Work Text:
"Do you have the holiday schedule I sent you?"
"You mean the one that you e-mailed to both my work and home addresses, texted, and had hard copies sent to me via certified mail? Yes, yes I do," Ben replied.
"Just making sure. It wasn’t easy trying to cram in all of our holidays into a single week. I should have negotiated harder and settled for two weeks instead."
"Leslie, one week is more than enough time. Trust me. And remember why we did this. We can celebrate these days without having to go overboard. I love you, and I appreciate why you do these things, but I just can’t keep up."
"There’s an Iron Throne to prove that one," she said, remembering back to their anniversary gifts to one another.
"Exactly. I’m not saying we can’t do anything special for one another, but please let’s not try and go too far, okay?”
"I’ll try my best, but it won’t be easy. Okay, so next week has been hereby declared as "Ben’s Holiday Week." Follow the schedule and we should be fine. I’d say ‘Synchronize our watches’, but that’s scheduled for Wednesday."
~~~~~~
Sunday: Butt Day and Sex Day
Ben was thrust into consciousness that morning not by the incessant buzzing of his alarm, but by something much more pleasant.
"Ben," a soft voice said into his ear. "Time to wake up." The voice stopped, but that was only because said mouth was now occupied with nibbling on his ear and neck.
He made a noise that was a mixture of a sigh and groan as a delicate hand stroked his chest, occasionally passing his nipples.
"I can get used to waking up like this everyday," he said to her, now fully awake, but not yet opening his eyes.
"Well, if it wouldn’t make us late for work everyday, I’d agree," Leslie answered back before her lips resumed their work. "Happy Butt Day and Sex Day, by the way."
"Mmmm, Happy Butt Day and Sex Day to you, too," he said before springing to life and turning to pin Leslie beneath him. He stifled her laugh with a searing kiss and smiled down at her. "I was honestly very pleased that you decided to celebrate these two first."
"Couldn’t wait either, huh?"
"That, and celebrating these holidays on a weekday is not my favorite. It’s a little disconcerting on Butt Day to have you pay my butt compliments while we’re at work and sneak around City Hall trying to pinch it when I least expect it. Not to mention Sex Day. I really didn’t want to have sex with you in the same supply closet where we caught the custodians….again."
She laughed at him and slipped her hand beneath the waist of his boxer shorts and pinched his butt. “This a little more appropriate for you?”
"Just a little." He grinned and bent down to nip at her lips. "Can I give you your present now?"
Leslie raised her hips and pressed herself against his erection still hidden beneath his shorts. “Does it involve this? Because if so, then I’ve been waiting all morning.”
He bit back a groan and returned the gesture. “That has something to do with it, yeah. But I also strive to go the extra mile.”
Leslie had worn one of his old t-shirts to bed, and Ben trailed his hand up and down her exposed legs as his lips focused on her face and neck.
With a feather light touch, his fingers made their way beneath the hem of the shirt, tickling the inside of her thighs. As he moved closer, he expected to find the thin barrier of her cotton underwear, but was pleasantly surprised when his fingers came into direct contact with her wet heat.
She bit back a moan as he looked down at her, his fingers dancing around her entrance.
"You came prepared, didn’t you?" His hands continued their teasing.
Leslie gasped. “I’m always prepared. You should know that by now. And you should also know that if you don’t stop teasing me, I’ll take my gift from you myself.”
Ben faked a pout and shook his head. “But half of the fun in receiving a gift is its presentation.” He moved his lips to her ear and spoke in a husky whisper. “Wouldn’t you agree?”
She would indeed.
~~~
Later that morning, Leslie rested her head against Ben’s chest, snuggling into his side.
"That was an excellent Sex Day present. I can’t wait to give you yours later."
"Neither can I, believe me."
"Oh, before I forget!" Leslie leapt out of bed and ran out of the room, not bothering to put on clothes. She came back not 15 seconds later with a gift bag in her hands. She jumped back onto the bed and thrust the bag in his face.
"Happy Butt Day!"
"You got me a Butt Day Present?"
"It’s probably more for me than for you anyway, but open it!"
She bounced with excitement on her knees and Ben had to tear his eyes away from her swaying breasts, focusing them on the gift.
He pulled out a pair of slacks made of thin material. “You got me another pair of capri pants?”
"Yeah. I mean, just because it’s butt day doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate your sexy little calves too. Plus, they’re a size too small so they’re gonna hug onto your butt for dear life. Not gonna lie, but I’m a little jealous of those pants."
Ben looked mildly disappointed, and her face fell.
"What, you don’t like them?"
"No, no it’s not that," he assured her. "It’s just…"
"Just what?"
"Well, if I wear these today it might interfere with my present to you."
"Oh." She tried to hide the disappointment in her voice. "Well, I’m sure we can work something out. What did you get me?"
"I mean, I’ll wear them if you want me to, but…" He looked at her and smirked. "I just wasn’t planning on wearing anything today."
Leslie’s eyes widened and she took the pants from him, throwing them across the room before straddling his lap and kissing him.
"Yes, good plan. I love it, You’re a genius."
"I thought so, too."
She kissed him one last time before climbing off of the bed, pulling Ben along with her.
"Come on, let’s take a shower so I can wash the butt so glorious it has its own holiday"
~~~~~
Monday: Text Message Day
Leslie looked down at her phone as it vibrated, a new text notification lighting up her screen.
Hey you.
She smiled as she read Ben’s text, recreating the first thing he ever texted her once they became a couple.
BEEEEENNNN!!!!! she typed back, as was their tradition to start off every text message day the same as that very first.
Happy Text Message Day.
Happy Text Message Day to you too.
You have a busy day today?
No more than usual. I have a Unity Concert meeting soon, though. You?
You know, very important City Manager stuff ;)
Sounds sexy.
It can be…Your phone is password protected, right?
Yes….
And you changed the password recently?
Recently enough…. why?
No reason.
Leslie stared at the text suspiciously, but was interrupted by April knocking on her door.
"Everybody’s here, and we want to start so we can hurry up and get it over with and leave."
"Alright. I’ll be there in a second, April."
Time for my meeting. We’ll have to continue this later. Love you.
Love you too.
About 10 minutes into the meeting, Leslie’s phone vibrated against the table.
"Oh, I thought I put it on silent," Leslie apologized from her place at the front of the room. "Just ignore it."
Not thirty seconds later, it vibrated again, several times in rapid succession.
"Wow, I’m really sorry, guys. Uhm, April, can you just put it on silent for me."
Instead of flipping the switch, however, April grabbed the phone and entered the password to unlock it.
"April, what are you doing. Put my phone down, please. And how did you know my password…again?"
"Well, if you had just put your phone on silent in the first place, it wouldn’t have made so much noise and bothered everyone. So, this is all your fault really, "April said as she started to read the messages. "Why is Ben texting you anyway? Isn’t he the one with the rule that we aren’t supposed to use our phones at work?"
"April, I’m warning you, give me back my phone."
"What do they say, babe?" asked Andy.
"Don’t you dare. April, don’t even-"
" ‘I was gonna ask what you’re wearing, but I already know. I even know what you’re wearing underneath. I want to run my hands-’ Gross! I can’t even keep reading. Why is Ben sexting you?! That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. Now I need to gouge out my eyes with a dull object.”
Leslie’s face was flushed with embarrassment and she dropped her head into her hands. "Oh, my god," she groaned.
"Ben sexting you at work?" Donna said with amusement. "I didn’t think he had it in him."
"Do you want me to make records of these?" April asked. "I’m sure we can use this to get Ben fired for sexual harassment."
"What? Of course not."
"Don’t worry, Leslie, I don’t think Ben will get fired," Andy said. "I’m almost positive that it isn’t considered sexting unless he sends you an actualpicture of his penis.” His eyes grew wide and he looked back at April. “He didn’t send a picture of his penis did he? Let me see.”
April threw him a look of utter disgust. “What? Ew, no. If he did, I’d probably be dead by now.”
"Okay, that’s enough." Leslie grabbed the phone out of April’s hand. "This meeting is over. We’ll pick up where we left off tomorrow. If you’ll excuse me, I have to change my password. And not a word of this leaves this room, are we understood?"
"Ugh, yes, fine."
"No need to worry, boss!"
"Uh, yeah, I really don’t care."
"Thank you."
Walking from the conference room, Leslie made a beeline for her office. Theyreally needed to set some better ground rules for Text Message Day.
But first, she had some messages to read.
~~~~~
Tuesday: Chicken Dance Day & Calzone Day
"Remind me again why I’m doing this?"
"Ugh, Ben, you ask that every year."
"That’s because every year I’m baffled as to why this is even a thing."
"It just is, okay. That was probably the most adorable and geeky thing that you have ever done. Superlatives like that need to be celebrated."
"But do they really, though?"
"Yes! Now stop complaining and dance. I won’t stop the music until you do it. You know I won’t."
"But Leslie-"
"Ben, the sooner you do this, the sooner we get to go have dinner."
"Fine."
Leslie clapped her hands and catcalled as Ben did his strange interpretation of the chicken dance, his moves not quite in time with the music.
"Oh, come on, Ben! More enthusiasm. You look like you’d rather be doing anything else."
"I WOULD rather be doing anything else."
"Well, if you don’t show just a little more excitement, I might have to insist that we rent you that chicken costume for next year."
Ben danced like he had never chicken danced before.
~~~
"This is payback for the chicken dance thing, isn’t it?"
"What are you talking about, Les? It’s Calzone Day. We always eat here on Calzone Day. And need I remind you that Calzone Day was your idea to begin with."
"Yeah, well, you’re lucky I love you so much." She eyed the calzone on her plate.
"I am very lucky," he responded, leaning over to give her a quick kiss.
"Yeah, yeah, sucking up won’t make me enjoy this any more."
"Hey, a guy can try," he grinned before taking a large bite out of his calzone. "You better eat yours before it gets cold."
"I will. They’re just so pointless. It’s a messier, more inconvenient version of pizza."
"Yes, I know, Leslie. You even wrote me a 12 page single spaced, double sided manifesto about it, remember? And it’s not that bad."
Leslie gave him a look before taking a bite, a large dollop of marinara sauce dribbling down her chin.
"Dammit. See, Ben, I told you it was messy and the worst."
Ben just smiled, leaning across the table to wipe the sauce off with his thumb and eating it.
"Yum, Leslie flavored. My favorite."
"Don’t think that being cute is gonna make eating this thing any better."
"Won’t it, though?"
He was giving her his most charming smile that she couldn’t possibly resist.
She pursed her lips. “Well, okay, maybe a little better.”
Leslie ate the rest of the calzone in peace, even letting a moan of appreciation slip out every now and again.
It was a Calzone Day miracle
~~~
Wednesday: Watch Synchronization Day & Wildflower Day
Ben was sleeping soundly when his wife roused him from unconsciousness.
"Ben, wake up. It’s Watch Synchronization Day, remember?"
"What?" he slurred.
"We have to synchronize our watches."
Sitting up slowly, Ben rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “What time is it?”
"1:56 AM"
He groaned. “Why did you wake me up at 2:00 in the morning for this?”
"Well, we usually give each other watches as presents and synchronize those, but since we decided not to do presents this year, we need to re-synchronize the ones we already have."
"And why does this have to be done now?"
"Because 2 AM is also the time that we change the clocks for daylight savings time," she replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Oh, right, of course. Silly me. Okay, let me just get my watch."
"Here it is." She handed him his watch before the sentence was fully out of his mouth. "I already set it to 2 AM and stopped it, just like mine. So, all we have to do is wait until my phone says 2, and then start them running at the same time."
"How much longer is that?"
"About a minute and a half now."
Ben groaned, and started to nod off in the 90 seconds he had to wait.
"Don’t you dare fall asleep. If you mess this up, we’ll just have to reschedule for 2AM everyday until we get it right."
His eyes popped open. “I’m up, I’m up.”
The next few seconds passed in silence.
"Oh, okay! We have ten seconds left…5,4,3,2,1, SYNCHRONIZE!"
Thankfully they both started their watches at the exact same moment, eliminating the need for a repeat performance.
"Okay, our watches are in sync again. Can I please go back to sleep?"
Leslie sighed. “Fine, fine go back to sleep. I guess it doesn’t matter to you if our watches are in sync. I wonder if it even matters to you if our hearts are in sync, either.”
Ben pulled Leslie down beside him on the bed, cuddling her into his chest. “Of course it matters. But our hearts will always be in sync, no matter what. The watch thing is just a symbol. Now, I do love you very, very much, but I’m also exhausted. Can we please go to sleep?”
Leslie nodded, and Ben dropped a kiss into her hair.
She fell asleep with her ear pressed against his chest, the steady beating of Ben’s heart lulling her to sleep.
~~~
"Ok, so you have the plan?"
"Yup. The last person usually leaves the second floor no later than 6:17. The night cleaning crew doesn’t hit that floor until 7:05. That gives us about 48 minutes of uninterrupted makeout time."
"God, Ben, you’re such a sexy little number’s robot."
"You just wait, babe. You ain’t seen nothing yet."
"You’re such a tease. Okay, so using that newly synchronized watch of yours, meet me at the wildflower mural at 6:17. Also, I’m gonna set up some ground rules."
"Aww, man, do you have to?"
"Yes, I have to. I’m not gonna risk some idiot coming back because he forgot his keys or some overzealous custodian finding me with my shirt off and the only thing blocking their view of my breast is the fact that the City Manager’s mouth just so happens to be attached to it."
"I can see why that would be a concern. Great mental image, though."
"Mind back here, please. Okay, so kissing is limited only to areas not covered by clothes-and before you ask, no you do NOT get to remove clothes in order to follow that rule."
"Damn. Okay, continue."
"There will be ‘under-the-clothes’ touching allowed as long as all articles of clothing remain intact and in place, for the most part."
"Fair enough."
"Any and all sexual organs shall remain remain covered at all times, and any ‘contact’ they might have with each other will be through intact layers of clothing."
"Dry humping: yes. Actual sex: no"
"Well, you didn’t have to put it like that, Ben, but yes. Essentially that’s what I’m saying. One is a lot easier to stop than the other if we hear footsteps coming down the hall."
"Reminds me of my early high school days. Anything else?"
"I think that just about covers it. Do you have any questions?"
"Nope, can’t think of any, but I do have a meeting to get to. So, I’ll see you at 6:17?"
"Yup, 6:17 in front of the Wildflower Mural for a good, old fashioned necking session."
"Whaddya say to coming back to my place afterward and fooling around? My parents aren’t home—Was that too far?"
"Uhm, yeah just a little."
"I apologize. Alright, Les, see you later. Love you."
"Love you, too. Oh, and you’re still getting lucky tonight. No need to worry about that."
~~~
Thursday: Cauliflower Day & Cry Day
"Correct me if I’m wrong, but it feels like this holiday is just an excuse to eat junk food." Ben eyed the snacks that littered Leslie’s desk.
"What do you mean? First of all, I never need an excuse to eat junk food, and second of all cauliflower is the worst. That I even put that disgusting vegetable in my mouth deserves some recognition, let alone the fact that I never have to eat it again."
"So you celebrate not eating cauliflower by eating anything else?"
"So not true. They follow a theme. See, here we have chocolate, cookies, cake, and cotton candy. All start with the letter C, just like cauliflower. And over here we have junk food that looks like various flowers. It’s not just willy nilly, Benjamin. These were all carefully chosen to follow the guidelines of Cauliflower Day.”
"In that case, maybe I should get you to try other vegetables so you can not like them and celebrate even more," he joked.
Leslie was not amused. “Don’t even joke about that, Ben. After that whole chard debacle, no more untested vegetables will pass through these lips. Ever.”
He sighed. “Fine. Can I have a slice of that ‘Just Say No to Cauliflower’ cake?”
"That’s the spirit."
~~~
Ben sat on the couch while Leslie set up the television.
"Alright, it’s time to begin our Cry Day movie marathon," she said, holding a stack of Blu-Ray discs. "Which do we want first: laugh ‘till you cry, cry ‘till you weep, or just touching enough at the very end of the movie that we can pretend the tears are just allergies?"
"The third one. We don’t want to start off too strong."
"Good idea. We can build our way up to the heavy duty tears."
Popping the disc into the blu-ray player, Leslie ran to the couch and snuggled into her husband’s side.
"You know, this is what, the third cry day we’ve celebrated, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen you cry."
"What? I’m sure you have."
"No, I don’t think so."
"You must have. Didn’t I almost cry at the wedding? Oh, and when I proposed to you. I was teary eyed then, too."
"Those don’t count. You never actually cried. Besides, those were happy tears. When was the last time you really cried? And being high on morphine doesn’t count either.”
"Come on, Leslie, I don’t know. I just don’t cry all that much."
"Don’t give me that macho ‘men don’t cry’ bull crap."
"I’m serious. You’ve met my dad. He’s not exactly the kinda guy that tolerates bursts of emotions like that."
"Well, that’s terrible. Crying is a healthy way of expressing emotion. Now come on, when was the last time you really cried?”
Ben sighed, unconsciously tightening his hold on his wife. “Uhm, wow, probably during the time that we had broken up. I don’t have to tell you how terrible that was. I actually did my fair share of crying those few months. The worst was probably when I broke down in front of Donna and Tom in my Batman costume.”
"Wait, what?"
"That’s a story for a different time, but yeah, that was probably the worst of it."
Leslie lifted her head and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up any painful memories.”
"Hey, at least that story has a happy ending, right?"
"A very happy ending, and it’s only gonna get better. From now on, let’s try to limit our tears to happy ones as much as possible."
"Agreed. Great movie choice, by the way."
"I thought so. Toy Story 3 always manages to make you tear up.”
"Don’t tell April. I’ll never hear the end of it."
~~~
Friday: Ann Day
Leslie and Ben sat at their dining room table, putting the finishing touches on their Annual Ann Day Scrapbook. Which, much like the holiday, wasn’t so much a scrapbook about Ann, but about the day they spent celebrating Ann.
This Ann Day had been particularly hard on Leslie, being the first one since Ann moved away.
Leslie was handling today better than Ben expected, however, only bursting into tears four times.
He had joked that today would have been a good day to celebrate Cry Day, too, but Leslie was very adamant that Ann Day gets shared with no other holiday.
"So, how’s Ann doing?" Ben asked.
"She’s doing fine. She and Chris finally unpacked the last of their things and are almost finished setting up the baby’s room. Her last visit with her new OB-GYN went well. She said that-"
"Nope, that’s alright. There are some things about Ann’s life that can remain a secret to me. But I’m assuming her pregnancy is progressing well?"
"Yup. She’s due in a few weeks now, and everything looks good. I have my overnight bag all ready for when she goes into labor. Can you pass the scissors?"
"Uh yeah, here you go. So, what about you? Are you excited to be a godmother?"
He knew that would get a million watt smile out of her. “You have no idea. That child is going to be so spoiled by his Aunt Leslie, it won’t even be funny. I’ve already set aside scrapbooks for his first few years of life.”
"Of course you did. And…done! My pages are complete."
Leslie grabbed the pages from Ben and looked them over. “Very nice. I’m impressed. I love the color scheme you’ve got going.”
"Thank you, thank you. I’ve learned from the best."
Looking through the scrapbook, Leslie started to tear up again.
"Oh, babe, please don’t cry."
"I know, I know, you’re right. I just miss her so much."
"I know you do. I miss them, too."
Leslie sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Okay, scrapbook is done, so all that’s left is to watch the home movies featuring Ann.”
"Can’t wait."
Leslie laughed, hitting him lightly on his shoulder. “Behave. Besides, I talked to Ann this morning, and she made me promise to cut this part shorter so we can go to bed early.”
"She did, did she?"
Giggling, Leslie shook her head. “Uh huh. You’d be surprised how much we talk about sex, actually.”
"Well, I’m feeling uncomfortable."
"I don’t know why you should. It benefits you just as much as me. You know that thing that you like?"
"You mean when you—"
"Yup."
"Oh, yeah."
"Ann. She told me about that."
"Well, thank you Ann. No wonder she has her own holiday."
"I told you she’s the greatest. Now, it’s home movie time, and I’ve managed to cut it down from three hours to one and a half.”
Ben hoped she didn’t hear him groan.
~~~
Saturday: Sick Day
"So, let me get this straight. You purposely made Sick Day on a Saturday so that you could pretend to be sick, but not actually miss work.”
"Yes, exactly. I tried really hard to get sick this year, but it didn’t happen, so the next best thing is for me to fake it."
"Okay…"
"Just play along, will you? I’ll pretend to be sick, and you can take care of me."
"This is weird."
"No, it’s not. You were just so sweet and caring the last time. I want that again."
"Alright, I’ll play along."
"Yay! And the best part is we can still snuggle and kiss and all that good stuff without actually worrying about getting you sick. It’s a win-win, really."
"Well, when you put it like that…Alright my adorable, sick wife. You stay in bed, and I’ll bring you up some breakfast." He kissed her forehead and went downstairs to prepare a lovely breakfast in bed for the "ill" love of his life.
~~~
Huddled under a thick blanket on the couch, Ben and a “sick” Leslie sat watching the History Channel. Despite his initial reservations, Ben was glad that they did this.
It had been the most laid back Saturday they’ve had in ages. No work, no last minute community projects to work on. Just the two of them spending time with each other.
After a special breakfast in bed, he gave her a head rub to help with her “headache”, and a hot bath and full body massage to ease her “body aches”. The snuggling in bed naked to help with her “chills” was a personal favorite.
He wasn’t sure where the sex fit in as far as approved ways to treat illness, but their nap afterwards was a definite cure for her “fatigue”.
A pot of his almost-famous chicken soup was simmering on the stove.
"This is nice," she said during a commercial break. "Thank you for taking care of me."
"Of course. I’ll always take care of you when you need me to. You know, I thought this was weird at first, but this has actually been a great day."
"See, I told you. And it’s even better because I’m not actually sick and don’t feel like dying.”
"Yes, I’d say that’s a plus, for sure."
Leslie yawned and snuggled further into Ben’s arms. “You know, I didn’t think it would work out, but this holiday week went pretty well.”
"See, I told you so. We can celebrate all of these things without going overboard."
"Yeah, you and Ann have been known to have a good idea or two now and then," she grinned.
"Gee, thanks. What a compliment."
Leslie stuck out her tongue, and Ben lunged to tickle her in retaliation.
Just as she was about to beg for mercy, the timer on the oven went off.
"Saved by the bell, Ms. Knope," Ben said, giving her a quick kiss on her nose before checking on his soup.
As Ben served dinner, Leslie ran upstairs to find a spare binder, coming back to the couch and writing furiously.
"Dinner’s ready. What are you doing?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing. Just writing down ideas for next year."
He couldn’t wait.