Chapter Text
It’s been three years since the car accident, and even to this day, Shen Yuan can’t wake up in the morning without sharp pain lancing up his spine. The spasming of his knee. The ache in his hips. The tug of stiff, unyielding scar tissue that throbs over his left shoulder blade.
The promising career of a track star, tragically destroyed in under a minute at the hand of a drunk driver. With consequences that were going to last the rest of his life.
He’d thought about it, you know. Thought about ending it all.
But he couldn’t do that. Not to Da-ge or Jiu-ge. Or Yingying.
It was Yingying who first introduced him to Proud Demon Immortal Way.
Even though Yingying was adopted, the entire Shen family doted on her.
To be honest, it wasn’t that Shen Mama or Shen Papa had intended to adopt a fourth child – three strong-willed sons were enough by their account – but Jiu-ge had found her, a neglected illegitimate child of one his business clients’, and brought her home in a rage.
Cost him his first business deal, but Da-ge and Shen Papa had confidently said that Yingying was worth more than the lost contract.
Yingying was their family treasure, so when she stared up at him with teary eyes, clutching the VR gear and blinking at him innocently, even Shen Yuan’s three-year-long depression had to give way.
Fucking hell, he even knew it was Jiu-ge putting her up to it, but all the Shens are weak to Yingying’s tears, even if she’s seventeen and not eight years old anymore.
To be fair, he did enjoy the game. He loved the VR, loved the feeling of being able to run and jump again, as well as the more nerdy aspects of gaming that he’d always loved but didn’t have quite the time to indulge in while part of the track team.
It’s just a little annoying that he fell into Jiu-ge’s plot, and that Jiu-ge was right, it did do him some good to ‘get out’ and do the virtual reality therapy thing.
Leaping from tree to tree, Shen Yuan hid a crafty smile as he spotted his target.
The swordsman below was facing a whole pack of Rock Wolves, an encounter that usually requires a party of mid-level players, or one rather high level player with good reflexes.
Which is what the player below was. A high level player with good reflexes.
Carefully waiting for an opportune moment, Shen Yuan moved when a Rock Wolf launched itself at the player from a blindspot.
---
Thwackthwack, THUD!
Liu Qingge was startled as he turned to deal with the Rock Wolf behind him, only to see it sprout two arrows before a blurred figure crashed down on top of the Rock Wolf.
The swordsman rolled his eyes.
“… Shen Yuan.”
“Hello, Liu-xuedi!” The scout player with the name ‘Peerless Cucumber’ grinned happily and waved as the Rock Wolf underneath him burst into a cloud of lights, leaving only the drops.
Previously they had only known each other by their screennames, Peerless Cucumber and Swordsong, but after they discovered that Liu Qingge had started attending Shen Yuan’s old high school right when the other graduated, and was an athlete as well (basketball, not track and field though), Shen Yuan apparently found it too embarrassing to keep going by ‘Peerless Cucumber’.
Maybe he should have thought better of making his player name a dick joke… but who was Liu Qingge to judge?
He himself was so crap at naming things that he tossed the matter to his sister, and she came out with something flouncy like Swordsong.
(“And how is that flouncier than your actual name, ge?” Mingyan had said, and Liu ‘Clear Song’ Qingge just scowled at her. And then clicked ‘Create Avatar’.)
“What’s got you all worked up? Although a pack of Rock Wolves isn’t exactly a problem for you, didn’t Cang Qiong Guild have a World Boss they’re hunting? It’s not like Liu-xuedi to miss a World Boss,” Shen Yuan said casually, his bow disappearing into his inventory as he stood.
Liu Qingge stood there a moment, a dark look on his face.
Shen Yuan must have caught something in that look, because he hummed, placing his hands on his hips before saying, “Hmm… is it something personal? Let’s go hunt Rock Wyrms then. The quarry should be pretty close to here, right…?”
Something clenched in Liu Qingge’s heart.
Liu Qingge never kidded himself about how sociable he was. He was in the negatives when it came to the friendliness scale.
So how did Shen-xuezhang come to tolerate him, even knowing him well enough to understand when to push for information and when he shouldn’t, indulging him on hunting trips just so he could blow off steam and ask for nothing in return?
And when had Liu Qingge fallen for him?
Even the argument he’d had with Mingyan was … well, it wasn’t about Shen Yuan, but part of the annoyance Liu Qingge had felt, enough to argue with his little sister, had been related to him.
So, it wasn’t that Liu Qingge didn’t want to confide in Shen-xuezhang. He just … felt it wasn’t proper. No, that’s not it. He was embarrassed.
So Liu Qingge just followed Shen Yuan to the Quarry and immersed himself in slaughter.
After he almost leveled up on Rock Wyrms (no mean feat considering he was near level cap), Liu Qingge finally felt like he could calm down.
“… Shen Yuan, do you know Xiuya?” he finally asked. Nevermind that it wasn’t what he actually wanted to ask.
“… The sadistic cleric, Xiuya?” Shen Yuan asked, eyebrow raised slightly, then he frowned as if debating something with himself.
Finally, the scout nodded. “Yeah. I do. He’s… my brother.”
Liu Qingge blinked blankly.
He hadn’t been expecting that, although now that he thought about it, the two did look similar … and it explained a lot of things about Xiuya’s attitude towards Liu Qingge when he’d found out that Peerless Cucumber and Swordsong had become friends. And also...
“… He wants me to convince you to join Cang Qiong Guild,” Liu Qingge said.
At that, Shen-xuezhang rolled his eyes and made an exasperated face. “Of course he does. Gods, he’s so overprotective...”
Liu Qingge frowned.
“I’ll tell him off,” he said decisively, already preparing to call up the Guild List to start a private chat with that evil cleric, but Shen Yuan quickly grabbed his sleeve.
“Ah, ah! It’s fine! I don’t know what you’re thinking, but our relationship isn’t bad!” Shen Yuan quickly said. “It’s just ever since … well, he just coddles me too much. You know, he means well, but some times he can be … ah…”
“A control freak.”
“Overbearing,” Shen Yuan corrected. “Anyway, if I was going to join a guild, I’d join Cang Qiong. I’d just… like to be by myself a little longer.”
The slight melancholy in Shen Yuan’s tone made Liu Qingge want to… he didn’t know what. But it made his heart squeeze uncomfortably again.
Unfortunately, before he could do anything do anything or say anything, they were interrupted by a wholly unwelcome guest.
“What are you doing here? The Boss is about to spawn,” the cold, slightly sneering voice sounded, and Xiuya, one of the most well-known healers on the server, appeared in the quarry. “Or are you abandoning it?”
Liu Qingge’s jaw clenched as he glared at the prissy (asshole) healer in white, thinking about what to say to tell him to fuck off, but Shen Yuan stepped forward with a sigh.
“Jiu-ge...” he said, and Xiuya flinched.
“… Let me change my question,” Xiuya said sweetly, narrowed eyes attempting to bore holes through Liu Qingge. “What. Are you doing. Alone. With my brother?”
“JIU-GE. Stop being an asshole! Gods, first you complain that I won’t play the game or socialize, and now you’re complaining that I’m playing the game and socializing!”
… Liu Qingge was admittedly enjoying watching Shen Yuan scold Xiuya more than what’s probably polite. Seeing Xiuya’s normally arrogant and disdainful face turn colors and become flustered and at a loss for words was totally worth whatever tirade he was going to get from Xiuya later.
“That’s not… Dammit A-Yuan-!” Xiuya spluttered.
“… Xiao Jiu? Is everything alright? You suddenly changed direction...”
Liu Qingge turned to see Guild Leader Xuansu approaching them.
Xiuya suddenly became uncomfortable, turning his face away and hiding it behind his staff. “There’s nothing for Guild Leader to be concerned about,” he snapped, and Liu Qingge’s eyebrow twitched. As always, so impolite to the Guild Leader…
“Yue Qingyuan?! Guild Leader?!” Shen Yuan squawked, then glared fiercely. “Jiu-ge, HE’S the Guild Leader?!”
Xiuya went uncharacteristically quiet and avoided looking at Shen Yuan.
“Jiu. Ge.”
Xuansu also looked very uncomfortable, but he gave a small smile and said, “X-xiao Yuan, hello. Are you doing… well? I’d heard about your accid-”
“Don’t. You. Dare,” Xiuya snarled, so fiercely it was like watching one of the Rock Wolves attacking. “You… you have lost all rights to … to speak to him so familiarly!”
“To speak to either of us so familiarly,” Shen Yuan also hissed, his face having gone pale, but his indignation still going strong.
The two Shens’ glares towards Xuansu were so ferocious that even Liu Qingge, Mr. Can’t Read the Mood, was starting to feel uncomfortable.
“… The World Boss?” he asked to change the topic, with no subtlety at all.
At that, Xiuya seemed to shake himself awake.
“That’s right,” he mumbled. “We have to get going.” With a wave of his staff, he summoned his white pegasus mount and flew off.
“Jiu-ge! Get back here-! We’re not done talking!” Shen Yuan yelled, completely ignoring Xuansu as the Guild Leader gave a slightly apologetic, slightly guilty look towards Shen Yuan and summoned his black and copper warhorse to follow after Xiuya, leaving the special effects flames in his wake.
Shen Yuan ground his teeth for a second, then rolled his eyes with a huff.
“I know where he lives,” he muttered darkly, “So Jiu-ge better not think he’s going to get away with this...”
Even though he didn’t show it, Liu Qingge was … very confused at whatever the hell just happened.
“Is there something wrong with the Guild Leader?” he finally asks, and Shen Yuan whips his head up, then flushes.
“… Sorry, it’s… it’s family problems.” Shen Yuan sighs, combing his fingers through his hair. “You know… you know they’re soulmates, right?”
The Guild Leader certainly hadn’t been super subtle about it, so Liu Qingge had always been wondering why Xiuya never acknowledged it. He’d always just thought that Xiuya was one-sidedly refusing a relationship, or someone who hated being soul bound to someone, and that was why there was such a weird dynamic between them, but … was he wrong?
Because Xiuya being an asshole it didn’t explain why Shen Yuan, who seemed much more easygoing than Xiuya, would be angry with their Guild Leader.
“We all grew up together, knew they were soulmates the entire time, and Jiu-ge was absolutely ecstatic that they were going to get married once he settled into his position at Dad’s company … and then Qi-ge got some woman pregnant,” Shen Yuan said, practically spitting it out.
Even Liu Qingge’s wooden face couldn’t stand the shock from that sort of news. The Guild Leader was the one who cheated? He… well he didn’t seem the sort!
But … Liu Qingge furrowed his brows. This re-contextualized a LOT of what he saw in Xuansu and Xiuya’s relationship. Even though Liu Qingge would normally blame everything on the … less pleasant half of the relationship, if that’s what happened, fuck. If some bastard did that to Mingyan, Liu Qingge would have punched him in the face.
And someone like Xiuya? It wouldn’t matter how much Xuansu apologized or tried to make amends – Xiuya wouldn’t tolerate a partner who cheated on him.
Or so Liu Qingge thought.
“… I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not like that at all,” Shen Yuan said, a wry smile on his face. “Jiu-ge’s actually really weak to Qi-ge. Even if Qi-ge just said, ‘I’m sorry, I was drunk, I’ll never do it again,” Jiu-ge would forgive him without a second thought.”
… What? Then why were they… like that? Liu Qingge furrowed his brows.
“But all Qi-ge says is, ‘I’m sorry, it’s all my fault’ over and over. Do YOU think that’s enough?” Shen Yuan said with a snort. “It’s been five fucking years, and the bastard hasn’t given Jiu-ge the dignity of an explanation? Fuck him, and fuck Jiu-ge who’s enabling him by still hanging on to him even though the prick doesn’t deserve his attention until he … until he stops being an asshole!”
Liu Qingge’s five senses had been overturned today.
To be honest, he’d been thinking, just a little, that it felt a bit unreasonable that Xuansu had made just one mistake and Xiuya was going to throw their entire relationship away.
Of course, Liu Qingge understood that disloyalty is unforgivable for some people, so he wasn’t going to judge Xiuya too badly for being unable to forgive the other, but from what Liu Qingge knew about Xuansu, he thought that Xuansu would honestly and sincerely regret what he’s done. And since Liu Qingge was more familiar with Xuansu, or Yue Qingyuan, eldest son of the Yue Conglomerate, naturally, he preferred to side with him.
But not even bothering to explain your actions to someone you’re supposed to see as your life partner, your other half, your soulmate?
As much as he didn’t want to, Liu Qingge couldn’t help but sympathize with Xiuya.
It would be impossible to trust someone acting like that, after all.
“Goddammit, I’m going to have to join Cang Qiong. Jiu-ge better not DARE to think about forgiving that bastard before he gets an ACTUAL explanation,” Shen Yuan muttered darkly, and Liu Qingge just gave a half smile.
He really didn’t feel like he had a right to say anything regarding the Xuansu/Xiuya fiasco, but he didn’t mind it being the reason for Shen Yuan to join their Guild. Pkers have been more aggressive these days, and Shen Yuan was the reckless sort who often left location tracking off.
If he was in the Guild, at least they’d have some idea of which region he was in.
As he watched Shen Yuan apply for the Guild, Liu Qingge opened his Guild Chat tab.
[Swordsong: Someone accept Peerless Cucumber into the Guild.]
[PurpleLuxury: What? Swordsong’s recruiting someone? How rare. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
[AirplaneShootingThroughtheSky: Wah! Cucumber Bro finally applied! I’m accepting, I’m accepting!]
[Player PeerlessCucumber has joined the Guild.]
[PeerlessCucumber: … who let Airplane be a moderator?]
[PurpleLuxury: LOL +1 – Welcome PeerlessCucumber]
[LiuSuMianHua: +2 – Welcome]
[AirplaneShootingThroughtheSky: o(-`д´- o)]
[ThousandGrass: Welcome]
[Ningmei: Yuan-ge! Welcome~!]
[PeerlessCucumber: … Wait. Yingying?]
[Ningmei: Hello~! I was waiting for you to join!]
“Looks like Yingying was also worried about Jiu-ge giving in too easily,” Shen Yuan muttered, a grim smile on his face.
Liu Qingge watched him quietly as the Guild Chat rolled by.
Many thoughts were flitting through his head, and his brows furrowed into a scowl.
“… Ah, everyone’s going to fight the World Boss now. Liu-xuedi, aren’t you going as well?” Shen Yuan asked, swiping his Guild Chat window away as he turned to look at Liu Qingge. Seeing his scowl, Shen Yuan gave a small frown. “...Liu-xuedi? Is everything alright?”
Was everything alright? Nothing was… wrong, exactly, but with his mind still on the argument he’d had with Mingyan and now this … understanding?… of Xuansu and Xiuya’s complicated relationship, Liu Qingge’s mind was all confused.
“What do you think about soulmates?” he finally said.
Shen Yuan blinked in surprise. “Soulmates? Well… what do you mean?” he asked.
“Your brother, being unable to let Yue – unable to let Xuansu go despite … that. It’s…” Liu Qingge struggled to say what he was thinking.
“Ah… is Jiu-ge’s obsession with Qi-ge because of the soul bond, is that what you mean?” Shen Yuan said.
Liu Qingge gave a bit of a scowl. “… My sister found her soulmate recently. I … Idon’t have a soulmate, so I don’t get it. Before, she didn’t care about things like soulmates or soul marks, but now, it’s like she’s obsessed.”
Not only obsessed with her soulmate – if that was all it was, Liu Qingge would have just chalked it up to new love. No, now Mingyan was constantly hinting that Liu Qingge should find his soulmate, or at least find out what happened to his soulmate. That it would somehow make him complete, or whole.
She never had those thoughts before. She respected his feelings on his soul mark. She even agreed with him that the sudden fading of his soul mark might be a blessing in disguise, never having to worry about his relationships, or whether one day he’d find his soulmate or what kind of relationship his soulmate would have with him.
But now, she’d almost flipped her opinion completely.
It pissed him off. That somehow, she was saying that he, Liu Qingge, wasn’t a complete person without addressing his faded soul mark.
It also kind of scared him, how people who found their soulmates seemed to be possessed by some obsession or other.
It’s true that, in the few months after the smattering of bamboo leaves over his left shoulder blade faded to a barely-there, faint outline, Liu Qingge had felt a sense of emptiness, but it disappeared soon, replaced by a relief that he wouldn’t be controlled by feelings that came from a stupid wannabe tattoo.
Although, his stomach clenched when he thought about what could have happened to the other person with the bamboo leaves over their left shoulder blade, but in the first place, it wasn’t like it was guaranteed he could have found his soulmate. Whether his former soulmate was dead or carved out the mark themselves, Liu Qingge didn’t feel a need to determine what had happened to the other person.
But, “You don’t understand, Ge,” Mingyan had said, “It’s not something you can just ‘get over’. Even if you don’t feel the need to now, it’s possible for you to have a severe rejection reaction in the future. I didn’t understand why Mother and Father were so worried before, but now that I found my soulmate, I understand. It’s like something I didn’t know I had missing finally appeared. Ge, you might not care now, but in the future...”
Liu Qingge knew she meant well. But he hated it. Hated being treated like broken goods. There were so many people who didn’t have soul marks at all, why did it matter if he had a faded one?
And… it pissed him off that she was just shoving it in his face. That he didn’t have someone else at the other end of his soul bond. That it couldn’t be Shen Yuan at the other end of his soul bond.
“Ah...” Shen Yuan said with a wry grin. “I think it’s probably just the endorphins from finding her soulmate? I’ve heard that can happen, especially for people who find their soulmates shortly after puberty. I don’t think you need to worry too much about her. As for Jiu-ge...” Shen Yuan gave a complicated look. “I don’t know if the soul bond influences it, but… honestly, Jiu-ge’s always been… intense. For everything.”
Liu Qingge was silent for a moment.
“What about you?” he asked quietly.
“Hm?” Shen Yuan’s eyes went wide, “W-what do you mean?”
Liu Qingge flushed, but couldn’t help himself from asking. “Do you have a soulmate?”
He was surprised to see Shen Yuan’s face pale, and Shen Yuan’s lips trembled minutely as he took a deep breath before finally saying, “… … No. I don’t have a soul mark.”
It felt like his heart had leapt into his throat, and Liu Qingge couldn’t help but have some hope.
Unfortunately, “I-I see,” was all he could say as his brain shut down in excitement overload.
But then, Liu Qingge noticed that it wasn’t just Shen Yuan’s lips; his xuezhang was trembling all over.
“… Shen Yuan?” he asked.
“Ah… ah, no, I need to log off. Forgot to… finish some work.”
With that flimsy excuse, Peerless Cucumber went offline, leaving Liu Qingge blinking in a daze behind, not sure how he should feel about … anything.
On one hand, Liu Qingge was thrilled Shen Yuan didn’t have a soul mark, that he might have a chance. But that unnatural look on his face, that nervous tension that felt off… it seems that Shen Yuan had some complicated feelings towards soul marks, or at least towards his lack of one.
Liu Qingge quietly shoved his own feelings aside.
He’d really be the brute Xiuya claimed he was if he tried to force his feelings on someone who wasn’t ready to accept them.
He was already happy just knowing that he could stay by Shen Yuan’s side a little longer, without having to worry about some unknown soulmate sweeping his xuezhang away out of nowhere.
Not that he would have gotten in the way of Shen Yuan’s happiness if it had happened, but … … he couldn’t help but be a little happy that it wouldn’t.
Liu Qingge sighed.
Emotions are fucking complicated.
---
Half a city away, Shen Yuan’s VR capsule opened, but the man himself just sat there in a daze before leaning forward and clutching his left shoulder.
It hurt. It hurts.
Even though it was supposedly psychological, Shen Yuan could still feel the shrapnel piercing his shoulder, all the way through, pinning him to his seat in the car. Tearing through flesh and bone from front to back.
Destroying the bulk of the pattern of leaves that had rested on top of his left shoulder blade.
The shock of such intense damage to his soul mark caused such a recoil that the doctors hadn’t been sure whether it was the severe trauma from his injuries or the soul trauma from a non-consensual destruction of his soul mark that was going to kill him.
As Shen Yuan leaned against the seat in the capsule, digging his fingers into the scar over his left shoulder blade, he couldn’t help the tears that flowed down his cheeks.
He couldn’t protect his soul mark. He didn’t deserve a soulmate. He wished he had never had one.
Whenever he thinks about it, how the very instant his soul mark was torn apart would cause another person to feel sharp pain before their corresponding soul mark would fade, about how a faded soul mark meant death or rejection from your other half, and how that person must have felt to see that happen…
Shen Yuan couldn’t protect his soul mark.
Shen Yuan didn’t deserve a soulmate.
Shen Yuan wished he had never had one.