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"Take that!"
The children gathered on the steps overlooking the Knights' training area clap and squeal in joy. The playful and strong Captain Kaeya has incapacitated his opponent, a poor young knight, by caging his legs in a block of ice.
The knight loses his bearing and falls flat on his face, followed by another chorus of childish giggles.
Kaeya taps the tip of his sword on his head.
"I win."
Kaeya waves to the children and bows dramatically, even makes a show of spinning his sword with his usual flamboyant flourish before tucking it away.
Behind him, he hears a familiar voice address him.
"Captain." Jean's tone is stern but mostly exasperated. She sighs. "You know you're not supposed to use your Vision training the new recruits, correct?"
It takes Kaeya a moment to reply, making faces at the children delighted at his impression of Jean scolding him. Eventually, he turns around, his gaze traveling almost lazily to meet Jean's.
"Oh, right! Right. Pardon me. I admit I just can't help participating in some light hazing when the newbies just look so cute shaking in their boots."
Jean shakes her head. "Hurry and put away the training equipment. We have a meeting to attend."
Some days, Kaeya can handle things well. Really well.
(Almost disturbingly well, actually.
Not a single soul in Mondstadt was left unaware of the tragedy that befell the late Master Ragnvindr; one son leaving without a word soon after and the other son brutalized and left licking his wounds with no more family fall back on.
And yet it wasn't even a week later when the lonesome Kaeya was already back on his feet and dancing through town again. All smiles, teasing winks, and an incredible ability to put anyone at ease despite the circumstances.
Good for him, everyone had thought, that he could recover so quickly after everything he'd been through. Sure it was a little strange just how well he was taking things, but why wish the boy more grief? If he's fine, then that's just for the best, isn't it? Isn't he?)
And this is because Kaeya, as it turns out, is a daydreamer.
A natural born charmer, Kaeya charms even himself. Charms himself with visions and fantasies of red hair and the smell of charcoal and grape stained fingers. Tricks himself with these beautiful lies.
All in order to get by. And, with varying degrees of success, he does.
Except for today.
Kaeya knows why his charm isn’t working today. Of course he does. The reason had been poisoning his body with... with... with something nasty, something unbearable this entire past week. And that is: exactly a year ago today, he lost every that’s ever meant anything to him.
And Jean grabs him by the arm on their way out from the Knights' headquarters after their meeting with a disgustingly sympathetic look on her pretty face. Kaeya has to swallow down the bile traveling up his throat from how much he hates it.
Stop looking at me like that. Stop acting as if there’s something to feel bad about. Stop making it harder to pretend. Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it—
I’m fine.
“I’m fine.” Kaeya’s voice is soft, calm when he says it.
And Jean—believes—Kaeya. Has her worries and her doubt washed away because in that short moment (just in that moment), Kaeya’s charm kicks in successfully, the kind of successful where both Jean and Kaeya really believe it.
He’s fine.
"I'd offer to buy you a drink if you didn't already have one." The boyish face these words come from looks up at him through half-lidded eyes, obviously already tipsy, Kaeya can tell, from the pink in his cheeks. "Might you accept my company instead?"
A little bit taller than him, muscular but not too bulky, a charming splatter of freckles over the bridge of his nose—and striking red hair.
Kaeya knew before coming here that spending his night at Angel's Share would be incredibly stupid. Why would he come to a place so deeply connected to —, everything about this tavern just reminds him of —, but maybe if he drowns in enough wine he can pretend he’s actually with —
Yes, incredibly stupid, yet here he is. Because he wants to be drunk. Because he figures being a miserable little boy watching painful memories play out at the bottom of a wine glass is well-earned punishment for a sinner like him.
But a sinner always falls for temptation.
“I’ve been waiting all night for you,” Kaeya slurs, flirtatious and breathless. “No need to act all coy. I’m an impatient man, remember?”
Redhead blinks, blushes, and gasps in astonishment. “So you do remember me. Oh, wow.” Kaeya is slowly nodding along to every word, mindless, gaze unfocused and hazy. “I know I’m just a humble merchant and you’re a dashing knight, but I figured I’d, uh, shoot my shot when I saw you sitting here. Ah, ahem, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen and—“
“Don’t you wanna fuck me already?”
Redhead blinks once more, blushes even deeper, then stutters flustered affirmation as Kaeya grabs him by the front of his tunic.
Hot puffs of breath tickle the side of Kaeya’s neck. Warm, so warm. The broad chest snug against his back pushes him flatter against the alley wall with every thrust.
Kaeya arches his back, tenses every muscle in his body, then reaches a hand between his legs to stroke himself to completion.
His body aches.
Perfect.
Calloused hands turn his face to the side and suddenly he’s being kissed. Kaeya’s vision comes back into focus and he sees—green eyes hidden beneath locks of red hair.
"Get off me." Kaeya's voice is soft.
The man—not Diluc—hums in confusion. "O-oh, sorry, am I hurting you?”
"Get the fuck off me!" Ice like daggers fly through the air where Kaeya has swung his arm about in anger.
The man scrambles away, hurrying to pull his trousers over his hips.
Kaeya falls to his knees. Tastes gravel on his tongue.
It's several hours later before he's able to drag his body to his woefully empty apartment.
*:･ﾟ✧
"I'm sorry."
Kaeya buries his head into Diluc's chest, the thudding of that familiar heartbeat like the sound of a lullaby. His tears soak Diluc's shirt, his tight grip threatening to rip the fabric, and he vows to never let go again.
"I'm sorry too, Kaeya."
Kaeya bawls. Almost screams. He cries so hard his head pounds, but the warmth encircled around his waist is all he cares about.
"Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me...."
The arms tighten their hold.
"I won't."
The blooming in Kaeya's chest fills him with happiness, but bites him at the same time.
Kaeya trembles, curls into himself, makes himself smaller, like a little boy on his bed.
"Thank you," he croaks into his bedsheets, lamp grass petals scattered all over, the crushed stem rubbed into the cloth. Kaeya inhales the sugary scent of nectar. "Thank you for coming back to me."