Someone to look after you

by AconiteM

Summary:

After Garland sends her home after 'In the Year We All Fell Down" Olivia finds a surprise waiting for her.

Notes:

This is my first fic that has actually made it onto the archive, so be kind. Constructive criticism welcomed, I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine. In my head canon Liv and Nick are super besties and this would not leave me alone so here we are.

Olivia sometimes wonders if everyone she has ever loved is going to walk out on her. Alex, Elliot, David, Rafael. She never seems to be anyone’s first choice. Just oh well I love you but... Alex just kept leaving, never staying long enough after returning from Witsec to do anything but say a quick hello and then leave again and again. Elliot walked out of her life 10 years ago never to return. David picked his job. Rafael - well Rafa at least still calls. But whatever could have been between them never amounted to anything because Rafael Barba left her crying on the street in front of the courthouse. She isn’t sure what he picked over her, just that she wasn’t enough to make him stay. She is never enough. So, Olivia fills her life with Noah and her job and when she can’t stop thinking about everything she exercises until she is too tired to lift her arms.

When Elliot Stabler comes swanning into her life again the exercising picks up in intensity. Olivia builds her walls up and makes sure she is there for him, for his kids, but she never lets him see anything into her. She can’t afford to do that anymore. At this point it is surprising she has any heart left. He tells her he loves her. In front of his kids no less and she feels hollow. When Garland tells her to get someone to look after her after the whole hostage situation with Vanessa, Olivia wants to laugh, because who exactly does he think she has to do that? Olivia has the squad, and she has Noah. There is no on else. So, she’s surprised when she pulls up in front of her building to see Nick leaning against the wall next to the door.

“Nick? What are you doing here?” She doesn’t get much else out before he is sweeping her into a hug.

“A little birdie told me that you may want some company tonight. I know we had plans for Sunday with Noah, but I thought we could spend the day together tomorrow too?” Olivia hides a smile in Nick’s shoulder.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I got nowhere to be.” Nick says drawing back and looking at her face.

“Aren’t you in New York to visit your mother?” Olivia asks wryly.

“I have two weeks to do that. Now I am in New York visiting my best friend.” Olivia grins.

“What do you have planned then?” Nick grabs her hand and the bag she didn’t notice at her feet and pulls her inside.

“I thought we could start tonight with an old-fashioned movie night. Food and necessities should be on their way by now. Tomorrow however is a surprise.” Nick grins at her again. Olivia can’t help but smile back. She has missed him a lot over the past few years. They keep in touch and see each other whenever he is in New York, but it isn’t the same.

“Sounds good to me.” Olivia says unlocking her apartment door. Noah is spending time with a friend at their families house at the beach this weekend and isn’t due back till Sunday.

Olivia spends Friday night curled against Nick in her living room, eating Chinese and laughing at crappy comedies. It is definitely just what she needs to forget the last few days. Between the intervention that went so wrong and the hostage situation that day, Olivia falls asleep easily curled up in Nick’s arms.

The next morning, they get up and Nick tells her to get dressed in exercise clothes. Olivia just raises her eyebrows and agrees. Shortly after she’s dressed there is a knock on her door. Opening it Olivia gapes at Rafael Barba standing in her doorway holding a tray with three coffees.

“Rafa?”

“Good Morning.” the lawyer states wryly pushing past her and into the apartment. “I bought coffee.”

“I can see that.” Olivia says still on the back foot but recovering. Rafael turns to her and smiles.

“Amaro still hasn’t told you what we’re doing today?” Rafael asks putting the coffee on the bench and turning towards her. Olivia just shakes her head. “It is good to see you Liv.” His voice is slightly hoarse as he says her name. Olivia can feel her eyes welling up but she sweeps him into a hug anyway, burying her face into his shoulder. Rafael seems to cling to her just as hard as she is clinging to him.

“Will you tell me what we are doing today?” Olivia asks stepping back from their embrace.

“Nope.” Nick says sweeping in from the bedroom and grabbing one of the coffees.

“Come onnnn.” Olivia whines a little bit, picking up her own coffee.

“Whining isn’t attractive.” Nick laughs. “And those eyes don’t work on me anymore.” Nick says when she turns on her best pleading look.

It turns out that they are headed to a giant indoor laser tag venue. They spend hours running around kicking everyone’s asses. Olivia laughs like she hasn’t in a long time. They stumble out of there just before lunch and grab a cab back to her apartment to shower and change.

“That was fun guys thank you.” Olivia says as they pull back up to her apartment.

“Day isn’t over yet.” Nick grins. “Shower and change into something casual. We are headed out to lunch and then to do a bit of shopping to get ready for tonight.”

“What’s tonight?” Olivia asks.

“Nope - all you need to know is that you need to find a nice dress, something you can move in.” Nick says, him and Rafael standing in front of her grinning like lunatics. Olivia just rolls her eyes.

“Fine, don’t tell me.”

They are all showered and changed in record time and head to a place Rafael knows to shop. They pick up lunch at a café nearby.

“This is on me.” Rafael says. “Think of it making up for the birthday I missed last year.” He doesn’t let her look at any of the prices.

When Olivia comes out of the changing room in one of the dresses, black with lace detailing, flaring at the waist Nick whistles.

“Wow. O Liv via..” he draws her name out the same way he did all those years ago and Olivia winks at him.

“I take it this is the one then?” Olivia asks turning to Rafael who is gaping at her slightly. She blushes as he clears his throat.

“Yes, definitely that one.”

They are all dressed to the nines when they leave her apartment later that night. Nick and Rafael are both wearing suits and they take her to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. Olivia ends up spilling everything to them over dinner. No longer able to hold back. Nick holds her hand across the table and Rafael presses against her in the booth they are sitting in.

“I don’t want to lose myself to that again. When we were partners there was no me without him, at least it felt that way. I can’t do that anymore, I have Noah, I have a life outside of work now. Even putting that aside I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. Definitely not as anything more than a friend.” Olivia confesses in a rush. “The relationship I had with Elliot was all consuming, it was definitely unhealthy at times, maybe even a little toxic. I have grown too much and been through too much since then to ever go back to that.”

“You don’t have to you know.” Rafael says quietly. “Just because he came back into your life, doesn’t mean he is owed a place there. Certainly not without earning one again. This is your life Liv; you are the one in control of who belongs in it.”

“I never seem to have any control sometimes. People just keep leaving.” Olivia says shakily taking another sip of her wine.

“Not everyone.” Nick says. “You still talk to Munch and Cragen. You still have me and Barba. I know you are still in contact with Novak. Fin, Rollins and Carisi, they’re your family even if they are also the people you work with. You have so much love around you Liv. The people that left, fuck them. They don’t deserve to be in your life.”

Olivia smiles at Nick, squeezing his hand. “Sometimes it’s nice to have a reminder.”

“Anytime.”

“So, what’s next?” Olivia asks when they are finishing up their dessert. They are all a little tipsy and talk has turned to lighter topics.

“Nope still not telling.” Nick says grinning at her. Olivia turns her eyes to Rafael.

“I plead the fifth.” Rafael says laughing. Putting his hands across his eyes to block out her pout.

“It isn’t far, we can walk.” Nick states pulling Olivia along after him. By the time they are nearing their destination Olivia knows where they are going.

“You’re taking me dancing.” Olivia smiles nearly bouncing with anticipation.

“What else are you going to do with two hot Cubans on a Saturday night in New York?” Nick says grinning as the bouncer lets them past.

“I don’t know, I can think of a few things.” Olivia says dropping her voice and then laughing as both men’s eyes go wide before they start laughing with her.

It is the best night Olivia has had in years. Both men can dance well and they trade off with her on the dance floor. By the time they stumble out of the club after one in the morning drunk and laughing Olivia feels free. She hasn’t solved anything with Elliot, and she may never get to the point where she ever gets proper answers out of him for his abandonment. But she has two of the best friends in the entire world, even if her feelings for one of them aren’t as platonic as she would like, and she has a family and a son that would do anything for her.

She falls asleep that night with Nick curled behind her again and Rafael sleeping facing her their hands gripping each other on the sheets in front of her.

When Olivia wakes up the next morning, she regrets the amount alcohol she drank the night before. Her head is pounding. It is still early. Rafael has his hand over his eyes and Nick shoves his face into the pillow.

“Whose stupid idea were those shots.” Olivia says squeezing her eyes shut.

“Yours.” Both men say at the same time.

“Remind me never to do that again.” Olivia says reaching over Nick to grab her phone. “Breakfasts is on me.”

“Coffee.” Rafael moans. They all roll out of bed and Olivia takes the first shower. While the boys are showering, she pulls the Advil out of her medicine cabinet pulling out two pills for each of them. Rafael is getting dressed when someone knocks on the door.

“Is that the coffee?” He calls from the bedroom.

“Probably.” Olivia says opening the door. It is not the coffee. Because what could make the hangover pounding through her head worse but Elliot Stabler. “You are not my coffee.” Olivia says brain blank.

“You weren’t answering my calls.” Elliot says.

“Yes, there was a reason for that.” Olivia says voice hard. Rafael comes up behind her and buries his face in her neck from behind. Elliot gapes.

“Not coffee?” Rafael’s voice is barely a mumble.

“Nope.” Olivia says. “Not coffee.”

“Are you hungover?” Elliot asks squinting at her.

“Ding ding ding give the Detective a prize.” Olivia thinks she should be awarded for the sarcasm, also possibly for not puking on him.

“Order for Benson.” A voice says from behind Elliot who is still standing in her doorway.

“Yes, that’s me.” Olivia pushes Elliot to the side and grabs the tray of drinks and the bag from the delivery driver. “Thanks.” The guy nods and leaves. “Are you in or are you out.” Olivia says to Elliot as she backs into the apartment. He follows her in and shuts the door behind him. Rafael has still not let go of her.

She drops the everything on her counter and starts pulling the drinks out of the container. Nick wanders out of her bedroom in just some track-pants. Olivia can hear Elliot choke behind her, and she grins slightly. She hands both men the juice and two advil.

“Juice first then coffee.” The three of them down the Advil and chug the juice in unison before picking up the coffee and sighing as they take sips. Olivia can see Elliot gaping from the corner of her eyes. Olivia doesn’t know what they put in the juice from the café, but it always seems to help on the rare occasions she is hungover.

“Boys, this is Elliot Stabler. Elliot this is Nick Amaro my last partner and Rafael Barba one of the best ADA’s we ever had.” Olivia doesn’t elaborate further. None of the men move forward to shake hands. Elliot is glaring at them all.

“And what you couldn’t take my calls because you were too busy having a threesome last night?” Elliot states seemingly working himself up further.

“This is what you think I look like after a threesome?” Olivia says mildly. Olivia is very aware Nick is standing behind her in the place Elliot used to occupy.

Rafael batts his eyes at Elliot exaggeratedly from where he is standing pressed up beside her and speaks. “Would you like to join in?” She feels Nick press up against her behind her feels his smile as he hides his face in her neck. His body is shaking with the repressed laughter. Rafael is staring at Elliot from beneath his lashes. Elliot’s mouth is hanging open at the spectacle they are making. Olivia can’t hold it in any longer, she lets out a long peal of laughter and that sets the others off. They all fall over each other trying to hold each other up they are laughing so hard. Elliot goes red in the face. It takes a good while for them to calm down. Eventually Olivia takes a deep breath and faces Elliot again.

“No, I didn’t answer your calls because prior to that disaster of an intervention at your place the other night I was held hostage and spent six hours de-escalating the situation. I was tired and Nick and Rafael came over to spend some time with me.”

“You were in a hostage situation?” Elliot says looking her up and down, sweeping her body for injuries. Olivia thinks she appreciates that he still seems to care.

“I have been in lots of hostage situations. This was nothing, Vanessa was just having a bad day.” Olivia states dismissively.

“Lots of…” Elliot stumbles. “What happened?”

“Ten years is a long time, Elliot; a lot has happened.” Elliot just looks at her. Olivia leans back slightly into the bodies behind her, taking in the silent support they are offering her. She can feel Nick’s scowl even without looking at him. “Look Noah is due back soon and we are having a family day at the park, I will listen to your messages later - or you can come over after Noah is asleep and we can discuss whatever is going on.”

“I don’t want to intrude.” Elliot says snidely and Olivia wants to scream. She knows he isn’t himself, knows that he isn’t dealing with anything in any way that could be considered healthy.

“Look Elliot. I want to help. Kathy was an amazing woman and I want to see the people that killed her bought to justice, but I can’t drop everything for this. I have a son; I have my own squad to run. I am willing to work with you, help you find who did this, but you have to be willing to meet me halfway.”

“Fine.” Elliot says. He has deflated a bit. Looking lost his eyes jump from her around the flat, taking in for the first time where he is. “I can come back later tonight.”

“Noah goes down at around 8pm, so if you arrive around 9pm you should be fine.” Olivia says gently.

“Okay. I better go.” Elliot says looking at Olivia again. She nods.

“I’ll see you later.”

“It was nice to meet you.” Elliot looks at the two men at her back. Nick and Rafa nod at him, giving Elliot mild smiles. Elliot runs his hand over his head and starts to the door. Olivia follows after him.

“Can you do something for me today?” Olivia asks as Elliot steps outside.

“Sure.”

“Can you take some time today and just do something for yourself? Something that doesn’t involve the investigation or anything heavy? Take a bath, take yourself out for lunch, walk across the Brooklyn bridge, anything.” Olivia says quietly. Elliot quirks a smile at her.

“I can try.” He says.

“You need to see someone about your PTSD Elliot, I’m not going to push. You are still way too stubborn for that, but you need to do something to help yourself.” Olivia says gently, taking his hand and squeezing. He squeezes her hand back.

“Okay. I better go. I’ll see you later?” Elliot confirms. Olivia nods at him.

“You will, call when you are downstairs, and I will buzz you up.” Elliot nods at her and Olivia watches as he disappears into the elevator.

Olivia walks back into her apartment and shuts the door, leaning against it and closing her eyes.

“You okay Liv?” Nick asks coming to stand in front of her. She opens her eyes and smiles at him.

“You know, I think for the first time since this all started, I actually am. I feel like myself again. Thanks for this weekend. Really. It has helped immensely.” She steps forward and hugs him. Placing a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“Anytime Liv, really.” Nick says as she moves over to where Rafa is plating up the bagels that came with their coffee. Olivia winds her arms around his waist and hooks her chin over his shoulder.

“We should do this more often.” Olivia says snuggling in.

“What get drunk and engage in shenanigans?” Barba says glibly meeting her eyes over his shoulder. There is laughter dancing between them, along with that spark that has always been there. Olivia thinks maybe Rafa didn’t choose anything over her when he walked away. Maybe he just needed to find himself again.

“Yes exactly.” Olivia drawls before laughing.

The rest of the day is spent with family. They meet up with Amanda, Carisi, Fin and Phoebe at the park and spend the afternoon running around after the kids and lying in the sun. At one point Olivia is sitting next to Amanda on the blanket and watching Carisi, Nick and Rafa chase after Noah and Jesse and she thinks she is genuinely happy. Since Elliot came back into her life she had almost forgotten how far she had come in the last ten years. Seeing him had pulled her right back to the person she was before he left. Which is not to say she was an awful person back then. She had a lot going for her. But a lot has happened in ten years. She has people to lean on now. She has a family that will and has supported her through anything. Shea is not the Olivia Benson whose only person in the whole world was Elliot Stabler. She is strong enough now not to let that relationship drown out all the others. She wants him in her life. A part of her will always love Elliot Stabler and now he is back she isn’t really willing to let him go again. She wants a chance to get her friend back.

And as Rafa flops onto the blanket in front of her and smiles up at her, eyes sparkling, she thinks she may just have a chance and something more too.