left by memory's fingertips

by Catstycam

Summary:

the clay is alive in her hands, writhing its way into the shape she supposes it always was.

***
nerdanel in four sculptures, and her memory, through the years.

Notes:

title from the proclaimers' there's a touch.

Chapter 1: duck

i.

The first time she sculpts something she doesn't understand yet that it's sculpting. Her father is standing over her, coppery hair scraped ruthlessly back so as to not get in the clay. Nerdanel brushes the ridges of her tight braids with her fingertips, marvelling at the unfamiliar sensation, before her hand is caught by Mahtan, who brings it down to glance over the lump of clay that sits on a cloth. 

"Now, little one," her father rumbles, the sound coming from deep in his chest, "what does the clay wish to be today?"

She turns and blinks up at him, confused and a little giggly. "Atar, the clay doesn't wish!"

"Does it not? Are you quite sure about that?"

"Yes!" Nerdanel shrieks, laughing. 

"Well then, child, what do you wish it to be?"

This takes some thinking. She scrunches up her face, and the light of illumination dances over it after a moment. "A duck, please!"

The first sculpture of Nerdanel the Wise is a misshapen creation that could possibly be taken for a duck. There is no crash of thunder, no choir of Maiar to herald the event. 

What there is is a studio filled with laughter and pride, celebratory honey cakes, and happiness, and that is more than enough.

 

(She finds the duck as she searches for tools on a shelf of Mahtan's studio, back here again after so long, and feels a sudden and vicious urge to smash it into pieces. Everything else she made has been destroyed by now, and the duck holds all she's lost in its bulging body.

In the end, she doesn't.)

Notes:

i am halfway through my trsb fic and this is me hitting writer's block with regards to that! expect fairly irregular updates as it slowly kills me.
i do love nerdanel very much, and i find her such a fascinating character. the bits in brackets are her finding these sculptures post-rebellion, and the time will go on in them. i think the next one will probably be when she meets feanor! then one just before the end of her marriage, when everything is falling apart, and the last one in the second age after everyone is dead. the silmarillion does not do happy endings ergo i don't do happy endings. at least not in this case. probably i will end up changing my mind because i need someone to hug her.

please comment/kudos, it makes me so happy, you've got no idea.

kat xx
(also come talk to me on tumblr @luminouschaos !)

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 3 of quiet dangerous girls