her leg and sent her flying to the other side of the mat.
She landed in a pile of awkward limbs with her bony booty in the air.
"Why do we keep doing this? I'm not getting any better" Main Lead wheezed as she called for timeout.
She'd been at it for twenty minutes and had various aches from his jabs and punches around her abdomen. Jimin on the other hand had only suffered from a small scratch on his bicep.
"No pain no gain" Jungkook said, patting her back as he too took a break from his weight lifting.
"Gain? Gain WHAT? I just wonna reboot to the after life" She lay starfish on her back, "Jesus take me now" She closed her eyes waiting for death.
"I dont think you're Jesus' type" Jungkook replied.
She looked up at him for a few seconds to see if he was joking.
He was deadpan.
"I meant 'die' you idiot" Main Lead exasperated with a disgusted look on her face, "Take me to heaven"
"How about I take you to Hong Kong" Taehyung said with a low voice and shot her smirk
"You know I've had enough of you"
"Oh you haven't had any of me yet" he chuckled devilishly.
Yoongi smacked him upside the head.
"You're a nuisance. Get back to work" He shoved the younger who whined towards the elevator, but let himself be bullied out of the room. He threw Main Lead a final wink before leaving.
"And you," Yoongi said to her "Get your ass off the mat. I aint got all day" Somehow Yoongi was even more pissed off now and Main Lead sighed before getting up.
"Just knock me out," she said to Jimin who's brows raised as she held her arms wide open as if for a hug. "Save us all the trouble"
"Stop that" Suga snapped as he pushed her arms back down.
"I know I know," Mainlead rolled her eyes "I can't die until you say so" She turned back to Jimin and raised her tiny fists. "Come at me Luscious"
"Luscious?" Jimin's lips quirked as he tilted his head at her. "Is that your nickname for me?"
Main Lead nodded. She was beyond the point of denying her attraction at this point. Her brain was mushed from the ass whooping she had received. "Yeah. Luscious locks, luscious lips, luscious booty" Her eyes went to each part as she listed them casually.
Jimin's smile grew bigger with each word and was now a full blown grin.
"So you like what you see?" Jimin asked with seductive expression as he ran a hand through his hair
A small blur whizzed through the air and smacked painfully against Jimin's forehead.
"OW!"
Main Lead blinked, her eyes on the coin now lying a foot away while Jimin cursed and rubbed the red spot on his beautiful face.
"You piece a shit!" Jimin glared at Yoongi, the mutinous effect lessened by his teary eyes.
"Test me any further and the next one will be sent south" Yoongi replied languidly, tossing a small coin up in the air and catching it expertly.
Jimin lunged at the other smol man but was intercepted by a strong arm.
Yup its the bunny boy that authornim had forgotten was also in the room.
(I got a memory of a goldfish okay don't judge me)
"I think thats enough for today" Jungkook said to Yoongi as Jimin thrashed in his hold and tried to get his fists on the paler man.
"Nah let him go, I wonna see what the munchkin can do" Yoongi said and Jimin went feral.
"LET ME AT HIM. I SWEAR TO GOD-"
Jungkook abruptly hoisted him over his shoulder and walked to the elevator as other shook his fist at Yoongi, yelling expletives and promises to turn his balls into minced meat but bunny boy's iron grip was much too strong for him.
His voice faded as the two of them disappeared out of sight.
Main Lead stretched her back, thankful for the early end and started to leave as well only to have Yoongi's large hand clamp down on her shoulder.
"And where do you think you're going?" he raised one brow at her.
"Uh....I thought trainings over for today"
Yoongi snorted. "As if. Jimin's gone so now you spar with me"
"Oh..... joy"
"You won't be able to walk after I'm done with you"
"Do you have any idea how that sounds?"
"Sounds like facts to me" Yoongi shrugged and then pounced.
Sure enough three minutes into their session (and it really was a sparring session and not anything else you heathens), Main Lead was knocked out cold.
"Well that happened a bit sooner than I expected" Yoongi looked down at her limp noodle bod. "I was just starting to have fun"
He tucked her under his arm like a sack of flour and exited the room, wondering idly if they had any minced beef for dinner.
__________
(9 days later)
Rapmonster had just gotten out of the shower and was on his way to the kitchen when he heard soft moans coming from Seokjins room.
He shook his head, wondering just how frustrated his bromate must he to be jerking off early in the morning. He was about to walk past his door when he heard another voice.
"I've been at this for an hour!" Main Lead whined, her voice breathy from exersion.
Rapmonster stopped dead in his tracks.
His head turned 180 degrees like some damn ghoul in a horror movie.
"And thats not nearly enough" Jin replied though his voice was lower, "Come on right here"
Rapmonster heard two delicious smacks and he found himself next to the door, his ear pressed against the surface.
"Oh yeah thats the spot" Jin groaned and Rapmonster saw red.
How dare Main Lead seduce Jin.
With one mighty kick Rapmonster kicked down the door and nearly fell over in his hurry to get inside and whoop some ass.
"WHAT THE F-" the leader roared, one foot inside the the room when he froze for the second time in sixty seconds.
In front of him was Jin in a pink fluffy bathrobe with a mud mask on his face. His feet were soaking in a tub of water. Behind his chair stood Main Lead, her hands stopped mid massage on Jin exposed shoulders as she now gaped at Rapmonster. He stood heaving on top of the broken door and turned his head frantically to take in the various spa bottles, manicure kits, aroma therapy infusions and bowls of fruit strewn about the room.
"Are you an ape?!" Jin cried, his clay masking cracking from his outburst, "You broke my damn door!" He pointed an accusing finger at the taller man.
"I-you-she-" Rapmonster pointed at the two of them, "What on earth are you two doing?"
"She owes me a massage after losing at Mario" Jin said like this was the most obvious answer, "What are YOU doing?"
"Never mind" Rapmonster sighed, his heart rate going down now. "Carry on" He waved a dismissing hand and picked up the fallen door, carrying it out with him as he exited.
"IF I GET WRINKLES YOU'LL HAVE HELL TO PAY" Jin shrieked at the now gaping hole of his door frame before he picked up his gold hand mirror and examined his face with angry huffs and annoyed muttering.
__________
(10 days later)
"What about these? Do they make my butt look big?" Taehyung asked her, turning around to show his apple bottom clad in gucci pants
"Do I really need to be here?" Main Lead was sitting on Taehyung's bed which was strewn with high end clothing.
"Just answer the question"
She bit back her retort and eyed his booty.
He gave a little twerk.
"Its flat as a pancake" she lied.
"Damn really?" Taehyung tried to look at his ass but only ended up going around in circles "I gotta amp up my squats then"
__________
(16 days later)
"Alright we got player one on the left side. Wannabe gangster, flat as a board and incredibly in love with me, give it up for Eagle!" said Taehyung holding an imaginary mike as he made an overly flamboyant gesture with his hand and pointed at Main Lead who rolled her eyes.
"Wasn't it another bird?" Jungkook crinkled his brow.
"I think it was Pelican" Hoseok said from the knife rack as he picked up another blade to sharpen.
"Oh right" Jungkook nodded.
"Falcon! It was Falcon! God," Rap Monster threw up his hands in annoyance. He had spent months briefing the members on her and yet they continued to infuriate him like this.
Taehyung ignored this interruption and carried on without a beat.
"And on the right we have this gorgeous motherfucker, my brother from another mother, my small chilli pepper! Give it up for Jimin!" Taehyung did a fabulous twirl and extended his arm towards his homie.
"I told you not to talk about the chilli pepper! Why do you always-"Jimin started to yell but was interrupted by a shrill whistle from Yoongi. He had bought one after the first three training sessions and liked to blow it particularly close to Main Lead's ear. It gave him peace.
At the moment however he was anything but peaceful as he glared at the other members who had decided to sit in on the day's training session.
"Don't you all have somewhere to be? Some business to attend to?" he asked with obvious annoyance.
"It's my alternate Saturday you know that"Jin said from the director's chair he was sitting in a few feet away. He had brought a large bowl of buttered popcorn which was already half eaten and was waiting for Main Lead to get her ass kicked.
Yoongi's eye twitched. He took a deep breath through his nose and thought about his happy place. Kumamon bounced in his minds eye and he felt his anger ebbing away.
His murderous intents now reduced to merely harm and not kill, he turned to Main Lead.
"Alright Eagle get to your position" he said bringing the whistle to his mouth.
"Falcon" she corrected without much thought and Yoongi narrowed his eyes.
"Eagle it is. Falcon who?" she said and gave an exaggerated laugh trying to placate the smol pale man but only received a shrill whistle in her ear.
Her brain was still buzzing in her skull from the sound when she felt the ground disappear from under her soles only to reappear painfully again on her back. She groaned from the impact, the air punched out of her lungs.
"Oh yeah," Jin stuffed his mouth with buttered popcorn so both cheeks bulged like a squirrel with too many nuts, "Thish ish wad I came fol" He leaned back in his chair and enjoyed his front row seat to such magnificent ass whooping.
"Man she's really not improving is she?" Rapmonster sighed.
A part of Main Lead felt incredibly annoyed by their responses.
Oh she'd show them.
"He just got me off guard" she grunted and got back to her feet with much more bravado then she actually felt.
A tinkering laugh met her which was much too angelic under the circumstances.
"Okay come at me" Jimin grinned at her, his crescent shaped eyes hiding the sadistic monster underneath.
Perhaps Jimin hadn't really expected her to jump, perhaps he just couldn't see and laugh at the same time, but within the next 2 seconds Main Lead had sprinted and soared through the air with her arm stretched back into a punch and the combined force of her jump made an impressive collision of her fist with Jimin's cheek.
A collective gasp erupted from the members.
A few popcorn fell out of Jin's open mouth.
The small chilli pepper man staggered back three steps from the impact.
"Ow shit!"
No that was not a pained cry from Jimin. Main Lead had bruised her hand while punching his chiseled, sculpted, greek god face and was now mumbling incoherent expletives under her breath as she massaged her aching limb. Jimin on the other hand was mostly unhurt as he ran a hand against the pain in his jaw. It would bruise yeah but he was more stunned by her punch then anything else.
"Well this is definitely progress" Rapmonster grinned.
"Damn she can land a good one can't she? For her size I mean" Taehyung said.
"Ofcourse I can" Main Lead winced through the pain and said with ill placed pride. "This is nothing"
"Really?" Yoongi cocked a brow, "Alright then you've passed"
Main Lead looked up with such hope that she almost forgot about her aching hand. "So no more training sessions?"
"No I meant you've passed phase one," Yoongi said grinning with all his gums, "since you've improved so much you can move to sparring with Jungkook."
"Wait what?" she blinked and turned to the bunny boy.
Rippling muscles twice the size of Jimin's greeted her vision.
"Oh hell no," she said, all pride now vanished, "Nuh uh. I'll stick with Jimin. I haven't improved at all"
"No I think Jungkook should take it from here on," Yoongi insisted and turned to said man, "Kook warm up. We can start right now"
"Ha," Main Lead fake laughed, "You're a real jokester aren't you Yoongi?"
"Should I start from level 1 force or level 0?" Jungkook asked ignoring her as he taped his hands.
"I think level 0. Even I can't handle level 1" Hoseok said shuddering.
"Oh wow," Main Lead raised her palms up, panic building quickly inside her, "Maybe this isn't a good idea. How about we just call it off for today?" She slowly backed away from the others.
"Level 0's not that bad. The most anyone's gotten is a broken tooth" Jungkook said with an innocent genuineness that quite frankly terrified her.
"Nope," she said with a certainty that only comes when one is scared shitless, "This aint it. I quit."
And with that she bolted towards the elevator.
She would have gotten inside if not for Jimin who somehow managing to appear infront of it before her.
"What do you mean quit?" he asked, as if they were discussing some summer camp she no longer wanted to do.
"Fuck! How did you get here?" she cried and changed directions. She bolted towards the only place that wasn't blocked by a member: the rock climbing base.
"What the hell is she doing?" Rapmonster's voice reached her as she frantically grabbed the various knobs and ledges to hoist herself up.
"Um there's no where for you to run you know" Jimin said as he leisurely walked up to the base.
Main Lead ignored him. She had managed to reach quite a height despite her aching hand and was stuck at one place where two huge rocks jutted in weird angles. There was only a tiny space between them and the nearest holding was too out of reach for her short arms.
"Ah she can't go any further" Jungkook observed. He too was now standing at the end of the base and looking up with mild interest.
Oh yes I can, Main Lead thought grimly as she stuck her head between the two rocks and slowly tried to squeeze herself through the tiny gap.
"How the hell-!" Taehyung exclaimed as Main Lead successfully slipped through the small space and now sat precariously at the corner of a far rock a little below the ceiling.
"I think we just found her hidden talent" Jin said impressed as he stuffed more buttered popcorns into his massive mouth.
"And just what do you hope to accomplish by doing this?" Rapmonster asked Main Lead, exasperated by her behavior.
"Oh for fuck sake" Yoongi shoved Jimin away and took his spot which was underneath her. Sounds of falling cardboard boxes could be heard after Jimin went flying out the frame.
"You," Yoongi pointed one finger at her, "Get your ass down right now"
"My ass ain't going anywhere" she shot back.
"Don't be coward" he goaded at her.
"I'll be a coward if I damn well like it!"
"Yeah you tell him!" Jimin's muffled voice came from the (now destroyed) cardboard box pile.
"This is ridiculous somebody just get her down" Rapmonster said shaking his head.
"How? I've never been abe to reach that rock she's sitting on. None of us can fit through that space" Jungkook pointed out.
"So we get the ladder?" Taehyung suggested.
"The ladder's broken"Jin piped up as he stuffed a hot dog in his mouth. Where he got that from no one knows.
'"Broken,"Rapmonster turned to him with a 'done' look on his face, "Weren't you the last one who used it for some Billie Eilish cover?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about" Jin replied and a few flecks of sausage landed on Rapmonster's shirt.
"Alright!" Hoseok stepped between them sensing danger, "I think we're going about this the wrong way" He walked over to where Yoongi was standing and looked up at Main Lead with a sunshine smile.
What the hell.
"It's okay," he said like he was cooing at a little baby, "No one's gonna hurt you. Come down now" His eyes sparkled and Main Lead though she saw angel wings behind him.
"Oh God the light" Taehyung tried to shield his eyes from the glow emitting from Hoseok.
Main Lead slowly started to inch down, her arm reaching for Hoseok like some damn kdrama before the last two brain cells in her head started arguing.
"Bitch what you doing" one braincell said.
"I'm reaching for this beautiful ethereal creature'" the other replied dreamily.
"Get your head outta your ass! He's evil!"
"Evil? Look at him. He's wonderful. I wonna give him all my cheetos"
One brain cell smacked the other.
"Snap out of it! He's your kidnapper. Have some dignity"
Main Lead stopped her arm midway.
Hoseok's eyes widened.
"Ha you aint fooling me! The only thing coming down is this" She turned her bony ass towards them and let out a mighty fart.
The fact that they couldn't reach her had given her balls she never knew she had.
"Oh god" Hoseok gagged as Yoongi reeled back from the offensive smell.
Jin cackled. "Man this is turning out so much more fun then I had anticipated" he marvelled as he dipped his churros in a chocolate cup and took a bite.
"Hyung no!" Taehyung yelled suddenly as he grabbed Yoongi's arm who was attempting to lob a tiny grenade at Main Lead.
"Let go! This is my last mini but I won't have any regrets" Yoongi's eye's glinted as he looked up at her and Hoseok grabbed his other arm too to bring him under control.
"God take him away" Rapmonster pinched the bridge of his nose.
Hoseok and Taehyung abruptly hoisted the tiny cat man between them and dragged him to the elevator as he cursed her ancestors. His angry expletives slowly muffled out as the elevator disappeared out of sight.
"He hasn't brought out that grenade since last year when Hobi accidently interrupted his nap" Jin noted idly as he stuck a toothpick between his teeth.
"Yeah she gone and done it now" Jimin said as he watched Main Lead huddle in her uncomfortable spot, "Kinda looks like a cat doesn't she? Stuck in a tree"
"Let's just wait it out. She can't stay up there forever" Rapmonster, ever the pragmatic, said and turned on his heel as well without sparing her another glance.
Jimin trailed behind him and so did Jin, his entertainment quota for the day fulfilled. Jungkook looked up at her one last time, almost thoughtfully, before exiting as well. He turned out the lights on his way out and Main Lead was left in a darkness with the only light coming from a broken air vent above her.
An hour passed.Her limbs were going numb but she didn't want to face Yoongi's wrath anytime soon. God she should've thought this through.
The elevator door creaked open. The lights switched on making her blind for a wild moment and then she heard footsteps coming closer.
Jungkook placed a bowl of milk and a litter box beneath her.
"What the fuck" was the only appropriate response she could think of.
"Hyung said you were acting like a cat so I.." he gestured to the stuff he'd brought.
"Oh my god you're idiots"
"This'll get her down in no time" Jungkook said to himself. He seemed to have not heard her and was nodding at the bowl of milk quite proudly. He patted himself on the back and strolled out, humming a tune on his way.
Main Lead shook her head in awe and tried to adjust her position so that her numbs legs could get some circulation. Sweat beaded on her temple and she cursed Jungkook for turning of the cooling system. Even the broken air vent barely sent a breeze towards her.
Wait a second.
Main Lead froze.
She slowly turned her head up like a ghost in a cringey horror movie.
Of course.
Why hadn't she thought of it sooner?
Main Lead steadied herself carefully and reached for the air vent. After sacrificing one nail to get the half rusted screw out, she opened the shaft with hope building up inside her.
With one foot against the wall she hoisted herself up into the air vent and crawled along the thin walls. And just as she had expected, the metal vent extended out onto the roof. She laid down vertically and kicked the air vent's closure on the roof. Ten strong kicks in and the vent gave way, the thin square sheet falling out and sunlight blinded her vision for a moment before she stepped out onto the dirty, cemented rooftop.
Oh sweet freedom at last.
Chapter Text
The sun bore down on her back as she squinted at the clear blue sky. Dried bird droppings and cracked pieces of cement crunched under her shoes as she surveyed her surroundings.
The pure joy from a minute ago was slowly dwindling down as Mainlead realised she hadn't a clue how she was supposed to get down. Annoyance pricked at her seeing how close she was to escaping if only she knew how to scale a five story building.
She walked around the dilapidated surface, no sign of a staircase or windows anywhere which could have possibly given her something to grab onto if she climbed down, without falling to her death that is.
The other option was hopping ass to the building next door, three foot's distance separating the two structures. The air vents on the other side were just like the one on Bangtan's, and Mainlead deemed she could use that to get down into their building, find a way out and run all the way to Antartica if she had to.
It was a long shot. A lot of holes in her plan were gaping at her but what could she do?
Desperate times call for drastic measures.
Taking a deep breath Mainlead peered over the roof, the narrow gap between the buildings showing a dark abyss. She imagined her body falling straight through the gap and splattering across the dirty alley. Maybe one of the members would find her and shovel her out.
She laughed grimly at the prospect of Yoongi finding her corpse and hurling insults at it for dying without his permission.
She shook her head. Aint no time to be thinking about death. Her hand came up to give her a swift slap across the cheek and she pulled herself together.
Standing a few feet away, she took a running start and jumped as far as she could between the gap.
She landed with a painful roll, her arms and shoulders smarting from the impact but she'd gotten used to pain over the past two weeks.
Well at least those training sessions had some benefit.
"Damn right I'm on roll!" Main Lead fist pumped at her succesful jump, a grin spreading on her face.
The air duct was next. Having already kicked her way through one, she had a good idea of where to aim her force for this one to give way.
In about ten minutes she was crawling inside. The cool metal sheets strained against her weight and she crawled further, several openings alluding to the space underneath. One room was completely dark and she decided against opening the shaft there. Further ahead, light streamed in from the thin rails. In her haste to get there she hit her head against the roof of the air vent.
"Ow! Son of a-" she cursed, rubbing her sore skull and moving a little more carefully now. She stopped at the next shaft and peered down. A carpeted floor greeted her vision, light streaming in, possibly from a window.
"Perfect" she grinned and pushed open the vent.
She eased her hands against the metal and let her legs get out first.Her butt shimmied down from the air duct until she was dangling by her hands precariously.
"Oh God" she grunted as her already bruised hand started to ache ten times more from the weight it was carrying. Unable to bear it much longer she let go and landed with a dull thud on the carpeted floor.
"Ooh that's gotta hurt" a voice said.
Main Lead abrupty jumped to her feet, whipping her head to the sound and found three dudes sitting near the window around a breakfast table. It appeared they were playing UNO.
"Well nice of you to 'drop' in" the one with silver hair and an undercut said. He slapped the table and chortled at his own joke. Only his hand collided with a can of beer and liquid slopped over the poor sod sitting opposite him
"Dafuq Bambam, I washed this shirt three days ago!" the black haired one said as he wrinkled his nose at the wet cloth clinging to his abdomen now.
"We really do need to something about that air duct man. Just last week I had to fight a raccoon that broke in" the third one, a bulky dude with brown hair said, eyeing the open duct on the ceiling.
"I-" Main Lead started to say, her hands palm side up.
"Oh please Jackson. I was the one that fought the raccoon while you were busy screaming under the table" the other said, ignoring her.
"I screamed ONCE alright and it was not high pitched at all!" Jackson flared up.
"I didn't say anything about it being high pitched but now that you mention it-"
"That thing jumped at me!"Jackson shot up to his feet now, obviously offended by the accusation of feminine sounds from his manly throat even though he was the one who mentioned it, "I was caught off guard!"
"Which reminds me, how did you even get in there?" Bambam asked Main Lead.
"From the roof" she replied feeling like it was damn time someone acknowledged her, "I'm in the middle of escaping"
"Escaping? From who?" Jackson wrinkled his brow at her, feminine screams forgotten, "Jinyoung did you leave one of your girls on the roof?"
"What the fuck does that mean?" Jinyoung exasperated, "No I did not leave one of my girls on the roof. Why would I do that?"
"Well I just thought. Since you did do it once-" Jackson started.
"That wasn't a girl. That was Jaebum in a wig"
Are all the dudes on this side of the country so weird? Just what had she walked into?
"How did you end up on the roof?" Bambam asked her, pulling her brain away from the image of a bulky man dressed up in a rag and wig.
"Well this is gonna sound crazy but" Main Lead took a deep breath, "I was kidnapped by a mafia gang!"
Bambam gasped, his Uno cards falling dramatically on the table, "Surely not!"
"They live in the big cemented building next door. I escaped through the air duct and hopped over to your roof" Mainlead stuck her nose up with pride
"This is real news for me" Jackson said his eyes comically wide.
"Oh you poor thing" Bambam got up from his seat and patted her back. He didnt seem to notice that she was not in need of consolation. It was a damn victory on her part.
"Do you want us to call the police?" Jinyoung asked getting up as well. A crease lined his forehead.
"No I just want to leave. Possibly the country. I'm done. It's best if you dont mention this to anyone" she said looking at each of them.
"I don't think-"Jinyoung started to say.
"No really I'm fine.' she said firmly. Thank you" she bid them farewell and headed towards the door, not keen on dilly dallying much longer.
Just as she turned her back, Jinyoung started making wild gestures towards her.He was saying something to Jackson silently with a lot of flailing arms while Jackson nodded and gestured back in some weird silent code which involved armpits and leg raising and writernim apologizes for not being able to decipher these shenanigans.
"Oh but" Main Lead turned back and Jinyoung abrupty stopped gesticulating and Jackson pretended to be sniffing his knee.
"Could I use the bathroom first?" she asked and Jinyoung smiled consolingly.
"Of course. Two doors down on the left" he pointed the way to her and she hurried along to relieve herself.
The three dudes in the room started talking at once when she was out of sight.
Back in the bathroom, which was small and messy, Main Lead sighed in contentment after emptying her bladder. She wasn't sure when she'd have the time to go the bathroom later in the middle of making her escape and deemed it best to get it out now even if it meant delaying her escape for a little while.
Main Lead was just about to leave when her eyes fell on the bathroom cabinet. There was an array of skin care products on the shelf and sink. She read the labels and pocketed some of the more expensive ones cause she's crafty and has her priorities straight.
Her hoodie now laden with high quality Korean skin care goodies, she exited the bathroom in much better spirits then when she had entered.
"Alright guys. I'm off!" she said waving to the three dudes, one of whom was reading a magazine upside down. At this point she would have been more surprised if it was right side up.
"No problem. Here take some money for a cab home" Jackson handed her some bills and she gaped.
"Oh wow you shouldn't have I can't possibly" her mouth said though her hands were already stuffing the money in her pocket.
"Stay safe!" Jackson called after her as she finally left with one more wave and smile towards the three dudes.
Jackson was still smiling when he took out his cell phone and dialed a number. It appeared he had it on speed dial number 1.
"Yo hey Rapmonster whatsup?" he listened to the other side, "Yeah I'm fine just peachy but say...." Jackson idly scratched his nose, "Have you misplaced a scrawny girl by any chance?"
__________
Main Lead made her way through the emergency staircase and burst through the heavy metal door.
Not sparing another glance behind her she ran down the dirty road and sprinted to the street she remembered passing with Jungkook.
Oh sweet freedom! No more crazed, sexy dudes making her life a mess! A laugh bubbled out if her mouth as she ran past the shady looking shops and onto the more crowded and normal looking part of town.
Some people gave her annoyed looks as she bumped against them in her hurry to get away but she couldn't care less. She was going home and then leaving the country. The thought sparked another burst of energy in her.
She whooped, she jumped, she twirled, she-
Ran smack into a hard chest.
"Ugh" she groaned. Her nose had faced the brunt of the impact and was smarting with a newly forming bruise.
"Whoa there" a voice said balancing her arm. A man's voice.
Main Lead snapped her head up in panic but it was not the Bangtan gang. She visibly relaxed.
"Are you alright?" the dude asked, a furrow between his brow and Mainlead noticed that he too was good looking. A fact that annoyed her. And he was wearing a police officer's uniform. A fact that should've made her feel safe but only made her wary.
"Yes, sorry I didn't see" she extricated her arm from his hand and let out an embarrassed laugh. "I'll be off then" she attempted to step past him.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked moving in her way as he peered closer at her face and Main Lead wished she was wearing a mask. She had no idea what her face was looking like considered her jumping ass over buildings. Her hands and forearms had cuts and bruises and she saw the policeman's eyes going over her dirty workout attire given to her by Bangtan.
His eyes narrowed as they came back to her face and she sincerely hoped he didn't think she was a shoplifter or some drug addict. It wouldn't be the first time she was accused of something like that and this was really not the time.
"I'm fine just had a little accident involving a cat" she said wincing at how awful her excuse sounded.
"Hmm..." the officer said eyeing her and she made her expression look as innocent as she possibly could, not like a runaway from a mafia gang whom she did not want to report for sake of her own life and speedy escape abroad.
"You should get that patched up" he said to her, gesturing at the cuts on her arm then at her forehead and then at the bleeding hole on her knee.
"Yeah I'm just on my way for that" she said, "Thank you for your concern" she gave him a smile and tried to walk away again.
"Nonsense, its my job to care for civilians. I'll take you to the clinic two streets over" he said grabbing her elbow and steering her along.
What!No!
Panic starting building up inside her and she wondered if policemen were allowed to forcefully provide help like this when unasked for.
"Really there's no need. Fit as a fiddle me is" she gave a half hearted laugh trying to remove his large hand from her elbow but only felt the policeman tighten his grip.
"I insist" he flashed her a full toothed smile but something felt wrong.
Main Lead looked around trying to see if anyone would help but people were either giving her looks of disgust or were pointedly looking away.
Of course it looked like the policeman was taking away some transgressor and Main Lead felt stings of anxiety as he led her to his cop car.
"In we go" he said all but pushing her inside and locking the door.
A strange sense of deja vu came over her as the policeman got into the driver's seat and began to whistle a tune as he eased the car leisurely away from curb and down the street.
A few moments of silence passed, filled only by his vague hums when Main Lead finally spoke up.
"What are you doing?" she asked all politeness gone from her voice.
"Done pretending are we?" he replied back looking at her from the rear view window.
"Who are you?" she asked. Was he also a part of the gang? But they only had seven members. Though he would fit right in with his looks.
"Officer Shownu" he said, "Part of the investigation team. And you" he gave her a smile, "a notorious hacker named after some bird"
Oh god.
She done it now.
"You look a little different from the picture we have in our data base" Shownu went on, "Probably because it was like 7 years old but I recognised you nonetheless"
He pulled over at the police station before she could say anything and Main Lead watched him take her out of the car and into the cool building.
"Minhyuk, get chief on the phone pronto" Shownu called over to a younger man sitting behind a desk filled with paperwork.
"Whats up?" Minhyuk asked eyeing Main Lead.
"Got the hacker" there was a hint of amusement in his voice and Main Lead glared at him.
"Oohhh" Minhyuk let out a laugh, his boyish features lighting up. "This is gonna be fun"
Shownu led her into the interrogation room and sat her down on the chair.
Again the deja vu came over her and a tired sigh escaped her lips.
"Yeah I'd be exhausted too if I pulled all your stunts over the years" Shownu said.
"Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?" he asked, as he sat down infront of her and took a long satisfying gulp of his coffee.
Main Lead gave him a vacant look.
"Russia has a shoot on sight notice for you. You really messed them up with the nuclear power plant shut down. Took em three years to get it working again" he riffled through some papers, "FBI got you on the black list. I expect you'll get the death penalty if they're feeling magnanimous" his voice was light, playful.
"Germany, Ukraine, China..." he went on looking at his papers, "Haven't messed with Korea yet so we're not under any obligation to do anything to you ourselves. Though an agreement was signed to hand you over to the FBI if ever caught" he finally looked up at her. "And you let yourself be caught. In such an anticlimatic way too"
"You're having a grand time aren't you?" Main Lead finally spoke.
"The grandest" he smiled at her, his eyes crinkling.
Why were all the hot dudes such jackasses?
"I heard the electric chair is still in use for internationally wanted criminals" Showne idly inspected his nail.
"How shocking" Mainlead deadpanned and Shownu chortled.
The door opened and Minhyuk poked his head in. "Shownu someone's asking for you"
"Coming" Shownu got up, cracking some joints on his back and exited the door. The electric pad next to the door beeped, indicating the lock on the outside being set in place.
Main Lead got up and unzipped her pants.
No she is not taking a piss.
She pulled out the tiny disabling device stitched on the inside of her underwear and walked over to the key pad. After a few good punches which left her knuckles bleeding, she had removed the outer plastic cover and attached the device to one of the tiny wires in the pad.
The readers might be wondering what the hell is going on.
And yes that's right.
You've been hoodwinked (or at least I hope so, though I did make it kinda obvious).
Main Lead has always been Falcon 58.
Or 52.
Whatever.
The pad gave a satisfying beep and the door clicked open. Main Lead quickly took the device back out and snuck it in her pocket. She'd have to sew it back again later into the lining of her underwear.
When she stuck her head out into the hallway she was greeted with a war zone.
She blinked as a screaming policeman went flying past her and landed with a crash against the wall.
Eyes wide and unbelieving, she looked at the masked men and cops having a show down whilst also ensuring that the other side didn't acquire any serious injuries.
She saw one man with nunchucks smack Shownu right on his pert ass cheeks with the metal to which Shownu gave an inappropriate waggle of his brows before punching the dude straight in his face.
Main Lead would've been entertained by this exchange if she did not recognize the masked men before her.
"Fuck no!" she cried in anguish punching the door with her already bleeding hand and let out another slew of pained expletives.
"Fuck yeah babe" Taehyung pulled down his mask as he skidded to a stop in front of her, "We're here to get you. Miss me?" he shot her finger guns and a wink.
"So close..." Mainlead bemoaned as she slid down the door but Taehyung grabbed her before she could hit the ground and hoisted her over his shoulder, her ass sticking up in the air. She pulled his hair not in an attempt to get away, nah she'd given up on that now, but felt the need to get her frustration out in some way.
"Ow! Damn" Taehyung yelled as Main Lead successfully pulled out some strands of his silky hair and left his scalp with a burning sensation.
"I usually enjoy hair pulling but be gentler next time. Geez you got a lot to learn" he shook his head and Main Lead elbowed him in the face.
"Guys I got her let's go" Taehyung called whilst grabbing her arms to prevent his eyes from being attacked and jogged over into the fray.
Why God? Why? I know I'm a hacker and thats a no no, bad girl, no more heaven for me, but please, why THEM?
Main Lead was busy having her first conversation with God when Jimin appeared before her, gave her a grin and covered her head with a black cloth.
"Everyone's already seen my face dumbass!" Main Lead yelled and felt a few thumps on her ear. Was he patting her?
"This is just to make things fun" Jimin's voice lilted.
"I swear to god-"
Taehyung was already moving, her words dying when the breath was pulled out of her and the next thing she knew we was being thrown like a sack of turnips into, what she assumed, was the backseat of a van.
"Ow!" she hissed when her bad knee collided with the seat, her cut opening up further.
She was pulled into a more comfortable position and then heard the the sound of boots and bodies entering the van too. The places around her were filled with the sounds of breathing, metal on metal, chains and rustling of clothes before the van door was slammed shut and Hoseok yelled "Go!"
"Didn't know you could pull that birdie" Jin's voice said from next to her, the laugh evident in his voice.
"I hate you all' she said bitterly, her voice kinda muffled in the cloth.
All too soon the van skidded to halt and Main Lead was hoisted once more over someone's shoulder. The familiar sound of key pad beeps and elevatar whirs greeted her before she was dropped into a chair and the cloth pulled unceremoniously off her head.
She blinked against the sudden light and looked up to see Rapmonster fixing her with a stern look.
She sighed, ready to get her ass beaten.
Chapter 6
Notes:
From this chapter onwards Mainlead will be called Falcon
Chapter Text
"What do you have to say for yourself young lady?" Rap monster demanded with arms crossed over his chest.
Falcon felt like a teenager being scolded by her dad for sneaking out past bed time.
"Wish I'd taken the other road," Falcon answered honestly.
"We had Kihyun, I.M and Hyungwon on the other three available routes apart from Shownu."
"What the hell?" Falcon couldn't believe this nonsense. "You put them after me? The cops are with you?!"
"You really think a gang like us would be able to get away with stuff if we didn't have inside men?" Yoongi raised an unimpressed brow at her.
"How did you even know I was-" Falcons eye's widened as realization hit her "The raccoon man"
"If you're talking about Jackson then yeah he called," Rapmonster gave her a weird look.
"Are you in cahoots with everyone?" she asked exasperated.
"You go into the building next door to a mafia gang and don't doubt for a single instance that they could be a gang like us too? I really wonder how you became a hacker" Rapmonster squinted at her.
Falcon let out a long suffering sigh as she leaned back into the chair and closed her eyes "If you knew why not just get me yourself? Why the whole fiasco with the two timing cop?"
"Two timing?" Hoseok furrowed his brow
"I think she means double agent" Jin supplied.
"You needed a taste of what would happen if you got caught. Besides Shownu was looking forward to our fake fallout. He'd been patrolling the roads for two weeks looking for a ratty scrawny girl"
"So you knew I'd try to leave?" she gaped at the leader
"I'd considered the possibility"
"This is unbelievable"
"You needed to learn a lesson. It's either you work for us or end up in prison abroad."
"Maybe I prefer prison," Falcon bluffed ignoring the other part.
Rapmonster regarded her with an neutral expression. Then, without looking away, he pulled out his phone, dialed a number and brought it to his ear.
"Yeah Shownu I change my mind you can hand her to the FBI-"
"ALRIGHT FINE" she yelled.
"Nevermind. False alarm." Rapmonster stuffed his phone back in his pocket and raised a brow.
"You chose the better option"
"YOU'RE NOT ANY BETTER. YOU'RE KEEPING ME LIKE A PRISONER TOO"
"Oh come on," Taehyung said offended, "We're not that bad. Where else would you find such hot inmates like us?" He threw a hand around Jimin who winked at her.
"You're the reason I got bruised ribs," she blinked.
"And you get to eat all this great food! You wouldn't get any steak or pasta in prison" Jin referred back to their dinners.
"Jungkook eats more than half of it," Falcon replied without a beat.
"Plus you don't have to share rooms," Hoseok continued as if he hadn't heard her, "You got your privacy and free wifi."
"You haven't given me a phone and the room is barren like a cell. Not even a damn window"
"Wait- she doesn't have a phone?" Jungkook crinkled his brows.
Rapmonster tried not to appear chastised "I was planning on giving her one once I was sure she'll stay."
"Oh come on Falcon!" Jin ruffled her hair and she swatted his hand away. "Don't pretend you didn't enjoy yourself even just a little in the past two weeks you've been with us," he shook his finger at her like she's a toddler who's denying eating candy.
The truth was she might have. Possibly. Maybe. Just a teeny tiny bit, but she would rather sit in the electric chair than admit that.
"I think we should make her feel more welcome," Hoseok said, ever the nicest one, "We'll get you a phone and some decorations for your room."
"I got some old John Cena posters if you want them" Jungkook offered.
"Oh wow. John cena. The one way to end my misery"
"Right he does have that wholesome feel" Jungkook nodded.
"She's being sarcastic you dimwit" Yoongi said lazily. It appeared he was not planning to murder her the way he wanted to earlier in the day.
"Oh"
"Look Falcon," Rapmonster kneeled down so he was eye level with her, "I understand we took you without giving any options. It may seem like you're a captive but we really do want you to become a part of our team. Another member," she looked away from his sincere expression and soft voice, "The life you had before isn't something worth going back to. Always hiding. Always running. You don't even have any family or friends. But with us you could have both," he straightened again, "I don't expect you to agree immediately. Especially not after the stunt you've pulled. But give it some thought." He turned to the other members, "Let's give her some space for today."
"Really? I thought maybe we should get some takeout and bond." Hoseok said.
"Yasss" Jungkook said closing his eyes at the thought of food.
"If any of you order pineapple pizza again I swear to god-" Jin began.
"Wait-no-" Rapmonster raised his hands to calm the others.
"PINEAPPLE PIZZA IS A WORK OF ART" Jimin retorted.
"Nah I second Jin on this one. I can't handle it" Taehyung shook his head.
"After all we've been through? This is how you betray me?"
"I think we should just let her rest-" Rapmonster tried to intercede.
"I'm gonna need beer too. My alcohol consumption has been unacceptably low" Yoongi added.
"But you had a drink an hour ago," Jungkook pointed out.
"Yes one drink. ONE" Yoongi replied with a look of pity.
"Yeah I think I need a drink too," Falcon said rubbing her temples.
"FINE," Rapmonster threw up his hands, "Here I was trying to be understanding but you don't give two shits"
"I didn't mean-" Falcon began.
"Great!" Jin interrupted with a clap "Beer party. And I'll order cause I don't trust you asscracks"
(30 minutes later)
"So," Hoseok asked after taking a swig from his beer. They were now sitting around the coffee table which was laden with pizza boxes and beer cans. "What does the 52 imply?"
Falcon shrugged as she took a bite of her slice. There was no point denying her hacker identity anymore. "I thought it would be cool to have a number."
Namjoon snorted around the pizza in his mouth, "Cool. Yeah right."
Falcon could tell he was still salty about before. She had not expected the charismatic leader to be so petty and childish. It made her want to mess with him more.
"Oh please," she rolled her eyes perhaps a tad too much. "I don't wonna hear that from you RAPMONSTER" she shot back and the leader's eye twitched in irritation.
"Watch it"
"Honestly though," Falcon turned to him with a serious expression that had Rapmonster going wary, "If you're a gangster why do you call yourself Rapmonster?"
He sighed.
"Its a hobby okay. I made a mixtape with that name when I was like twelve and it stuck"
"Tell me you're kidding"
"He's not. Ah the sweet old days of cheap chains and worm hair," Jin reminisced with a far off look as he stuffed his face with an entire slice of pepperoni pizza.
"I was young and wild okay?" Rap monster snapped.
"You're still young and wild bro" Hoseok patted his back.
"So you can spit bars?" she asked, begrudgingly impressed. Falcon always had a soft spot for rappers.
"Oh hell yeah!" Taehyung yelled exuberantly before Rapmonster could reply. "You should listen to the cypher he made with Suga" he said throwing an arm around Yoongi.
She raised an eyebrow looking at the catman, "Suga?"
Said man looked at her with hooded eyes. "Problem?"
"Nope" she answered, turning away.
"Falcan can spit bars too" Jungkook piped up.
"What" six voices said at the same time, mouths gaping with half chewn food inside.
Great. Thanks Jungkook.
"He's exaggerating" she tried to wave off his comment
"Nah she's pretty decent. Did a dope impersonation of GD."
"Did she now?" Suga eyed her.
"Come on Falcon!" Taehyung cheered, "Show us what you got"
"I'm good thanks," she started to get up, hoping to make a speedy exit but was stopped when a hand clamped down on her shoulder.
'No Birdie we insist', Rapmonster's lips curled into a devious smile.
She knew she shouldn't have made fun of his name.
"Alright," she said sitting back down, choosing to get it over with.
She cracked her neck and rolled her shoulders.
"Ohh she's doing it again," Jin noticed.
"Doing what?" Hoseok asked watching her as she cracked her knuckles.
"This weird mating call ritual she does"
"MATING-" Taehyung yelled only to be interrupted by:
Yup, Falcon as she made an inhumane sound.
"That. Thats the call," Jin nodded wisely.
"Damn she fits right in doesn't she?" Jimin laughed.
"Okay now theres only one rap I think I can follow longer than five lines," she said once she had warmed up, "So don't judge me alright"
"Can't promise that" Jin replied honestly.
"Imma need a beat" she said, choosing to ignore him.
Hoseok abruptly started beatboxing in a very cool way.
"If you had," Falcon began in a makeshift deep voice, 'One shot'.
"Oh shit,"Taehyung gaped.
"She wouldn't" Rapmonster narrowed his eyes.
"One opportunity"
"Damn right she would," Jungkook laughed, "Go homie!"
"Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?" Falcon brought her forefinger to rest against her lip, 'Yo his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy,' she got up, head bent as she rapped "There's vomit on his sweater already."
"Mom's spaghetti!" Jungkook yelled jumping up too.
"He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready.To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin' what he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud", Falcon's voice got louder the more immersed she became "He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out"
"He's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now!" Taehyung jumped to his feet and yelled alongside her.
"Clocks run out!" Jimin and Jin hollered
"Times up BLOAW," Hoseok screeched
"Snap back to reality!" Suga shot up as well.
"Ope there goes gravity!" Rapmontser yelled, eyes squeezed shut with passion.
"Ope there goes rabbit he's," they all rapped. "Choked he's so mad he won't give up-!"
"YOU BETTER" Falcon hollered, jumping to the chorus.
"LOSE YOURSELF IN THE MUSIC THE MOMENT YOU OWN IT," the boys followed without missing a beat. "YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO!"
"GO!"
"YOU ONLY GOT ONE SHOT DO NOT MISS YOUR CHANCE TO BLOW," Rapmonster took the floor now as the rest head banged and hooted. "CAUSE OPPORTUNITY COMES ONCE IN ALIFETIME!"
"YOU BETTER!," they all collectively hollered marking the end of this impromptu rap with cackles and hoots.
"You aint bad Birdie," Rapmonster thumped Falcon on the back, a toothy dimpled grin on his face.
"I told you," Jungkook shrugged and proceeded to devour the rest of the pizza like an ape.
An hour passed in which twenty or so songs were belted out in the karaoke machine they had wheeled into the living room. Falcon had an out of body experience when Hoseok started drunk dancing to Single Ladies without a shirt on as the rest of the members wolf whistled. She felt gay for the seductive man in front of her and wasn't sure how that made sense but decided not to question it.
It appeared she wasn't the only one having a drunken gay crisis. Her eyes landed on Jimin lying a foot away from Jungkook's lap, one hand held aloft dramatically as if there was an ocean between them.
"Kookliet!" he called in anguish.
"Jimmeo!"Jungkook called back his fingers grazing Jimin's and he tried to move closer but in his drunk state only ended up falling face first into the smaller's mans chest.
Jimin let out painful 'oof!' from Jungkook's weight but seemed mostly unbothered as he ran a hand through the now snoring muscle man's hair.
"Are they a thing?" Falcon wrinkled her brow.
"They pretend to be," Taehyung sniffed as he took one last swig from his beer can, crushed it in his hand and hurled it across the room where it hit Rapmonster on the head. The leader seemed to not have felt it at all as he continued screaming out the lyrics to Disney's 'Part of Your World'.
"But I'll have you know," Taehyung turned to her with a fierce expression "Jimin is MY soulmate."
"Er. Right. Noted," Falcon slowly scooted away and almost ended up sitting on Jin's face as he snored loudly. Hoseok's leg was thrown across his chest as he too slept with his mouth gaping open.
She eyed them for a moment before grabbing one of the unopened tomato ketchup satchets and gave them both red beards and moustaches.
It appears she must have dozed off soon after that because the next thing she knew the room was dark, the karaoke machine off and the sound of various snores filled the air.
Falcon got up groggily, rubbing her eyes. Three bodies were cuddling but she couldn't tell who they were in the dark. Another had somehow ended up under the coffee table and was hugging one of the wooden legs.
A mixture of weird emotions played in her chest.
Feeling the need for some fresh air, she got up and made her way to the tiny balcony on the left side of the living room.
She paused on the threshold of the window when she saw another figure hunched over the railing, wisps of thin smoke curling away from his face.
Falcon stepped out into the air and Suga looked up to see her place her elbows on the metal railing as well. She stood next to him as he smoked, not giving her a glance.
"Mind if I have one?" she asked nodding at his cigaratte.
He gave her a side long look. "You smoke?"
"No but this night calls for it"
He scoffed but handed over his cigaratte anyway.
Falcon held it between her index and middle finger, aware of Suga's eyes on her. She brought it to her lips, inhaled......and immediately started having a coughing fit.
"Oh god thats awful" she wheezed, her eyes watering as Suga thumped her on the back with a sigh. He took the cigaratte back.
"You're a child," he looked at her with disdain.
"Aren't you going to threaten to kill me for running away?" she asked, the question finally out of her, "Throw a grenade? Hang me by my balls?"
"You don't even have balls" he rolled his eyes before looking at her again with suspicion "Do you?"
She gave him an unimpressed look.
"It was an expression. Do I really look like an anime trap to you?" she exasperated.
"Well....." Suga considered.
"Don't answer that"
He snorted before his face took on a more contemplative look.
"Hoseok gave me a real ear full when we found out you had slipped away like an eel," Suga said, gaze turning towards the darkened living room.
Falcon narrowed her eyes at him, not happy about the comparison.
Suga ignored her "The other members were quick to blame me too for making a new member leave. Apart from Namjoon that is. He always said you'd run. But even he kinda snapped off with the others about how harsh I've been" He sighed running a hand through his hair, "I know it may not seem like it but I care about this family."
"What so you're gonna be nice to me now?" She asked, horrified by the thought of it.
"I'm not nice to anyone midget," he said offended, "Now leave. Go to bed," he ordered turning back to the railing "You're taking up my smoke time."
Falcon watched his hunched figure over the railing for a while, a part of her wanting to bonk him over the head, another part wondering if he really thought she hadn't caught onto his tsundere ways.
Chapter Text
(The next day)
"What.....are you doing?" Falcon asked raising a brow at the four hot dudes currently cramped in her tiny room. The opposite wall showed a hole which looked like it had been plowed through with something.
"You said you wanted a window" Jungkook shrugged like it was the obvious answer.
"And this is your way of giving me one?"
"We were gonna get a wrecking ball but then realized we don't need one" Hoseok jerked a thumb to Rapmonster "he can do just as much damage"
"I'm still miffed about the wrecking ball by the way" Jin said sidling up to them, "I was so looking forward to getting my Miley Cyrus on"
"That song came out like ten years ago. God get over it" Hoseok rolled his eyes.
"IT WAS A CULTURAL RESET OKAY AND I WILL NOT REST TILL I'VE RIDDEN MY OWN BALL" Jin gesticulated wildly.
"Where do I put these?" Taehyung emerged in the doorway just then. Wooden panels and glass sheets were tucked under his arms. He adjusted his grip on them, accidently sticking the end in Hoseok's crotch.
Hoseok keeled, grabbing his family jewels.
"Motherfucker" he squeaked, eyes rimmed with unshed tears.
"It's what you get for badmouthing Miley" Jin said matter of factly.
"Sorry man" Taehyung said dismissively, readjusting his grip so the panels were pointing the other way.
"Put them next to Rapmonster, he'll be done soon I think" Yoongi pointed, ignoring Hoseok curled on the floor.
Falcon turned to where Yoongi was pointing and saw the leader punch another hole straight through the wall with his bare fist, cement and plaster falling on the floor as sunshine seeped through the damage.
"Dafuq" the words were finally out of her.
"We got you pink wallpaper too" Taehyung said, ignoring her shock and the gaping hole in the wall.
Another punch and the wall crumbled more to make the hole bigger.
Damn.
Remind her not to mess with RapHulk.
She turned to Taehyung to see him hold up a sheet of wallpaper which looked like a unicorn had pooped on.
"I don't like pink"
Jin gasped, "BLASPHEMY"
"What color do you like then?" Jungkook asked, ignoring Jin.
"Black. Like my soul" she dead panned.
Yoongi felt his heart give an annoying skip.
He pressed a hand to his chest and glared at Falcon.
How dare she.
"What was that?" Taehyung asked him.
"Nothing" Yoongi grunted and started straightening out the cupboard.
"How about black and grey then?" Taehyung suggested, dropping the unicorn poop.
"Yeah that'll do"
"Tasteless non artists" Jin gathered up the wallpaper, and sassily brushed past them.
"I think this'll do now", Rapmonster said taking a step back to look at his handiwork. The rest gathered around him to check too. Yes even Hoseok, with his bruised balls.
"Was it supposed to be circular?" Falcon asked.
"I used my fucking fist. You expect me to make a rectangle for you?", Rapmonster retorted.
Wow prickly much.
"Nah this can work" Taehyung said taking a step closer to inspect. "We just gotta cut out the planks and glass in this shape. Jungkook we got that chainsaw right?"
Jungkook nodded "Yeah it's in the basement I'll bring it"
"Actually it's in the torture room" Hoseok corrected. "I used it last week. Remember Yoongi?"
The cat man nodded with a smirk.
Falcon winced "At least wipe it clean of any blood before you bring it here. I don't want my window messed up"
"Don't know about that. I think it'd look pretty dope" Taehyung said.
"I second Falcon on this one. It's only fresh blood that looks dope. Dried out one is just disgusting" Hoseok said.
"Have you guys ever done this before though?" asked Falcon with a frown, watching Yoongi measure out the planks and glass and make tiny markings with a black marker.
"Of course. We went out trick or treating once with fresh blood and it looked so dope, we didn't even have to dress up. Apart from Jin though who decided to go as the Glinda the good witch" Taehyung shrugged.
"I meant making a window"
"Oh...Nah we haven't"
"Then how the fu-"
"Yo I brought it" Jungook spoke up from the doorway, holding up his massive chainsaw.
Falcon ducked as he walked in, narrowly missing the chainsaw hitting her head.
He handed it to Yoongi who proceeded to cut up the planks with impressive precision.
Falcon stepped back, trying to avoid the fine dust flying around and backed into Rapmonster, who stepped on Taehyung's foot who stumbled into Hoseok and accidently elbowed him in his already aching balls, who keeled over and rolled out the room in squeaky cries and artful curses.
"This is ridiculous" Falcon said with a shake of her head, "Just call me when you're done"
She walked out the room, stepping over Hoseok still curled up in the hallway and walked into the kitchen for a snack.
A horrific smell welcomed her.
"Oh God what is that?" Falcon gagged, burying her nose in the crook of her elbow.
"I'm making cement for your window", Jimin said matter of factly, holding a baking tray. He set it down on the dining table and simultaneously kicked the oven door shut with his foot.
Falcon watched him with resigned defeat, accepting her fate of having a window made with stinky cement that was bound to leave her room unlivable with the stench.
"How do you even know how to make cement?" she wailed. Why had she brought up not having a window? She shouldn't have said anything. She was living with idiots and it was her own damn fault for this stinky mess.
"Well" Jimin rubbed his hands on Jin's pink apron wrapped around his naked torso "Technically this is cake. But whenever I make it, it turns out to be cement. So yeah. I just make some when we need it. I made a whole lot when we were setting up the pool and ran out of store bought cement. Quick and easy really" he picked up the large tray laden with the bubbling abomination of a cake and took it to her room.
Falcon opened the fridge, took a shot of vodka straight out of the bottle even though she was still kinda hungover from the night before and then retreated to the computer room to heal her soul by hacking into corrupt politicians security cameras and sending videos of their affairs to their wives. She sat back and watched the show for a while. One of the wives had smashed an expensive crystal vase against her balding, fat husband's head and was now crying over the broken shards on the floor. It was apparently her favourite vase.
By the third hour, the wife had taken out a food grinder and was bringing it menacingly close to her husband (who was now taped to the wall with an unbelievable amount of duct tape, only a small area in the center of his pants not covered in the sticky, silver torture trap). The wife let out a deranged cackle and stepped closer to her husband who was purple in the face from fear.
The door of the computer room opened just then, distracting Falcon just as the wife stepped infront of the husband, obscuring the view of what was happening cause the security camera wasn't angled that way.
"Hey we've been looking for you. The window's done and- wait, what are you watching" Jungkook walked over to her, his eyes wide as saucers as he leaned down to look at the screen. "I didn't know you watched porn"
"This aint no porn homie" Falcon snorted, "though I do watch it sometimes"
"Is that the senator?" Jungkook exclaimed, gobsmacked.
Falcon nodded, biting her lip to hold back her laugh.
The husband (the senator) had been screaming bloody murder and went abruptly silent. Falcon zoomed in a little to get a better look to see if he was dead, but no he had just passed out. The wife stepped back, her hair flying wildly and gave a full view of the bloody mess on the man's pants.
Jungkook let out a low whistle.
They watched for while longer, but apparently everything had come to an end, the wife had disappeared into her room and the husband was still passed out. Falcon turned off the computer and straightened out her back, hearing delicious cracks along her spine as she smoothed out the kinks.
"Did you make her do that?" Jungkook asked, pointing at the now black screen.
"I was bored" Falcon shrugged.
"Sweet" he grinned proudly, manhandling Falcon till she was stuck in a headlock in his bulging bunny muscles. He gave her a noogie, mussing up her hair.
"Ger off" her cry was muffled in his thick bod.
"You're a sadistic lil shit aren't you" he cooed at her head, rubbing his knuckles harder on her skull.
"Mmff" she tried to bite him but her face was too squished.
"Lil munchkin likes blood and gore" he said in an annoying baby voice.
Falcon was contemplating murder when he abruptly let her go. She shot him a death glare which he didn't catch since he was already heading to the door.
"Your windows ready now by the way. Come check it out" he said, leaving Falcon disgruntled but she followed him anyway.
Loud laughter and cackles could be heard once they entered the living quarters. Falcon knew from experience that such happiness from the members wasn't a good sign.
She walked into her room to see Jimin in tight red boxers and posing next to her oddly shaped window. His back was turned towards her, his ass giving a lil twerk as Teahyung giggled and took photos. The room seemed darker too and Falcon realized that the in the span of a few hours, not only had they made a window but also painted the walls grey and the ceiling black. An odd mixture of smells like paint, the stinky cement, axe spray and.....flaming hot cheetos? was making her head spin.
"Falcon! Where've you been?" Hoseok asked from his position on her bed, lying against her pillows with ease, one leg on top of the other.
"She made the senator's wife turn his dick into minced meat. Pretty dope" Jungkook said, walking over to Jimin and smacking his ass.
"What?" Jin said, confused by the words coming out Jungkook's mouth.
"What is up with him?" Falcon asked ignoring Jin and pointing to Jimin and his weird display.
"Oh didn't you notice? The window is shaped exactly in the size of Jimin's butt. We have christened it 'Jibooty'", Taehyung said gesturing at the window and the words 'Jibooty' written on top of the window in black scrawly handwriting that Falcon had not yet seen.
Falcon's eyes went from Jimin's butt to the window and back.
Damn.
It really was the exact same shape.
What the hell.
Falcon tried to formulate some words but they wouldn't come out. All she could think was that she would wake up to the sun coming out of Jimin's ass every morning now.
"Told you she'd love it" Taehyung gloated, mistaking her silence for overwhelming gratitude.
"We were thinking, instead of like the usual curtains we could make like something in the shape of boxers you know? And just hang them up here" Jungkook said.
"I mean you can just use these" Jimin said hooking his fingers in the waistband of his red boxers, about to shove them down and Falcon covered her eyes to save herself from the offending sight.
"He's covered don't be a prude" Taehyung said rolling his eyes and Falcon peeked from between her fingers to see Jimin was wearing speedo pants under his boxers.
Taehyung and Jungkook held up the red boxers infront of the window and every one of the idiotic hot dudes nodded with satisfaction.
"It's beautiful"
"It's the best thing we ever made"
"We should do this with all the windows"
"The window in my room will be of MY booty's shape though"
Falcon rubbed her temples.
"I know you like it. You did compliment Jimin on his luscious booty" Yoongi said, looking down at her with his cat like eyes. He had been watching her silently till now.
She laughed with a huff, shaking her head in disbelief "That I did. Who painted the walls?" She asked looking up at the roof.
"Me and Jin", Yoongi replied.
"What is THAT?" Falcon asked with frown, pointing at something at the corner of the wall. "Did you draw dicks on my wall!?"
"Seven dicks to be precise" Yoongi smirked, watching with amusement as Falcon fumed at the sight.
She turned to Yoongi with a punch aimed at his abdomen and he caught it easily, laughing at her antics.
"If you see closely they aren't all of the same sizes" Yoongi said, grabbing her other arm as she she tried to hit him again and turned her around till she was caged in his arms and forced to look at the childish drawings.
"The smallest one is Jimin's" Yoongi chuckled. "The rest you can figure out yourself"
"I'll figure one out right now" Falcon said aiming a kick at Yoongi's pack but he easily pushed her away, sending her tumbling onto the bed into Hoseok who caught her before her skull could smash into his beautiful nose.
"I have dicks on my walls and an ass for a window" Falcon spoke into her hands with resignation, curling into a ball on her bed.
"Everything a girl could dream for" Jungkook nodded.
Falcon looked up at his genuine, happy expression from where was she lying on the bed and wondered if he had been dropped as a baby.
Maybe they all had.
Maybe she was having a fever dream which had been going on for days.
All she knew was, the dream was infuriating but also had its occassional moments where she wouldn't mind sleeping a bit longer.
Notes:
This fic just keeps getting more and more ridiculous
Pedeka on Chapter 1 Mon 04 Aug 2025 06:19AM UTC
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Pedeka on Chapter 2 Mon 04 Aug 2025 06:26AM UTC
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Pedeka on Chapter 3 Mon 04 Aug 2025 06:31AM UTC
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Zeinabablah on Chapter 4 Wed 05 Jan 2022 09:27PM UTC
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PhantomReader0 on Chapter 4 Thu 05 May 2022 11:36AM UTC
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Pedeka on Chapter 4 Mon 04 Aug 2025 06:40AM UTC
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Pedeka on Chapter 5 Mon 04 Aug 2025 06:47AM UTC
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Pedeka on Chapter 6 Mon 04 Aug 2025 06:55AM UTC
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Pedeka on Chapter 7 Mon 04 Aug 2025 07:01AM UTC
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