Chapter Text
A soft melody could be heard through the Suzuki household. The rhythm of a piano and the elegant sounds of the violin worked together to create something that could only be described as perfect.
A girl could be seen in the music room, her long fingers moving smoothly over the black and white keys, creating a harmony with the violin being played by her partner.
The sunlight entered through the window, its radiance framing the musicians like an old painting, long dark hair, eyes like gems and white porcelain skin. Mari was one heck of a beauty.
Suddenly as their duet reached the climax, the violin screeched on the high note, the piano stopped playing, the last few notes feeling forced as if the pianist was trying to hurt the instrument. The seemingly perfect harmony was broken by what looked like a simple mistake.
"Again."
Her voice was so commanding, so frustrated, so angry that you wouldn't believe it was coming from the mouth of the gentle-looking girl. The little boy in front of her shuddered.
The beauty and elegance were not unique to Mari, Sunny too had a handsome face, beautiful eyes, maybe he was a bit skinny, but beautiful nonetheless.
"Sorry," he muttered. Sunny wasn't particularly good at expressing himself, sometimes this meant he had difficulty in the most basic kind of social activity, even though his attitude seemed standoffish, his apology was genuine. Mari knew that… and chose to ignore it, choosing to instead breathe an exaggerated sigh.
Without blessing him with a proper reply, she started to play the piano again…
The music began again, the notes began to complement each other as the familiar tune echoed through the house, just to stop at the exact way it had the previous time, again and again at the same spot…
Mari appeared patient but her calm face and demeanour couldn't compensate for fury and frustration in her eyes. She took a deep breath to calm herself, just like she'd always advised her brother to.
"Mari..."
"What is it?", her voice was the same as every day, but something about it just induced a sense of dread in Sunny's heart.
Sunny was afraid.
"Can I take a break? " He asked after finally gathering enough courage to speak. They had been rehearsing for almost three hours now without breaks, he had been standing straight holding up his beautiful violin for nearly the same amount.
"Go ahead," She said dismissively, sighing under her breath.
Sunny placed the violin back into the velvet case and turned to leave the room, when he was about to close the door he heard a single whisper…
"I should have partnered with someone else…", Mari said to herself, Partnering up with her little brother seemed so nice at first, however she had failed to take his gross incompetency and laziness into account. Perhaps she'd only ever seen him while wearing her tinted glasses of being a doting older sister.
Sunny shut the door quietly, pretending he heard nothing. He slowly ate the lunch their mom had cooked for them. He sat across the table from his father, who was reading some sort of book while eating.
"So how's the practice going on son?"
"It's going well. I got the hang of everything but this one high note, I just keep messing that up … I keep trying but I can see Mari is starting to get frustrated..."
"That's not good Sunny," He explained calmly, taking a second to close the book and look his son in the eye
Sunny always despised eye contact, especially with his father, it always felt like walking on eggshells, "I know… but I'm trying my best."
His father sighed when he noted that Sunny had already averted his eyes, "You know how much your sister has worked hard for this recital right? "
"..why...I worked hard on this recital too...why doesn't he notice that… Why does no one see that…" , "I know, that's why I don't wanna disappoint her… "
His father sighed, "Just keep rehearsing it'll be okay champ " He put a hand on his son's shoulder, it was supposed to be thoughtful encouragement but Sunny continued to avert his eyes "Are we clear? "
Sunny nodded. He didn't even remember why he was so uneasy around his father anymore, his father was clearly more affectionate to Mari. Perhaps because Mari was so talented in comparison to him
She had set unreasonably tall expectations for Sunny which he wasn't capable of handling. He wasn't as "perfect" as his older sister.
It wasn't that sunny was disrespectful or that his father didn't care for him, it was that he was just… sub-par, just a sideshow meant to complement Mari. Perhaps that's why he had gravitated towards Mari more…
The father and son didn't converse more, Sunny just finished his food quickly so that he could leave the table faster.
By the time Sunny left his father was back to being immersed in his book.
He had heard his daughter get angry but never had she completely lost it at someone before, especially not Sunny whom she doted on so much, arguments, insults and screaming were all that echoed in the house as He got up. While it was true Mari had the right to be frustrated, this was maybe a bit too far and so he made his way to the music room.
His son was in tears, wielding his violin between him and his sister, almost like a rudimentary shield while his daughter had a frustrated scowl along with tears in her eyes. Mari always got teary-eyed when she got really mad ever since she was just a little girl.
The two children both froze when they saw him, Mari chose to compose herself, taking a deep breath to calm herself while Sunny took a step back without saying a word.
"Sunny… I think your sister needs some alone time," he said looking at his son who in all honestly probably needed some time too.
Sunny jumped at the opportunity, wordlessly Sunny strapped the violin to his back and ran out of the house…
However his trip wasn't exactly without bumps, just outside the house the little boy ran into a certain someone, the older boy fell to the floor along with Sunny when they both collided.
"Ow!! " Hero complained while rubbing his head."Be more careful Sunny! "
"Sorry… " he offered his hand and helped him up…
"So, what's the hurry? " Hero brushed the dirt off his pants and picked up his bag that fell down
"Nothing… sorry for knocking you over..."
"It's alright " Hero was pretty used to things like this, that was an intended consequence of being the older sibling to a hyperactive knucklehead sibling, otherwise known as Kel.
but he did feel a certain kinship to Sunny, whom he considered his second brother. Sunny was calm and rational much like himself, as a result, Sunny got along well with Hero.
"I made some cookies, I was just gonna give you two some since I figured you'd need a break from all that practice, I sent Kel to give some to Basil and Aubrey" in reality, this was only an excuse to meet Mari, who had been way too engrossed in practice to pay attention to her boyfriend.
Sunny nodded. Hero handed him a small bag of cookies and Sunny immediately started running again.
Hero tried to call him out but Sunny was gone "strange...", he thought before ringing the doorbell and letting himself in.
Sunny ran as fast as his legs could take him. He wanted to be away from the house, he wanted a place where he could cry alone, he wasn't thinking of a specific place but his feet led him to the treehouse…
He tried to climb the ladder but abruptly backed off because of stinging pain in his hands. There were small red blisters on his fingers from so many rehearsals... He begrudgingly climbed up the ladder while forcing a poker face.
He was prepared to bask in the silence and warmth inside the treehouse, instead, he was welcomed by something or rather someone else, a beautiful girl his age with her head tucked down pressed into her knees. Faint sobbing could be heard.
The radiance that shone through little windows before resting beside her made her look beautiful, perhaps god had taken up Italian Renaissance painting as a hobby. Sunny could feel a blush coming on, which was rare considering his normally stoic face.
"Is she crying? " His blush vanished when he came to that conclusion and at that moment Aubrey lifted her head "S-Sunny?"
Their eyes met and Sunny took a second to closely observe her. She looked miserable, her hair was messy and her face was stained with tears, her eyes were red with some obvious tear marks and perhaps even bags underneath her brown eyes…
His mind was filled with all sorts of thoughts, demons playing tricks in his mind and sadness reminding him of his utter incompetence… He had come here to find some peace or at the very least some silence, to think clearly… he was already strained of his emotional energy, but still, without hesitation, he asked in a gentle tone, "What's wrong Aubrey?"
"… "
"Aubrey..." He walked closer to her.
She hid her face again…
Sunny was unsure how to handle this, the preteen wasn't too familiar with such powerful emotions, he didn't know how to soothe her… he would always comfort her when they'd talk on the swings, however even during those talks he had never seen Aubrey so vulnerable.
He could only remember his sister's words.
"Everything is going to be alright Aubrey… ", Sunny's heart stung as he repeated those words to her, it stung him that even now he was only a shadow of Mari, he was still copying her… he didn't want to be like her, he didn't want to be someone who could say such hurtful things to the brother she claimed to love so dearly.
Aubrey didn't respond, he slowly reached his hand out, and patted her head slowly gently urging her to show her face, much like Hero had done to him in the past. Aubrey slowly lifted her face and locked her teary eyes with him again…
She only pointed at something on the table. That's when he saw it, her soft plushy. The one she was always carrying, the cute little bunny, was torn badly…
Aubrey remained silent but slowly handed him the remains of what used to be her best friend…
Sunny cared about Aubrey, he cared about her a lot, he was already tearing himself apart over Mari but still, he had already told her that everything would be alright… "It's ok, I'll be fine… " He didn't fancy crying in front of his crush…
He tried to examine the plush… it looked soiled and most of the cotton was missing or painted with a dirty brown colour, it looked thin and miserable much like its owner…
Sunny heard his voice, unsure whether someone else commanded him to speak or he did it himself… "It's alright Aubrey… we can still fix it.."
Her eyes gazed towards him, holding back tears… " It got completely torn and dirty… "
"We can clean it…", this time he was sure that he was speaking...
"*Sniff* … *sniff* "
"Don't cry, Aubrey… I know Basil knows sewing, let's go to him, he'll know how to fix it… "
"I… *sniff* " Aubrey looked like she wanted to object, however, Sunny understood she wanted to be alone, but he wouldn't just let her cry like this… he got an idea. He pulled the bag of fresh cookies prepared by Hero and opened them, "Let's eat some... I'll share.. "
"B-But ", Aubrey was apprehensive...
"It's alright… let's share... " He kept the open bag between them, he waited for Aubrey to take the first bite into the sweet cookies. She slowly took one out and bit into it...
The two sat beside each other, alternatively reaching their hand into the small bag and taking cookies,
"Is it good? "
"Mm. '' Aubrey nodded in agreement… at least she looked substantially calmer now, it would have been amazing if the cookies could also automatically make her happy like they make Kel.
They didn't talk for a bit. While Basking in the silence was considered to be an activity done in solidarity, that didn't mean it couldn't be done without company. There was no need for small talk, it wasn't necessary, they were close enough to just enjoy each other's presence
There was just one cookie left. Sunny split it in two and handed one half to Aubrey, she muttered a little thanks before munching down on the last one.
"Now can you tell me how this happened? "
"It was mom… "
Sunny clenched his teeth, he knew the circumstances at Aubrey's home, and he immediately got worried, "Did she hurt you?"
"She pulled my hair… "
Sunny looked at the messy locks of hair on Aubrey's head, "That sounds horrible..."
"And then… then she… " She could feel the tears again, it made her so scared just to think of those things, this day was particularly brutal.
"Aubrey take it slow, take a deep breath" It hurt him that he had to copy Mari, but he swallowed his pride. This was more important…
It was perhaps this inherent selflessness in his character that had made Aubrey crush on the boy. Aubrey didn't cry while explaining, he was there to listen, to stay and to keep her safe.
Another fight between her parents…
Her father threw a lit cigarette on her mother, who got a light burn, she proceeded to take out her anger on Aubrey as a way to let out her anger, her plush was caught in the crossfire…
He was in pain... But his pain wasn't as important, he wanted to cry, he wanted someone to ask him if he was okay, he wanted someone to tell him to slow down the rehearsals… he wanted someone to tell him he had done enough… but no one would tell him that. In the end, Sunny was simply not enough.
No.
He forced the pain back into his heart, Aubrey was right there suffering from problems way worse than he would have ever imagined, problems he wasn't sure he would ever be able to fully grasp. Compared to that the pain caused by his incompetence was nothing.
"Let's go to Basil... He'll fix it I'm sure…"
"Wait, Sunny… "
"Yeah? "
"I... Can we stay here for A bit… I want to stay here… it's peaceful..."
"Sure… "
He sat down again but to his surprise the girl clung to him, holding on for dear life as if, if she was to leave him she'd die…
"Aubre-"
"I was so scared… "
"… " He felt his face heat up, and the mirror in front of him verified it, he was red...
Aubrey continued to cling to him, refusing to let go, sunny caressed the back of her head and listened, patted her back, he didn't like a crying Aubrey, she deserved to be happy more than anyone else…
She did eventually let go with not just her eyes red. They both climbed down from the treehouse…
"Sunny! Your hand!"
He looked back at his hand... Even redder than before… and a little bit of blood, he was scared but kept a calm demeanour, "It just happens sometimes, the string from the violin can be sharp… "
"But… How will you play tomorrow?"
"I'll manage… let's go, I'm sure Basil with fix it…"
He walked away, but Aubrey was still walking slowly, as if reluctant to even walk. Sunny reached out to her again. He looked at his hand –the one which wasn't injured– and moved it towards her, she took it...
Neither one of them said anything more, holding hands, sunny lead Aubrey to Basil's house…
Sunny was already pretty silent, but this silence between them wasn't awkward at all, it was comforting… familiar… warm… so warm that the heat reached Aubrey's already red face, she thanked the heavens that Sunny didn't see her blush...
They were soon at the front door of a house adorned with flowers and plants, Sunny left her hand, his ears red but unnoticeable in the evening light
"Sunny? Aubrey? What happened? " He said, immediately noticing the tear marks on Aubrey's face...
Basil immediately rushed them In and asked Polly to bring them some food, sunny only told Basil about the torn plush, as he was sure if Aubrey was not comfortable telling Basil —or anyone else at that— about her parents…
Basil gave Aubrey and Sunny a smile, "Don't cry, Aubrey! I can fix this "
"R-really? "
"I sure can!!" Basil smiled, bringing relief to sunny
"Thanks, Basil you're the best " Aubrey gave basil a short hug… which he awkwardly took, surely this was a bit much for just repairing a plush.
"Hey handsome, or do you prefer what's cooking good looking "
"MARI! " Hero blushed as the girl teased him,
"No, what you've brought really smells good! Not to mention you are in fact good looking "
"Stop... I baked some cookies."
"I expected nothing less." She took one from him and relished in the sweetness, "When we get married you can be the wife, I'll be the husband."
"MARI!" Hero was continuously being teased and flirted with… He enjoyed it in secret but still...
"Cmon Hero, ease up a little.."
"I could say the same to you… I mean look at you, you look terrible…"
" That's not a very nice thing to say to a girl Hero,"
"That's not what I-"
"I know… I'm just joking…"
"So.. How's Sunny doing?"
"Sunny? He's doing alright, wish I could say the same about the recital though…"
"Is it too difficult for him? I mean Mari you've been doing waltzes for almost three years, it hasn't been that long since he picked up the violin."
She looked to her side. If Sunny was able to catch up to her and perfect everything else perfectly then he should damn well be able to do that high note, "I don't know Hero… I don't know."
"Really? I met him outside and he seemed… Weird…"
"Oh…" She might have some explaining to do
"Are you sure he's okay? I've never seen him like that..."
"Maybe I'm being too strict on him… but he… Just keeps making the same mistake over and over again… Sure that note is difficult to get right, But Sunny can do it if he really tries!!" Mari insisted
"Mari… he wouldn't have made a face like that if you were just strict… "
"..."
"Even Kel makes mistakes, I scold him, but I've never seen Kel make such a face..."
"I… may have said things…", Mari finally admitted. Whatever she said was justified though, it was Aubrey's suggestion that made all of them get Sunny his violin and it was his insistence to perform with her that got both of them into this mess.
If he takes on a task or a challenge like this he should be capable enough to see it through to the end, Sunny was capable, Mari knew it but it frustrated her that Sunny wasn't giving his all when he wanted to perform with her.
Especially now that the recital is so close.
For how awkward Hero acted around his girlfriend, he was charming and knew what to say to console her
Hero sighed, "You know Mari you're right, Sunny is very talented… but you're older... You can't expect him to be as good as you"
"I know but…"
"You've always been a perfectionist, as long as I've known you, you're trying too hard..."
"I know Hero… But it's just that Sunny, I know he can do it… he just needs a little push."
"Just don't push him too much… he's a child "
"Yes, Hero…" She sighed, there was a point to what he was saying
"It's okay Mari, I know you're stressed about the recital, but it'll be fine..."
"Thanks, Hero... I needed that."
"Why do you think I came here? You two haven't been hanging out with us very often for the last four weeks… Aubrey misses you and sunny "
"Aw... You could have just told me..." She couldn't help but giggle at the seemingly hopeless crush the little girl had developed on her brother.
"You would have just pushed me away saying "We are practising", and then I would feel bad for disturbing you..."
"I'm not that… I guess I was pushing for perfection but aiming to be the best isn't bad, is it? "
"Mari, you are perfect already to me "
"I appreciate the compliment but that doesn't answer my question "
"Your drive for perfection is your strength...and potentially a problem, your determination can become self-destructive at times… you should ease up a little too..."
"What?"
"Remember 3 years ago when you practised the Piano so much so you could get better? Someone got hand cramps and couldn't play for a week"
"Okay, point taken… you're probably right…"
"Welp... I better get going then..." Hero got up to leave.
But he felt a tug on his sleeve, "Hey I'm taking a break right now, where are you going?"
"I need to go home Mari"
"You're the one who told me to take a break, I don't wanna take a break alone"
"I need to leave before your Dad gets his shotgun"
"Aww… But I don't want you to leave"
he turned slightly, just in time for Mari to land a small peck on his cheek… Hero was redder than a Christmas light...
"Day after tomorrow... After the recital are you free?"
"Y-yeah?"
"Perfect"
"Mari I…"
"Make it up to me then… remember the day after tomorrow" Mari giggled before closing the door…
Hero just stood there... Wide-eyed, with a much more prominent blush that had finally settled in
"AHEM!" He recognized the voice of an older lady, Mari's mom… he quickly walked out of the house making sure to not so much as look in the direction of Mari's father.
Polly had brought them some snacks and Aubrey immediately fell asleep after eating, she must have been pretty stressed because as soon as she was relaxed, she was asleep.
Sunny put a hand on her forehead, looking at her sleeping face for a few seconds until he noticed Basil's playful grin. He tried to get away but it was too late. Basil was already teasing him about his crush on Aubrey…
While Basil mended the plush, Sunny was left by himself… he had the temptation to check on Aubrey but he didn't… listening to his own thoughts without any interference was what he wanted for hours now, he wasn't prepared to get it so suddenly.
He made his way to the bathroom… and just broke down… tears, loud and ugly tears… sunny was in pain… how could she just do this to him.
After all the time he spent practising, so much that his hands hurt, his legs hurt from standing for so long … Why couldn't Mari see his efforts?! She was just sitting for the whole 3 hours anyway, she only told him that it sounds wrong, but she never helped him correct it, did she just expect him to figure it out by himself?
He's not like her, he can't do that, yet she still only got more angry and angry. Why couldn't anyone see his efforts?!
He felt horrible… why was he being subjected to these things… he had never done anything to Mari, he was trying his best, SHE KNEW HE WAS DOING HIS BEST
But she got angry anyway… why?
For as long as he could remember he had been a shadow of someone … Mari...she introduced him to Kel and Hero... Kel introduced him to Aubrey and Aubrey introduced him to Basil…
Mari had her piano, Basil had his flowers, hero had his baking, Kel had basketball, Aubrey had happiness even in a bad situation like hers,
But what did sunny have? This damned violin that has done nothing but cause him pain?
Was he limited to being her shadow? Always? Would he always be second to his perfectionist sister? …
It was true… Mari was better than him in every way… that's why dad loved her more…
What was the point… He was always going to be "Mari Suzuki's brother" he'll never be " Sunny Suzuki"
He'll stay confined to "Us" And "we", he'll never have space for "I" And "me"
He felt something… anger welling deep inside his heart… it was Mari… She was the cause of everything…
But as much as the world seemed to love Mari and ignore him … Sunny loved her twice as much... He couldn't hate her… but…
He was done.
He was sick of not being recognized. He was sick of being her brother. He wanted to be himself…
Sunny slowly picked himself up…
After washing his face, he opened the door to a very concerned Basil.
" Are… y-you okay? "
" … "
" It was pretty loud… '' Basil was a bit scared by the look in Sunny's eyes…maybe his incorrectly placed determination must be visible from his face …
"I'm fine… do you mind if I practice my violin?"
" Yeah sure… " Basil once again asked if he was alright, but then he noticed the blood on his fingers
"MY GOD, POLLY!! " He immediately called Polly who gaped at the sight of his hand. He had done a pretty good job at keeping the injuries a secret until then, but then he was exposed.
He got bandaged up but refused to tell them how he really got those injuries, when they didn't stop pushing he just made some excuse about falling down… Basil thankfully didn't know that violin practice could cause such wounds
In about twenty minutes he was patched up and inside an empty guest room in Basil's house… the ones they'd use for sleepovers.
The evening light peeked through the window, god was having way too much fun with his paintings, too bad Sunny was too focused to notice the scenery. Many conflicting feelings emerged from his heart, hatred, apathy and love towards a singular target… Mari.
But this time he didn't repress the emotions... He let them flow naturally… while starting with his tune on the violin...
Feelings.
Thoughts.
Unlike the waterfall that had overwhelmed and made him cry earlier, this time his emotions were flowing like a steady river…
The violin played smoothly.
Sunny wasn't focused on the violin… he had enough muscle memory to play… he closed his eyes…
Darkness…
It felt oddly peaceful considering how afraid of darkness he was… his hand hurt, it still remembered the hours of torment… Why was HE putting himself through this?
He didn't know... What was he trying to prove, to whom was he trying to prove? What did he wanna say?
Self-reflection… Sunny always looked at the mirror, why was he Sunny, why was he not Kel or Basil or hero, or anyone else… What made him different?
He was inferior to Mari... But he never felt bad for it, he was proud of his sister, Aubrey was proud of her… Basil, Hero, Kel and his parents were all proud of her…
He just wanted his parents to be proud of him, he wanted Basil to be proud, he wanted Hero to be proud, he wanted Kel to be proud of him, he wanted Aubrey to be proud of him.
He just wanted Mari to be proud of him…
He opened his eyes, it was still dark… he gazed at the clock, 8 pm, had it already been that long? The lights in the room weren't on so he was submerged in darkness...
He felt a tear on his face, he knew what he wanted…
The darkness was scary, sure. But in this darkness he felt a sense of bitter clarity… he loved his friends… and he was sure they loved him too… shouldn't he be satisfied with just that?
After all, it was his selfless nature that made his friends like him… would doing something selfish like expecting them to be proud really be right?
Maybe it could be disastrous, maybe it could be good, there isn't any harm in being selfish for this one time…
He had been playing and thinking for about two hours… but he hadn't yet paid attention to the tune he was playing…
He took the pose one more time, took a deep breath and began playing.
The sound was smooth, rich... As if the tune was creating itself without any effort...
Sure, his motivation was spiteful. To show everyone what he was capable of, but It didn't matter at the time...
He approached the part where he'd always stumble, but this time he just knew what would happen…
The violin smoothly glided over the difficult part he had been struggling with like it was nothing, with almost frightening ease he finished the tune.
It was complete…
He felt warmth around his palm... Some Blood patches had emerged on his pristine white bandages… but he didn't feel afraid of the pain… he looked ahead, just darkness, cold unforgiving darkness that would always terrify him.
He calmly walked to the switchboard and turned on the lights.
Sunny was no longer afraid of darkness.
He made his way down the living room and sat down at the couch, he leaned back and looked at the ceiling… then closed his eyes, embracing the calmness, embracing the silence, embracing the comfort of being alone, embracing the loneliness of being alone, and embracing the freedom of being alone.
He slowly felt his consciousness drift away…
Welcome to white space. You've been living here for as long as you can remember.