the avengers are a pr disaster (obviously)

by cornbreadknowsyoursins

Summary:

Peter didn't realize that interacting with the avengers online would make him almost as famous as his superhero counterpart. What else can he do but roll with it?

A primarily Twitter based fic featuring plenty of LGBTQ+ heroes, some drama, shit posting, pranks, wrong accounts and more chaos!

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Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan
I swear to the gods, why do i attract stupid little gay genuises

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker
because you were once a REPRESSED stupid little gay genuis

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom
and now you feel the need to adopt all the stupid little gay genuises you find

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes
it's called broken white boy syndrome

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling
as @helpiminabucket knows, due to living with the condition daily, there is no cure

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket
Welcome to the club.

---

ON HIATUS!! will be back once I find some motivation!!

i'm awful at summaries, but it's basically the avengers being gay and documenting their lives on twitter :)

Notes:

tw/cw: mild swearing and vague refrences of suicide

Chapter 1: the accounts

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

he/him

i hate peanut butter

haha i'm gonna go off myself

📍 Queens

312 Followers | 746 Following

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

the highlight of my life was shooting tony stark with a potato gun

he/him

📍 Gaytown

11,497 Followers | 84 Following

 

emmjay @shutup

she/they

📍 your discomfort 

853 Followers | 15 Following

 

Ted @nedwardson

i am a guy, in a chair

he/him

📍 My house

275 Followers | 1456 Following

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i may be cute but spiders are scary

... not that you know what i look like

he/him

📍 Badassery

27.6M Followers | 54 Following

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

I am…

tired, I’m tired

📍 Saving the world

102.3M Followers | 27 Following

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

i was brainwashed, dipshits

📍 bird

34M Followers | 8 Following

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

i hate buckets

📍 bucket

27.8M Followers | 217 Following

 

a child. | ✔️ | @VISION

I am too young for this app.

📍 Earth

36.2M Followers | 29 Following

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

i go pew pew sometimes 

📍 Single 

52.3M Followers | 167 Following

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Sorcerer Supreme

📍 New York

46.4M Followers | 17 Following

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

i’m cold 

📍 Stark Tower

87.9M Followers | 38 Following

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

don’t try me

📍 Violence

67.5M Followers | 0 Following 

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

CEO of Stark Industries and resident bad bitch 

📍 Stark Industries

32.6M Followers | 75 Following

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

i volunteer as tribute

📍 District 12

25M Followers | 1907 Following

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

smarter than you

can and will out-meme you

she/her

📍 rip vine

68.9M Followers | 95 Following

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

i have 7 PHDs

📍 The Lab

40.3M Followers | 53 Following

 

Loki (sss) |✔️| @immasnake

Mischief managed

📍 The Zoo

53.8M Followers | 3 Following

 

THOR @wielderofmjölnir

I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO GET VERIFIED

📍ASGARD

60.1M Followers | 0 Following

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

she/her

i will beat your ass

📍 Bitchiness

33M Followers | 94 Following

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

i’m better than you 

📍 better

1097 Followers | 5678 Following

Notes:

i really have no idea where this is going but i've had this typed out for so long. there will be cursing pretty consistently through this fic so you probably shouldn't read this if that bothers you or anything else of the sort. keep an eye out for trigger warnings because i am 100% going to self project and i am one mess of a human being.

if you want to be featured in this fic drop what you'd like your name to be in the comments :) if you have any plot ideas let me know as well.

Chapter 2: oops. wrong account.

Summary:

peter accidentally outs himself

tw: transphobia, depression (kinda mild but not so mild if you read into it)

Notes:

i seriously wanted this to be light hearted, at least at first. but, alas, no.
yeah i wanted to get this out of the way early on in the story because it just makes sense? i dunno people just roll with it

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

haha not having a dick sucks

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

Umm... Spidey???

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

oh fuck. no. shit. 

wrong account.

help.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

Kid, where are you?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

@theceobitches Cover this while I find him?

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

 

I’m on it. Give me an hour to pull together a press statement. Make sure he’s ok.

 

-----

 

WORLD NEWS @worldnews

 

Is Spider-Man transgender? Here’s all that we know about the Web Slinger’s private life.

 

EVERYTHING NEWS @everythingnewsnow

 

Spider-Man accidentally outs himself on twitter. What does this mean for his future?

 

THE DAILY BUGLE @thedailybugle

 

IS SPIDER-MAN REALLY A MAN? UNPACKING SPIDER-WOMAN’S DIRTY SECRETS.

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

 

shut the fuck up you sad ass, transphobic, white boy. you don’t know shit.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

 

i can and will find you if you say one more horrible thing about my spider-boy

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

 

Start running.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

 

Oh shit you’re dead

 

-----

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

 

OFFICIAL STATEMENT:

Everything I am about to say has been approved by Spider-Man.

 

As a lot of you have realized, Spider-Man is transgender. This does not change anything about how you should see him as a hero and living person. He is still the brave, intelligent hero who you all know and love. He is also a minor. Legal action will be taken against anyone who harasses him by my (Pepper Potts, CEO) own personal legal team.

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

 

Now an un-official statement from the bottom of my heart.

Anyone who fucking dares to try and hurt Spidey will be sued so hard and so fast that they won’t even be able to say “please”.

 

Now I feel ever so slightly better.

 

-----

 

Private messages

Mr. Irondad → THE child

 

Mr. Irondad: Peter?

Where are you?

Please?

Peter, please be safe…

 

THE child: i’m fine

 

Mr. Irondad: Kid, where are you?

Everyone’s worried and I can’t track you.

 

THE child: i’m fine.

i just need a minute.

 

Mr. Irondad: You’ve been gone an hour??

Please stay safe. Please.

THE child: i just landed on the roof

 

-----

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

yeah, that was a fun depression session :)

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

i’m ok now, stanky convinced me to come home before anything happened. 

 

but eh... yeah, i’m trans. I started transitioning in my early teens, i’ve had top surgery, thanks to @canatincancan ‘s help and i’ll probably have bottom surgery in a few years. not that this is any of y’alls business but, now that i’m out i want to spread awareness on various LGBTQ+ topics. ok, serious time over. I’m gonna go back to shit posting.

Notes:

i haven't proof read this, its 1am and i've been babysitting all day and i am tired.
i will never have an upload schedule because i am a gay mess but i do have chapter 3 read to go so expect it tomorrow... later today?

let me know what you thought and if you want to be written in please just drop what you'd like your username to be in the comments.
also give me ideas because i don't know how long i can self project me being sad for before this just gets really bad

also my pronouns are she/her because i always want to know ao3 authors pronouns

Chapter 3: they are g a y

Summary:

they are g a y

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

can someone please explain to thor how to get verified?

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

 

Don’t be a little bitch, do it yourself

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

out of my paygrade, weatherboy

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

 

You??? Don’t??? Get??? Paid???

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

exactly.

 

-----

 

Loki (sss) |✔️| @immasnake

 

I have seen a lot of Midgardians taking offence to the young spider’s story of being born in a female body. It has also come to my attention that many of you do not know that I am what the Spider-Boy calls genderfluid. Today I am going by she/her.

 

basically a god @cakebeforegender

 

two heroes have come out in the past two days and all i’m gathering is that the GayVengers might be real

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

rt

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

 

rt 

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

 

rt

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

 

rt

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

 

rt

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

 

rt

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

 

rt

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

rt

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

@apotatoflewaroundmyroom who even are you?

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

wouldn’t you like to know, darlin’

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

oh shit.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

Harley. 

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

you called?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

Stop flirting with Peter.

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

wait. you know him? is he another one of your kids?

 

  Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

You are the reason I’m going to die young. I do NOT have any kids. Peter is my personal intern.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

how do you two know each other? i feel like i really missed a step and now i’m falling to my death. which wouldn’t be the worst but i have to meet this harley-who-calls-me-darlin’ person.

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

he crashed into my garage and i shot him with a potato gun

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

i think i’m in love with you.

 

  Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

Fuck.

Notes:

this is kinda short but i am so ready for this fic?? i have so much typed out and ready to go because i'm using it to distract myself when i'm sad :)
which is often

aha my two friends are meeting up tomorrow and i can't go because i don't wanna ask my mom if someone else can mind my siblings becasue i feel guilty for no reason... yeah

harley-who-calls-me-darlin’ person.

if you wanna be featured in this please (please) drop what you'd like your username to be in the comments! i hate coming up with names
also give me plot points

Chapter 4: grumpy cat

Summary:

grumpy cat
adoption
gay

Notes:

talks of self hatred if that makes you uncomfortable :)
also spiders exist

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

sometimes you’ve gotta suck it up and face the facts.

None of us will ever have the same energy as grumpy cat.

 

cindy @iliketomoonitmoonit

 

rip

 

Ted @nedwardson

 

rip

 

A be-nch @thesuperiorabe

 

rip

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

 

rip

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

GRUMPY CAT DIED?!

 

MY LIFE IS OVER, IT IS RUINED, I HAVE NO PURPOSE 

 

Ted @nedwardson

 

bro, he died like 2 years ago

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO A POINTLESS GAY WITH NO PURPOSE ANYMORE

 

I USED TO BE A POINTLESS GAY WITH THE PURPOSE OF WORSHIPPING OUR LORD AND SAVIOR GRUMPY CAT

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

 

you are a dramatic little bitch

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

it’s my entire personality

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

 

you told me that being bi was your whole personality?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

are they not the same thing?

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

 

understandable, have a nice day

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

 

WAIT WERE YOU JUST CALLED A DRAMATIC LITTLE BITCH BY AN AVENGER?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

yes

 

A be-nch @thesuperiorabe

 

oh thank the gods, someone else is seeing peter interacting with the avengers. I thought i was hallucinating.

 

-----

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

 

@katniss is that you in the vents?

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

 

nope, i’m in the kitchen

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

 

… @spidermama ?

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

 

No. I'm with Pep.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

 

i shouldn’t have asked

 

but that does leave only one viable option

 

say ‘hi’ to the spiders for me @ontheceiling

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Why did Spider-Man just fall out of the ceiling, screaming bloody murder?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

 

oh i wish i’d seen that one

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

 

FRIDAY just sent me the video and, yes, it is glorious

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

i didn’t realize there were spiders up there!!! @helpiminabucket why didn’t you tell me sooner?

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

 

they’re vents. what were you expecting? Also you’re literally part spider, that's basically self hatred.

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

i hate myself for a lot of reasons james. don’t diminish my self hatred by thinking its only because of my being part spider. spiders are scary and I wont hear another word on it.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

 

My gods you need therapy

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

you’re literally my therapist for superhero stuff

and you know i have another one for the non-superhero parts of my messed up lil’ brain

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

 

Yeah and I’m beginning to think you need MORE

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @genderfluidbeeotch

 

did all of the avengers just… adopt Spidey? 

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

Yup!

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

basically. 

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

 

he is our child

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

sadly 

 

-----

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

i’m gay

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

 

we know

 

you came out over two years ago and you haven’t shut up about how hot boys are since

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

yeah but just in case anyone out there… wasn't sure

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

No one is mistaking you for straight, kid. Trust me.

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

:)

 

as it should be

Notes:

i was meant to have the house completely to myself tomorrow but now my brother is sick so my mom is off work and i am more sad than usual

i moved my room around last night and i don't like it but i'm unwilling to move it back becasue i've managed to hide a pride flag next to my bookshelf

i'm gonna try to make these chapters longer as well :)

if you wanna talk about anything at all, literally anything, drop a comment! i'm always up for helping and making new friends.

drop a username if you want to be inserted into this.

Chapter 5: shuri had important business

Summary:

yeah nothing really happens

Notes:

this is short

get over it

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

*chuckles nervously* i’m the last of my bloodline 

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

 

imagine all of your family being dead

 

emmjay @shutup

 

1. Biological family.
2. Is your name ‘flash! Bang!’ because everytime you bang it’s over in a flash?

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

 

peter, my darling, the love of my life, why haven’t you introduced me to your sassy, lesbian friend who i feel is definitely hot?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

because the idea of the two of you in the same room is absolutely terrifying?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

100% agree with Petey-Pie, the idea of you two being in the same room is terrifying

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

not my name 

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

 

now seems like a good idea to try out my new transportation tech

 

emmjay @shutup

 

Agreed. 

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

Please tell me you two are joking

 

Please?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

 

HOLY SHIT SHURI IS OUTSIDE FGHLJIFJ 

 

-----

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

shuri you are my worst friend

 

Not only did i find out that you’d arrived through a squeal from peter but when i went to greet you you just waved, turned and started running?

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

i had important business

 

emmjay @shutup

 

Yeah she had very important business

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

 

on a completely unrelated note, i now have a partner and they are amazing and i would die for her.

 

Ted @nedwardson

 

look at my queers, all grown up and jumping into long-distance relationships the first time they meet someone. i’m so proud.

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

 

icons

 

-----

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

 

i’m in trouble

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

 

Where are you?

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

 

Who needs to die?

 

Loki (sss) |✔️| @immasnake

 

do i need to return to midgard?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

he’s not in that kind of trouble

 

he might just be blushing… a lot. for the next forever

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

 

Why???

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

 

harley has arrived.

Notes:

non binary mj head canon lives rent free in my head

don't you love it when people just... show up??? for plot???

feeling kinda shitty rn and wish i had someone i trusted enough to talk about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

drop any plot ideas you have down below! and a username if you want to be written in!

also i'm thinking of changing the spacing in the next chapter so just let me know if i should

Chapter 6: the obligatory coming out chapter

Summary:

i couldn't resist

Notes:

slight homophobia at the very end!

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i feel like now would be a good time to say that i’m bisexual

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Spidey… you are a PR disaster

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i try my hardest pep xoxox

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Why did you decide that now would be a good time to come out, again?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

boys exist

 

a certain boy exists

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

ha mood.

 

gayvengers @assembleplz

Is this you coming out as well?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

well i can’t let spider-boy take all the bisexual glory

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

@theceobitches …?

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Might as well finish what they’ve started

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

I finish off the bisexual trifecta of the avengers

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

how dare you get in there ahead of me? i’m very much pansexual… and engaged to stephanie over there 

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Not my name, not anyone's name.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Most people have put 2+2 together and realized that Sam is my boytoy (I’m gay)

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

1. am. not. your. boytoy.
2.  i hate you so much

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

I  hate you too babes xx

 

A be-nch @thesuperiorabe

ngl i thought that steve and bucky were a thing

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

I am the straightest white boy to ever live

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

i am but a lonely gay

 

oh and i’m trans

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

I’m a very proud, queer woman in a very happy relationship with @spidermama

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

I’m demisexual.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

oh my god. nat just shared personal information on the internet! i’m in shock.

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

cherish the moment, it won’t be happening again.

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

I’m what you might call asexual and queer. I don’t really like labels much!

 

THOR @wielderofmjölnir

THE YOUNG MAN OF SPIDERS TELLS ME I AM WHAT YOU MIDGARDIANS WOULD CALL PANSEXUAL AND I AM IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH BANNER

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

not an avenger but i can’t let them have all the fun. i’m lesbian.

 

just me @asimplegay

We are winning

 

Wesper Stan @socck

we really are

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

*happy sigh* gay :)

 

cindy @iliketomoonitmoonit

This is heaven. I have died.

 

-----

 

EVERYTHING NEWS @everythingnewsnow

Support pours in for QUEERVENGERS.

 

THE DAILY BUGLE @thedailybugle

Have the Avengers been hacked? Have they been mind controlled? Threatened?

 

Fans are worried after multiple avengers come out as queer.

 

-----

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i’ve been here all of 5 minutes and they all just HAD to come out. is my gay aura just that strong?

Notes:

i keep forgetting that i know more of what happens in this story than you guys do :D
if you're confused about anything in this PLEASE just let me know in the comments, if you're confused than someone else probably is too, and i'd like to clear it up in a future chapter!

i have been getting less sleep than usual and it's getting obvious by how little of this i'm actually writing.

anyways, let me know if you prefer the spacing of this chapter, i think i prefer it. i don't really like how this one is written but oh well :)

if you want to be written in drop a username below and if you have any ideas for a storyline let me know!

thank you for the kudos and comments <3

Chapter 7: a REPRESSED stupid little gay genius

Summary:

peter just likes giving everyone heart attacks

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

HARLEY JAMES KEENER STOP CALLING ME DARLIN’

 

asshole

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

you know you love me really xx

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

fkgjhkhf

 

Ted @nedwardson

haha rip

 

Ted @nedwardson

yo harley, have u met spidey yet

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

no :(

 

apparently he just isn’t in the tower whenever i’m there

 

which is like 90% of the time because i live here and i. do. not. know. my. way. around. new. york.

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

come up to the roof i’m up here

 

-----

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

holy fucking shit.

 

guess i know spidey’s identity now.

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

fuck

 

why is he so hot?!?

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

tell me who spidey is and i will give you anything you want

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

bro... no.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

he is as you said ‘so hot’

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

I swear to the gods, why do i attract stupid little gay geniuses

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

because you were once a REPRESSED stupid little gay genius

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

and now you feel the need to adopt all the stupid little gay geniuses you find

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

it's called broken white boy syndrome

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

as @helpiminabucket knows, due to living with the condition daily, there is no cure

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

welcome to the club

 

-----

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

Omg Clint u r so stupid

 

ribbit ribbit @rabbit

you can’t say that and not give us context

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

plz no

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

So this motherfucker sees @ontheceiling do a triple backflip off of one of the raised platforms in the gym and goes ‘ha, thats easy’

 

Naturally i told him to get his ass up there and try it himself

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

He gets up there, looks over the edge and realizes that it is not very high

 

and

 

he has never done a triple backflip

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

But he’s committed.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

This man is a bird by name alone and yet he throws himself into a backflip and succeeds at exactly one (1) before landing on is face

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

That’s how he got those two black eyes.

 

just me @asimplegay

wait, where was spider-man at this point?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

That motherfucker says absolutely nothing, makes eye contact with clint and starts performing a very elaborate gymnastics routine

 

Sometimes i swear that he doesn’t have bones

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

that’s because i don’t 

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

WHAT

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

You… you don’t have BONES???

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

what in the everloving fuck

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

How do you not have bones?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

WHY HAVE YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS BEFORE

 

HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE BONES

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

ha yeah

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

you see, they realized just how much big dick energy i have and immediately vacated my body to make space

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

kid.

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

 

oh shit you’re dead spider-boy, he just pulled the dad card

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

ffs harley, i don’t have any kids 

 

but, kid.

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

well mr. starch i have some bedazzled creepy crawly dna and now me no bone :)

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

wait

 

-----

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

peter just told me that he has never touched a horse in real life

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

AND HARLEY JUST TOLD ME HE CAN RIDE A HORSE

 

HE IS A HORSE BOY

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

not only was i gay in a small homophobic town but i was aslo one of the only male showjumpers 

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

the cowboys hated me 

 

popo @youknowigetit

why do i feel like you were really good…

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

nah i was pretty crap

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

he just showed me a video and HOLY SHIT

 

i know absolutely nothing about horse riding but that was impressive

 

popo @youknowigetit

as a fellow queer horse rider i am immersed, please elaborate

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

harley please tell the good people what height that course was in the last video

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

1.30-1.45m…

 

popo @youknowigetit

of my fucking gods 

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

that horse in that video is insane though! it was all him, i usually just rode one of the old farmer’s horses and her comfort zone was about 1.10m but a friend of mine was passing through town and she let me have a spin and i almost fell off about a million times

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

it honestly explains why you have such a nice ass

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

glad you like the view darlin’

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you seem to like your view right now too ;)

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

what are you two queers doing…

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

we just left the gym and peter is shiirrtttllessss

 

and he is gorgeous

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

don’t be fooled, i’d have a shirt on if mine wasn’t soaked

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

are you cheating on me with that HEATHEN

 

-----

 

EVERYTHING NEWS @everythingnewsnow

Who is Peter Parker? An insight into who the young intern is and what we know about him.

 

QUEER TODAY @latestqueernews

ARE HARLEY KEENER AND SPIDER-MAN DATING?!

 

WORLD NEWS @worldnews

Who is HARLEY KEENER? And what is his relationship to the Avengers?

Notes:

harley being a horse rider was the whole reason i wanted to write this fic

my mom has been a bitch lately and i am ready to have some murder times :D

let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments and put a username as well if you want to be written in!

*LOKI SPOILERS*

 

this is a loki x literally anyone else (hopefully mobius) stan account because the idea of loki being romantically attracted to someone who is basically himself is... weird and i hope they're not endgame! that being said i love sylvie with every fibre of my being and i want to marry her

had to get that out of my system because at the moment i'm writing a chapter that heavily centers around loki

Chapter 8: mustaches

Summary:

a but more mj for you all because, bae <3

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

people keep asking me how i know tiny and why i’m staying in the tower and to make a long story short:

tiny crashed into my garage, i helped him out (and shot him with a potato gun) and then i annoyed him into keeping in touch with me, because we’re connected <3

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

and i’m staying in the tower because i live here now :) 

i heard a cute bisexual lived here and decided i had to move in (also i’m one of tiny’s interns now but that isn’t very important)

 

gayvengers @assembleplz

no one:

harley: is gay

 

potato boi @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

wait a sec

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

there we go

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

accurate.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

thank you for such high praise

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

they might as well have told you they loved you

 

Ted @nedwardson

tru

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

i’ve know mj for her entire life and they’ve never said anything that nice to me

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

she calls me babe xx

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

hey @sureehopeitdoes, look at my ‘@’

<3

 

A be-nch @thesuperiorabe

did... mj just use a h-heart?

 

have we died

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

they're a raging lesbian, they specialize in jumping into long distance relationships with other gays 

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

exactly! this is why i love you peter, you get it

 

-----

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

harley and peter just blew up a lab and when i asked how they managed to do that and escape unharmed they looked at me, looked at their hands and then grinned at each other 

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

apparently these idiots… created a new element and got it all over themselves and it protected them

 

sydney @bitchimacow

Hold up, they CREATED A NEW ELEMENT

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

I can confirm, they did

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Tony, this is your fault

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

If he just stopped adopting children…

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Tony, why didn’t you tell me you adopted a child?

Or should I say children?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

put your sass back in your pants

 

i haven’t adopted any kids

 

yet

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

what

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

what

 

-----

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

are we just ignoring how chaotic the avengers are

 

sydney @bitchimacow

Yup

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

ok 

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

it’s like that all the time

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

it’s what happens when you put a bunch of stupid superheroes in a tower together

 

Wesper Stan @socck

chaos?

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i’ve been here a week and can confirm,

 

chaos

 

-----

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

This is too precious

[IMAGE: Peter asleep with his head in Harley’s lap and his feet in Tony’s]

[IMAGE: Harley asleep with his fingers in Peter’s hair, Peter’s head still in his lap]

[IMAGE: Peter and Harley with a blanket over them and Tony watching them with a smile]

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Nevermind, Tony is a child

[IMAGE: Tony leaning over Peter and Harley, their faces can’t be seen]

[IMAGE: Peter and Harley’s faces, enlarged, with mustaches drawn on them]

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

i had to get them back for when they programmed FRIDAY to play ‘Driver’s License’ wherever i went in the tower

 

i think if i ever hear that song again my ears are going to bleed

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

You do realize you’ve started another prank war now?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

technically they started it

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

shit

Notes:

ok hear me out (potential spoilers for this fic ahead)

how annoyed would y'all be if tony and stephen didn't adopt peter..? because that happens in most of these fics and i want to add a bit of spice?? i was thinking of someone else (guess in the comments) adopting peter and tony and stephen adopting harley..? umm so yeah i want to change things up but i'm worried people will immediately boycott this fic if i have someone else adopt peter (obviously he'd still see tony as a father figure and call him mr. irondad)

i haven't written in sooo long and i'm starting to catch up to my already written chapters

 

if you want to be written in drop a username in the comments

if you have any storyline ideas drop them too

Chapter 9: murdery

Summary:

q & a bitches

Notes:

tw! depression

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

@theceobitches can we do an avengers q & a

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

All of you already cause a big enough of a PR disaster that I don’t see why not.

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

thanks pep!

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

@peanutbutterparker did you pick out a #

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

yup, it’s #avengersandpeterq&a

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

Of course it is

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

guess i don't exist :(

 

-----

 

sydney @bitchimacow

#avengersandpeterq&a

peter, how did you get so close with the avengers???

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

well i already knew the arachnid before he became an avenger and apparently he had the audacity to talk about me behind my back to mr. starch and starchy decided that he needed another bi, trans, genius kid

 

sydney @bitchimacow

fair enough

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

Can confirm, that is exactly what happened

 

-----

 

Wesper Stan @socck

#avengersandpeterq&a

spidey! we always talk about you being adopted by the avengers but you’ve never mentioned your actual parents?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

lol thats because they’re dead

 

Wesper Stan @socck

oh... sorry

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

it’s fine, i can cover up the trauma with ✨ humour ✨

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

Kid, we spoke about this

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

alright sam just text me, i’m on my way

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

that is probably a good idea

 

-----

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

#avengersandpeterq&a

Sam and Bucky, when did you two get together? And what was it like for the team?

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Well, I’ve known that I was gay since the 40’s and so did the team after I was un-brainwashed or whatever and moved into the tower.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

and i didn’t realize that i was bi until i realized that i wanted more than friendship with bucky. now THAT was a revelation. but we kinda just started going on dates without saying it.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

And then one day I finally bit the bullet and kissed the dipshit

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

but nothing really changed between us and the team besides from the amount of bedrooms needed. we still shit on each other all the time and the banter was never going to stop.

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

except now you make sex jokes all the time

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Without realizing. It’s a pain in America’s Ass.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

it’s disgusting

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

You’re the one who’s constantly making heart eyes at Peter.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

honestly nat, i feel betrayed

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

shots have been fired

 

-----

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

#avengersandpeterq&a

for everyone, what’s it like living together? describe it one word

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

Exhausting /nm

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

...eventful

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

Horny

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Disaster

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Loud

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Unique 

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

gay 

 

a child. | ✔️ | @VISION

Interesting.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

dangerous /hj

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

apainintheass

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

Exciting!

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

coffee

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

murdery

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

murdery

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

murdery

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

ALL RIGHT. who upset the kids and what did you do?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

they know what they did.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Oh shit you’ve got Peter using a full stop. You’re dead.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

Fess Up

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

Start running

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

oh this is gonna be good

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Agreed 

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS YOUR ICE CREAM

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

WHO ELSE WOULD'VE ORDERED A CUSTOM 2L TUB OF BEN & JERRY’S ICE CREAM

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

who helped you

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss 

no one

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

Who Helped You? You didn’t eat all of that yourself.

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss 

… @imontherhodeagain

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

you son of a bITCH

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

Oh fuck.

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

oh fuck indeed

 

-----

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

WAIT @peanutbutterparker LIVES WITH THE AVENGERS?!

Notes:

ha sorry it's been a couple of days my brain is weird

anyways the next chapter is a big one so keep an eye out for that

from what i could gather on the last chapter and my question about who should adopt who y'all are very split down the middle but i think i'm going to go with what's currently living rent free in my head. you're just gonna have to wait and see

ALSO I SAW BLACK WIDOW A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO AND IT'S AMAZING!! NO SPOILERS HERE THO

let me know what you thought of this in the comments (i read and reply to all of them, they literally make my day) and if you have any ideas or want to be written in you know what to do
yeah :)
i rly want sour skittles but i can't find them anywere

Chapter 10: crime, donald trump, kisses

Summary:

exactly what it says in the title

Notes:

tw. slight internalized transphobia

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

🎶 i should really be going to therapy but instead i’m going to commit a felony 🎶

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

… what are you doing?

 

Loki (sss) |✔️| @immasnake

child, if u are going to commit a crime do not announce it on twitter

 

i thought that i taught you better than this

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

you’ll never be able to prove that it was us

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Great, there’s two of them.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

three

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

4

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

i know what you did

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you’ll never prove that it was us

 

popo @youknowigetit

would this have anything to do with trump’s twitter being ‘back’? because if so, you’re iconic

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

...What?

 

-----

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

Everything I have ever said before hasn’t been my own words but, there IS a reason

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

I was possessed by a rare demon known as ‘Stupidity’

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

But now that ‘Stupidity’ has left my body I am now my true self

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

My usual demon has taken over again, it’s name is ‘#LGBTQ+RIGHTS’

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️|@realdonaldtrump

I SUPPORT THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY 

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

I AM AN ALLY

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

I AM A DIPSHIT

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

I AM NEEDED ON THIS EARTH 

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️|@realdonaldtrump

LOVE ME MOM

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

Please

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

uh oh your mommy issues are showing 

 

ribbit ribbit @rabbit

whoever did this, i love you

 

popo @youknowigetit

i’m pretty sure it was @apotatoflewaroundmyroom @peanutbutterparker @ontheceiling @sureehopeitdoes

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

as stated earlier, you can’t prove anything

 

Donald J. Trump  |✔️| @realdonaldtrump

YeAh, I'm GoNnA tAkE mY hOrSe

To ThE oLd tOwN rOaD… [ Read more]

-----

 

Twitter @twitter 

We have taken down @realdonaldtrump again. No investigation will be made into who the hacker was as they have sent us an anonymous apology and will not do this again.

 

Ted @nedwardson

even twitter thinks it was funny 

 

-----

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

[IMAGE: A custom made 2L tub of Ben & Jerry’s new ‘Web Slinger White Choc Chunk’ ice cream]

Ready @peanutbutterparker ?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you got more! you are my new favorite person <3

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

i paid for it!!!!!

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

no one asked xx

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

you’re having it without me :(

why?

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

you’re annoying

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

and you eat loudly

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i have to put up with listening to THE WHOLE TOWER all day long and you can’t handle my chewing?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

not my fault you have super hearing 

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

you also CHEW ice cream. you bite it and it’s disgusting

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

no i don’t

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

you literally said it in your last tweet

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

:(

 

-----

Private messages

spider-boy → horse boy

 

spider-boy: turns out that beefing with yourself on the internet is fun

horse boy: thank the gods you don’t actually bite ice cream

spider-boy: what would you do about it, horse boy?

horse boy: well i probably wouldn’t do what i’m about to do 

 

~10 minutes later~

 

spider-boy: i don’t think i trust myself to talk… wow

horse boy: ;)

spider-boy: i’ve never actually kissed anyone before

horse boy: because you didn’t want to or no one else wanted to kiss you? I have no idea why they wouldn’t, want to kiss you that is. you’re beautiful

spider-boy: a bit of both really…

spider-boy: there was no one who wanted to kiss me, at least that i know of. i started transitioning when i was about 13. i came out to ben and may and i’d always had short hair and i’d bought a binder online in secret but it wasn’t until i started T a year later that people actually started using the correct name and pronouns but i felt like i was still a girl in their minds

spider-boy: it made me uncomfortable to think about any of them kissing me and no one ever asked me to so i said i’d never kiss anyone

spider-boy: when i got older i realized that that was a very stupid idea but i also realized that i didn’t want to kiss anyone that i knew at the time

spider-boy: and then you showed up and you were someone i could actually kiss and i wanted to and i was going to 

spider-boy: and then because you’re an ass you beat me to it

horse boy: 1. thank you for telling me that

2. i’m glad to have been of service

would you like to use my services again?

spider-boy: why most definitely good sir! just give me a sec

 

spider-boy changed horse boy’s name to ‘harls <3’

spider-boy changed their name to ‘harley’s bitch ;)’

Notes:

i too have never kissed a person but for different reasons to peter :) mainly because i'm very much bisexual and i have not met a single person i actually want to go out with or kiss. basically i'm very single and my rant is over.

let me know what you thought of this in the comments. i was going to write from peter's pov for the kiss but it scared me at the time so you get this. i'm currently working on my writing style so i'm writing a very important scene not in the twitter formation so you can look forward to that if you're sick of all the shitposting going on.

hope you're all doing good and if not talk to someone, anyone. if you want to chat with me feel free to comment whatevers bothering you or whatever you want to talk about, i'm always here! have something to eat/drink, take a walk, take a nap... anything that'll make you feel a bit better about your day!

Chapter 11: poor flash just wants his questions answered

Summary:

harley and peter are as chaotic as ever (and bully stephen a little)
loki and tony threaten people
and some more

Notes:

tw: homophobic/transphobic slurs mentioned (not said), mentioned wanting to die + self hatred
nothing extreme, i promise!

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

@peanutbutterparker are you going to keep avoiding my questions about you living with the avengers?!

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

where did you think i lived? I have no living relatives

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

i dunno man, just not with the fucking avengers??

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

these things just happen i guess

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

living w/ the avengers just happens?

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

you just learn to accept his shit

 

Ted @nedwardson

it’s what we do 

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

what type of universe do we live in…

 

-----

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

[VIDEO: Peter and Harley sitting in a lab with Stephen. The cameraperson, presumably Tony, gets a little closer and you can hear what they’re saying. ‘-technically you could do brain surgery on me and (air quotes) *fail* and leave me happy?’ Peter grins at his idea and Stephen looks close to tears. ‘Pete, how many times do i have to say this if i failed at brain surgery you’d probably be dead.’ ‘Exactly!’, Harley exclaimed ‘Then we’d be happy.’. Peter tips back his chair and crosses his arms. ‘So when can you do it?’. Stephen was actually crying now, tears running down his cheeks as he stares at the two boys. This had clearly been going on for a while. He opens his mouth to answer but a loud clang rings out through the lab as Peter’s chair tips too far back and he falls backwards. Stephen jumps up in shock while Harley and the cameraperson start laughing. The video cuts off with Stephen glaring at the camera and the person holding it.]

i actually think they’re going to kill him

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

I hate you.

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

Harley laughing at Peter falling is amazing

 

sydney @bitchimacow

10/10 great friend

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

shall we?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

we shall

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

@bitchimacow i think you mean boy friend

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

WHAT?

 

-----

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

i don’t think you understand just how chaotic peter and harley are, especially now that they’re officially dating

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

They’re more chaotic than they are on twitter?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

oh so much more

 

it’s great

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

they’e taken to dramatically reenacting shakespeare whenever tony enters a room and if they see bucky working out with his metal arm they run circles around him screeching ‘CHEATER’

 

it looks like a cult sacrifice

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

maybe it is a sacrifice, you can’t prove anything

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

what 

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

they’ve also taken to subtly redecorating… certain rooms in the tower

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

What do u mean certain rooms?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

well, i can’t say which rooms because the residents of the rooms haven’t noticed yet

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

I’m glad to know that my brother is annoying y’all as much as he annoyed us

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

he does more than just annoy me ;)

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

oh you bet darlin’

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

get your gayness off of my good christian timeline

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you’re gay

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

Shhhhhh they don’t need to know that

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

oh my gods

 

-----

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

to the person who threw a milkshake at me and shouted a boatload of transphobic and homophobic slurs at me while i was on patrol, fuck you :)

 

Loki (she/her) |✔️| @immasnake

I shall kill them

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

loki, no

 

Loki (she/her) |✔️| @immasnake

Loki, yes

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

loki, no.

 

Loki (she/her) |✔️| @immasnake

Fine. But I’m coming back to Earth anyways.

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

yay! loki’s coming

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

You know, not a lot of people would say ‘yay!’ about that

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

leave her alone :(

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

Stop pouting. I didn’t say I wasn’t looking forward to her visit

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

:)

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

:)

 

Loki (she/her) |✔️| @immasnake

:)

 

-----

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

apparently knowing the avengers can get you a million followers?

 

thanks you guys

 

Derek @makeamericagreatagain

Exactly. All you’ve done is live with the avengers. You don’t deserve you’re followers!

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

*your

 

also no one is allowed to talk shit about me but me.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

he’s a minor. if people keep saying shit like this to peter MY lawyers will be in contact. Do you want that?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

thanks mr. irondad :D

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

The little shit has broken Tony

 

He’s sitting on the floor and staring into space

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i’ve discovered mr. starch’s weakness!

 

me!

Notes:

so sorry for taking so long to update! i just haven't been in the mood and i was on a mission to finish 'the priory of the orange tree' (which is amazing!).

i have so many ideas for this fic coming up that it's making it hard to write because i don't know which idea to focus on first!

let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments and let me know how you're doing in the comments :)

who's rooms do you think peter and harley have subtly redecorated?

Chapter 12: glaucus atlanticus

Summary:

sea slugs, ominous 4am requests, trans fam, someone broke peter (not literally)

Notes:

tw: mentions of transphobia

yo i love sea slugs

before i forget!! drop any musical recommendations in the comments! i'm getting really into them atm and you also may or may not see the avengers having a sing song soon

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

quick, whats your fav sea slug?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

glaucus atlanticus

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

im sitting  next to him and i want you all to know that he did not look that up. he just saw my tweet and immediately had a response

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

is it not normal to have a favorite sea slug?

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

I think it’s less normal to not have one.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i’m a big fan of the nembrotha kubaryana

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

oh to be a sea slug

 

Ted @nedwardson

they’re truly living the dream :(

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

Why are you talking about this 4am? Have you slept at all?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

I want to point out that you are also awake

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

That is because I have slept Spider-Boy. This is the time I wake up on weekdays.

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

how?? did?? i?? not?? know?? this?? 

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

I’m a superspy. I know how to sneak around, but I should have known better than to open twitter.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

sUpErSpY

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

While I’m here, @peanutbutterparker

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you called

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

After you have slept I want to talk to you tomorrow.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

ominous, possibly dangerous… i like it. how did you know that i’d be awake??

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

Because I know you.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

ahh i feel loved <3

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes 

i just wanted to talk about sea slugs

 

-----

 

just me @asimplegay

@ imontherhodeagain you mentioned that you’re trans but never really said anything more about  it… what’s your experience been like? (if you don't mind talking about it, obviously!)

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

Well the reason I don't talk about it a lot is because it was a long time ago and because a lot of my very early memories of realizing I was trans have been blocked out because they were really traumatic. I tried to tell my parents when I was 15 but they didn’t believe me and sent me off to catholic church camp. Which was just great.

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain 

They thought I was broken and needed to be fixed. The next few years were hard and when I was finally able to move away from them for college it was a miracle. I presented masculine the whole way through college and if anyone brought it up (in a negative way) I’d fight them.

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

Not a strategy I’d recommend. But Tony was there with me the whole time. It wasn’t a good time to be queer and there was very limited research into transgenderism and any sort of surgery was pretty rare. But as I said Tony was with me the whole time and helped me…

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

Find someone who would perform top surgery and he helped me pay for it. I honestly don’t know what I’d have done without him. When I got top surgery I must have been about 23 and after that I joined the army. They had no idea I was trans. I never really thought about getting bottom surgery and I probably never will.

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

It’s just not something I think I would get for personal reasons. I hope that heroes such as myself and spidey being open about being trans helps some people out there! anyways serious talk over

 

Avennnn @thatonetransbitch

i’m claiming you as my trans bro

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

that is literally the first thing peter said when he found out i was trans, yesss trans bros! 

 

Avennnn @thatonetransbitch

we should start a cult

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

....yes

 

nova (fae/faer) @idefinitelyexist 

can i join? resident enby sibling

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

i can’t believe this is actually happening

 

nova (fae/faer) @idefinitelyexist 

i’m taking that as a yes :)

 

-----

 

QUEER TODAY @latestqueernews

JAMES RHODES SPEAKS OUT ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE AS A TRANS MAN ON TWITTER!

Click here for the article.

 

-----

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

Anyone else really curious as to what black widow was talking to peter about?

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

yes! why am i so invested in the chaos of the avengers and co?? no one knows

 

sydney @bitchimacow

He hasn’t tweeted anything all day which is weird because that child literally tweets about what he has for breakfast

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

wait did you see harley’s recent tweet?

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

Off i go to do some mild stalking ig

 

-----

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

yo, they broke peter 

Notes:

kinda a cliffhanger... guess you'll just have to wait a few days for the next chapter.
i had so many people asking for more stuff on rhodey being trans because it's not one of your typical tropes. actually i'd never seen it before myself but i love the idea!
also also also that rick roll is for one person in particular, you know who you are because i promised you one
the next chapter is a BIG one and it's the first chapter that isn't completely twiiter, i actually had to WRITE (shudders)

hope you're all doing well, remember i'm always here to talk in the comments or ion the instagram account i made for this account! it's @asimplegreanbean i haven't posted anything up there yet but i might :)

i finished loki and i Am Not Ok (no spoilers)

Chapter 13: i don't even have a dog

Summary:

i actually w r o t e this one

like its not written in tweets

holy shit

Notes:

tw! panic attacks, mentions of depression, self harm and death

Peter was pacing. Back and forth. Forth and back. He joked a lot on twitter but he was genuinely very worried about whatever Nat wanted to talk to him about. Nat hadn’t been acting any differently because, well, she was Nat but, Pepper and Tony? They’d been… off with him and he’d been trying to figure out what he’d done wrong. It had been keeping him up at night, more so than his nightmares - which was saying something. He glanced at the door and decided, 'fuck it' and he yanked the door open and stepped inside. Nat smiled at him as he entered, she must have known about the pacing. He was half expecting Pepper to be there, and she was, but he had not been expecting to see Tony on the couch.

 

“Why do you look like you’re about to tell me my dog died? I don’t even have a dog. That just seemed like the thing to say at that moment. Fuck, I'm not even making sense.” Peter was nervous babbling which was odd because he usually he grew quiet when nervous but... these people knew him. They knew  Peter. It was a crazy thing to be known because Peter had spent so much time not knowing himself. He had felt so unknown for a long time, so lost and scared but he felt like he couldn’t tell anyone. He had kept it all inside and withdrawn from the world. Thinking back, he was pretty sure that May had known something was wrong and had tried to help but then she had died, before Peter could even try to explain what was going on in his head. He had been a mess and he’d become a husk of the person he'd been before she’d died, which hadn't been much of a person at all. He'd just existed. But these people… these people had pulled him back. All of the Avengers had helped him so much but, Tony, Pepper and Nat were like the parents he’d never known. Although, he would never tell them that. He didn’t think they thought of him like that, he felt like he was just the orphan they’d taken in because they felt obliged to. Not that he didn't feel welcome but he definitely thought they felt morally obligated to look after him. 

 

“Peter. Hey listen to me, can you hear my heartbeat? Can you try and match your breathing to it?” Suddenly he was aware of Pepper crouched in front of him and the fact that he was struggling to breathe. He gasped in a breath and coughed. ‘Fuck’ he thought. “Fuck indeed Kid” He heard Tony say quietly and Peter realized he must have said it out loud. Or, more likely, whispered it. Ten minutes later he was sitting on the couch and his breathing was back to some bit of normality. He was next to Tony and Nat was sitting with Pepper on the couch next to them. “You alright now, маленький паук?” (little spider) Nat asked. “Oh, eh yeah I think so” He muttered, his cheeks flushing. They’d all seen him have a panic attack before but it’d been a while since he’d had one that shook him as much as that one. 

 

He really couldn’t take the suspense anymore. “I’m sorry” he blurted and ducked his head, avoiding eye contact. He felt Tony tense beside him. “Don’t apologize. It was just a panic attack, we all have them. You’ve talked every one of our fucked up family down from more than I can count” Tony said with a small smile. Peter shook his head, “That’s not, eh, that’s not what I was talking about”. He glanced at Nat before continuing, he’d always found her stillness comforting. “Um, you guys have, like, well not Nat, but um you two have been acting weird and I’m... I’m sorry about whatever I’ve done to, uh, upset you…” He trailed off when he noticed that everyone in the room was smiling at him. He was so fucking confused.

 

“Kid, do you know why Nat asked you to come here?” Pepper said, still smiling. “Obviously not or else I wouldn’t be so fucking confused right now”. Tony snorted and Nat leaned back into the couch, still smiling. “Well, we know that you’re 17 and that you’ll be 18 in a few months but, there’s something we want to talk to you about” Pepper seemed to be the appointed speaker of the group of three. “We, as in all three of us, want to adopt you.” Peter froze. This was some kind of joke, he was dreaming. There was no way that these people actually wanted to adopt him. He felt Tony grab his arm that had started scratching his other wrist. “Pete, stay with us.” He said, keeping a hold on Peter’s arm.

 

“Are you serious? I’ll be fucking pissed if this a part of the prank war.” It was barely more than an exhale of breath but Nat had heard him. “Why would we joke about this маленький паук? (little spider) You’re kind, smart, funny and you care so much. Probably too much.” Nat was leaning forward now and there were… tears in her eyes. “So uhh Pete what do you say?,” Tony had let go of his arm and now had an arm around his shoulder. Peter looked at the three of him and tried to hold back his tears. “Oh my fucking gods. Yes yes yes” He turned into Tony’s shoulder and started crying and he couldn’t stop. Nat and Pepper must have moved over to Tony and Peter’s couch at some point but now all of them were hugging and crying. Peter couldn’t believe that this was his life. How had he not seen how much these people loved him. He laughed into whoever's shirt he was currently hugging. "What's so funny?" So it was Pepper's shirt. "Just thinking about how much of an idiot I am." He said, still laughing.

 

Half an hour later, Peter was signing some forms to make things official and he was so unbelievably happy he couldn’t put it into words. “I thought only two people could adopt a child?” He asked. “Well, since I was the on who organized the forms and I’m Tony motherfucking Stark, anything is possible.” “Oh my god. I need to tell Harley! Can I tell Harley? Who can I tell?” Peter was literally glowing. Nat glanced at Pepper for an answer and Pepper provided, “You can tell Harley now if you’d like but we were going to tell everyone else tomorrow at dinner when Wanda, Vision, the kids, Thor and Loki come back. You can invite Ned and MJ too if you’d like.” Peter grinned, nodded and ran out of the room as fast as possible, which for him was very fast.

 

“How do we get ourselves into these situations? We are seriously fucking lucky.” Tony said. Nat put her arm around Pepper’s shoulders and leaned into her, a pretty rare show of physical affection. “For once I wholeheartedly agree with you, Stark.” "And we all know that's rare," Pepper added with a grin in Tony's direction. "I'm going to go make sure the spider-child doesn't tell the whole world!" Tony shouted over his shoulder as he headed for the doors. "Our Spider-child" Pepper shouted back at him as the doors closed.

-----

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

what even is my life 

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

Your life is so wild it’s like a fan fiction.

 

deadpool @fuckwolverine

heh

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

what?

 

deadpool @fuckwolverine

nothing bro

 

Ted @nedwardson

i can see peter shrugging in my mind

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

burn the witch

 

sydney @bitchimacow

I need to know

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

ha, thou shall not know

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker 

but @nedwardson and @shutup will know tomorrow if you come for dinner at the tower?

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

Sure.

 

Ted @nedwardson

ill be there, just let me know wat time

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

You know you’re a pain in the ass right?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you’re the only person who thinks that :)

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

No she’s not.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

she’s really not

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

I agree with Pepper.

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

same

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker 

:(

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

We still love you

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker 

yay, thanks паук мама ( spider mama)

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker 

oh my gods 

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

pete has his ‘i’m realizing something face on’

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker 

:D

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

guess he liked what he figured out

Notes:

i remember writing this and thinking it was great and now that i'm reading over it i'm like... meh. there's gonna be a few chapters in this fic that aren't entirely tweets (for example, the next one) so let me know what you liked/disliked.

not gonna lie to you guys my brain is being weird lately and my mom is being an asshole so that basically means that a lot of this fic is getting written but i keep forgetting to actually... upload it which is just great

hope you all know that you're fucking amazing and great and deserve the world! feel free to start up a chat in the comments if you want/need someone to talk to!

alright i'm gonna stop stressing and actually post this because i started doing it like 10 hours ago :)

Chapter 14: mj just knows these things

Summary:

pacing, arrivals, announcements and rooftop kisses

Notes:

we're back to twitter for a while after this!
slight wandavision spoilers if you still haven't been able to watch it!

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

peter is literally shaking

 

Ted @nedwardson

he wont stop pacing, its v annoying

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

I know why.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

how???

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

I have eyes and ears, you idiot.

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

and you didn’t tell me :(

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

It’s not for me to tell and you’ll find out soon enough

 

Ted @nedwardson

yea we should get off our phones

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

yup, rhodey is glaring at me

 

-----

 

Telling Harley had been easy. Telling everyone else made Peter very,very jittery. His family, and they were his family, were weird and dysfunctional and chaotic and still, there was a part of him that was so worried they’d just wouldn't be ok with this. The rational part of his brain told him he was being an absolute idiot and that they’d always accept him, no matter what. These two parts of his brain were currently battling it out with no clear winner. Harley stood up, grabbed his hand and hauled him off to the kitchen. “Come on, darlin’” He said with a grin, “If you’re going to pace it might as well be with some plates in your hands.” 

 

“Hey Pep! Do you know what time Wanda, Vis and the kids are getting in?” Peter half-shouted as he exited the kitchen. “They should be here within the next 10 minutes if their plane lands on time.” Pepper didn’t need to shout, Peter would have heard her response if she whispered it. He hadn’t seen Wanda, Vision, Billy and Tommy since last month for the twins’ first birthday when all of the Avengers had gone to Westview to celebrate. ( A/N. after Wanda’s completely normal pregnancy, that lasted a completely normal amount of time, in their home in a completely not-possessed town with completely normal neighbors :) )   Just as Peter finished setting the enormous table, the elevator doors slid open to reveal the family of four. 

 

Harley beat Peter to it and had pulled Wanda into a hug, apparently they’d become fast friends through twitter and you definitely wouldn’t think that they’d never met in person when looking at them hug. Peter tugged Wanda into a hug once she stepped away from Harley and she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tight. “I missed you” She said in lieu of hello. “As you should have. I’m fabulous.” She snorted as she pulled away to go greet everyone else. “Vis.” Peter grinned before doing a very complicated handshake with him that someone who wasn’t enhanced, or Nat, wouldn’t be able to track or perform. This had been a part of Vision’s mission to continue to feel different emotions. He was basically a human with superpowers at this stage as opposed to a super robot.

 

Peter felt a tug at his pants and glanced down to see Billy smiling at him. “Pee Pee” he said and put his hands up to him. “I can’t believe that nickname stuck...” He grumbled as he stood up with Billy in his arms. He looked around and saw Tommy in Clint’s arms, trying (and succeeding) to bite his nose. The only people missing now were… Peter’s train of thought was cut off by the sound of thunder and a slight tremor going through the tower. “Thor and Loki.” Bucky said at Ned's look of panic and MJ's mild apprehension. They’d both met the Gods before but they’d never been in the tower when they’d arrived. “Oh! Vis, Wanda, these are my friends. MJ and Ned.” Peter said, indicating to his friends. MJ nodded to the both of them and went back to talking to Shuri although Peter had noticed the excitement in her eyes at seeing Wanda. Although he was surrounded by heroes, Ned still looked like an excited puppy, “Hi! Nice to meet you!” he all but squeaked. “Pleasure.” Vision said and Wanda just grinned and winked.

 

For the second time that day the elevator doors opened to reveal people that Peter hadn’t seen in too long. Peter launched himself at Thor who grabbed him mid-air. He’d never been happier for his spider powers because if he hadn’t had super strength he most definitely would have been crushed by Thor’s hug. “Hello, Starkson!” Thor said with a laugh, usually Peter would correct him on the name but they’d all know soon enough. When Thor finally put him down he turned to Loki but he didn’t launch at them the same way he’d launched at Thor. They made eye contact for a couple of seconds before Loki grinned and put his arms out. Peter hugged them tighter than he’d hugged any of the others. “Hey Lo.” he whispered. “Hello, Peter.” They grinned. Peter glanced at their pronoun badge that Loki only really wore in private, on Asgard and around the upper levels of Avengers tower. When they weren’t around people they were comfortable with they’d just gotten used to being misgendered. Peter had tried to convince them to wear the badge around others but Loki had just shook their head. Peter had been shocked, and proud, when Loki had started putting their pronouns in their twitter name.

 

After everyone else had greeted the gods Pepper announced that it was finally time for dinner. Everyone sat down at the table and Wanda floated out plate after plate of various foods that Pepper, Clint, Sam and Bruce had made throughout the day. Peter was sandwiched between Nat and Harley. Harley was talking to Loki next to him and Nat hadn’t said anything since they’d sat down. He glanced over at her and she caught his eye and gave him a small smile before starting up a conversation in Russian. “как ты себя чувствуешь паучок?” (How are you feeling, baby spider?) “нервничает и напуган” (Nervous and scared) He replied honestly. There was no point in lying to Nat when she would see right through it. “не бойся. они будут в восторге. вы хотите сказать им сейчас или позже?” (Don’t be scared. They’ll be overjoyed. Would you like to tell them now or later?) She gave his hand a quick squeeze under the table. “за десертом?” (Over dessert?) She nodded and glanced away, Peter followed her gaze to Bucky who was looking at them in confusion. “When did you learn Russian?” He asked Peter, instead of the obvious question of what they were talking about. “Last year” He said with a grin. Bucky laughed at the look on his face and struck up a conversation, in Russian as well, with them about a book he’d read recently.

 

An hour later, just before they tucked into dessert, Tony asked for their attention. He didn’t get it so Nat raised her hand and everyone fell silent. “What the fuck…” Tony murmured, “Ok, well, we have an announcement to make because something very exciting happened the other day and we wanted to tell you all together.” Peter was staring intently at his lap and rapping his knuckles against his thigh, a nervous habit he was trying to stop but failing. Harley grabbed his hand and squeezed and Peter squeezed back. “Well, I’m sure a lot of you have been waiting for this for a while because it was pretty much inevitable! Peter has been a big part of all of our lives for the past three, four? I can't remember, years and I know we all consider him family. Well, we wanted to make it official. I want to introduce you all to Peter Parker Stark Romanoff. We were going to add on Potts as well but it just didn’t roll off the tongue that well.” Everyone laughed under their breaths and then Pepper stood up with Tony. Peter finally looked up because he was pretty sure he knew what was going on even if no one else did. He dared a glance around the room and realized that everyone was either smiling at him or smiling and waiting for Pepper to say something. No one seemed annoyed or anything of the sort and he realized that he truly was being an idiot.

 

“There’s actually another reason we agreed to not add on Potts,” Nat glanced at Peter and he grinned at her. Tony sat down and watched looking incredibly confused. He had no idea what she was about to say. “Nat and I are engaged!” And then, everyone was cheering and celebrating. Peter was congratulated on his adoption and Nat and Pepper were congratulated on their marriage. After the hugs and cheers had died down they all ate dessert and then Harley was grabbing Peter’s hand and tugging him into the elevator. They sat on the roof, staring at the New York skyline for what felt like hours. Peter turned to Harley and kissed him. Harley looked at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "What was that for?" he whispered, face still barely an inch from Peter's. "Everything. For being there. For being you. Existing." Peter whispered back. "Well thank you, but I didn't have a say in the last one." Peter's quiet laughed was lost to the wind and noise of the city below, "Saying thank you to your good for nothing father and homophobic mother didn't seem like a good idea." "Good point," Harley laughed and he grabbed Peter's hand and stood up, "Maybe we should go and join the people responsible for leading me to you." Peter nodded and they went back downstairs to celebrate with their family.

Notes:

don't really like this but the next chapter is back to twitter fun! i needed these chapters to happen but i also had no idea how to do that in twitter when the public don't know about the adoption yet sooooo yeah. proper writing. fun. stressful because i hate everything i write but still want to do well.

remember to eat, drink some water and relax. things are going to be ok. feel free to start up a conversation in the comments about anything or you can dm me on my instagram for this fic @asimplegreanbean

all of you guys are so cool and i want to be friends with literally all of you!

 

also also i feel like its a given but thank you to everyone who reads, comments and/or leaves kudos. it means the world to me and i honestly can't believe how well this fic is doing!

Chapter 15: never let the avengers get drunk

Summary:

the avengers celebrate and have some fun

Notes:

don't really like this one :/
but also don't hate it??

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

never let the avengers get drunk

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

never let thor and loki bring asgardian alcohol that actually works on steve and bucky

 

those two haven’t been drunk in 80 years or something

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

Last night was one of the most entertaining nights of my life.

 

Ted @nedwardson

same here

 

Avennnn @thatonetransbitch 

… do i have to ask or are you going to spill?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

well we were celebrating some stuff and, as harley said, the avengers got drunk

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i’m posting the photos and videos as revenge for sam and bruce putting mayonnaise in the cupcakes

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

[VIDEO: Harley has the camera pointed at his face and is speaking, “This is why they party like once every three months at most and very rarely all together…”. He turns the camera around and you can see the Avengers sitting on a couch with Peter, Ned, MJ and Shuri. It’s still pretty early and they’re only slightly tipsy. “I left for two minutes to go to the bathroom and they’re organizing a game of twister. I hope you realize how dangerous this could be.” Harley finishes talking and the video cuts out.]

[VIDEO: “So up first is Tony, Sam, Clint and I!” Wanda basically shouts. Everyone is significantly more drunk and are falling around the place. “Heh, thank goodness you have so many interns, Tony. Babysitters!” Wanda raises her glass as she shouts ‘babysitters’ and the camera pans to Peter who has the spinner. “Places people!” He announces from his seat between MJ and Harley.]

[PHOTO: Tony, Sam, Clint and Wanda in a pile on a twister mat.]

[PHOTO: Loki, Steve, Shuri and Peter in the middle of an intense game of twister but in the background you can see Bucky is giving Ned a piggyback ride.]

[PHOTO: Rhodey laughing at Sam on the floor behind him. He clearly dropped him after an attempted piggyback ride.]

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

ooh i got some from later on when they were thoroughly drunk

 

[VIDEO: MJ, one of the seven sober people in the room (MJ, Peter, Harley, Ned, Shuri, Vision and Nat- she’s been drinking but is clearly not drunk) stands up and makes an announcement. “Hey idiots! I bet none of you could beat me and Harley at a three legged race. The camera pans to Harley who is pulling out ropes to tie peoples legs together. “TO THE GYM!” Sam announces.]

[VIDEO: Everyone is lined up on the running track in the gym. The teams are Harley and MJ, Tony and Bruce, Sam and Loki, Vision and Thor, Steve and Clint and Rhodey and Pepper. Everyone else is sitting on some benches around the edges of the room. Shuri, who’s holding the camera, is standing at the finish line just 100 meters away. Peter has an air horn in his hand and looks like he’s buzzing with excitement. “On your marks! Get set! Goooo!”. As he shouts ‘go’ Peter blows the air horn and everyone lurches forward. Steve and Clint take exactly one step before Steve trips and goes flying forward and Clint is dragged along. As he falls Clint grabs Rhodey in an attempt to stay upright and ends up dragging both Rhodey and Nat down with him. Nat looks ready to murder all three of them. Vision and Thor are starting to get ahead but Thor has clearly had too much to drink and has no idea what they’re actually  supposed to be doing and ends up trying to turn left which results in the rope tying his and Vision’s legs together breaking. Tony laughs at Thor’s confused face and keeps running with Bruce. The two are somehow going in a straight line and are only slightly behind MJ and Harley. All of a sudden Tony holds up a hand and an Ironman gauntlet appears and he tries to blast him and Bruce forward. This fails miserably and they end up somersaulting through the air to land in the gymnastics foam pit on the other side of the room. They disappear into the foam cubes.  Harley and MJ are about 20 metres away from the finish line when Loki and Sam appear directly in front of them. Harley and MJ look at each other and nod. “Hey Lo! Look at the butterfly!”  Harley shouts. Loki spins to look and completely loses their balance and falls. Sam keeps trying to run and ends up dragging Loki for a whole two steps before Loki slashes the rope with a blade they pulled out of thin air. As Harley and MJ cross the finish line, the camera pans to Tony and Bruce struggling underneath some foam cubes and then the first four to fall helping each other up, accompanied by Thor and Vision, The camera finally pans back to Loki who looks pissed off that there’s no butterfly.”

[PHOTO: Everyone, drunk and sober alike, in the foam pit throwing cubes at one another.]

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

no avengers were physically hurt but their egos might be significantly damaged once they wake up and see this

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

that last photo is my new lock screen

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

same

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

no one cares

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

bully

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

:D

 

-----

 

EVERYTHING NEWS @everythingnewsnow

PHOTOS AND VIDEOS RELEASED OF AVENGER'S WILD NIGHT CELEBRATING. BUT WHAT WERE THEY CELEBRATING?

Click Here for article.

 

THE DAILY BUGLE @thedailybugle

PHOTOS AND VIDEOS SHARED OF THE AVENGERS HAVING A DISGRACEFULLY WILD AND CHAOTIC NIGHT! ARE THESE REALLY THE PEOPLE PROTECTING OUR WORLD?

Click Here for article.

 

WORLD NEWS @worldnews

THE AVENGERS BLOW UP ON SOCIAL MEDIA WITH PICTURES OF THEM ALL HAVING FUN AND PARTYING!

Click Here for article.

 

-----

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

i don’t regret last night but also I Regret Last Night

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

What she said

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

stephanie not using a full stop? he really is hung over

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

how do you have the energy to be snarky?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan 

i used to party every single night when i was young an naive

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

I can get drunk and NOT have a hangover? This is incredible!

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Everyone should let a german scientist experiment on them!

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

i know right!!

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Before I go back to sleep I want everyone to know that they are JOKING

 

Loki (she/they) |✔️| @immasnake

You mortals with your hangovers are hilarious.

 

THOR @wielderofmjölnir

IT REALLY IS VERY ENTERTAINING

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

believe it or not thor doesn’t actually go around shouting, he just likes the way the text looks in all caps

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

heh, all Caps

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

I love that Peter doesn’t need alcohol to be a fucking dumbass.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

aww you love me!

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME?

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

I’m a lesbian.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i thought you were american?

Notes:

i feel like you guys need to understand that i wrote this two weeks ago and that i'm currently working on chapter 22 or something so going back to this is so weird and disconcerting :) The chapters i'm writing now are a lot longer as well so i feel like this is short when it's not when compared to the most recent chapters uploaded

also i may or may not have added some tags relating to where i am in this story. Someone Is Coming

feel free to rant or just chat in the comments!

Chapter 16: bucky jesus rug

Summary:

some fun!

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

i love that we have exactly one (1) party and people act like we’re alcoholics

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

we were celebrating some very important events that the public have not been notified about yet

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

usually this doesn’t get to me but some of you are harassing minors for information!!

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you tell ‘em mr. irondad

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

as usual mr. starch is making the real points

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

can either of you take anything seriously ever?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

no

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

can YOU

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

YES. that’s what i was just doing.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

-----

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

So remember when @canatincancan mentioned that @peanutbutterparker and @apotatoflewaroundmyroom redecorated some of our rooms? Well they got me.

 

bouta touch some grASS @beanjuice

what did they do tho?!

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Well a little known fact about me is I like to draw and stuff and I have a couple of my drawings framed and hung up around my bedroom. Turns out they’ve been slowly replacing them all.

 

Pirate :p @Jack89960558

With what, is the real question

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

…

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

come on, cap. tell the good people

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

 

Toms @Patchesnameistommy

i think i fall in love with peter a little more every day

 

Andrew Minyard be like: @ogmoronsexual

iconic

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

Did they get anyone else tho??

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

they’ve been redecorating my room ever since harley moved in and i’m just letting them

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

So that’s why we have so much Iron Man merchandise.

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

they’ve completely repainted my rooms

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

because we all know you hated the weird yellowy cream colour they were

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

i was going to repaint i just never got around to it

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

we know, we found your rough sketch on your desk

 

have you ever actually painted a room?

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

...no

 

in my defence i am literally a god

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

well then it’s a good thing peter and i did it because you would have made a mess of it

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

i know i already said it but, thank you

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

can i post a picture of your bedroom? i think it’s the best of your rooms

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

ok

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

[PICTURE: A very large room with 3 bright off-white walls and one peacock green wall - the furthest wall from where the photo is being taken. There’s a dark wooden bed against the green wall with simple white bedding and a couple of heavy knit blankets. There’s two doors on the left hand side of the room that presumably lead to a bathroom and wardrobe. The only other piece of furniture in the room is the matching wooden desk with black metal legs and a leather desk chair.]

 

sydney @bitchimacow

i know peter and harley painted the room buttt, who knew that loki was so aesthetic??

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

seriously you have absolutely no idea

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

they also redecorated @helpiminabucket and @birb ‘s living area

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

are you changing the subject 

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

possibly

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

wait they got US?

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

I was wondering when you’d finally realize.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

you knew?!?

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Of course I knew. I noticed immediately.

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

oooh i helped with sam and bucky’s!!

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

what did you do??

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

this truly is a testament to how observant you are

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

when was the last time you actually looked at the rug in your living room?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

oh my fucking gods

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

he just started choking on his peanuts

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

by any chance did you get a video?

 

FRIDAY |✔️| @tonystarkschild

I did.

[VIDEO: Sam and Bucky are sitting on the couch together, Sam is eating some peanuts with his legs in Bucky’s lap. Both of them are on their phones and suddenly Sam sits up and looks at the rug on the floor before promptly starting to choke on his peanuts. The camera pans out to reveal a rug of this image:

The video cuts off when Bucky starts laughing.]

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

that... that is iconic

 

Pup-dator @RudeKludde

How did you not notice?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

i’m usually preoccupied when we’re in our rooms together. usually we’d just chill in the big living area upstairs but wanda, loki, shuri, harley and peter are watching musicals.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

one, that’s gay.

two, you’re free to join us.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

NO

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

NO

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

???

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb 

you five have been together for exactly two days and you’re terrifying. and aggressive. and chaotic.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb 

wanda is… enthusiastic about EVERYTHING. shuri is, well, shuri. loki is the literal god of mischief and peter and harley are like his protégé’s. you are terrifying.

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

you can fucking say that again

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

what have we done?

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

You blew up the main kitchen this morning.

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

we only blew up 2 ovens! and i contained the explosions!

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

you hacked into friday and got her to play ‘welcome to the internet’ all over the tower for an hour

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

The old men I was in a meeting with did Not Approve.

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

absolute banger of a song tho

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

You sound like an old man

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

At this very moment you ARE and old man?

 

Loki (he/him) |✔️| @immasnake

oh you’re dead /j

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

i’m pretty sure you stole one of my nanotech suits and wrecked it

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

we put it back together and put it back!

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

that’s why i said ‘pretty’ sure. thanks for confirming.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

holy shit, i’m looking at it right now

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

Peter and Harley are looking at each other with the biggest grins.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

where are you???

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

You’ll never know.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

they made it better?? it was my most advanced model

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

that was the kids, loki and i just observed

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

how did you three do this?

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

well shuri was explaining some things about wakandan technology and peter decided to try and integrate it into your suit

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

honestly it was kinda easy

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

right?? Some stark tech is so far behind

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i hate to say it (no i don’t) but mr. stank is getting old

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

i’ll send you home

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

no you won’t

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

why won’t i?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

:(

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

fuck

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

All Peter has to do is pout to get his way.

It’s amazing.

Notes:

i'm really tempted to just stop writing this fic. i'm not a confident writer at all and i'm getting really nervous about this the more i write. some fics out there are incredible and i just feel like this is meh. at the same time i really like this at times. basically i'm very conflicted and don't know what to do.

hope y'all are doing good and if you're not i'm always here for a chat! i hope you enjoy this chapter even if i'm very close to just deleting this fic :)

Chapter 17: tony should hide

Summary:

i just think bucky would be a great heather chandler

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

we managed to ambush everyone after dinner and now they’re been forced into watching musicals with us

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

so far we’ve only watched chicago and stephen already looks like he has a headache, although whether that's because of our singing or billy and tommy running around and screaming is to be decided

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Both.

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

peter announced it was heathers time and stephen literally opened a PORTAL and just left

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

would you blame him after THAT

he knows heathers is going to be even worse

 

Avennnn @thatonetransbitch 

yoooo what happened during chicago?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

FRI, play the video for ‘we both reached for the gun’

 

FRIDAY |✔️| @tonystarkschild

( We Both Reached For The Gun - Chicago)

[VIDEO: Rhodey, Tony, Peter, Bucky, Harley and Sam are sitting on the biggest couch directly in front of the massive television screen, Peter is holding a massive bowl of popcorn with Maltesers mixed in. Bruce and Thor are squeezed onto a love seat together, Thor is taking up about 90% of the space. Wanda, Vision, Clint and Steve are on another couch to the left of the couch containing Rhodey and co. Nat is sitting with Pepper on a seat a bit behind everyone else and Stephen is on the other side of the room sitting on his own and looking like he’s regretting agreeing to this. Loki and Shuri are sitting on a pretty small sofa to the right and have a big bowl of M&Ms between them. 

We Both Reached For The Gun starts and Peter cheers, “I fucking love this song!”. “We know” Bruce says with a fond smile, but Peter’s not listening, he’s too busy singing all of Billy Flynn’s parts at the top of his lungs. Everyone else chiming in as different reporters. Pepper takes over as Miss Sunshine with quite an impressive singing voice. Peter, Bucky, Wanda, Rhodey, Loki and Shuri are standing up and scream-singing. Harley jumps up and joins in as Roxie says ‘Are you kidding?’. The video keeps playing with most of the Avengers, some reluctantly, singing. As the end of the song approaches Peter pulls Thor up and climbs up onto his shoulders. As everyone is singing the last line Peter does a backflip off of Thor’s shoulders and lands as the song finishes. Before promptly falling onto his ass laughing.]

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

since when can PARKER do a backflip

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i did gymnastics as a child?!

 

A be-nch @thesuperiorabe

Yes, but we didn’t realize you were actually good

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

as usual abe is being a dick 

 

A be-nch @thesuperiorabe

i wasn’t trying to be a dick!

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

bro you never try, you just are and that’s what we love about you

 

sydney @bitchimacow

Wait, where’s Spidey?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i have a stupid test to study for 

 

-----

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

we just finished heathers and we’re taking a break and let’s just say that stephen should be glad he left

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Bucky is an amazing Heather Chandler.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

You fucking bet I am

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

his ass in a skirt is the sole reason i’m going out with him

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

The ONLY reason? ;)

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you know, at least harls and i keep it off the internet

yo fri can you post the candy store vid?

 

FRIDAY |✔️| @tonystarkschild

( Candy Store - Heathers)

[VIDEO: All the couches and chairs have been pushed back leaving an area that Bucky, Shuri, Peter, Harley, Rhodey, Sam and Tony are using as a stage as they sing all the songs with the characters on screen. As Candy Store starts everyone takes their places. Bucky stands in front of Shuri and Sam in a red skirt, Sam is most definitely not looking at Bucky’s ass. Tony takes up his place as Veronica and everyone else falls back a bit as the students. Bucky starts singing and he is actually really good. But what really steals the show is how much he acts like Heather Chandler and how good Tony is at being Veronica, his facial expressions are on point. At the start everyone is singing their respective bits but as the song progresses everyone starts chiming in.

When Peter runs up to Tony and says  “ Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party! This proves he's been thinking about me!” Everyone starts laughing, except for Bucky who stays completely in character and glares until they stop. The seriousness only lasts until Bucky flicks his hair over his shoulder and snaps “Shut up Heather” at Sam and then everyone cracks up again. Bucky takes matters into his own hands and stands on his own, in the middle of the room, belting out the end of the song.

Everyone cheers as he finishes and he takes a very extravagant bow before falling onto the couch next to Sam who already beat him to it. The video cuts off as Sam whispers something into Bucky’s ear which makes him blush.]

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i never want to know what sam said to bucky at the end. never.

he blushed for five minutes

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

bet i could make you blush for ten

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

what happened to keeping it OFF the internet?

 

-----

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

We decided to just play certain songs instead of watching all of the musicals because it got late!

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

as much as i would love to post a video of every song we sang along to, there were just too many so i’m going to post them on the official avengers youtube which i’m setting up!

have this for now (i went through a big hamilton phase)

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

we were seeing who would crack first and we almost made it 

( You’ll Be Back - Hamilton)

[VIDEO: Clint, Bruce, Vision and Steve are nowhere to be seen, they’ve presumably gone to bed. Peter, Harley, Tony, Sam, Shuri, Bucky, Wanda, Pepper and Loki are standing in a line and chanting the last two verses of ‘da da da’s’ with completely straight faces. Nat and Rhodey are watching them. Bucky starts swishing his skirt, which he is still rocking, and Shuri, Wanda and Sam crack up. Bucky quickly follows suit, apparently he used all his seriousness on being Heather Chandler. Peter and Harley glance at each other and then nod. They stop singing at the same time and stand in front of Tony staring at him before kissing each other. Tony clearly wasn’t expecting this at that moment and inhales quickly before laughing at how easily they threw him off. The song ends and it’s just Pepper and Loki - the clear winners. They grin at each other as the video cuts off.]

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

hey, fri? will you post the last video? we could have played the version from moulin rouge but at this point we didn’t care if the songs were from a musical or not. i think they might kill me in the morning when they wake up but, oh well

 

FRIDAY |✔️| @tonystarkschild

( Your Song - Elton John)

[VIDEO: Only Harley, Peter, Tony, Sam, Bucky, Nat and Pepper are left. The lights are low and there's no singing, just everyone gently dancing - besides from Tony, who's watching Peter and Harley with so much love in his eyes that anyone watching could see it as plain as day. Nat and Pepper are holding onto each other very tightly, almost like they’re scared that someone is going to steal the other away. Sam is resting his head under Bucky’s chin and, for once, they’re not riling each other up or joking around. All of them are just existing, completely comfortable with one another other. They’re tired, sweaty and their clothes are crumpled and messy and they don’t care. Pepper glances up at Harley and Peter and smiles. Nat notices immediately and glances up at them as well. She smiles as well before burrowing her head into Pepper’s neck. The song isn’t over yet but Sam tugs Bucky away and into the elevator, Bucky seems to be falling asleep where he stands.

Nat and Pepper sit down next to Tony and watch Peter and Harley, who don’t seem to care that they’re the only ones swaying to the song anymore. As the song draws to a close the camera picks up on Peter mumbling the words into Harley’s chest, “I hope you don’t mind. I hope you don’t mind.” He stops singing and dancing then and tugs Harley into a hug. Harley, however, takes over for the last line, “How wonderful life is while you’re in the world.” He sings softly into Peter’s hair. The video cuts off with them still standing there, wrapped in each other's arms.]

 

Toms @Patchesnameistommy

That was so unbelievably sweet

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

I feel like I shouldn’t have watched that? It seemed so private but also that was too cute NOT to watch

 

Pup-dator @RudeKludde

I’m off to go draw Harley and Peter, bye

Notes:

i like this one :)

to all the people who commented on the last chapter and talked some sense into me, thank you! i'm going to keep writing this for another while yet, you're not getting rid of me that easily. i can't guarantee that my posting schedule will be any bit consistent because i'm a mess :D

i hope you're all doing well and i'm always here in the comments for a chat! if you want to be written in to this just drop the name and @ you want to go by!

Chapter 18: group chats are great

Summary:

just some group chat chaos and some excitement for the future...

Notes:

i actually really like this one, probably my favorite so far

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

oh my gods.

the dipshits are trending

and not just on twitter, EVERYWHERE

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

hah, suck it

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

He’s joking about it, but I’m willing to bet he’s freaking out.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i am not!

 

cindy @iliketomoonitmoonit

Well then, have you left your house today?

 

Sorry, TOWER

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

...no

 

A be-nch @thesuperiorabe

have you been excessively refreshing all of your social medias?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

no!

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

only because pepper got friday to ban peter from basically the entire internet

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

wait, how are you on twitter??

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i may or may not have stolen one of spidey’s suits…

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

bitch!

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

oh fuck he’s coming

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

So I was right, he is freaking out

 

Ted @nedwardson

ur always right

 

its what makes u scary

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i’m only slightly freaking out

 

i’m more scared that spidey is gonna fucking eat me or some shit

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

ooh @iliketomoonitmoonit @thesuperiorabe @zoomzoom @sallyakabitches @charliebitmyfinger @bbgun when are you going to be back from canada??

still pissed i couldn’t come

 

Ted @nedwardson

bro u didnt go cuz we had big plans do u regret them that much

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

Ned, our ‘big plans’ to go to the beach for a week didn’t go ahead because you went and got yourself grounded and Peter and I were too nice to go without you

 

Charles|selrahC @charliebitmyfinger

heh lol

 

bettay @bbgun

i’ll be nice and put peter out of his misery

 

we’re coming back next week

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

fuck

 

Charles|selrahC @charliebitmyfinger

wat?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

check the gc

 

-----

 

Private Messages

AcaDicks

(petey pie, nedle, Scary Person, cinders, i’m fast, Salliyee, bb, chacharls, a b e)

 

petey pie: sooo ehhh small problem

petey pie: i’m not going to be in the country when y’all get back

Salliyee: Why??

petey pie: i’m going on holidays

a b e: and why couldn’t u say this on twitter

Scary Person: …

a b e: ohhh right ur like famous now 

i’m fast: i still can’t believe you live with the avengers

bb: oo are you going on holidays w/ the avengers

petey pie: possibly

petey pie: we haven’t said anything online yet because pep has banned us from saying anything until she announces it

Salliyee: You’re going on holidays with the fucking avengers

petey pie: why do i feel like you’re surprised

Salliyee: true

i’m fast: so you liek know spiderman’s real identity?

petey pie: it’s spider-man, with a hyphen. and yes

i’m fast: fucking wild

nedle: u can say that again

cinders: do you have a ,like, avengers gc??

petey pie: as a matter of fact, no. but now i’m making one

bye :)

 

Private Messages

who let the superheroes be so emotionally stunted

(spiderson added: irondad (official), harls <3, the old gay, uncuel samuel, a fucking child, the og trans bro, dad’s bitch, the old straight, spider mama (official), profesional mom (official), my sworn enemy, uncle brucle, brother i never had, thot and could be a milf)

 

spiderson: whoops forgot shuri

 

(spiderson added: do it for the vine)

 

spiderson: oh shit

spiderson: these are your names on my phone

spiderson: why does this shit always happen to me??

uncle bruncle: Peter, I’m guessing?

spiderson: yea

the old straight: So who’s everyone else?

the old straight: It’s Steve by the way.

could be a milf: well, we all know that

could be a milf: it’s wanda, why does my name say ‘could be’??

spiderson: because you’re literally my family so i feel like it would be weird if i called you a milf?

could be a milf: fair enough

harls <3: don’t think i have to say mine

the old gay: Bucky. I fucking love the name, Pete.

a fucking child: I am Vision.

my sworn enemy: clint- the name’s accurate tbh

irondad (official): wait, did you add official on once the adoption was finalized? (mines obvious)

spiderson: possibly

spider mama (official): He did.

professional mom (official): He did

harls <3: nat and pepper then

uncuel samuel: i don’t know whether to laugh or cry because this is very funny but also very sweet

spiderson: ly sam

uncuel samuel: crying it is, ly too kid

the og trans bro: rhodey, feeling privileged to have this name ngl

dad’s bitch: … Stephen

irondad (official): kid you’re going to be the death of us all

thot: IT IS I, THOR. WHAT IS A THOT?

could be a milf: of my fucking gods. it’s beautiful

brother i never had: do you really think of me as a brother?

spiderson: i mean… yea

is that ok?

uncle bruncle: Why did Loki just teleport very suddenly?

uncle bruncle: Oh nevermind.

professional mom (official): Why did you make this chat?

professional mom (official): Peter??

 

5 minutes later

 

spiderson: whoops, sorry, loki and i were talking

spiderson: it just seemed like a good idea 

spiderson: although now that i think about it, this could be very chaotic

uncuel samuel: no shit

spiderson: but it could be useful!

spiderson: like right now for me to ask pep when we can talk about going on holidays online

professional mom (official): I’m posting the official announcement in 10 minutes so after that.

do it for the vine: i can’t believe we’re actually doing this

the old gay: What? All of us going on holidays together?

do it for the vine: yea. i mean just read the gc name 

the old gay: fair enough

harls <3: i kinda wasn’t paying attention… ever. where are we going?

irondad (official): have you been taking your adhd meds?

harls <3: yes!!! this was a choice

irondad (official): i don’t think that’s the good explanation you think it is

spiderson: he’s just covering up the fact that he doesn’t know either

spiderson: i, on the other hand, know our schedule of by heart because i am a genius

harls <3: anxiety?

the old gay: definitely

spiderson: fuck both of you

spiderson: well, tomorrow we’re flying out to ireland for three days for harls’ birthday and so irondad and pep can go to some meetings and then we’re flying to france for two days to see the eiffel tower and stuff. And thennnn we’re flying to florida to go to disneyworld and the beach and stuff (i think??) before roadtripping back home

spiderson: we should be gone for about two weeks, apparently any longer is unacceptable for us to not be working

harls <3: i’m going to forget that in like 10 minutes

could be a milf: for someone so incredibly smart you have a terrible memory

the og trans bro: wait… when’s harley’s birthday

harls <3: i’m not surprised just disappointed

uncuel samuel: even i know it’s the day after tomorrow

the og trans bro: i knew it was soon!!! i just didn’t know when exactly…

harls <3: i’m expecting a fucking amazing present after this betrayal

the og trans bro: you bet

do it for the vine: shit i need to get you something

spiderson: am i the only one prepared for his birthday??

the old gay: Sam and I are ready!

uncuel samuel: yup

irondad (official): i’m ready!

harls <3: fuck yeah, this is gonna be great

 

-----

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i honestly can’t believe that the avengers decide to go on holidays the one week i’m visiting family and am going to be out of town

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

hah suck it kid

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

fuck you sam

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

for once i agree with sam :)

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i thought we were trans bros?? you’re betraying me for bird man??

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i have rhodey

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

hey, don’t drag me into this!

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

betrayal 

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

it’s not our fault that you decide to visit your grandmother this week??

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

well maybe if i knew that we were supposed to be going on holidays before fucking two days ago i would have been more prepared

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

actually that's true

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Wait, you only found out two days ago?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

...yeah?

we found out with like everyone else at that meeting?

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

Yeah, it honestly seemed very last minute

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Which is weird considering it obviously wasn’t last minute because there is a very small window of time every few months where EVERYONE is together.

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

@canatincancan

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

...yes

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

You had ONE JOB.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

It slipped my mind! 

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

You were supposed to tell them a month ago

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

i forgot and then i thought they just… knew

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

how were we supposed to know??

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

context clues?

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i thought we all know that i’m an idiot who doesn’t pay attention

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

And the rest of us are busy doing, you know, important stuff

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Well… I was just distracted by other things

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

keeping it off the internet, remember?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

that’s gay

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

do you have any other jokes?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

no.

Notes:

i have had the worst week
last thursday we had to put my dog down which fucking sucked and i'm really ignoring how i feel about that (i know it's not healthy, but i kinda don't have any other options rn), my horse has thrown a shoe so i can't do anything with him, my phone is very broken and i got friend zoned by a girl i really liked :D

anyways, enjoy
and i hope you're all having a better time than me rn and if you're not you can talk to me in the comments or on my instagram @cigarettesmokeandrooftops (follow me ;))

Chapter 19: who let 20 of the avengers and co. on a plane?

Summary:

packing, boarding, flying - chaos

Notes:

possible 'all for the game' spoilers (but not really)
and some self discriminatory language (TW)

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

this is the worst idea we’ve ever had and that’s saying something

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

This is worse than the time Peter made a real lightsaber.

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

I can’t believe we’re actually going through with this

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i can’t believe that you agreed to come

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

I can’t believe I agreed to come either.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

oh come on! it’ll be fun

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

We haven’t even left yet and we’ve managed to lose one of the twins and lock Sam into a closet?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

don’t worry it’s not my first time being in a closet

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

but those had nothing to do with our holiday!

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Not. Helping.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

lighten up steph! we’re gonna have a great time

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

yeah! you tell ‘em mr. irondad

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

get off twitter and pack your bags!

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i’ve had my bags packed since last week, thank you very much

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

then go help harley, he definitely hasn’t packed

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

ha he’s right

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

how are we dating?? 

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

not all of us are control freaks, darlin’

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

ah yes. your very effective use of the word ‘darlin’’.  that was it.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

you’re only dating me because of my accent??

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

yes. 

 

grey @lamehumanvee

Seems like a solid reason

 

-----

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

we actually made it to the jet (shocker)

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

apparently we’re not allowed to say where we’re going online until we get there to try and avoid the worst of the paparazzi

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i mean you’re a literal princess and you’re NOT the most famous person on this jet

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

i am the most iconic

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

EXCUSE ME, did you NOT see me rocking a skirt the other day?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

[PICTURE: Shuri and Bucky glaring at each other across the aisle of the jet. Loki is in the background and seems to be asleep on someone.]

 

Angry Swarm of Bees @ genderfluidbeeotch

Wait, who is Loki asleep on??

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

oh! no one, thats just a pillow

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

Yo since when do pillows have grey hair??

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

its one of these things

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

why do we let peter have twitter?

 

-----

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

if you were wondering this is our seating plan, designed by yours truly

Click here

at least this is how it's starting, we’re probably going to move around during the flight

 

(A/N this has kinda been distorted and i forgot to write it in but the seats on the right are directly next to one another and the seats on the left are singles)

-----

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

sometimes i forget that mr. irondad is rich

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

You live in a literal tower and I’ve seen your rooms.

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

yes but like he’s rich rich

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

What are you even talking about?

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i’m currently flying over the atlantic in a massive luxury private jet, like there’s 20 of us and there’s still extra seats. we’re sitting in very fancy armchair things with tables and shit. luxury.

i’d never even left ny until i met starch

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

love that you’ve known me since you were 14 (i think? it was a long time ago) and now you’re nearly 18 and you STILL call me by a variation of my last name or mr. irondad

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

love that for you

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

Do you have notifications on for all Peter’s tweets, even the ones you aren’t tagged in? Or do you just keep refreshing twitter non-stop?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

Peter, Harley, Spidey, Shuri and Bucky

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

he’s not the only one, most of their phones buzz when i tweet

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

Fair enough.

 

emmjay (she/they) @shutup

You never know when one of you is going to do something stupid.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Why me???

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

because you’re a dumbass

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

because you’re a dumbass

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

hah i was faster

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

No I Am Not.

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

did anyone record what happened five minutes ago? to prove a point

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

fri?

 

FRIDAY |✔️| @tonystarkschild

[VIDEO: The video is being taken from the front of the plane from a camera high up. All of the crew can be seen, except for Loki, their seat has been blurred out. ALong with the one next to them. The camera focuses on Bucky who gets up from his seat and walks over to Steve who's reading a newspaper a couple of seats ahead of him. He looks up at Bucky as he approaches and folds his newspaper away when he sees the shit eating grin on Bucky’s face. “What do you want?” Steve asks, leaning back in mock fear when Bucky sits down across the way from him. “Arm wrestle.” Bucky replies, still grinning. Steve immediately looks at Bucky’s metal arm but Bucky puts his right arm up on the table in front of him. Steve gets up and sits directly next to Bucky so they’re not reaching across the aisle of the jet. Steve gamely puts his arm on the table, he’s grinning now too. Bruce leans across and counts them down to start. As they start it’s pretty even but Steve starts to get a bit of leeway. They’re both fighting for this but they clearly don’t want to hurt the other. Bucky leans forward and growls as he tries to balance things out. He fails miserably. Instead of pushing Steve’s hand back to the middle he manages to let go and punch himself in the face. The people at the front of the jet start laughing, drawing the attention of those towards the back who also start laughing when they realize what’s happened. Steve is near tears as he goes back to his seat. Bucky follows suit and heads back to his seat, laughing along with everyone else. The video cuts off]

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Ok. Point made.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

your face just after you punched yourself is my new lockscreen

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

I hate you.

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

aww they really are in love

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

well what’s your lockscreen

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

gotta be consistent 

-----

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

we’re an hour in and bucky has punched himself in the face, loki fell asleep the second we boarded the plane, i just had a very casual conversation with tony and peter about the quickest way to hack into some very complex security measures for very important places (that would 

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

probably be illegal if we did anything more than talk about it), billy and tommy are having a conversation with thor about how many times loki has stabbed him over the many, many years they’ve been alive which they probably shouldn’t be hearing and definitely don’t 

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

understand but wanda and vis are fine with it, sam has attempted to sneak up on peter and frighten him THIRTEEN FUCKING TIMES (seriously sam you’re not going to succeed) and thats not even all of it. 

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i’ve never been happier that tony fell out of the sky and decided to take up residence in my garage

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

jeez thanks kid

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i might get murdered for this but, natasha romanoff can knit?? really well?? I’ve been living at the tower for a month or something and i didn’t know she could knit

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

To be fair, how many times have you been into our rooms?

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

well now i’m going to come and annoy you a lot more

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Wow you really are asking to be murdered

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

aha but you would never do that to peter!

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

Kid, I’m not going to murder you. Whether Peter would be upset by it or not.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

We joke about it a lot but none of us would ever actually murder you <3

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

feeling loved lol

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

✨deflection✨

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

he says like he didn’t basically invent the damn thing

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

:D

 

-----

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

guys, shuri and i got harley to read the 'all for the game series' and he brought 'the raven king' with him to read on the plane

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

and this motherfucker just got to the riko roast

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparke

i literally have a framed picture of it on my wall

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

fucking iconic

 

popo @youknowigetit

YOU KNOW I GET IT

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

I’VE SEEN YOU REPLY TO MY TWEETS BEFORE AND I ALWAYS WONDERED IF THAT WAS WHAT YOUR USERNAME WAS REFERENCING!!

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

yOu KnOw I gEt It

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

 

Andrew Minyard be like: @ogmoronsexual

Fuck yeah some aftg appreciation

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

how did i figure out i was bi? i read those fucking books

how did i realize i was mentally ill? i realized that i kinned andrew, neil and kevin in different ways

 

popo @youknowigetit

you got andrew, neil and kevin?

 i just realized i kinned andrew

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

honestly don’t know if that’s better or worse

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

renee, allison and/or dan could stop on me and i would die instantly

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

those books are so fucked up and that’s why they attract the depressed gay teenagers

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

agreed.

 

cindy @iliketomoonitmoonit

Is this you coming out to us

 

flash! bang! @zoomzoom

possibly

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

we need to stop coming out on twitter

like i didn’t know sally was queer until she changed her username

 

these bitches gay, good for them @sallyakabitches

hah

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

but coming out on twitter is fun

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

speak for yourself

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

coming out VOLUNTARILY on twitter is fun

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

that’s better

 

-----

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

How are we only 3 hours in?

 

-----

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

lowkey woke up!

 

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

sadly

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

It’s not that bad.

 

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

i can see the earphones you have in 

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Well then, thanks for exposing me.

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

bitch, that’s why you didn’t care when billy started crying a while ago

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

you can blame me, i asked him to see if they worked. i’m trying to develop earphones that are noise cancelling for enhanced and also discreet

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Also I didn’t want to have to listen to… this.

 

THOR |✔️| @wielderofmjölnir

PETER HAS FINALLY GOTTEN ME VERIFIED

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i love it when thor goes on twitter because he just jumps in randomly and says something completely unrelated to whatever we’re talking about

Notes:

i have been even more of a mess than usual with uploading recently :/
i hope everyone is prepared for some chaotic holiday chapters coming up! they have a lot to do and see and you guys will finally meet the one (1) original character i've actually gone ahead and created for this fic (i'm like a proud mother)

also did anyone notice my poorly hidden character introduction?

hope you're doing well! i'm always here for a chat :)

Chapter 20: property of the avengers

Summary:

the avengers finally arrive at their first destination!

Notes:

TW: vomiting

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

the tiny humans are causing chaos

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

are you talking about the children or tony and peter?

 

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

all of the above

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

i wish everyone could see the absolute spectacle that is peter getting hugged by thor

he literally disappears 

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

assholes

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

how is peter causing chaos when he’s currently asleep on harley’s shoulder??

 

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

peter is always causing chaos

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

fair enough

 

Avennnn @thatonetransbitch 

I love how Tony barely cares about his own height but he cares about Peter’s ability to defend himself when he’s asleep 

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

loki, wtf??

[PICTURE: Loki sitting in the back of the plane on his phone, if you look closely it almost looks like there’s someone next to them.]

[PICTURE: Loki sitting in front of Thor and gesturing wildly.]

 

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

i’ve been doing this for the past 20 minutes and no one has noticed until now

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

do u just casually duplicate yourself sometimes

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

They do.

 

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

i do

usually no one notices

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

i wonder if i could do that

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

It's very, very likely.

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

what does that mean??

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Nothing. But... if you’re going to try, make sure you get Loki to teach you and don’t just do it yourself.

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

obviously

 

deadpool @fuckwolverine

or maybe she could just let it all explode out of her one day?

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

who even are you

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Ignore him. @fuckwolverine stop doing that or I’ll have to pay you a visit about our previous discussion.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

you know this dude??

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

I’ll explain him to you another time.

 

-----

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

Peter and Harley are sickeningly cute

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

About half an hour ago Peter moved to the seat next to Harley and now they're both asleep.

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

[PICTURE: Harley and Peter asleep in armchair/recliner-like chairs. Peter’s head is on Harley’s shoulder and Harley’s head is on Peter’s head. They are in a very awkward and uncomfortable position due to the arm rests in between their seats.If you look at the bottom of the picture you can see that they’re holding hands.]

 

bouta touch some grASS @beanjuice

they look so uncomfortable

 

Toms @Patchesnameistommy

How is Peter so cute?

 

ribbit ribbit @rabbit

they’re both incredibly cute but how tf are they sleeping like that

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

the thing is, the armrests can literally sink into the ground underneath them if someone asked friday but peter wakes the second something touches him or brushes against him. he usually doesn’t wake from sounds but touch? I’ve never seen someone wake up so quickly

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

He’s right.

 

Ted @nedwardson

as some1 who has seen this, its tru

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

i thought i woke up quickly and ready to fight but, peter…

 

THOR |✔️| @wielderofmjölnir

I SEARCHED UP THE MEANING OF THOT

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

there he goes

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

speaking of petey pie this masterpiece is his fault for making everyone download twitter

 

-----

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i go to sleep for an hour and a half and people start talking about me behind my back /j

 

Peter-Man @peanutbutterparker

i’m pretty sure everyone here is kinda sick of twitter so i’m gonna log off until we arrive! i’ll keep you all informed of what we’re up to because it’s fun :)

i just have one thing i want to do 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

i was sick of my old @ :)

 

-----

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

yo we just landed so that means i can finally tell you we’re in ireland! specifically we just landed in cork. we’re here for a couple of days because starch and pep have business stuff and we decided that here was as good a place as anywhere to celebrate harley’s birthday!

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

we didn’t realize that it was going to be raining. constantly.

which is fine because honestly the rain is underrated

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

we’ve been here for 10 minutes and you’ve decided it’s going to rain forever?

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i checked the weather 

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

whoops

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

anyways we had this competition to see who would get recognized first at the airport by a civilian (staff don't count) . we probably could’ve avoided any crowds and snuck out but this place is absolutely tiny and its pretty late so we kinda just went for it

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

we all thought that thor, steve or stank would be recognized first because well… they’re them. So we’re walking through this tiny ass airport trying to get to the tour bus thingy that pepper organized to take us all to the house that she owns here and we’ve passed about 70

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

people and none of them even look at us until we’re almost at the door. i was a bit ahead of everyone at this stage because i may or may not have be running and then i heard “oh my gods are you peter parker?” and that is the story of how i met, wait for it, @youknowigetit !!

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

anyways that was cool. i met a fellow aftg fan and got recognized before everyone else. 

 

popo @youknowigetit

i’m sitting there waiting to pick up my aunt and i meet the whole crew, peter first obviously. we spoke for a while and now i have his number. fucking wild.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

we’re on the bus now and peter is bouncing in his seat nonstop. i’m also 90% sure we’re being followed by paparazzi who have figured out where we are

 

a child. | ✔️ | @VISION

We are.

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

They can’t follow us to the house, there’s a lot of security.

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

quick question, how many bedrooms are at the house? 

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Enough. When my parents originally bought it, it was a B&B and they never bothered to convert any of the bedrooms and then, when I inherited it, I had the whole place done up but, again, left the same amount of bedrooms.

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

for a second there i thought i was gonna have to listen to steve snore all night

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Let’s be real, you’re still going to hear Steve snore no matter if there's walls between you or not.

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

sadly she’s right. in the tower there was a whole floor separating you from his snoring and now you’re just gonna have a couple of feeble walls

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

I do NOT snore.

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Yes you do.

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

yea u do

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

you do

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

it’s incredibly fucking loud

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

Lies and slander.

 

-----

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

we’re here! this place is way bigger than i thought it was going to be and also there’s a farm right behind it which is apparently customary here from what i’ve seen so far

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

this is so much better than the city

 

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

his inner farmer is coming out

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

what do you expect?? i grew up on farms

 

Loki (he/they) |✔️| @immasnake

fair enough

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

is anyone else worried that steve and rhodey are cooking our dinner

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

We’re all absolutely terrified.

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

thankfully i've already fed the kids and put them to bed meaning they don’t have to put up with… whatever is being made

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

i offered to help but they told me to get out

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

who in their right mind WOULDN’T let you help them cook?? it’s the only thing you’re actually good at

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

thanks... i think

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

stop talking shit about our cooking skills! 

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

stop going on twitter when you’re meant to be cooking for 20 people

 

-----

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan 

well, it looks edible 

[PICTURE: A plate of lasagna with salad on the side. The lasagne looks slightly burnt and the salad looks very dry.]

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

speak for yourself, i decided to have some of the mac and cheese

[PICTURE: Very dry mac and cheese that looks… questionable.]

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

*shudders*

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

well if you’re going to complain you should have made it yourself!

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

i offered, multiple times.

 

America’s Ass |✔️ | @americanowithice

It’s not that bad.

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

well of course you’d say that you made it and you used to eat old army food

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

As someone who has also eaten ‘old army food’ this is still questionable.

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

All of you get off your phones and eat.

 

-----

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

no one vomited so i guess it wasn’t that bad

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

give it time

 

-----

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

nevermind, clint just ran into the bathroom

Notes:

writers block is killing me at the moment! i have no motivation to do anything :(
currently sat at home, on my own, watching beetlejuice and staring at my laptop

let me know what you thought of this/give me some motivation :)

Chapter 21: a foreign phone number

Summary:

its harley's birthday!

Notes:

this is w o r d y
naturally i'm going to trust the me from a month ago and not proof read this

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

it’s the 17th of may meaning…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARLEY

[VIDEO: The video starts with the camera facing Peter. “Ok guys it’s Wednesday and I just woke up so if I’m not making sense that’s why. But anyways, it’s Harley’s birthday and I just snuck out of our room to grab this,” Peter holds up a large glass of water and spills a little on himself. “Shit. Ok, let’s go wake up this idiot before I spill more on myself.” Peter starts creeping forward and opens the door with his elbow, making the camera shake. “Ok…” Peter whispers. The camera flips and you can see Harley asleep in bed. There’s a window behind the bed with morning light streaming in. The camera nears the bed and Peter holds out the glass in front of the camera. He holds it  over Harley’s head and turns it upside down. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Peter shouts as Harley sits up quickly gasping and shaking his head. He looks around before his eyes settle on Peter. “You are dead.” Harley gasps, getting out of bed and coming towards the camera, and Peter. “Shit, shit, shit, shit,” Peter mutters as he starts running out the door. “What are you-” The video cuts off as Stephen appears on screen.]

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Harley chased him for 10 minutes. They only stopped when Harley managed to push Peter into the river outside.

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

peter threw his phone at me as he ran past so i could save and upload the video

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Clint, Sam, Shuri and Loki just ran past my office and when I went to find out what they were doing I saw this.

[PHOTO: Clint, Sam, Shuri, Loki, Peter and Harley all soaked in the middle of a river, water flying everywhere as they splash each other.]

 

-----

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

well. 

that was one way to kick off my birthday

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

i deserved that

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

yes you did.

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

we just had pancakes made by clint and bruce and they were a m a z i n g

and now we’re going… somewhere that i’m not allowed to say

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

apparently i’m not allowed to know where we’re going 

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

it’s a surprise

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i don’t like surprises

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

get over it

 

a child. | ✔️ | @VISION

I was sent ahead to video. I can assure you that you will like this one.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

ughhhh how long until we get there

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

Ten minutes

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

 what are we doing after this?

 

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

You’ll just have to wait and see.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i can’t remember the last person who put this much effort into my birthday

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

HELLO?!

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

oh i know you tried your hardest but we were kinda poor and mom didn’t care??

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

fair enough i suppose

you have to visit me soon

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

why don’t YOU visit me??

i definitely have the better bedroom now :)

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

fuck you

and maybe i will

 

Private Messages

harley → abi

 

harley: ok, this might sound crazy but tony said we could fly you out to florida to join us in a few days

harley: we’re gonna be there in like 5 days

abi: are you joking?????

abi: just casually fly me out to florida to join your weird pseudo family holiday

harley: yeah dipshit

harley: you were my sister before i met any of these idiots and as annoying as you are i think you should come

abi: aww i hate you too <3

harley: gods you and shuri are going to be a nightmare

abi: never said i was going

harley: are you

abi: of course i am

abi: i have to meet your boyfriend

abi: also clout 

harley: i’m dreading this already

abi: heheh

 

-----

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

we’re here!! you ready vis?

 

a child. | ✔️ | @VISION

Yes. 

 

a child. | ✔️ | @VISION

[VIDEO: Video starts as a large door opens and the whole crew enters. They seem to be in some sort of big shed from what you can see in the video. “Wait, is this an arena?” Harley asks, looking to Tony for an answer. He doesn’t wait to hear his answer before he runs over to the edge of a large sand arena. The camera follows Harley’s movements. Inside of the arena is a large chestnut horse with four white legs and a white blaze down it’s face. (A/N, imagine something like this ) The camera zooms in on Harley’s face as he watches the horse and rider jump around some show jumps with a slightly awed expression and a critical eye.Peter comes up besides him and nudges him, “What do you think?”. “They’re amazing. They’re both incredibly talented. It’s been so long since I got to see someone jump like… this.” Harley gestures in the direction of the horse and rider who are slowing down to a trot and heading towards them. Tony comes into frame now and hands Harley a helmet and a pair of long riding boots. “Want to have a go?” Tony asks. “Fuck yeah” Harley replies with a grin making Tony and Peter laugh.

 

Harley enters the arena and the camera briefly flashes to the Avengers who have all taken seats around the arena, besides from Peter who stays leaning against the rail. The camera cuts back to Harley who just got on the horse and has started walking. He gestures to his tracksuit pants and shouts over to his small audience, “I’m really not dressed for this!” Harley starts to pick up the pace, getting used to the horses' paces. The girl who had been riding stands in the middle and gives him pointers. At one point the camera picks up on Peter muttering, “Is… is that… no that’s too much of a coincidence.” Harley seems to be in his element, even when the horse starts bucking out of excitement.

 

They start to pop over some fence and it’s a beautiful dance. There’s a few sticky moments but other than that they’re in sync. They’re moving together and slowly building up the jumps. Once they’re finished, Harley’s grinning and the horse’s ears are forward and they’re both breathing hard. The girl who had been giving them pointers walks over to the fence where Peter is standing. “I knew it was you!” Peter shouts when he sees her face. “I was waiting for the penny to drop.” She grins back. “Popo, as in the girl from Twitter and the airport, also sells horses. You have many hidden depths.” Peter is shaking his head in amazement now. “Or maybe you just don’t know me.” She says in response. “You bet your ass I’m texting you later.” Peter is still staring at her in shock. Harley approaches behind them leading the horse, at the same moment Tony approaches them.

 

“You know,” he says, “When I spoke to you on the phone I didn’t think you were a kid.” “I’m 17,” Popo responds before turning to Harley, “Well, what did you think?”. “He’s amazing. Like amazing amazing. Did you train him?” Harley’s still grinning. “I bought him as a three year old along with his half brother,” She gestures to the field outside where a dark brown horse was grazing in the field, “I trained the both of them but I just clicked more with Nyo out there and decided that this fella could do really well with someone else.” “Well, that was the best ride of my life.” Harley says patting the horse. “Glad you like him,” Popo glances at Tony who nods, “I think he’s going to enjoy life in America.” The statement takes a moment to sink in and then Harley’s head shoots up. “What?”

 

“Happy Birthday, Harls.” Tony smiles. “You owe me riding lessons after I thought this up.” Peter added. “He… he’s mine?” Harley whispers. “Yup! He’s flying over to the U.S. next week. He should be arriving the day after you arrive back in New York. Irish horses are sought after all over the world and this fella is as Irish as they get. He’s gonna go far.” Popo is clearly very proud of the horse. Harley still looks to be in shock. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” He says looking between Peter and Tony. “Hey buddy. How do you feel about coming home with me, huh?” He says to the horse. “Oh my gods!! I never asked you for his name!” Harley says to Popo. “Ari, well, Aristotle but I only call him that when he’s being bold.”

 

Harley turns to the horse and strokes his face, “Aristotle” he whispers under his breath.

 

The video cuts off with Peter vaulting silently over the wall and hugging Harley.]

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

that was incredible

 

Pirate :p @Jack89960558

That hug at the end… so cute

 

Avennnn @thatonetransbitch 

That horse has no idea what it just got itself into.

 

popo @youknowigetit

who knew that i’d sell one of the scraggly babies i bought three years ago to the avengers

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

y’all that horse girl is hella cute

 

popo @youknowigetit

i’m right here babes ;)

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

why did peter just send me a foreign phone number

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

oh

 

popo @youknowigetit

i was about to say the same thing…

 

-----

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

today has been the best birthday i’ve ever had

we didn't get any more videos besides from the original one of me trying ari but i think peter got some photos!

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

i did! 

[PICTURE: Harley kissing Aristotle’s nose.]

[PICTURE: All of the Avengers and co. sitting at a table with Harley at the very top with a cake in front of him with all of the Avengers on it. He’s looking at it and rolling his eyes while everyone else laughs. There’s an arm in the bottom right corner that doesn’t seem to belong to any of the Avengers.]

[PICTURE: A selfie of Peter kissing Harley’s cheek.]

[PICTURE: Bucky and Sam laughing as Harley opens a present.]

[PICTURE: Harley pulling a face at the hoodie in his arms and everyone around him laughing.]

[PICTURE: Harley looking amused and unimpressed wearing a hoodie with this picture on it.]

[PICTURE: Shuri showing Harley how to use a shiny, new looking watch.]

[PICTURE: Shuri is laughing at Harley, his mouth is hanging open and his eyes are wide and his hands are over his chest. The watch seems to be projecting something, probably frightening or surprising judging from Harley’s expression.]

[PICTURE: Billy and Tommy giving Harley handmade cards with crayon scribbled all over the front. Harley is grinning so hard it must hurt.]

[PICTURE: All of the crew in the river, it’s raining. Everyone is crowded together and messing. The camera must be on a timer because Peter is in mid-air jumping in, in a perfect position to splash Tony and Stephen. Both of whom are too busy laughing at something to see him.]

[PICTURE: 20 sticks with marshmallows over a large bonfire.]

 

Notes:

sorry for disappearing i've felt like fucking shit and school starts tomorrow which doesn't help :D
anyways i still kinda feel like crap but i'm forcing myself to pull my shit together and write something! i'm also watching different musicals on repeat for seretonin

hope you're doing better than i am :)
i promise i'll go through your comments soon!

Chapter 22: I’M IN MY MUM’S CAR

Summary:

am i back? probably not but i have some chapters stored up already :)

just me @asimplegay

is it just me or does there seem to be an extra person with the avengers that no one knows???

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

Yeah, from what I know I think there’s meant to be 19 of them but Peter said there was 20 of them and there were 20 people roasting marshmallows

 

grey @lamehumanvee

weird that they seem to be hiding whoever it is

 

Pup-dator @RudeKludde

Maybe they just don’t want the fame!

 

sydney @bitchimacow

i wonder who they are and why they’re there

 

Wesper Supremacy @socck

I guess we’ll just have to wait for them to feel comfortable enough to say something

 

-----

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

so we’re all staying around the house today while stanky and pep go to some meetings which means that stephen can’t hid with tony

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

we’re making him and thor watch vines

 

Mobius M. Mobius @gaytimecowboy

Well, someone had to teach them

You two vine gremlins are the most qualified

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

when did you get twitter??

 

Mobius M. Mobius @gaytimecowboy

About 10 minutes ago

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

fuck yeah!!

 

Loki (he/she) |✔️| @immasnake

oh this was a good idea

this is gonna be fun

 

Mobius M. Mobius @gaytimecowboy

Did you think it wouldn’t be, huh?

Didn’t realize you thought I was boring

 

Loki (he/she) |✔️| @immasnake

oh no

you are anything but boring

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

back to our education of steph and thor

who knows what you two could say

 

THOR |✔️| @wielderofmjölnir

I AM READY STARKSON

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Let's do this, I suppose.

 

-----

 

THOR |✔️| @wielderofmjölnir

I’M IN MY MUM’S CAR

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

…

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

come on…

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Vroom vroom.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

ngl i think i just cried a little

 

Loki (he/she) |✔️| @immasnake

stephen acts reluctant but he’s enjoying this

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

No, I am not.

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

yes you are

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Maybe.

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

:D

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

yeah bitches we did it

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

wish i could see his face rn

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

[PHOTO: Stephen sitting next to Peter looking exasperated but slightly amused. Peter looks straight up delighted. Thor is looking at the laptop in front of him very intensely.]

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

ooh harls, hows ari??

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

he’s absolutely incredible

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

and how’s my new favorite person

 

popo @youknowigetit

i’m fucking fantastic

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

good to know babes ( ˘ ³˘)♥

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

what am i?? chopped liver

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

sorry harls, i’ve replaced you /j

 

popo @youknowigetit

i’m just better, ya know?

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

honestly i’m not even mad because you’re pretty fucking great 

 

popo @youknowigetit

i know

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

also i have you to thank for ari

 

popo @youknowigetit

you have ari to thank for ari

he’s just that cool

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

modesty?? from you??

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

a good horse rider is one that puts the horse first and foremost

sometimes they forget about themselves

 

popo @youknowigetit

well said

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

why thank you

 

popo @youknowigetit

now answer my messages you asshole

 

-----

 

Private Messages

pop it → abi

 

pop it: yo, how old are you?

pop it: because i know you’re younger than harley and he’s 18

pop it: and i’m really hoping you’re not, like, a child

abi: wow, not even a hello

abi: is popo your full name?

pop it: answer my question first

abi: i’m almost 17

pop it: thank the gods

pop it: i’m 17 btw

pop it: it’s not my full name

abi: what is???

pop it: you don’t need to know that

abi: i’d like to

pop it: the only person who calls me my full name is my mother and i’d like to keep it that way

abi: ok mystery girl

pop it: i’m a mystery?

abi: all i know is that you like the all for the game trilogy, you’re unreasonably good at horse riding and you’re hot

pop it: i’m hot? ;)

pop it: well all i know about you  is that harley is your brother, you’re seventeen and you’re queer

pop it: i am too 

pop it: queer that is

pop it: i don’t even know what you look like

abi: well then. i’m a lesbian, i also like horses allthough i’m not into jumping, i really like tomatoes, i’m an artist and this is me

[PHOTO: A selfie of Abi with a small smile on her face. Her blonde hair is long enough that you can’t see where it ends in frame  Her make-up is impeccable and perfectly compliments her dark green eyes, she could be an Instagram influencer.]

 

pop it: i know you already know what i look like from the video of harley trying aristotle but here ig

pop it: i can’t do make up or anything so yeah

[PHOTO: A selfie of Popo smirking at the camera. Her hair is short and fluffy looking, one side is dyed green and the other black. Her eyes are a light grey that look like they could possibly kill someone. She has a smattering of freckles across her cheeks accompanied by some acne.]

abi: i stand by what i said about you being hot

pop it: you’re not so bad yourself, abigail keener 

abi: you’re still pretty much a mystery to me. i know basically nothing about you

pop it: i guess you’re just gonna have to try and figure me out ;)

abi: oh you bet i’m going to figure you out

pop it: you can try

 

-----

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

We’re packing up again and I’m seriously contemplating breaking up with Sam.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

ummm hey?!?

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

How did you manage to get clothes ALL OVER THE HOUSE in less than three full days?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

sorry i’m not as neat as you, mr. military

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

You were in the army too?!

Peter’s clothes are neat and he wasn’t in the army?

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers  

don’t drag me into this

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

peter is a neat freak?? of course his clothes are packed neatly

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers  

i was going to help but now i don’t want to

 

America’s Ass |✔️| @americanowithice

I’ll do it.

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

you really can’t go more than 5 minutes without bickering??

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

no

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

It’s not my fault Sam’s a messy pig.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

get over it

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

You two are worse than Tony and Stephen when they get going over who knows more about Brooklyn 99

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

… stephen watches b99?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

how have i never told you this before?? 

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

bitch, you knew?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i have super hearing and i would locate captain holt's dulcet tones anywhere

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

also it’s me. i know more. i am superior.

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

you’re just some common bitch

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

Oh he went there

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

i still can’t believe that STEPHEN watches b99

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Did you think I was just some common bitch?

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

He’s still going

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

and it’s still incredible

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

it’s official we’re watching b99 together on the big screen on the plane

 

a child. |✔️| @VISION

I already have Season One Episode One ready to go.

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Have we agreed that I’m the superior fan?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

oh, noooooooooooooooooooooooo

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

We have to leave in an HOUR and if you all don’t hurry up you can stay here in the rain.

 

-----

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

thank the gods this flight is shorter

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

don't get so excited

our next flight is way longer

 

America’s Ass |✔️| @americanowithice

Focus on the here and now for now.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

brooklyn 99 is starting in 10

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers     

honestly can’t believe we have access to ships that can go try space in seconds but starch chooses to travel by plane to feel modest. WE’RE IN THE MOST LUXURIOUS JET LIKE EVER

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

would you like to fly economy?

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers    

fair enough

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i feel like everyone should know that as this is going on peter and stephen are swapping seats so peter can sit next to stank

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

it’s also to make sure they don’t murder each other over who’s the biggest brooklyn 99 fan

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

semantics

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers  

harley you’re really ruining my vibe of rebellious teenager

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

we both know that i’m the rebellious one

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

You are a fucking nightmare, that’s what you are.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

and gay! don’t forget that i’m gay!!

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

A nightmare.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

are you saying that my being gay is a nightmare? because that’s homophobic, bitch

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

I’M GAY?!

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

and??

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

I hate you.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

you love me

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Unfortunately, yes /hj

-----

 

Andrew Minyard be like: @ogmoronsexual

so remember that 20th person??

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

yeah?

 

Andrew Minyard be like: @ogmoronsexual

maybe it’s that mobius person that was tweeting with peter and loki?

 

Pirate :p @Jack89960558

but they all regularly tweet with fans and friends and stuff so they could just be a fan

 

Andrew Minyard be like: @ogmoronsexual

i dunno, it’s just a theory

it seemed like they were flirting with loki

 

Toms @Patchesnameistommy

If it is him, I wonder who he is?

 

Avennnn @thatonetransbitch 

i wonder....

Notes:

i’m not back, still no motivation tbh! i’m uploading this from school because i’m bored as fuck

if your name hasn’t come up it will in a few chapters when i start writing again but all of these were written about two months ago now :)

feel free to vent in the comments my dude and let me know what you thought of this one

Notes:

if you want to be featured in this fic please drop a username in the comments! if you have any ideas for what the avengers should get up to let me know.